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♪It seems today
that all you see♪
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00:00:04,647 --> 00:00:07,623
♪Is violence in movies
and sex on TV♪
3
00:00:07,647 --> 00:00:11,789
♪But where are those
good old-fashioned values♪
4
00:00:11,813 --> 00:00:14,789
♪On which we used to rely?♪
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00:00:14,813 --> 00:00:17,831
♪Lucky there's a family guy♪
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00:00:17,855 --> 00:00:21,539
♪Lucky there's a man who
positively can do♪
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00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:23,414
♪All the things that make us♪
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00:00:23,438 --> 00:00:24,289
♪Laugh and cry♪
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00:00:24,313 --> 00:00:31,021
♪He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!♪
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{\an8}Oh, hi, you guys.
How was school?
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00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:39,080
{\an8}Eh, it was fine.
12
00:00:39,104 --> 00:00:41,289
{\an8}But we had
a substitute bully today
13
00:00:41,313 --> 00:00:42,623
{\an8}and he was doing it wrong.
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{\an8}Okay, it says,
"Tape sign on back."
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00:00:44,188 --> 00:00:46,331
{\an8}Is that-is that your back,
my back?
16
00:00:46,355 --> 00:00:48,289
{\an8}I-I got to be honest--
I only got called in,
17
00:00:48,313 --> 00:00:49,039
{\an8}like, 45 minutes ago.
18
00:00:49,063 --> 00:00:51,997
{\an8}Just pinch my nipples
and get out of here.
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00:00:52,021 --> 00:00:54,372
{\an8}Oh, we also need you to sign
these permission slips.
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00:00:54,396 --> 00:00:56,831
{\an8}We're taking a school field trip
to Washington D.C.
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00:00:56,855 --> 00:00:58,414
{\an8}Sounds great,
bring 'em over here
22
00:00:58,438 --> 00:01:00,414
{\an8}and I'll give you
my John Hancock.
23
00:01:00,438 --> 00:01:01,122
{\an8}Who's that?
24
00:01:01,146 --> 00:01:03,122
{\an8}I'm sorry,
I mean my Lane Bryant.
25
00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:05,897
{\an8}Well, just say that, then.
26
00:01:09,355 --> 00:01:10,206
{\an8}Big day, gentlemen.
27
00:01:10,230 --> 00:01:14,039
{\an8}It's the one day a year
Peter eats a salad.
28
00:01:14,063 --> 00:01:14,706
{\an8}Poor bastard.
29
00:01:14,730 --> 00:01:17,331
{\an8}No one should have to
go through that hell.
30
00:01:17,355 --> 00:01:18,706
{\an8}Well, he made a promise to Lois.
31
00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:21,206
{\an8}It was actually
in their wedding vows.
32
00:01:21,230 --> 00:01:23,122
{\an8}All right,
let's get this over with.
33
00:01:23,146 --> 00:01:25,122
{\an8}I brought the whitest-looking
lettuce
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00:01:25,146 --> 00:01:26,206
{\an8}from McDonald's I could find.
35
00:01:26,230 --> 00:01:28,873
{\an8}I'm hoping it has McNugget smell
accidentally on it.
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00:01:28,897 --> 00:01:30,997
{\an8}I brought today's newspaper
like you asked
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{\an8}so you'd have proof of salad.
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00:01:33,855 --> 00:01:35,396
{\an8}Got it.
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00:01:36,146 --> 00:01:38,688
{\an8}♪
40
00:01:40,605 --> 00:01:43,706
{\an8}I love my wife. I love my wife.
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00:01:43,730 --> 00:01:45,372
{\an8}I love my wife.
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00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:47,730
{\an8}♪
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{\an8}And inside this local tavern,
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00:01:58,521 --> 00:02:01,080
{\an8}a portly gentleman
has just consumed
45
00:02:01,104 --> 00:02:02,539
{\an8}his annual salad.
46
00:02:02,563 --> 00:02:03,664
{\an8}I'm Garrison Keillor,
47
00:02:03,688 --> 00:02:06,748
{\an8}and I was "Me Too'd"
for quaintly groping,
48
00:02:06,772 --> 00:02:10,021
{\an8}so now I'm doing this.
49
00:02:13,313 --> 00:02:15,289
{\an8}So, Chris, Meg,
you guys excited
50
00:02:15,313 --> 00:02:16,873
{\an8}for your big trip
to Washington D.C.?
51
00:02:16,897 --> 00:02:19,414
{\an8}Yeah. The cool kids are
bringing a candy-colored version
52
00:02:19,438 --> 00:02:23,497
{\an8}of whatever drug the media is
most freaking parents out about.
53
00:02:23,521 --> 00:02:24,831
{\an8}-What?!
-Relax, Mom.
54
00:02:24,855 --> 00:02:26,915
{\an8}We're being supervised
by public school employees
55
00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:30,748
{\an8}who themselves are battling
their own crippling addictions.
56
00:02:30,772 --> 00:02:32,122
{\an8}Peter, are you hearing this?
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00:02:32,146 --> 00:02:34,289
{\an8}I'm not.
I'm chewing Cap'n Crunch,
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00:02:34,313 --> 00:02:35,831
{\an8}I can't hear anything.
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00:02:37,396 --> 00:02:38,539
{\an8}I just worry,
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00:02:38,563 --> 00:02:40,289
{\an8}but I guess that's what moms do.
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00:02:40,313 --> 00:02:41,664
{\an8}Well, that and give you a recap
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00:02:41,688 --> 00:02:44,372
{\an8}of everyone who's died
that you don't know.
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00:02:44,396 --> 00:02:46,331
{\an8}You know, Leonard died.
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00:02:46,355 --> 00:02:47,831
{\an8}-Who?
-Leonard.
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00:02:47,855 --> 00:02:50,206
{\an8}-Okay.
-Estelle's pretty upset.
66
00:02:50,230 --> 00:02:52,247
{\an8}And right on the heels of Abner.
67
00:02:52,271 --> 00:02:54,915
{\an8}-Uh-huh.
-You should probably call Edith.
68
00:02:54,939 --> 00:02:56,997
{\an8}I'll give you Alfred's number.
69
00:02:57,021 --> 00:02:58,372
{\an8}Who the hell are these people?
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00:02:58,396 --> 00:03:02,355
{\an8}Is this just an excuse
to say old people's names?
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00:03:03,855 --> 00:03:05,813
{\an8}Vivian.
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00:03:20,730 --> 00:03:22,021
{\an8}Huh.
73
00:03:31,521 --> 00:03:33,247
{\an8}What's the matter?
You look upset.
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00:03:33,271 --> 00:03:35,497
{\an8}Eh, it's just,
Joe's been pretty stingy
75
00:03:35,521 --> 00:03:37,206
{\an8}with his "ha ha's" over text.
76
00:03:37,230 --> 00:03:39,206
{\an8}I think you're probably
reading into that.
77
00:03:39,230 --> 00:03:41,997
{\an8}No, seriously.
Cleveland sends some lame crap
78
00:03:42,021 --> 00:03:42,873
{\an8}and Joe "ha ha's" it.
79
00:03:42,897 --> 00:03:45,831
{\an8}I send a photo of me hanging
a foreclosure notice
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00:03:45,855 --> 00:03:46,664
{\an8}over a toilet-- nothing.
81
00:03:46,688 --> 00:03:49,247
{\an8}I'm telling you, he never laughs
at anything of mine.
82
00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:51,539
{\an8}He must have given you
one at some point.
83
00:03:51,563 --> 00:03:54,438
{\an8}I mean, sure, at some point.
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00:03:56,230 --> 00:03:58,521
♪
85
00:04:25,271 --> 00:04:26,122
Oh, my God.
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00:04:26,146 --> 00:04:28,539
He's literally
never given me one.
87
00:04:28,563 --> 00:04:30,456
Joe doesn't think I'm funny?
88
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:31,539
Oh, thank God you're here.
89
00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:32,623
You know funny when you hear it.
90
00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:35,164
Hey, Ostrich,
did you hear that crazy story
91
00:04:35,188 --> 00:04:37,456
about the monkey's
favorite food?
92
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,372
It's bananas.
93
00:04:39,396 --> 00:04:41,271
Hmm.
94
00:04:43,438 --> 00:04:45,706
Hey, gang,
I know you're not used to
95
00:04:45,730 --> 00:04:46,956
seeing your teachers in shorts,
96
00:04:46,980 --> 00:04:50,122
so let's get it all
out of the way.
97
00:04:50,813 --> 00:04:53,831
They're just legs, guys.
Oh, one more thing.
98
00:04:53,855 --> 00:04:56,623
We do have a surprise chaperone
for this trip.
99
00:04:56,647 --> 00:05:00,997
Everyone say hi to Chris
and Meg's mom, Lois Griffin.
100
00:05:01,021 --> 00:05:02,664
{\an8}Aah! Woot, woot!
101
00:05:02,688 --> 00:05:05,831
{\an8}Did somebody say "cool mom
with an Activia fanny pack"?
102
00:05:05,855 --> 00:05:07,956
{\an8}They give you a free one
if you send in enough lids.
103
00:05:07,980 --> 00:05:11,289
{\an8}I've got two fanny packs
and a very healthy colon.
104
00:05:11,313 --> 00:05:14,539
Our chaperone is Mom?
105
00:05:14,563 --> 00:05:17,873
You're lucky.My mother died last year
after a long illness.
106
00:05:17,897 --> 00:05:22,230
You got your GoFundMe money,
so shut up!
107
00:05:28,813 --> 00:05:31,164
Mom, what the hell
are you doing here?
108
00:05:31,188 --> 00:05:33,789
Are you trying
to kill our reputation?
109
00:05:33,813 --> 00:05:35,206
Oh, relax, you two.
110
00:05:35,230 --> 00:05:37,289
I'm gonna be the cool mom, huh?
111
00:05:37,313 --> 00:05:40,414
I may even have the kids
call me Mrs. G.
112
00:05:40,438 --> 00:05:42,247
Mrs. G.
113
00:05:42,271 --> 00:05:43,206
Can you imagine?
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00:05:43,230 --> 00:05:45,956
Just like Mrs. Garrett
fromThe Facts of Life.
115
00:05:45,980 --> 00:05:47,873
Nobody knows who that is.
116
00:05:47,897 --> 00:05:50,623
Come on-- Tootie? Blair? Jo?
117
00:05:50,647 --> 00:05:52,289
Bitch, what you talking about?
118
00:05:52,313 --> 00:05:53,748
Just settle down, you guys.
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00:05:53,772 --> 00:05:55,289
I promise I won't embarrass you.
120
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:58,664
{\an8}Okay, everyone, I've got candy.
121
00:05:58,688 --> 00:06:01,456
{\an8}Everybody reach in
but just take one.
122
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:05,164
{\an8}Fanny candy?
Fanny candy? Fanny candy?
123
00:06:05,188 --> 00:06:07,331
Oh, my God, this is terrible.
124
00:06:07,355 --> 00:06:08,623
This is more embarrassing
125
00:06:08,647 --> 00:06:11,372
than when I tried to return
that RealDoll.
126
00:06:11,396 --> 00:06:13,539
Uh, yes, hello, I would
127
00:06:13,563 --> 00:06:15,122
like to return my RealDoll.
128
00:06:15,146 --> 00:06:18,581
Okay, and what condition
is the doll in?
129
00:06:18,605 --> 00:06:21,331
Um... let's say "fair."
130
00:06:21,355 --> 00:06:23,789
-Any visible marks?
-Some light choking.
131
00:06:23,813 --> 00:06:26,497
We can't take the doll back
!if there are choke marks on it.
132
00:06:26,521 --> 00:06:28,623
Oh, no, no, no,
the choke marks are on me,
133
00:06:28,647 --> 00:06:31,831
and in her defense,
I did have it coming.
134
00:06:31,855 --> 00:06:34,581
Actually, I don't
want to return the RealDoll.
135
00:06:34,605 --> 00:06:35,664
This is just part of the dance.
136
00:06:35,688 --> 00:06:39,748
Oh, no. I didn't realize
you were there the whole time.
137
00:06:39,772 --> 00:06:44,146
I hope I'm not in
for some light choking.
138
00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:47,664
Why do you even care
if Joe's never
139
00:06:47,688 --> 00:06:52,623
laughed at one of your texts? Brian, I know it seems like
I have it all, but even I--
140
00:06:52,647 --> 00:06:55,539
a man with 15 Halloween masks--
141
00:06:55,563 --> 00:06:57,789
have my struggles
with insecurity.
142
00:06:57,813 --> 00:06:58,623
So, what are you gonna do?
143
00:06:58,647 --> 00:07:01,748
I decided to give him
a taste of his own medicine.
144
00:07:01,772 --> 00:07:06,080
From this day forward, I will never laugh
at another one of Joe's texts.
145
00:07:11,897 --> 00:07:15,122
His-his mind just works
in a different way than mine.
146
00:07:15,146 --> 00:07:18,039
Oh, no. Accidental heart,
accidental heart.
147
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:20,080
Quick, replace it
with a "ha ha."
148
00:07:20,104 --> 00:07:21,789
Phew, that was close.
149
00:07:21,813 --> 00:07:23,456
I was almost gay.
150
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:24,080
Huh.
151
00:07:24,104 --> 00:07:26,164
Peter just came out
of the closet.
152
00:07:26,188 --> 00:07:27,122
Uhp, no he didn't.
153
00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:28,414
{\an8}The heart emoji:
154
00:07:28,438 --> 00:07:31,188
{\an8}careful, straight dudes!
155
00:07:34,605 --> 00:07:35,539
Look at us.
156
00:07:35,563 --> 00:07:38,789
Different generations
enjoying a fancy resort.
157
00:07:38,813 --> 00:07:41,831
-Mom, don't, please.
-Quiet, Meg.
158
00:07:41,855 --> 00:07:45,289
So, I saw a really funny TikTok.
Do you know that one?
159
00:07:45,313 --> 00:07:48,664
You're gonna have to be
more specific. Which one?
160
00:07:48,688 --> 00:07:51,122
Uh, there's-there's
more than one?
161
00:07:51,146 --> 00:07:52,289
Why is everyone leaving?
162
00:07:52,313 --> 00:07:54,748
'Cause you're lame and we don't
want to be with you.
163
00:07:54,772 --> 00:07:57,789
Come on, guys, let's go
watch CNBC in the lobby.
164
00:07:57,813 --> 00:08:00,331
Yeah, I think
I saw a bowl of bananas.
165
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,730
♪
166
00:08:10,271 --> 00:08:12,706
God, those kids are a nightmare.
167
00:08:12,730 --> 00:08:14,164
They're just so... mean.
168
00:08:14,188 --> 00:08:16,873
Just be thankful
this isn't your entire life.
169
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:19,414
You get to go home
at the end of all of this
170
00:08:19,438 --> 00:08:21,164
to a family
and someone you love.
171
00:08:21,188 --> 00:08:25,289
Oh, come on, I'm sure there's
someone special in your life.
172
00:08:25,313 --> 00:08:28,748
You know, there was someone.
173
00:08:28,772 --> 00:08:31,438
A long time ago.
174
00:08:32,146 --> 00:08:32,956
It was 1993,
175
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:35,623
and I was folding clothes
at a Structure.
176
00:08:35,647 --> 00:08:37,331
Everyone was, back then.
177
00:08:37,355 --> 00:08:39,289
Then I saw her.
178
00:08:39,313 --> 00:08:40,873
Shelly Barnes.
179
00:08:40,897 --> 00:08:42,664
Boy, was she something.
180
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:47,414
Tall, tan-- she was
more scrunchie than woman.
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00:08:47,438 --> 00:08:49,897
♪
182
00:08:50,772 --> 00:08:52,581
We wanted the dream:
183
00:08:52,605 --> 00:08:55,331
our own Taco Bell franchise.
184
00:08:55,355 --> 00:08:56,956
But then it happened--
185
00:08:56,980 --> 00:08:59,706
the one thing
you never want to hear.
186
00:08:59,730 --> 00:09:01,623
Hey, John.
I was just thinking.
187
00:09:01,647 --> 00:09:05,539
What if we open
a Taco Bell/Pizza Hut?
188
00:09:06,521 --> 00:09:09,396
♪
189
00:09:10,146 --> 00:09:11,915
The psychic
who told me to do this
190
00:09:11,939 --> 00:09:15,438
never said anything
about Pizza Hut.
191
00:09:15,647 --> 00:09:16,831
I was young and bullheaded.
192
00:09:16,855 --> 00:09:19,748
I had these ideas
of what fast food should be.
193
00:09:19,772 --> 00:09:22,997
Worst part was,
when I told her the bad news,
194
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,831
she threw my retainer
right in the bushes.
195
00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:26,664
I looked for a little bit,
but eventually
196
00:09:26,688 --> 00:09:28,789
I just said, "Eh, screw it."
197
00:09:28,813 --> 00:09:32,122
Anyway, that one argument
consumed us.
198
00:09:32,146 --> 00:09:33,539
Never saw Shelly again.
199
00:09:33,563 --> 00:09:36,956
I'm so sorry to hear all that,
Principal Shepherd.
200
00:09:36,980 --> 00:09:39,539
Whew, what a day.
201
00:09:39,563 --> 00:09:41,789
-I need a drink.
-Jack on the rocks?
202
00:09:41,813 --> 00:09:46,772
No, in the toilet,
but I'll have that drink now.
203
00:09:49,271 --> 00:09:50,997
Hey, Joe, you know,
you might want to
204
00:09:51,021 --> 00:09:51,831
contact your cell carrier
205
00:09:51,855 --> 00:09:54,206
'cause all your "ha ha's"
are coming through
206
00:09:54,230 --> 00:09:55,331
as "thumbs up" lately.
207
00:09:55,355 --> 00:09:56,956
-Oh, boy.
-What's, uh...
208
00:09:56,980 --> 00:09:58,748
what's going on
with you never laughing
209
00:09:58,772 --> 00:09:59,748
at any of my texts?
210
00:09:59,772 --> 00:10:01,414
Peter, maybe now's not the time.
211
00:10:01,438 --> 00:10:03,414
No, no, no, tell me.
What is it?
212
00:10:03,438 --> 00:10:04,080
Honestly? Nothing.
213
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:07,372
I just don't always think
you're all that funny.
214
00:10:09,855 --> 00:10:11,122
Wow.
215
00:10:11,146 --> 00:10:12,414
Uh, okay. Wow.
216
00:10:12,438 --> 00:10:15,372
Look, if I want someone
to burp the National Anthem,
217
00:10:15,396 --> 00:10:17,664
there is no second call,
it's you or nobody.
218
00:10:17,688 --> 00:10:19,956
Thank you, Joe.
Thank you for saying that.
219
00:10:19,980 --> 00:10:22,956
But when it comes to laughs,
you're just not my cup of tea.
220
00:10:22,980 --> 00:10:25,539
Hell, I've never even
seenAustin Powers.
221
00:10:25,563 --> 00:10:26,915
Oh, well, there you go!
222
00:10:26,939 --> 00:10:27,915
All right, fellas, I got to run.
223
00:10:27,939 --> 00:10:30,206
Look, this doesn't
change anything, Peter.
224
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,789
You're my friend.
No hard feelings.
225
00:10:32,813 --> 00:10:36,647
Oh yeah, no hard feelings,
like your dink?
226
00:10:36,939 --> 00:10:38,414
I'll see you around, Peter.
227
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:41,497
I'll tell you what,
I'm gonna get a laugh from him.
228
00:10:41,521 --> 00:10:43,664
Hmm.
I'm not sure about that.
229
00:10:43,688 --> 00:10:45,623
Seems like
he's prayed on this one.
230
00:10:45,647 --> 00:10:48,331
Well, I'm gonna
give it the old college try.
231
00:10:49,063 --> 00:10:52,480
-Are you gonna go to class?
-No.
232
00:10:55,772 --> 00:10:58,164
There you are.
You're not gonna believe this.
233
00:10:58,188 --> 00:11:00,247
Did they get the blood
out of the ice machine?
234
00:11:00,271 --> 00:11:03,122
-No, I found your ex
on Facebook.
-What?
235
00:11:03,146 --> 00:11:07,372
Shelly Barnes. She lives only,
like, 30 miles from here.
236
00:11:07,396 --> 00:11:09,456
Hmm.
Is 30 miles enough time
237
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,623
for me to get totally jacked
before I see her?
238
00:11:11,647 --> 00:11:14,164
Sure, you can do push-ups
in the bus aisle.
239
00:11:14,188 --> 00:11:16,063
Let's go find her.
240
00:11:17,563 --> 00:11:19,289
Hey, hey, listen up.
241
00:11:19,313 --> 00:11:21,039
Has anyone seen
Principal Shepherd?
242
00:11:21,063 --> 00:11:22,706
He said he had to go
to the men's room
243
00:11:22,730 --> 00:11:24,206
and then he just disappeared.
244
00:11:24,230 --> 00:11:27,080
Yeah, I'm not sure.I think we're all
just kind of finger-blasting
245
00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:29,414
anything that moves back here.
246
00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:30,414
I'll be right back.
247
00:11:30,438 --> 00:11:34,331
Excuse me, have you seen
a heavyset, middle-aged man?
248
00:11:34,355 --> 00:11:36,372
Kind of sad-looking?
249
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:37,748
Hmm.
250
00:11:37,772 --> 00:11:40,104
♪
251
00:11:41,939 --> 00:11:42,456
Oh.
252
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:43,623
Hey, you know, there was a guy
253
00:11:43,647 --> 00:11:45,372
that left in a yellow cab
a few minutes ago.
254
00:11:45,396 --> 00:11:47,956
He got the number from
a magazine he had in his pocket.
255
00:11:47,980 --> 00:11:50,539
I've never seen such
stretched-out pockets
256
00:11:50,563 --> 00:11:51,997
on a sport coat before.
257
00:11:52,021 --> 00:11:52,915
Oh, my God, that's him.
258
00:11:52,939 --> 00:11:55,164
Principal Shepherd
must have run away. Now...
259
00:11:55,188 --> 00:11:56,956
Do you have any security footage
from the lobby?
260
00:11:56,980 --> 00:12:00,873
Sorry, the only video we have
is from the karaoke lounge.
261
00:12:00,897 --> 00:12:03,080
He killed Sublime, by the way.
262
00:12:03,104 --> 00:12:05,539
♪I don't practice Santeria♪
263
00:12:05,563 --> 00:12:08,206
♪I ain't got no crystal ball♪
264
00:12:08,230 --> 00:12:10,997
♪Well, I had
a million dollars but...♪
265
00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:13,247
Don't take those fries.
I'm not done.
266
00:12:13,271 --> 00:12:14,372
♪I'd spend it all♪
267
00:12:14,396 --> 00:12:15,706
♪If I could find...♪
268
00:12:15,730 --> 00:12:17,956
I-I... Ugh, I lost my place.
269
00:12:17,980 --> 00:12:20,230
Start it over
from the top, Gene.
270
00:12:24,730 --> 00:12:27,997
Okay, guys,
Principal Shepherd is gone.
271
00:12:28,021 --> 00:12:29,247
Did you check
the karaoke lounge?
272
00:12:29,271 --> 00:12:31,915
He got in a huge fight
with that Gene guy.
273
00:12:31,939 --> 00:12:33,539
Look, I know
you think adults are lame.
274
00:12:33,563 --> 00:12:36,289
That we're just big bags of crap
that drink coffee,
275
00:12:36,313 --> 00:12:37,122
but we are people, too.
276
00:12:37,146 --> 00:12:40,664
Most of the things you think
are important now aren't.
277
00:12:40,688 --> 00:12:44,915
Looks fade, waists expand,
chins double and dreams die.
278
00:12:44,939 --> 00:12:47,206
And one day--
one day, you're gonna wish
279
00:12:47,230 --> 00:12:49,414
that a bus full of punk kids
would come along
280
00:12:49,438 --> 00:12:50,873
and help you
when you need it most.
281
00:12:50,897 --> 00:12:54,789
Now, that man is scared and
alone and he needs us right now.
282
00:12:54,813 --> 00:12:56,539
Now, who's with me?
283
00:13:00,230 --> 00:13:03,789
Wait a minute,
if Principal Shepherd's gone,
284
00:13:03,813 --> 00:13:06,623
who's gonna drive the bus?
285
00:13:08,146 --> 00:13:12,039
Someone say something
about a bus driver?
286
00:13:12,063 --> 00:13:14,581
I still need six hours
of supervised road time
287
00:13:14,605 --> 00:13:15,456
for my B Class license,
288
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:18,122
but I'm pretty sure
I can handle this bad boy.
289
00:13:18,146 --> 00:13:22,080
Meg, let's go find
our principal.
290
00:13:22,104 --> 00:13:24,730
♪
291
00:13:28,939 --> 00:13:30,915
Ooh, sorry.
292
00:13:30,939 --> 00:13:32,289
Sorry, sorry, guys.
I got some,
293
00:13:32,313 --> 00:13:35,647
but I think the troublemaker's
still in there.
294
00:13:37,104 --> 00:13:40,915
Can someone please turn
on the always-1978 bus radio?
295
00:13:43,563 --> 00:13:46,122
♪I cried a tear...♪
296
00:13:47,605 --> 00:13:51,581
♪You wiped it dry...♪
297
00:13:51,605 --> 00:13:52,414
Ew!
298
00:13:52,438 --> 00:13:55,372
It's not my fault.
It's a ballad.
299
00:13:57,146 --> 00:14:00,664
songs you can't poop over
!on a bus. Soft stoolin' our way
300
00:14:00,688 --> 00:14:03,122
through the '70s.-
301
00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:05,331
♪I love you...♪
302
00:14:07,396 --> 00:14:10,539
♪I honestly love you...♪
303
00:14:10,563 --> 00:14:12,206
Ew!
304
00:14:12,230 --> 00:14:15,581
Change the damn station!
305
00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:17,897
♪
306
00:14:18,772 --> 00:14:20,039
Whoa, whoa.
Where you going?
307
00:14:20,063 --> 00:14:22,831
I've had it, Brian.
I am getting a "ha ha" from Joe
308
00:14:22,855 --> 00:14:24,372
if it's the last thing I do.
309
00:14:24,396 --> 00:14:26,331
And how are you planning
to do this?
310
00:14:26,355 --> 00:14:27,289
I'm gonna send a funny text
311
00:14:27,313 --> 00:14:29,748
and then sneak over to Joe's
and "ha ha" it.
312
00:14:29,772 --> 00:14:31,831
Okay, but why are you wearing
all black?
313
00:14:31,855 --> 00:14:33,748
So no one will see me.
314
00:14:36,730 --> 00:14:39,122
- Aah!
- -Why the hell are you wearing all black?
315
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:41,122
Why the hell are you wearing
a lady's ball gown?
316
00:14:41,146 --> 00:14:46,331
Okay, let's just both resume
whatever it is we were doing.
317
00:14:46,355 --> 00:14:49,230
♪
318
00:15:00,271 --> 00:15:02,355
♪
319
00:15:27,897 --> 00:15:29,206
Aah!
320
00:15:29,230 --> 00:15:30,456
Who's there?
321
00:15:32,897 --> 00:15:36,605
Don't struggle.
It only makes it tighter.
322
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:39,289
Aah!
323
00:15:48,271 --> 00:15:50,873
Peter? What the hell
is going on here?
324
00:15:50,897 --> 00:15:53,080
Joe? Joe, are you okay?
325
00:15:53,104 --> 00:15:55,873
Yeah, I'm fine, Bon.
326
00:15:55,897 --> 00:15:57,581
Oh.
327
00:15:57,605 --> 00:15:59,748
♪
328
00:15:59,772 --> 00:16:01,956
We looked all night
and there's no sign
329
00:16:01,980 --> 00:16:03,956
of Principal Shepherd anywhere.
330
00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:05,831
Oh, my God, of course.
331
00:16:05,855 --> 00:16:08,521
Stop the bus, Meg.
Look!
332
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:11,813
Gotcha.
333
00:16:16,063 --> 00:16:17,956
I thought I might find you here.
334
00:16:17,980 --> 00:16:19,748
Mrs. Griffin, I, uh...
335
00:16:19,772 --> 00:16:21,039
Look, I wanted to say I'm sorry.
336
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:24,748
I... I shouldn't have inserted
myself into your personal life.
337
00:16:24,772 --> 00:16:26,289
That... that was wrong of me.
338
00:16:26,313 --> 00:16:28,581
I know you just wanted to help.
I just...
339
00:16:28,605 --> 00:16:29,748
I just panicked.
340
00:16:29,772 --> 00:16:31,331
I got so scared
of her seeing me now
341
00:16:31,355 --> 00:16:34,122
and thinking that
I'm this big loser.
342
00:16:34,146 --> 00:16:35,748
Hey, you are not a loser.
343
00:16:35,772 --> 00:16:41,080
May I remind you I wear
Saucony sneakers and Lee jeans.
344
00:16:41,104 --> 00:16:42,748
You...
345
00:16:42,772 --> 00:16:45,497
you are not a loser.
346
00:16:47,230 --> 00:16:50,021
♪
347
00:16:56,104 --> 00:17:00,396
Mrs. Griffin,
yo quieroone more chance.
348
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:05,247
Well, Mr. Griffin, the surgery
went according to plan.
349
00:17:05,271 --> 00:17:06,581
Great, thank you, Dr. Hartman.
350
00:17:06,605 --> 00:17:08,331
And I didn't know
how to categorize your injuries
351
00:17:08,355 --> 00:17:10,997
on the insurance form,
so I just put "gay stabbing."
352
00:17:11,021 --> 00:17:14,748
Oh, okay, uh, uh, w-who else...
who else sees that?
353
00:17:14,772 --> 00:17:15,956
Oh, a-almost-almost nobody.
354
00:17:15,980 --> 00:17:19,581
It's just for, like,
file-keeping record stuff.
355
00:17:50,772 --> 00:17:53,063
♪
356
00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:05,897
Go get 'em.
357
00:18:12,104 --> 00:18:12,623
Shelly?
358
00:18:12,647 --> 00:18:15,122
Hi, it's, uh,
i-it's me, John Shepherd.
359
00:18:15,146 --> 00:18:17,456
-Listen, John,
I-I think maybe--
-Hang on, hang on.
360
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,581
Just-just let me say
what I want to say.
361
00:18:19,605 --> 00:18:20,997
God, you look great.
362
00:18:21,021 --> 00:18:24,206
Listen, I know it must be odd
to see me standing here
363
00:18:24,230 --> 00:18:25,497
all these years later.
364
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,497
And although I look like a man
on the outside--
365
00:18:28,521 --> 00:18:30,331
Shelly lives
in the house next door.
366
00:18:30,355 --> 00:18:32,456
Oh. Oh, uh, uh, which, uh...
367
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:34,414
Oh, uh, the one
with the aboveground pool
368
00:18:34,438 --> 00:18:38,146
and angry dogs tied to the tree
in the front yard.
369
00:18:43,647 --> 00:18:46,080
No way. John Shepherd?
370
00:18:46,104 --> 00:18:47,956
Is that really you?
371
00:18:47,980 --> 00:18:50,039
It is. Shelly?
372
00:18:51,021 --> 00:18:53,456
Shut up!
Shut up, you idiots!
373
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,122
I'd invite you in,
but my uncle's getting dialysis
374
00:18:56,146 --> 00:18:58,206
-right here in the bonus room.
-Oh, wow.
375
00:18:58,230 --> 00:19:01,414
Uh, listen, I was...
I was just in the neighborhood.
376
00:19:01,438 --> 00:19:04,247
I wanted to come by
and see how you've been.
377
00:19:04,271 --> 00:19:05,623
Yeah, not too bad.
378
00:19:05,647 --> 00:19:09,289
You know, I ended up opening
the Taco Bell/Pizza Hut,
379
00:19:09,313 --> 00:19:10,623
but it never really took off.
380
00:19:10,647 --> 00:19:12,956
I think, ultimately,
it came down to me trading
381
00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:16,247
too many pizzas for drugs.
382
00:19:16,271 --> 00:19:19,873
Right, right. Listen, I actually got
to get these kids somewhere.
383
00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:21,414
Well, it was nice
to see you, John.
384
00:19:21,438 --> 00:19:24,873
You ever want to hang out,
you know where to find me.
385
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:28,664
You'll find her in the wind
and in the trees around you.
386
00:19:28,688 --> 00:19:31,706
Where the leaves blow
and the river flows.
387
00:19:31,730 --> 00:19:32,706
I'm sorry, who are you?
388
00:19:32,730 --> 00:19:36,206
I'm Jared Fogle,
the former Subway spokesperson.
389
00:19:36,230 --> 00:19:38,831
Not sure I want you
in my thought bubble.
390
00:19:38,855 --> 00:19:40,247
-Aren't you in prison?
-Yes.
391
00:19:40,271 --> 00:19:42,581
This is how I spend my days
in my cell.
392
00:19:42,605 --> 00:19:44,997
Hey, how many kids
you got on this bus, by the way?
393
00:19:45,021 --> 00:19:49,271
This is why! This is
why I don't want you in there!
394
00:19:53,939 --> 00:19:56,664
Thanks for pushing me
to go find my first love.
395
00:19:56,688 --> 00:19:59,372
Sorry it ended up being
such a waste of time.
396
00:19:59,396 --> 00:20:01,331
No, this was not a waste.
397
00:20:01,355 --> 00:20:03,456
You just found out you won.
398
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:04,581
I did? How so?
399
00:20:04,605 --> 00:20:06,581
Your ex-girlfriend
is a total loser.
400
00:20:06,605 --> 00:20:09,039
Meanwhile, you have
a great job with a pension,
401
00:20:09,063 --> 00:20:13,897
a house and a car
with all different-color doors.
402
00:20:14,438 --> 00:20:15,331
You're right.
403
00:20:15,355 --> 00:20:17,664
I guess old Shep's doing okay.
404
00:20:17,688 --> 00:20:19,581
You sure are.
Now, all you got to do
405
00:20:19,605 --> 00:20:23,206
is just not humiliate yourself
on a bus full of children.
406
00:20:23,230 --> 00:20:23,873
Ooh, on that note,
407
00:20:23,897 --> 00:20:28,355
I got to make a quick stop
in the little boy's room.
408
00:20:29,104 --> 00:20:30,623
Turn on the radio!
409
00:20:32,188 --> 00:20:34,497
♪You're looking
kind of lonely, girl...♪
410
00:20:34,521 --> 00:20:36,164
Ew!
411
00:20:36,188 --> 00:20:37,664
♪Would you like someone new♪
412
00:20:37,688 --> 00:20:38,873
-♪To talk to?♪
-Ew!
413
00:20:38,897 --> 00:20:40,831
This bowl's getting very full.
414
00:20:40,855 --> 00:20:42,331
I strongly suggest
415
00:20:42,355 --> 00:20:44,206
we don't go up or down
any hills.
416
00:20:44,230 --> 00:20:47,122
♪I'm feeling
kind of lonely, too♪
417
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,497
♪If you don't mind♪
418
00:20:48,521 --> 00:20:52,873
♪Can I sit down here
beside you?♪
419
00:20:52,897 --> 00:20:55,039
♪Ah, yeah♪
420
00:20:55,063 --> 00:21:11,605
♪All right.♪
29927
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