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(calm music)

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- [Roy] In a man's
heart and in his dreams,

there is and always
has been the woods.

The wild, the untamed.

It is here away from the noise

and the never ending ticking
down of the clock of his life

that he discovers himself,

his destiny and whether or
not he has what it takes

to be a man at all.

(bouncy kazoo music)

Then again, a man can discover
much from a pair of slippers,

a good cup of coffee and five
minutes of peace and quiet

in the morning.

And so describes the rhythm
rhyme and oh so rare harmony

of the middle-aged
dad in middle America.

Life in suburbia is an
underrated adventure,

even with the very
predictable daily routine.

Not only can I
pretty much predict

what I'm getting into
from dawn to dusk,

I'd rather count on it.

(Danielle sighs)

- Have you seen the
other straightener?

- We have more than
one hair straightener?

- I called first this morning
and Kirsten took it again.

- [Roy] I don't know
what to tell you.

- [Danielle] Mom!

- [Roy] Morning's around
here are predictable

even comfortable choreography.

There's always a
hair issue by 06:30,

a shoe crisis follow soon after.

- Did you take my other boot?

- Why would I take your boot?

(Kirsten sighs)

- [Roy] Lunch money.

- Hi daddy, what you doing?

- What do you need?

- Can I buy today?

- Come on, we just bought a
fridge full of lunch fixings.

- I don't have time.
- Don't have time.

- Mom doesn't have any cash
and she says to ask you

also, would you
make her a latte?

- You know what,
it's waiting for her.

But could you microwave it?

You know she hates it cold

and here, try to buy something
organic for her, okay?

- It's pizza day.

- Buss is coming.
- Sure it's a routine,

but it's out of routine.

Insane as every morning may
appear from the outside,

kisses for dad, please,

I can predict down to
the second how it will go

as it leads into the rest
of a pretty predictable day.

- Microwave my latte?

- You heard that?

I have a glorious
day, loves of my life.

And you know what?

I like that.

(eerie music)

- Dad?

- [Roy] Then came that November
morning when it all changed.

(upbeat music)

- Look on the bright side,

at least it didn't rain.

(thunder claps)

Have fun.

(shoes squeak)

- [Roy] This is my
work, I edit books.

Please note that I did not
say I like to edit the books.

Sadly for me, I just happened
to be pretty good at it

and I can't seem to ever finish
any of my own masterpieces.

So here we are.

- And he's running for his life

through the streets of London
with the nuclear codes.

- Eh, eh, and the location
of the dirty bomb,

the ticking clock of
course, as that he knows

that the next terrorist
attack is at midnight.

- And he's an interior designer.

- It's the perfect cover.

- Who would believe an
interior designer in Chelsea

is a sleeper agent
and a Navy seal?

- You know, not me.

- Precisely, most men
don't know the difference

between the duvet
cover and a throw rug.

(everyone laughs)

- So funny.

Fist bump, bam, that's it.

Best seller list, boom.

- Boom indeed.

- Well, it has to be the
worst pitch I have ever heard.

- Uh-huh, sit.

- Uh-oh.

- Do you like your job, Roy?

- Carla, please, I've been
with you since you started

this little print shop.

- You were making fun
of the authors in there.

- Well that was terrible, Carla.

- They're the
authors, Roy, not us.

When am I gonna see your book?

- Oh, you know, any day now.

- You know, when I hired you,

this was gonna be
a training stop.

- Yeah, well then came
three kids in the mortgage.

- Steinback had
kids and a mortgage.

Do we need to explore
this any further?

- Nope.

- Good.

You owe me three manuscripts.

Get back to work.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Roy, finish your book.

It's amazing what just
finishing something does

for our spirit.

- Yeah, you know, maybe next
year when I finish cleaning

the toilet paper
out of my trees.

- [Brody] Hey.

- Dude, you rock me.

That was the TP job in history.

- [Chad] Message sent.

- How come you guys didn't come?

- [Chad] Dude, I was
just playing X-Box.

I just forgot.

- I think she knows it was me.

- That was the point, dude.

Listen, man, take it from me.

Chick's respond to strength.

- [Brody] But if she
tells her dad it was me...

- Look, she's the one
that threw you over

for that dork who's taking
her to the winter dance.

- I thought 8th graders
couldn't go to the winter dance.

- We can.

She's going with a 9th grader.

- Who doesn't even live
in this neighborhood.

- Well, why don't
we just TP his yard?

- 'Cause he'd beat
us into Hamburger.

- No Chad, is exactly
what you said,

we're sending a message.

- What message is that?

- She should have said no.

- I don't think she got
that message, Sadler.

- Well then it's time
to take it up a notch.

You want this chick or not, man?

(Roy grunts)

- I'm taking your car.
- Yeah.

- Minivan's making
that noise again.

We are way overdue for service.

Whoa, that's gotta
be 30 rolls, easy.

- 34, must have gone to Costco.

So are you sure this
is directed at Ashley?

- Oh no doubt.

It's kind of an honor, you know?

- Yeah, getting all warm and
fuzzy just thinking about it.

- You never TP'd a girl?

- I was pretty cutting edge.

I went candy and flowers
and occasionally miss card.

Do we know who so smitten
with our daughter?

- She says she doesn't know.

I don't believe her.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Taking the twins to
dance, picking them up,

taking them over
to play practice,

I'm going to a chick
flick with Linda,

but Diane I'll bring them home.

Make sure Kirsten
does her grammar

and Danielle has
to practice piano

and Ashley's gotta
wash your hair tonight

and please don't order pizza.

I have a lot of really
healthy stuff in the freezer.

Thanks for doing this.

See ya.
- Yeah.

Living the dream, babe.

Living the dream.

(sad music)

(door clicks)

Hey sweetie.

- Hey dad.

(water trickles)

Why are boys so
mature at this age?

Where you?

- Well, I mean I wanna say no,

but I probably was.

Sorry you had such a tough day.

- Well it wasn't
a total disaster.

I get asked to be the color
guard for the homecoming game.

- Really?

That's great.

- It's totally cool
and if I do good,

they may ask me back
for competition.

- Well I am gonna video
every second of that, baby.

I'm so proud of you, come here.

That's great.

Do me a favor,

stop growing up.

- I'm sorry about the yard, dad.

- Well, if I catch
whoever did it,

he'll be sorry.

Oh man.

(upbeat music)

(Roy grunts)

Really?

- Come on Roy, you got
one more, one more.

- I really don't.

- Come on, you gotta
do it, you gotta try.

One more, one more, come on.

- Jerry, take it!

- Man, you are never
gonna get off that plateau

unless you can
take it to failure.

- What do you call that?

- So, the whole yard.

- Oh yeah, yeah.

There was like an
aircraft carriers

worth of toilet paper out there.

- What are you planning
on doing about it?

- What do you mean?

- Exactly what I said,

what are you gonna do about?

- Come on, it's just
some sick little twerp

pledging is twisted sick
little love from my daughter.

- Oh it's a whole lot
more than that, bucko,

your castle's been violent

and I think this is stalking.

- Oh, come on Jerry.

- I mean, I think if you ask me,

it's time you get
your shotgun down.

- I don't have a shotgun.

- What?

You don't have a shotgun?

Three beautiful daughters and
you don't have any firepower?

What kind of man are you?

- Jerry, we live in
the suburbs, remember?

- Just saying you
need a shotgun.

- [Roy] How you doing, Charlie?

- Divorces is
horrible, that's how.

How about you?

- I'm fine I guess.

Considering I'd rather be doing

pretty much anything else
on this earth for a living.

- Well, I'm doing great.

How are you doing, darling?

- You still got it, Jerry.

- [Roy] And all settled
back into our routine.

I'd almost forgotten
about this punk kid

stalking my first
born princess when...

(phone rings)

Hey honey, what's up?

- Are you in front
of your computer?

- No, I'm on the runway
in my stealth fighter.

Yes, I'm in front
of my computer.

- I just sent you
an email, open it.

- Okay.

- [Jolie] Click on the link.

(triumphant music)

- Oh no.

- Oh yeah, oh yeah,
it's everywhere.

And look at all the comments.

This is a disaster, Roy.

I'm calling the cops.

- Wow, you know the writing's
actually quite good.

- Roy?

- Yeah, I mean it's
bad, it's really bad,

but I mean, it's not, you know,

it could have been a lot worse.

It's not like, you know, awful.

It's actually kind of sweet
in a twisted kind of way.

- It's called harassment.

(door knocks)

- Nash, honey.

- [Ashley] I don't
wanna talk to anyone.

- Come on, it's just me.

- [Ashley] The
twins laughed at me.

- [Roy] They're
at play practice.

- With mom?
- Yeah, it's just us.

(door clicks)

(sad music)

- My life is over dad.

Did you see it?

- Yeah, yeah.

We got it pulled down.

- Yeah, until he puts
up the next installment.

- Who's doing this, Ash?

- Brody Jenkins.

- Who's Brody Jenkins?

- Hello, we went out
in the 5th grade.

- Went out?

You never even been on a date.

- It's an expression.

Why would he do this, dad?

What could he
possibly hope to gain?

- Well you know, I did
some just like this

when I was his age.

- What?

(upbeat music)

- Yeah, I was a new kid in
school in the 8th grade.

Pizza phase, awkward,
not a friend anywhere,

except my best pal, Eddie,

who couldn't do a thing
about the daily but whooping

I'd get everyday.

I was desperate to get noticed

and I knew it wouldn't be
from my dashing good looks

or athletic prowess.

So I pick the coolest
couple in school

and started writing a
serial soap opera about them

with artwork.

Them, teachers, the principal
with a 60 inch waistline

and it got popular.

(kids laugh)

And what do you
suppose happened?

A teacher caught me
passing pages in class.

(kids laugh)

So five licks with a paddle
from the big bellied principle

and a little Roy gets
suspended from school.

- You suspended from school?

- Yeah, what do you supposed
to happen after that?

- You were completely
humiliated and moved to Africa.

- Uh, uh, uh, I was
James' flipping Dean.

I was the coolest little
rebel in school, the writer.

- [Ashley] What about
the cool couple?

- That got even cooler,
I made them stars.

- Are you saying Brody
Jenkins made me a star?

- Look, I read the story and
it was pretty good actually.

It's better than the
half the books I edit.

Maybe we should give him a deal.

- I will so kill you if you do.

- Honey, if it had
been anything ugly,

I'd be in his living
room right now.

This thing will pass.

I grew up, I promise.

We all do.

Come here.

Hey.
- Hey.

- Thank you.

(calm music)

Is this Brody kid

someone whose dad died
a couple of years ago?

- Yeah.

- Do you know them?

- Not really, but this
kid is out of control.

He's been hanging out with
those other two losers.

- How do you know this?

- Mom's know everything.

- Jerry says I
should get a shotgun.

- I think you should have
a little man to man talk

with this kid.

- And say what?

What, stay away
from my daughter?

- Yes, this is a dad job.

Don't you think?

- Why don't you do it?

I think he'd be
more scared of you.

Okay.

Can it wait till the
weekend, I mean please?

I've never threatened
threatening kid before.

I need to study up on it.

(upbeat music)

(soda's spritz)

- So boys,

nicked them from my moms purse.

Go for it.

- No.

- [Sadler] Why not?

- I just don't, do you?

- If you like it,

but we don't wanna
apply peer pressure.

- I just don't but
you can, it's cool.

- No, no, we're
good, we're good.

Some other time maybe,

but so Tenderfoot,

me and Chad been talking,

you're almost in, but
the stakes have gone up,

right, Chad?

- Oh yeah.

- Ready Jenkins, it's
time for you to go big.

(announcer mumbles)

- Excuse me, excuse me,

Here you go guys.

All right.

- Look, there she is, Roy.

- I'm so nervous.

- You'll do great,
just to watch me.

- Thank you.

(audience cheers)

- Dad, were you in
the marching band.

- No baby, daddy
played football.

- You played football?

- Yes, I played football.

Most of the time, wrestle
teams when we were winning

by like 100 points.

- You dad was a
fine athlete, girls.

- How do you know?

- He told me.

- [Announcer] Marching
band and honor guard.

- [Kirsten] I wanna be a
cheerleader just like mommy.

- Really?

Your mom was the best
cheerleader in her high school.

- How do you know?

- She told me.
- She told me.

Shh, shh, they're
about to start.

(upbeat music)

(audience cheers)

- It's him again.

- [Announcer] We need security.

- Running in his underwear.

- Are you kidding me?

- What are you doing?

(intense marching music)

(audience cheers)

- [Announcer] We
need the sheriff.

We need the sheriff.

- Why are you doing this to me?

- Now will you do something?

(car door slams)

(door knocks)

- Mrs. Jenkins?

I'm Roy Roper.

Is Brody here?

- Here's some coffee.

- [Roy] Thank you.

- You didn't have to get up.

- You have a nice home.

- Thanks, I wish
we could keep it.

- So Brody isn't here then?

- No, sorry.

- Is he in jail?
- No, no.

He ought to be.

He's out.

Out of jail, never thought
I'd say those words

about my own kid.

I was working last
night when they called.

So I left my shift,

went to get him, woke up
this morning, he's gone.

It's not unusual these days.

I'm so sorry, Mr. Romper.

What can I do to make it
up to your sweet girl?

- It's Roy and
it's not up to you

to make anything up her.

- I'm losing him, Roy.

We came here because this is
such a family neighborhood.

But now working
doubles, weekends.

I've got his brother and
sister both in daycare.

We're still not making it.

It's like there's not
enough of me to go around.

- I'm sorry about your husband.

(sad music)

- Two years,

five months,

three days.

Sure I could give you
the hours if you want.

- I'm sorry Karen, I really am.

- I'm all alone.

I don't know how much
longer I can hang on.

I got a pretty good idea how
the story's gonna turn out.

I'm sorry.

Buck up.

Stan never let me
feel sorry for myself.

Why start now?

- It's okay.

- No, it's not okay,

but I will make it up to Ashley.

Hey, why don't I start
with a gift card?

What's her favorite store?

- Karen, no, she doesn't
need any more gift cards.

You can get me one if you want.

Sorry, it it's joke.

I didn't know any of this
and I never met your husband.

I'm sorry about that.

- You would have like
Stan, everybody did.

Well he would have
dealt with this.

Well actually no.

It never would've happened.

Don't feel sorry for me.

I'm not weak, I can work.

We'll make it.

But what do I know
about being a man?

How could I know?

How can anybody expect
me to teach him?

Is it too late?

(lively music)

- Whoa, streak the game?

- Snatched your daughters flag

right there in front of
the homecoming crowd,

a mile football field?

I hope you kick the
living brown out of him.

- Well, no, not exactly.

- No?

What's matter was you, Roy?

I mean that little punk
needs an attitude adjustment,

I mean like right now.

- It's not quite that simple.

- Not that simple?

Look, some little twit
messages with my daughter

and bammo, it's go time.

I'm talking to double
dose of Rocky and Balboa.

- Jerry, shut up.

He's still telling the story.

- You mean there's more?
- Yes.

So I go to his
house this morning.

- Oh good, now we're talking.

- It turns out that
the kid's dad died

a couple years back.

- I ain't talking
about Stan Jenkins kid?

- Stan Jenkins died?
- Yup.

- Two years ago.

He just dropped dead right
there in his front yard.

You know, I coached
that little worm

in little guy football.

Look we're all men here, right?

I mean, I give him
the pass on the TP,

but running around
little tighty whities

grabbing your daughter's flag
in front of God and everybody,

I mean, even Stan would agree,

that deserves a kick in the...

- As I was saying,

his mom asked for my help.

- With what?

- To teach him, you know
how to become a man.

(Jerry chuckles)

Is that funny to you?

- I mean, you know.

- No, I don't know.

- Bro, Roy Roper's house
is a house full of women.

I mean you're drowning
in a sea of estrogen.

- He's got a male dog.

- Fixed.

- Fine them captain
macho, you do it.

- No, no, no, no.

Hey look, don't start
putting this off of me.

I didn't have kids by choice.

That's just not my problem.

The question is what are
you gonna do about it?

- That's why I
called this meeting.

- So don't look at me.

My kids don't even
live with me anymore.

They barely talk to me when
they come home for visit

on the weekend.

You use me as an example
of what not to be.

- Roy, you're over
thinking this thing.

It's really simple, you
know what I would do?

I'd take the kid down
there to the sand pit,

I'd make him do a
thousand push-ups

while I sprayed him
with a fire hose.

And if he tried
to get out, bshh,

I hit him with a taser
gun, that's what I'd do.

- You know, it's amazing
people don't want you

to coach anymore.

Jerry, you can't
raise a kid like that.

- You start giving me
that inner child garbage.

All the kid needs
to know is the rules

and when he steps outside
the rules, dirty and hairy.

- [Charlie] I miss the school
of hard knocks lecture?

- Okay guys, you're right, help.

I mean, all I've got is girls.

So what do I do?

- Well, how'd your
dad teach you?

- He didn't.

He died to be about
the same age as Stan.

- I didn't know that.

Wow, Roy, I'm sorry.

- You know, it's
not a big deal now.

It was like 30
something years ago.

- It is a big deal, Roy.

- Roy look, you're
a stand up guy.

Okay, trying to do
the right thing,

but this isn't your problem.

You got a daughter to protect.

What you need to do, you
need to go over there

and tell that kid's
mother to suck it up.

Tell her to send the kid
in the military school

like my dad did me.

- [Roy] And I think the
results speak for themselves.

I don't know, Roy.

How do you teach
a kid to be a man?

- [Roy] Turns out there's plenty
of stuff on becoming a man

out there but I'm not
so sure it matches up

to our present reality
here in Oak Point.

For instance, here's
a ritual in Ethiopia

where a boy has to
run across the backs

of a dozen angry
and hungry bulls

as his initiation.

Can't really see the
homeowners association

getting behind that.

Then there's a tribe
in South America

where the boy crosses
over by sticking his hands

in gloves filled with hundreds
of bullet ants who sting.

It's 20 time more
powerful than a red wasp

or of course the one in
Brazil who gives initiate

the choice with frog poison.

Drink it or inject
into the eyes.

That sounds like
jail time for sure.

Oh, here's one, the
Pentecost island bungee jump.

Of course they use vines

and don't use a precise length.

So the initiate's nose
touches the ground

unless of course the vine breaks

and I'll say his nose
touches the ground.

- My best one yet.

It's got spinach and kale in
it, but you can't taste them.

What have we got?

- I'm leaning towards the
Aboriginal circumcision right,

which includes the introduction
of a removable splinter.

- Like it, there
needs to be pain.

- You know, there's about 1000
books on recovery manhood.

We've published a
dozen ourselves.

I edited two of them.

- Well what they say?

- Nothing memorable obviously.

- Giving him a book isn't
gonna change anything, honey.

- Maybe Jerry's right.

Is this really my
problem, really?

The cops arrested him

and you know, he'll get
some sort of counseling.

This whole thing's
gonna blow over.

- Why don't you go upstairs and
tell Ashley that, super dad?

- Am I a disappointment to you?

- I'm disappointed

that you're disappointed.

Makes me think it's me.

- I always swore
that it wouldn't be

one of those
midlife crisis guys.

- Well that's a good thing.

We can't afford a Porsche.

- Yeah, but I wanted too.

Thought I'd be able to buy now.

- I think there's how we
think life is gonna be

and there's how it really is.

(calm music)

- Do you ever feel like
you missed something?

That you settled?

- Do you?

- No, not with you no,

but the rest of me, yeah, maybe.

There's just something
missing, Jolie.

I've got everything I
could ask for but inside,

a pathetic guy living
life of quiet desperation.

Guess this is a separate
conversation from a punk kid

terrorizing my daughter.

- Is is?

(paint lid pops)

- Jolie, would you clean
my paintbrushes, please?

(calm music)

I got it.

- Got what?

- Were' going
camping this weekend.

- Oh no we're not.

We're playing golf this
weekend at the Pines.

It took her three months
to get a weekend T-time

down there, Roy.

- Look, we go
golfing all the time.

I stink, Charlie sinks
and Jerry you stink too.

You just hit it farther

and I'm so sick
of playing poker.

- Hey look, I'll
bike, I'll hike,

I'll ski, you know what?

I'll paddle down a river.

I'll even do a zip
line, but I do not camp,

I do hotels.

I do nice hotels with a bar.

- Yeah right, we're
taking the kid.

- Yeah Roy, I got a lot
going on this weekend and...

- Yeah, like what?

- I uh...
- Yeah, that's what I thought.

So you're in.

- And just where is
this proposed back
to nature experience

that I will not be
participating in?

- There are 20
parks in this state.

- Yeah, I just heard too
many stories as a kid.

- Of what, deer, gophers?

- Try chainsaws
and hockey masks.

- [Roy] Oh come on.

- Well, what about that
couple that ran out of gas

and the boyfriend
never came back?

- Oh no, no, no, he
got out of the car

and some psycho killed him

and hung him up on top
of the roof like that.

- It was the Hook Man.

- Yeah, that's right.

And the girl was in
the car and all night,

she kept hearing that
scratching on top of the car.

She didn't even get out.

She just left the poor
sap up there to die.

- Come on, that's 10 different
versions of the store.

We're going camping this weekend

in a state park with
bathrooms and park Rangers

and nightlights if you want.

- And do what?

- We're gonna do some
male bonding or yeah.

- Because we're such
positive role models.

- Roy, you have a tent?

- My wife uses it for spray
painting, it's destroyed.

- Okay, well I
don't have a tent.

- Couldn't we at
least get a cabin?

- No, we are going outside.

- Oh, this is great.

We don't have a tent,
we don't have any gear.

We don't have a clue
what we're doing.

Oh yeah, this is gonna be a
fine introduction to manhood.

Why can't we just I don't know,

lift some weights
and grill a steak?

- Come on guys.

We've been friends
for what, 20 years?

But I've never asked
anything from either of you,

but what I helped move your
both three times at least.

I've lent you money, I've
even mowed your yards

when you're out of town.

Besides, what kind of men are we

if we can't go camping
in a state park?

- Okay, okay, fine.

One night.

But we're gonna need some gear.

- Gear?

Oh, I'll show you gear, daddy.

(lively music)

It's weird really,

but modern guys are the first
ones in history to mostly

not go through some sort of
initiation ritual into manhood.

All cultures throughout
history up to now

had something that
symbolized the transition.

It usually involves some
kind of test and wisdom

coming from the old
guys in the village

and always some pain.

We don't really do that anymore.

(ax bangs)

Feeling the hard ground
under our bare feet.

- [Jolie] You know, it's going
to be like 30 degrees, right?

- [Roy] So?

- Bare feet.

- Look, it's
figurative, you know?

Maybe he's right.

Maybe this is what's
missing with the girls.

We should start camping.

You know get out under
the stars as a family,

look at the stars and stuff.

No hair straighteners
or outfits or iPods.

We just need to get
our hands dirty.

- Might wanna baby
step this one.

- Yeah.

There's an access
road back here.

It's like 40 miles around.

- Uh-oh.
- No, hey, hey,

it's just a big looping trail.

It's like seven miles
as the crow flies.

Look, it's got the
best camping sites

'cause it follows the river.

- I don't think you wanna
be improvising, big boy.

- Hey, I got this.

Hey, how's my sweet pea?

- Fine, dad.

(sad music)

- How's the situation?

- Whatever, he's still
suspended from school.

- Well how are you really?

- Afraid to go out.

- I'm gonna deal
with this, okay?

- Whatever.

- Daddy's got this one, baby.

(upbeat music)

(door knocks)

- Go away.

(door bangs)

Leave me alone!

(door clicks)

- Get up, get dressed.

- Mom.

Mom!
- I said get dressed.

- Mr. Roper, Mr. Harris,

coach Baird?

- Oh yeah, Brody boy.

- Bring your boots, we're
going on a little hike.

- Mom!

(upbeat music)

♪ I was a kid just yesterday ♪

- Okay, I got the message.

Ha, ha, joke's over.

I learned my lesson,
I won't do it again.

- [Roy] Stop talking.

- This is illegal, dude.

This is kidnapping.

- Well, not when
your mom is in on it

and she is, dude.

Oh, by the way, she
made us cookies.

- Cookies?
- Uh-huh.

- Where are you taking me?

- We're just going on a little
camping trip, Brody boy,

just us dudes.

Just sit back and relax.

- Want a cookie?

- 12 more miles.

- I thought you said we
were just going to the park?

- I found a better place.

It backs right up to it.

It's less than a mile
from the parking lot.

Besides, I wanna scare
this little snot some more.

(car squeaks)

- Starting to work on me, bucko.

- [Jolie] Minivan's
making that noise again,

noise again, noise again.

- Roy, what's going on?

- How you like your
camping trip so far?

Might be car.

That knocking could
be differential

or maybe a battery hose or
muffler bowler, muffle bear.

- You have no idea what
you're talking about, do you?

- [Jerry] No, I really don't.

- This is just great.

It's after nine o'clock
and we're out here

in psycho killer country.

Why did we just staying
in your neighborhood?

We could have pitched a
tent in your common ground.

- [Jerry] Give it up, Charlie.

- Your rear main seal is out.

It's gushing oil.

- Out here?
- Yeah.

- What does that mean?

- It means your minivan's toast.

- Like what do you
know about it, kid?

- My dad taught me about cars.

- No chance we can fix it, huh?

- [Brody] No.

- Okay, looks like
we're calling AAA.

- I don't have a cell.

- I got like less than
zero bars on this.

- I got nothing too.

Hey,

there might be a house up there.

You guys stay with Brody
and I'll go check it out.

- Oh I don't think so.

That is exactly how
the Hook Man started.

Jerry, did you bring a gun?

- No, I didn't bring a gun.

Mr. We live in the suburbs

wouldn't let me buy one.

- We're so gonna die.

- Let's go, I mean, what
else are we gonna do?

(intense music)

- Roy, I don't have a
great feeling about this.

- I don't have a great
feeling about walking 40 miles

to get back home, Jerry.

So come on, let's go.

- No, this is your
trip, Ke-mo sah-bee.

I ain't going up there
and knocking on that door.

- Thanks a lot, guys.

- [Charlie] He's gonna die.

(intense eerie music)

(door knocks)

(dogs growl)

- Great, we Hook Man
and the hounds with him.

- Get down, who's out there?

- Hi, I'm sorry to
bother you, sir,

but our car broke down.

- Hold on, let me
put the dogs up.

Hold on, Mutsy, get down.

(eerie music)

- Does anyone else
think we should run,

I mean now?

- Where's your car at?

- Yeah, it's down
on the road and see,

we can't get any cell out here.

- Me neither.

- Well is there any chance
we can use your phone here?

- Don't got one, not need it.

- Oh.

- Y'all ain't from
around here, are ya?

- No, no, we just came
out to do some camping.

- [Darrell] State
park's down the road.

You missed it by
a purdy far piece.

- We've kind of
already been over that.

Look, we're just trying to you
know, find someplace remote.

- What kind of camping y'all do?

- See the kid with us?

We're here to show him how
to grow up a little bit.

- Oh, you mean
like an initiation?

Good ol' boys to men action?

- Yeah, you know it's
something like that.

- Why didn't you just say
so in the first place?

I got just the spot for ya.

It's right up the holler there.

- Yeah, but see our
car's broken, so.

- My brother's got
a wrecker service.

I'll get getting him
over here tomorrow

when he sobers up.

He'll tow you
anywhere you wanna go.

But I'll take you
up there in Shorty.

- Shorty?

- It's my party wagon.

(rock music)

I rent it out all the time.

- Okay guess

looks like it's Shorty.

You know, Mini would have
questioned this decision,

I know that, but
our van broke down

in the middle of nowhere.

- Oh rah!

- [Roy] What else
are we gonna do?

- Thank you Lord
for making me a man

in this Tennessee woods.

- If we live through this,

I'm gonna let Jerry
shoot you in the face.

- Can't shoot him.

Wouldn't let me buy the gun.

- In the face.

- Hey, Darren, Darren.

- It's Darrell.

- Could you tell us exactly
where we're going again?

- Yeah, you're gonna love it.

They got cabins up there,

you got running water, cable TV,

plenty of room.

- That sounds like
my kind of camping.

- Oh thank God, a bed.

- I took some guys out
there a couple days ago

and they got plenty
of room up there.

- You brought 'em
up here in this?

- Hey, everybody
love Shorty, boys.

Let's crank it up.

(rock music)

(jazz music)

- Okay, so now what?

- And this road
here about a mile.

Look for the tiki torches.

Follow them, they'll
take you right in.

- You call it a road?

- Whatever, it'll get you there.

- How come there's not a sigh?

- It's private.

They don't wanna
advertise either.

Only those who know, know.

(Darrell clears throat)

- [Roy] There, there you go.

- Thank you.

Here, take that.

- Business card.

Darrell's Party Planning.

Really?

- [Darrell] Yes.

- You got to six extensions.

- That I do, that don't
mean nothing though.

They all sit here on my
cell when I can get one.

Just give the guard that car

and you'll be all good.

- [Roy] There's a guard?

- Oh, it's first class.

- [Roy] Okay, thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Okay, let's go.

Okay I admit it,

this isn't exactly how I
envisioned hitting the trail,

but we are in the trail.

First rule of the trail
is we all stay together.

- [Charlie] Well, there's
a paradigm shifter.

I can't believe
nobody brought a gun.

- Like any of us really
knows how to use the one.

- [Charlie] Hook Man knows.

- Hook Man don't need a gun.

- I know how.

- [Roy] You didn't bring a gun.

- Not unless you put
one in my backpack.

- Are you saying you own one?

- No, but I've shot 'em.

Have you?

How long are we
gonna be out here?

- [Roy] As long as it takes.

- Takes to do what?

- [Roy] Cross you over.

- You know, a little boy
to man action, Brody.

- [Brody] Oh no, really?

- There's a few things we
need to talk over, Brody.

- It wasn't my idea, all right?

Any of it.

They made me do it.

- And look what you get,

having others do your
thinking for you.

You should thank those two
losers wherever they are.

You got a free camping
trip out of this.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey,
y'all want some good news?

Come on, look up here.

Roy, I think I see a
tiki torch up there.

- [Charlie] Yes.

- What are you thinking?

I bet they got a bar too.

- And a hot tub.

I would kill for a hot tub.

- And how do you know Darrell?

- We just met him,
he sent us here.

- Cell phones and
keys in the basket.

- Why?

- There's no cell
up here anyway.

- Yeah, we know that.

So why do you need
our cell phones?

- Standard
operational procedure.

No photo, video or
communication devices allowed

on a man up weekend.

- Man up, really man up?

- Do I smell steak?

- Rib eye, 200 pounds
flown in from Omaha.

We're just about to eat.

- Rib eye?

- Hey Roy, I say let's do this.

Leave your backpacks too.

- Backpacks?

Hey, wait a minute there, Par...

- You're unannounced
guests to your pard.

Now there's food, shelter
and good fellowship ahead.

Or you can turn around
and walk your rear end

back in the way you came.

- Rib eye.
- Yeah.

(men howling)

(tribal drumming)

- Okay Roy, this is
officially weird.

- Do you guys do this
every weekend, Mr. Roper?

(man yells)

- Can you hear this?

(men cheer)

Well let me turn it up for ya.

(men cheer)

We claim the sacred masculine

for our divine mission.

We summon the strength

of mother sky

and father rock.

- [Men] Ho, ho.

- Bring out your chickens.

- Chickens?

Roy, do you want me
to cover the kids eyes

so he won't see
those men's chickens?

- Jerry, I think he was
talking about real chickens.

- Yeah, I got a crazy idea.

Let's bail, like now.
- Yeah.

Oh, hey Pard.

- Hey, we shouldn't go
stay at holiday inn.

- Turn around, join the circle.

- Yeah you know, we really
don't wanna join the circle.

(whistle blows)

- Interlopers.

- Brothers, join us.

- Mr. Roper...

- Yeah, run guys.

- Seize them!

(intense music)

(men yell)

- [Charlie] Roy!

- I think we lost them.

- Well we're lost too, Roy.

- [Roy] Where's Jerry?

(Charlie screams)

- Where's the kid?

- He's not with you?

- No, he's not with me.
- Are you kidding me?

They got Brody?

Okay, stay here, stay here.

(intense music)

Brody?

Please don't tell
me they got him.

- Charlie, stop it.

You want me to slap you?

Calm down.

- Calm down, calm down?
- Yeah.

- We're gonna die!
- Calm, quiet.

Look, Roy's gonna find the kid,

he's gonna bring him back.

We're gonna get out of this.

- Roy doesn't know what he's
doing any more than you or I.

He just talks a good game.

- Shh, it's me,

Brody, it's me, it's Mr. Roper.

Are you hurt?

- No.

- Well then what happened?

You're faster than
us old wheezers.

- I fell.

Where are the others?

- They're back this way,
come on, we gotta go.

- No, I'm not going
anywhere with you.

- Brody, we can't...
- I'm scared.

- We can't stay here.

- Why did you bring me here?

I wanna go home.

- We're all scared.

We're all scared,

but we have to stay together.

It's our only hope.

Right, come on.

Come on, let's move, come on.

(grass cracks)

- I hear 'em Jerry.

I hear 'em.

(men yell)

- Guys, guys, I found him.
- Brody, Roy.

Thought you guys
were lost for sure.

- I still got a Boy Scout
trick or two left in me.

- You were a Boy Scout?

- Don't get too excited.

My merit badge was
in public speaking.

- Public speaking.
- Yeah.

- Oh, that's just great.

That's really great.

Yeah, when the Hook Man comes,

you can give him a speech

before he slaughters all of us.

- What?

- I'm just kidding,
Brody, just kidding.

- What are we going to do now?

- I'm working on it, okay?

- We gotta get to the road.

- I think we came in over
there, but I don't know.

We'll turn around and...
- What if they come for us?

- No, they won't
come for us tonight.

They'll wait til the morning.

Who were those guys?
- I don't know.

- Man Up, it's a big
male bonding thing.

They get together like
five times a year.

- What, you know these guys?

- No.

They tried to recruit
me after my divorce.

My first divorce.

- You never told us that.
- You never asked.

- All right, tell you one thing,

we're not going back
that way, no way.

- Look, excuse me if I
freak out a little bit,

but we have no sleeping bags,

we have no food, we
have no backpacks.

We're either gonna freeze
to death, starve to death,

or become chickens

for the He-Man.
- Shh, would you

be quiet?
- I don't care if they

hear me, at least they got fire.

- Yeah and they'll throw us
on it after they tenderize us.

- [Charlie] So we'll die warm.

- I can make a fire.
- With what?

They've got our backpacks, Roy.

You know know what you're doing
any more than either of us.

So stop giving orders.

- Charlie, would
you stop screaming?

Make a choice, go back to
those guys or freeze to death

or you can listen to me
and we can make a go of it.

Okay?

Look, now you got me screaming,

(sad music)

Okay, I need any leaves
and small twigs, dry ones.

You Brody, you find me a rock
with a little gray showing.

Now go, go get 'em.

(intense music)

Come on.

Hey, here, you found it?

Great, hold onto that.

Right, look, hey,

we're fine, all right?

We're gonna be safe.

- You gonna start a
fire without a lighter?

- Yup, I'm gonna try.

I haven't done this
since I was your age.

Know what?

I think I actually
pulled it off before, so.

(rocks clank)

- That's gonna start a fire?

- Yeah yeah, patience, patience.

There we go.

- Whoa, you really, you...
- Yeah.

- You the man, Roy
Roper, you the man.

Anybody wear a watch?

- [Roy] No.

It's about midnight maybe.

- Feels like we've been out
here like a week already.

- What was that?

I heard something.

- It's the woods, Charlie.

I mean there are
animals out here.

- Animals?

Don't they hibernate or go south

for the winter or something?

- Not the zombies.

(Jerry chuckles)

- All right guys, it's
time to take inventory.

What have we got in our pockets?

- Trail mix, hand moisturizer.

- Moisturizer?

- Oh and HALLS Mentho-Lyptus.

- Oh that's a great.

Means we won't starve to death.

- Jerry, what have you got?

- I have a flashlight and a,

my basket football roster

and we've got my Altoids.

- Sure, you might
meet some chicks.

Did you remember to
bring your Brute cologne?

- What about you?

What have you got over
there, Mr. Boy scout?

- I could have built us a house

with whatever I
got in my backpack,

but flashlight,

got some flint,

Swiss Army,

oh, and a waterproof matches.

- What?

- I just wanted to see
if I could really do it.

- That's just great.

We're up a flipping
Creek with a bunch of

Orrah Whack job

probably out looking
for us right now

with night vision
goggles and AKA's

and you're playing junior
forest ranger games.

I don't know what you're
trying to prove with all...

(leave rustle)

(intense music)

- Roy.

- What?

What does that mean?

- Somebody's out there.

- Well why didn't
you just say that?

- You looking for me?

(Charlie screams)

- [Roy] Okay, I left
one small detail out.

Since I was a kid
growing up around here

when all the developments
and suburbs were being built,

there were always stories
about some psycho killer

on the run from the law
living up in our woods.

- It's the Hook Man,
we're gonna die!

- [Buck] What are
you doing up here?

- We're lost.
- Really?

- Yeah, we came you know,
camping for the weekend.

We ran into some trouble.

- Can we help you
with something?

- I doubt that.

- Where are we?

- The woods.

- Hey look, pal,

we're not trying to cause
anybody any trouble out here.

(gun clicks)

- Don't move.

You with those drumming boys?

- No, no, no.
- No, no, no, sir,

we really are lost.

I mean, they took our backpacks,
our phones, everything.

(fire cracks)

So do you live here?

- Might say that.

- Well, I'm sorry.

Then we'll just we'll
just be moving on.

- In the dark,
lost, with nothing?

There's a front coming in.

Need to build up your fire.

Don't try to follow me.

You do understand.

(grass cracks)

- Well, wasn't that nice of him

to stop by and say hello?

- He's right guys.

We've gotta build
this fire, okay?

- So we'll cook faster
when he comes back

to gut and fillet us.

- Can it, Charlie.

Come on man, he's gone.

There's four of us out here.

Well there's three and a half
of us out here, he's gone.

- Oh that's a comfort.

- Mr. Roper,

Was there really a
point to all this

or was just one of those
scare the teen straight

kind of things?

- Let me ask you a question.

Is there a point to
embarrassing my daughter?

- I didn't mean to.

- What did you mean to
do, get her attention?

'Cause you got it.

- I'm sorry, okay?

- Well I'm not the one that
needs to hear that, son.

Did she do something
to you, you know,

make you angry at her?
- No.

It wasn't my idea,
it was my friends.

- Friends?

You mean the ones that are
home all snugly in their bed

and their tummy's full?

Those friends are talking about?

How do you think they'd be
doing out here with us tonight?

- They'd probably
be freaking out.

- Like me you mean.

- [Brody] Yes sir,
a lot like you.

- Hey, our work here is done.

Let's go home now.

- Is there a plan B?

- Yeah, survive the night.

The best I can tell,

we got a six or seven
mile hike to get the park.

- Try 20.
- Oh!

No offense pal,

I don't believe you can
make 20 miles a day.

Ain't no trails up here.

Green horns hungry?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Yes.

- Jerky, beef jerky.

This is beef jerky?

- Squirrels.

- There's such thing
as squirrel jerky?

- Deer meat's better, I
killed one this morning

but hadn't had time
to butcher it yet.

Suit yourself.

Here's some apples and berries.

- So no chance you have a phone?

- And who would I call?

- Yeah.

- [Buck] Why y'all
go to state park?

- We wanted to find
a place less crowded.

- [Buck] Well did that.

- Yeah, well you know what?

We're gonna spend the night

and in the morning,
we're gonna head back

toward the way we can in.

- I wouldn't recommend that.

Seems a pretty strange
thing to all those guys

and might be a little
upset with you.

- Yeah.

- You're a long way from the law

getting picked up for one.

- Do you have any suggestions?

- Yeah, get some rest.

You got a couple of pretty
tough days a head of you.

- Are you the Hook Man?

- I killed the Hook Man, son.

- Yeah right.

(men chuckle)

- [Roy] And this is Roy Roper.

Leave a message and
I'll call you back.

(phone beeps)

- Okay trailblazer,
third message.

You were supposed to
call me from the road

or when you got there.

Check in please so I can sleep.

Love you.

Hope you're doing okay.

- Was that dad?

- Yeah.

- [Ashley] What'd he say?

- It was his voicemail.

- [Danielle] Mommy,
we can't sleep.

Is dad okay?

- Well of course he is.

He's just camping

and it's 26 degrees

and the wind has kicked in

and he hasn't camped since
before we were married.

- [Ashley] And he
hasn't called 11 hours.

(sad music)

- [Kirsten] Can
we sleep with you?

- I wish you would, come on.

- Why is he doing this again?

- 'Cause he's a good man.

Thinks with his heart instead
of his head sometimes.

But your daddy is a good man.

So let's all say a little
prayer for him, okay?

- [Roy] You stay till morning?

- [Buck] Wasn't planning on it.

- [Roy] I don't know where we
are or how to get outta here.

- That a way.

330 degrees.

You do have a compass?

- Oh sure, yeah.

It's on the phone with
the chicken dancers.

Do you have a compass?

- Stars, pretty good.

Sun goes east to west,
how hard is that?

- I thought you were a
story that someone made up.

- You better get some sleep.

They're gonna need
you in the morning.

You are the leader this outfit.

- I'm not so sure about that.

- I see a teenage boy,

one guy who is so scared,
he's about to wet his pants.

A guy who's so macho, he
don't know what he don't know.

My money's on you.

- I'm not sure I've
got what it takes

to get us out of here.

I didn't know where this far
out, without any gear or food.

My dad was an Eagle
Scout, not me.

- So you came to the
wilderness to go camping.

What are you doing
up here really?

- Teach that young
one about being a man.

- I see.
- Yeah.

We had this...

No, I had this big plan.

Speeches, ceremony,
even wrote a script,

but I left it in the pack.

I mean it was a
good plan on paper

like almost everything
else in my life.

You know what's funny?

I'm not sure I even
know how to be a man.

- The Eagle Scout
didn't tell you that?

(sad music)

- [Roy] What did
your dad tell you?

- Not much with words.

It's just what I
remember from down there.

- So you really are
the guy in the woods.

You know, every
boy at some point

wants to grow up and be you.

You know that?

How do you do this?

- Do what?

- Live here like this?

- How do you live like you live?

You know you must say my
situation was forced on me.

- Were you in trouble?

- You tell me.

You must've heard something.

- Ever since I was a kid,

there's always stories about
some guy living in the woods.

- Well let's see,
escaped prisoner,

escaped mental patient,

wife killer,

alien from area 51.

Right when survivors left
wing Manson follower,

civil war ghost.

What am I leaving out?

- The Hook Man.

- Oh my God, the Hook Man.

I always liked the Hook Man.

- So which one is it?

- I was a soldier in bad war.

I wouldn't lie to
protect some bad man

who did some bad, bad things.

My mom and daddy passed
away and I came home,

I had no home to come too.

And the bad men
were looking for me.

So I came the only place I
knew they wouldn't follow,

in the woods.

It's a lot like the jungle.

I hated war

but I love the jungle.

(calm music)

I can't tell you what to do
with that boy right there.

You know, I don't have
any script or ceremony

to talk to you about.

No kid in his right mind wanna
hear what I've gotta say.

I'll move on in the spring.

- [Roy] Why don't
you just come back?

- To your world?

Lil too late for that.

Just tell that
boy what you know,

watch his back.

That's the only secret
handshake there is.

- What that?

Doesn't smell bad.

- [Jerry] I smell bacon.

Heaven smells like bacon.

- There's no place like home,

there's no place like home,

there's no place like home.
- Dude,

I am so hungry.

- [Jerry] Must not be
that far off the grid.

Somebody's been to the market.

- I don't know if a
Kroger sells quail eggs

and wild hogs and
wild rainbow trout,

but more power to
them if they do.

Cup of Joe, son?

- Coffee?

You have coffee?

- I've never had coffee before.

- It's acquired taste.

You might wanna try something

a little tamer than what I have.

- No, sir.

- Suit yourself.

- How you like that, half calf?

Soy choy pumpkin spice with
sprinkles on it, is it?

- You wouldn't happen to have

any light almond
milk, would you?

- Black and chewy, buddy.

That's all your barista
has for you today.

- [Jerry] Well it's
good, it's good.

(calm music)

This is good.

- [Brody] I like this fish.

- [Charlie] This bacon's
better than at least

one of my marriages.

- Well, you know, squirrel
tastes like chicken.

- I wouldn't get too comfy.

Got a lot of miles
ahead of you today.

River's about a half
mile in that direction.

Follow upstream til
you come to the fork.

Stay to your right when splits,

will take you up to Ridge.

A ranger station over that hill.

- You're not coming with us?

- Well pay anything you ask.

- I'm sorry.
- You have to help us.

- What do you think I just did?

Follow your leader here.

Y'all stay together,
you'll be fine.

Some fresh water.

- No, need help with that.

- If you run out,
river's pretty clean

and some squirrel jerky.

You're all so fond of that.

Here something for
you, take this.

We'll make an ode.

- Please come with us.

- You can do this, you have too.

Good luck.

- All right, men, let's
break camp and get going.

There are a lot of important
and productive things

I'm confident I can do.

I can edit and grammar
check manuscripts,

mow my front yard,

run without using the hand
rails on an elliptical trainer

and drive a minivan.

The list of what I can't
do is sadly a lot longer.

I can't dunk a
basketball, saddle a horse

without him biting me
or run a power tool

any stronger than
a cordless drill.

But something inside
really does stir the soul

when your boots
are on the ground

stomping through the woods,

breathing air and hearing
raw unprocessed sounds

like you're the first
guy ever to walk there.

You have to wonder if
this isn't what a man

is designed to do?

At least part of what
he's supposed to be.

(water trickles)

- Yeah.
- Yes, yes,

fork in the river.

At least we're getting close.

- No, that's not what he said.

- [Charlie] How
far have we gone?

- Nowhere near 20 miles,
I can tell you that.

- [Charlie] We've been
walking all day, Roy.

Wait, wait, what are you saying?

- I don't know how
far we've gone.

It could be 19 and a half
miles, it could be a lot less.

- Hey, how much daylight
you think we got?

- Sun's below the mountain.

So an hour, maybe two.

- No Roy, no.

- Hey, he can't help
when it gets dark.

It's not his fault.

- I can't do another
night out here.

- We may not have a choice.

We're on our own now, you know?

We're gonna have to do what
we have to do, Charlie, right?

- We're not gonna get anything
done sitting around here

whining about this.

Let's go, we gotta try.

- [Roy] Come on, let's move.

Let's go Brody.

Get going, bud.

(calm music)

(leaves crack)

No, we're not gonna
make it, guys.

- Yeah, we know.

- Need to build a shelter

and see if I can
remember how to do this.

Jerry, Charlie, I
need you guys to find

about a half a dozen
really big logs

or large branches

and find every branch
leaf you can find

some we can fill it in

and Brody and I
will start a fire.

All right?
- Okay.

- [Roy] Brody, how
you doing, bud?

- [Brody] Good.

- [Roy] Let me get
that thing going.

Here you go.

- No.

I'm going to need a flat
rock and your Flint.

- [Roy] I'll go
find you that rock.

Alright, here you go.

(rock clicks)

Closer, closer,
you're getting there.

There you go.

(lively music)

♪ In your dreams,
you said said sail ♪

♪ And you slide off the rail ♪

♪ You crash and you fall
trying to understand it all ♪

♪ You're so lost,
just won't all ♪

♪ Running from the truth,
you got a lot to prove ♪

♪ Fist in each hand, you
fight hard to be a man ♪

♪ And get knocked
down at every round ♪

♪ Some hands go to work
and some just wanna play ♪

♪ Some hands are reaching out
and some just wanna take ♪

♪ Some hands are clenched tight
and a fist is all they make ♪

- Yes!
- Cool, that was awesome.

♪ It's not something
that we can sing ♪

♪ It's just between you and me ♪

♪ Whispering words won't
help you understand ♪

♪ Not every boy becomes a man ♪

♪ Make a deal with doing right ♪

♪ Don't bargain your mistakes ♪

♪ If you don't give up, then
you've got what it takes ♪

♪ Have a hand
someone can shake ♪

- You got it, go.

All right.
- Oh,

yes, yes.

- Man, I don't ever remember
fish tasting that good.

You know, be good
to have some of that

chewable coffee for dessert.

You talked to that woods
guy for awhile, huh?

- Yeah.

- He's on the run, ain't he?

- Why you say that?

- I mean, he's
gotta be on the run.

He wouldn't let a bunch of guys
like us go off by ourselves.

I mean, this thing
could have gone bad,

or at least they
could've gotten worse.

- But it didn't.

- You know, it's actually
pretty warm in there.

I threw down some more
pine needles and leaves.

It's like a feather bed.

- I don't care if
it's hard as rock.

Boys, I'm tired.

My eyes are getting heavy.

- Well there's space
for each of us.

Sorry, Brody, can't do
anything about Jerry's snoring.

- At least my
snoring don't stink.

- [Charlie] Hey.

- Did you all hear
him last night?

I mean, look, don't
nobody light to match

inside there tonight

because we'll all go
up like the Hindenburg.

It's sounded like a bunch
of monkeys jumping up

and down on whoopee Cushion.

- Hey guys, I wanna
say something.

I'm sorry about all
this, but you know,

at least we're gonna have
some stories to tell.

- Think we're getting close?

- Yeah, I think one
good climb tomorrow

and we'll be in the park.

- Roy, I wanna apologize too.

Sorry about what
I said about you.

Thank you.

- Hey, you think we
need to you know,

do something about
you manhood plan?

- No, I think we've done it.

- Well I'm glad to hear that

'cause I'm telling
you my feet hurt,

my ankles hurt, my knees hurt,

my back hurts, the
back of my back hurts.

Oh man.

I'll tell you what,

y'all better stuff some
cotton in your ears.

I'm going down.

Hey Brody, look
just remember this,

make a lot of money,

don't hit girls, say
no to drugs, later.

- He's very deep, isn't he?

Say you're sorry to
Mr. Roper's daughter.

Matter of fact, say
you're sorry of a lot.

This life thing will go easier.

(fire cracks)

- I am sorry, Mr. Roper.

- I know.

Different looking sky
out here, isn't it?

There's Sirius.

Orion's over there,
see his belt?

Capricorn, bear.

- The little dipper.

- You know your stars.

- My dad did.

He taught me some.

There's one named for
me out there, somewhere.

He bought it for
me when I was born.

- You're own star.

How cool is that?

- But sometimes I wonder

if he's up there

on my star.

- I wouldn't bet against it.

- Do you miss your
dad, Mr. Roper?

(calm music)

- Every day.

Even though I don't think
about him, I miss him.

- I found him, you know?

In the yard.

I finished mowing the back

then I came around to the
front where he was raking

and there he was.

How old were you?

- I was your age.

- Did you cry?

- No, not in front of anybody.

- I guess you wouldn't
have liked that.

- I used to think that

I would become a dad.

Now I think he'd be
just fine with it.

- I miss him.

- I didn't know your dad, Brody.

But I think I know what he'd
tell you after all this.

Consider your paths,

that you have what
it takes to be a man.

- Is what your dad told you?

- He didn't get
the chance either.

So I'm telling you
from both of them.

(lively music)

- Ah, I done told you

I'm here picking up campers.

- Shorty, Shorty!

It's Shorty!

(Charlie laughs)

- Yes!
- Oh yeah, oh yeah.

- Shorty, Shorty.

(everyone laughs)

- Where's the food?

Food, food me.

(Charlie laughs)

- Darrell, how did
you know to come here?

- You called, right?

So here I am.

- This is your gear?

- Yeah, did you get those?

- No.
- No, no, no, no, no,

these were here
when I opened up.

I'm curious, how long
were you guys up there?

- [Roy] Two days.

- [Ranger] Oh, two days.

- [Roy] Yeah and two nights.

- Oh.

No backpacks?

- No.

It's a funny story.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Of all the male initiation
rituals I came across,

I think my favorite
is the one from one

of the native American tribes.

The 13 year old boy's
led away from his village

and left to spend one
long and difficult night

in the woods, all alone.

If he makes it through,

at the first light of day,

the boy sees at the
edge of the forest,

his warrior father
standing guard.

As he had been watching over him

all through the night.

- [Jerry] I'm
gonna buy me a tent

and then I'm gonna buy me a gun.

- Hey, Roper.

- Huh?
- Uh-hem.

Yeah.

- You're gonna
break me, Darrell.

(Jolie laughs)

- Hey daddy.
- Hi daddy.

- Hello

You take that, you take that.

Thank you.
- Hello girls.

- Hello.
- Wanna see Shorty?

(Jolie laughs)

- Oh I missed you.

- [Roy] I missed you too.

- And how was our
little camping trip?

- I'll let you know in a second.

- I'm sorry.

Is there any way maybe we could
start over and be friends?

- Sure.

(calm music)

- Have you seen shorty?

- [Ashley] How could I miss him?

- It's pretty awesome.
- I think it went pretty well.

- You are kind of stinky.

- I am kinda stinky.
- You are.

- But you like it.
- I love it.

Oh I can not wait
to hear the story.

I'll go fix us some
kale smoothies.

- [Roy] Oh good, yum.

- Thank you, Mr. Roper.

- Anytime.

- Really?

- Really.

Now get outta here.

(door clanks)

(leaves crack)

- I'm back, mom.

No mom, I'm back.

- [Roy] It's been said that
in the heart of every man,

there is an adventure to live,

a battle to fight and
a princess to rescue.

I used to think the guy with
the minivan and a mortgage

had to go to the woods
to find those things.

I go to the woods a lot now
but like figured something out.

- [Jolie] Drink your smoothie.

- [Danielle] Ewe,
you put beets in it.

- [Jolie] Can't taste it.

- [Roy] There's an adventure,

a battle and a princess
to rescue every single day

in a man's life no
matter where he is.

- [Kirsten] You stole my skirt.

- [Roy] As long as he knows that

and does something about it,

then he's got what
it takes to be a man.

And oh yeah, it
really is amazing

what finishing something
does for the soul.

- [Jolie] Bus is
here girls, let's go.

- Kisses for dad, please.

(lively music)

And a glorious day,
loves of my life.

(rock music)

To be continued.

♪ To grandma's house we go ♪

♪ To grandma's house we go ♪

(calm music)

♪ The nights are long ♪

♪ But the years are longer
since you went away ♪

♪ Though I'm alone ♪

♪ I know I must hold on ♪

♪ And every time I
long to see your face ♪

♪ Or hold your hand ♪

♪ I think about your smile ♪

♪ So I can say ♪

♪ I know I hurt, I feel, I cry ♪

♪ But still, you're there ♪

♪ Standing right beside me
in the light of the moon ♪

♪ In the stars, in the
wind I feel your face ♪

♪ You're standing
right beside me ♪

♪ I want to thank you ♪

♪ Not a day goes by ♪

♪ Where I don't think
about your name ♪

♪ But I hold on ♪

♪ And will I learn ♪

♪ What it takes to be a man ♪

♪ And every time I
long to see your face ♪

♪ Or hold your hand, I
think about your smile ♪

♪ So I can stand ♪

♪ That I know I hurt, I feel ♪

♪ I cry but still,
you're there ♪

♪ You're standing
right beside me ♪

♪ In the light of the
moon, in the stars ♪

♪ In the wind I feel your face ♪

♪ You're standing right
beside me all the time ♪

♪ Oh strong and
mighty warrior man ♪

♪ The hero of my dreams ♪

♪ Attend the hearted mystery ♪

♪ Standing on my star
watching over me ♪

♪ And now I know
I hurt, I feel ♪

♪ I cry but still you're there ♪

♪ Standing right beside me ♪

♪ In the light of the moon ♪

♪ In the stars, in the
sun I see your face ♪

♪ You're standing right
beside me all the time ♪

♪ I wanna thank you ♪

♪ I want to thank you ♪

♪ I wanna thank you ♪