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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:09,519 # Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians, 2 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:11,439 # Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians Woeful wars, ferocious fights 3 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:12,759 # Dingy castles, daring knights 4 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:14,279 # Horrors that defy description 5 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:17,199 # Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes 6 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:18,639 # Punishments from ancient times 7 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:19,839 # Roman, rotten, rank and ruthless 8 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:21,439 # Caveman savage, fierce and toothless 9 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:22,679 # Groovy Greeks, rainy sages 10 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:23,879 # Mean and measly Middle Ages 11 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:26,239 # Gory stories, we do that 12 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:28,999 # And your host, a talking rat 13 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:32,119 # The past is no longer a mystery 14 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:37,280 # Welcome to HORRIBLE HISTORIES! # 15 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:51,119 Hi, I'm a surprisingly- handsome, Anglo-Saxon scientist 16 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:54,439 and I'm going to tell you about the wonders of the Anglo-Saxon universe. 17 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:55,719 It's amazing! 18 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,479 Some people think that, just because it was sometimes called 19 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:01,599 the Dark Ages, us Anglo-Saxons were all stupid and didn't know anything. 20 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:02,919 They haven't got a clue. 21 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,479 I bet they're not as handsome as me, either? 22 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:08,159 The Venerable Bede was an amazing Anglo-Saxon monk, 23 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:11,119 and he wrote a book called On The Reckoning Of Time. 24 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:13,279 It's a book. Like Harry Potter! 25 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,839 Bede explained how the length of daylight changes 26 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:17,159 because the Earth is round 27 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:20,479 and he showed how the tides were affected by the motion of the moon. 28 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:24,959 See, he wasn't stupid, was he? He knew loads. Amazing! 29 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:27,119 OK, thanks, Brian. That's great, thank you. 30 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,279 Hang on, I've got another brilliant Anglo-Saxon scientific fact. 31 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:32,919 Right, are you sure you don't want to quit while you're ahead? 32 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:34,439 No, it's amazing! 33 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:37,479 Great, well, you can't say we didn't warn you. 34 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:40,719 We Anglo-Saxons were the first people anywhere in the world 35 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:44,119 to discover the scientific fact that storms are caused by people 36 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,599 from a cloud country in the sky called Magonia. 37 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,479 Oh, here we go! > 38 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,719 They'd use the bad weather as cover to come in their giant airships 39 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:52,959 and steal our crops. 40 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,479 That's why we have to pay a weather wizard to keep them away. 41 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,639 OK, fellas, usual routine. Let's go, come on. 42 00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:58,959 No, no, no, it's true. 43 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,199 We've even caught a Magonian spy. 44 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,439 Well, you know, a woman picking fruit off a tree, after a storm. 45 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:07,159 Shame they weren't all as smart as that Bede fellow, eh? 46 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:11,359 Comets are dragons! It's Anglo-Saxon scientific fact! 47 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:15,159 The term Anglo-Saxon comes from two tribes who settled from England, 48 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:16,519 the Angles and the Saxons, 49 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:18,919 but there were also other tribes, like the Jutes. 50 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:20,319 They all believed in magic, 51 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,239 so when the Pope sent a monk called Augustine 52 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:23,759 to convert them to Christianity, 53 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,080 King Aethelbert thought he was a wizard. 54 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:30,519 Have heart, men, our enemy may have mystical powers 55 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:33,199 beyond our imagining, but he made his first mistake 56 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:34,839 by agreeing to meet us out here. 57 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,799 The open air will limit his magical powers. 58 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,760 Sire, the dread wizard approaches. 59 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:46,599 I am Aethelbert, King of Kent. Speak! 60 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,959 Brother Augustine. St Augustine, one day, fingers crossed, 61 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:51,839 try not to be too big-headed. 62 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:55,519 Oh, slap wrists, naughty. Anyhoo, I have a message. 63 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:57,039 Sire, where's the rest of them? 64 00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,759 This bloke's the least scary person I've ever seen in my life. 65 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:03,799 Do not be fooled by this man's puny body and silly face. 66 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:07,279 Erm, hello, I can hear you both, actually. Quite hurtful. 67 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,560 Now, when you're ready, I have a message from the Pope. 68 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:15,159 Nice and slow. 69 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,519 He's been most interested in the Angles ever since 70 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,639 he saw one in the market place in Rome. 71 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:21,319 It's a funny story, actually. 72 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:24,199 He said, "Who's this strange- looking blonde person?" 73 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,279 And his assistant said, "That's an Angle," and the Pope said, 74 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,959 "An Angle? More like an angel." 75 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,439 HE LAUGHS 76 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:33,799 Sorry, which was the funny bit? 77 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:34,999 Well, he's a Pope, isn't he? 78 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,399 He's not a professional comedian. What do you expect? 79 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,279 Anyway, he's so keen on you Angles that he sent me 80 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:41,599 on my mission to Britain. 81 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:42,959 An invasion? 82 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,759 No, he doesn't want us to take over, 83 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:46,799 he just wants to convert you to Christianity. 84 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,119 Oh, is that it? 85 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:49,519 All right, I'm in. 86 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,199 Oh, what? That's a miracle. 87 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,399 Well, not really, my wife's a Christian 88 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,639 and I've been thinking about it for a while, so... 89 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,679 Would she like to build a church in Canterbury? 90 00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,919 Already built one of those...for the wife. 91 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:02,839 Right, then, just, er, carry on. God be with you. 92 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,519 - Oh, what does he want to be god of? - I'm sorry? 93 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:08,399 It's just we've got loads of gods we've been worshipping for years, 94 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,639 so we're not going to stop worshipping them. 95 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:14,239 - Our God is the God of everything. - It's a bit greedy, isn't it? 96 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,599 I don't think you're quite getting the hang of this. 97 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:17,999 Maybe I should stick around. 98 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,319 Er, I'll call myself the Archbishop of Canterbury, how's about that? 99 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,239 You could be god of something, if you want? 100 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,359 No, no, there only is one God. 101 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:28,239 Ah! And that's...you? 102 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:30,639 - No, no, that's Him. - Me? 103 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,439 No, not you. God. 104 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,039 - The god of... - Everything. 105 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,679 - Like dreams? - Yeah, dreams. 106 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:37,239 And smells? 107 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:38,440 If you like, yeah. 108 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:47,079 Introducing the latest weapon in the war against the plague. 109 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,239 The Whiffy jar. 110 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,159 Hello, I'm a Stuart doctor. 111 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:55,119 Now, we all know that the plague is spread by bad smells. 112 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:57,399 Well, there's only one way to stop it. 113 00:04:57,400 --> 00:05:00,679 That's right, with more bad smells. Makes sense, doesn't it? 114 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:02,799 - Not really. - It makes sense! 115 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:07,280 You simply take a jar and collect as many guffs as possible in it. 116 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:12,439 HE BREAKS WIND LOUDLY 117 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:13,639 There. 118 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,759 Then, as soon as anyone is feeling unwell, 119 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,640 you simply give them a whiff of it. 120 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:19,959 HE RETCHES 121 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,359 There you go, old boy. Feeling any better now? 122 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:23,799 No, if anything, I feel worse. 123 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,599 Oh! That's worse than his. 124 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,719 - Seriously, are we doing this now? I'm ill. - Sorry. 125 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,479 Here's how we think it works. 126 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:31,999 The bad air of the trump 127 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,479 fights off the bad air 128 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,080 that's carry 129 00:05:35,130 --> 00:05:39,680 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 10286

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