Original subtitles

[uplifting music]

[doorbell]

-Hey. -Hey.

Come on.

Saw the for sale sign on the car.

Rent�s going up. Need cash.

Guess I got out just in time.

Is this the box?

Yeah.

So, how's the new roommate?

Making it work.

Just the toque you knitted me last year?

Yeah.

I found it in the back of the closet.

Did you ever wear that thing?

Once, maybe. I think.

Not really a toque guy. Couldn�t mess up the hair.

How are you?

You know,

managing.

Figuring it out.

Missing you-

a lot.

Yeah,

I'm missing you too.

[romantic music plays]

That was nice.

Yeah.

I always love the way you smell.

[laughs]

I- I should get going.

Okay.

Do you want to maybe get together again.

No, I, I mean, this was fun and all, but,

we're not getting back together, Novelette.

Are you serious?

Huh, I did not take you for that kind of guy.

What kind of guy?

The kind that uses women.

I'm using you.

You're the one manipulating me with sex.

We were together for six fucking years.

You're just going to throw it away like that?

You still don't get it.

What don't I get?

We need to figure out who we are independently.

I know who the fuck I am.

Yeah, well, maybe I don't.

Maybe I don't like this weak ass push over this

relationship has turned me into.

Wow.

Wow. I need my sock, Novelette.

Wow.

You know, I don't think we should talk for a while.

Thanks, Captain Obvious.

[downbeat song plays]

He said I manipulated him with sex.

Can you believe that shit?

Like I'm some sort of femme fatale sex worker?

Mmm, these are good.

I did so much in that relationship.

I may not have contributed financially, but I did plenty.

You�ve got to give me the recipe.

I always made sure that he had a nice warm meal.

I buy all of the groceries.

With his money.

I took care of his mom.

That one time that she was sick and he was out of town.

I did all of his laundry.

Did you put nuts in this?

Are you even listening to me?

Yes. I'm listening.

I really thought we were going to work it out.

I'm sure it's very disappointing for you, but-

But?

But I think you need to see things from his perspective.

Okay?

I mean, you two aren't married.

You don't have any kids.

Were you expecting him to take care of you forever?

I'm depressed.

You are?

I�m- something, and no,

I didn't expect him to take care of me forever.

But he's a man.

He should want to protect me and take care of me.

Oh Lord, you need to disabuse yourself

of these antiquated gender norms.

Okay, more and more women are building businesses

-careers, creating- -Well, I can't do that.

Why not?

Honestly, I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did.

If we had been dating.

I would have dumped you a long time ago.

What?

Cookies are for allies.

[door closes]

Yo, no bites on the car yet, huh?

Few offers. Mostly low-ballers.

What are you asking?

Just the Bluebook. 2000.

Oh, your ex came?

-Hm? -Got his stuff?

-The box is gone. -Oh.

Yeah, he came.

[playful music]

What?

I'm just asking. You know.

Sometimes you see an ex. Get an old itch.

I didn�t fuck him.

And if I did, I wouldn't tell you about it.

Why not?

I know how to be discreet.

You do?

Then how come I know exactly how many

double-ended dildos you have?

Only told you that in case you wanted to borrow one.

Ew. First of all, that is unsanitary.

Obviously. I wash them.

And second, I have my own sex toys.

I don�t need to borrow yours.

I bet they�re getting a lot of use these days.

Did you need something?

Yes, actually.

My new girl and I are going to go hit up some gay clubs.

If you wanna join-

Your new girl?

What about your old girl?

She's still there.

Does your new girl know about your old girl?

Listen, I tell all the ladies

from the jump that I'm polyamorous.

I'm a dyke that likes variety.

Still, I'll pass.

All right, well, you know where to find me

if you change your mind.

Mmhmm.

[playful music continues]

[lively music plays]

Hm.

See a few scratches.

Nothing that affects the driving of the vehicle.

Well, it needs a wash and an oil change.

What is that, like, 40 bucks?

What's the best you can give me for this?

Ad says 2000, and I'm firm.

Absolutely firm?

Firm and absolutely firm

mean the exact same thing in my dictionary.

Okay.

I'll think about it.

The guy didn't buy?

What gave it away?

Listen, I wanted to apologize for yesterday.

Don�t apologize for speaking the truth.

I could have said it in a less harsh way.

You could have. Probably wouldn�t have sunk in.

You know, I was in your position once in grad school

when I broke up with my boyfriend-

Wait a minute.

You had a boyfriend?

Yes. Before I came out, I was down with the dick.

Oh.

[laughs]

You want to hear the rest of the story or not?

Yup. Mmhm. Sorry.

As I was saying,

when I broke up with my boyfriend back then,

I was dead broke and at rock bottom,

moved back in with my father,

and it was the absolute worst.

But what it did do was help me get my shit together faster.

Got clarity about what I wanted and where I was going.

You always think when you're 30

you're going to have a clear path forward.

Everybody experiences low points.

Just remember that they don't last.

Have you ever thought about becoming a therapist?

Or a cult leader?

I do not have the patience to deal

with everybody's problems or to build a cult following.

I�d follow you.

[door opens]

Oh, no. Oh no.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh.

Fuck me. Fuck me harder.

Harder. Harder. Harder. Oh.

[engine starts]

[car drives away]

[cash register alert]

[social media alert]

What the fuck?

[hip hop song plays]

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