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1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,173
Ugh.
2
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:07,550
I can't see crap.
3
00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:09,802
I don't know how the Biebs
gets anything done.
4
00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:13,681
Try having a wallet chain
that weighs five times
your body weight, bro.
5
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:18,144
- It looks sick though, right?
- Hell yeah.
Let's go be emo AF.
6
00:00:19,395 --> 00:00:20,813
On their phones?
7
00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:24,483
No kiss?
8
00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:28,738
Where are
all the future teen moms?
9
00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:32,825
- Damn, no one
in town's boning.
- It's more than that, Klaus.
10
00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:37,455
It's a total lack of intimacy,
and it wounds my emo soul.
11
00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:42,001
Whoa, even Principal Lewis
isn't sniffing
the volleyball team's hair
12
00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:43,335
for good luck anymore.
13
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,755
He was spoken to, but still,
it's heartbreaking.
14
00:00:45,755 --> 00:00:49,216
Luckily, I know
just the person
to contact to save Langley.
15
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,010
Later, skater.
16
00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:55,431
Wait, so we're not going
to the 7-Eleven to steal
beers in your big pants?
17
00:00:55,431 --> 00:00:59,685
Nothing says you mean business
like a letter written
in your own blood.
18
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,986
To the winds!
19
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:10,946
Okay, time to relax.
20
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:24,376
Come on, Mei Lan.
Don't shut Bao Bao out.
21
00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:26,086
Look into her eyes.
22
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:42,394
Written in blood?
They must mean business.
23
00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:47,191
Langley needs
an intimacy coach.
Stay sexy, Beijing.
24
00:01:48,818 --> 00:01:53,280
Darn tootin' I ride
my Vespa sidesaddle.
I'm classy as shit.
25
00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:02,122
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
26
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:05,751
♪ I got a feeling
That it's gonna be
A wonderful day ♪
27
00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:08,629
♪ The sun in the sky
Has a smile on his face ♪
28
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:12,758
♪ And he's shining a salute
To the American race ♪
29
00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:18,347
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
30
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:21,559
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
31
00:02:23,519 --> 00:02:26,814
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
32
00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:30,901
Bonsoir, Langley.
Welcome to
Lovers and Other Strangers.
33
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:34,905
I'm your host, intimacy coach
and grandma, Suzette Foufoune.
34
00:02:36,282 --> 00:02:37,658
Let's get right into it,
shall we?
35
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,995
Most people don't know
how to practice intimacy,
36
00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:45,916
which I like to spell
"into me see," to remind you
to let your partner in.
37
00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:49,295
For instance, have you
ever asked your partner
what temperature
38
00:02:49,295 --> 00:02:50,796
of bath water they prefer?
39
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,549
I like mine the temperature of
urine, which is convenient
40
00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,759
because I have chronic
bladder control issues.
41
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,305
And now a word
from our sponsor,
42
00:02:59,305 --> 00:03:01,682
Gary's Wholesale
Sausage Emporium.
43
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:05,144
Are retail hot dog prices
making you c-c-razy?
44
00:03:05,144 --> 00:03:08,731
Come on down to Gary's
for all your
discount dog needs.
45
00:03:08,731 --> 00:03:12,234
- Was this really the best
we could do?
- Blue Apron passed.
46
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:16,322
Okay, okay. Let's get
vulnerable, Langley.
Let's get sexy.
47
00:03:16,322 --> 00:03:20,367
First caller gets 11 feet
of Gary's signature
summer sausage.
48
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:23,537
Bonsoir, lover.
What's your question
for Suzanne?
49
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:27,458
I'm afraid to initiate
physical contact
with my wife.
50
00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:31,211
More of a statement
than a question,
but we'll say you still get
51
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,796
five feet of sausage.
52
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,719
Our next guest is known as
53
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,555
the "Get It On Granny."
54
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,557
She's taken Langley by storm.
55
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:48,312
Give it up
for Suzette Foufoune!
56
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,400
Now, you've
transformed Langley into
57
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,070
one of the sexiest cities
in America,
58
00:03:56,070 --> 00:04:00,074
and did what no one else
could or wanted to.
59
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:03,619
You got Suze and her ex Mike
back together.
60
00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:05,663
The courts, her family,
61
00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:08,874
and his AA sponsor
are all against it.
62
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:11,669
But with your help,
they found a way.
63
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:17,383
- Is that foreplay
or foul play?
64
00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:19,843
After the break, we find out.
65
00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,474
If it weren't for
Roger's new persona,
66
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:28,644
I wouldn't have discovered
how much I love
brushing your hair.
67
00:04:28,644 --> 00:04:33,023
I can't think of anything
more intimate we could do
in this position.
68
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,902
Getting intimate with my bros
has helped us dominate
69
00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:38,779
the Vow of the Disciple raid.
70
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:43,534
Now we alternate the leeching
force debuff while we kill
the Glyphkeepers
71
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:44,994
in Rhulk's inner sanctum.
72
00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:46,453
Thanks to Suzette,
73
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:49,957
Snot and I
took our relationship
to the next level.
74
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,001
We got matching tats.
75
00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:54,962
Oh, my God. Is nowhere safe?
76
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:58,924
I just had to watch a couple
Lady and the Tramp
a sub sandwich at work.
77
00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:00,259
Babe, you're back.
78
00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:03,345
I had such a hectic day
waiting for you in bed.
79
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:06,181
Jeff and I don't need
any of this intimacy crap.
80
00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:10,394
- Our relationship is tight.
Right, Jeff?
- Tight as a tiger.
81
00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,523
Sorry, that was a lion.
82
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:17,818
Sounds like someone is afraid
to get vulnerable.
83
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,361
Or get sexy.
84
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:23,032
Jeff and I are
sexy as hell. In fact...
85
00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:26,160
Let's go do it!
86
00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:35,753
Peace, slut.
87
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,885
♪ Scrubbin' up
my undercarriage ♪
88
00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:46,305
♪ Mediocre sex
is part of marriage ♪
89
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:53,562
Keep meeting my needs!
90
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:56,565
I'm meeting the shit
out of your needs right now.
91
00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:59,318
Needs! Needs!
92
00:06:01,737 --> 00:06:03,906
"Need. A requirement,
93
00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:06,992
"either physiological
94
00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:11,538
"or puh-sy-cho-lo-gi-cal."
95
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,248
Whoo! A lot of big words.
96
00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:17,586
Good thing I have this
dic-tee-on-ary.
97
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:23,801
O-M-G, I have needs.
But how can I get
Hayley to be intimate?
98
00:06:23,801 --> 00:06:26,428
She just wants to
hit it and quit it.
99
00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:28,722
It feels like your heart's
not in this, Rogu.
100
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:32,643
If I wanted someone to lightly
slap my back with a dead fish,
I have a guy.
101
00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:36,605
Bonsoir, you're live
with Suzette.
What's your name, lover?
102
00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:37,731
Jeff Fischer.
103
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:41,151
Oh, I mean, spelled G-E-O-F-F.
104
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:43,278
Jeff, just come up
to the attic,
for God's sake.
105
00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:46,115
I'm going off air.
Bring lotion.
106
00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:48,367
Now that's
what I'm talking about.
107
00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:50,577
It should feel like
you almost hate me.
108
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:51,954
You were saying?
109
00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:54,540
I want intimacy,
but I'm worried
Hayley doesn't.
110
00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:59,253
With a resistant partner,
you have to be crystal clear
about your needs.
111
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,671
Can you focus on my glutes?
112
00:07:00,671 --> 00:07:03,590
And when I say glutes,
I obviously mean my butthole.
113
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:11,014
Gentlemen,
have any of you heard
of something called Netflix?
114
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,724
- Why sure, I have.
115
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:14,810
It's a "streamer."
116
00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:18,188
Last night, I "streamed"
a program about
117
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:22,067
a spunky little gal
called Marie Kondo.
118
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:25,487
Marie is all about letting go
of unnecessary crap.
119
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:29,741
It made me realize
the CIA is in dire need
120
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,326
of a good decluttering.
121
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:34,621
Does this mean
you'll be inspecting
our personal workspaces?
122
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,331
Damn skippy, Weitzman.
123
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:40,085
Unless it sparks joy for me
personally,
124
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:43,088
say sayonara, sweetheart.
125
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:46,508
Ring, ring, ring.
I'm getting a call
on my spy phone.
126
00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:51,513
- Hello, Mr. President.
- Sounds important.
127
00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,567
Champers? Noice.
128
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,823
I realized if I want
my needs met,
129
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,492
it's important to be
crystal clear.
130
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,454
- So I need you to--
- Can't hear you
when you're naked.
131
00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:18,415
Now bend over. Mama wants.
132
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,632
Peace, slut.
133
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:32,554
What are you doing up?
134
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:33,889
- It's your nap time.
- No.
135
00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:37,017
- It's "we need to talk"
time, Hayley.
- Hayley?
136
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:40,687
- Someone needs a nap.
- What I need is intimacy.
137
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,522
And you're not
meeting my needs.
138
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,608
Uh, our sex life
is fire, dude.
139
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:48,320
I haven't finished from sex
with you in over a year.
140
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,113
Please.
141
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:53,450
Everyone knows it's
physically impossible
for guys to fake orgasms.
142
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,619
Sex. Sex.
143
00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:58,622
Sex!
144
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:02,042
Oh, my God.
You have been faking.
145
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,710
I don't want to
pretend anymore.
146
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:08,382
That's why I bought us tickets
to Suzette's
Intimacy Intensive
147
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:10,008
in Old Upper Lanceton.
148
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:12,803
That weird old lady
Roger persona
everyone's obsessed with?
149
00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:14,012
No way.
150
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:16,473
It starts tonight
and I'm gonna be there.
151
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,725
I hope you will be too.
152
00:09:20,269 --> 00:09:22,104
- Oh, my God.
153
00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,982
When did Jeff get a suitcase?
154
00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:31,613
How did I beat you here?
You left two hours before me.
155
00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:34,324
I had to return my suitcase.
It was a rental.
156
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:37,661
- You came!
- Yeah, and I'm not
happy about it.
157
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,580
- It smells weird in here.
That's the vulnerability.
158
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,375
It has an aroma
like a soft cheese
159
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:46,295
left to ripen gently in
the Tuscan sun.
160
00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:48,922
This psycho's gonna help us?
Right.
161
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:52,301
Our first exercise.
Let's start easy.
162
00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:55,304
Dip our toes into
the "into-me-sea."
163
00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:57,639
This time it's "sea"
like the ocean.
164
00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,474
Let's all share
with the group.
165
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:01,560
Question.
What's your favorite cereal?
166
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,979
- Fruity Pebbles.
- Fruity Pebbles.
167
00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:07,065
- Bran Flakes.
- Grape-Nuts.
168
00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:08,942
Count Chocula.
169
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,239
Babe, what's yours?
170
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:16,575
Shredded Wheat.
171
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,579
- Frosted or plain?
- Stop interrogating me!
172
00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:23,790
My favorite cereal is
my own private business!
173
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:29,629
That bitch is crazy.
There's a door right there.
174
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:34,384
Sorry, Jeff, we only have
two rules.
No singles and no refunds.
175
00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:41,516
The truth about
who killed JFK?
176
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:45,604
I prefer living
in the dark. Shred it.
177
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:48,982
This picture
of you and Captain Picard
at Comic-Con?
178
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,984
That handsome devil.
179
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:55,238
But he got a little handsy.
Trash it.
180
00:10:56,281 --> 00:11:00,327
- Some funky old rollerblades?
- My beloved.
181
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,837
Believe it or not,
I was a real rink rat.
182
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:14,758
I even won the Disco Diva
skate-off.
183
00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:17,344
I was riding high that day,
184
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:20,806
as were my gold lame shorts.
185
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:28,063
These roller skates are
my new standard for joy.
186
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:31,400
An original Van Gogh,
stolen during World War II,
187
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,027
recovered by Green Berets
in a midnight raid
188
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,904
that cost two men their lives,
189
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,531
one of whom was your father.
190
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:39,282
Barf! Burn it!
191
00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:44,287
Stop chasing me, Jeff!
Give me some space, stalker!
192
00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,916
But Jeff always follows me.
193
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,254
Oof, I do not need
another wolf bite.
194
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:03,390
I'm very sensitive
to people's energy
and yours sucks ass.
195
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:06,726
Mi poppers es su poppers.
What's your deal, dawg?
196
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:11,398
My wife jumped out a window
because I don't want sex
without intimacy.
197
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,651
What?
Intimacy is overrated.
198
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:17,571
And you can orgasm like a pig
without it.
199
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:19,865
Why would I want to orgasm
like a pig?
200
00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:23,743
Because pigs have orgasms
that last up to 90 minutes.
201
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:27,539
Maybe that's why bacon tastes
so delicious.
202
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:32,169
Listen, I built a machine
capable of giving
a pig's orgasm to humans.
203
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:36,548
And the best part is,
once you have one,
your brain changes forever.
204
00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:40,343
- You'll never need
intimacy again.
- Awesome!
205
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:43,930
If neither of us needs it,
me and Babe will
get along so great.
206
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,849
Yeah. It's like they say,
207
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:49,519
once you're squealing,
there's no need for feelings.
208
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:54,941
Where's Jeff?
209
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,068
Kind of hard to do trust falls
without a partner.
210
00:12:57,068 --> 00:13:00,572
Probably across the street
at Applebee's, that's where
most of my dropouts end up.
211
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,785
Whoopsie!
212
00:13:06,328 --> 00:13:07,704
I'm Craig Robinson!
213
00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:11,917
Have you seen my husband?
Cute butt, wears a hat.
214
00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:16,129
Yeah, he left with
some bald pervert in
a lab coat who was trying
215
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,632
to hook people up
to a pig orgasm machine.
216
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:19,966
Weitzman.
217
00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,805
- F-15?
- No joy.
218
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:26,932
Goodwill!
219
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:31,937
New mission just came in.
Drug bust.
220
00:13:31,937 --> 00:13:34,606
All we need is two Black Hawks
and a rocket launcher.
221
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,526
What have I done?
222
00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:41,780
I've gotten rid of everything
except my golden skates.
223
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:47,577
This disco diva has
a few tricks in him yet.
224
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:52,290
I'll take it from here,
gentlemen. Off I go!
225
00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:58,713
Smith, can I get a push?
226
00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:05,679
Behold, the Porkgasm 5000!
227
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:10,016
Cool. But why did you
build this again?
228
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:13,228
I believe if humans were
as sexually satisfied as pigs,
229
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:16,356
- world peace
would be imminent.
- Sure.
230
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,857
So how does it work?
231
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:21,736
The Porkgasm 5000 bypasses
your prefrontal cortex
232
00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:25,574
and connects directly to
your spank bank,
accessing your turn-ons,
233
00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:28,702
and amplifying them
5,000 times
234
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:31,830
to give you your
most bestest orgasm ever.
235
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:33,873
Sounds super scientific.
236
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:37,794
But if it's going to
save my marriage,
I'll try anything.
237
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:45,051
All right, Mr. Doctor.
Which nose hole
do I put my wiener in?
238
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,012
The helmet goes on your head.
239
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:56,646
There. All ready
to get piggy with it.
240
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:10,118
- Ugh-ugh, baby.
- Let's play doctor.
241
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:13,955
- Want to do it gorilla-style?
- You can leave your hat on.
242
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,708
Can we talk first?
243
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:19,252
Any of you want to
share your feelings?
244
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:23,506
I share feelings.
Good feelings.
245
00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:27,344
- This is...
not boding well for me.
246
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,723
You should be in hog heaven
by now, buddy.
247
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,603
Hmm. No response.
248
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,897
Maybe the oink factor's
too low.
249
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:42,108
Paper towels! Paper towels!
250
00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:52,243
Two visitors in one day?
251
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:53,870
Ha! Best day ever.
252
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:57,290
- What have you done
with my husband?
- Jeff's your husband?
253
00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,210
Oh! You're the one
who won't meet his needs.
254
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:02,629
I can totally see that.
255
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,215
Cut the crap, Weitzman.
Is Jeff okay?
256
00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:07,676
Oh, right.
He's being electrocuted.
257
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,141
Ooh. Shake it, honey.
258
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:18,061
Hey, girl. What's up?
259
00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:26,194
Mama wants.
260
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:32,826
Oh, my God! Jeff!
261
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:34,577
Oh, my God!
262
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:37,580
- Porky!
- What did you do to him,
you monster?
263
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,249
Technically,
you did this to him.
264
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:42,544
He wanted to remove
his need for intimacy
to make you happy.
265
00:16:42,544 --> 00:16:45,422
You want to see a monster?
Look in the mirror, honey.
266
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,633
- Just unplug it!
- Can't!
267
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:50,927
If Jeff doesn't orgasm
in the machine,
268
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:53,972
he'll never orgasm again
in real life.
269
00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:56,766
It's a small design flaw
I don't like to dwell on.
270
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,772
I'm going in. I'm his wife,
271
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:07,235
and if anyone can make him
orgasm like a pig, it's me.
272
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,287
Babe, is that real you?
273
00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:19,956
Jeff, I've got to
make you climax,
274
00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:21,833
or we're never
getting out of here.
275
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:25,587
But I need intimacy
to do that,
and you don't want it.
276
00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:27,046
I do want it.
277
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:31,217
It's just, there's things
I'm ashamed of.
278
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,595
Quit it.
Like what, babe?
279
00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:38,641
My first sexual experience.
It's so embarrassing.
280
00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:42,145
- I'm afraid you'll judge me.
- I could never judge you.
281
00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:44,564
This is a safe space.
282
00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:49,402
- Oh, no.
- Is that a basketball?
283
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:53,990
Wait, did you lose
your virginity
to a basketball player?
284
00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:58,161
Was it Shaq? LeBron?
The great James Naismith?
285
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,748
I'm confused.
286
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,918
I was at the park one day,
minding my business.
287
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:09,923
A little help?
288
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:22,727
After a while,
I got tired of standing,
so I sat on a basketball.
289
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:27,982
And suddenly,
for the first time,
I felt feelings...
290
00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:29,108
down there.
291
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,905
Thank you for being intimate
with me, babe!
292
00:18:33,905 --> 00:18:36,533
- I've never
felt closer to you!
- Stop!
293
00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:38,952
Don't you dare
stick him down there!
294
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:42,372
- Use this instead!
- Basketball?
295
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:44,123
Mama want!
296
00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:57,720
So, a basketball was
my first sexual partner.
297
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,473
- You don't think
I'm a big weirdo?
- Of course I do.
298
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,392
But I love you anyway.
299
00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:05,061
- And I'm really turned on.
- You are?
300
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:08,398
- Wait, I am too.
- Quick, tell me
another secret.
301
00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:11,734
Okay. Um, my adult teeth
never came in.
302
00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:15,280
These are my baby teeth.
Luckily, they're
freakishly large.
303
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,282
I pee in the shower sometimes.
304
00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:19,659
I pee in the shower
every time.
305
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:23,830
Sex!
306
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:27,083
Sex! Sex!
307
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:33,506
Here we go!
308
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:38,887
What? They're porkgasming
from intimacy?
Ugh, this is bullshit!
309
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:43,683
I need a third helmet.
310
00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:53,401
In the name of the CIA
and these skates,
surrender to justice!
311
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,070
Put down your weapons.
312
00:19:57,947 --> 00:20:00,116
"Boogie Woogie" Bullock?
313
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,076
Randy "Good Times"?
314
00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:06,998
- I haven't seen you since--
- You beat me in
the Disco Diva skate-off,
315
00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:10,793
and I turned to a life
of crime instead of
having good times.
316
00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:13,963
I'll tell you what,
Boogie Woogie.
I want a do-over.
317
00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:18,384
- And if you win,
you can bust my drugs.
- And if you win?
318
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:23,348
- I get those fabulous
golden skates.
- You're on, Good Times.
319
00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:26,726
My hip!
320
00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,813
I've had mine replaced.
321
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:41,074
Sometimes after sex,
I like to fantasize
about Medieval Times.
322
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,952
The dinner and tournament,
not the historical period.
323
00:20:43,952 --> 00:20:46,871
Babe, when you're
intimate like that,
324
00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:52,001
you turn "after sex"
into "right before" sex.
325
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,089
Ew, get a room.
24262
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