Original subtitles

H-I-N-G, that's your word?

Yes, it is.

What is it?

Hing.

Thank you. What does it mean?

It's hard to explain.

Yeah. Use it in a sentence.

Hing?

I won the game of Scrabble using the word "hing."

Yeah.

Well, I challenge "hing."

You're such a baby.

I didn't challenge you when you said "quizjax."

Oh, hing.

♪ Tell me why ♪

♪ I love you like I do ♪

♪ Tell me who ♪

♪ Can stop my heart As much as you ♪

♪ Let's take each other's hand ♪

♪ As we jump into The final frontier ♪♪

You getting ready or not?

Hmm? Yes, I am.

Well, put down the catalog.

What is it with these people?

They're standing in the ocean

with a sweater and a cup of coffee.

Who does that?

Get ready.

I really, truly don't want to go.

It's entertainment.

There's going to be singers and dancers?

Yeah, political satire or something.

What?

Political satire, okay?

Did she say political satire?

You knew this? You didn't tell me?

I was afraid you wouldn't want to go.

I don't want to go.

Me neither, but it's a benefit for Fran's kid's school.

It's so dumb.

You're going for Fran.

I'm going for you.

Ira's going for me.

It's a whole trickle-down theory.

There's your political satire there,

the analogy I just made.

Why don't we just stay home?

Put on your shoes.

I'm putting on my shoes.

Coming.

Gee, if I could do that,

why would I be going out tonight?

Hey, am I late?

No, no.

Pretty sharp, huh?

You're a beautiful man.

So tell me something.

Why am I going?

When I know why I'm going, I'll tell you why you're going.

Hey, James.

Hey, Ira. Wear a tie.

Why?

He has one.

Are you proud of yourself now?

Put on a tie.

The navy one.

I don't own a navy tie.

Yes, you do. It's the one you think's dark green.

It is dark green.

I got it.

Hi.

Hey, Frannie.

Where are they?

In the bedroom.

Ira, I think I'm late.

I thought I was late too.

No, I mean I think I'm late.

What?

Hi, Fran. What color is this?

Navy. Navy.

You see that? They both said dark green.

How could you be late? It was one time.

It wasn't even in town.

What does that have to do with anything?

But it was in Atlantic City.

Well, we might have hit the jackpot.

Oh, wow.

Did you tell them about us?

No way.

That's good.

I'm sorry.

Hey.

Let's get this show on the road.

We don't want to be late.

♪ Oh, where, oh, where Has my Reagan gone... ♪♪

What's wrong?

I'm nauseous.

From the entertainment?

No. I may be pregnant.

What? How could you be pregnant?

Shh.

Are you afraid a teacher's going to walk in?

♪ R-o-double s-p-e-r-o-t

♪ Spells Ross Perot... ♪♪

It's bad enough this guy writes these songs.

Why sing them in front of people?

Makes you think.

What does he make you think about?

That I might have gotten a girl pregnant.

I don't see how you get that.

No, Pauly, what I'm saying

is that I might have gotten a girl pregnant.

What, are you kidding me?

You don't use anything?

Of course I do.

So what happened?

One of my troops may have broken through.

Who is she?

You don't know her.

We met on a bus.

It was one of those cross-town in the night things.

Who are you talking to?

All right.

It was...

a waitress.

All right, that's better.

What waitress?

From Riff's?

Yeah.

Ursula?

Yeah.

How did that happen?

I'm there one night nursing a beer,

she's closing.

She's there by herself?

I helped her carry this big tray in back.

The back of the restaurant?

Yeah, the kitchen.

So it's like hot and steamy?

Very.

Wow. So who started it?

Well, I started unbuttoning her shirt.

And she does what?

She's unbuttoning my shirt.

You both have your shirts off?

That's right.

She's got no shirt?

That's correct.

What happens now?

One thing leads to another,

and, you know... boom.

How is it in the kitchen?

Is it clean?

Your doorman?

Yes.

Which one?

Sergio.

The swarthy one?

That's him.

How did it happen?

Well, he was helping me with my groceries,

and one thing led to another.

You know me and uniforms.

Wow, Fran.

I'm probably not.

We'll get you a test.

Oh, God. I'm sure you're not.

Promise you won't tell Paul.

No, I won't.

You really can't tell him.

I won't.

Okay, let's go.

♪ They call it NAFTA, NAFTA ♪

♪ South of the border What a tall order... ♪

Hey, do me a favor.

Don't tell your wife.

I'd change the names.

Pauly!

All right, I won't.

♪ South of the border It's the Mexican way ♪♪

Hello.

Oh, hi. Are you okay?

No, not really.

Who's that?

Fran.

You just saw her.

Do you mind?

Of course I didn't tell him.

Did you buy it?

Did you use it?

Do it first thing in the morning and call me.

Do what in the morning?

Make oatmeal cookies.

Why in the morning?

They rise better.

They rise?

Can you hold on? I have another call.

Hello.

It's Ira. Can he call you right back?

That's important.

You just saw him.

You're talking about cookies.

I'll talk to you tomorrow. Paul's cranky.

I'm not cranky.

Call when you take them out of the oven.

Hi. Huh? No, no, it's a good time.

So you're seeing her tomorrow?

Seeing whom?

What? Whom is he seeing?

Did you say "whom"?

Yes. That's correct.

Yeah, but, still,

you don't say it in a regular sentence like that.

His... his... his bookie.

His bookie?

Do you mind?

He has a woman bookie?

It was her father's business,

and now she's

running the operation, basically.

Hmm?

No, I didn't tell her. I did not.

Good. That's the right thing to do.

Call me tomorrow when you know.

What's the right thing to do?

What?

You said something was the right thing to do.

I told him to bet against the Patriots.

What's the spread?

How many points are they getting?

A lot.

Maybe he should take the points.

He can't. They've been all taken.

We can see that thing we didn't see.

Yeah. Why don't we wait?

Then we can not rent it.

Have a seat, and I'll be right with you.

She look a little heavy to you?

Who?

The waitress, Ursula.

She's a stick.

She looks like she's carrying a little bloat.

I just don't want Fran to see anything too sad.

Fran's coming?

Can't we stop by and invite her?

Because you guys will drag me to a shoe store.

She's had a hard week.

Well, she's had a...

She's had a hard week.

All right, we'll make it a Fran thing.

What's a Fran thing?

It's like a Lisa thing, only with Fran.

Okay, now, I don't recommend the clam chowder.

Oh, why?

Yeah. We're out of it.

How you been doing, Ursula?

Good.

But, like, how you doing?

Good.

Yeah? Okay.

Really?

Well, except I can't remember who I lent my mittens to.

Okay, as long as you're okay,

because I want you to know

you can always talk to us

about anything, you know?

I like to think of us

as more than just customers.

Okay. Do you want to order?

I'll have a chef's salad.

Make it two.

We're more than just customers?

Just trying to be nice.

All right...

she has to have thumb surgery.

Thumb surgery?

That's why the mittens are so important.

You don't know, okay?

Her boss doesn't know yet.

Let me help you with that.

Oh, thanks.

Sure.

Where does this go?

I don't know.

Hey, Frannie.

Hey.

Nice place.

Yeah, I just had it painted.

So?

I don't know yet.

I thought you bought one of those pregnancy tests.

I did, but you know...

Look, I'll be right here.

Why don't you take the test?

Okay, thanks.

Want a beer or something?

No, no, I'm fine.

I'll get it.

I hope it's not Mark.

Did you notice the doorman?

Sort of.

Did he look tender to you?

What is the matter with you?

Fran, you cut your hair.

Hey, Pauly, James.

What are you doing here?

Frannie asked me over.

What for?

To help her.

With what?

To paint her apartment.

You know, she asked me to paint her apartment.

Hi. What are you doing here?

We're taking you to a movie.

Frannie, go ahead.

I'll start painting without you.

You go, I'll paint. That's why I'm here.

Right... right on.

Ira's helping me paint the apartment.

Didn't you just have it painted?

Yes, but I hate it.

You said you loved it.

In the morning, you can see streaks.

You definitely don't want to see streaks,

unless, of course, you're going

for that textured finish thing.

For a textured finish?

Yeah.

It does look streaky.

Do you want us to help?

No, she doesn't.

We don't mind.

Let's start in the dining room.

Ira, help me get the paint.

Anything you say, boss.

What, are you kidding me?

Come on. It'll be fun.

Where do you get

that painting somebody's house is fun?

What are you, Amish?

Painting? That's what you thought of?

Should I say I came

to see if I should keep Father's Day open?

I didn't take the test.

What do you mean?

I can't pee under pressure!

I don't want my apartment painted.

You want to tell them?

No! You got it?

Still looking.

We should move the furniture into the center of the room.

How are you doing?

I'm great.

So you're not...

I don't know yet. I'm great. I am.

This is just like

when you were pregnant with Ryan.

What is?

You're moody.

Yeah, that's it.

I'm having mood swings, and you know what?

I don't want my apartment painted anymore.

Let's move on.

No, no, no, you were right.

This will be good,

having the place painted, starting fresh.

Since when do you paint apartments?

Since when don't I?

My whole life, you never painted an apartment.

I've never been asked.

Look, Pauly, come here.

Come here.

I told Fran I may need to pick up a few extra bucks.

For what?

I may have responsibilities... A kid on the way, maybe twins.

Ursula is having twins?

You never know. It runs in her family.

She was a little out of it today.

You saw her?

In the restaurant.

Did you say anything?

Am I stupid?

We need some sheets.

I got it. I got it.

Since when does Ira paint apartments?

What do you mean? Since when doesn't he?

Has he ever painted an apartment?

Who knows. Maybe he's never been asked.

What do you mean?

He...

He needs the money.

He has a job.

Yeah, well, he needs more money than that.

For what? He's got debts.

What kind of debts?

Gambling debts.

He bet on the Patriots?

Exactly, right.

I tell him no, what does he do?

So, now you know.

How much does he owe?

A... a lot. Too much, whatever.

With these guys, you need the money.

If you don't pay them,

your whole life, you're looking over your shoulder

for some guy in a trench coat..

Carrying a chisel.

Oh, my God, poor Ira.

Look, now you know.

I told you everything.

You don't know, okay? Shh.

Meanwhile, I don't see any streaks.

I do.

Show me streaks.

If she wants it painted,

let it be painted.

I don't get it. She's so moody.

She's not moody.

Then what is it?

Come here, come here, come here.

What?

She has to fix the place up.

For what?

She's going to sell it.

You're kidding.

Wait a second. She rents this place.

Right. She's going to buy it.

You just said she's going to sell it.

She's going to buy it so she can sell it.

Why?

For profit. She's strapped for cash.

Fran?

Yeah, she's not working, she's raising a kid,

she hasn't seen Mark.

Wow. Poor Frannie.

Okay, don't say anything, okay?

You don't say anything to Ira.

I don't have much paint left over.

We'll use a new color.

What's wrong with this color?

You go buy paint,

and we'll cover the furniture.

I'm low on cash. Why don't we...

Wait until next week.

Our treat.

You're treating me to paint?

Yeah, because you picked up lunch that time.

What time?

Next time, whatever it is.

Come on.

Why don't you and Jamie hit the movies?

No, I want to help. In fact...

This is between you and me.

Pauly.

You need it. It would make me feel better.

Hey, hey.

Well, if it would make you feel better, what the hell?

Now I don't have to paint the apartment.

Well, we promised Fran.

She doesn't really need it.

Trust me, she needs it.

Really? Why?

All right, look...

don't tell my wife I told you,

but she has to sell the place quick.

She does?

Yeah. Mark spent every dime, left her with nothing.

Aw, jeez, this on top of everything else?

What do you mean? What else?

Nothing, what you said.

Yeah, you know.

We're going to need a ladder.

I'll call downstairs.

You mean him?

Him who?

Sergio.

Oh, yeah, him.

I gather he's taking no responsibility for this.

None.

Should I do it, or would that be awkward?

I'll tell him what I think.

Yes, that would be too awkward.

James, I don't need to paint my apartment.

Yes, you do.

Why waste Ira's time?

You're not wasting his time.

He really wants to do this.

Why would Ira want to paint my apartment?

All right, listen...

don't tell Paul I told you,

but Ira really needs the money right now.

For what?

He's in a little bit of trouble with the mob.

How deep?

Deep.

Deep, deep?

He owes money to bookies and loan sharks.

Oh, my God.

Oh, poor Ira.

I know. He's like a walking target.

Whoops. I spilled some paint on your shirt.

Aw, don't worry about it. It's Mark's.

Should we have used a primer?

By the time it bleeds through, the place will be sold.

Hey, you don't know that.

What are you looking at?

That guy in the black coat.

He hasn't moved in 10 minutes.

You don't think he's waiting for Ira, do you?

Come away from the window.

Honey...

it's a guy in a trench coat.

He might be carrying a chisel.

Hey, you're not supposed to know about that.

Did you pee yet?

I'm trying. I'll go run the faucet.

Hey, Ira, listen...

Shh, shh.

What?

Man, I don't even know anymore.

Is Mrs. Devanow in?

I'll take it.

Thanks. If you need something else...

I think you've done quite enough.

Get away from the window!

You're blocking the view.

Come here. What's wrong with you?

Did you say anything to her?

No. Did you say anything to him?

No.

Man, they're acting really strange.

Did you say anything?

No. Did you?

No.

Good. Don't worry about this.

You got enough on your mind.

So do you.

I'm fine.

Let me write you a check.

What for?

For painting.

I'm enjoying myself. Let me give you some cash.

Oh, stop it!

Oh, God.

What's wrong?

Nothing. Cramps.

I'm getting cramps!

Yes!

What was that?

I don't know.

I'm never excited when you get cramps.

Neither am I.

Oh, my God.

It was Fran?

Ira?

Oh... you knew?

You knew?

I can't believe you lied to me.

You lied to me.

All right, so we're even now.

Oh, my God.

What?

I was so rude to Sergio.

Forget Sergio.

I gave Ira $200.

For what?

Apparently for schtupping Fran.

How stupid are we?

This stupid.

Oh, hand me a roller.

She doesn't even want the place painted.

Shh. You're not supposed to know that.

Hey, you guys told me

we weren't doing the show this week.

We're not.

We're just painting the set.

What for?

Because we're selling it.

Why?

We need the money.

What for?

Paul owes money to the mob.

Really?

Yep.

Hey, you want to help us?

I'd like to, but I just had thumb surgery.