All language subtitles for Gwed s02e02 Mischief Night.eng

Authorial intent is vital,

so always attack the question

by thinking about what Shelley... J.
..is trying to tell the reader.

For example...
Jam. Jamboree.

He even wants
to cheat death itself

for getting the moral...

Juggernaut. Jalapeno. Jazz.
..moral and ethical im...

..plications of his actions.

So much so...
Jizz.

Jackpot. Jack Grealish.
Joey Barton!

SCATTERED LAUGHTER

Joey Barton?

Er... yeah.

Cos, as we know,

Joey Barton and Frankenstein
are both seen as monsters,

but did society create them
that way?

Good, Connor.

Poetic.

It's going on the board.

Except, we've been studying
Frankenstein for two months now...

..and you still don't know
that "Frankenstein"

is the name of the doctor,
not the monster.

THEY LAUGH

You lost the game
With Frankenstein

You lost the game
With Frankenstein.

You terrored yourself
See me at lunch

You've terrored yourself
So you can see me at lunch.

THEY JEER,
LAUGH

Do you need assistance to be able
to wash either your hair or body

below the waist?
Why?

Are you offering?
HE LAUGHS

You're gonna have to buy me
dinner first, love.

Mr Morris,
I need you to answer properly

if you wanna be fully assessed.
I'm sorry.

I can wash myself.

Er, and you said in the application
that you have vision problems.

Can we conduct an eye test?

Who said that? Aimee, is that you?

THEY CHUCKLE

Sorry. Yeah, sometimes,
I get blurred vision

that lasts a few hours,
but they're OK today.

Could you read the letters behind me
from the top, please?

There's no point, is there?

I've just told you,
my eyes are fine today.

I'll need you to take the test,
Mr Morris.

E, F, P, N, J...

It's fun to stay
At the YMCA, hey.

THEY CHUCKLE
Very good.

OK, so you will have to wait
six weeks for an official decision,

but I can tell you now,
you didn't receive

the total points required
to be awarded the standard rate

for the daily living
or mobility component.

What does that mean?

It means
you will not be awarded PIP.

Look, just check my medical records,
OK? It's all there.

We don't use medical records,
Mr Morris.

We are fully trained to assess
how your health condition

affects your daily life
and therefore your PIP eligibility.

You've just used
the word "life" there, love.

You do understand that the past
ten minutes isn't my life.

My life is waking up
every single day

and thinking
I'm not gonna let this affect me,

and then I can't even get out of bed

because my leg's
not working properly.

My life is trying
not to feel sorry for myself,

and then the fear hits me
like a ton of bricks

and I've got no choice.

My life is being petrified
every single day

that I can't afford to support
my own bloody daughter,

so don't you sit there, love,
and tell me about my life. OK?

I haven't seen you that angry

since KFC forgot your gravy
in your Bucket for One.

Don't be trying
to make me sound insane.

There was a mini fillet missing,
too.

It was the double blow
that got to me.

Hey, we'll appeal it.

Yeah, but by then, it'll be,

"Can you put up
your bloody homeless tent unaided?"

What are we gonna do
if I can't work, eh?

We'll cope.

Then when I'm a famous actress
and we're living off my millions,

we'll drive past here
in a Lamborghini

giving them the fingers. Hm?

"Wahey, shove your PIP
up your arse!"

THEY CHUCKLE

He's too sick to work
but not sick enough to get PIP.

Hey, if you need money quick,
we could be brand ambassadors

like Abbey Clancy is
for Marks & Spencer's food.

Yeah, she gets Marksies.
What are we gonna get?

Westminster Kebabbey by ours?

MIA LAUGHS

When I'm walking home
pissed out my face,

I love nothing better
than the 7.99 doner crunch burger

from Westminster Kebabbey.

So if you don't mind
being perved at by Abdul,

this is the burger for you.

THEY LAUGH

Everything else
is about getting big on socials.

Beauty videos make the most.
Mm.

Hey, we've got make-up tips.
We could get followers doing that.

It's worth a try, I suppose.

Hmm. Oh, here he is.

How did this morning go?

Not good. We didn't get it.

I'm sorry.
Everything's gonna be all right.

Hey, surely,
the 7th Earl of Gimpy Shoes

is gonna inherit some estate?

Marry him and you're sorted, girl.
Hm!

THEY LAUGH

Oh, come on Mum,
if you save just one peno,

I'll hoover for two weeks.

See you later.

Where are you going?

All right, Sherlock.
I'm out with the girls.

Aren't you supposed
to be seeing your dad?

I am.

Just gonna whip a few
past you first.

Behave yourself.

I saved one last week
and you never touched that hoover.

Mum, you parried it onto the post,
and then it defo crossed the line.

Whatever, lad. See you later.

HE EXCLAIMS
What's that?

Goal-line technology.
You actually put up a hidden camera?

Yes, I did, and there's one
in your bedroom as well.

What?
SHE CLICKS TONGUE

See you later.
Yeah.

Have fun with your dad, baby.
I will.

PHONE BUZZES

You all right, Dad?
'Son, I've got to cancel tonight.

'Sorry, lad,
but I'll make it up to you.

'I've sent a brass to yours,

'and if you're anything like
your dad, you love an Asian.'

Nah, Dad, don't do that.
'I'm winding you up, lad!'

HE EXHALES
'It's actually a BBW.'

What? 'Yeah, but I will
make it up to you. I promise.

'All right, ta-ra. Bye, bye, bye.'

Did you see the comments
on our video?

"Suddenly, Maggie Thatcher leaving
Liverpool to rot is justified."

AIMEE SCOFFS

"This is why white girls
get a bad name." Huh?

Well, this one
is actually quite nice.

"I hope you both
get the help you need."

AIMEE SCOFFS
Aw.

Yeah, it didn't exactly take off,
did it?

Well, what did you expect?

They saw through
the desperate attempt to make money.

Ee, well, how do you make money?
WokeFans?

AIMEE LAUGHS

POSH ACCENT: Subscribe for
exclusive content of white people

silently realising their privilege.

THEY CHUCKLE

No, because money
is a superficial struggle.

Progress and injustice,
they're the real battles.

Hasn't your podcast
just started a Patreon?

Yeah, but all the money
is reinvested back into the podcast

for better equipment
or booking guests.

Had your hair done recently?
And your eyebrows?

We video the podcasts for YouTube.

There's nothing wrong
with looking presentable.

Of course, it'll help.

POSH ACCENT: "Hello, refugees,
this is your pilot speaking.

"We're heading back to the UK.

"Asylum has just been granted.

"The Brimble
has just had her eyebrows tinted."

Through adversity, heroes are born.

THEY LAUGH

Ugh, it's 12:30. Where is he?

We can't start the meeting
without him.

HE CHUCKLES SOFTLY

What is that?

My mate got them made
for Mischief Night Thursday.

You know, mis-CHIEF.

We've all got Indian Chief names.

I tried this once.

It's boss, innit?

And you think treating
the culture of a minority group

as one big joke is funny?

I-I didn't realise. I'm sorry.

Maybe next year,
youse can all do blackface,

and I can educate you
on why that's offensive, too?

Oh.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, right. OK.

So, Mr Offends People's Cultures,
are you coming to the shop?

PHONE BUZZES
Oh.

I'm supposed to be meeting the boys.

But they can wait.

Good shout.
You finally get to see my car.

Nice.
Got it for my 17th.

The other comments were just pervy,
weren't they?

"No idea what youse are chatting,
but youse are heavy." Hm.

"Would smash the ginger one." Mm.
Mm.

Well, sex sells, Aims, innit?
Mm.

Lads have got to give their cocks
the final say.

We've both had messages on Insta
from lads saying they'll pay us

to text them, keep them company,
ask how their day was.

Imagine how much they'd pay
if I was like, "How's your day?

"Oh, and how's that
big, fat, lovely cock of yours?'

THEY LAUGH
True.

Oh, Aimee, Lindsay's coming in
from RARE, Thursday.

She wants to talk about your options

for sixth form after your GCSEs.
Be there. OK.

Hey, sir, doesn't sex sell?

What?

Like, if you had to choose
between Jodie

serving you cottage pie in a bikini

or Sharon,
you'd choose Jodie, wouldn't you,

cos sex sells,
and she's got a good body?

No, not necessarily.
Oh.

So you'd choose Sharon over me,
would you, sir?

I'm not saying I'd choose Sharon.
Wouldn't touch her with a barge pole

because she's not thin enough
for your taste, sir?

Love a bit of fat-shaming,
do you, sir?

Just because you're slim

and never struggled
with a weight problem, sir?

Well, actually...
Take pure joy in eviscerating

Sharon's self-esteem, do you, sir?
What?! No...

Part of a little online community
where you meet up

and make fun of overweight people,
are you, sir? No!

HE SIGHS
Why?

"Little Trust Fund" - very original.

What, just cos I'm Southern,
it must mean I'm rich?

It's cos it's true, lad.

And you inherited
everything you own.

Where have you been lad?
You're late.

My petrolheads club ran over.
Chill.

Right, let's just crack on.

This year's target is Gordon Hyland.

THEY MURMUR
IN AGREEMENT

The Country Fleet Express
bus driver

who single-handedly ruined
my football career.

Arsehole.
Yeah, right. And how did he do that?

I had a trial at Stockport County.

My phone died,
so I couldn't show him my ticket

and he didn't let me on.

If you're good enough,
you'll get a trial somewhere else.

Nah, lad.
I'm not the same player, lad.

My confidence is shot.

Of course it is.
I told you not to question him.

Now, boys, this is the plan,
and if we pull this off,

they will be renaming Mizzy Night
after us.

Yeah.
Yeah!

Oh, and guess what?
My dad's coming as well.

He said he's gonna teach us
some old-school mischief.

THEY EXCLAIM

Oh, my God...
ALL TALK AT ONCE

We're gonna cause carnage!

It'll be sound, you know.
PHONE BUZZES

I'll send the draft design over.
Oh, sorry, one sec.

What the fuck?

PHONE BUZZES

Hello?
'Hi, James.'

'I'm calling
about your recent test results.

'We recommend you come
into our clinic immediately.'

Now, we will be following
NHS protocol

and informing
your previous sexual partners,

who will come into our clinic

and, as revenge, get to critique
your lovemaking capabilities

in front of an audience.

MIA LAUGHS

Nah, you're not funny.
I shit myself.

Oh, you should get tested for IBS
as well, then, shouldn't you?

THEY LAUGH

Like the wallpaper sticks
To the wall

Like the seashore clings
To the sea

Like you'll never get rid
Of your shadow

Frank, you'll never get rid
Of me...

Porche 911?

Easy one, fella overcompensating
for his tiny cock.

HE TUTS
Fuck's sake.

That car's my phone background.

I know, I saw it.

Point proven.
THEY CHUCKLE

Nissan Skyline?

Pathetic wannabe bad boy,
got his mummy as the main driver

cos the insurance is too expensive.

Hey! My ex had that car...
I...

..and you're absolutely spot-on
about him.

Ooh, same as me,
Volkswagen Scirocco.

17-year-old girl,
runs a sad Petrolheads Club

with only two members

and chauffeurs around
an absolute stud muffin.

THEY LAUGH

"No point using
that tiny little pecker on me.

"Lick my foo-foo instead."

Hmm...

Adam Costello?
Yeah.

THEY LAUGH
A tenner for that sext.

I mean, you've got to admire him,

small cock, but he is controlling
the narrative. Mm-hm!

"I wanna feel your tongue
all over my pretty little feet."

Oh, easy one. That's Charlie Kelly.
He loves a foot, that lad.

Right, "I want your BBC
deep inside me."

Well, that narrows it down -
Leon Wood?

No, surprisingly, Ava Walsh.

Oh!

Whatever floats her boat, I suppose.

How much did you make, then?

COINS CLINK
6.50.

See, things are looking up.

That'll get you three Pot Noodles

for Wayne-o's breakfast,
dinner and tea.

THEY CHUCKLE

Here you are,
you can have what I've earnt. No.

I was doing it for you anyway.
Just take it.

Thank you.

You know what you're gonna
have to do next, though...

No.
THEY LAUGH

MO: Oh, here he is.
There we are.

Decided to join us, have you?

The shop won't sell us eggs
cos of Mischief Night.

That's why I gave you the job
of getting them early.

Divvy.
I know.

You're a let-down, lad.

Are youse after some gear, then,
fellas, yeah?

Lad, I've told you,
you couldn't sell cum to your ma,

who's a massive slag. Pipe down.
Is she?

Your white and brown eggs
are your bog-standard cheapest gear.

Then you've got your free-run eggs,

which are a bit lighter,
so they have a longer throw reach.

But the strongest stuff I've got
is your free-range.

They've got a superb splash,
so more damage potential.

They could cover
the fucking Taj Mahal, lad.

Might be a bit expensive
for you boys, though.

SOFTLY: Butters.
Butters?

No, this is scatty.
Then you've got your organic eggs,

which are good
if you wanna bake a pavlova.

They'll help you bang out
a fucking belter pavlova.

And yours was nowhere near
fluffy enough!

ALL WHISPER AT ONCE

We'll take all your free-range.

Ha-ha, you lads must mean business.

Lad, how many times?
BOYS GASP

MO: Are these shagging?
What the fuck?

WAYNE: You all right, love?

What happened?

I got halfway through Stuck On You

and I ended up stuck
on the bloody floor.

My legs went again.

Did you carry on singing
from the floor?

Ha-ha, good one.

Oh, Aimee, the state
of this bloody kitchen, love.

Sorry, I was gonna clean
after my homework.

Don't worry, I'll sort it.

LAPTOP PINGS

Oh, I was worried you were gonna be
a 60-year-old perv with a ponytail.

'No, just a standard
20-year-old perv with a buzzcut.'

SHE CHUCKLES
'You're unreal.

'You should put more pics up.
Show yourself off.

'You'll definitely hit
that 60-year-old perv

'with a ponytail market then.'
SHE LAUGHS

Cheers for the advice, Hazza.
How much do I owe you?

'I'm just saying,
I'd have paid double for this

'if you wore something more...
revealing.

'Unless you've got a third nipple
or something. Then I'd pay triple.

'You should change your name
to @TripleNippleAimee.'

@TripleNippleAndMyDadsACripple.
'What?'

Nothing.
'So, are we all right to start?'

PHONE BUZZES

Hello.
'Hello, I'm John Rimmer,

'the ICU Ward Manager
at Broadgreen Hospital.

'I'm with James Baker.
I understand you know him.'

Erm, yeah.

'Well, I'm afraid
he's been viciously attacked.

'He's clinging on for dear life,
but he wants to say something.'

HIGH-PITCHED:
'I'm in so much pain.

'Mainly in my back
from carrying you on Payday.

CHUCKLES

AS JOHN: 'Oh, no,
h-he's going, he's going.

'Wait, h-he's desperate
to say one more thing.'

HIGH-PITCHED: Should we meet?

We should.

AS JOHN:
OK, now he's gone, I'm sorry.

Wait, do you know if he's left me
his Steam login in his will?

THEY LAUGH

DOOR OPENS
Are you hungry?

Shall we order something?

Er, yeah. Sound, whatever you want.
OK.

Hello?

DOOR CLOSES
Er, yeah.

So, when do you wanna meet?

Next week.

GIGGLES
Go on, then.

'Hiya, love.
Hey, look what I've woken up to.

'I summoned the MS helper elves,
and it worked.

'They've been in the night.'
AIMEE CHUCKLES

I sold some clothes on Vinted,

paid for a home help
to come twice a week.

'Nice one, love, but I told you,
you didn't have to do that.

'Thanks. Go on.
Go and have a good day at school.

'Love you.'
Love you too. Bye.

This is the girl
I was just telling you about. Hi.

Hiya.
This is Aimee.

This is Lindsay from RARE.

Now, I know I'm biased,
but she really is a talent.

Great energy, passion.

Always makes choices
that surprise me.

But enough about our sex life, sir.
Hm?

I don't really think
that this is appropriate here.

I love it.

You need a good sense of humour
in the acting business, mm?

THEY LAUGH

She's a comedian.

Shall we?
Yeah.

She's gonna be the next Jodie Comer.
PHONE CHIMES

BOY: See you later, lad.

So, I'm having a little party
in ours tonight.

Bring your friends
after your Mischief Night.

But make sure
you're not all mischiefed out.

Leave some for me and you, eh?

Memories are made of this...

If you do wish to apply,

it's important
that you're aware of our values.

Respect, treat others
how you'd wanna be treated.

PHONE CHIMES
Humour. Integrity.

Act in a responsible manner.
Er, quiet, please.

Thank you.
BOY: She's gone all out.

Quiet, please.
LAUGHTER

What's going on?

Put a sock in it, youse.
What's going on?

Nothing, sir, you don't wanna
see this. What is it?

Sir, it's not for public
consumption. It's shocking.

HUSHED: Just show it to me.

BOY: The dick ratings
are one to nine, then top cock.

Er, Aims. She's posted this.

BOY: Reasonable prices, to be fair.
You little rat.

I'd rather be a rat than someone
who undermines feminism.

What, dick ratings for 20, really?

I'll give you your rating for free -
ten out of ten massive dick.

I thought that feminism was all
about being in control of your body

and doing what YOU want with it.

Not if it encourages men
to objectify women.

Well, men are always
gonna objectify women,

we might as well
make some money out of it.

Do you not care
about reinforcing misogyny?

Er, you're reinforcing it, girl.

Imagine being stuck in a room
with you.

You'd defo leave a misogynist.
CLASS: Ooh!

LAUGHTER

Thank you so much for coming in.

Can we all give Lindsay a big round
of applause to say thank you.

SCATTERED APPLAUSE
Let's hope she signs an NDA form.

Do yourself a favour

Do yourself a favour...

Are you OK?
Well, obviously not.

You're my girlfriend.

My girlfriend
who's not in the kitchen right now

preparing my meal then completing
her cleaning schedule.

What are you even doing here
getting an education, hm?

THEY LAUGH
Come here.

So, you're OK about it?

If you are, then I am.

Besides, if I had your body,
I'd do the same.

I tried it with mine,
me, helicoptering my...

HE GROANS
Eurgh.

Zero subscribers.

THEY CHUCKLE
Not surprised.

Aimee, listen, it's not for me
to judge what you do, but remember,

if you put something online,
it's there forever.

Hey, it's gonna be OK.

This is our moment, boys.

This is what
we've been waiting 365 days for.

MO: 'Yes, lad.'
Tonight, we dine in mischief, baby.

TED: 'You know that, lad.
CHRISTOPHER: 'Oh, I can't wait.'

I'm telling you. I'm telling you!
Lying muppet!

Argh, what the...?
TED: Where are you going, lad?

Hello, Gordon.

Oh, no, no!
CONNOR: Run, lad. Run, now!

Get him, boys!
Run, Gordon. Run, run, run, run!

He's a little fanny.

No, no, please, no.
Eeny, meeny, miny...

Mo!
Argh!

And when the band played
Hail To The Chief...

BREATHES HEAVILY

Ooh, they point the cannon
At you, Lord

It ain't me, it ain't me...
PANTS

EGG SPLATS

Oh, no, no. Please, no.

Oh, God, no. Please, no more!

GROANS

Argh!

EXCLAIMS

BREATHES HEAVILY

Do you remember me, lad?
No.

I'm the lad who you didn't let on
the bus who missed his footy trial.

His one shot.

Lad, you don't have to do this.
I've got a family.

This is for robbing me
of winning the World Cup.

You wouldn't have made it, lad.
You're too small.

What about Messi, lad?
No, no, no.

REECE GRUNTS,
LAUGHTER

MO: Ostrich egg, lad. Genius!

THEY CHATTER
EXCITEDLY

Boys, boys. I am so sorry
I mocked Mischief Night.

That was amazing.
I'm in charge next year.

Mischief General.
You're a nerve, lad.

Yeah, oh, yeah. Shit.

MO CLEARS THROAT

Lad, whose party is it?
Er, don't know.

Just lads from our school
were talking about it on Snap, so...

Oh, yeah?

REECE: Is it a party or a funeral?
What's happening?

Go 'ead.

TED SCOFFS

SNICKERING

Sideshow Bob, lad.
SNICKERING

MUSIC: 'Packs And Potions'
by HAZEY

Watch your step there, fella.

Do you know
how embarrassing that was, eh?

Sitting opposite Mr Meacher
and him telling me

my own daughter's been doing that.

I just wanted to help.
And you've told me everything?

You haven't been doing
any of the other stuff have you?

Girlfriend experiences
or selling your knickers?

How do you know they do that?
I don't.

Oh, my God.
Who do you subscribe to?

Nobody, and don't be changing
the subject, you.

It's not MS porn is it?

MS porn?
What the hell would MS porn be?

Getting knackered after ten seconds?

SHE SNORTS

THEY CHUCKLE

Stop laughing. It's not funny.

It is a bit funny.
Come here.

Thanks for trying, love.

We're gonna be OK, you know.

This is not just porn...

this... is MS porn.

THEY LAUGH

MUSIC PLAYS
IN OTHER ROOM

HE SIGHS

I'm gutted.

SHE CHUCKLES

I still love it, though.

Getting bevvied.

Are you all right, lads?
Er, yeah, yeah.

The lads in there said
we could get some more beers.

They come over here
stealing our beers.

BOYS LAUGH

State of him, lad.
Come 'ead. Can we?

Yeah, go ahead.
Sound.

I just thought it was too unique
so you wouldn't have it.

The more unique, the more I love it.

Oh, lad, come on. That's my hat.
Fat little cockbite.

Just give it him back.
You little nit, lad.

What do you mean "cockbite", lad?
What the fuck are youse doing?

I've been thinking recently,
maybe I should start looking

for something more unique
in my dating life, too.

Instead of the usual knobs.

Couldn't agree more.

JEERING
REECE: Just give him his hat!

Here you are, I'll help you get
that brown shit off your face, lad.

MO: Stop it, please.
Lad!

If only your da squirted
in your ma's face like that,

there'd be one less dickhead.

Ah! Oh!
Reece!

How lucky can one guy be?

Stop it!
REECE GRUNTS

Fucking watch, lad.

MUFFLED: Stop.
Shut up.

MO SHOUTS
Shut the... Shut up!

Serves him right, the cheeky prick.
REECE GASPS

Reece!
Go on, fuck off, lad.

Oh, my God. Reece, Reece?

Are you OK?
Get him up, get him up.

Move!
Come on, let's go.

Get the fuck out the way!

What happened?
Lad, where were you?

Is that why you brought us here?
For a bird?

Are you all right?
Nah, fuck off.

Your mates are they, yeah?
No, I don't know them.

Come on.
Yeah, I'll come with youse.

Nah, you stay here.

Go hide back upstairs,
you little rat.

Does his t-shirt say
"bums with gays"?

Lad, you know
when he was making me watch...

..is it weird I got a hard-on?

THEY LAUGH,
REECE GROANS

Like the fella once said
Ain't that a kick in the head?

Oh, ain't that a kick

Tell me quick
Ain't that a kick in the head?

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