Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,425 --> 00:00:05,425
Gar-bage day!
2
00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:08,227
Stan, you gotta come
check out this new truck!
3
00:00:08,229 --> 00:00:10,830
Nope.
These things
are top of the line.
4
00:00:10,966 --> 00:00:13,933
Absolutely brutalize the bins.
5
00:00:24,445 --> 00:00:25,845
Yeah! Get some!
6
00:00:25,847 --> 00:00:30,716
What's this?
Small group of people outside.
7
00:00:30,852 --> 00:00:32,852
So, the neighbors
have finally noticed
8
00:00:32,988 --> 00:00:34,720
Our new
solid-gold lawn orb.
9
00:00:34,856 --> 00:00:36,189
About time.
10
00:00:36,324 --> 00:00:38,191
No, they're over
at greg's house.
11
00:00:38,326 --> 00:00:39,392
What?
12
00:00:39,527 --> 00:00:42,862
Stan...Could you...
Scoot over?
13
00:00:42,998 --> 00:00:44,330
Oh, I'll scoot over.
14
00:00:44,465 --> 00:00:46,199
I'll scoot all the way over
to greg's house
15
00:00:46,334 --> 00:00:48,801
To see what the great
big deal is.
16
00:00:48,936 --> 00:00:50,203
Move it, geek!
Comin' through!
17
00:00:50,338 --> 00:00:52,472
"this house has been
designated a..."
18
00:00:52,607 --> 00:00:54,540
Together with al:
"...Historic place of note...
19
00:00:54,542 --> 00:00:57,543
By the langley falls
historical society."
20
00:00:57,679 --> 00:01:01,347
It turns out james k. Polk
once spent the night here,
21
00:01:01,349 --> 00:01:05,150
And a few of us are extremely
mildly impressed.
22
00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:07,020
Stan, may I tie
your robe for you?
23
00:01:07,155 --> 00:01:08,154
Grr.
24
00:01:08,289 --> 00:01:10,690
A notable house
for a notable man.
25
00:01:10,825 --> 00:01:14,227
I mean, greg is a prominent
member of the community,
26
00:01:14,362 --> 00:01:18,631
Not some anonymous,
regular-degular nobody
27
00:01:18,766 --> 00:01:20,165
Like you or me.
[ laughs ]
28
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,167
Anywho, better get back.
29
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,169
I left ma all alone
at the house.
30
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:28,307
Al-e-e-e-e-e-e-e! He-e-e-e-lp!
31
00:01:28,309 --> 00:01:31,577
Damn, I thought
I locked her in.
32
00:01:31,713 --> 00:01:34,113
♪♪
33
00:02:58,399 --> 00:03:02,735
The 1987 edition
of the encyclopedia brittanica?
34
00:03:02,870 --> 00:03:04,337
Not to worry though.
35
00:03:04,472 --> 00:03:06,271
Because with a positive attitude
and a little patience,
36
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:08,407
I can sell anything.
37
00:03:08,409 --> 00:03:11,477
Francine, do you want to buy
132 encyclopedias?
38
00:03:11,612 --> 00:03:12,545
No.
Damn.
39
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:13,612
How about you, stan?
40
00:03:13,614 --> 00:03:15,748
Stan? Stan!!
41
00:03:15,883 --> 00:03:18,518
I agree!
We do need a plaque of our own!
42
00:03:20,555 --> 00:03:22,822
Oh, there is one
golden dildo in here.
43
00:03:22,957 --> 00:03:26,559
Franny? Hayley?
Ste-e-eve?
44
00:03:26,694 --> 00:03:29,895
[ jovial music plays ]
45
00:03:30,031 --> 00:03:31,864
[ ominous music plays ]
46
00:03:34,435 --> 00:03:38,504
Francine, would you describe us
as a notable langley family?
47
00:03:38,506 --> 00:03:39,304
Family?
48
00:03:39,574 --> 00:03:42,441
I've always considered us
more like a group of roommates
49
00:03:42,443 --> 00:03:44,310
That are related
to each other.
50
00:03:44,312 --> 00:03:46,379
And no, we're not all
that notable either.
51
00:03:46,381 --> 00:03:47,380
[ doorbell rings ]
52
00:03:47,382 --> 00:03:49,649
That's about to change.
53
00:03:50,518 --> 00:03:53,519
Glen hanover, langley
falls historical society.
54
00:03:53,521 --> 00:03:56,789
Glen-dog! Come on in, brah.
What can I snag ya?
55
00:03:56,791 --> 00:03:59,992
White claw? Absinthe?
Some [sniffing] party favors?
56
00:03:59,994 --> 00:04:01,994
What's your pleasure?
I'm actually --
57
00:04:02,129 --> 00:04:04,129
Hungry?
I can do ya a smashburger.
58
00:04:04,131 --> 00:04:06,732
You said on the phone that
several founding fathers
59
00:04:06,734 --> 00:04:08,401
Are known to have
stayed in this house?
60
00:04:08,403 --> 00:04:09,802
If you say so.
61
00:04:10,405 --> 00:04:12,938
Which founding fathers,
exactly?
62
00:04:12,940 --> 00:04:14,006
Oh, all the big ones --
63
00:04:14,008 --> 00:04:15,808
George washington,
johnny appleseed,
64
00:04:15,877 --> 00:04:19,412
And a whole lot...
Of benjamin franklins.
65
00:04:22,016 --> 00:04:23,082
[ smooching ]
66
00:04:23,218 --> 00:04:25,017
I can't take
this briefcase.
67
00:04:25,152 --> 00:04:26,085
Alright,
let's cut the crap.
68
00:04:26,087 --> 00:04:27,753
What'll it take for us
to get our plaque?
69
00:04:27,955 --> 00:04:31,023
Mr. Smith, I'm afraid
only merit will suffice.
70
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:32,892
You can have one night
with my wife.
71
00:04:32,894 --> 00:04:33,292
What?!
72
00:04:34,095 --> 00:04:36,896
Thank you for your interest
in the historical society.
73
00:04:37,164 --> 00:04:38,898
Please accept this
"historic langley"
74
00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:41,166
Coffee-table book
as a parting gift.
75
00:04:41,436 --> 00:04:43,236
Two nights!
Two nights with my wife!
76
00:04:43,571 --> 00:04:46,306
And...A "historic langley"
coffee-table book?
77
00:04:51,586 --> 00:04:55,855
Three days and
not sell one 'pedia.
78
00:04:55,857 --> 00:04:58,658
Rogu, there's no shortcuts
to making an honest sale.
79
00:04:58,660 --> 00:05:01,260
All I have to do
is remember my three p's --
80
00:05:01,396 --> 00:05:04,998
With positivity and patience,
anything is possible.
81
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,934
♪♪
82
00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:09,736
Aaahh!
83
00:05:09,871 --> 00:05:12,271
[ taser crackling ]
84
00:05:12,273 --> 00:05:14,273
Welp, I haven't gotten
inside a single door
85
00:05:14,275 --> 00:05:15,875
And I've been shot
six times,
86
00:05:15,877 --> 00:05:18,011
But that first sale is
just around the corner.
87
00:05:18,213 --> 00:05:20,347
[ taser crackling ]
88
00:05:20,882 --> 00:05:22,983
Where'd you get that?!
Don't play with that thing!
89
00:05:26,021 --> 00:05:28,955
Family portrait's
just a bit askew.
90
00:05:28,957 --> 00:05:30,924
[ chain-saw motor revving ]
aah!
91
00:05:32,494 --> 00:05:34,961
Hmm, just comes right through
to the living room.
92
00:05:35,230 --> 00:05:37,664
Stan! What the hell
are you doing?!
93
00:05:41,770 --> 00:05:44,971
Look! Right here in the book
my buddy glen-dog gave me.
94
00:05:45,106 --> 00:05:48,174
Hayley: "the silken saltbox
parlor & comfort house"?
95
00:05:48,176 --> 00:05:50,710
Super-famous brothel back
in the 1870s!
96
00:05:50,779 --> 00:05:51,644
Look familiar?
97
00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:53,512
No.
Not really.
98
00:05:53,514 --> 00:05:56,383
Yeah, I've never met
this house before, mr. S.
99
00:05:56,385 --> 00:05:58,251
Sure you have.
That's our house!
100
00:05:58,253 --> 00:06:01,588
Turns out our house has been
a historic landmark all along!
101
00:06:01,923 --> 00:06:03,723
All we need now
is some evidence.
102
00:06:03,925 --> 00:06:05,858
[ chain-saw motor revs ]
103
00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:07,126
Stan, stop!
104
00:06:07,662 --> 00:06:09,328
Why are you so obsessed
with this idea
105
00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:10,663
Of being "notable," dad?
106
00:06:10,665 --> 00:06:14,133
Is there some formative trauma
in your past
107
00:06:14,135 --> 00:06:15,068
We don't know about?
108
00:06:15,270 --> 00:06:17,704
No. Actually wait,
let me think...
109
00:06:20,008 --> 00:06:22,809
These society types
may not have ever
110
00:06:22,878 --> 00:06:24,677
Paid us much
notice before.
111
00:06:24,679 --> 00:06:27,546
But, by god,
they'll notice you now.
112
00:06:27,548 --> 00:06:29,416
Now, go be
somebody, stan.
113
00:06:29,684 --> 00:06:31,150
Be somebody!
114
00:06:31,152 --> 00:06:31,585
Yes'm.
115
00:06:33,889 --> 00:06:36,089
Out of the way, nobody!
116
00:06:36,291 --> 00:06:38,691
Whup, didn't notice you there,
kid!
117
00:06:38,693 --> 00:06:39,892
[ yells ]
118
00:06:39,894 --> 00:06:41,961
[ water splashes ]
119
00:06:41,963 --> 00:06:44,230
Hmm? Someone.
120
00:06:44,365 --> 00:06:46,299
Please. Help.
121
00:06:46,301 --> 00:06:47,366
Woman: Did you
hear somebody?
122
00:06:47,368 --> 00:06:48,768
Man: Oh, I'm sure
it was nobody.
123
00:06:48,770 --> 00:06:50,637
Or at least a nobody.
124
00:06:50,906 --> 00:06:53,106
[ alligator growls ]
125
00:06:55,710 --> 00:06:59,512
[ screaming ]
126
00:06:59,580 --> 00:07:01,314
So I guess that might have
something to do with it.
127
00:07:01,450 --> 00:07:02,982
My poor little daddy.
128
00:07:03,184 --> 00:07:07,520
Maybe there's a tiny resemblance
to this old whorehouse?
129
00:07:07,722 --> 00:07:09,388
Let's tear
this place apart!
130
00:07:09,390 --> 00:07:13,994
♪♪
131
00:07:14,529 --> 00:07:15,529
[ grunts ]
132
00:07:16,932 --> 00:07:18,931
Well, that was
a mistake.
133
00:07:18,933 --> 00:07:21,200
[ floor creaking ]
134
00:07:21,202 --> 00:07:22,369
Aah!
135
00:07:23,938 --> 00:07:27,340
S-s-sixty-nining skeletons?!
136
00:07:27,476 --> 00:07:30,009
[ bones rattling ]
137
00:07:30,011 --> 00:07:32,345
S-s-skeleton sex swing?!
138
00:07:32,347 --> 00:07:33,446
Oh!
139
00:07:35,083 --> 00:07:37,684
Aah!
140
00:07:37,686 --> 00:07:39,519
Did you find anything?
141
00:07:43,858 --> 00:07:45,591
Well, what do you think?
142
00:07:45,593 --> 00:07:47,860
Mr. Smith,
this is quite possibly
143
00:07:47,862 --> 00:07:49,996
The most notable
historic place
144
00:07:50,064 --> 00:07:51,531
I've ever encountered.
145
00:07:51,533 --> 00:07:54,000
As you can tell, I'm
getting quite worked up here.
146
00:07:54,068 --> 00:07:55,401
So is it plaque-worthy?
147
00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:58,138
Plaque-worthy?
It's museum-worthy.
148
00:07:58,472 --> 00:07:59,939
Museum-worthy?
149
00:07:59,941 --> 00:08:01,307
Now, that's noteworthy.
150
00:08:01,609 --> 00:08:03,009
Noteworthy...
151
00:08:03,011 --> 00:08:06,379
And pin-worthy.
152
00:08:06,881 --> 00:08:07,947
[ gasps ]
153
00:08:07,949 --> 00:08:10,583
It's like a plaque
for my body.
154
00:08:13,021 --> 00:08:16,489
Say you have a report due on
gray wolves for biology class.
155
00:08:16,624 --> 00:08:19,225
What can you use?
Shmargle-bargle-dot-com?
156
00:08:19,361 --> 00:08:21,361
You'd need an encyclopedia
just to figure out
157
00:08:21,496 --> 00:08:23,295
How to use this darn thing.
Ah!
158
00:08:23,431 --> 00:08:27,299
Now, for a truly user-friendly
experience.
159
00:08:27,301 --> 00:08:28,434
Gray wolves.
160
00:08:28,436 --> 00:08:30,703
You simply flip
through the "g" volume to --
161
00:08:30,972 --> 00:08:32,705
Hmm, not finding it here.
162
00:08:32,707 --> 00:08:35,107
Must be under "w."
163
00:08:35,177 --> 00:08:36,176
Nope, not seeing it here either.
164
00:08:36,578 --> 00:08:38,844
Maybe under "d" for dog?
165
00:08:38,846 --> 00:08:40,713
You know what?
Probably just need to crack
166
00:08:40,715 --> 00:08:42,582
The 2-volume
quick-reference guide first.
167
00:08:42,717 --> 00:08:44,584
Wow, this is really confusing.
168
00:08:44,719 --> 00:08:46,518
Could you google
"how to use brittanica
169
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,855
Reference guide" for me?
You know what? Never mind.
170
00:08:48,990 --> 00:08:50,990
I think you get the point
and see the value
171
00:08:51,125 --> 00:08:54,193
Of truly having knowledge
at your fingertips.
172
00:08:54,195 --> 00:08:55,461
Ow! Paper cut!
173
00:08:55,463 --> 00:08:57,197
Anyway, how many sets
can I put you down for?
174
00:08:57,599 --> 00:09:00,066
Oh, I don't know.
175
00:09:00,201 --> 00:09:03,335
They do seem nice,
but...
176
00:09:03,337 --> 00:09:05,938
Would you care to stay
for some tea?
177
00:09:06,074 --> 00:09:08,875
I'm going to need a little time
to think about it.
178
00:09:09,010 --> 00:09:10,743
Ma'am, you take
all the time you need.
179
00:09:10,878 --> 00:09:12,478
How about now?
Will you buy it now?
180
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:15,214
I'll need
a little more time.
181
00:09:15,349 --> 00:09:17,817
[ sighs ]
182
00:09:17,952 --> 00:09:19,519
No problem.
183
00:09:21,956 --> 00:09:23,689
The brothel was founded
184
00:09:23,825 --> 00:09:27,026
By land baron cyrus talmadge
in 1868.
185
00:09:27,161 --> 00:09:30,897
But it was found by me,
stan smith, last week.
186
00:09:31,032 --> 00:09:33,032
Hi, I'm stan smith,
I live in a museum.
187
00:09:33,167 --> 00:09:34,834
Stan!
188
00:09:34,969 --> 00:09:36,368
There's cars all over
the damn lawn
189
00:09:36,504 --> 00:09:38,504
And mud all over
the damn house!
190
00:09:38,506 --> 00:09:40,906
All: Oooooh!
191
00:09:40,908 --> 00:09:42,308
Sorry, dear.
192
00:09:42,444 --> 00:09:44,043
Just the price we pay
to bring history to life.
193
00:09:44,178 --> 00:09:45,445
Clean up that mud
194
00:09:45,579 --> 00:09:47,447
Or I'll bring "fistory"
to life!
195
00:09:47,449 --> 00:09:48,548
Hey-o!
196
00:09:50,051 --> 00:09:51,451
Is this it?
197
00:09:51,453 --> 00:09:53,585
It's kind of just
a dusty, old room, isn't it?
198
00:09:53,855 --> 00:09:56,388
Yeah, this place is...
199
00:09:56,390 --> 00:09:58,658
Kind of boring.
200
00:09:58,860 --> 00:09:59,992
[ sighs ]
201
00:09:59,994 --> 00:10:01,127
[ all grumbling ]
202
00:10:01,262 --> 00:10:02,428
[ whimpers ]
203
00:10:03,397 --> 00:10:05,931
Babe!
Did you seriously
204
00:10:05,933 --> 00:10:08,134
Cut off my venmo
teen credit card?!
205
00:10:08,269 --> 00:10:10,069
If you want money,
babe,
206
00:10:10,071 --> 00:10:12,138
Maybe you should
try working.
207
00:10:12,273 --> 00:10:13,339
Oh, I don't work?!
208
00:10:13,475 --> 00:10:15,407
Day in, day out,
209
00:10:15,409 --> 00:10:18,944
I'm up to my goddamn elbows
in squishy little wormies.
210
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,347
Well, those aren't
the only wormies around here
211
00:10:21,415 --> 00:10:22,949
That have been all
squishy lately!
212
00:10:23,151 --> 00:10:24,617
Oh, snap!
213
00:10:24,886 --> 00:10:27,620
Dude, you gotta check out
this fight. It's nuts.
214
00:10:27,755 --> 00:10:29,155
Well, I just saw
the blonde chick
215
00:10:29,157 --> 00:10:31,023
Shotgun an entire box
of wine.
216
00:10:31,425 --> 00:10:33,425
This family is
pretty interesting.
217
00:10:33,427 --> 00:10:34,626
Entertaining.
218
00:10:34,628 --> 00:10:36,162
"interestaining."
219
00:10:36,297 --> 00:10:37,864
Yes, we are.
Follow me!
220
00:10:39,033 --> 00:10:42,434
Why don't we get you
a little more comfortable,
221
00:10:42,436 --> 00:10:45,037
Mon cheri?
222
00:10:45,173 --> 00:10:48,174
Just gotta...Get this clasp.
223
00:10:48,309 --> 00:10:50,376
Grr!! Damn it!!
224
00:10:50,378 --> 00:10:51,978
This thing is impossible!
225
00:10:52,113 --> 00:10:54,714
What am I, harry [bleep] houdini
over here?!
226
00:10:55,249 --> 00:10:58,618
[ laughter ]
227
00:11:01,255 --> 00:11:03,189
Can I get you anything
before you go to sleep?
228
00:11:03,457 --> 00:11:04,524
A glass of warm milk
229
00:11:04,526 --> 00:11:06,092
Or...A goddamn
encyclopedia?
230
00:11:06,794 --> 00:11:08,194
What's that now?
231
00:11:08,196 --> 00:11:10,262
I said would you like
to buy an encyclopedia?
232
00:11:10,398 --> 00:11:12,732
Oh, I'll need
a little more time
233
00:11:12,734 --> 00:11:14,467
To think about that.
234
00:11:17,071 --> 00:11:21,006
[ clock ticking ]
235
00:11:21,809 --> 00:11:26,012
Welcome to momaf, the museum
of the modern american family.
236
00:11:26,147 --> 00:11:29,415
[ indistinct conversations,
camera shutter clicking ]
237
00:11:32,754 --> 00:11:35,221
Jeff, I --
hey, watch it, lady!
238
00:11:35,356 --> 00:11:37,089
I could swear I had
a 20 in here.
239
00:11:37,225 --> 00:11:40,226
Oh, what, now you think
I stole from you
240
00:11:40,361 --> 00:11:42,161
To buy worms?
Look!
241
00:11:42,296 --> 00:11:45,297
Check his hat!
What the hell, bro?!
242
00:11:45,299 --> 00:11:46,498
[ all cheering ]
243
00:11:46,634 --> 00:11:48,568
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
244
00:11:48,702 --> 00:11:51,637
And here we see just
a fraction of the varied,
245
00:11:51,639 --> 00:11:53,706
And at times surprising,
246
00:11:53,841 --> 00:11:56,642
Self-pleasure material
found under steve's mattress.
247
00:11:56,778 --> 00:11:58,844
"martha stewart living"?
248
00:11:58,980 --> 00:12:01,380
He's gonna crank it
right now!
249
00:12:01,515 --> 00:12:03,182
Based on her scat,
250
00:12:03,317 --> 00:12:05,451
Our scientists believe
the extreme lack of roughage
251
00:12:05,587 --> 00:12:06,919
In francine's diet
252
00:12:07,054 --> 00:12:10,122
Is the cause of her
frequent constipation.
253
00:12:10,124 --> 00:12:11,257
Together: Ohh!
254
00:12:11,392 --> 00:12:12,458
[ sighs in frustration ]
255
00:12:12,460 --> 00:12:14,027
[ camera shutter clicking ]
256
00:12:15,663 --> 00:12:17,930
[ speaks foreign language ]
257
00:12:18,065 --> 00:12:18,998
Stan!
258
00:12:19,133 --> 00:12:20,332
Oooh!
259
00:12:20,334 --> 00:12:22,534
That's right.
It's me, stan!
260
00:12:22,536 --> 00:12:23,803
How ya doin'?
Stan smith.
261
00:12:23,938 --> 00:12:25,471
Nice to see you.
262
00:12:25,607 --> 00:12:26,872
Is something wrong?
263
00:12:26,874 --> 00:12:29,541
No, stan.
Everything's wrong!
264
00:12:29,543 --> 00:12:32,344
Why is
the historical society
265
00:12:32,346 --> 00:12:33,813
Even taking part in this?
266
00:12:33,948 --> 00:12:36,548
The historical society made
some bad crypto bets,
267
00:12:36,684 --> 00:12:40,152
So we really need the revenue
from the ticket and cafe sales.
268
00:12:40,154 --> 00:12:41,753
What cafe?
269
00:12:41,755 --> 00:12:44,424
Okay, so we got two
arizona ice teas
270
00:12:44,558 --> 00:12:46,292
And a wet
egg salad sandwich
271
00:12:46,427 --> 00:12:49,295
That's been smushed down to
the thickness of a quesadilla.
272
00:12:49,297 --> 00:12:51,230
That'll be...$54.
273
00:12:51,365 --> 00:12:53,299
Want to make it
a lunch combo?
274
00:12:53,434 --> 00:12:55,234
For just 18 bucks more,
I can throw in some pop chips
275
00:12:55,369 --> 00:12:56,436
And a shitty apple.
276
00:12:56,570 --> 00:13:02,041
♪♪
277
00:13:02,176 --> 00:13:07,447
♪♪
278
00:13:07,581 --> 00:13:11,116
I wonder what kind
of tree that is.
279
00:13:11,118 --> 00:13:12,784
You know a good way
to find out?
280
00:13:12,786 --> 00:13:15,054
Those encyclopedias
I'm selling.
281
00:13:15,189 --> 00:13:17,056
You sell encyclopedias?
282
00:13:17,191 --> 00:13:20,192
I do. Would you
like to buy one?
283
00:13:20,194 --> 00:13:23,896
Oh...I'll need some time
to think about it.
284
00:13:28,602 --> 00:13:30,770
[ whistling ]
285
00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:34,340
Ugh, jeff,
was that you?
286
00:13:34,475 --> 00:13:36,075
Wait, why are you
all in here?
287
00:13:36,210 --> 00:13:38,544
Because everywhere we go,
every hour of the day,
288
00:13:38,546 --> 00:13:39,811
People are watching us!
289
00:13:39,813 --> 00:13:41,881
That's right.
290
00:13:42,016 --> 00:13:44,150
If it truly is an attention
economy, we're gazillionaires!
291
00:13:44,285 --> 00:13:45,885
Then again if it's
a normal economy,
292
00:13:46,020 --> 00:13:47,820
We're bankrupt, because
I signed the house over
293
00:13:47,955 --> 00:13:49,822
To the historical society
back when this all started.
294
00:13:49,957 --> 00:13:51,491
What?!
What's the problem?!
295
00:13:51,625 --> 00:13:53,625
We're being noticed,
being seen!
296
00:13:53,761 --> 00:13:56,762
We want to not be seen
for a while,
297
00:13:56,764 --> 00:13:59,365
You self-obsessed
jackass!
298
00:13:59,367 --> 00:14:01,833
I had no idea you were
so angry about this.
299
00:14:01,835 --> 00:14:04,070
Let's get out of here.
300
00:14:05,373 --> 00:14:07,573
Okay,
a-a-a-and...Go.
301
00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:09,241
What?
All that raw anger
302
00:14:09,243 --> 00:14:10,976
Was way too good
to keep backstage.
303
00:14:11,112 --> 00:14:12,778
Ooh, start with that thing
about me
304
00:14:12,780 --> 00:14:15,447
Being a self-obsessed
jackass. Nice and big.
305
00:14:15,583 --> 00:14:18,317
Stan, you [bleep] lunatic!
306
00:14:18,452 --> 00:14:20,586
[ all cheering ]
307
00:14:20,722 --> 00:14:22,187
Oh, yeah,
that's even better!
308
00:14:22,189 --> 00:14:24,190
We can't do this anymore.
We're gonna leave
309
00:14:24,325 --> 00:14:26,726
And hide out somewhere
no one can find us.
310
00:14:26,860 --> 00:14:28,260
We want you
to come with.
311
00:14:28,396 --> 00:14:30,129
You have to choose, stan.
312
00:14:30,264 --> 00:14:32,131
Us or the museum.
313
00:14:32,266 --> 00:14:34,199
Look at all
these people, stan,
314
00:14:34,201 --> 00:14:37,869
All looking at you,
a real somebody.
315
00:14:37,871 --> 00:14:39,338
You can't
give that up now.
316
00:14:40,474 --> 00:14:41,941
I don't know what
you're looking over there for.
317
00:14:41,943 --> 00:14:43,543
There's only one
of me, stan.
318
00:14:45,679 --> 00:14:46,478
I'm staying.
319
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,448
Then you're staying alone.
320
00:14:51,419 --> 00:14:52,351
[ door opens ]
321
00:14:52,486 --> 00:14:54,353
[ door slams ]
322
00:14:54,355 --> 00:14:54,954
Here, stan.
323
00:14:56,891 --> 00:14:58,324
That'll be $8.
324
00:15:02,109 --> 00:15:06,644
♪♪
325
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,646
He do anything yet?
326
00:15:08,648 --> 00:15:10,782
Nah. Dude is forlorn
as shit.
327
00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:12,850
I'm starting to regret
buying a yearly pass.
328
00:15:12,852 --> 00:15:13,785
Tell me about it.
329
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:16,854
I paid 14 bucks
for this god-awful coffee
330
00:15:16,856 --> 00:15:19,056
And found a big chunk
of muffin in it.
331
00:15:19,058 --> 00:15:20,525
Oh, I'm gonna have
to charge you
332
00:15:20,527 --> 00:15:22,460
For a coffee
and a muffin then.
333
00:15:22,462 --> 00:15:23,661
16 more dollars.
334
00:15:23,663 --> 00:15:24,763
This place sucks now.
335
00:15:27,267 --> 00:15:28,199
[ door opens, closes ]
336
00:15:28,201 --> 00:15:30,267
Stan, your
whole energy of late
337
00:15:30,269 --> 00:15:33,004
Has really put a damper
on attendance.
338
00:15:33,006 --> 00:15:35,406
I just miss my family
so much.
339
00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:36,941
Do you know
where they are?
340
00:15:36,943 --> 00:15:37,675
I don't.
341
00:15:38,077 --> 00:15:40,612
And you need to start asking me
before you hold my hand.
342
00:15:40,747 --> 00:15:42,814
May I hold your hand?
No.
343
00:15:43,483 --> 00:15:46,217
Listen, we're bringing
in some new blood to the house
344
00:15:46,219 --> 00:15:47,685
To boost ticket sales.
345
00:15:47,687 --> 00:15:50,087
Lisa vanderpump,
logan paul.
346
00:15:50,089 --> 00:15:53,958
People the museum-going public
would be interested in seeing.
347
00:15:54,027 --> 00:15:56,427
Oh. Well I look forward
to working --
348
00:15:56,429 --> 00:15:57,562
And living --
with them.
349
00:15:57,564 --> 00:15:59,230
You're not understanding,
stan.
350
00:15:59,232 --> 00:16:01,232
We're firing you
from the museum.
351
00:16:01,368 --> 00:16:01,800
I see.
352
00:16:02,769 --> 00:16:04,169
May I hold
your hand now?
353
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,637
Okay, but just
for a minute.
354
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,339
Then you have to get
the hell out.
355
00:16:09,308 --> 00:16:14,111
Elderly woman:
♪ happy birthday to you ♪
356
00:16:14,314 --> 00:16:16,981
[ blows ]
what did you wish for?
357
00:16:16,983 --> 00:16:20,185
To be honest, ma'am,
my one, true, fondest wish
358
00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:24,322
Would be for you to please,
please, please
359
00:16:24,324 --> 00:16:26,524
Just buy
an encyclopedia.
360
00:16:27,727 --> 00:16:30,262
Let me just
get my checkbook.
361
00:16:32,599 --> 00:16:35,800
I know it's right here
in the --
362
00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:37,268
Oh.
363
00:16:37,270 --> 00:16:39,571
You're never gonna
believe this.
364
00:16:44,411 --> 00:16:45,943
Thank you
for your time, ma'am.
365
00:16:45,945 --> 00:16:47,445
You have yourself
a lovely day.
366
00:16:48,415 --> 00:16:51,216
Okay, so this one didn't
quite pan out, but -- gah!
367
00:16:51,351 --> 00:16:55,220
Rogu hungry.
368
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:56,554
Oh, my god, rogu!
369
00:16:56,556 --> 00:16:58,490
We gotta get you
to a mickey d's, stat!
370
00:16:59,559 --> 00:17:01,893
I don't know how I forgot
to order anything for you.
371
00:17:02,095 --> 00:17:03,528
But what's this now?
372
00:17:10,037 --> 00:17:11,836
I just wanna check this out,
won't be long.
373
00:17:11,838 --> 00:17:13,371
Don't touch my apple pie.
374
00:17:14,373 --> 00:17:17,909
The website says it's
a benjamin franklin museum.
375
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:19,244
Things change.
376
00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:21,979
And don't I know it.
Roger?
377
00:17:22,048 --> 00:17:24,048
Stan? Whatcha got
going on here?
378
00:17:24,050 --> 00:17:26,451
After my so-called
"buddy" glen-dog
379
00:17:26,453 --> 00:17:27,785
Fired me
from my own house,
380
00:17:27,987 --> 00:17:29,120
He at least set me up
with a position
381
00:17:29,122 --> 00:17:30,922
At this benjamin franklin
museum.
382
00:17:31,124 --> 00:17:33,057
So it is a benjamin franklin
museum.
383
00:17:33,059 --> 00:17:33,591
No!
384
00:17:34,127 --> 00:17:35,993
I've turned it into something
much more meaningful --
385
00:17:36,129 --> 00:17:38,395
A tribute
to the beautiful family
386
00:17:38,398 --> 00:17:41,466
I so foolishly chased
out of my life.
387
00:17:42,135 --> 00:17:44,269
There's my little steve,
hitting the books.
388
00:17:44,471 --> 00:17:46,003
Keep up the good work,
champ.
389
00:17:46,072 --> 00:17:47,738
Don't stay up too late studying.
390
00:17:48,407 --> 00:17:50,608
And there's hayley,
flying her kite.
391
00:17:50,677 --> 00:17:54,078
Way to go, baby girl.
You got it up all by yourself.
392
00:17:54,413 --> 00:17:55,947
Daddy's so proud of you!
393
00:17:56,549 --> 00:17:58,549
And there's the lovely francine,
394
00:17:58,551 --> 00:18:01,619
Negotiating with
king louis xvi for more funds
395
00:18:01,621 --> 00:18:03,488
To support
the american revolution.
396
00:18:03,623 --> 00:18:06,791
She always loved doing that.
Perchance a kiss, my sweet?
397
00:18:07,627 --> 00:18:09,827
[ grunting ]
398
00:18:09,829 --> 00:18:11,629
[ electricity crackling ]
399
00:18:11,631 --> 00:18:12,830
Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl.
400
00:18:12,832 --> 00:18:14,299
[ sobbing ]
401
00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:15,967
Stan, why are you
doing all this?
402
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:18,703
In the hopes that someday
they'll hear about this place,
403
00:18:18,772 --> 00:18:21,038
Come see
how truly sorry I am,
404
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:24,375
And then hopefully,
eventually forgive me.
405
00:18:24,711 --> 00:18:27,845
Oh, papa,
we already have!
406
00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:31,048
Yeah, dad, you seem like
you've been through enough.
407
00:18:31,184 --> 00:18:33,384
Steve! Hayley!
And francine!
408
00:18:33,386 --> 00:18:35,452
Oh, I've missed you
so much, baby!
409
00:18:35,522 --> 00:18:36,521
Mm. Mm.
410
00:18:37,056 --> 00:18:38,323
[ francine clears throat ]
411
00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:43,094
If you're ever in duluth,
call me.
412
00:18:43,863 --> 00:18:45,262
Bahhhhhhh!
413
00:18:45,264 --> 00:18:48,599
I, for one, don't know if I'm
quite ready to forgive you yet.
414
00:18:48,601 --> 00:18:51,869
Sure you're sorry, but
you still don't seem to get it.
415
00:18:51,871 --> 00:18:54,471
You still put us all
on display here.
416
00:18:54,473 --> 00:18:55,940
We want our privacy back.
417
00:18:55,942 --> 00:18:57,675
We want our lives back.
418
00:18:57,677 --> 00:19:00,144
We want our worms back.
419
00:19:00,479 --> 00:19:02,413
We want our house back.
420
00:19:02,682 --> 00:19:06,951
I think I have a plan
to do just that...
421
00:19:07,086 --> 00:19:10,855
With a little help from
our robotic replicas here.
422
00:19:14,093 --> 00:19:16,827
Hanover!
Give us back our house.
423
00:19:16,829 --> 00:19:17,895
You mean our house.
424
00:19:18,297 --> 00:19:20,365
The historical society, that is.
425
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:22,700
Oh, yeah?
Remember the brothel?
426
00:19:22,902 --> 00:19:25,570
The reason the deed was
transferred in the first place?
427
00:19:25,705 --> 00:19:29,106
Well, I dug it, I staged it,
I faked the whole thing.
428
00:19:29,108 --> 00:19:31,042
You did?!
I could tell.
429
00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:31,976
Meaning that the deed
430
00:19:31,978 --> 00:19:34,311
Was exchanged
under false pretenses.
431
00:19:34,447 --> 00:19:36,181
Ooh,
say "ipso facto,"
432
00:19:36,315 --> 00:19:38,716
This is the perfect opportunity
to say "ipso facto."
433
00:19:38,718 --> 00:19:41,052
And therefore...
Ugh.
434
00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:43,120
...Null and void.
[ all gasp ]
435
00:19:43,456 --> 00:19:45,656
You say the brothel was fake?
436
00:19:45,792 --> 00:19:46,791
Prove it.
437
00:19:46,926 --> 00:19:48,459
I...Can't.
438
00:19:48,595 --> 00:19:50,995
I think I know
how to solve this problem,
439
00:19:50,997 --> 00:19:54,799
With a little help from
my trusty encyclopedia here.
440
00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:55,800
He's right.
441
00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:58,535
There's an entry about
the silken saltbox in here,
442
00:19:58,537 --> 00:20:01,338
And it clearly states
it was located in east langley.
443
00:20:01,540 --> 00:20:03,141
This house couldn't be it!
444
00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:06,010
Oh. I was just gonna
kill him with it,
445
00:20:06,012 --> 00:20:07,212
But your way
works, too.
446
00:20:11,017 --> 00:20:13,751
I know I was obsessed
with being a somebody,
447
00:20:13,753 --> 00:20:15,686
But there's nobody
I'd rather be with
448
00:20:15,688 --> 00:20:18,689
Than you beautiful nobodies
right here.
449
00:20:18,691 --> 00:20:19,624
Thanks?
450
00:20:19,626 --> 00:20:21,292
Oh, stan,
when are you
451
00:20:21,294 --> 00:20:23,961
Finally gonna realize
what I've always known?
452
00:20:24,030 --> 00:20:27,098
That absolutely nothing is
more important than family.
453
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:30,134
Oh, my god, I left rogu
at a gas station in newark.
454
00:20:32,171 --> 00:20:33,237
You know what?
He's a tough cookie.
455
00:20:33,239 --> 00:20:34,506
He'll be fine
through the weekend.
456
00:20:36,243 --> 00:20:39,777
I promise all of you, I'll
never again lose sight of what
457
00:20:39,779 --> 00:20:41,846
This all should've been about
in the first place --
458
00:20:42,181 --> 00:20:42,980
The plaque.
459
00:20:42,982 --> 00:20:44,048
[ all groan ]
460
00:20:44,383 --> 00:20:46,117
Oh, not that plaque.
461
00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:49,120
Perfect.
462
00:20:49,122 --> 00:20:58,529
♪♪
463
00:20:58,531 --> 00:21:00,732
Bye-bye! See you soon!
30899
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.