Original subtitles

MITCHELL: I do solemnly swear

that everything I am about to tell you is true.

A spill of weirdness from another dimension

turned my hometown into the center of weirdness

for the entire universe.

Don't believe me? Just watch.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[DOG BARKING]

Zombie, zombie!

MITCHELL: On wild nights, when evil things are out there

screaming in the dark,

I like to think my family is safe asleep in bed.

They just don't understand how strange it gets out there.

[MITCHELL SCREAMS]

Mom, Dad!

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

I wonder who that is.

Mom, no! Turn off the lights, it might go away.

Mitchell.

No, Mom.

Don't you hear that? It's not even human.

Mitchell.

Stand away from the door.

But... That's an order.

Hello?

Whoever it was must think we're terribly rude.

Oh, zombie. Mommy!

[SCREAMING] Mommy! Zombie!

[PANTING] Zombie!

Mom, there's a zombie in our...

[SCREAMING] Mom! Mom!

There's a zombie breaking into the house!

Mr. Paranoia seeing things again?

Aah! Zombie.

What is your problem?

Say something, we're a bit concerned.

[SCREAMS]

You know, Mitchell, if something's troubling you,

you can always come to us.

Zombies trouble me, they're everywhere.

Why can't you see them?

Zombie!

MITCHELL: Nightmares are pretty strange at the best of times.

But in Eerie, they can leap right off

the weirder scale.

I've been having some pretty intense dreams.

And lately, they were getting a whole lot worse.

[YAWNING] Morning, honey.

[YAWNING] Morning, Mom.

[ALL YAWNING]

Well, that's better.

I haven't been able to sleep very well lately.

Been having the strangest dreams.

Like what?

I dreamt I was lecturing my Chemistry 1-0-1 class.

Suddenly I realized I was stark naked.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Yeah, everybody was laughing at me.

All 172 of them.

Well,

I dreamt I flicked the wrong switch at the nuclear plant.

I melted down everything within a hundred miles.

Oops.

CARRIE: That is nothing.

I dreamt I was wearing my new dress on a blind date,

and then I opened the door.

And my date was...

Who?

A zombie?

Worse.

It was awful. Look, I don't wanna talk about it.

Hey. Oh!

There's that sand again.

Don't you think it's strange

that we're all dreaming our worst nightmares?

ALL: No.

MITCHELL: As usual, my family could be counted on to miss the obvious.

But something was rotten in the dreams of Eerie.

And it was up to Stanley and me to find out what.

MAN: Then on Tuesday, I applied for a job

color coding brown shoelaces.

At 2 o'clock, Tuesday, two.

That's how I remember it... What?

Ugh, more coffee...

I wore my gray suit with the pleated pants.

Not my other gray suit, it doesn't have pleats.

Of course, I also have a navy blue suit.

But navy blue is too flashy. Don't you think?

When you're applying for the job

of a color coder for brown shoelaces...

[YAWNS] You too?

Man, I'm so tired,

I'm afraid to go to sleep. I mean, last night I dreamt...

No, forget it.

What? Tell me.

I dreamt I was going on a date.

I'm on this lame, old suit and carrying a bouquet of roses.

I smelled like my grandmother's bath salts.

You poor guy.

It gets worse.

The date was with...

I can't tell you.

Yeah, sheesh.

Okay.

♪ W-Y-R-D

What's going on? STANLEY: Wow. [WHISTLES]

Look at the tweeters on those.

What do you think, fellas?

W-Y-R-D is broadcasting live all week from the World O'Stuff.

W-Y-R-D, Wyrd Radio!

Yeah, baby! Good morning, Eerie.

Free publicity, it's worth a fortune.

Who's he?

Oh, that's the night guy.

Yeah, he calls himself the Sandman.

Looks like a weirdo.

BOTH: Yeah.

Something out of a nightmare.

You have nightmares, too?

Night after night, my dreams are filled

with indescribable horrors.

The frog man, the sheep and a...

Don't make me tell you more.

I won't.

I'll tell ya, I can't risk going to sleep at night.

They say nightmares can kill ya.

I-If you die during your dream,

you never wake up again.

That can't be true.

You really wanna find out for sure?

MAN: Mr. Crawford! [GRUNTS]

Tumas.

Oh, no! The most boring man in Eerie.

He's been driving me nuts.

He's been hanging around here everyday since the pats factory laid him off!

I couldn't help overhearing your fascinating conversation.

And I wanted to tell you about my dream.

I was waiting for a bus,

I wait and I waited,

but the bus never came.

That's it? [MITCHELL SHUSHES]

There was a bench, but I didn't sit on it.

MITCHELL: What's this?

Maybe the night man left it behind.

STANLEY: He is the Sandman.

Isn't he?

MITCHELL: Crawford was right.

It was getting dangerous to sleep.

I decided to stay awake that night.

I couldn't stop my family from sleeping,

but at least I could be there to make sure they woke up.

We'll do hourly checks on mom, dad and Carrie.

If they look at all scared, wake 'em up as fast as you can.

I can barely keep my eyes open.

And it's not even midnight. [SIGHS]

No need for that, Stanley.

I'll take the first watch while you get a couple of minutes of rest.

I'm setting the bucket for 1:00 a.m.

At worst, we'll be out for an hour.

I better go to the bathroom.

I had three triple strength hot chocolates

before I came to keep me awake.

Whoa.

The time...

is midnight,

sleeping beauties.

And the Sandman is here,

to waft you into dreamland.

And where the Sandman wafts you, children,

you will go.

Sleep, sleep.

Wonderful,

wonderful sleep.

You'll sleep tonight, children.

You'll sleep tonight, and never wake up.

[STANLEY MOANING] This is the Sandman,

my children.

Coming to you from Dream Central.

Or should I say...

Nightmare Central?

[ALARM BLARING]

I'm so sorry.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

EDWARD: According to Chaos Theory,

the sequence of events

began as a deranged butterfly in Budapest.

Could cause a tidal wave to obliterate Tokyo

just like that.

[MUMBLING] Hey, stay awake.

Go to sleep.

Go to sleep. Sleep.

Mom, Dad!

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Coming. No!

[MITCHELL GRUNTS] [GASPS]

Mitchell.

This is beyond a joke.

Stand aside, young man.

I'll do it.

[MITCHELL SCREAMING]

[ZOMBIES GROWLING]

MITCHELL: It was bad enough saving my family from Eerie,

now I have to save myself from them.

[ALARM CLOCK DINGING]

[MAN ON RADIO] What's wrong with you people?

For thousands of years, you were perfectly happy

to trot off to your beds when the sun went down.

'Course there wasn't much else for you to do,

But then, along came the electric light.

And then, radio.

And then the most evil invention of them all... [SHRIEKS]

Television.

Calm down. First,

it was just late night talk shows.

And then it was the late, What is this?

late talk shows.

And then, infomercials.

And then the psychic hotline.

Are you people nuts?

Don't you sleep anymore?

Well, you'll sleep tonight, my children.

You'll sleep.

And never wake up.

[LAUGHS WICKEDLY]

[KNOCK AT DOOR] Yeah?

Squeeze your eyelids shut, my children,

and bid farewell

to the world.

Come on, come on, wake up.

You are about to become...

Stanley!

You gotta wake up, okay?

...permanent citizens

of Dream Land.

[MITCHELL MUMBLING] Come on, Stanley...

What's goin' on?

The DJ's doing something weird to our dreams.

We gotta get down to the World O'Stuff and stop him.

No, Mitchell.

This looks pretty weird. Yeah.

I'm dreaming or...

The house is falling apart.

Oh, actually, I'm dreaming.

You're just a figment of my imagination along for the ride.

Ha, all right. Uh-oh!

Okay. It's just a dream?

Yeah, of course they aren't real zombies.

They can't really hurt us. Oh, I know that.

Yeah. You know that.

I don't think they know that. No.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[ZOMBIES GROWLING]

Hi, Mr. Tumas.

Zombie, from the word "zaki,"

which means, dead walking.

Although, I'm not so much walking as shuffling.

He's even a boring zombie.

Yeah. SANDMAN: I won't.

I haven't had a good night's sleep for 50 years.

Do you have any idea how that feels?

Fifty years of vicious, little parakeets,

just nibbling on my nerves, playing chopsticks.

[MIMICS NIBBLING]

But, no more.

Tonight everyone goes to sleep

at the same time.

And everyone sleeps forever.

And finally,

a Sandman will catch up

on his Zs and...

no one...

will stop him.

[LAUGHS CUNNINGLY]

I wonder what he did with Crawford.

[SIGHS]

I think I know.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Can I help you?

Oh. [CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY] Well, I...

I think you should know that, uh,

Stanley and me aren't really here, it's just a dream.

Yeah, his dream. I'm just along for the ride,

I know whose dream this is.

Who do you think created it?

Do you mean to tell me that you're... Sandman?

The guy who sprinkles sleep dust

and set us sailing off to The Land of Nod?

There is no Nod.

They parceled it off and sold it

for beach-front condominiums.

Brace yourself, boy.

This dream is about to become

a whole lot nastier.

[SCREAMING]

Why are you doing this?

SANDMAN: Because I'm in a very bad mood.

You would be too, if you hadn't slept

for 50 years.

Maybe I could help.

SANDMAN: [LAUGHING] You?

Help me?

[MOCKINGLY] Ha, that's rich.

What have you got to lose?

This better be good.

Right. [CHUCKLES]

You're getting sleepier and sleepier.

You're eyelids are growing very heavy.

You're falling into a deep, deep trance.

Your mind is spinning around and around, like a watch.

Around, and around, and around, and ar...

You're making me nauseous.

♪ Lullaby, and good night

♪ Close your sleepy eyes tight

♪ And you're Still making me nauseous ♪

MITCHELL: Good night, faucet.

STANLEY: Good night, sink.

Good night, water, that we drink.

Anything? Nada.

Not a snore, not a yawn, not even droopy eyelid.

MITCHELL: I don't get it. That's it!

You had your chance, and you failed.

[BLOWS]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

People of Eerie, say your prayers.

You're about to sleep

the big sleep.

[LAUGHS WICKEDLY]

Maybe in a 100 years,

if I get up in a good mood,

I just might wake you all up again.

Cut it out!

You know what you are? You're just a big baby.

All you do is whine, whine, whine.

Well, I wouldn't say "whine" exactly.

I sure would.

Like it or not, you're a public servant.

Your job is to help people go to sleep at their convenience, not your own.

I can't work around the clock.

Then, delegate.

Hire assistants, get computers, bring in new technologies.

Even Santa's got his elves.

An I've got just the guy for you. Stay right there.

Do you ever run into the tooth fairy?

Oh, once in a while.

She stiffed me on a molar when I was eight.

No. Gave me a nickel,

instead of a silver dollar.

SANDMAN: What? Not saying she did it on purpose.

MITCHELL: Here he is, your new assistant.

TUMAS: Allow me to present my resume.

SANDMAN: Willing to travel?

TUMAS: Mm-hmm.

Likes shift work.

TUMAS: Love it!

Is familiar with the snooze program

for windows. Intimately.

Intimately?

That's very impressive, but,

can you make people sleep?

[CHUCKLES] Big time!

STANLEY: Oh, yeah.

Tell him about the bench.

TUMAS: Well, I've known several fine benches in my day.

The wooden bench in front of the hardware store

is a particular favorite of mine.

Although there are some dangers associated with wooden benches.

My sister sat down beside me once

and got a slither in her right hand,

and on the second finger from the end.

It was the sister with the gammy leg,

not the one who lost her kidney.

[YAWNS]

[SNORES] I, uh...

Hire that man.

TUMAS: Oh, thank you, you won't regret it.

Because somehow, most of the...

[GRUNTS]

Stanley, you awake?

I think so.

Listen. Hear that?

Nothing.

The Sandman's off the air.

All right.

Yes!

MITCHELL: Come on, let's go.

All right.

TUMAS: Sleeping habits are very interesting.

Some people can't sleep on a plane.

But I don't find any trouble at all.

I think Mr. Tumas' gonna enjoy his new job a lot more.

Yeah.

STANLEY: He shrank.

He's not scary at all.

Maybe he never was.

MITCHELL: I guess every dream, good or bad,

has a kernel of truth in it.

I had to face the fact that I couldn't protect my family

from all the weirdness out there.

But, on a good day, I could take on most of it.

Good morning, Eerie.

This is Mitchell Taylor, coming to you live from the World O'Stuff

I'm here with Stan, the man, a true legend in his own mind.

Tell me, how you been sleeping lately?

Well, not great, Mitch, but I expect the situation to improve.

Thanks to a friend, the forecast is sweet dreams all the way.

You heard him, folks, who saved the dream.

So why not stay in bed today and catch up on some sleep?

You hear that? I hereby declare

all business and schools, closed.

Everybody gets the day off!

MITCHELL: Of course, in Eerie,

no matter how careful you are, [GROWLING]

something weird always slips through.

[BOTH SCREAM]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

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