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1
00:00:03,404 --> 00:00:05,404
Gar-bage day!
2
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:08,206
Stan, you gotta come
check out this new truck!
3
00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:10,809
Nope.
These things are top of the line.
4
00:00:10,945 --> 00:00:13,912
Absolutely brutalize the bins.
5
00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:25,824
Yeah! Get some!
6
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:30,695
What's this?
Small group of people outside.
7
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,831
So, the neighbors
have finally noticed
8
00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:34,699
Our new
solid-gold lawn orb.
9
00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:36,168
About time.
10
00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,170
No, they're over
at greg's house.
11
00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:39,371
What?
12
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:42,841
Stan...Could you...
Scoot over?
13
00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:44,309
Oh, I'll scoot over.
14
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:46,178
I'll scoot all the way over
to greg's house
15
00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:48,780
To see what the great
big deal is.
16
00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:50,182
Move it, geek!
Comin' through!
17
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:52,451
"this house has been
designated a..."
18
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,519
Together with al:
"...Historic place of note...
19
00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:57,522
By the langley falls
historical society."
20
00:00:57,658 --> 00:01:01,326
It turns out james k. Polk
once spent the night here,
21
00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:05,129
And a few of us are extremely
mildly impressed.
22
00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:06,999
Stan, may I tie
your robe for you?
23
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:08,133
Grr.
24
00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:10,669
A notable house
for a notable man.
25
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:14,206
I mean, greg is a prominent
member of the community,
26
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:18,610
Not some anonymous,
regular-degular nobody
27
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,144
Like you or me.
[ laughs ]
28
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:22,146
Anywho, better get back.
29
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:24,148
I left ma all alone
at the house.
30
00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:28,286
Al-e-e-e-e-e-e-e! He-e-e-e-lp!
31
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:31,556
Damn, I thought
I locked her in.
32
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:34,092
??
33
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:36,628
? good morning, u.S.A. ?
34
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:40,565
? I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ?
35
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:43,568
? the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ?
36
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:48,340
? and he's shinin' a salute
to the american race ?
37
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:53,245
? oh, boy, it's swell to say ?
38
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:56,114
? good -- ?
? good morning, u.S.A. ?
39
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:57,182
Aah!
40
00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:01,653
? good morning, u.S.A. ?
41
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,988
??
42
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,791
Oh, jeff,
you wouldn't know anything
43
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,260
About a $200 charge
44
00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:11,463
From "right angler bait
and tackle," would you?
45
00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:13,732
No!
I mean...What?
46
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:15,800
Huh, weird.
47
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:17,269
Must've been
cybercriminals.
48
00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:18,270
Pockets, mister!
49
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,539
Damn it, hayley,
I'm a grown man!
50
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,140
And how am I
supposed to make
51
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,341
My super mega worm world
52
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:26,411
In the backyard
without these?!
53
00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:27,479
[ roger grunting ]
54
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,015
Oh!
55
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,817
What's in the box?
56
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:35,087
Okay, as we all know, I was
no angel in my younger days,
57
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:37,155
Back before I cleaned up my act.
58
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,624
So there I am today,
hiding under an overpass
59
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:43,027
About to carjack this deaf nun,
when what do I find?
60
00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:44,963
A delivery truck
I'd stolen years ago
61
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,765
And totally forgotten about!
62
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,300
So...What's in the box?
63
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:51,035
No idea.
But there's 132 of 'em,
64
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:52,637
So hopefully
something I can sell.
65
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:55,541
Gold? Dildos? Golden dildos?
66
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:02,714
The 1987 edition
of the encyclopedia brittanica?
67
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,316
Not to worry though.
68
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:06,250
Because with a positive attitude
and a little patience,
69
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,386
I can sell anything.
70
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:11,456
Francine, do you want to buy
132 encyclopedias?
71
00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:12,524
No.
Damn.
72
00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:13,591
How about you, stan?
73
00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:15,727
Stan? Stan!!
74
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,497
I agree!
We do need a plaque of our own!
75
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,801
Oh, there is one
golden dildo in here.
76
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:26,538
Franny? Hayley?
Ste-e-eve?
77
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:29,874
[ jovial music plays ]
78
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:31,843
[ ominous music plays ]
79
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:38,483
Francine, would you describe us
as a notable langley family?
80
00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:39,283
Family?
81
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,420
I've always considered us
more like a group of roommates
82
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:44,289
That are related
to each other.
83
00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:46,358
And no, we're not all
that notable either.
84
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,359
[ doorbell rings ]
85
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:49,628
That's about to change.
86
00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:53,498
Glen hanover, langley
falls historical society.
87
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:56,768
Glen-dog! Come on in, brah.
What can I snag ya?
88
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:59,971
White claw? Absinthe?
Some [sniffing] party favors?
89
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:01,973
What's your pleasure?
I'm actually --
90
00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:04,108
Hungry?
I can do ya a smashburger.
91
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:06,711
You said on the phone that
several founding fathers
92
00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:08,380
Are known to have
stayed in this house?
93
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:09,781
If you say so.
94
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,917
Which founding fathers,
exactly?
95
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:13,985
Oh, all the big ones --
96
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,787
George washington,
johnny appleseed,
97
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:19,391
And a whole lot...
Of benjamin franklins.
98
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:23,061
[ smooching ]
99
00:04:23,197 --> 00:04:24,996
I can't take
this briefcase.
100
00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:26,064
Alright,
let's cut the crap.
101
00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:27,732
What'll it take for us
to get our plaque?
102
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:31,002
Mr. Smith, I'm afraid
only merit will suffice.
103
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:32,871
You can have one night
with my wife.
104
00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:33,271
What?!
105
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,875
Thank you for your interest
in the historical society.
106
00:04:37,143 --> 00:04:38,877
Please accept this
"historic langley"
107
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:41,145
Coffee-table book
as a parting gift.
108
00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:43,215
Two nights!
Two nights with my wife!
109
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:46,285
And...A "historic langley"
coffee-table book?
110
00:04:51,565 --> 00:04:55,834
Three days and
not sell one 'pedia.
111
00:04:55,836 --> 00:04:58,637
Rogu, there's no shortcuts
to making an honest sale.
112
00:04:58,639 --> 00:05:01,239
All I have to do
is remember my three p's --
113
00:05:01,375 --> 00:05:04,977
With positivity and patience,
anything is possible.
114
00:05:04,979 --> 00:05:07,913
??
115
00:05:08,449 --> 00:05:09,715
Aaahh!
116
00:05:09,850 --> 00:05:12,250
[ taser crackling ]
117
00:05:12,252 --> 00:05:14,252
Welp, I haven't gotten
inside a single door
118
00:05:14,254 --> 00:05:15,854
And I've been shot
six times,
119
00:05:15,856 --> 00:05:17,990
But that first sale is
just around the corner.
120
00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:20,326
[ taser crackling ]
121
00:05:20,861 --> 00:05:22,962
Where'd you get that?!
Don't play with that thing!
122
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,934
Family portrait's
just a bit askew.
123
00:05:28,936 --> 00:05:30,903
[ chain-saw motor revving ]
aah!
124
00:05:32,473 --> 00:05:34,940
Hmm, just comes right through
to the living room.
125
00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:37,643
Stan! What the hell
are you doing?!
126
00:05:41,749 --> 00:05:44,950
Look! Right here in the book
my buddy glen-dog gave me.
127
00:05:45,085 --> 00:05:48,153
Hayley: "the silken saltbox
parlor & comfort house"?
128
00:05:48,155 --> 00:05:50,689
Super-famous brothel back
in the 1870s!
129
00:05:50,758 --> 00:05:51,623
Look familiar?
130
00:05:51,959 --> 00:05:53,491
No.
Not really.
131
00:05:53,493 --> 00:05:56,362
Yeah, I've never met
this house before, mr. S.
132
00:05:56,364 --> 00:05:58,230
Sure you have.
That's our house!
133
00:05:58,232 --> 00:06:01,567
Turns out our house has been
a historic landmark all along!
134
00:06:01,902 --> 00:06:03,702
All we need now
is some evidence.
135
00:06:03,904 --> 00:06:05,837
[ chain-saw motor revs ]
136
00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:07,105
Stan, stop!
137
00:06:07,641 --> 00:06:09,307
Why are you so obsessed
with this idea
138
00:06:09,309 --> 00:06:10,642
Of being "notable," dad?
139
00:06:10,644 --> 00:06:14,112
Is there some formative trauma
in your past
140
00:06:14,114 --> 00:06:15,047
We don't know about?
141
00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:17,683
No. Actually wait,
let me think...
142
00:06:19,987 --> 00:06:22,788
These society types
may not have ever
143
00:06:22,857 --> 00:06:24,656
Paid us much
notice before.
144
00:06:24,658 --> 00:06:27,525
But, by god,
they'll notice you now.
145
00:06:27,527 --> 00:06:29,395
Now, go be
somebody, stan.
146
00:06:29,663 --> 00:06:31,129
Be somebody!
147
00:06:31,131 --> 00:06:31,564
Yes'm.
148
00:06:33,868 --> 00:06:36,068
Out of the way, nobody!
149
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,670
Whup, didn't notice you there,
kid!
150
00:06:38,672 --> 00:06:39,871
[ yells ]
151
00:06:39,873 --> 00:06:41,940
[ water splashes ]
152
00:06:41,942 --> 00:06:44,209
Hmm? Someone.
153
00:06:44,344 --> 00:06:46,278
Please. Help.
154
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:47,345
Woman: Did you
hear somebody?
155
00:06:47,347 --> 00:06:48,747
Man: Oh, I'm sure
it was nobody.
156
00:06:48,749 --> 00:06:50,616
Or at least a nobody.
157
00:06:50,885 --> 00:06:53,085
[ alligator growls ]
158
00:06:55,689 --> 00:06:59,491
[ screaming ]
159
00:06:59,559 --> 00:07:01,293
So I guess that might have
something to do with it.
160
00:07:01,429 --> 00:07:02,961
My poor little daddy.
161
00:07:03,163 --> 00:07:07,499
Maybe there's a tiny resemblance
to this old whorehouse?
162
00:07:07,701 --> 00:07:09,367
Let's tear
this place apart!
163
00:07:09,369 --> 00:07:13,973
??
164
00:07:14,508 --> 00:07:15,508
[ grunts ]
165
00:07:16,911 --> 00:07:18,910
Well, that was
a mistake.
166
00:07:18,912 --> 00:07:21,179
[ floor creaking ]
167
00:07:21,181 --> 00:07:22,348
Aah!
168
00:07:23,917 --> 00:07:27,319
S-s-sixty-nining skeletons?!
169
00:07:27,455 --> 00:07:29,988
[ bones rattling ]
170
00:07:29,990 --> 00:07:32,324
S-s-skeleton sex swing?!
171
00:07:32,326 --> 00:07:33,425
Oh!
172
00:07:35,062 --> 00:07:37,663
Aah!
173
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,498
Did you find anything?
174
00:07:43,837 --> 00:07:45,570
Well, what do you think?
175
00:07:45,572 --> 00:07:47,839
Mr. Smith,
this is quite possibly
176
00:07:47,841 --> 00:07:49,975
The most notable
historic place
177
00:07:50,043 --> 00:07:51,510
I've ever encountered.
178
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,979
As you can tell, I'm
getting quite worked up here.
179
00:07:54,047 --> 00:07:55,380
So is it plaque-worthy?
180
00:07:55,449 --> 00:07:58,117
Plaque-worthy?
It's museum-worthy.
181
00:07:58,451 --> 00:07:59,918
Museum-worthy?
182
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:01,286
Now, that's noteworthy.
183
00:08:01,588 --> 00:08:02,988
Noteworthy...
184
00:08:02,990 --> 00:08:06,358
And pin-worthy.
185
00:08:06,860 --> 00:08:07,926
[ gasps ]
186
00:08:07,928 --> 00:08:10,562
It's like a plaque
for my body.
187
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,468
Say you have a report due on
gray wolves for biology class.
188
00:08:16,603 --> 00:08:19,204
What can you use?
Shmargle-bargle-dot-com?
189
00:08:19,340 --> 00:08:21,340
You'd need an encyclopedia
just to figure out
190
00:08:21,475 --> 00:08:23,274
How to use this darn thing.
Ah!
191
00:08:23,410 --> 00:08:27,278
Now, for a truly user-friendly
experience.
192
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,413
Gray wolves.
193
00:08:28,415 --> 00:08:30,682
You simply flip
through the "g" volume to --
194
00:08:30,951 --> 00:08:32,684
Hmm, not finding it here.
195
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:35,086
Must be under "w."
196
00:08:35,156 --> 00:08:36,155
Nope, not seeing it here either.
197
00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:38,823
Maybe under "d" for dog?
198
00:08:38,825 --> 00:08:40,692
You know what?
Probably just need to crack
199
00:08:40,694 --> 00:08:42,561
The 2-volume
quick-reference guide first.
200
00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:44,563
Wow, this is really confusing.
201
00:08:44,698 --> 00:08:46,497
Could you google
"how to use brittanica
202
00:08:46,499 --> 00:08:48,834
Reference guide" for me?
You know what? Never mind.
203
00:08:48,969 --> 00:08:50,969
I think you get the point
and see the value
204
00:08:51,104 --> 00:08:54,172
Of truly having knowledge
at your fingertips.
205
00:08:54,174 --> 00:08:55,440
Ow! Paper cut!
206
00:08:55,442 --> 00:08:57,176
Anyway, how many sets
can I put you down for?
207
00:08:57,578 --> 00:09:00,045
Oh, I don't know.
208
00:09:00,180 --> 00:09:03,314
They do seem nice,
but...
209
00:09:03,316 --> 00:09:05,917
Would you care to stay
for some tea?
210
00:09:06,053 --> 00:09:08,854
I'm going to need a little time
to think about it.
211
00:09:08,989 --> 00:09:10,722
Ma'am, you take
all the time you need.
212
00:09:10,857 --> 00:09:12,457
How about now?
Will you buy it now?
213
00:09:12,459 --> 00:09:15,193
I'll need
a little more time.
214
00:09:15,328 --> 00:09:17,796
[ sighs ]
215
00:09:17,931 --> 00:09:19,498
No problem.
216
00:09:21,935 --> 00:09:23,668
The brothel was founded
217
00:09:23,804 --> 00:09:27,005
By land baron cyrus talmadge
in 1868.
218
00:09:27,140 --> 00:09:30,876
But it was found by me,
stan smith, last week.
219
00:09:31,011 --> 00:09:33,011
Hi, I'm stan smith,
I live in a museum.
220
00:09:33,146 --> 00:09:34,813
Stan!
221
00:09:34,948 --> 00:09:36,347
There's cars all over
the damn lawn
222
00:09:36,483 --> 00:09:38,483
And mud all over
the damn house!
223
00:09:38,485 --> 00:09:40,885
All: Oooooh!
224
00:09:40,887 --> 00:09:42,287
Sorry, dear.
225
00:09:42,423 --> 00:09:44,022
Just the price we pay
to bring history to life.
226
00:09:44,157 --> 00:09:45,424
Clean up that mud
227
00:09:45,558 --> 00:09:47,426
Or I'll bring "fistory"
to life!
228
00:09:47,428 --> 00:09:48,527
Hey-o!
229
00:09:50,030 --> 00:09:51,430
Is this it?
230
00:09:51,432 --> 00:09:53,564
It's kind of just
a dusty, old room, isn't it?
231
00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:56,367
Yeah, this place is...
232
00:09:56,369 --> 00:09:58,637
Kind of boring.
233
00:09:58,839 --> 00:09:59,971
[ sighs ]
234
00:09:59,973 --> 00:10:01,106
[ all grumbling ]
235
00:10:01,241 --> 00:10:02,407
[ whimpers ]
236
00:10:03,376 --> 00:10:05,910
Babe!
Did you seriously
237
00:10:05,912 --> 00:10:08,113
Cut off my venmo
teen credit card?!
238
00:10:08,248 --> 00:10:10,048
If you want money,
babe,
239
00:10:10,050 --> 00:10:12,117
Maybe you should
try working.
240
00:10:12,252 --> 00:10:13,318
Oh, I don't work?!
241
00:10:13,454 --> 00:10:15,386
Day in, day out,
242
00:10:15,388 --> 00:10:18,923
I'm up to my goddamn elbows
in squishy little wormies.
243
00:10:19,059 --> 00:10:21,326
Well, those aren't
the only wormies around here
244
00:10:21,394 --> 00:10:22,928
That have been all
squishy lately!
245
00:10:23,130 --> 00:10:24,596
Oh, snap!
246
00:10:24,865 --> 00:10:27,599
Dude, you gotta check out
this fight. It's nuts.
247
00:10:27,734 --> 00:10:29,134
Well, I just saw
the blonde chick
248
00:10:29,136 --> 00:10:31,002
Shotgun an entire box
of wine.
249
00:10:31,404 --> 00:10:33,404
This family is
pretty interesting.
250
00:10:33,406 --> 00:10:34,605
Entertaining.
251
00:10:34,607 --> 00:10:36,141
"interestaining."
252
00:10:36,276 --> 00:10:37,843
Yes, we are.
Follow me!
253
00:10:39,012 --> 00:10:42,413
Why don't we get you
a little more comfortable,
254
00:10:42,415 --> 00:10:45,016
Mon cheri?
255
00:10:45,152 --> 00:10:48,153
Just gotta...Get this clasp.
256
00:10:48,288 --> 00:10:50,355
Grr!! Damn it!!
257
00:10:50,357 --> 00:10:51,957
This thing is impossible!
258
00:10:52,092 --> 00:10:54,693
What am I, harry [bleep] houdini
over here?!
259
00:10:55,228 --> 00:10:58,597
[ laughter ]
260
00:11:01,234 --> 00:11:03,168
Can I get you anything
before you go to sleep?
261
00:11:03,436 --> 00:11:04,503
A glass of warm milk
262
00:11:04,505 --> 00:11:06,071
Or...A goddamn
encyclopedia?
263
00:11:06,773 --> 00:11:08,173
What's that now?
264
00:11:08,175 --> 00:11:10,241
I said would you like
to buy an encyclopedia?
265
00:11:10,377 --> 00:11:12,711
Oh, I'll need
a little more time
266
00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:14,446
To think about that.
267
00:11:17,050 --> 00:11:20,985
[ clock ticking ]
268
00:11:21,788 --> 00:11:25,991
Welcome to momaf, the museum
of the modern american family.
269
00:11:26,126 --> 00:11:29,394
[ indistinct conversations,
camera shutter clicking ]
270
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:35,200
Jeff, I --
hey, watch it, lady!
271
00:11:35,335 --> 00:11:37,068
I could swear I had
a 20 in here.
272
00:11:37,204 --> 00:11:40,205
Oh, what, now you think
I stole from you
273
00:11:40,340 --> 00:11:42,140
To buy worms?
Look!
274
00:11:42,275 --> 00:11:45,276
Check his hat!
What the hell, bro?!
275
00:11:45,278 --> 00:11:46,477
[ all cheering ]
276
00:11:46,613 --> 00:11:48,547
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
277
00:11:48,681 --> 00:11:51,616
And here we see just
a fraction of the varied,
278
00:11:51,618 --> 00:11:53,685
And at times surprising,
279
00:11:53,820 --> 00:11:56,621
Self-pleasure material
found under steve's mattress.
280
00:11:56,757 --> 00:11:58,823
"martha stewart living"?
281
00:11:58,959 --> 00:12:01,359
He's gonna crank it
right now!
282
00:12:01,494 --> 00:12:03,161
Based on her scat,
283
00:12:03,296 --> 00:12:05,430
Our scientists believe
the extreme lack of roughage
284
00:12:05,566 --> 00:12:06,898
In francine's diet
285
00:12:07,033 --> 00:12:10,101
Is the cause of her
frequent constipation.
286
00:12:10,103 --> 00:12:11,236
Together: Ohh!
287
00:12:11,371 --> 00:12:12,437
[ sighs in frustration ]
288
00:12:12,439 --> 00:12:14,006
[ camera shutter clicking ]
289
00:12:15,642 --> 00:12:17,909
[ speaks foreign language ]
290
00:12:18,044 --> 00:12:18,977
Stan!
291
00:12:19,112 --> 00:12:20,311
Oooh!
292
00:12:20,313 --> 00:12:22,513
That's right.
It's me, stan!
293
00:12:22,515 --> 00:12:23,782
How ya doin'?
Stan smith.
294
00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:25,450
Nice to see you.
295
00:12:25,586 --> 00:12:26,851
Is something wrong?
296
00:12:26,853 --> 00:12:29,520
No, stan.
Everything's wrong!
297
00:12:29,522 --> 00:12:32,323
Why is
the historical society
298
00:12:32,325 --> 00:12:33,792
Even taking part in this?
299
00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:36,527
The historical society made
some bad crypto bets,
300
00:12:36,663 --> 00:12:40,131
So we really need the revenue
from the ticket and cafe sales.
301
00:12:40,133 --> 00:12:41,732
What cafe?
302
00:12:41,734 --> 00:12:44,403
Okay, so we got two
arizona ice teas
303
00:12:44,537 --> 00:12:46,271
And a wet
egg salad sandwich
304
00:12:46,406 --> 00:12:49,274
That's been smushed down to
the thickness of a quesadilla.
305
00:12:49,276 --> 00:12:51,209
That'll be...$54.
306
00:12:51,344 --> 00:12:53,278
Want to make it
a lunch combo?
307
00:12:53,413 --> 00:12:55,213
For just 18 bucks more,
I can throw in some pop chips
308
00:12:55,348 --> 00:12:56,415
And a shitty apple.
309
00:12:56,549 --> 00:13:02,020
??
310
00:13:02,155 --> 00:13:07,426
??
311
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:11,095
I wonder what kind
of tree that is.
312
00:13:11,097 --> 00:13:12,763
You know a good way
to find out?
313
00:13:12,765 --> 00:13:15,033
Those encyclopedias
I'm selling.
314
00:13:15,168 --> 00:13:17,035
You sell encyclopedias?
315
00:13:17,170 --> 00:13:20,171
I do. Would you
like to buy one?
316
00:13:20,173 --> 00:13:23,875
Oh...I'll need some time
to think about it.
317
00:13:28,581 --> 00:13:30,749
[ whistling ]
318
00:13:32,719 --> 00:13:34,319
Ugh, jeff,
was that you?
319
00:13:34,454 --> 00:13:36,054
Wait, why are you
all in here?
320
00:13:36,189 --> 00:13:38,523
Because everywhere we go,
every hour of the day,
321
00:13:38,525 --> 00:13:39,790
People are watching us!
322
00:13:39,792 --> 00:13:41,860
That's right.
323
00:13:41,995 --> 00:13:44,129
If it truly is an attention
economy, we're gazillionaires!
324
00:13:44,264 --> 00:13:45,864
Then again if it's
a normal economy,
325
00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:47,799
We're bankrupt, because
I signed the house over
326
00:13:47,934 --> 00:13:49,801
To the historical society
back when this all started.
327
00:13:49,936 --> 00:13:51,470
What?!
What's the problem?!
328
00:13:51,604 --> 00:13:53,604
We're being noticed,
being seen!
329
00:13:53,740 --> 00:13:56,741
We want to not be seen
for a while,
330
00:13:56,743 --> 00:13:59,344
You self-obsessed
jackass!
331
00:13:59,346 --> 00:14:01,812
I had no idea you were
so angry about this.
332
00:14:01,814 --> 00:14:04,049
Let's get out of here.
333
00:14:05,352 --> 00:14:07,552
Okay,
a-a-a-and...Go.
334
00:14:07,688 --> 00:14:09,220
What?
All that raw anger
335
00:14:09,222 --> 00:14:10,955
Was way too good
to keep backstage.
336
00:14:11,091 --> 00:14:12,757
Ooh, start with that thing
about me
337
00:14:12,759 --> 00:14:15,426
Being a self-obsessed
jackass. Nice and big.
338
00:14:15,562 --> 00:14:18,296
Stan, you [bleep] lunatic!
339
00:14:18,431 --> 00:14:20,565
[ all cheering ]
340
00:14:20,701 --> 00:14:22,166
Oh, yeah,
that's even better!
341
00:14:22,168 --> 00:14:24,169
We can't do this anymore.
We're gonna leave
342
00:14:24,304 --> 00:14:26,705
And hide out somewhere
no one can find us.
343
00:14:26,839 --> 00:14:28,239
We want you
to come with.
344
00:14:28,375 --> 00:14:30,108
You have to choose, stan.
345
00:14:30,243 --> 00:14:32,110
Us or the museum.
346
00:14:32,245 --> 00:14:34,178
Look at all
these people, stan,
347
00:14:34,180 --> 00:14:37,848
All looking at you,
a real somebody.
348
00:14:37,850 --> 00:14:39,317
You can't
give that up now.
349
00:14:40,453 --> 00:14:41,920
I don't know what
you're looking over there for.
350
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:43,522
There's only one
of me, stan.
351
00:14:45,658 --> 00:14:46,457
I'm staying.
352
00:14:46,659 --> 00:14:49,427
Then you're staying alone.
353
00:14:51,398 --> 00:14:52,330
[ door opens ]
354
00:14:52,465 --> 00:14:54,332
[ door slams ]
355
00:14:54,334 --> 00:14:54,933
Here, stan.
356
00:14:56,870 --> 00:14:58,303
That'll be $8.
357
00:15:02,088 --> 00:15:06,623
??
358
00:15:06,759 --> 00:15:08,625
He do anything yet?
359
00:15:08,627 --> 00:15:10,761
Nah. Dude is forlorn
as shit.
360
00:15:10,763 --> 00:15:12,829
I'm starting to regret
buying a yearly pass.
361
00:15:12,831 --> 00:15:13,764
Tell me about it.
362
00:15:13,766 --> 00:15:16,833
I paid 14 bucks
for this god-awful coffee
363
00:15:16,835 --> 00:15:19,035
And found a big chunk
of muffin in it.
364
00:15:19,037 --> 00:15:20,504
Oh, I'm gonna have
to charge you
365
00:15:20,506 --> 00:15:22,439
For a coffee
and a muffin then.
366
00:15:22,441 --> 00:15:23,640
16 more dollars.
367
00:15:23,642 --> 00:15:24,742
This place sucks now.
368
00:15:27,246 --> 00:15:28,178
[ door opens, closes ]
369
00:15:28,180 --> 00:15:30,246
Stan, your
whole energy of late
370
00:15:30,248 --> 00:15:32,983
Has really put a damper
on attendance.
371
00:15:32,985 --> 00:15:35,385
I just miss my family
so much.
372
00:15:35,788 --> 00:15:36,920
Do you know
where they are?
373
00:15:36,922 --> 00:15:37,654
I don't.
374
00:15:38,056 --> 00:15:40,591
And you need to start asking me
before you hold my hand.
375
00:15:40,726 --> 00:15:42,793
May I hold your hand?
No.
376
00:15:43,462 --> 00:15:46,196
Listen, we're bringing
in some new blood to the house
377
00:15:46,198 --> 00:15:47,664
To boost ticket sales.
378
00:15:47,666 --> 00:15:50,066
Lisa vanderpump,
logan paul.
379
00:15:50,068 --> 00:15:53,937
People the museum-going public
would be interested in seeing.
380
00:15:54,006 --> 00:15:56,406
Oh. Well I look forward
to working --
381
00:15:56,408 --> 00:15:57,541
And living --
with them.
382
00:15:57,543 --> 00:15:59,209
You're not understanding,
stan.
383
00:15:59,211 --> 00:16:01,211
We're firing you
from the museum.
384
00:16:01,347 --> 00:16:01,779
I see.
385
00:16:02,748 --> 00:16:04,148
May I hold
your hand now?
386
00:16:04,150 --> 00:16:06,616
Okay, but just
for a minute.
387
00:16:06,819 --> 00:16:08,318
Then you have to get
the hell out.
388
00:16:09,287 --> 00:16:14,090
Elderly woman:
? happy birthday to you ?
389
00:16:14,293 --> 00:16:16,960
[ blows ]
what did you wish for?
390
00:16:16,962 --> 00:16:20,164
To be honest, ma'am,
my one, true, fondest wish
391
00:16:20,166 --> 00:16:24,301
Would be for you to please,
please, please
392
00:16:24,303 --> 00:16:26,503
Just buy
an encyclopedia.
393
00:16:27,706 --> 00:16:30,241
Let me just
get my checkbook.
394
00:16:32,578 --> 00:16:35,779
I know it's right here
in the --
395
00:16:35,848 --> 00:16:37,247
Oh.
396
00:16:37,249 --> 00:16:39,550
You're never gonna
believe this.
397
00:16:44,390 --> 00:16:45,922
Thank you
for your time, ma'am.
398
00:16:45,924 --> 00:16:47,424
You have yourself
a lovely day.
399
00:16:48,394 --> 00:16:51,195
Okay, so this one didn't
quite pan out, but -- gah!
400
00:16:51,330 --> 00:16:55,199
Rogu hungry.
401
00:16:55,201 --> 00:16:56,533
Oh, my god, rogu!
402
00:16:56,535 --> 00:16:58,469
We gotta get you
to a mickey d's, stat!
403
00:16:59,538 --> 00:17:01,872
I don't know how I forgot
to order anything for you.
404
00:17:02,074 --> 00:17:03,507
But what's this now?
405
00:17:10,016 --> 00:17:11,815
I just wanna check this out,
won't be long.
406
00:17:11,817 --> 00:17:13,350
Don't touch my apple pie.
407
00:17:14,352 --> 00:17:17,888
The website says it's
a benjamin franklin museum.
408
00:17:17,890 --> 00:17:19,223
Things change.
409
00:17:19,225 --> 00:17:21,958
And don't I know it.
Roger?
410
00:17:22,027 --> 00:17:24,027
Stan? Whatcha got
going on here?
411
00:17:24,029 --> 00:17:26,430
After my so-called
"buddy" glen-dog
412
00:17:26,432 --> 00:17:27,764
Fired me
from my own house,
413
00:17:27,966 --> 00:17:29,099
He at least set me up
with a position
414
00:17:29,101 --> 00:17:30,901
At this benjamin franklin
museum.
415
00:17:31,103 --> 00:17:33,036
So it is a benjamin franklin
museum.
416
00:17:33,038 --> 00:17:33,570
No!
417
00:17:34,106 --> 00:17:35,972
I've turned it into something
much more meaningful --
418
00:17:36,108 --> 00:17:38,374
A tribute
to the beautiful family
419
00:17:38,377 --> 00:17:41,445
I so foolishly chased
out of my life.
420
00:17:42,114 --> 00:17:44,248
There's my little steve,
hitting the books.
421
00:17:44,450 --> 00:17:45,982
Keep up the good work,
champ.
422
00:17:46,051 --> 00:17:47,717
Don't stay up too late studying.
423
00:17:48,386 --> 00:17:50,587
And there's hayley,
flying her kite.
424
00:17:50,656 --> 00:17:54,057
Way to go, baby girl.
You got it up all by yourself.
425
00:17:54,392 --> 00:17:55,926
Daddy's so proud of you!
426
00:17:56,528 --> 00:17:58,528
And there's the lovely francine,
427
00:17:58,530 --> 00:18:01,598
Negotiating with
king louis xvi for more funds
428
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,467
To support
the american revolution.
429
00:18:03,602 --> 00:18:06,770
She always loved doing that.
Perchance a kiss, my sweet?
430
00:18:07,606 --> 00:18:09,806
[ grunting ]
431
00:18:09,808 --> 00:18:11,608
[ electricity crackling ]
432
00:18:11,610 --> 00:18:12,809
Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl.
433
00:18:12,811 --> 00:18:14,278
[ sobbing ]
434
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:15,946
Stan, why are you
doing all this?
435
00:18:15,948 --> 00:18:18,682
In the hopes that someday
they'll hear about this place,
436
00:18:18,751 --> 00:18:21,017
Come see
how truly sorry I am,
437
00:18:21,019 --> 00:18:24,354
And then hopefully,
eventually forgive me.
438
00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:27,824
Oh, papa,
we already have!
439
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:31,027
Yeah, dad, you seem like
you've been through enough.
440
00:18:31,163 --> 00:18:33,363
Steve! Hayley!
And francine!
441
00:18:33,365 --> 00:18:35,431
Oh, I've missed you
so much, baby!
442
00:18:35,501 --> 00:18:36,500
Mm. Mm.
443
00:18:37,035 --> 00:18:38,302
[ francine clears throat ]
444
00:18:40,439 --> 00:18:43,073
If you're ever in duluth,
call me.
445
00:18:43,842 --> 00:18:45,241
Bahhhhhhh!
446
00:18:45,243 --> 00:18:48,578
I, for one, don't know if I'm
quite ready to forgive you yet.
447
00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:51,848
Sure you're sorry, but
you still don't seem to get it.
448
00:18:51,850 --> 00:18:54,450
You still put us all
on display here.
449
00:18:54,452 --> 00:18:55,919
We want our privacy back.
450
00:18:55,921 --> 00:18:57,654
We want our lives back.
451
00:18:57,656 --> 00:19:00,123
We want our worms back.
452
00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:02,392
We want our house back.
453
00:19:02,661 --> 00:19:06,930
I think I have a plan
to do just that...
454
00:19:07,065 --> 00:19:10,834
With a little help from
our robotic replicas here.
455
00:19:14,072 --> 00:19:16,806
Hanover!
Give us back our house.
456
00:19:16,808 --> 00:19:17,874
You mean our house.
457
00:19:18,276 --> 00:19:20,344
The historical society, that is.
458
00:19:20,346 --> 00:19:22,679
Oh, yeah?
Remember the brothel?
459
00:19:22,881 --> 00:19:25,549
The reason the deed was
transferred in the first place?
460
00:19:25,684 --> 00:19:29,085
Well, I dug it, I staged it,
I faked the whole thing.
461
00:19:29,087 --> 00:19:31,021
You did?!
I could tell.
462
00:19:31,023 --> 00:19:31,955
Meaning that the deed
463
00:19:31,957 --> 00:19:34,290
Was exchanged
under false pretenses.
464
00:19:34,426 --> 00:19:36,160
Ooh,
say "ipso facto,"
465
00:19:36,294 --> 00:19:38,695
This is the perfect opportunity
to say "ipso facto."
466
00:19:38,697 --> 00:19:41,031
And therefore...
Ugh.
467
00:19:41,033 --> 00:19:43,099
...Null and void.
[ all gasp ]
468
00:19:43,435 --> 00:19:45,635
You say the brothel was fake?
469
00:19:45,771 --> 00:19:46,770
Prove it.
470
00:19:46,905 --> 00:19:48,438
I...Can't.
471
00:19:48,574 --> 00:19:50,974
I think I know
how to solve this problem,
472
00:19:50,976 --> 00:19:54,778
With a little help from
my trusty encyclopedia here.
473
00:19:55,047 --> 00:19:55,779
He's right.
474
00:19:56,048 --> 00:19:58,514
There's an entry about
the silken saltbox in here,
475
00:19:58,516 --> 00:20:01,317
And it clearly states
it was located in east langley.
476
00:20:01,519 --> 00:20:03,120
This house couldn't be it!
477
00:20:04,056 --> 00:20:05,989
Oh. I was just gonna
kill him with it,
478
00:20:05,991 --> 00:20:07,191
But your way
works, too.
479
00:20:10,996 --> 00:20:13,730
I know I was obsessed
with being a somebody,
480
00:20:13,732 --> 00:20:15,665
But there's nobody
I'd rather be with
481
00:20:15,667 --> 00:20:18,668
Than you beautiful nobodies
right here.
482
00:20:18,670 --> 00:20:19,603
Thanks?
483
00:20:19,605 --> 00:20:21,271
Oh, stan,
when are you
484
00:20:21,273 --> 00:20:23,940
Finally gonna realize
what I've always known?
485
00:20:24,009 --> 00:20:27,077
That absolutely nothing is
more important than family.
486
00:20:27,079 --> 00:20:30,113
Oh, my god, I left rogu
at a gas station in newark.
487
00:20:32,150 --> 00:20:33,216
You know what?
He's a tough cookie.
488
00:20:33,218 --> 00:20:34,485
He'll be fine
through the weekend.
489
00:20:36,222 --> 00:20:39,756
I promise all of you, I'll
never again lose sight of what
490
00:20:39,758 --> 00:20:41,825
This all should've been about
in the first place --
491
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:42,959
The plaque.
492
00:20:42,961 --> 00:20:44,027
[ all groan ]
493
00:20:44,362 --> 00:20:46,096
Oh, not that plaque.
494
00:20:48,100 --> 00:20:49,099
Perfect.
495
00:20:49,101 --> 00:20:58,508
??
496
00:20:58,510 --> 00:21:00,711
Bye-bye! See you soon!
497
00:21:00,761 --> 00:21:05,311
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