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1
00:00:03,535 --> 00:00:07,005
[♪]
2
00:00:15,681 --> 00:00:18,049
♪ love and marriage ♪
3
00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:20,518
♪ love and marriage ♪
4
00:00:20,519 --> 00:00:22,320
♪ go together like ♪
5
00:00:22,321 --> 00:00:24,789
♪ a horse and carriage ♪
6
00:00:24,790 --> 00:00:28,793
♪ this I tell ya, brother ♪
7
00:00:28,794 --> 00:00:30,729
♪ you can't have one ♪
8
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,632
♪ without the other ♪
9
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,934
♪ love and marriage ♪
10
00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:38,536
♪ love and marriage ♪
11
00:00:38,537 --> 00:00:39,938
♪ it's an institute ♪
12
00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:42,340
♪ you can't disparage ♪
13
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:46,111
♪ ask the local gentry ♪
14
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:50,649
♪ and they will say
it's elementary ♪
15
00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:55,453
♪ try, try, try
to separate them ♪
16
00:00:55,454 --> 00:00:59,157
♪ it's an illusion ♪
17
00:00:59,158 --> 00:01:04,295
♪ try, try, try
and you will only come ♪
18
00:01:04,296 --> 00:01:07,732
♪ to this conclusion ♪
19
00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:09,834
♪ love and marriage ♪
20
00:01:38,197 --> 00:01:40,131
Kelly, breakfast!
21
00:01:40,132 --> 00:01:41,666
And be quiet, honey!
22
00:01:41,667 --> 00:01:43,401
Don't wake your father!
23
00:01:44,904 --> 00:01:47,572
Oh, bud, you eat so fast.
24
00:01:47,573 --> 00:01:50,742
That's because
you cook so good.
25
00:01:50,743 --> 00:01:52,210
Bye, mom.
26
00:01:52,211 --> 00:01:54,512
Not so fast.
You're not going anywhere
27
00:01:54,513 --> 00:01:56,181
Without a good,
healthy breakfast.
28
00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:57,716
Mother, I'm 15.
I'm old enough
29
00:01:57,717 --> 00:02:00,451
To know how to use
a vending machine.
30
00:02:00,452 --> 00:02:02,253
Get over here
and eat.
31
00:02:02,254 --> 00:02:05,190
God, I hate
to eat sitting down.
32
00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:08,927
I think she should
clean her plate like I did.
33
00:02:08,928 --> 00:02:10,028
Sure, mom.
34
00:02:15,868 --> 00:02:17,035
I'm stuffed.
35
00:02:17,036 --> 00:02:19,570
They're waiting for me
at the mall.
36
00:02:19,571 --> 00:02:21,239
What do you do
at the mall, anyway?
37
00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:22,406
Nothing.
38
00:02:22,407 --> 00:02:25,009
You know
what they do?
39
00:02:25,010 --> 00:02:26,577
Sometimes they look
in the shoe store...
40
00:02:26,578 --> 00:02:29,714
And laugh at daddy.
41
00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:33,551
Well, all the kids do.
42
00:02:33,552 --> 00:02:36,387
It's not like
they know he's my father.
43
00:02:36,388 --> 00:02:37,822
And they never will,
44
00:02:37,823 --> 00:02:41,359
If you want to live
to hang your next rat.
45
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:44,395
I'd ground
both of you,
46
00:02:44,396 --> 00:02:47,598
But then that would mean
you'd be here all day.
47
00:02:49,835 --> 00:02:52,703
So, your punishment is
you're grounded tomorrow
48
00:02:52,704 --> 00:02:55,673
When your father's home,
and I'm out shopping.
49
00:02:55,674 --> 00:02:58,143
Can I go now?
50
00:02:58,144 --> 00:02:59,244
Please.
51
00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:01,312
Where's my miniature
golf coupon?
52
00:03:01,313 --> 00:03:02,781
It's in the drawer.
53
00:03:05,851 --> 00:03:08,352
What's this
with the fake engraving?
54
00:03:08,353 --> 00:03:09,854
Oh, that's
the invitation
55
00:03:09,855 --> 00:03:11,856
To your cousin
harriet's wedding.
56
00:03:11,857 --> 00:03:12,857
Oh, puke.
57
00:03:12,858 --> 00:03:14,125
Harriet.
58
00:03:14,126 --> 00:03:16,861
You don't
have to go.
59
00:03:16,862 --> 00:03:20,865
The thing is, your father and I
have to go out of town for it.
60
00:03:20,866 --> 00:03:22,733
Bud, who can you stay with?
61
00:03:22,734 --> 00:03:26,037
I'm not allowed
in anybody's house.
62
00:03:26,038 --> 00:03:28,907
Well, we'll
find someone.
63
00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:31,709
[al coughs loudly]
64
00:03:31,710 --> 00:03:33,211
Daddy's up.
65
00:03:33,212 --> 00:03:35,213
Well, we'll
see you later.
66
00:03:35,214 --> 00:03:36,547
Okay. Be home by 6.
67
00:03:36,548 --> 00:03:38,149
Oh, and bud,
don't bite anyone.
68
00:03:38,150 --> 00:03:40,151
And kelly, don't
get anything pierced.
69
00:03:40,152 --> 00:03:41,085
Yeah, mom.
70
00:03:53,665 --> 00:03:55,066
Morning.
71
00:03:55,067 --> 00:03:56,334
Coffee.
72
00:03:56,335 --> 00:03:57,535
In the pot.
73
00:03:57,536 --> 00:04:01,706
Boy, I love it when you
get up before I do,
74
00:04:01,707 --> 00:04:04,709
And I got the bed
all to myself.
75
00:04:04,710 --> 00:04:06,845
Gee, you'd never know it,
76
00:04:06,846 --> 00:04:11,449
The way you put your foot
on my behind and push.
77
00:04:11,450 --> 00:04:12,851
Here's your
breakfast, honey.
78
00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:15,619
Mmm. Oh, just
how I like them.
79
00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:21,125
Ah, you dirty,
shiftless bag of--
80
00:04:21,126 --> 00:04:24,095
Al, don't feed that
to the dog.
81
00:04:24,096 --> 00:04:26,797
The cholesterol
is very bad for him.
82
00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:32,904
Bacon?
83
00:04:34,874 --> 00:04:36,474
Boy,
I hate saturdays.
84
00:04:36,475 --> 00:04:40,611
Damn kids come to the mall
and make fun of me.
85
00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:43,681
Yeah.
Wouldn't it be nice
86
00:04:43,682 --> 00:04:46,617
If we could go off together,
just the two of us?
87
00:04:46,618 --> 00:04:48,186
Not really.
88
00:04:49,688 --> 00:04:52,823
You know where
I'd really like to go?
89
00:04:52,824 --> 00:04:53,824
Where?
90
00:04:53,825 --> 00:04:54,993
Milwaukee.
91
00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:57,762
I smell your family
coming on.
92
00:04:57,763 --> 00:05:00,331
What's up, peg,
beer fest '87?
93
00:05:00,332 --> 00:05:02,800
Is it time
for your mother
94
00:05:02,801 --> 00:05:05,136
To defend her
keg-sucking crown?
95
00:05:06,772 --> 00:05:08,572
Is she moving up
96
00:05:08,573 --> 00:05:10,775
Into the heavyweight division
this year?
97
00:05:10,776 --> 00:05:13,011
Can't stand
that a woman won, huh?
98
00:05:13,012 --> 00:05:14,845
Hey, there were
a lot of people there
99
00:05:14,846 --> 00:05:17,848
Demanding
chromosome tests.
100
00:05:17,849 --> 00:05:19,817
Just you and dad.
101
00:05:19,818 --> 00:05:21,786
I don't care, peg.
102
00:05:21,787 --> 00:05:23,821
I'm not going to one
of your family gatherings.
103
00:05:23,822 --> 00:05:25,356
It's not a gathering,
it's a wedding.
104
00:05:25,357 --> 00:05:26,857
Who's getting married?
105
00:05:26,858 --> 00:05:27,858
Harriet.
106
00:05:27,859 --> 00:05:29,027
Harriet?
107
00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:31,329
You mean someone
answered the ad?
108
00:05:32,664 --> 00:05:34,365
Some people
will do anything
109
00:05:34,366 --> 00:05:36,100
To keep
from being deported.
110
00:05:36,101 --> 00:05:39,404
Hey, jose
is a very nice man,
111
00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:42,907
And his english
is coming along just fine.
112
00:05:42,908 --> 00:05:45,243
Me habla not going.
113
00:05:46,511 --> 00:05:48,012
Al, we have to go.
114
00:05:48,013 --> 00:05:50,348
The whole family
is coming.
115
00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:52,817
Oh, really. How about elmo,
the human surprise?
116
00:05:52,818 --> 00:05:54,819
Are they bringing him?
117
00:05:54,820 --> 00:05:56,787
You know, he makes
a very good living.
118
00:05:56,788 --> 00:05:59,457
Well, they won't have his cage
at the wedding, peg.
119
00:05:59,458 --> 00:06:00,925
Well, you have to admit,
120
00:06:00,926 --> 00:06:02,793
There's one good thing
about my family.
121
00:06:02,794 --> 00:06:04,628
They gave you me.
122
00:06:04,629 --> 00:06:06,931
Getting me sentimental
ain't gonna work with me, peg.
123
00:06:06,932 --> 00:06:08,532
Now, you send harriet
a card,
124
00:06:08,533 --> 00:06:10,701
You give jose a copy of
the pledge of allegiance,
125
00:06:10,702 --> 00:06:12,736
But I'm not going.
126
00:06:12,737 --> 00:06:14,172
Yes, you are.
127
00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:15,606
No, I'm not.
128
00:06:15,607 --> 00:06:18,176
Oh, yes, you are, and you cannot
walk out on this argument.
129
00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:19,243
Watch me.
130
00:06:19,244 --> 00:06:20,511
Fine, but when you come home,
131
00:06:20,512 --> 00:06:21,912
We're picking up
where we left off.
132
00:06:21,913 --> 00:06:24,882
That's fine.
Then I'm not coming home.
133
00:06:26,852 --> 00:06:29,887
Eh, you'll
be coming home,
134
00:06:29,888 --> 00:06:33,858
And mr. And mrs. Bundy
will be attending.
135
00:06:33,859 --> 00:06:38,863
♪ you're once, twice
three times a lady ♪
136
00:06:38,864 --> 00:06:40,465
See, I told you.
137
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,867
You can dance
in these shoes.
138
00:06:42,868 --> 00:06:45,370
Well, I'll take them.
139
00:06:49,808 --> 00:06:51,809
Luke, what
are you doing?
140
00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:53,411
Selling shoes, man.
141
00:06:53,412 --> 00:06:56,247
You work on commission,
you go the extra mile,
142
00:06:56,248 --> 00:06:58,416
And that, my friend,
is the extra mile.
143
00:07:03,288 --> 00:07:04,788
Thank you.
144
00:07:04,789 --> 00:07:06,290
My pleasure.
145
00:07:06,291 --> 00:07:09,894
Oh, your son
is very nice.
146
00:07:12,898 --> 00:07:16,800
Yeah, she must have been
something 1,500 years ago.
147
00:07:18,404 --> 00:07:19,937
Get away from me, luke.
148
00:07:19,938 --> 00:07:22,073
Hey, al. You know,
149
00:07:22,074 --> 00:07:24,409
There's something
I've learned over the years,
150
00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:27,478
Whenever someone yells at me,
it's not me.
151
00:07:27,479 --> 00:07:28,846
How could it be?
152
00:07:28,847 --> 00:07:29,880
So, what's wrong?
153
00:07:29,881 --> 00:07:32,816
I had a fight
with my wife.
154
00:07:32,817 --> 00:07:34,552
I knew it wasn't me.
155
00:07:34,553 --> 00:07:35,986
How bad was it?
156
00:07:35,987 --> 00:07:39,190
Well, I got pretty mad.
So I laid down the law.
157
00:07:39,191 --> 00:07:41,392
I told her
I'm not coming home!
158
00:07:41,393 --> 00:07:46,097
So, uh...Where can I
get some flowers, cheap?
159
00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:48,666
I thought you said
you weren't going home.
160
00:07:48,667 --> 00:07:51,402
Let's face it. I've got
no choice. I have to.
161
00:07:51,403 --> 00:07:52,736
That's the trouble
162
00:07:52,737 --> 00:07:54,905
When you're married
with children.
163
00:07:54,906 --> 00:07:56,674
They know
you're coming home.
164
00:07:58,810 --> 00:07:59,843
Al.
165
00:07:59,844 --> 00:08:00,844
What?
166
00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:05,416
What do you think I should
have for lunch?
167
00:08:05,417 --> 00:08:08,519
Hey, I'm pouring out
my heart here.
168
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,354
I'm sorry.
I thought you were done.
169
00:08:10,355 --> 00:08:11,722
No, I'm not.
170
00:08:11,723 --> 00:08:13,124
I'm not at all.
171
00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:15,993
I gotta find
a place to stay.
172
00:08:15,994 --> 00:08:17,995
I can't afford a hotel.
173
00:08:17,996 --> 00:08:20,731
If I go home,
then I'm saying I'm sorry,
174
00:08:20,732 --> 00:08:22,766
So I can't go home,
I gotta...
175
00:08:22,767 --> 00:08:24,868
Make her wonder,
make her...Worry,
176
00:08:24,869 --> 00:08:26,337
Make her...Miss me.
177
00:08:26,338 --> 00:08:29,474
Then I can go home,
so she can yell at me.
178
00:08:29,475 --> 00:08:31,075
Where am I gonna stay?
179
00:08:31,076 --> 00:08:33,877
Everybody comes
to the answer man.
180
00:08:33,878 --> 00:08:35,946
The choice
is obvious, al.
181
00:08:35,947 --> 00:08:39,917
You set up a cot
in the stock room.
182
00:08:39,918 --> 00:08:42,587
I'm staying
with you, luke.
183
00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:43,687
For free?
184
00:08:43,688 --> 00:08:44,855
Yes.
185
00:08:44,856 --> 00:08:46,624
You know, I haven't done
something like this
186
00:08:46,625 --> 00:08:47,992
In a long time.
187
00:08:47,993 --> 00:08:51,429
Yeah, kick back with a buddy
and a six-pack and be men.
188
00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:53,197
You know, luke, I...
189
00:08:53,198 --> 00:08:55,366
This is really helping me out.
Thanks a lot.
190
00:08:55,367 --> 00:08:58,869
Hey, the day luke ventura
can't help a friend,
191
00:08:58,870 --> 00:09:02,306
That's the day he's got
something better to do.
192
00:09:07,212 --> 00:09:10,148
Man:
The divorce judgewill now render his verdict.
193
00:09:10,149 --> 00:09:13,584
Judge:
Mr. Gannon, your lovely brideof eight months
194
00:09:13,585 --> 00:09:16,086
Deserves far betterthan you.
195
00:09:16,087 --> 00:09:19,690
I can't grant her that,but I can grant her...
196
00:09:19,691 --> 00:09:22,627
93 percentof your net worth...
197
00:09:22,628 --> 00:09:26,430
Your ferrariand your stocks.
198
00:09:26,431 --> 00:09:28,399
And you, mr. Gannon...
199
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,869
You get the children.
200
00:09:31,870 --> 00:09:34,838
This court is adjourned.
201
00:09:34,839 --> 00:09:36,374
What a great show!
202
00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:39,277
Oh, yeah. You know,
that's a real judge.
203
00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:41,045
More coffee?
Okay.
204
00:09:42,514 --> 00:09:43,781
Listen, marce,
205
00:09:43,782 --> 00:09:46,684
Al and I have to go out of town
to a wedding next week.
206
00:09:46,685 --> 00:09:48,619
Do you think you
could watch the house?
207
00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:50,821
Sure.
I love weddings.
208
00:09:50,822 --> 00:09:52,523
Where are
they registered?
209
00:09:52,524 --> 00:09:55,560
Department
of immigration.
210
00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:56,694
How '80s.
211
00:09:56,695 --> 00:09:58,762
Well, if you can't
find anything there,
212
00:09:58,763 --> 00:10:00,898
We have a lot
of good gift catalogues.
213
00:10:00,899 --> 00:10:02,866
Why don't you and al
come over later?
214
00:10:02,867 --> 00:10:05,236
Better yet,
come over without al.
215
00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:06,804
I'm afraid I'd have to.
216
00:10:06,805 --> 00:10:08,472
He's mad at me
about the wedding.
217
00:10:08,473 --> 00:10:09,640
We had this big fight.
218
00:10:09,641 --> 00:10:11,609
He was so cute.
219
00:10:11,610 --> 00:10:13,711
He said
he wasn't coming home.
220
00:10:13,712 --> 00:10:16,247
You don't
seem too concerned.
221
00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:20,150
Marcie, this is al.
222
00:10:20,151 --> 00:10:21,452
I mean, where's
he gonna go?
223
00:10:21,453 --> 00:10:23,254
He might drive around
for a while
224
00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:26,824
Till he has to use
the bathroom and eat.
225
00:10:26,825 --> 00:10:29,293
Then he'll come
slinking back,
226
00:10:29,294 --> 00:10:31,262
Pretending
nothing happened,
227
00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:34,532
And we'll go to bed,
and nothing will happen.
228
00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:38,669
Well, I'd be worried if steve
threatened not to come home.
229
00:10:38,670 --> 00:10:41,706
According to my book,
man and other primates,
230
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:43,140
After a marital spat,
231
00:10:43,141 --> 00:10:47,545
The man is most vulnerable
to outside stimuli.
232
00:10:47,546 --> 00:10:50,013
What does that mean?
233
00:10:50,014 --> 00:10:53,117
There are a lot of man-hungry
barracudas out there.
234
00:10:53,118 --> 00:10:54,418
The first little wink,
235
00:10:54,419 --> 00:10:56,621
His shoes
will be under her bed.
236
00:10:56,622 --> 00:11:00,023
Well, that should
end it right there.
237
00:11:03,495 --> 00:11:06,764
Here it is,
home of the big boy.
238
00:11:10,001 --> 00:11:13,036
I can't believe
you live in a building
239
00:11:13,037 --> 00:11:15,105
Where all your neighbors
are stewardesses.
240
00:11:15,106 --> 00:11:17,808
I used to live in a building
with a lot of married people.
241
00:11:17,809 --> 00:11:19,943
Sure, the sex was great
during the day,
242
00:11:19,944 --> 00:11:22,346
But it got lonely
at night.
243
00:11:22,347 --> 00:11:25,683
Take a load off.
Sit down.
244
00:11:25,684 --> 00:11:26,817
No tv?
245
00:11:26,818 --> 00:11:30,120
It's in the bedroom
with the cameras.
246
00:11:30,121 --> 00:11:33,257
You want a drink?
247
00:11:33,258 --> 00:11:35,826
Yeah, uh...
Got some scotch?
248
00:11:35,827 --> 00:11:37,728
I got everything.
249
00:11:37,729 --> 00:11:42,667
One of the many benefits
of living in a stew zoo.
250
00:11:48,106 --> 00:11:52,209
You want a deck of cards
or a barf bag or something?
251
00:11:52,210 --> 00:11:53,644
Nah, I'm cool.
252
00:11:53,645 --> 00:11:57,147
Peggy must be
eating her heart out.
253
00:11:57,148 --> 00:11:58,749
If she could see me now.
254
00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:00,651
What a night,
huh, buddy?
255
00:12:00,652 --> 00:12:02,219
I'm gonna kind of
get comfortable.
256
00:12:02,220 --> 00:12:03,721
You make yourself
at home, buddy.
257
00:12:03,722 --> 00:12:04,689
Yeah.
258
00:12:14,566 --> 00:12:17,468
Eat your heart out, peg.
259
00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:23,474
♪ by the time
I get to phoenix ♪
260
00:12:23,475 --> 00:12:26,811
♪ she'll be risin' ♪
261
00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:32,282
♪ hmm hmm hmm hmm
hmm hmm hmm her hair ♪
262
00:12:33,585 --> 00:12:36,119
[doorbell rings]
263
00:12:44,963 --> 00:12:46,864
Hi.
Hi.
264
00:12:46,865 --> 00:12:48,432
We're the cherry
sisters.
265
00:12:48,433 --> 00:12:50,100
Terry and sherry
cherry.
266
00:12:54,205 --> 00:12:57,241
I'm, uh...
Uh...
267
00:12:57,242 --> 00:13:00,210
Al! Al bundy.
That's right.
268
00:13:02,914 --> 00:13:04,982
Luke!
Luke!
269
00:13:04,983 --> 00:13:06,450
Cherries!
270
00:13:09,187 --> 00:13:11,121
We brought you this.
271
00:13:11,122 --> 00:13:14,925
Our mother taught us never
to go anyplace empty-handed.
272
00:13:14,926 --> 00:13:17,361
Or without a dime
for a phone call.
273
00:13:17,362 --> 00:13:20,564
Oh, we didn't
bring anything for you.
274
00:13:20,565 --> 00:13:22,633
Would you like our dime?
275
00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:26,303
Aren't they sweet, al?
276
00:13:26,304 --> 00:13:29,006
Uh, al! Al bundy.
That's right.
277
00:13:32,243 --> 00:13:35,145
Ladies, I'd like you
to meet my friend,
278
00:13:35,146 --> 00:13:37,281
Al "the king" bundy.
279
00:13:37,282 --> 00:13:39,249
Luke:
Let's get
comfortable here.
280
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:40,484
Come on.
281
00:13:40,485 --> 00:13:42,085
Ooh,
you redecorated.
282
00:13:42,086 --> 00:13:43,654
Oh, I love it.
283
00:13:43,655 --> 00:13:46,256
It's kind of
a wild kingdom feel.
284
00:13:46,257 --> 00:13:47,625
I like it.
285
00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:56,667
Luke, you know,
sherry and I were just talking,
286
00:13:56,668 --> 00:14:00,404
And I really need
a man's opinion.
287
00:14:00,405 --> 00:14:02,706
Okay.
Come sit on my lap.
288
00:14:02,707 --> 00:14:03,874
Sure.
289
00:14:08,747 --> 00:14:10,848
I don't know
what to do.
290
00:14:10,849 --> 00:14:12,683
My boyfriend wants
to move in with me,
291
00:14:12,684 --> 00:14:15,218
But he still wants
to see other people.
292
00:14:15,219 --> 00:14:16,620
Let me tell you something.
293
00:14:16,621 --> 00:14:18,188
You don't let him move in
294
00:14:18,189 --> 00:14:20,223
Unless he's willing
to make a commitment.
295
00:14:20,224 --> 00:14:21,391
Thanks, luke.
296
00:14:21,392 --> 00:14:24,394
So you wanna go
in the bedroom?
297
00:14:24,395 --> 00:14:26,597
Sure, as long as I'm here.
298
00:14:29,267 --> 00:14:31,869
Everyone comes
to the answer man.
299
00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:41,011
♪ you're once, twice
three times a lady ♪
300
00:14:41,012 --> 00:14:43,246
♪ and I love... ♪
301
00:14:45,817 --> 00:14:47,751
♪ you ♪
302
00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:53,624
[laughs nervously]
303
00:15:04,569 --> 00:15:07,104
So, what do you
do, al?
304
00:15:07,105 --> 00:15:09,206
Oh, I'm a, I'm a...
305
00:15:09,207 --> 00:15:11,141
You know, a shoe thing.
306
00:15:14,846 --> 00:15:17,214
They're gonna
be in there a while.
307
00:15:17,215 --> 00:15:19,950
Looks like
you're stuck with me.
308
00:15:26,391 --> 00:15:28,959
[telephone rings]
309
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,193
Hello.
310
00:15:30,194 --> 00:15:31,996
Oh, hi, sis.
311
00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:34,765
Gee, you and harriet
must really be excited.
312
00:15:34,766 --> 00:15:36,366
Oh, I wanted to tell you
313
00:15:36,367 --> 00:15:38,969
That al and I
are coming to the wedding.
314
00:15:38,970 --> 00:15:43,273
Well, don't cry.
I have to bring al.
315
00:15:43,274 --> 00:15:46,143
Jose called off
the wedding?!
316
00:15:46,144 --> 00:15:48,111
Why?
317
00:15:48,112 --> 00:15:50,581
He won the lottery?
318
00:15:53,451 --> 00:15:56,453
Oh, poor harriet.
319
00:15:58,056 --> 00:15:59,557
Well, I'll tell al.
320
00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:01,425
He'll just be devastated,
321
00:16:01,426 --> 00:16:04,461
But maybe we'll see you
for schnitzel week.
322
00:16:04,462 --> 00:16:06,129
Love you too.
323
00:16:06,998 --> 00:16:08,198
[peg sighs]
324
00:16:08,199 --> 00:16:09,332
Hi, kel.
325
00:16:09,333 --> 00:16:10,467
Hi, mom.
326
00:16:10,468 --> 00:16:12,469
Is dad
in the bathroom?
327
00:16:12,470 --> 00:16:13,804
No.
328
00:16:13,805 --> 00:16:15,172
If he's not
in the bathroom
329
00:16:15,173 --> 00:16:16,473
And he's not
watching television,
330
00:16:16,474 --> 00:16:17,708
Where else
could he be?
331
00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:20,210
I think your father's
working late.
332
00:16:20,211 --> 00:16:22,713
The shoe store
closed hours ago.
333
00:16:22,714 --> 00:16:25,282
You had a fight,
didn't you?
334
00:16:25,283 --> 00:16:28,251
Of course not.
What would we fight about?
335
00:16:28,252 --> 00:16:31,254
The fact that you
have no money
336
00:16:31,255 --> 00:16:34,391
And bud and I are
great disappointments to you.
337
00:16:34,392 --> 00:16:35,893
You are not
disappointments.
338
00:16:35,894 --> 00:16:38,896
Look, we did have a fight,
but don't worry.
339
00:16:38,897 --> 00:16:41,264
Your father
will be home soon.
340
00:16:41,265 --> 00:16:43,767
Well, I hope
wherever dad is,
341
00:16:43,768 --> 00:16:46,604
He's nowhere near
another woman.
342
00:16:46,605 --> 00:16:49,006
Mom,
I hate to tell you,
343
00:16:49,007 --> 00:16:50,774
But as a boyfriend
stealer myself,
344
00:16:50,775 --> 00:16:53,343
The best time
to get them
345
00:16:53,344 --> 00:16:55,278
Is right
after a fight.
346
00:16:55,279 --> 00:16:58,448
Oh, who would
want your father?
347
00:16:58,449 --> 00:17:00,450
Mom, let me tell you...
348
00:17:00,451 --> 00:17:03,954
When a woman gets
to be around your age,
349
00:17:03,955 --> 00:17:05,489
They get real desperate.
350
00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:11,128
I've seen them
at the mall.
351
00:17:11,129 --> 00:17:14,131
Their hungry, vacant eyes
scanning the escalators,
352
00:17:14,132 --> 00:17:17,134
Pretending to shop
near the men's dressing rooms,
353
00:17:17,135 --> 00:17:19,637
Praying that
some man, any man,
354
00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:21,639
Will walk up and say,
355
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:25,709
"does this tie
go with this shirt?"
356
00:17:25,710 --> 00:17:28,646
I don't have
to tell you what's next.
357
00:17:30,381 --> 00:17:32,382
Can I have
dad's chicken?
358
00:17:32,383 --> 00:17:34,384
Sure, honey. Why don't you
take it upstairs.
359
00:17:34,385 --> 00:17:35,886
Oh, look.
Don't worry about daddy.
360
00:17:35,887 --> 00:17:37,387
He'll be home soon,
361
00:17:37,388 --> 00:17:39,890
And I know where he is.
362
00:17:39,891 --> 00:17:41,892
He's over at telly's bar
363
00:17:41,893 --> 00:17:45,896
Having a beer, watching the game
on the big screen,
364
00:17:45,897 --> 00:17:48,766
Lying about how many
shoes he's sold.
365
00:17:58,009 --> 00:17:59,176
Hello, telly?
366
00:17:59,177 --> 00:18:01,211
Is al bundy there?
367
00:18:03,014 --> 00:18:04,882
Well, could you
check the bathroom?
368
00:18:06,584 --> 00:18:09,352
So my sister and I
got jobs as stewardesses
369
00:18:09,353 --> 00:18:10,554
Because we thought
370
00:18:10,555 --> 00:18:14,191
That's the way
to become pilots.
371
00:18:14,192 --> 00:18:15,559
[toilet flushes]
372
00:18:19,363 --> 00:18:22,365
The reason she's in first class
and I'm in coach
373
00:18:22,366 --> 00:18:24,868
Is 'cause she's much
smarter than I am.
374
00:18:24,869 --> 00:18:27,370
One time I went
into the cockpit
375
00:18:27,371 --> 00:18:30,373
And I actually saw her
sitting on the pilot's lap
376
00:18:30,374 --> 00:18:32,375
Helping him fly
the plane.
377
00:18:32,376 --> 00:18:34,377
She must have
been very good,
378
00:18:34,378 --> 00:18:37,247
Because he told
the copilot to get out.
379
00:18:40,451 --> 00:18:43,386
You know, you have
very strong forearms.
380
00:18:43,387 --> 00:18:44,554
Yeah.
381
00:18:44,555 --> 00:18:47,424
It must be from
all that flushing.
382
00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:51,328
Well, that and,
you know, working out.
383
00:18:51,329 --> 00:18:54,832
Yeah. You know, men are
always making passes at me
384
00:18:54,833 --> 00:18:57,334
Because they think
stews are easy,
385
00:18:57,335 --> 00:18:58,836
But we're not.
386
00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:00,303
Terry:
Oh, luke!
387
00:19:00,304 --> 00:19:03,006
Luke, luke!
388
00:19:03,007 --> 00:19:04,875
He's not
out here, sis!
389
00:19:13,952 --> 00:19:15,953
Let me ask you
something, al.
390
00:19:15,954 --> 00:19:19,556
What does a nice guy
look for in a girl?
391
00:19:19,557 --> 00:19:21,892
Uh...You.
392
00:19:23,061 --> 00:19:24,561
Really.
You're beautiful,
393
00:19:24,562 --> 00:19:26,063
And you're blond,
394
00:19:26,064 --> 00:19:27,364
And, uh...
395
00:19:27,365 --> 00:19:29,733
You're facing me.
396
00:19:31,870 --> 00:19:34,371
I like that in a woman.
397
00:19:34,372 --> 00:19:36,907
Don't worry. The right guy
is going to come along.
398
00:19:36,908 --> 00:19:38,976
You know, I really feel
comfortable with you,
399
00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:42,412
Like I can talk to you
and be myself.
400
00:19:42,413 --> 00:19:43,881
I don't have to live up
401
00:19:43,882 --> 00:19:45,715
To any of those
stereotyped expectations
402
00:19:45,716 --> 00:19:47,184
Everyone has
of a stewardess.
403
00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:48,886
You know,
always waiting on people,
404
00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:50,220
Attending to their needs.
405
00:19:50,221 --> 00:19:52,322
Would you care
for a beverage?
406
00:19:52,323 --> 00:19:53,490
No, thanks.
407
00:19:53,491 --> 00:19:55,893
I'm looking for
a serious commitment,
408
00:19:55,894 --> 00:19:57,594
Someone who'll
stay the night.
409
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,768
Then I gotta think there's
some guy out there for you.
410
00:20:04,769 --> 00:20:06,904
I hope so.
411
00:20:06,905 --> 00:20:09,039
See, I'm not like
my sister.
412
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,341
I need a man
to make me whole.
413
00:20:11,342 --> 00:20:12,409
Ooh...
414
00:20:17,348 --> 00:20:20,851
Well, I think
I'd better get going.
415
00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:23,020
You want a massage?
416
00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:24,221
Sure.
417
00:20:27,692 --> 00:20:29,693
Ooh, you're tense.
418
00:20:29,694 --> 00:20:32,696
And there are
tears in my eyes.
419
00:20:32,697 --> 00:20:36,033
Well, I better
get going home.
420
00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:38,035
Can I come with you?
421
00:20:38,036 --> 00:20:40,904
What are my chances
peg's in a coma?
422
00:20:42,874 --> 00:20:44,107
No.
423
00:20:44,108 --> 00:20:47,610
Listen, I know that
I'm in a bachelor's pad,
424
00:20:47,611 --> 00:20:51,048
And that I've got
the forearms of a java man,
425
00:20:51,049 --> 00:20:53,550
But I gotta tell you...
426
00:20:53,551 --> 00:20:55,319
I'm married...
427
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,154
With children.
428
00:20:57,155 --> 00:20:58,355
That's okay.
429
00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:01,358
Excuse me.
430
00:21:08,532 --> 00:21:10,533
Uh, listen, you're
really, really great,
431
00:21:10,534 --> 00:21:13,536
And any guy would be lucky
432
00:21:13,537 --> 00:21:15,739
I mean, jackpot lucky,
to be with you,
433
00:21:15,740 --> 00:21:17,440
But I hope
you'll understand.
434
00:21:17,441 --> 00:21:19,042
See, I've been married
a long time,
435
00:21:19,043 --> 00:21:21,044
And it just
wouldn't be right.
436
00:21:21,045 --> 00:21:23,546
You got any pictures
of yourself?
437
00:21:26,017 --> 00:21:29,019
No. No, that wouldn't
be right either.
438
00:21:29,020 --> 00:21:31,021
Listen, I gotta go.
439
00:21:31,022 --> 00:21:32,256
Take care.
440
00:21:32,257 --> 00:21:34,258
You are so honorable.
441
00:21:34,259 --> 00:21:37,928
Your wife must be
really wonderful.
442
00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:39,729
Well, she's a pip...
443
00:21:42,033 --> 00:21:43,666
But she's my pip.
444
00:21:45,536 --> 00:21:47,104
Hey, guys.
445
00:21:47,105 --> 00:21:49,172
You wanna make a movie?
446
00:21:50,308 --> 00:21:52,009
Yes, I do.
447
00:21:53,811 --> 00:21:54,844
Goodbye.
448
00:21:57,315 --> 00:21:58,681
Yes, I do.
449
00:22:09,327 --> 00:22:11,194
[car pulls up]
450
00:22:18,803 --> 00:22:20,304
Oh, gee, al,
451
00:22:20,305 --> 00:22:22,072
I'm so glad you're home.
452
00:22:24,675 --> 00:22:25,875
Wear this.
453
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,600
[♪]
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