Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

[pensive music]

[refrigerator closes]

I'm not sorry.

You hear me ask for an apology?

No, but I feel like you expect one.

So, you�re mind reader now.

I don't even get what the big deal is.

for like a century.

We've been together

for like a century.

We're practically married.

Novelette, I am not putting your name on my bank account.

You don�t trust me?

That�s not it.

Then what is it?

I don�t know.

Do you feel like this relationship is balanced?

Balanced? In terms of what?

In terms of the effort each of us contributes?

I mean Novelette, I pay the rent,

I pay the bills,

I pay when we go out to dinner,

to the movies, on vacation-

I am on disability.

The government gives me like $10 a month.

Come on, they give you more than that.

What do you want me to pay for? Toothpaste?

All I'm saying is

sometimes I feel trapped in this relationship.

I mean, what would you do if you didn't have me?

I�d survive.

Oh, right. How?

Moving back in with your mother?

That is so fucking unfair.

You�re completely dependent on me, Novelette

It's a lot of pressure, I mean

maybe sometimes I just want somebody to depend on.

Is this about me not letting you watch me

hook up with other girls?

No, I said that as a joke.

You weren't laughing when you said it.

I didn�t mean it.

Okay, like you wouldn�t get the popcorn ready if I said yes.

And that's not the point.

I don't care that you're bisexual. Novelette.

All I want is a girlfriend that has her shit together.

What are you saying?

I think we need to break up.

[solemn music]

[door knock]

It's open.

Hey.

Brought your dish back.

Thanks, you can just leave it on the table.

Where's loverboy?

I don't know. We broke up.

Oh. I'm sorry. Why?

He said something about me being a complete mess.

Oh.

Oh?

I mean oh like, uh-

like a surprise oh.

Like, oh, where�d he get that idea?

Well, let's just hope your break went better than my last one.

My ex poured period blood in my Brita jug.

Ew. You�re lying.

No, she left a DIVA cup right where I could find it.

That's disgusting.

Oh, you think that's bad?

I had another ex one time

defecate in my favorite pair of heels.

On purpose.

How do you shit in heels

by accident?

Where are you meeting these women?

Oh, and I had another ex of mine urinate-

Okay, you know what?

You're done with the breakup stories.

Revolting. Thank you.

Here.

Try this.

It needs more salt.

You always say that.

When was the last time you had your blood pressure checked?

Hey, I'm not the cook.

You are.

So how are you feeling about it?

About the breakup?

Try not to think about it.

You moving out?

I don't know.

I mean, I don't want to move in with my mother,

but I cannot afford this place on my own.

I mean, you could find something cheaper.

Cheaper than East Vancouver?

I'd have a better time finding an ice cube in hell.

You know, I saw a studio apartment going for 1400.

Where do these landlords get the nerve?

Beats me.

You uh-

wouldn't happen to be in the market for a

sugar baby, would you?

Girl, I'm looking for my own sugar mama.

[laughing]

Yeah, I�ll just find a place

close to my job.

And what am I supposed to do for rent?

Anyone in Vancouver will snatch up the second room in a second.

If they don't?

Novelette, I can�t solve

all of your problems.

[upbeat music]

[photos snapping]

[photos snapping]

[typing]

[phone vibrating]

Hey, mum.

Your aunt just called me to tell me Lisa is pregnant.

Doesn't this family have enough people already?

No. It doesn't.

So you and Timothy need to put that uterus to good use.

Timothy and I broke up.

-Oh, no.

I'm sorry.

Do you want me to set up your bedroom?

No. I'm good.

Honey, you can't afford the rent on your disability

check alone.

I know, that's why I'm getting a roommate.

A roommate?

I just read an article about a woman

whose roommate chopped her up and ate her.

Yeah. I will be sure to vet out all the cannibals.

-Novelette- -Mum, I�m almost 30

I think I'm going to be fine.

I got to go.

[typing]

[rhythmic music]

Have a seat.

So, tell me about yourself.

This is what $900

a month gets me in Vancouver?

I get my own bathroom,

right?

Do you have a problem with Boa constrictors?

Are you vegan?

Because I feel very unsafe around meat.

Are you familiar

with the Church of Scientology?

I can't share a bathroom with you.

I don't even know your bathroom habits.

So you want $900 for this?

I like your face.

You're not an SP.

It's a really safe and low

maintenance pet to have around.

Not including utilities.

Can I look in the fridge?

I brought you some pamphlets.

Okay.

In fact, conversations about meat make me very uncomfortable.

So I'll wait for your call.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

How come my ad only attracted freaks?

Come on, I like the sound of that Boa constrictor guy.

Please, I'd be getting two roommates instead of one.

[laughs]

You want to move in with me?

Absolutely not. I haven�t had a roommate

since grad school, and I'm not going back.

You know what? I think I might actually know someone.

She's black, she's queer.

She's employed.

And her lease is expiring soon. Her landlord is not renewing.

How do you know her?

She used to be my personal trainer.

Alright.

Couldn't hurt to meet her.

Okay.

[upbeat music]

This would be your room.

The ceiling's kind of low, but

it'll work.

We only have one bathroom, so it's a shared situation.

Hope that's okay.

That's not a problem.

What do you do for work?

I do a lot of things.

Personal training, brand ambassador.

You know, bartending.

The bullshit town we live in, right?

VanCity?

You know one job ain't enough.

God, I was real happy when Dom told me about this place-

Dom?

Dominique.

Everyone calls her Dom.

I don't.

Oh, yeah, all her friends do.

Anyway, she told me there was a black queer woman

looking for a roommate. It's in my price range.

Oh, but utilities aren't included, you know.

I know. It's still a pretty good price.

I'm glad you think so.

Most people are completely delusional.

Well, what do you do for work?

I don't work, I�m-

I'm on disability.

Seem fine to me.

What's wrong with you?

I-

I don't really feel comfortable

talking about-

Okay, I know when to back off.

So, the place is available immediately.

-Why is it available? -Excuse me?

Like, why is your last roommate moving out?

I don't think that's relevant.

I mean, if they're moving out because you're crazy?

I'd say that it's pretty relevant.

It wasn�t my roommate.

It was my boyfriend. And he-

We broke up.

Sorry. What happened? Why�d you guys break up?

Are you interviewing to be my roommate or my therapist?

I'm just kidding.

Hey, you can keep that part to yourself.

Listen, I like the place.

I like you, okay?

When can I move in?

Like I said, the place is available immediately.

But if you want to wait till the first, that's fine too.

Alright, Novelette. You got yourself a roommate.

[driving music]

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