All language subtitles for Corner Gas Animated - 02x03 - One Flew Over My Dead Body_track3_[eng]

McDavid over to Orr.

Orr back to McDavid!

That makes no sense.

They played
in two different eras.

Fine.

Orr over to Chamberlain.

No, that's basketball, you--

Five hole!

Ha ha! Nothing but net.

Lucky shot.

Last year that would have
been a lucky shot.

Not this year.

Ha ha! Toe drag!

Deke!

Dangle...

Top shelf,

where mom keeps
the peanut butter

and the EpiPen.

Whoo!

Whew...

How is this happening?

I'm the best goalie

in the Pickerel Valley
Hockey League.

You're getting slow,
old man.

Look who else
is gassed.

I'm not gassed.

This is how I celebrate.

You celebrate by hurling?

♪ You think there's
not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby
you're so wrong ♪

It's great to get
out of the office.

Smell that fresh air.

Uh, you do remember

that we're looking
for a dead body.

That doesn't mean
we can't enjoy nature.

This is kind of exciting.

I've never seen a real live
dead body before.

Well, don't get
your hopes up.

Lanny tends
to exaggerate things

like, a hundred zillion times
bigger than they are.

He probably just saw
a coyote carcass.

Really?

Do coyotes have fingers?

No, coyotes have paws.

Now, raccoons,

they have grabby,
thieving little fingers.

Davis!

Look where
I'm pointing.

Yes, Karen,

you also
have fingers.

Look!

What's this?

Don't tell me you trapped
another baby skunk.

It's an early
Christmas present.

Ta-da!

It's a Beep-Boop machine.

Why would you
buy that for me?

Because of
your complaining.

'Bout time you got here.

The air conditioner's broken,

the washroom toilet's leaking,

and there's
a family of skunks

living underneath
the storage room...

Argh!

And this stupid machine
is giving me carpal tunnel.

Of all the things
I complain about,

that's the one
you pick?

But you said "Argh!"

I already hooked it up,

so all you need to do
is just swipe here...

You swipe the bar...

Here's the manual.

Happy reading.

Oh, and one more thing.

My goalie reflexes
are a little rusty,

so I need you to randomly
throw things at me

throughout the day.

Keep me on my toes.

Not that. Smaller,

less expensive,
and less metal-y.

Ouch!

Lacey, what's with
the bottles?

Tastes tingly.

It's hand sanitizer.

I put bottles
on all of the tables

when the first sign
of flu season arrives.

I'm not sick.

This is allergies.

You say that every year,

and every year,
you infect the whole town,

or has everyone
forgotten

the snot-pocalypse
of 2012?

Do you not recall

the phlegm-ageddon of 2015?

Do you recall
you're the only one

who thinks those names
are funny?

Regardless,

I'm implementing a mandatory
hand sanitizing rule.

-What? You're kidding!
-Outrageous!

No shirt, no shoes,
no sanitizer,

no service.

No shoes?

Put sanitizer on those,

and socks.

The wrists are
duct-taped to a 2 x 4.

And the head is missing.

This would be
real disturbing

if it was a human.

Yeah.

Oh well, wanna hike
a bit further?

There's a giant
beaver dam nearby.

Wait a minute.

There's a headless
mannequin

duct-taped to a 2 x 4

in the middle of the woods,

and you're not
at all intrigued?

There's a giant beaver dam
nearby,

and you're not intrigued?

Beavers build dams.

If they built a picnic table,
I'd be intrigued.

I guess it is
kinda creepy.

All right,
we'll stick around

and noodle on this
for a bit.

Yes!

Pfft...

Yeah, I got nothing.

Let's go.

Davis, come on.

This beaver dam
is humongous!

Oh!

Ooh...

Are you sure
this machine is safe?

Completely harmless.

You're wearing
a lead bra, right?

Just kidding.

Here, you try it.

Oh!

See? Any idiot
can do it.

Okay...
Hello there, Helen.

I see you're experiencing

our new scanner
check-out system.

It streamlines
the process

for a more pleasant
customer experience.

If you find
the sound "blonk" pleasant.

She raises a good point.

You have to make sure

you hear
the Beep-Boop sound

to ensure
it's scanned properly.

Well, I'll leave you to it.

Ouch!

Keep 'em comin'.

Those are
my cough drops.

Whoa, they're
not yours

until you hear
the Beep-Boop.

You've done a lot
of crazy things

in the past, Lacey,

and I've kept
my mouth shut--

You've never kept
your mouth shut!

Using all this
anti-sanitary goop

is doing more harm
than good.

Every year, the doctor tries
to give me a flu shot,

and every year, I tell him
the same thing--

Go to hell!

Not true.

One year you told him
to go hump a stump.

Because
my immune system

is as strong
as Fort Knock.

It's "Knox."

Pardon?

It's not "Knock"...

Who's there?

Why do I even--

Listen, if you think
your immune system

is so kick-ass,

then I challenge you

to follow Hank
around all day

and try not to catch
his "allergies."

Challenge
accepted!

This could be fun.

It's gonna be fun
and a breeze.

Breezy fun.

I gotta
hit the john.

Wash your hands!

And the walls!

Oscar, you have to
stick with Hank all day,

starting now.

Even when he's...?

Even when he's...

What if he's doing
a number two?

This feels like
the start of a--

Stop.

♪ ...Flunami

I can't believe
you weren't impressed.

Beaver dams are
like icebergs,

two thirds
below the water.

Interesting.

Emma's mannequin
isn't in her sewing room.

Looks like
we have a suspect

for our mannequin murder.

I guess it's not
really a murder.

The thing was never alive.

Mannequin mystery?

Mannequin mystery!

I can't believe

how absurd
Oscar and Hank are

with their stupid
germ theory.

People do need
to be exposed to germs

to build stronger
immune systems.

So you agree with Oscar?

And the last time I did that
was on our wedding day.

And how'd that
work out for ya?

If anyone's being absurd,

it's you with that
hand sanitizer.

Maybe I'm being
a little excessive,

but not to the point
of being fanatical.

I am not fanatical.

That's not me--

fanatical...

I challenge you
to not use sanitizer

for as long as Oscar
has to hang around with Hank.

Challenge accepted.

Uh, uh, uh...

Hey, Emma.

Doing much sewing
lately?

Did you split
your pants again?

Just answer
the question.

No, I haven't
been sewing much.

Busted!

It's a little
too early for that.

Sorry.

Maybe you haven't
been sewing

because your mannequin
is mysteriously missing?

It's at home.

Say it.

Say what?

Oh, yeah.

Busted!

We peeked
in your window.

There is no mannequin
in your sewing room.

I didn't say it was
in the sewing room.

I hid it down here

after I caught Oscar

doing strange
things with it.

I want you to kill
every crow you see.

Hah! Hah!

Haah!

...each one stranger
than the last,

and now can I ask

why you were peeking
in my window?

It's on
a need-to-know basis,

and I didn't
need to know

that stuff
about Oscar.

Jeebus Christmas,

I thought
you were a zombie.

I'm not sick, I'm just
having a reaction.

That's why I'm making him
buy allergy medicine.

Yeah, I'll wash it down
with this energy drink,

and I should be
right as rai--

-rain.

Is that sanitizer?

It's vitamin C.

It says
"window cleaner."

Lemon scented.

Stop dithering
and ring us up.

I'm not touching
anything you touched.

Hold your breath
and ring yourselves out.

Now take your change
and go exhale outside.

You see how they did that?

Then have at 'er.

I can't believe

we don't see
more hobos in town

with all the fire pits
out here.

How do you know
it's hobos?

Harmonica.

Classic hobo instrument.

Also found a belt
and a sleeping bag.

Classic hobo bedroom.

Insensitive.

What did you find?

Catalogues.

I gathered way more
evidence than you.

I win.

It's not
a competition.

Hold the phone.

Holy crap,
it's the mannequin head!

With Brent's face on it.

Well, a picture
of Brent's face.

Do you know
what this means?

Hobos hate Brent?

I think this means

everything someone did
to the mannequin,

they want to do to Brent.

Whoa.

This just went
from a fake crime

to an actual crime--

Well, a practice crime
for the actual crime.

We need to warn Brent.

No!

That'll freak him out,

which will tip off
our suspect.

If we're going to catch
this psycho,

we need Brent to act
as normal as possible.

What the hell
are you doing?

If I'm going to be
the best goalie,

I have to sharpen
all my senses,

including my hearing.

Incoming!

Ow! Okay, time out.

I think I found a way
to connect these things.

You're just physically
connecting them with yarn.

That's not police work.

I see it in police shows
all the time.

At least I'm trying,

instead of flipping through
catalogues.

Shopaholic.

These catalogues
are evidence.

There's duct tape
on the covers

that matches the tape
on the mannequin.

Hang on...

This page is dog-eared.

I know that skirt.

I don't think women
like to be called that.

Oh, man...

Can you believe Lacey?

If she had it her way,

we'd all be living
in plastic bubbles

suckin' soup through a tube.

Once that allergy
medicine kicks in,

it'll just be
another day of you and me

puttin' up
with each other.

Oh, it's already
kicked in.

That energy drink
must have supercharged it.

My heart's thumpin'
like a rabbit,

my fingers are tingly,

my left eye won't focus.

Just what the hell
kind of allergies

do you have?

Okay, well,

have a nice day.

Mm-hmm.

Rheena! Duck!

Ha! You missed!

Aren't you supposed
to stop these?

Ah, dammit.

Hey, what's the deal?

Well, I further
streamlined the system

and eliminated
the middle-woman.

Say hello

to Dog River's
first self-checkout.

Hello,

and this frees you up

to go say hello
to the mop.

But you usually mop.

You usually
run the till.

Off you go.

But first come back

and help Phil
with the scanner.

Ow!

Always in the head.

How's it going,
Lacey?

You look
uncomfortable.

I'm managing just fine.

Oh, look,
a french fry.

Shame to waste it.

Ew, gross!

Relax, it's a fry
from my own plate

that you just cleared.

Your plate
is still beside you.

Oh.

Still doesn't bother me.

Oh...

What are you doing
back here?

I noticed that yellow skirt
you're wearing

in a catalogue recently.

Buying clothes from a catalogue?

That's kind of
a weird thing to do.

Why is that weird?

I order
from a catalogue

because I don't like
to try on clothes

other people
have touched,

which is perfectly normal,

because I'm normal.

And where are these
catalogues now?

I put them
in the recycling bin.

And I suppose
you think

that makes you
a good person.

Not particularly.

Well, it should.

Recycling is important.

Looks like another dead end.

We're going to need more yarn.

That does nothing!

Thank god for that
allergy stuff.

I feel like 100%.

Time for a pocket donut.

Maybe you should
eat something

healthier than a donut,

like an apple fritter.

I'm just happy to have
my appetite back.

I feel like I could--

Oh.

Mm.

Don't wipe that off
with your fingers.

Well, that's way worse.

Wanda?

Wanda!

Wanda!

Hey, what gives?

All the chores I gave you
are half finished.

I have to keep helping people
with the scanner.

Not to mention a certain boss

keeps hassling me
to throw things at him.

I thought
you liked that.

Nothing's fun
if you have to do it.

Well, get
those things done,

after you stack
the motor oil,

and keep those
foreign objects coming.

But don't throw any oil cans.

They could do
some real damage.

Course not.
Wouldn't dream of it.

Hey, that's cheating!

No one said anything
about using tools.

Why don't you just admit

you can't live
without sanitizer?

You're a gel junkie.

I'm not a junkie.

I just...
I'm not like you.

I don't come
from a long line

of strong prairie women!

You think I'm strong?

Are you kidding?

You're tough
and durable,

like an old
catcher's mitt.

Rugged and leathery,

and this isn't
coming out right at all.

My point is, I'm squeamish.

Fine.

Use the stick.

Ugh!

That was cheating,

and disgusting and erotic.

Not erotic.
I didn't say "erotic."

Why do I keep doing that?

Good Gordon!

You treat the world

like it's your own
personal petri dish.

You're the one who said
I should eat better.

What do you want?

And who is this?

It's Lacey.

I'm calling
on behalf of Emma.

She wants you to
come back to The Ruby.

She, uh...

She misses you.

Misses me?

That doesn't
sound right.

Hey, Emma.

Hand your phone
to Oscar.

Yech!

Hello?

Stick with Hank.

This isn't
over yet.

Don't come
back here.

Now, that sounds
more like Emma.

I really feel like
we should warn Brent.

If you care about Brent,
you'll keep quiet

so we can use him
as bait.

Fill 'er up?

What happened
to your head?

Oh, my god,

that psycho killer
got to you!

You're lucky
to be alive.

I know I am.

Furthermore,

what the hell are
you talking about?

Way to keep
a lid on it.

We found a mannequin
in the woods

that looks like
it's been tortured,

and the head of the mannequin
has your face on it.

Oh.

Well, that's...

just a little
horribly unnerving.

Have you noticed anyone

acting aggressively
towards you?

Not really.

Except Wanda,

but I told her
to do that.

Lacey?

What?

You want me
to lick ketchup

off some
dirty plates?

Maybe stick my face
in Lanny's chili?

Do you have any pudding mix?

Oscar put some
in my coffee once,

and now I've developed
a taste for it.

Ah, sure,

pudding mix in coffee is fine,

but I make a latte once,
and everyone freaks.

Oh...

Your stupid motor oil
is stacked.

What's your deal?

The cops just told me

some crazy person
wants to kill me.

You don't have to be crazy
to want that.

I'm serious.
I'm a little freaked out.

I'm going to need you
to pump gas

and finish up the chores.

What?

I can't go outside.

I'm sticking around the till
where it's safe.

Oh, you'll also have to
help people with the scanner.

Come on!

Look, if someone wants you dead,

it doesn't matter
where you're standing.

It's not like your reflexes
will save you.

Ah!

Holy crap!

I think fear has ramped up
your reflexes.

You're...
you're like a ninja!

A trembling, spineless ninja!

Hah!

Ho!

Hey-oh!

Wanda!

Now that Brent's
been tipped off,

we have to lock
this case up pronto

before he spooks
our psychopath.

I bet there's something
with this sleeping bag.

If there's even
the slightest clue,

no matter how microscopic,

we'll find it.

You mean like this one?

I don't see any hairs or fibres,

but sure,
that might be a lead.

Davis...

Hank is our psycho.

Ew.

First you want me
to eat fruit,

and now you're
buying me whiskies?

Whenever I got
the slightest sniffle,

my dad would always
pull out the whiskey

and give me a shot.

I'm not sick.

This is for me.

I'm feeling a tickle
in my throat...

...can't imagine
where that came from.

Hey! That's my glass.

I'm sorry.
My bad.

I think it's time
we call it a day.

Wait a minute.

You're not twitchy
or paranoid.

What's going on?

Maybe I've just
gotten used to working

in a contaminated
environment.

The fact that you used
the word "contaminated"

makes me think not.

Think what you want.

I'm just fine.

Die, germs, die!

Well, how was
your day with Hank?

It was like someone
took the sneeze guard

off an "all you can
barf" buffet.

And yet you look fine.

See, Lacey?

Oscar was with Hank
all day,

and he's fit
as a fiddle,

and you handled
contaminated stuff all day,

and you're
completely fine.

Ha!

I'm fine because

I've been secretly
using hand sanitizer

from this bottle I found.

Well, double ha!

I planted that bottle,

and it's just hand lotion.

You mean...

Your hands have been germy
this whole time...

but incredibly soft.

I hate to say

I told you so,
Lacey, but...

you're a loser.

If it's one thing

this leathery old
catcher's mitt knows,

it's that a few germs won't--

Great...

Let me guess how this ends.

Freeze, sicko!

I'm not sick,
I'm drunk.

Well, you'll spend
an eternity drunk

and in hell

for what you were
planning to do.

What are you guys
talking about?

We found evidence

that ties you to
a tortured mannequin

we found
in the woods.

Someone tortured a mannequin?

That's terrible!

They're so big, and friendly,
and cuddly looking.

Cuddly looking?

Why was it
in the woods?

Don't they live
in the ocean?

I think you're thinking
"manatee."

A mannequin is something
you put clothes on

and display
in a shop window.

Oh, you mean
a store dummy.

Yeah, I had one
of those last winter.

I was frustrated

that I couldn't
score on Brent,

so I duct-taped one
to a homemade net

and shot pucks at it.

Huh...

That doesn't explain
the sleeping bag

and the catalogues.

I taped catalogues
to its legs

for goalie pads,

and belted a sleeping bag
around its waist

to mimic Brent's girth.

So that's why
you could score on me.

Yeah.

It's called practice.

Maybe you should try it.

Oh, I have.

Hey, what do you mean, "girth"?

Wanda, help me out here.

What's this?

A demand for a raise,

since I'm not only
a clerk,

but also an IT person.

Hmm.

Well, I have a better idea.

Problem solved.

Here. It's an early
Christmas present.

A wrist brace?

It's for
your carpal tunnel syndrome.

Just as effective,
and way cheaper.

Ow!

You don't have
to do that anymore!

I know.

Feels great.

♪ I don't know

♪ The same things
you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know

♪ I just... don't know

♪ Ooh

♪ It's a great big place

♪ Ooh

♪ Full of nothin' but space

♪ Ooh

♪ And it's my happy place

♪ I don't know