All language subtitles for Married with Children S01E08 NTSC DVD DD2.0 x264-Hype_track3_[eng]

[♪]

♪ love and marriage ♪

♪ love and marriage ♪

♪ go together like ♪

♪ a horse and carriage ♪

♪ this I tell ya, brother ♪

♪ you can't have one ♪

♪ without the other ♪

♪ love and marriage ♪

♪ love and marriage ♪

♪ it's an institute ♪

♪ you can't disparage ♪

♪ ask the local gentry ♪

♪ and they will say
it's elementary ♪

♪ try, try, try
to separate them ♪

♪ it's an illusion ♪

♪ try, try, try
and you will only come ♪

♪ to this conclusion ♪

♪ love and marriage ♪

[humming "whistle
while you work"]

[doorbell rings]

Hi, marce. Thanks.

So I'm not crazy.

You did just call and say,

"please bring over
your garbage"?

Yeah. This'll save me
a lot of work.

This garbage I'm making
doesn't smell.

Yours doesn't either.

Of course not.
We're vegetarian.

Well, that's okay.

I'll just add a pair
of al's socks.

Peggy, what
are you doing?

I'm getting
myself a vcr.

I see.

No, you don't.

You're not a housewife.

You have your own money.

I have to use strategy.

You see,
when you first get married,

You can withhold sex,

But then they get
to like that,

So you have to put
a little spin on the ball.

You see, I have to
pretend to clean

To remind al
how hard my work is.

He'll come in that door
any minute,

Sit down on the couch,

Put one hand
down his pants

And the other hand here,
on this vcr ad.

Excuse me, peggy,

But why don't you just say,
"honey, I want a vcr"?

Because al works very hard
for his money,

And he deserves me
to work equally as hard

To get him
to spend it on me.

To continue... He'll say,
"why do we need a vcr?

Because you want to watch phil
and tape oprah?" ha!

I mean, everyone knows

That you watch oprah
and tape phil.

Men. God love 'em.

They're just children
with paychecks.

So I'll grovel
for a while,

And I'll get my vcr.

But don't you find
this demeaning?

Just the part where
I have to explain it to you.

[door slams]

Ooh, there's his car.

I better get going.

Oh, no.
Stick around.

You might lose your job someday
and have to be a woman.

Oh, hi, honey.

I didn't hear
you pull up.

How was your day?

I sell shoes, okay?

Jeez, it stinks in here.

Oh, well.
What's for dinner?

What's this?

Gee, I don't know.

Let's see.

Son of a gun.

They're having
a sale on vcrs.

What are those?

Video something
recorders.

That's a good price,
isn't it?

It's not bad.

You know, if we had
one of these,

You could tape the cubs game
while you were at work.

Come on. You just want one
because phil and oprah

Are on at the same time,

And it's killing you.

Oh, please, al.
Please, can I have one?

Well...

Stop, please!
I can't stand any more.

Then maybe you should
go home. Please, al.

Al, this is so simple.

Peggy wants a vcr,

But she's afraid
you'll say no.

Then she's smarter than you.

Peggy, you don't have
to stand for this.

It is the tragedy of our times
that a housewife has to beg

For what
she's entitled to.

Just because peggy bundy's
contribution is in the home

Doesn't mean
it's any less valuable

Than al bundy's
in the workplace.

You can't have
a vcr.

What gives you the right
to make that decision?

Because the name
on this check says al bumby.

Al bumby?

Well, that's not important.

What's important is
that I can cash it... Maybe...

Because I earned it,

And that's the bottom line.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get the door,

And when I get back, al,
we'll discuss this

While I spit-shine
your shoes.

Oh, hi, steve.
Hi, peggy.

Honey, I just wanted to tell you
this old house is coming on.

Bob's gonna test
for a septic tank.

Just a second, steve.
I'm settling an argument here.

Al is a cheap, sexist, primitive
throwback of a human being.

So, what's the argument?

Peggy, if al doesn't appreciate
your contributions,

Then it's time
to take them elsewhere.

You want a vcr,
I have the solution.

You're going
to get a job.

She's not getting a job.

You know, al, it's probably
none of my business,

But there are advantages
to having a working wife.

For one thing,
it gave us enough money

To buy the house
next to yours.

No, wait,
that's a disadvantage.

But there are some advantages.

Like what?
You tell him, al.

Well, for one thing, you'll have
two paychecks coming in.

It sure helps around bill time.

I don't care.

In the history
of the bundy family,

No wife has ever worked

Outside or inside
the home.

I'm not about to change.

Think of peggy.

What, do you think she
wants to sit around all day

Just watching tv?

Women aren't
like that anymore.

You know, I talked
with a customer today

Who had a job that would
be perfect for peggy.

Oh, gee, guys.
I already have a job.

My family needs me.

Kelly, honey, you want me
to make you some dinner?

Oh, no, mom. I'm gonna eat
at joanie's house.

Her mom makes
homemade stuff.

Oh. Well, be careful.

You never know
what they put in that.

15 is the most
crucial age of all.

You really have to
keep after them.

Oh, and, bud, my baby.

Excuse me,
but I promised bud

I'd help him
with his homework.

It's all done, mom.

Oh, and I wrote that letter
for you

To get you
out of jury duty.

Well, you must be tired.

Do you want something to eat?

No thanks. I don't have time
to cook right now, mom.

Peggy, the kids
are obviously old enough

To take care
of themselves.

And al, well,
he'll learn.

Just put an l and an r
on each of his shoes,

And he should be fine.

Careful, steve.

Someone's gonna steal
this one away.

I think we're overlooking
the most important thing.

And that is,
what does peggy want?

Yes. What does
peggy want?

I want a vcr.

And the only way
to get it

And feel good
about yourself

Is to get this job.

You do want to work,
don't you?

Then it's settled.

I'm so excited.

I can't wait to go home
and call about the job.

Come on, steve.

Welcome to
the work force, peg.

Now, remember, kids,

This is your mother's
first day at work.

She's probably a little nervous,
a little insecure.

So when she comes down
those stairs,

I want everyone to stand
behind her like a family.

Try not to laugh.

[doorbell rings]

Hi, al. Came to pick peggy
up for work.

Well, how do I look?

You look great.

Fabulous.

Super.

Fabulous.

Groovy.

Fabulous.

That's enough.

All right, peg.
A few words of advice.

As soon as you walk
out that door,

You'll feel
a warm sensation

On your head
and shoulders.

Don't panic. That's just
our friend, the sun.

And al, if you should feel
a sudden sharp pain

Where you sit,

That's just your friend,
my foot.

Come on, peggy.
You're gonna love this.

You're gonna
come home tonight

With a real sense
of accomplishment.

Yeah, you're right.

I've been cooped up
in this house

Much too long.

It's time to say goodbye
and move on.

Goodbye, bud.

[strained]
mom, please,
you're a strong woman.

Goodbye, kelly.

Mom, my hair.

Well, al,
I'm off to work.

Thank you, al.
You have a good day too.

Don't worry, peggy,
it'll be fine.

It's gonna be
a great job,

And you'll
be surprised

At just how quickly
the day goes by.

[clocks ticking]

[humming quietly]

Do you have any clocks?

No.

Oprah's doing
a whole week

On "transsexuals:

Which bathroom
should they use?"

Really?
Phil's doing a show

On "male potency:
A thing of the past."

You know,
nowadays

You really need
a vcr.

Yeah.
Let's buy one.

Let's get two.

Oh, hello. I'm mr. Pond.
Ernst pond.

I'm one
of your superiors.

You have many.
Now, let's see...

Is it miss bundy
or mrs.?

Ms.

Ah. Then it's miss.

It's mrs.

Hey, look.

Do you have any openings
in the tv department?

You just
don't start in tv.

You rise to it.

Besides, we prefer to put men
in the tv department.

We find women tend
to waste a lot of time

Watching oprah.

Or is it phil?
I get them confused.

Hey, did you love
that training film?

Muldin's:
The first 100 years.

How in the world did you get
william shatner to narrate?

We gave him a vcr.

Didn't you love
that aerial shot

Of all the employees spelling
out the name muldin's?

Yeah. Wasn't it the top
of your head I saw

Dotting the I?

It was.

Now I leave you
to your happy task, mrs. Bundy

And don't forget.

Tomorrow is daylight
savings time

So you have to reset
all the clocks.

Have a muldin's day.

Woman:
And 1 and 2
and 3 and 4.

On your back
and 2 and 3 and 4.

Like a dog
and 2 and 3 and 4.

[doorknob rattles]

[channel changes]

[cartoon music playing]

Hi, bud.

Hi, mom.

So how was your
first day at work?

Much like my first day
as a mother.

Where's your sister?

Kelly!

Mom's home.

Mom!

Oh. I missed you
so much.

Well, I better go.

I have someone
waiting for me.

Can I have $5.00?

Yeah.

Thanks, mom.

Where's your daddy?

He went out in the garage.

What did he make you
for dinner?

Marshmallows.

Well, where's the dog?

He's out
barfing marshmallows.

It looks like winter
out there.

Go clean it up.

Right, mom.

You look beat.

Fix me some dinner, okay?

Forget it, al.
I'm too tired.

Well, I'm tired too,

But I made dinner
for the kids.

Marshmallows, al?

Hey, we
toasted them, peg.

I am not cooking
dinner, al.

I work now.

And I'm glad that you do.

Because now that you're
bringing in some extra money,

We can get
some stuff we need.

New bike for bud,

A tutor for kelly,

And maybe some
fishing gear for me.

Hey, wait a minute, al.
What about my vcr?

This is my money
we're talking about now.

How come when I make it,
it's our money,

But when you make it,
it's your money?

Well, we'll leave that
to the historians.

But in the meantime,
anything you make is our money,

And we're getting
fishing gear.

I don't want fishing gear.

Hey, I didn't want new clothes
for the kids,

But I gave in.

And what's good
for the goose

Is good for
the goose's wife.

Great to be working
isn't it?

[doorbell rings]

Get the door, al.
I work now.

You get the door.
I work too.

I got home last.

I work longer.

Then you should be used to it.
Now, go see who it is.

It's marcie.

Hi, peggy.
How was your first day at work?

I hate working.

That's why
I got married.

And now I'm not even
getting a vcr.

Oh, the kids are getting
what they want.

Al's getting
what he wants.

But me? Hmph.

I miss phil.
I miss oprah.

I miss my empty life.

Congratulations,
peggy.

You've learned what it is
to be a woman of today.

The freedom to make
your own choices.

You tried work.

You hate it.

Now you can
choose to quit.

No, I can't.

You see,
al comes home every day,

And if I ask him
to do something for me

Or to me,

He says he's
too tired from work.

So if I quit,

Then he'll know that I know
that work is hard.

And that'll be the end

Of any fun
I'll have in our marriage.

No. The only way out

Is to get al
to make me quit.

Then you're gonna
keep the job?

I have to.

Well, I meant
what's best for you.

I think it'll
work out fine.

And don't think I don't
appreciate it, marcie.

Hello, pizza shack?

I'd like 15 of your
gutbucket pizzas

Delivered to
marcie rhoades.

Oh, free garlic bread
with every order?

No, thanks.
We'll pay for it.

Okay, kids!
Marshmallows are ready!

Marshmallows again?

They're fresh today,

We don't
have to toast them,

And they're on a bun.

Dad,
it's been a week.

Why don't you just
break down

And go to the supermarket
and buy some actual food?

You know, the kind
mom used to defrost.

No.

I hate the supermarket.

I always wind up in the
2000 items or less aisle

Behind some ugly lady
in a muumuu and curlers.

And when everything
is totaled up,

Then they go for
the checkbook,

Like it never occurred to them
that they have to pay.

And then they always
turn around

And ask me,
"what's the date?"

Like it matters to me.

All they gotta do is look
at the date on their milk.

And add one.

Come on. Let's have
some enthusiasm here.

Campfire burgers
for everybody.

Buck! Dinner!

Where is
that stupid dog?

[doorbell rings]

Come in!

Al, you know your dog just
jumped the fence into my yard?

He's coughing up
little white puffs.

All right, then,
there's more for us, eh, kids?

All right.
Go get him back.

How, dad?

Well, I was saving this
chocolate bar for me,

But he is
the family dog.

Don't give it to him.

Just draw him
with the scent.

Go on. It's the only protein
in the house.

That's all right.
I got 15 more pizzas at home.

So, al...

How's peggy's new job
working out?

Oh, great, steve.

Yeah, she's pulling in
a clear 90 bucks a week.

Of course she's spending
400 bucks a week.

Yeah, she needed
a new smock at muldin's,

Then, of course,
she needed some new clothes.

And then she wanted
some new shoes.

Well, that's no problem.
You sell shoes.

No, she wanted
good shoes.

So the way I figure it,

If she keeps working
any longer,

We'll all be living
in the gutter.

Actually, I won't
be living in the gutter.

I'll be in prison
for killing your wife.

Well, before you go down
that long, lonesome road, al,

Why don't you
try this?

Ask peggy to quit.

No, I can't do that.

See, the truth is,
I like having her at home.

Well, she'd love
to hear that.

Yeah, I'm sure
she would,

But I'm not
gonna tell her.

Because then I'd have
nothing to complain about,

And I love complaining.

No, if I got her to quit,

She'd lord it over me
for the rest of my life.

She'd say, "I wanted to work,
but you want me home,

So now I'm home,
so shut up!"

And that would be the end
of all my fun in the marriage.

No, I gotta think
of another way.

Ah, gee, al,

I don't like to butt
into your business--

No, go ahead.
Pretend you're your wife.

Okay. I think you have
to take into consideration

What's best for peggy.

Why would I do that?

Oh, hi, hon. I didn't
hear you come in.

Gee, you made it all the way
to the couch this time.

How's work?
Are you still enjoying it?

What's that noise?

What noise?

I hear ticking.

Oh...It's you.

Me?

I'll tell you an interesting
thing about this watch, peg.

You put it in water,
you ruin it.

Is there anything
you want to tell me, peg?

No. Anything you
want to tell me?

No.

Oh, the dog
has the runs.

Are you gonna do
any housework tonight, peg?

I have a job, al.

Unless you want me
to quit.

No.

Unless you want
to quit.

Well, then, I guess
we're both kind of happy, huh?

Yep.

Mom. Dad.

There's something we have
to talk to you about.

We really miss you
around the house, mom.

Yeah. No offense
to you, dad,

But we're starving
and we're dirty.

I think we need you
to take care of us, mom.

I know we're at an age

Where we ought to be able
to take care of ourselves,

But we can't.

We want you
to quit your job.

What do you
say, peg?

Well, the kids
have to come first.

Okay.

I'll quit.

But only because
I love you.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

You hear that, kids?

Your mother
is quite a lady.

Now, peg, are you gonna
go shopping tomorrow

And get some groceries?

If I have time.

What do you mean,
if you have time?

You don't do
anything else.

Okay, al.
I'll go shopping.

But if I do, I'll miss phil,
and I'll miss oprah

And the cubs game.

But that's all right, al.

You'll get me a vcr
when you're ready.

Are you ready, al?
Please, please, please.

Well, since you
put it like that...

Sure. Why not?

Al:
Hey, we can go
to muldin's.

We can still use
your employee discount.

Oh, I don't
think so, al.

I think they're kind of
mad at me.

I kind of damaged
some merchandise.

That'll be a nice gift
for steve and marcie.

Oh, yeah.

Well, we did it.

Yep. Does mom know
dad paid us?

Nope.

Dad know
mom paid us?

Nope.

Does mom know
about your phony id?

Nope.

[♪]