Original subtitles

Narrator: THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO,

A FURIOUS BATTLE WAS WAGED BETWEEN THE GREAT AND NOBLE XIAOLIN DRAGON DASHI

AND THE EVIL HEILIN WITCH WUYA.

THIS WAS THE FIRST XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN.

WUYA PITTED HER DARK MAGIC

AGAINST DASHI AND HIS MYSTICAL POWER OBJECTS,

THE SHEN GONG WU.

IN THE END, DASHI TRIUMPHED,

AND WUYA WAS FOREVER IMPRISONED

IN A SIMPLE WOODEN PUZZLE BOX.

THE THREAT AVERTED, DASHI SPREAD HIS SHEN GONG WU

AROUND THE EARTH.

FOR GENERATIONS, THEY HAVE SECRETLY MAINTAINED

THE BALANCE OF GOOD AND EVIL,

AND THE LONG LINE OF XIAOLIN DRAGONS

HAS STOOD READY TO FACE EVIL

SHOULD THAT BALANCE EVER SHIFT.

[THUNDER]

OMI?

TIME TO COME IN, YOUNG MONK.

BUT, MASTER FUNG,

MY LOTUS STRIKE ENDS AN EIGHTH OF AN INCH TO THE LEFT.

AS A XIAOLIN DRAGON OF THE WATER...

YOU'RE NOT A DRAGON YET, OMI.

YES, BUT I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO BECOME ONE,

AND THAT MEANS STRIVING FOR AND OBTAINING PERFECTION.

IT ALSO MEANS HAVING THE SENSE

TO GET OUT OF THE RAIN.

COME, YOUNG MONK. THERE ARE THINGS I MUST TELL YOU.

CALLIN' IT QUITS, KID?

THAT LOTUS STRIKE

LOOKED LIKE IT WAS PULLING TO THE LEFT.

DOJO, DON'T YOU HAVE A SCROLL

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE GUARDING?

THE ANCIENT SCROLL OF THE SHEN GONG WU?

COME ON. 1,500 YEARS, I'VE BEEN WATCHING IT,

AND ALL IT'S DONE IS GATHER DUST.

EACH DAY HOLDS NEW SURPRISES, DOJO CONOJOJO.

OK, I'M GOING. I'M GOING.

SPEAKING OF SURPRISES,

I HAVE ONE FOR YOU, OMI.

NEW STUDENTS ARE JOINING THE TEMPLE.

NEW STUDENTS?!

THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.

AT LEAST, NOT IN MY LIFETIME.

CAN I TEACH THEM TO WALK ON THEIR FINGERS, MASTER,

OR HOW TO BLEND INTO THE SHADOWS

OR MAYBE TO WALK ON WALLS AND CEILINGS, TOO?

PERHAPS, YOUNG MONK, PERHAPS.

Master Fung: OMI, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET RAIMUNDO...

'SUP? KIMIKO...

HE SAID THAT? HEY. NO WAY!

AND CLAY.

HOWDY.

MASTER, WHERE ARE THE NEW STUDENTS?

RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, OMI.

THEY ARE NOT WHAT I EXPECTED.

THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE RARELY ARE.

YOU ARE RIGHT, MASTER.

WELCOME, MY NEW AND STRANGELY ATTIRED FRIENDS.

I MUST BE GOING, YOUNG ONES.

I CAN SEE THERE IS MUCH TEACHING TO BE DONE HERE.

YES, MASTER, MUCH TEACHING, INDEED.

THE KEY IS BALANCE.

IF YOU ARE A BEGINNER,

YOU MAY WANT TO START WITH 3 FINGERS.

UH, JUST CURIOUS. WHEN WILL WE NEED THIS?

TRY NEVER.

OK, KEIKO, I'll E-MAIL IT TO YOU.

IS THERE A NET CONNECTION AROUND HERE?

NO? NO WORRIES. I'll GO Wi-Fi.

OHH, WHAT IS THAT?

IS IT MAGIC?

IT'S A P.D.A.

I'M SENDING A MESSAGE TO A FRIEND IN TOKYO.

A SECRET MESSAGE?

NAH. I'M JUST TELLING HER I'VE MET A VERY STRANGE KID

WHO APPARENTLY DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT PERSONAL SPACE ISSUES.

REALLY? WHO?

IS IT THAT GUY?

NOT ME, PARTNER.

IT'S YOU, CHROME DOME.

LISTEN TO THE FIERCE CHEETAH METHOD OF FIGHTING.

I DEFY YOU TO CATCH ME!

WITNESS THE SPEED OF A CHEETAH.

I AM DAZZLING AND CONFOUNDING YOU!

AND NOW I... HEY!

HOPE I HAVEN'T MUCKED UP YOUR LESSON TOO MUCH, LITTLE FELLER.

JUST CAN'T RESIST A CHALLENGE.

YEAH, UH-HUH. THE COWBOY JUST LASSOED THE LITTLE GUY.

I AM THE TEACHER! YOU ARE THE STUDENTS!

YOU WILL GIVE ME THE RESPECT I DESERVE!

RESPECT THIS!

HUH?!

OHH... [LAUGHS]

NO WAY! THE BRAZILIAN KID

JUST PANTSED THE BALD KID!

I WANT TO RULE THE WHOLE WORLD, ALL OF IT,

NOT SOME OF IT, NOT JUST ICELAND OR FIJI.

I WANT TO RULE THE WHOLE WORLD!

PARDON ME, SIR.

WHAT?! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M ON AN EVIL RANT HERE?

YES, SIR, BUT YOUR FATHER SENT YOU A GIFT FROM HONG KONG.

OH, A PUZZLE BOX.

LET'S SEE.

AND MY PRIZE IS... A MASK?

LAME!

ALL RIGHT! BACK TO WORLD CONQUEST...

MY FAVORITE PASTIME.

NOW, LET'S SEE.

EUROPE MIGHT NOT BE A BAD PLACE TO START,

OR IS THAT TOO OBVIOUS?

HOW ABOUT GOING FOR THE UNEXPECTED, LIKE PARAGUAY,

BUT IS THAT ENOUGH OF AN ATTENTION-GRABBER?

COULD GO DOWN THROUGH AFRICA,

OVER TO SOUTH AMERICA, AND...

ONWARD TO ASIA!

AAH!

SPOOKY GHOST LADY! ATTACK!

PLANS FOR WORLD CONQUEST?

MY DEAR BOY, WE HAVE MUCH IN COMMON.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

JACK SPICER. WHO ARE YOU?

WHAT ARE YOU?

ME?

I'M YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND.

DID YOU SENSE THAT?

IT WAS AS IF A GREAT CHILL DESCENDED UPON THE LAND.

Master Fung: SOMETHING HAS UNBALANCED THE SHEN GONG WU.

Dojo: OK, FIRST THING, I DIDN'T TOUCH IT.

I... I THINK IT'S BUSTED. CAN WE GET A NEW ONE?

WHAT COULD DO SUCH A THING?

NOT WHAT... WHO, AND THE ANSWER IS WUYA.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, WUYA.

YOU HAVE NO PHYSICAL FORM.

VERY PERCEPTIVE.

SO YOU NEED ME TO GET THESE SHEN GONG WU THINGS,

BUT HERE'S MY QUESTION:

WHAT DO I, JACK SPICER, EVIL GENIUS,

GET OUT OF THIS?

YOUR DREAMS OF WORLD CONQUEST!

WE SHALL RULE SIDE BY SIDE.

I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING.

OK, SO ONCE WE GET ALL THE SHEN GONG WU, THEN WHAT?

THE WORLD WILL BE THROWN INTO 10,000 YEARS OF DARKNESS.

IT IS YOUR MOST SOLEMN DUTY AS XIAOLIN WARRIORS

TO FIND ALL THE SHEN GONG WU BEFORE WUYA DOES.

I HAVE A QUESTION.

YES, RAIMUNDO?

I SAW MY ROOM, AND NO BED, JUST A MAT.

WHAT THE DEALY?

UM... WE CAN TALK LATER.

LEARNING IS A TREASURE THAT WILL FOLLOW ITS OWNER EVERYWHERE.

Omi: THE ANCIENT SCROLL OF ASHINGA WU.

Master Fung: AH, THE MANTIS FLIP COIN.

IT HAS REVEALED ITSELF.

WHOEVER HOLDS THE COIN

WILL LEAP WITH THE SKILL OF A MANTIS.

Kimiko: WILD!

AND SO OUR GRAND QUEST BEGINS!

FOLLOW ME TO VICTORY!

I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I'M GOING.

YEAH, HOW DO WE FIND THE SHEN GONG WU?

DOJO, YOU HELPED MASTER DASHI HIDE THEM.

YEAH, BUT THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY EXPECT ME TO REMEMBER WHERE...

OHH... THIS WAY.

RIGHT, LIKE WE'RE GONNA TAKE DIRECTION FROM A GECKO.

GECKO?!

DON'T EVER CALL ME A GECKO!

UH, MY MISTAKE!

CAN'T BELIEVE I WENT FROM TEMPLE GUARDIAN

TO BABY-SITTER IN LESS THAN A DAY.

KIMIKO, I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A WONDROUS DEVICE.

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S A GAMEPAL.

SEE, I'M MAKING PO CHI COLLECT THE DISCS.

WOW. HOW DID PO CHI GET IN THERE?

UM, THAT'S WHERE HE WAS BORN?

HERE. TRY IT.

LOOK, KIMIKO!

MY NEW LITTLE FRIEND COOPERATES WITH ME

AS I PUSH THE BUTTONS.

YAAH! MY LITTLE FRIEND HAS BEEN TAKEN

BY THE DARK FORCES OF EVIL!

PO CHI, ARE YOU IN THERE?

CAN YOU HEAR THE SOUND OF MY VOICE?

DON'T MESS WITH THE MONK!

GIRL, YOU HIT HARD!

NO WORRIES, OMI. THE POWER JUST GOT SWITCHED OFF, SEE?

PO CHI, YOU HAVE RETURNED!

I MUST REMEMBER TO HONOR THE POWER

OF THE OFF SWITCH.

WHOA. A LOT HAS CHANGED IN THE LAST 1,500 YEARS.

Omi: SO MANY PEOPLE, SO MANY BUILDINGS.

WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

Raimundo: SAN FRANCISCO.

WE'VE GOT A MANTIS FLIP COIN TO FIND.

[SNIFFS]

AND IT'S CLOSE... REAL CLOSE.

BOW BEFORE ME, CITIZENS OF PLANET EARTH!

I NOW RULE YOU WITH THE MANTIS FLIP COIN!

YOU CANNOT RULE THE EARTH YET.

YOU HAVE BUT ONE SHEN GONG WU.

HOW MANY ARE THERE?

HUNDREDS!

WHAT?!

OK, YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO GET SOLID

AND HELP ME OUT HERE.

Omi: HELLO, FRIEND.

THAT COIN IS OF GREAT MYSTICAL IMPORTANCE.

MAY WE PLEASE HAVE IT?

HA HA. NO WAY, SHORTY.

THIS SHEN GONG WU IS MINE.

HOW DOES HE KNOW ABOUT SHEN GONG WU?

HOW, INDEED?

Dojo: WUYA!

WOW. THE YEARS HAVE NOT BEEN KIND TO YOU.

MIND YOUR TONGUE, REPTILE!

DASHI ISN'T HERE TO PROTECT YOU.

AWAY, EVIL SPIRIT!

YOU CANNOT STOP US.

SHE CAN'T. I CAN.

Jack: JACKBOTS, ATTACK!

MINCE THEM.

WATER!

AAH CHAAH!

IT'S NOT YOUR WEIGHT.

IT'S HOW YOU THROW IT AROUND.

YOU NEVER MENTIONED FREAKS IN PAJAMAS

WOULD BE LOOKING FOR THE SHEN GONG WU, TOO.

DETAILS! YOU'VE GOT THE FLIP COIN! GO!

[GASPS]

THE MANTIS FLIP COIN!

[GASPS]

AAH!

GOTCHA!

HA HA HA HA HA!

A LESSON FOR LOSERS.

DON'T MESS WITH JACK SPICER.

KINDLY REMOVE YOUR GIGANTIC SELF

FROM BEING ON TOP OF MY BODY!

SORRY ABOUT THAT, LITTLE BUDDY.

BECAUSE OF YOU THREE,

WE HAVE LOST THE FIRST SHEN GONG WU!

DUDE, IT WAS A COIN.

A MAGICAL COIN!

DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?

THE MORE SHEN GONG WU WUYA POSSESSES,

THE STRONGER SHE IS!

SORRY, OMI.

WE'LL DO BETTER NEXT TIME.

UH, NEXT TIME IS NOW.

I'M SENSING ANOTHER SHEN GONG WU.

LET'S SEE WHAT WE'VE GOT.

Omi: THE TWO-TON TUNIC.

OHH, I REMEMBER THAT.

IS WAS DASHI'S INVULNERABLE ARMOR.

HA HA. EXCELLENT.

SPICER BETTER WATCH HIS BACK,

BECAUSE THIS ROUND IS OURS.

THE TWO-TON TUNIC IS MINE!

Raimundo: NOT SO FAST!

JACK SPICER, TODAY, VICTORY IS MINE!

BETTER NOT COUNT YOUR CHICKENS BEFORE THEY HATCH.

A FEARSOME FORCE,

BUT THEY ARE NOT PREPARED FOR THE AWESOME MIGHT

OF THE TWO-TON TUNIC!

YOU LOST THE TWO-TON TUNIC!

RELAX.

WE'LL GET THE NEXT ONE.

LOOK, IT'S NOT THE WAY GRAND MASTER DASHI WOULD HAVE DONE IT,

BUT, HEY, YOU'RE STILL LEARNING.

I DO NOT WISH TO SPEAK OF

THE FAILURES OF ME OR MY STUDENTS.

I ONLY WISH TO FIND THE NEXT SHEN GONG WU.

WHICH IS?

Kimiko: THE EYE OF DASHI.

Clay: THE WAY I FIGURE IT,

IT SHOOTS LIGHTNING SOMETHING FIERCE.

Clay: NOW, THIS IS MY KIND OF PLACE.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I'M NOT EVEN GETTING A SIGNAL HERE.

IF I WERE A LIGHTNING-SHOOTING SHEN GONG WU,

WHERE WOULD I BE?

CLOSE. YOU'D BE CLOSE.

Omi: THE EYE OF DASHI!

SORRY, MONK BOY.

THIS ONE'S MINE.

I WAS HERE FIRST!

TOO BAD!

HEY, WHAT'S WITH THE GLOWING?

IT IS A XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN.

IT'S A WHAT NOW?

A XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN.

IT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN 2 WARRIORS

REACH A STALEMATE OVER A SHEN GONG WU.

2 WORDS: FREA-KEY.

JACK SPICER,

I CHALLENGE YOU TO A XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN.

I WAGER MY TWO-TON TUNIC

AGAINST YOUR MANTIS FLIP COIN.

WHOEVER REACHES THE LAST STONE FIRST

WINS THE EYE OF DASHI

AND THE OTHER SHEN GONG WU AS WELL.

ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE. ACCEPT IT!

I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE, OMI.

LET'S GO.

XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!

AAH! AAH!

OHH... I DID NOT EXPECT THIS.

THAT'S A XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN FOR YA:

ALWAYS KEEPS YOU GUESSING.

[DOJO SPEAKING CHINESE]

THAT MEANS GO.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS?

USE YOUR SHEN GONG WU.

OH, YEAH. MANTIS FLIP COIN!

JACK SPICER FORGETS I HAVE MY OWN SHEN GONG WU.

TWO-TON TUNIC!

OF COURSE, I FORGOT THE TWO-TON TUNIC IS VERY HEAVY!

WHOA! [BANG]

YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED?

MASTER FUNG NEVER ANSWERED MY QUESTION ABOUT THE BED.

COME ON, OMI!

I'VE GOT THIS IN THE BAG,

BUT NEVER HURTS TO CHEAT.

JACKBOTS, DON'T CARE, DON'T WANT TO KNOW HOW.

JUST MAKE HIM GONE.

WHOA.

I CANNOT FIGHT WITH THIS HEAVY GARMENT!

WHOA!

IT'S NOT YOUR WEIGHT.

IT'S HOW YOU THROW IT AROUND!

THAT'S SHOWIN' 'EM!

HONOR THE POWER OF THE OFF SWITCH.

DON'T MESS WITH THE MONK!

DON'T JUST STAND THERE LIKE A BUFFOON!

FINISH THE RACE!

WHOO-HOO!

YAAH!

HA HA HA HA HA!

NOW THAT I'VE DEFEATED YOU,

PERHAPS YOU'LL RESPECT THE GENIUS OF JACK SPICER!

RESPECT THIS!

AAH!

NO!

HAH!

OMI, THAT WAS SWEET!

YOU DONE A GOOD DAY'S ROUNDUP, PARTNER.

I REALLY LIKE THAT ROBE THING.

WHAT'S IT CALLED AGAIN?

THE TWO-TON TUNIC!

I GOT YA.

YOU HAVE ALL DONE EXCEPTIONALLY WELL.

WOULDN'T YOU AGREE, DOJO?

NOT BAD... FOR AMATEURS.

THE JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES BEGINS WITH BUT A SINGLE STEP.

WHERE DO YOU GET THIS STUFF?

I HAVE A DESK CALENDAR.

MASTER FUNG...

THERE ARE SO MANY SHEN GONG WU LEFT TO BE FOUND.

YOUR NEW FRIENDS WILL HELP.

OH, YES, MASTER.

I HAVE ALREADY TAUGHT MUCH TO KIMIKO, RAIMUNDO, AND CLAY.

BUT, OMI, THEY ARE HERE TO TEACH YOU.

BUT I AM THE CHOSEN ONE.

YOU AREN'T THE ONLY CHOSEN ONE, OMI.

SOMEDAY, YOUR NEW FRIENDS MAY BECOME DRAGONS AS WELL:

KIMIKO, THE DRAGON OF FIRE;

CLAY, THE DRAGON OF EARTH;

AND RAIMUNDO, THE DRAGON OF THE WIND.

IS THIS TRUE, MASTER?

YES, BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL YOU UNTIL YOU WERE READY.

Clay: I DON'T THINK HE WAS READY.