Original subtitles

Welcome to my disco part-ay.

We've got nibbles and everything.

Oh, look at that! Mouldy cheese, rotten cabbage, cocktail worms.

Ooh-hoo-hoo, scrummy.

Coming up, we've got some of my favourite Horrible History Savage Songs.

So let's get things started in the Ancient Greek city of...

Sparta.

Hey, all you helots, you zealots, you Peloponnesians, you Lacedaemonians,

all of Leonidas' army, let's get barmy for the Spartan school musical.

- ALL: - Gooo, Sparta!

- Whoa! - Whoa! Come on!

Come on!

Today I'm starting high school Where boys are turned to men

I've packed my sword and shield We don't use paper and pen

- Everyone's a jock here - We don't have fun, nerds

But weedy kids were left to die As breakfast for the birds

We're taught to love a fight we're taught not to be meek

And if we're good they feed us three square meals every week

Let's go fighting Fighting is exciting

Rocking at the Spartan school...

Come on!

Whoa!

At Spartan Kindergarten I'm the boss that's understood

I smack 'em if they're naughty And I thwack 'em if they're good

I'm feeling rather peckish I'm gonna steal some food

Caught, I'll have to punish you Ungrateful Spartan brood

We promise not to steal We're not the thieving sort

Stealing is considered good What's wrong is getting caught

Let's get beating And learn lots of cheating

Rolling at the Spartan school

We have a bunch of contests To see who is the best

The meanest, leanest, toughest, roughest, Spartan contest

This one is my favourite game Lashings of good fun

- Didn't feel a thing - I want my mum

We pass our last exam And it's Spartan graduation

Straightaway we go to work No time for celebration

Ten years active service in the army, no diversion

There's only job for a Spartan - Killing loads of Persians!

Wondering about love?

It's banned until you're 30

High school doesn't teach romance It teaches fighting dirty

Let's go fighting Now fighting is exciting

Rocking at the Spartan school

Let's get beating And learn lots of cheating

Rolling at the Spartan school!

Ooh, uh, sorry if you didn't get any nibbles.

They seem to have all disappeared.

I don't know where they could have gone.

- HE BELCHES - Yes, the Spartans were indeed fearsome warriors,

and so were the Celts.

Gonna cause a stink Won't be the first to blink

I'm not who you think Don't mess with me, I'm Boudica

My husband Prasutagus died He was a Celtic King

I was his Queen, so due to me Was half of everything

Roman law gave half to me So half was what they got

Till their nasty soldiers came And took the blessed lot

Hey, mister! I say you got The wrong end of the stick

His answer turned his sister into one angry chick

No man, Roman,

Don't push around this woman, You won't get far with Boudica

Bowman, yeoman, Smash the Roman foe, man,

All say "yah"

- Yah! - Boudica!

I've built a massive army Headed straight for the city

Beat 'em all with ease And likely it wasn't pretty

Chopped 'em and hacked But what made their red blood curl

It's bad enough being beaten But beaten by a girl!

Whacked 'em, smacked 'em, boy,

How we attacked 'em, Near and far, ha, ha, ha

Flay them, slay them, Up and down parade 'em, Boudica

The toughest by far

Colchester, London, St Albans, Everybody talk about dead Romans

We marched on up the Roman road That's known as Watling Street

They trapped us in the forest Then thrashed us to our defeat

By now you've guessed I'm not The kind of gal who sit and cry

Be sold as a slave to Romans? You know I'd rather die

They tried to take me prisoner So I led the Roman boys on

Instead of giving in to them I swallowed special poison

Martyrs, smarter Capture a non starter

This was our last hurrah

Slaughtered, dismembered Our tribe always remembered

Boudica, superstar Boudica

Superstar!

It wasn't just Romans who invaded Britain, you know,

us Vikings did it too.

I love this band.

It was the Summer of 793 when we Sailed across the great North Sea

Comets crossed the skies That night

They must have known Something wasn't right

We arrived upon your English shore

And you offered friendship But we wanted more

Yeah, so much more, whoa, whoa

We're tearing up this place tonight

Literally

We're gonna set This sleepy town alight

Literally

We'll kill and steal And burn and drink

Cos us Viking don't care What you think

Whoa, whoa, whoa

Let me in now, won't you please?

We're here to raid your monastery

We're primed and ready to attack

And we love how monks Just don't fight back

We'll tie you up And you'll become a slave to me

But our slaves often Get chucked in the sea, yeah

If the boat's heavy, yeah, yeah!

You're gonna lose your head, My friend

Literally

We're gonna get ya, In the end

Literally

And I'll drink a toast From your skull

Cos we're Vikings And that's how we roll

Whoa, whoa, whoa

We're gonna paint The whole town red

Literally

With the blood of the dead

Literally

We'll take everything that You own and get back on our ship

And go back home Whoa, whoa, whoa

We're going home

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

We're going home Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

We are going home, whoa, whoa, whoa

We are going home.

It's true, the Vikings did used to drink out of the skulls of their enemies,

but they weren't the only ones to do it.

So did some people called Incas, over in South America,

in around 1450 AD, when this bloke was in charge.

I'm Pachakuti, the Incan Lord All other tribes dread it

My name means he who shapes The earth, not that I'm big-headed

When it comes to claiming nearby Lands, I was the type to risk it

But it's how I treat dead enemies That really took the biscuit

Do the Pachakuti

Do the Pachakuti

Do the Pachakuti

Pachakuti!

Once on a hillside, my troops hid To cause a rifle strife,

And when they jumped out it looked Like the ground had come to life...

Boo!

The rocks they are my warriors I then used to boast

And that little lie helped us with wars, but violence helped the most

Do the Pachakuti

Do the Pachakuti

Do the Pachakuti

Pachakuti!

If you were a rival chief We'd kill you first and then

We'd stuff you like a scarecrow But one for scaring men

Then we'd rest your bony fingers on The stretched skin of your belly

And in the breeze They'd tap that tum like a drummer

But more smelly

Do the Pachakuti

Do the Pachakuti

Do the Pachakuti

Pachakuti!

Do the Pachakuti.

I love a good party, me.

Eh, and no-one loved a good party more than the Stuart king

who came to power in 1661.

My name is, my name is, my name is...

Charles II

I love the people And the people love me

So much that they restored The English monarchy

I'm part Scottish, French, Italian, a little bit Dane,

But 100% party animal - champagne?

Spaniels, I adored Named after me, too

Like me they were fun With a nutty hairdo

Is today my birthday? I can't recall, let's have a party anyway

Because I love a masked ball

All hail

The king of bling, let's sing, Bells ring, ding, ding

I'm the King who Brought back partying

King Charles, my daddy, lost His throne and kings were banned

They chopped off his head, then Ollie Cromwell ruled the land

Old Ollie wasn't jolly

He was glum and he was proud We'd be miserable as sin

Only sinning's not allowed

When Ollie died, the people said, "Charlie me hearty, get rid of His dull laws, come back -

"We'd rather party"

This action's what they called The monarchy restoration

Which naturally was followed By a huge celebration

The King of England said, "No sin to sing"

- OK! - Or anything

All say I'm the king Who brought back partying

Great London Fire was a whopper in My reign, London City came a cropper

So this King did What was right and proper, for The fire proved a more than a bovver

I'm a firestopper

Married Catherine Braganza She was a love so true

There would never be another - Well, maybe one or two

Lucy Walter, Nell Gwynne Moll Davis, Barbara Villiers

You think that's bad, But her name's not as silly as...

Hortense Mancini

As king, I must admit I broke the wedding rules

But who cares when I brought back The crown jewels?

I reinstated Christmas, Make-up, sport and even plays

I was the merry monarch, They were good old days

When said and done, King Charles Did run England for fun

I was the King loved by everyone My song is done.

Party anyone?

Aah. I was parched.

Anyone else fancy a drink? Mmm.

It's squash. Squashed beetle squash.

Now, here's another famous man from the end of the Stuart era.

But he's one you really wouldn't want to meet.

When I was a nipper,

I boarded a clipper, sailed The Seas as a goods importer, ooh.

Edward Teach is my name But I earnt my fame as Blackbeard,

The Pirate of the Water

Oh, what a jolly chap With a jaunty cap

Always gave my crew good quarter

Oh! But I'm best known for Blood and guts and gore

And a vicious reign of murdering And slaughter, oh!

Best known for blood And guts and gore

And a vicious reign of Murdering and slaughter, oh!

Left my home in Bristol With a sword and pistol

Bid a fond farewell To old Blighty, oh!

What my enemies feared Was my thick black beard

Which I always enjoyed Setting light to

Oh, once I had a thing

For a captive's lovely ring, that Shone like a jewel in the nighty

Oh! When the man said no I just said, "oh",

And chopped off his hand And said, "righty-oh"

Man said no, he said oh, chopped Off his hand and said, "righty-oh"

Oh, I love to sail the ocean with My flag that inspired emotion

With its smiling pile Of skull and bones

Smashing hearts with A violent stabbing motion

And I loved to escape detection And to win my crew's affection

Which was nothing to do with The 12 guns he wore on his belt

That were for protection

I was awfully nice But I had the odd vice

Which occasionally caused A commotion

The thing that I do Was shoot members of my crew

If they didn't Show enough devotion

The thing he'd do Was shoot members of the crew

If they didn't show Enough devotion

Once when very irate I shot my first mate

Israel Hands, for a bit of pleasure Oh!

And when my debts grew Killed half of my crew

To increase my share Of the treasure, oh!

Was doing well Then seemed to run out of men

My captors boarded At their leisure, oh!

Smote me dead Then cut off my head

And displayed it on my mast For good measure, oh!

Smote him dead

Chopped off his head, displayed it On the mast for good measure

Oh!

Blackbeard really was a bad-tempered sort.

But then so was our last Georgian king, about a century later.

I don't think he liked waiting nearly 60 years to take the throne.

I'm George IV, the Regent King Which means I was just standing in

Acting King because my dad George III, had gone barking mad...

Banana!

Great palaces I did design Buckingham was one of mine

Art and fashion I so rated...

- And wives? - That's more complicated

Actresses and Duchesses The great loves of my life

I loved more girls than I ate pies But I couldn't stand my wife

He couldn't stand his wife...

Go away!

I only married Queen Caroline When my debts began to climb

Cos if I agreed to tie the knot

I said I'd pay off the lot

But the wedding caused All sorts of strife

Cos I already had a wife...

A divorced Catholic?

Dad did sigh, but the mad old goat Just wouldn't die...

Still here! Oop, spoke too soon.

At last I can go solo

As true King my reign began, Though I was now older than your nan

But as the ruler of our nation I banned my wife from my coronation

And knowing now That I did hate her

She promptly died Just three weeks later

But all those pies That I got through

Meant ten years later I died too...

Hello. Have we met? I'm a kangaroo.

Actresses, Duchesses, The great loves of my life

I loved more girls than I ate pies

But I couldn't stand my wife

I had just ten years on the throne, do you remember that?

No, all that you remember is...

..I was really fat.

Yee-haa! We're having ourselves a fancy dress part-ay.

In 1866, cowboys ruled the range in America.

But the real cowboys weren't much like the ones you see in the movies.

Oh, no.

Well, I'm a real life cowboy Just a quiet humble fella...

That's what we're like, apart from Mike...

Yeah, I'm more of a yeller.

Sing songs to pass the evenings

And because it soothes the herd so they won't stampede...

- Unless Mike sings lead. - I shouts every single word!

- Mike! - Sorry.

Cos we're cowboys Real-life cowboys

Not like the ones You've seen on your TV

We've never held up banks At all...

- We're poorly paid. - And kinda small.

If you still wanna be a cowboy

Stick with me

- On your horse for 18 hours... - And that saddle sore is a curse.

- Then feed your horse. - And yourself, of course.

- Although beans just make it worse. - HE FARTS

Then you're back driving cattle

That's what being a cowboy means

Moving those beasts From west to east...

- HE FARTS - Sorry, it's the beans!

Cos we're cowboys

Real-life cowboys

Not like the ones You've seen in the movies

We're not big hunks like that John Wayne, cos our horses would complain

If you still wanna be a cowboy

Join us please

You should be aware we have some customs that are strange

Like saying howdy, not hello, When you're out here on the range

Never touch a cowboy's hat

Never ride his horse...

So what if I took your old mare?

- Well, I'd shoot you, of course. - Fair enough.

Cowboys, real life cowboys

Not like the ones You see on silver screens

We didn't go out Starting fights...

Cos unions fought for our rights. Now Mike will do a solo, thanks to beans.

HE FARTS A TUNE

- How was that? - It stunk!

And now my friends, I fear That the end is drawing near

Cos we only ruled the range For 20 years

Yee-haa!

That's right, the cowboy era only lasted for about 20 years.

But over in Britain,

many of the things the Victorians invented are still with us today.

'Twas the age of Queen Victoria's, a period notorious,

so many brand-new goods we did create.

Our list is long and glorious, though I don't intend to bore yous,

- was a time of great invention. - Was it really? What did we invent, then?

Well, I'm just about to mention - drum roll, please, let's raise the tension.

HE CLEARS THROAT We invented...

this music hall.

- Is that all? - Well...

A chap called Henry Bessemer

Invented molten steel, which led to other chaps creating the automobile,

Which led to petrol, tyres and bikes, so all that was required

- Was roads, so concrete came, and tarmac thought up too... - You're hired.

Oh, concrete, tarmac, steel...

The automobile.

Seal of rubber wheel.

Such inventive zeal.

Still there's plenty to reveal

Victorian brains worked overtime To come up with ideas...

- We invented light bulbs. - Nice one. - Cheers.

Typewriters and radios, Now news was fast conveyed. Hello.

A telephone was no good till A second phone was made. Hello.

- Our inventors did not snooze... - Always had another ruse.

The latest flushing loos.

Films that did amuse.

Flashbulb cameras to use...

What a picture. What a picture.

Vacuum cleaners, toilet paper, Post boxes and stamps...

Toilets, Aspirin, anaesthetics, locks, electric lamps.

Sewing machines, X-rays, comics, ice cream in a pot.

Easter eggs and rockets.

We invented the whole lot.

Oh...

Oh, hang on. There's more.

Trains and lines and bridges And the Underground as well...

Paddle steamers, prams and disinfectant for their smell.

Sterile doctor's instruments, one last unmentioned brand,

Victorians invented the world's first conveyer band.

Cuddly toy?

Invented 1902, the year after Victoria died.

Oh, barometers were new

Iron ships so cool...

- What genius. - Thank you.

Seems we're almost through.

Just one little oversight...

..we invented dynamite.

Talking of dynamite, let's finish the show

with a bit of 1939 style girl power.

Carry on.

We're girlies from the '30s, Wash the dishes, scrub the floor

When all of a sudden Our hubbies went to war

Did you think we'd shrink In England's needy hour?

- You what? - 'Course not.

Cos we got girl power

Our men are fighting World War II But we're not gonna boo hoo hoo

It's our World War II too, girls

Plenty we can do, girls

We're the World War II girls

Our path begins right here

I make weapons in the factory Drill and bolt and screw

With rules so strict they even Time you when you're on the loo

Making bombs and bullets Means I'm always mucky

I've put my name down for a bath I'll get one if I'm lucky

There is no job that we can't do It wasn't long till our roles grew

Your country needs you, girls Army, navy too, girls

We're the World II girls

This is our career

I'm a plane-fixing, plain-speaking

Photo-taking, code-breaking air force miss

Radar mender, lorry driver Weather guessing, foreign spying

I do all this

I took the role of land girl while Our men fight far away,

Farming on the home front Helping save the day

Tending crops and animals Manual labourhoods

In the field, my uniform's This scratchy tie and shirt

When World War II is over though, We'll be proud because we will know,

Thanks to us it's true, girls Came to the rescue girls

We're the World War II girls Original girl power.

Well, I'm afraid that's all we've got time for. Uh, what's that?

Encore? Oh, OK, just one more.

But don't tell anyone. Get ready to scream, girls.

Please welcome to Horrible Histories

the four King Georges of the Georgian era,

with Born 2 Rule.

I took the throne of England Just cos I was Protestant

A German Prince Whose English stank

King George number one

I liked to argue now that's clear Especially with my father here

And when he died of diarrhoea I fought with my son

I broke records With my 60 year reign

And I broke the scales With my giant frame

Born to rule over you,

- King George... - Four...

- Three... - One... - And two.

You had to do what we told you to

Just because our blood was blue

I was a hunk, girls adored me Ladies all swooned before me

They would do anything for me Or I'd have their husbands killed

Had a war with Prince Charles bonnie

Everyone said That I was fu-fu-funny

I spent everyone's money

Our subjects were not thrilled

I was the sad one

And I was the bad one

I was the mad one

And I was the fat one

We were born to rule over you

Georges...

- One... - Three... - Four...

England's Kings Though we were German too

- Him. Then him. - Then me...

- Then you. We were born to Tule over you. - Born to rule!

Gorged on fruit, Then I died on the loo!

- People hated us - And we hated them too

Born to rule over you

Born to rule over you

Me, I was as batty as A bonkers kangaroo-oo

Me, I would have been More at home in a zoo

And now

Now our song is through

Yeah-hey...

- Georges. - Banana.

Want to travel through the time sewers with me?

Play Horrible Histories Terrible Treasures.

Go to the CBBC website

and click on Horrible Histories.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0