Original subtitles

(newscaster) LEADERS OF THE ECONOMIC SUMMIT IN GENEVA

VOWED TO RATIFY THE INTERIM AGREEMENT.

IN OTHER NEWS, THE WAR AGAINST THE POWERFUL DRUG LORDS OF COLOMBIA

HAS TAKEN A NEW AND DANGEROUS DIRECTION.

NARCO-TERRORISM HAS BEEN UNLEASHED

ON THE UNITED STATES SOIL

WITH THE SAME DEGREE OF ARROGANCE

AS THE DECLARATION OF WAR

MADE BY THE MEDELLIN COCAINE CARTEL LEADERS

AGAINST THE COLOMBIAN GOVERNMENT LAST MONTH.

FONSICO ECHEVIRRIA, THE 1ST OF THE 12 EXTRADITABLES

TO BE PLACED IN U.S. CUSTODY,

AND DESCRIBED AS ONE OF THE WORLD'S RICHEST MEN,

HAS RETALIATED.

10 DAYS AGO,

HIS MERCENARIES KIDNAPPED A YOUNG AMERICAN JOURNALIST.

THEIR HOSTAGE, ALEXANDER SHANNON,

SON OF UNITED STATES SENATOR, TOM SHANNON.

YOUNG SHANNON IS THE JOURNALIST

WHO EXPOSED THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE MEDELLIN CARTEL

IN A MAJOR BOOK PUBLISHED LAST YEAR.

SOURCES INDICATE THAT THE CARTEL HAS DEMANDED

ECHEVIRRIA BE RELEASED

WITH SAFE CONDUCT BACK TO COLOMBIA

IN EXCHANGE FOR SHANNON'S LIFE.

AUTHORITIES, HOWEVER, REFUSE COMMENT,

ONLY TO STATE THAT ECHEVIRRIA WILL NOT BE RELEASED

UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

ON WALL STREET TODAY, THE FINANCIAL--

[helicopter whirring]

[people chattering]

YOU ARE NEGLECTING YOUR WORK, MR. SHANNON.

AND SO LONG AS YOU ARE MY GUEST,

? YOU WILL EARN YOUR KEEP, YES

DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP, MR. SHANNON.

IT SEEMS NO ONE IN YOUR COUNTRY WANTS YOU BACK.

[speaking Spanish]

[all grunting]

[men chattering]

SO, ESCOBAR, HOW DO YOU LIKE RUNNIN' A PRISON CAMP

ALONG WITH YOUR CONSTRUCTION BUSINESS?

AH, THE BOSSES KNOW THAT I PICK THE MOST SECURE SITES

FOR THEIR COCAINE LABORATORIES.

E WHY SHOULDN'T THEY TRUST M

TO KEEP THEIR PRISONER OF WAR, EH?

[men chattering]

[speaking Spanish]

SO I TOLD MY WIFE, MAYBE SOMEDAY

I'LL BRING A GOOD WOMAN UP HERE FOR YOU TO SOAK WITH IN THE HOT TUB.

WHAT HOT TUB?

THE ONE THAT I BROUGHT UP IN THE NET.

OVER THERE.

I DON'T ORDER NO STINKING HOT TUB.

[speaking Spanish]

. COME ON. LET'S OPEN IT

(Escobar) IT'S STUPID.

WHY WOULD ANYBODY SEND ME A HOT TUB?

MAYBE THE BOSSES THOUGHT IT WOULD KEEP YOU HAPPY.

I THINK THE BOSSES SPEND TOO MUCH TIM E IN CALIFORNIA.

ALEXANDER SHANNON?

NAME'S MACGYVER.

AMERICAN?

PROUD OF IT.

I CAME TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE.

YOU D.E.A.?

. NO, PHOENIX FOUNDATION

WE FIND WE DON'T HAVE TO CUT THROUGH AS MUCH RED TAPE

TO DO THIS SORT OF THING.

I'LL MEET YOU BEHIND THE STORAGE AREA.

UH, LOOK, DON'T THINK ME UNGRATEFUL, BUT WHAT'S YOUR PLAN?

I BROUGHT CLIMBING EQUIPMENT, EVERYTHING WE NEED TO GET OFF THE MOUNTAIN.

. THEN WE TAKE A LITTLE BOAT RIDE

I'VE GOT A PROBLEM. YOUR PLAN?

I TRIED IT LAST WEEK

WITHOUT THE CLIMBING EQUIPMENT.

[objects rustling]

[groans]

GREAT.

YOU GOT ANY OTHER IDEAS?

YEAH, THE CHOPPER. IT'S ALL THERE IS.

WE GOT TO GET TO IT.

[helicopter blades whirring]

I GUESS WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER 10 DAYS.

I DON'T THINK YOU OR MY MAKEUP WILL LAST THAT LONG.

OK.

NEW PLAN.

WHERE CAN I GET 4 OR 5 HOURS OF PRIVACY?

LUNCH IS OVER. THE MESS HALL.

OK.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO HELP ME ON THIS.

I NEED A BUNCH OF PLASTIC.

UH, SOMETHING LIKE, UH, GARBAGE BAGS.

HEAVY-DUTY KIND.

HEAVY-DUTY GARBAGE BAGS?

, YEAH. AND THIS BAMBOO SCAFFOLDING

ABOUT 100 FEET SHOULD DO IT.

CAN WE DISCUSS THIS?

NO.

YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

RIGHT NOW, YOU'VE GOT TO FIND AN EXCUSE

TO ASSEMBLE THE SCAFFOLDIN G UNDER THAT LEAN-TO.

CAN YOU HANDLE THAT?

. I THINK SO

GOOD.

OH, AND DUCT TAPE.

I'LL NEED LOTS OF DUCT TAPE.

DUCT TAPE?

HEY, YOU! YOU, SHANNON!

WHERE ARE YOU GOIN G WITH THAT BAMBOO?

UH, I THOUGHT I'D MOVE INTO THE SHADE, MR. ESCOBAR.

THAT WAY I'LL WORK FASTER.

(Escobar) ALL RIGHT. BE SURE YOU DO.

[metallic squeaking]

[grunting]

A CEMENT MIXER?

[grunts]

MACGYVER.

GARBAGE BAGS. MORE DUCT TAPE.

LOTS OF DUCT TAPE.

YOU'RE DOING GOOD.

HOW YOU HOLDIN' UP?

FINE. THAT'S GOOD.

'CAUSE NOW I NEED YOU TO BUILD ME 5 BASIC FRAMES.

2 OF 'EM, 20 BY 5, 1, 9 BY 2,

AND 2, 9 BY 6.

SLIP 'EM UNDER THE TENT FLAP AS YOU FINISH 'EM.

OH! AND ANOTHER TIRE.

UH, ONE OF THE WHEELBARROW S OUGHT TO DO IT.

[bolt unscrewing]

(Shannon) OH, MY GOD.

I JUST FIGURED OUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? I THINK YOU'RE CRAZY!

GIVE ME A FEW HOURS, YOU'LL KNOW FOR SURE.

[grunting]

I'VE GOT ONE SECTION LEFT.

[speaking Spanish]

[mixer whirring]

I HAVE A HUNCH WE'RE ABOUT TO HAVE COMPANY.

WE'LL MAKE IT. JUST ONE MINUTE. WE'LL MAKE IT.

WE DON'T HAVE A MINUTE . THEY'RE COMING.

HOLD THEM OFF.

[engine sputtering]

[men chatter]

[speaks Spanish]

[engine sputters]

[engine starting]

GET IN HERE! LET'S GO!

BUCKLE UP!

[yelling]

IT'LL NEVER FLY!

YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!

[guns firing]

[engine revving]

IT FLIES.

IT REALLY FLIES!

OF COURSE!

HOME, SWEET HOME, SWEET HOME.

[chuckling]

YEAH.

AND ANOTHER ONE BEHIND US.

MACGYVER, I THANK YOU.

AND THE SHANNON FAMILY THANKS YOU.

YEAH.

PETE,

YOU WANT TO TAP INTO SOME OF YOUR OTHER AGENTS

FOR THE NEXT MONTH OR 2?

I'M ABOUT TO TAKE A VERY LONG NAP.

DONE.

OH, UH, ONE THING.

THE MEDELLIN CARTEL IS NOT TOO HAPPY ABOUT

THIS GREAT ESCAPE OF YOURS, SO, UH, WATCH YOURSELF, OK?

GOOD NIGHT, PETE.

GOOD NIGHT.

WANT TO HIT THE LIGHT?

YEAH, HIT THE LIGHTS.

[remote clicks]

[T.V. chattering]

[wood creaking]

HELLO? HELLO, MACGYVER!

REMEMBER ME, MACGYVER?

IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

THINK. MISSION CITY, MINNESOTA.

YOU WERE A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL, I WAS IN 7TH GRADE.

WE LIVED NEXT DOOR TO EACH OTHER.

ZOE?

ZOE RYAN?

I'M GLAD THAT THE COLOMBIAN RESCUE I READ ABOUT

DIDN'T COMPLETELY SOFTEN YOUR BRAIN.

YOU DID THIS?

WHAT'S THE MATTER? YOU DON'T THINK THE WEAKER SEX

IS UP TO A TASK THIS FORMIDABLE?

YOU DID! YOU DID THIS!

DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT JACK DALTON ALWAYS USED TO SAY

WHEN WE WERE KIDS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD?

"IF YOU WANT MACGYVER'S HELP,

FIRST YOU HAVE TO GET HIS FULL AND UNDIVIDED ATTENTION."

I THINK I DID IT. DON'T YOU?

YOU'VE LOST IT, ZOE.

YOU ARE COMPLETELY OUT OF IT.

AND YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT.

YOU ALWAYS USED TO SAY STUFF LIKE THAT TO ME.

. THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WERE ALWAYS A PEST

LIKE NOW.

WELL, DOES THIS MEAN YOU'RE NOT GONNA HELP ME?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, I'M GOING THEN.

NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, MACGYVER.

[motor whirring] NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT . HOLD IT. JUST HOLD IT.

[motor stops]

WHAT?

GIVE ME THE ROPE.

DOES THIS MEAN YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME?

. IT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO

WELL, IT'S NOT ILLEGAL OR ANYTHING, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

HEY, DID I TELL YOU THAT I GOT PROMOTED?

YOU ARE NOW LOOKING

AT A FULL ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR IN ARCHAEOLOGY.

CONGRATULATIONS. IT DOESN' T ANSWER MY QUESTION.

OH, WELL, I FOUND THIS GREAT LEAD IN GREECE.

IT'S AN ARTIFACT THAT'S INCREDIBLE,

AND THESE GUYS WANTED TO PUT UP A GRANT,

BUT THEY DON'T ANYMORE BECAUSE I CAUGHT ON THEY WERE PLAYING GAMES.

AND, ANYWAY, THE DEAN SHUT DOWN THE WHOLE PROJECT,

AND I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF MONEY TO PLAY WITH.

YOU'D THINK THE FACULTY WOULD PITCH IN,

BUT THOSE IDIOTS THINK I'M GOING OFF THE DEEP END,

JUST BECAUSE I DARED TO ASK A FEW TOO MANY PICKY QUESTIONS

ZOE... ABOUT THEIR 50 YEARS OF PRECIOUS RESEARCH.

WHICH I THINK IS THE MOST UNMITIGATED,

ZOE... NARROW MINDED, MALE DOMINATED,

. MYOPIC BUNCH OF-- HEY! SLOW DOWN

ZOE, WILL YOU HOLD IT?

WHAT?

JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO.

HELP ME FIND THE HOLY GRAIL.

INDIANA JONES ALREADY DID THAT.

I SAW THE MOVIE. MACGYVER, BE SERIOUS.

YOU BE SERIOUS.

I AM.

HERE WE ARE.

(MacGyver) TERRIFIC. YOU BET, TERRIFIC.

WHEN I SHOW YOU WHAT I HAV E AND WHAT WE'RE AFTER,

YOU'RE GONNA THANK ME A THOUSAND TIMES OVER

FOR PROVIDING THIS OPPORTUNITY.

YEAH, I'M SURE . (Grogan) RYAN!

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

ANOTHER FAN?

BULL GROGAN. HE'S A FASCIST PIG.

HI, COACH. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

I WANT YOU TO SEE SOMETHIN'.

THIS IS MY FRIEND, MACGYVER.

FOLLOW ME!

WHY DO I GET THE FEELING THAT BEING YOUR FRIEND

? COULD BE DANGEROUS

LOOK. JUST LOOK AT THAT!

(Zoe) THOSE ARE MY STUDENTS. SO?

(Grogan) "SO"? WHAT "SO"?

THAT'S MY FOOTBALL FIELD AND THERE'S A GAME TOMORROW NIGHT.

AND THAT FIELD USED TO BE AN INDIAN VILLAGE ABOUT 200 YEARS AGO.

LISTEN, COACH.

YOUR DEPARTMENT HAS ABOUT A HUNDRED ZILLION DOLLARS.

MINE IS ALMOST BROKE. NOW WHAT'S THE MORE IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTION HERE?

A BUNCH OF YOUR NEANDERTHALS CRUSHING BONES EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT

SO THAT THE MALE EGO CAN GO ON ANOTHER FEEDING FRENZY,

OR MY STUDENTS GETTING THEIR YOUNG MINDS NOURISHED,

LEARNING TO DRAW ON THE PAST

SO THAT MAYBE WE CAN DEVELOP A MORE HUMANE FUTURE.

IT'S NOT A BAD QUESTION.

THEY HAD BETTER BE OUT OF THERE

AND THAT FIELD BACK TO PLAYING CONDITION BEFORE SATURDAY'S GAME,

OR YOUR DEPARTMENT'S NOT ONLY GONNA BE BROKE,

IT'S GONNA BE ANNIHILATED!

GOSH, HE BUGS ME.

SOMETIMES, I THINK THE WHOLE FACULTY IS AGAINST ME.

. WELL, I WOULDN'T HAVE ANY DOUBTS ABOUT THE COACH

WELL, THEY'LL SEE.

JUST WAIT TILL I PROVE IT TO 'EM.

JUST WAIT TILL YOU AND I COME UP WITH THE EVIDENCE.

THIS, UH, HOLY GRAIL?

YEAH, WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SHOW YOU, MR. MACGYVER,

IS GOING TO KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF.

UGH!

(Zoe) STOP HIM! STOP HIM!

DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!

WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM?

WAS HE CARRYING ANYTHING?

MY GOD, I HOPE HE DIDN'T FIND IT.

OH, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, LET IT BE HERE.

[rustling]

WHO WAS THAT GUY?

I CAN'T PROVE IT,

BUT PROBABLY ONE OF VON LEER'S GOONS.

WHOSE GOONS?

YOU KNOW, ERICH VON LEER. THAT FAT CAT FROM SOUTH AFRICA

WHO DARN NEAR CONTROLS THE WORLD MARKET IN PRECIOUS STONES.

AND A WORLD CLASS THIEF, IN MY HUMBLE OPINION.

WELL, WHY WOULD THIS VON LEER BE SO INTERESTED IN

WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?

IT'S KIND OF COMPLICATED.

ZOE, EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS COMPLICATED. TRY ME.

WELL, VON LEER PUT UP A GRANT FOR MY LAST EXPEDITION.

ONLY I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS VON LEER.

THE SCHOOL RAN THE MONEY THROUGH A DEPARTMENT ACCOUNT, YOU KNOW?

YEAH. SO, THE SECOND I GOT BACK FROM GREECE WITH MY FIND,

VON LEER WAS BANGING ON THE DEAN'S DOOR

TRYING TO PUT UP ANOTHER GRANT TO FINANCE THE FOLLOW-UP EXPEDITION.

YEAH. ONLY THIS TIME I FIND OUT

. THAT VON LEER HAS HIS FINGERS IN THE POT

SO, I TOLD 'EM ALL TO KISS OFF AND DIE,

'CAUSE WITH THEIR MONEY COMES THEIR CONTROL, YOU KNOW?

SO, THE DEAN WENT NUTS.

PULLED THE PLUG ON THE WHOLE PROJECT.

THAT'S WHY I GOT YOU TO VOLUNTEER FOR THE MISSION.

NOW, THEY'RE TRYING TO STEAL THE ARTIFACT.

I GOT IT!

HE DIDN'T FIND IT.

I GOT IT.

LOOK, I GOT IT. IT'S SAFE.

THAT'S SWELL.

MACGYVER.

MACGYVER!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING? HOME.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? NO.

BUT, I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES.

AND SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO SET ME ADRIFT AT SEA ONCE AGAIN,

SO BE IT.

I'LL STILL BE A LOT BETTER OFF THAN I AM RIGHT NOW.

THEN YOU'RE NOT GONNA HELP ME FIND THE HOLY GRAIL? THAT'S RIGHT.

BUT YOU HAVE TO. I DON'T HAVE ANYONE ELSE.

ZOE, IS IT ANY WONDER?

DID ANYONE EVER TELL YOU THAT YOU OPERATE ABOUT 15 DEGREES OFF CENTER?

I'M MISUNDERSTOOD SOMETIMES. THAT'S ALL.

I DON'T THINK THE COACH MISUNDERSTOOD HIS FOOTBALL FIELD.

I, FOR SURE, DID NOT MISUNDERSTAND

MY HOUSEBOAT ENDING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAY,

OR THE WAY MY JAW FEELS AT THIS MOMENT.

OVER A SOUVENIR PILLOW!

COME ON! THIS?

[laughing] IT'S NOT THIS. LOOK.

LOOK HERE.

. THIS IS DIANA'S MIRROR

, IT WAS MADE BY AMBROSE

ONE OF THE 12TH CENTURY'S GREATEST ALCHEMISTS.

LOOK AT IT . I'M NOT INTERESTED.

BUT IT HOLDS THE KEY TO A SECRET THAT'S OVER 800 YEARS OLD.

. AMBROSE'S SECRET. LOOK

I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT INTERESTED.

A SECRET THAT SOME PEOPLE THINK COULD SOLVE THE MYSTERIES OF LIFE.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, MACGYVER, WHY DON'T YO U JUST LOOK AT IT?

I AM

NOT...

HE IS COMING, MR. VON LEER.

DIANA'S MIRROR.

WHERE IS IT?

I DIDN'T FIND IT. THEY CAME IN ON ME.

THEY?

THE PROFESSOR AND--AND SOME GUY SHE WAS WITH.

I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE.

BUT THEY SAW YOU.

OH, THAT'S NO PROBLEM. I DON'T THINK THEY CAN I.D. ME.

YOU DON'T THINK.

WITH ALL THAT'S AT RISK, YOU'RE ENTIRELY TOO CASUAL , MR. AHRIMAN.

CASUAL? WHEN SHE FOUND THAT GOLD MIRROR IN GREECE,

I STARTED BELIEVING ALL THAT LEGEND JIVE.

ABOUT A GIANT RUBY AND A HIDDEN TEMPLE

AND A BILLION OR SO IN PRECIOUS STONES, SO,

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME, MR. VON LEER, I'VE GOT THE BIG PICTURE.

, SHIMA THINKS THERE'S MUCH MORE THAN JUST TREASURE AT RISK

DON'T YOU, SHIMA?

YOU MEAN, ALL THIS HOCUS POCUS ABOUT THE GRAIL

AND, UH, FINDING THE ELIXIR OF ETERNAL LIFE?

WELL, I AIN'T GONE QUITE THAT FAR OVERBOARD.

NOW, DON'T TELL ME YOU BUY INTO SHIMA'S MUMBO JUMBO.

DO YOU?

I LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.

IF SHIMA'S CORRECT, WE'LL ALL HAVE A GREAT DEAL MORE TIME

TO ENJOY THE PROCEEDS FROM THE TREASURES

? OF THE TEMPLE OF THE HOLY ROSE, WON'T WE

YEAH, WELL, I'LL BE MORE THAN HAPPY

TO SPEND MY CUT AS A MERE MORTAL.

I DON'T THINK YOU'LL HAVE THAT OPPORTUNITY, MR. AHRIMAN.

SHIMA.

WELL, NOW WE MUST ATTEND TO THE PROFESSOR AND HER NEW FRIEND.

SO WITH THE HELP OF THE AMBROSE LEGEND,

I TRACKED DIANA'S MIRROR THROUGH 13 DIGS.

. 4 YEARS IT TOOK ME

, I FOUND IT IN AN OTTOMAN RUIN

SO, NOW I WANT TO FIND THE TEMPLE OF THE HOLY ROSE,

WHERE AMBROSE HID

. ALL OF THE ARTIFACTS OF DIANA AND THE GRAIL

THE STUFF NEOLITHIC SOCIETIE S WORSHIP.

BECAUSE WHEN I DO, WHEN WE DO,

WE'LL PROVE THAT SOCIETY TOOK A WRONG TURN ABOUT 5000 YEARS AGO.

E WE'LL PROVE THAT THE HUMAN RAC

USED TO GET ALONG WITH ONE ANOTHER.

ZOE-- THAT MEN AND WOMEN LIVED AS EQUALS,

AND PEOPLE, PEOPLE WERE LOVING AND NURTURING,

AND HAD A REVERENC E FOR NATURE.

ZOE, SLOW DOWN. THEY DIDN'T DESTRO Y THEIR ENVIRONMENT,

BUT CARED FOR IT.

. AND MOST IMPORTANT, THEY LIVED WITHOUT WAR

OK, BUT-- AND IF THE HUMAN RACE

CAN LIVE IN PEACE ONCE , THEY CAN DO IT AGAIN.

DON'T YOU SEE? IF WE CAN PROVE

THAT WE'RE NOT DESTINE D TO HURT AND PERSECUTE EACH OTHER,

MAYBE WE CAN GET BACK ON TRACK

BEFORE WE ANNIHILATE OURSELVES.

OK!

[exhales]

BUT WHAT HAS ALL THAT GOT TO DO WITH THIS?

I TOLD YOU.

DIANA'S MIRROR IS THE KEY TO FINDING THE TEMPLE.

NO, YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME ANYTHING.

WHAT TEMPLE?

I BELIEVE ZOE IS SPEAKING OF THE TEMPLE OF THE HOLY ROSE.

IT'S THE RESTING PLACE OF THE CAULDRON OF REGENERATION,

OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE HOLY GRAIL,

RELATED TO THE GODDESS DIANA.

THANK YOU.

PROFESSOR WYCLIFF, HI.

THIS IS MY FRIEND, MACGYVER.

OH, YES, THE MAN YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO RECRUIT

TO HELP WITH YOUR FOLLOW-UP EXPEDITION.

THAT ESCAPE OF YOURS IN COLOMBIA

WAS VERY INTERESTING READING, MR. MACGYVER.

WELL, PARDON ME IF I SEEM RUDE, PROFESSOR,

BUT I'M NOT REAL SURE I'M GOING ANYWHERE.

. NOT UNTIL I KNOW WHERE AND WHAT FOR

AND I DON'T.

YOU DON'T?

I'M AFRAID IN PROFESSOR RYAN'S ZEAL,

TO CHANGE THE DIRECTION OF ARCHEOLOGY,

OR SOCIETY, FOR THAT MATTER,

SHE DOES ASSUME A LEVEL OF KNOWLEDGE ONE DOES NOT YET POSSESS.

PERHAPS THE TWO OF US CAN, UH, HELP FILL IN THE BLANKS?

(Wycliff) THE VAULT HERE

IS ENVIRONMENTALLY CONTROLLED

TO PRESERVE THESE RARE ILLUMINATED MANUSCRIPTS.

AH, HERE WE ARE. THE STORY OF AMBROSE.

THE LEGEND GOES ON TO SAY

THAT THE GREAT ALCHEMIST AMBROSE

S PROTECTED THE ARTIFACT

AND THE GRAIL OF ALL THE FEMALE DEITIES

FROM DESTRUCTION BY THE CHURCH,

BY BUILDING A SECRET TEMPLE.

THERE WE ARE.

BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT?

THE STORY OF AMBROSE.

T THE TEMPLE HE BUIL

IS SUPPOSEDLY 100 FATHOMS IN DIAMETER,

SURROUNDED BY 72 CHAPELS

MADE OF BLUE SAPPHIRES AND EMERALDS,

AND IN THE CENTER OF THE BUILDING, UNDER THE DOME,

IS WHERE THE HOLY VESSEL IS KEPT.

THE CAULDRON OF REGENERATION.

AND YOU REALLY THINK THIS TEMPLE AMBROSE BUILT REALLY EXISTS, HUH?

UNTIL ZOE FOUND DIANA'S MIRROR,

, SUPPOSEDLY WROUGHT BY AMBROSE HIMSELF

I WAS PREPARED TO RELEGATE THE STORIES OF THE BARDS TO MYTH AND LEGEND,

BUT, NOW...

NOW, WE HAVE THE FIRST PIECE OF THE AMBROSE PUZZLE.

THE FIRST PIECE?

S THE LEGEND HOLDS AMBROSE CREATED 3 ARTIFACT

, TO SYMBOLIZE THE MOTHER GODDESS

AND DISPERSED THEM ACROSS EUROPE.

AND YOU GOT TO HAVE ALL 3 TOGETHER

TO POINT THE WAY TO THE TEMPLE.

, (Wycliff) DIANA'S MIRROR

THE SCEPTER OF THE TRIPLE DEITY,

AND THE HOLY ROSE ITSELF.

THAT'S WHY VON LEER WAS SO HOT TO PUT UP ANOTHER GRANT.

SO WE COULD LEAD HIM RIGHT TO THE BOOTY.

WELL, VON LEER AND HIS GRANTS ARE BEHIND US NOW.

I DON'T THINK SO. SOMEONE WAS JUST IN MY OFFICE.

I'M POSITIVE THEY WERE TRYING TO STEAL THE MIRROR.

OH? AND MY MONEY SAYS VON LEER IS BEHIND IT.

IF HE FINDS THE TEMPLE FIRST, EVERYTHING THAT CAN TURN A BUCK FOR HIM

WILL BE MELTED DOWN, CHOPPED UP, RESET AND SOLD

BEFORE ONE SCHOLAR GETS A LOOK AT IT.

AND WE CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN.

FINDING DIANA'S TEMPLE AND ALL OF THE ARTIFACTS

COULD START A SCHOLASTIC REVOLUTION.

ZOE-- TURN A WHOLE SCHOOL

OF FUZZY ACADEMIC THINKING COMPLETELY AROUND.

ARE YOU DONE?

THAT'S MY DREAM. TO DO THAT.

YOU HAVE DIANA'S MIRROR.

WHERE DOES IT POINT?

. TO THE SCEPTER

BUT, I'M AFRAID PROFESSOR RYAN IS STIL L TRYING TO WORK OUT

THE PROBLEM OF WHERE IT MAY BE LOCATED.

NO MORE. I FIGURED IT OUT LAST NIGHT.

ACCORDING TO THE GREAT ALCHEMIST HIMSELF,

IT'S IN THE ABBEY OF SAINT ACERINUS.

HE SAYS, AND I QUOTE,

"ET IBI ALIQUANDO SESE EXORCIZA

TU DAEMON FOEDE."

"AND ONCE THERE, EXORCISE THEE, THOU UNCLEAN SPIRIT."

I'VE HEARD A PHRASE LIKE THAT BEFORE.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN? I DON'T HAVE A CLUE.

BUT, WE'LL FIND OUT WHEN WE GET THERE.

WHERE IS THERE?

LONDON.

LONDON.

AN 800 YEAR OLD ABBEY IN THE MIDDLE OF ENGLAND?

CHANCES ARE IT'S NOT EVEN STANDING ANYMORE.

THEN WE'LL DIG.

I'M NOT THAT GOOD WITH A SHOVEL.

COME ON, MACGYVER, I NEED YOU.

WHY? WHY ME?

BECAUSE WHEN I THINK OF ALL THE BRILLIANT THING S THAT AMBROSE DID

TO PROTECT WHAT WAS GOOD AND DECENT,

HE REMINDS ME OF YOU.

SO WHAT BETTER PERSON TO HELP SOLVE HIS MYSTERY?

THAT'S QUITE A COMPLIMENT, MR. MACGYVER.

OR QUITE A SNOW JOB.

WHAT DO YOU SAY? WILL YOU GO?

[parking brake ratchets]

YOUR AMBROSE WAS QUITE A GUY.

OH, THANK YOU.

RYAN AND MACGYVER. JUST GRAB OUR BAGS.

WE'RE GONNA BE BACK TO CHECK IN LATER.

LATER? WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT LATER?

I WAS THINKING OF TAKING A SHOWER, GRABBING SOMETHING TO EAT,

FRESHENING UP A LITTLE BIT.

S MACGYVER, THE FIND OF A LIFETIME IS OUT THERE WAITING FOR U

AND YOU WANT TO DING AROUN D WITH PERSONAL COMFORTS?

IT'S BEEN WAITING 800 YEARS. I DON'T THINK ANOTHER DAY IS GONNA MATTER.

A DAY? YOU WANT TO WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW?

I ALREADY CAN'T EAT, THINKING ABOUT IT.

I WOULD NOT SLEEP A WINK IF I HAD TO WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, RUIN MY HEALTH?

ME RUIN YOUR HEALTH?

FORGIVE ME, MATE, BUT DO I KEEP THE METER TICKING OR WHAT?

OH, ALL RIGHT.

DROP US AT THE ABBEY OF SAINT ACERINUS.

YOU'RE THE GREATEST.

YEAH. ME AND AMBROSE.

[door shuts]

THERE'S NO ABBEY IN MY BOOK CALLED ACERINUS.

ACERINUS.

IT'S SECTION 2, LOT 5, PARCEL 16 IN CHELSEA.

DUCKY, DO I LOOK LIKE A SURVEYOR?

OH, YEAH.

CORNER OF WHITTINGHAM AND BELLOWS.

THINK YOU CAN FIND THAT?

[engine starts]

[creaks]

[coin clatters]

THEY ARE ON THEIR WAY.

MAKE SURE THEY HAVE A PROPER GREETING.

WELL, I'LL BET YOU OLD AMBROSE NEVER EXPECTED THIS.

. HEY, AT LEAST THE BUILDING IS STILL STANDING. COME ON

HELLO?

(Eunice) HELLO YOURSELF.

NO NEED TO HOLLER, DEARIE, YOU'LL RAISE THE DEAD.

[laughing]

UM, HI. WE-- WE'D LIKE A COUPLE OF TICKETS.

AND I'D LIKE TO OBLIGE A HANDSOME BLOKE SUCH AS YOURSELF,

BUT AS YOU CAN SEE,

JAMIE AND ME ARE JUST IN THE PROCESS OF CLOSING UP FOR THE DAY.

AREN'T WE, JAMIE?

. IT'S ONLY 3:00

IT'S MONDAY, DEARIE. AT 3:00 ON MONDAY,

JAMIE STANDS WATCH WHILE I GO TO SEE ME HAIRDRESSERS.

YOU'LL HAVE TO COME BACK TOMORROW, LOVE.

SHOOT. UH, EUNICE,

HERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR YOUR HAIRDRESSER.

FOR BEING LATE.

WELL, NOW,

ISN'T HE JUST THE SMOOTH ONE, ALL RIGHT?

10 MINUTES. YOU HEAR?

10 MINUTES. COME ALONG, JAMES.

[mimicking Eunice] ISN'T HE JUST THE SMOOTH ONE ALL RIGHT?

NOW THERE'S A COMPREHENSIVE VISION

OF CHRISTIANITY'S GORY HISTORY FOR YOU.

ANY IDEA OF HOW TO START LOOKING FOR A SCEPTER IN HERE?

START THINKING LIKE YOUR ANCIENT COUNTERPART.

? HOW WOULD HE HAVE HIDDEN IT

WHAT WAS THAT INSCRIPTION ON DIANA'S MIRROR?

ITER NUNC FACE AD ABBATIAM--

NOW, COME ON.

. MY LATIN IS VERY RUSTY

"JOURNEY NOW TO THE ABBEY OF ST. ACERINUS.

ONCE THERE, EXORCIZE THEE, THOU UNCLEAN SPIRIT."

"EXORCIZE THEE, THOU UNCLEAN SPIRIT."

. I KNOW I'VE HEARD THAT PHRASE BEFORE

[fingers snap] THAT'S IT, OF COURSE.

THAT'S WHAT? YOU'RE ONTO SOMETHING?

MICHELE BORGES' NEW BABY.

UH, SHE AND HER HUSBAND, MIKE, BOTH WORK AT THE PHOENIX FOUNDATION.

WELL, TERRIFIC, BUT WHAT DOES THAT HAV E TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

I WENT TO THEIR BABY'S BAPTISM LAST MONTH,

AND DURING THE CEREMONY, THE PRIEST SAID THE SAME THING.

"EXORCIZE THEE, THOU UNCLEAN SPIRIT."

GET IT? WATER...

BAPTISM! BAPTISMAL!

YOU'RE RIGHT. AND THERE SHOULD B E ONE IN HERE.

. PART OF THE BUILDING STRUCTURE

FROM WHAT I CAN REMEMBER OF 12TH CENTURY ARCHITECTURE,

THAT SHOULD BE IT.

TAKE THESE PANELS DOWN.

NO SCEPTER.

LOOK. LOOK HERE.

YEAH, AREN'T THESE MARKINGS LIKE THE ONE ON THE MIRROR?

THE SAME.

[metal clinks]

THE POINTS FIT IN THE SLOTS.

[creaking]

HALLELUJAH, AMBROSE.

! 3 SCEPTERS

WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE.

[creaking]

MOTHER OF CREATURES,

LUNAR VIRGIN,

HUNTRESS.

NEXT STEP, THE HOLY ROSE.

I'M AFRAID YOU'RE IN FOR A MAJOR DISAPPOINTMENT , DUCKY.

BUT I'LL GIVE YOUR BEST TO ME HAIRDRESSER ALL THE SAME.

. (Eunice) COME ON, MOVE OUT OF THERE

VON LEER.

YES, PROFESSOR.

. YOU'VE MADE IT QUITE DIFFICULT FOR US

YEAH, SHE'S VERY GOOD AT THAT.

AND MACGYVER OF THE PHOENIX FOUNDATION.

WE LOOKED YOU UP.

GOOD. GLAD TO HEAR IT.

. IMPRESSIVE CREDENTIALS

IN FACT, I'VE DETERMINED THAT YOU'RE FAR TOO DANGEROUS TO HAVE AROUND,

SO I'VE HAD TO MAKE A VERY DIFFICULT DECISION.

THE PROFESSOR WILL ACCOMPANY ME

AND PROVIDE THE APPROPRIATE INTERPRETATIONS

TO THE SECRETS OF AMBROSE SO WE MAY FIND THE TREASURE.

AND YOU WILL DIE. SHIMA, SHOOT HIM.

(Zoe) NO!

I SWEAR, YOU TOUCH HIM, THESE SCEPTERS GET WIPED OUT.

YOU'LL NEVER FIND THE TEMPLE.

WELL,

. LOOKS LIKE SHE'S GOT YOU IN WHAT WE CALL A STANDOFF

YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

SHE MUST CARE A GREAT DEAL FOR YOU, MR. MACGYVER.

EUNICE, GET THE CAR READY.

YES, SIR.

MAMMON, INTRODUCE MR. MACGYVER TO THE, UH, SARCOPHAGUS, WOULD YOU?

[clicking]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

. I'M GIVING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE A MORE CONSIDERED DECISION

[whooshing]

NOW, PROFESSOR, I DO WISH YOU'D RECONSIDER YOUR PREVIOUS THREAT.

YOU SEE, AS THE WATER LEVEL IN THIS TANK LOWERS,

IT FILLS THE SPOON,

WHICH THEN TRIGGERS THE RATCHET

AND LOWERS THE BLADE.

ONE OF THE MORE INGENIOUS DEVICES OF THE INQUISITION,

WOULDN'T YOU SAY?

IN A MINUTE OR SO, MR. MACGYVER WILL BEGI N TO SUFFER TERRIBLY.

WHEN IT'S ALL OVER, HE'LL BE HALF THE MAN HE WAS.

[blade whooshing]

YOU DIRTY, ROTTEN, SIMPLE-MINDED EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING.

IF ONE HAIR ON HIS HEAD IS--

CONTROL YOURSELF! YOU HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT DECISION TO MAKE.

[whooshing]

ALL RIGHT! STOP IT!

A WISE DECISION.

HURRY UP, HURRY!

[creaking]

(Zoe) COME ON. GET HIM OFF OF THERE.

[wood creaking]

[blade whooshing]

[creaking]

! ESCORT HER TO THE CAR. NOW

WHAT ABOUT MACGYVER?

VON LEER!

[screaming]

(Zoe) VON LEER!

(Zoe) YOU...

YOU'RE VERY FORTUNATE TO HAVE SUCH CARING FRIENDS, MR. MACGYVER.

[creaking]

I'M SURE THAT YOUR EXPERTISE WOULD BE VERY USEFUL

IN OUR QUEST FOR THE TEMPLE OF THE HOLY ROSE,

BUT, UH,

AS I SAID BEFORE, YOU'RE JUST TOO DANGEROUS.

INTRIGUING, ISN'T IT?

[wood creaking]

[metal clanking]