All language subtitles for Night Court s03e11 Abracadabra Alaka-Dan.eng

- The People versus
Glorivette Sinclair.

- Of the Sinclair family?

You're one of the oldest
families in Manhattan.

It was your idea
to put in a bridge.

- That was our first mistake.

- She's being charged
with stealing

an umbrella from a bodega.

- Judge, the defendant
has millions

but can't resist her urge
for more.

I get it.
It's not about the stealing.

It's about the rush.

- Your Honor,
my client was clearly framed.

Why would someone
with everything

steal this pathetic excuse
for an umbrella?

Someone's playing a trick on me,

and I'm not going to be
a good sport about it.

- Ah-choo!

Oh, no.
The trick is spreading.

- Ooh, Nebraska! Heck, yeah!

Now I got all 50 states.

- I'll give you a hankie,

but I get 10%
of what you blow out.

This isn't mine.
What am I, a nun?

- Oh, no.
Please tell me it's not...

- 'Tis I, Starla the Great.

Ooh!

You like what you see, Stretch?

- What am I seeing?

- This is Starla, my dad's
old magician's assistant.

So, if you need anything
pointed at, it's her only skill.

- Aren't you gonna introduce me
to your friends, Abracadabra?

Or is that hard to do
with an egg in your mouth?

- Don't be amazed.

- Please crack and a baby chick
come out.

Please crack
and a baby chick come out!

[ Laughing ] Oh!

I love working here!

?

- I can't stand that woman.

Every couple of years, poof!

She pops into my life like
some stupid rabbit out of a hat.

She always needs something.
- I do know the type.

With me, it's my step-cousin,
Ira.

He only reaches out when
he needs a ride to the hospital.

And I'm like,
"Ira, you're a doctor.

If you can't drive yourself
to work,

you should
not be delivering babies."

- My dad was always
bailing her out.

When I was a kid, I thought
the county jail was her house,

and she just liked
dressing like her roommates.

- I don't know, she seems
like she could be kind of fun.

I mean, in a campy,
salacious, melodramatic,

limited series sort of way.

- Don't fall for her act.
She's all smoke and mirrors.

- That's called misdirection.

- That's called mediocre.

What do you want, Starla?

- I just wanted to give you this.

- One of my dad's
old magic boxes?

Oh, I remember these
from when I was a kid.

Where did you get this?
- I got it at a mirage sale.

It's like a garage sale,
but for magic stuff.

- I would never trust
a secondhand dove.

You never know
where people put them.

- What's the catch?
I told you,

I can't be the volunteer
for the sawing-in-half bit.

My head doesn't reach
the top of the box.

- I just wanted you to have it.
- Aww.

And I didn't get you anything.
- Aww.

- Because I don't like you.

- Alright, well,
I'm going to hit the road

as soon as I find that baby
chick.

- You kept that baby chick,
didn't you?

- Don't look at me like that.

She imprinted on me.

- You know, I've dabbled
in a little magic myself.

Observe.

Magic.

- If this was olden times,

I would have burned you
at the stake.

- Nah, I learned
some sleight-of-hand

when I was in lockup.

You know, it passes the time
while you're waiting

for your toilet wine to ferment.

- The Kleenex is in her sleeve.
- Hey, you ruined my trick.

- You know, Wyatt,
you've been a real buzzkill.

Like when you told me croutons
are just stale bread.

- What?

I thought they were
fat crackers.

- I'm not a buzzkill.

I've just seen the light.

I mean, after years of trying,

I realized
when you reach for the stars,

life kicks you
right in the moon.

So, from now on,
I'm living in the middle.

No highs, no lows.
Just comfortably numb.

- You don't find any joy
in anything?

I mean, not in a sunset
or an amazing meal or...

Or a gentle kiss in the dark
from a stranger?

- Yes, yes, and yes.

- No, no, and hell, no.

To see the beauty
of a sunset,

you also have to see
the pollution.

That amazing meal
is clogging my arteries.

And a kiss in the dark
from a stranger

is just giving me herpes.

- Wyatt, I can't be around
this kind of negative energy.

No, clinically speaking,
I am just hanging on by a thread

and, uh, your frownies
are dangerously close

to making it fray.

- And that makes me feel nothing
because this is who I am now.

- Mark my words,
by the end of tonight,

I will have awakened
the flame within you

that ignites the bonfire
of your soul.

- Bonfire?

That sounds
like some high flames.

I'm in the middle.
Lukewarm for life.

- This reminds me of that time

you tried to wrestle
that floating Twix

from the vending machine.

You got my hopes up
for nothing that day.

- I'm trying to figure out
how to open it.

If you turn the dials
the right way,

a fun surprise pops out.

I'm hoping for
a family heirloom,

but I will settle for a gumball.

Did that do anything?
- Besides making me wish

I had never come in here?

- Make yourself useful.

There's a dial
on the other side.

Maybe if we line it up
at the same time.

- Alright, alright,
fine, I'll help.

It better not be wet in there.

You know,
when you think about it,

it's a pretty thoughtful gift
that Starla gave you here.

- You sound just like my dad.

He was always defending her.

So she did one nice thing.

Doesn't make up for the time
her prop comic boyfriend

smashed my birthday cake
with a mallet.

- The classics are the classics
for a reason.

- I didn't even get to make
a birthday wish.

If it wasn't for Starla,
I'd be able to whistle.

Stupid Starla.

- Turn yours all the way
to the right.

I think that I turned...

Did that just clamp down
on your arm?

- Yep. Yours?
- Yep.

- What were you saying about
this being a thoughtful gift?

- I don't know
what to tell you, man.

Your wallet is glitter now.

- Here she is.
- Oh, okay.

- Oh.

Hey, kitten.

I thought you might
be showing up.

And you brought
your leggy friend.

- Yes, Abby and I
are inseparable lately.

Now, you want to tell me why,
you velour nutbag?

- It's nothing sinister.
It's just a fun little box.

And if you don't do what I say,
you'll stay in there forever.

- What do you want, Starla?

- Oh, what every
modern woman wants-

a good dry cleaner
who does velvet capes

and your dad's magic journal.

- Why would I ever give you
that?

- Because our hands
are locked in a box.

- That book has all the best
tricks that I did with Harry.

It is my ticket
to becoming a real magician,

which is a thing
that would have happened by now

had you not come along.

- I'm the reason
you're still an assistant?

I think you spent too much time
in that water tank.

- Your father and I
were poised for stardom,

and I was just about
to make a leap

from being an assistant
to the one who gets to talk

when your mother made
her birth control disappear.

- I understand we all rue
the day that she was born,

but... about my freedom.

- You're wasting your time,
Starla.

I have no idea
where my dad's journal is.

- Well, if I were you, I
would start looking for it fast,

because at some point,

one of you is going to have
to go to the bathroom.

Ta-ta!

It doesn't always work.

Smoke. Smoke. Smoke. Smoke.

- Now that she said bathroom,
I do have to go.

- Follow the sound of my voice.

- If this is a kiss
from a stranger, I want out.

- Welcome to a world of awe
in amazement.

Flobert, lights.

- If this is you trying to
ignite the bonfire of my soul...

sure, I've got a few minutes.

They're fixing the microwave.

- We discussed the best way

to reawaken your sense
of wonder.

Would you be wowed by nature,
technology,

or the limitless
and erotic possibilities

of the human body?

Gurgs, unleash
the power of nature.

- Behold the Middlemist's
red camellia,

the rarest flower on earth.

- Mm, no, thank you.

Rare equals expensive.

Mr. Middle prefers whatever
Trader Joe's has out front.

- Step aside, Mother Nature.
It's time for Daddy Technology.

Behold, man's greatest creation,
the bulletproof vest.

Now, who wants to shoot me?

- How does this
demonstrate technology?

I thought you'd bring
in a hologram or something.

- Maybe I am a hologram.
You don't know.

Come, run through me!

- Alright, moving on.

Wyatt, feast your eyes
on Sheila, the barista.

Check out that human body
that knows no bounds.

- Uh-oh.

I think I'm allergic
to that flower.

[ Sneezes ]

- Aaah!

Oh!

I guess
that know-it-all sales girl

was onto something
when she said,

"That's not a bulletproof vest."

- I knew he wasn't a hologram.

- Just a little more
butter spray, and...

nope, still stuck.

Is it weird I want waffles?

- It's weird
that you had that in your desk.

I've got an idea
that might work.

Give the journal to Starla.

- I told you,
I don't know where it is.

- Yeah, I don't-

Oh, wait a minute.
You're lying.

You squinted your eyes,

like when you tell people

that you don't need
chopstick helpers.

- I have a sweaty grip,
and there's no cure.

- I bet it's in this office.
- No.

- Oh? Well, let's see.
If I go over here,

am I getting- I don't know,

am I getting warmer over here?

- Okay. Yeah, fine.
Red hot.

- Oh, squint! Lie!

That means it's over here.

Come on, Abby, give it up.
Alright?

We got to get our arms
out of this box.

- I don't need to.
I'm having a nice time.

If anything,
I think two arms is too many.

- I have a colonoscopy
in a week.

I'd really like to do it alone.

- Might be nice to have a buddy.

- You know what?
I bet it's in this bookcase.

- A book in a bookcase?

What kind of idiot
do you think I am?

- The kind of idiot that would
hide something in plain sight

because she just figured that-

oh, there it is!
I knew it.

And you're hoarding Toblerone?

- The chocolate options in this
courthouse are straight trash.

And as far as the journal,

I am not giving that
to Count Whackula.

- Why not?
You don't need the journal.

You don't even do magic.

- You're right, I don't.

But, you know,
my dad built the box,

so the way out
might be in that journal.

- Then why didn't you use
the journal in the first place?

- Because it's written
in riddles I can't understand.

- Alright, fine. Starla it is.
- No, no, no, no.

I can get us out of this box.
I am Harry Stone's daughter.

Magic is in my blood.
Just give me an hour.

- Alright, you know what?
You've got 45 minutes.

And something else, alright?
Let's both calm down.

It's getting swampy in there.

- As I started across the street,

the crosswalk said ten,

then nine,

then eight...

- Can we get to the point, please?

Some of us have boxes
to get out of.

- Mr. Danielson blocked traffic
for 35 minutes

and not one driver ran him over.

Oh, God, this city isn't
what it used to be.

- I've dealt with this man
before.

He suffers from something
called tortoise nervosa,

which is [Slowly] a nightmare.

- Allow me to speed things up.

$50 fine.

- Sit.

Okay, now, are you going to
find the answer from that book,

or do I have to say
that woman's name three times

and have her appear?

- Oh, look, a fun riddle.

"The only way out
of a blind man's box

is by turning 300
with a panda and a fox."

Practically solves itself.

- Dear God. Riddles. Magic.

The holidays at your house
must have been insufferable.

- Not every day you see a half
man, half turtle, huh?

- You obviously haven't been
on the dating apps.

- This isn't like you
to be so cynical.

Damn it, Wyatt!

Your bad vibes are spreading.

- When the water's lukewarm,
everybody wants to dive in.

- Alright, no, no, no.
Don't listen to him.

He wasn't even wowed
when the EMTs

brought Flobert back
from the dead.

- I think something came back
with me.

Something not of this world.

- Here is an opportunity for
Wyatt to have his mind blown.

Behold, a newly appointed judge
trying to solve a riddle

to prove something to,
I think, herself.

I'm not sure.
I'm really not invested.

- Okay,
I bet there's a double meaning.

Maybe the blind man
isn't a man at all.

It's just a face with no eyes.

- That's the thing
that followed me back!

- Murray,
nothing followed you back.

Would you just, like,
clean your contacts?

- A clock has a face.

Maybe one of the dials
in here is like a clock.

Okay, here we go.

And... ta-da!

I said ta-da!

- Great. Why don't you try
saying "Ta-da!" louder.

Maybe that'll work.

- Hey, the turtle man
is making a break for it!

- You'll never take me alive.

- What don't you get?
Take one step.

Pause, then take another step.

- Hey, friends,
I'm waving with both hands.

Jealous?

- What are you doing in here,
Starla?

- I called her.

Starla, here's the journal.

May every page
give you a papercut,

and may your days be filled
with nothing but lemon juice.

- I knew you would come around.

- Oh.
- There. Now you're trapped.

That's called misdirection.

- Legs,
if you wanted to handcuff me,

all you had to do
was make eye contact.

- Clean it up, Starla,
it's a lot.

- Get us out of this,
we'll get you out of that.

- No deal.

I've got no place to be.

And I've got no place to live.

So, looks like everything's
coming up Starla.

- All I got is time.

- In fact, I think this is
a great opportunity

to practice my whistling.

There's a lot more
where that came from.

- Alright, that's it,
I am done.

Ever since this woman showed up,
you've been acting crazy.

Nobody goes anywhere
until you two sort this out.

- I'm not acting crazy.
You're crazy.

This is not what we agreed to.

Is this about the Toblerone?

- Yeah, Starla ain't staying

'cause Starla can turn her hand
into a dove.

Okay, yeah, see,
this is why I need the book.

- Could you two
please work this out?

- No.
The plan was to trap Starla,

close the door, and let her rot.

No one would miss her.

She's already faked
her death three times.

- Alright, Starla,
I'm going to start with you.

Do you really think
that your career stalled

when Abby was born,

taking no accountability
yourself?

- Yes.

Certainly had nothing
to do with the fact

that I say things that make
people feel uncomfortable

and I hate networking.

Also, I like to steal.

- Fine, you're a lost cause.
But, Abby, this is not like you.

I understand that she is
unpleasant and annoying

and completely incapable
of reading a room.

- We get it.
You're into me.

- But come on, Abby,

can't you let her
have this one thing?

- One thing?
She already has everything,

and she has the best thing-
she can do magic.

Something she had with my dad
that I would have killed for.

- Oh, come on.

You didn't need to do magic
with him

because he couldn't stop
talking about

how you were
the most magical thing

that ever happened to him.

- He really said that?
- Yeah.

- I would say that
that's true.

I mean, we know
that she's completely incapable

of conjuring a lucid thought.

And quite frankly,
that does sound like Harry.

You know, you may shuffle cards

like you have hooves for hands,
but...

But you are
your father's daughter.

- Thank you, Dan.
- Oh.

Wait a minute.
Are you holding my hand?

Are you telling me that all we
had to do to get out of this box

was hold hands?

God, magic sucks.

- What you said was
actually very sweet.

Here. You can borrow it.

- Hey, that thing your dad said
about you being magical?

I bet that's why he named you
Abracadabra.

- No [bleep], Starla.

- Oh, I know those looks.

Those are the faces of people
who woke up this morning

with expectations
that didn't get met.

- You did it, Wyatt.

You sucked the wonder
out of life for all of us.

The darkness is closing in,

and now there's no thread
to hold on to.

Brownie?

- Okay, so, you missed
the middle and ended up here.

Gurgs, I know
what'll cheer you up.

Let's watch that video you like
of the bunny riding a dog.

- No.

Turns out the dog was
actually a coyote

and the bunny was food
for its pack.

- Alright, well,
food chain, nature.

Flobert, want to play the game

where we rank
the naughtiest fruits?

- What's the point?

There's no knocking
eggplant from the top.

- So, you guys are this bummed

because you couldn't get me
to feel something?

I didn't realize
you cared that much.

That's making me feel something.

You know what?
I will have that brownie.

- So, you are feeling something, huh?

- I gave up on highs
not to feel lows,

but between you guys
and this brownie,

I'm starting to feel high again.

- Oh, you're not
feeling high yet.

You give it an hour or two,

and you will be on a rocket ship
to the center of the sun.

- I should have asked
more questions

before I had the brownie.

- I should have asked more
questions before I had six.

Seven.

- [ Giggles ]

I can't believe
I met the Dalai Lama.

- Oh, that's where my arrow is.

- I can taste the music.

Turn it up!

Yeah, that's better.

- Good news, fellow travelers.

You've ignited the bonfire
of my soul.

- You're welcome.
- I was talking to Sheila.

- It's funny.

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