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1
00:00:03,535 --> 00:00:07,005
[♪]
2
00:00:15,681 --> 00:00:18,049
♪ love and marriage ♪
3
00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:20,518
♪ love and marriage ♪
4
00:00:20,519 --> 00:00:22,320
♪ go together like ♪
5
00:00:22,321 --> 00:00:24,789
♪ a horse and carriage ♪
6
00:00:24,790 --> 00:00:28,793
♪ this I tell ya, brother ♪
7
00:00:28,794 --> 00:00:30,729
♪ you can't have one ♪
8
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,632
♪ without the other ♪
9
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,934
♪ love and marriage ♪
10
00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:38,536
♪ love and marriage ♪
11
00:00:38,537 --> 00:00:39,938
♪ it's an institute ♪
12
00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:42,340
♪ you can't disparage ♪
13
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:46,111
♪ ask the local gentry ♪
14
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:50,649
♪ and they will say
it's elementary ♪
15
00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:55,453
♪ try, try, try
to separate them ♪
16
00:00:55,454 --> 00:00:59,157
♪ it's an illusion ♪
17
00:00:59,158 --> 00:01:04,295
♪ try, try, try
and you will only come ♪
18
00:01:04,296 --> 00:01:07,732
♪ to this conclusion ♪
19
00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:09,834
♪ love and marriage ♪
20
00:01:28,020 --> 00:01:31,322
Let go of my hair,
you little psychopath!
21
00:01:31,323 --> 00:01:33,591
Die, commie bimbo.
22
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:37,996
Now, bud, I thought
we talked about this before.
23
00:01:37,997 --> 00:01:39,597
What's that, mom?
24
00:01:39,598 --> 00:01:41,599
Sneaking up
behind your sister,
25
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,435
Pulling her hair,
pretending to kill her.
26
00:01:44,436 --> 00:01:46,037
Remember the effect
it had on grandma?
27
00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:49,841
Nobody likes it,
nobody thinks it's funny.
28
00:01:49,842 --> 00:01:51,375
So cut it out, okay?
29
00:01:51,376 --> 00:01:52,476
Sure, mom.
30
00:01:52,477 --> 00:01:53,878
Now go to school.
31
00:01:53,879 --> 00:01:56,181
[horn honks]
32
00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:57,849
I hate you.
33
00:01:57,850 --> 00:01:58,883
Good.
34
00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:02,854
Hey, hon.
Anything going on?
35
00:02:02,855 --> 00:02:03,888
Nope.
36
00:02:05,524 --> 00:02:08,526
Sweetie, is this
your little cactus?
37
00:02:08,527 --> 00:02:09,861
Uh-huh.
38
00:02:09,862 --> 00:02:11,229
Any particular reason
39
00:02:11,230 --> 00:02:15,299
You put it where
the alarm clock used to be?
40
00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:19,838
I thought it would dress up
the room a little bit.
41
00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:21,773
Gee, I meant to tell
you to be careful
42
00:02:21,774 --> 00:02:23,975
Before you slammed your hand
on the alarm this morning.
43
00:02:23,976 --> 00:02:25,143
Well, you didn't.
44
00:02:25,144 --> 00:02:26,277
Sorry.
45
00:02:26,278 --> 00:02:27,445
That's okay.
46
00:02:27,446 --> 00:02:30,314
I stopped the bleeding
with your slip.
47
00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:33,417
Where are the kids?
48
00:02:33,418 --> 00:02:34,719
They've left.
49
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:38,189
By the way, bud has
show and tell at school today.
50
00:02:38,190 --> 00:02:40,158
The subject is,
"what does daddy do?"
51
00:02:40,159 --> 00:02:41,626
So when you come home tonight,
52
00:02:41,627 --> 00:02:43,061
If there's a can
of beer missing,
53
00:02:43,062 --> 00:02:44,896
And you can't find
the remote control,
54
00:02:44,897 --> 00:02:46,330
That's where they are.
55
00:02:46,331 --> 00:02:48,867
I hope he brings
that stuff back tonight.
56
00:02:48,868 --> 00:02:50,534
The bulls are playing on tv.
57
00:02:50,535 --> 00:02:52,804
Oh, my god.
You're kidding.
58
00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:56,307
It's not as exciting as your
cookin' with clyde the cajun,
59
00:02:56,308 --> 00:02:59,510
But at least it gives me
a reason to come home.
60
00:02:59,511 --> 00:03:02,647
Al, do you have to leave
the refrigerator door open?
61
00:03:02,648 --> 00:03:04,783
I'm getting a draft.
62
00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:09,154
I'm sorry. Maybe I should look
for some food in the dishwasher.
63
00:03:10,489 --> 00:03:11,990
We have no juice.
64
00:03:11,991 --> 00:03:14,993
I didn't buy any.
I didn't have time.
65
00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:16,294
That happens.
I understand.
66
00:03:16,295 --> 00:03:20,865
You don't have a job
or anything, do you?
67
00:03:20,866 --> 00:03:23,868
Well, I do sandpaper the stains
out of your shirts
68
00:03:23,869 --> 00:03:25,336
And battle your socks
and underwear
69
00:03:25,337 --> 00:03:27,172
Into the washing machine,
70
00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:29,740
But I guess that is more
of an adventure than a job.
71
00:03:29,741 --> 00:03:31,609
What has that got
to do with juice?
72
00:03:31,610 --> 00:03:33,978
Al, there's a store
on your way home from work.
73
00:03:33,979 --> 00:03:36,114
I'm sorry.
Why didn't I think of that?
74
00:03:36,115 --> 00:03:38,582
Sure. I don't mind
doing the shopping too.
75
00:03:38,583 --> 00:03:41,119
Anything else I can do
to make your life easier?
76
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,021
You could shave
your back.
77
00:03:45,624 --> 00:03:48,626
Hey, that hair is there
for a reason.
78
00:03:48,627 --> 00:03:51,495
It keeps you off
of me at night.
79
00:03:52,731 --> 00:03:54,299
Al, let's not start.
80
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:55,834
We were having
such a nice morning.
81
00:03:55,835 --> 00:03:58,236
Yeah, I'm sorry.
You're right.
82
00:03:58,237 --> 00:04:00,671
It's just that I got
a hard day ahead of me
83
00:04:00,672 --> 00:04:02,440
And nothing to eat
to get me going.
84
00:04:02,441 --> 00:04:04,909
I'm sorry, honey.
It's my fault.
85
00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:09,080
Tonight, I promise,
there will be food in the house.
86
00:04:09,081 --> 00:04:10,148
And juice.
87
00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:11,316
Right.
88
00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:12,483
Those kids.
89
00:04:12,484 --> 00:04:15,419
I hate wasting food.
90
00:04:17,156 --> 00:04:19,257
Yes, my little baby.
91
00:04:22,761 --> 00:04:24,662
Have a nice day, honey.
92
00:04:30,569 --> 00:04:33,437
There better be juice
when I get home.
93
00:04:40,746 --> 00:04:43,748
I don't care what
your little ruler says.
94
00:04:43,749 --> 00:04:47,118
I've been a 7 since I graduated
from high school.
95
00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:49,720
Well, these are 7s.
96
00:04:49,721 --> 00:04:52,723
The box says 9
because, well, uh...
97
00:04:52,724 --> 00:04:54,893
Look, lady.
You're a 9.
98
00:04:56,095 --> 00:04:58,997
I can accept it.
Why can't you?
99
00:04:58,998 --> 00:05:00,765
You're very fresh!
100
00:05:00,766 --> 00:05:02,100
No, ma'am,
that's impossible,
101
00:05:02,101 --> 00:05:03,734
Because
for the last hour,
102
00:05:03,735 --> 00:05:05,870
I've been trying to squeeze
your foot into a shoe,
103
00:05:05,871 --> 00:05:08,572
When I really should have
been easing them into the box.
104
00:05:08,573 --> 00:05:10,975
I'd say I'm anything
but fresh.
105
00:05:10,976 --> 00:05:13,477
By the way, you want
to tell john henry there
106
00:05:13,478 --> 00:05:16,480
To give the $100
pumps a rest?
107
00:05:16,481 --> 00:05:19,817
Your ad says
"courteous service."
108
00:05:19,818 --> 00:05:21,752
That's not my ad, ma'am.
109
00:05:21,753 --> 00:05:23,254
That's the former owner's.
110
00:05:23,255 --> 00:05:25,756
He was killed, tragically,
on this very spot
111
00:05:25,757 --> 00:05:29,260
When a size 9
exploded in his face.
112
00:05:29,261 --> 00:05:31,762
Come on, arnold.
We're leaving.
113
00:05:31,763 --> 00:05:33,264
I want a balloon.
114
00:05:33,265 --> 00:05:34,632
You've already
got one.
115
00:05:41,073 --> 00:05:43,574
Hey, al. You mind
if I go to lunch?
116
00:05:43,575 --> 00:05:45,576
You just came
from lunch.
117
00:05:45,577 --> 00:05:46,844
Yeah, technically.
118
00:05:46,845 --> 00:05:49,747
Biologically, I was
in bed with some broad.
119
00:05:49,748 --> 00:05:52,250
Luke, how can
you be happy
120
00:05:52,251 --> 00:05:54,752
Sleeping with every
woman you meet?
121
00:05:54,753 --> 00:05:57,888
I don't know,
but I am.
122
00:05:57,889 --> 00:05:59,490
I'll tell you,
as your friend,
123
00:05:59,491 --> 00:06:01,392
I can't wait till you
get married.
124
00:06:01,393 --> 00:06:04,395
Yeah. A wife and kids
who adore you.
125
00:06:04,396 --> 00:06:05,563
A wife...
126
00:06:05,564 --> 00:06:06,730
Kids...
127
00:06:06,731 --> 00:06:08,232
The list goes on and on.
128
00:06:08,233 --> 00:06:11,469
It's just seeing their faces
light up in the morning
129
00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:12,837
When they see you.
130
00:06:12,838 --> 00:06:14,705
They can't do enough for you.
131
00:06:14,706 --> 00:06:15,906
It's heaven on earth.
132
00:06:15,907 --> 00:06:17,908
No, al. That is.
133
00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:22,580
Luke ventura,
at your feet.
134
00:06:25,784 --> 00:06:27,285
Do you work here,
135
00:06:27,286 --> 00:06:29,287
Or are you
just loitering?
136
00:06:29,288 --> 00:06:30,788
I'm sorry.
Can I help you?
137
00:06:30,789 --> 00:06:33,091
I'd like to see
some shoes, please.
138
00:06:35,127 --> 00:06:36,560
Uh, let me guess.
139
00:06:36,561 --> 00:06:39,097
Uh...Size 7s.
140
00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:41,065
Yes. How did you know?
141
00:06:41,066 --> 00:06:42,833
All women are 7s.
142
00:06:46,238 --> 00:06:49,240
I know you've been
told this before,
143
00:06:49,241 --> 00:06:51,842
But you have the instep
of a movie star.
144
00:06:51,843 --> 00:06:53,911
Really?
145
00:06:53,912 --> 00:06:55,913
Hey, al. Meet tawny.
146
00:06:55,914 --> 00:06:57,248
Al's married.
147
00:06:57,249 --> 00:06:59,117
[both laugh]
148
00:07:00,752 --> 00:07:02,653
Listen, al,
I forgot to tell you.
149
00:07:02,654 --> 00:07:04,755
I got an extra ticket to
the bulls/lakers game tonight.
150
00:07:04,756 --> 00:07:06,357
Court level.
Want to go?
151
00:07:06,358 --> 00:07:07,525
Hell, yeah!
152
00:07:07,526 --> 00:07:08,993
Sure your wife
will let you?
153
00:07:08,994 --> 00:07:10,261
Let me tell you something.
154
00:07:10,262 --> 00:07:12,463
No woman tells
al bundy what to do.
155
00:07:12,464 --> 00:07:15,066
Hey, you.
Get my shoes.
156
00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:16,100
Yes, ma'am.
157
00:07:18,937 --> 00:07:21,939
Female announcer:
We're here todaywith our staff anthropologist,
158
00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:26,444
Dr. Jim, who discovereda tribe of women in the amazon
159
00:07:26,445 --> 00:07:28,446
Who, like the praying mantis,
160
00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:30,948
Devour their malesafter mating season.
161
00:07:30,949 --> 00:07:32,116
Oh, my god.
Ladies?
162
00:07:32,117 --> 00:07:33,484
[applause]
163
00:07:36,221 --> 00:07:37,255
[car door slams]
164
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,360
[turns vacuum on]
165
00:07:52,304 --> 00:07:53,771
Hi, honey.
166
00:07:53,772 --> 00:07:56,707
Hi. Working hard?
167
00:07:56,708 --> 00:07:57,942
Oh, yeah.
168
00:07:57,943 --> 00:08:01,446
You know I like
to keep the house clean.
169
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:02,513
Whew! Hard day?
170
00:08:02,514 --> 00:08:03,814
Yeah. You?
171
00:08:03,815 --> 00:08:06,117
Oh, yeah.
172
00:08:06,118 --> 00:08:08,986
Yeah, it must have been.
Even the tv's sweating.
173
00:08:10,255 --> 00:08:12,756
Hey, get me
some juice, okay?
174
00:08:12,757 --> 00:08:15,759
Oh, that's what
I forgot to do.
175
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,428
That's okay.
Juice isn't important.
176
00:08:17,429 --> 00:08:20,030
Listen, honey,
I know you've been busy
177
00:08:20,031 --> 00:08:21,699
Around the house all day.
178
00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,968
So you don't have to bother
making me dinner tonight.
179
00:08:23,969 --> 00:08:26,003
I got a little
surprise for you.
180
00:08:26,004 --> 00:08:28,539
I'm going to the
ball game tonight.
181
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:30,040
Al.
Hm?
182
00:08:30,041 --> 00:08:31,609
You're not going
to the game tonight.
183
00:08:31,610 --> 00:08:32,710
Sure, I am.
184
00:08:32,711 --> 00:08:34,145
See, let me explain
something to you.
185
00:08:34,146 --> 00:08:35,746
I work all day.
186
00:08:35,747 --> 00:08:38,949
And when somebody works all day,
they need to have fun at night.
187
00:08:38,950 --> 00:08:41,452
I don't actually expect
you to understand,
188
00:08:41,453 --> 00:08:44,622
But trust me. I'm your husband.
I know best.
189
00:08:45,757 --> 00:08:48,459
Isn't staying home
with me fun?
190
00:08:52,797 --> 00:08:54,532
Don't wait up.
191
00:08:54,533 --> 00:08:57,301
Al, you're not
going to the game tonight.
192
00:08:57,302 --> 00:08:58,603
I see you misunderstood me.
193
00:08:58,604 --> 00:08:59,970
You must have
thought I said,
194
00:08:59,971 --> 00:09:02,306
"is it okay with you
if I go to the game?"
195
00:09:02,307 --> 00:09:04,308
You know,
like a question.
196
00:09:04,309 --> 00:09:06,043
There's no question
about this.
197
00:09:06,044 --> 00:09:07,545
No, there isn't.
198
00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:09,013
You cannot go
to the game tonight.
199
00:09:09,014 --> 00:09:10,181
Why not?
200
00:09:10,182 --> 00:09:11,382
Because I invited
company over.
201
00:09:11,383 --> 00:09:12,483
Company?!
202
00:09:12,484 --> 00:09:15,119
Who the hell would want
to come over here?
203
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,920
You know that honeymoon couple
that moved next door?
204
00:09:16,921 --> 00:09:17,988
No.
205
00:09:17,989 --> 00:09:19,823
I invited them over.
I thought I told you.
206
00:09:19,824 --> 00:09:20,991
You didn't.
207
00:09:20,992 --> 00:09:22,393
Look, I worked hard
all day.
208
00:09:22,394 --> 00:09:23,894
The last thing
I want to do
209
00:09:23,895 --> 00:09:25,796
Is spend the evening
with people I don't know.
210
00:09:25,797 --> 00:09:28,366
Now, look. They are new
in the neighborhood.
211
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:29,800
They have lived here
for two months,
212
00:09:29,801 --> 00:09:31,202
And they have no friends.
213
00:09:31,203 --> 00:09:32,703
We have lived here
for 15 years,
214
00:09:32,704 --> 00:09:34,372
And we have no friends.
215
00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:37,441
Al, I want to have
some friends.
216
00:09:37,442 --> 00:09:38,809
Are you implying
217
00:09:38,810 --> 00:09:40,545
That it's my fault
you have no friends?
218
00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:44,382
Oh, no. It's me who sits in
front of the tv set burping,
219
00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:46,950
With my hand
thrust down my pants.
220
00:09:48,787 --> 00:09:51,722
You keep it cold
in this house, peg.
221
00:09:51,723 --> 00:09:54,758
Al, every night
when the kids go out,
222
00:09:54,759 --> 00:09:56,760
It's just you and me.
223
00:09:56,761 --> 00:10:01,532
Can't you see how boring
that is for me, honey?
224
00:10:01,533 --> 00:10:03,133
Look, all I am asking
225
00:10:03,134 --> 00:10:05,536
Is that we have
some people over for one night
226
00:10:05,537 --> 00:10:07,305
And for you
to be nice.
227
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:08,806
Oh, I'm gonna be nice.
228
00:10:08,807 --> 00:10:11,041
How's this for nice?
I'm not even gonna be here.
229
00:10:11,042 --> 00:10:12,710
I'm going to the game.
230
00:10:12,711 --> 00:10:14,712
All right, al. Fine.
But before you go,
231
00:10:14,713 --> 00:10:17,481
I would just like to say
three things.
232
00:10:17,482 --> 00:10:20,484
The bank book
is in both our names,
233
00:10:20,485 --> 00:10:23,487
The credit cards
are in both our names,
234
00:10:23,488 --> 00:10:25,856
And the stores
are still open.
235
00:10:37,102 --> 00:10:39,470
Why didn't you
get me juice?
236
00:10:51,816 --> 00:10:53,317
Kids gone?
237
00:10:53,318 --> 00:10:58,021
Yeah.
But they'll be back.
238
00:10:58,022 --> 00:11:01,525
I can't believe you invited
these people over tonight.
239
00:11:01,526 --> 00:11:02,926
I hate company.
240
00:11:02,927 --> 00:11:04,928
Would you for once
think about me?
241
00:11:04,929 --> 00:11:06,930
I am at home all day,
alone.
242
00:11:06,931 --> 00:11:09,433
You're out there around people
all the time.
243
00:11:09,434 --> 00:11:11,636
You know,
I need some fun too.
244
00:11:11,637 --> 00:11:13,671
Too? Oh, sure,
on the surface
245
00:11:13,672 --> 00:11:15,139
Selling women's shoes
is fun.
246
00:11:15,140 --> 00:11:16,474
But once you cut through
247
00:11:16,475 --> 00:11:18,142
All the hype, the myths,
the glamour,
248
00:11:18,143 --> 00:11:22,713
It's really very much like any
minimum-wage-paying slow death.
249
00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:27,851
Hi, mom.
250
00:11:27,852 --> 00:11:29,520
Dad, can I
have $5.00?
251
00:11:29,521 --> 00:11:31,989
When I was a kid,
I had to earn my money.
252
00:11:31,990 --> 00:11:35,092
Did you ever once think about
trying to earn your money?
253
00:11:35,093 --> 00:11:36,260
Okay, dad.
254
00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:37,762
Do you want to know
255
00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:40,264
Who kelly was with
this afternoon?
256
00:11:40,265 --> 00:11:41,299
Who?
257
00:11:47,339 --> 00:11:49,840
You know the kid
they call cobra,
258
00:11:49,841 --> 00:11:52,343
The kid with the sore
on his mouth?
259
00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:53,844
Good job, son.
260
00:11:53,845 --> 00:11:55,012
Thanks, dad.
261
00:11:55,013 --> 00:11:56,213
Where are you going?
262
00:11:56,214 --> 00:11:57,648
Joey's dad's
waiting for me outside.
263
00:11:57,649 --> 00:11:59,650
We're going
to the basketball game tonight.
264
00:11:59,651 --> 00:12:01,352
Mom said it was okay.
Bye.
265
00:12:01,353 --> 00:12:03,187
The lakers
are in town.
266
00:12:03,188 --> 00:12:04,922
He really wanted
to go.
267
00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:07,925
Hi, mom.
Dad, can I have $10?
268
00:12:07,926 --> 00:12:09,860
Who were you
with today?
269
00:12:09,861 --> 00:12:10,928
Nobody.
270
00:12:10,929 --> 00:12:12,996
Does nobody
have a name?
271
00:12:12,997 --> 00:12:16,467
You know, tom, dick, cobra
with a sore on his mouth?
272
00:12:16,468 --> 00:12:18,902
Oh, dad. It's not
that kind of a sore.
273
00:12:18,903 --> 00:12:21,104
He just fell asleep
with a cigar in his mouth.
274
00:12:21,105 --> 00:12:22,473
What?
275
00:12:22,474 --> 00:12:25,476
You gave some to bud,
you have to give to kelly too.
276
00:12:25,477 --> 00:12:26,644
Remember, al.
No favoritism.
277
00:12:26,645 --> 00:12:29,146
Peg, she's going out
with a guy
278
00:12:29,147 --> 00:12:30,247
Named after a reptile.
279
00:12:30,248 --> 00:12:32,249
His real name
is stanley.
280
00:12:32,250 --> 00:12:34,985
They only call him cobra because
he has one painted on his van.
281
00:12:34,986 --> 00:12:36,454
And you find this
acceptable?
282
00:12:36,455 --> 00:12:39,390
I've met him,
and he's a very nice boy.
283
00:12:39,391 --> 00:12:40,558
[tires squeal]
284
00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:43,260
[horn playing]
♪ dum de dum dum ♪
285
00:12:43,261 --> 00:12:45,596
That's his horn.
Isn't it great?
286
00:12:45,597 --> 00:12:47,898
I guess that's why
I fell in love with him.
287
00:12:47,899 --> 00:12:49,299
Bye, mom.
288
00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:50,601
Bye, honey.
289
00:12:52,404 --> 00:12:55,406
You know, we must have
done something right.
290
00:12:55,407 --> 00:12:57,341
We raised
two great kids.
291
00:12:58,477 --> 00:13:00,678
[tires squealing]
292
00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:03,681
I'm sorry, honey.
I didn't hear you.
293
00:13:03,682 --> 00:13:06,684
I was just thinking
of killing myself.
294
00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:08,185
Not tonight, honey.
295
00:13:08,186 --> 00:13:10,521
We have company
coming over.
296
00:13:10,522 --> 00:13:13,023
Look, it's time
for the pre-game show.
297
00:13:13,024 --> 00:13:15,426
Oh, no, you don't.
Every time we have company,
298
00:13:15,427 --> 00:13:16,794
You turn on this tv
299
00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:18,462
And immediately
separate yourself.
300
00:13:18,463 --> 00:13:21,231
Not tonight. You can always
watch a basketball game.
301
00:13:21,232 --> 00:13:23,133
Oh, but I couldn't always
meet our next-door neighbors.
302
00:13:23,134 --> 00:13:24,234
Now I see.
303
00:13:24,235 --> 00:13:25,335
[doorbell rings]
304
00:13:25,336 --> 00:13:27,137
That must be steve and marcie
from next door.
305
00:13:27,138 --> 00:13:29,206
Steve and marcie?
I'm gonna miss a game
306
00:13:29,207 --> 00:13:31,074
For people named
steve and marcie?
307
00:13:31,075 --> 00:13:34,011
What's their
last name, gorme?
308
00:13:34,012 --> 00:13:35,513
And that is another thing, al.
309
00:13:35,514 --> 00:13:38,516
When they're in here, I do not
want you making snide comments.
310
00:13:38,517 --> 00:13:41,318
That is why we have
no friends.
311
00:13:41,319 --> 00:13:43,821
Excuse me, peg.
I thought we had no friends
312
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,689
Because I put my hands
down my pants.
313
00:13:45,690 --> 00:13:46,791
[doorbell rings]
314
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:48,158
Now, that's them.
315
00:13:48,159 --> 00:13:50,294
Another thing. Do not
eat or drink anything.
316
00:13:50,295 --> 00:13:53,297
One of them may have to use
the bathroom after you.
317
00:13:53,298 --> 00:13:55,332
I'm gonna hate
these people.
318
00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:57,301
You will not hate them
they are very nice.
319
00:13:57,302 --> 00:14:00,304
If they were nice, they'd
be dead and I'd be at the game.
320
00:14:00,305 --> 00:14:02,573
Get the door.
Get my juice.
321
00:14:04,342 --> 00:14:05,843
Hello.
I'm marcie.
322
00:14:05,844 --> 00:14:07,010
I'm steve.
323
00:14:07,011 --> 00:14:08,479
You have
a beautiful home.
324
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,648
Yeah, so do you.
Come on in.
325
00:14:12,183 --> 00:14:13,350
Howdy, neighbor!
326
00:14:13,351 --> 00:14:15,686
Yeah, yeah.
I hate these people.
327
00:14:15,687 --> 00:14:17,187
Why don't
we sit down.
328
00:14:17,188 --> 00:14:19,222
Gee, you know,
I'm kind of embarrassed.
329
00:14:19,223 --> 00:14:22,059
I have nothing
to serve you.
330
00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:23,627
Listen,
if you're hungry,
331
00:14:23,628 --> 00:14:25,996
There's a store
a few blocks away.
332
00:14:25,997 --> 00:14:28,999
If you're going,
get me some juice, okay?
333
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,400
Al's only kidding.
334
00:14:30,401 --> 00:14:31,802
He's just upset because
335
00:14:31,803 --> 00:14:33,504
I didn't have time
to do the shopping.
336
00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:35,506
You know,
steve and I
337
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:38,342
Decided to share
the household chores.
338
00:14:38,343 --> 00:14:40,010
Gee, that's great.
339
00:14:40,011 --> 00:14:42,913
You see, al.
Steve helps around the house.
340
00:14:42,914 --> 00:14:44,482
Way to go, steve.
341
00:14:46,017 --> 00:14:47,918
Say, listen,
who do you like
342
00:14:47,919 --> 00:14:50,621
To win the nba championship
this year?
343
00:14:50,622 --> 00:14:53,924
Well, al...
To tell you the truth,
344
00:14:53,925 --> 00:14:56,293
Since we got married,
345
00:14:56,294 --> 00:14:58,295
I don't watch
much sports.
346
00:14:58,296 --> 00:14:59,797
Marcie doesn't like it,
347
00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:03,000
And we decided we'll only
do things we both like.
348
00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:07,705
I feel that sports glorify
violence and competition,
349
00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:10,207
And I don't think it's
psychologically healthy.
350
00:15:10,208 --> 00:15:12,843
When we have a child,
we don't want it to grow up
351
00:15:12,844 --> 00:15:15,145
With that "winning
is the only thing" attitude.
352
00:15:15,146 --> 00:15:19,517
A child is better off
not being exposed to sports.
353
00:15:19,518 --> 00:15:21,218
You gonna neuter him too?
354
00:15:25,690 --> 00:15:27,190
Do you two have any kids?
355
00:15:27,191 --> 00:15:28,191
Two.
356
00:15:28,192 --> 00:15:29,493
Where are they?
357
00:15:29,494 --> 00:15:30,861
I don't know.
358
00:15:34,766 --> 00:15:36,266
So, steve...
359
00:15:36,267 --> 00:15:39,703
Looks like life is really
shaping up for you two.
360
00:15:39,704 --> 00:15:42,205
How long you two crazy kids
been married?
361
00:15:42,206 --> 00:15:43,674
Two months, al.
362
00:15:43,675 --> 00:15:45,275
Well, marcie,
looks like you got
363
00:15:45,276 --> 00:15:49,146
A heck of a piece of clay
to work with.
364
00:15:51,382 --> 00:15:53,717
We've been married
15 years.
365
00:15:53,718 --> 00:15:55,452
Well, what's
your secret?
366
00:15:55,453 --> 00:15:57,688
Oh, no secret, really.
367
00:15:57,689 --> 00:16:00,791
Just to be considerate, accept
each other for what you are,
368
00:16:00,792 --> 00:16:02,426
Don't point out the fact
369
00:16:02,427 --> 00:16:04,294
That the hair
he's losing on his head
370
00:16:04,295 --> 00:16:05,863
Is now growing
out of his nose.
371
00:16:07,599 --> 00:16:09,066
And his ears.
372
00:16:16,107 --> 00:16:18,609
And accepting the fact
that nowadays
373
00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:22,112
It's harder to figure out
where her chest ends
374
00:16:22,113 --> 00:16:23,480
And her stomach begins.
375
00:16:26,718 --> 00:16:28,819
I'll get us
some coffee, marcie.
376
00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:29,954
I'll help.
377
00:16:29,955 --> 00:16:30,988
Me too.
378
00:16:30,989 --> 00:16:32,489
Hey. You know
another thing
379
00:16:32,490 --> 00:16:35,659
That makes women
such a blessing to us?
380
00:16:35,660 --> 00:16:38,161
It's like when you're
sitting somewhere,
381
00:16:38,162 --> 00:16:40,664
And they come over
and they say to you,
382
00:16:40,665 --> 00:16:42,700
"what are you
thinking?"
383
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:44,201
And you
start thinking...
384
00:16:44,202 --> 00:16:46,704
"you know, if I wanted
you to know,
385
00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:48,072
I'd be talking."
386
00:16:53,544 --> 00:16:56,046
Isn't that
an awful lot of coffee
387
00:16:56,047 --> 00:16:57,547
You're putting in there?
388
00:16:57,548 --> 00:16:58,749
Yes.
389
00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:00,217
That's for them.
390
00:17:00,218 --> 00:17:01,719
Ours will be good.
391
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,487
You see,
if they enjoy
392
00:17:03,488 --> 00:17:05,222
Eating and drinking
at home too much,
393
00:17:05,223 --> 00:17:06,991
They never
take you anywhere.
394
00:17:08,593 --> 00:17:11,095
With men, if you ask them
for something,
395
00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:12,596
You are never
gonna get it.
396
00:17:12,597 --> 00:17:14,598
But if you
do some damage
397
00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:16,100
To their
internal organs,
398
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:17,467
You got a shot.
399
00:17:19,237 --> 00:17:21,238
And if it
doesn't work...
400
00:17:21,239 --> 00:17:22,673
What have you lost?
401
00:17:22,674 --> 00:17:25,042
Could you fill this
with tap water, please.
402
00:17:26,778 --> 00:17:29,312
Well, I have
to be honest.
403
00:17:29,313 --> 00:17:32,549
So far, steve has been
the ideal husband.
404
00:17:32,550 --> 00:17:33,751
Oh, really?
405
00:17:33,752 --> 00:17:35,986
I bet the first couple
of weeks you were married,
406
00:17:35,987 --> 00:17:38,555
You went to bed
at the same time.
407
00:17:38,556 --> 00:17:39,857
Oh, yes.
408
00:17:39,858 --> 00:17:42,526
Have you noticed how
in the last month or so,
409
00:17:42,527 --> 00:17:45,929
He seems to be going to bed
a little later and later?
410
00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:47,464
Why, yes.
411
00:17:49,333 --> 00:17:51,902
How did you know?
412
00:17:51,903 --> 00:17:54,538
You're letting him
slip away, marcie.
413
00:17:54,539 --> 00:17:57,174
You've got
a good thing going.
414
00:17:57,175 --> 00:18:00,144
Don't start letting him
have a good time alone.
415
00:18:00,145 --> 00:18:02,646
But we still have
a good time together.
416
00:18:02,647 --> 00:18:05,015
Then why is he
staying up?
417
00:18:09,988 --> 00:18:12,489
I'm telling you,
your son is gonna be a sissy
418
00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:14,491
If you let that woman
419
00:18:14,492 --> 00:18:15,859
Take away your sports.
420
00:18:20,031 --> 00:18:22,232
I used to love sports.
421
00:18:22,233 --> 00:18:23,667
Of course you did.
422
00:18:23,668 --> 00:18:25,169
You're a man.
423
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:27,104
But, steve...
424
00:18:27,105 --> 00:18:29,106
You can love it again.
425
00:18:29,107 --> 00:18:32,275
Start with me
right now, steve.
426
00:18:33,778 --> 00:18:35,278
Turn on that tv.
427
00:18:35,279 --> 00:18:37,748
I can't do it
for you.
428
00:18:37,749 --> 00:18:39,482
Turn it on...
429
00:18:39,483 --> 00:18:40,884
Settle back...
430
00:18:40,885 --> 00:18:41,952
Relax...
431
00:18:41,953 --> 00:18:45,022
And watch sports.
432
00:18:52,797 --> 00:18:55,165
[crowd cheering]
433
00:19:00,605 --> 00:19:02,106
You know, lately...
434
00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:05,242
He's been getting up
earlier than me too.
435
00:19:05,243 --> 00:19:07,711
Mm-mm-mm.
That's not good.
436
00:19:07,712 --> 00:19:09,579
Do you have pms?
437
00:19:09,580 --> 00:19:10,881
No.
438
00:19:10,882 --> 00:19:11,949
Get it.
439
00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:19,123
Steve!
440
00:19:19,124 --> 00:19:20,190
Shh!
Hey!
441
00:19:20,191 --> 00:19:22,525
I thought we agreed:
442
00:19:22,526 --> 00:19:23,861
No sports.
443
00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:25,229
Nice shot.
444
00:19:26,430 --> 00:19:28,198
[coughs]
445
00:19:34,338 --> 00:19:37,174
I demand to know
what you do late at night
446
00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:39,009
After I've
gone to bed.
447
00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:40,778
Are you
having fun alone, steve?
448
00:19:44,115 --> 00:19:47,651
No. I just like
to stay up and think.
449
00:19:47,652 --> 00:19:50,821
What are you thinking?
450
00:19:50,822 --> 00:19:54,291
Well, if I wanted you
to know, I'd...
451
00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:04,201
Oh, just about...
452
00:20:04,202 --> 00:20:06,203
How much I love you.
453
00:20:06,204 --> 00:20:09,706
I'm going to the game
next week with al.
454
00:20:09,707 --> 00:20:13,343
My mother's coming over
next week.
455
00:20:13,344 --> 00:20:15,378
Oh, yeah? She gonna
teach you how to bury me
456
00:20:15,379 --> 00:20:17,747
Like she buried
her three husbands?
457
00:20:21,452 --> 00:20:22,452
Steve!
458
00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:26,223
Are you implying
that their suicides
459
00:20:26,224 --> 00:20:28,658
Had something
to do with mother?
460
00:20:32,396 --> 00:20:33,831
Oh.
461
00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:35,833
Well, if that's
your attitude,
462
00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:39,002
Then maybe I should just pack
my bags and move in with her.
463
00:20:39,003 --> 00:20:41,738
Great. Then I could
go to bed at a normal hour.
464
00:20:44,242 --> 00:20:46,810
All right, steve rhoades,
let's go.
465
00:20:46,811 --> 00:20:48,345
We're going home.
466
00:20:48,346 --> 00:20:51,348
It's time to redefine
our relationship.
467
00:20:51,349 --> 00:20:52,515
Okay.
468
00:20:52,516 --> 00:20:55,552
Al, I'll see you
next week at the game.
469
00:20:55,553 --> 00:20:58,521
Peggy, I think we'll be spending
a lot of time together.
470
00:20:58,522 --> 00:20:59,689
Come on, steve.
471
00:20:59,690 --> 00:21:01,358
We've got to talk.
472
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:03,327
Make it quick.
I'm gonna watch boxing.
473
00:21:03,328 --> 00:21:05,162
You'll watch
nothing!
474
00:21:14,239 --> 00:21:15,705
Yeah!
475
00:21:15,706 --> 00:21:18,608
It's gonna be
rough for them.
476
00:21:18,609 --> 00:21:22,412
Yeah. Well, it was rough
for us, and we made it.
477
00:21:24,148 --> 00:21:25,648
Hey, you know what?
478
00:21:25,649 --> 00:21:28,051
Bud got an a
in school today.
479
00:21:28,052 --> 00:21:29,853
No kidding?
Yeah.
480
00:21:35,159 --> 00:21:37,694
Hey, let's go out
Saturday night.
481
00:21:37,695 --> 00:21:40,264
You know, to eat.
Just me and you.
482
00:21:40,265 --> 00:21:41,798
Sure, if you want to.
483
00:21:41,799 --> 00:21:42,966
We haven't been
484
00:21:42,967 --> 00:21:44,667
To the captain's
table in a long time.
485
00:21:44,668 --> 00:21:46,669
We always
like it there.
486
00:21:46,670 --> 00:21:49,206
They have
such a nice menu.
487
00:21:49,207 --> 00:21:50,540
Yeah.
488
00:21:52,710 --> 00:21:54,711
You want to go
upstairs?
489
00:21:54,712 --> 00:21:57,847
I thought you wanted
to watch the game.
490
00:21:57,848 --> 00:21:59,082
Nah!
491
00:21:59,083 --> 00:22:00,384
Who cares?
492
00:22:07,591 --> 00:22:09,559
You know, I like
the coffee there too.
493
00:22:25,143 --> 00:22:28,478
[♪]
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