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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,425 --> 00:00:05,425 Gar-bage day! 2 00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:08,227 Stan, you gotta come check out this new truck! 3 00:00:08,229 --> 00:00:10,830 Nope. These things are top of the line. 4 00:00:10,966 --> 00:00:13,933 Absolutely brutalize the bins. 5 00:00:24,445 --> 00:00:25,845 Yeah! Get some! 6 00:00:25,847 --> 00:00:30,716 What's this? Small group of people outside. 7 00:00:30,852 --> 00:00:32,852 So, the neighbors have finally noticed 8 00:00:32,988 --> 00:00:34,720 Our new solid-gold lawn orb. 9 00:00:34,856 --> 00:00:36,189 About time. 10 00:00:36,324 --> 00:00:38,191 No, they're over at greg's house. 11 00:00:38,326 --> 00:00:39,392 What? 12 00:00:39,527 --> 00:00:42,862 Stan...Could you... Scoot over? 13 00:00:42,998 --> 00:00:44,330 Oh, I'll scoot over. 14 00:00:44,465 --> 00:00:46,199 I'll scoot all the way over to greg's house 15 00:00:46,334 --> 00:00:48,801 To see what the great big deal is. 16 00:00:48,936 --> 00:00:50,203 Move it, geek! Comin' through! 17 00:00:50,338 --> 00:00:52,472 "this house has been designated a..." 18 00:00:52,607 --> 00:00:54,540 Together with al: "...Historic place of note... 19 00:00:54,542 --> 00:00:57,543 By the langley falls historical society." 20 00:00:57,679 --> 00:01:01,347 It turns out james k. Polk once spent the night here, 21 00:01:01,349 --> 00:01:05,150 And a few of us are extremely mildly impressed. 22 00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:07,020 Stan, may I tie your robe for you? 23 00:01:07,155 --> 00:01:08,154 Grr. 24 00:01:08,289 --> 00:01:10,690 A notable house for a notable man. 25 00:01:10,825 --> 00:01:14,227 I mean, greg is a prominent member of the community, 26 00:01:14,362 --> 00:01:18,631 Not some anonymous, regular-degular nobody 27 00:01:18,766 --> 00:01:20,165 Like you or me. [ laughs ] 28 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,167 Anywho, better get back. 29 00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,169 I left ma all alone at the house. 30 00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:28,307 Al-e-e-e-e-e-e-e! He-e-e-e-lp! 31 00:01:28,309 --> 00:01:31,577 Damn, I thought I locked her in. 32 00:01:31,713 --> 00:01:34,113 ♪♪ 33 00:02:58,399 --> 00:03:02,735 The 1987 edition of the encyclopedia brittanica? 34 00:03:02,870 --> 00:03:04,337 Not to worry though. 35 00:03:04,472 --> 00:03:06,271 Because with a positive attitude and a little patience, 36 00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:08,407 I can sell anything. 37 00:03:08,409 --> 00:03:11,477 Francine, do you want to buy 132 encyclopedias? 38 00:03:11,612 --> 00:03:12,545 No. Damn. 39 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:13,612 How about you, stan? 40 00:03:13,614 --> 00:03:15,748 Stan? Stan!! 41 00:03:15,883 --> 00:03:18,518 I agree! We do need a plaque of our own! 42 00:03:20,555 --> 00:03:22,822 Oh, there is one golden dildo in here. 43 00:03:22,957 --> 00:03:26,559 Franny? Hayley? Ste-e-eve? 44 00:03:26,694 --> 00:03:29,895 [ jovial music plays ] 45 00:03:30,031 --> 00:03:31,864 [ ominous music plays ] 46 00:03:34,435 --> 00:03:38,504 Francine, would you describe us as a notable langley family? 47 00:03:38,506 --> 00:03:39,304 Family? 48 00:03:39,574 --> 00:03:42,441 I've always considered us more like a group of roommates 49 00:03:42,443 --> 00:03:44,310 That are related to each other. 50 00:03:44,312 --> 00:03:46,379 And no, we're not all that notable either. 51 00:03:46,381 --> 00:03:47,380 [ doorbell rings ] 52 00:03:47,382 --> 00:03:49,649 That's about to change. 53 00:03:50,518 --> 00:03:53,519 Glen hanover, langley falls historical society. 54 00:03:53,521 --> 00:03:56,789 Glen-dog! Come on in, brah. What can I snag ya? 55 00:03:56,791 --> 00:03:59,992 White claw? Absinthe? Some [sniffing] party favors? 56 00:03:59,994 --> 00:04:01,994 What's your pleasure? I'm actually -- 57 00:04:02,129 --> 00:04:04,129 Hungry? I can do ya a smashburger. 58 00:04:04,131 --> 00:04:06,732 You said on the phone that several founding fathers 59 00:04:06,734 --> 00:04:08,401 Are known to have stayed in this house? 60 00:04:08,403 --> 00:04:09,802 If you say so. 61 00:04:10,405 --> 00:04:12,938 Which founding fathers, exactly? 62 00:04:12,940 --> 00:04:14,006 Oh, all the big ones -- 63 00:04:14,008 --> 00:04:15,808 George washington, johnny appleseed, 64 00:04:15,877 --> 00:04:19,412 And a whole lot... Of benjamin franklins. 65 00:04:22,016 --> 00:04:23,082 [ smooching ] 66 00:04:23,218 --> 00:04:25,017 I can't take this briefcase. 67 00:04:25,152 --> 00:04:26,085 Alright, let's cut the crap. 68 00:04:26,087 --> 00:04:27,753 What'll it take for us to get our plaque? 69 00:04:27,955 --> 00:04:31,023 Mr. Smith, I'm afraid only merit will suffice. 70 00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:32,892 You can have one night with my wife. 71 00:04:32,894 --> 00:04:33,292 What?! 72 00:04:34,095 --> 00:04:36,896 Thank you for your interest in the historical society. 73 00:04:37,164 --> 00:04:38,898 Please accept this "historic langley" 74 00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:41,166 Coffee-table book as a parting gift. 75 00:04:41,436 --> 00:04:43,236 Two nights! Two nights with my wife! 76 00:04:43,571 --> 00:04:46,306 And...A "historic langley" coffee-table book? 77 00:04:51,586 --> 00:04:55,855 Three days and not sell one 'pedia. 78 00:04:55,857 --> 00:04:58,658 Rogu, there's no shortcuts to making an honest sale. 79 00:04:58,660 --> 00:05:01,260 All I have to do is remember my three p's -- 80 00:05:01,396 --> 00:05:04,998 With positivity and patience, anything is possible. 81 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,934 ♪♪ 82 00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:09,736 Aaahh! 83 00:05:09,871 --> 00:05:12,271 [ taser crackling ] 84 00:05:12,273 --> 00:05:14,273 Welp, I haven't gotten inside a single door 85 00:05:14,275 --> 00:05:15,875 And I've been shot six times, 86 00:05:15,877 --> 00:05:18,011 But that first sale is just around the corner. 87 00:05:18,213 --> 00:05:20,347 [ taser crackling ] 88 00:05:20,882 --> 00:05:22,983 Where'd you get that?! Don't play with that thing! 89 00:05:26,021 --> 00:05:28,955 Family portrait's just a bit askew. 90 00:05:28,957 --> 00:05:30,924 [ chain-saw motor revving ] aah! 91 00:05:32,494 --> 00:05:34,961 Hmm, just comes right through to the living room. 92 00:05:35,230 --> 00:05:37,664 Stan! What the hell are you doing?! 93 00:05:41,770 --> 00:05:44,971 Look! Right here in the book my buddy glen-dog gave me. 94 00:05:45,106 --> 00:05:48,174 Hayley: "the silken saltbox parlor & comfort house"? 95 00:05:48,176 --> 00:05:50,710 Super-famous brothel back in the 1870s! 96 00:05:50,779 --> 00:05:51,644 Look familiar? 97 00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:53,512 No. Not really. 98 00:05:53,514 --> 00:05:56,383 Yeah, I've never met this house before, mr. S. 99 00:05:56,385 --> 00:05:58,251 Sure you have. That's our house! 100 00:05:58,253 --> 00:06:01,588 Turns out our house has been a historic landmark all along! 101 00:06:01,923 --> 00:06:03,723 All we need now is some evidence. 102 00:06:03,925 --> 00:06:05,858 [ chain-saw motor revs ] 103 00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:07,126 Stan, stop! 104 00:06:07,662 --> 00:06:09,328 Why are you so obsessed with this idea 105 00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:10,663 Of being "notable," dad? 106 00:06:10,665 --> 00:06:14,133 Is there some formative trauma in your past 107 00:06:14,135 --> 00:06:15,068 We don't know about? 108 00:06:15,270 --> 00:06:17,704 No. Actually wait, let me think... 109 00:06:20,008 --> 00:06:22,809 These society types may not have ever 110 00:06:22,878 --> 00:06:24,677 Paid us much notice before. 111 00:06:24,679 --> 00:06:27,546 But, by god, they'll notice you now. 112 00:06:27,548 --> 00:06:29,416 Now, go be somebody, stan. 113 00:06:29,684 --> 00:06:31,150 Be somebody! 114 00:06:31,152 --> 00:06:31,585 Yes'm. 115 00:06:33,889 --> 00:06:36,089 Out of the way, nobody! 116 00:06:36,291 --> 00:06:38,691 Whup, didn't notice you there, kid! 117 00:06:38,693 --> 00:06:39,892 [ yells ] 118 00:06:39,894 --> 00:06:41,961 [ water splashes ] 119 00:06:41,963 --> 00:06:44,230 Hmm? Someone. 120 00:06:44,365 --> 00:06:46,299 Please. Help. 121 00:06:46,301 --> 00:06:47,366 Woman: Did you hear somebody? 122 00:06:47,368 --> 00:06:48,768 Man: Oh, I'm sure it was nobody. 123 00:06:48,770 --> 00:06:50,637 Or at least a nobody. 124 00:06:50,906 --> 00:06:53,106 [ alligator growls ] 125 00:06:55,710 --> 00:06:59,512 [ screaming ] 126 00:06:59,580 --> 00:07:01,314 So I guess that might have something to do with it. 127 00:07:01,450 --> 00:07:02,982 My poor little daddy. 128 00:07:03,184 --> 00:07:07,520 Maybe there's a tiny resemblance to this old whorehouse? 129 00:07:07,722 --> 00:07:09,388 Let's tear this place apart! 130 00:07:09,390 --> 00:07:13,994 ♪♪ 131 00:07:14,529 --> 00:07:15,529 [ grunts ] 132 00:07:16,932 --> 00:07:18,931 Well, that was a mistake. 133 00:07:18,933 --> 00:07:21,200 [ floor creaking ] 134 00:07:21,202 --> 00:07:22,369 Aah! 135 00:07:23,938 --> 00:07:27,340 S-s-sixty-nining skeletons?! 136 00:07:27,476 --> 00:07:30,009 [ bones rattling ] 137 00:07:30,011 --> 00:07:32,345 S-s-skeleton sex swing?! 138 00:07:32,347 --> 00:07:33,446 Oh! 139 00:07:35,083 --> 00:07:37,684 Aah! 140 00:07:37,686 --> 00:07:39,519 Did you find anything? 141 00:07:43,858 --> 00:07:45,591 Well, what do you think? 142 00:07:45,593 --> 00:07:47,860 Mr. Smith, this is quite possibly 143 00:07:47,862 --> 00:07:49,996 The most notable historic place 144 00:07:50,064 --> 00:07:51,531 I've ever encountered. 145 00:07:51,533 --> 00:07:54,000 As you can tell, I'm getting quite worked up here. 146 00:07:54,068 --> 00:07:55,401 So is it plaque-worthy? 147 00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:58,138 Plaque-worthy? It's museum-worthy. 148 00:07:58,472 --> 00:07:59,939 Museum-worthy? 149 00:07:59,941 --> 00:08:01,307 Now, that's noteworthy. 150 00:08:01,609 --> 00:08:03,009 Noteworthy... 151 00:08:03,011 --> 00:08:06,379 And pin-worthy. 152 00:08:06,881 --> 00:08:07,947 [ gasps ] 153 00:08:07,949 --> 00:08:10,583 It's like a plaque for my body. 154 00:08:13,021 --> 00:08:16,489 Say you have a report due on gray wolves for biology class. 155 00:08:16,624 --> 00:08:19,225 What can you use? Shmargle-bargle-dot-com? 156 00:08:19,361 --> 00:08:21,361 You'd need an encyclopedia just to figure out 157 00:08:21,496 --> 00:08:23,295 How to use this darn thing. Ah! 158 00:08:23,431 --> 00:08:27,299 Now, for a truly user-friendly experience. 159 00:08:27,301 --> 00:08:28,434 Gray wolves. 160 00:08:28,436 --> 00:08:30,703 You simply flip through the "g" volume to -- 161 00:08:30,972 --> 00:08:32,705 Hmm, not finding it here. 162 00:08:32,707 --> 00:08:35,107 Must be under "w." 163 00:08:35,177 --> 00:08:36,176 Nope, not seeing it here either. 164 00:08:36,578 --> 00:08:38,844 Maybe under "d" for dog? 165 00:08:38,846 --> 00:08:40,713 You know what? Probably just need to crack 166 00:08:40,715 --> 00:08:42,582 The 2-volume quick-reference guide first. 167 00:08:42,717 --> 00:08:44,584 Wow, this is really confusing. 168 00:08:44,719 --> 00:08:46,518 Could you google "how to use brittanica 169 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,855 Reference guide" for me? You know what? Never mind. 170 00:08:48,990 --> 00:08:50,990 I think you get the point and see the value 171 00:08:51,125 --> 00:08:54,193 Of truly having knowledge at your fingertips. 172 00:08:54,195 --> 00:08:55,461 Ow! Paper cut! 173 00:08:55,463 --> 00:08:57,197 Anyway, how many sets can I put you down for? 174 00:08:57,599 --> 00:09:00,066 Oh, I don't know. 175 00:09:00,201 --> 00:09:03,335 They do seem nice, but... 176 00:09:03,337 --> 00:09:05,938 Would you care to stay for some tea? 177 00:09:06,074 --> 00:09:08,875 I'm going to need a little time to think about it. 178 00:09:09,010 --> 00:09:10,743 Ma'am, you take all the time you need. 179 00:09:10,878 --> 00:09:12,478 How about now? Will you buy it now? 180 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:15,214 I'll need a little more time. 181 00:09:15,349 --> 00:09:17,817 [ sighs ] 182 00:09:17,952 --> 00:09:19,519 No problem. 183 00:09:21,956 --> 00:09:23,689 The brothel was founded 184 00:09:23,825 --> 00:09:27,026 By land baron cyrus talmadge in 1868. 185 00:09:27,161 --> 00:09:30,897 But it was found by me, stan smith, last week. 186 00:09:31,032 --> 00:09:33,032 Hi, I'm stan smith, I live in a museum. 187 00:09:33,167 --> 00:09:34,834 Stan! 188 00:09:34,969 --> 00:09:36,368 There's cars all over the damn lawn 189 00:09:36,504 --> 00:09:38,504 And mud all over the damn house! 190 00:09:38,506 --> 00:09:40,906 All: Oooooh! 191 00:09:40,908 --> 00:09:42,308 Sorry, dear. 192 00:09:42,444 --> 00:09:44,043 Just the price we pay to bring history to life. 193 00:09:44,178 --> 00:09:45,445 Clean up that mud 194 00:09:45,579 --> 00:09:47,447 Or I'll bring "fistory" to life! 195 00:09:47,449 --> 00:09:48,548 Hey-o! 196 00:09:50,051 --> 00:09:51,451 Is this it? 197 00:09:51,453 --> 00:09:53,585 It's kind of just a dusty, old room, isn't it? 198 00:09:53,855 --> 00:09:56,388 Yeah, this place is... 199 00:09:56,390 --> 00:09:58,658 Kind of boring. 200 00:09:58,860 --> 00:09:59,992 [ sighs ] 201 00:09:59,994 --> 00:10:01,127 [ all grumbling ] 202 00:10:01,262 --> 00:10:02,428 [ whimpers ] 203 00:10:03,397 --> 00:10:05,931 Babe! Did you seriously 204 00:10:05,933 --> 00:10:08,134 Cut off my venmo teen credit card?! 205 00:10:08,269 --> 00:10:10,069 If you want money, babe, 206 00:10:10,071 --> 00:10:12,138 Maybe you should try working. 207 00:10:12,273 --> 00:10:13,339 Oh, I don't work?! 208 00:10:13,475 --> 00:10:15,407 Day in, day out, 209 00:10:15,409 --> 00:10:18,944 I'm up to my goddamn elbows in squishy little wormies. 210 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,347 Well, those aren't the only wormies around here 211 00:10:21,415 --> 00:10:22,949 That have been all squishy lately! 212 00:10:23,151 --> 00:10:24,617 Oh, snap! 213 00:10:24,886 --> 00:10:27,620 Dude, you gotta check out this fight. It's nuts. 214 00:10:27,755 --> 00:10:29,155 Well, I just saw the blonde chick 215 00:10:29,157 --> 00:10:31,023 Shotgun an entire box of wine. 216 00:10:31,425 --> 00:10:33,425 This family is pretty interesting. 217 00:10:33,427 --> 00:10:34,626 Entertaining. 218 00:10:34,628 --> 00:10:36,162 "interestaining." 219 00:10:36,297 --> 00:10:37,864 Yes, we are. Follow me! 220 00:10:39,033 --> 00:10:42,434 Why don't we get you a little more comfortable, 221 00:10:42,436 --> 00:10:45,037 Mon cheri? 222 00:10:45,173 --> 00:10:48,174 Just gotta...Get this clasp. 223 00:10:48,309 --> 00:10:50,376 Grr!! Damn it!! 224 00:10:50,378 --> 00:10:51,978 This thing is impossible! 225 00:10:52,113 --> 00:10:54,714 What am I, harry [bleep] houdini over here?! 226 00:10:55,249 --> 00:10:58,618 [ laughter ] 227 00:11:01,255 --> 00:11:03,189 Can I get you anything before you go to sleep? 228 00:11:03,457 --> 00:11:04,524 A glass of warm milk 229 00:11:04,526 --> 00:11:06,092 Or...A goddamn encyclopedia? 230 00:11:06,794 --> 00:11:08,194 What's that now? 231 00:11:08,196 --> 00:11:10,262 I said would you like to buy an encyclopedia? 232 00:11:10,398 --> 00:11:12,732 Oh, I'll need a little more time 233 00:11:12,734 --> 00:11:14,467 To think about that. 234 00:11:17,071 --> 00:11:21,006 [ clock ticking ] 235 00:11:21,809 --> 00:11:26,012 Welcome to momaf, the museum of the modern american family. 236 00:11:26,147 --> 00:11:29,415 [ indistinct conversations, camera shutter clicking ] 237 00:11:32,754 --> 00:11:35,221 Jeff, I -- hey, watch it, lady! 238 00:11:35,356 --> 00:11:37,089 I could swear I had a 20 in here. 239 00:11:37,225 --> 00:11:40,226 Oh, what, now you think I stole from you 240 00:11:40,361 --> 00:11:42,161 To buy worms? Look! 241 00:11:42,296 --> 00:11:45,297 Check his hat! What the hell, bro?! 242 00:11:45,299 --> 00:11:46,498 [ all cheering ] 243 00:11:46,634 --> 00:11:48,568 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 244 00:11:48,702 --> 00:11:51,637 And here we see just a fraction of the varied, 245 00:11:51,639 --> 00:11:53,706 And at times surprising, 246 00:11:53,841 --> 00:11:56,642 Self-pleasure material found under steve's mattress. 247 00:11:56,778 --> 00:11:58,844 "martha stewart living"? 248 00:11:58,980 --> 00:12:01,380 He's gonna crank it right now! 249 00:12:01,515 --> 00:12:03,182 Based on her scat, 250 00:12:03,317 --> 00:12:05,451 Our scientists believe the extreme lack of roughage 251 00:12:05,587 --> 00:12:06,919 In francine's diet 252 00:12:07,054 --> 00:12:10,122 Is the cause of her frequent constipation. 253 00:12:10,124 --> 00:12:11,257 Together: Ohh! 254 00:12:11,392 --> 00:12:12,458 [ sighs in frustration ] 255 00:12:12,460 --> 00:12:14,027 [ camera shutter clicking ] 256 00:12:15,663 --> 00:12:17,930 [ speaks foreign language ] 257 00:12:18,065 --> 00:12:18,998 Stan! 258 00:12:19,133 --> 00:12:20,332 Oooh! 259 00:12:20,334 --> 00:12:22,534 That's right. It's me, stan! 260 00:12:22,536 --> 00:12:23,803 How ya doin'? Stan smith. 261 00:12:23,938 --> 00:12:25,471 Nice to see you. 262 00:12:25,607 --> 00:12:26,872 Is something wrong? 263 00:12:26,874 --> 00:12:29,541 No, stan. Everything's wrong! 264 00:12:29,543 --> 00:12:32,344 Why is the historical society 265 00:12:32,346 --> 00:12:33,813 Even taking part in this? 266 00:12:33,948 --> 00:12:36,548 The historical society made some bad crypto bets, 267 00:12:36,684 --> 00:12:40,152 So we really need the revenue from the ticket and cafe sales. 268 00:12:40,154 --> 00:12:41,753 What cafe? 269 00:12:41,755 --> 00:12:44,424 Okay, so we got two arizona ice teas 270 00:12:44,558 --> 00:12:46,292 And a wet egg salad sandwich 271 00:12:46,427 --> 00:12:49,295 That's been smushed down to the thickness of a quesadilla. 272 00:12:49,297 --> 00:12:51,230 That'll be...$54. 273 00:12:51,365 --> 00:12:53,299 Want to make it a lunch combo? 274 00:12:53,434 --> 00:12:55,234 For just 18 bucks more, I can throw in some pop chips 275 00:12:55,369 --> 00:12:56,436 And a shitty apple. 276 00:12:56,570 --> 00:13:02,041 ♪♪ 277 00:13:02,176 --> 00:13:07,447 ♪♪ 278 00:13:07,581 --> 00:13:11,116 I wonder what kind of tree that is. 279 00:13:11,118 --> 00:13:12,784 You know a good way to find out? 280 00:13:12,786 --> 00:13:15,054 Those encyclopedias I'm selling. 281 00:13:15,189 --> 00:13:17,056 You sell encyclopedias? 282 00:13:17,191 --> 00:13:20,192 I do. Would you like to buy one? 283 00:13:20,194 --> 00:13:23,896 Oh...I'll need some time to think about it. 284 00:13:28,602 --> 00:13:30,770 [ whistling ] 285 00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:34,340 Ugh, jeff, was that you? 286 00:13:34,475 --> 00:13:36,075 Wait, why are you all in here? 287 00:13:36,210 --> 00:13:38,544 Because everywhere we go, every hour of the day, 288 00:13:38,546 --> 00:13:39,811 People are watching us! 289 00:13:39,813 --> 00:13:41,881 That's right. 290 00:13:42,016 --> 00:13:44,150 If it truly is an attention economy, we're gazillionaires! 291 00:13:44,285 --> 00:13:45,885 Then again if it's a normal economy, 292 00:13:46,020 --> 00:13:47,820 We're bankrupt, because I signed the house over 293 00:13:47,955 --> 00:13:49,822 To the historical society back when this all started. 294 00:13:49,957 --> 00:13:51,491 What?! What's the problem?! 295 00:13:51,625 --> 00:13:53,625 We're being noticed, being seen! 296 00:13:53,761 --> 00:13:56,762 We want to not be seen for a while, 297 00:13:56,764 --> 00:13:59,365 You self-obsessed jackass! 298 00:13:59,367 --> 00:14:01,833 I had no idea you were so angry about this. 299 00:14:01,835 --> 00:14:04,070 Let's get out of here. 300 00:14:05,373 --> 00:14:07,573 Okay, a-a-a-and...Go. 301 00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:09,241 What? All that raw anger 302 00:14:09,243 --> 00:14:10,976 Was way too good to keep backstage. 303 00:14:11,112 --> 00:14:12,778 Ooh, start with that thing about me 304 00:14:12,780 --> 00:14:15,447 Being a self-obsessed jackass. Nice and big. 305 00:14:15,583 --> 00:14:18,317 Stan, you [bleep] lunatic! 306 00:14:18,452 --> 00:14:20,586 [ all cheering ] 307 00:14:20,722 --> 00:14:22,187 Oh, yeah, that's even better! 308 00:14:22,189 --> 00:14:24,190 We can't do this anymore. We're gonna leave 309 00:14:24,325 --> 00:14:26,726 And hide out somewhere no one can find us. 310 00:14:26,860 --> 00:14:28,260 We want you to come with. 311 00:14:28,396 --> 00:14:30,129 You have to choose, stan. 312 00:14:30,264 --> 00:14:32,131 Us or the museum. 313 00:14:32,266 --> 00:14:34,199 Look at all these people, stan, 314 00:14:34,201 --> 00:14:37,869 All looking at you, a real somebody. 315 00:14:37,871 --> 00:14:39,338 You can't give that up now. 316 00:14:40,474 --> 00:14:41,941 I don't know what you're looking over there for. 317 00:14:41,943 --> 00:14:43,543 There's only one of me, stan. 318 00:14:45,679 --> 00:14:46,478 I'm staying. 319 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,448 Then you're staying alone. 320 00:14:51,419 --> 00:14:52,351 [ door opens ] 321 00:14:52,486 --> 00:14:54,353 [ door slams ] 322 00:14:54,355 --> 00:14:54,954 Here, stan. 323 00:14:56,891 --> 00:14:58,324 That'll be $8. 324 00:15:02,109 --> 00:15:06,644 ♪♪ 325 00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,646 He do anything yet? 326 00:15:08,648 --> 00:15:10,782 Nah. Dude is forlorn as shit. 327 00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:12,850 I'm starting to regret buying a yearly pass. 328 00:15:12,852 --> 00:15:13,785 Tell me about it. 329 00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:16,854 I paid 14 bucks for this god-awful coffee 330 00:15:16,856 --> 00:15:19,056 And found a big chunk of muffin in it. 331 00:15:19,058 --> 00:15:20,525 Oh, I'm gonna have to charge you 332 00:15:20,527 --> 00:15:22,460 For a coffee and a muffin then. 333 00:15:22,462 --> 00:15:23,661 16 more dollars. 334 00:15:23,663 --> 00:15:24,763 This place sucks now. 335 00:15:27,267 --> 00:15:28,199 [ door opens, closes ] 336 00:15:28,201 --> 00:15:30,267 Stan, your whole energy of late 337 00:15:30,269 --> 00:15:33,004 Has really put a damper on attendance. 338 00:15:33,006 --> 00:15:35,406 I just miss my family so much. 339 00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:36,941 Do you know where they are? 340 00:15:36,943 --> 00:15:37,675 I don't. 341 00:15:38,077 --> 00:15:40,612 And you need to start asking me before you hold my hand. 342 00:15:40,747 --> 00:15:42,814 May I hold your hand? No. 343 00:15:43,483 --> 00:15:46,217 Listen, we're bringing in some new blood to the house 344 00:15:46,219 --> 00:15:47,685 To boost ticket sales. 345 00:15:47,687 --> 00:15:50,087 Lisa vanderpump, logan paul. 346 00:15:50,089 --> 00:15:53,958 People the museum-going public would be interested in seeing. 347 00:15:54,027 --> 00:15:56,427 Oh. Well I look forward to working -- 348 00:15:56,429 --> 00:15:57,562 And living -- with them. 349 00:15:57,564 --> 00:15:59,230 You're not understanding, stan. 350 00:15:59,232 --> 00:16:01,232 We're firing you from the museum. 351 00:16:01,368 --> 00:16:01,800 I see. 352 00:16:02,769 --> 00:16:04,169 May I hold your hand now? 353 00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,637 Okay, but just for a minute. 354 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,339 Then you have to get the hell out. 355 00:16:09,308 --> 00:16:14,111 Elderly woman: ♪ happy birthday to you ♪ 356 00:16:14,314 --> 00:16:16,981 [ blows ] what did you wish for? 357 00:16:16,983 --> 00:16:20,185 To be honest, ma'am, my one, true, fondest wish 358 00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:24,322 Would be for you to please, please, please 359 00:16:24,324 --> 00:16:26,524 Just buy an encyclopedia. 360 00:16:27,727 --> 00:16:30,262 Let me just get my checkbook. 361 00:16:32,599 --> 00:16:35,800 I know it's right here in the -- 362 00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:37,268 Oh. 363 00:16:37,270 --> 00:16:39,571 You're never gonna believe this. 364 00:16:44,411 --> 00:16:45,943 Thank you for your time, ma'am. 365 00:16:45,945 --> 00:16:47,445 You have yourself a lovely day. 366 00:16:48,415 --> 00:16:51,216 Okay, so this one didn't quite pan out, but -- gah! 367 00:16:51,351 --> 00:16:55,220 Rogu hungry. 368 00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:56,554 Oh, my god, rogu! 369 00:16:56,556 --> 00:16:58,490 We gotta get you to a mickey d's, stat! 370 00:16:59,559 --> 00:17:01,893 I don't know how I forgot to order anything for you. 371 00:17:02,095 --> 00:17:03,528 But what's this now? 372 00:17:10,037 --> 00:17:11,836 I just wanna check this out, won't be long. 373 00:17:11,838 --> 00:17:13,371 Don't touch my apple pie. 374 00:17:14,373 --> 00:17:17,909 The website says it's a benjamin franklin museum. 375 00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:19,244 Things change. 376 00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:21,979 And don't I know it. Roger? 377 00:17:22,048 --> 00:17:24,048 Stan? Whatcha got going on here? 378 00:17:24,050 --> 00:17:26,451 After my so-called "buddy" glen-dog 379 00:17:26,453 --> 00:17:27,785 Fired me from my own house, 380 00:17:27,987 --> 00:17:29,120 He at least set me up with a position 381 00:17:29,122 --> 00:17:30,922 At this benjamin franklin museum. 382 00:17:31,124 --> 00:17:33,057 So it is a benjamin franklin museum. 383 00:17:33,059 --> 00:17:33,591 No! 384 00:17:34,127 --> 00:17:35,993 I've turned it into something much more meaningful -- 385 00:17:36,129 --> 00:17:38,395 A tribute to the beautiful family 386 00:17:38,398 --> 00:17:41,466 I so foolishly chased out of my life. 387 00:17:42,135 --> 00:17:44,269 There's my little steve, hitting the books. 388 00:17:44,471 --> 00:17:46,003 Keep up the good work, champ. 389 00:17:46,072 --> 00:17:47,738 Don't stay up too late studying. 390 00:17:48,407 --> 00:17:50,608 And there's hayley, flying her kite. 391 00:17:50,677 --> 00:17:54,078 Way to go, baby girl. You got it up all by yourself. 392 00:17:54,413 --> 00:17:55,947 Daddy's so proud of you! 393 00:17:56,549 --> 00:17:58,549 And there's the lovely francine, 394 00:17:58,551 --> 00:18:01,619 Negotiating with king louis xvi for more funds 395 00:18:01,621 --> 00:18:03,488 To support the american revolution. 396 00:18:03,623 --> 00:18:06,791 She always loved doing that. Perchance a kiss, my sweet? 397 00:18:07,627 --> 00:18:09,827 [ grunting ] 398 00:18:09,829 --> 00:18:11,629 [ electricity crackling ] 399 00:18:11,631 --> 00:18:12,830 Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl. 400 00:18:12,832 --> 00:18:14,299 [ sobbing ] 401 00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:15,967 Stan, why are you doing all this? 402 00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:18,703 In the hopes that someday they'll hear about this place, 403 00:18:18,772 --> 00:18:21,038 Come see how truly sorry I am, 404 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:24,375 And then hopefully, eventually forgive me. 405 00:18:24,711 --> 00:18:27,845 Oh, papa, we already have! 406 00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:31,048 Yeah, dad, you seem like you've been through enough. 407 00:18:31,184 --> 00:18:33,384 Steve! Hayley! And francine! 408 00:18:33,386 --> 00:18:35,452 Oh, I've missed you so much, baby! 409 00:18:35,522 --> 00:18:36,521 Mm. Mm. 410 00:18:37,056 --> 00:18:38,323 [ francine clears throat ] 411 00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:43,094 If you're ever in duluth, call me. 412 00:18:43,863 --> 00:18:45,262 Bahhhhhhh! 413 00:18:45,264 --> 00:18:48,599 I, for one, don't know if I'm quite ready to forgive you yet. 414 00:18:48,601 --> 00:18:51,869 Sure you're sorry, but you still don't seem to get it. 415 00:18:51,871 --> 00:18:54,471 You still put us all on display here. 416 00:18:54,473 --> 00:18:55,940 We want our privacy back. 417 00:18:55,942 --> 00:18:57,675 We want our lives back. 418 00:18:57,677 --> 00:19:00,144 We want our worms back. 419 00:19:00,479 --> 00:19:02,413 We want our house back. 420 00:19:02,682 --> 00:19:06,951 I think I have a plan to do just that... 421 00:19:07,086 --> 00:19:10,855 With a little help from our robotic replicas here. 422 00:19:14,093 --> 00:19:16,827 Hanover! Give us back our house. 423 00:19:16,829 --> 00:19:17,895 You mean our house. 424 00:19:18,297 --> 00:19:20,365 The historical society, that is. 425 00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:22,700 Oh, yeah? Remember the brothel? 426 00:19:22,902 --> 00:19:25,570 The reason the deed was transferred in the first place? 427 00:19:25,705 --> 00:19:29,106 Well, I dug it, I staged it, I faked the whole thing. 428 00:19:29,108 --> 00:19:31,042 You did?! I could tell. 429 00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:31,976 Meaning that the deed 430 00:19:31,978 --> 00:19:34,311 Was exchanged under false pretenses. 431 00:19:34,447 --> 00:19:36,181 Ooh, say "ipso facto," 432 00:19:36,315 --> 00:19:38,716 This is the perfect opportunity to say "ipso facto." 433 00:19:38,718 --> 00:19:41,052 And therefore... Ugh. 434 00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:43,120 ...Null and void. [ all gasp ] 435 00:19:43,456 --> 00:19:45,656 You say the brothel was fake? 436 00:19:45,792 --> 00:19:46,791 Prove it. 437 00:19:46,926 --> 00:19:48,459 I...Can't. 438 00:19:48,595 --> 00:19:50,995 I think I know how to solve this problem, 439 00:19:50,997 --> 00:19:54,799 With a little help from my trusty encyclopedia here. 440 00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:55,800 He's right. 441 00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:58,535 There's an entry about the silken saltbox in here, 442 00:19:58,537 --> 00:20:01,338 And it clearly states it was located in east langley. 443 00:20:01,540 --> 00:20:03,141 This house couldn't be it! 444 00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:06,010 Oh. I was just gonna kill him with it, 445 00:20:06,012 --> 00:20:07,212 But your way works, too. 446 00:20:11,017 --> 00:20:13,751 I know I was obsessed with being a somebody, 447 00:20:13,753 --> 00:20:15,686 But there's nobody I'd rather be with 448 00:20:15,688 --> 00:20:18,689 Than you beautiful nobodies right here. 449 00:20:18,691 --> 00:20:19,624 Thanks? 450 00:20:19,626 --> 00:20:21,292 Oh, stan, when are you 451 00:20:21,294 --> 00:20:23,961 Finally gonna realize what I've always known? 452 00:20:24,030 --> 00:20:27,098 That absolutely nothing is more important than family. 453 00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:30,134 Oh, my god, I left rogu at a gas station in newark. 454 00:20:32,171 --> 00:20:33,237 You know what? He's a tough cookie. 455 00:20:33,239 --> 00:20:34,506 He'll be fine through the weekend. 456 00:20:36,243 --> 00:20:39,777 I promise all of you, I'll never again lose sight of what 457 00:20:39,779 --> 00:20:41,846 This all should've been about in the first place -- 458 00:20:42,181 --> 00:20:42,980 The plaque. 459 00:20:42,982 --> 00:20:44,048 [ all groan ] 460 00:20:44,383 --> 00:20:46,117 Oh, not that plaque. 461 00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:49,120 Perfect. 462 00:20:49,122 --> 00:20:58,529 ♪♪ 463 00:20:58,531 --> 00:21:00,732 Bye-bye! See you soon! 30899

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