Original subtitles

[THUNDER]

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S A

COVER CHARGE?

>> IT'S POLICY.

INNKEEPER BALROD WANTS TO RAISE

MONEY FOR A NEW SIGN.

>> AA NEW SIGN?

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THE OLD

ONE?

>> QUIET, STINK!

I'LL HANDLE THIS.

A NEW SIGN?

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THE OLD

ONE?

>> HE SAID THEY MISSPELLED

SOMETHING ON IT.

>> HMM. WHAT'D THEY MISSPELL?

>> WELL, THE NAME OF THE BAR IS

THE DRAGON'S KNEECAP.

>> DAMN IT!

THIS ISN'T THE PLACE!

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

YOU!

TELL ME WHICH WAY TO THE

SWINE'S FACE TAVERN AND BE

QUICK, OR THE LAST THING YOU'LL

SEE WILL BE THE POINT OF MY

RUSTY MEAT HOOK PRESSING INTO

YOUR RETINA.

>> ITIT'S 3 BLOCKS DOWN ON

THE LEFT.

>> HANG ON.

>> I BETTER WRITE THIS DOWN.

[BUZZING]

>> UH...

[DOG WHIMPERS]

>> HUH?

>> GOOD EVENING.

[MAN COUGHING]

>> ALL RIGHT. COME ON.

AND...SIT.

SIT DOWN!

STINK!

>> YES, UMUM, SIR.

>> I TOLD THEM TO GO THE OTHER

WAY.

THEY TOOK THAT WAY INSTEAD.

>> I TOLD YOU HE WOULDN'T BE

HERE!

>> I BLAME THAT DOORMAN.

>> IF I HAVE TO TELL YOU TWO

ONE MORE TIME!

>> WAIT.

LISTEN.

[URINATING]

[TAPPING]

>> THE GREAT CITIES HAVE RISEN

AND FALLEN, CIVILIZATION'S GRIP

ON MANKIND HAS GROWN WEAK AND

ARTHRITIC, DARK FORCES SEEK TO

RENEW FORGOTTEN COVENANTS, AND

PRIMORDIAL BEASTS RECLAIM THE

WILDERNESS.

OUT OF THE FROZEN NORTH, A MAN

EMERGES, A MAN OF A BARBARIC

AGE, WHOSE MERCILESS SAVAGERY

MAY BE THE ONLY KEY TO HIS

SURVIVAL.

THEY CALL HIM KORGOTH!

[HEAVY METAL PLAYING]

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

>> 'TIS HIM.

>> AYE.

>> STINK, GO AND TALK TO HIM.

>> UH...WHAT ABOUT THE ROLL?

>> 9?

>> 9 IS, UM, STINK.

>> HE ALWAYS WINS.

>> [MUTTERING]

[GULP]

UH, GREETINGS, YOUR LARGENESS,

UH, SIR.

YOU ARE THE ONE KNOWN AS

KORGOTH, ARE YOU NOT?

WELL, YOU SEE, SIR.

WE WERE SENT HERE TO TAKE YOU

TO SEE OUR MASTER, AND, WELL,

YOU SEE, OUR MASTER, WELL,

SOMETIMES HE'S NOT VERY NICE,

SO WHEN

>> [BELCHES]

>> HEH HEH.

UH.

ECHH.

VERVERYVERY GOOD, SIR.

LOOK, MISTER.

YOU'RE TO COME WITH US IF YOU

KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU.

THE SILENT TREATMENT, HUH?

WELL, WE HAVE WAYS OF DEALING

WITH

>> HERE'S YOUR BEER, KORGOTH.

NO MORE FREEBIES THIS MONTH, OK?

>> UNH!

>> ERR!

>> OHH!

>> [éLING]

>> [SCREAMING]

>> AAH! OHH!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

[HEAVY METAL PLAYING]

>> UEEH!

>> AAH!

UNH!

>> YOU!

YOU WILL REGRET WHAT YOU HAVE

DONE THIS DAY.

I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET EVER

BEING BORN.

YOU'RE GOING TO WISH YOU NEVER

LEFT YOUR MOTHER'S WOMB, WHERE

IT WAS WARM AND SAFE AND WET.

I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU PAIN YOU

NEVER KNEW EXISTED.

YOU'RE GOING TO SEE A WHOLE NEW

SPECTRUM OF PAIN, LIKE A

RAINBOW!

>> YOU TELL HIM, SKROTUS.

AAH!

>> BUT THIS RAINBOW IS NOT JUST

LIKE ANY OTHER RAINBOW.

IT'S...

AAH!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

AAH!

>> WHAT DO YOU WANT?

>> WE WERE SENT TO TAKE YOU TO

SEE OUR LEADER.

>> WHO'S THAT?

>> II'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL.

UNH!

WAIT!

THERE'S GOLD!

>> AAH!

>> HA HA HA!

>> AAH!

AAH!

>> HA HA HA!

[SLURPS]

HEE HEE HEE!

WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?

HA HA HA!

MM.

MM.

>> MASTER, WE HAVE BROUGHT YOU

THEHUH?

>> AAH!

>> HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

AAH!

YOU BITCH!

HA HA HA!

HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT?

OH, KORGOTH.

YOU MADE IT.

>> GOG-MA-GOGG, I HAD A ROTTEN

FEELING YOU WERE BEHIND THIS.

>> AND BY ROTTEN, I'M ASSUMING

YOU MEAN PLEASURABLE.

>> NICE HOVEL YOU'VE MADE FOR

YOURSELF.

>> WELL, AS THE BARON OF

THIEVES, I HAVE APPEARANCES TO

UPHOLD.

COME HERE, YOU.

GOOD OLD KORGOTH.

LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOU HAD A

NOOSE AROUND YOUR NECK.

>> I WAS TOLD IT WAS YOU WHO

TIPPED OFF THE TOWN GUARD.

>> ENOUGH REMINISCING.

TELL ME, DO YOU KNOW OF THE

WIZARD SPECULES?

>> AYE.

I DESPISE ALL WEAVERS OF THE

BLACK ARTS.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, COULD YOU

PASS THE GRAVY?

>> WELL, APART FROM BEING A

DANGEROUS SORCERER, SPECULES IS

AN AFICIONADO OF RARE AND

CURIOUS TRINKETS, ENVIED AMONG

FELLOW ENTHUSIASTS FOR

RETAINING IN HIS COLLECTION THE

LEGENDARY GOLDEN GOBLIN OF THE

FOURTH AGE.

>> HMM.

>> NOW IT HAS COME TO MY

ATTENTION VIA A LOCAL VILLAGE

NEWSPAPER THAT SPECULES IS

WELL-KNOWN FOR MAKING NIGHTLY

APPEARANCES ATOP THE BALCONY OF

HIS FLOATING TOWER, WHERE HE

STANDS ARMS ERECT, GAZING INTO

THE ETHER FOR AROUND 45 MINUTES

OR UNTIL HIS ARMS GET TIRED,

THEN RETURNS INTO HIS CASTLE

ALONE WITH THE GOLDEN GOBLIN.

INTERESTING, EH?

>> I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WOULD BE

THIS MUCH TALKING.

>> ACCORDING TO A SEEING STONE

I INSTALLED IN THE WIZARD'S

FRONT YARD, SPECULES HAS NOT

APPEARED ON HIS BALCONY FOR

OVER A MONTH.

>> MEANING?

>> MEANING HE IS OBVIOUSLY NO

LONGER AMONG THE LIVING.

>> SORRY. I DON'T DO WIZARDS OR

GOBLINS, FOR THAT MATTER.

>> THE WIZARD IS DEAD.

HIS TREASURE IS THERE FOR THE

TAKING.

LET ME REPHRASE THE QUESTION.

IF YOU DO NOT BRING ME THE

GOLDEN GOBLIN, I WILL NEVER

GIVE TO YOU THE ELIXIR NEEDED

TO DISPATCH THE DEADLY STOMACH

PARASITE I SO STEALTHILY

INSERTED INTO YOUR BELLY.

HA HA HA!

>> HA HA HA!

WE GOT YOU!

HA HAAAH!

>> KILL ME, AND YOU WILL NEVER

OBTAIN THE ELIXIR.

IT'S A ONE OF A KIND, AND ONLY

I KNOW ITS LOCATION.

[GRUNTS]

MAKE HASTE, KORGOTH.

THE GOLDEN GOBLIN AWAITS, AND

MY RENT IS NEARLY DUE.

>> [SCREAMING]

>> YOU MAY BRING WITH YOU 12 OF

MY STRONGEST MEN, AS WELL AS

ONE OR TWO OF THE WEAKER ONES

JUST FOR FUN.

FOLLOW SWAMP ROAD EAST TILL YOU

REACH THE CHAFING CHASM.

THEN SEEK THE FLOATING TOWER OF

SPECULES.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[NO AUDIO]

>> UH-OH.

>> HUH?

[WHIMPERING]

AAH!

HUH?

IT'S A GIRL CHAINED TO A TREE.

OOH. WHAT'S YOUR SIGN, BABY?

AAH!

AAH!

>> AAH!

>> HOLY...

[GROWLING]

>> MORE WOOD.

[STOMACH PARASITE SCREECHES]

>> IT WAS NICE OF YOU TO SAVE

ME LIKE THAT.

>> OH, SURE!

SAVING IS MY SPECIALTY, ISN'T

IT, BOYS?

ISN'T IT?!

>> YEAH.

>> SPECIALTY.

>> YEAH. SPECIALTY. RIGHT. SURE.

>> WELL, ALL RIGHT.

HA HA HA!

COME ON. GIVE ME SOME, KORGOTH.

KORGOTH?

>> [GRUNTING]

[CAWING]

>> LOOK!

THE FLOATING TOWER.

>> WE MADE IT.

HA HA HA!

>> BUT HOW ARE WE GONNA GET IN?

[CAWING]

>> THERE.

>> YOU CLUMSY OAF.

[ECHOING]

>> SHH.

>> WHAT IN THE NAME OF BOLACH

ARE YOU DOING THAT FOR?

>> SLATHER YOURSELF IN THE

FLIERS' DUNG.

THEY WILL TAKE YOU AS ONE OF

THEIR OWN.

>> NONSENSE!

MY GRANDFATHER SMUGGLED

PARAKEETS FOR 30 YEARS.

I'LL SHOW YOU.

HEY, YOU BIG, DUMB BIRD!

LOOK AT ME!

IAAH!

[COOING]

[SNIFFING]

>> HYAH!

>> STAY.

>> LOOT WHAT YOU WILL, BUT DO

NOT TARRY.

EVEN IN DEATH, A WIZARD IS NOT

TO BE TRUSTED.

>> UNH!

GOSHDARNED ARTHRITIS.

WHAT'S THIS NOW?

BILLS, BILLS.

[SNIFFING]

MY RUG!

>> WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?

>> I AM THE WIZARD SPECULES,

KEEPER OF THE GOLDEN GOBLIN AND

OWNER OF THE VERY CASTLE IN

WHICH YOU STAND.

>> BUT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE

DEAD.

>> DEAD?!

I WAS ON MY VACATION.

ALTHOUGH, THE WAY THE WOMEN

LOOKED AT ME ON THAT CRUISE

SHIP, I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN

DEAD.

HMM.

OH, WELL.

ALLOW ME TO SHOW YOU THE DOOR.

OH, AND WATCH THAT LAST STEP.

IT'S A DOOZIE!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> I FEEL SO FREE.

>> HEE HEE HA HA!

HUH?

[CLATTERING]

AAH!

>> THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS

LIKE.

>> YOU PUT THAT GOBLIN DOWN,

BARBARIAN!

IT HAS POWERS BEYOND OUR

PRIMITIVE RECKONING.

[PLAYING HERB ALPERT PASTICHE]

BEHOLD.

[STOMACH GROWLS]

>> I THINK I HEAR MY MOTHER

CALLING.

>> HOLD IT!

CONGRATULATIONS.

OF ALL THE IMBECILES I HAVE

EVER BEEN FORCED TO COME IN

CONTACT WITH, YOU, A

DUNG-COATED VAGABOND, HAVE

MANAGED TO AROUSE MEI MEAN,

AROUSE MY IRE FAR MORE THAN ANY

OTHER, A SIN FOR WHICH THE ONLY

PENANCE CAN BE A HIDEOUS DEATH

AT THE HANDS OF SPECULES!

HEH HEH.

YOU'LL SEE!

HA HA HEE HEE!

HEE HEE HEE!

HA HA HA!

[MUTTERING]

I GOT YOU NOW!

HA HA HA!

HEE HEE.

THERE YOU ARE, MY SWEET.

NOW, DIE, BARBARIAN!

[GROWLING]

>> MOTHER OF BOLOCH!

I'VE DATED GIRLS UGLIER THAN

YOU FOR BREAKFAST.

[ROARS]

>> HA!

[GROWLING]

EH?

>> [GROANING]

[SQUEALING]

>> HA HA HA!

YAAH!

HEY!

NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!

COME HERE, SEXY.

>> DELICIOUS.

LONG-LASTING FLAVOR.

OHH!

>> ABCNOT MY FLAVOR.

>> YOU SEEM TO HAVE DEFEATED

ME, RAGAMUFFIN.

WELL, GUESS AGAIN.

OH, POWER!

>> HEY, KORGOTH, HAVE YOU EVER

DONE IT IN SOMEONE ELSE'S

KITCHEN?

OOPS.

>> I'VE DONE A BAD THING.

LET'S BE REASONABLE.

HEY, BIG BOY.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

DON'T YOU WANT ME NO MORE?

>> KORGOTH, THE WIZARD'S BACK.

HEWHAT FLAVOR GUM IS THAT?

>> [SNORING]

I'LL CUT YOU.

OH, GIVE ME!

>> THE ANTIDOTE.

>> OF COURSE.

YOU ALWAYS WERE GOOD AT

REMEMBERING.

>> HAIRY BALLS OF THE GODS!

[SCREECHING]

IT'S NOT DOING ANYTHING.

>> THE ALCHEMIST MENTIONED IT

WOULD TAKE SEVERAL SEASONS FOR

IT TO TAKE EFFECT.

REGARDLESS, I LOADED THE REST

OF YOUR PRESCRIPTION ON THAT

CART FOR YOUFREE OF CHARGE OF

COURSE.

WELL, I'LL BE GOING NOW.

HA HA HA!

>> AND SO ANOTHER ADVENTURE

DRAWS TO A CLOSE IN THE EPIC

SAGA OF "KORGOTH OF BARBARIA!"

[FLIES BUZZING]

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

www.ncicap.org]

[PBBT]