Original subtitles

MITCHELL: I do solemnly swear

that everything I am about to tell you is true.

A spill of weirdness from another dimension

turn my hometown into the center of weirdness

for the entire universe.

Don't believe me? Just watch.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

MITCHELL: A famous playwright once said that

each of us face to face with other men

is clothed with some sort of dignity.

At the World O'Stuff,

that concept does not always apply.

Here we go, gentlemen.

Two Tom Turkey open-faced specials.

One extra gravy, one Cranberry Madness.

Hm, enjoy!

[CLICKING TONGUE]

MITCHELL: As a matter of fact,

I've always considered Turkey Special Day

at the World O'Stuff to be a celebration.

A festival, if you will...

MAN: Hey! Hey, kid!

MITCHELL: Of weirdness.

Yeah, you.

Look like you know your way around the butterball.

Well, Stanley and me come here quite a bit.

Did you eat that whole turkey by yourself?

Every bite.

I'd have gotten sick.

Yeah. Guess I'm just lucky.

How about you, kid?

You're lucky?

How about...

Oh, how about we pull out the wishbone?

That's kid stuff.

Oh!

Afraid of a bit of healthy competition,

all right, all right.

Mitchell's not afraid of nothing.

Uh, Stanley, that's not entirely true.

Well, come on then.

Who knows, maybe you'll get a lucky break.

On the count of three, you just give it a pull.

One.

Two.

Three.

[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

What're you laughing about? He's the lucky one.

That's right!

[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

Mitchell Taylor!

As the one millionth customer, here in the World O'Stuff

[TOY TRUMPET PLAYING]

You are the lucky winner of a free turkey dinner

every week for a whole year!

Ha-ha-ha, congratulations! [MIMICKING A TURKEY]

[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

This wishbone stuff really works!

Oh, you haven't seen anything.

Get used to it, kid.

[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

MITCHELL: I just won Mr. Crawford's contest

and I should've been feeling good.

Instead my spider sense was tingling a mile a minute.

How could I know that I'd just won

more than turkey dinners.

I'd won a three-course blue plate special

of weirdness.

It's not everyday you win

the Eerie's poultry world's most coveted prize.

I couldn't wait to tell my folks.

Of course, as usual,

they had some surprises of their own for me.

We've been waiting for you, young man.

I better be going.

Yeah, uh...

You should hear this too.

This came in the mail today.

Your report card?

Well, look, I can exp...

Straight A's.

I don't know how you did it, son,

but we are so proud of you.

I think this calls for a celebration.

What do you say we take our scholar

on a trip to Eerieland

for a double long ride on the Ring of Fire?

STANLEY: Wow!

Thanks, guys!

[DOORBELL RINGING]

[GIRLS GIGGLING]

Hi, Mitchell.

We heard about your report card,

and we want to get help with our homework.

MITCHELL: I guess you can never tell

when you're going to run face-first

into a streak of good luck.

When I hit this one,

I sure wasn't ready for it.

All I knew was, I was enjoying it.

Big time.

Oh, I see.

Thank you.

Well, that's strange. What?

My great-uncle, Samuel, died.

And funny thing is, they just read his will,

and he left everything he had to you.

To me?

He never even met me.

$3000 and a brass cat sculpture.

I always liked that cat sculpture.

MRS. TAYLOR: Carrie!

Someone at the door for you!

I'm not here!

MRS. TAYLOR: It's Phil!

I'm here!

Mitchell, I'll be back in one minute.

If this connects, call me.

ANNOUNCER: WYRD Radio, you're on the air!

Who am I speaking to?

Uh... Mitchel Taylor.

ANNOUNCER: Are you ready to give me the answer

to the Money Question of the Day?

You see, it isn't my phone call,

it's my sister's, I'll go get her.

Sorry, son, it's got to be

the person on the line when I pick up.

You got ten seconds to name

the three most requested songs

on WYRD Radio.

Well, I don't know that. Take a guess.

Maybe you'll get lucky.

Come on, time's ticking down!

Three seconds, two seconds.

Pop Goes the Weasel,

Stairway to Heaven

and Celeste Aida from Opera Aida.

ANNOUNCER: Wow! That was some lucky guess.

You've just won an all-expense paid trip

to the Russian Riviera.

Mitchell, somebody will contact you later

with the details of your dream vacation.

Okay.

CARRIE: Mitchell.

ANNOUNCER: Once again, that was lucky Mitchell Taylor

who just won Money Question of the Day

here on Radio WYRD.

You stole my prize!

MITCHELL: So there it was out on the front porch

when the Prize Patrol drove up.

They were like, "What's your name?"

So I was like, "Well, I don't know."

'Cause I didn't want to enter the contest in the first place, right?

MITCHELL: I figured at first that being

the luckiest guy in town would be pretty cool.

But I had turned into a luck magnet.

Every available bit of luck in the vicinity

was drawn towards me

as if by some unexplained force.

Being lucky was great

but sometimes it is possible

to get too much of a good thing,

especially when you're getting everybody else's, too.

Stanley, I got major problems. We have to talk.

Not now, Mitch.

I get it.

Mr. Crawford, I know it.

All righty.

Guess away.

3,477.

I got it, didn't I?

Did I get it?

Not even close. [CHUCKLING]

Stanley, I'm trying to tell you that I'm in trouble here.

Anything good that can happen to me is happening.

Got a terminal case of good luck.

I think you're exaggerating.

I mean, no one can have that much luck.

Oh, yeah? Watch this.

Mr. Crawford. Hm.

My guess is there are 4,672 jelly beans in this jar.

[CLATTERING]

[STAMMERING] How did you do that?

Just lucky, I guess.

See what I mean?

Big man Mitchell...

Do you know what this means?

It means I'm drowning in good luck.

[LAUGHING] No!

What it means is that we can rule the world,

with your luck,

and my greed.

We can go into the lottery business.

And then, a couple of fake mustaches,

ooh, some doctored ID.

Yeah, yeah, we can run our own winnings in Vegas.

There's no end to what we can do.

We must not quit playing!

Stanley!

You're missing the point.

My life's been trashed ever since I won that wishbone pull.

Somehow that guy must have done something to me.

We have to find him

and make him take his good luck back.

That might be hard.

Not for the luckiest kid in Eerie.

Todd McLaughlin.

MITCHELL: It seemed my impossible luck was holding.

Todd lived in a ritzy house in the best part of Eerie.

Only problem was,

when we got there, it had burned down.

But as luck would have it,

Todd's neighbors directed us to his new address.

[YELLING]

It was about as far away from the best part of Eerie

as you could go.

[DOOR OPENS]

Oh, you.

I knew it would be a matter of time.

All right, come on in, then.

I've been trying to put a picture up.

I get the same finger three times. [CHUCKLES]

STANLEY: Bad luck.

Yeah, it is, isn't it?

We heard about your house burning down.

Well, that place, huh?

It's too big for me to keep up anyway.

Lost the house, the car,

investments all went bad. [LAUGHING] It's all gone.

You don't sound too broken up about it.

Are you joking?

I'm loving it!

Till the other day, I was the luckiest fellow in Eerie.

But all that's changed now, hasn't it?

Now I can't catch a break to save my life. [LAUGHING]

Ah!

[CRASHING] Whoo-hoo!

Whoa! [LAUGHING]

So you like having bad luck?

Have you ever thought how boring it might be

to win every game you've ever played?

To always be at the right place

at the right time, huh?

Well, it's enough to make you crazy.

I'm beginning to understand that.

You know, I think you did something to me.

Somehow you gave me your luck.

What? That wishbone game thing?

No, no, you won fair and square, you did.

No, I didn't ask for this luck,

and I want you to take it back.

Would you relax?

There's loads of people who'd kill to be in your shoes.

I don't want them, you can take them back.

Sorry, you're stuck with it.

[GIGGLES]

Now if you'll excuse me,

I've got a picture to hang.

You're not going to get away with this.

I'm gonna make you take that luck back.

What're you gonna do? Sue me?

Yeah, that's exactly...

MITCHELL: As bizarre as it sounded,

Todd's suggestion seemed like the only way

out of this dilemma.

Luckily, my Civics class was studying

Small Claims Court that week.

Even luckier was the fact

they needed a test case to study

and that mine was chosen.

The defendant and the plaintiff will approach the bench.

Ooh, oh, ah!

[GROANING]

MITCHELL: Sure, I'd been lucky so far,

but something told me that

Todd wasn't going to give up that easily.

To win this case, it would take more than luck.

It might take a miracle.

In no other town but Eerie,

can someone win a dumb wishbone pull

to become the luckiest kid in town.

And in no other town can that person

find themselves in a vicious court battle

to win their old life back.

Unfortunately, I was in that town.

And I was that kid.

Doesn't look good, Mitch.

Jury's already leaning toward the other side.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] [JURY MEMBERS SIGHING]

The defendant will please tell the Court

why he is nursing his foot.

Oh, yes, sure, Your Honor.

[CLATTERING]

I was chasing the fellas

that were towing my car away

when I started to be chased by a dog myself.

So I jumped on top of a milk truck. [LAUGHING]

Well, the milk truck got in an accident,

and I was thrown.

Over a bridge.

But I'll be fine, I will be fine.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, my gosh! Oh!

This is the moment I've been waiting for, Mitch.

My degree from the Perry Mason

Correspondence School of Law is about to be tested.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Your Honor,

this man's bad luck, sad though it may be,

only supports my client's contention

that Todd, did in fact,

pass off his own incredible good luck to my client,

thereby post hoc de proc,

ruining his life.

Mr. Taylor,

there are those in the court today

who find it difficult to believe that luck exists.

Could you tell us, in your own words,

what's been happening to you over the last few days?

Well, I won the Turkey Special contest.

And, the Jelly Bean count.

I inherited $3000 and a brass cat sculpture.

And I won the Eerie lottery without even entering.

Did you?

And then I found this...

Excuse me. Objection!

Although the boy has had a fortunate few days,

that does not prove some supernatural power.

Agreed, Counselor.

Mitchell,

do you think you can give us a demonstration

of this luck?

Um, yeah, I guess.

All right. Mitchell, I'm thinking of a number

between one and... MITCHELL: Five.

Correct. [CHUCKLING] ALL: Hmm.

Lucky guess. Hold it!

That's not so lucky.

Very well.

Mitchell,

could you tell me

how much change is in the judge's pocket?

My guess would be one quarter,

and the date on it is 1962.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

Lucky guess.

[APPLAUSE]

Mr. Taylor,

do you have any reason to believe

that your son has been cursed

with an unnatural amount of luck?

Why,

I don't think "cursed" would be the word.

But you have noticed he's become luckier

over the last few days.

You can say that again.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone with such a streak.

Just unnatural.

Yeah. Thank you, Mr. Taylor.

Your witness, Counselor.

Um, Mr. Taylor,

do you believe that luck can be passed

like the common cold?

No, of course not.

I'm a scientist.

Of course. Um...

So, what was it exactly that made you think

Mitchell had become luckier these last few days?

Well, there's a few things, um...

For one thing,

he snatched an inheritance right from under my nose.

He did not.

I loved that cat.

And another thing is,

he stole his sister's prize from the radio station.

He even won a citation from the Eerie Nuclear League

that my wife was supposed to get.

So if you don't believe in luck, per se,

then that means that these incidents

were more a display of. .. I don't know, selfishness?

Yeah.

You know what, that's just what I would say, yeah.

Now taking everything that everybody else

could have had a chance, and I think is

pretty darned selfish.

[SMIRKING]

Sorry, son.

Mr. Hope,

it's my understanding that you were actually present

during the wishbone pull.

[CLEARS THROAT] Yeah, um, yeah, that's right.

That guy tricked my friend into doing some stupid contest

and stuck him with his dumb luck.

Yeah, now,

you think a boy like you would be happy

for a friend who was so lucky.

Yeah, it's just he hasn't done anything for me

with all his good fortune.

TODD'S LAWYER: Really?

Nothing at all?

I have one little request.

One simple little request.

A couple of lottery tickets

parlaying to a killing on the stock market.

All I need is a stake for my empire!

And will he do it? Huh, not on your life.

What kind of a friend is that?

Not much of a friend.

Tell the truth.

Mitchell won that wishbone pull fair and square, didn't he?

Yeah.

Yeah, he did!

It was all on the up and up.

Mitchell won that bone pull fair and square.

Defense rests, Your Honor.

[GIGGLING]

Oops.

Things don't look so good, Mitch.

Things don't look so good?

[CRASHING] [GROANING]

MITCHELL: Sure, I had won the wishbone competition fair and square,

but how? How do you be the luckiest guy in Eerie?

That's when it hit me.

How much money you got in there, anyway?

Enough.

Hey!

My Captain that came in the rock!

What are we looking for?

Evidence that will prove Todd

has cursed me with the best luck anyone could ask for.

BOTH: A-ha!

Kid, kid, kid.

I know you got some angle figured.

What ever it is, forget about it, all right?

Don't be sticking me with the good luck.

Why not? You did it to me.

I had it all my life.

As long as I can remember, people have resented me.

This is the first time anyone's ever really liked me.

Did you not see the faces on those people in the jury?

They didn't like you,

they felt sorry for you.

There's a big difference.

Maybe if you'd tried sharing your luck,

people would appreciate you more.

Your Honor, if the plaintiff has finished

with his stalling tactics,

may we please proceed with the verdict?

Not so fast.

Your Honor, my client has provided me with fresh evidence.

Which I believe will turn the tide of this case.

The plaintiff calls Todd McLaughlin to the stand.

Don't like the idea of this.

Nuts...

Ah...

Comfy?

Mm-hm.

Mr. McLaughlin, did you, in fact,

enter into a wishbone pull competition

with my client, Mitchell Taylor?

Well, I might have.

Yes, I did, yes, sure.

Well, then,

you should have no difficulty in recognizing this then.

[GASPING]

Your Honor,

I would like to enter into evidence Exhibit A.

Or more accurately,

the part of the poultry of the first part.

Chicken bone? Turkey bone.

I've never seen that before in my life.

Oh, I think you have.

Todd McLaughlin, is that not the very bone used

in the wishbone pull competition

between you and my client, Mitchell Taylor.

Your Honor, he's badgering the witness.

[SNORTING]

I think, that a forensic examination

of the aforementioned osseous tissue

will reveal that one end of that bone,

the end that you were holding, Mr. McLaughlin,

has been sawed almost clean through.

[ALL GASPING]

I think, you will agree, Your Honor,

that this confirms the unlawful transfer

of good fortune

and I firmly believe

that the jury

has no other option

but to support the transfer of the said luck back

to the original owner.

All right, I confess... Ah!

[ALL GASPING]

All right, I just couldn't take it any more.

I didn't want to be the fella that

everybody handed things to in life.

I didn't want to be the fella that everyone resented.

I sure didn't want to be the fella

who got up here and confessed.

Bad luck.

I'm sorry for sticking you with the luck, kid.

You don't want it, I'll take it back.

I want big time.

That's it? That's it.

[CRUNCHING] [LAUGHING]

Oh, that feels better.

Oh, my back's been bothering me all week.

You know, this might turn out to be better anyway.

You know, I haven't won a lottery all week,

I was afraid I might have to go find a job.

[LAUGHING]

Look at this.

A lottery ticket!

What you wanna bet it's a winner?

[LAUGHING]

Maybe I'll even try sharing it this time.

[SIGHING]

You think he'll win the lottery, Mitch?

Let's put it this way.

I wouldn't bet against him.

I'm sorry I got mad at you too.

Ah, don't worry about it.

I'm glad every thing's got back to normal,

and everyone's got their own share of luck back.

You know, you could have bought a couple of lottery tickets

before you gave it back.

Who says that I didn't?

MITCHELL: I guess when you get down to it,

having all good luck can sometimes be worse

than having all bad luck.

One thing I've learned, though,

is it's best not to trust in luck at all.

It's best if you make your own.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

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