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1
00:00:03,535 --> 00:00:07,005
[♪]
2
00:00:15,681 --> 00:00:18,049
♪ love and marriage ♪
3
00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:20,518
♪ love and marriage ♪
4
00:00:20,519 --> 00:00:22,320
♪ go together like ♪
5
00:00:22,321 --> 00:00:24,789
♪ a horse and carriage ♪
6
00:00:24,790 --> 00:00:28,793
♪ this I tell ya, brother ♪
7
00:00:28,794 --> 00:00:30,729
♪ you can't have one ♪
8
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,632
♪ without the other ♪
9
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,934
♪ love and marriage ♪
10
00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:38,536
♪ love and marriage ♪
11
00:00:38,537 --> 00:00:39,938
♪ it's an institute ♪
12
00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:42,340
♪ you can't disparage ♪
13
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:46,111
♪ ask the local gentry ♪
14
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:50,649
♪ and they will say
it's elementary ♪
15
00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:55,453
♪ try, try, try
to separate them ♪
16
00:00:55,454 --> 00:00:59,157
♪ it's an illusion ♪
17
00:00:59,158 --> 00:01:04,295
♪ try, try, try
and you will only come ♪
18
00:01:04,296 --> 00:01:07,732
♪ to this conclusion ♪
19
00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:09,834
♪ love and marriage ♪
20
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:19,144
Woman on television:
Excuse me, mr. Bosley.Isn't this demeaning?
21
00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:21,913
Man on television:
Demeaning?Demeaning, patsy?
22
00:01:21,914 --> 00:01:25,383
Is it demeaning for a womanto serve a man?
23
00:01:25,384 --> 00:01:27,318
What do youthink, girls?
24
00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:28,653
No.
Women: No.
25
00:01:28,654 --> 00:01:30,722
Now, everybody,let's get started.
26
00:01:30,723 --> 00:01:32,290
[synthesized music playing]
27
00:01:32,291 --> 00:01:33,658
What you watching?
28
00:01:33,659 --> 00:01:36,527
Patsy: Portrait of a stewardess
in training.
29
00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:40,832
Mr. Bosley!
30
00:01:40,833 --> 00:01:44,368
And I thought that wasa flotation device.
31
00:01:46,505 --> 00:01:49,507
Oh, al. Why do you
watch these things?
32
00:01:49,508 --> 00:01:51,475
It's educational, peg.
33
00:01:51,476 --> 00:01:54,645
I mean, we all fly,
but do any of us really know
34
00:01:54,646 --> 00:01:56,314
What these young
ladies go through
35
00:01:56,315 --> 00:01:57,381
To become stewardesses?
36
00:02:00,019 --> 00:02:01,052
Ooh.
37
00:02:03,022 --> 00:02:05,356
Their dresses
are awfully short.
38
00:02:05,357 --> 00:02:08,860
Would you like me
to get one of those?
39
00:02:08,861 --> 00:02:09,894
Why?
40
00:02:11,697 --> 00:02:12,864
[doorbell rings]
41
00:02:12,865 --> 00:02:14,199
Get that, hon.
42
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:15,533
I'd be honored, al.
43
00:02:15,534 --> 00:02:16,400
Shh!
44
00:02:20,039 --> 00:02:22,040
I hope we're
not interrupting.
45
00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:24,042
Oh, no. Come on in.
46
00:02:24,043 --> 00:02:25,977
I was just making coffee.
47
00:02:25,978 --> 00:02:28,980
Al's watching gullible girls
week on channel 3.
48
00:02:28,981 --> 00:02:31,515
Al, we have company.
49
00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:36,687
It's steve
and marcie.
50
00:02:40,325 --> 00:02:44,328
If a maniac broke in this house
right now and shot me dead,
51
00:02:44,329 --> 00:02:46,131
Al wouldn't even know.
52
00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:47,632
I'd know.
53
00:02:49,268 --> 00:02:52,237
I can't believe
you let your husband watch
54
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:54,105
This mindless
exploitation of women.
55
00:02:54,106 --> 00:02:56,474
It's not mindless.
56
00:02:56,475 --> 00:02:58,643
Come on, marcie.
You want coffee and cake?
57
00:02:58,644 --> 00:02:59,644
Sure.
58
00:02:59,645 --> 00:03:00,979
Good.
Did you bring cake?
59
00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:01,980
No.
60
00:03:01,981 --> 00:03:03,414
Well, we'll use ours.
61
00:03:03,415 --> 00:03:04,916
Hey, al,
doesn't it bother you
62
00:03:04,917 --> 00:03:07,986
To watch this kind of smut
in front of your wife?
63
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:09,821
Yeah.
64
00:03:09,822 --> 00:03:11,823
You know what
we learned last Tuesday
65
00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:13,825
In marcie's
women's club meeting?
66
00:03:13,826 --> 00:03:15,927
I don't care.
67
00:03:15,928 --> 00:03:17,929
You can't
honestly tell me
68
00:03:17,930 --> 00:03:19,397
You don't
enjoy watching this.
69
00:03:19,398 --> 00:03:20,899
I mean,
look at that leg
70
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:22,901
Draped over that
flotation device.
71
00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:24,769
You don't find
that pleasurable?
72
00:03:26,438 --> 00:03:28,606
I used to love smut.
73
00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:32,911
Oh, wait a second, al.
We went through this before.
74
00:03:32,912 --> 00:03:34,846
You got me
in a lot of trouble.
75
00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:36,848
Damn it, steve,
we're men.
76
00:03:36,849 --> 00:03:38,349
It's our
god given right
77
00:03:38,350 --> 00:03:40,351
To watch
sports and smut.
78
00:03:40,352 --> 00:03:42,987
Since when do we have
to apologize for that?
79
00:03:42,988 --> 00:03:44,856
I think since the '70s.
80
00:03:46,425 --> 00:03:48,026
Cake?
81
00:03:48,027 --> 00:03:49,327
No, thanks.
82
00:03:49,328 --> 00:03:53,031
Doesn't it bother you that
he watches things like that?
83
00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:54,365
Not really.
84
00:03:54,366 --> 00:03:55,967
I couldn't stand it.
85
00:03:55,968 --> 00:03:58,369
Men shouldn't look at women
like pieces of meat.
86
00:03:58,370 --> 00:03:59,871
Well, what actually
bothers me
87
00:03:59,872 --> 00:04:02,373
Is that he doesn't
look at me
88
00:04:02,374 --> 00:04:04,876
Like a piece
of meat anymore.
89
00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:07,378
He used to,
but it's been 16 years,
90
00:04:07,379 --> 00:04:09,247
And I guess it's hard
to stay interested.
91
00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:10,648
That's ridiculous.
92
00:04:10,649 --> 00:04:13,384
If they can follow the same
sports team all their lives,
93
00:04:13,385 --> 00:04:16,454
They can stay interested
in the same woman.
94
00:04:16,455 --> 00:04:17,956
In our women's group,
95
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:20,959
We have a couple
married 47 years.
96
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,761
They still fool around
four times a week.
97
00:04:26,631 --> 00:04:27,832
A week?
98
00:04:31,136 --> 00:04:35,006
Al doesn't even brush his teeth
four times a week.
99
00:04:39,144 --> 00:04:43,214
You know, maybe al just doesn't
find me attractive anymore.
100
00:04:43,215 --> 00:04:44,815
What would you say
if I told you
101
00:04:44,816 --> 00:04:46,717
I had the answer
to all your problems?
102
00:04:46,718 --> 00:04:48,052
I don't know.
103
00:04:48,053 --> 00:04:51,589
I bought one of those,
and it's just not the same.
104
00:04:57,662 --> 00:04:59,163
Not that.
105
00:04:59,164 --> 00:05:01,165
I've been
reading this book,
106
00:05:01,166 --> 00:05:03,167
Thinnergy for thinnessand energy.
107
00:05:03,168 --> 00:05:04,168
A diet?
108
00:05:04,169 --> 00:05:06,170
Oh, it's more
than just a diet.
109
00:05:06,171 --> 00:05:07,471
It's a way of life.
110
00:05:07,472 --> 00:05:08,973
Certain foods
add to your energy,
111
00:05:08,974 --> 00:05:11,976
While other bad foods
can actually drain your energy.
112
00:05:11,977 --> 00:05:14,712
This book helps you
eliminate the bad foods.
113
00:05:14,713 --> 00:05:16,480
You wake up
with energy.
114
00:05:16,481 --> 00:05:19,650
You go to bed
with energy.
115
00:05:21,853 --> 00:05:23,854
What foods
drain your energy?
116
00:05:23,855 --> 00:05:26,291
Al:
Hey, peg, we got
any more chips?
117
00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:28,459
Potato chips
are draining.
118
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:29,493
No, al.
119
00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:33,264
You really ought
to give it a try.
120
00:05:33,265 --> 00:05:36,767
You'll radiate an aura
of energy and sexuality
121
00:05:36,768 --> 00:05:39,470
That even al
can't resist.
122
00:05:39,471 --> 00:05:42,941
I can only tell you
it worked for me.
123
00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:46,477
How well did it
work for you?
124
00:05:46,478 --> 00:05:49,847
Every 36 hours.
125
00:05:55,187 --> 00:05:56,854
Whoo!
126
00:05:56,855 --> 00:05:58,389
There he is.
127
00:05:58,390 --> 00:06:01,592
My little
mount st. Helens.
128
00:06:07,833 --> 00:06:09,167
Steve...
Hm?
129
00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:10,835
I think we should
go home now
130
00:06:10,836 --> 00:06:12,503
And go to bed.
131
00:06:12,504 --> 00:06:14,005
I don't know.
132
00:06:14,006 --> 00:06:16,174
I don't really
feel like it.
133
00:06:16,175 --> 00:06:18,042
Come on, steve.
Let's go.
134
00:06:18,043 --> 00:06:20,345
Well, if you're gonna
go to bed,
135
00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:22,847
I think I'll stay up
and watch some pbs.
136
00:06:22,848 --> 00:06:25,283
Al, what channel does pbs
come on in this neighborhood?
137
00:06:25,284 --> 00:06:26,784
Thank you.
138
00:06:26,785 --> 00:06:29,620
Did you talk
any sense into al?
139
00:06:29,621 --> 00:06:31,489
I don't
think so, patsy.
140
00:06:37,796 --> 00:06:38,829
[crunch]
141
00:06:42,134 --> 00:06:43,801
Isn't this over yet?
142
00:06:43,802 --> 00:06:46,837
Almost. They're
cramming for finals.
143
00:06:51,143 --> 00:06:54,678
Al, don't you think those girls
are a little skinny?
144
00:06:54,679 --> 00:06:57,482
You know, shouldn't a woman
have some meat on her bones?
145
00:06:57,483 --> 00:07:00,618
You have to have something
to grab onto.
146
00:07:00,619 --> 00:07:03,254
I don't know, peg. A lot of guys
have been grabbing that one,
147
00:07:03,255 --> 00:07:05,956
And nobody's missed yet.
148
00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:13,064
Peg:
♪ I'm in the mood for... ♪
149
00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:16,734
[gargling]
150
00:07:16,735 --> 00:07:18,569
♪ love ♪
151
00:07:18,570 --> 00:07:23,408
♪ bum, ba, da, dum
da, da, da ♪
152
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:25,276
♪ hmm
ba, da, da... ♪
153
00:07:26,745 --> 00:07:29,580
Al! Al, are you
coming up?
154
00:07:29,581 --> 00:07:31,082
Al:
In a minute.
155
00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:32,450
Okay.
156
00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:34,818
♪ bum, ba, da, dum ♪
157
00:07:36,821 --> 00:07:38,056
Ew.
158
00:07:43,862 --> 00:07:45,163
Al!
159
00:07:45,164 --> 00:07:46,197
In a minute!
160
00:07:46,198 --> 00:07:49,733
♪ in a minute
just a minute ♪
161
00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:20,064
Bud, this could be
162
00:08:20,065 --> 00:08:23,401
The end of life
as we know it.
163
00:08:23,402 --> 00:08:25,403
Oh, don't worry
about it, kel.
164
00:08:25,404 --> 00:08:27,871
If you think dad's gonna
put up with this diet,
165
00:08:27,872 --> 00:08:31,109
They should've held you back
another grade.
166
00:08:32,444 --> 00:08:34,078
[car approaching]
167
00:08:34,079 --> 00:08:35,446
Oh, that's him.
168
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:42,086
Oh, wow! His sweat stains
are giant,
169
00:08:42,087 --> 00:08:45,590
And he hasn't even
said hi to mom yet.
170
00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:47,891
This is gonna
be great.
171
00:08:49,928 --> 00:08:51,929
Hi, dad. Hungry?
172
00:08:51,930 --> 00:08:53,998
Starving. I didn't
have time for lunch,
173
00:08:53,999 --> 00:08:55,600
Got caught
in a traffic jam,
174
00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:58,302
And had to sit for 10 minutes
staring at a billboard
175
00:08:58,303 --> 00:09:00,704
Of the best looking burger
on the rope I've ever seen.
176
00:09:00,705 --> 00:09:02,473
Let's eat.
177
00:09:02,474 --> 00:09:03,641
Hi, hon.
178
00:09:03,642 --> 00:09:05,543
Hi, al. I made
something different.
179
00:09:05,544 --> 00:09:06,677
I don't care.
180
00:09:06,678 --> 00:09:08,879
Just slide it in front of me,
and plenty of it.
181
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:11,315
Okay. Here it comes.
182
00:09:13,118 --> 00:09:14,952
I'll just skip
the salad.
183
00:09:14,953 --> 00:09:16,120
Let's just eat, okay?
184
00:09:16,121 --> 00:09:17,288
That's dinner, al.
185
00:09:17,289 --> 00:09:18,789
You've got
your riboflavin,
186
00:09:18,790 --> 00:09:21,659
Folacin, iron and magnesium,
all right there.
187
00:09:24,129 --> 00:09:26,930
Come on, peg.
Where's my food?
188
00:09:26,931 --> 00:09:28,098
That's it, al.
189
00:09:28,099 --> 00:09:29,467
You finish that,
190
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:32,903
And you can have a granola bar
for dessert.
191
00:09:32,904 --> 00:09:36,641
Ooh, beats the heck out of the
pie we usually have, huh, dad?
192
00:09:36,642 --> 00:09:38,509
Okay, peg.
What did I do?
193
00:09:38,510 --> 00:09:40,010
Nothing.
It's good food.
194
00:09:40,011 --> 00:09:42,446
It's going to make us
much healthier
195
00:09:42,447 --> 00:09:43,947
And much more energetic.
196
00:09:43,948 --> 00:09:44,948
Try it.
197
00:09:46,084 --> 00:09:47,117
Sure.
198
00:09:53,925 --> 00:09:55,926
Gee, you know,
you're right.
199
00:09:55,927 --> 00:09:57,428
I doubted you,
200
00:09:57,429 --> 00:10:00,431
But I feel
a burst of energy coming.
201
00:10:00,432 --> 00:10:02,132
Here it comes now.
202
00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:07,205
Here comes another wave.
203
00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:09,940
What are you doing to me?
I work. I want food.
204
00:10:09,941 --> 00:10:11,141
You know what food is?
205
00:10:11,142 --> 00:10:12,810
It's hot stuff
you put in your mouth.
206
00:10:12,811 --> 00:10:15,213
It smells good, you swallow it,
and you want more.
207
00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:16,614
That's what food is.
208
00:10:16,615 --> 00:10:18,115
Al, the children are here.
209
00:10:18,116 --> 00:10:19,483
Oh, I'm sorry.
210
00:10:24,656 --> 00:10:26,457
Now, I'm gonna watch the news.
211
00:10:26,458 --> 00:10:27,758
And when it's over,
212
00:10:27,759 --> 00:10:29,893
I want some form
of dead animal on my plate.
213
00:10:31,996 --> 00:10:34,432
Man with french accent:
And the melted cheesemarries itself
214
00:10:34,433 --> 00:10:37,635
To the juicesof this succulent steak.
215
00:10:37,636 --> 00:10:40,137
And I want
that dead animal
216
00:10:40,138 --> 00:10:41,905
To be succulent, peg.
217
00:10:41,906 --> 00:10:45,175
We have nothing succulent, al.
I threw it all out.
218
00:10:45,176 --> 00:10:47,010
You threw away my food?
219
00:10:47,011 --> 00:10:49,247
That I love, that I pay for?
220
00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:51,515
Kids, I think you ought
to go upstairs for a while.
221
00:10:51,516 --> 00:10:53,951
Mom, we would, but we
don't have the energy.
222
00:10:53,952 --> 00:10:55,486
Get upstairs!
223
00:10:57,789 --> 00:10:59,790
You were saying
that you threw out my food?
224
00:10:59,791 --> 00:11:02,460
Excuse me for trying to improve
the quality of our lives.
225
00:11:02,461 --> 00:11:04,662
You're excused.
Now, give me meat.
226
00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:06,330
Al, I am going on this diet.
227
00:11:06,331 --> 00:11:08,132
If you don't want to,
you don't have to.
228
00:11:08,133 --> 00:11:10,234
I don't want to.
You're going on this diet.
229
00:11:10,235 --> 00:11:11,569
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
230
00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:13,203
Oh, no, I'm not.
Oh, yes, you are.
231
00:11:13,204 --> 00:11:14,272
I can't believe it.
232
00:11:14,273 --> 00:11:16,173
This is all
just happening
233
00:11:16,174 --> 00:11:17,675
Because mom
wants affection.
234
00:11:17,676 --> 00:11:21,545
Then why doesn't she just go
to the mall, like you?
235
00:11:34,926 --> 00:11:36,059
You know...
236
00:11:36,060 --> 00:11:39,363
This carrot is delicious.
237
00:11:39,364 --> 00:11:42,366
Did you know that carrots
have a natural sweetness?
238
00:11:42,367 --> 00:11:45,235
It's much better
than what you're eating.
239
00:11:46,838 --> 00:11:48,339
And this water here?
240
00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:50,841
It comes
from a natural spring.
241
00:11:50,842 --> 00:11:52,343
It is the perfect
complement
242
00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:55,346
To the natural sweetness
of this carrot.
243
00:11:55,347 --> 00:11:58,749
I guess that's why
I feel so good.
244
00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:00,685
What do you kids
want for supper?
245
00:12:00,686 --> 00:12:01,985
Pizza.
246
00:12:01,986 --> 00:12:03,587
With meatballs.
247
00:12:03,588 --> 00:12:04,955
I'm having grapefruit.
248
00:12:06,124 --> 00:12:07,491
With water.
249
00:12:07,492 --> 00:12:10,160
Natural spring water.
250
00:12:13,031 --> 00:12:15,299
Get out.
251
00:12:27,245 --> 00:12:28,379
Hey, luke.
252
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:29,714
Hey, al.
253
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:34,552
Hey, al, let me
ask you a question.
254
00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:36,587
If you came home at night
255
00:12:36,588 --> 00:12:38,556
And found your wife
in bed with another guy,
256
00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:39,990
Would you get mad?
257
00:12:39,991 --> 00:12:41,692
I'd kill him.
258
00:12:41,693 --> 00:12:43,126
Oh...
259
00:12:43,127 --> 00:12:45,830
So I guess this guy
didn't overreact.
260
00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:49,032
You look a little
peaked, al, babe.
261
00:12:49,033 --> 00:12:51,034
All-night romp
with the little lady?
262
00:12:51,035 --> 00:12:52,436
More or less.
263
00:12:52,437 --> 00:12:54,805
She's been yelling at me
since 1:00 this morning.
264
00:12:54,806 --> 00:12:56,574
Yeah, she's on
some stupid diet.
265
00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:58,275
I guess
it makes them moody.
266
00:12:58,276 --> 00:12:59,910
Well, I can't
sympathize.
267
00:12:59,911 --> 00:13:01,412
There's a shock.
268
00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:05,115
See, I can eat whatever I want
and never gain a pound.
269
00:13:05,116 --> 00:13:08,118
My body's great.
I can abuse it
270
00:13:08,119 --> 00:13:11,054
And it keeps
coming back for more.
271
00:13:11,055 --> 00:13:13,290
Hey, you know what else
is great about me?
272
00:13:13,291 --> 00:13:14,157
Shut up.
273
00:13:15,427 --> 00:13:17,428
Can someone
help me, please?
274
00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:18,529
Yes, miss.
275
00:13:18,530 --> 00:13:20,765
The modeling agency's
a few doors down.
276
00:13:20,766 --> 00:13:23,401
Oh, no,
I'm not a model.
277
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:25,202
I just need shoes.
278
00:13:25,203 --> 00:13:26,737
Ho, ho. My mistake.
279
00:13:26,738 --> 00:13:28,238
Let me help you.
280
00:13:28,239 --> 00:13:29,607
Sit right here.
281
00:13:33,612 --> 00:13:35,212
Al! Al! Hi, uh...
282
00:13:35,213 --> 00:13:37,715
Listen,
I haven't got much time.
283
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:39,617
I'm on my break.
284
00:13:39,618 --> 00:13:42,787
Do you remember that movie we
were watching the other night?
285
00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:45,923
Patsy: Portraitof a stewardess in training.
286
00:13:45,924 --> 00:13:47,625
Thank you.
Wait a second.
287
00:13:47,626 --> 00:13:49,293
I got to ask you
a question.
288
00:13:49,294 --> 00:13:51,462
Look, I've only got
five more minutes on my break.
289
00:13:51,463 --> 00:13:52,963
I gotta get
to the tape store.
290
00:13:52,964 --> 00:13:54,298
This'll only
take a second.
291
00:13:54,299 --> 00:13:56,834
Your wife
gave my wife a book.
292
00:13:56,835 --> 00:13:58,836
Now my life is hell.
293
00:13:58,837 --> 00:14:01,138
A-ha. Thinnergy.
294
00:14:01,139 --> 00:14:03,173
Yeah, that's the one.
Does marcie hate me that much?
295
00:14:03,174 --> 00:14:04,842
Well, yes, al, she does,
296
00:14:04,843 --> 00:14:08,078
But that's not why
she gave peggy the book.
297
00:14:08,079 --> 00:14:09,513
It was to help you guys.
298
00:14:09,514 --> 00:14:10,648
And you are looking thinner.
299
00:14:10,649 --> 00:14:12,983
I'm not on
the stupid diet.
300
00:14:12,984 --> 00:14:15,419
Ooh, al, you have to.
301
00:14:15,420 --> 00:14:17,922
She can't go
through this alone.
302
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:20,791
She needs support.
Your support, big guy.
303
00:14:23,294 --> 00:14:26,296
If you were to try this diet
for even one week,
304
00:14:26,297 --> 00:14:28,298
You would show her
that you care.
305
00:14:28,299 --> 00:14:30,233
Then if you were both on it,
306
00:14:30,234 --> 00:14:32,736
You could go
off it together.
307
00:14:32,737 --> 00:14:34,572
Together is the key word, al.
308
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:38,075
So all I gotta do is starve
and be miserable for a week,
309
00:14:38,076 --> 00:14:42,746
Then my life will go back to
the normal hell it always was?
310
00:14:42,747 --> 00:14:44,949
I firmly believe that, al.
311
00:14:46,250 --> 00:14:48,251
See, today's
woman is strong,
312
00:14:48,252 --> 00:14:52,289
But now and then, even she
needs a little assurance.
313
00:14:52,290 --> 00:14:54,692
Hey, guys,
come here a second.
314
00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:56,827
Sandy's on her way
to a job interview.
315
00:14:56,828 --> 00:14:58,696
She's a little
self-conscious.
316
00:14:58,697 --> 00:15:01,298
Can you tell
she's not wearing a bra?
317
00:15:05,470 --> 00:15:07,705
No, I can't tell.
No.
318
00:15:13,144 --> 00:15:17,047
I can't believe he's been
on this diet two days.
319
00:15:17,048 --> 00:15:19,049
Yep. Two days, 10 fights,
320
00:15:19,050 --> 00:15:22,252
And they haven't even
got to radish day yet.
321
00:15:22,253 --> 00:15:25,856
Kelly:
I really hate
to see them like this.
322
00:15:25,857 --> 00:15:28,358
Then why don't you try
and talk some sense into them.
323
00:15:28,359 --> 00:15:29,860
They'll listen to you.
324
00:15:29,861 --> 00:15:30,961
Yeah.
325
00:15:30,962 --> 00:15:32,730
That's worth a try.
326
00:15:35,967 --> 00:15:37,635
Mom, dad--
327
00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:39,837
[in unison]
you're grounded.
328
00:15:41,472 --> 00:15:44,775
Well, I'm going out now.
See you, kel.
329
00:15:44,776 --> 00:15:46,276
I'm hungry too,
330
00:15:46,277 --> 00:15:49,580
But you don't see me
biting anyone's head off!
331
00:15:51,883 --> 00:15:53,884
More kale, dear?
332
00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:58,155
Did I ask
for more kale?
333
00:15:59,490 --> 00:16:00,891
More broccoli?
334
00:16:00,892 --> 00:16:03,360
Did I ask
for more broccoli?
335
00:16:04,829 --> 00:16:07,164
You know, al,
the book says
336
00:16:07,165 --> 00:16:08,632
We're gonna go through
grouchy periods
337
00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:10,333
As the toxins
leave our bodies.
338
00:16:10,334 --> 00:16:13,837
Yours, of course,
has a longer trip than mine.
339
00:16:13,838 --> 00:16:16,440
But anyway,
the book says
340
00:16:16,441 --> 00:16:18,408
That when we feel
an argument coming on,
341
00:16:18,409 --> 00:16:20,978
We are supposed to stop
and share a nice memory.
342
00:16:27,018 --> 00:16:28,185
Hey...
343
00:16:28,186 --> 00:16:31,188
Remember that time
when we were dating,
344
00:16:31,189 --> 00:16:33,190
And we
took that walk
345
00:16:33,191 --> 00:16:35,559
On oak street beach
at sunset?
346
00:16:37,796 --> 00:16:40,798
The wind was blowing
through your hair,
347
00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:42,365
And you got cold,
348
00:16:42,366 --> 00:16:45,168
So I gave you back
your jacket.
349
00:16:48,039 --> 00:16:50,040
And we fed
the pigeons...
350
00:16:50,041 --> 00:16:52,042
And held hands.
351
00:16:52,043 --> 00:16:54,578
We watched
the moon come up.
352
00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:57,414
Oh, yeah.
353
00:17:05,056 --> 00:17:06,924
More kale, dear?
354
00:17:10,061 --> 00:17:12,630
You wanna watch carson?
355
00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:14,231
It's a special show.
356
00:17:14,232 --> 00:17:16,533
It's a repeat of his salute
to charles nelson reilly.
357
00:17:17,736 --> 00:17:20,237
Al, did I
ever tell you
358
00:17:20,238 --> 00:17:24,008
The sound of your voice
irritates the hell out of me?
359
00:17:24,009 --> 00:17:25,743
No, honey, you didn't.
360
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:28,045
In that case, there's only
one thing I'll have to do.
361
00:17:28,046 --> 00:17:29,880
I'll just have
to shut up.
362
00:17:29,881 --> 00:17:31,849
Yep, I'll just
have to be quiet,
363
00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:33,884
Because if there's one thing
I don't want to do,
364
00:17:33,885 --> 00:17:35,252
It's irritate you.
365
00:17:35,253 --> 00:17:37,254
Not my little peggy.
366
00:17:37,255 --> 00:17:38,756
Because
if she's irritated,
367
00:17:38,757 --> 00:17:40,257
Then I'm irritated,
368
00:17:40,258 --> 00:17:43,260
And if she's unhappy,
then I'm unhappy.
369
00:17:43,261 --> 00:17:46,130
Al, sweetie,
what's that song you hate?
370
00:17:47,265 --> 00:17:49,700
Don't do it, peg.
371
00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:51,702
♪ see the tree
how big it's grown ♪
372
00:17:51,703 --> 00:17:52,803
No, peg, please.
373
00:17:52,804 --> 00:17:54,538
♪ friend,
it hasn't been too long ♪
374
00:17:54,539 --> 00:17:56,273
♪ it wasn't big ♪
all right.
375
00:17:56,274 --> 00:17:58,275
♪ I laughed at her
and she got mad ♪
376
00:17:58,276 --> 00:18:00,210
♪ the first day
that she planted it ♪
377
00:18:00,211 --> 00:18:02,312
♪ it was just a twig ♪
378
00:18:02,313 --> 00:18:03,814
♪ and honey-- ♪
379
00:18:03,815 --> 00:18:05,315
Ugh.
380
00:18:05,316 --> 00:18:08,152
♪ and honey
I miss you ♪
381
00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:10,320
♪ and I'm being good ♪
382
00:18:10,321 --> 00:18:12,622
♪ and I'd love
to be with you ♪
383
00:18:12,623 --> 00:18:14,892
♪ if only I could ♪
384
00:18:19,831 --> 00:18:21,832
♪ I am woman
hear me roar ♪
385
00:18:21,833 --> 00:18:24,001
♪ in numbers
too big to ignore ♪
386
00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:25,669
♪ and I've gone
much too far-- ♪
387
00:18:25,670 --> 00:18:27,171
All right! You win!
388
00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:29,773
It's a low blow,
but you win.
389
00:18:39,350 --> 00:18:41,351
♪ dominique, nique, nique ♪
390
00:18:41,352 --> 00:18:42,853
♪ over land
she walks along ♪
391
00:18:42,854 --> 00:18:44,354
Peg! You won.
392
00:18:44,355 --> 00:18:47,224
There's no need
to spike the ball.
393
00:18:50,294 --> 00:18:52,796
You've been acting
very snippy lately.
394
00:18:52,797 --> 00:18:54,031
Have I?
395
00:18:54,032 --> 00:18:56,834
Yep, and I think
I know what you need.
396
00:18:56,835 --> 00:18:58,535
Oh, really?
Uh-huh.
397
00:18:58,536 --> 00:19:02,072
Something that always
makes you feel better.
398
00:19:02,073 --> 00:19:05,308
Why don't you make
yourself comfortable?
399
00:19:05,309 --> 00:19:06,810
Right here.
400
00:19:06,811 --> 00:19:08,311
That's right.
401
00:19:08,312 --> 00:19:10,180
Lie down.
402
00:19:12,316 --> 00:19:14,184
I'll be right back.
403
00:19:15,620 --> 00:19:17,687
Don't go away.
404
00:19:20,091 --> 00:19:22,025
[humming]
405
00:19:24,929 --> 00:19:26,396
♪ in a minute ♪
406
00:19:26,397 --> 00:19:27,731
♪ just a min-- ♪
407
00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:44,547
Close your eyes,
honey.
408
00:19:51,122 --> 00:19:52,122
Eat it!
409
00:19:52,123 --> 00:19:53,657
Eat it all!
410
00:19:53,658 --> 00:19:54,591
Eat it!
411
00:19:56,127 --> 00:19:58,662
Oh, al,
that's disgusting.
412
00:20:00,131 --> 00:20:01,498
Mmm.
413
00:20:03,134 --> 00:20:06,136
Al, this is not
what I wanted.
414
00:20:06,137 --> 00:20:07,637
You ruined everything.
415
00:20:07,638 --> 00:20:09,139
What do you mean,
ruined everything?
416
00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:10,607
Our lives
are already ruined.
417
00:20:10,608 --> 00:20:11,875
Give me some of that.
418
00:20:11,876 --> 00:20:13,076
Get your own.
419
00:20:16,147 --> 00:20:19,149
Peg, I don't know why
you went on a diet anyway.
420
00:20:19,150 --> 00:20:21,651
You don't need
to lose any weight.
421
00:20:21,652 --> 00:20:23,653
I had to do something.
422
00:20:23,654 --> 00:20:26,156
You don't find me
attractive anymore.
423
00:20:26,157 --> 00:20:27,524
So?
424
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:32,162
So? So you don't find me
attractive anymore?
425
00:20:32,163 --> 00:20:33,663
Oh, gee, peg,
of course I do.
426
00:20:33,664 --> 00:20:35,665
I think you're
great-looking.
427
00:20:35,666 --> 00:20:38,668
Then why haven't we,
uh...You know?
428
00:20:38,669 --> 00:20:41,171
It's been
a long time, al.
429
00:20:41,172 --> 00:20:42,672
Aw, honey.
That again.
430
00:20:42,673 --> 00:20:44,842
Come here a second,
will you?
431
00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:47,177
Let me
tell you something.
432
00:20:47,178 --> 00:20:49,412
Now, just because I don't
go to bed with you
433
00:20:49,413 --> 00:20:51,614
Doesn't mean
I don't love you.
434
00:20:51,615 --> 00:20:53,116
I mean, let's face it,
435
00:20:53,117 --> 00:20:58,121
Even if you were beautiful
like that girl on tv,
436
00:20:58,122 --> 00:20:59,990
I'd still ignore you...
437
00:21:02,126 --> 00:21:03,626
Because you're my wife.
438
00:21:03,627 --> 00:21:05,628
Don't stiffen on me, peg.
439
00:21:05,629 --> 00:21:08,631
Let me tell you
what I mean.
440
00:21:08,632 --> 00:21:11,268
You remember
that baseball glove
441
00:21:11,269 --> 00:21:14,137
My dad gave me
when I was a little kid?
442
00:21:14,138 --> 00:21:15,638
I loved that glove.
443
00:21:15,639 --> 00:21:18,641
Yeah, it's old,
and the web's loose,
444
00:21:18,642 --> 00:21:21,511
But it's special to me.
445
00:21:23,147 --> 00:21:26,383
That's how I feel
about you, peg.
446
00:21:29,254 --> 00:21:32,155
I may not tell you
all the time,
447
00:21:32,156 --> 00:21:33,456
But I love you.
448
00:21:34,658 --> 00:21:37,660
I wouldn't do anything
to change you.
449
00:21:37,661 --> 00:21:41,531
I think you're great
just the way you are.
450
00:21:47,671 --> 00:21:49,472
So is my glove.
451
00:21:51,109 --> 00:21:55,112
I'll have to take it out more
and play catch with bud.
452
00:21:55,113 --> 00:21:57,981
Oh, I like that.
Oh, that feels good.
453
00:21:59,617 --> 00:22:02,485
Hey, remember the american
league play-offs last year?
454
00:22:05,123 --> 00:22:09,126
You know, a lot of fly balls
were popping out of gloves
455
00:22:09,127 --> 00:22:10,627
For home runs.
456
00:22:10,628 --> 00:22:14,497
I think it's because
the modern gloves are too big.
457
00:22:16,134 --> 00:22:19,136
That never would have
happened to willie mays.
458
00:22:19,137 --> 00:22:20,637
Know why?
459
00:22:20,638 --> 00:22:22,505
Willie had a small glove.
460
00:22:25,143 --> 00:22:27,510
Just like mine.
461
00:22:49,434 --> 00:22:52,302
[♪]
31883
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