Original subtitles

What's the name of that guy?

Pinter.

Not Pinter. The guy. With the boat?

Magellan.

Not Magellan. Onassis?

Onassis.

That's it.

♪ Tell me why ♪

♪ I love you like I do ♪

♪ Tell me who ♪

♪ Can stop my heart As much as you ♪

♪ Let's take each other's hand ♪

♪ As we jump into The final frontier ♪

♪ I'm mad about you, baby ♪♪

Ma, did I mention that it is our anniversary?

We want to be alone.

I'm working on that.

Meanwhile, we got nothing to eat here.

Shh! That's your mother.

There's plenty to eat. Just look behind the pot roast.

Look at all that shrimp and all that...

Huh? Why do you say I'm lying?

All right. Okay. All right, you win. You win, Ma.

We will see you tomorrow at 2:30.

Okay. All right.

Good news is...

Paul...

We're having lunch tomorrow. It won't kill you.

We agreed we were going to be alone.

I tried. I was weakened by hunger.

We have food.

Show me food.

Oh.

We'll make something from baking soda.

Hello. Hiya, Frannie. Hold on.

Tomorrow? Yeah.

Looking forward to tomorrow too.

Let me call you back.

I agreed before we agreed.

Now we got two anniversary lunches tomorrow?

Three. Once you tell me about your sister.

You knew about that one?

Please.

So we'll have three lunches.

It will be, like, six, seven hours, tops.

After that, it's just us.

No matter who asks us, it's just you and me.

Absolutely. We say no.

This is pathetic.

We got... a egg.

We got... one tomato. We got 16 packs of duck sauce.

If I was MacGyver, I could make a Jeep out of this.

Crackers and olive oil.

Give me the oil.

For what?

I'm going to scramble an egg.

You can't scramble an egg in oil.

It will taste like oil.

I like oil.

Aren't there little squirty things on these?

We need to clean up. We're seeing your mother.

We're going there.

She'll know.

You're right. We'll clean up later.

I'm going to run down to the store.

Eat something before you shop.

If I could, I wouldn't have to shop.

Eat a tomato.

Not interested in a tomato.

Last time you went shopping hungry,

You bought $34 worth of Entenmann's.

What should I get?

Oh, get those things.

What things?

Those things we don't like.

Then why get them?

Because you like them.

I don't even know what you're talking about.

Those things.

I'll get a box.

A bag.

Maybe somebody there will know.

That one right there. Right behind it.

The one that refuses to curl.

Good choice, sir. She's a beauty.

You know, that stuff will kill you.

You're dribbling all over me.

I don't have this mastered yet.

You're a doctor, not a fruit sprayer.

I'm telling you, Paul,

I have never felt more alive.

I don't know. I see... I don't get it.

What? What's not to get?

I'm outdoors. I meet people.

Yesterday I sold a mango to Ed Koch.

How's he doing?

Very good.

That's plenty. That's plenty.

Look at that meat.

You ever think you might come back as a cow?

What, here? Why would I do that?

Sometimes it's not always up to us.

You're the one who fell asleep

in the middle of Gandhi.

I was resting my eyes.

Kim, Tammy, this is a friend of mine, Paul Buchman.

We know.

Just never been introduced is all.

You don't stop and smell the roses.

I've been meaning to, but I've been so darn busy.

How are you doing?

Coming very soon.

Kim is not only my boss, he is also my Zen master.

Thank you. And you're a fine student.

Go unpack the Pringles.

Hey! Do you know those things I love?

Yes, yes. We don't carry them.

Don't have them.

Don't even know what they are.

So you actually like it here?

I do.

You're actually happy?

You know how many pairs of shoes I have?

Offhand, I do not.

One. Gave them all away. The possessions.

I'm guessing the ones you have are very comfortable.

What's comfort?

Who are you kidding?

You're the first guy I knew ever got a shiatsu chair.

Used to sit around in your underwear.

You always had to put on pants.

Know how many pairs of pants I have?

I'll guess one.

Two. You have to wear something doing laundry.

But they're just frills. They're frills.

I don't know, maybe I'm missing something.

What are you doing? I don't know what you're saying.

I'm chanting.

I'm chanting for your understanding.

Are you chanting now?

Oh, Paul, it's wonderful.

Paul, you can't imagine the power of a chant.

Think of something you want and chant with me.

No.

Come on. Just one little chant.

Really? Not so much.

What do you say? One chant.

Really? Not really.

Oh, Paul.

Thanks for the offer.

Where'd this guy get this slop?

I'm like the mustard king here.

That's very strange.

Hey, my ring!

Where's my wedding ring?

If I lose my wedding ring again...

Paul, Paul, Paul. Just a possession.

Remember what happened last time?

Oh, yeah, big fight.

She thought I did it on purpose.

She reads into things.

She's a reader, yeah.

She's a big reader.

Where did you have it last?

When I woke up, I had it on.

I had it in the kitchen. I was talking to my mother.

How is your mother? Tell her I say hello.

I'm thinking here! I took out the eggs, the oil...

That's where it is.

Love to Jamie!

Honey?

In the bedroom.

Okay.

That's good.

I see your tushy.

Ow!

Hi.

Where's the food?

It's so crowded down there.

It's never crowded.

Today they're having that sale.

What sale?

The "Happy birthday, Buddha" sale.

Six crackers are supposed to hold me over?

You ate the crackers?

You two grab a bite, and I'll just...

Forget it. I'm taking the egg.

Let me do that.

What? What are you doing?

Testing the temperature.

You know, hot oil's very bad for the pipes.

What are you doing tomorrow?

Nothing. Why?

It's your anniversary. I want to take you out.

Ooh, duck sauce!

Tomorrow's not our anniversary.

What? Tomorrow is our anniversary.

Well, that's just great.

What?

I can't believe you forgot.

What?

It's today.

What?

You don't have to hear this.

Can I talk to you? What are you...

Tomorrow is our anniversary.

I want us to be alone.

You're just so good at this.

I love you.

And I mean it!

I'm sorry. Of course. Of course it's today.

I don't know what I'm thinking. It's today.

Are you sure?

I think we'd know when our anniversary is.

See, I knew it.

Knew what?

I told Mom it was today.

We had a 20-minute argument. I swear she's getting senile.

Hello, Mom? Hold on.

Jamie, when's your anniversary?

Today.

No apology necessary.

Whose baby is this?

That's Kenny and Shayna.

Ugly.

Hey, it's a baby.

It's an ugly baby.

Stop it!

Why do you put other people's babies

on your refrigerator, anyway?

Because they send them. Why?

Either they're hinting, or we're on a list.

Paul, are you home? Give me a hand.

I'm busy.

Doing what?

I don't mean busy busy.

I told you I'd bring it back.

What happened here?

I took the wheel off.

I didn't want the bike to get stolen.

Where's the wheel?

Joke's on me.

Hey!

Are you guys done in there?

What?

Well?

Well what?

Aren't you going to say happy anniversary?

It's tomorrow.

Wrong!

Hey, when is your anniversary?

It's today.

Really?

I'm sorry. Happy anniversary.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

Straightening the pot area.

I'm still starving. I'm going to the market.

Forget it. We'll go.

Really?

What do you want?

Food.

Come on.

Why do we have to go?

Because it's their anniversary.

That's true.

Thank you.

I don't want our kids on other people's refrigerators.

What are you doing?

You're absolutely right. The floor is slanty.

We have to discuss this.

Stanley says the papers are all in order.

You can't just give me everything.

Why not?

Because people need stuff. You need stuff.

If I need any stuff, I'll chant for it.

Well, you've just gone nuts, that's all.

You call it nuts. I call it inner peace.

Potato, po-tah-to.

You must want something from your old life.

I do, Fran.

Name it, it's yours.

You.

Except that.

I mean it, Fran.

You have every right to be hurt and angry.

I'm not. I'm someplace else.

Please don't ask me to go back.

You know how hard it is not to be with you?

Buddha says suffering is life.

Well, Buddha never met you.

I'm chanting for you.

Don't chant for me.

Just come and see Kiss of the Spider Woman.

Kim says it's fantastic.

Stop it. It's over.

Hey, look who's here.

We heard you were back.

The busboy thing didn't work out?

I can't believe I'm seeing you. What's new?

I'm flirting with becoming a notary,

but there's that whole stress thing.

Don't do it.

Maybe we should get cake. You got cake?

We have cakes, Drano, and cheese by the pound.

Why do you need a cake?

It's Paul and Jamie's anniversary.

It's tomorrow.

She just said it was today.

I said I'd take them to lunch tomorrow.

Maybe she was too polite to correct you.

Do you have champagne here?

We have beer, Q-tips, lemon pie.

We'll find something.

Hey, listen, Ira.

Yeah.

Look, I know that you and Fran slept together

while I was away.

I want you to know I've made my peace with it.

Great. You guys have paper cups here?

When's the last time we cleaned?

I don't know.

That's my point.

♪ I want to find my ring I want to find my ring ♪

♪ I want to find my ring ♪♪

What are you doing?

Just... I was chanting.

Chanting?

I was chanting.

What were you chanting?

♪ O... kla-homa ♪

♪ Where the wind comes Sweeping down the plain ♪

♪ And the windy wheat ♪

♪ The wheat the windy wheat ♪

It's like a chant. ♪ The windy wheat ♪♪

♪ I want to find my ring I want to find my ring ♪

♪ I want to find my ring I want to find my ring ♪

♪ Ring... ring, ring went the trolley ♪♪

Want to have a pillow fight?

No.

Help me move the table.

Okey-dokey.

Ooh, hey! Look at that.

Who is this? David Niven.

David Niven.

Hand in the pocket.

What the hell is the matter with you?

What?

I think you're delirious from hunger.

I think you might be right.

I'm going to slice that tomato.

That's a gorgeous tomato.

If there was an award for tomatoes...

Ow!

Ow! I cut my finger.

Cut my finger. Cut my finger.

Are you all right?

Yeah, no, it's no big deal.

Want me to help?

No, no. Put a Band-Aid on it.

Just a little thing.

Let me see.

You poor baby.

Where's your ring?

I took it off.

Let me have it. Why?

You don't want to lose it.

I'm not going to lose it.

Remember last time?

There was a big fight.

So where is it?

What? Where is it?

Where is it?

♪ O... kla-homa ♪♪

Does this look like ours?

Yes.

No. We don't use those little twist things.

What do we use?

The other things.

What were you thinking, throwing out the garbage?

I thought I was throwing out the garbage.

Next time think first.

We'll never find it.

Don't be negative.

I'm not being negative.

What, are you being mad?

No.

Ow! Did you see that?

Somebody just threw a thing.

It hit me on the head.

This isn't ours.

How do you know?

It's from across the hall.

Get out of there.

They eat Spam.

You say you're not mad. Last time you were plenty mad.

Last time you did it on purpose.

I didn't lose it on purpose.

Please stop reading into things.

I'm not reading into things.

You did last time.

There was plenty to read.

Did you know Brenda Vaccaro lives in our building?

Get out of here.

She doesn't recycle.

Let me see that.

Ow! Jeez!

You didn't see that one?

See what?

Anyway, why did you take your ring off?

This time?

Last time.

Because it was itching me.

Yeah, exactly.

What "exactly"? I wasn't used to it yet.

Why did you take it off this time?

I didn't take it off.

You said that before.

This time it's the truth.

How could I know that?

It's two years later. I love you two years more.

Then you loved me two years less?

I'm standing up to my ass in garbage.

Let's talk about the relationship.

Oh, honey, a wishbone.

Oh, that's good.

Let's make a wish.

Please?

Ha!

That's nice. What did you wish for?

World peace.

We know you stole our TV Guide!

Happy anniversary!

Whoa! Ooh!

God, what happened to you?

Like you all smell so great.

We had to go through the garbage.

It's your anniversary.

What are you doing going through the garbage?

It's their anniversary. Leave them alone.

I'm leftovers here.

What is it, the ring?

I looked all over the market.

I'm sorry.

Let us go wash up.

Want to go get some plates?

You got it.

Are you chanting for me?

No.

Good.

So does this remind you of anything?

What?

You, me, here together.

What's it supposed to remind me of?

You, me, here together?

Mark, stop it.

Are you going to say you don't care for me?

Of course I care. We shared a life together.

You're the father of my child.

So?

So no.

Why not?

Because I have moved on.

I'd understand if there was somebody else.

Then there is.

Who?

Ira.

Oh, come on.

What? You know we slept together.

Sleeping together is not moving on.

Sometimes it is.

Oh, come on.

Fran told me about you two.

What about us?

Not you.

Who, me? He already knew that.

Not that. The other thing.

She told you, she told you.

What'd she tell you?

What do you think?

You told him that?

Yes, I did... honey.

Okay, sugar.

How come no one told me?

It's not true.

Believe what you want to believe.

I can't believe you guys did this.

How often is it your anniversary?

Just today and tomorrow.

I'm so sorry about the ring.

He'll find it.

It depends. On What?

On whether or not he wants it in his heart.

What are you making problems for?

Paul... Zen.

Mark... knock it off.

Just give it a try.

That's not who I am.

That's the whole point.

You have to move beyond who you are

to a whole different way of knowing.

I do that.

Honey, give it a try.

What do I have to do?

Bear with me. I'm new at this.

Paul, you have your ring.

That was easy.

Shut up, please. I'm in the middle of a Zen thing.

Paul, you don't have your ring.

Make up your mind.

Did you feel the moment

when a little piece of you fell away?

Uh, no.

What did you see? What did you hear?

What did I see? What did I hear? Uh, nothing.

I had my ring. Then I didn't have my ring.

I didn't hear anything. Splash. A splash.

A splash?

A splash.

What kind of splash?

A splash splash.

What are you talking about?

Like when my ring fell in the hot dog water,

thank you very much.

I ate the hot dog in front of the market.

You had a hot dog?

You said you don't eat those anymore.

I lied.

It's in the hot dog cart?

He's right outside the market.

Wait. Wait. He's not there anymore.

You can know that?

I saw him leave two hours ago.

Do you know the cart's ID number?

I didn't notice that.

Why not?

Why would I?

In case something happens.

Let us look around.

I can't let you. There's rules.

We'll buy all the hot dogs.

Yeah. What?

All of them?

How many would that be?

They're all yours.

That's a lot of carts.

Anything?

There's nothing.

Remember about wanting it in your heart.

Sweetheart, I just bought $600 worth of hot dogs

because I want it in my heart.

I'll smell like Yankee Stadium for the rest of my life.

How much more do you want me to want it?

What time is it?

It's 10 minutes till our anniversary.

We'll be fine. We'll be fine.

Aw, nothing.

Couldn't he have bought a pretzel?

I'm going to check this cart here. Want to come?

No.

You sure?

Please, Mark. I told you.

You and Ira, you're in love.

Deeply.

I don't believe it.

What do you mean "why don't they grill them?"

Let's just forget it.

It doesn't matter.

Let's just get you a new one.

I want my ring.

Really?

Yes, really.

It's broken in, you know?

I know my ring.

It makes a certain sound when I tap my fingers.

When I'm washing my hair,

there's this metallic zing on my scalp

that I recognize.

It's like when I hold your hand, the rings click there.

I want it in my heart, okay?

Okay.

Ow!

What happened?

Hey, my ring!

Are you sure it's yours?

No, it's the cow's. Yes.

There it is.

It's inscribed.

Huh. Look at that.

I can't believe they got the date wrong.