All language subtitles for Matthew John Lawrence - Uncle Peckerhead - English with German Subs

Gather around, everyone.
Please, Doris, Diane.

With this being Judy's
last morning with us,

I was thinking it'd be nice
if we could go around the room

and say what we appreciate
most about her. I'll start us off.

Scott, you really don't need to...

Your scones.

Judy, your scones are truly a revelation.

One bite, one crumb can send me places
I never before dreamt I could go.

Your flavor combinations are so refined
and, excuse my language, freakin' electric.

Look at me here.
I'm babbling on and on.

Doris, is there something
you'd like to say?

Sure.

Well, Judy, even though
I wouldn't feed your macaroons to my dogs.

I still respect your work ethic
and don't wish you any specific harm.

I am so sorry to cut this short.

Doris, a moving tribute.

I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity
to work alongside each one of you.

But I have to go now.
My planet needs me. Bye.

I thought her scones were shit.

Gary, come on, dude.
That's all wrong, dude.

The quilt queens? And the p... whose p
is that? Why is there a p...

Amir.

Judy, hi. As you can see,
we're busy today so what do you want?

As promised.

Okay. I'll listen to it.

Okay.

What? What? Why are you still here?

Oh, uh. I see shark dick just
dropped off the queef queens show.

Very perceptive. What gave that away?

Have you found a replacement opener yet?
Will there be a replacement?

I don't know. I don't know.

Well, you know, we could open.

Listen. I just, it's not a good idea.
I don't think that's...

Amir, please.

You said we needed something
recorded, so we made a demo.

You said we needed some experience, so we
are about to embark on our first tour.

Can you please, just please, listen
to the tape before you make a decision?

Fine, fine. Just leave.

Okay.

Just go.

All right. I'll call you later today
to see what you think.

If you call me before Friday morning,
I'm going to burn the demo.

All right. Friday morning it is.

Goodbye.

Kay. Hi.

Go. Leave.

Yes!

Morning.

It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon.

Mel. Mel!

This place is still a sty. I thought you
two were gonna clean it while I was gone.

I had to replace all my drum heads.

I started to clean

but then I needed to get high
cause I hate cleaning.

But then I got tired
cause weed makes me sleepy.

Then I needed to sleep, so I slept.

I'm sorry.

Band meeting. Kitchen.

Let's go. Up, up, up!

Okay. So... jobs quit, bags packed, merch
boxed, guitars strung, drum heads replaced.

Tour route mapped.

Six shows, seven days, with the possibility
of a seventh show back here with...

Mel, drum roll, please.

The queef queens.

The house of independents show?

The very same.

Shut up.

No way.

Yes, way. And we all know who
drums for the queef queens, right?

No.

Yes. Jenn Jennings.

And we all know jenn Jennings'
claim to fame, right?

No.

Also, no.

She is owner, operator
of alliteration records.

Oh, man. Alliteration has such
an awesome roster of bands.

Yeah.

In the past year alone, they've put out
the brain busters lp, the acid cat ep,

and two seven inches from turd toilet.

And the soon to be released
debut album from duh.

Precisely.

We open for the queef queens.

Jenn Jennings sees us,
jenn Jennings loves us.

I give jenn Jennings our demo.

Jenn Jennings offers us a record deal.

We no longer have to work shit jobs

and we just get to tour
and make music for the rest of our lives.

Fuckin' a. Yeah!

I wouldn't celebrate just yet, or ever.

Life has a way of dangling
these small carrots of opportunity

in front of our faces,

ready to completely destroy and
dismantle any hope in sight.

The world is chaos. And, though
together, we are alone to suffer.

Okay. Everybody up. Up, c'mon.

We're going on tour, yeah! We're going on
tour, yeah! We're going on tour, yeah!

Okay. Max.

I don't want us to look like
a bunch of amateurs on our very first tour,

so let's practice some stage banter.

Right now?

Yes.

Why?

Because you suck at talking.

Mm-hm. Let's role play.

Pretend we just finished our first song.

What would you say?

Okay. Uh... hi, I'm Max
and I'm here to say, uh

we're in the band duh,
and we're playing right now.

And, um... we hope you all like music...

Um... our music, uh,
cause, you know, music's special, um,

and you're special
for being here with us tonight.

Why? What's wrong with that... whoa!

Yikes.

Aw. Jesus, Max. Are you okay?

Yeah, all good. Face broke the fall.

Aw. Now, where is the Van?

Huh. Uh... oh, I see it.

Shit.

No, no, no. Stop!
Do not get in that Van! I'm coming!

That's weird. Do we know those guys?

The Van's getting repoed, dumb-ass.

Please, don't!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Goddammit!

My one-hitter was in there. Fuck.

Why is this happening?

Guys, we can fix this.
We can. I think. Probably.

I warned us last night.
The world is cruel and unforgiving.

Shit.

Now that I think about it,
the creditors were calling a lot last week.

Fuuuuuuu...

Okay. Last one.

Say a little prayer.

Now, the waiting game.

Hey!

Keep walking.

Hey, is this you?

You the kids that just
tagged my windshield?

Uh... yes.

That is my property.
You are soliciting on private property.

We're sorry, sir.

Mm-hm.

Now, what's the meaning of this?

Okay. We didn't know you were in there,
so I'll just take this...

Now, what do you guys need a Van for?

Cause of the man, man.

Yeah. And we need it pronto
so that our band can go on tour.

You guys are in a band?

Yeah.

Oh shit. You guys rip?

Well, I believe we do. Yeah.

Oh. Right on.

Well, does that mean
that we can borrow your Van?

Well, no.

Full disclosure, that Van back there
also happens to be my home for the moment.

You see, in this cut-throat,
capitalistic world in which we now live,

your boy has fallen on hard times.

The game is rigged and I am but a casualty.

A victim.

But I am hopeful.

Hey. I can drive y'all.

I can roadie, too. I mean, every
touring band needs a roadie. Don't they?

Ju... just throw me a few bucks
and pay for gas and what-not.

Well, we could leave right now.
What do you say?

Um, not that I care, but
who is the man driving the mystery Van?

Oh. That's, um...

Sorry, I didn't get your name.

My name's peckerhead.

What?

Peck-er-head.

That is not your name.

Well, that is what my daddy
called me til the day he died.

Peckerhead's giving us a ride in his Van.

You can call me peck.
My friends call me peck.

I'll stick with peckerhead. Thanks.

Ladies' choice.

Well, peck, on behalf of the entire band,
it is wonderful to have you on board.

And now it's tour time.

Hey.

Hey. Uh, we're running a little late
and I don't wanna piss off the promoter.

Any chance you could go,
I don't know, like,

ten miles above the speed limit
when we're back on the road?

I'm afraid not, Judy pie.

You see, this highway is teeming with patrolmen
who wouldn't take kindly to a bunch of punks.

Yo. Find anything, detective?

Locked?

Glad we hauled ass.

I thought load-in was at 5:00?

That's what the promoter said.

So, how did you guys come up
with the name duh?

Uh, James Taylor was already taken.

Someone's here.

Um, hello, sir.

You with the band?

Uh, yeah. Judy. Hi.

Uh, we spoke over the phone.

Okay.

Anything else I can help you with?

Um... well, uh, should we start to load in?

Sure. Whatever.

It's not like there's a rush.

Sound guy doesn't get her til 9:00 and,
uh, you're the only band booked tonight.

What? I thought this was a showcase.

Uh, yeah. And your band is being showcased.

How much material do you have prepared?

Can you handle three hours with a
15 minute break between sets?

Uh...
We have 20 minutes of original material.

22 with a misfits cover.

Are you kidding me?

I don't know where we're
supposed to plug in.

Whoa!

I didn't say to stop, drummer.

Stop!

Alright, bass, you're up.

We check vocal mics first.

Test. One, two, three.
Test. One, two, three. Test.

Uh, yeah. Can I just get
a little bit more of her in my monitor?

I can't hear anything.

Um... test. One, two.
Test. One, two.

Uh, yeah...

Hey, just remember what we worked on. Okay?

You got this.

Hi. Uh...

Fuck it. Let's just play.

What's this?

Your cut.

It's three dollars.

Yeah, a dollar a head.

What the fuck am I gonna
do with three dollars?

I don't know. Invest in a better band?
See ya.

Careful.

Well, I thought y'all did just great.

How much cash we rake in?

Shut up.

Like, what's the point of paying us at all?

That brings our total funds to $11.

Great. We're screwed.

Mm-hm.

I guess we have to take justice
into our own hands.

Stand down, mcclane.

Fuck.

Chaos, man. Fucking chaos.

Hey, what time is it?

Almost midnight.

Let's just get out of here. Hmm?

Yeah.

I'm just gonna use the bathroom
before we hit the road.

Yeah. Make sure you piss and shit
all over while you're in there.

Roger that.

Just wash your hands.

Man. Peck must be going to town in there.

Should I poop, too?

Hello?

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Get in the Van. We're leaving.

What is it?

Where are the keys to the Van?

I don't know.
I think peck has them. Why?

Oh, hey. Uh, what are
y'all carrying on about?

Stay the fuck back!

Whoa. What the fuck is going on?

Oh, no. It's all right.
It's all right.

You know, Judy just got spooked because

she caught me
roughing up that promoter man back there.

He killed him. What?

He's a fucking monster.

Now, let's not resort to name-calling.

Did you really kill the promoter?
Is that true?

Yes!

Of course not.

Then why the fuck would she say that?

Hell if I know.

All I wanted was just to give him
one good pop before we hit the road.

There were pieces of him everywhere.
He's dead.

Oh, I beg to differ.

He is very much alive.

I saw it. He was eating him and...

He's alive.

Dead.

Alive.

Dead.

Alive.

D-e-a-d.

All right, everyone. Shut up!

Okay. I'm gonna go check it out.

Okay. Wait.

You may not want to go in there.

Eww.

Y'all said he had it coming.

Where's his head?

Goddamn.

All right, y'all. C'mon.
We gotta hit the road soon.

We got other towns to rock and what-not.

We need to get his keys and go.

Okay.

Guys?

It's really fucked up in there.

Where's the key to the Van?

Oh! Now I'll admit, an explanation is owed
but that is my Van out there.

Now let me buy you some dinner

and then if you still feel
that I'm in the wrong,

we can unload your stuff
and go our separate ways.

Mmm?

No.

Go ahead. Eat up.
It's... it's on me.

I guess I should open with an apology.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I murdered the hell
out of that promoter man

before I had the chance to run it by y'all.

And I guess I should have been
more forthcoming about my condition.

And exactly what condition would that be,
peckerhead?

Well, every night at midnight
I turn into some thing.

Now I don't know what that thing is.

I honestly can't remember
how or when it started,

but it only lasts for thirteen minutes.

And then I'm fine.

Fine? You killed and ate a man.

Please, keep it down.

Okay. I did, yes.

Right. And, uh, who's to say it
wouldn't be one of us next time?

One of my band mates? Shit, no.

[... 1 am in complete control.

Control. Okay.

Hey, peck, do you have diabetes.

No, why?

I thought so.

What's that?

You know exactly what this is.

I found this in his glove compartment
earlier today.

So you're on smack, too.

Aw peck. Say it ain't so.

Now, now hold the phone.

You think that,
that I use this for shooting dope? Hardly.

How do you think I control this thing, huh?

I use this to sedate myself every night
to keep the beast at bay.

Sorry.

Why wasn't the beast kept at bay tonight?

For, for one thing
I didn't think it was right

for some joker to take advantage
of my friends like that.

And when I saw how worried Judy was
about getting to the next show,

what with lack of funds for gas and food,
well, I had to do something.

So I stuck up for all of us.

By eating him.

I realize that some might think
that that's an extreme response,

but how else were we gonna to get paid?

Well, we didn't get paid, so.

Yeah.

Au contraire.

Holy shit.

There's enough here for gas and food,
maybe even a shower.

I understand how scary
that must have looked.

But I got this. Hmm?

Please? It won't happen again.

Thank you.

I'm going to go pay for this.

I'll be right back.

No.

Come on, Judy.
I think we should give him another chance.

No. He is literally a man-eating monster.

A monster who killed an asshole promoter that
fucked us and a ton of other bands, too.

Yeah.

No.

Look, Judy.
He said it wouldn't happen again.

He called us his friends.

No.

All right. Let's take a vote.

All in favor to let peck stay on with us
for the time being, raise 'em.

Sun's up, darling, not a monster in sight.

What are we gonna do?

Uh, continue to let him drive us around.

And pay for two star hotel rooms
and gas and snacks and...

I'm not kidding.

What was it like last night?

With peck?

Yeah.

Fucking horrific.

I mean, you saw the aftermath.

No no no, I mean like
what did he look like?

Like, did he get like all ripped
like incredible hulk

or did he like turn into a sexy panther
like in cat people?

No. No, nothing like that.

He was just like a paler, uglier version
of himself if you can imagine.

It's tough.

Aren't you the slightest bit worried
that he could turn on one of us?

Mmm. No.

I mean he seems to have a system in place.

Or maybe, I just don't fear death anymore.

Oh. Cool.

Hey peck,
can I ask you a question?

Sure buddy. What's up?

What do people taste like?

Oh, well. That's tough to say.

You know, some people taste like dog shit.

And then other people taste
like watermelon sherbet.

Hmm. Sounds like a metaphor for humanity.

That's deep, dude.

What is the cheapest Van on your lot?

Uh, what about to rent?

Okay, what is the cheapest vehicle
you have that runs?

Jesus. Okay.

Do you know of any other numbers
that I should try?

Yes. No, I already tried them.

That is how I got your number. So.

Um, okay. Thank you. Goodbye.

House of independents, this is Amir.

Amir, hi. Uh, this is Judy, from duh.

Uh, I know I'm calling
a little bit earlier than...

Judy. I said Friday. Goodbye.

Oh, hey peck, wait.

Oh, good morning, miss.

Uh, I was just gonna get some Joe.

Can I grab you a cup?

No. But, can I borrow the keys to the Van?

Oh sure.

Ah, nice try Judy pie but I'm just going
to hold on to these bad boys, huh?

I'll be right back.

God, come on, Judy. We've done nothing
but listen to your music the whole time.

Yeah, because my mixes rule,
your mixes honk.

No they don't.

Every one of my tapes is carefully curated.

Each one tells a story.

Yours are so one note, Max.

You have even been known to
put the same song twice on one side.

Who does that?

Me!

No!

Give it to me!

Suck my clit.

All right, all right, all right now.

Ya'll quit it.

Now the rules of the road dictate that the
driver is in charge of picking the music.

Now Judy, you had yesterday.

Max, you've got today and then Mel,
you can have tomorrow if you want it.

Nothing matters.

Max, will you do the honors?

For a band named pissface
this is a real quaint hq.

How do you know these guys?

Uh, guy. And I don't.

I came across their demo last year and I
just cold called the number on the back.

You got gumption to the gills, girl.

How do we know that pissface
isn't a bunch of creeps?

Well, I talked to their bassist Nick
a couple times on the phone.

Seems like a little bit of a goon,
but kind of like a harmless goon.

Judy?

Hey. I'm Nick.

Oh, um. Hi.

Really nice to meet you.

So, I know it's a bit cramped,
but you guys can crash in my room.

You can probably fit two in the bed
and then we have some sleeping bags

for whoever wants to crash on the floor.

Are you sure that it's cool
that we're taking over your space?

Yeah, yeah totally.

So I'll let you guys relax and decompress,

um, but I was thinking maybe later we could
grab some beers, go swimming?

Oh man. I bet you can do a sick jackknife.

Well, you'll have to wait and see.

I can't wait.

Okay. Great.

Um, make yourselves at home.

I'm sorry, is it just me,

or is he not one of the most beautiful men
we have ever laid eyes on?

I know, right?

He's okay.

He's like a baby deer or something.

Yeah, like a baby deer with perfect teeth.

- Ohh!
- Damn!

Mm-hmm.

You better fuck that guy.

Jesus, Mel. Shhh.

Are you guys talking about blowjob eyes?

Yup.

What a fucking babe.

You know, he reminds me of this camp
counselor I used to have back in the day.

Same emerald green eyes, same impeccable
jawline, same inviting smile.

He used to just sit next to me at lunch.

He would just sit down
and he would run his...

Ew!

Max, have some decency.

What?

Oh, ew.

Whew. Lookin' good, maxy boy.

Do it again. Hit me with it.

Hey.

Hi.

Mind if I join you?

Cheers.

Cheers.

Hey Nick, watch this.

Good one, dude.

Thanks!

Max is an odd duck, huh?

Oh yeah. Yeah.

So I'm pretty stoked
about the show tomorrow.

Mmm. Me too.

Yeah. I've listened
to your band's demo nonstop.

I was actually pretty nervous
to meet you guys today.

Oh really?

Yeah. I mean after talking to you on the
phone I didn't think you'd be so cute.

- Not that I didn't think that you would be cute...
- Mm-hmm.

Ah. Or attractiveness was
the only quality that I thought about.

I don't really know what
I'm saying right now.

I'm sorry, I'm rambling.

No, please. Ramble away.

I just think that you are cool.

And pretty.

And your band kicks ass.

Nah, no, no. No beer.

More rambles.

Um.

You're cute, too.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Hate to interrupt y'all,
but it's almost midnight.

It's time for my Insulin.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck...

Hey.

Everything okay?

Yup. Just tucked peck in for the night.

Ah. He knows he doesn't need
to sleep in the Van, right?

Mmm. No, he does.

Okay.

Well.

Well.

Do you need to borrow a shirt?

Uh. Nah, nah. I'm good.

Headed to bed?

Yeah. Everyone else seems to have headed
to their respective sleeping quarters to...

Sleep.

Um, well, if you wanted we could
just sit around here and talk.

Yeah. That sounds nice.

We could... talk.

Aw fuck yeah, fuck yeah, fuck yeah,
fuck yeah, fuck yeah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Mmm. Ah. Oh.

Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,
oh shit I'm cumming.

What? No!

Oh, I came so hard.

Uh, uh. Fuck, I came so hard.

What? Goddamnit.

Uh. Hey, where are you going? Hmm?

Is it too early to open a beer?

Oh my god, Max.

Nick, what's your favorite
potato chip flavor?

Uh, sour cream and onion, bro.

I like gummy worms.

Morning.

What's with all the commotion?

Peck made scones for everybody.

You bake.

Aw, I dabble.

Aw, don't be so modest peck.

These are the best scones
I've ever had in my entire life.

Mmm. Mmm.

Ah, fuck yeah, ah.

Mmm. Mmm.

Well, thank you kindly, Nicholas.

No, seriously. You should try one.

They give your babies a
run for their money.

Hot damn.

Judy, you bake?

Mm-hmm.

We should swap recipes sometime.

Mmm. Pass.

You should really try one.

Mmm. Goddammit.

You smoke?

I do.

Ooh. Thank god.

Can I uh, bum one of those?

Shiloh. Dominion rising.

We're uh, headlining this little thing.

Judy. Duh.

Oh, the opener.

Nice.

Actually, we're going second to last. So.

And what do you play?

Co-vocalist and bass...

That's cute.

I'm the sole vocalist. Lyricist, too.

In addition I also write
most of the music for the band.

Cool. That must be, um...

I guess you could call our music
a meditation on love and loss.

But, ultimately I think it's just
about the human experience.

I mean, don't get me wrong,
it's not all raw emotion.

We can get super political too.

Our last track was about Laos.

What about it?

You're kidding right?

So, are you guys on tour or what?

Yeah.

Actually, uh, this is our first...

Us too.

Yup. Four days. For now.

I gotta tell you though,
the gig life, not easy.

When you guys get there you'll see.

It's not the romantic adventure
you thought it would be.

That's good actually.

J when you get there and you see &

j that's it's not the romantic adventure
you thought it would be &

shit.

I gotta get this poetry on paper.

Thanks for the smoke.

Hey.

Can I get that back?

Oh.

Wait, look at that. What is that?

Ohh.

Hey. How ya doing?

Seven songs, five bucks.
Can't beat that deal, huh?

Fun fact, uh, we commissioned local artist
marshmallow dicks to create the front sleeve.

Gorgeous, right?

Be sure to stop back again.

I would ease up on that sales pitch.

What do you mean?

Desperation don't sell demos, dude.

Did you take a box of demos?

Have you been giving any away?

No.

Ah, shit.

We are definitely missing a box.

Hey!

I found my new calling, y'all.

35 demos. Sold.

Hi, are you selling the duh demo?

Ah, you bet.

I'll take one. Actually make that two.

All right, ten bucks.

Thank you.

Awesome. You guys rule.

Thank you, ma'am.

Ah, so glad we met, dude. So glad.

Hey, pleasure was all mine. Really.

Stay in touch?

Oh, no doubt, amigo.

You smell so good. Always.

Okay, okay, okay.

What's this?

An invoice.

For what?

The morning after pill.

Max, get that man a beer.

No, make that two beers. I want a beer.

Woo-hoo! You are crazy.

I didn't think that they were that bad.

Except, did you notice that the lead singer
had an emotional support animal on stage?

Like, what's with...

I'm going to bed. Let's do this.

C'mon Judy. It's barely 11:00.

Too bad.

Come on, dude.

We just opened some beers and you're
already making him sleep outside.

Tough. I don't want to stay up any longer.

So don't. We'll make sure
he goes under before midnight.

No. Please, Judy?

Tonight's been so much fun.

Please? Just a few more minutes?

Yeah, no, no. We'll take care of him.

Go to bed.

Goodnight.

Night, Casanova.

Anyways, his dog
is like his therapist, sort of?

No, come on, give me. Let me try! Oh...

Oh shit, I still have some on me. Fuck.

Okay, okay. I know how to do it.

What do I press?

Yo! Put your head down
so he can get the top of your dome.

Yes ma'am, yes ma'am.

Oh, hey, hey, good mornin'!

What's going on?

Oh man. It was so gnarly.

You're not gonna believe what happened.

Try me.

Fucking metalheads, dude.

Metalheads?

Uh-huh, in the parking lot.

In the parking lot?

Yup.

Metalheads in the parking lot?

I can't believe you slept
through the whole thing!

What happened with the metalheads
in the parking lot?

Well, anyone wanna do the honors?

No, not me. I hate needles.

I'll go get you a blanket.

What the fuck?

Metalheads.

Hey sid vicious, that's a nice blankie.

Yeah, where's your fucking mohawk?

Your boyfriend cut it off?

Have a beer on us, punk.

Have at it, peck.

Hey. Hey. Are you all right?

Excuse me, fellas?

Fellas! Fellas, hello?

You think you could take
this somewhere else?

Me and my friends are trying to sleep here.

You're not being very respectful.

Please.

Hey, fuckwad!

Holy shit.

All right, asshole.

You're cruisin' for a fuckin' bruisin'.

Oh, shit! Fuck!

Ew!

Gruesome!

Ah! Ah! Oh fuck!

Oh, god!

Oh no! Oh that's crazy!

No, man. That's brutal, man.

That's... that's brutal man.

Come on, come on. No, man.

Help! Help!

Hell nah, man! Hell n-ah!

Damn!

Cool.

So?

So what?

Pretty cool, huh?

Cool?

You think peck killing
two more people is cool?

Jeez, ungrateful much?

I'll say.

Peck broke his promise.

You broke your promise.

Uh, to defend Max.

Yeah, and your uninterrupted Judy sleep.

Unbelievable!

Now, don't be too hard on Judy.

I don't need any veneration.

I was just doin' what any friend would do
in a situation like that.

Fuck!

Fu... what day is today?

Wednesday?

Friday?

Yeah, it's Friday.

Friday. Yeah. It's Friday.

I need to get to a phone!

House of independents, this is Amir.

Hi! Uh, this is Judy from duh.

Judy! I'm disappointed.

I've been in the office
a full 11 minutes, almost 12.

You know, I didn't think
I was gonna hear from ya.

Well, 1, uh... l wanted to make sure
you had time to get your coffee

and your cruller before I called.

I see.

So, I listened to the demo.

Does it look like she's getting good news?

I can't tell.

Looks like she sat
on a hornet's nest if you ask me.

Yes! Yeah! Yeah!

Yes! Yes! Woo-hoo!

Christ. This bozo.

Hi, janey.

Judy.

Of course! How are you?

Long time no see, right?

Listen, I just talked to the promoter,
if you can even call him that.

And he mentioned that you guys
are headlining tonight.

Is that right?

I guess. If that's what he said.

Huh. Weird.

You know, from one artist to another,
I have to say,

I think this lineup was made in haste.

With a reckless inattention
to the fans who came out to see us.

You know, bernardsville is
kind of a home away from home for us.

And from what I understand,
your band is greener than sugar snaps.

I see.

You do?

I'm delighted to hear.

We'll just go and explain that
there was a misunderstanding

and get the set times switched.

Oh no. There's been no misunderstanding.

What was that?

We are closing out the show.

Your band is opening for our band.

Poor, poor little Jack.

Beanstalk or not,
you don't wanna mess with this giant.

Oh yeah? Or what?

Hands off the vehicle, hombre.

You're lucky I'm a pacifist.

Boys!

- What a cunt.
- What a cunt.

Fuck!

Uh, hi.

Um, uh, I'm Max.

Uh, yeah. That's right.

Max is my name and, uh, guitar is my game.

Uh, our band is called band duh...

And uhh... and uhh... and uhh... and uhh

abort! Abort!

One, two, three, four. One, two!

Dmmon aroll dl

j got shit under control &

j I'm sweating bullets
and I'm lying through my teeth &

j and what you see is no concern to me j&

j I know I'll never be shit
compared to you j

j and it's not for lack of trying j

j and I know
that I've been here before j

j what else can I say? J

j butjd

j right &

> now j

di'mjd

j» stuck in a rut;

j stuff asphalt in the cut &

j a litmus test
for the strength of my resolve j

jq if I come back j

j walking panic attack &

j it's not how you bounce back &

j it's how well you fall I

j and I'm sick and tired of trying &

j and I know that I'll be back again &

j the meaning of life is dying &

j some wise old words I've heard before &

j fuck it all to shit,
I don't care anymore j

j I'm too high to cry too rare to care j

j I'm too high to cry too rare to care j

j I'm too high to cry too rare to care j

j I'm too high to cry too rare to care j

I

J give j

jupj

Thank you, ma'am.

Nice dance moves earlier.

Yeah. I probably should
have stretched beforehand.

Oof!

Well, drink up, grandpa.

Look, um, I know you and I haven't exactly
seen eye to eye so far this tour.

And, um, I still haven't exactly come to terms
with the fact that you are a monster...

Well I prefer the term, "thing."

Thing, that eats people.

But, I also know that you're not a bad guy.

And I'm happy you're here.

Sometimes.

Well comin' from you,
that is a glowing endorsement.

For as long as I can remember,
this is all I have ever wanted to do.

And tonight felt like the first time
that I was actually doing it.

So, thank you.

My pleasure.

Oh, well, almost showtime, huh?

I should probably get to it.

Do you wanna come inside,
make sure everything's on the up and up?

Nah. I trust you.

Night, peck.

Night.

Peck! We gotta move, let's go!

What could be taking him so long?

Pecker! Let's go!

Why are you wearing our shirt?

Okay, a, it's the only thing clean I have.

And, two, our band is good.

God, I am so hungover.

Oh, Max, give me your hand.

Why?

Max, hand.

What is this?

Memorize it word for word.

Is this really necessary?

Yes.

Absolutely.

Oh, there he is. Finally.

Sorry to keep y'all waitin'.

So, where we headed, huh?

Coffee!

J your words cut
like suicide razor blades &

j your heart
as black as the crow in the midnight sky &

j you destroyed his nest
and set him free j

j but did you know? That crow was me j

j die! &

j become emptiness j&

j fly!»

j escape nothingness j

j greed j

j power j

j hatred &

j fear jd

j bullets &

ward

j bondage 7

j death! J

Good luck out there, okay?

Whoops!

Thanks. We're duh.

If anyone has a place for us to crash
tonight, that'd be most excellent.

We got some demos and t-shirts for sale.

This is our last song
and it goes out to our buddy peck.

One, two, three, four!

J mommy always called me ugly &

j and daddy dropped me
from three stories on my head j

J I wanna die j

j I wanna die j

j young j

So how was my stage banter?
Did I bring it?

It was adequate with a capital a.

I second that. Very proud, Maxwell.

Thanks.

Hey, you guys were so good.

Do you have any music for sale?

Max, demo the girl.

Thanks. Are you guys still
looking for a place to crash tonight?

We are indeed.

Well if you'd like, you can come with me
to my grandma's. We've got tons of room.

Really? You're sure she wouldn't mind?

Yeah, she's totally cool with it.

We already have another
band staying the night.

Ah, rad! Who's the other band?

Turf war.

A roof's a roof, y'all.

Ugh. He even walks like a dickhead.

I guess we can officially call
each other tour mates now.

Here's the situation.

I talked to the girl, and there are
two rooms in this house. One for each band.

Now, I figured given the fact that y'all
are last minute additions,

we'll take the larger room.

I mean, that and the fact that
we're four men and just need more space.

You think I'm being sexist or somethin?
I mean, this is just biology here.

More body mass and all that.
You guys understand, right?

Maybe we just leave and
drive through the night.

Ah, nonsense. You guys need a
good night's sleep before the big show.

We can make this work.

Yeah, I mean, it is getting late.

Okay.

Peck, you sleep in here. The three of
us, we'll stay in the living room.

Are you sure?

Yeah. You snore like a son of a bitch so
don't think this is like a selfless gesture.

I'll take it.

We just need to get
the sleeping bags from the Van.

Well, here.

You get what you need from the Van
and, uh, I'll hit the hay.

I guess I'l go get all of our shit.

Chase nutley
and here are tonight's top stories.

Murderous mayhem at the moon motel.
How did a cozy cabin off the highway

become a sick carnival of carnage
early Saturday morning?

Bedtime.

On the scene is our own chip hardaway
with the latest.

Where should we set all of this up?

Thanks, Steve.

Well it was a grizzly scene as the police were
called over here to the moon motel on rt 9

where officers discovered the dead and
half-eaten bodies of two motel employees.

The officers were offering no information
on leads at this time

but they have confirmed
the identities of the two victims.

They are Mark spivey, age 27...

Where's Max?

Hey, have you guys seen...

Hello there.

Damn. It looks like you guys won't
be making the show tomorrow night.

But, fear not, we'll just make...

Hello.

Hey, it's past midnight and my grandma
has work really early in the morning.

You guys really need to keep it down
or she's gonna be pissed.

Of course. Of course. Namaste.

Where was I?

Oh, the show.

Fear not, we'll just make sure
to stop by the venue

in case the queef queens
need a last minute replacement.

Now all we have to do is round up your
white trash roadie and we'll be on our way.

Hoo, so, uh,
that was pretty wild back there, huh?

Oh! What the fuck?!

Does anybody have any music
they wanna listen to?

Hey, Max, you wanna choose a station?

All right, listen, I am really sorry
that you're all covered in my dookie

but I came to your rescue, didn't 1?

How were you able to do that
when you sedated yourself?

Just some kind of sixth
sense shit, I guess?

Like when a mother knows
that her kids is hurt.

Wait!

Esteban mendoza?

Okay, wait. Ju... just let...

What the fuck?

Peck, is this your Van?

I can't believe I was so stupid.

Now hold your horses.

So this isn't your Van.

What have you been injecting yourself with?

Water.

So you've been hydrating
yourself every night?

I'm gonna be sick.

Hey, hey now.

How many people have you killed
since we started this tour?

Don't lie to us!

Well, counting the four back there?

Just let them go.

No, no can do.
I mean, not at the moment at least.

We'll play our show tonight and
then we'll decide our next move.

No. No, we are not playing tonight.

What?! Come on.

No, I second that.

I mean you told me yourself,
this is your dream finally realized.

Now if you don't follow through with it
you're gonna regret it.

Hey, you guys are 45 minutes late
to soundcheck.

I know. I'm sorry.

You smell like shit. Is that shit?

No. Um, the Van broke down in mud,
maybe it's manure. I don't.

I don't know.

How punk.

Listen, if you wanna bring your Van around,
we have some guys who can help you load in...

No. Um, we, uh, got it ourselves, actually.

Okay, then just get on stage.
We have a sound guy waiting for you.

Hey. You're in duh, right?

Uh, yeah. Hi, Judy.

Right on. Jenn Jennings.

Yes. Of course you are. I, I know.

[, uh, just listened to your demo
the other day. Your band is great.

That's, uh, cool. That means a lot.

Uh, I, we thank you.

Um, we all really love
you guys, girls, women.

Your band, we, uh, love also.

Nervous?

Uh, very. Very nervous.

Do I look it?

Uh, a bit but you know, nerves are good.

So what's the plan for the next release?

Uh, well, we just got back from tour and
things are kinda up in the air at the moment.

So, I don't know actually.

Totally.

Hey, if you're into it, we should get
together next week and talk.

My partner and I, we own a label and
I think your stuff if right up our alley.

Wow, really?

Yeah.

[, uh, we would really appreciate that.

I'll, uh, be right back.

Could you just, uh, please,
just excuse me? Okay.

What the fuck are you doing here?

Oh, I just wanted to soak it in,
be a part of the moment, you know?

Where's the girl and her grandmother?

Don't worry.
I threw a couple of blankets over them.

I'm just gonna be here a few minutes.
No harm.

It's over, peck. You're out of the band.

Excuse me?

I don't think you have the authority
to make that decision.

Okay, band vote. Who wants peck
out of the band? Raise 'em.

After our set you're gonna let them go
and drive off, and if you don't,

I'm gonna call the cops
and tell them everything.

Well, Judy,
you might wanna rethink your ultimatum.

And y'all might wanna rethink your vote,
seeing that it's so close to midnight and all.

Yo, duh, you're up!

Knock 'em dead, y'all.

Miss, the white Van in the parking lot,
is that yours?

Miss? The white dodge Van, is that yours?

There was an audible gasp in the courtroom
when judge Morris Roland declared a mistrial

in the multiple homicide case involving
three members of nj rock band duh.

After nearly two full days
of deliberation,

twelve jurors returned to the court room
split on whether to find the accused:

27 year-old Judith Campbell

25 year-old Maxwell Jenkins

and 24 year-old Melissa moxie

guilty of murdering four men
on the night of August 15th.

Many attribute the surprise outcome
to Katrina mcneill

and her grandmother, Ruth Dietrich,
who testified in court last Friday

that an older, yet-to-be-identified man,

was responsible for the deaths of four men
in Dietrich's cottage last August.

The band, who have long maintained
that they were taken hostage

and unable to escape
both during and after the murders,

left the courtroom earlier today,
free for the first time in seven months.

There are currently no plans
for a retrial.

J deflated wasted lungs j

j irradiated blood &

j I've reassembled my head &

j my brain is still a chemical spill

J deflated wasted love &

j» emaciated dove j

j I've reassembled my head &

j my brain is still a chemical spill

j my brain is still a chemical spill

j my little love I am not around &

j I've taken lost
and I don't want to be found j

j there's a lot that is wrong
in this world and me j

j there's a hole in my chest
where my heart used to be j

j there's a hole in my chest
where my heart should be &

j there's a hole in my chest
where my heart should be &