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1
00:00:03,535 --> 00:00:07,005
[♪]
2
00:00:15,681 --> 00:00:18,049
♪ love and marriage ♪
3
00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:20,518
♪ love and marriage ♪
4
00:00:20,519 --> 00:00:22,320
♪ go together like ♪
5
00:00:22,321 --> 00:00:24,789
♪ a horse and carriage ♪
6
00:00:24,790 --> 00:00:28,793
♪ this I tell ya, brother ♪
7
00:00:28,794 --> 00:00:30,729
♪ you can't have one ♪
8
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,632
♪ without the other ♪
9
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,934
♪ love and marriage ♪
10
00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:38,536
♪ love and marriage ♪
11
00:00:38,537 --> 00:00:39,938
♪ it's an institute ♪
12
00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:42,340
♪ you can't disparage ♪
13
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:46,111
♪ ask the local gentry ♪
14
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:50,649
♪ and they will say
it's elementary ♪
15
00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:55,453
♪ try, try, try
to separate them ♪
16
00:00:55,454 --> 00:00:59,157
♪ it's an illusion ♪
17
00:00:59,158 --> 00:01:04,295
♪ try, try, try
and you will only come ♪
18
00:01:04,296 --> 00:01:07,732
♪ to this conclusion ♪
19
00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:09,834
♪ love and marriage ♪
20
00:01:17,609 --> 00:01:19,610
Al, I'm doing
the lottery.
21
00:01:19,611 --> 00:01:21,112
I need a number.
22
00:01:21,113 --> 00:01:22,113
Twenty-three.
23
00:01:22,114 --> 00:01:23,614
I don't like 23.
24
00:01:23,615 --> 00:01:26,617
Why? It was
your waist size...
25
00:01:26,618 --> 00:01:27,819
Once.
26
00:01:28,988 --> 00:01:30,922
Come on, al.
Give me a real number.
27
00:01:30,923 --> 00:01:32,323
Twenty-three
is a real number.
28
00:01:32,324 --> 00:01:33,725
What have you got
against 23?
29
00:01:33,726 --> 00:01:35,794
Well, you were born
on the 23rd
30
00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:37,862
And we married
on the 23rd.
31
00:01:37,863 --> 00:01:39,731
Seventeen.
32
00:01:39,732 --> 00:01:41,232
No, kelly
already picked 17.
33
00:01:41,233 --> 00:01:43,702
I need something
closer to 20.
34
00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:45,737
Yeah, so do I.
35
00:01:45,738 --> 00:01:48,406
Okay, fine.
I'll pick it myself.
36
00:01:48,407 --> 00:01:50,408
But I'm telling
you something,
37
00:01:50,409 --> 00:01:52,911
When we win
the $38 million,
38
00:01:52,912 --> 00:01:54,412
I am keeping every penny.
39
00:01:54,413 --> 00:01:56,915
Yeah, you'd live
a long time, peg.
40
00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:58,282
What are you reading?
41
00:01:58,283 --> 00:01:59,483
I'm not gonna tell you.
42
00:01:59,484 --> 00:02:00,919
Every time I'm
reading a magazine,
43
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:02,921
And I see something
I think you might like
44
00:02:02,922 --> 00:02:04,355
And I say,
"peg, look at this,"
45
00:02:04,356 --> 00:02:05,690
You know what you do?
46
00:02:05,691 --> 00:02:07,926
You take the magazine,
you look at what I showed you,
47
00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:09,527
Then you sit down
and read the magazine
48
00:02:09,528 --> 00:02:10,929
And I never
get it back.
49
00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:12,931
Not this time.
50
00:02:12,932 --> 00:02:15,433
Ah, peg,
look at this.
51
00:02:15,434 --> 00:02:18,770
Oh, another
fishing catalog.
52
00:02:18,771 --> 00:02:20,839
What am I looking at, al?
53
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,440
The apron that says,
54
00:02:22,441 --> 00:02:24,943
"he catches 'em,
I cook 'em,
55
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:27,445
He eats 'em,
I love him"?
56
00:02:27,446 --> 00:02:30,448
You'd wear it,
but you wouldn't mean it.
57
00:02:30,449 --> 00:02:32,383
I was talking
about the 5 1/2 foot
58
00:02:32,384 --> 00:02:34,285
Linear graphite
bait casting rod
59
00:02:34,286 --> 00:02:36,721
With the high-speed
star drag level wind reel.
60
00:02:36,722 --> 00:02:39,390
Yippy skip.
61
00:02:39,391 --> 00:02:41,392
And a mere $275.
62
00:02:41,393 --> 00:02:43,394
Oh, al, let's buy it.
63
00:02:43,395 --> 00:02:47,298
We can do without food
and heat for a year.
64
00:02:47,299 --> 00:02:49,067
You wouldn't mind?
65
00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:50,902
Al, you want everything.
66
00:02:50,903 --> 00:02:53,704
When was the last time
you bought me something?
67
00:02:53,705 --> 00:02:56,775
Oh, I suppose these pots
and pans are mine.
68
00:02:58,410 --> 00:03:00,411
I'm sorry, al.
69
00:03:00,412 --> 00:03:02,413
It's been so long
since I wore them dancing,
70
00:03:02,414 --> 00:03:05,283
I forgot they
were even here.
71
00:03:05,284 --> 00:03:06,818
[doorbell rings]
72
00:03:06,819 --> 00:03:08,219
I'll get it.
73
00:03:09,388 --> 00:03:11,756
Ooh, they have clothes
in here.
74
00:03:13,759 --> 00:03:15,326
Morning.
Hi, steve.
75
00:03:15,327 --> 00:03:17,662
Hi, al. Glad I caught you
before you left for work.
76
00:03:17,663 --> 00:03:19,030
I need a ride
home tonight.
77
00:03:19,031 --> 00:03:20,665
Why can't
marcie take you?
78
00:03:20,666 --> 00:03:23,467
Saddle in the shop?
79
00:03:23,468 --> 00:03:25,536
Marcie needs the car tonight
for a women's group meeting.
80
00:03:25,537 --> 00:03:29,808
What do they do, all pile in
and look for men to run over?
81
00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:32,977
Room for one more?
82
00:03:32,978 --> 00:03:34,445
What do you say, al?
83
00:03:34,446 --> 00:03:36,948
Ah, sure, why not.
Meet me at the store.
84
00:03:36,949 --> 00:03:38,616
Oh, wait a second, steve.
I can't.
85
00:03:38,617 --> 00:03:40,384
I'm coming home late.
I'm playing poker tonight.
86
00:03:40,385 --> 00:03:42,053
Oh, gee, al, that's great.
87
00:03:42,054 --> 00:03:44,522
Another night I don't get
to go out and do anything.
88
00:03:44,523 --> 00:03:45,656
Thank you, honey.
89
00:03:45,657 --> 00:03:48,226
Honey, you don't want to go out
on Friday night.
90
00:03:48,227 --> 00:03:51,095
Everyone and his wife
is out on Friday.
91
00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:55,900
Well, if it's okay with you,
I don't mind tagging along.
92
00:03:55,901 --> 00:03:57,101
Since we moved in, I haven't
93
00:03:57,102 --> 00:03:59,204
Met a lot of guys in the
neighborhood, besides you.
94
00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:03,274
And it might be nice to meet
somebody...Besides you.
95
00:04:03,275 --> 00:04:06,410
Fine. And you might pick
up a few pointers
96
00:04:06,411 --> 00:04:09,480
Watching
the old master play.
97
00:04:09,481 --> 00:04:12,450
Oh, yeah. Why don't you
ask the old master
98
00:04:12,451 --> 00:04:14,418
About the time
they picked him so clean,
99
00:04:14,419 --> 00:04:17,956
He had to push
the old car home.
100
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:20,524
Peg, now, I was off
my game that night.
101
00:04:20,525 --> 00:04:22,727
I was nervous, I couldn't
concentrate on my cards
102
00:04:22,728 --> 00:04:25,029
What with you
being in the hospital
103
00:04:25,030 --> 00:04:26,264
Having bud and all.
104
00:04:26,265 --> 00:04:28,066
This time will
be different.
105
00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:29,533
This time
I have a goal.
106
00:04:29,534 --> 00:04:30,935
See, all the money
that I make
107
00:04:30,936 --> 00:04:32,737
Is gonna go towards
that fishing rod and reel.
108
00:04:32,738 --> 00:04:34,939
You ought to see it, steve.
Peg, give me the catalog.
109
00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:36,440
I'm reading it, al.
110
00:04:36,441 --> 00:04:38,442
You ought to see it.
111
00:04:38,443 --> 00:04:41,445
It's great, steve,
and it's only $275.
112
00:04:41,446 --> 00:04:43,381
Al...
113
00:04:43,382 --> 00:04:45,884
This is none of my
business or anything,
114
00:04:45,885 --> 00:04:48,386
But if you really
want something,
115
00:04:48,387 --> 00:04:51,389
I've found the best way
to get it is through saving.
116
00:04:51,390 --> 00:04:54,392
At the bank we have
a little saying:
117
00:04:54,393 --> 00:04:56,560
"if you want
to save money...
118
00:04:56,561 --> 00:04:59,563
Save money."
119
00:04:59,564 --> 00:05:01,432
Thank you, steve.
120
00:05:01,433 --> 00:05:04,502
You're so much wiser than all
the other tellers I've met.
121
00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:08,572
All except
the automated ones.
122
00:05:10,442 --> 00:05:12,510
I'm not gonna be
a teller for long.
123
00:05:12,511 --> 00:05:14,879
You may laugh at me--
and I do.
124
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,081
But I have a way
with money.
125
00:05:17,082 --> 00:05:19,083
I know how to save,
I know how to invest
126
00:05:19,084 --> 00:05:20,718
And I know how
to make money grow.
127
00:05:20,719 --> 00:05:22,287
Give me five dollars,
128
00:05:22,288 --> 00:05:26,590
And I can find opportunities
other people miss with hundreds.
129
00:05:26,591 --> 00:05:30,694
Yeah, give al five dollars and
you've just cashed his paycheck.
130
00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:36,467
Yeah. Anybody been
to gus' diner lately?
131
00:05:36,468 --> 00:05:38,469
The new waitress.
132
00:05:38,470 --> 00:05:40,771
Yeah, like, what is she,
man, like 25?
133
00:05:40,772 --> 00:05:42,173
Yeah, it's
a great age.
134
00:05:42,174 --> 00:05:44,175
Just before
their butts start to sag
135
00:05:44,176 --> 00:05:47,011
And they start
wearing reeboks.
136
00:05:47,012 --> 00:05:49,080
Bet a dollar.
137
00:05:49,081 --> 00:05:50,781
She's perfect.
138
00:05:50,782 --> 00:05:52,783
She's great,
but not perfect.
139
00:05:52,784 --> 00:05:55,286
Her eyes are a little
too close together.
140
00:05:55,287 --> 00:05:57,956
They're vacant enough,
but they're not perfect.
141
00:05:59,291 --> 00:06:01,025
Pair of queens bets.
142
00:06:01,026 --> 00:06:02,460
Yeah, if you want
a perfect woman
143
00:06:02,461 --> 00:06:03,962
You gotta build her
in your head.
144
00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:05,796
It gives you something
to do
145
00:06:05,797 --> 00:06:07,832
When you're
making love to your wife.
146
00:06:09,301 --> 00:06:11,102
I like that connie chung.
147
00:06:13,472 --> 00:06:16,474
I like connie mack, too,
148
00:06:16,475 --> 00:06:19,910
But neither one have any
place in this conversation.
149
00:06:19,911 --> 00:06:21,912
Now, for the
perfect woman...
150
00:06:21,913 --> 00:06:24,115
Let's start out
with...The legs.
151
00:06:24,116 --> 00:06:25,549
Catherine bach.
152
00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:27,285
I'd say tina turner.
153
00:06:27,286 --> 00:06:29,920
A little too
muscular for me.
154
00:06:29,921 --> 00:06:32,156
Jamie lee curtis.
155
00:06:32,157 --> 00:06:34,425
Ah!
Ah!
156
00:06:34,426 --> 00:06:36,427
Okay, now
let's talk tush.
157
00:06:36,428 --> 00:06:37,928
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
158
00:06:37,929 --> 00:06:39,097
Sigourney weaver.
159
00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:41,866
Nope, nope.
Monster touched it.
160
00:06:44,069 --> 00:06:46,437
Jamie lee
curtis.
161
00:06:46,438 --> 00:06:48,506
Ah!
Ah!
162
00:06:48,507 --> 00:06:50,508
Okay, it's hooter time.
163
00:06:50,509 --> 00:06:51,709
My favorite.
164
00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:52,910
My time, baby.
165
00:06:52,911 --> 00:06:54,645
Jacqueline big-set.
166
00:06:54,646 --> 00:06:57,248
A young brigitte bardot.
167
00:06:57,249 --> 00:06:59,617
Ah!
Ah!
168
00:06:59,618 --> 00:07:01,685
Now that's
our perfect woman.
169
00:07:01,686 --> 00:07:04,222
Nope. Got
to have a brain.
170
00:07:04,223 --> 00:07:06,024
Why?
A brain?
171
00:07:11,096 --> 00:07:12,963
Vanna white!
Vanna white!
172
00:07:17,403 --> 00:07:19,037
I fold.
173
00:07:19,038 --> 00:07:20,638
$5.00.
174
00:07:20,639 --> 00:07:21,639
I'm out.
175
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:23,174
You're bluffing,
barney.
176
00:07:23,175 --> 00:07:25,343
Al, he's got
two pair showing.
177
00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:26,844
E.J.'s got his 10
178
00:07:26,845 --> 00:07:28,846
And both queens
are gone.
179
00:07:28,847 --> 00:07:32,550
No way he's got
that third 10.
180
00:07:32,551 --> 00:07:34,485
I call.
181
00:07:34,486 --> 00:07:36,620
Say hi
to the third 10.
182
00:07:40,125 --> 00:07:42,360
I'm getting another beer.
Who wants one?
183
00:07:42,361 --> 00:07:45,363
You've given me
enough already, al.
184
00:07:45,364 --> 00:07:47,365
[telephone rings]
185
00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:48,866
Russ here.
186
00:07:48,867 --> 00:07:50,734
Gee, al, you stink.
187
00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:53,871
Thanks a lot, pal.
188
00:07:53,872 --> 00:07:56,874
Come on. I can't believe
you are losing to these guys.
189
00:07:56,875 --> 00:07:58,276
I've only been watching
for an hour,
190
00:07:58,277 --> 00:08:00,078
I got the whole rhythm
of the game down.
191
00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:01,145
What rhythm?
192
00:08:01,146 --> 00:08:02,280
It's pretty obvious.
193
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:05,883
Take russ.
Whenever he's got a bad hand,
194
00:08:05,884 --> 00:08:08,619
He shuffles his hole card as if
he thinks it's gonna change.
195
00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:11,222
Whenever barney bluffs,
he taps his chips.
196
00:08:11,223 --> 00:08:13,291
Dead giveaway.
Norris? He never bluffs.
197
00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:16,394
He won't stay in the game
unless he's got three of a kind.
198
00:08:16,395 --> 00:08:18,196
And you, al. You stink.
199
00:08:20,332 --> 00:08:22,333
Gee, steve, you're a real
cincinnati kid.
200
00:08:22,334 --> 00:08:25,836
I think he walked home
after a game too.
201
00:08:25,837 --> 00:08:28,872
If we're such suckers,
why don't you sit in?
202
00:08:28,873 --> 00:08:30,908
Oh, no. I just cash
my paycheck
203
00:08:30,909 --> 00:08:32,610
And I give that money
to marcie.
204
00:08:32,611 --> 00:08:33,844
The mortgage
is due Monday.
205
00:08:33,845 --> 00:08:35,246
Besides,
I don't gamble.
206
00:08:35,247 --> 00:08:38,216
Steve, we're married men.
We all gamble.
207
00:08:39,851 --> 00:08:41,852
I got to run, guys.
208
00:08:41,853 --> 00:08:44,655
Uh...Wife is real sick.
209
00:08:44,656 --> 00:08:46,457
Ah, bull!
Listen to this!
210
00:08:46,458 --> 00:08:47,825
Where are you going?
211
00:08:47,826 --> 00:08:49,460
Barney:
Come on, come on.
What is it?
212
00:08:49,461 --> 00:08:53,831
I promised my wife
I'd take her to the ballet.
213
00:08:59,471 --> 00:09:02,340
The ballet, huh?
Better take norris along.
214
00:09:02,341 --> 00:09:03,574
Show them what you do
215
00:09:03,575 --> 00:09:05,476
When they're up in the air
doing those splits.
216
00:09:05,477 --> 00:09:07,044
[hums blue danube waltz]
217
00:09:07,045 --> 00:09:08,546
[makes farting sound]
218
00:09:17,822 --> 00:09:20,758
Russ:
It's up to you, steve.
219
00:09:20,759 --> 00:09:21,992
Uh, excuse me.
220
00:09:21,993 --> 00:09:24,462
Oh, uh, look,
I'm not playing.
221
00:09:24,463 --> 00:09:26,697
I don't believe
in gambling.
222
00:09:37,142 --> 00:09:38,376
I'm in.
223
00:09:40,479 --> 00:09:42,547
Sure you wouldn't
like some cake or something?
224
00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:44,014
No, thanks.
225
00:09:44,015 --> 00:09:46,984
After our meeting, we stopped
at gus' diner for a bite.
226
00:09:46,985 --> 00:09:49,987
They have the dumbest
waitress I've ever seen,
227
00:09:49,988 --> 00:09:52,490
Wiggling around
in this short skirt,
228
00:09:52,491 --> 00:09:54,625
As if anyone was looking.
229
00:09:54,626 --> 00:09:57,662
She got our orders wrong,
she got our change wrong.
230
00:09:57,663 --> 00:10:00,164
Thank god our club president
had enough nerve to complain
231
00:10:00,165 --> 00:10:01,999
And get her fired.
232
00:10:05,003 --> 00:10:06,504
What are you doing?
233
00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:09,006
Oh, al was admiring
this fishing rod this morning.
234
00:10:09,007 --> 00:10:12,009
So when he comes in
broke from poker,
235
00:10:12,010 --> 00:10:14,011
I like
to leave it out,
236
00:10:14,012 --> 00:10:15,513
You know,
just to remind him
237
00:10:15,514 --> 00:10:18,516
Of yet another thing
he'll never get.
238
00:10:18,517 --> 00:10:21,018
I hope they
get home soon.
239
00:10:21,019 --> 00:10:23,053
Steve and I usually go over
our budget tonight.
240
00:10:23,054 --> 00:10:24,955
It's getting late.
Maybe we should call.
241
00:10:24,956 --> 00:10:27,558
Mm. We can't. Al says
there's no phone there.
242
00:10:30,462 --> 00:10:33,464
Well, I'm glad steve's out
having a good time.
243
00:10:33,465 --> 00:10:35,466
I know he doesn't
gamble or anything,
244
00:10:35,467 --> 00:10:37,968
But it's good that he's out
there trying to meet new people.
245
00:10:37,969 --> 00:10:40,838
Maybe he'll invite some of
the guys over to our house.
246
00:10:40,839 --> 00:10:42,473
Ha, ha. Oh, yeah.
247
00:10:42,474 --> 00:10:44,975
That would make for quite
a stimulating evening.
248
00:10:44,976 --> 00:10:47,978
I wonder which one
he'll bring home.
249
00:10:47,979 --> 00:10:49,146
Let's see.
250
00:10:49,147 --> 00:10:51,148
There's norris,
who can make
251
00:10:51,149 --> 00:10:53,150
Obscene sounds
with his armpit.
252
00:10:53,151 --> 00:10:56,086
He is naturally
a welcome guest
253
00:10:56,087 --> 00:10:57,988
At any occasion.
254
00:10:57,989 --> 00:10:59,490
Oh, and then
there's barney,
255
00:10:59,491 --> 00:11:01,992
The man no deodorant
could tame.
256
00:11:01,993 --> 00:11:05,496
And if you're
really lucky,
257
00:11:05,497 --> 00:11:07,498
You'll get russ,
the invincible.
258
00:11:07,499 --> 00:11:10,868
He hasn't met a toilet yet
he couldn't overflow.
259
00:11:15,073 --> 00:11:17,040
Poor steve.
260
00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:21,945
Yeah. These guys are
a real bunch of losers.
261
00:11:21,946 --> 00:11:24,448
Well, then, steve will just
have to find friends elsewhere.
262
00:11:24,449 --> 00:11:27,451
Because if there's
one thing my steve is,
263
00:11:27,452 --> 00:11:28,986
It's a winner.
264
00:11:30,455 --> 00:11:32,456
How you doing,
steve?
265
00:11:32,457 --> 00:11:34,958
Are you okay?
266
00:11:34,959 --> 00:11:36,460
Come on, steve.
267
00:11:36,461 --> 00:11:39,463
You had a good time,
you met some good people...
268
00:11:39,464 --> 00:11:43,167
And you lost $300
to a good friend.
269
00:11:47,739 --> 00:11:50,508
I can't believe I lost my share
of the mortgage payment.
270
00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:51,742
What am I gonna
tell marcie?
271
00:11:51,743 --> 00:11:55,346
Steve, you're a man.
Lie like a dog.
272
00:11:55,347 --> 00:11:58,582
Tell her you got mugged.
We got jumped by four guys.
273
00:11:58,583 --> 00:11:59,850
I fought off three,
274
00:11:59,851 --> 00:12:01,619
But the little guy
beat you silly
275
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:03,688
And took your money.
276
00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:05,656
You're enjoying this,
aren't you, al?
277
00:12:05,657 --> 00:12:08,693
Well, you're the one had
the rhythm of the game.
278
00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:11,829
Wasn't my fault you couldn't
stop mouthing your hole card.
279
00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:14,064
I gotta tell
her the truth.
280
00:12:14,065 --> 00:12:15,132
I got no choice.
281
00:12:15,133 --> 00:12:16,434
Well, I wouldn't.
282
00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:17,868
I have to.
She's gonna ask.
283
00:12:17,869 --> 00:12:19,236
Here's what I do.
284
00:12:19,237 --> 00:12:21,706
I walk in the door,
before peg can say a word--
285
00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:23,341
Which means
I gotta be quick--
286
00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:25,075
I tell her
how great she looks.
287
00:12:25,076 --> 00:12:26,210
Then if it's real rough,
288
00:12:26,211 --> 00:12:28,379
I grit my teeth
and throw her a quick one.
289
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:31,382
She's so grateful, she forgets
what she's gonna ask me,
290
00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:34,251
And even if she says something
later on, I'm asleep.
291
00:12:38,724 --> 00:12:40,224
Can't do it.
292
00:12:40,225 --> 00:12:42,526
Our relationship
is based on honesty.
293
00:12:46,898 --> 00:12:49,032
And the buns
of mel gibson.
294
00:12:49,033 --> 00:12:50,067
Ooh!
295
00:12:52,003 --> 00:12:54,538
That is our
perfect man.
296
00:12:54,539 --> 00:12:56,540
Wait,
we need a brain.
297
00:12:56,541 --> 00:12:58,509
Why? It's a man.
298
00:13:00,979 --> 00:13:03,313
Peg:
Hi, honey!
299
00:13:03,314 --> 00:13:04,482
Steve!
300
00:13:04,483 --> 00:13:06,484
I was worried
about you.
301
00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:08,819
Did you have
a good time?
302
00:13:08,820 --> 00:13:10,488
Well, you know...
303
00:13:10,489 --> 00:13:11,989
Kinda...
You know...
304
00:13:11,990 --> 00:13:13,357
Considering...
305
00:13:14,493 --> 00:13:15,860
Oh.
306
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:19,096
Well, I'm sure it was hard
on you being the only one there
307
00:13:19,097 --> 00:13:20,831
With the strength
not to gamble.
308
00:13:26,371 --> 00:13:27,705
Marcie...
309
00:13:27,706 --> 00:13:29,774
I have to tell you
something.
310
00:13:36,214 --> 00:13:38,382
You look
beautiful.
311
00:13:38,383 --> 00:13:41,385
More beautiful than
I've ever seen you.
312
00:13:41,386 --> 00:13:43,554
Oh, steve.
313
00:13:43,555 --> 00:13:47,425
Your lips are like wine,
and I want to get drunk tonight.
314
00:13:51,162 --> 00:13:52,329
Badly.
315
00:13:52,330 --> 00:13:54,832
But steve, we need
to finish our budget.
316
00:13:54,833 --> 00:13:58,001
Damn the budget!
A man has needs.
317
00:13:58,002 --> 00:13:59,102
Oh, steve!
318
00:14:07,345 --> 00:14:10,347
Has all this talk done
something for you, al?
319
00:14:10,348 --> 00:14:13,216
Yeah. I'm thirsty.
Get me a beer.
320
00:14:14,686 --> 00:14:16,687
Oh, al.
321
00:14:16,688 --> 00:14:18,689
So how'd you do
tonight?
322
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:20,190
Lose as usual?
323
00:14:20,191 --> 00:14:21,358
Yeah.
324
00:14:21,359 --> 00:14:22,526
Oh, darn.
325
00:14:22,527 --> 00:14:25,529
Now you won't
be able to buy
326
00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:28,031
That beautiful fishing
pole you wanted.
327
00:14:28,032 --> 00:14:29,399
[both laughing]
328
00:14:33,538 --> 00:14:35,539
When will I ever learn?
329
00:14:40,712 --> 00:14:41,879
No!
330
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,381
Look, you don't
seem to understand me.
331
00:14:44,382 --> 00:14:47,384
I want something that
goes with this dress.
332
00:14:48,553 --> 00:14:50,053
A bubbling caldron?
333
00:14:51,656 --> 00:14:54,525
You've got a lot
of nerve.
334
00:14:54,526 --> 00:14:58,028
I need it to get
this close to your feet.
335
00:15:06,004 --> 00:15:07,404
Uh...Hi, al.
336
00:15:07,405 --> 00:15:08,806
Hi, steve.
How's it going?
337
00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:11,141
Hey, did marcie ever
bring up the budget again?
338
00:15:11,142 --> 00:15:12,643
Yes, al, she did.
339
00:15:12,644 --> 00:15:14,144
And every time she did,
340
00:15:14,145 --> 00:15:17,515
I told her how
beautiful she looked.
341
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:19,049
And showed her.
342
00:15:20,351 --> 00:15:23,220
I showed her till
8:00 this morning, al.
343
00:15:24,689 --> 00:15:26,557
She's out cold,
344
00:15:26,558 --> 00:15:29,192
And I don't remember
how I got here.
345
00:15:29,193 --> 00:15:31,194
Then it worked.
346
00:15:31,195 --> 00:15:33,564
Yeah, but I'm afraid
it'll never work again, al.
347
00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:40,604
I don't know how
to ask you this,
348
00:15:40,605 --> 00:15:42,673
But I gotta ask you
for a big favor.
349
00:15:42,674 --> 00:15:44,141
Whoa, steve, I can't!
350
00:15:44,142 --> 00:15:45,475
She's your wife!
351
00:15:47,178 --> 00:15:49,413
I don't like
touching mine.
352
00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:55,019
Al, I know this is something
that isn't normally done,
353
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:59,790
But I was wondering if you could
kind of give me my money back.
354
00:15:59,791 --> 00:16:01,792
Wait a second.
This is over the line.
355
00:16:01,793 --> 00:16:03,293
Okay. How about this?
356
00:16:03,294 --> 00:16:05,095
Just loan it to me.
357
00:16:05,096 --> 00:16:07,698
You're just gonna take it back
to the poker game next week
358
00:16:07,699 --> 00:16:09,499
And lose it,
because you stink.
359
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:11,669
I stink? I tell you
what we'll do, steve.
360
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,003
You're real good
with money.
361
00:16:13,004 --> 00:16:15,039
You know how to invest it
and make it grow.
362
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,041
How much was it
you said you needed
363
00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:20,044
To find those opportunities
other people miss?
364
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:21,178
$300, al.
365
00:16:21,179 --> 00:16:23,313
No, it was
$5.00, steve.
366
00:16:23,314 --> 00:16:24,748
Make it grow, buddy.
367
00:16:26,350 --> 00:16:28,552
This is how
you treat me?
368
00:16:28,553 --> 00:16:30,120
This is how you treat
a neighbor,
369
00:16:30,121 --> 00:16:31,488
A man who calls you friend?
370
00:16:31,489 --> 00:16:32,923
Yes, it is, steve.
371
00:16:32,924 --> 00:16:34,524
Give me the 5.
372
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:37,360
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
373
00:16:37,361 --> 00:16:40,230
I need a plan.
Let's see.
374
00:16:40,231 --> 00:16:42,232
I work in a bank.
If I took a quarter
375
00:16:42,233 --> 00:16:43,266
Out of every
quarter roll...
376
00:16:43,267 --> 00:16:44,768
Why don't you do this?
377
00:16:44,769 --> 00:16:46,837
Why don't you go home,
wake up marcie,
378
00:16:46,838 --> 00:16:50,340
Say, "I lost all my money.
I screwed up.
379
00:16:50,341 --> 00:16:52,342
I'm sorry.
What's for dinner?"
380
00:16:52,343 --> 00:16:55,345
That's what being
a man's all about, steve.
381
00:16:55,346 --> 00:16:57,214
Making mistakes
and not caring.
382
00:16:58,717 --> 00:17:00,517
Well, I do care, al.
383
00:17:00,518 --> 00:17:03,887
Excuse me. Could you
spare some change
384
00:17:03,888 --> 00:17:06,256
For a decent meal?
385
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,060
Thank you.
386
00:17:10,061 --> 00:17:11,394
Hey,
wait a minute.
387
00:17:14,265 --> 00:17:15,432
Thanks.
388
00:17:15,433 --> 00:17:16,934
Thanks a lot.
389
00:17:16,935 --> 00:17:17,868
Sure.
390
00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:21,705
Well, steve, you're
a real decent guy.
391
00:17:21,706 --> 00:17:24,574
You're about as sharp
as a bag of wet hair,
392
00:17:24,575 --> 00:17:26,710
But you're a decent guy.
393
00:17:26,711 --> 00:17:28,012
You know, al,
394
00:17:28,013 --> 00:17:30,180
That $5.00 wasn't going
to do anything for me,
395
00:17:30,181 --> 00:17:33,083
But it'll do a lot
of good for him.
396
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:37,287
You see...
397
00:17:37,288 --> 00:17:38,789
I believe
something, al.
398
00:17:38,790 --> 00:17:41,792
I believe that if you
do something good,
399
00:17:41,793 --> 00:17:45,963
Something good will always
happen to you in return.
400
00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:47,798
You'll see, al.
401
00:17:47,799 --> 00:17:49,199
You'll see.
402
00:18:02,747 --> 00:18:06,483
Steve, it's been real nice
having you here all day.
403
00:18:08,486 --> 00:18:10,387
So, uh, as the hostess here,
404
00:18:10,388 --> 00:18:12,422
I guess it's up
to me to ask...
405
00:18:12,423 --> 00:18:15,559
What are you doing here?
406
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,594
Waiting for something
good to happen.
407
00:18:17,595 --> 00:18:18,962
And it will too.
408
00:18:18,963 --> 00:18:21,031
I walked around
most of the morning.
409
00:18:21,032 --> 00:18:22,332
Nothing good happened.
410
00:18:22,333 --> 00:18:24,835
But I know that when al
gets home,
411
00:18:24,836 --> 00:18:27,404
Something good
is gonna happen.
412
00:18:27,405 --> 00:18:29,506
Well, that'll be a first.
413
00:18:29,507 --> 00:18:32,509
You know, I haven't seen
marcie all day.
414
00:18:32,510 --> 00:18:34,377
Is she okay?
415
00:18:34,378 --> 00:18:36,747
Sure. I did
all the work.
416
00:18:40,251 --> 00:18:41,785
Are you okay?
417
00:18:41,786 --> 00:18:42,953
Oh, yeah.
Everything's fine.
418
00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:45,455
Marcie decided
to sleep in today,
419
00:18:45,456 --> 00:18:49,760
And me...I'm happy
as a duck in orange sauce.
420
00:18:49,761 --> 00:18:51,762
Oh, marcie's light
just came on.
421
00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:53,130
She must be up.
422
00:18:54,799 --> 00:18:57,735
Peg, listen very
carefully to me.
423
00:19:00,872 --> 00:19:05,809
[whining]
I lost my paycheck
to al in the poker game.
424
00:19:05,810 --> 00:19:08,145
He won't
give it back.
425
00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:09,646
Marcie's gonna
kill me,
426
00:19:09,647 --> 00:19:11,715
If she
hasn't already.
427
00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:18,488
How much did he win?
428
00:19:18,489 --> 00:19:20,057
$300. Oh.
429
00:19:20,058 --> 00:19:23,560
I haven't had a new
bra for two years,
430
00:19:23,561 --> 00:19:27,297
And that baboon
is sitting on 300 bucks?
431
00:19:27,298 --> 00:19:30,234
I'm gonna have to tell marcie.
It's the right thing to do.
432
00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:33,103
Yeah, you go tell marcie,
and then bring her over here.
433
00:19:33,104 --> 00:19:34,404
Al will be home soon,
434
00:19:34,405 --> 00:19:36,273
And believe me,
you'll get your money back.
435
00:19:36,274 --> 00:19:38,041
I'll see to that.
436
00:19:38,042 --> 00:19:39,777
Really?
437
00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:41,344
Oh, thank you, peggy.
Thank you.
438
00:19:41,345 --> 00:19:42,512
See?
439
00:19:42,513 --> 00:19:44,882
I knew something good
was gonna happen.
440
00:19:46,751 --> 00:19:50,287
So you lost again
at poker, huh, al?
441
00:19:50,288 --> 00:19:53,223
So I can buy a new bra
442
00:19:53,224 --> 00:19:55,793
When we can afford it,
huh, al?
443
00:19:55,794 --> 00:19:57,161
Enjoy daddy's dinner.
444
00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:03,366
Hi.
445
00:20:04,635 --> 00:20:05,702
What's for supper?
446
00:20:05,703 --> 00:20:06,970
Filthy pig!
447
00:20:06,971 --> 00:20:09,139
We had that last night.
448
00:20:10,975 --> 00:20:15,078
Al, steve told me that you won
his money in the poker game.
449
00:20:15,079 --> 00:20:16,980
You cannot
keep the money.
450
00:20:16,981 --> 00:20:19,616
Where did this rule
come from?
451
00:20:19,617 --> 00:20:21,618
When I lose, I lose.
452
00:20:21,619 --> 00:20:24,354
You don't play cards and then
sit down and when it's finished
453
00:20:24,355 --> 00:20:26,290
You say, "hey, give me
my money back."
454
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:27,490
That's no fun.
455
00:20:27,491 --> 00:20:28,926
If that's
the way it worked,
456
00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:31,461
I may as well
stay home with you.
457
00:20:31,462 --> 00:20:33,396
You know, it's bad enough
458
00:20:33,397 --> 00:20:35,299
You lied to me
about winning the money,
459
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:38,468
But, al, these are
the only friends I've got.
460
00:20:38,469 --> 00:20:40,270
I like having people
to talk to.
461
00:20:40,271 --> 00:20:42,672
You know, people that will
come over to the house
462
00:20:42,673 --> 00:20:44,975
Even though you're here.
463
00:20:44,976 --> 00:20:46,977
That makes them
special, al.
464
00:20:46,978 --> 00:20:50,881
Now, I want you to give him
back his money, for me.
465
00:20:50,882 --> 00:20:52,549
I can't. I spent it.
466
00:20:52,550 --> 00:20:54,318
Oh, al, you are
the lowest!
467
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:56,920
Now, what did you waste
that money on?
468
00:20:58,122 --> 00:20:59,789
I got you this.
469
00:20:59,790 --> 00:21:01,959
Ohh!
470
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,127
Oh, al!
471
00:21:04,128 --> 00:21:05,628
It's beautiful.
472
00:21:05,629 --> 00:21:07,130
I love it.
473
00:21:07,131 --> 00:21:09,632
Oh, honey, I don't
deserve this.
474
00:21:09,633 --> 00:21:14,137
I felt kind of bad about
not ever getting you anything.
475
00:21:14,138 --> 00:21:17,975
Oh, you are
the sweetest man...
476
00:21:17,976 --> 00:21:19,476
In the whole world.
477
00:21:19,477 --> 00:21:22,980
Now, honey, I'm just gonna go
upstairs and try this on,
478
00:21:22,981 --> 00:21:25,782
And then I'll come make you
a nice juicy steak,
479
00:21:25,783 --> 00:21:28,085
Just like the dog had.
480
00:21:43,234 --> 00:21:45,735
Peg:
Oh, it's
priceless, al!
481
00:21:45,736 --> 00:21:47,938
[quietly]
no. It was 15 bucks.
482
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:53,176
But you, my love,
were 275.
483
00:21:54,612 --> 00:21:57,614
Peg, I'll be down
in the basement!
484
00:21:57,615 --> 00:21:58,648
Okay, honey!
485
00:22:02,186 --> 00:22:04,521
You better get
that money back!
486
00:22:04,522 --> 00:22:06,356
It's all
taken care of.
487
00:22:06,357 --> 00:22:07,724
[doorbell rings]
488
00:22:12,196 --> 00:22:14,064
[ring]
489
00:22:16,034 --> 00:22:18,402
Al? Peggy?
490
00:22:19,770 --> 00:22:21,905
Ha, ha...
491
00:22:24,809 --> 00:22:25,842
Guys?
492
00:22:27,145 --> 00:22:28,478
It's me!
493
00:22:28,479 --> 00:22:29,913
[knocking on door]
494
00:22:31,482 --> 00:22:33,183
Marcie:
Where's our money,
steven?
495
00:22:34,319 --> 00:22:36,320
Steve:
Marcie!
496
00:22:36,321 --> 00:22:37,687
You look beautiful!
497
00:22:52,870 --> 00:22:54,704
[♪]
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