All language subtitles for snl55

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranรฎ)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American) Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:25,000 Ladies and gentlemen, this is Sabrina Carpenter. 2 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,000 This is the one and only Paul Simon. 3 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:43,000 I sang this song with George Harrison on Saturday Night Live in 1976. 4 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:47,000 I was not born then, and neither were my parents. 5 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:57,000 I'm glad they're getting a chance to hear it tonight. 6 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,000 Me too. 7 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,000 8 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,000 9 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:11,000 And each town looks the same to me. 10 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:24,000 The movies and the factories and every stranger's face I see reminds me that I want to be homeward bound. 11 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:37,000 When I wish I was homeward bound. 12 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:50,000 Homeward bound. 13 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:54,000 Home when my thoughts escaping. 14 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:57,000 Home when my music's playing. 15 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:10,000 Home when my love lies waiting silently for me. 16 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:23,000 Tonight I'll sing my songs again. 17 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:27,000 Play the game and pretend. 18 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:44,000 But all my words come back to me in shades of mediocrity like emptiness and harmony. 19 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,000 I need someone to comfort me. 20 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,000 Homeward bound. 21 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,000 Homeward bound. 22 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,000 Homeward bound. 23 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,000 Homeward bound. 24 00:03:54,000 --> 00:04:24,000 Home where my thoughts escaping Home where my music's playing Home where my love lies waiting Solently for me 25 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:24,920 26 00:04:54,000 --> 00:05:24,000 Carol Simon and Sabrina Carpenter. Miley Cyrus and Brittany Howard. Lil Wayne and The Roots. And Paul McCartney. 27 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:40,000 Ladies and gentlemen, Steve Martin! 28 00:05:54,000 --> 00:06:06,000 Good evening and welcome to the 50th anniversary of Saturday Night Live. 29 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:11,000 I'm Steve Martin, Saturday Night Live's newest diversity hire. 30 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:21,000 And what a thrill it is to be here. When I heard that SNL wanted to do an anniversary special, I literally wanted to leap into the air. 31 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:28,000 And the only reason I didn't is because at the time I was wearing a short skirt with no underwear. 32 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:32,000 Now I can't believe... 33 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:38,000 I can't believe I even made it here in time. It was only a few days ago that Lauren told me I was doing the monologue 34 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:45,000 and I was actually vacationing on a friend's boat down in the Gulf of Steve Martin and I finally... 35 00:06:46,000 --> 00:07:02,000 It took me a while to get here, but I did. Now, Saturday Night Live, as you know, turned 50 years old this year and I turned 79. 36 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:12,000 But I feel like I'm 65. Which is also not good. 37 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:23,000 Now, seriously, I do not mind getting older. Um, do you think these hearing aids make my ass look smaller? I do. 38 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:30,000 And I'm still learning about life. Uh, actually my wife, who's a very smart, wise person, taught me something the other day. 39 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,000 She sat me down and she said, 40 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:36,000 Steve, you know, babies don't get sarcasm. 41 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:45,000 And I realized I've been wasting my time going up to strollers on the street and saying, 42 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:49,000 Oh, what a cute baby! Whoa! Jesus! 43 00:07:53,000 --> 00:08:04,000 Now, a fun fact. A person born during the first season of Saturday Night Live could today be easily dead of natural causes. 44 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:20,000 Now, you're going to see a lot of familiar things tonight. Uh, musical guests, sketches, cameo appearances, the news. And this is the monologue. Traditionally, the weakest part of the show. 45 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:29,000 Yes, the monologue is like a rent controlled tenant. It's not going anywhere, even though it stinks. 46 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:35,000 And there's so many members of the SNL family here tonight. The great Bill Murray is here. 47 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:43,000 And we wanted to make sure that Bill would be here tonight, so we didn't invite him. 48 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:51,000 And David Letterman is here. 49 00:08:51,000 --> 00:09:00,000 Wow. Dave, thanks for leaving the sheep at home. 50 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:07,000 And we can't forget the writers who have always been the heart and soul of SNL. 51 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:14,000 In fact, let's please have the great writers from the past 50 years stand up and take a bow. 52 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:28,000 By the way, that tribute to the writers was written by A.I. 53 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,000 Oh, my God. 54 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:34,000 John Mulaney, I didn't know you were even going to be here. 55 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:39,000 Oh, you would if you'd ever come to rehearsal. By the way, congratulations on the Emmy win. 56 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,000 Nope. 57 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,000 Emmy nomination? 58 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,000 Nope. Grammy win. 59 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,000 No. 60 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,000 Grammy nomination? 61 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,000 No. 62 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,000 Golden Globe win? 63 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,000 No. 64 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,000 Golden Globe nomination? 65 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:58,000 The writers really appreciated that tribute, but I believe that the heart and soul of this show is the celebrity hosts, many of whom are in this room tonight. 66 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:06,000 You know, as I look around, I see some of the most difficult people I have ever met in my entire life. 67 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:19,000 Over the course of 50 years, 894 people have hosted Saturday Night Live, and it amazes me that only two of them have committed murder. 68 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:26,000 Each week, each week, a new celebrity host comes in with their own dynamic and they throw everything off. 69 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,000 But not you, Steve, because you have no dynamic. 70 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,000 Thank you. 71 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,000 Thank you. 72 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,000 Thanks, Steve. 73 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,000 Oh, my God. 74 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:42,000 Ladies and gentlemen, the only Canadian who wasn't in Schitt's Creek. 75 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,000 Are you sure? 76 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,000 Thank you. 77 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:50,000 But you know, wait a second. I thought we were hosting together. 78 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:53,000 Oh, uh, do you have your passport poured on you? 79 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,000 No. 80 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,000 Ice, get him! 81 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,000 No! 82 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,000 No! 83 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,000 Oh, I'll cooperate. Don't take me. 84 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,000 I'll name names. 85 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,000 Mike Myers, Jim Carrey, Cameron Harris. 86 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,000 Damn you, you white-haired son of a bitch! 87 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,000 You know... 88 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:19,000 Marty and I have been working together so long that we can actually finish each other's careers. 89 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:40,000 Now, I hope that you are enjoying my monologue tonight, but if you aren't enjoying it, maybe you should get up and take a good look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, what have I become? 90 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,000 91 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,000 92 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,000 93 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,000 94 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,000 95 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:25,000 Oh, my God. 96 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:33,000 Did they put LSD in my Caesar salad or do I see three beautiful ladies hitchhacking my way? 97 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,000 Hi, traveler. 98 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,000 Hi, traveler. 99 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,000 Hi, traveler. 100 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,000 We want a ride. 101 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:45,000 We'd love to sit right by your side. 102 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:58,000 And then we hope you will decide which one of us will be your bride. 103 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,000 ... 104 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,000 Whoa, volume. 105 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,000 I felt that in my breasts. 106 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,000 And did you say bride? 107 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,000 Buy a guy a Caesar salad first. 108 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,000 Call back. 109 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,000 I don't even know your names. 110 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,000 Well, that's easy. 111 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,000 I'm Janice. 112 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,000 Oh, Janice alert. 113 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,000 I'm Holly. 114 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,000 Like the bush. 115 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,000 I'm Margaret. 116 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,000 You sure are grit. 117 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,000 And I'm Janice. 118 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,000 119 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,000 ... 120 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,000 Soon you'll fall for one of us three. 121 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:10,000 We keep forgetting Mom had four. 122 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,000 I came out of a different hole. 123 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,000 ... 124 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:28,000 If you're trying to do the math on that one, when you think of the hole it should be, it's the one behind that. 125 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,000 Okay, goodbye. 126 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,000 127 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,000 128 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,000 129 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,000 Oh, now we're talking. 130 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,000 With the snuggle. 131 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,000 Finally some comfort. 132 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,000 With the tickle. 133 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,000 Yes. 134 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,000 Whether you'll find out. 135 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,000 What is happening? 136 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,000 ... 137 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,000 Oh! 138 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,000 Certainly the half. 139 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,000 That reminds me. 140 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,000 I need to get some oral surgery done soon. 141 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,000 You know what? I don't hate it. 142 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,000 I don't hate it. 143 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:37,000 I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I love you. 144 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:39,000 Yes. 145 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,000 I love you. 146 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,000 And there's nothing you could say that would change my mind. 147 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,000 I put a bird in my mouth. 148 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,000 Then I went to the movies. 149 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,000 Then I laughed at the movies. 150 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,000 Then the bird flew out. 151 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,000 But the bird choked on popcorn. 152 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,000 And I gave it CPR. 153 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,000 And the bird flew away. 154 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,000 But I caught it and ate it raw. 155 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,000 Is that bad? 156 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,000 Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. 157 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,000 Wow, and to think I almost picked Kim Kardashian. 158 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,000 Isn't love wonderful? 159 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,000 And by wonderful, I mean visually upsetting. 160 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,000 And thanks once again to three of the former Harald sisters. 161 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,000 Denise, I got a motorcycle helmet made for you. 162 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,000 Come here. 163 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,000 The Lawrence Welk Show is brought to you by Stouffer's TV Breakfast, 164 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,000 Silent Tammy Dahl, and Dr. Wilson's Sleeping Fudge. 165 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,000 We'll be right back. 166 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,000 Thank you for having me on Sleeping Fudge. 167 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:39,000 The Lawrence Welk Show is brought to you by Stouffer's TV. 168 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,000 169 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,000 170 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,000 That's okay. 171 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,000 We hear you, Tracy Morgan. 172 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:45,000 I refuse to ingest three cheeses. 173 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,000 Four chees... 174 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,000 You're right. 175 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,000 Four cheeses. 176 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,000 We got it, Tracy Morgan. 177 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,000 Thank you. 178 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,000 All right. 179 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,000 Let's take a look at our categories. 180 00:20:54,000 --> 00:21:08,000 We got look here, this joker talking bout, leave Bronnie alone, man live from New York, and as always white people. 181 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,000 ... 182 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,000 All right, Shanice, you're our returning champion, so you pick. 183 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:14,000 Let's go with look-a-here for a hundred. 184 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,000 Okay, the answer there. 185 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:20,000 Your 11-year-old is asking for something while you on the phone. 186 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,000 Shanice. 187 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,000 What is? 188 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,000 Look here! 189 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,000 You this close! 190 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:28,000 This close! 191 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,000 That's right. 192 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,000 That is right. 193 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,000 Yep. 194 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,000 Yep. 195 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,000 Yeah. 196 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,000 Get a little closer and see what happens. 197 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,000 Exactly. 198 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,000 All right, pick again. 199 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,000 Let's go with man for 300. 200 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,000 Okay, the answer there. 201 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:47,000 There's 30-something people at the park wearing the same red t-shirt. 202 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,000 Darius. 203 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:49,000 What is? 204 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:52,000 Man, that's just a Jansen family reunion. 205 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,000 That's right. 206 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:55,000 That's right. 207 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,000 Yeah. 208 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,000 Shirt got a picture of a tree on it or something. 209 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:58,000 I don't know. 210 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:03,000 Speaking of family, Darius and Tracy, y'all seem like y'all might be related. 211 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,000 Yeah. 212 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,000 Well, James L. Jones was my biological father. 213 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:13,000 James L. Jones impregnated my mother on the set of Claudine. 214 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,000 On Edgecombe Avenue in Harlem. 215 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,000 You know what? 216 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,000 I think we might be related. 217 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,000 I don't see it. 218 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,000 You know what? 219 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,000 Let's just... 220 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,000 Let's just move on. 221 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,000 Darius, it's still your pick. 222 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,000 ... 223 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,000 Okay. 224 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,000 Let's go. 225 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,000 We're live from New York for 100. 226 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:35,000 Okay, the answer there. 227 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:39,000 This legendary late-night show created some of comedy's biggest stars. 228 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,000 It's a sketch comedy show. 229 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:47,000 It's been on for a long time. 230 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,000 Ah, Darius. 231 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,000 ... 232 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,000 What is a living color? 233 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,000 No. 234 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:55,000 No, I'm sorry. 235 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,000 I think y'all know this, though. 236 00:22:56,000 --> 00:23:00,000 Um, as kids, you probably stayed up late on Saturday to watch. 237 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,000 Tracy. 238 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:03,000 What is Showtime at the Apollo? 239 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,000 ... 240 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,000 Featuring Sandman Sims. 241 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,000 No. 242 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,000 Come on. 243 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:11,000 Y'all really don't know? 244 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:12,000 Hosted by Steve Harvey. 245 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,000 Again. 246 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,000 No. 247 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,000 Y'all ready for your next act? 248 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,000 Let me hear you say, yeah! 249 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:19,000 This is not that. 250 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,000 This is not that. 251 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,000 Oh, my God. 252 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,000 Shanice. 253 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,000 Okay. 254 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:30,000 Of course, this show's been on every Saturday for years, right, Darnell? 255 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:32,000 ... 256 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,000 Yes. 257 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:34,000 And it's got a host and a musical guest, right? 258 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,000 Yes. 259 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:36,000 Okay, okay. 260 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:39,000 Can I say the famous catchphrase that opens the show? 261 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,000 Well, go ahead. 262 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,000 It's Soul Train! 263 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:45,000 No! 264 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,000 Now, y'all know the answer. 265 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,000 It's Saturday Night Live. 266 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,000 What is Saturday Night Live? 267 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,000 Now, come on, Darius. 268 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:54,000 I just gave you the answer. 269 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,000 No, I'm asking. 270 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,000 What is Saturday Night Live? 271 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,000 I don't know that. 272 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:00,000 ... 273 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,000 It's Sunday Night Live. 274 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,000 SNL. 275 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,000 It's a sketch comedy show. 276 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,000 It's been on for 50 years. 277 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,000 What day do they tape on? 278 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,000 Saturday. 279 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,000 It's in the name. 280 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:16,000 Now, Tracy, you were on it with Tina Fey. 281 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,000 What is 30 Rock? 282 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,000 You know what? 283 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,000 I tell you what, let's just hear about today's sponsors. 284 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:24,000 Johnny! 285 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,000 286 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:56,000 ... 287 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:57,000 All right, let's stick with Live from New York. 288 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,000 And to help, here is a special guest clue from Mr. Chris Rock. 289 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,000 Thank you. 290 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,000 Thank you, Darnell. 291 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:07,000 It's an honor to be here on Black Jeopardy. 292 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:13,000 I've been a fan of the show since the 70s, when it was called Mama's Got Questions. 293 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,000 ... 294 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:18,000 Okay, now some of y'all might remember me from Saturday Night Live. 295 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,000 I was the black guy who came after Eddie Murphy. 296 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,000 You know, that's kind of like being the point guard after Stephen Curry. 297 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:30,000 Okay, here's your clue about SNL. 298 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:36,000 This religious character has made people laugh for years. 299 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,000 Who is my dear? 300 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,000 No. 301 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,000 That is not Tyler Perry. 302 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:43,000 Can't you see that? 303 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,000 She's right... 304 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:46,000 Oh, it is Doug! 305 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,000 How you doing, Darnell? 306 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:54,000 Now, I heard a fellow could win some money here, and I know exactly who that is. 307 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,000 The church lady. 308 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,000 ... 309 00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,000 Yes. 310 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,000 Yes, that is correct, Doug. 311 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,000 Thank you. 312 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,000 That is the church lady. 313 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:03,000 $400 for you. 314 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,000 Oh, well, thank you. 315 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,000 Hey, now speaking of church, can I say something? 316 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:12,000 If more folks went to church, we wouldn't be in this mess we're in now. 317 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:13,000 You know what? 318 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,000 I agree with you, Doug. 319 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:15,000 I'd like to shake your hand, sir. 320 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,000 Here we go. 321 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,000 Oh, no, no. 322 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:19,000 Oh, no, no. 323 00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:20,000 It's just a handshake. 324 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,000 Yeah, it's just a handshake. 325 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:22,000 Yeah, all right. 326 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,000 You're welcome to Black Jeopardy anytime. 327 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,000 Thank you, my brother. 328 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,000 ... 329 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:31,000 You know, maybe I'll start a show for you to come on, and we'll call it Black Jeopardy. 330 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,000 No. 331 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,000 We don't need it. 332 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:34,000 We don't need it. 333 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,000 But slow it down a little bit, Doug. 334 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,000 All right. 335 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,000 We're gonna take a break. 336 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:42,000 When we return to Black Jeopardy, we will see if anyone has watched any of this year's 337 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,000 Oscar movies. 338 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:45,000 ... 339 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,000 I doubt it. 340 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,000 We'll see ya. 341 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:48,000 Yeah, yeah. 342 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,000 Sorry to sneak in it. 343 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,000 Hi, everyone. 344 00:26:50,000 --> 00:27:06,000 Tonight is a celebration of classic moments, but SNL will always have that contrarian edge. 345 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:12,000 never wanting to do anything that feels too obvious, too on the nose. 346 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,000 Um... 347 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:18,000 Come on up here. 348 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:19,000 Who are you? 349 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,000 What's your age and your name? 350 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:23,000 Ladies... 351 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:29,000 Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Sally O'Malley. 352 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:30,000 353 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:00,000 354 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:30,000 355 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:00,000 356 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:30,000 357 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:01,000 Yeah. 358 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:05,000 Baby, don't hurt me no more. 359 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:06,000 Say what? 360 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,000 What is love? 361 00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:14,000 What is love? 362 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,000 What is love? 363 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,000 You're making me very, um, uncomfortable. 364 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:19,000 No, I'm not. 365 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,000 You kind of are. 366 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:26,000 I'm gonna stop. 367 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,000 Yeah, I could eat a whole bottle. 368 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:30,000 Yeah, I could... 369 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,000 I could eat a whole bottle, too. 370 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,000 Don't even try to... 371 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:39,000 I don't know. 372 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:40,000 I guess... 373 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,000 Jesus Christ. 374 00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:52,000 Everybody breaks yourselves. 375 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:53,000 What? 376 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:54,000 377 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:24,000 378 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:54,000 379 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,000 380 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:56,000 ... 381 00:32:56,000 --> 00:33:05,000 When our daughter Kelsey told us that she and Matt wanted to do a bowel renewal, we were a little surprised since they've only been married less than a year. 382 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:10,000 But, hey, what's another 70 grand at Best Western? 383 00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:23,000 And I just wanna say, congratulations, you guys! Drinks for everyone! Open bar! 384 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,000 I apologize. My wife is doing wet February. 385 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,000 Oh, well, yes I am. 386 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:32,000 Anyway... 387 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:34,000 ... 388 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:35,000 Kelsey and Matt... 389 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:36,000 You were... 390 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:37,000 May you... 391 00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:38,000 I wanna say... 392 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,000 Let me take the rain. 393 00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:40,000 Sure! 394 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:41,000 Anytime! 395 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:42,000 Kelsey and Matt... 396 00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:43,000 Yeah. 397 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:48,000 May you have a marriage as loving and passionate as daddy and me, cause... 398 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:49,000 Oh, baby. 399 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:50,000 Look at... 400 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,000 How about you? 401 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:52,000 Mmm! 402 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:53,000 Mmm! 403 00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:54,000 Mmm! 404 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:55,000 Mmm! 405 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:56,000 Mmm! 406 00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:57,000 Mmm! 407 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:58,000 Mmm! 408 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:00,000 ... 409 00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:01,000 Oh, whoa! 410 00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:02,000 What happened? 411 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,000 What happened? 412 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,000 What happened? 413 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:05,000 Okay! 414 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:06,000 Weird speech. 415 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:12,000 So, for those of you who don't know me, I'm Sophie, the bride's childhood bestie. 416 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,000 I couldn't make it to the wedding cause I was unfortunately in prison. 417 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,000 You got so skinny in jail, girl! 418 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:18,000 I know, right? 419 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:20,000 I couldn't eat the food. 420 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:21,000 Anyway... 421 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:23,000 ... 422 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:27,000 I'd love to invite up Kelsey's best friends, AKA the Kel Squad. 423 00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:28,000 Hey! 424 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:32,000 So, instead of a speech, we're gonna do something different for y'all. 425 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,000 Cause we're a little bit basic. 426 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,000 A little bit toxic. 427 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:42,000 So, as some of you know, we took Kelsey to New York City to celebrate the vow renewal. 428 00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:47,000 Matt said it had to be a day trip cause he doesn't trust Kelsey on overnights anymore. 429 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,000 Guilty as charged. 430 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:51,000 ... 431 00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:52,000 Seriously though, I love strong women. 432 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:57,000 While in New York, we got blackout drunk and went to Wicked. 433 00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:00,000 So, Matt and Kelsey, this is for you. 434 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:07,000 Something has changed within her. 435 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:10,000 She's ready to commit. 436 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:17,000 She sees something in Matthew that honestly we do not get. 437 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,000 438 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:49,000 ... 439 00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:57,000 Okay, well, that was great and now the song is over and we will not learn anything else. 440 00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:58,000 Really? 441 00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:00,000 Cause a lot more happened. 442 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:01,000 Oh my God, Taylor! 443 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:02,000 How is she doing Taylor? 444 00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:04,000 ... 445 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:09,000 After the show, it's Madame Tussauds in Times Square. 446 00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:13,000 There's a wax Keanu Reeves but Kelsey doesn't care. 447 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:18,000 It's clear that Kelsey's mind is elsewhere. 448 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,000 What were you thinking about? 449 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:22,000 ... 450 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:23,000 My friends are singing. 451 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:28,000 Next up, we take a petty cab in Central Park. 452 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:31,000 LT says there is a giant hole in my heart. 453 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:37,000 She throws a coin into a fountain and then she whispers, I wish I could be with him. 454 00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:42,000 We all know she's talking about Domingo. 455 00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,000 Even though she can't be with Domingo. 456 00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:49,000 She's out in the middle of New York and she screams to the sky. 457 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:53,000 What she's looking for is this home Latin guy. 458 00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:57,000 That she can't not live with Domingo. 459 00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:02,000 That's why you try to live without Domingo, baby. 460 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:04,000 ... 461 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,000 Come on, say, D.C. 462 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:08,000 Open relationship. 463 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,000 Hi, Domingo! 464 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:16,000 Mamรก, papi, how are the kitchen renovations going? 465 00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:18,000 Wait, you guys know Domingo? 466 00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:20,000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 467 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:21,000 Yeah. 468 00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:25,000 He was my primary care physician and Domingo, do you know that you were right? 469 00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:27,000 I do have Hashimoto's. 470 00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:28,000 Gross. 471 00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:31,000 God, I can't believe Domingo is at another major life event of mine. 472 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:33,000 Don't worry, Matt, we got you. 473 00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:34,000 Sup. 474 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:35,000 Sup. 475 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:36,000 Yeah. 476 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:39,000 Thanks, yeah. 477 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:40,000 Reception's lit. 478 00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:45,000 As many as you know were Matt's groomsmen, a.k.a. the doormats. 479 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:51,000 We took Matt on a golf trip to the real city that never sleeps, Scottsdale, Arizona. 480 00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:54,000 Which is also our hometown. 481 00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,000 And our names. 482 00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:58,000 . 483 00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:01,000 These are the three Scotts, and I'm Dale. 484 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,000 Scottsdale! 485 00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:11,000 And let's just say, to play 18 holes, we needed a little espresso. 486 00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:23,000 The groomsmen had a local staycation, cause we've been hit hard by inflation. 487 00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:28,000 And we knew Matt needs a break from Kelsey. 488 00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:29,000 489 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:00,000 I'm sorry, who is Rinaldo? 490 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:01,000 Don't worry, honey. 491 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,000 Rinaldo is in my past. 492 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:08,000 Matthew, I'm here. 493 00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:09,000 Hey, Matt. 494 00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:10,000 Hey. 495 00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:11,000 Hey, Matt. 496 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:12,000 Came all this way. 497 00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:13,000 Had to explain. 498 00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,000 Direct from Rinaldo. 499 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:16,000 Matthew's my guy. 500 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:20,000 Said he's not mine, but we did hook up, though. 501 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:21,000 What? 502 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:22,000 Matt? 503 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:29,000 I'm sorry, you two know each other? 504 00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:30,000 Of course! 505 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:31,000 We are brothers! 506 00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:32,000 I'm the older brother. 507 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:33,000 And I'm the younger brother. 508 00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:34,000 And I'm the hot brother. 509 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:35,000 Hi, Santiago. 510 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:36,000 Hi, Santiago. 511 00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:37,000 Santiago? 512 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:38,000 Wait, Mom, Dad, how do you know him? 513 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:53,000 I did the kitchen renovation and then I had sex with the wife. 514 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,000 How are you feeling, Santiago? 515 00:39:55,000 --> 00:40:00,000 I just love the wedding! 516 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,000 Hey, Matt. 517 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:03,000 Came all this way. 518 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:04,000 Had to explain. 519 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,000 Direct from Domingo. 520 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,000 Word to the wise that you got Hawaii. 521 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,000 Titan from the Tribal! 522 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:16,000 Domingo! 523 00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:35,000 And now, Deep Thoughts by Jack Hanks. 524 00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:36,000 525 00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:06,000 Wow! 526 00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:07,000 What a night! 527 00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:12,000 Well, even after 50 years, there are still things about SNL that people don't know. 528 00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:17,000 So, we are here to answer any questions people still have about the show. 529 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:18,000 Don't be shy. 530 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:20,000 Just raise your hand. 531 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:21,000 Yes, Quinta Brunson. 532 00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:22,000 Hi! 533 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:23,000 Hey! 534 00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:24,000 Hi! 535 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:25,000 Hi! 536 00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:26,000 Hi! 537 00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,000 Um, Quinta Brunson here. 538 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:30,000 . 539 00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:31,000 First off, I'm gonna say, you ladies look great. 540 00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:32,000 What's your secret? 541 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:33,000 Wow! 542 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:35,000 Thank you for asking that question we wrote. 543 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:36,000 Mm-hmm. 544 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:41,000 Um, I'm wearing a 3D printed mask of my younger self. 545 00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:46,000 And my face is all natural, but full disclosure, this is the back of my head. 546 00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:48,000 I flipped my hair and started over. 547 00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:50,000 I love that. 548 00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:51,000 Well, it's working for you, baby girl. 549 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:54,000 Anyway, I am an SNL super fan. 550 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:57,000 Um, my question is kind of a deep cut. 551 00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:04,000 In the March 18th, 1993 good nights, Tim Meadows whispered something to musical guest Shade. 552 00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:06,000 What was he saying? 553 00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:07,000 Oh, wow. 554 00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:08,000 Let's find out. 555 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:09,000 Tim? 556 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:10,000 Are you here? 557 00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,000 Tim, do you remember what you were saying? 558 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,000 Uh, yeah. 559 00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:13,000 Wow. 560 00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:18,000 Thank you. 561 00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:24,000 Uh, yeah, if it was March 93, I'm pretty sure I was saying, hey, Shade, you wanna drink 562 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,000 some Zima with me in my dressing room? 563 00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:31,000 We could play Mortal Kombat 1 and watch the new cool Mendez trial. 564 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,000 That's exactly what I thought. 565 00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:35,000 Thank you so much. 566 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:36,000 Thank you. 567 00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:37,000 Thank you. 568 00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:38,000 Oh, yeah. 569 00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,000 Um, also, it worked, by the way. 570 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:41,000 Shade and I are still together. 571 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:42,000 Aw. 572 00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:43,000 That's awesome. 573 00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:44,000 That's awesome. 574 00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:45,000 Who else? 575 00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:46,000 Who else has a question? 576 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:47,000 I have a question. 577 00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:48,000 Oh, hi. 578 00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:49,000 Ryan Reynolds. 579 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:50,000 Hi. 580 00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:51,000 Hey. 581 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:54,000 Ryan Reynolds, how's it going? 582 00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:55,000 Great. 583 00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,000 Why, what have you heard? 584 00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:03,000 . 585 00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:04,000 Yeah, okay. 586 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:08,000 Well, my question is that, you know that the materials that they made the cone heads with, 587 00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,000 are those, are those edible? 588 00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:11,000 Edible? 589 00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:12,000 No, no. 590 00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:16,000 And based on them being made in 1975, I'd assume that they're highly toxic. 591 00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:17,000 Oh, oh, okay. 592 00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:22,000 So if somebody, you know, hypothetically took a couple of nibbles backstage and, uh, you 593 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:25,000 know, got excited, should they go to the hospital or should they? 594 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:27,000 Yes, they should go to the hospital right away. 595 00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:29,000 Good. 596 00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:30,000 Good luck. 597 00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:31,000 Great. 598 00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:32,000 Okay, next question. 599 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,000 Uh, I have a question. 600 00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:34,000 Yes, there it is. 601 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:35,000 Thank you. 602 00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:41,000 When I hosted the show, there was a woman who pulled me behind a little curtain and took 603 00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:42,000 my pants off. 604 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,000 Does she work here? 605 00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:47,000 Is she a blonde woman with a stopwatch? 606 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:48,000 Yeah. 607 00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:52,000 She put her arm around my waist and kind of picked me up and shook me till my shoes fell 608 00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:53,000 off. 609 00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:55,000 Like, did I dream that or is that... 610 00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:57,000 . 611 00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:58,000 No, that's, that's Donna. 612 00:43:58,000 --> 00:43:59,000 Come out here, Donna. 613 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:00,000 Hi. 614 00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:01,000 Hi. 615 00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:02,000 Hi. 616 00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:11,000 Donna. 617 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:16,000 Donna has been dressing every host since 1997. 618 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:20,000 She has seen every celebrity here in their underpants. 619 00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:22,000 . 620 00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,000 Donna, I know it's hard to pick, but who was your favorite host? 621 00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:25,000 Jason Momoa. 622 00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:26,000 Okay. 623 00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:35,000 Our next question was submitted by a viewer. 624 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:36,000 625 00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:07,000 . 626 00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:08,000 Yeah. 627 00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:09,000 Yeah. 628 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:10,000 Sorry. 629 00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,000 John, it's a medical thing. 630 00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:13,000 You really need that dog. 631 00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:14,000 Right, Julia? 632 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:15,000 Oh. 633 00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:16,000 Uh, no, no, no. 634 00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:17,000 I'm here for him. 635 00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:18,000 He's blind. 636 00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:25,000 So, so, Ricky, the blonde woman who you just talked, that's Amy Poehler. 637 00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:27,000 ... 638 00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:32,000 And the older woman next to her is Tina Fey. 639 00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:38,000 And the intense energy that you're feeling to your left is Adam Driver. 640 00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:39,000 He's an... 641 00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:45,000 He's an absolutely incredible actor. 642 00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:50,000 And right now, he's acting like he's not attracted to me. 643 00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:52,000 How you doing? 644 00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:53,000 This is my puppy here. 645 00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,000 Yeah. 646 00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:56,000 All right. 647 00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,000 Okay. 648 00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,000 All right. 649 00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:00,000 Let's take another question. 650 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:01,000 Um... 651 00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:02,000 Yes. 652 00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:03,000 Cher, you have a question. 653 00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:04,000 Uh, no. 654 00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:05,000 I don't. 655 00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:08,000 I got a lot of answers. 656 00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:10,000 ... 657 00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:11,000 Hey! 658 00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:12,000 Yeah. 659 00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:13,000 Cher, we believe. 660 00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:15,000 We'll hook up with you after the show. 661 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:16,000 Okay. 662 00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:17,000 Next question. 663 00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:18,000 Yes. 664 00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:19,000 Keith Richards. 665 00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:20,000 That's right. 666 00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:27,000 I left a scarf here in 1988. 667 00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:28,000 And, uh... 668 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:32,000 I'm kind of wondering if anybody's seen it around. 669 00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:34,000 A scarf? 670 00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:35,000 Yeah. 671 00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:36,000 It's, uh, in 1998. 672 00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:37,000 Well, I... 673 00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:39,000 I don't know. 674 00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:40,000 Yeah. 675 00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:41,000 I don't think so. 676 00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:42,000 I'm not sure. 677 00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:43,000 Look, it's simply not here, okay? 678 00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:44,000 Can we all just stop looking? 679 00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:45,000 Next question. 680 00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:47,000 All right. 681 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:48,000 Okay. 682 00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:49,000 Okay. 683 00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:50,000 Uh, yes. 684 00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:51,000 Jon Hamm. 685 00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:52,000 Uh, yeah. 686 00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:53,000 Hey, guys. 687 00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:54,000 Uh... 688 00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:58,000 This might be a weird question because I've hosted three times and I know I'm part of the family, 689 00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:00,000 , but, uh... 690 00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:01,000 Am I funny? 691 00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:03,000 What? 692 00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:04,000 Funny? 693 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:05,000 What? 694 00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:06,000 Funny? 695 00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:07,000 We... 696 00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:08,000 What? 697 00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:10,000 Whenever we ask you to do a bit, you always say yes. 698 00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:11,000 Yes! 699 00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:12,000 And that's what matters. 700 00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:13,000 Yes! 701 00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:14,000 Okay. 702 00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:16,000 ... 703 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:17,000 Bad buddy! 704 00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:18,000 Eh, hola, um... 705 00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:19,000 Bueno, yo voy a preguntar lo mismo, so... 706 00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:20,000 Lo... 707 00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:21,000 Para no repetirlo, lo voy a preguntar en espaรฑol. 708 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:22,000 Eh, yo... 709 00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:23,000 Soy chistoso. 710 00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:24,000 Oh. 711 00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:25,000 Oh, sรญ, sรญ, sรญ, sรญ, sรญ, sรญ. 712 00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:27,000 , sรญ, sรญ, sรญ, sรญ, sรญ, sรญ. 713 00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:28,000 Tรบ eres legit comico. 714 00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:31,000 Uh, podras haber estado en el reparto, but... 715 00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:34,000 Uh, pero no, le digas eso, uh, John Jamรณn. 716 00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:35,000 Ha, ha, ha. 717 00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:37,000 Okay, okay. 718 00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:38,000 Ese va a ser nuestro secreto. 719 00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:39,000 Shh. 720 00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:40,000 Tranquila, man. 721 00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,000 All right. 722 00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:43,000 Yes. 723 00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:45,000 Next question. 724 00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:46,000 Seth. 725 00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:47,000 Yeah, hey, hi, guys. 726 00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:51,000 Um, it kind of feels like this whole question and answer thing is just a way for you guys to give 727 00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,000 , um, airtime to celebrities who aren't in other parts of the show? 728 00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:56,000 Oh, really? 729 00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:57,000 It doesn't seem that way to me. 730 00:47:57,000 --> 00:48:00,000 And what do you think, Reverend Al Sharpton and Ray Romano? 731 00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:04,000 It seems... 732 00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,000 It seems very natural to us. 733 00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:08,000 Really, don't... 734 00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:09,000 Don't... 735 00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:10,000 Don't be so cynical, Seth. 736 00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:11,000 We're having a nice time here. 737 00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:13,000 There you go. 738 00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:14,000 There you go. 739 00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:15,000 All right, yeah, Jason Momoa. 740 00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:16,000 Yeah, Jason Momoa. 741 00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:18,000 Yeah, this, uh, that Donnie lady. 742 00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:20,000 Uh, she liked to travel or, like, what's her vibe? 743 00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:23,000 ... 744 00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:24,000 You'll have to ask her. 745 00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:25,000 All right. 746 00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:26,000 Good to know. 747 00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:27,000 Yeah, Freddie. 748 00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:28,000 Uh, hi. 749 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:29,000 Um, Fred Armisen. 750 00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:30,000 Thanks. 751 00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:31,000 Thank you. 752 00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:32,000 Thanks. 753 00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:33,000 Thanks, you guys. 754 00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:37,000 Um, my question is, do you know why Lauren cut Vampire Office? 755 00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:39,000 What? 756 00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:44,000 Well, in 2005, I wrote a sketch called Vampire Office, and it... 757 00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:47,000 it played pretty well at dress and then didn't get on air. 758 00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:49,000 ... 759 00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:50,000 Okay, I guess maybe other sketches did better? 760 00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:51,000 No. 761 00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:53,000 It was a pretty bad show, front to back. 762 00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:55,000 I don't know. 763 00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:56,000 Okay, well, maybe he just didn't like it. 764 00:48:56,000 --> 00:49:00,000 Well, do you know if he saw the changes I was gonna make? 765 00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:01,000 Because... 766 00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:05,000 I cut the beat where Finesse comes in as Simon Cowell and... 767 00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:07,000 Wait, are you holding the sketch right now? 768 00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:08,000 Yeah. 769 00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:10,000 Do you think I should resubmit it? 770 00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:11,000 Sure. 771 00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:12,000 Yeah. 772 00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:14,000 Yeah. 773 00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:15,000 Great. 774 00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:16,000 Next time, Spacey hosts. 775 00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:20,000 Okay. 776 00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:27,000 Okay, we only have time for like a hundred more questions. 777 00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:28,000 Yes. 778 00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:29,000 Uh, yes. 779 00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:30,000 Peyton Manning. 780 00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:31,000 Yes. 781 00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:32,000 Is, um... 782 00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:37,000 Is Lauren gonna retire now? 783 00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:38,000 No, I don't think so. 784 00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:39,000 I don't think so. 785 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:41,000 that's great news. 786 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:42,000 Uh, Lauren, never retire. 787 00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:43,000 It's brutal out here. 788 00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:47,000 They had me doing all these commercials, insurance, beer. 789 00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:51,000 I did one the other day for something called Fan Fight Power Monster 3. 790 00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:53,000 I don't even know what the hell it is. 791 00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:57,000 I just assumed it was a video game, but then in the last voiceover, I said, 792 00:49:57,000 --> 00:49:59,000 now in diet chili flavor. 793 00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,000 I hate being retired. 794 00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:03,000 Okay. 795 00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:04,000 Okay. 796 00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:06,000 ... 797 00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:07,000 Seriously, Lauren, getting old sucks. 798 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:08,000 You feel like such a loser. 799 00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:10,000 Galifianakis knows what I'm talking about. 800 00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:12,000 Please don't bother me. 801 00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:14,000 I just want to relax and watch Kanye perform. 802 00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:17,000 Okay, you got it. 803 00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:18,000 You got it, Jack. 804 00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:19,000 Let's all watch this. 805 00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,000 ... 806 00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:23,000 Hello? 807 00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:24,000 Bowflex. 808 00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:25,000 Andor. 809 00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:26,000 What's up, dude? 810 00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:27,000 Hey, are you going to the 50th? 811 00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,000 No, actually, I don't think I can. I'm not gonna go. 812 00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:30,000 What? 813 00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:31,000 What are you talking about? 814 00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:32,000 It's gonna be incredible. 815 00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:33,000 Everyone on Earth is gonna be there. 816 00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:48,000 I know. It's just, honestly, it stresses me out too much. 817 00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:49,000 What do you mean? 818 00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:52,000 Come on, Andy. You know SNL gives me anxiety. 819 00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:55,000 Bowen, listen. 820 00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:56,000 821 00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:26,000 822 00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:58,000 You are not alone, my friend. 823 00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:01,000 And we also all have IBS. 824 00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:02,000 Wait, what? 825 00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:03,000 Oh, yeah. Tell them, Sarah. 826 00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:07,000 The brain-to-gut connectional is a complex and bi-directional 827 00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:11,000 of communication between the central nervous system and your butt. 828 00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:15,000 So when you're watching SNL, just imagine everyone you see 829 00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:19,000 right before the show went to the bathroom and took a crazy... 830 00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:20,000 Right. 831 00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:22,000 Oh, that these pipes could die. 832 00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:24,000 Oh, that these pipes could die. 833 00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:27,000 The stories they would tell. 834 00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:28,000 That these pipes could die. 835 00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:29,000 Oh, that these pipes could die. 836 00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:30,000 Oh, that these pipes could die. 837 00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:31,000 Oh, that these pipes could die. 838 00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:32,000 Oh, that these pipes could die. 839 00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:33,000 Oh, that these pipes could die. 840 00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:35,000 I think they sound a little like this. 841 00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:38,000 You've got to stop doing that. 842 00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:39,000 No promises. 843 00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:41,000 Jump to the 90s, Anna and Molly. 844 00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:43,000 Making them laugh with sweaty balls. 845 00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:45,000 On the outside, come and collect it. 846 00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:47,000 But that's not how they felt at all. 847 00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:50,000 Oh, we were freaked out as hell. 848 00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:52,000 And we wanted to die. 849 00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:53,000 850 00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:23,000 851 00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:53,000 852 00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:23,000 853 00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:53,000 854 00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:24,000 Yeah. 855 00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:25,000 Since you took your love away. 856 00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:27,000 Since you've been gone, I can do whatever I want. 857 00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:30,000 Yeah, I can see whoever I choose. 858 00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:33,000 I can eat my dinner at a fancy restaurant. 859 00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:40,000 Oh, but nothing, oh, nothing can take away these blues. 860 00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:41,000 861 00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:11,000 862 00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:41,000 863 00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:11,000 864 00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:45,000 Oh, but nothing, oh, nothing can take away these blues. 865 00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:48,000 And all the flowers that you planted, Mama, in the backyard. 866 00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:51,000 All the flowers that you planted, Mama, in the backyard. 867 00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:56,000 All the flowers that you planted, Mama, in the backyard. 868 00:57:57,000 --> 00:58:03,000 All the flowers that you planted, Mama, in the backyard. 869 00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:06,000 All died when you went away. 870 00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:08,000 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. 871 00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,000 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. 872 00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:10,000 873 00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:40,000 874 00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:10,000 875 00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:40,000 876 01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:11,000 . 877 01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:16,000 Thank you very much. 878 01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:17,000 Thank you very much. 879 01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:18,000 Good evening, everyone. 880 01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:19,000 Welcome to Weekend Update. 881 01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:20,000 I'm Michael Che. 882 01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:21,000 I'm Colin Jost. 883 01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:28,000 Well, it is a honor and a thrill to be hosting Weekend Update for the 50th, 884 01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:32,000 and if it was up to our president, final season of SNL. 885 01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:34,000 . 886 01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:38,000 It is incredible that SNL is still going after all this time, 887 01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:40,000 and I'm just talking about tonight's show. 888 01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:47,000 There are so many famous hosts and musical guests here tonight 889 01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:52,000 that some huge names actually have to watch from Studio 8G next door, 890 01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:56,000 as well as from the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn. 891 01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:01,000 Oh, you went to the parties. Okay. 892 01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:07,000 Saturday Night Live has won 95 Emmys, one Grammy, three Peabody's, 893 01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:10,000 and has over 100 Tonys on the crew. 894 01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:15,000 I'm kidding, but you know what? 895 01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:19,000 Let's actually take a moment to thank those hard-working crew guys. 896 01:01:19,000 --> 01:01:20,000 And, yeah. 897 01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:25,000 I want to thank those crew guys. 898 01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:30,000 And also, also, I would like to congratulate them all on their January 6 pardons. 899 01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:32,000 Good to have you back, fellas. 900 01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:37,000 A lot of Tonys. A lot of Tonys. 901 01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:41,000 Health experts are facing increased pressure this winter in the face of outbreaks of COVID, 902 01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:45,000 the flu, RSV, and norovirus, which they're calling a quademic. 903 01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:52,000 So we did the smart thing and packed every beloved entertainer over 60 into one tiny space. 904 01:01:56,000 --> 01:02:03,000 SNL's first major cast change was in Season 2, when Chevy Chase left the show and was replaced by Kenan Thompson. 905 01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:11,000 You know, me and Colin are actually the longest-serving Weekend Update anchors. 906 01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:13,000 I've done Weekend Update for so long. 907 01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:16,000 Next season, I'm co-hosting with my son, Bronny. 908 01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:23,000 And since the 40th, we've lost the late, great Norm MacDonald, who hosted Weekend Update. 909 01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:24,000 That's right. 910 01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:32,000 Norm MacDonald, uh, who hosted Weekend Update until he was fired for making jokes about O.J. Simpson. 911 01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:37,000 -and he's obviously one of my heroes. So if you're watching up there, I just want to say we love you, O.J. 912 01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:44,000 Well, there's a lot going on in the world right now. 913 01:02:44,000 --> 01:02:49,000 And here to tell us her thoughts on all of it is the girl you wish you hadn't started a conversation without a partner. 914 01:02:50,000 --> 01:02:57,000 Hello, Michael. Hello, Colum. You know something different about me? 915 01:02:57,000 --> 01:02:58,000 Oh, are you pregnant? 916 01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:06,000 Wow. You just assume I'm pregnant just because I have a baby inside me. That's misogynastic. 917 01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:10,000 Well, congratulations. We're so happy for you, and it's nice to see you. 918 01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:12,000 Oh, is it nice, Michael? Yeah. 919 01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:16,000 Yeah, is it nice to be on the verge of the apocalypse? 920 01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:23,000 It's devastating. It's a constipational crisis. Literally, for me. 921 01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:30,000 And it's like, do I even want to bring a baby into this world, or should I just, like, keep her in here for another three and a half years? 922 01:03:30,000 --> 01:03:31,000 I don't think you can do that. 923 01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:35,000 Oh! Oh, I guess you know more than my OBGNY. 924 01:03:36,000 --> 01:03:38,000 Do a research, Michael. 925 01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:43,000 Fact. 90% of babies born today will never know who your father is. 926 01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:45,000 My father? 927 01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:47,000 Yeah. 928 01:03:47,000 --> 01:03:49,000 Three out of four kids got bullied, and only two of them deserve it. 929 01:03:50,000 --> 01:03:51,000 What? 930 01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:53,000 And there are people in Africa right now... 931 01:03:54,000 --> 01:03:55,000 Was that it? 932 01:03:56,000 --> 01:04:00,000 Yeah. There are people there now. You should know that, Michael. Read a phone. 933 01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:02,000 So, can I do... 934 01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:04,000 Can I do Elon's salute really quick? 935 01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:06,000 No, no. Don't do that. 936 01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:09,000 Okay, fine, fine. But hold this. I had to do this dance for work. 937 01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:11,000 All right. I'm sorry. Where do you work? 938 01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:13,000 I'm the press secretary at the White House. 939 01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:20,000 It's just like, if people are so angry about DEI, it's like, we'll stop drinking and driving. 940 01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:22,000 Bettina! Bettina! 941 01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:24,000 Who are you talking to? 942 01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:26,000 That's Bettina. She's a horrible person. 943 01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:28,000 Oh. 944 01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:33,000 It's like, at least now we have some good people in charge. Like, everyone's mad that R.F. Carls Jr. is a Nepo baby. 945 01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:37,000 But his brain worm earned it. It ate its way to the top. 946 01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:39,000 Oh, my God. 947 01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:45,000 In collusion, it's like, why is no one talking about Luigi Womangioni? 948 01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:52,000 Yeah. I just blew Michael Che. You're welcome. 949 01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:56,000 Well, thank you. And by the way, can I ask who the father is? 950 01:04:56,000 --> 01:04:57,000 You sure can! 951 01:04:58,000 --> 01:04:59,000 Whoa! 952 01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:01,000 Wow. 953 01:05:02,000 --> 01:05:04,000 Huge reveal. Oh, my God. 954 01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:05,000 Huge reveal. 955 01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:08,000 Drunko, you two are together? 956 01:05:08,000 --> 01:05:11,000 Yep, we're just a typical Hollywood couple. 957 01:05:11,000 --> 01:05:15,000 You know, beautiful woman in her 30s, drunk idiot in her 70s. 958 01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:17,000 So you're really gonna be a dad? 959 01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:20,000 Hey, you know, if Alec Baldwin can do it. 960 01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:25,000 You know, when I was a kid, you know, everyone was pregnant. 961 01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:27,000 Okay? 962 01:05:27,000 --> 01:05:30,000 It went, high school baby married Vietnam job you hate! 963 01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:32,000 Okay? 964 01:05:33,000 --> 01:05:37,000 But nowadays, it's just, oh, I'm sorry, can you yassify my chickpea pasta? 965 01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:43,000 Oh, excuse me, excuse me, are these flare genes AI? 966 01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:45,000 Ooh! 967 01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:50,000 Oh, great! Oh, great! We're in a brave new world! 968 01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:52,000 Not my Captain America! 969 01:05:53,000 --> 01:05:54,000 Okay. 970 01:05:54,000 --> 01:05:55,000 Okay. 971 01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:56,000 Okay. 972 01:05:57,000 --> 01:05:58,000 Okay. 973 01:05:58,000 --> 01:05:59,000 Drunk Uncle, this is not the... 974 01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:01,000 Panama Canal is ours, garlic! 975 01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:04,000 You ripped my... 976 01:06:04,000 --> 01:06:05,000 You ripped my buttons! 977 01:06:05,000 --> 01:06:07,000 I ripped your buttons off! 978 01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:10,000 If I could turn back time! 979 01:06:11,000 --> 01:06:12,000 If I... 980 01:06:13,000 --> 01:06:14,000 ... 981 01:06:14,000 --> 01:06:16,000 Oh, my God! 982 01:06:16,000 --> 01:06:17,000 I ripped your shirt! 983 01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:19,000 That's okay! 984 01:06:19,000 --> 01:06:20,000 Drunk Uncle! 985 01:06:20,000 --> 01:06:22,000 So I'm not Landshark, okay? 986 01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:24,000 Oh, God. 987 01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:28,000 So I'm not Brian Fellows, Safari Planet, okay? 988 01:06:29,000 --> 01:06:33,000 So I'm not musical guest, Timothee Chalamet! 989 01:06:34,000 --> 01:06:35,000 ... 990 01:06:35,000 --> 01:06:36,000 Cheeburger! 991 01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:37,000 Cheeburger! 992 01:06:37,000 --> 01:06:38,000 Cheeburger! 993 01:06:38,000 --> 01:06:39,000 Cheeburger! 994 01:06:39,000 --> 01:06:40,000 Cheeburger! 995 01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:41,000 Cheeburger! 996 01:06:41,000 --> 01:06:42,000 Right, yes, right, from the 70s. 997 01:06:42,000 --> 01:06:45,000 No, I misplaced four cheeseburgers! 998 01:06:45,000 --> 01:06:46,000 Okay. 999 01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:47,000 All right. 1000 01:06:47,000 --> 01:06:49,000 Well, Drunk Uncle, I'm sorry, but I think you might be too drunk. 1001 01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:51,000 ... 1002 01:06:51,000 --> 01:06:52,000 Yeah, I tried to tackle Paul Simon! 1003 01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:56,000 But I missed, and now Sabrina Carpenter's dead! 1004 01:06:57,000 --> 01:06:58,000 Okay. 1005 01:06:58,000 --> 01:07:00,000 Drunk Uncle and Girl at a party, everyone. 1006 01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:02,000 He's not the girl! 1007 01:07:03,000 --> 01:07:04,000 I saw Bettina! 1008 01:07:05,000 --> 01:07:06,000 Bettina. 1009 01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:07,000 Bettina! 1010 01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:09,000 And now we will throw it over to you, Seth. 1011 01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:10,000 Thank you, Amy. 1012 01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:11,000 I really appreciate it. 1013 01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:18,000 You know, it's important that we spend some time tonight talking about Lorne Michaels, and no one knows him better than our next guest. 1014 01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:22,000 , please welcome Lorne's best friends from growing up. 1015 01:07:27,000 --> 01:07:28,000 Hi, guys. 1016 01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:30,000 So you know him better than anyone. 1017 01:07:30,000 --> 01:07:31,000 What's Lorne really like? 1018 01:07:31,000 --> 01:07:32,000 Oh, he's the best. 1019 01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:34,000 He's, like, relaxed and chill. 1020 01:07:34,000 --> 01:07:36,000 Yeah, he's super down-to-earth and approachable. 1021 01:07:36,000 --> 01:07:37,000 Like, we just love him. 1022 01:07:37,000 --> 01:07:38,000 We love him. 1023 01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:39,000 He's our buddy. 1024 01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:40,000 He's our Lorne. 1025 01:07:40,000 --> 01:07:41,000 Totally, yeah. 1026 01:07:41,000 --> 01:07:42,000 Um... 1027 01:07:43,000 --> 01:07:44,000 I will say... 1028 01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:49,000 , but sometimes it can be a little rude. 1029 01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:50,000 Yeah, yeah. 1030 01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:53,000 Like, like a month ago, he asked us to help him move. 1031 01:07:53,000 --> 01:07:54,000 And we're like, sure. 1032 01:07:54,000 --> 01:07:55,000 Of course. 1033 01:07:55,000 --> 01:07:56,000 Help you move. 1034 01:07:56,000 --> 01:07:57,000 Have, like, a little dinner or whatever. 1035 01:07:57,000 --> 01:07:59,000 So, we get there. 1036 01:07:59,000 --> 01:08:02,000 Lorne opens the door, and he's like, oh, you two. 1037 01:08:03,000 --> 01:08:04,000 And we're like, what? 1038 01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:05,000 You invited us. 1039 01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:07,000 , yes. 1040 01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:08,000 Who has us to be here? 1041 01:08:08,000 --> 01:08:09,000 So, you look around. 1042 01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:10,000 Nothing's packed. 1043 01:08:10,000 --> 01:08:11,000 Nothing's packed. 1044 01:08:11,000 --> 01:08:12,000 We're like, what? 1045 01:08:12,000 --> 01:08:13,000 What? 1046 01:08:13,000 --> 01:08:14,000 You haven't even started yet? 1047 01:08:14,000 --> 01:08:15,000 Okay? 1048 01:08:15,000 --> 01:08:16,000 Okay. 1049 01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:20,000 Then he starts pointing at paintings and saying, like, oh, this is from Steve. 1050 01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:21,000 This is from Paul. 1051 01:08:21,000 --> 01:08:22,000 This is from Mick. 1052 01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:24,000 Yeah, and it's like, does he mean Mick Jagger? 1053 01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:25,000 Just say it. 1054 01:08:25,000 --> 01:08:26,000 Just say Mick Jagger. 1055 01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:28,000 I'm sorry. 1056 01:08:28,000 --> 01:08:29,000 You guys have to speak up. 1057 01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:31,000 I don't think anybody can hear you. 1058 01:08:32,000 --> 01:08:34,000 , but also, it does sound like maybe Lorne can be a little difficult. 1059 01:08:34,000 --> 01:08:35,000 No. 1060 01:08:35,000 --> 01:08:36,000 No, no, no, no. 1061 01:08:36,000 --> 01:08:37,000 He's our friend. 1062 01:08:37,000 --> 01:08:38,000 He's our best friend. 1063 01:08:38,000 --> 01:08:39,000 Love him. 1064 01:08:39,000 --> 01:08:41,000 Easy breezy, crazy kind, like, all of it. 1065 01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:48,000 Um, I will say, he can be kind of, like, inconsiderate. 1066 01:08:48,000 --> 01:08:53,000 Like, we're packing his stuff for hours, and he's gone. 1067 01:08:53,000 --> 01:08:58,000 And he comes back, and I'm like, oh, hey, like, which bathroom can I use? 1068 01:08:58,000 --> 01:09:02,000 And he goes, he goes, there's a Starbucks across the street. 1069 01:09:02,000 --> 01:09:07,000 But you have to buy something first, so get me a latte? 1070 01:09:07,000 --> 01:09:08,000 What? 1071 01:09:08,000 --> 01:09:11,000 We're helping you move. 1072 01:09:11,000 --> 01:09:12,000 Like, we're helping you. 1073 01:09:12,000 --> 01:09:15,000 Yeah, and you guys have to speak up. 1074 01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:20,000 But it seems like maybe you guys aren't that good at friends with him. 1075 01:09:20,000 --> 01:09:21,000 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 1076 01:09:21,000 --> 01:09:22,000 He's our best friend. 1077 01:09:22,000 --> 01:09:23,000 He's our person. 1078 01:09:23,000 --> 01:09:24,000 He's like our person. 1079 01:09:24,000 --> 01:09:25,000 My first phone call, my emergency contact. 1080 01:09:25,000 --> 01:09:27,000 He gets all my organs if I die. 1081 01:09:27,000 --> 01:09:30,000 Like, I love him so much. 1082 01:09:30,000 --> 01:09:34,000 But anyway, it's like, it's nighttime. 1083 01:09:34,000 --> 01:09:37,000 And he's like, he's like, I'm going to dinner. 1084 01:09:37,000 --> 01:09:38,000 Keep at it. 1085 01:09:38,000 --> 01:09:42,000 And we're like, we're like, we've been packing your stuff all day. 1086 01:09:42,000 --> 01:09:43,000 Where are we supposed to eat? 1087 01:09:43,000 --> 01:09:48,000 And he goes, by the way, you two look, I don't think you need help finding food. 1088 01:09:49,000 --> 01:10:03,000 And then he goes, he goes, you guys had a problem with me from the moment you walked in here. 1089 01:10:03,000 --> 01:10:07,000 You didn't ask me how my day was or notice my haircut. 1090 01:10:08,000 --> 01:10:10,000 You don't understand how much pressure I'm under. 1091 01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:13,000 NBC is breathing down my neck. 1092 01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:18,000 Peacock is making a hundred documentaries and they don't even give me a free membership. 1093 01:10:18,000 --> 01:10:23,000 Guys, I can barely hear you, but it sounds like you have a deeply dysfunctional relationship with him. 1094 01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:24,000 No, no, no, no. 1095 01:10:24,000 --> 01:10:25,000 No, no, no. 1096 01:10:25,000 --> 01:10:27,000 It's kind of like how you feel about Colin and Che. 1097 01:10:27,000 --> 01:10:28,000 Oh, come on. 1098 01:10:28,000 --> 01:10:29,000 No, I love Colin and Che. 1099 01:10:29,000 --> 01:10:30,000 They're the best. 1100 01:10:31,000 --> 01:10:32,000 . 1101 01:10:32,000 --> 01:10:37,000 I will say, like, I do feel like their chemistry is like a work in progress. 1102 01:10:37,000 --> 01:10:39,000 Seth Meyers, everybody. 1103 01:10:39,000 --> 01:10:43,000 Lauren's best friends for growing up, everybody. 1104 01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:55,000 Well, you guys, if you may have seen in the lead up to the 50th anniversary, there have been a lot of SNL related lists and rankings. 1105 01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:56,000 1106 01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:27,000 And we'll start with number one. 1107 01:11:27,000 --> 01:11:32,000 And this is, by default, Michael Che. 1108 01:11:32,000 --> 01:11:39,000 Now we'll move on to the regular weekend update. 1109 01:11:39,000 --> 01:11:40,000 Regular? 1110 01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:42,000 What the hell do you mean regular? 1111 01:11:42,000 --> 01:11:49,000 These are in no particular order, so I've listed them from worst to best. 1112 01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:50,000 1113 01:12:20,000 --> 01:12:21,000 Okay. 1114 01:12:21,000 --> 01:12:22,000 Okay. 1115 01:12:22,000 --> 01:12:23,000 Now, I had you for a second. 1116 01:12:23,000 --> 01:12:24,000 No, you'll... 1117 01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:25,000 Don't worry. 1118 01:12:25,000 --> 01:12:26,000 Don't worry. 1119 01:12:26,000 --> 01:12:28,000 Numbers nine, eight, and seven. 1120 01:12:28,000 --> 01:12:29,000 Okay? 1121 01:12:29,000 --> 01:12:30,000 Heads up. 1122 01:12:31,000 --> 01:12:32,000 Kevin Nealon. 1123 01:12:32,000 --> 01:12:33,000 Come on. 1124 01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:36,000 Janet Miller. 1125 01:12:36,000 --> 01:12:39,000 And Seth Meyers. 1126 01:12:39,000 --> 01:12:46,000 I just wish we had the time tonight to say something nice about any of them. 1127 01:12:47,000 --> 01:12:48,000 Yeah. 1128 01:12:48,000 --> 01:12:49,000 We actually do probably have enough time. 1129 01:12:49,000 --> 01:12:50,000 Yeah. 1130 01:12:50,000 --> 01:12:51,000 We're right here at six now. 1131 01:12:51,000 --> 01:12:52,000 Okay? 1132 01:12:52,000 --> 01:12:53,000 All right. 1133 01:12:53,000 --> 01:12:54,000 Colin, this could be you. 1134 01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:55,000 Huh? 1135 01:12:55,000 --> 01:12:56,000 Is it? 1136 01:12:57,000 --> 01:12:58,000 No, it is not. 1137 01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:01,000 The next two are controversial. 1138 01:13:01,000 --> 01:13:02,000 This was tough. 1139 01:13:03,000 --> 01:13:11,000 I'm going to put Tina and Amy just ahead of Tina and Jimmy. 1140 01:13:11,000 --> 01:13:12,000 Okay? 1141 01:13:12,000 --> 01:13:13,000 I'm sorry, Jimmy. 1142 01:13:13,000 --> 01:13:14,000 I'm sorry. 1143 01:13:14,000 --> 01:13:16,000 And congratulations, Tina. 1144 01:13:17,000 --> 01:13:23,000 It was close, but I checked online, and Girl on Girl is still, like, very, very popular. 1145 01:13:24,000 --> 01:13:25,000 OK. 1146 01:13:25,000 --> 01:13:33,000 Next up, Cornelius Crane Chase, who we've all come to know as Connie. 1147 01:13:34,000 --> 01:13:38,000 Let's face it, Weekend Update simply would not exist without him. 1148 01:13:39,000 --> 01:13:43,000 So, it would be wrong to have him listed at anywhere but number four. 1149 01:13:44,000 --> 01:13:53,000 Number three, Jane Curtin and Danny Ackroyd. 1150 01:13:53,000 --> 01:14:02,000 The true story, I was the first to call Jane an ignorant slut backstage. 1151 01:14:03,000 --> 01:14:10,000 Danny had the brilliant idea to say it on camera and really, really mean it. 1152 01:14:11,000 --> 01:14:14,000 Number two is Norm MacDonald. 1153 01:14:19,000 --> 01:14:28,000 He may have been the best ever, but more importantly, he made me, for one, ask the question of myself, 1154 01:14:29,000 --> 01:14:33,000 could O.J. possibly have done it? 1155 01:14:46,000 --> 01:14:47,000 So, that brings us to number one. 1156 01:14:48,000 --> 01:14:49,000 Colin? 1157 01:14:50,000 --> 01:14:51,000 Got a good feeling about this. 1158 01:14:52,000 --> 01:14:53,000 OK. 1159 01:14:53,000 --> 01:14:54,000 Number one is funny. 1160 01:14:55,000 --> 01:14:56,000 He's got a great smile. 1161 01:14:57,000 --> 01:14:58,000 Ha! 1162 01:14:58,000 --> 01:15:02,000 And he's currently sleeping every kind of way with the lovely actress Scarlett Johansson. 1163 01:15:02,000 --> 01:15:06,000 Of course, I'm talking about my brother, Brian Doyle Moore. 1164 01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:15,000 I'm told, I'm told he's a very, very considerate lover. 1165 01:15:16,000 --> 01:15:17,000 That's it. 1166 01:15:17,000 --> 01:15:18,000 I couldn't be happier to be here. 1167 01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:19,000 Bill Murray, everybody. 1168 01:15:20,000 --> 01:15:21,000 I apologize. 1169 01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:23,000 I'm Michael Che. 1170 01:15:24,000 --> 01:15:25,000 , good night! 1171 01:15:30,000 --> 01:15:31,000 Ian Peacock. 1172 01:15:34,000 --> 01:15:35,000 Thank you all for coming. 1173 01:15:35,000 --> 01:15:38,000 I'm General Fairfax with the U.S. Space Force. 1174 01:15:39,000 --> 01:15:40,000 This is Dr. Tyler from SETI. 1175 01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:42,000 ... 1176 01:15:42,000 --> 01:15:47,000 We are eager to talk to you as you have all experienced a verified alien abduction. 1177 01:15:48,000 --> 01:15:49,000 This is wild. 1178 01:15:50,000 --> 01:15:55,000 One minute, we're three friends slamming Miller Tallboys behind a Dollar Tree. Now we're sitting at the Pentagon. 1179 01:15:56,000 --> 01:16:04,000 Hey, I've been meaning to ask, like, why do you call it the Pentagon when it's only got five sides? 1180 01:16:05,000 --> 01:16:09,000 Because a shape with five sides is called the Pentagon. 1181 01:16:10,000 --> 01:16:12,000 I don't think that's right. 1182 01:16:13,000 --> 01:16:15,000 We'll look into it. 1183 01:16:15,000 --> 01:16:18,000 Now, uh, let's start with how you were all brought aboard the spacecraft. 1184 01:16:19,000 --> 01:16:25,000 Well, this-this-this beam of light appeared from the bottom of the ship, floated me up like a-like a soft hand beckoning me. 1185 01:16:26,000 --> 01:16:27,000 Same, same. 1186 01:16:27,000 --> 01:16:35,000 Uh, and we met these two beautiful glowing aliens who took our hands and said, welcome. 1187 01:16:36,000 --> 01:16:38,000 I-I-I've never felt so safe. 1188 01:16:39,000 --> 01:16:41,000 And you, Miss Rafferty? 1189 01:16:42,000 --> 01:16:45,000 Yeah, a little different for me. 1190 01:16:46,000 --> 01:16:54,000 I was less, uh, cradled by light and more grabbed by a giant rusty claw, which yanked me right out of my slacks. 1191 01:16:55,000 --> 01:17:00,000 So, I'm pantsless, right? I'm folded in half like a wallet, nips to knees. 1192 01:17:01,000 --> 01:17:06,000 I'm getting winched skyward with my vagety and my tragedy flapping in the breeze. 1193 01:17:07,000 --> 01:17:09,000 And I'm tossed into the bottom of the ship. 1194 01:17:09,000 --> 01:17:13,000 I see my old pals, the gray aliens with the big dumb eyes. 1195 01:17:14,000 --> 01:17:18,000 And, Mrs. Rafferty, I'm told this is your fifth time being abducted by these gray aliens? 1196 01:17:19,000 --> 01:17:20,000 Yeah. 1197 01:17:21,000 --> 01:17:25,000 Only other place I've been pantsless five times is Six Flags. 1198 01:17:26,000 --> 01:17:28,000 OK, well, let's move past that. 1199 01:17:28,000 --> 01:17:31,000 Uh, now, what happened next in the upper part of the ship? 1200 01:17:31,000 --> 01:17:36,000 Well, uh, the smart aliens bathed us in this glowing liquid that erased all my pain. 1201 01:17:36,000 --> 01:17:41,000 My-my bad knee didn't even hurt. I-I busted a few years back playing paintball. 1202 01:17:43,000 --> 01:17:44,000 Competitive. 1203 01:17:45,000 --> 01:17:54,000 -OK, don't know why you winked at me after saying that, but let's continue. Were you also bathed in this light, sir? 1204 01:17:55,000 --> 01:18:02,000 Yes, ma'am. Uh, it felt better than any drug, including the ones I'm on right now. 1205 01:18:03,000 --> 01:18:10,000 -OK, see, now that really tweaks my cheeks, because down in Steerage, the mood was tense. 1206 01:18:11,000 --> 01:18:13,000 Strange. Now, what do you think could have caused this reaction? 1207 01:18:14,000 --> 01:18:18,000 Well, between you, me, and Jesus, see, I think it had to do with the state of my down-there hair. 1208 01:18:19,000 --> 01:18:24,000 Because remember, I'm-I'm Donald Duckin' it, OK? Shirt, no pants. 1209 01:18:25,000 --> 01:18:28,000 So my poke bowl and my smokey hole are out. 1210 01:18:29,000 --> 01:18:33,000 And pubically speaking, nature has reclaimed the earth. 1211 01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:39,000 Last time I had a Brazilian down there, it was 2002. His name was Diego, and he got strep throat. 1212 01:18:40,000 --> 01:18:45,000 -I don't know, who-who mows the lawn in winter, am I right? 1213 01:18:46,000 --> 01:18:47,000 Amen! 1214 01:18:48,000 --> 01:18:51,000 OK, I'll-I'll ask you maybe not to say amen to that kind of comment. 1215 01:18:52,000 --> 01:18:58,000 Ms. Rafferty, I'm failing to see what your unkempt private area has to do with the alien's demeanor. 1216 01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:02,000 OK, my theory is, I think they thought it was an animal. 1217 01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:05,000 Because, wait, Kermit, do you mind? Here, look. 1218 01:19:06,000 --> 01:19:12,000 -but first, they don't-they didn't know if it was friendly, so they're cautious, and they're kind of-they're going up, tapping it, and then going. 1219 01:19:13,000 --> 01:19:20,000 And then-then the alpha comes in, and he challenges it, right? He goes like this. 1220 01:19:25,000 --> 01:19:29,000 And then-so he gives a thumbs up, like, we're good, it's tame. 1221 01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:33,000 And then, whoa, it's playtime. And then one of them-sorry, Dusty, do you mind? 1222 01:19:34,000 --> 01:19:36,000 one of them comes up under it. 1223 01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:39,000 Puts it on like a wig. 1224 01:19:40,000 --> 01:19:42,000 He's doing this. He's, like, doing prop comedy. 1225 01:19:42,000 --> 01:19:48,000 And then another one, he's trying to-he's so excited, he's, like, wrestling with it. 1226 01:19:49,000 --> 01:19:52,000 Like it's his brother pulling me all around the room. 1227 01:19:53,000 --> 01:20:00,000 So I look down, I see a guy between my legs with a smile on his face, and I'm like, I don't know, first time for everything. 1228 01:20:01,000 --> 01:20:03,000 Amen. 1229 01:20:03,000 --> 01:20:06,000 Okay, again, not a thing to say amen to. 1230 01:20:07,000 --> 01:20:14,000 Anyway, this goes on about 15 minutes until who comes through the door but my friggin' mother, Colleen Senior. 1231 01:20:15,000 --> 01:20:18,000 Yes, we actually had some questions for her as well. 1232 01:20:19,000 --> 01:20:24,000 Yes. 1233 01:20:25,000 --> 01:20:28,000 I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. 1234 01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:36,000 Sorry, sorry, my bathroom break took longer than I thought. My number one turned into a number three. 1235 01:20:36,000 --> 01:21:05,980 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1236 01:21:06,100 --> 01:21:08,300 -hey, man, you gotta stop. 1237 01:21:08,520 --> 01:21:09,460 Please, stop. 1238 01:21:10,180 --> 01:21:10,740 Stop. 1239 01:21:10,960 --> 01:21:13,420 Anyways, I still had my pants on 1240 01:21:13,420 --> 01:21:15,160 when, uh, they took me. 1241 01:21:15,880 --> 01:21:17,780 But it was good, that was good, 1242 01:21:17,880 --> 01:21:19,020 because much like her, 1243 01:21:19,120 --> 01:21:21,840 I got an into-the-woods sort of a situation. 1244 01:21:22,280 --> 01:21:25,360 And my ex used to say 1245 01:21:25,360 --> 01:21:27,700 that it was, like, trying to hack his way 1246 01:21:27,700 --> 01:21:28,760 through the Black Forest. 1247 01:21:29,920 --> 01:21:30,480 Okay. 1248 01:21:30,500 --> 01:21:30,780 OK. 1249 01:21:30,920 --> 01:21:32,880 I feel like we're off track. 1250 01:21:33,220 --> 01:21:35,880 Um, you said that after arriving 1251 01:21:35,880 --> 01:22:04,720 on the ship, the aliens lost interest and, quote, stuck you in a closet? Yeah. Yeah. Can you believe that? I mean, I'm used to being stuffed into closets, but it's usually, you know, when the guy's wife comes home late or something. Or early or whatever. Anyway, so I'm... All of a sudden, I hear the screaming, this one. And so I just kind of bust out of that. 1252 01:22:05,880 --> 01:22:06,880 I just bust out, and I just kick those little... I just kick those little pervs away. Wow. You are a good mama. Yeah. Well, a good mother can also be a bad girl. What's your name, mustache? Okay. Can we not do any of that right now, please? 1253 01:22:35,880 --> 01:22:48,880 All exit the spacecraft. That same soft light picked me up and placed me back in my bed. Me too. That light even tucked me in, which was so thoughtful of it. 1254 01:22:49,880 --> 01:22:58,880 And how did you two depart the spacecraft? Well, in the past, I've just been pushed out of a hatch, but this time, that's what happened, too. 1255 01:22:59,880 --> 01:23:11,880 Yeah, but my pants got snagged on a piece of metal, so they're gone. And then, uh, as for underwear, underwear-wise, you know, this devil wears nada. 1256 01:23:12,880 --> 01:23:24,880 Basically, we just, uh, kind of, it was a free fall for 40 feet with our carpets and our tar pits on full display. Yeah. 1257 01:23:25,880 --> 01:23:41,880 We crash through a ceiling. We land ass up on top of Phil McDermott. Yeah. And who is Phil McDermott? He's a gentleman whose family, I bet, wished they went with the clothes casket funeral. 1258 01:23:42,880 --> 01:23:53,880 That's not the worst thing my mom and I have done in a church. Okay. Let's, let's, please, let's not finish that story at all. Thank you for your candor. We're gonna take you for some psychological tests now. Oh, we'll save you the trouble. Fail. 1259 01:23:54,880 --> 01:24:22,880 That's a wrap. It was early. Only 50 bucks. Oh, young man. Oh, my God. Lorraine Newman. Would you mind keeping this studio open a few minutes longer? Of course. Take as long as you need. 1260 01:24:23,880 --> 01:24:52,860 Oh, God. 50 years. Excuse me? What up? Oh, you startled me. That's all. I thought I was alone. I'm Lorraine. Newman? Okay. Well, what's your name? 1261 01:24:52,860 --> 01:24:53,860 Chad. Well, hi, Chad. I'm sorry to disturb you. I just, I used to work here. Back when the show first started. Hey. Oh, Chad. Chad, do you think maybe you could take a five-minute break? I was hoping to have a quiet moment in here. Okay. Actually, would you join me? It might be nice to have some company. 1262 01:25:22,860 --> 01:25:52,860 Wow, look at us. Look at our clothes. Gay. God, I was so young. But you know what I had back in 1975? Big-ass bush? No, Chad. I had ambition. We all did. But, God, we were terrified. 1263 01:25:52,860 --> 01:25:53,440 . Okay. Chad, would you do me a favor? Eh? Do me. Would you put a follow spot on me? I just want to feel what it's like to walk onto that stage one more time. Okay. 1264 01:26:22,860 --> 01:26:23,860 I can almost see my old friends. 1265 01:26:52,860 --> 01:26:53,860 I have so many wonderful memories here. I'm sure you do, too. I hope you realize how lucky you are to work here, Chad. 1266 01:27:22,860 --> 01:27:51,740 Ladies and gentlemen, Adam Sandler. Yeah, baby! Let's hear it for Jack, baby! Jack made it out tonight! Love you, brother. Okay, here we go. 1267 01:27:53,480 --> 01:28:21,440 Everyone in this room has something in common. All of our lives were changed by the show. Everyone in this room has something else in common. None of us were allowed to use the little bathroom in Lorne's office. Fifty years. Fifty years. 1268 01:28:21,440 --> 01:28:38,060 Paddling Night Live's been on for fifty years. Fifty years of your sketch killing at read-through and finding out they didn't pick it because the host didn't want to take off his shirt. 1269 01:28:38,060 --> 01:28:47,680 Fifty years of Tuesday late-night pizza. Thirty-five years of Pepto-Bismol from Nurse Teresa. 1270 01:28:47,680 --> 01:28:50,680 Yeah, baby! 1271 01:28:51,300 --> 01:29:03,300 That a baby, Wally! 1272 01:29:03,920 --> 01:29:05,920 That a baby, Wally! 1273 01:29:05,920 --> 01:29:30,920 Fifty years of writers seeing Spielberg at Lorne's monitors. Not laughing at one of their sketches that he obviously hated. Fifty years of those same writers then getting wasted at the after party. And loudly telling everybody that Jaws was overrated. Fifty years of Frank calling some New York magazine critic. 1274 01:29:31,540 --> 01:29:40,540 Fifty years of finding out your favorite musician's anti-Semitic. Fifty years of asking an intern to pick up your laundry at 2.30 a.m. 1275 01:29:40,540 --> 01:29:41,160 Not realizing that the intern was Martin Scorsese's kid. Or Nora Ephron's kid. Or Randy Newman's kid. Or whoever Lorne had dinner with on Wednesday night's kid. Fifty years of cast members saying I'm not getting on enough. Their spirits are broken and their hearts are full of malice. 1276 01:30:11,160 --> 01:30:13,160 Wizarding. 1277 01:30:13,160 --> 01:30:19,160 Then he's coming on to tell Lorne how they really feel. Then chickening out and saying, hey Lorne, I knitted this scarf for Alice. 1278 01:30:19,160 --> 01:30:31,160 Fifty years of waking up Sunday afternoon depressed. Fifty years of Downy not writing the cold open till five minutes before dress. 1279 01:30:31,160 --> 01:30:44,240 And, Colin, 50 years of wondering who's going to take over the show when Lorne retires. But everyone knows that the answer is, of course, Speedy. 1280 01:30:44,240 --> 01:30:47,240 That a baby, Speedy! 1281 01:30:47,240 --> 01:30:58,280 50 years of young comedians getting hired for the show. From Stand Up, Ground Lane, Second City, and all the rest. 1282 01:30:59,280 --> 01:31:13,280 50 years of cast members saying, I think our cast is the greatest of all time. But we all know that the first cast was the best. And because of them... 1283 01:31:13,280 --> 01:31:25,280 We got four years of Eddie Murphy, eight years of Will Forte, five years of Chan Hooks and Gilda, six of Victoria, eleven of Che. 1284 01:31:25,280 --> 01:31:26,280 Three years of Melanie Hutzel, Michael McKee, and Crushed It, and two. One of Billy Crystal, six of Dennis Miller, eight of Harbin the Glove, seven years of Dratch and Wick, five years of Lowe, Terry and Quinn, four of Kazarenski and Klingon, eleven of Armisen, 1285 01:31:56,280 --> 01:31:57,280 . 1286 01:31:57,280 --> 01:32:18,280 Eighteen of Audrey Dickman and Davey Wilson, plus Among and Disco and Bobby Van Rye, thirty years of Downey, forty-five years of Lorne, six years of our boy Farley, five of our buddy Norm. 1287 01:32:19,280 --> 01:32:43,280 Fifty years of one of us getting to say, live from New York, it's Saturday night. Fifty years of standing on home base, waving good night and goodbye. Fifty years of the best times of our lives. 1288 01:32:44,280 --> 01:32:45,280 All right! 1289 01:32:50,280 --> 01:32:51,280 Thank you, Lorne! 1290 01:32:51,280 --> 01:33:05,280 Tuesday on NBC and Peacock. 1291 01:33:05,280 --> 01:33:14,280 Hot dogs and heroin! Get your hot dogs and heroin here! 1292 01:33:14,280 --> 01:33:18,280 Hello, kind sir. We just moved here from the small towns we grew up in. 1293 01:33:18,280 --> 01:33:20,280 That's right. We're both young and the same age. 1294 01:33:20,280 --> 01:33:23,280 And we have dreams of making it big here in New York City. 1295 01:33:24,280 --> 01:33:33,280 You're moving to New York? Now? It's 1975. New York is dying. It's a bankrupt hellhole. 1296 01:33:33,280 --> 01:33:35,280 Oh, it is? Well, let's get out of here. 1297 01:33:35,280 --> 01:33:42,280 No. We're poets and dreamers and New York is where we belong. So, one hot dog with heroin, please. 1298 01:33:43,280 --> 01:33:52,280 Very well. Hot dog and heroin, tell these boys what New York City is all about. 1299 01:33:53,280 --> 01:34:17,280 Baby, look at me. And tell me what you'll see. This old city is going to hell. Trash and urine is all you can smell. Living in shame. 1300 01:34:18,280 --> 01:34:34,280 You're gonna get shot in a taxi. You're gonna get stabbed on the train. Trash and urine. The president told us to drop dead. Baby, remember the shame. 1301 01:34:35,280 --> 01:34:36,280 La Von Uber in space. 1302 01:34:37,280 --> 01:34:39,280 The law is full of reopening. The state's going to hell. Seattle talks come down. 1303 01:34:39,280 --> 01:34:40,280 Oh, gotcha. Natalie talks come down. 1304 01:34:40,280 --> 01:34:42,280 My name is่žso.hargon, city talks come down. 1305 01:34:42,280 --> 01:34:44,280 Whoa! Where are we now, John? 1306 01:34:44,280 --> 01:34:47,280 It's the 1980's. We're at a power lunch on Wall Street. 1307 01:34:47,280 --> 01:34:48,280 Oh, New York is fine now? 1308 01:34:48,280 --> 01:34:49,280 If you're white, yes. 1309 01:34:49,280 --> 01:34:51,280 Wow! 1310 01:34:51,280 --> 01:34:54,280 And it will be white as well. 1311 01:34:54,280 --> 01:34:55,280 Whoa! Where are we now, John? 1312 01:34:55,280 --> 01:34:56,280 Whoa! 1313 01:34:56,280 --> 01:34:57,280 It's the 1980s. 1314 01:34:57,280 --> 01:34:58,280 We're at a power lunch on Wall Street. 1315 01:34:58,280 --> 01:35:01,280 Oh, New York is fine now? 1316 01:35:01,280 --> 01:35:02,280 If you're white, yes! 1317 01:35:02,280 --> 01:35:32,280 Yes. It's all thanks to the boom on the stock market and a new diet that's been sweeping the city. 1318 01:35:32,280 --> 01:36:02,280 Need no sleeping for a couple of days. It's a power mix that tricks your dicks. Cocaine and some vodka. Cocaine and some vodka. Cocaine and some vodka. Wow, I bet Disney's gonna be psyched. Yeah, but won't all this Wall Street money make it harder for artists like me to afford to live here? 1319 01:36:02,280 --> 01:36:12,280 the square will be transformed from pimps and pornographers into something even filthier. Cartoon mascots. But the old guard will not go quietly. 1320 01:36:14,280 --> 01:36:31,280 Look down. Look down. You're standing in my grave. Look down, you fool. This city I have sank. Pimps like you will never change. I swear I do. 1321 01:36:31,280 --> 01:36:47,280 No, you're thinking so is dead. My two tears to parade. The tourists will pose next to me. And maybe also have sex with me. Or you'll see how there he goes. 1322 01:36:48,280 --> 01:36:50,280 But look, it's... 1323 01:36:51,280 --> 01:37:02,280 It's the one who will unite them. The one character in Times Square who's family friendly but also a prostitute. The green M&M. 1324 01:37:03,280 --> 01:37:12,280 I dreamed a dream of times gone by. 1325 01:37:12,280 --> 01:37:18,280 When I was high on meth and Skittles. 1326 01:37:19,280 --> 01:37:37,280 So different than it used to be. So different from this hell I'm living. So different now than it used to be. 1327 01:37:38,280 --> 01:37:47,280 But Giuliani killed the dream. I dreamed. 1328 01:37:47,280 --> 01:37:50,280 Kristen. Kristen, what are you doing? You didn't stop. Kristen. 1329 01:37:50,280 --> 01:37:53,280 God bless you. What are you doing? 1330 01:37:54,280 --> 01:38:01,280 That's right. Rudolph Giuliani. Here in post 9-11 New York, the city has rallied like never before. 1331 01:38:02,280 --> 01:38:03,280 Oh! 1332 01:38:06,280 --> 01:38:14,280 Rudy. Rudy, you're America's mayor. You're beloved all across the country. This is your big shot. What are you gonna do with it? 1333 01:38:15,280 --> 01:38:16,280 Simple. 1334 01:38:16,280 --> 01:38:26,280 I am throwing away my shot. I am throwing away my shot. Hey yo, I'm just like my city. I'm drunk, corrupt and crazy. And I am throwing away my shot. 1335 01:38:26,280 --> 01:38:27,280 Everybody sing... 1336 01:38:27,280 --> 01:38:30,280 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1337 01:38:31,280 --> 01:38:33,280 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1338 01:38:33,280 --> 01:38:34,280 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1339 01:38:34,280 --> 01:38:36,280 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1340 01:38:36,280 --> 01:38:38,280 How do you want me to blow me, y'all? 1341 01:38:38,280 --> 01:38:41,280 Rise up. Election conspiracy is gonna rise up. 1342 01:38:42,280 --> 01:38:51,280 I'll plant the seeds in there. Rise up. He's getting crazy, five degrees. Gonna rise up. Till I get this ball. You'll never rise up. I am throwing away my shot. 1343 01:38:51,280 --> 01:39:00,280 Reputation's gonna burn up my shot. And you're just like your city, but please spare me your pity. And he is throwing away... I am throwing away my shot. 1344 01:39:00,280 --> 01:39:01,280 His shot. 1345 01:39:01,280 --> 01:39:11,280 Then after Michael Bloomberg took New York to New Heights... 1346 01:39:11,280 --> 01:39:14,280 In terms of how unaffordable it became... 1347 01:39:14,280 --> 01:39:16,280 Great impression. And... 1348 01:39:16,280 --> 01:39:21,280 Bill de Blasio brought us universal pre-K and universal marijuana... 1349 01:39:21,280 --> 01:39:23,280 Hey, that's not nice. 1350 01:39:24,280 --> 01:39:28,280 The Honorable Mayor Eric Adams brought swagger back to NYC. 1351 01:39:28,280 --> 01:39:34,280 Oh, yeah, that's right. Homeless dudes who wanna push people onto the subway tracks, they got that swagger back, baby. 1352 01:39:34,280 --> 01:39:35,280 Whoo! 1353 01:39:36,280 --> 01:39:42,280 And somehow New York today feels like it's back in the 70s. Back on Skid Row. 1354 01:39:42,280 --> 01:39:44,280 That's right. Skid Row. 1355 01:39:44,280 --> 01:39:46,280 Oh, oh, my God. Who hit you? Colin? 1356 01:39:47,280 --> 01:39:56,280 No, not this time. You see, there's a new menace on the streets of our city. 1357 01:39:56,280 --> 01:40:11,280 Suddenly e-bikes. They're flying around me. They're up on the sidewalk. But they're better than cars. 1358 01:40:11,280 --> 01:40:15,280 Suddenly e-bikes. 1359 01:40:16,280 --> 01:40:19,280 I'm trying to kill you. 1360 01:40:19,280 --> 01:40:23,280 It's like a road bike from Mad Max. 1361 01:40:24,280 --> 01:40:29,280 Delivering alcohol. 1362 01:40:31,280 --> 01:40:33,280 I mean... 1363 01:40:33,280 --> 01:40:37,280 Then why even live in New York anymore? It's too loud. It's too dangerous. 1364 01:40:37,280 --> 01:40:40,280 They give rats free birth control, but not human women? 1365 01:40:40,280 --> 01:40:42,280 I mean, if this is what New York is, I'm out. 1366 01:40:43,280 --> 01:40:44,280 I'm out. 1367 01:40:44,280 --> 01:40:45,280 Wait, Pete. And where did Spade go, by the way? 1368 01:40:45,280 --> 01:40:48,280 Oh, uh, he sat back down in the audience. 1369 01:40:48,280 --> 01:40:50,280 Yeah, I got a feel for it. 1370 01:40:53,280 --> 01:40:55,280 Pete. 1371 01:40:56,280 --> 01:40:59,280 Pete, before you turn your back on New York, remember what this city gave you. 1372 01:40:59,280 --> 01:41:00,280 Herpes? 1373 01:41:01,280 --> 01:41:02,280 ... 1374 01:41:02,280 --> 01:41:05,280 No, the city didn't give you that. I meant remember how this city inspired you. 1375 01:41:05,280 --> 01:41:13,280 Just because the art scene and the music scene are dead and the city is a bunch of TD Banks and Le Penco Titians, you can't just give up. 1376 01:41:14,280 --> 01:41:15,280 ... 1377 01:41:15,280 --> 01:41:23,280 I'm just asking you, nay, all of us here, to still believe in the power of New York and to give the city we love... 1378 01:41:23,280 --> 01:41:28,280 Us. 1379 01:41:29,280 --> 01:41:31,280 One day more. 1380 01:41:31,280 --> 01:41:38,280 Another day, another destiny. Still have a horse and carriage? How can it be? 1381 01:41:38,280 --> 01:41:43,280 Even though it's full of crime, there's no place else I'd spend my time. One day more. 1382 01:41:43,280 --> 01:41:44,280 1383 01:42:13,280 --> 01:42:14,280 1384 01:42:43,280 --> 01:42:44,280 1385 01:43:14,280 --> 01:43:15,280 ... 1386 01:43:23,280 --> 01:43:28,280 Ladies and gentlemen, 17-time host, Alec Baldwin. 1387 01:43:29,280 --> 01:43:30,280 Thank you. 1388 01:43:31,280 --> 01:43:32,280 Thank you. 1389 01:43:32,280 --> 01:43:33,280 Thank you. 1390 01:43:33,280 --> 01:43:34,280 Thank you very much. 1391 01:43:35,280 --> 01:43:36,280 Good evening, everyone. 1392 01:43:36,280 --> 01:43:37,280 I'm Alec Baldwin. 1393 01:43:37,280 --> 01:43:39,280 I should have corrected you about that a long time ago. 1394 01:43:40,280 --> 01:43:41,280 ... 1395 01:43:41,280 --> 01:43:42,280 Um... 1396 01:43:42,280 --> 01:43:43,280 The, uh... 1397 01:43:43,280 --> 01:43:48,280 I'm here to introduce some of the best commercial parodies to ever appear on Saturday Night Live. 1398 01:43:48,280 --> 01:43:49,280 I'm also... 1399 01:43:49,280 --> 01:43:52,280 I'd also like to thank the fine folks who are sponsoring this segment. 1400 01:43:53,280 --> 01:43:55,280 Are you having trouble falling asleep? 1401 01:43:55,280 --> 01:43:57,280 Reach for After Update. 1402 01:43:58,280 --> 01:44:00,280 Nothing puts people... 1403 01:44:02,280 --> 01:44:06,280 Nothing puts people to sleep faster than the sketches that air After Update. 1404 01:44:07,280 --> 01:44:11,280 And also, third-year veneers. 1405 01:44:12,280 --> 01:44:16,280 All new cast members arrive here with no money and gacked-up teeth. 1406 01:44:17,280 --> 01:44:20,280 But by year three, you better believe they're getting third-year veneers. 1407 01:44:21,280 --> 01:44:22,280 Right, Sarah? 1408 01:44:23,280 --> 01:44:24,280 You bet, Alec! 1409 01:44:25,280 --> 01:44:27,280 And it does never bite into an apple. 1410 01:44:28,280 --> 01:44:31,280 And now, without further ado, here are some commercials. 1411 01:44:32,280 --> 01:44:33,280 ... 1412 01:44:36,280 --> 01:44:37,280 You kids go ahead. 1413 01:44:38,280 --> 01:44:39,280 I want to have a talk with your old grandma. 1414 01:44:40,280 --> 01:44:42,280 You're still having control problems, aren't you? 1415 01:44:43,280 --> 01:44:45,280 You just don't feel confident, Harvey. 1416 01:44:46,280 --> 01:44:47,280 Come with me. 1417 01:44:47,280 --> 01:44:48,280 I want to let you in on a little secret. 1418 01:44:50,280 --> 01:44:51,280 Here we are. 1419 01:44:51,280 --> 01:44:52,280 It's Oops! I crapped my pants. 1420 01:44:53,280 --> 01:44:55,280 I logged a lot of miles training for that day. 1421 01:44:55,280 --> 01:44:57,280 And I downed a lot of donuts. 1422 01:44:57,280 --> 01:45:00,280 A little chalk of donuts have been on my training table since I was a kid. 1423 01:45:02,280 --> 01:45:03,280 ... 1424 01:45:03,280 --> 01:45:04,280 Well, there's fiber, and then there's high fiber. 1425 01:45:04,280 --> 01:45:05,280 Mmm. 1426 01:45:06,280 --> 01:45:07,280 Bowlin'Blow. 1427 01:45:12,280 --> 01:45:13,280 Wow! 1428 01:45:13,280 --> 01:45:14,280 I think I get the picture! 1429 01:45:15,280 --> 01:45:16,280 Get the edge. 1430 01:45:16,280 --> 01:45:17,280 A chia edge. 1431 01:45:18,280 --> 01:45:20,280 Hi, I'm Mel. We're Mel's Jar Palace. 1432 01:45:20,280 --> 01:45:23,280 Where you find your own cow, you cut your own steaks. 1433 01:45:24,280 --> 01:45:25,280 Wilson Trapdoors. 1434 01:45:26,280 --> 01:45:27,280 ... 1435 01:45:27,280 --> 01:45:28,280 Hedley & Watch. 1436 01:45:28,280 --> 01:45:29,280 The British toothpaste. 1437 01:45:29,280 --> 01:45:30,280 But can it copy your ass? 1438 01:45:30,280 --> 01:45:32,280 The Xerox 790 ass jet can. 1439 01:45:32,280 --> 01:45:35,280 So why not share the most intimate moment of them all... 1440 01:45:36,280 --> 01:45:37,280 with... 1441 01:45:37,280 --> 01:45:38,280 the Love Toilet? 1442 01:45:39,280 --> 01:45:40,280 ... 1443 01:45:40,280 --> 01:45:41,280 The Canon AE-1. 1444 01:45:41,280 --> 01:45:50,280 A camera so simple, even Stevie Wonder can use it. 1445 01:45:51,280 --> 01:45:55,280 Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel. 1446 01:45:56,280 --> 01:45:57,280 ... 1447 01:45:57,280 --> 01:46:01,280 Now there's a company that offers coverage against the unfortunate event of a robot attack. 1448 01:46:01,280 --> 01:46:02,280 Old glory insurance. 1449 01:46:03,280 --> 01:46:04,280 It's Happy Fun Ball! 1450 01:46:05,280 --> 01:46:08,280 Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs. 1451 01:46:09,280 --> 01:46:10,280 ... 1452 01:46:10,280 --> 01:46:11,280 This Mother's Day, give her something that says, 1453 01:46:11,280 --> 01:46:12,280 I'm not a woman anymore. 1454 01:46:12,280 --> 01:46:13,280 I'm a mom. 1455 01:46:13,280 --> 01:46:16,280 But I'm your mom, G. 1456 01:46:17,280 --> 01:46:20,280 With Tylenol BM, I know I'm going to get a good night's sleep. 1457 01:46:20,280 --> 01:46:22,280 I sleep through my first dump in the morning. 1458 01:46:23,280 --> 01:46:24,280 Don! 1459 01:46:24,280 --> 01:46:25,280 Did you have a bitch? 1460 01:46:25,280 --> 01:46:27,280 How about new Crackle Note Flakes? 1461 01:46:27,280 --> 01:46:28,280 Now with ecstasy. 1462 01:46:28,280 --> 01:46:29,280 Ooh! 1463 01:46:29,280 --> 01:46:33,280 Nutriquick. 1464 01:46:33,280 --> 01:46:34,280 Anal suppository. 1465 01:46:34,280 --> 01:46:36,280 Pepto-bismol ice. 1466 01:46:36,280 --> 01:46:38,280 Jon Hamm's Jon Hamm. 1467 01:46:38,280 --> 01:46:39,280 Crystal gravy. 1468 01:46:40,280 --> 01:46:41,280 Baby spanks. 1469 01:46:41,280 --> 01:46:42,280 Baby toothpaste. 1470 01:46:42,280 --> 01:46:44,280 G.O.B. Tampons. 1471 01:46:44,280 --> 01:46:46,280 Made for a woman by Republicans. 1472 01:46:46,280 --> 01:46:47,280 With Roomba. 1473 01:46:47,280 --> 01:46:49,280 It's a robot, and it cleans my business. 1474 01:46:49,280 --> 01:46:51,280 My lady business. 1475 01:46:51,280 --> 01:46:52,280 And I like that. 1476 01:46:52,280 --> 01:46:57,280 Using Bosley's breakthrough technique, hair is harvested from the mezzanine and brought to the head. 1477 01:46:58,280 --> 01:46:59,280 ... 1478 01:46:59,280 --> 01:47:00,280 Now that's what I call a taco. 1479 01:47:00,280 --> 01:47:05,280 Well, it's not a Taco Town taco until we roll it up in a blueberry pancake. 1480 01:47:05,280 --> 01:47:07,280 TACO TOWN! 1481 01:47:07,280 --> 01:47:08,280 It's almost pizza. 1482 01:47:08,280 --> 01:47:12,280 Pizza that's practically pizza in every way, except for a few key ones. 1483 01:47:12,280 --> 01:47:13,280 I'll eat it. 1484 01:47:13,280 --> 01:47:14,280 No! 1485 01:47:14,280 --> 01:47:18,280 This ain't a T-shirt, it's a Z-shirt. 1486 01:47:18,280 --> 01:47:19,280 Is that an A-shirt? 1487 01:47:19,280 --> 01:47:20,280 Um, absolutely not. 1488 01:47:20,280 --> 01:47:21,280 Is it a B-shirt? 1489 01:47:21,280 --> 01:47:22,280 No, man. 1490 01:47:22,280 --> 01:47:24,280 Is it a C-shirt? 1491 01:47:24,280 --> 01:47:25,280 No. 1492 01:47:25,280 --> 01:47:26,280 It's a Z-shirt. 1493 01:47:27,280 --> 01:47:28,280 ... 1494 01:47:28,280 --> 01:47:29,280 Swiftamine. 1495 01:47:29,280 --> 01:47:30,280 For when you realize you love Taylor Swift. 1496 01:47:30,280 --> 01:47:31,280 Hey, babe! 1497 01:47:31,280 --> 01:47:32,280 We need those Sotinos! 1498 01:47:32,280 --> 01:47:33,280 What's going on back there? 1499 01:47:37,280 --> 01:47:38,280 I love Duncan, guy. 1500 01:47:38,280 --> 01:47:39,280 What are you talking about? 1501 01:47:39,280 --> 01:47:40,280 For real? 1502 01:47:40,280 --> 01:47:41,280 Hey, you can't smoke in here, man. 1503 01:47:41,280 --> 01:47:42,280 I'm not, Mark. 1504 01:47:42,280 --> 01:47:43,280 I'm not smoking in here. 1505 01:47:43,280 --> 01:47:44,280 You're smoking in here. 1506 01:47:44,280 --> 01:47:45,280 Cigarettes outside. 1507 01:47:45,280 --> 01:47:46,280 I don't see a cigarette. 1508 01:47:46,280 --> 01:47:47,280 It's coming in through the tracks. 1509 01:47:47,280 --> 01:47:48,280 Ivanka. 1510 01:47:48,280 --> 01:47:49,280 Complicit. 1511 01:47:50,280 --> 01:47:51,280 ... 1512 01:47:51,280 --> 01:47:52,280 Toilet Death Ejector. 1513 01:47:52,280 --> 01:47:54,280 Ozempic for Ramadan. 1514 01:47:54,280 --> 01:47:55,280 Heroin AM. 1515 01:47:55,280 --> 01:47:56,280 E-Meth. 1516 01:47:56,280 --> 01:47:58,280 Xanax for Gay Summer Weddings. 1517 01:47:58,280 --> 01:48:00,280 Cialis for Three Ways. 1518 01:48:00,280 --> 01:48:01,280 Nuva Bling. 1519 01:48:01,280 --> 01:48:02,280 Undercover Office Potty. 1520 01:48:02,280 --> 01:48:03,280 Bathroom Cobra. 1521 01:48:03,280 --> 01:48:04,280 Bro Game. 1522 01:48:05,280 --> 01:48:06,280 ... 1523 01:48:06,280 --> 01:48:07,280 Eye-opening. 1524 01:48:07,280 --> 01:48:08,280 Royal Deluxe 2. 1525 01:48:08,280 --> 01:48:09,280 It's not a dirty. 1526 01:48:09,280 --> 01:48:10,280 For the smile that says... 1527 01:48:10,280 --> 01:48:11,280 Yuck. 1528 01:48:11,280 --> 01:48:13,280 Introducing wells for sensitive little boys. 1529 01:48:13,280 --> 01:48:14,280 From Fisher Price. 1530 01:48:14,280 --> 01:48:16,280 You don't want to do the commercial anymore? 1531 01:48:16,280 --> 01:48:17,280 Okay. 1532 01:48:17,280 --> 01:48:19,280 Okay, he wants to go back to the well. 1533 01:48:20,280 --> 01:48:31,280 I agree. 1534 01:48:31,280 --> 01:48:32,280 I think Jenna needs a vacation. 1535 01:48:32,280 --> 01:48:33,280 I agree. 1536 01:48:33,280 --> 01:48:34,280 Hello, hello. 1537 01:48:34,280 --> 01:48:35,280 Hello. 1538 01:48:35,280 --> 01:48:36,280 Hi, I'm Jodi. 1539 01:48:36,280 --> 01:48:37,280 Hi, I'm Betty. 1540 01:48:37,280 --> 01:48:38,280 Welcome to Bronx Beat. 1541 01:48:38,280 --> 01:48:39,280 Yes. 1542 01:48:39,280 --> 01:48:42,280 It's a very special episode because we are coming to you from the SNL 50th Anniversary Show. 1543 01:48:42,280 --> 01:48:43,280 That's right. 1544 01:48:43,280 --> 01:48:44,280 Ooh la la. 1545 01:48:44,280 --> 01:48:47,280 I am seeing so many icons. 1546 01:48:48,280 --> 01:48:49,280 ... 1547 01:48:49,280 --> 01:48:50,280 What an incredible night. 1548 01:48:50,280 --> 01:48:52,280 Out there we got very famous people in the audience. 1549 01:48:52,280 --> 01:48:53,280 Actor. 1550 01:48:53,280 --> 01:48:54,280 Actor. 1551 01:48:54,280 --> 01:48:55,280 Conan O'Brien. 1552 01:48:55,280 --> 01:48:56,280 Actor. 1553 01:48:56,280 --> 01:48:57,280 Actor. 1554 01:48:57,280 --> 01:48:58,280 Actor. 1555 01:48:58,280 --> 01:48:59,280 And look at this guy. 1556 01:48:59,280 --> 01:49:00,280 Oh yeah. 1557 01:49:00,280 --> 01:49:01,280 Look at this guy. 1558 01:49:01,280 --> 01:49:02,280 He's a cutie. 1559 01:49:02,280 --> 01:49:03,280 Hey, hi. 1560 01:49:03,280 --> 01:49:04,280 Hi, who are you? 1561 01:49:04,280 --> 01:49:05,280 Who are you? 1562 01:49:05,280 --> 01:49:06,280 Hi, cutie. 1563 01:49:06,280 --> 01:49:07,280 What are you doing? 1564 01:49:07,280 --> 01:49:08,280 I'm an actor. 1565 01:49:08,280 --> 01:49:09,280 Okay. 1566 01:49:09,280 --> 01:49:10,280 Oh, you know what? 1567 01:49:10,280 --> 01:49:11,280 Honey, get up here. 1568 01:49:11,280 --> 01:49:12,280 Talk to us up close. 1569 01:49:12,280 --> 01:49:13,280 Come on. 1570 01:49:13,280 --> 01:49:14,280 Hurry up. 1571 01:49:14,280 --> 01:49:15,280 Hurry up. 1572 01:49:15,280 --> 01:49:16,280 We don't have time. 1573 01:49:17,280 --> 01:49:18,280 ... 1574 01:49:18,280 --> 01:49:19,280 The show's 30 minutes long. 1575 01:49:19,280 --> 01:49:20,280 Okay. 1576 01:49:20,280 --> 01:49:21,280 Okay. 1577 01:49:21,280 --> 01:49:22,280 So, tell us your name, honey. 1578 01:49:22,280 --> 01:49:23,280 Who are you? 1579 01:49:23,280 --> 01:49:24,280 Miles Teller. 1580 01:49:24,280 --> 01:49:25,280 Oooh. 1581 01:49:25,280 --> 01:49:26,280 You're cute, Miles. 1582 01:49:26,280 --> 01:49:27,280 You're cute. 1583 01:49:27,280 --> 01:49:28,280 Miles. 1584 01:49:28,280 --> 01:49:29,280 I like your smile. 1585 01:49:29,280 --> 01:49:30,280 Yeah. 1586 01:49:30,280 --> 01:49:31,280 Miles is smiles for my y'all. 1587 01:49:31,280 --> 01:49:32,280 Smiley Teller. 1588 01:49:32,280 --> 01:49:33,280 So you're an actor. 1589 01:49:33,280 --> 01:49:34,280 So what's that like? 1590 01:49:34,280 --> 01:49:35,280 Tell us. 1591 01:49:35,280 --> 01:49:36,280 You know what, Miles? 1592 01:49:36,280 --> 01:49:39,280 If I was an actor and I had to kiss someone in a movie, I would immediately fall in love. 1593 01:49:40,280 --> 01:49:41,280 You know, it's actually not very romantic. 1594 01:49:41,280 --> 01:49:45,280 If my job was to be in movies and do love scenes, I'd be in jail. 1595 01:49:45,280 --> 01:49:46,280 Yeah. 1596 01:49:46,280 --> 01:49:51,280 So, Miles, we want to know every little single thing about you. How'd you get your start? 1597 01:49:51,280 --> 01:49:55,280 Well, I really caught the acting bug when I was a sophomore in high school in Florida. 1598 01:49:55,280 --> 01:49:56,280 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1599 01:49:56,280 --> 01:49:57,280 No, no, no. 1600 01:49:57,280 --> 01:49:58,280 Don't start that far back. 1601 01:49:58,280 --> 01:49:59,280 Okay. 1602 01:49:59,280 --> 01:50:00,280 We don't have that kind of time. 1603 01:50:00,280 --> 01:50:01,280 Yeah, Miles, we're not immortal. 1604 01:50:01,280 --> 01:50:02,280 Yeah. 1605 01:50:02,280 --> 01:50:03,280 Okay. 1606 01:50:03,280 --> 01:50:04,280 Stick to the highlights, Miles. 1607 01:50:05,280 --> 01:50:06,280 . 1608 01:50:06,280 --> 01:50:07,280 What do we know you from? 1609 01:50:07,280 --> 01:50:08,280 Well, I was in Top Gun Maverick. 1610 01:50:08,280 --> 01:50:09,280 Okay. 1611 01:50:09,280 --> 01:50:10,280 There we go. 1612 01:50:10,280 --> 01:50:11,280 We've seen that. 1613 01:50:11,280 --> 01:50:12,280 We've seen that. 1614 01:50:12,280 --> 01:50:13,280 Look at you. 1615 01:50:13,280 --> 01:50:14,280 Look at you in Top Gun 2. 1616 01:50:14,280 --> 01:50:15,280 Top Gun 2. 1617 01:50:15,280 --> 01:50:18,280 It's actually Top Gun Maverick. 1618 01:50:18,280 --> 01:50:19,280 Oh, Top Gun 2. 1619 01:50:19,280 --> 01:50:20,280 Top Gun 2. 1620 01:50:20,280 --> 01:50:21,280 Top Gun 2. 1621 01:50:21,280 --> 01:50:23,280 Look at you, little cutie Top Gun 2. 1622 01:50:23,280 --> 01:50:24,280 I'm proud of you. 1623 01:50:24,280 --> 01:50:27,280 I'm proud of you in Top Gun 2 with Tom Cruise. 1624 01:50:27,280 --> 01:50:29,280 Who'd you play? 1625 01:50:29,280 --> 01:50:30,280 Who'd you play? 1626 01:50:30,280 --> 01:50:32,280 I played Rooster. 1627 01:50:33,280 --> 01:50:34,280 Oh. 1628 01:50:34,280 --> 01:50:35,280 Okay. 1629 01:50:35,280 --> 01:50:36,280 Okay, Rooster. 1630 01:50:36,280 --> 01:50:37,280 I remember you. 1631 01:50:37,280 --> 01:50:40,280 That was you playing football on the beach, tussling with Tom Cruise, huh? 1632 01:50:40,280 --> 01:50:41,280 Let me ask you a question, Rooster. 1633 01:50:41,280 --> 01:50:42,280 You like to tussle? 1634 01:50:42,280 --> 01:50:43,280 You like to tussle? 1635 01:50:43,280 --> 01:50:44,280 You like to tussle on the beach? 1636 01:50:44,280 --> 01:50:45,280 You're a tussler? 1637 01:50:45,280 --> 01:50:46,280 You're a tussler? 1638 01:50:46,280 --> 01:50:47,280 Huh? 1639 01:50:47,280 --> 01:50:48,280 You're a world-class tussler? 1640 01:50:48,280 --> 01:50:49,280 I bet you like to tussle. 1641 01:50:49,280 --> 01:50:50,280 I bet you do. 1642 01:50:50,280 --> 01:50:51,280 I bet you like to tussle with Tom Cruise on the beach. 1643 01:50:51,280 --> 01:50:52,280 I bet you do. 1644 01:50:52,280 --> 01:50:53,280 You like to tussle? 1645 01:50:53,280 --> 01:50:54,280 Cock-a-doodle-doo. 1646 01:50:54,280 --> 01:50:56,280 Cock-a-doodle-doo and Top Gun 2. 1647 01:50:56,280 --> 01:50:57,280 Top Gun Maverick. 1648 01:50:57,280 --> 01:50:58,280 Oh, well, yeah. 1649 01:50:58,280 --> 01:50:59,280 I'm never gonna call it that. 1650 01:51:03,280 --> 01:51:04,280 . 1651 01:51:04,280 --> 01:51:05,280 Sit down, Rooster. 1652 01:51:05,280 --> 01:51:06,280 Goodbye. 1653 01:51:06,280 --> 01:51:07,280 He's cute. 1654 01:51:07,280 --> 01:51:08,280 He's cute. 1655 01:51:08,280 --> 01:51:09,280 He's cute. 1656 01:51:09,280 --> 01:51:10,280 He should be an actor. 1657 01:51:10,280 --> 01:51:11,280 He's cute. 1658 01:51:11,280 --> 01:51:12,280 Well, alright. 1659 01:51:12,280 --> 01:51:13,280 Well, that's all the time we have. 1660 01:51:13,280 --> 01:51:14,280 It's a very packed show. 1661 01:51:14,280 --> 01:51:16,280 Betty, let's get out of here, you know? 1662 01:51:16,280 --> 01:51:18,280 We could go get some coffee or something. 1663 01:51:18,280 --> 01:51:20,280 Is somebody talking about coffee? 1664 01:51:20,280 --> 01:51:23,280 Oh, my God! 1665 01:51:23,280 --> 01:51:26,280 It's Linda Richman, everybody! 1666 01:51:26,280 --> 01:51:27,280 We're not worthy! 1667 01:51:27,280 --> 01:51:28,280 We're not worthy! 1668 01:51:28,280 --> 01:51:29,280 We're not worthy! 1669 01:51:30,280 --> 01:51:31,280 . 1670 01:51:31,280 --> 01:51:32,280 Touch my monkey! 1671 01:51:32,280 --> 01:51:33,280 Touch my monkey! 1672 01:51:33,280 --> 01:51:34,280 Oh, you're not worthy! 1673 01:51:34,280 --> 01:51:35,280 Six and six! 1674 01:51:35,280 --> 01:51:36,280 Okay. 1675 01:51:36,280 --> 01:51:37,280 Oh, my God! 1676 01:51:37,280 --> 01:51:38,280 Linda, look at you! 1677 01:51:38,280 --> 01:51:39,280 It's so good to see you. 1678 01:51:39,280 --> 01:51:40,280 Thank you for stopping by. 1679 01:51:40,280 --> 01:51:43,280 Well, I was at Zay Bar's picking up a noodle kugel. 1680 01:51:43,280 --> 01:51:45,280 And I thought I'd come up and see the girls. 1681 01:51:45,280 --> 01:51:46,280 You know, no big woe. 1682 01:51:46,280 --> 01:51:48,280 Oh, Linda, we are thrilled you are here. 1683 01:51:48,280 --> 01:51:49,280 You look wonderful. 1684 01:51:49,280 --> 01:51:50,280 Thank you. 1685 01:51:50,280 --> 01:51:51,280 Look at you. 1686 01:51:51,280 --> 01:51:52,280 Both of you. 1687 01:51:52,280 --> 01:51:53,280 You look like butter. 1688 01:51:53,280 --> 01:51:54,280 Skin just like butter. 1689 01:51:54,280 --> 01:51:55,280 Oh, my God! 1690 01:51:55,280 --> 01:51:56,280 Linda, come on! 1691 01:51:56,280 --> 01:51:57,280 Linda, stop it! 1692 01:51:58,280 --> 01:51:59,280 ... 1693 01:51:59,280 --> 01:52:00,280 Oh, come on. 1694 01:52:00,280 --> 01:52:01,280 Look at you. 1695 01:52:01,280 --> 01:52:02,280 Two big sticks of butter. 1696 01:52:02,280 --> 01:52:03,280 That's what you are. 1697 01:52:03,280 --> 01:52:04,280 Well, I do use a salve on my skin that is made of stem cells and snail mucin. 1698 01:52:04,280 --> 01:52:06,280 I think it's snail sperm. 1699 01:52:06,280 --> 01:52:07,280 Yeah. 1700 01:52:07,280 --> 01:52:09,280 Well, and I have been drinking only six nights a week. 1701 01:52:09,280 --> 01:52:10,280 Good for you. 1702 01:52:10,280 --> 01:52:11,280 Good for you. 1703 01:52:11,280 --> 01:52:12,280 Good for you. 1704 01:52:12,280 --> 01:52:13,280 Good for you. 1705 01:52:13,280 --> 01:52:16,280 So, tell us, Linda, how is our mutual friend Paul Baldwin? 1706 01:52:17,280 --> 01:52:18,280 ... 1707 01:52:18,280 --> 01:52:20,280 Well, our dear friend, Paul Baldwin, is in a clinic here in the city. 1708 01:52:20,280 --> 01:52:23,280 He's got advanced spilkis in his... 1709 01:52:23,280 --> 01:52:27,280 They flew him up from Boca Raton in an iron lung. 1710 01:52:27,280 --> 01:52:28,280 Oh. 1711 01:52:28,280 --> 01:52:29,280 Oh, no. 1712 01:52:29,280 --> 01:52:30,280 Poor Paul. 1713 01:52:30,280 --> 01:52:31,280 What a shanda. 1714 01:52:31,280 --> 01:52:32,280 Poor Baldwin. 1715 01:52:32,280 --> 01:52:33,280 It's terrible. 1716 01:52:33,280 --> 01:52:36,280 I'm just telling you right now, I'm getting a little verklempt. 1717 01:52:36,280 --> 01:52:38,280 Talk amongst yourselves. 1718 01:52:38,280 --> 01:52:40,280 I'll give you a topic. 1719 01:52:40,280 --> 01:52:43,280 The progressive era was neither progressive nor an era. 1720 01:52:44,280 --> 01:52:50,280 I think I'm going to pull through. 1721 01:52:50,280 --> 01:52:51,280 You're all right. 1722 01:52:51,280 --> 01:52:52,280 Thanks, God. 1723 01:52:52,280 --> 01:52:53,280 Poo, poo, poo. 1724 01:52:53,280 --> 01:52:54,280 So, Linda, how are you doing? 1725 01:52:54,280 --> 01:52:56,280 Well, it's been a tough year so far. 1726 01:52:56,280 --> 01:52:57,280 Oh, no. 1727 01:52:57,280 --> 01:52:58,280 Linda, what's wrong? 1728 01:52:58,280 --> 01:53:02,280 I have a hematoma prenomia infractrum. 1729 01:53:02,280 --> 01:53:05,280 Long story short, my zorch is on fire. 1730 01:53:05,280 --> 01:53:09,280 I had to have it moved up four inches, you know, where my belly button used to be. 1731 01:53:09,280 --> 01:53:10,280 I can't wear belts. 1732 01:53:10,280 --> 01:53:11,280 Wait. 1733 01:53:12,280 --> 01:53:13,280 you're what? 1734 01:53:13,280 --> 01:53:14,280 Your zorch? 1735 01:53:14,280 --> 01:53:15,280 My zorch. 1736 01:53:15,280 --> 01:53:16,280 Your what? 1737 01:53:16,280 --> 01:53:17,280 Your zorch? 1738 01:53:17,280 --> 01:53:18,280 My zorch. 1739 01:53:18,280 --> 01:53:19,280 I think she means her downtown area. 1740 01:53:19,280 --> 01:53:20,280 Oh, all right, all right, all right. 1741 01:53:20,280 --> 01:53:21,280 Yes, yes. 1742 01:53:21,280 --> 01:53:22,280 And sit-ups are out of the question, for sure. 1743 01:53:22,280 --> 01:53:23,280 Give me a break. 1744 01:53:23,280 --> 01:53:24,280 Who wants to do sit-ups? 1745 01:53:24,280 --> 01:53:25,280 Who does? 1746 01:53:25,280 --> 01:53:26,280 You know what I want to do? 1747 01:53:26,280 --> 01:53:27,280 Sit down. 1748 01:53:27,280 --> 01:53:28,280 Exactly. 1749 01:53:28,280 --> 01:53:29,280 Yes. 1750 01:53:29,280 --> 01:53:30,280 You know who likes sitting down? 1751 01:53:30,280 --> 01:53:31,280 My stupid husband. 1752 01:53:31,280 --> 01:53:32,280 Here we go. 1753 01:53:32,280 --> 01:53:33,280 Yeah, I heard about the husband. 1754 01:53:33,280 --> 01:53:35,280 All he does is sit around and watch Outlander reruns on Starz. 1755 01:53:35,280 --> 01:53:36,280 So dumb. 1756 01:53:36,280 --> 01:53:37,280 Yeah. 1757 01:53:37,280 --> 01:53:38,280 Now she's getting verklempt. 1758 01:53:39,280 --> 01:53:40,280 , yes, I know. 1759 01:53:40,280 --> 01:53:41,280 Here comes the waterworks. 1760 01:53:41,280 --> 01:53:42,280 Okay. 1761 01:53:42,280 --> 01:53:43,280 So stupid. 1762 01:53:43,280 --> 01:53:44,280 But I love him so much. 1763 01:53:44,280 --> 01:53:45,280 I know, I know. 1764 01:53:45,280 --> 01:53:46,280 Gave me my four children. 1765 01:53:46,280 --> 01:53:47,280 I want him to live forever. 1766 01:53:47,280 --> 01:53:48,280 I know. 1767 01:53:48,280 --> 01:53:51,280 All right, well, you better pray he doesn't get, and I'm never going to be able to say 1768 01:53:51,280 --> 01:53:52,280 this. 1769 01:53:53,280 --> 01:53:54,280 . 1770 01:53:54,280 --> 01:53:55,280 Gazoink in is gazoinky-zoink. 1771 01:53:55,280 --> 01:53:56,280 Now I'm getting verklempt. 1772 01:53:56,280 --> 01:53:57,280 Here she goes. 1773 01:53:57,280 --> 01:53:58,280 I'm getting verklempt. 1774 01:53:58,280 --> 01:53:59,280 And I verklempt too. 1775 01:53:59,280 --> 01:54:00,280 Okay, well, everybody's crying. 1776 01:54:00,280 --> 01:54:03,280 My SSRIs must be booming, because I don't feel a thing. 1777 01:54:03,280 --> 01:54:04,280 Yes. 1778 01:54:04,280 --> 01:54:05,280 I'm a shell. 1779 01:54:05,280 --> 01:54:07,280 Can I just say something? 1780 01:54:07,280 --> 01:54:08,280 Can I just say something? 1781 01:54:08,280 --> 01:54:09,280 We're all miracles. 1782 01:54:09,280 --> 01:54:15,280 Maybe the secret of life is that there are no big whoops, only a series of small agonizing 1783 01:54:15,280 --> 01:54:16,280 whoops. 1784 01:54:16,280 --> 01:54:17,280 You are so right, Linda. 1785 01:54:17,280 --> 01:54:18,280 Bring it in. 1786 01:54:18,280 --> 01:54:19,280 You are so right, Linda. 1787 01:54:19,280 --> 01:54:20,280 You know what? 1788 01:54:20,280 --> 01:54:21,280 The whole world's gonna blow up. 1789 01:54:21,280 --> 01:54:22,280 Yeah, who cares? 1790 01:54:22,280 --> 01:54:23,280 Smoke them if you got them. 1791 01:54:23,280 --> 01:54:24,280 Exactly. 1792 01:54:24,280 --> 01:54:25,280 Have a glass of wine. 1793 01:54:25,280 --> 01:54:26,280 So what? 1794 01:54:26,280 --> 01:54:27,280 Who cares? 1795 01:54:27,280 --> 01:54:28,280 Have two glasses of wine. 1796 01:54:28,280 --> 01:54:29,280 Who cares? 1797 01:54:29,280 --> 01:54:30,280 Yeah, you know what, ladies? 1798 01:54:30,280 --> 01:54:31,280 You know what we should do? 1799 01:54:31,280 --> 01:54:32,280 We should go for a glass of wine. 1800 01:54:32,280 --> 01:54:33,280 Right now. 1801 01:54:33,280 --> 01:54:34,280 You know what? 1802 01:54:34,280 --> 01:54:35,280 Bad news. 1803 01:54:35,280 --> 01:54:36,280 It's raining. 1804 01:54:36,280 --> 01:54:37,280 But good news. 1805 01:54:37,280 --> 01:54:38,280 It's sweater weather. 1806 01:54:38,280 --> 01:54:39,280 Sweater weather. 1807 01:54:39,280 --> 01:54:40,280 Sweater weather. 1808 01:54:40,280 --> 01:54:41,280 Sweater weather. 1809 01:54:41,280 --> 01:54:42,280 Sweater weather. 1810 01:54:42,280 --> 01:54:43,280 We're gonna have some wine. 1811 01:54:43,280 --> 01:54:44,280 Let's go. 1812 01:54:44,280 --> 01:54:45,280 Sweater weather. 1813 01:54:45,280 --> 01:54:46,280 1814 01:55:15,280 --> 01:55:16,280 1815 01:55:46,280 --> 01:55:47,280 We're gonna have some wine. 1816 01:55:47,280 --> 01:55:48,280 We're gonna have some wine. 1817 01:55:48,280 --> 01:55:50,280 We're gonna have some wine. 1818 01:55:50,280 --> 01:55:51,280 1819 01:56:20,280 --> 01:56:21,280 1820 01:56:50,280 --> 01:56:51,280 1821 01:57:20,280 --> 01:57:21,280 1822 01:57:50,280 --> 01:57:51,280 1823 01:58:20,280 --> 01:58:21,280 1824 01:58:50,280 --> 01:58:51,280 1825 01:59:20,280 --> 01:59:21,280 1826 01:59:50,280 --> 01:59:51,280 1827 02:00:21,280 --> 02:00:36,280 as we celebrate the achievements of the past 50 years, we must also take a moment to honor those who we've lost. 1828 02:00:36,280 --> 02:00:41,280 Countless members of the SNL family taking from us too soon. 1829 02:00:42,280 --> 02:00:48,280 I'm speaking, of course, about SNL characters and sketches that have aged horribly. 1830 02:00:48,280 --> 02:01:07,280 But even though these characters, accents, and let's just call them ethnic wigs, were unquestionably in poor taste, you all laughed at them. 1831 02:01:08,280 --> 02:01:16,280 So if anyone should be cancelled, shouldn't it be you, the audience? 1832 02:01:16,280 --> 02:01:17,280 Something to think about. 1833 02:01:17,280 --> 02:01:22,280 Anyway, we now present to you this in memoriam. 1834 02:01:22,280 --> 02:01:23,280 1835 02:01:53,280 --> 02:01:54,280 the last time, it's not the food. 1836 02:01:54,280 --> 02:01:57,280 Well, why don't you drop out of that green jumpsuit and show me that fat ass? 1837 02:01:58,280 --> 02:01:59,280 Hey, sexy. 1838 02:01:59,280 --> 02:02:04,280 What do you say we adjourn to the janitor's closet, drop chow, and see if I can hit baby? 1839 02:02:04,280 --> 02:02:07,280 I've been at the library researching cloaking spells. 1840 02:02:08,280 --> 02:02:11,280 We are originally ruled by Champaglia, you know? 1841 02:02:12,280 --> 02:02:15,280 It looks like this is my lucky day. 1842 02:02:16,280 --> 02:02:18,280 I'll take the rapists for 200. 1843 02:02:18,280 --> 02:02:19,280 That's therapists. 1844 02:02:20,280 --> 02:02:21,280 Don't look at my bum. 1845 02:02:21,280 --> 02:02:23,280 I don't look at your bum. 1846 02:02:23,280 --> 02:02:27,280 I made a little video diary to show everybody how it is to be a host here. 1847 02:02:27,280 --> 02:02:30,280 I made my grandmother's special recipe for Cocker Spaniel. 1848 02:02:31,280 --> 02:02:32,280 Oh, right, Margaret. 1849 02:02:32,280 --> 02:02:33,280 You wanted prime rib, okay? 1850 02:02:33,280 --> 02:02:38,280 I know it's not your first choice, but keep in mind, you're a dog. 1851 02:02:39,280 --> 02:02:40,280 That ain't probably the other way. 1852 02:02:40,280 --> 02:02:44,280 All right, that's coming. 1853 02:02:44,280 --> 02:02:49,280 Jane, you ignorant slut. 1854 02:02:50,280 --> 02:02:57,280 They got guys dancing with guys, girls dancing with girls, guys who look like girls dancing with girls. 1855 02:02:57,280 --> 02:02:58,280 They're gay, all right? 1856 02:02:58,280 --> 02:03:00,280 You don't even know what gay is. 1857 02:03:01,280 --> 02:03:03,280 I'm Peter Zane, queer bows. 1858 02:03:03,280 --> 02:03:04,280 Jay Hitler, everyone. 1859 02:03:05,280 --> 02:03:08,280 I didn't like it the first time when it was called Chasing Amy. 1860 02:03:09,280 --> 02:03:10,280 Just shut up, you ass! 1861 02:03:10,280 --> 02:03:11,280 Oh, my God. 1862 02:03:11,280 --> 02:03:13,280 Ben Affleck just yelled at that mentally challenged guy. 1863 02:03:13,280 --> 02:03:14,280 No, I didn't. 1864 02:03:14,280 --> 02:03:17,280 Run, throw, and catch like a girl Olympics. 1865 02:03:18,280 --> 02:03:19,280 Winner is... 1866 02:03:20,280 --> 02:03:23,280 For those of you hissing at that joke, it should be noted that that joke was written by a woman. 1867 02:03:23,280 --> 02:03:25,280 No, I'm just kidding. We don't hire women. 1868 02:03:26,280 --> 02:03:30,280 Happy holidays to everyone except New Jersey. 1869 02:03:31,280 --> 02:03:33,280 Oh, my God. 1870 02:03:33,280 --> 02:03:34,280 What the hell is that? 1871 02:03:41,280 --> 02:03:45,280 Please welcome Ma Xu Quinn, Xu Chao, and Lee Hai. 1872 02:03:50,280 --> 02:03:53,280 Welcome to the celebrity battle of the sexes and races. 1873 02:03:53,280 --> 02:03:54,280 O.J. Simpson. 1874 02:03:54,280 --> 02:03:55,280 You know you're a pretty beautiful woman, huh? 1875 02:03:55,280 --> 02:03:57,280 Robert Blake, Puff Daddy. 1876 02:03:58,280 --> 02:03:59,280 Don't judge a book by his color. 1877 02:03:59,280 --> 02:04:01,280 My man is like R. Kelly. 1878 02:04:02,280 --> 02:04:03,280 Thank you to R. Kelly. 1879 02:04:04,280 --> 02:04:05,280 I'm Jared Fogle from Subway. 1880 02:04:07,280 --> 02:04:08,280 Black trash. 1881 02:04:09,280 --> 02:04:10,280 Jungle bunny. 1882 02:04:10,280 --> 02:04:11,280 Hunky. 1883 02:04:12,280 --> 02:04:13,280 Spade. 1884 02:04:13,280 --> 02:04:14,280 Hunky hunky. 1885 02:04:18,280 --> 02:04:19,280 Dead hunky. 1886 02:04:19,280 --> 02:04:20,280 1887 02:04:50,280 --> 02:04:51,280 ... 1888 02:04:51,280 --> 02:04:56,280 Well, you know, it's a celebration. I'm thinking some bubbly. 1889 02:04:56,280 --> 02:04:57,280 Yeah, let's do it. 1890 02:04:57,280 --> 02:04:58,280 I love that. 1891 02:04:58,280 --> 02:04:59,280 Yeah, it's great. 1892 02:04:59,280 --> 02:05:00,280 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1893 02:05:00,280 --> 02:05:01,280 Here you go, guys. 1894 02:05:01,280 --> 02:05:02,280 Thank you. 1895 02:05:02,280 --> 02:05:03,280 All right. 1896 02:05:03,280 --> 02:05:04,280 Cheers. 1897 02:05:04,280 --> 02:05:05,280 Party! 1898 02:05:05,280 --> 02:05:06,280 SNL 50! 1899 02:05:06,280 --> 02:05:07,280 Cheers! 1900 02:05:08,280 --> 02:05:10,280 Have you seen the latest study on alcohol? 1901 02:05:11,280 --> 02:05:12,280 ... 1902 02:05:12,280 --> 02:05:15,280 Even one drink can significantly slash life expectancy. 1903 02:05:20,280 --> 02:05:21,280 You're enjoying your day. 1904 02:05:21,280 --> 02:05:22,280 Everything's going your way. 1905 02:05:22,280 --> 02:05:24,280 Then along comes Debbie Downer. 1906 02:05:25,280 --> 02:05:27,280 Always there to tell you about a new disease. 1907 02:05:27,280 --> 02:05:29,280 A car accident or killer bees. 1908 02:05:29,280 --> 02:05:31,280 You beg her to spare you. 1909 02:05:31,280 --> 02:05:32,280 Debbie, please. 1910 02:05:32,280 --> 02:05:34,280 But you can't stop Debbie Downer. 1911 02:05:35,280 --> 02:05:36,280 ... 1912 02:05:36,280 --> 02:05:39,280 Okay, I think, you know, sometimes you just gotta celebrate. 1913 02:05:39,280 --> 02:05:40,280 I mean, this is such a special night. 1914 02:05:40,280 --> 02:05:41,280 I agree. 1915 02:05:41,280 --> 02:05:43,280 To SNL, here's to another 50 years! 1916 02:05:43,280 --> 02:05:44,280 Hey! 1917 02:05:44,280 --> 02:05:45,280 Cheers! 1918 02:05:45,280 --> 02:05:46,280 Cheers! 1919 02:05:46,280 --> 02:05:48,280 This helps humanity last that long. 1920 02:05:49,280 --> 02:05:52,280 At this point, it looks like we're going the way of the white rhino. 1921 02:05:53,280 --> 02:05:54,280 What are you talking about? 1922 02:05:55,280 --> 02:05:59,280 There are only two left in captivity, and they're both female. 1923 02:05:59,280 --> 02:06:03,280 Well, here is a toast. 1924 02:06:04,280 --> 02:06:06,280 ...to all of the friends we've made. 1925 02:06:06,280 --> 02:06:07,280 Both old and new. 1926 02:06:08,280 --> 02:06:09,280 Aw. 1927 02:06:09,280 --> 02:06:10,280 Two friends! 1928 02:06:10,280 --> 02:06:11,280 Hey, amen to that. 1929 02:06:11,280 --> 02:06:12,280 Yes! 1930 02:06:12,280 --> 02:06:13,280 Hey, just a heads up. 1931 02:06:13,280 --> 02:06:14,280 We don't have any eggs. 1932 02:06:15,280 --> 02:06:16,280 What? 1933 02:06:17,280 --> 02:06:18,280 Why would we want eggs? 1934 02:06:19,280 --> 02:06:21,280 Bird Blue's on the rampage. 1935 02:06:21,280 --> 02:06:24,280 Millions of fowl have already been culled. 1936 02:06:29,280 --> 02:06:31,280 Debbie, we're trying to have fun, okay? 1937 02:06:31,280 --> 02:06:32,280 We're trying to have a nice time. 1938 02:06:32,280 --> 02:06:33,280 Why don't you go take five? 1939 02:06:33,280 --> 02:06:35,280 Believe me, I'd love to sit down. 1940 02:06:35,280 --> 02:06:37,280 My right foot is throbbing. 1941 02:06:37,280 --> 02:06:39,280 Pretty sure it's my old friend, Gout. 1942 02:06:40,280 --> 02:06:45,280 Thank you. 1943 02:06:46,280 --> 02:06:48,280 , thank you. 1944 02:06:48,280 --> 02:06:49,280 Well... 1945 02:06:49,280 --> 02:06:50,280 Hey! 1946 02:06:50,280 --> 02:06:51,280 Hey, Bobby! 1947 02:06:51,280 --> 02:06:52,280 Hey! 1948 02:06:52,280 --> 02:06:53,280 Hey! 1949 02:06:53,280 --> 02:06:54,280 Hey! 1950 02:06:54,280 --> 02:06:55,280 Hey! 1951 02:06:55,280 --> 02:06:56,280 Nice to see you. 1952 02:06:56,280 --> 02:06:57,280 Um, excuse me. 1953 02:06:57,280 --> 02:06:59,280 I'm just, I'm such a big fan. 1954 02:06:59,280 --> 02:07:00,280 Oh. 1955 02:07:01,280 --> 02:07:02,280 No, it's good to see you. 1956 02:07:02,280 --> 02:07:03,280 That's it. 1957 02:07:04,280 --> 02:07:08,280 Uh, can I have a tequila and a soda with a straw? 1958 02:07:08,280 --> 02:07:09,280 You talking to me? 1959 02:07:10,280 --> 02:07:11,280 ... 1960 02:07:11,280 --> 02:07:12,280 You talking to me? 1961 02:07:13,280 --> 02:07:15,280 Is that supposed to be a joke? 1962 02:07:16,280 --> 02:07:17,280 No, I'm asking. 1963 02:07:17,280 --> 02:07:20,280 I have dry eye and it's hard to discern if you were talking to me. 1964 02:07:21,280 --> 02:07:22,280 No. 1965 02:07:26,280 --> 02:07:27,280 Just give me a drink. 1966 02:07:27,280 --> 02:07:28,280 Uh, okay, sure. 1967 02:07:28,280 --> 02:07:29,280 Coming right up. 1968 02:07:29,280 --> 02:07:30,280 Here you go. 1969 02:07:30,280 --> 02:07:31,280 There you go with that. 1970 02:07:31,280 --> 02:07:32,280 And... 1971 02:07:33,280 --> 02:07:34,280 There you go. 1972 02:07:35,280 --> 02:07:36,280 ... 1973 02:07:36,280 --> 02:07:37,280 Kinda surprised you want a straw. 1974 02:07:38,280 --> 02:07:39,280 Why's that? 1975 02:07:39,280 --> 02:07:40,280 Microplastics. 1976 02:07:41,280 --> 02:07:43,280 At this point, we're all walking landfills. 1977 02:07:44,280 --> 02:07:51,280 Odds are they've already taken up residence in your testes. 1978 02:07:52,280 --> 02:07:53,280 ... 1979 02:07:53,280 --> 02:08:04,280 Debra, I'm gonna talk now and you're gonna shut it. 1980 02:08:05,280 --> 02:08:08,280 I do not appreciate this conversation. 1981 02:08:08,280 --> 02:08:11,280 I don't wanna talk about plastic in my balls. 1982 02:08:12,280 --> 02:08:18,280 I wanna laugh and feel joy and have a sliver of hope for three goddamn hours of my life. 1983 02:08:18,280 --> 02:08:19,280 That's all I want. 1984 02:08:20,280 --> 02:08:21,280 ... 1985 02:08:21,280 --> 02:08:24,280 I came here tonight to get a little friggin' break from our world right now. 1986 02:08:24,280 --> 02:08:26,280 Which is like living under a... 1987 02:08:26,280 --> 02:08:27,280 In a... 1988 02:08:27,280 --> 02:08:28,280 In a full diaper. 1989 02:08:29,280 --> 02:08:32,280 Diapers are a leading culprit in the microplastic saga. 1990 02:08:37,280 --> 02:08:40,280 No, Bobby! No, Bobby! No, Bobby! No, Bobby! No, Bobby! Bobby! Bobby! Stop, Bobby! 1991 02:08:40,280 --> 02:08:42,280 Bobby! Bobby! It's not worth it! It's not worth it! 1992 02:08:42,280 --> 02:08:44,280 She thinks she's helping, okay? 1993 02:08:44,280 --> 02:08:47,280 My kids taught me to think the best of people. 1994 02:08:47,280 --> 02:08:48,280 1995 02:09:17,280 --> 02:09:18,280 1996 02:09:47,280 --> 02:09:48,280 1997 02:10:18,280 --> 02:10:19,280 ... 1998 02:10:19,280 --> 02:10:20,280 In a criminal lifestyle. 1999 02:10:20,280 --> 02:10:21,280 McIntosh! May! Get in here! 2000 02:10:21,280 --> 02:10:23,280 All right, here it comes! 2001 02:10:24,280 --> 02:10:25,280 On... 2002 02:10:25,280 --> 02:10:26,280 Your... 2003 02:10:26,280 --> 02:10:27,280 Feet! 2004 02:10:28,280 --> 02:10:30,280 Sit your asses down! 2005 02:10:31,280 --> 02:10:36,280 ... 2006 02:10:36,280 --> 02:10:38,280 Before I kill somebody in this mother... 2007 02:10:38,280 --> 02:10:39,280 There you go. 2008 02:10:40,280 --> 02:10:41,280 All right. 2009 02:10:41,280 --> 02:10:43,280 My name is Lorenzo... 2010 02:10:44,280 --> 02:10:45,280 ... 2011 02:10:45,280 --> 02:10:46,280 And my name is... 2012 02:10:46,280 --> 02:10:48,280 All the way Ray May. 2013 02:10:48,280 --> 02:10:50,280 Because I don't do nothing halfway. 2014 02:11:00,280 --> 02:11:02,280 What day in here for, Chief? 2015 02:11:03,280 --> 02:11:04,280 Let me guess. 2016 02:11:04,280 --> 02:11:05,280 Manipulating crypto... 2017 02:11:05,280 --> 02:11:06,280 Market? 2018 02:11:07,280 --> 02:11:08,280 ... 2019 02:11:08,280 --> 02:11:09,280 I... 2020 02:11:09,280 --> 02:11:10,280 No, no. 2021 02:11:10,280 --> 02:11:11,280 That's a terrible guess. 2022 02:11:11,280 --> 02:11:12,280 No. 2023 02:11:12,280 --> 02:11:13,280 No, I caught these little bozos shoplifting. 2024 02:11:13,280 --> 02:11:14,280 Oh, shoplifting, huh? 2025 02:11:14,280 --> 02:11:15,280 Oh, it starts with shoplifting. 2026 02:11:15,280 --> 02:11:16,280 Guess where it ends? 2027 02:11:16,280 --> 02:11:17,280 Gemicide! 2028 02:11:20,280 --> 02:11:21,280 What? 2029 02:11:21,280 --> 02:11:22,280 What? 2030 02:11:22,280 --> 02:11:23,280 Boy! 2031 02:11:23,280 --> 02:11:24,280 You better listen up! 2032 02:11:25,280 --> 02:11:26,280 You think you tough? 2033 02:11:26,280 --> 02:11:27,280 Huh? 2034 02:11:27,280 --> 02:11:28,280 You real street? 2035 02:11:28,280 --> 02:11:29,280 Well, guess what? 2036 02:11:30,280 --> 02:11:31,280 ... 2037 02:11:31,280 --> 02:11:32,280 When I was a boy... 2038 02:11:32,280 --> 02:11:33,280 I watched both my parents die in these streets. 2039 02:11:33,280 --> 02:11:34,280 That's right. 2040 02:11:34,280 --> 02:11:36,280 And the family that adopted him... 2041 02:11:36,280 --> 02:11:38,280 Made him sleep under the staircase. 2042 02:11:39,280 --> 02:11:40,280 Until one day I got a letter... 2043 02:11:40,280 --> 02:11:41,280 From an owl telling me... 2044 02:11:42,280 --> 02:11:44,280 I had to report to some kind of school for wizards. 2045 02:11:47,280 --> 02:11:48,280 Is that what you want? 2046 02:11:48,280 --> 02:11:49,280 Huh? 2047 02:11:49,280 --> 02:11:52,280 You and Hermione gotta stop he who must not be named... 2048 02:11:52,280 --> 02:11:54,280 Before he gets his hands on the sorcerer's stone? 2049 02:11:55,280 --> 02:11:56,280 Cause this here is real! 2050 02:11:57,280 --> 02:11:58,280 That's definitely Harry Potter. 2051 02:11:59,280 --> 02:12:00,280 Hey! 2052 02:12:00,280 --> 02:12:01,280 Boy! 2053 02:12:01,280 --> 02:12:02,280 You better... 2054 02:12:02,280 --> 02:12:03,280 No! 2055 02:12:03,280 --> 02:12:04,280 No! 2056 02:12:04,280 --> 02:12:05,280 Shut your damn mouth! 2057 02:12:05,280 --> 02:12:06,280 Shut your damn mouth! 2058 02:12:06,280 --> 02:12:07,280 You must be out your mind. 2059 02:12:08,280 --> 02:12:11,280 Cause in prison there'll be a dude entering your chamber of secrets. 2060 02:12:12,280 --> 02:12:15,280 And he'll be slipping right into your ass caban. 2061 02:12:16,280 --> 02:12:17,280 Yeah. 2062 02:12:17,280 --> 02:12:19,280 You not gonna be in Hogwarts. 2063 02:12:19,280 --> 02:12:21,280 There'll be warts on your hog... 2064 02:12:22,280 --> 02:12:24,280 From all the Hufflepuffins! 2065 02:12:24,280 --> 02:12:27,280 Then the dude I would describe as serious black... 2066 02:12:28,280 --> 02:12:29,280 ... 2067 02:12:29,280 --> 02:12:30,280 Is gonna wave his wine in your face... 2068 02:12:30,280 --> 02:12:31,280 And say... 2069 02:12:31,280 --> 02:12:32,280 Expecto fellatio! 2070 02:12:33,280 --> 02:12:34,280 Hey! 2071 02:12:34,280 --> 02:12:35,280 Hey! 2072 02:12:35,280 --> 02:12:36,280 No, no, no! 2073 02:12:36,280 --> 02:12:37,280 Absolutely not! 2074 02:12:37,280 --> 02:12:38,280 Get over here! 2075 02:12:38,280 --> 02:12:39,280 Come on now! 2076 02:12:39,280 --> 02:12:40,280 Come on! 2077 02:12:40,280 --> 02:12:41,280 Expecto fellatio! 2078 02:12:42,280 --> 02:12:43,280 ... 2079 02:12:43,280 --> 02:12:44,280 Come on! 2080 02:12:44,280 --> 02:12:45,280 That's a children's book! 2081 02:12:45,280 --> 02:12:46,280 Come on! 2082 02:12:46,280 --> 02:12:47,280 Apologize! 2083 02:12:47,280 --> 02:12:48,280 That's on us, Chief! 2084 02:12:48,280 --> 02:12:49,280 You know? 2085 02:12:49,280 --> 02:12:50,280 We stepped on the line, that's just a two-point shot. 2086 02:12:51,280 --> 02:12:54,280 Now, which one of y'all is the ringleader? 2087 02:12:55,280 --> 02:12:56,280 ... 2088 02:12:56,280 --> 02:13:00,280 Well, I didn't realize it was National Rat Out of Latino Day. 2089 02:13:00,280 --> 02:13:02,280 Get on your damn feet! 2090 02:13:02,280 --> 02:13:04,280 Oh, yeah, look at them pretty brown eyes. 2091 02:13:04,280 --> 02:13:07,280 They gonna love you in prison, Arianna Pacquino. 2092 02:13:08,280 --> 02:13:10,280 Now, why'd you shoplift, huh? 2093 02:13:11,280 --> 02:13:12,280 ... 2094 02:13:12,280 --> 02:13:13,280 Uh, I was just trying to impress my girlfriend. 2095 02:13:13,280 --> 02:13:14,280 She thick as hell. 2096 02:13:14,280 --> 02:13:16,280 You think I never tried to impress a woman? 2097 02:13:16,280 --> 02:13:19,280 You know, once I was a 400-pound professor? 2098 02:13:19,280 --> 02:13:20,280 Huh? 2099 02:13:20,280 --> 02:13:22,280 And I fell in love with Jay Pinkett? 2100 02:13:24,280 --> 02:13:29,280 But he was ashamed of his weight, so he drank a serum that turned him into buddy love. 2101 02:13:30,280 --> 02:13:31,280 Isn't that what you want, huh? 2102 02:13:31,280 --> 02:13:32,280 Huh? 2103 02:13:32,280 --> 02:13:33,280 Isn't it? 2104 02:13:34,280 --> 02:13:35,280 ... 2105 02:13:35,280 --> 02:13:38,280 Then you go to a den at the clump's house, and you realize that everybody at the table is the same person! 2106 02:13:42,280 --> 02:13:43,280 Cuz this is real! 2107 02:13:43,280 --> 02:13:47,280 Yo, okay, that's almost certainly the nutty professor. 2108 02:13:48,280 --> 02:13:49,280 Hey! 2109 02:13:49,280 --> 02:13:50,280 Hey! 2110 02:13:50,280 --> 02:13:51,280 Hey! 2111 02:13:51,280 --> 02:13:52,280 Hey! 2112 02:13:52,280 --> 02:13:53,280 Hey! 2113 02:13:53,280 --> 02:13:54,280 Hey! 2114 02:13:54,280 --> 02:13:55,280 Hey! 2115 02:13:55,280 --> 02:13:56,280 Hey! 2116 02:13:56,280 --> 02:13:57,280 Hey! 2117 02:13:57,280 --> 02:13:58,280 Hey! 2118 02:13:58,280 --> 02:13:59,280 Hey! 2119 02:13:59,280 --> 02:14:00,280 Hey! 2120 02:14:00,280 --> 02:14:01,280 Hey! 2121 02:14:01,280 --> 02:14:02,280 2122 02:14:32,280 --> 02:14:33,280 I'm a fan of the film! 2123 02:14:33,280 --> 02:14:34,280 Come on! 2124 02:14:34,280 --> 02:14:36,280 These are children, fellas, alright? 2125 02:14:36,280 --> 02:14:37,280 30-year-old children! 2126 02:14:38,280 --> 02:14:39,280 Come on! 2127 02:14:39,280 --> 02:14:40,280 Hey! 2128 02:14:40,280 --> 02:14:41,280 Hey! 2129 02:14:41,280 --> 02:14:42,280 Hey! 2130 02:14:42,280 --> 02:14:43,280 Hey! 2131 02:14:43,280 --> 02:14:44,280 Hey! 2132 02:14:44,280 --> 02:14:45,280 Hey! 2133 02:14:45,280 --> 02:14:46,280 Hey! 2134 02:14:46,280 --> 02:14:47,280 Hey! 2135 02:14:47,280 --> 02:14:48,280 Hey! 2136 02:14:48,280 --> 02:14:49,280 Hey! 2137 02:14:49,280 --> 02:14:50,280 Hey! 2138 02:14:50,280 --> 02:14:51,280 Hey! 2139 02:14:51,280 --> 02:14:52,280 Hey! 2140 02:14:52,280 --> 02:14:53,280 Hey! 2141 02:14:53,280 --> 02:14:54,280 Hey! 2142 02:14:54,280 --> 02:14:55,280 Hey! 2143 02:14:55,280 --> 02:14:56,280 Hey! 2144 02:14:56,280 --> 02:14:57,280 Hey! 2145 02:14:57,280 --> 02:14:58,280 Hey! 2146 02:14:58,280 --> 02:14:59,280 Hey! 2147 02:14:59,280 --> 02:15:00,280 Hey! 2148 02:15:00,280 --> 02:15:01,280 Hey! 2149 02:15:01,280 --> 02:15:02,280 2150 02:15:31,280 --> 02:15:32,280 2151 02:16:01,280 --> 02:16:02,280 2152 02:16:32,280 --> 02:16:33,280 ๏ฟฝฯŒฯ‚! 2153 02:16:33,280 --> 02:16:34,280 Hey! 2154 02:16:34,280 --> 02:16:35,280 Hey! 2155 02:16:35,280 --> 02:16:37,280 Hey! 2156 02:16:37,280 --> 02:16:38,280 Hey! 2157 02:16:38,280 --> 02:16:39,280 Hey! 2158 02:16:39,280 --> 02:16:40,280 How about you? 2159 02:16:40,280 --> 02:16:42,280 All back of the film? 2160 02:16:42,280 --> 02:16:43,280 Hey! 2161 02:16:43,280 --> 02:16:44,280 Hey! 2162 02:16:44,280 --> 02:16:45,280 Hey! 2163 02:16:45,280 --> 02:16:46,280 Hey! 2164 02:16:46,280 --> 02:16:47,280 Hey! 2165 02:16:47,280 --> 02:17:00,280 Hey! 2166 02:17:00,280 --> 02:17:30,280 to town, and it'd be Santos comin' in your brain! No! No! No, God! Come on, good God! Close that thing! No, get outta here, man! All right, let's go! Come on, all three! Let's go! That's no way! No way! No thank you, that's okay! That's okay! Fred, come on! Fred, we gotta go! Fred, we gotta go, man! We gotta go, okay? Come on! Boy! 2167 02:17:30,280 --> 02:18:00,280 Look, I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know how that would be helpful, you know? Ask what Brad can do for you! Hey, come on, enough! I'm sorry, that's too much. Let's go! No, it's too much, that's all right, you already apologized. 2168 02:18:00,880 --> 02:18:03,280 ... 2169 02:18:03,280 --> 02:18:06,280 ... 2170 02:18:10,280 --> 02:18:15,280 Hello, y'all! I am Garrett Morris. 2171 02:18:15,280 --> 02:18:22,280 Uh, wait a minute, are there any cops in the audience? 2172 02:18:22,280 --> 02:18:26,280 Then I am Garrett Morris, okay? 2173 02:18:26,280 --> 02:18:56,280 And way back there, when I joined the cast of Saturday Night Live, I had no idea, y'all, that I would be required to do so many reunion shows. But here I am, okay? Now look ahead, this film you're gonna see. It's a great film made by my man Tom Schiller in 1978. 2174 02:18:57,200 --> 02:19:05,120 bolists, likes and enjoys the entire cast. So sit back, relax and enjoy Look Back In Anger. 2175 02:19:05,120 --> 02:19:20,120 I guess this is my style. 2176 02:19:35,120 --> 02:19:44,120 Yeah, they all thought I'd be the first to go. 2177 02:19:44,120 --> 02:19:50,120 I was one of those live fast, die young, leave a good-looking corpse types, you know? 2178 02:19:50,120 --> 02:19:53,120 Well, I guess they were wrong. 2179 02:19:53,120 --> 02:19:56,120 Here they are, all my friends. 2180 02:19:56,120 --> 02:20:01,120 This is the not-ready-for-prime-time cemetery. 2181 02:20:02,120 --> 02:20:20,120 Yeah. Here's Gilda Radner. 2182 02:20:20,120 --> 02:20:27,120 She had her own show on Canadian television for years and years, the Gilda Radner Show. 2183 02:20:28,120 --> 02:20:30,120 Well, at least now I can see her on reruns. 2184 02:20:30,120 --> 02:20:32,120 Here's a button, God bless her. 2185 02:20:32,120 --> 02:20:34,120 Here's where Lorraine is. 2186 02:20:34,120 --> 02:20:37,120 They say she murdered her DJ husband. 2187 02:20:37,120 --> 02:20:44,120 Then, uh, moved to the valley in California and had a pecan farm. 2188 02:20:45,120 --> 02:20:48,120 She was this big when she died. 2189 02:20:48,120 --> 02:20:50,120 Jane Curtin. 2190 02:20:50,120 --> 02:20:57,120 She married a stockbroker, had two children, moved to upstate New York. 2191 02:20:57,120 --> 02:21:03,120 She died for complications during cosmetic surgery. 2192 02:21:04,120 --> 02:21:06,120 It was Garret Morris. 2193 02:21:06,120 --> 02:21:13,120 Now, Garret, Garret left the show and then worked in the black theater for years. 2194 02:21:13,120 --> 02:21:16,120 And he died of an overdose of heroin. 2195 02:21:16,120 --> 02:21:18,120 Here's Bill Murray. 2196 02:21:18,120 --> 02:21:20,120 He lived the longest. 2197 02:21:20,120 --> 02:21:22,120 Thirty-eight years. 2198 02:21:23,120 --> 02:21:25,120 He was happy when he died, though. 2199 02:21:25,120 --> 02:21:29,120 He'd just grown his mustache back. 2200 02:21:29,120 --> 02:21:31,120 Probably still growing. 2201 02:21:31,120 --> 02:21:33,120 Over here's... 2202 02:21:33,120 --> 02:21:36,120 Chevy Chase. 2203 02:21:36,120 --> 02:21:40,120 He died right after his first movie with Goldie Hawn. 2204 02:21:40,120 --> 02:21:43,120 Over here... 2205 02:21:43,120 --> 02:21:46,120 This is Danny Ackroyd. 2206 02:21:47,120 --> 02:21:49,120 I guess he loved his Harley too much. 2207 02:21:49,120 --> 02:21:54,120 They clocked him at 175 miles an hour before the crash. 2208 02:21:54,120 --> 02:21:56,120 It was a blur. 2209 02:21:56,120 --> 02:21:59,120 I had to be called in to identify his body. 2210 02:21:59,120 --> 02:22:02,120 I recognized him by his webbed toes. 2211 02:22:02,120 --> 02:22:03,120 Yeah? 2212 02:22:03,120 --> 02:22:05,120 Yep. 2213 02:22:05,120 --> 02:22:15,120 The Saturday night show was the best experience of my life. 2214 02:22:16,120 --> 02:22:21,120 And now they're all gone. 2215 02:22:21,120 --> 02:22:24,120 And I miss every one of them. 2216 02:22:24,120 --> 02:22:27,120 Why me? 2217 02:22:27,120 --> 02:22:30,120 Why did I live so long? 2218 02:22:30,120 --> 02:22:34,120 They're all dead. 2219 02:22:34,120 --> 02:22:37,120 I'll tell you why. 2220 02:22:37,120 --> 02:22:40,120 Because I'm a dancer. 2221 02:22:40,120 --> 02:22:41,120 2222 02:23:10,120 --> 02:23:11,120 2223 02:23:40,120 --> 02:23:41,120 2224 02:24:11,120 --> 02:24:19,120 And I will sing the lullaby. 2225 02:24:19,120 --> 02:24:23,120 Once there was a way... 2226 02:24:23,120 --> 02:24:26,120 To get back homeward. 2227 02:24:31,120 --> 02:24:36,120 Once there was a way... 2228 02:24:37,120 --> 02:24:51,120 And I will sing the lullaby. 2229 02:24:51,120 --> 02:24:55,120 Lord, you're gonna carry that weight. 2230 02:24:55,120 --> 02:24:57,120 Carry that weight. 2231 02:24:57,120 --> 02:24:59,120 A long time. 2232 02:25:00,120 --> 02:25:08,120 You're gonna carry that weight. 2233 02:25:08,120 --> 02:25:10,120 Carry that weight. 2234 02:25:10,120 --> 02:25:12,120 A long time. 2235 02:25:13,120 --> 02:25:29,120 I never give you my pillow. 2236 02:25:29,120 --> 02:25:59,120 I never give you my pillow I only send you my invitations And in the middle of the celebration I pray down 2237 02:25:59,120 --> 02:25:59,740 2238 02:26:29,120 --> 02:26:59,120 Oh yeah, alright! Oh, you're gonna be in my dream tonight! 2239 02:26:59,120 --> 02:26:59,620 2240 02:27:29,120 --> 02:27:29,620 2241 02:27:59,120 --> 02:28:23,120 And in the end, 2242 02:28:23,120 --> 02:28:24,120 2243 02:28:53,120 --> 02:28:54,120 2244 02:29:23,120 --> 02:29:24,120 2245 02:29:53,120 --> 02:29:54,120 2246 02:30:23,120 --> 02:30:24,120 2247 02:30:53,120 --> 02:30:54,120 2248 02:31:23,120 --> 02:31:24,120 2249 02:31:53,120 --> 02:31:54,120 2250 02:32:23,120 --> 02:32:24,120 159774

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.