All language subtitles for Lopez vs Lopez s03e12 Elsa.eng

- Grandma Elsa?

You said she was dead.

- She is to me.

Wait a minute.

I don't have to leave.

This is my house.

What made you think
you'd be welcomed here?

- Well, when you came
looking for the tapes,

I thought it was a sign that
you wanted to reconnect.

- You like signs?

How about this one?

Go away.

- I'm only asking
for a chance, George.

- Yeah, well, you had your
chance 50 years ago

when you abandoned a
lovable little rascal

named George Feliciano Lopez.

- I couldn't then, but I got
my life together now, George.

I live in Pacoima.

I work at the thrift store
right there on Magnolia.

- Oh, I heard
that's a good one.

Do you get an
employee discount?

- I don't care if you
work at a thrift shop.

I don't care if you work
at Hot Dog on a Stick.

No, actually,
I care about that one.

But anyway.

My point is that I don't
want you in my life.

- OK, George.

I'll leave.

It was nice to
have met you all.

- [scoffs]

[groans]

- I'm so confused.

That's your mom,
which makes her my mommy's

nana and my great nana?

- Well, she may be
your great nana,

but I will always be
the greatest nana.

- But technically,
Gordo, yes, she

is your great grandmother,
who, up until now, was dead.

- She looked
pretty alive to me.

- Dad, this is the biggest
lie you've ever told.

And you once said the
Lopezes were Mexican royalty.

- And with that attitude,
Mayan, we never will be.

It started when I was a kid.

My mom would just flip out.

She'd be nice one minute.

She'd say, George, sit down.

Let me get you
something to eat, mijo.

Eat, you're too skinny.

Then like that,
she would just be mean.

You're eating again,
fat, stupid, lazy-

she said, you want diabetes?

I was so hungry,
I started saying,

yeah, high blood pressure too.

And then she would
just take off.

So I would just tell people
that she wasn't there.

And after a while, it was
just easier to tell people

that she was dead.

- I wish you could have
just been honest with us.

- To be fair, Mayan,
you never directly asked me,

hey, Dad, have you been
lying about your mom

being dead for 50 years?

If you had told me
that, I would have said

yes, Mayan, I've been lying.

But since you didn't,
it's kind of on you too.

I don't know.

[upbeat saxophone music]

* *

- I feel weird spying
on your grandma.

- We are not spying.

We are on a secret
fact-checking mission.

- Baby, that's spying.

Your dad doesn't want us to
have anything to do with her.

- And we are going to respect
his wishes by not telling him.

- You want me to keep
a secret from him?

I'm already sweating.

- I know nothing about
my grandmother except

that she was either
abusive or not around.

I want to get a sense
of who she is now.

- OK, well, I don't think
being here is a good- oh!

Karaoke machine.

Not sure if you know,
but I have...

* Excellent pitch *

- [shushes]

Elsa might hear you.

Latina moms have super hearing.

That's why their kids
are always in trouble.

- This doesn't
have a price tag.

How much is it?

- Oh, since it's still
in the box, it's 10.

- Can I have it, Daddy?

- Sorry, mija.

We can't afford it.

- You know what?

Wait a minute.

Since it has no box,
you can have it.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- That was so sweet.

She just put her own
money in the register

to pay for that girl's doll.

Maybe all these years
have changed her.

At least now I can
let my dad kn-

Quinten, are you
even listening to me?

- What?

- Mayan?

- Mayan, I think your
grandmother knows we're here.

[upbeat music]

both: * Islands in the stream *

* That is what we are *

* No one in between *

* How can we be wrong? *

* Sail away with me *

* To another world *

- Isn't this great, Gordo?

both: * -on each other *

* Ah-ah *

- Great for who?

both: * -to another *

* Ah-ah *

- That was mighty fine, Dolly.

- Our best one yet, Kenny.

[machine chiming]

- Pitch score of 70.

I score 90s in my solos.

This is your fault.

- Me?

You were pitchy.

- What did you just call me?
- Ahh...

- What score do we need to
reach to stop doing this?

- [sneezes]

- Cover your mouth,
why don't you?

- And get germs on my hand?

That's disgusting.

It's the dust from this
old karaoke machine.

Where'd you get this
piece of junk, anyway?

- What do you mean?

It's always been here.

- Thrift shop.

You went and saw Elsa
behind my back, huh?

- No.

We went to Chili's.

Then we saw Elsa.

- You went to Chili's too?

You got a whole buffet of
backstabbing going on, huh?

both: * Uh-huh *

- I can't believe you went to
see that woman behind my back.

It was deceitful,
and it was treacherous.

And if I wasn't so upset,
I'd actually be quite proud.

- I was just shopping
for a karaoke machine,

and then in walked Mayan.

- Wow.

You're really going to
sell me out like that?

I am Mexican royalty.

I could have your head.

- Why did you go see her?

- OK, I was curious.

But then we got to talking.

And Elsa's not the same
woman she was 50 years ago.

She's got her life together
and would like to make amends.

- Wow.

I'm happy for her.

I'm almost in tears.

- You are?

- No!

See how easily you're duped
by a benevolent old person

with great hair?

- Elsa and I bonded
over being teen moms.

Dolores wasn't exactly a great
role model for her like Mom

was for me.

- So if it wasn't
for Rosie, you

wouldn't have abandoned Chance
for Tecate and tequila Tuesdays

at Tito's Taqueria and Torts?

- You just spit
all over my face.

Elsa would really
like to apologize.

This could be your last
chance to reconcile.

I mean, you're not
getting any younger.

- That's true.

I feel like every birthday,
he ages five years.

- [laughs]
He does.

- Gracefully.

- Well,
why do you care so much?

- You once told me that
the reason you left

was because you felt my life
was better without you in it.

Well, you were wrong.

Life has only gotten
better since you came back.

both: Lies.

- I said better, not easier.

What if the same is true
for you if you let Elsa in?

I mean,
at least for one dinner.

- Why not?

I mean, I don't have to get
hit by a bus to know it hurts,

but apparently you do.

So invite Elsa,
and we'll see that our lives

were better when we all
thought that she was dead.

- Or maybe we'll
both see that the bus

has changed as a person.

- Maybe.

But when she comes
for dinner, Mayan,

I wouldn't serve any
baby corn or baby

spinach or baby back
ribs because she'd

probably abandon them too, OK?

And emotionally,
for me, can we just go slow?

Baby steps?

- You really want to go through
with this dinner with Elsa?

Your father just told
us it was a trap.

- I still think he
can heal from this.

Elsa and my dad just need
a little expert guidance.

- You're going
to hire a therapist?

- Why?
I've been in therapy for years.

10,000 hours makes you
an expert in anything.

I got this.

[upbeat saxophone music]

* *

- Elsa,
I want to say thank you.

- For what?

- Oh,
for showing up after George

and I were already divorced.

I would not have done
well with a mother-in-law.

- She would not.

- OK, hope you're hungry.

We're having ceviche.

- Oh, I love ceviche.

It's another sign.

Like the other day,
I met a boy named George.

Who names their
kid George anymore?

- The only other George
I know is a janitor at school.

And he is not young.

- [laughs]

- I believe in signs too.

Like right before my dad
came back into my life,

I got bit by an old gray
Schnauzer named George.

- [laughs]

- Hello, everyone.

- Dad, why are you
wearing a name tag?

- Because she and I
don't know each other.

And I've taken the liberty of
making one out for everyone.

There you go.

There is yours.

Here is yours.

And hmm.

- Mine says, hello, I am pushy.

- Why is mine just a
big empty white square?

- Uh-huh.

- Mine says, deadbeat mom.

I deserve that.

I'm going to wear it.

[laughter]

- This made more sense
when I was explaining

it to the guy at Staples.

Stop liking it.

[upbeat saxophone music]

[upbeat saxophone music]

- So let me get this straight.

His hair has always
been this big?

- Oh, yes.

I used to cut a slit
into his T-shirts

just so I could get
them over his head.

And lucky for him,

the V-necks were in style
that year.

- [grunts]

Why don't you tell
him how you made

me wear the same T-shirt for
the first six years of my life?

My first grade picture, I was
in a crop top with a little bit

of underboob.

Tastefully, though.

- See, isn't this nice?

Reminiscing,
reconnecting, healing.

- I can't believe
you're falling

for her act with the
cute childhood stories.

Why don't you tell them stories
about when I was a teenager?

Oh, that's right, you can't,
because you weren't there.

- I think it's time
for karaoke.

- No!

- Perhaps Elsa can't tell any
stories from your teen years.

But ask yourself,
can you tell any from mine?

- Of course, Mayan.

I got tons of great memories
from those precious years

of yours.

- Am I in them?

- You can't change
the assignment now.

- There are so many
songs to choose from.

- Rihanna, Madonna,
and Cher, oh, my.

- George has every
right to be angry.

I can't make up for the past.

But I can say I'm
sorry that I left you.

I was a terrible
mother, George.

- Accountability.

We love to see it.

- You were terrible.

But "mother,"
that's a stretch.

- How do we feel about ABBA?

- They have "Mamma Mia."

Oh, too soon.
Too soon.

- What are you doing, Mayan?

- We're listening,
learning, growing.

He also left me
when I was a kid.

- And she's why I did it.

I would have been a
better dad to you if she'd

have been a better mom to me.

It's called
trickle-down "eco-mom-ics."

- And if my mom had
been there for me,

I'd have been a better
mom to your dad.

- Oh, don't try to
steal my excuse.

I spent all day thinking of it.

And as bad as Grandma Dolores
was, at least she was there.

- Next up,
a classic everyone loves.

- We haven't picked a song.

- For the love of
God, play something.

- What we are all
experiencing is just

textbook generational trauma.

Luckily,
I have broken the cycle.

And what worked for me-

- Ta loca,textbook.

There's nothing textbook
about neglecting

and abandoning a kid.

You left a three-year-old in
a dirty diaper in the street.

both: * There she was just
walking down the street *

* Singing doo-a-diddy
diddy-dum diddy-doo *

- Guys!

- Oh, dear.

Did not make the
connection, I swear.

- George, I have
already said I am sorry.

What more do you need?

- I need a mom who took care
of me and a mom who loved me.

But you neglected me
and you ignored me,

and you made me feel
like I was nothing.

You made me feel like I
was less than nothing.

- Well, I guess
this was a bad idea.

Thank you for dinner.

- [chuckles] That was
a great first session, guys.

[upbeat saxophone music]

- Hey, Dad, everyone's
waiting in the car.

We're going to be
late for the movie.

- [coughing]

I just need to put my shoes
on, and I'll be right there.

- I think you should stay home.

- Instead of an inheritance,
my dead mom gave me a cold.

- I really didn't mean to force
things between you and Elsa.

I know when it
comes to healing,

I can be a little pushy.

Accountability.

We love to see it.

- Get out.

- All right.

Good talk.

- [sneezes]

It looks like it's just
me and you, Churro.

Oh my god, lookit.

That looks like
part of my brain.

Don't act like you
wouldn't eat it, Cochina.

[knock at door]

[groaning]

[sneezes]

You know, it's hard to
pretend that you're dead when

you just keep popping up.

- I thought you were getting
sick at dinner last night.

- Yeah, something at
that dinner made me sick.

Couldn't be Mayan's cooking
because I don't eat that.

Oh, yeah, you were there.

- I just came by to bring you
a photo that Mayan asked for.

- What is that-
is that me?

- What other baby was born
looking like a bobblehead?

- I've never seen a
picture of me as a baby.

I didn't think there were any.

- Look at me.

Look at how young
and terrified I was.

I didn't know how
to take care of you.

- Well, neither did
Grandma Dolores.

She fed me out of
the bird feeder.

I had to fight with
those parrots for food.

I had to punch the biggest
one to get some respect.

I mean, how could you
leave me with her?

- I could tell you
I had a lousy childhood.

Abusive boyfriends.

I was drinking, doing drugs.

But that doesn't make
up for leaving you.

- You're right.

- I just thought your life
would be better off without me

in it.

- I said the same
thing to Mayan

when she asked why I left.

- I guess we're really not
that different, are we?

- No, we're nothing alike.

[sneezes]

- I think you need some Vicks.

- What do you care?

- Well, I may not
have known it then,

but I do know that mothers
take care of their sons.

- It's too late for that.

I can take care of myself.

- Fine.

I'll leave this right here.

I'll go make you some
tea before I leave.

[laughter]

- I'm just going to say it.

I'm pretty sure the
Minions are Latino.

Me encanta los bananas.

- That was good.

Elsa.

Hi.

What are you doing here?

- Oh, I just came by to
drop off this photograph

that you wanted.

And then I saw that
your dad was sick,

so I wanted to stay and
see if he needed anything.

He's upstairs asleep.

- George is
contaminating my room?

I'm going to go
burn all my toys.

Again.

- [laughs]
I'm surprised too.

But maybe we needed last night
so we could move forward.

- I knew I was right.

I mean, I hope with more
talking that he can have you

back in his life and I can
get to know the grandmother

I never knew I had.

- I would love that.

I'm going to go.

OK, I just have to make
sure I have my keys.

Oh, let me see.

I had them when I got here.

So we shall see.

Well, they're not here.

Where are they?

Where are they?

Where are they?

Oh, damn it.

- Oh, relax.

We can help you find them.

- I can find them.

This is my house.

I was raised in this house.

You think I can't be here?

- No, that's not what
I was saying at all.

Let's just calm down.

- Calm down?

Don't you tell me to calm down.

You calm down.

- Elsa, hey, hey.

Are these your keys?

- Oh.

Yeah.

Thank you.

OK, you guys have a good night.

- What the hell was that?

- I think we just met the
Elsa my dad warned us about.

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