Original subtitles

MITCHELL: I do solemnly swear that

everything I am about to tell you is true.

A spell of weirdness from another dimension

turned my hometown into the center of weirdness for the entire universe.

Don't believe me? Just watch.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

MITCHELL: Generally speaking, my Mom's okay.

I mean, she follows the Mom Rulebook and

makes me eat my broccoli and pick up my socks and stuff,

but she also does cool things with computers

and she knocks before she comes into my room.

So once in a while, when she gets carried away with some new trend,

I try to humor her.

Let's be immature.

"Free your inner goofball."

What's the big deal?

I've been immature for years.

[SNEEZES]

I didn't know Dr. Lloyd wrote Men are from Denmark, Woman are from France.

Until I read it, I had no idea

your Father watching sports

was giving our relationship room to grow.

Although your mother bought all those shoes

to keep the romance in our marriage.

"The detector offers a foolproof way to locate..."

It's scratched out.

Must be aliens.

Check this out.

MAN: So, if you can find a seat,

we'll get our goofballs rolling here.

What a golden opportunity?

Ladies, gentlemen and

fellow goofballs, [CHUCKLES]

it is my childish pleasure this time

to introduce the man who is turning North America

into one great, big kindergarten.

Dr. Ziggy Lloyd.

Fun. Fun. Fun. Fun. Fun.

That's what life should be.

Forget mortgages,

boring jobs,

house work.

You owe it to yourselves to enjoy life.

Just like little kids and animals do.

So let's hear it now.

Enjoy!

ALL: Enjoy!

Oh, yes.

Let's face it ladies and gentlemen.

Being grown up is so boring.

ALL: Boring.

Yeah, but now there's hope.

Yes, there is. Yes, there is.

Thanks to my revolutionary new

psycho smell therapy,

your inner goofball can break free...

[FREQUENCY SIGNAL SPIKES]

And start to live again.

Rediscover your...

[ZIGGY STRUGGLING]

Childish impulses

and... [SCREAMS]

It's him.

He's an alien.

MITCHELL: According to Ziggy Lloyd,

grown ups would worry a lot less if they were more like kids.

But at that moment,

this kid was worried plenty.

I admit I may have disrupted things a little.

But it seemed to me the real issue was that Ziggy Lloyd was an alien.

What were you thinking, Mitchell?

Mom, Dad,

the alien detector said that the doctor is one of them.

Alien detector?

Actually, it's a...

Metal detector.

Creative marketing.

ZIGGY: Ah, That would explain it.

I have a metal plate in my head.

When I was small, I fell from a great height.

The plate magnifies certain high frequency sounds.

Also picks up a Country Western station in Tulsa.

Which one?

MRS. TAYLOR: I am so sorry, Dr. Lloyd.

Mitchell is such an imaginative boy.

He's always seeing aliens and robots.

They're all real.

Poor child.

But, perhaps I can help.

Why don't you come to my office tomorrow 3 o' clock.

Bring the family.

You know what they say.

Takes more than one nut

to make a fruit cake.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

MITCHELL: Okay, so maybe Ziggy Lloyd wasn't an alien.

But he was still pretty weird.

He wrote books telling people to act like kids,

and then he said I was crazy for being one.

Mind you, in Eerie, being called crazy can be a compliment.

[SNEEZES]

Sheriff?

[MITCHELL SNEEZES]

ELVIS: Thank you, Doc.

You got me feeling more shook up all the time.

No...

Next.

Oh, we can wait.

He's a bit nervous.

Right this way.

We've really never been in a therapist's office before.

Good, good, good.

I want you minds to be blank slates, yes?

Empty your heads completely.

That was easy.

Good.

No, the sense of smell is

the direct pipeline, if you will,

to the deepest, silliest,

part of the brain.

Breath in deeply.

It's my cold. [BLOWS NOSE]

ZIGGY: This will free your inner goofball.

What a nice,

comfy aroma.

CARRIE: I know what it is.

Cotton candy.

Yes. And toast and honey

and chocolate milk,

and animal crackers

and the coup de grace,

warm blankey

fresh from the dryer.

Suddenly...

I feel so...

Immature.

[EDAWRD LAUGHING]

DR. LLOYD: Good. Excellent.

Let all your mechanical inhibitions go, poof.

And then all those goofy feelings can erupt

Bang! To the surface.

My Dad will not go poof.

I poof as well as the next man.

Better for that matter.

That's the spirit. Good for you.

Good for you.

Yes, let your inner goofball go free.

You are about to become very happy.

Can we fix Mitchell now?

Ah, yes.

Mitchell. [CLEARS THROAT]

Why don't you tell us what your parents have done to you?

They haven't done anything.

Oh, come on, Mitch.

We must've done something to mess you up.

Well, there was that puppy I wanted for Christmas when I was six.

Oh, poor kid.

That's right, that's right. Feel his pain. Feel his pain.

What pain? I'm allergic to puppies.

If I'd had one...

Mitchell, don't interrupt.

Good. Go with that feeling.

Excellent. [PHONE RINGS]

LADY: Hello. I hope I've got the right number.

I'm trying to reach Dr. Ziggy Lloyd.

Ziggy, if this is you, it's your mother.

You never really did like puppies.

...Babycheeks. I really think...

I did so.

Did not.

Did so. Did not.

Did so. Gotta stop what you're doing.

Did not.

Did so. Did not.

MITCHELL: For the next hour, Ziggy Lloyd's therapy

turned my nice, normal family into nut-bars.

So after it was all over,

I sought out a place of peace, calm and serenity.

Don't tell me you're seeing Ziggy Lloyd too.

Don't have to.

Me and my inner goofball are like that, my friend.

Oh, Mr. Crawford, yoohoo.

Check out Mr. Dudley.

[CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY]

I would like a

triple fudge banana split

sprinkled with chocolate chips and chopped nuts

smeared all over with cookie batter.

What about your diet?

My inner child needs chocolate.

[CHUCKLES] Lucky kid.

I suppose you know your wearing pajamas.

Dr. Lloyd says I can do whatever I want.

See that banana split?

That's breakfast.

And it's 4:30 in the afternoon.

Do you have some money in those jammies?

Chocolates.

[MOTORCYCLE REVVING]

EDWARD: Hey, boys.

Where're the real man now?

Gee, Dad. I don't know what to say.

I'm gonna get one too.

Do you think they come in pink, Eddie?

I don't know.

Our parents are like,

so far past cool.

They're like quintuple cool.

You know, when your Mom and I were little kids,

we both wanted to be motorcycle daredevils, you know.

Jump the Grand Canyon, that sort of thing.

All right.

What about one in front of the fireplace?

EDWARD: Yeah.

For some reason, we just decided

it was too impractical.

But Ziggy says it's never too late to do what you really want.

You know, I don't mean to be a wet blanket on this situation,

but aren't motorcycles considerably expensive?

[ALL LAUGH]

Mitchell...

MITCHELL: Oh, no!

The dishwasher.

We gotta pull the plug.

[STRAINING]

Where's the plug?

I don't know.

Mom? Dad?

You have to turn off the water.

Look at this.

It's a wild party.

[ALL WHOOPING AND SCREAMING]

STANLEY: Mitchell, look out.

Dad, we have to turn off the water.

Would you relax, Mitch?

A little leak is not the end of the world.

Get on the table. The table's right there.

There, go. Save yourself.

We need music.

Yes.

Music?

[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL BEACH MUSIC PLAYING]

[MITCHELL PROTESTING]

MITCHELL: Ziggy Lloyd had turned my perfectly good family

into irresponsible idiots.

And it was beginning to look like I was never getting them back.

MITCHELL: Stanley, stop it.

[BLOWING NOSE]

What happened to the chairs?

The couch?

The coffee table?

We threw that boring stuff in the backyard.

Well, what about breakfast?

Stale pizza.

My favorite.

You wanna go out with your Mom and me

and kick some thunder?

Maybe you can jump a bus.

You know, that sounds pretty tempting

but I think I'm gonna go see what Stanley's having for breakfast.

Oh, hurry back.

Your father needs help building a wall of fire.

MITCHELL: After Stanley made me breakfast,

we started looking up everything we could find on Ziggy Lloyd.

We even tuned in the Tulsa radio station the metal plate in his head picked up

to see if that could tell us anything.

Yes, here it is. What?

"Dr. Lloyd is presently researching

"his next work, San Loco, a town set free.

"A pioneering study of his new psycho smell therapy."

Wonder why he never published it.

Wait, stop. Back.

Check out that web page.

Hey, listen to this.

"The transformation of San Loco was a mystery to the state.

"For some unknown reason, the inhabitants stopped working

"and turned the town into a giant circus."

"The original townspeople can still be seen

"walking tightropes, swallowing swords and piling into stupid little cars."

You think Eerie's turning into a circus?

More like a carnival sideshow,

with motorcycle daredevils as the main attractions.

RADIO: Aww, weren't that pretty,

just like all the music we play here at KBY Tulsa.

Got some messages for you folks traveling on highways and by-ways.

The first one's to Dr. Ziggy Lloyd,

who's picking us up on a metal plate he carries in his head.

How's that for listener loyalty?

Ziggy, your mama needs to talk to you real urgent like.

Apparently, you're upto your old tricks again, buckaroo

and she needs to set you straight.

ELVIS: Sleep face close them old bright eyes.

Listen to your mama, dear

♪ And sing those lullabies

What I'm trying to say Doc, is

the more I use your spray,

the more I just want to move back to Tupelo

and drive a truck.

Interesting, interesting.

[ELVIS CONTINUES]

STANLEY: Dr. Lloyd?

I'm with a patient.

Well, you don't want to miss this, sir.

Well, what is it?

STANLEY: Mr. Taylor, he's jumping cars on his motorbike.

That's nice.

Well, you do drive a midnight blue Mercedes, don't you?

What's up, Doc?

[MOTORCYCLE REVVING IN THE DISTANCE]

Session's over.

I have to go.

[HUMMING]

ZIGGY: Get away from my car, you punks!

[PHONE RINGS]

PHONE: Ziggy,

pick up, sweetie.

I know this is your number. I'm sure of it.

It's your mother, babycheeks.

What you're doing is wrong.

You can't just go around telling people that spray of yours id freeing their

inner goofballs when all of it is water.

It's tough for your mother to say this,

but you're a snake oil salesman.

Ziggy, it's your passion for immaturity that's

really changing them.

You have a great gift as a motivational speaker

but you're using it for evil.

Getting people to act like kids and

and turning their towns into circuses and sideshows

because that's what you loved as a kid and it's just not right.

Call me sugar. 555-0176.

Hello.

Hello Mrs. Lloyd? My name is Mitchell Taylor.

I'm calling you about your son.

It's urgent. Tell me where he is.

MITCHELL: While I went to meet the late trains,

Stanley went down to the World O' Stuff to keep Ziggy occupied.

[EXCITED COMMOTION]

Wonder where Mitch is?

I don't know, but there's Stanley.

May I?

Oh, please.

Will you people listen?

[WHOOPING]

That felt good.

Not that I want to discourage you from expressing

those rowdy, primitive feelings.

On the contrary,

I want you to go even further.

And take some pictures for my book while you're at it.

What about San Loco?

Tell us how you changed it into a circus.

Well, I'm proud of that circus.

You turned all the townspeople into

lion tamers and clowns.

Happy lion tamers.

They love the circus.

They gave up their entire lives!

Don't let him spoil your fun.

Come on, come on. Laugh. Shout.

Jump up and down.

Yes!

MRS. LLOYD: Ziggy.

You naughty boy.

[STUTTERING] Mom...

I know you're upto no good.

What am I going to do with you?

[STUTTERING] Mom...

Oh, you can say it, Ziggy.

"Mother." It's not that difficult a word.

[DUMBSTRUCK]

Whatever you've taken from these people,

I want you to give it back.

They don't need to be irresponsible.

They're perfectly fine the way they are.

Look at you. You're not even wearing a sweater. Do you want to catch pneumonia?

Ziggy, you have to grow up, sweet pea.

You have to learn to be a responsible adult.

Why do I?

There, there, Ziggy.

Maybe I babied you too much after the accident.

You're a good boy deep down.

You really think the people who play all the time are better off?

I think. I really do. Yeah, please.

I'm really sorry about all this.

It's all my fault, really.

His father and I

were tightrope walkers.

As soon as he started walking,

he'd head for that tightrope.

Then one day...

Splat.

Oh, but that wasn't your fault. You tried to stop me.

But don't you see, Ziggy?

The circus is no good place to raise a child.

We should've had regular jobs like regular people.

Then you wouldn't have needed that...

[HOLLOW CLUNKING]

Plate in your head.

Forgive me, sweetheart.

Your father and I

were too immature.

As for you people,

don't you feel a teeny bit silly?

You've thrown away your responsibility just because

my Ziggy writes a book.

Don't you realize

you have jobs and families for goodness sakes.

Take my advice,

you've freed your inner goofballs.

Now it's time

to lock them up again.

I have to call the dishwasher repair man.

MRS. LLOYD: And from now on,

do what you can to avoid taking the advice of some snake oil salesman

who's written a book with a cute title.

Or claims they can change your lives

with some smelly water.

Way to go, Mrs. Lloyd.

I can't help feeling you ratted Ziggy out.

I'm really sorry I wasn't there to...

Catch you when you...

Fell on your head.

It's okay, Ma... Mother.

It's been a rough journey, but

I think I'm over it.

My son.

Mother...

MITCHELL: You didn't need to be a brain surgeon

or even a tree surgeon

to see that Ziggy had problems with his Mom.

And I felt kinda funny telling on him.

But in the end, she helped keeping Eerie from turning truly weird,

if such a thing is possible.

Stop Thinking and Do What your Mother Tells You

by Ziggy Lloyd Matilda-Lloyd.

Also known as...

[STUTTERING LIKE ZIGGY] Mother.

[MITCHELL CHUCKLES]

You still think I shouldn't have told on Ziggy?

Well,

the kids don't tell mom code is a sacred trust.

Did you want to join the circus that bad?

Wow.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

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