Original subtitles

MITCHELL: I do solemnly swear

that everything I am about to tell you is true.

A spill of weirdness from another dimension

turned my hometown into the center of weirdness

for the entire universe.

Don't believe me? Just watch.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

MITCHELL: You don't find answers to life's great mysteries at a science fair,

unless it's held in Eerie.

Then it can bring you face to face with one of the big questions,

like, "How come dads are sometimes dorks?"

You didn't tell me that you were involved in the science fair, Mitchell.

I have to, Dad. It counts for Mr. Ripley's science class.

Am I detecting a lack of enthusiasm, huh?

I wanted to do a major scientific conundrum,

like, "How come Loch Ness Monster photos are always blurry?"

Or, why trailer parks attract tornadoes.

Instead, I have to do "Beans."

"Beans"?

The relation of plant fertilizer to increase fava bean production.

That sounds like a great project!

You know, beans, beans are magical fruit.

The more you eat, the more...

Dad, it's beans. It's not edgy, it's not exciting.

I feel like a dweeb.

Well, if you approached it with more of your natural curiosity,

I'm sure that you would find it both rewarding,

and somewhat less, uh, dweebish.

You know, you're right, Dad.

I like beans. I'm excited by them.

Now that's the spirit.

Maybe I could scrape ready-made burritos.

Oh, Mitchell, I remember when I was stuck with a project...

MITCHELL: I hate it when parents pull generational rank on you.

I was about your age...

MITCHELL: My dad was never my age

and even if he was, the planet has definitely evolved since then.

You know, when you look at it from the other side...

Hypothesis. Parents forget what it was like to be a kid

and believe you're going through the same things they did.

They become boring.

There's no scientific way to prove this theory,

it's just based on fact.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[GLASS SHATTERING]

MRS. TAYLOR: Mitchell, is everything okay?

Yeah, Mom.

I think.

Whoa, what a trip!

Who are you?

Eddie. You?

Uh, Mitchell.

What are you doing up here?

I'm trying to find out why I got this green thing stuck in my navel.

I don't know if I'm liking it or not.

MRS. TAYLOR: Mitchell, what is going on up there?

Uh, it's all right, Mom.

Don't go anywhere. I can't.

I'd get busted.

Yeah, my, my experiment broke.

Always wear goggles, son.

Dad, was this jar important?

Mitchell, sometimes I wish you'd be more careful.

That was my appendix. Your appendix?

I had it removed when I was just about your age.

I don't know why I hung on to it.

Just one of those stupid things you do when you're a kid, I guess.

No. Couldn't be.

Couldn't still be in the jar? Oh, sure. It lasts forever.

Yeah, I'm sorry, Dad. I'll replace it.

Well, I did have it removed for a reason.

Could you excuse me for one minute?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, hope you don't mind.

I was getting cold so I helped myself.

This trunk belongs to some dude named Edward.

Oh, right, that's my dad.

Cool taste in clothes.

Yeah. No wonder my mom does the shopping.

Hey, look, my stem fell off.

I must've been right. [CHUCKLES]

So, give me some logical explanation for how you got up here.

You know, I just woke up.

First, I thought I was in this far-out dream.

You know what's strange?

Like, my name's Edward.

Your dad's name is Edward.

We like the same clothes,

and it fit perfectly.

Oh, no.

I just cloned my father.

What?

Uh, nothing...

EDWARD: Mitchell, breakfast.

Can I eat with you?

I got a major case of the munchies.

Uh... Here.

Put these on.

It's not much, but it worked for Superman.

Whoa!

Oh, cool, I can see better too.

Mom, Dad?

This is Eddie.

He's my partner for the science fair.

Nice to meet you.

Haven't we met before, Eddie?

MRS. TAYLOR: Yes, you look very familiar.

Um, Eddie is actually not from here. He's an...

Exchange student.

MRS. TAYLOR: Well...

Buenos dias, muchacho.

Will you join us for breakfast?

Oh, thank you, ma'am.

Your mom's out of sight, man.

You just missed our daughter, Carrie,

as she and her human pyramid team are off competing in the Tri-County Championship.

We're having scrambled eggs.

I hope you like them.

BOTH: Mm. My favorite.

These are the best.

Why, thank you.

EDWARD: You know, Mary Ann and I met over a plate of these very eggs.

And as I'm fond of saying...

It was love at first bite.

[LAUGHING]

Well, these are definitely the most far-out eggs I've ever had.

Edward used to say exactly the same thing.

That's, uh, quite a get-up there, Eddie.

Do you normally dress like that?

Well, sir, it's better than the anonymous shirt-and-tie conformity

that most people get suckered into.

And your parents don't mind you wearing your hair like that?

I guess not. You gotta let your freak-flag fly, huh?

At least while you still got it.

MITCHELL: In a way, this was going as well as could be expected.

My dad didn't realize he was having breakfast with himself,

and my mom hadn't noticed that Eddie had the hots for her.

I was thinking maybe I could learn something by spending time with this guy.

Wow, you don't have to get up to change channels or nothing.

Come on, Eddie, we're gonna be late for school.

Oh!

Let's skip. Schools are for fish.

I used to think that way.

Then I realized I wouldn't accomplish much in life without an education.

So, you mean, "the man" suppressed you from your thing

so you abide to the system, right?

Young man, I'm not sure I like...

Uh, Eddie, I think it's time we went to school. Let's go. Okay.

See you, Mom. Bye, Dad.

There's something about that boy.

You sure it's all right for Mitchell to hang around him?

He seems kind of goofy.

Well, you weren't much different at his age.

Just a little cuter.

Come on. Mitchell will be fine.

But I never skip school.

I bail every Friday, man.

No teacher wants to be there so you don't learn anything.

I say we check out the big question called life.

I can't believe you skipped school.

"Skip." Present tense.

Let's go.

Okay.

MITCHELL: I couldn't believe it.

I was skipping school to hang with my dad.

And in Eddie's words, I was digging it.

This is so cool.

It's like lava, but it's also a lamp.

I haven't sold one of these in years.

It's the system, man. They think everything needs a purpose,

but stuff like this is just fun.

You know, uh, man,

I got some tie-dyed shirts you might be interested in.

How about some more Super Grow? It's on special.

Yeah. Anything you need, Mitch?

Yeah, I guess I'll have some fava beans.

Beans, beans, the magical fruit.

The more you eat, the more you hmm hmm hmm hmm.

What do you need the beans for?

I got to start my stupid science project over again.

Mitchell, you're getting caught in the system's games, like your dad.

You gotta do what you want.

That'll be nice, but... Hey.

I got a great project. Dig it?

Electricity from a potato.

A potato? Yeah.

You can run black lights, even your stereo system.

Hmm. Hey, Mitch.

Where've you been?

Uh, I got hung up.

Stanley, this is Eddie.

Peace, bro.

I gotta find some albums to play to our potato.

Who's he?

[SIGHS] This isn't gonna make much sense...

It makes perfect sense!

You added plant fertilizer to a 25-year old appendix.

Mitchell, what else would happen?

How was I supposed to know?

Maybe Crawford's got some weed killer. Stanley, he's my dad!

He's a lot more exciting than my real dad.

Get a grip. He's a bean gone berserk.

Before you know it, he'll be stomping the area as if it was a balsa wood Tokyo.

Stanley, he's just a kid like us.

Right on!

[CHUCKLING]

Well, not exactly like us.

But if I can get to know him, I might understand my real dad better.

Playing with fire here, amigo.

I know, but I've gotta do it.

The establishment don't want people to have this knowledge.

It's alive! It's alive!

[CHUCKLES] Cool.

Now, not only do you win the science fair,

but after you're done, home fries.

Well, this is great, Eddie.

You know, if we made a few adjustments,

we could turn this into the worst stink-bomb Eerie ever smelled.

Then we'll show them what we think of their stinky science fair.

I don't think we ought...

You know, that would be kind of fun.

Mitch, your dad's not gonna like you pulling a stunt like this.

I mean, the science fair is only one day long,

but he'll be mad at you for a long time.

Don't be a part of the system, Stanley.

We gotta show the establishment they can't push us around.

Yeah.

Come on, Stanley, let's go for it.

No!

I'm not getting in trouble on account of some whack-job appendix.

What? Um, Stanley.

Well... You heard me.

You're some wonky science experiment gone wrong.

Some mutant being that turned into Mitchell's dad.

Uh, Eddie, don't ask me for an explanation.

I worked with those fava beans last night.

It turns out I planted them in a jar with my dad's appendix.

And I think you're him at 13.

I'm gonna turn into your dad?

Bummer.

[GRUNTS]

I'm really gonna turn into that?

MRS. TAYLOR: So, anybody for dessert?

There's pie.

Why not? We're not watching our waistlines, are we?

Maybe we oughta.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, Mrs. Taylor is a great cook.

That was some roast beef.

And those potatoes, oh!

Love at first bite?

[MITCHELL LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] And speaking of potatoes,

Eddie and I are thinking of changing our science fair project.

Oh, yeah?

EDDIE: We're gonna generate electricity from a potato.

You're not doing that experiment.

It's inappropriate.

How can a potato be inappropriate?

It just is.

No potato generator, Mitchell. Just forget about it.

Wait a minute, it's our science experiment.

You can't tell us what to do with it.

When you get a little more experience with life, you'll understand.

You mean, abide with the system like you did?

Stop asking questions, get comfortable,

and let "the man" do what he wants with me?

Listen, Eddie,

I know you think you know what you're talking about, but guess what?

You don't.

So I don't wanna hear another word about potatoes.

And that's final.

Eddie, wait!

MITCHELL: I knew I should stop, but like all mad scientists,

I had to see my weird experiment through.

And as always, it was destined to turn out badly.

I'm not turning into him. No way.

I'll show them. Well, will I show them.

[EVIL LAUGH]

STANLEY: I wish you'd change your mind.

We could get into a lot of trouble.

MITCHELL: Like Eddie said,

you're either part of the problem or part of the solution, Stanley.

Spoken like a true vegetable.

Is it just me, or is this larger than it was last night?

It's got more wires.

Eddie put them on.

He thought they'd look cool.

By the way, where is Eddie?

Oh, he's checking out the competition,

making sure that no one else is doing our experiment.

You mean, getting electricity from a potato,

or being assisted by a cloned appendix?

[LAUGHS]

Stanley, if you don't wanna be here, you can leave.

Nah, I'll stick.

You might need all the help you can get.

Besides, I wanna be here when you put your new dad in a mulcher.

[ZAPPING]

This is nothing.

Come back and noon and see how much juice it's really got.

This is gonna be so cool.

Hey, where's our "Power to the Potato" banner?

Oh, the paint wasn't dry.

What's the point of the message if nobody knows who it's coming from?

You're right. I'll go get it.

Right on.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

EDWARD: I see you're going ahead with your experiment.

Eddie's idea?

Well, not totally.

Your friend, Eddie is quite a little rebel.

We're just having fun, Dad.

No, don't get me wrong.

I used to be somewhat of a rebel, myself.

You? Yeah.

That's why I didn't want you to do your potato experiment.

You see, when I was your age, I entered a science fair

to make a statement against the establishment.

With a potato? Yes.

A lot of people don't know this, but with the right wiring,

a potato could be turned into a pretty good stink-bomb.

No kidding. Yeah.

Now, what I didn't know was with too much wiring,

that stink-bomb can turn into a volatile explosive.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, you know, it seems quite silly now,

but I almost blew up the school.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Mitchell?

MAN: On behalf of the citizens of Eerie, I'd like to welcome you all,

and invite you to see how fertile the imaginations of our youth can be.

Things Inc. are sponsors this year, and. .. well, every year,

Hope one of the projects displayed here today

could be turned into a sale-able invention,

and of course, bigger profits.

To that end, I've chosen two of our leading citizens and myself to be the judges.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Thank you.

So, enjoy yourselves as we make our rounds.

We'll be back soon to award the prizes to our winners.

[APPLAUSE]

Eddie, we have to take apart our experiment.

Are you kidding? It's just heating up.

A few degrees and whoa!

Eddie, my dad says we made something more dangerous than a stink-bomb.

Dads always say stuff like that.

He's a scientist and he knows what he's talking about.

Come on, man, the potato's ticking.

We gotta get out of here. It's really gonna stink!

It's dangerous. Only if you try to turn it off.

I'm sending my message, Mitchell, and no one's gonna stop me.

Well, that's one terrific tuber.

[LAUGHS]

Mayor Carver.

Mitchell. Very impressive.

Stanley was just explaining how it works.

You have to clear out this hall before the thing goes off.

Goes off?

You mean, it might mash us?

[LAUGHING]

I'm serious. With the correct wiring, a potato becomes a volatile explosive.

An explosive? Yes, sir.

[LAUGHS]

Where'd you hear that one? My dad.

I think your dad's pulling your leg.

Probably worried the spud will knock the bottom out of his utility stocks.

[LAUGHS]

You have to believe me.

Listen, little fella,

I've been around more potatoes than most folks.

I've seen them turn into everything from cheesecake to sausage balls.

But I ain't never seen one take out a science fair.

[LAUGHS]

S... Stanley.

The lives of everyone in this hall are at stake.

Who told you that one?

My dad.

My first dad.

Do you have the plans?

Yeah.

[ZAPPING]

So, Eddie,

I hear things are heating up at the ol' science fair, huh?

Yeah, they're gonna get real hot.

All right. [CHUCKLES] [CLICK OF TONGUE]

Eddie.

Is Mitchell with you?

No, sir, Mr. Taylor.

I wouldn't wanna be a bad influence on the boy.

Eddie, uh...

I'm sorry about being harsh last night.

It's not your fault, man. You're over 30. That's what happens.

Actually, that's what happens when you become a father.

This may surprise you, Eddie,

but you and I are a lot alike.

So I'm told.

I think what I'm trying to say is that

I made mistakes growing up. Everybody does.

Nobody likes to be told what to do. No.

You're right. Nobody does.

But try and look at it this way.

There's plenty of mistakes to be made out there in the world,

Dad's job is just keeping his kids from making the same ones he did.

MITCHELL: Now read me exactly what he wrote.

STANLEY: Follow the green wire to the potato's third eye.

Check.

Okay, now pull out the blue wire.

There's no blue wire to pull out.

Uh, okay.

Find the black and yellow wire.

Okay, um...

Ow!

Dad's job is keeping his kids from making the same mistakes he did.

Dad's job is keeping his kids from making the same mistakes he did.

Dad's job is keeping his kids from making the same mistakes he did.

Okay, there's just green and red wires left.

Well, it says whatever you do, never ever cut the chocolate.

The chocolate?

No, no, I mean, there's chocolate where it says...

Well, get it off!

Stanley!

I'm not doing it on purpose!

Okay.

Red or green?

Dad's favorite color is red.

No!

Cut the green wire.

[SIGHS]

Why'd you come back, Eddie?

A dad's job is keeping his kids from making the same mistakes he did.

MITCHELL: I never saw Eddie after that day.

Next morning, all that was left of him were his pajamas,

a dried up bean pod, and a shriveled up appendix.

Your mother told me that Eddie's gone back home.

Sorry, I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

I'm pretty sure a part of him will always be with us, Dad.

Son,

even though we had a pretty good disagreement here,

you still have the courage of your convictions, and I'm proud of you for that.

I'm also happy you didn't vaporize Main Street.

How come you didn't go through with your stink-bomb, Dad?

A friend stopped me.

His name was Mitchell. Actually, you're named after him.

I thought I was named after Uncle Mitch.

Nah.

We just told him that so he would kick in to your college fund.

Really?

[CHUCKLES]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

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