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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,540 --> 00:00:09,859 Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians, Slimy Stuarts 2 00:00:09,860 --> 00:00:12,659 Vile Victorians, Woeful Wars, Ferocious Fights, Dingy Castles 3 00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:15,579 Daring Knights, Horrors that defy description, Cut-throat Celts 4 00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:17,739 Awful Egyptians, Vicious Vikings, Cruel Crimes 5 00:00:17,740 --> 00:00:20,659 Punishments from ancient times, Roman, Rotten, Rank and Ruthless 6 00:00:20,660 --> 00:00:22,259 Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless, Groovy Greeks 7 00:00:22,260 --> 00:00:24,419 Brainy sages, Mean and Measly Middle Ages 8 00:00:24,420 --> 00:00:27,139 Gory Stories, we do that 9 00:00:27,140 --> 00:00:29,739 And your host, a talking rat 10 00:00:29,740 --> 00:00:32,619 The past is no longer a mystery 11 00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:37,500 Welcome to Horrible Histories. # 12 00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:46,299 This week in Good Day Magazine, it's our Brunel Special. 13 00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:49,059 BRISTOLIAN ACCENT: Oi, down here! Hello. 14 00:00:49,060 --> 00:00:51,659 We've got an exclusive interview with a little giant. 15 00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:52,939 Hey, less of the little! 16 00:00:52,940 --> 00:00:55,139 I'm six foot tall if you include the hat. 17 00:00:55,140 --> 00:00:56,979 Yes, it's Isambard Kingdom Brunel, 18 00:00:56,980 --> 00:00:58,979 the man behind the Clifton Suspension Bridge, 19 00:00:58,980 --> 00:01:00,259 the Great Western Railway 20 00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:03,099 and the transatlantic steamship, the SS Great Britain. 21 00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:05,979 Read how the most famous engineer in Victorian Britain is also 22 00:01:05,980 --> 00:01:07,339 an amateur magician. 23 00:01:07,340 --> 00:01:12,180 Watch as I make this half sovereign disappear before your very eyes. 24 00:01:12,181 --> 00:01:16,499 Find out how Brunel got a half sovereign coin 25 00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:17,539 caught in his throat 26 00:01:17,540 --> 00:01:19,419 and then invented a machine to dislodge it. 27 00:01:19,420 --> 00:01:20,659 It's not working! 28 00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:22,939 And read how Brunel's father saved the day. 29 00:01:22,940 --> 00:01:25,979 Dad, you're so embarrassing! I'm still choking. 30 00:01:25,980 --> 00:01:28,459 His dad invented a machine that turned him upside down... 31 00:01:28,460 --> 00:01:29,499 Oh! 32 00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:30,539 ..to dislodge the coin. 33 00:01:30,540 --> 00:01:32,619 Oh, look at that! It worked. Well done, Dad. 34 00:01:32,620 --> 00:01:36,459 Plus the miraculous story of a lucky escape from one of Brunel's bridges. 35 00:01:36,460 --> 00:01:38,499 I fell from Clifton Suspension Bridge, 36 00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:42,859 but my huge Victorian skirt acted as a parachute and I survived, 37 00:01:42,860 --> 00:01:44,419 though my dress didn't. 38 00:01:44,420 --> 00:01:46,779 I landed in a ton of mud. 39 00:01:46,780 --> 00:01:50,059 Read my shocking story, only in Good Day Magazine. 40 00:01:50,060 --> 00:01:51,459 So don't be caught short. 41 00:01:51,460 --> 00:01:52,619 I'm not short! 42 00:01:52,620 --> 00:01:54,819 Buy your copy of Good Day Magazine today, 43 00:01:54,820 --> 00:01:56,779 price only a half sovereign coin. 44 00:01:56,780 --> 00:01:59,019 But be careful not to get it stuck in your throat. 45 00:01:59,020 --> 00:02:00,779 Like me! 46 00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:04,419 Brunel was a Victorian engineering genius 47 00:02:04,420 --> 00:02:08,259 but it took his dad's brains to dislodge a coin he swallowed. 48 00:02:08,260 --> 00:02:11,299 Brunel knew the coin was missing when he checked his change 49 00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:13,819 and realised he was a little short. 50 00:02:13,820 --> 00:02:15,299 I heard that! > 51 00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:16,659 Sorry. 52 00:02:16,660 --> 00:02:20,420 Another brainy Victorian was a certain Mary Anning. 53 00:02:21,420 --> 00:02:23,419 CLEARS THROAT 54 00:02:23,420 --> 00:02:24,459 Excuse me. 55 00:02:24,460 --> 00:02:27,859 I'm looking for a Mary Anning. She sells shells. 56 00:02:27,860 --> 00:02:29,259 - Sea shells? - On the seashore. 57 00:02:29,260 --> 00:02:30,539 You sure? 58 00:02:30,540 --> 00:02:33,579 Yes, I'm sure she sells sea shells on the seashore. 59 00:02:33,580 --> 00:02:36,859 Are you sure that the shells she sells are sea shells? 60 00:02:36,860 --> 00:02:40,179 Yes, the shells she sells on the seashore are sea shells, 61 00:02:40,180 --> 00:02:41,659 I'm sure. Have you seen her? 62 00:02:41,660 --> 00:02:45,299 No. But there is a woman down there selling fossils, look. 63 00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:46,350 Thank you. 64 00:02:48,580 --> 00:02:50,339 Good day, young lady. 65 00:02:50,340 --> 00:02:54,979 I'm what they call a geologist. I study old rocks and fossils 66 00:02:54,980 --> 00:02:56,019 and so on. 67 00:02:56,020 --> 00:02:57,859 Yeah, I do know what a geologist is. 68 00:02:57,860 --> 00:03:00,339 I'm sure you do, you clever thing. 69 00:03:00,340 --> 00:03:04,219 I say, look at this, everyone! An incredibly rare 70 00:03:04,220 --> 00:03:08,059 and important fossil I found right here on Lyme Regis beach. 71 00:03:08,060 --> 00:03:09,939 Err, I think you mean that I found. 72 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:13,539 Why, yes. You picked it up off the beach because it looked nice 73 00:03:13,540 --> 00:03:16,899 and pretty, no doubt, but it takes a proper geologist like me 74 00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:19,699 to recognise it for what it really is. 75 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,379 The tail of a plesiosaur. 76 00:03:22,380 --> 00:03:24,539 No, the wing of a Terrorsaur. 77 00:03:24,540 --> 00:03:25,579 Really? 78 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:28,659 I know more about dinosaurs than virtually anyone else in the world. 79 00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:31,259 I've been discovering their bones down here for years. 80 00:03:31,260 --> 00:03:34,539 If I wasn't a woman, I'd be rich and famous now cos of my finds. 81 00:03:34,540 --> 00:03:36,899 Instead, I'm down here on the beach with my brother, 82 00:03:36,900 --> 00:03:39,699 selling my collection to make ends meet. 83 00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:42,459 My, what an imagination you have! 84 00:03:42,460 --> 00:03:45,339 No, it was me who discovered the first ichthyosaur skeleton 85 00:03:45,340 --> 00:03:47,499 and worked out it was a dolphin-like dinosaur, so. 86 00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:49,979 Now I know for a fact that isn't true 87 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:54,179 cos this Royal Society papers, published by a very famous 88 00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,739 scientist, said it was, um... 89 00:03:56,740 --> 00:04:00,059 Well, it doesn't say who it was who found it, but finding it's the easy 90 00:04:00,060 --> 00:04:03,219 bit. It's cleaning it and preparing it that's the really hard work. 91 00:04:03,220 --> 00:04:04,579 Well, that was me as well. 92 00:04:04,580 --> 00:04:07,179 Look, love. Just cos you found the odd fossil doesn't make you 93 00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,139 some sort of expert or something. 94 00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:12,539 The odd fossil? I've been discovering fossils my whole life! 95 00:04:12,540 --> 00:04:17,539 I found ammonites, I found belemnites, I found coprolites... 96 00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:19,579 Coprolites? What are they? 97 00:04:19,580 --> 00:04:22,299 - Fossilized dinosaur poo. - Oh, goodness! 98 00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:24,499 Yeah, I was the first to identify all of these, so. 99 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,739 Look, if this were true, I'm sure I'd have met 100 00:04:26,740 --> 00:04:29,139 you in London at the Geological Society. 101 00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:32,019 Well, I'm not allowed to join, am I, cos I'm a woman? 102 00:04:32,020 --> 00:04:33,819 All right, calm down! 103 00:04:33,820 --> 00:04:37,419 Oh, no. I am calm cos I discovered another dinosaur today. 104 00:04:37,420 --> 00:04:38,539 Really, which one? 105 00:04:38,540 --> 00:04:40,219 You! 106 00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:42,059 That is an ammonite. 107 00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:43,659 That's a belemnite. 108 00:04:43,660 --> 00:04:44,939 And that is a coprolite. 109 00:04:44,940 --> 00:04:47,460 Oh, and have another belemnite while you're at it! 110 00:05:16,740 --> 00:05:17,900 Elephant catapult? 111 00:05:19,700 --> 00:05:21,539 ELEPHANT TRUMPETS 112 00:05:21,540 --> 00:05:22,579 CRASHING 113 00:05:22,580 --> 00:05:23,630 Huh. 114 00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:29,699 Yes, us ancient Greeks came up with a lot of new words, 115 00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:32,780 and they helped us explain our groundbreaking ideas. 116 00:05:37,980 --> 00:05:40,699 Hello, there. I'm an ancient Greek scientist. 117 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:42,579 Science, it's all Greek to me. 118 00:05:42,580 --> 00:05:44,579 Of course it is. I'm Greek! 119 00:05:44,580 --> 00:05:46,619 That's why I'm able to tell you about the wonders 120 00:05:46,620 --> 00:05:48,499 of the ancient Greek universe. 121 00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:50,699 It's amazing! 122 00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:53,099 Even though we ancient Greeks lived a very long time ago, 123 00:05:53,100 --> 00:05:55,179 we were amazing scientists. 124 00:05:55,180 --> 00:05:57,379 It was us that worked out that rainbows are a natural 125 00:05:57,380 --> 00:05:59,819 phenomenon and not the work of the gods. 126 00:05:59,820 --> 00:06:02,659 They're not made of magic. They're natural, like waterfalls 127 00:06:02,660 --> 00:06:04,739 and hamsters. 128 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:06,499 It's amazing! 129 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,299 It was an ancient Greek called Xenophanes who worked out that 130 00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:12,099 because we find seaside fossils on the tops of mountains, 131 00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:15,419 the surface of the Earth must have risen and fallen over the years. 132 00:06:15,420 --> 00:06:17,499 It's ancient Greek scientific fact. 133 00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:21,339 How else did they get there? They can't walk. They're fossils! 134 00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:23,939 It was us ancient Greeks who first worked out that the nervous 135 00:06:23,940 --> 00:06:27,099 system is linked to the brain, all matter's made up of atoms 136 00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:29,219 and the sun is the centre of the Milky Way. 137 00:06:29,220 --> 00:06:31,899 They were all ancient Greek scientific facts. 138 00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:35,579 All of them! Look at the big brain on us - pwch! 139 00:06:35,580 --> 00:06:40,099 We're amazing! We even invented steam power and vending machines. 140 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:43,179 Well, that's all for this week. Thanks for watching and... 141 00:06:43,180 --> 00:06:45,859 Sorry, Brian. Sorry. Where's all the crazy stuff? 142 00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:46,899 What you talking about? 143 00:06:46,900 --> 00:06:49,699 Well, normally you tell all the crazy stuff and then I've got to get 144 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:52,499 these fellas to come in and cart you away. So come on! let's hear all 145 00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:55,299 this mad scientific rubbish that you ancient Greeks believed in. 146 00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:57,939 Well, there isn't any. We're just really smart. 147 00:06:57,940 --> 00:07:00,459 Oh, right. That's lunch everybody. 148 00:07:00,460 --> 00:07:02,459 Thanks, lads. Cheers, Brian. 149 00:07:02,460 --> 00:07:03,540 - OK? - All right. 150 00:07:04,820 --> 00:07:05,939 Oh, I nearly forgot. 151 00:07:05,940 --> 00:07:09,059 We also believed that the planet Earth is floating in water. 152 00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:10,659 OK, lads. Usual business. 153 00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:13,979 And that in India, there are ants as big as dogs that dig up gold 154 00:07:13,980 --> 00:07:15,059 and eat camels. 155 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:18,540 It's ancient Green scientific fact. Amazing! 156 00:07:23,420 --> 00:07:25,939 You've probably heard of Tutankhamun. 157 00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:28,340 But have you heard of THIS mighty pharaoh? 158 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:37,219 Hello. I have come to pitch the story of the greatest 159 00:07:37,220 --> 00:07:38,979 pharaoh of all time. 160 00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:40,459 You must be King Tut. 161 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,139 Tut! I am Ramesses the Great. 162 00:07:43,140 --> 00:07:45,059 Ohargh! Big head alert! 163 00:07:45,060 --> 00:07:48,419 We'll be the judge of who's great around here, Mr Ramalamadingdong. 164 00:07:48,420 --> 00:07:50,219 My name is Ramesses. 165 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,099 So is King Tut, like, just a nickname? 166 00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:55,659 I'm not King Tut. I am Ramesses II! 167 00:07:55,660 --> 00:07:57,779 The Second? You were the Great a minute ago. 168 00:07:57,780 --> 00:08:01,379 I ruled Egypt for 66 years. Tutankhamun died 169 00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:02,899 when he was just 18. 170 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,419 A boy pharaoh. I like that. 171 00:08:04,420 --> 00:08:06,619 We could give him a pet, like a talking sphinx. 172 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:09,099 - Is Robin Williams available? - I love Robbie Williams! 173 00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:10,979 Rob-in Williams. 174 00:08:10,980 --> 00:08:12,339 I love Robbie Williams! 175 00:08:12,340 --> 00:08:15,579 I am not the boy pharaoh! I am Ramesses the Great. 176 00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:17,139 Ohargh! 177 00:08:17,140 --> 00:08:18,779 Would you please stop doing that? 178 00:08:18,780 --> 00:08:20,739 Tantrum! Did anyone say diva? 179 00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:23,299 In his short reign, Tutankhamun achieved nothing. 180 00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:26,619 I made Egypt the richest, most powerful place on the planet. 181 00:08:26,620 --> 00:08:29,979 I waged great wars that changed the course of history. 182 00:08:29,980 --> 00:08:32,779 I built countless gigantic monuments. 183 00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:36,459 Oh, now we're getting somewhere. So you built the pyramids? 184 00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:40,819 Well, no. They'd been there for a long time before I became pharaoh. 185 00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,099 So you built the Sphinx? 186 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:46,859 Yeah. Again, that was somebody else, way before my time. 187 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,739 But I made loads of other stuff. 188 00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:52,659 The temples at Abu Simbel, the entire new city of Pi-Ramesses 189 00:08:52,660 --> 00:08:56,339 and, of course, my incredible mortuary temple, the Ramesseum. 190 00:08:56,340 --> 00:08:58,339 Did you have a famous tomb, like King Tut? 191 00:08:58,340 --> 00:09:01,059 Now I've heard of that. It was filled with incredible treasure. 192 00:09:01,060 --> 00:09:04,019 His tomb was rubbish! It was all hidden underground. 193 00:09:04,020 --> 00:09:05,699 It was nothing compared to mine. 194 00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:08,499 I'm telling you, it's my story you want. 195 00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:09,859 OK, we're onboard. 196 00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:11,659 We are so totally not onboard. 197 00:09:11,660 --> 00:09:14,379 Did King Tut, by any chance, have a talking camel? 198 00:09:14,380 --> 00:09:16,499 - Why not? Eddie Murphy. - Eddie Murphy! 199 00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:19,059 Will you stop going on about King Tut? 200 00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:21,099 I am the greatest pharaoh of all time! 201 00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:22,379 Me, me, me! 202 00:09:22,380 --> 00:09:24,939 Aruba, aruba, aruba! 203 00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:27,739 Why has nobody heard of me? It's so unfair. 204 00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:29,139 Oh, temper, temper! 205 00:09:29,140 --> 00:09:30,579 Tut, tut, tut! 206 00:09:30,580 --> 00:09:32,699 Oooh! So annoying, people! 207 00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:36,219 Bye-bye, Rambo, Rampelstiltskin. What is his name? 208 00:09:36,220 --> 00:09:38,179 Oh, who cares? 209 00:09:38,180 --> 00:09:42,059 It was quite common for posh Egyptian tombs to be stolen. 210 00:09:42,060 --> 00:09:45,419 When Tutankhamun died, his fancy tomb was nicked by his uncle 211 00:09:45,420 --> 00:09:49,299 who had him shoved in a hidden underground one instead. 212 00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:52,539 But this meant it wasn't easy for grave robbers to find it, 213 00:09:52,540 --> 00:09:55,059 so it remained intact with its treasures 214 00:09:55,060 --> 00:09:58,379 until it was discovered in the 1920s. 215 00:09:58,380 --> 00:10:02,539 Which is why Tutankhamun is so famous today. Hm. 216 00:10:02,540 --> 00:10:05,939 Yes, those ancient Egyptians loved fancy buildings, 217 00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:09,099 so there was an awful lot of construction work. 218 00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:10,579 Stonemason, yeah? 219 00:10:10,580 --> 00:10:13,419 Right, go and join the crew working on the Sphinx. Cheers, mate. 220 00:10:13,420 --> 00:10:17,739 Oh, I can't wait! Imagine actually being part of the team that builds 221 00:10:17,740 --> 00:10:21,579 Egypt's brand-new capital city, Pi-Ramesses, from virtually nothing. 222 00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:26,459 Seven square miles of mansions, temples, canals, lakes, 223 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:30,059 statues and houses for 300,000 people! 224 00:10:30,060 --> 00:10:31,699 I hope I get on a pyramid team. 225 00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:33,659 All right, pharaoh statue. Cheers, mate. 226 00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:36,299 Or a needle. Some of those needles are amazing. 227 00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,499 50 foot high, 200 tonnes. 228 00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:40,779 I can't wait to tell everyone back home about this. 229 00:10:40,780 --> 00:10:43,539 Temple Oorah. Thanks, mate. Next. 230 00:10:43,540 --> 00:10:47,539 All right, chief? I am raring to go, so just put a hammer in my hand 231 00:10:47,540 --> 00:10:49,179 and point me in the direction of the... 232 00:10:49,180 --> 00:10:51,059 Horse toilets. 233 00:10:51,060 --> 00:10:52,219 Horse toilets? 234 00:10:52,220 --> 00:10:53,299 Horse toilets. 235 00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:54,739 Horse toilet? 236 00:10:54,740 --> 00:10:56,979 - Yeah, it's where horses go... - I know what it is, mate! 237 00:10:56,980 --> 00:11:00,499 I left my family hundreds of miles away and walked here. 238 00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:03,619 I had to hire slaves to look after my farm so I could be part 239 00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:07,739 of Ramesses II's magnificent project and you want me to build a... 240 00:11:07,740 --> 00:11:09,179 Horse toilet. 241 00:11:09,180 --> 00:11:10,699 I'll be a laughing stock! 242 00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:13,539 There's nothing wrong with building a horse toilet, right? 243 00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:16,379 Come and have a look at the first one we done. 244 00:11:16,380 --> 00:11:18,819 Look at that, heh? 245 00:11:18,820 --> 00:11:22,299 Years of engineering and genius have gone into designing that, yeah? 246 00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:25,979 The pillars hold the horse in place, perfectly positioning it 247 00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:27,939 so it can do its business in the hole. 248 00:11:27,940 --> 00:11:29,379 Imagine it, yeah? 249 00:11:29,380 --> 00:11:31,179 The pharaoh's cavalry, 250 00:11:31,180 --> 00:11:35,619 10,000 horses, all going to the toilet at once in front of us. 251 00:11:35,620 --> 00:11:37,019 I'd rather not. 252 00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:40,099 Well, not only is it cleaner, but we're also collecting all the 253 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:43,339 horse wee to help tan the leather, to make the armour, the weapons. 254 00:11:43,340 --> 00:11:46,059 Your horse toilet, mate, is helping make Egypt 255 00:11:46,060 --> 00:11:48,539 the powerhouse of the world. 256 00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:50,539 I've never thought of it like that. 257 00:11:50,540 --> 00:11:53,379 These horse toilets are amazing! I'll do it. 258 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,459 Good on you, mate. 259 00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:57,779 Thanks. Only, if anyone asks... 260 00:11:57,780 --> 00:12:01,099 - Oh, I'll tell them you're working on the Sphinx. - Thank you. Cheers. 261 00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:04,139 - Ta, ta. All right. - All right. I can get started. 262 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,899 Oh, horses only! 263 00:12:05,900 --> 00:12:07,179 Oh, sorry. 264 00:12:07,180 --> 00:12:08,230 Unbelievable! 265 00:12:18,860 --> 00:12:21,659 Hello and welcome to the News at When. When? 266 00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:25,539 Around 70 years ago when the United States of America 267 00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:28,899 and the Soviet Union, centred around modern-day Russia, 268 00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:32,779 decided to try and settle the growing argument over who was 269 00:12:32,780 --> 00:12:37,339 superior in a way that was quite literally out of this world. 270 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:40,779 Here with more details on this starry story is our very own 271 00:12:40,780 --> 00:12:44,539 Space Cadet, Bob Hale, with this Space Race report. Bob. 272 00:12:44,540 --> 00:12:45,579 Thank you, Sam. 273 00:12:45,580 --> 00:12:49,299 Well, the year is 1945, World War II has just ended, and after years 274 00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:52,619 of having to be battle buddies, America and the Soviet Union can 275 00:12:52,620 --> 00:12:55,419 now finally embrace the fact that they don't much like each other. 276 00:12:55,420 --> 00:12:57,939 You see, these two superpowers run their countries in very 277 00:12:57,940 --> 00:13:00,099 different ways called Chalk and Cheese. 278 00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:02,179 Err, I mean Communism and Capitalism. 279 00:13:02,180 --> 00:13:04,339 So have grown to distrust each other intensely. 280 00:13:04,340 --> 00:13:06,899 But luckily, both of them captured some of the German rocket 281 00:13:06,900 --> 00:13:09,059 scientists who built Hitler's wartime missiles, 282 00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:12,619 which suggests a rather exciting way to settle which superpower is best. 283 00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:14,619 Rocket pack jousting. 284 00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:17,499 No? OK, then. How about using missile technology to put 285 00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:18,939 a man into space? 286 00:13:18,940 --> 00:13:21,819 Yes, the space race is on with an early lead going to... 287 00:13:21,820 --> 00:13:22,859 America! 288 00:13:22,860 --> 00:13:25,619 Who, to find out if it's possible for living creatures to survive 289 00:13:25,620 --> 00:13:27,459 space travel, start firing monkeys, dogs, 290 00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:29,699 mice and rhinos into outer space, though not rhinos. 291 00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:32,219 And with the Soviets following suit, soon loads of animals 292 00:13:32,220 --> 00:13:35,059 are sent off into starry skies, with many of them never coming back. 293 00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:37,179 I guess they liked it up there... What? 294 00:13:37,180 --> 00:13:39,859 Oh, right. Rest in peace, guys. 295 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:43,059 Anyway, now the race really starts hotting up, as both sides rush 296 00:13:43,060 --> 00:13:46,459 towards the next major milestone, putting an man-made craft into orbit 297 00:13:46,460 --> 00:13:49,059 around the Earth, with the points, this time, going to... 298 00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:50,099 the Soviets! 299 00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:52,019 Yes, in 1957, Sputnik One, 300 00:13:52,020 --> 00:13:54,259 a radio beacon the size of a beach ball becomes the... 301 00:13:54,260 --> 00:13:56,539 Thank you. Really helpful, honestly. 302 00:13:56,540 --> 00:13:58,579 Yes, Sputnik becomes the first ever satellite, 303 00:13:58,580 --> 00:14:01,939 but America's not far behind, and in 1958, they launched Explorer One, 304 00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:03,659 which is about the size of a grapefruit. 305 00:14:03,660 --> 00:14:05,099 Don't even think about it. 306 00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:08,179 And while it's even Stevens, score wise, the Soviets are now on a roll. 307 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,339 They send an unmanned rocket right round the moon, 308 00:14:10,340 --> 00:14:12,499 launch a probe to photograph its surface and, 309 00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:16,699 in 1961, after successful tests using a dummy. .. Yes, very funny... 310 00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:19,579 Russia's Yuri Gagarin becomes the first ever man in space 311 00:14:19,580 --> 00:14:22,699 and America starts getting pretty sick of second place. So, 312 00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:25,939 in 1961, US President John F Kennedy announces that America will 313 00:14:25,940 --> 00:14:28,579 attempt the impossible, to put a man on the moon. 314 00:14:28,580 --> 00:14:31,019 "Not because it is easy, but because it is hard." 315 00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:34,099 The exact same reason why I keep trying to set the clock on my oven. 316 00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:36,619 So a new series of rockets, known as the Apollo Programme, 317 00:14:36,620 --> 00:14:37,899 are dedicated to mooning. 318 00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:40,539 Err, err, I mean the moon landing. But disaster strikes 319 00:14:40,540 --> 00:14:43,339 when a fire during launch simulation kills the crew of Apollo 1, 320 00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:45,299 meaning Apollo's two, three, four, five, six 321 00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:47,659 become unmanned flights to perfect the design. 322 00:14:47,660 --> 00:14:51,339 Until finally, in 1968, the USA gets some badly-needed points 323 00:14:51,340 --> 00:14:54,179 when the crew of Apollo 8 become the first men in history to 324 00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:56,259 orbit the moon. And just one year later, 325 00:14:56,260 --> 00:14:59,539 America is finally ready to do what mankind has always dreamt of, 326 00:14:59,540 --> 00:15:02,619 teaching a pig to tap dance! 327 00:15:02,620 --> 00:15:04,779 Huh? Oh, a moon landing. 328 00:15:04,780 --> 00:15:07,539 That makes more sense with all of this. I see. No, no, no, no, fine. 329 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:10,579 So Michael Collins, Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong climb aboard Apollo 330 00:15:10,580 --> 00:15:12,939 11 with the aim of beating the Soviets, once and for all. 331 00:15:12,940 --> 00:15:15,379 Their mission is simple. fly to the moon, land on the moon, 332 00:15:15,380 --> 00:15:18,019 walk on the moon, leave the moon, fly home and Bob's your uncle, 333 00:15:18,020 --> 00:15:21,019 though only if you're my nephews. I mean, what could possibly go wrong? 334 00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:23,539 Well, since the navigation computer was about as powerful 335 00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:26,259 as a chip inside a modern toaster, I'd say pretty much anything. 336 00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:28,779 But the date's been set, the cameras are primed and the eyes 337 00:15:28,780 --> 00:15:31,579 of the world watch with bated breath, which is difficult for eyes, 338 00:15:31,580 --> 00:15:33,699 as on July 20th, 1969, 339 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,139 the Lunar Module, Eagle, 340 00:15:35,140 --> 00:15:38,259 separates from the Command Module, Columbia, and... 341 00:15:38,260 --> 00:15:41,779 land on the moon! Yes, the space race is finally won! 342 00:15:41,780 --> 00:15:45,099 A scoreboard-shattering victory to the US of A, as Neil Armstrong 343 00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:48,459 takes one small step for man and one giant leap for mankind. 344 00:15:48,460 --> 00:15:51,019 The Soviets accept defeat, wave goodbye to a moon they never 345 00:15:51,020 --> 00:15:53,659 reached and turn their attention to building space stations, 346 00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:56,059 leaving America to build a moon colony with a burger bar 347 00:15:56,060 --> 00:15:57,539 and a coffee shop, right? 348 00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:00,539 Wrong! In fact, only 12 people ever set foot on the moon 349 00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:02,619 and no-one's been there since 1972. 350 00:16:02,620 --> 00:16:05,539 A tragic oversight that I'm going to rectify right now. 351 00:16:05,540 --> 00:16:08,139 Yes, it's time to take one small step for Bob Hale, 352 00:16:08,140 --> 00:16:09,179 but one giant leap 353 00:16:09,180 --> 00:16:11,739 with the good people at Bob Hale's Space Rocket Industries. 354 00:16:11,740 --> 00:16:14,579 Goodbye, Sam. I've always loved you. Will you wait for me? 355 00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:16,379 - No. - Well, I'm not going, then. 356 00:16:16,380 --> 00:16:17,430 Fine. 357 00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:29,299 BEATBOXES 358 00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:31,499 What's going on? There's a horse in the hospital. # 359 00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:34,819 You, you, you! Welcome to me make show. 360 00:16:34,820 --> 00:16:38,339 This week, we is in the Middle Ages. Leave it! 361 00:16:38,340 --> 00:16:40,899 And we is going to be making some gold, yeah? 362 00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,419 Yeah. Ha ha! 363 00:16:42,420 --> 00:16:46,659 Showing us how it's done is my main man, all the way from Italy, 364 00:16:46,660 --> 00:16:50,019 the alchemist Bernard De Treviso. 365 00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:51,340 - Give it up! - Bon giorno. 366 00:16:52,580 --> 00:16:55,539 Oh, OK. Oh, we're going for three. 367 00:16:55,540 --> 00:16:57,299 Bernie, tell us about yourself, man. 368 00:16:57,300 --> 00:16:59,059 Well, I've travelled the world 369 00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:03,979 and spent my entire fortune studying the ancient art of alchemy. 370 00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:06,019 What is that, like, a hocus pocus sort of... 371 00:17:06,020 --> 00:17:07,259 It's Middle Ages science. 372 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:09,619 OK, we're cool, bruv. We're cool. 373 00:17:09,620 --> 00:17:12,779 I bought a secret recipe for making gold off a monk 374 00:17:12,780 --> 00:17:13,819 in France. 375 00:17:13,820 --> 00:17:15,779 First of all, you're going to need some eggs. 376 00:17:15,780 --> 00:17:19,220 Whoa, hang on! We's going to be making GOLD out of EGG? 377 00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:23,060 Which I'm cool with, by the way. 378 00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:27,579 Then you're going to need to mix the eggs with the horse dung... 379 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:28,619 Dench. 380 00:17:28,620 --> 00:17:30,779 ..and leave it to rot for a little while. 381 00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:33,379 And then you're going need to heat the mixture. 382 00:17:33,380 --> 00:17:36,099 So here's some I prepared earlier. 383 00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:39,299 Oh, man! No, seriously. That smells like my sister's kid's nappy! 384 00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:42,019 Eww! Oh, is that... And is that supposed to turn into gold? 385 00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:44,379 Don't be ridiculous! No. 386 00:17:44,380 --> 00:17:46,339 You take some lead. 387 00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:48,059 You put the lead in the mixture. 388 00:17:48,060 --> 00:17:49,099 For real. 389 00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:51,939 And then the lead turns into the gold. 390 00:17:51,940 --> 00:17:53,499 Right. And it works? 391 00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:56,899 Well, you see for yourself. I made this nice necklace for you. 392 00:17:56,900 --> 00:18:00,019 Err, no. Thanks, but no, thanks. I ain't wearing that! 393 00:18:00,020 --> 00:18:02,459 You know, I don't believe you've ever made gold out of this 394 00:18:02,460 --> 00:18:03,539 recipe, for sure. 395 00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:06,779 Well, give me a chance! I've only been trying for eight years. 396 00:18:06,780 --> 00:18:11,499 Right, listen to me, yeah? You can't make gold out of egg and poo 397 00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:12,939 and lead and tin. 398 00:18:12,940 --> 00:18:14,899 What was I thinking? 399 00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:17,099 I should have tried eggs and vinegar. 400 00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:18,179 Shut up! 401 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,459 That's what a Belgian alchemist told me. 402 00:18:20,460 --> 00:18:21,939 I bought his recipe as well. 403 00:18:21,940 --> 00:18:24,779 Now, listen. Hold up, man. Hold up, mate, yeah? 404 00:18:24,780 --> 00:18:27,259 Get real! Look at me in my eye, yeah? 405 00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:30,539 No-one is ever going to get minted out of this! 406 00:18:30,540 --> 00:18:31,939 Well, you say that. 407 00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:34,859 You should see how much I paid the monk for the recipe. 408 00:18:34,860 --> 00:18:38,059 All right, then. Whoa, whoa, whoa! What you doing? What you doing? 409 00:18:38,060 --> 00:18:40,579 Costume! I've only got one of these. 410 00:18:40,580 --> 00:18:41,619 So annoying! 411 00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:42,859 SPLAT! 412 00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:47,899 It's true. That Italian fella really tried to make gold out of horse poo. 413 00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:48,939 Ergh! 414 00:18:48,940 --> 00:18:53,780 Yes, in the Middle Ages, some people did some really stupid things. 415 00:18:56,500 --> 00:19:01,339 Stupid death, stupid death, They're funny cos they're true, woo! 416 00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:05,459 Stupid death, stupid death, Hope next time it's not you! # 417 00:19:05,460 --> 00:19:06,739 Ha hee. 418 00:19:06,740 --> 00:19:09,299 Blah, blah, blah! You're talking rubbish, you two. 419 00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:11,219 I'm the star of this show. Me! 420 00:19:11,220 --> 00:19:13,619 You two are nobodies. Ooh! 421 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:16,979 I did a funny. Nobodies cos you've got no bodies. 422 00:19:16,980 --> 00:19:20,299 Ha ha! I just can't turn it off. Next. 423 00:19:20,300 --> 00:19:22,939 Ooh, goody! Three for the price of one. 424 00:19:22,940 --> 00:19:24,019 And you are? 425 00:19:24,020 --> 00:19:25,379 Who said that? 426 00:19:25,380 --> 00:19:27,419 - Erm, I did. - And you are? 427 00:19:27,420 --> 00:19:28,459 I asked you first. 428 00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:31,019 How dare you! Answer the question of the King. 429 00:19:31,020 --> 00:19:33,339 - Which king? - I am John, King of Bohemia. 430 00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:35,859 Oh, right! Got you. I'm Death, by the way. 431 00:19:35,860 --> 00:19:39,659 I would have thought my general look was a DEAD giveaway! 432 00:19:39,660 --> 00:19:41,419 I'm also known as King John the blind. 433 00:19:41,420 --> 00:19:45,619 Oh, that's embarrassing. But never mind. Tell us your story. 434 00:19:45,620 --> 00:19:47,979 OK, so it is, err... start of Hundred Years' War, 435 00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:49,539 I've allied myself with the French. 436 00:19:49,540 --> 00:19:52,739 It is 1346, we are lining up against the English 437 00:19:52,740 --> 00:19:54,299 and the Welsh at the Battle of Crecy. 438 00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:56,499 - Sounds crazy! - OK. It's a bit of 439 00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:59,219 a disadvantage being blind in battle, as you can imagine. 440 00:19:59,220 --> 00:20:00,339 As I can imagine. 441 00:20:00,340 --> 00:20:03,179 So I asked my bodyguards to tie their horses to my horse with 442 00:20:03,180 --> 00:20:04,539 horse reins. 443 00:20:04,540 --> 00:20:06,499 And then, I can be directed at the enemy, 444 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:09,419 so I charge full headlong into the battle. 445 00:20:09,420 --> 00:20:12,499 And, umm... how did that work out for you? 446 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,619 Not so good. We were all slain. 447 00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:16,619 LAUGHS 448 00:20:16,620 --> 00:20:20,139 Oh, sorry I'm late for battle. I got a bit tied up. 449 00:20:20,140 --> 00:20:21,739 You know, with the reins? 450 00:20:21,740 --> 00:20:22,900 Err, we weren't late. 451 00:20:23,980 --> 00:20:26,539 Whatever! You're through to the afterlife. 452 00:20:26,540 --> 00:20:27,579 Yeah, it doesn't work. 453 00:20:27,580 --> 00:20:31,179 All right, all right! I was a bit strapped for a joke. Ooh! 454 00:20:31,180 --> 00:20:33,699 Strapped, like, you're strapped to them. 455 00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,899 - That kind of works. - Show him out, you two. 456 00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:38,299 Now, which way are we going, guys? You've got to tell me. 457 00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:39,979 I like this guy. 458 00:20:39,980 --> 00:20:43,339 Yeah, it's true. My tied-up joke was a bit ROPEY! 459 00:20:43,340 --> 00:20:44,819 LAUGHS 460 00:20:44,820 --> 00:20:48,139 I'm like a laugh machine gun. Laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, 461 00:20:48,140 --> 00:20:49,179 laugh, laugh, laugh! 462 00:20:49,180 --> 00:20:51,179 Reload! Laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh! 463 00:20:51,180 --> 00:20:52,219 LAUGHS 464 00:20:52,220 --> 00:20:53,259 No? Oh. 465 00:20:53,260 --> 00:20:56,859 Stupid death, stupid death, Hope next time it's not you! # 466 00:20:56,860 --> 00:20:57,910 Hoo, hoo! 467 00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:08,259 Morning, Chivers. Riffing hot day, what? I need a swim. 468 00:21:08,260 --> 00:21:09,979 Er, madam, I'm not sure you should... 469 00:21:09,980 --> 00:21:13,219 Oh, stuff and nonsense! I'm a member of the Carlton Ladies' Club and 470 00:21:13,220 --> 00:21:16,419 I will go for a swim in my club's pool when I blooming well want to! 471 00:21:16,420 --> 00:21:18,099 But madam! Have you not heard? 472 00:21:18,100 --> 00:21:20,619 Room for a small one? 473 00:21:20,620 --> 00:21:21,659 Ooh! 474 00:21:21,660 --> 00:21:24,099 They've drained the pool. 475 00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:26,979 They're keeping pigs in it to help the war effort. 476 00:21:26,980 --> 00:21:28,019 Good for them! 477 00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:29,139 PPRRRRRTT! 478 00:21:29,140 --> 00:21:31,500 Ugh! Does this mean they're members? 479 00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:35,459 I don't know what the fuss is all about. 480 00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:36,659 I love swimming in poo! 481 00:21:36,660 --> 00:21:38,659 LAUGHS 482 00:21:38,660 --> 00:21:39,699 It's true, though. 483 00:21:39,700 --> 00:21:43,379 The Ladies' Carlton Club did keep pigs in the swimming pool. 484 00:21:43,380 --> 00:21:47,340 With a war on, the government needed everybody to help produce food. 485 00:21:48,820 --> 00:21:52,539 Welcome to Homefront Gardening with me, Alan Smallbog. 486 00:21:52,540 --> 00:21:56,819 And what a delightful ornamental garden we find ourselves in today. 487 00:21:56,820 --> 00:22:00,059 It's the proud work of one Margery Brighton Belle. 488 00:22:00,060 --> 00:22:01,379 Hello, Margery. 489 00:22:01,380 --> 00:22:04,099 Good morning, Alan. It's a pleasure to have you here. 490 00:22:04,100 --> 00:22:07,539 Thank you. Now what we're going to be doing today is making some small 491 00:22:07,540 --> 00:22:09,139 changes to your garden 492 00:22:09,140 --> 00:22:11,859 to bring it up-to-date with what's going on in the wartime 493 00:22:11,860 --> 00:22:13,299 gardening scene. 494 00:22:13,300 --> 00:22:15,219 We want to see the sort of thing that you might 495 00:22:15,220 --> 00:22:17,499 find in the gardens of Buckingham Palace itself. 496 00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:19,059 Well, that sounds lovely. 497 00:22:19,060 --> 00:22:22,259 So I take these gorgeous roses and chrysanthemums. 498 00:22:22,260 --> 00:22:24,859 Well, that has taken eight years of tender loving 499 00:22:24,860 --> 00:22:27,379 care to get them blooming just right. 500 00:22:27,380 --> 00:22:29,179 So let's just... 501 00:22:29,180 --> 00:22:31,820 get rid of them and replace them... 502 00:22:33,260 --> 00:22:34,779 ..with these. 503 00:22:34,780 --> 00:22:36,459 Carrots and turnips! 504 00:22:36,460 --> 00:22:38,059 But that won't work at all! 505 00:22:38,060 --> 00:22:40,979 The whole garden will be completely unbalanced. 506 00:22:40,980 --> 00:22:44,819 You can't plant carrots and turnips in my ornamental flower bed! 507 00:22:44,820 --> 00:22:48,819 You're not wrong, Margery. Best just dig them all up. 508 00:22:48,820 --> 00:22:50,419 That'll look horrible! 509 00:22:50,420 --> 00:22:55,299 That's as maybe, but just think of all the food you'll be growing. 510 00:22:55,300 --> 00:22:57,459 There's a war on, people are hungry. 511 00:22:57,460 --> 00:23:00,739 You said it was going to be like the King's garden at Buckingham Palace. 512 00:23:00,740 --> 00:23:02,739 It is! It's what he's doing there. 513 00:23:02,740 --> 00:23:05,219 - What? - He's setting an example. 514 00:23:05,220 --> 00:23:08,579 The country needs food and you can't eat chrysanthemums. 515 00:23:08,580 --> 00:23:12,059 Just follow the details on this handy government Dig for Victory 516 00:23:12,060 --> 00:23:15,979 pamphlet and plant veg where your posh flowers used to be. 517 00:23:15,980 --> 00:23:19,579 But this is the wrong time of year to be planting these vegetables. 518 00:23:19,580 --> 00:23:22,099 And these need to be spaced further apart. 519 00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:24,499 This government pamphlet is giving people completely 520 00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:25,619 the wrong instructions. 521 00:23:25,620 --> 00:23:29,259 So it is! We needn't have dug up your beautiful flowers. 522 00:23:29,260 --> 00:23:31,379 Are you sure you can't eat chrysanthemums, Alan? 523 00:23:31,380 --> 00:23:32,419 Why? 524 00:23:32,420 --> 00:23:34,379 Cos you're going to eat these. 525 00:23:34,380 --> 00:23:35,539 What? 526 00:23:35,540 --> 00:23:37,219 Come here, you! 527 00:23:37,220 --> 00:23:38,740 You've ruined our garden! 528 00:23:43,700 --> 00:23:48,539 History really was horrible, especially in the Stone Age. 529 00:23:48,540 --> 00:23:51,939 Now, if you want horrible, check us Romans out. 530 00:23:51,940 --> 00:23:54,059 No, Saxon times were the worst. 531 00:23:54,060 --> 00:23:57,419 I think you'll find we Stuarts had it really bad. 532 00:23:57,420 --> 00:24:01,499 Oh, chill out, guys! There's always been horrible history. 533 00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:02,550 Get a load of this. 534 00:24:16,020 --> 00:24:22,099 Stone Age brought you speech, Farms, the wheel and fire 535 00:24:22,100 --> 00:24:25,379 Then metal was explored which meant we could make swords 536 00:24:25,380 --> 00:24:28,419 To kill and build empires 537 00:24:28,420 --> 00:24:31,419 Think Ancient Egypt was nicer? 538 00:24:31,420 --> 00:24:34,979 Pharaoh's tombs, lovely shrines? 539 00:24:34,980 --> 00:24:38,099 But some were living graves for hundreds of poor slaves 540 00:24:38,100 --> 00:24:40,979 And pig's eye was our cure for the blind 541 00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:44,499 Greek civilisation our creation 542 00:24:44,500 --> 00:24:47,259 Drama and Philosophy 543 00:24:47,260 --> 00:24:50,419 But Sparta praised lying, celebrated dying 544 00:24:50,420 --> 00:24:52,979 And Hippocrates drank wee 545 00:24:52,980 --> 00:24:55,979 We're History 546 00:24:55,980 --> 00:25:00,379 We brought you bloodshed 547 00:25:00,380 --> 00:25:03,499 Greek excursions to battle the Persians 548 00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:06,219 Disembowelling our dead 549 00:25:06,220 --> 00:25:09,499 Together we made the world 550 00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:11,739 A little bit grim 551 00:25:11,740 --> 00:25:14,539 We're History 552 00:25:14,540 --> 00:25:17,180 Could be fairly dim 553 00:25:22,060 --> 00:25:25,059 We Romans brought you roads 554 00:25:25,060 --> 00:25:27,220 And public medicine 555 00:25:28,580 --> 00:25:31,779 A Gladiator fighting, Feeding men to lions 556 00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:34,739 Burning Christians, That kind of thing, you know 557 00:25:34,740 --> 00:25:37,379 Then came the Middle Ages 558 00:25:37,380 --> 00:25:41,219 Saxons, Normans, Vikings, Celts 559 00:25:41,220 --> 00:25:45,059 A time of invasion, feudalism, Famine, Black Death, 560 00:25:45,060 --> 00:25:47,619 Bubos and welts 561 00:25:47,620 --> 00:25:53,739 1066 saw Harold in a fix as William conquered all 562 00:25:53,740 --> 00:25:56,779 What was the bettin' an arrow in his retina 563 00:25:56,780 --> 00:25:59,099 Would lead to his downfall? 564 00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:02,139 We're History 565 00:26:02,140 --> 00:26:06,619 We brought invasion and strife 566 00:26:06,620 --> 00:26:09,659 We attacked monasteries, Said, "Give us gold, please" 567 00:26:09,660 --> 00:26:13,019 Then we took your life 568 00:26:13,020 --> 00:26:18,099 Our crusades meant slaughter wherever we'd go 569 00:26:18,100 --> 00:26:19,340 We're History 570 00:26:20,820 --> 00:26:23,580 Was it pretty? No. 571 00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:30,939 Tudor Stuart Georgian monarchs Next in line 572 00:26:30,940 --> 00:26:34,419 Brought progress in science and art 573 00:26:34,420 --> 00:26:36,939 Also beheadings, Burnings, civil war 574 00:26:36,940 --> 00:26:39,419 Breed an economy, for a start 575 00:26:39,420 --> 00:26:42,379 We're History 576 00:26:42,380 --> 00:26:45,500 We gave you plague and disease 577 00:26:46,420 --> 00:26:49,779 Travelled, found the Incans, Spread smallpox in a blink and 578 00:26:49,780 --> 00:26:52,979 Brought them to their knees 579 00:26:52,980 --> 00:26:58,299 Dogs, cats and the French blamed for plague along the way 580 00:26:58,300 --> 00:26:59,420 We're History 581 00:27:00,860 --> 00:27:05,539 Not such happy days 582 00:27:05,540 --> 00:27:08,739 Victorian technology went hand-in-hand with poverty 583 00:27:08,740 --> 00:27:11,499 Kids up chimneys and down mines 584 00:27:11,500 --> 00:27:14,979 Improvements to the world did pick up despite some violent hiccups 585 00:27:14,980 --> 00:27:17,099 Two World Wars, millions died 586 00:27:17,100 --> 00:27:20,179 We're History 587 00:27:20,180 --> 00:27:24,219 Our times smelly and gory 588 00:27:24,220 --> 00:27:27,419 We reigned over you and told you what to do 589 00:27:27,420 --> 00:27:30,899 And that is this story 590 00:27:30,900 --> 00:27:36,259 Thought we were amazing though you may quibble 591 00:27:36,260 --> 00:27:37,580 We're history 592 00:27:39,940 --> 00:27:43,579 And we made it horri... 593 00:27:43,580 --> 00:27:50,939 ..Ble 594 00:27:50,940 --> 00:27:56,540 We're History. # 595 00:28:01,101 --> 00:28:04,979 Can't get enough of Horrible Histories? 596 00:28:04,980 --> 00:28:08,339 Then go to the CBBC Website and click on the link. 597 00:28:08,340 --> 00:28:09,379 See you there. 598 00:28:09,380 --> 00:28:12,579 The past is no longer a mystery 599 00:28:12,580 --> 00:28:14,900 Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. # 600 00:28:14,950 --> 00:28:19,500 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 48139

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