All language subtitles for Horrible Histories s11e01 Brilliant Brains.eng

# Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians

# Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians

# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy
castles, daring knights

# Horrors that defy description
Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians

# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
Punishment from ancient times

# Romans rotten, rank and ruthless
Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless

# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and
measly Middle Ages

# Gory stories, we do that

# And your host, a talking rat

# The past is no longer a mystery

# Welcome to...

# Horrible Histories. #

Horrible Histories presents...

History is filled with brilliant
brains

who've changed our lives with their
amazing ideas,

theories and inventions.

And my Victorian age was stuffed with
them!

Charles Dickens transformed writing
- I love his stuff.

Florence Nightingale basically created
modern nursing.

You're welcome!

And Charles Darwin revolutionised
scientific theory -

two of them also had great facial
hair.

Not all of our Victorian brainboxes'
ideas were winners, though.

Polish eye doctor LL Zamenhof, for
example,

thought he'd invented a way of
bringing about world peace.

Spoiler alert - he hadn't.

- Ahem. Friends, you represent the
great

countries of the world.

And I believe that I have the answer
for creating world peace.

- Really, Dr Zamenhof?

Ha! How is an unknown Polish eye
doctor going to come up

with a plan for world peace?

We all speak different languages.

Half of the group can't understand
what you're saying!

- IN FRENCH:

- See?

- There's the answer!

I believe that the world's problems
are down to poor communication.

So I've come up with a new language.

It's simple and easy to learn

and will become the language of
international communication.

Let me tell you a little bit about it.

- MUSIC: IN THE STYLE OF DESPACITO

- # Any sort of fighting, I abhor

# We need to find a way to prevent war

# And I think that language is the
solution

- ALL:
- # Ah-ah-ah

- # A peaceful way of resolving things

# There's no need for more battling

# Here's a way to stop this confusion

# Esperanto

# It's a language that I created in
Poland

# A way that we can keep the
conversation flowing

# A way of talking that will only keep
on growing

# Esperanto

# It's a simple language to unite the
people

# It's a way of speaking that'll make
us equal

# We can sort out problems in a way
that's peaceful

# It's easy to learn

# There's no crazy grammar

# It follows simple rules everyone can
understand, yeah

# A mixture of languages, but here's
the surprise

# There are some words you might
recognise

# A bird is birdo

# Cat is kato

# A cake is kuko

# Baby is bebo

# Club is klubo

# River, rivero

# Music, muziko

# Problem, problemo

- # Stop me if I'm wrong

# I wouldn't want to offend

# You're just taking a word

# And sticking an O on the end

- # I see why you've said that

# There's really more to it

# Don't be put off

# Everyone here can do it

- # Esperanto

# It's a language that I created in
Poland

# A way that we can keep the
conversation flowing

# A way of talking that will only keep
on growing

# Esperanto

# It's a simple language to unite the
people

# It's a way of speaking that'll make
us equal

# We can sort out problems in a way
that's peaceful

- # Esperanto! #

Any questions?

- I wonder if rat is rato in
Esperanto.

I guess we'll never know-o.

Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha!

Welcome to our look at

some brilliant historical brains.

And here to help us out is someone who
seems to know everything.

It's actual Chaser, The Beast Mark
Labbett.

Hello, Mark.
- Hello, Rattus.

- Let's test your brainiac
credentials, then.

When was the Battle of Hastings?

- 1066.

- Oh! You are good.

What's the biggest organ in the human
body?

- The skin.

- Speedy!

Who is the next sketch about?

- What? How am I supposed to know
that?!

Oh, bad luck, Mark!

- No, hang on, how was I supposed to
know that?

You never told me!
- All right, mate!

Don't go on about it.

No-one likes a sore loser.

The answer is John Wilkins.

In the 17th century, he was a member
of The Royal Society,

a place where the brainboxes of the
time went to swap ideas.

And it was there that Wilkins
presented an amazing idea

that we still use today,

just not quite in the same way

FLUSHING

What's the capital of Ecuador?

- I'm not playing any more!

- But it's Quito.

Nice!

- And so I am delighted to present to
you,

fellow members of the Royal Society,

my design for a submarine ark.

- Ooh!

- A boat that travels under the water.

- Oh!
- Ha!

- Now, this ark, or submarine boat,

could change everything.

Imagine a vessel that could travel to
any coast in the world

completely undetected.
- Ooh.

- It won't be affected by the tides

or threatened by the ice when crossing
under the Poles.

- Cool.

- There's just one problem which may
mean this boat

can never be built.

I refer, of course, to how you deal
with...

..when you need to go.

- Go where?

- I know - on a voyage.

- No, no, no.
- Oh! - No, no, no, no.

I'm talking about the toilet.

The little dolphin's room.

What do you do with the doodoo?

- Oh. The poo.

- I'm not sure we need the diagram.

- I disagree!

Imagine you're in a submarine and
you're having a poo.

Are you imagining it?

- Yes, I think I've got it.

- Good, now, what do you do with the
poo?

- Throw it out the window?

- No, well, you'll be under the sea,

so water would flood in and sink the
boat.

- True, but I have the answer.

- What is it?

- It's a poo collecting bag.

It would be attached to a hole in the
submarine.

You simply pop your poop inside,

close it up at one end, release the
other and, hey, presto!

Away goes the poo.

- Poo aside, Wilkins,

I believe you've actually invented
some kind of air lock.

This could be revolutionary.

- I know, right.

Super pooper.

- No, no, no, but you could use the
same system to stock up

with food and fuel without ever having
to come to the surface.

- Yes! A boat could lower them in from
above

and you could take them in through the
hole!

- This isn't just for poos,

this could be used for everything.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Right?!

It's just a poo bag - for getting rid
of poo!

Do you want a demonstration? It's
really simple.

Look, right, you hold the bag out,
right?

- Oh, absolutely not!
- Oh!

- Look, Wilkins, this submarine is a
triumph,

but your poo bags stink.

- All right, fine. But in the future,
if you're ever in a submarine boat

and you feel a poo coming on, don't
come crying to me!

- LOUD FART

- Ooh! Ooh.

I, erm, had a big lunch.

- Oh, it's...just reached me.
- Oh!

Headteacher Ruth Thomas is looking for
a new physics teacher

after Miss Evan's shoelaces got caught
in Class 9F's rocket

and she suddenly relocated to Norfolk.

Welcome to Historical Educating.

- I'm quite excited about our new
supply teacher.

He was such an important scientific
figure

that he has more things named after
him than almost anyone else.

Humboldt Mountains.

Humboldt Park.

Humboldt City.

Then there's even a part of the moon
called Mare Humboldtianum.

Yeah.

- Class 7F's new teacher is Alexander
Von Humboldt.

- Morgen!

- ALL:
- Good morning, Mr Alexander Von Humboldt.

- Now, hands up,

who wants to help me with a scientific
experiment?

- Me, me!

- Ja, Toby.

- Ow!
- Very interesting.

Who else would like to help?

- DISSENTING MURMURS No.

- OK.

- Mr Von Humboldt experiments with
animals and electricity,

which doesn't seem right,

because that's what Stephen Wilkins in
7P got excluded for.

- Here we have a beautiful dead bird.

- KIDS GASP

- Well, who here wants to see if we
can

bring this birdie back to life with
some electricity?

Yeah! Let's do this!

- ELECRICITY CRACKLES, POPS

KIDS GASP

- Well, that didn't work.

- He's such a science legend.

In fact, there's over 100 animals
named after him -

like the Humboldt squid.

- ELECTRICITY HUMS Sir, that doesn't
look very safe.

- Ah, don't worry, I've done this test
before.

Sticking a wire up your bottom

is a perfectly valid scientific test.

Nothing can happen to me,

unless someone switches on the light.

- Mr Von Humboldt,

what do you think you're doing?!

- ALL:
- No!

- ELECTRICITY POPS, HE SCREAMS

- Wow!

- How would you say that went?

- Pretty good.

Look, I don't know what the fuss is
about.

Thanks to my experiment,

we now know that electrocuting
yourself through the bottom

leads to nausea, cramps,

and it makes you do a little bit of
wee.

- You're fired, Mr Von Humboldt.

You know the way out.

- I actually don't know the way out.

- Oh!

Excuse me.

I seem to have retained a little
charge in my buttocks.

- Ah!

- Ever been tempted to see what
happens if you attach

electrodes to your bum, Mark?

- What? No, of course not.

- ELECTRICITY CRACKLES RATTUS YELLS

RATTUS COUGHS

No, me neither.

- And I can smell burning fur.

- At least you can't FEEL it.

Anyways, it's no surprise

that some of history's biggest brains
have tried to tackle

history's biggest challenges -

like how to help win wars and how to
save lives.

Marie Curie tried to do both.

What do you know about her, Mark?

- She was a brilliant Polish-French
physicist

who did pioneering work with
radioactivity.

- Correct.

And during the First World War,

she used her knowledge about X-rays

to try and help soldiers on the front
line.

- Whoa!

Do you need to sit down?

- I don't think I'll be sitting down

for some time Mark.

RATTUS SIGHS

- What's up! Marie Curie here -

scientist, brainbox and winner of two
Nobel Prizes.

Count 'em!

The Science Institute where I teach
has shut

because all the men have been called
up into the French army

to fight against Germany in this Great
War.

I really want to help them,

so I am sending X-ray machines to the
battlefields,

where doctors can use them to check
for broken bones... - Ahh!

- ..and bits of metal in the wounded
soldiers.

- Let's go save some lives!

- SHE STRAINS

- Oh, that is very heavy.

- SHE HEAVES

SHE GROANS, FARTS

- OK, pas de probleme. That's French
for...

I have simply adapted both the X-ray
machines

and the ambulance to serve our
purpose!

Woohoo!

- Let's go!

- HORN BLARES

CRASH!

- Whoops.

OK, problem solved.

My 17-year-old daughter Irene can do
the driving

while I am learning.

Pedal to the metal, Irene!

- Come on!

- HORN BLARES

CRASH!

- OK, we have made it to the front
line

and we are ready to go to work!

Er, lieutenant, if you can just...

- Erm...

No. OK.

If it's just, er...

OK, so I have only really taught about
X-rays,

I haven't really used the machines
before as such.

- SCREAMING

- Well, everything has settled down a
bit.

And I have organised 200 battlefield
X-ray units

and 20 of these mobile X-ray
ambulances.

They've even called them Little Curies
after me -

so cute!

So I think I can say I have done my
bit.

Au revoir!

Come on. Little Curie away!

- HORN BLARES

CRASH!

Well, Dr Skinner.

We're hoping you've come up with
something that will help us

to defeat the Nazis.

- Gentlemen, I believe I have.

A massive advance in missile accuracy

piloted missiles.

- Piloted?

But who would be stupid enough to
pilot a missile

that was going to explode?

COOING

- Gentlemen, meet your new pilot.

- PIGEON COOS

You want a pigeon to fly the bomb?

- Of course not!

- THEY CHUCKLE

- I want three pigeons to fly the
bomb.

Gentlemen, each pigeon harnessed
inside the missile

has been trained to peck at the target

when they see it.

This pecking transmits a signal

via the bird's beak which controls

the bomb's tail fins and directs it
towards the target!

"Oh, nein, you've destroyed my Nazi
battleship!

"Who'd have suspected a pigeon?!

"Oh, somebody give Skinner a
promotion."

- Are we being pranked?

Do you want us to entrust the war
to...to birds?!

- These are no ordinary birds, sir.
- PIGEON COOS

- My pigeons are graduates of the
Skinner School of Aviation.

- You created a flying school for
pigeons?

- Well, they're...

They're not going to train themselves,
are they?

Who is this guy?

- SKINNER LAUGHS

- Let me show you something.

- GUNSHOTS

Whoa! What are you doing?!

- A demonstration, sir!

Each pigeon has been trained to ignore

the distractions of war.

- SHUTTER CLICKS

Ah, my eyes! My eyes!

- See, it didn't even flinch.

- Thank you, Dr Skinner.

We have heard enough.

I'm sorry to disappoint you,

but it's a terrible idea.

I'm sure implementing your pigeon plan
would have been

a real coup and I don't want you to
get in a flap...

PIGEON COOS, WINGS FLUTTER ..but it's
time for you

and your pigeons to take off.

Hey, where did that pigeon go?

FARTING

PIGEON COOS

- I told you they were trained to hit
enemy targets.

- OK, so not all wartime ideas were
winners.

You know, Mark, some people say

pigeons are like rats with wings.

Talk about a compliment!

I'd make a great pigeon.

RATTUS CLEARS THROAT

RATTUS COOS

RATTUS SQUAWKS

- Let's move on to a brilliant wartime
brain

who really did change all our lives.

Alan Turing.

- Oh, good call!

He helped crack an unbreakable Nazi
code

in World War II and turned the tide of
the war.

However, not everything this genius
did was quite as clever.

RATTUS COOS

- You know, I didn't expect Alan
Turing,

one of the geniuses who cracked the
secret Nazi code,

a top computing wizard, to be quite so
eccentric.

- What do you mean eccentric?

- Well, at work, you keep your mug
chained to a radiator.

- That's not eccentric,

that's clever!

It means I know exactly where my mug
is at all times.

- And you hold your trousers up with
string.

- Of course I do!

They fall down without it.

- One time, I saw you cycle to work
wearing a gas mask.

- Well, that's to stop me getting hay
fever -

and it works.

- Then there's the fact you've got us

pushing an empty baby buggy around the
woods.

- I've got to put the treasure in
something when I find it, haven't I?

- Treasure?

- Yes. You see, back in 1940,

I discovered that silver would be
worth more after the war.

- OK.
- And so I took my life savings and converted them

into two heavy silver ingots.

- Now that IS clever.

- I then came into the woods, buried
the silver,

and now we are going to dig it up
again.

- And you remember where you buried
it?

- That's the cleverest part, I don't
need to.

I designed a code to tell me where the
treasure is.

And it's so devilishly difficult

that only I can crack it.

All I need to do is solve the code

and we'll know where the silver's
buried.

- Well, what does the code say?

- Erm, just a minute.

- You can't crack the code, can you?

- Of course I can!

I've cracked some of the most fiendish
codes ever created!

What, you really think I can't crack
my own code?!

All right, fine!

I haven't a clue!

Curse past me for being cleverer than
future me!

- Let's hire a metal detector.

- No, I remember it was by a big tree.

BIRD CAWS

- Would you like me to get that metal
detector?

- Yes, please. Yeah.

And a belt.
- Yeah.

- Ni hao. Confucius here.

Teacher, philosopher,

writer of nifty sayings such as,

"When the wind blows, the grass
bends."

- HE FARTS

- But what you may not know is I also
turned my mind

to the serious subject of food.

I had some very strong views -

such as you should always eat meat
with its proper sauce.

And of course, I hate peaches!

No!

Seriously, ugh!

Say no to peaches!

Down with peaches!

Oh, no, wait, it's a plum.

Panic over.

- # Yeah! #

- Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin, and I walked on
the moon.

That wouldn't have been possible
without brainboxes

studying the stars and working out how
to get me there.

As far back as the Ancient Greek
times,

people were staring up at the heavens

and trying to understand how space
might work -

although the people around them at the
time

weren't always ready to understand
their genius.

Ugh!

I wish they'd also thought of a way of
letting THOSE out of a spacesuit.

OWL HOOTS

- Attention, people of Thessaly.

I, Aglaonice,

have been studying the moon

as I help develop a science called
astronomy.

- Astrona...what now?

- The science of the stars.

And today I'm able to give you

the perfect example of the uses of
this science.

Yay!

- Can you juggle? There was a juggler
last week.

- Oh, he was great.

- Top class entertainer.
- Yeah.

- N-No. No. But this is much more
exciting than juggling.

Using astronomy,

I can predict when there will be a
full moon.

And I can predict a lunar eclipse.

- What, like when the moon disappears
or changes colour?

Ha! Sure you can!

- I predict that there will be a lunar
eclipse right now.

- TERRIFIED GASPS

- Ohh!

- SHE SQUEALS

- See? Astronomy is pretty cool,
right?

- She's changed the moon!

- What? No.

I just told you when it would change,

it's going to be back to normal in a
second.

- See?

- ALL:
- Ah!

- She's a moon witch!

- What?
- Oh!

Oh, please, don't use your moon witch
powers against us!

- I'm not a witch, I just love
astronomy.

And I'm like really clever.

You wouldn't act like this if I was a
man.

- That's exactly what a moon witch
WOULD say!

CROWD WHIMPERS

- Please, do not hurt us, oh, moon
witch!

- Look, let me explain.

- Ahh! Her face has gone!

PANICKED CRIES

- She's gone and vanished it with her
moon witchy powers.

- W-What?

No! Her face is back!

It was gone, now it's back!

She can make her face go and come at
will!

- Right, come on, guys, this is silly.

Stop worrying about moon powers.

- Thank you!

- If we worship her,

she may use her powers for good.

- CROWD WARBLE

- I'm just an astronomer who's devoted
years to understanding the stars!

- We have angered her!

We wear her wrath!

- Tell us about your astronomy,

if it will so please you, oh, moon
witch.

- Tell us your boring information!

- OK, it's quite simple, really.

The moon, it goes through several of
what we call phases -

starting with the new moon

and then the first quarter.

- And then, erm...

- Shall we see if that juggler's on
somewhere else?

- All of which I control with my moony
witchy powers.

- I knew it!

Oh, she's going to turn us all into
moon frogs! - Oh!

- At least they're listening, I guess.

- COMPUTER GAME TRILLS

Hi, I'm Katherine Johnson,

and my marvellous mind helped me
graduate from college

with degrees in Maths and French at
just 18 years old.

Mm-hm, mm-hm!

I believe that Mathematics is out of
this world,

which is why I joined the American
Space Agency NASA.

I worked on the mathematics of space
flight

and helped NASA to launch a rocket to
orbit the Earth

and then land on the Moon.

I was so good at maths,

the astronaut John Glenn said my mind
was smarter than a computer.

Before his 1962 mission to orbit the
Earth,

he refused to fly until I had
personally double checked

the computer's calculations.

Although if I am really smarter than a
computer,

how come I can never win this game?

GAME TRILLS

Oh!

Just five more minutes, then I will
definitely get back to work.

Probably.

COMPUTER:
- Game over. - Damn!

- # Yeah! #

- # Loo Man, Loo Man

# The living toilet poo man

# From the Middle Ages with a bucket
so that you can

# Have a poo in a private place

# Sitting on my bucket with a cape to
hide your face

# And bum, and when you're done

# I will charge depending if you did a
two or one

# Loo Man! #

- Please welcome today's historical
figure

who really needs the loo, Ada
Lovelace!

- CHEERING

Greetings, friend.

- Ah... What is this?

- Are you Ada Lovelace?

The super brainy 19th century writer
and mathematician?

- Well, yes, but...

- Then I am Loo Man!

APPLAUSE, CHEERING

- I'm sorry,

I was under the impression

that this was the little
mathematician's room.

- I really, really need to...

Ada Lovelace, you have -

via means we do not need to go into
right now -

travelled through time from the 19th
century,

to use my first-rate toilet
facilities!

- Oh, marvellous.

Where are they?

FLIES BUZZ

People are usually quite impressed by
them.

- Really?

Answer questions one and two

and I'll let you do a...

AUDIENCE:
- Poo!

- It's Plop Quiz time!

- What?

- Mathematician Ada Lovelace,

you must answer two questions about
your life

before you may work out

your pressing logarithm.

- Fine, just get on with it!

- Question number one -

what is your weirdest secret?

- Well, when I was a teenager,

I developed an irrational fear of
beds,

- SHE FARTS

No, that is pretty weird.

Question number two.

Tell us a little-known fact about you,
Ada Lovelace.

- Well, I...

I worked with my friend, the inventor
Charles Babbage.

I described how he could programme his
computational machine

to solve complex calculations.

- Charles Babbage is remembered as

the inventor of something called a
computer.

And you're remembered as one of the
first computer programmers.

- Yes, that's right! I've... I've...

I've done your questions now.

Gangway!
- You may pass.

LAUGHTER

Join us next time

when I'll be stopping more historical
celebs...

..from doing a poo

to ask questions just for you.

CHEERING, APPLAUSE

FARTING

Now your ones and twos are really
adding up there, Ada.

LAUGHTER

A strange guy, Loo Man.

We've got something in common, you
know.

- Is it the smell?

- No! We both look good in a cape.

What do you mean the smell?

Charming!

- Well, you do live in the sewer.

- Hmm, that's fair.

Well, we've come to the end

and I suppose the best advice

if you want to be a brilliant brain
like that lot is

to try your best.

- Be creative, think outside the box.

- And be as unusual as you like.

This lady certainly did that.

12th century German nun Hildegard Von
Bingen was

a brainy pioneer who did a bit of
everything.

CYMBAL CRASHES

Cos, you know, cos she... She's a nun.

- That's a terrible joke!

- CYMBAL CRASHES

RATTUS LAUGHS

MUSIC: IN THE STYLE OF BLINDING LIGHTS

- # Since the age of seven

# I've been living in the nunnery

# Hildegard Von Bingen, that is me

# I'm quite brainy

# Cos I feel inspired

# So many ideas bursting through

# My brain hums with things to do

# Every day... #

- HE COUGHS

- # I look around and the sick need
meds to cure them

# I write mine down in book form

# Let's spread our knowledge round the
V-H-world

# And I say

# "Ooh, well, I'm guided by insights

# "My mind is firing, I've got to note
this down"

# Und I say

# "Ooh, so many books to write

# "Got to share all of this knowledge
that I've found"

# For a bit of fun

# I made up a secret language... #

- FARTING

- What dog?

# And music is my thing

# I write hymns and chants to sing

# The first musical morality play

# Ja, I say

# I look around and the natural world
astounds me

# Note down all that surrounds me... #

Wrote nine volumes.

# I think I covered ev-ery-thing!

# Und I say

# "Ooh, my mind is feeling bright

# "Yes, I'm a woman, but I've got
knowledge, too"

# I'm writing letters every day
- Letters every day

- # To popes and emperors to say
- Emperors to say

- # "If you listen, I can show you a
better way"

# Und I say

# "Ooh, I'm guided by insights

# "My mind is firing, hope I'm
inspiring you"

# Und I say

# Ooh, the future's looking bright

# If we can think it, we could make it
true. #

- I, Agalo...

- LAUGHTER

What you do with...

OK. That's more difficult than it
looks.

- And helped NASA to launch a rocket
to the orbid...

- LAUGHTER

# The past is no longer a mystery

# Hope you enjoyed

# Horrible Histories. #

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