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MITCHELL: I do solemnly swear
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that everything I am about to tell you is true.
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A spill of weirdness from another dimension
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turned my hometown into the center of weirdness
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for the entire universe.
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Don't believe me? Just watch.
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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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MITCHELL: From my perspective,
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things in Eerie, Indiana,
are generally pretty weird.
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But that's not exactly
front page news around here.
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00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:43,441
And even when it is, I'm
the only one who seems to notice.
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00:00:50,201 --> 00:00:51,803
Another problem with Eerie,
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00:00:51,838 --> 00:00:53,139
it's a one newspaper town.
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Paper's here.
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Sports.
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00:00:56,919 --> 00:00:57,969
Front page, please.
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CARRIE: Business and Finance.
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MITCHELL: So, on most mornings,
there's enough to read.
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Comics.
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00:01:05,845 --> 00:01:08,112
MITCHELL: If you don't have
to share it with too many people.
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You're mom invited me for breakfast.
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MITCHELL: Oh, great!
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EDWARD: Wheat Whackers lost again?
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It's a zero and 40.
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More layoffs at the Plant.
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Eerie Stock Exchange is down 22 points.
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There go my shares in pop and glow pimple cream.
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Hey, this is from Eerie Technologies.
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Stanley, it's here.
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What's here?
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Our "Space Age Marvel
of Communications Technology.
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No batteries required."
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What the...
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"For best results, wax string?
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"Wax not included.
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"For long distance calling,
add string from package?
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String may contain unknown fibers."
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This isn't what the ad promised.
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EDWARD: This is interesting.
40
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Eerie girl has world's pointiest head.
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MITCHELL: Passing off two tin cans
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as a marvelous science was more than a swindle.
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It was betrayal of a newspaper's responsibility
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to print the truth.
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I knew somebody had to take
on the power of the press here.
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What I didn't know was the
Eerie Enquirer wasn't just weird.
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It was downright dangerous.
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STANLEY: Try it again, Mitchell.
49
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Testing one, two, three.
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This stinks!
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I heard that.
52
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Try it again.
53
00:02:30,878 --> 00:02:33,414
Dad, I paid $14 plus shipping
for this stupid thing.
54
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When I was a kid,
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a good piece of string and a set of tin cans
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will only set you back about $4.50.
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MITCHELL: Dad, they con innocent children.
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Where's the honesty, where's the justice?
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Where do you guys keep your wax?
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I mean, isn't that considered lying?
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I think the official term is advertising.
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Would ear wax work? Well, you know what?
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I'm gonna sue for false advertising.
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Honey, technically, you are walking and talking.
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Mom, your only son's been victimized.
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00:03:03,536 --> 00:03:05,104
Mitchell, please.
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I am swamped today.
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00:03:06,545 --> 00:03:09,913
As soon as I get to the Nuclear
Plant, I'm taking the phone off th hook.
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00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:13,340
MITCHELL: Yeah, but... I just don't
have time to deal with this right now.
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Why don't you talk to the paper?
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Get them to do an... expose.
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Your mother is right.
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The newspapers have to print the truth,
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the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
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Or is that the postal service?
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You know, I'm gonna go down there,
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and I'm gonna fight for my rights.
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Well, I'll drive you.
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Paper says it's gonna rain.
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No, we'll walk. Come on, Stan.
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[STANLEY SCREAMING]
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[THUNDER RUMBLING]
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It's amazin' how The Enquirer
always knows the weather.
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MRS. TAYLOR: Bye, honey. [KISSES] Buh-bye.
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Excuse me, sir. I'm looking for the editor.
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You're lookin' at him. Emil Conrad.
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00:03:59,256 --> 00:04:00,490
Well, sir, it's about...
88
00:04:00,494 --> 00:04:03,095
Make it snappy, young fellow,
I got a newspaper to get out.
89
00:04:03,100 --> 00:04:04,401
Well, it was just... That I...
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00:04:04,438 --> 00:04:06,306
We, Stanley and me,
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That's the "who." Now give me
the "what," "where," "why" and "how."
92
00:04:09,050 --> 00:04:11,552
We ordered a walkie-talkie
from an ad in your paper.
93
00:04:11,557 --> 00:04:13,025
And we were expecting...
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00:04:13,061 --> 00:04:15,130
STANLEY: Well, this.
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Space Age Marvel of Communications Technology.
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What's your point?
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It's a string with two tin cans attached.
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Hello?
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00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:29,102
Yeah. Roger Wilco, over and out.
100
00:04:29,139 --> 00:04:30,373
I heard that perfectly.
101
00:04:30,409 --> 00:04:32,077
Now, unless you got some news...
102
00:04:32,081 --> 00:04:34,315
How about "Innocent boys
duped by misleading add"?
103
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:35,753
It's a great human interest story.
104
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People got no interest in human interest.
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They want blood, gore, death and destruction.
That's what sells papers.
106
00:04:40,705 --> 00:04:44,174
Now, if you strangled yourself on
the strings, and it was a slow news day,
107
00:04:44,181 --> 00:04:47,421
maybe. But, Eerie Technologies
is ripping off unsuspecting kids.
108
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Did you read the fine print?
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What fine print?
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MR. CONRAD: "Not exactly as illustrated.
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May not work, no refunds."
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One way or another, The Eerie
Enquirer always prints the truth.
113
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,367
Sorry, but you made that
trick down here for biscuits.
114
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:07,074
I need real stories. [CHUCKLES]
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Hey. Now take a hike, I got a paper to run.
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MITCHELL: I don't know what
felt worse, that we'd been tricked,
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Or that we'd come in with a useless walkie-talkie
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and now, we didn't even have that.
119
00:05:18,175 --> 00:05:20,243
You coming? He took our walkie-talkie.
120
00:05:20,247 --> 00:05:21,880
STANLEY: So what? It doesn't work.
121
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MITCHELL: It's still ours.
122
00:05:29,773 --> 00:05:31,675
STANLEY: Wow, what's all this?
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MR. CONRAD: Here. MITCHELL: I
don't know, but there's Mr. Crawford.
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MR. CONRAD: Say cheese...
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00:05:37,761 --> 00:05:39,363
Mr. Crawford? Huh?
126
00:05:39,367 --> 00:05:41,467
What are you doing here?
Well, isn't this great, fellas?
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00:05:41,472 --> 00:05:43,807
I won today's "Get your
picture in the paper" contest.
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00:05:43,812 --> 00:05:45,492
Get that back to the press, pronto.
129
00:05:45,517 --> 00:05:47,252
You bet, chief. Hey, Scoop!
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00:05:47,256 --> 00:05:49,689
I don't hear them presses
rumbling for the late edition.
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00:05:49,694 --> 00:05:52,263
Hold your horses, boss.
I'm just crunching up the lead.
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You kids get outta here,
you're not allowed back here.
133
00:05:54,575 --> 00:05:56,977
Well, come on, fellas, I'll buy you a black cow.
134
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Are we finished?
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00:05:58,085 --> 00:06:00,519
Yeah, you'll find your
picture in the late edition.
136
00:06:00,525 --> 00:06:01,992
Well, what about our walkie-talkie?
137
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,463
Can't, I'm busy.
138
00:06:03,467 --> 00:06:05,467
Now take the air before you find yourselves
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00:06:05,471 --> 00:06:07,271
the center of some tragic news story.
140
00:06:11,589 --> 00:06:13,424
[MACHINE BLARING]
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00:06:14,698 --> 00:06:17,000
What's that? The presses are rolling.
142
00:06:17,037 --> 00:06:18,973
Exciting, isn't that? [CHUCKLES]
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00:06:19,009 --> 00:06:20,477
Well, come on, guys.
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00:06:20,513 --> 00:06:22,749
You go ahead, Mr. Crawford, we'll catch up.
145
00:06:22,786 --> 00:06:24,755
We still got a score to settle.
146
00:06:24,791 --> 00:06:28,395
Oh, say, uh, have them add an
extra bundle of papers to my order.
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00:06:28,435 --> 00:06:29,903
Front page.
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00:06:29,906 --> 00:06:32,974
MR. CONRAD: Fireman rescues kitten.
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TRIXIE: It's good news for the morning edition.
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SCOOP: Yeah, we wanna write
some nice stories for a change.
151
00:06:37,794 --> 00:06:39,596
Forget it, nobody's interested.
152
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All the people like good news.
153
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Yeah!
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The Eerie man clones pig,
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opens two-for-one rib restaurant.
156
00:06:46,117 --> 00:06:47,857
That was good news. [CONRAD GRUNTS]
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I thought you liked ribs. Don't be dissy.
158
00:06:49,795 --> 00:06:51,562
We compete with 24 hour news channels
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and every clown has a website.
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00:06:53,472 --> 00:06:55,906
Think of the news first.
Our news has to grab people.
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00:06:55,911 --> 00:06:58,851
But... I pay you to write bad
news because bad news grabs people.
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So, change the kitten to a tiger,
and make him eat the fireman, but first,
163
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:04,931
I need something bad enough
to run an extra edition.
164
00:07:04,936 --> 00:07:06,537
An extra?
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00:07:06,541 --> 00:07:08,708
Chief, newspapers don't
publish extra editions anymore.
166
00:07:08,713 --> 00:07:09,948
Write.
167
00:07:09,951 --> 00:07:11,751
'Cause TV always scoops 'em, but not today.
168
00:07:11,755 --> 00:07:14,090
We're running an extra at 6:00 p.m.
169
00:07:14,095 --> 00:07:16,863
Too late for all those blue
dyed palookas to be the steward.
170
00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:18,871
So use your mule to think bad.
171
00:07:18,908 --> 00:07:21,077
Real bad! [WICKEDLY] I know.
172
00:07:25,794 --> 00:07:27,562
Okay, uh...
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00:07:27,566 --> 00:07:31,234
"Summer vacation canceled," that'll grab the young reader.
Maybe "All vacations canceled."
174
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:33,645
TRIXIE: Are you nuts?
Whose side are you on? Okay...
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00:07:33,650 --> 00:07:34,949
School bus sinks in the lake.
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00:07:34,952 --> 00:07:36,002
Been done.
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00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:38,157
An avalanche? This time of year?
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00:07:38,195 --> 00:07:40,130
SCOOP: Oh, man, am I hungry?
179
00:07:40,166 --> 00:07:42,535
I could really go for a tuna melt. That's it!
180
00:07:42,541 --> 00:07:44,208
That's a headline? Man bites tuna?
181
00:07:44,212 --> 00:07:46,614
No, Mr. Pulitzer, a melt down.
182
00:07:46,651 --> 00:07:48,887
At the Nuclear Plant? We've never done that.
183
00:07:48,924 --> 00:07:49,974
SCOOP: Yeah.
184
00:07:49,994 --> 00:07:52,096
I like it. Injuries? Gotta be.
185
00:07:52,133 --> 00:07:54,970
Eight? Nah, eight is not a sad number.
186
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,628
Well, something with an "L" in it.
187
00:07:56,646 --> 00:07:58,214
"L's" are sad. Like,
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twelve. [QUIVERS SADLY]
189
00:08:00,690 --> 00:08:02,158
Yeah, that's it, twelve.
190
00:08:02,194 --> 00:08:03,829
I like eight.
191
00:08:03,865 --> 00:08:05,333
Hey, you look impartial.
192
00:08:05,370 --> 00:08:06,671
What's sadder?
193
00:08:06,706 --> 00:08:08,008
[QUIVERING] Twelve, or...
194
00:08:08,044 --> 00:08:09,712
[STERNLY] Eight?
195
00:08:09,749 --> 00:08:12,184
Uh, I don't know, maybe...
196
00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:14,290
eleven.
197
00:08:14,295 --> 00:08:17,097
Not bad, thanks, buster, you got a nose for news.
198
00:08:17,136 --> 00:08:18,837
Have you seen our walkie-talkie?
199
00:08:18,841 --> 00:08:21,008
Look, we've got an extra edition to get out,
200
00:08:21,013 --> 00:08:23,182
so, amscray, okay?
201
00:08:23,219 --> 00:08:24,888
All right, okay.
202
00:08:24,924 --> 00:08:26,993
Come on, Stan. But...
203
00:08:28,066 --> 00:08:29,934
Smart couple eggs. Yeah.
204
00:08:29,971 --> 00:08:31,839
Just like Conrad to steal their toy
205
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,844
and call it an upgrade of the phone system.
206
00:08:33,848 --> 00:08:34,949
What? Hello?
207
00:08:34,985 --> 00:08:36,052
What?
208
00:08:36,088 --> 00:08:37,356
MR. CONRAD: Meteor...
209
00:08:38,194 --> 00:08:40,896
crushes out of nowhere.
210
00:08:40,935 --> 00:08:45,072
Meteor... smashes town.
211
00:08:47,519 --> 00:08:49,221
Doesn't sing.
212
00:08:49,257 --> 00:08:51,059
Mr. Conrad?
213
00:08:51,096 --> 00:08:53,866
Hey, what part of "some tragic news story"
214
00:08:53,904 --> 00:08:55,344
didn't you guys understand?
215
00:08:57,146 --> 00:08:58,280
Out!
216
00:09:01,258 --> 00:09:02,826
Asteroid...
217
00:09:04,032 --> 00:09:06,735
obliterates... orphanage.
218
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,209
[RUMBLING]
219
00:09:13,357 --> 00:09:14,959
Hey, check this out.
220
00:09:14,963 --> 00:09:17,464
Why didn't Mr. Crawford tell us?
221
00:09:17,469 --> 00:09:20,872
Well, it's in the paper.
Must've happened earlier today.
222
00:09:20,911 --> 00:09:22,531
Maybe he thought we already knew.
223
00:09:22,616 --> 00:09:24,184
Yeah.
224
00:09:24,221 --> 00:09:25,522
Let's go check it out.
225
00:09:34,415 --> 00:09:36,017
MR. CRAWFORD: Oh, hi-ya, fellas.
226
00:09:36,053 --> 00:09:37,955
Aren't these humdingers?
227
00:09:37,993 --> 00:09:39,227
Didn't even order them.
228
00:09:39,263 --> 00:09:41,198
Just arrived on my doorstep.
229
00:09:41,234 --> 00:09:43,470
Straight off the plane. From Mexico?
230
00:09:43,507 --> 00:09:45,009
Mexico?
231
00:09:45,045 --> 00:09:47,981
No, these little puppies are from the Yukon.
232
00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:49,421
Home of the pinata.
233
00:09:49,425 --> 00:09:51,358
At least that's what the box says anyway.
234
00:09:51,362 --> 00:09:53,198
What about the riot? What riot?
235
00:09:53,234 --> 00:09:54,936
The riot in the paper.
236
00:10:00,069 --> 00:10:02,655
So, there was no riot here?
237
00:10:02,660 --> 00:10:05,263
No, and a riot's something I'd remember.
238
00:10:05,301 --> 00:10:07,971
You see, the Enquirer
does put stuff that's not true.
239
00:10:07,977 --> 00:10:09,576
It was right there in black and white.
240
00:10:09,579 --> 00:10:11,014
BOTH: And red all over.
241
00:10:11,050 --> 00:10:13,253
I love that joke. Me too.
242
00:10:13,290 --> 00:10:14,558
We got 'em.
243
00:10:14,593 --> 00:10:16,128
[ALL SHRIEK]
244
00:10:17,134 --> 00:10:19,203
[CHILDREN CHEERING AND SCREAMING]
245
00:10:25,156 --> 00:10:27,158
[MEXICAN MUSIC PLAYING]
246
00:10:28,499 --> 00:10:29,967
This is demented.
247
00:10:29,970 --> 00:10:32,671
MITCHELL: No, it's a candy riot.
248
00:10:32,677 --> 00:10:34,178
Just like the Enquirer said.
249
00:10:36,119 --> 00:10:38,555
Lucky guess?
250
00:10:38,593 --> 00:10:41,563
No, they make stuff up,
write it down and it comes true.
251
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:48,252
This must be the late edition
they were talking about.
252
00:10:48,258 --> 00:10:53,191
Emil's reporters were working
on an extra edition at 6 o'clock.
253
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,069
Meltdown at the Nuclear
Plant, my mom's Nuclear Plant.
254
00:10:56,108 --> 00:10:57,609
Excuse me.
255
00:10:58,415 --> 00:11:00,450
Stop, ow!
256
00:11:12,383 --> 00:11:17,791
MITCHELL: If things at the
Eerie Enquirer ran true to form,
257
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:21,304
[PHONE RINGING] their extra edition
would come off the presses at 6 o'clock.
258
00:11:21,311 --> 00:11:23,712
And if it did, that meant
the story they'd written
259
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:26,487
about my mom and her Nuclear
Plant would come true.
260
00:11:31,706 --> 00:11:33,475
Come on, answer the phone.
261
00:11:34,380 --> 00:11:35,949
Please. [RINGING TONE]
262
00:11:35,953 --> 00:11:38,520
[FEMALE VOICE] Hello,
you've reached Mary Ann Taylor.
263
00:11:38,525 --> 00:11:39,626
Eerie Nuclear Plant.
264
00:11:39,661 --> 00:11:42,564
To report a strange things
flow in the air, press one.
265
00:11:42,604 --> 00:11:44,539
For two-headed animals, press two.
266
00:11:45,010 --> 00:11:46,411
Shes not answering.
267
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:49,749
Hey, she took the phone off the
hook, remember? We gotta get down there.
268
00:11:49,756 --> 00:11:51,423
Stanley, without security clearance
269
00:11:51,427 --> 00:11:52,861
my dad can't even get to the gate.
270
00:11:52,865 --> 00:11:54,734
I'm not sure there's time.
271
00:11:54,770 --> 00:11:57,273
Listen, we could try.
And, call Dad and Carrie, too.
272
00:11:57,279 --> 00:11:58,878
STANLEY: Wait, where you going?
273
00:11:58,881 --> 00:12:01,161
The story can't come true if I stop the presses.
274
00:12:04,430 --> 00:12:05,865
[PHONE RINGING]
275
00:12:07,241 --> 00:12:10,340
MITCHELL: Somehow, I had to find out
276
00:12:10,347 --> 00:12:13,483
how they did what they were
doing at the Eerie Enquirer.
277
00:12:13,522 --> 00:12:16,925
Save my mom and if there was
time, cancel our subscription.
278
00:12:18,001 --> 00:12:19,603
[PHONE RINGING]
279
00:12:24,085 --> 00:12:26,520
I think eight's a sadder number.
280
00:12:26,558 --> 00:12:28,493
Eight. Fate.
281
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,732
There's a sense of tragic destiny, you know?
282
00:12:30,737 --> 00:12:31,938
[MITCHELL WHISTLES]
283
00:12:33,811 --> 00:12:35,647
What are you doing here?
284
00:12:35,683 --> 00:12:38,653
Uh, I'm... [STAMMERS]
285
00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:41,662
I just wanted to "get your
picture in the paper" contest.
286
00:12:41,933 --> 00:12:43,001
Hmm.
287
00:12:43,873 --> 00:12:45,041
Great.
288
00:12:45,076 --> 00:12:46,844
We got just the ticket.
289
00:12:46,881 --> 00:12:47,948
[SCREAMING]
290
00:12:49,020 --> 00:12:50,422
SCOOP: Got it!
291
00:12:50,457 --> 00:12:52,392
Sonny, you were great!
292
00:12:52,430 --> 00:12:56,634
What's this all about, anyway?
Oh, big meltdown at the Nuclear Plant.
293
00:12:56,674 --> 00:12:58,576
It's too hot to get pictures, but this...
294
00:12:58,613 --> 00:13:00,615
This is the hole that China left behind.
295
00:13:00,619 --> 00:13:02,019
MITCHELL: You can't do that.
296
00:13:02,023 --> 00:13:03,858
My mom works at that Nuclear Plant.
297
00:13:03,894 --> 00:13:05,996
Gee, buster. That's, uh...
298
00:13:06,034 --> 00:13:07,702
[DOOR SHUTS] Tough.
299
00:13:07,739 --> 00:13:09,539
Look, I know you guys make up the news.
300
00:13:09,543 --> 00:13:11,779
I don't know how you do it, but... Grab him!
301
00:13:11,816 --> 00:13:14,552
You heard me, Scoop, grab him.
302
00:13:14,558 --> 00:13:16,825
Where's the other one?
He was buying stuffed cheese,
303
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,232
but I think he's lying to us.
304
00:13:18,235 --> 00:13:19,834
Better make sure something bad,
305
00:13:19,838 --> 00:13:22,173
but news-worthy happens
to him and his friend as well.
306
00:13:22,178 --> 00:13:24,080
[MITCHELL SHRIEKS] Bring him in here.
307
00:13:25,521 --> 00:13:27,723
Let me go!
308
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:30,580
You can't go through with this.
You can't do this to my mom!
309
00:13:32,641 --> 00:13:34,709
Maybe we ought to rethink this meltdown.
310
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:36,515
Yeah, it could be a small one,
311
00:13:36,519 --> 00:13:37,919
they could catch it just in time.
312
00:13:37,922 --> 00:13:39,289
Sure, plant but close call angle.
313
00:13:39,293 --> 00:13:42,529
Now listen, you two, when I
took this paper over, it was sinking.
314
00:13:42,568 --> 00:13:43,836
Bad news saved it.
315
00:13:43,872 --> 00:13:46,308
So, think up an angle for the kid and his pal,
316
00:13:46,313 --> 00:13:48,713
or you'll be looking for work at good news papers
317
00:13:48,718 --> 00:13:49,918
that aren't there anymore.
318
00:13:49,921 --> 00:13:51,990
Or do I have to put your names in the news?
319
00:13:52,729 --> 00:13:54,030
Uh...
320
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:56,002
A roller coaster derailment?
321
00:13:56,038 --> 00:13:57,807
Nah, too carnival-y.
322
00:13:57,843 --> 00:13:59,578
Uh, skateboarding over a cliff.
323
00:13:59,582 --> 00:14:01,282
Too much like the hole of China, come on.
324
00:14:01,287 --> 00:14:04,623
Why couldn't they just get marooned
on some nice, tropical island?
325
00:14:04,629 --> 00:14:07,131
Yeah. You're a hopeless.
326
00:14:07,169 --> 00:14:08,671
I'll do it myself.
327
00:14:08,675 --> 00:14:11,009
MITCHELL: No! [GRUNTS]
Look, I know you're the guy
328
00:14:11,014 --> 00:14:13,650
who makes up all the bad
news, and you can't do this!
329
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,355
Kid, I got no choice.
330
00:14:15,359 --> 00:14:18,861
These days, the only way to be ahead of
the game is to make up news nobody else has.
331
00:14:18,869 --> 00:14:25,175
So, I type up "Eerie schoolboy
loses piece of legs."
332
00:14:25,219 --> 00:14:27,388
I hit Control, Alt, Reality.
333
00:14:28,294 --> 00:14:29,629
And...
334
00:14:35,748 --> 00:14:37,350
I can't feel my legs! I know.
335
00:14:37,386 --> 00:14:39,822
People love human tragedy pieces.
They eat 'em up.
336
00:14:39,860 --> 00:14:41,795
Chef, you can't, he's just a kid.
337
00:14:41,799 --> 00:14:44,166
Ah, relax. I'm just taking
the bounce out of his pins
338
00:14:44,171 --> 00:14:45,851
till we get the extra edition done.
339
00:14:48,350 --> 00:14:49,918
That'll take care of them both.
340
00:14:49,954 --> 00:14:52,390
SCOOP: "Eerie boys to visit Mir Space Station."
341
00:14:52,428 --> 00:14:54,063
Hey, this is great!
342
00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:56,234
We'll bury it on page six,
so their folks won't notice it,
343
00:14:56,239 --> 00:14:57,873
then we launch 'em in the early edition.
344
00:14:57,876 --> 00:15:01,812
By the time they get back, we'll be outta
this one horse town and into syndication.
345
00:15:01,820 --> 00:15:05,057
Scoop, Trixie, give me
a hand with the press room.
346
00:15:05,064 --> 00:15:07,397
Guys, look, you gotta
help me change that headline.
347
00:15:07,402 --> 00:15:09,538
Please! No, we can't.
348
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:13,045
I'm sorry, it breaks my heart
this is happening to ya. Really?
349
00:15:13,052 --> 00:15:15,252
How many other people have you guys done this to?
350
00:15:15,257 --> 00:15:17,293
Hey, we're right guys.
351
00:15:17,330 --> 00:15:19,265
You're reading us all wrong. Am I?
352
00:15:19,269 --> 00:15:22,270
To you it's just a story, but
you're making it happen to real people.
353
00:15:22,277 --> 00:15:23,345
People like me.
354
00:15:23,379 --> 00:15:24,481
Hey! Ah...
355
00:15:26,853 --> 00:15:30,326
MITCHELL: No matter how hard I try,
356
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:32,367
I couldn't reach that weird machine of theirs.
357
00:15:32,371 --> 00:15:34,340
I felt completely helpless.
358
00:15:34,377 --> 00:15:37,017
And if the clock was right,
I had less than ten minutes
359
00:15:37,051 --> 00:15:39,921
to prevent a disaster and save my mom.
360
00:15:39,959 --> 00:15:41,561
[PHONE RINGING]
361
00:15:45,407 --> 00:15:46,487
STANLEY: Mrs. Taylor!
362
00:15:49,986 --> 00:15:51,036
Mitchell?
363
00:15:51,039 --> 00:15:52,456
Stanley, what are you doing here?
364
00:15:52,460 --> 00:15:54,295
Couldn't get a hold of anyone, come on.
365
00:15:54,299 --> 00:15:55,934
We gotta go. No, can't move my legs.
366
00:15:55,970 --> 00:16:00,074
Look, go over to that machine and type
in "Mitchell Taylor regains use of legs."
367
00:16:00,114 --> 00:16:01,516
What? You heard me.
368
00:16:01,552 --> 00:16:03,988
That's the machine that
makes up the news, now go.
369
00:16:09,039 --> 00:16:10,474
Can't you type any faster?
370
00:16:10,510 --> 00:16:12,012
I'm not your secretary.
371
00:16:14,521 --> 00:16:15,623
Okay.
372
00:16:15,658 --> 00:16:18,494
Okay, now hit Control, Alt, Reality.
373
00:16:30,299 --> 00:16:32,334
Whoops, I typed in
374
00:16:32,370 --> 00:16:35,206
"Mitchell Taylor regains use of eggs."
375
00:16:36,516 --> 00:16:37,650
Well, fix it.
376
00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:43,750
There.
377
00:16:49,585 --> 00:16:52,355
Good. Gotta fix that nuclear meltdown story.
378
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,819
STANLEY: "Eerie mom averts Nuclear Disaster"?
379
00:17:04,894 --> 00:17:06,562
You think it'll work?
380
00:17:06,599 --> 00:17:07,649
Let's hope so.
381
00:17:13,618 --> 00:17:15,186
[PHONE RINGING]
382
00:17:20,437 --> 00:17:22,439
Hello? Dad, hi.
383
00:17:22,444 --> 00:17:25,445
Um, we were just wondering have you
heard anything like an explosion recently?
384
00:17:25,451 --> 00:17:27,419
An explosion?
385
00:17:27,424 --> 00:17:30,592
Yeah, we heard something might've
happened at mom's Nuclear Plant.
386
00:17:30,598 --> 00:17:32,200
Oh, wow.
387
00:17:32,236 --> 00:17:36,240
I'm sure we would've heard
something by now, Mitchell.
388
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,584
In fact, if it had, we'd probably
all be halfway to Jupiter by now.
389
00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:41,525
ANNOUNCER: And, topping the news,
390
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,397
the Eerie Enquirer is reporting that a local mom
391
00:17:44,437 --> 00:17:46,506
has averted a nuclear meltdown.
392
00:17:46,542 --> 00:17:48,410
Hey, that's good news.
393
00:17:48,448 --> 00:17:49,782
Where'd that come from?
394
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:50,952
Way to go, honey.
395
00:17:52,324 --> 00:17:53,392
We did it!
396
00:17:53,629 --> 00:17:55,230
Yes!
397
00:17:55,267 --> 00:17:56,334
Yeah, but now what?
398
00:17:56,337 --> 00:17:58,638
Who's to stop them from
coming back and changing it?
399
00:17:58,643 --> 00:18:00,378
You're right.
400
00:18:00,414 --> 00:18:03,617
We still have to change the
story about the Mir Space Station.
401
00:18:03,657 --> 00:18:05,625
Why not leave it to a pro, kid?
402
00:18:05,629 --> 00:18:09,932
You want a story that solves all our problems.
403
00:18:09,941 --> 00:18:13,076
TRIXIE: Yeah, it's about time somebody
wrote some good news around here.
404
00:18:13,082 --> 00:18:15,017
Not while I'm editor, you don't.
405
00:18:15,656 --> 00:18:16,706
Stan!
406
00:18:20,369 --> 00:18:22,304
MR. CONRAD: Trixie, wait.
407
00:18:22,342 --> 00:18:24,082
Boss, have I got a headline for you?
408
00:18:24,113 --> 00:18:25,448
No, don't.
409
00:18:26,486 --> 00:18:28,088
Hit it, Trixie. No, don't!
410
00:18:28,124 --> 00:18:29,859
Stop the presses.
411
00:18:40,157 --> 00:18:43,027
What happened? Where's Mr. Conrad?
412
00:18:43,065 --> 00:18:44,900
You scooped him, buster.
413
00:18:44,936 --> 00:18:46,471
He's yesterday's news.
414
00:18:54,888 --> 00:18:59,702
MITCHELL: Things got back
to normal pretty quickly.
415
00:18:59,711 --> 00:19:01,179
The news still wasn't great,
416
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:03,483
but once in a while, a
few good stories broke through.
417
00:19:03,488 --> 00:19:05,090
"Mary Ann Taylor.
418
00:19:05,126 --> 00:19:08,629
Best Performance by a Nuclear
Plant employee in a supporting role."
419
00:19:08,970 --> 00:19:10,605
Wow!
420
00:19:10,609 --> 00:19:12,109
This is really somethin', honey.
421
00:19:12,112 --> 00:19:15,448
[SIGHS] I still don't feel
like I really even did anything.
422
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:18,124
You know, I didn't even
know that button was there...
423
00:19:18,162 --> 00:19:19,764
till I sat on it.
424
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,301
Aw, you're being too humble.
425
00:19:21,338 --> 00:19:25,075
Atomic America doesn't give their
revered two headed calf to just anybody.
426
00:19:26,953 --> 00:19:28,221
CARRIE: The paper's here.
427
00:19:29,928 --> 00:19:31,830
Looks like your 15 minutes are up, Mom.
428
00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:33,966
Your picture's not on the front page today.
429
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:36,176
Oh, well...
430
00:19:37,215 --> 00:19:39,117
Must be more good news.
431
00:19:39,153 --> 00:19:42,513
EDWARD: Yeah, can't believe how
much of it's been happening lately.
432
00:19:44,969 --> 00:19:46,704
Taxes is going down.
433
00:19:46,741 --> 00:19:47,976
I don't believe it.
434
00:19:48,011 --> 00:19:49,913
"Dating causes pimples"?
435
00:19:49,917 --> 00:19:52,618
This is gonna put my pop
and glow stock through the roof.
436
00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:55,060
And two reporters from Eerie win the lottery,
437
00:19:55,097 --> 00:19:57,166
and they're buying up the newspaper.
438
00:19:57,203 --> 00:19:58,538
Let's see that.
439
00:20:01,281 --> 00:20:02,983
[LAUGHS] Thanks, Dad.
440
00:20:12,476 --> 00:20:17,383
MITCHELL: Sometimes I
think we're overrun with news.
441
00:20:17,393 --> 00:20:18,994
Live, up to the minute,
442
00:20:19,031 --> 00:20:21,166
late breaking, it's become an obsession.
443
00:20:21,202 --> 00:20:24,706
[MITCHELL READING]
444
00:20:25,203 --> 00:20:29,083
He's got an Eerie Technologies' walkie.
445
00:20:29,091 --> 00:20:30,531
STANLEY: Pretty long string.
446
00:20:34,142 --> 00:20:39,343
MITCHELL: If you ask me,
Emil Conrad had the wrong idea.
447
00:20:39,353 --> 00:20:41,120
If he really wanted to sell newspaper,
448
00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:43,027
he didn't have to make up the news.
449
00:20:43,063 --> 00:20:46,123
He could've just reported
the weirdness that's already here.
450
00:20:49,970 --> 00:20:54,141
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
451
00:20:54,191 --> 00:20:58,741
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