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1
00:00:02,567 --> 00:00:04,526
Dude, if I have to sit
through another minute
2
00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:07,224
of this corny rom-com, I'm
gonna do something unthinkable.
3
00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:09,357
Like homework.
4
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:11,620
Shh. This is the best part.
5
00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:13,839
When I lived with Dad, the
sappiest movie we ever watched
6
00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:16,277
was--
oh, Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
7
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:19,280
When you lived with Dad,
you ate Pringles for dinner
8
00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:21,456
and didn't have hot
water half the time.
9
00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:23,762
Well, I'd rather freeze to death
in the shower than sit here
10
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,677
watching white people trying
to stop other white people
11
00:00:25,721 --> 00:00:27,375
from getting married.
12
00:00:27,418 --> 00:00:30,160
Hey, I happen
to like movies about love
13
00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:32,032
when they make me feel
all warm and fuzzy.
14
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:35,035
And anything
with The Rock in it.
15
00:00:36,471 --> 00:00:38,038
Especially Moana.
16
00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:40,257
He's a sucker for romance.
17
00:00:40,301 --> 00:00:41,476
I love love.
18
00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:43,391
Clem and I are like a rom-com.Aw.
19
00:00:43,434 --> 00:00:45,393
The stars aligned,
destiny brought us together.
20
00:00:45,436 --> 00:00:46,872
I truly believe that.
21
00:00:46,916 --> 00:00:48,570
That's nothing to be
embarrassed about.Of course not.
22
00:00:48,613 --> 00:00:51,051
Totally is. What?
23
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:54,706
I think it's sweet that
Nick is such a romantic.
24
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:57,361
You know, he remembers
everything about us.
25
00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:58,797
First meal we shared?
26
00:00:58,841 --> 00:01:00,712
Hot dog. We ate it Lady and the Tramp
style.
27
00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:03,541
[imitating eating sounds]
28
00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:07,545
Well, Clem's a tramp,
so I guess that makes Nick, um,
29
00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,112
yeah, the lady. That's right.
30
00:01:10,983 --> 00:01:13,116
Clem knows everything there
is to know about us, too.
31
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,335
When was our first kiss?
32
00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:15,640
CLEM:
Central Park,
33
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:17,033
near the ice rink.
Mm-hmm.
34
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,991
That homeless guy asked if
he can get down with us.
35
00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:20,776
Yuck... That's right.
36
00:01:20,819 --> 00:01:23,039
Listen, it's great you guys
got together and all,
37
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,997
but I hate to break it
to you: destiny
38
00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:28,392
[laughs]: had nothing
to do with it.
39
00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:30,133
If you two hadn't met
each other, you would have met
40
00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:31,352
other people,
and you'd be saying
41
00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:33,005
you'd be destined
to be with them.
42
00:01:33,049 --> 00:01:34,572
Now can we please
43
00:01:34,616 --> 00:01:36,966
watch something rated "R"
for extreme violence and gore?
44
00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:40,012
No. And if you interrupt
Sandra Bullock one more time,
45
00:01:40,056 --> 00:01:41,840
there's gonna be a lot
of extreme violence and gore
46
00:01:41,884 --> 00:01:44,234
up in here.
47
00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:47,237
♪
48
00:01:52,242 --> 00:01:54,157
Clem, this place
is gonna be transformed
49
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:56,246
for your engagement party.
50
00:01:56,290 --> 00:02:00,032
Standing table here, here,
and the bar
51
00:02:00,076 --> 00:02:02,122
will be over there.
52
00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:07,257
Which means
I will be over there.
53
00:02:09,085 --> 00:02:11,827
Don't worry, we'll put up
"do not serve" posters
54
00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:13,307
with Shannon's face
all over the bar.
55
00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:17,137
Well, Shannon's not the guest
I'm worried about.
56
00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:19,095
Your father has
insisted on inviting
57
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:23,926
his old college buddy Joe,
and the man's in love with me.
58
00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:26,755
Oh, God. Here we go again.
59
00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:28,060
ROSE:
He is, Walt.
60
00:02:28,104 --> 00:02:30,193
And just because
you can't see it
61
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:32,587
doesn't mean it's not there.
62
00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:34,241
[in Irish brogue]: Yeah,
like when we went to Ireland,
63
00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:36,504
and you swore you saw
a leprechaun?
64
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:40,290
So, what are we gonna
do for music?
65
00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:41,900
[in normal voice]: Well,
it's too bad you don't know
66
00:02:41,944 --> 00:02:43,554
a Tony-nominated performer
67
00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:46,731
who could sing at the party--
oh, wait, you do. It's me. Me.
68
00:02:46,775 --> 00:02:48,168
ROSE:
You're gonna be busy, Walt.
69
00:02:48,211 --> 00:02:51,214
Because after the cocktail hour,
70
00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:54,348
your father will be
hosting The Nearly-Wed Game.
71
00:02:54,391 --> 00:02:56,828
What the hell is
a Nearly-Wed Game?
72
00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:59,353
It'll be fantastic. I'll ask
Clem and Nick questions
73
00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:01,137
about their relationship,
74
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,400
and then they'll compare
answers to see how well
75
00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:05,228
they know each other.
[gasps]
Oh.
76
00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:07,839
Cool. You should totally ask
about when they had a three-way
77
00:03:07,883 --> 00:03:09,276
with a homeless man.
78
00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:13,193
It was not a three-way.
79
00:03:13,236 --> 00:03:16,239
One person got naked,
it was not us.
80
00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:20,069
Okay, okay. Well, I'll
give you an example
81
00:03:20,112 --> 00:03:21,592
of what kind of
question I might ask.
82
00:03:21,636 --> 00:03:26,206
Uh, all right. What was the
name of Clem's first pet?
83
00:03:26,249 --> 00:03:28,991
[scoffs]
Goldie the goldfish.
84
00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:30,688
BOTH:
May she rest in peace. Jinx!
85
00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:32,212
[both laugh]
86
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:33,561
CLEM:
Ooh!
87
00:03:33,604 --> 00:03:36,216
And after the game,
I will give my speech.
88
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:37,521
It's gonna be so funny.
89
00:03:37,565 --> 00:03:39,828
Oh, yeah? Who's gonna give it?
90
00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:43,658
Me. In fact, why don't I give
you a taste of the goods?
91
00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:44,876
[exhales]
Ooh.
92
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:48,271
"They say
when you marry someone,
93
00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:50,839
"you marry
their whole family.
94
00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:55,365
Well, I hope that's not true,
because that's polygamy."
95
00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:03,504
'Cause, 'cause it's illegal.
96
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:07,159
And that's her opener.
97
00:04:08,422 --> 00:04:12,034
Sweetheart,
as funny as you are,
98
00:04:12,077 --> 00:04:14,732
maybe you ought to try
99
00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:15,994
the more romantic route.
100
00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:17,474
Like, uh-- ooh.
101
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:19,868
Tell the story
about how you and Nick met.
102
00:04:19,911 --> 00:04:21,261
Oh, Rose, that
is a great idea.
103
00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:23,263
We know you
met in a bar,
104
00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:24,916
but I don't think we
know the whole story.
105
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,091
Mm-mm.
106
00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:28,920
The whole story?
About how wemet?
107
00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:30,357
Yeah, yeah, the whole story.
108
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:33,142
[laughs] Ah, no. I don't think
anyone cares about that.
109
00:04:33,185 --> 00:04:35,013
Oh, come on, Clem.
Just because I don't care
110
00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:37,973
doesn't mean nobody cares.
111
00:04:40,018 --> 00:04:41,324
Hey, people love
that kind of stuff.
112
00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:43,239
Come on. What do you say?
113
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,372
Sure.
114
00:04:45,415 --> 00:04:46,547
Wonderful.
115
00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:47,939
I remember
116
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:51,334
how your father
swept me off of my feet.
117
00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:56,165
It was in a hot
little jazz club in Harlem.
118
00:04:57,645 --> 00:05:02,345
And Joe has been
heartbroken ever since.
119
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:03,738
Yeah.
120
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:05,609
[in Irish brogue]: And
the leprechaun disappeared
121
00:05:05,653 --> 00:05:07,481
into a hollow log.
122
00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:09,178
ROSE:
Walt.
123
00:05:09,221 --> 00:05:14,052
I know what I know,
and I saw what I saw.
124
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,933
Shannon.
125
00:05:24,976 --> 00:05:28,806
I mean... [scoffs]
Shannon.
126
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:31,156
Evan. I mean...
127
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,158
Help.
128
00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:35,247
My parents are going
to the engagement party.
129
00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:37,641
I'll be there, too.
Are you looking forward to it?
130
00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:39,426
I was.
131
00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:41,210
Would you open the trash chute?
132
00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:42,777
Oh. Oh, I shouldn't.
133
00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:44,387
I'm allergic to bees.
134
00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:46,737
The last time I threw out the
trash, I got stung by one.
135
00:05:46,781 --> 00:05:49,087
My tongue swelled up so
much that I couldn't speak.
136
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:50,262
[laughs]
137
00:05:50,306 --> 00:05:52,308
Come on, bees. Save me.
138
00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:56,660
I'm allergic
to basically everything.
139
00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:58,575
That's why I always keep
an EpiPen in my pocket.
140
00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:01,404
And I thought you were
just excited to see me.
141
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,101
Uh, I am excited to see you.
142
00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:05,974
Oh, Evan, you sweet little
innocent boy, you.
143
00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:07,584
See you, virgin.
144
00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:09,238
What-- what makes you think
I'm a...?
145
00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:10,892
Mm, she's right.
146
00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:16,419
Ugh. Evan is so desperate.
147
00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:18,378
Why do you find guys like that
attractive?
148
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:21,816
Excuse me?
149
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:23,034
Well, you know, Nick and Evan
are, like, basically
150
00:06:23,078 --> 00:06:25,254
the same person,
so I'm just wondering,
151
00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:27,561
at what age
do we start settling?
152
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:30,477
Can you not right now?
I'm freaking out.
153
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:33,131
I'm working on this speech
about how I met Nick.
154
00:06:33,175 --> 00:06:34,394
So?
155
00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:37,962
So, I don't remember
how I met Nick.
156
00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:40,008
What?
157
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:41,401
I was super drunk,
158
00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:43,751
and I don't remember anything
from that night.
159
00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:44,926
But I guess I met him
160
00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:47,102
at some bar,
and he gave me his number.
161
00:06:47,145 --> 00:06:49,496
Wait, so you texted him, even
though you didn't remember him?
162
00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:51,715
Not exactly.
163
00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:54,109
Later that week,
I was with my bestie, Ben...
164
00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:57,286
Who am I going home
with tonight?
165
00:06:57,329 --> 00:06:58,983
Ooh.
166
00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:00,942
1-800-Waiter.Yes.
167
00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:03,248
Excuse me. Hi.
168
00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:07,905
Uh, could I have the... you?
169
00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:10,299
I get off at 10:00.
170
00:07:10,342 --> 00:07:12,170
Guess who's getting off
at 10:15.
171
00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:14,651
[chuckles]
172
00:07:14,695 --> 00:07:17,393
Wait, but if you leave me,
what am I gonna do?
173
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:20,657
Aren't you still dating that
super tall, blond dentist dude?
174
00:07:20,701 --> 00:07:22,485
What's his name? Nick?
175
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:25,967
Nick. Yeah, no, we're not
dating, we're just hooking up.
176
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:29,536
He is so hot but so dumb.
177
00:07:29,579 --> 00:07:33,757
But since you're ditching me,
I guess I will text him.
178
00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:35,542
"U up?"
179
00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,195
I love how that's all it takes.
180
00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:39,633
Like, why would anyone
not date men?
181
00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:41,243
[murmurs]
182
00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:45,247
Wait, so Nick used to be
a super tall, blond dentist?
183
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:48,076
No. That's the whole point.
184
00:07:48,119 --> 00:07:50,208
I didn't remember meeting Nick,
so I didn't realize
185
00:07:50,252 --> 00:07:52,559
that I had two Nicks
in my phone.
186
00:07:52,602 --> 00:07:57,172
Oh, my God! So you booty-called
the wrong Nick.
187
00:07:58,216 --> 00:07:59,914
Exactly.
188
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:01,611
Okay, so what happened next?
189
00:08:01,655 --> 00:08:03,570
Hey, Nick. Where are you?
190
00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:05,833
I just got here.
I don't see you.
191
00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:08,183
I'm sitting at a table.
192
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:10,359
Where?
193
00:08:10,402 --> 00:08:11,882
Hey.
Hi?
194
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:15,016
Nick?Yeah.
195
00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:15,843
From the other night.
196
00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:17,497
Nick from the other night.
197
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:19,673
I remember you.
[chuckles]
198
00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:21,109
Yeah.
199
00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:23,154
Uh, which is why I texted you.
200
00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:25,113
Obviously.
201
00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:26,549
Well, I remember, too.
202
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,856
Which is why I showed up.
203
00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,248
Obviously.
204
00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:31,380
Yeah.
Here...
205
00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:34,165
Yeah, thank you.
206
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:35,253
Wow. Uh...
207
00:08:35,297 --> 00:08:36,646
Are these flowers for me?
208
00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:37,865
These? Yeah.
209
00:08:37,908 --> 00:08:40,041
You know, who else
would they be for?
210
00:08:40,084 --> 00:08:42,826
"For my Poopkins."
211
00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:45,568
Poopkins?
212
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:47,570
Yeah, I just...
213
00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:51,443
you just looked like a Poopkins,
so I, I took a swing.
214
00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:53,228
It-it was, it was stupid.
215
00:08:53,271 --> 00:08:55,578
No, it-it's sweet.
216
00:08:55,622 --> 00:09:00,235
This whole thing
is surprisingly sweet.
217
00:09:00,278 --> 00:09:01,845
[laughs softly]
218
00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:04,761
Oh, my God, I love this story!
219
00:09:04,805 --> 00:09:06,937
[laughs]
220
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:10,462
It's not funny, Shannon.
221
00:09:10,506 --> 00:09:11,812
Wait, wait, wait. Wait.
So what do you do
222
00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:13,161
when people ask
how you guys met?
223
00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:14,945
Oh, my God, what's that?What?
224
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:17,165
That's what I do.
225
00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:19,733
I love that the night
you guys met was so romantic
226
00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:23,127
that he named you Poopkins,
and you don't even remember.
227
00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:24,389
Ha!
228
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,089
What am I gonna do?
229
00:09:28,132 --> 00:09:31,658
Tomorrow night I have to give
a speech about how we met,
230
00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:33,877
and if Nick finds out
that I don't remember,
231
00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:35,096
it'll break his heart.
232
00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:38,926
Hey, um, you always got
the other Nick.
233
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,234
What? Maybe he's up.
234
00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:54,028
Are you sure this is
the bar where I met Nick?
235
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:56,117
Tell me everything
that you remember.
236
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,598
Girl, I remember everything.
237
00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,425
Oh, thank God.
238
00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:02,166
I love you. Go.Okay.
239
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:06,040
There was a thunderstorm, so you
looked, like, all wet and sexy.
240
00:10:07,345 --> 00:10:09,521
And you saw Nick from across
the room. Your eyes met,
241
00:10:09,565 --> 00:10:11,132
and you turned
to me and you said
242
00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:14,701
[imitates Clem]: "That is
the man I'm going to marry."
243
00:10:14,744 --> 00:10:16,398
Oh, I did?
244
00:10:16,441 --> 00:10:19,140
Mm-hmm. And as you guys walked
toward each other,
245
00:10:19,183 --> 00:10:21,925
it was as if everyone else
in the bar disappeared.
246
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:23,318
And then you said
247
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:25,146
the most romantic thing.
248
00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:26,234
What did I say?
249
00:10:26,277 --> 00:10:30,238
You said, "I'm just a girl,
250
00:10:30,281 --> 00:10:35,069
standing in front of a boy,
asking him to love her."
251
00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:39,987
That's from Notting Hill.
252
00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:42,511
I know. I love
that movie.
253
00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:46,384
If you don't remember
how I met Nick,
254
00:10:46,428 --> 00:10:47,734
why did you say
that you did?
255
00:10:47,777 --> 00:10:50,171
Because, ever since
you met Nicky,
256
00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:51,781
you're all in
love and boring,
257
00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:54,697
and I really miss day
drinking with you.
258
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:03,097
Mmm, Rose.
259
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:05,316
These little fried cheese
puffs are the bomb.
260
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:06,578
How did you make these?
261
00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:08,450
They're Cheetos, Walt.
262
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:12,236
They're Shannon's.
263
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,195
Well, she's got
terrific taste.
264
00:11:14,238 --> 00:11:17,328
Oh, look who
just walked in.
265
00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:19,243
Joe.
Oh, no.
266
00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:21,115
It's the competition.
267
00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:24,901
Laugh it up.
You'll see.
268
00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:26,076
Walt.
Joe!
269
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,296
God, it's good
to see you, Walt,
270
00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:30,080
I feel like
it's been forever.
Hello, Joe.
271
00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:31,429
How you doing, Rose?
272
00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:36,391
Congratulations on
your boy getting married
273
00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:37,653
and-- o-oh,
there he is.
274
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,220
Got to give
that kid a hug.
275
00:11:39,263 --> 00:11:41,309
Yeah. [chuckles]
Wow, Rose.
276
00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:44,399
That was some red-hot
knuckle-on-knuckle action.
277
00:11:48,664 --> 00:11:50,622
Hey, Shannon.
278
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,102
Hey, Evan.
279
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:55,279
Did you notice I've
been ignoring you?
280
00:11:56,498 --> 00:11:58,979
No, but, um...
281
00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:00,241
keep doing it.
282
00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:03,810
So you don't remember
how you met.
283
00:12:03,853 --> 00:12:05,289
Just go out there
and talk about
284
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:06,638
something else
in your speech.
285
00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:09,163
Do that polygamy joke
I wrote for you...
286
00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:11,208
It's not just about
287
00:12:11,252 --> 00:12:12,340
the speech, Ben.
288
00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:13,689
I have to tell Nick the truth.
289
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:16,126
I mean... do you think
that he'll understand?
290
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:18,041
Of course he'll understand;
he loves you.
291
00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:20,435
Or he'll dump your ass,
and you're back to being
292
00:12:20,478 --> 00:12:23,133
my hot mess bestie.
It's a win-win, you know?
293
00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:26,180
My dad's running low
on Cheetos.
294
00:12:26,223 --> 00:12:28,008
Oh, hey, Ben.
I didn't see you come in.
295
00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:29,574
I've been hiding
out in the kitchen.
296
00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:32,752
I'm pretty sure I had sex
with one of your cousins.
297
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:35,058
I don't have a gay cousin.
298
00:12:35,102 --> 00:12:37,234
Oh, honey.
299
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:40,237
So, Nick, I
was thinking,
300
00:12:40,281 --> 00:12:43,588
what if I didn't tell
the story of how we met?
301
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,155
Babe, come on.
Everyone wants to hear.
302
00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:46,983
I know, it's just--
303
00:12:47,027 --> 00:12:49,203
it's... it's so good.
304
00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:51,205
[laughs]
And it might make
305
00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:53,294
people feel bad about
their relationships,
306
00:12:53,337 --> 00:12:56,427
and... that's not what
this night is about.
307
00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:58,212
Clem, what's going on?
308
00:12:58,255 --> 00:13:00,214
I don't remember
how we met.
309
00:13:00,257 --> 00:13:02,259
[loud crunching]
310
00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:09,353
I'll take these to Daddy.
311
00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:16,273
You don't remember
how we met?
I was hammered.
312
00:13:16,317 --> 00:13:18,101
And I should have told you
but I didn't tell you
313
00:13:18,145 --> 00:13:20,147
and then I waited
too long and then
314
00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:21,365
I couldn't tell you.
315
00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:23,977
I'm sure it was some
super romantic story,
316
00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:25,500
but I don't
remember any of it.
317
00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:26,806
I'm sorry.
318
00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:29,765
I don't remember
how we met either.
319
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,332
What?
320
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:33,029
I was completely
wasted, too.
321
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:34,335
But you never
get wasted.
322
00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:36,598
I had two drinks and...
323
00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:39,427
I was taking antibiotics
for my eye infection, so...
324
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:42,517
Oh, my God, this
is such a relief.
[laughs]
325
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,127
[sighs]
[chuckles]
326
00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:46,260
Wait, hang on.
327
00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:47,217
Quick question.
328
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:48,610
If you don't
remember meeting me,
329
00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:51,352
then why did you rush to
see me when I texted you?
330
00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:54,616
And bring me flowers?
331
00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:58,185
'Cause I'm
a big ol' cutie.
332
00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:01,884
No. No, no,
no, no, no, no.
333
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:03,407
They were for
a "Poopkins."
334
00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:05,627
Who the hell
is Poopkins?
335
00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:08,325
Poopkins...
336
00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:11,763
was Kristen.Your ex-girlfriend?
337
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:13,113
We had just broken up
338
00:14:13,156 --> 00:14:15,942
and I deleted her
number from my phone.
[scoffs]
339
00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:17,900
So, when you texted,
I thought it was Kristen
340
00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:19,859
trying to get back together.
341
00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:21,512
Wow.
342
00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:22,818
"Wow"?
343
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,776
Go wow yourself,
because if you don't remember
344
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:27,257
meeting me, why'd you text,
"U up?"
345
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,481
'Cause... I'ma big ol' cutie?
346
00:14:33,524 --> 00:14:35,178
No-no, no-no,
347
00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:36,658
no-no-no-no-no,
you thought
348
00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:38,268
you were meeting
someone different, too.
349
00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:39,313
Who was it?
350
00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:40,662
Fine, it was a different Nick.
351
00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:41,793
Which Nick?
352
00:14:41,837 --> 00:14:44,274
This dentist that I used
to hook up with.
353
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:47,669
You were texting
your booty call Nick?
354
00:14:47,712 --> 00:14:48,975
Booty Call Nick?
355
00:14:50,367 --> 00:14:51,586
Unbelievable.
356
00:14:51,629 --> 00:14:53,457
What's unbelievable
is that you were trying
357
00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:55,895
to get back together with
a woman that you loved.
358
00:14:55,938 --> 00:14:56,939
Well, at least I wasn't
trying to bone
359
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:58,898
any random Nick
in my phone!
360
00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:04,686
WALT:
It's time to play
The Nearly-Wed Game!
361
00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:06,470
Clem and Nick, come on down!
362
00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:18,700
Okay, everyone, Nick and
Clem are getting married!
363
00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:20,745
But how well do they know
each other?
364
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:22,791
Not as well
as we thought we did.
365
00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:24,184
[both laugh]
366
00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:25,837
I'll do the jokes here.
367
00:15:25,881 --> 00:15:27,535
All right.
368
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:28,753
Here's how it works.
369
00:15:28,797 --> 00:15:30,320
I'll ask one of you a question,
370
00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:33,106
and then the other
will write down what you think
371
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:34,237
your fiancé will say.
372
00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:35,325
All right.
373
00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:36,544
Question number one:
374
00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:39,373
Nick, what is
the silliest nickname
375
00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:40,983
you've ever called Clem?
376
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:42,985
Are you ready?
377
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:44,204
Nick, what do you say?
378
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:47,076
Uh, I'm gonna
say "Big Toe."
379
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,470
Because her pinky toe
looks like a thumb.
380
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,647
Clem, what you got?
381
00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:56,346
"Poopkins."
382
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:58,131
[imitates buzzer]
Sorry, 0 for 1.
383
00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:00,960
All right, next question.
384
00:16:01,003 --> 00:16:04,876
Clem, what would Nick say
was the best vacation
385
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,269
you guys ever took?
386
00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:08,968
Nick, to your board.
All right, Clem.
387
00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:11,753
Best vacation,
what's your answer?
388
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:15,670
I don't know,
some Airbnb in Bridgeport.
389
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:18,542
Well, it's not Paris,
but you guys are still young.
390
00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:19,891
Nick!
391
00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:21,763
Show me Bridgeport!
392
00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:25,549
"Ask her about
Booty Call Nick."
393
00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:31,120
Okay, um...
[chuckles]
394
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:32,339
I think I'm done
with this game.
395
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:34,863
No-no, no-no.
We are not done here.
396
00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:36,299
Whoa, son, son.
397
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:37,866
What's going on?
Are you guys okay?
398
00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:40,390
I just always
thought we were...
399
00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:41,870
like one of those great
couples from the movies
400
00:16:41,913 --> 00:16:43,350
who were destined
to be together.
401
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:46,657
Turns out, we're not.
402
00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:48,790
ROSE:
But...
403
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,444
Uh...All right, give me the mic.
404
00:16:50,487 --> 00:16:51,662
I'm making the speech.
405
00:16:51,706 --> 00:16:54,013
Uh, do I need to warn
the church people?
406
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,059
Hello, old people.
407
00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:00,497
I'm Clem's sister, Shannon.
408
00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:02,499
Oh, God. What is she doing?
409
00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:04,849
See, Clem was supposed
to give a speech tonight
410
00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:06,155
about how her and Nick met.
411
00:17:06,199 --> 00:17:07,461
But the problem is,
412
00:17:07,504 --> 00:17:08,940
she doesn't remember anything
about that night
413
00:17:08,984 --> 00:17:10,290
because she was a drunk mess.
414
00:17:12,074 --> 00:17:13,380
Because she used to be fun.
415
00:17:13,423 --> 00:17:15,991
I'll drink to that.
416
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,993
And Nick here doesn't remember
anything either
417
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,039
because he's a little baby
who can't handle
418
00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:21,910
a Z-Pak and a Chardonnay.
419
00:17:23,564 --> 00:17:25,827
And that could have been
the end of the story, but no.
420
00:17:25,870 --> 00:17:27,002
[scoffs]
421
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,699
Destiny brought them
back together.
422
00:17:28,743 --> 00:17:30,745
Come on, guys, seriously,
think about it.
423
00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:32,877
Think about all the stars
that had to align
424
00:17:32,921 --> 00:17:34,183
to make this happen.
425
00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:36,707
Nick had to have been
pathetically obsessing
426
00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:38,579
over his ex and Clem had to have
427
00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:40,537
accidentally texted
the wrong guy
428
00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:42,409
because she was horny
for man meat-- it's beautiful.
429
00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:46,282
It's beautiful.
430
00:17:46,326 --> 00:17:48,110
You two are exactly
like those lame couples
431
00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:49,981
in those stupid rom-coms
you love.
432
00:17:50,025 --> 00:17:52,027
Dude, it's such a cliché.
The gay best friend.
433
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:55,900
The cynical sister
who makes the dope speech
434
00:17:55,944 --> 00:17:57,772
that brings the couple
back together.
435
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:01,167
Here's to Nick and Clem...
436
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:03,038
who made me believe in destiny.
437
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:05,997
Blech.
438
00:18:07,956 --> 00:18:09,436
See?
439
00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:10,785
We weremeant to be.
440
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:12,047
I know.
441
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,701
We're just a pair
of big ol' cuties.
442
00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:15,006
[chuckles]
443
00:18:16,225 --> 00:18:17,618
You're welcome.
444
00:18:22,013 --> 00:18:23,145
Rose.
445
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:25,191
Joe.
I got to tell you
446
00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:27,584
that what the kids
said really got to me.
447
00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,760
Oh.
You are my destiny.
448
00:18:29,804 --> 00:18:30,979
And I've always
loved you.
449
00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:32,546
Can you say
that to Walt?
450
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:36,202
No. No. Oh, no.What...
451
00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:41,903
Well, can you text me?
So I can have proof.
452
00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:46,821
I heard your speech.
453
00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:49,432
You know, in every rom-com,
the cynical girl
454
00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:51,652
always winds up
with the lovable loser.
455
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:53,436
That's me.
456
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,047
Yeah, I don't think so, kid.
457
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:58,789
Oh, but, um, come here.
458
00:18:58,833 --> 00:19:01,009
If you steal me
a couple beers,
459
00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:02,706
I'll let you get
to zero base.
460
00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:04,752
What's zero base?
461
00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:06,493
It's where nothing happens,
462
00:19:06,536 --> 00:19:08,756
but you get to watch me
drink beers.
463
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:10,236
Sold!
464
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:20,202
They're so cute.
465
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:21,682
We're gonna be
like them some day.
466
00:19:21,725 --> 00:19:22,770
I hope so.
467
00:19:22,813 --> 00:19:24,989
You know, at least
we'll never forget
468
00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:26,817
the night
that we met because...
469
00:19:26,861 --> 00:19:28,906
we don't remember it.
470
00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:32,083
Well, if it was anything
like our relationship,
471
00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:34,695
it was probably the most
magical night of all time.
472
00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:38,133
Yo, dude.
473
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,787
My girlfriend broke up
with me tonight.
474
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:41,919
[laughs] I don't care.
475
00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:44,922
I don't.
476
00:19:44,966 --> 00:19:47,273
I am totally over it.
477
00:19:47,316 --> 00:19:50,232
I am... moving on.
478
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:51,973
Good for you.
479
00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:54,062
I even deleted
her phone number.
480
00:19:54,105 --> 00:19:58,588
[voice breaking]: So I can
never call Poopkins again.
481
00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:00,460
Let's go.
482
00:20:02,026 --> 00:20:03,637
[gasps]
483
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,770
The drink fairy left me a drink.
484
00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:08,859
Hey, that's mine.
485
00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:10,339
Whoa-- Oh, you're hot.
486
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:12,559
I mean, it's
hot... in here.
487
00:20:12,602 --> 00:20:14,038
And you're hot.
488
00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:16,215
I'm so sweaty.
489
00:20:16,258 --> 00:20:19,783
Oh, my God.
Are you crying?
No.
490
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,263
I have an eye infection.
491
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:22,699
Can I have your number?
492
00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:27,182
Why don't... you give me yours?
493
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,836
Okay.
494
00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:31,404
There you go.
495
00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:32,492
Call me.
496
00:20:32,535 --> 00:20:35,712
Nick.
Hey, that's me.
497
00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:39,455
Okay, bye.
498
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,242
Take that, Poopkins.
499
00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:46,245
You gonna call
that dude?
[scoffs]
500
00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:48,290
The crying one?
[laughs]
501
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:51,119
I'm never gonna see
that guy ever again.
502
00:20:51,162 --> 00:20:53,034
[yelps]
503
00:20:53,077 --> 00:20:55,602
It must have been
the greatest night ever.
504
00:20:55,645 --> 00:20:57,256
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
505
00:20:57,299 --> 00:20:58,909
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
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