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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,626 --> 00:00:07,602
♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:07,626 --> 00:00:11,768
♪ But where are those good
old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:11,792 --> 00:00:14,768
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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00:00:14,792 --> 00:00:17,810
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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00:00:17,834 --> 00:00:21,518
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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00:00:21,542 --> 00:00:23,393
♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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{\an8}Oh, hi, you guys.
How was school?
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00:00:38,417 --> 00:00:39,059
{\an8}Eh, it was fine.
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00:00:39,083 --> 00:00:41,268
{\an8}But we had a
substitute bully today
13
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{\an8}and he was doing it wrong.
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00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:44,143
{\an8}Okay, it says,
"Tape sign on back."
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00:00:44,167 --> 00:00:46,310
{\an8}Is that-is that
your back, my back?
16
00:00:46,334 --> 00:00:48,268
{\an8}I-I got to be honest...
I only got called in,
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00:00:48,292 --> 00:00:49,018
{\an8}like, 45 minutes ago.
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00:00:49,042 --> 00:00:51,976
{\an8}Just pinch my nipples
and get out of here.
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00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,351
{\an8}Oh, we also need you to
sign these permission slips.
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00:00:54,375 --> 00:00:56,810
{\an8}We're taking a school field
trip to Washington D.C.
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00:00:56,834 --> 00:00:58,393
{\an8}Sounds great,
bring 'em over here
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00:00:58,417 --> 00:01:00,393
{\an8}and I'll give you
my John Hancock.
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00:01:00,417 --> 00:01:01,101
{\an8}Who's that?
24
00:01:01,125 --> 00:01:03,101
{\an8}I'm sorry, I mean
my Lane Bryant.
25
00:01:03,125 --> 00:01:05,876
{\an8}Well, just say that, then.
26
00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:10,185
{\an8}Big day, gentlemen.
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00:01:10,209 --> 00:01:14,018
{\an8}It's the one day a year
Peter eats a salad.
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00:01:14,042 --> 00:01:14,685
{\an8}Poor bastard.
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00:01:14,709 --> 00:01:17,310
{\an8}No one should have to
go through that hell.
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00:01:17,334 --> 00:01:18,685
{\an8}Well, he made a promise to Lois.
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00:01:18,709 --> 00:01:21,185
{\an8}It was actually in
their wedding vows.
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00:01:21,209 --> 00:01:23,101
{\an8}All right, let's
get this over with.
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00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:25,101
{\an8}I brought the
whitest-looking lettuce
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00:01:25,125 --> 00:01:26,185
{\an8}from McDonald's I could find.
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00:01:26,209 --> 00:01:28,852
{\an8}I'm hoping it has McNugget
smell accidentally on it.
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00:01:28,876 --> 00:01:30,976
{\an8}I brought today's
newspaper like you asked
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{\an8}so you'd have proof of salad.
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00:01:33,834 --> 00:01:35,375
{\an8}Got it.
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00:01:40,584 --> 00:01:43,685
{\an8}I love my wife. I love my wife.
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00:01:43,709 --> 00:01:45,351
{\an8}I love my wife.
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00:01:56,626 --> 00:01:58,476
{\an8}And inside this local tavern,
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00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:01,059
{\an8}a portly gentleman
has just consumed
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00:02:01,083 --> 00:02:02,518
{\an8}his annual salad.
44
00:02:02,542 --> 00:02:03,643
{\an8}I'm Garrison Keillor,
45
00:02:03,667 --> 00:02:06,727
{\an8}and I was "Me Too'd"
for quaintly groping,
46
00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:10,000
{\an8}so now I'm doing this.
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00:02:13,292 --> 00:02:15,268
{\an8}So, Chris, Meg, you guys excited
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00:02:15,292 --> 00:02:16,852
{\an8}for your big trip
to Washington D.C.?
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00:02:16,876 --> 00:02:19,393
{\an8}Yeah. The cool kids are
bringing a candy-colored version
50
00:02:19,417 --> 00:02:23,476
{\an8}of whatever drug the media is
most freaking parents out about.
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00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:24,810
{\an8}- What?!
- Relax, Mom.
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00:02:24,834 --> 00:02:26,894
{\an8}We're being supervised by
public school employees
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00:02:26,918 --> 00:02:30,727
{\an8}who themselves are battling
their own crippling addictions.
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00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,101
{\an8}Peter, are you hearing this?
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00:02:32,125 --> 00:02:34,268
{\an8}I'm not. I'm chewing
Cap'n Crunch,
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00:02:34,292 --> 00:02:35,810
{\an8}I can't hear anything.
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00:02:37,375 --> 00:02:38,518
{\an8}I just worry,
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00:02:38,542 --> 00:02:40,268
{\an8}but I guess that's what moms do.
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00:02:40,292 --> 00:02:41,643
{\an8}Well, that and give you a recap
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00:02:41,667 --> 00:02:44,351
{\an8}of everyone who's died
that you don't know.
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00:02:44,375 --> 00:02:46,310
{\an8}You know, Leonard died.
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00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:47,810
{\an8}- Who?
- Leonard.
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00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,185
{\an8}- Okay.
- Estelle's pretty upset.
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00:02:50,209 --> 00:02:52,226
{\an8}And right on the heels of Abner.
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00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:54,894
{\an8}- Uh-huh.
- You should probably call Edith.
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00:02:54,918 --> 00:02:56,976
{\an8}I'll give you Alfred's number.
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00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,351
{\an8}Who the hell are these people?
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00:02:58,375 --> 00:03:02,334
{\an8}Is this just an excuse to
say old people's names?
69
00:03:03,834 --> 00:03:05,792
{\an8}Vivian.
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00:03:20,709 --> 00:03:22,000
{\an8}Huh.
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00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:33,226
{\an8}What's the matter?
You look upset.
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00:03:33,250 --> 00:03:35,476
{\an8}Eh, it's just, Joe's
been pretty stingy
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00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:37,185
{\an8}with his "ha ha's" over text.
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00:03:37,209 --> 00:03:39,185
{\an8}I think you're probably
reading into that.
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00:03:39,209 --> 00:03:41,976
{\an8}No, seriously. Cleveland
sends some lame crap
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00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:42,852
{\an8}and Joe "ha ha's" it.
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00:03:42,876 --> 00:03:45,810
{\an8}I send a photo of me
hanging a foreclosure notice
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00:03:45,834 --> 00:03:46,643
{\an8}over a toilet... nothing.
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00:03:46,667 --> 00:03:49,226
{\an8}I'm telling you, he never
laughs at anything of mine.
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00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:51,518
{\an8}He must have given
you one at some point.
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00:03:51,542 --> 00:03:54,417
{\an8}I mean, sure, at some point.
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00:04:25,250 --> 00:04:26,101
Oh, my God.
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00:04:26,125 --> 00:04:28,518
He's literally
never given me one.
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00:04:28,542 --> 00:04:30,435
Joe doesn't think I'm funny?
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00:04:30,459 --> 00:04:31,518
Oh, thank God you're here.
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00:04:31,542 --> 00:04:32,602
You know funny when you hear it.
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00:04:32,626 --> 00:04:35,143
Hey, Ostrich, did you
hear that crazy story
88
00:04:35,167 --> 00:04:37,435
about the monkey's
favorite food?
89
00:04:37,459 --> 00:04:39,351
It's bananas.
90
00:04:39,375 --> 00:04:41,250
Hmm.
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00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,685
Hey, gang, I know
you're not used to
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00:04:45,709 --> 00:04:46,935
seeing your teachers in shorts,
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00:04:46,959 --> 00:04:50,101
so let's get it
all out of the way.
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00:04:50,792 --> 00:04:53,810
They're just legs, guys.
Oh, one more thing.
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00:04:53,834 --> 00:04:56,602
We do have a surprise
chaperone for this trip.
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00:04:56,626 --> 00:05:00,976
Everyone say hi to Chris
and Meg's mom, Lois Griffin.
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00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,643
{\an8}Aah! Woot, woot!
98
00:05:02,667 --> 00:05:05,810
{\an8}Did somebody say "cool mom
with an Activia fanny pack"?
99
00:05:05,834 --> 00:05:07,935
{\an8}They give you a free one
if you send in enough lids.
100
00:05:07,959 --> 00:05:11,268
{\an8}I've got two fanny packs
and a very healthy colon.
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00:05:11,292 --> 00:05:14,518
Our chaperone is Mom?
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00:05:14,542 --> 00:05:17,852
You're lucky. My mother died
last year after a long illness.
103
00:05:17,876 --> 00:05:22,209
You got your GoFundMe
money, so shut up!
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00:05:28,792 --> 00:05:31,143
Mom, what the hell
are you doing here?
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00:05:31,167 --> 00:05:33,768
Are you trying to
kill our reputation?
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00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,185
Oh, relax, you two.
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00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:37,268
I'm gonna be the cool mom, huh?
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00:05:37,292 --> 00:05:40,393
I may even have the
kids call me Mrs. G.
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00:05:40,417 --> 00:05:42,226
Mrs. G.
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00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:43,185
Can you imagine?
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00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:45,935
Just like Mrs. Garrett
from The Facts of Life.
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00:05:45,959 --> 00:05:47,852
Nobody knows who that is.
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00:05:47,876 --> 00:05:50,602
Come on... Tootie? Blair? Jo?
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00:05:50,626 --> 00:05:52,268
Bitch, what you talking about?
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00:05:52,292 --> 00:05:53,727
Just settle down, you guys.
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00:05:53,751 --> 00:05:55,268
I promise I won't embarrass you.
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00:05:55,292 --> 00:05:58,643
{\an8}Okay, everyone, I've got candy.
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00:05:58,667 --> 00:06:01,435
{\an8}Everybody reach in
but just take one.
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00:06:01,459 --> 00:06:05,143
{\an8}Fanny candy? Fanny
candy? Fanny candy?
120
00:06:05,167 --> 00:06:07,310
Oh, my God, this is terrible.
121
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:08,602
This is more embarrassing
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00:06:08,626 --> 00:06:11,351
than when I tried to
return that RealDoll.
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00:06:11,375 --> 00:06:13,518
Uh, yes, hello, I would
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00:06:13,542 --> 00:06:15,101
like to return my RealDoll.
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00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:18,560
Okay, and what condition
is the doll in?
126
00:06:18,584 --> 00:06:21,310
Um... let's say "fair."
127
00:06:21,334 --> 00:06:23,768
- Any visible marks?
- Some light choking.
128
00:06:23,792 --> 00:06:26,476
We can't take the doll back !if
there are choke marks on it.
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00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:28,602
Oh, no, no, no, the
choke marks are on me,
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00:06:28,626 --> 00:06:31,810
and in her defense,
I did have it coming.
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00:06:31,834 --> 00:06:34,560
Actually, I don't want
to return the RealDoll.
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00:06:34,584 --> 00:06:35,643
This is just part of the dance.
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00:06:35,667 --> 00:06:39,727
Oh, no. I didn't realize you
were there the whole time.
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00:06:39,751 --> 00:06:44,125
I hope I'm not in for
some light choking.
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00:06:46,167 --> 00:06:47,643
Why do you even
care if Joe's never
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00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:52,602
laughed at one of your texts? Brian, I know
it seems like I have it all, but even I...
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00:06:52,626 --> 00:06:55,518
a man with 15 Halloween masks...
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00:06:55,542 --> 00:06:57,768
have my struggles
with insecurity.
139
00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:58,602
So, what are you gonna do?
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00:06:58,626 --> 00:07:01,727
I decided to give him a
taste of his own medicine.
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00:07:01,751 --> 00:07:06,059
From this day forward, I will never
laugh at another one of Joe's texts.
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00:07:11,876 --> 00:07:15,101
His-his mind just works in
a different way than mine.
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00:07:15,125 --> 00:07:18,018
Oh, no. Accidental
heart, accidental heart.
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00:07:18,042 --> 00:07:20,059
Quick, replace it
with a "ha ha."
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00:07:20,083 --> 00:07:21,768
Phew, that was close.
146
00:07:21,792 --> 00:07:23,435
I was almost gay.
147
00:07:23,459 --> 00:07:24,059
Huh.
148
00:07:24,083 --> 00:07:26,143
Peter just came
out of the closet.
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00:07:26,167 --> 00:07:27,101
Uhp, no he didn't.
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00:07:27,125 --> 00:07:28,393
{\an8}The heart emoji:
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00:07:28,417 --> 00:07:31,167
{\an8}careful, straight dudes!
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00:07:34,584 --> 00:07:35,518
Look at us.
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00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:38,768
Different generations
enjoying a fancy resort.
154
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,810
- Mom, don't, please.
- Quiet, Meg.
155
00:07:41,834 --> 00:07:45,268
So, I saw a really funny
TikTok. Do you know that one?
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00:07:45,292 --> 00:07:48,643
You're gonna have to be
more specific. Which one?
157
00:07:48,667 --> 00:07:51,101
Uh, there's-there's
more than one?
158
00:07:51,125 --> 00:07:52,268
Why is everyone leaving?
159
00:07:52,292 --> 00:07:54,727
'Cause you're lame and we
don't want to be with you.
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00:07:54,751 --> 00:07:57,768
Come on, guys, let's go
watch CNBC in the lobby.
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00:07:57,792 --> 00:08:00,310
Yeah, I think I saw
a bowl of bananas.
162
00:08:10,250 --> 00:08:12,685
God, those kids are a nightmare.
163
00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:14,143
They're just so... mean.
164
00:08:14,167 --> 00:08:16,852
Just be thankful this
isn't your entire life.
165
00:08:16,876 --> 00:08:19,393
You get to go home at
the end of all of this
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00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:21,143
to a family and
someone you love.
167
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:25,268
Oh, come on, I'm sure there's
someone special in your life.
168
00:08:25,292 --> 00:08:28,727
You know, there was someone.
169
00:08:28,751 --> 00:08:31,417
A long time ago.
170
00:08:32,125 --> 00:08:32,935
It was 1993,
171
00:08:32,959 --> 00:08:35,602
and I was folding
clothes at a Structure.
172
00:08:35,626 --> 00:08:37,310
Everyone was, back then.
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00:08:37,334 --> 00:08:39,268
Then I saw her.
174
00:08:39,292 --> 00:08:40,852
Shelly Barnes.
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00:08:40,876 --> 00:08:42,643
Boy, was she something.
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00:08:42,667 --> 00:08:47,393
Tall, tan... she was more
scrunchie than woman.
177
00:08:50,751 --> 00:08:52,560
We wanted the dream:
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00:08:52,584 --> 00:08:55,310
our own Taco Bell franchise.
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00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:56,935
But then it happened...
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00:08:56,959 --> 00:08:59,685
the one thing you
never want to hear.
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00:08:59,709 --> 00:09:01,602
Hey, John. I was
just thinking.
182
00:09:01,626 --> 00:09:05,518
What if we open a
Taco Bell/Pizza Hut?
183
00:09:10,125 --> 00:09:11,894
The psychic who
told me to do this
184
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:15,417
never said anything
about Pizza Hut.
185
00:09:15,626 --> 00:09:16,810
I was young and bullheaded.
186
00:09:16,834 --> 00:09:19,727
I had these ideas of
what fast food should be.
187
00:09:19,751 --> 00:09:22,976
Worst part was, when I
told her the bad news,
188
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,810
she threw my retainer
right in the bushes.
189
00:09:24,834 --> 00:09:26,643
I looked for a little
bit, but eventually
190
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,768
I just said, "Eh, screw it."
191
00:09:28,792 --> 00:09:32,101
Anyway, that one
argument consumed us.
192
00:09:32,125 --> 00:09:33,518
Never saw Shelly again.
193
00:09:33,542 --> 00:09:36,935
I'm so sorry to hear all
that, Principal Shepherd.
194
00:09:36,959 --> 00:09:39,518
Whew, what a day.
195
00:09:39,542 --> 00:09:41,768
- I need a drink.
- Jack on the rocks?
196
00:09:41,792 --> 00:09:46,751
No, in the toilet, but
I'll have that drink now.
197
00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:50,976
Hey, Joe, you know,
you might want to
198
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:51,810
contact your cell carrier
199
00:09:51,834 --> 00:09:54,185
'cause all your "ha
ha's" are coming through
200
00:09:54,209 --> 00:09:55,310
as "thumbs up" lately.
201
00:09:55,334 --> 00:09:56,935
- Oh, boy.
- What's, uh...
202
00:09:56,959 --> 00:09:58,727
what's going on with
you never laughing
203
00:09:58,751 --> 00:09:59,727
at any of my texts?
204
00:09:59,751 --> 00:10:01,393
Peter, maybe now's not the time.
205
00:10:01,417 --> 00:10:03,393
No, no, no, tell
me. What is it?
206
00:10:03,417 --> 00:10:04,059
Honestly? Nothing.
207
00:10:04,083 --> 00:10:07,351
I just don't always think
you're all that funny.
208
00:10:09,834 --> 00:10:11,101
Wow.
209
00:10:11,125 --> 00:10:12,393
Uh, okay. Wow.
210
00:10:12,417 --> 00:10:15,351
Look, if I want someone to
burp the National Anthem,
211
00:10:15,375 --> 00:10:17,643
there is no second call,
it's you or nobody.
212
00:10:17,667 --> 00:10:19,935
Thank you, Joe. Thank
you for saying that.
213
00:10:19,959 --> 00:10:22,935
But when it comes to laughs,
you're just not my cup of tea.
214
00:10:22,959 --> 00:10:25,518
Hell, I've never even
seen Austin Powers.
215
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:26,894
Oh, well, there you go!
216
00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:27,894
All right, fellas, I got to run.
217
00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:30,185
Look, this doesn't
change anything, Peter.
218
00:10:30,209 --> 00:10:32,768
You're my friend.
No hard feelings.
219
00:10:32,792 --> 00:10:36,626
Oh yeah, no hard
feelings, like your dink?
220
00:10:36,918 --> 00:10:38,393
I'll see you around, Peter.
221
00:10:38,417 --> 00:10:41,476
I'll tell you what, I'm
gonna get a laugh from him.
222
00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:43,643
Hmm. I'm not sure about that.
223
00:10:43,667 --> 00:10:45,602
Seems like he's
prayed on this one.
224
00:10:45,626 --> 00:10:48,310
Well, I'm gonna give
it the old college try.
225
00:10:49,042 --> 00:10:52,459
- Are you gonna go to class?
- No.
226
00:10:55,751 --> 00:10:58,143
There you are. You're
not gonna believe this.
227
00:10:58,167 --> 00:11:00,226
Did they get the blood
out of the ice machine?
228
00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:03,101
- No, I found your ex on Facebook.
- What?
229
00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:07,351
Shelly Barnes. She lives only,
like, 30 miles from here.
230
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:09,435
Hmm. Is 30 miles enough time
231
00:11:09,459 --> 00:11:11,602
for me to get totally
jacked before I see her?
232
00:11:11,626 --> 00:11:14,143
Sure, you can do push-ups
in the bus aisle.
233
00:11:14,167 --> 00:11:16,042
Let's go find her.
234
00:11:17,542 --> 00:11:19,268
Hey, hey, listen up.
235
00:11:19,292 --> 00:11:21,018
Has anyone seen
Principal Shepherd?
236
00:11:21,042 --> 00:11:22,685
He said he had to
go to the men's room
237
00:11:22,709 --> 00:11:24,185
and then he just disappeared.
238
00:11:24,209 --> 00:11:27,059
Yeah, I'm not sure. I think we're
all just kind of finger-blasting
239
00:11:27,083 --> 00:11:29,393
anything that moves back here.
240
00:11:29,417 --> 00:11:30,393
I'll be right back.
241
00:11:30,417 --> 00:11:34,310
Excuse me, have you seen a
heavyset, middle-aged man?
242
00:11:34,334 --> 00:11:36,351
Kind of sad-looking?
243
00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:37,727
Hmm.
244
00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:42,435
Oh.
245
00:11:42,459 --> 00:11:43,602
Hey, you know, there was a guy
246
00:11:43,626 --> 00:11:45,351
that left in a yellow
cab a few minutes ago.
247
00:11:45,375 --> 00:11:47,935
He got the number from a
magazine he had in his pocket.
248
00:11:47,959 --> 00:11:50,518
I've never seen such
stretched-out pockets
249
00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:51,976
on a sport coat before.
250
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:52,894
Oh, my God, that's him.
251
00:11:52,918 --> 00:11:55,143
Principal Shepherd must
have run away. Now...
252
00:11:55,167 --> 00:11:56,935
Do you have any security
footage from the lobby?
253
00:11:56,959 --> 00:12:00,852
Sorry, the only video we have
is from the karaoke lounge.
254
00:12:00,876 --> 00:12:03,059
He killed Sublime, by the way.
255
00:12:03,083 --> 00:12:05,518
♪ I don't practice Santeria ♪
256
00:12:05,542 --> 00:12:08,185
♪ I ain't got no crystal ball ♪
257
00:12:08,209 --> 00:12:10,976
♪ Well, I had a million
dollars but... ♪
258
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,226
Don't take those
fries. I'm not done.
259
00:12:13,250 --> 00:12:14,351
♪ I'd spend it all ♪
260
00:12:14,375 --> 00:12:15,685
♪ If I could find... ♪
261
00:12:15,709 --> 00:12:17,935
I-I... Ugh, I lost my place.
262
00:12:17,959 --> 00:12:20,209
Start it over from
the top, Gene.
263
00:12:24,709 --> 00:12:27,976
Okay, guys, Principal
Shepherd is gone.
264
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,226
Did you check the
karaoke lounge?
265
00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:31,894
He got in a huge fight
with that Gene guy.
266
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,518
Look, I know you
think adults are lame.
267
00:12:33,542 --> 00:12:36,268
That we're just big bags
of crap that drink coffee,
268
00:12:36,292 --> 00:12:37,101
but we are people, too.
269
00:12:37,125 --> 00:12:40,643
Most of the things you think
are important now aren't.
270
00:12:40,667 --> 00:12:44,894
Looks fade, waists expand,
chins double and dreams die.
271
00:12:44,918 --> 00:12:47,185
And one day... one
day, you're gonna wish
272
00:12:47,209 --> 00:12:49,393
that a bus full of punk
kids would come along
273
00:12:49,417 --> 00:12:50,852
and help you when
you need it most.
274
00:12:50,876 --> 00:12:54,768
Now, that man is scared and
alone and he needs us right now.
275
00:12:54,792 --> 00:12:56,518
Now, who's with me?
276
00:13:00,209 --> 00:13:03,768
Wait a minute, if
Principal Shepherd's gone,
277
00:13:03,792 --> 00:13:06,602
who's gonna drive the bus?
278
00:13:08,125 --> 00:13:12,018
Someone say something
about a bus driver?
279
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:14,560
I still need six hours
of supervised road time
280
00:13:14,584 --> 00:13:15,435
for my B Class license,
281
00:13:15,459 --> 00:13:18,101
but I'm pretty sure I
can handle this bad boy.
282
00:13:18,125 --> 00:13:22,059
Meg, let's go find
our principal.
283
00:13:28,918 --> 00:13:30,894
Ooh, sorry.
284
00:13:30,918 --> 00:13:32,268
Sorry, sorry,
guys. I got some,
285
00:13:32,292 --> 00:13:35,626
but I think the
troublemaker's still in there.
286
00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:40,894
Can someone please turn on
the always-1978 bus radio?
287
00:13:43,542 --> 00:13:46,101
♪ I cried a tear... ♪
288
00:13:47,584 --> 00:13:51,560
♪ You wiped it dry... ♪
289
00:13:51,584 --> 00:13:52,393
Ew!
290
00:13:52,417 --> 00:13:55,351
It's not my fault.
It's a ballad.
291
00:13:57,125 --> 00:14:00,643
Songs you can't poop over !on
a bus. Soft stoolin' our way
292
00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:03,101
through the '70s.-
293
00:14:03,125 --> 00:14:05,310
♪ I love you... ♪
294
00:14:07,375 --> 00:14:10,518
♪ I honestly love you... ♪
295
00:14:10,542 --> 00:14:12,185
Ew!
296
00:14:12,209 --> 00:14:15,560
Change the damn station!
297
00:14:18,751 --> 00:14:20,018
Whoa, whoa. Where you going?
298
00:14:20,042 --> 00:14:22,810
I've had it, Brian. I am
getting a "ha ha" from Joe
299
00:14:22,834 --> 00:14:24,351
if it's the last thing I do.
300
00:14:24,375 --> 00:14:26,310
And how are you
planning to do this?
301
00:14:26,334 --> 00:14:27,268
I'm gonna send a funny text
302
00:14:27,292 --> 00:14:29,727
and then sneak over to
Joe's and "ha ha" it.
303
00:14:29,751 --> 00:14:31,810
Okay, but why are you
wearing all black?
304
00:14:31,834 --> 00:14:33,727
So no one will see me.
305
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,101
- Aah!
- -Why the hell are you wearing all black?
306
00:14:39,125 --> 00:14:41,101
Why the hell are you
wearing a lady's ball gown?
307
00:14:41,125 --> 00:14:46,310
Okay, let's just both resume
whatever it is we were doing.
308
00:15:27,876 --> 00:15:29,185
Aah!
309
00:15:29,209 --> 00:15:30,435
Who's there?
310
00:15:32,876 --> 00:15:36,584
Don't struggle. It
only makes it tighter.
311
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,268
Aah!
312
00:15:48,250 --> 00:15:50,852
Peter? What the hell
is going on here?
313
00:15:50,876 --> 00:15:53,059
Joe? Joe, are you okay?
314
00:15:53,083 --> 00:15:55,852
Yeah, I'm fine, Bon.
315
00:15:55,876 --> 00:15:57,560
Oh.
316
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:01,935
We looked all night
and there's no sign
317
00:16:01,959 --> 00:16:03,935
of Principal Shepherd anywhere.
318
00:16:03,959 --> 00:16:05,810
Oh, my God, of course.
319
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:08,500
Stop the bus, Meg. Look!
320
00:16:10,459 --> 00:16:11,792
Gotcha.
321
00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:17,935
I thought I might find you here.
322
00:16:17,959 --> 00:16:19,727
Mrs. Griffin, I, uh...
323
00:16:19,751 --> 00:16:21,018
Look, I wanted to say I'm sorry.
324
00:16:21,042 --> 00:16:24,727
I... I shouldn't have inserted
myself into your personal life.
325
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:26,268
That... that was wrong of me.
326
00:16:26,292 --> 00:16:28,560
I know you just wanted
to help. I just...
327
00:16:28,584 --> 00:16:29,727
I just panicked.
328
00:16:29,751 --> 00:16:31,310
I got so scared of
her seeing me now
329
00:16:31,334 --> 00:16:34,101
and thinking that
I'm this big loser.
330
00:16:34,125 --> 00:16:35,727
Hey, you are not a loser.
331
00:16:35,751 --> 00:16:41,059
May I remind you I wear
Saucony sneakers and Lee jeans.
332
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,727
You...
333
00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:45,476
you are not a loser.
334
00:16:56,083 --> 00:17:00,375
Mrs. Griffin, yo
quiero one more chance.
335
00:17:02,042 --> 00:17:05,226
Well, Mr. Griffin, the surgery
went according to plan.
336
00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:06,560
Great, thank you, Dr. Hartman.
337
00:17:06,584 --> 00:17:08,310
And I didn't know how to
categorize your injuries
338
00:17:08,334 --> 00:17:10,976
on the insurance form, so
I just put "gay stabbing."
339
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,727
Oh, okay, uh, uh, w-who
else... who else sees that?
340
00:17:14,751 --> 00:17:15,935
Oh, a-almost-almost nobody.
341
00:17:15,959 --> 00:17:19,560
It's just for, like,
file-keeping record stuff.
342
00:18:03,626 --> 00:18:05,876
Go get 'em.
343
00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:12,602
Shelly?
344
00:18:12,626 --> 00:18:15,101
Hi, it's, uh, i-it's
me, John Shepherd.
345
00:18:15,125 --> 00:18:17,435
- Listen, John, I-I think maybe...
- Hang on, hang on.
346
00:18:17,459 --> 00:18:19,560
Just-just let me say
what I want to say.
347
00:18:19,584 --> 00:18:20,976
God, you look great.
348
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,185
Listen, I know it must be
odd to see me standing here
349
00:18:24,209 --> 00:18:25,476
all these years later.
350
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:28,476
And although I look like
a man on the outside...
351
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:30,310
Shelly lives in the
house next door.
352
00:18:30,334 --> 00:18:32,435
Oh. Oh, uh, uh, which, uh...
353
00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:34,393
Oh, uh, the one with
the aboveground pool
354
00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:38,125
and angry dogs tied to the
tree in the front yard.
355
00:18:43,626 --> 00:18:46,059
No way. John Shepherd?
356
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:47,935
Is that really you?
357
00:18:47,959 --> 00:18:50,018
It is. Shelly?
358
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,435
Shut up! Shut up, you idiots!
359
00:18:53,459 --> 00:18:56,101
I'd invite you in, but my
uncle's getting dialysis
360
00:18:56,125 --> 00:18:58,185
- right here in the bonus room.
- Oh, wow.
361
00:18:58,209 --> 00:19:01,393
Uh, listen, I was... I was
just in the neighborhood.
362
00:19:01,417 --> 00:19:04,226
I wanted to come by and
see how you've been.
363
00:19:04,250 --> 00:19:05,602
Yeah, not too bad.
364
00:19:05,626 --> 00:19:09,268
You know, I ended up opening
the Taco Bell/Pizza Hut,
365
00:19:09,292 --> 00:19:10,602
but it never really took off.
366
00:19:10,626 --> 00:19:12,935
I think, ultimately, it
came down to me trading
367
00:19:12,959 --> 00:19:16,226
too many pizzas for drugs.
368
00:19:16,250 --> 00:19:19,852
Right, right. Listen, I actually
got to get these kids somewhere.
369
00:19:19,876 --> 00:19:21,393
Well, it was nice
to see you, John.
370
00:19:21,417 --> 00:19:24,852
You ever want to hang out,
you know where to find me.
371
00:19:24,876 --> 00:19:28,643
You'll find her in the wind
and in the trees around you.
372
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:31,685
Where the leaves blow
and the river flows.
373
00:19:31,709 --> 00:19:32,685
I'm sorry, who are you?
374
00:19:32,709 --> 00:19:36,185
I'm Jared Fogle, the
former Subway spokesperson.
375
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:38,810
Not sure I want you
in my thought bubble.
376
00:19:38,834 --> 00:19:40,226
- Aren't you in prison?
- Yes.
377
00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:42,560
This is how I spend
my days in my cell.
378
00:19:42,584 --> 00:19:44,976
Hey, how many kids you got
on this bus, by the way?
379
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:49,250
This is why! This is why
I don't want you in there!
380
00:19:53,918 --> 00:19:56,643
Thanks for pushing me to
go find my first love.
381
00:19:56,667 --> 00:19:59,351
Sorry it ended up being
such a waste of time.
382
00:19:59,375 --> 00:20:01,310
No, this was not a waste.
383
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:03,435
You just found out you won.
384
00:20:03,459 --> 00:20:04,560
I did? How so?
385
00:20:04,584 --> 00:20:06,560
Your ex-girlfriend
is a total loser.
386
00:20:06,584 --> 00:20:09,018
Meanwhile, you have a
great job with a pension,
387
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:13,876
a house and a car with
all different-color doors.
388
00:20:14,417 --> 00:20:15,310
You're right.
389
00:20:15,334 --> 00:20:17,643
I guess old Shep's doing okay.
390
00:20:17,667 --> 00:20:19,560
You sure are. Now,
all you got to do
391
00:20:19,584 --> 00:20:23,185
is just not humiliate yourself
on a bus full of children.
392
00:20:23,209 --> 00:20:23,852
Ooh, on that note,
393
00:20:23,876 --> 00:20:28,334
I got to make a quick stop
in the little boy's room.
394
00:20:29,083 --> 00:20:30,602
Turn on the radio!
395
00:20:32,167 --> 00:20:34,476
♪ You're looking kind
of lonely, girl... ♪
396
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,143
Ew!
397
00:20:36,167 --> 00:20:37,643
♪ Would you like someone new ♪
398
00:20:37,667 --> 00:20:38,852
- ♪To talk to? ♪
- Ew!
399
00:20:38,876 --> 00:20:40,810
This bowl's getting very full.
400
00:20:40,834 --> 00:20:42,310
I strongly suggest
401
00:20:42,334 --> 00:20:44,185
we don't go up or
down any hills.
402
00:20:44,209 --> 00:20:47,101
♪ I'm feeling kind
of lonely, too ♪
403
00:20:47,125 --> 00:20:48,476
♪ If you don't mind ♪
404
00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:52,852
♪ Can I sit down
here beside you? ♪
405
00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:55,018
♪ Ah, yeah ♪
406
00:20:55,042 --> 00:21:03,042
♪ All right. ♪
31078
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