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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,003 [film projector whirring] 2 00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:21,820 [phonographic record crackling] 3 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,455 "Take Me Out to the Ball Game." 4 00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:25,958 Sung by Edward Meeker, Edison Records. 5 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:32,031 [♪] 6 00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:25,110 [music ends♪] 7 00:02:28,348 --> 00:02:32,284 I know I've been outta town. I've missed a lot of games, but... 8 00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:34,820 How's it going? You enjoying baseball? 9 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,288 Not really. 10 00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:37,823 What do you mean, "not really?" 11 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,158 I'm just not good at it. 12 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,226 Not good at it? Yeah, I think you're good. 13 00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:46,632 No. Out of every person on my team, I'm the worst. 14 00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:47,466 Really? 15 00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:50,736 I'm surprised. You must have a really good team, 16 00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:53,071 then, if you're the worst. 17 00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:55,507 Let me tell you something. 18 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:59,244 You gotta do a lot of bad, bad shows... 19 00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:01,413 before you become a great comedian. 20 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,148 Do you know how many shows I did 21 00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:05,484 that I stunk up the place? 22 00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:09,288 I betcha a million. I bet you a million. 23 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,490 Literally, a million. 24 00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:14,326 So, I think the more you play baseball, 25 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,628 - the better you're gonna be. - Yeah. 26 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:17,896 Just like me with comedy. 27 00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:20,032 And who's funnier than your dad? Anybody? 28 00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:22,034 - No. - Nobody! 29 00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:23,068 - Right? - Right. 30 00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,836 Am I the funniest guy you know? 31 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:25,904 Yup. Funniest guy... 32 00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:28,273 Well, you're my favorite baseball player. 33 00:03:28,275 --> 00:03:29,408 So there you go. 34 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:33,378 All right, go run ahead. I'll meet you up there. 35 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,380 Wait, wait, wait... 36 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,982 Your bat. All right? 37 00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:39,518 All right. 38 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:43,555 [bouncy, jazzy organ music ♪] 39 00:03:46,326 --> 00:03:50,395 Max Morris? Oh my God. 40 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,331 My girlfriend is gonna faint when she hears 41 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,533 Let me just get her on the phone. 42 00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:58,003 - Hi. - Hi. All right... 43 00:03:58,005 --> 00:03:59,204 Okay. No, no, no, no. 44 00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:01,139 Guess, guess who's standing in front of me? 45 00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:02,174 Yes. 46 00:04:02,176 --> 00:04:06,778 The...your most favorite comedian world. Okay? 47 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:11,817 No. No... 48 00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:13,518 Yes! Max Morris! 49 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:14,953 And he wants to talk to you. 50 00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,421 No. He's, he's begging me. He wants to talk to you. 51 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,956 Wait. Hold on one sec. Here, here. 52 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,925 - Would you just say "hello," please? - No, no, no. Seriously. 53 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,627 My kid's playing in the game. 54 00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:22,628 I gotta get going. 55 00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,663 Please, it would mean so much to her. 56 00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:25,597 No, I'm sorry. But have a nice day. 57 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,433 Really. Sorry. 58 00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:33,171 Did you hear that bastard? 59 00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:35,941 Let's hear some chatter out there! Phht! 60 00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:38,277 [cheers and applause] 61 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:39,978 Learn to slide! 62 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,880 Let's go! Move it! 63 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:45,117 Slide! Slide! Slide! 64 00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:48,453 Good job! 65 00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,255 Come on! 66 00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:52,357 [umpire]: Foul ball. 67 00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:55,260 I got it! Mine! Mine! 68 00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:56,728 Mine! 69 00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,864 Mine, I see it! 70 00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:00,432 Whoo! 71 00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,234 Got it! 72 00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:03,602 [indecipherable] 73 00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:06,638 Good morning, Cub fans! 74 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,640 As Mr. Cub, Ernie Banks, would always say, 75 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:11,076 "It's a great day for two." 76 00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:12,110 [silence] 77 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:17,482 Um...couple of things... So please indulge me. 78 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,719 I have collated a nutrition binder. 79 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,888 I've taken some pictures of the homemade snacks 80 00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:25,457 that I usually make. Umm... 81 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,826 And put together, just some ideas, 82 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,127 for you all to follow. 83 00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,163 Could you just pass that around for me? 84 00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:33,365 Take a look at this... 85 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:36,134 Umm...also. 86 00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:38,136 Snack table. 87 00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:42,641 We need 100% parent participation. 88 00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:46,645 I need you guys...to participate. Max, Ava? 89 00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:48,980 Eva is not here, it's just me. 90 00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:50,082 All right, Max. 91 00:05:50,084 --> 00:05:52,984 I've noticed that you have not participated yet. 92 00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:55,687 Oh, Eva usually takes care of stuff like that. 93 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,290 Because little Jackie comes up to the table constantly. 94 00:05:58,292 --> 00:06:01,259 I love him...and I love sharing, but... 95 00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:01,993 Okay. 96 00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:04,363 All right, Vicky Sue Fitzjiminy. 97 00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:05,731 I'll be paying ya soon. 98 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,199 Rosie. 99 00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:08,867 Right. Right. Rosie. 100 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,836 Marty? Marty?? 101 00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:13,939 Umm...During this window of time, I'm, uh, 102 00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:17,075 legally not allowed to donate anything financially, 103 00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:19,811 because of my, uh, business advisor. 104 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:23,215 But feel free to use my name, uh, as a donor. 105 00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:25,817 And you can put me down for say, $100, 106 00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:27,085 with a little star next to it. 107 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,787 Call me an "angel" or some...you know, 108 00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,489 umm...at the top of the list. 109 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,858 And I'm good with that. 110 00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:36,661 [whooshing sound] [metal bat hitting ball] 111 00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:37,696 [sighs] 112 00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:41,066 Uh, I don't think he wants to play. 113 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,001 I really don't think he wants to play. 114 00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,469 I'm telling ya. 115 00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:47,005 He wants to play. 116 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:48,173 He just doesn't wanna suck. 117 00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:51,643 That's the problem. He sucks. 118 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,779 He does suck. 119 00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:57,916 Gosh, he sucks... so bad. 120 00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,285 It's okay, you weren't that good. 121 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:02,087 I wasn't that good. 122 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:03,321 And it all worked out. 123 00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:05,891 I think back that I was better than I was. 124 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:08,794 [chuckles] Yeah... 125 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,629 I guess that's a normal thing to think that. 126 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,664 Yeah, but you weren't that good. 127 00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:15,400 You were a pretty good fielder. 128 00:07:18,337 --> 00:07:20,205 [clicks tongue] That's okay. You know what? 129 00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:21,573 Don't worry about it. 130 00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,141 Just go hang out with him. 131 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:24,376 That's really what kids want. 132 00:07:24,378 --> 00:07:27,712 They wanna feel close to their dad. Just, you know... 133 00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:31,783 play catch...go do something else. 134 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,351 Just hang out with him. 135 00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:34,753 Just hang out. I can play catch. 136 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:35,987 I can do a million other things. 137 00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,389 - A million things. - It doesn't matter. 138 00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:38,623 - Yeah. - Just hang out with him. 139 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,992 He loves me. I love him. That's all. 140 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,094 I just don't wanna be one of those dads that, you know... 141 00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:47,199 forces their kids to play stuff and, you know... 142 00:07:47,201 --> 00:07:51,069 Let him do whatever he wants. 143 00:07:54,373 --> 00:07:56,475 It's tough being a dad. 144 00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,110 Yeah. 145 00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:04,616 [dialogue fading in] I wanna applaud you for 146 00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:07,219 your, your campaign, your fundraising effort. 147 00:08:07,221 --> 00:08:08,553 Bravo. If it wasn't for people like you, 148 00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:09,855 we'd have no money at all 149 00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:14,593 and this, this great league couldn't continue. Thanks. 150 00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:15,694 Coach Ambrose? 151 00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,462 Um, I don't have my wallet on me. 152 00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:19,764 But I would love to talk about that nutrition guide 153 00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:21,099 with you after the game maybe. 154 00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:22,133 Do you work out adults? 155 00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:23,668 'Cause I'd like to get a card if you have one. 156 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:24,402 Oh yeah, we'll talk. 157 00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:25,270 - Okay. - We'll talk after. 158 00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:26,605 Umm...Angela. 159 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:29,908 Could you tell our great commissioner 160 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,777 of this wonderful league that he... 161 00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:36,581 came up with the rules of 100% parent participation. 162 00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:40,318 And I look, shockingly, he has not participated. 163 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,087 You know, he didn't give me a budget for that. 164 00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:45,524 I'm, I'm just the kid's nanny, but... Sorry. 165 00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:47,192 Okay, uh... 166 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,327 Our most progressive couple... 167 00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:54,032 Caitlin, Sophie. Manuel's mama and... mommy. 168 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,800 - His name is Manny. - It's Manny. 169 00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:59,204 Manny. Yes. I was wondering if he has any... 170 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,406 specific nutritional guidelines? 171 00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:04,042 We could have some rice, some beans, some chips, 172 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,777 over at the snack bar, if need be. 173 00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:08,380 Well, considering when we adopted him, 174 00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:11,750 he was eating dirt off the floor of a hut, umm... 175 00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:14,352 I think he's, he's, uh, he's doing just fine. 176 00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:16,955 And, uh, just a suggestion for you. 177 00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:21,393 If you spent less time taking pictures of food 178 00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:24,195 and putting them into binders, and more time 179 00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:26,131 doing useful things like, umm... 180 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:28,033 perhaps you could talk to the city about having 181 00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:29,968 - less handicap spaces... - Mmm. 182 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:33,038 ...for parking. So that real normal people could park 183 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,372 in the parking lot 184 00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:36,708 I-I second the lady's motion there about 185 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,743 the handicap parking spots. They should either 186 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,946 eliminate the ones that aren't being used or 187 00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:42,380 put on some kinda drive to get more 188 00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:44,983 handicapped people to come out to the ball games. 189 00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,051 That could be a lot of fun. 190 00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,986 We could get them out on the field with games, 191 00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:51,056 and just kinda stir up the enthusiasm. 192 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:54,726 I think we're good. 193 00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:55,527 All right. 194 00:09:55,529 --> 00:09:57,495 You are bat shit crazy. 195 00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:58,997 You know, you're a big man... 196 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,198 - Hello ladies. How are ya? - Hello. 197 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,299 Marty, whaddaya say? 198 00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,201 - Hey, hey, hey. - Max! 199 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,336 Max, how are ya? 200 00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:06,638 Hiya, Harold. How you doing pal? 201 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:07,906 I'm well, thank you. How are ya? 202 00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:09,975 I'm, I'm good. Good, good to see ya. 203 00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:10,842 World of comedy good? 204 00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:14,312 Are you still doing that bit about, uh... 205 00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:16,648 with the chicken, and the broiled 206 00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:19,184 and the baked chicken? Is that you? 207 00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:20,185 No. 208 00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:21,586 That's not you? 209 00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:22,320 No, no. But thank you. 210 00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:23,221 [stammering] 211 00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,757 I happen to love comedy. I love watching you. 212 00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:26,791 Yeah. Oh, hi honey. 213 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:27,425 Hi! 214 00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,326 How are ya, Ava? 215 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:29,194 Hi, I'm good. 216 00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:32,797 [stammering] Would you just mind to let Ava sit here? 217 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:33,798 I'm sorry. Come on, please. 218 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,434 Oh, thanks. 219 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:37,535 - Oh, hey. - Umm... 220 00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:39,204 Sorry I didn't bring you a water. 221 00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:40,171 - Hey Harold? - I'm fine. 222 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,107 You know what, I need to talk to Ava just 223 00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:43,608 for a minute or two. 224 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,443 I'll, I'll, uh... 225 00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:46,611 Okay. 226 00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:48,546 I'll, I'll, but I'll come sit down in a little while, 227 00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:49,080 later in the game. 228 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,850 It's nothing, It's nothing. It's good. 229 00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,818 We'll talk comedy later. 230 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,887 Oh, geez. He means well. 231 00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:57,822 - I know. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 232 00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,958 Ah, pitcher, I know where your family lives! 233 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,193 Stop brushing my boy back! 234 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,928 And how about some more balls? 235 00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,096 [umpire] Time! 236 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,331 That's a warning. 237 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,466 Warning? I'm a grown-up. I'm not in school. 238 00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:10,669 I don't care, ass-dick. 239 00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:11,536 [umpire] You're gone! 240 00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,772 I'm gone! Hey everyone, I'm gone! 241 00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:15,774 Come on man, come on! 242 00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,575 What are you doing to me right now?! 243 00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:20,879 - It's his fault! - You're killing me right now! 244 00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,947 Hey! That's your dad?! That's your dad right there?! 245 00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:23,848 Whoa, whoa. Lets not make this any messier than it already is. 246 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:27,018 Your dad's a jerk! Your dad's a jerk! 247 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,021 I'm nobody you need to mess with right now, okay? 248 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,224 Do you ever have a kid here? 249 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,993 Hey, touch me, I sue you, okay? 250 00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:37,295 Hey, let's not make this messy in front of the kids. 251 00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:37,962 - Who is this guy?! - Okay, let's go. 252 00:11:37,964 --> 00:11:38,830 Who are you?! 253 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:39,698 Go away! 254 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,099 That's my son! 255 00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:43,902 I'll be in the car Barneby! 256 00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:47,205 Don't touch me! Don't touch me! 257 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:47,706 [sighs] 258 00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,974 - Bye-bye. - Don't touch me. 259 00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:51,142 You're outta here. 260 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:53,478 Whoa. Why would someone behave that way? 261 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,047 [stammering] This is an adult. An adult. 262 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,248 - So sad. - Seriously. 263 00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,217 - Sad. - It's sad. It is sad. 264 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,320 And it's confusing. W-What is his private life like? 265 00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:03,688 What are their private lives like 266 00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:05,423 that make them act like this? 267 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,225 What are they missing in their lives 268 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,260 that make them act like idiots? 269 00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:10,528 Unbelievable. 270 00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:14,165 Seriously unbelievable. In front of the kids. 271 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,401 [indiscernible whispering] 272 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,670 All right, let's hear some chatter! Come on! 273 00:12:18,672 --> 00:12:21,406 Let's get it up! Let's get it up! 274 00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,174 Don't say, "let's get it up." 275 00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:25,577 Let's get it up. 276 00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:28,680 [distant chatter and clapping] 277 00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:37,088 They're, they're a bit touchy. They're kinda nuts. 278 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,389 Wow, they're crazy. 279 00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:41,126 I mean, everything offends them. So, everything! 280 00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:44,829 I mean, what is wrong with these people?! 281 00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:49,300 What is wrong with these people? 282 00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:52,370 [yelling] What is wrong with these people?! 283 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,005 These people, right there! 284 00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:55,673 Take this. 285 00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,976 - Where are you going? - I'll be right back? 286 00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:00,612 I gotta go talk to a man about a horse. I'll be back. 287 00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:01,780 Are we waiting for you? 288 00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:04,549 Wait for me! 289 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:06,684 Commissioner Gordon. 290 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:09,988 No talking to the commissioner before scores are official. 291 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,257 Okay? I'm gonna need you to step over here. 292 00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:13,491 Right there. 293 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:16,795 All right. 294 00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,967 You don't have to keep your eye on me, I'm not going to... 295 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,068 I know, I don't. 296 00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:25,236 Forest, you can trust me. 297 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:29,741 You can go to the other side and I'll wait here. 298 00:13:29,743 --> 00:13:31,910 It's okay, Max. 299 00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,978 [laughing incredulously] Forest, I'm telling you... 300 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,147 Okay. You can keep telling me. 301 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:36,848 All right. 302 00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:39,184 I don't work for you. 303 00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,953 Is that a quadruple rainbow? [chuckles] 304 00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:45,456 A quadruple rainbow? I've never seen one of those! 305 00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,692 What would cause a quadruple...?! 306 00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:50,929 The way.. Wait, that's impossible! 307 00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:54,132 Pots of gold?! 308 00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:56,601 Really? Pots of gold? 309 00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:58,369 Pots of gold. 310 00:13:58,371 --> 00:13:59,304 You're a comedian. 311 00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:01,272 I am a comedian. 312 00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,374 - Really? - Yeah. 313 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:04,976 So you're not that popular then. 314 00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:07,779 I'm really into comedians and I think I would know if 315 00:14:07,781 --> 00:14:09,414 you're a comedian, if you're a popular one. 316 00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:11,216 No, I'm a popular comedian. 317 00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:13,384 Not in the top 100. 318 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,253 Tell you what, not only am I in the top 100, 319 00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:16,888 I'm probably top 20. 320 00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:17,822 Top 20? 321 00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:20,158 Top 20. 322 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:20,758 - Yeah. - Okay. 323 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:21,659 All right. 324 00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:23,995 How many Twitter followers do you have? 325 00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:25,129 About 100,000. 326 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:26,965 No, that's not top 20. 327 00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:27,699 Score's official. 328 00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:29,334 [yelling] Score's official! 329 00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:30,501 Score's official. 330 00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:31,236 Thank you, Forrest. 331 00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:32,637 Thank you. 332 00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:34,572 Max. 333 00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:36,207 Hello Commissioner Gordon. 334 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:41,980 I would never think of calling you Steve, Commissioner...Gordon. 335 00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:44,048 Commissioner Gordon... 336 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,116 [laughing hysterically] 337 00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,518 If you see the Riddler or the [raising voice] 338 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,723 Catwoman, you and Chief O'Hara should... 339 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,992 It's really funny actually. 340 00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:57,428 It's just something I love doing. Anyhow, uh... 341 00:14:57,430 --> 00:15:00,999 I've decided that my next movie...hopefully... 342 00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,367 There's a lot of steps involved in this. 343 00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:03,868 I'm gonna be doing some research. 344 00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:05,837 And the research I'm doing, I'm gonna be talking 345 00:15:05,839 --> 00:15:10,742 to, uh, parents, uh, coaches, and uh... 346 00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:13,578 everybody involved with my kids baseball team. 347 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,981 Like a documentary on the, the uh...the benefits of 348 00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:19,550 SFV-LA baseball for, for young children... 349 00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:21,753 Documentaries are big right now. 350 00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,922 No, it's, it's a comedy. 351 00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:24,455 A comedy. 352 00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:27,859 Like a "how to" video for parents if they wanna get 353 00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:30,428 their kids into SFV-LA baseball? 354 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,664 And the benefits of learning how to be a 355 00:15:32,666 --> 00:15:34,999 team member, and the fundamentals of, 356 00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,634 of building blocks for uh, 357 00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:40,171 becoming a responsible citizen and a good adult. 358 00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:43,041 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 359 00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:44,475 Yeah, that would be good. 360 00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:48,279 You know...a little change of the subject here. 361 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:51,282 Your nanny is so ridiculously beautiful. 362 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,451 I don't even know how you...wow! 363 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:57,221 Well, Angela's the charge of my, my son, Bennett. 364 00:15:57,223 --> 00:15:59,257 There's nothing sexual about her. 365 00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:03,895 Oh, there's something very sexual about her. Yeah... 366 00:16:03,897 --> 00:16:05,863 Sorry I brought that up. Okay. 367 00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,231 All right, see you guys later. 368 00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:08,967 Okay, just stay off the field, though. Please... 369 00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:10,535 I'm not going back on, I know 'cause you water it... 370 00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:13,304 We water it and then we do the chalk. 371 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,038 Stay off the diamond, Max. 372 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,874 I'm not going on the diamond. 373 00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:18,843 I don't think that's such a great idea. 374 00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:22,580 It'll be fun to spend time with the crazy parents. 375 00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:24,449 I don't know about that, dad. 376 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,484 I...that's exactly what I was just gonna say. 377 00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:30,221 I...listen, I would not opt to be with these people 378 00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,557 on purpose, you know... 379 00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:34,659 Well, you know, it's part, it's the hard part 380 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,494 of my job. It's the research. 381 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:40,098 It's the down-and-dirtiness of comedy, 382 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,767 is figuring out what you're gonna write about. 383 00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:45,269 Sometimes grownups get really weird. 384 00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:48,139 Grownups always get weird. Always. 385 00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:50,208 Not sometimes. They're just weird. 386 00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:52,777 Just think, "people are weird." They're weird. 387 00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:55,713 What if I told you another little secret? 388 00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:58,750 She's a bit weird. I'm a bit weird! 389 00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:01,152 You have weird parents. You're not weird yet. 390 00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:04,756 I don't want you to think that all grownups are insane. 391 00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:07,592 Well actually, they are all insane. 392 00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:11,229 Don't trust anybody over the age of, of... 393 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:12,130 22. 394 00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:12,830 No, actually, ten. 395 00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:16,734 Ten. Don't trust a 13-year- old, they're too worldly. 396 00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,603 'Cause they all have their own phones and... 397 00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,471 That's when it all breaks loose. 398 00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:21,339 By the way, we're not doing that with him. 399 00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:22,140 No, we're not doing that with you. 400 00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,341 You know that, right? 401 00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:25,743 Yeah, you have friends now who have phones, don't you? 402 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,445 Yeah, I know. That's a bunch of crap. 403 00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:28,546 Not gonna happen. 404 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,782 Max, I'm not sure about spending more time than 405 00:17:30,784 --> 00:17:32,750 is necessary with that crowd. 406 00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:34,685 You know, I don't have to spend that much time 407 00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,989 with them. Just a...few hours. 408 00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:39,957 What? 409 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:42,293 Nightmare. 410 00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:47,965 I'd be happy to help. 411 00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,101 I have a lot of ideas for movies. 412 00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,670 Okay, it's not...I just wanna talk and get to... 413 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:53,905 I wanna get to know the parents... 414 00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,039 Here's my thing. Here's my thing. 415 00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:56,407 - Yeah? - As long as it's educational 416 00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,910 and instructive for the kids... 417 00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:00,111 The kids learn... 'cause kids are sponges. 418 00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:00,945 We were just talking about that. 419 00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:02,814 How much like sponges they are. 420 00:18:02,816 --> 00:18:05,950 And I will help write it, act it, shoot it, 421 00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:08,786 I don't know how to do any of that stuff... 422 00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:10,088 They just keep absorbing. 423 00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,322 But I'll tell you what, I work at a copy shop, 424 00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:12,857 in case you didn't know. And I think you did. 425 00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:16,527 Uh, and we can make copies of he script there. 426 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,196 And then you can hand them out next week, 427 00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:19,564 and we'll learn our lines and do it. 428 00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:20,431 What's the title? 429 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,333 What's the script? 430 00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:24,035 Well, no no, I don't know yet. 431 00:18:24,037 --> 00:18:25,069 Is it from a book? 432 00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:27,905 No, it's gonna be from the research that I do 433 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:29,607 when I spend time with... 434 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,209 What's the rating? 435 00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:35,179 Oh, dear God. Oh, that's wrong. 436 00:18:35,181 --> 00:18:35,880 What's up, guys? 437 00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:41,919 He wants to uh, do, some research on my method 438 00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:44,255 of uh, coaching. He's watching, 439 00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:46,090 he's paid attention. I think he sees what I'm doing... 440 00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:46,924 It's a great idea. 441 00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,059 All right guys, talk to you later. 442 00:18:48,061 --> 00:18:49,794 Right on, man. 443 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,930 Why is it, whenever he works with Rickey, 444 00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:54,098 he's gotta take off his shirt? 445 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,032 He's hot. 446 00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:57,535 The man gets hot, he wants to take his shirt off. 447 00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:59,570 Did you ever hear of shirts and skins? 448 00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:01,639 Yeah I've heard of shirts and skins, playing football. 449 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:02,640 He does it in life. 450 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,641 That's what it is. 451 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,343 Those who can do skins, do skins. 452 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,211 Those who can't do skins, they don't do skins. 453 00:19:07,213 --> 00:19:09,480 - What side are you on? - I'm clearly on the shirts side. 454 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,248 See? 455 00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:11,516 Except when I shower. 456 00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,784 Work on the slide! 457 00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:16,154 Because Jimbo says so, thats why! 458 00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:17,455 Don't answer me back! 459 00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:18,890 Run through the base! 460 00:19:18,892 --> 00:19:20,758 Through the bases! 461 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,694 All right, so what I'm gonna be doing is that 462 00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:25,963 I got the blessing from... 463 00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:28,533 I got the blessing from Commissioner Gordon. 464 00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:31,235 It's research for a comedy movie 465 00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:33,704 that I might or might not even write. 466 00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,473 So it might not even happen. 467 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:37,408 I'm just sort of getting to know everybody 468 00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:38,576 and seeing if there's a movie there 469 00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:40,611 about the parents and the coaches and such. 470 00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,246 So you show up, do research, 471 00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:44,982 interview everybody, for something that might not happen? 472 00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,485 Yes. That's the first thing you nailed exactly. 473 00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:48,386 Sounds like a waste of time to me. 474 00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:50,121 Uh, if we don't win the championship, 475 00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:51,856 I'm gonna pull the plug, so... 476 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:54,025 I'm not shooting a movie! 477 00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,827 It's gotta end with us winning, or I'm not, uh... 478 00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,196 - A waste of time. - ...approve. 479 00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:00,798 I'm not gonna sign off on it. 480 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:01,999 Either of you wanna be interviewed? 481 00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,734 - I do! - You do? 482 00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:06,837 I'm doing you first. You're #1. 483 00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:09,707 Number one on my interview list. First. 484 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:13,711 All right, see you guys later. 485 00:20:14,646 --> 00:20:17,281 Hey, could I have, uh, everybody's attention, 486 00:20:17,283 --> 00:20:21,118 just for one second. It's not a big deal. Umm... 487 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:25,656 As some of you...hey! Some of you know, uh... 488 00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,559 I am a comedian. 489 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:32,296 And I have decided that there might be some... 490 00:20:32,298 --> 00:20:36,167 material here ripe for comedy. I'm going to... 491 00:20:36,169 --> 00:20:39,170 It's a lot of steps to it. But I'm gonna do some research, 492 00:20:39,172 --> 00:20:42,173 spend some time with you, and umm... 493 00:20:42,175 --> 00:20:44,976 get to know you a little bit. Uh... 494 00:20:44,978 --> 00:20:47,178 for possibly my next movie project. 495 00:20:47,180 --> 00:20:49,280 Excuse me, Orson Welles? 496 00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:52,750 I have to go on record in front of all the other parents, 497 00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:56,654 saying that I refuse to take part in this. 498 00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:57,788 That's okay. 499 00:20:57,790 --> 00:20:59,924 Good. 500 00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:02,627 I'm not saying, "I don't wanna do it." I'm just... 501 00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:04,996 I just wanna be clear because this hap... 502 00:21:04,998 --> 00:21:06,297 I fell for this one ti... 503 00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:08,733 This isn't one of those, you get in a room... 504 00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:10,701 "You're so pretty, you're so pretty. Take your top off. 505 00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:14,438 I'm gonna film you" kinda thing, is it? 506 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:17,008 That is so far from... my intentions... 507 00:21:17,010 --> 00:21:19,844 What are some of the questions you'll be asking us? 508 00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:22,146 You talking to me? You talking about me? 509 00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:24,615 I'm talking to you, about your job, about your life... 510 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:28,753 Why would that possibly, possibly be of interest? 511 00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:31,789 Well, we'll see after I talk... When I'm all done, 512 00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:34,725 it could not be interesting. There's a great chance of it 513 00:21:34,727 --> 00:21:37,628 not being interesting at all and I won't make a movie. 514 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,897 Well, I'm very excited. I'd like to go first. 515 00:21:39,899 --> 00:21:41,232 Unfortunately, 516 00:21:41,234 --> 00:21:43,567 I have offered that up to coach Jimbo. 517 00:21:43,569 --> 00:21:45,002 Why?! 518 00:21:45,004 --> 00:21:46,737 Because he's first, I talked to him first. 519 00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:48,439 But I'm asking... I'm the first to ask. 520 00:21:48,441 --> 00:21:50,841 I'll have undue pressure. I don't know, 521 00:21:50,843 --> 00:21:51,442 I don't know what I'm gonna be talking... 522 00:21:51,444 --> 00:21:52,343 Pressure from what?! 523 00:21:52,345 --> 00:21:53,611 Because you're gonna be interviewing. 524 00:21:53,613 --> 00:21:54,478 There'll be a camera in my face. 525 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:55,646 I'm not filming you. 526 00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:58,249 I am just hanging out with you. There's no pressure. 527 00:21:58,251 --> 00:22:00,985 Max, can I recommend an actress to play me? 528 00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:02,453 Halle Berry. 529 00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:04,188 Halle Berry. 530 00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:06,657 And for Manny, I don't care who, who, 531 00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:09,727 just as long as it's not one of the, the fuckin' Will, 532 00:22:09,729 --> 00:22:11,395 one of Will Smith's kids. 533 00:22:11,397 --> 00:22:13,064 Are we invited to the premiere? 534 00:22:13,066 --> 00:22:14,065 This is very exciting. 535 00:22:14,067 --> 00:22:18,235 Yeah. All right, I'm uh...I'm just... 536 00:22:18,237 --> 00:22:20,838 Just watch them practice. I'm good. That's all I need. 537 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,740 Work on the slide, baby! Slide! 538 00:22:22,742 --> 00:22:25,876 Thank you, Coach Ted. Thank you, everybody. 539 00:22:25,878 --> 00:22:28,379 Uh, I guess whatever he asks me. 540 00:22:28,381 --> 00:22:29,980 Get it up! 541 00:22:29,982 --> 00:22:31,315 You didn't talk to anyone? 542 00:22:31,317 --> 00:22:32,983 I have not talked to anyone. 543 00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:36,620 I am talking to you first. No one has been talked to. 544 00:22:36,622 --> 00:22:38,956 You are #1. 545 00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:42,560 [exhales loudly] 546 00:22:42,562 --> 00:22:44,095 This is it. 547 00:22:44,097 --> 00:22:46,964 All About Printing. 548 00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:50,167 The owners had a real uh... foresight, you know, 549 00:22:50,169 --> 00:22:53,437 because they didn't wanna limit it. All About Printing. 550 00:22:53,439 --> 00:22:55,906 So it can be printing, copies, 551 00:22:55,908 --> 00:22:57,208 Anything that's about printing. 552 00:22:57,210 --> 00:22:58,776 Anything! It's about, or even, 553 00:22:58,778 --> 00:23:00,778 marginally associated with printing... 554 00:23:00,780 --> 00:23:02,747 - We can do. - Mmm-hmm. 555 00:23:02,749 --> 00:23:04,715 Or we can...potentially do. 556 00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:06,884 We don't have, we don't necessarily do it now. 557 00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:10,955 But it's uh, the hub. And this right here, 558 00:23:10,957 --> 00:23:13,124 is my command center. 559 00:23:13,126 --> 00:23:14,992 This is where I operate everything... 560 00:23:14,994 --> 00:23:18,195 In this whole, everybody can hear me, see? 561 00:23:18,197 --> 00:23:19,864 It's not so big that they can't hear me 562 00:23:19,866 --> 00:23:21,832 So I can just shout from here 563 00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:24,335 and everybody hears me. [bells chimes] 564 00:23:24,337 --> 00:23:26,404 Everyone can hear that bell. No, no. No, no. 565 00:23:26,406 --> 00:23:26,971 Oh. 566 00:23:26,973 --> 00:23:28,105 I'm standing here 567 00:23:28,107 --> 00:23:30,641 If you see the bell go off, or hear the bell go off, 568 00:23:30,643 --> 00:23:32,710 and I'm standing here, you don't need to come up. 569 00:23:32,712 --> 00:23:33,644 I'll handle the customer. 570 00:23:33,646 --> 00:23:35,513 Oh, when my uncle hired me he told me... 571 00:23:35,515 --> 00:23:37,915 Katie, put it away. [laughs] 572 00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:40,684 And I'll tell you what, the reason that I coach 573 00:23:40,686 --> 00:23:44,021 the kids, is because I'm in charge here, okay? 574 00:23:44,023 --> 00:23:45,122 Mmm-hmm. 575 00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:46,190 All About Printing. 576 00:23:46,192 --> 00:23:51,162 And, it's...a...madhouse. 577 00:23:51,164 --> 00:23:53,164 - It is a madhouse. - Mmm-hmm. 578 00:23:53,166 --> 00:23:55,499 You know, and baseball is pastoral. 579 00:23:55,501 --> 00:23:57,802 And it's quiet and it's calm, you know? 580 00:23:57,804 --> 00:24:00,070 And the kids are out there, and they're dropping the ball, 581 00:24:00,072 --> 00:24:01,539 and they're not hitting it and uh... 582 00:24:01,541 --> 00:24:03,340 So it's not really about the kids, 583 00:24:03,342 --> 00:24:05,242 it's more about you and getting your release. 584 00:24:05,244 --> 00:24:06,877 Yeah, it's about getting the...it's about release 585 00:24:06,879 --> 00:24:07,845 And it all comes from here. 586 00:24:07,847 --> 00:24:09,580 All comes from working here. 587 00:24:09,582 --> 00:24:11,282 And the customers that come in and... 588 00:24:11,284 --> 00:24:12,650 Do you know something here? 589 00:24:12,652 --> 00:24:14,919 Do you know the insurance bill on this place? 590 00:24:14,921 --> 00:24:18,255 Let me tell you something, pal. Okay? 591 00:24:18,257 --> 00:24:22,993 That machine right there, is German precision. 592 00:24:22,995 --> 00:24:24,261 And it can print about... 593 00:24:24,263 --> 00:24:25,696 [yelling] Hey, hey hey! You can't come back here! 594 00:24:25,698 --> 00:24:27,465 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to yell. 595 00:24:27,467 --> 00:24:29,233 Stay behind that line, would ya? 596 00:24:29,235 --> 00:24:30,868 - W-what, what line? - Imaginary line, right here. 597 00:24:30,870 --> 00:24:32,169 From that counter to that counter. 598 00:24:32,171 --> 00:24:32,837 Across. All right. 599 00:24:32,839 --> 00:24:33,571 Stay behind it. 600 00:24:33,573 --> 00:24:34,638 I'm right...I'm good. 601 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:35,706 - Insurance. - Mmm-hmm. 602 00:24:35,708 --> 00:24:37,141 - Safety. -Mmm-hmm. 603 00:24:37,143 --> 00:24:40,110 So I love get...hitting the field after a week of this, 604 00:24:40,112 --> 00:24:42,646 Because of the runaround at this place. 605 00:24:42,648 --> 00:24:45,516 and the pressure. The pres... Listen... 606 00:24:45,518 --> 00:24:46,684 to the traffic out there. 607 00:24:46,686 --> 00:24:48,586 You can hear every car and bus. 608 00:24:48,588 --> 00:24:51,255 Hello sir! [rings bell twice] 609 00:24:51,257 --> 00:24:52,923 You don't have to do that 'cause I already did it. 610 00:24:52,925 --> 00:24:54,925 Stay back in the back! 611 00:24:54,927 --> 00:24:56,060 Picking up my package. 612 00:24:56,062 --> 00:24:57,094 Okay, what's your name, sir? 613 00:24:57,096 --> 00:25:01,732 We usually put the...the orders. Oh, that's... 614 00:25:01,734 --> 00:25:03,334 Is that it? Is that you? 615 00:25:03,336 --> 00:25:07,371 That's not him. Take this back. Did you call earlier? 616 00:25:07,373 --> 00:25:08,239 Yes I did. 617 00:25:08,241 --> 00:25:09,540 Uh-huh. Who did you speak to? 618 00:25:09,542 --> 00:25:10,875 Jimbo. 619 00:25:10,877 --> 00:25:13,444 Well, that's me! [both laugh] 620 00:25:13,446 --> 00:25:14,712 - Good to meet ya. - Hey. 621 00:25:14,714 --> 00:25:16,380 - And I spoke to you? - Yes. 622 00:25:16,382 --> 00:25:19,884 Hey! [paper crinkling] 623 00:25:19,886 --> 00:25:21,185 - Great. - Right there! 624 00:25:21,187 --> 00:25:22,987 I even signed it. 625 00:25:22,989 --> 00:25:25,489 Oh, there's no coupon allowed with this. Sorry. 626 00:25:25,491 --> 00:25:27,157 I don't have one to give you. 627 00:25:27,159 --> 00:25:28,559 Because you ordered that two weeks ago... 628 00:25:28,561 --> 00:25:31,529 And the coupon starts today, 629 00:25:31,531 --> 00:25:32,563 but you can't use it 'til tomorrow. 630 00:25:32,565 --> 00:25:33,697 Oh. 631 00:25:33,699 --> 00:25:36,367 Come in tomorrow and get the same job for half price. 632 00:25:36,369 --> 00:25:37,101 Thank you. 633 00:25:37,103 --> 00:25:38,602 Thank you! 634 00:25:38,604 --> 00:25:43,407 [door opens and activates chimes] 635 00:25:43,409 --> 00:25:46,377 Beef goulash. It's my lunch. 636 00:25:46,379 --> 00:25:47,645 I'm gonna have it as soon as you're, 637 00:25:47,647 --> 00:25:50,748 as soon as you're done. Pretty hungry right now. 638 00:25:50,750 --> 00:25:51,715 Well don't let me keep you. 639 00:25:51,717 --> 00:25:53,317 Well, it's okay. It's just sitting here. 640 00:25:53,319 --> 00:25:56,153 I don't leave it in back because, uh... 641 00:25:56,155 --> 00:25:58,322 some of my food has gone missing. 642 00:25:58,324 --> 00:26:00,057 A couple of cans of this, 643 00:26:00,059 --> 00:26:02,459 I've found open and half gone. 644 00:26:02,461 --> 00:26:04,728 And I'm not blaming you, Katie, and I'm not blaming Rick. 645 00:26:04,730 --> 00:26:05,996 I'm not saying they did it. 646 00:26:05,998 --> 00:26:07,998 That back door doesn't lock, so... 647 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,034 Well, why don't you fix it? 648 00:26:10,036 --> 00:26:12,503 [clicks tongue] [exhales] 649 00:26:12,505 --> 00:26:14,405 Seriously, you wanna go there? 650 00:26:14,407 --> 00:26:15,573 [both laughing] 651 00:26:15,575 --> 00:26:16,640 I'm just asking you why you don't fix it. 652 00:26:16,642 --> 00:26:18,475 There's a woman involved. 653 00:26:18,477 --> 00:26:20,444 First of all. You wanna hear it now? 654 00:26:20,446 --> 00:26:21,378 Yeah, that doesn't change things. 655 00:26:21,380 --> 00:26:22,246 I still wanna hear it. 656 00:26:22,248 --> 00:26:23,948 You wanna...? 657 00:26:23,950 --> 00:26:27,084 My brother Andy is a locksmith across the street. 658 00:26:27,086 --> 00:26:30,254 Nothing peeves him off more than knowing 659 00:26:30,256 --> 00:26:32,122 that that back door doesn't lock 660 00:26:32,124 --> 00:26:34,325 and I ain't letting him fix it. 661 00:26:34,327 --> 00:26:36,560 And I'm not letting anyone else fix it, either. 662 00:26:36,562 --> 00:26:37,828 You wanna know why? 663 00:26:37,830 --> 00:26:38,696 In high school... 664 00:26:38,698 --> 00:26:40,598 Andy's three years younger than me. 665 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,667 I had a crush on a girl, okay? 666 00:26:43,669 --> 00:26:44,835 I'm not gonna say her name, 667 00:26:44,837 --> 00:26:47,237 but I circled her picture in the yearbook every year 668 00:26:47,239 --> 00:26:48,839 and he knows it. 669 00:26:48,841 --> 00:26:50,941 He went away to the navy after high school. 670 00:26:50,943 --> 00:26:54,111 He was gone for two years, and I took this girl out... 671 00:26:54,113 --> 00:26:56,080 on three dates. 672 00:26:56,082 --> 00:26:57,915 And then he comes back and within 673 00:26:57,917 --> 00:26:59,116 [yelling] two months, 674 00:26:59,118 --> 00:27:00,651 they're getting married! 675 00:27:00,653 --> 00:27:03,821 And I gotta do the invitations! 676 00:27:03,823 --> 00:27:07,091 And I give him a discount. [forced laughter] 677 00:27:07,093 --> 00:27:10,227 I'm sitting back here printing up invitations, 678 00:27:10,229 --> 00:27:12,563 with her name on it and his name! 679 00:27:12,565 --> 00:27:14,632 And a carnation! 680 00:27:16,701 --> 00:27:20,204 That's a flower I don't care to look at...or smell... 681 00:27:20,206 --> 00:27:21,839 ever again! 682 00:27:21,841 --> 00:27:25,442 So when that door broke, when the lock broke... 683 00:27:25,444 --> 00:27:27,211 He came over, "I'll fix that for ya." 684 00:27:27,213 --> 00:27:28,479 "No thanks, Andy." 685 00:27:28,481 --> 00:27:30,280 [smacks lips] 686 00:27:30,282 --> 00:27:32,149 "What? I'll fix it. It'll take two..." 687 00:27:32,151 --> 00:27:33,751 "No thanks, Andy." 688 00:27:33,753 --> 00:27:38,822 It burns him. It burns... in his heart... 689 00:27:39,891 --> 00:27:43,327 to know, that I'm not calling on him, 690 00:27:43,329 --> 00:27:45,763 to fix that door. 691 00:27:45,765 --> 00:27:47,564 And I don't let anyone else fix it, too. 692 00:27:47,566 --> 00:27:50,401 I just leave it broken. 693 00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:55,339 All right, I think I got everything I need. 694 00:27:55,341 --> 00:27:59,977 [cheerful, jazzy music ♪] 695 00:28:03,048 --> 00:28:04,615 Keep it moving! 696 00:28:04,617 --> 00:28:07,618 Uh, Coach Ted, uh, just a moment. 697 00:28:07,620 --> 00:28:10,154 How come there's so many practices lately? 698 00:28:10,156 --> 00:28:13,590 This isn't about practice. It's about bowels. 699 00:28:13,592 --> 00:28:15,459 You understand? Bowels! 700 00:28:15,461 --> 00:28:17,261 Bowels and bladders. 701 00:28:17,263 --> 00:28:19,129 "bowels and bladders?" 702 00:28:19,131 --> 00:28:21,565 That's what it's about. See, kids have a certain, uh uh, 703 00:28:21,567 --> 00:28:24,068 chemistry in their bodies that allows them to hold 704 00:28:24,070 --> 00:28:26,203 and build up toxins in their bodies. 705 00:28:26,205 --> 00:28:27,971 All I'm doing right now is working the toxins 706 00:28:27,973 --> 00:28:28,706 off their body right now. 707 00:28:28,708 --> 00:28:30,040 I'll take your word for it, 708 00:28:30,042 --> 00:28:32,776 but we need more one-on- one instruction. 709 00:28:32,778 --> 00:28:35,345 So you know more than me? Ho-ho! 710 00:28:35,347 --> 00:28:36,580 You know more about baseball 711 00:28:36,582 --> 00:28:38,315 than I know about baseball, huh?! 712 00:28:38,317 --> 00:28:39,817 You don't want none of me, all right? 713 00:28:39,819 --> 00:28:40,718 I gotta go. 714 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:41,585 You know, I-I... 715 00:28:41,587 --> 00:28:43,187 Work it, kids! 716 00:28:43,189 --> 00:28:44,154 Well there he goes. I don't know, is he a good coach? 717 00:28:44,156 --> 00:28:45,556 Or was he being sarcastic with me? 718 00:28:45,558 --> 00:28:47,891 I think he's a sincere man, 719 00:28:47,893 --> 00:28:50,127 I just think that he's a little bit off. 720 00:28:50,129 --> 00:28:50,794 Yeah. 721 00:28:50,796 --> 00:28:52,196 So it's not me? 722 00:28:52,198 --> 00:28:54,031 No, it's, it's not you at all. 723 00:28:54,033 --> 00:28:55,999 I wish he'd spend more time here. 724 00:28:56,001 --> 00:28:57,735 I mean, he's got the kids here and us here. 725 00:28:57,737 --> 00:29:00,137 Yeah. Yeah. 726 00:29:00,139 --> 00:29:02,606 Yeah. 727 00:29:02,608 --> 00:29:03,574 [whispering] Geez. 728 00:29:03,576 --> 00:29:04,508 What? 729 00:29:04,510 --> 00:29:07,978 She's just a... big bowl of "Dear God." 730 00:29:07,980 --> 00:29:09,079 Wow! 731 00:29:09,081 --> 00:29:10,481 That's the commissioner's nanny, huh? 732 00:29:10,483 --> 00:29:11,615 Yup. Angela. 733 00:29:11,617 --> 00:29:12,549 You're obsessed, aren't you? 734 00:29:12,551 --> 00:29:13,684 I wouldn't say the word "obsessed." 735 00:29:13,686 --> 00:29:15,119 I'm not going home and thinking... 736 00:29:15,121 --> 00:29:16,620 But I gotta tell ya, when I'm here... 737 00:29:16,622 --> 00:29:17,254 Uh-huh. 738 00:29:17,256 --> 00:29:17,921 I'm thinking. 739 00:29:17,923 --> 00:29:18,589 Yeah. 740 00:29:18,591 --> 00:29:19,857 When she's in front of me. 741 00:29:19,859 --> 00:29:21,091 You know what would maybe be a good idea? 742 00:29:21,093 --> 00:29:24,394 Why don't we ask Angela to get some of her friends out? 743 00:29:24,396 --> 00:29:25,696 Tell them we're gonna have a little... 744 00:29:25,698 --> 00:29:27,731 - ...charity softball game. - Mmm-hmm. 745 00:29:27,733 --> 00:29:29,433 Them against us, or against the kids. 746 00:29:29,435 --> 00:29:32,903 And tell them it's a charity for the, for the kids, 747 00:29:32,905 --> 00:29:34,605 or the veterans, or something. 748 00:29:34,607 --> 00:29:35,839 [laughing] For the veterans? 749 00:29:35,841 --> 00:29:38,275 Yeah. And tell them it's a romp. They love that. 750 00:29:38,277 --> 00:29:40,844 But anyways, if they think it's for the kids... 751 00:29:40,846 --> 00:29:42,012 Look at her, look at her. 752 00:29:42,014 --> 00:29:43,981 Yeah, that's a nice looking young lady. 753 00:29:43,983 --> 00:29:46,483 But you gotta focus on the baseball field. 754 00:29:46,485 --> 00:29:47,818 Yeah, I-I'm supposed to. 755 00:29:47,820 --> 00:29:48,786 Yeah. 756 00:29:48,788 --> 00:29:50,120 Yeah, well... 757 00:29:50,122 --> 00:29:52,990 But I like the idea of a little, a little charity game. 758 00:29:52,992 --> 00:29:56,727 Think about it. A charity romp. And balloons... 759 00:29:56,729 --> 00:30:00,030 And just a big sign that says, "Thanks." 760 00:30:00,032 --> 00:30:02,032 So, you know, they think they're... 761 00:30:02,034 --> 00:30:03,734 You know what I'm gonna do? Right now? 762 00:30:03,736 --> 00:30:05,169 I'm gonna go down and talk to her. 763 00:30:05,171 --> 00:30:07,971 Okay. Tell 'em it's for an outreach program. 764 00:30:07,973 --> 00:30:09,273 No, I'm not, I'm not... [laughing] 765 00:30:09,275 --> 00:30:10,507 I'm not setting up your thing. 766 00:30:10,509 --> 00:30:12,442 I don't even know what an outreach program is, 767 00:30:12,444 --> 00:30:14,178 but they'll, they'll love it. People love to... 768 00:30:14,180 --> 00:30:15,145 They'll do anything. 769 00:30:15,147 --> 00:30:16,513 No, I'm not setting up the softball thing. 770 00:30:16,515 --> 00:30:17,447 I'm just gonna go down and talk to her. 771 00:30:17,449 --> 00:30:20,818 I've said "hello" to her and we've talked very little, 772 00:30:20,820 --> 00:30:22,486 but I just wanna get to know her a little better. 773 00:30:22,488 --> 00:30:23,954 - All right, good. - Okay? 774 00:30:23,956 --> 00:30:26,223 - Hi Angela. - Hi. 775 00:30:27,559 --> 00:30:29,760 Ah, what a beautiful day. 776 00:30:29,762 --> 00:30:32,062 It's nice. 777 00:30:32,064 --> 00:30:35,399 Practice is almost over. It's all good. 778 00:30:35,401 --> 00:30:36,867 You like coming to practice? 779 00:30:36,869 --> 00:30:37,935 I do. 780 00:30:37,937 --> 00:30:38,936 So do I. 781 00:30:38,938 --> 00:30:40,337 - Yeah? - Mmm-hmm. 782 00:30:40,339 --> 00:30:42,272 Yeah, I do. 783 00:30:42,274 --> 00:30:47,578 I do, I do, I do. Love coming to practice. 784 00:30:47,580 --> 00:30:48,412 Hey. 785 00:30:48,414 --> 00:30:49,213 Hey! 786 00:30:49,215 --> 00:30:50,347 - Hey, how are you? - Hi. 787 00:30:50,349 --> 00:30:51,014 Good. 788 00:30:51,016 --> 00:30:51,782 Okay, let's go. 789 00:30:51,784 --> 00:30:54,284 All right, it was so nice talking to you. 790 00:30:54,286 --> 00:30:56,420 Me too. 791 00:30:59,490 --> 00:31:01,692 Oh, look. 792 00:31:03,194 --> 00:31:04,428 Yeah? 793 00:31:04,430 --> 00:31:05,429 Jack, hold up. 794 00:31:05,431 --> 00:31:06,463 Come take a ride. 795 00:31:06,465 --> 00:31:08,966 Take a ride in my brand new Camry. 796 00:31:08,968 --> 00:31:10,133 Is this a beaut? 797 00:31:10,135 --> 00:31:12,803 I just got it. Let's do the interview now. 798 00:31:12,805 --> 00:31:13,437 I...don't know. 799 00:31:13,439 --> 00:31:15,939 It's a hybrid! I just got it. 800 00:31:15,941 --> 00:31:17,241 I just picked it up! 801 00:31:17,243 --> 00:31:19,376 We'll ride around and we'll glide around. 802 00:31:19,378 --> 00:31:21,278 I'm all pumped up on coffee. In the showroom, 803 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,513 I had two cups. It was free. Come on. 804 00:31:23,515 --> 00:31:24,681 Is it all right? 805 00:31:24,683 --> 00:31:27,484 Oh! Whatever you want. 806 00:31:27,486 --> 00:31:29,219 All right, I'll meet you at home. 807 00:31:29,221 --> 00:31:31,555 I'm gonna go ride in a brand new Camry. 808 00:31:31,557 --> 00:31:33,657 I am gonna clip a coupon and order something. 809 00:31:33,659 --> 00:31:35,292 [cell phone ringing] Okay, sounds good. 810 00:31:35,294 --> 00:31:36,226 I'll see you later. Hey, you guys... 811 00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:38,128 - Bye dad! - What do you feel like? 812 00:31:38,130 --> 00:31:40,731 - Bye! - Hello. 813 00:31:40,733 --> 00:31:41,698 [cell ringing] Hello? Hold on. 814 00:31:41,700 --> 00:31:43,133 Hold on! 815 00:31:43,135 --> 00:31:44,635 Hello! 816 00:31:44,637 --> 00:31:46,303 You know how Bluetooth works? 817 00:31:46,305 --> 00:31:49,239 Rosie's calling, I don't know how to answer it. 818 00:31:49,241 --> 00:31:51,675 I'm pushing every button and... Oh God, all right. 819 00:31:51,677 --> 00:31:54,111 Let's go. We'll just drop by the house 820 00:31:54,113 --> 00:31:55,746 first for just a second. How 'bout that? 821 00:31:55,748 --> 00:31:57,748 Sure, we'll drop by. This is a beautiful car. 822 00:31:57,750 --> 00:31:59,416 Okay, go ahead. Ask. What do you wanna know? 823 00:31:59,418 --> 00:32:01,485 Listen to how quiet. 824 00:32:08,493 --> 00:32:09,593 Listen to that. 825 00:32:09,595 --> 00:32:14,665 This car...running makes less noise than most cars 826 00:32:14,667 --> 00:32:17,167 when they're turned off. It's a gorgeous car. 827 00:32:17,169 --> 00:32:18,735 And listen, listen, listen. You can't hear anything. 828 00:32:18,737 --> 00:32:21,171 Listen. Barely hear the door slam. 829 00:32:21,173 --> 00:32:23,607 It's like a powderpuff. 830 00:32:23,609 --> 00:32:25,475 It's not...I can hear it slam. It's not loud, 831 00:32:25,477 --> 00:32:30,948 When I was a kid, I wanted a '67 Mustang. I got mine. 832 00:32:30,950 --> 00:32:31,882 Here, come on in. 833 00:32:31,884 --> 00:32:33,717 All right. 834 00:32:33,719 --> 00:32:35,319 Honey? 835 00:32:35,321 --> 00:32:37,187 Rosie? 836 00:32:37,189 --> 00:32:39,056 Come in. Come in, please. Let's see... 837 00:32:39,058 --> 00:32:41,758 Rosie? Oh, she's not here. 838 00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:42,926 Well, this is where it all happens. 839 00:32:42,928 --> 00:32:44,895 This is where the magic happens. 840 00:32:44,897 --> 00:32:46,196 Every week, 841 00:32:46,198 --> 00:32:50,500 we order pizzas from around the world. 842 00:32:50,502 --> 00:32:52,936 What are pizzas from around the world? 843 00:32:52,938 --> 00:32:55,839 I, you know, most people have their favorite pizzeria, you know. 844 00:32:55,841 --> 00:32:58,475 We order pizza from, literally, I'm telling you, 845 00:32:58,477 --> 00:33:00,944 20, 30 miles away. You just get a flavor from... 846 00:33:00,946 --> 00:33:02,045 [stammering] 847 00:33:02,047 --> 00:33:04,314 There's one way out call... Hinojosa's, 848 00:33:04,316 --> 00:33:06,917 and it's delicious. It's a wonderful thing to have. 849 00:33:06,919 --> 00:33:08,719 Mmm-hmm. 850 00:33:14,726 --> 00:33:19,463 Memories, memories, memories. 851 00:33:19,465 --> 00:33:23,500 [silence] 852 00:33:28,206 --> 00:33:30,540 Pictures. Very nice. 853 00:33:31,976 --> 00:33:34,611 This is the one I'm most proud of. 854 00:33:35,813 --> 00:33:38,248 We were in Mesa, Arizona. 855 00:33:38,250 --> 00:33:40,684 - You ever been to Mesa? - No. 856 00:33:40,686 --> 00:33:42,486 It's hot. 857 00:33:42,488 --> 00:33:44,521 I mean, it was burning. 858 00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:45,989 You know, the type of burning, you know, 859 00:33:45,991 --> 00:33:47,991 you could be in sandals, you could be in sneakers. 860 00:33:47,993 --> 00:33:50,327 It doesn't matter. You still feel it beneath your feet. 861 00:33:50,329 --> 00:33:52,262 And we rented the sombreros, the ponchos, 862 00:33:52,264 --> 00:33:54,998 even had guns. He's got a gun. You can't see my gun. 863 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:56,767 Look at the tenacity on that kid's face. 864 00:33:56,769 --> 00:33:59,136 And the women were scared. I'll give you that. 865 00:33:59,138 --> 00:34:00,971 We were scared. 866 00:34:00,973 --> 00:34:04,107 But dammit, we weren't gonna let anything cross us. 867 00:34:04,109 --> 00:34:07,511 But you took that at, like, a photo, uh, place, right? 868 00:34:07,513 --> 00:34:08,945 No, no, no. Not a ph... 869 00:34:08,947 --> 00:34:11,281 It's one of those expansive places, you know? 870 00:34:11,283 --> 00:34:14,384 I mean, way out, is, is, are the souvenirs and everything. 871 00:34:14,386 --> 00:34:15,018 But just sort of... 872 00:34:15,020 --> 00:34:16,653 A kiosk of some sort? 873 00:34:18,656 --> 00:34:19,489 Wasn't a kiosk. 874 00:34:19,491 --> 00:34:23,527 It was... You've got a photographer out there 875 00:34:23,529 --> 00:34:25,462 and you, you, you go out... And you go out. 876 00:34:25,464 --> 00:34:28,031 It was the west! We were in Mesa! 877 00:34:28,033 --> 00:34:28,598 Mmm-hmm. 878 00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,501 It was a... No! 879 00:34:32,570 --> 00:34:34,337 No. 880 00:34:34,339 --> 00:34:37,607 It was anything but a kiosk. 881 00:34:38,543 --> 00:34:40,877 [light knocking on door] 882 00:34:40,879 --> 00:34:42,212 Tony? 883 00:34:42,214 --> 00:34:44,848 [door opening] 884 00:34:51,622 --> 00:34:55,325 [whispering] S.O.F. [exhales] 885 00:34:55,327 --> 00:34:57,160 Yeah. 886 00:34:57,162 --> 00:34:57,994 That's great. 887 00:34:57,996 --> 00:34:59,763 What's S.O.F.? 888 00:34:59,765 --> 00:35:01,064 [whispering] "Soldier of Fortune." 889 00:35:01,066 --> 00:35:03,366 "Soldier of Fortune." Why you guys whispering? 890 00:35:03,368 --> 00:35:04,668 [whispering] I can't let Rosie know 891 00:35:04,670 --> 00:35:06,570 that I'm getting "Soldier of Fortune." 892 00:35:06,572 --> 00:35:08,405 If she knows that I have "Soldier of Fortune," 893 00:35:08,407 --> 00:35:09,639 she'll kill me. 894 00:35:09,641 --> 00:35:11,408 [whispering] Kill him. [chuckles] 895 00:35:11,410 --> 00:35:12,542 - Okay. - Yeah. 896 00:35:12,544 --> 00:35:13,810 That's great. 897 00:35:13,812 --> 00:35:15,745 I can't believe... Have you been to the range? 898 00:35:15,747 --> 00:35:17,214 [whispering] Every night. 899 00:35:17,216 --> 00:35:19,182 Yeah. That's cool. 900 00:35:19,184 --> 00:35:20,517 All right, I gotta hide this. 901 00:35:20,519 --> 00:35:22,419 Okay, thanks buddy. 902 00:35:22,421 --> 00:35:27,424 [exhales] 903 00:35:27,426 --> 00:35:28,325 [both whispering] How you doing? 904 00:35:28,327 --> 00:35:29,993 - Good, how you doing? - Good. 905 00:35:29,995 --> 00:35:32,195 - I'm Max. - Hi, Max. 906 00:35:32,197 --> 00:35:36,333 - I'm Tony. - Hey, Tony. 907 00:35:36,335 --> 00:35:39,402 [loud, extended breath] 908 00:35:45,943 --> 00:35:47,043 Is it hot out there? 909 00:35:47,045 --> 00:35:48,979 It's great today. 910 00:35:48,981 --> 00:35:50,080 Yeah, I was just out there. 911 00:35:50,082 --> 00:35:51,648 I don't know why I even asked you if it was hot, 912 00:35:51,650 --> 00:35:53,116 because I was just out there. 913 00:35:53,118 --> 00:35:54,551 - It's great. - Yeah. 914 00:35:54,553 --> 00:35:56,620 it's okay. 915 00:35:56,622 --> 00:35:57,988 We're just whispering. 916 00:35:57,990 --> 00:36:00,257 Well, it's just all part of the S.O.F. thing. 917 00:36:00,259 --> 00:36:02,192 I don't wanna give it up and ruin it for you. 918 00:36:02,194 --> 00:36:03,393 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 919 00:36:03,395 --> 00:36:06,163 Dude. 920 00:36:07,165 --> 00:36:09,065 Take care, Tony. 921 00:36:09,067 --> 00:36:10,400 Nice to meet you, Max. 922 00:36:10,402 --> 00:36:12,435 Pleasure. 923 00:36:13,304 --> 00:36:15,105 Honey? 924 00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:17,974 I don't see her. 925 00:36:17,976 --> 00:36:21,711 We started doing, uh, like Pennsylvania art. 926 00:36:21,713 --> 00:36:24,147 Pennsylvania Dutch type of art, uh... 927 00:36:24,149 --> 00:36:27,050 I like to call it "America Primitive." 928 00:36:27,052 --> 00:36:30,387 It's a lot of wood. It's a lot more wood than I wanted. 929 00:36:30,389 --> 00:36:32,055 This, believe it or not, 930 00:36:32,057 --> 00:36:35,892 is where everything I have is kept 931 00:36:35,894 --> 00:36:38,929 I've got shirts, I've got my pants, I've got my ties. 932 00:36:38,931 --> 00:36:41,531 But this, this, this dresser... 933 00:36:41,533 --> 00:36:43,633 To you, it's a little dresser. To me, 934 00:36:43,635 --> 00:36:46,036 it's, it's my gargantuan world. 935 00:36:46,038 --> 00:36:48,238 This is, this is my existence right here. 936 00:36:48,240 --> 00:36:49,439 No, it's my dream... 937 00:36:49,441 --> 00:36:52,209 to someday, maybe have an armoire, like, right here. 938 00:36:52,211 --> 00:36:54,444 Harold, you don't need an armoire. 939 00:36:54,446 --> 00:36:57,247 I don't need an armoire? Forget it, forget it! 940 00:36:57,249 --> 00:37:00,884 Hartman called. He said it's a no-can-do on the Camry. 941 00:37:00,886 --> 00:37:03,787 And I already, I drove it out of the lot already. 942 00:37:03,789 --> 00:37:06,656 I'm so sorry! [stammering] I jumped way too quick. 943 00:37:06,658 --> 00:37:09,125 I... 'cause I already drove it off the lot. I'm sorry. 944 00:37:09,127 --> 00:37:11,428 I'm sorry, I always leap before I crawl 945 00:37:11,430 --> 00:37:13,763 and I'm sorry. And I should have called him. 946 00:37:13,765 --> 00:37:14,864 I should have asked you. 947 00:37:14,866 --> 00:37:17,567 And, and I knew it. I'm, I was wrong. 948 00:37:17,569 --> 00:37:18,268 How's little Jackie? 949 00:37:18,270 --> 00:37:19,269 Oh, he's great. 950 00:37:19,271 --> 00:37:20,403 - Aww... - Thank you for asking. 951 00:37:20,405 --> 00:37:21,338 He's a great boy. 952 00:37:21,340 --> 00:37:25,475 Yeah. He loves nature, doesn't he? 953 00:37:25,477 --> 00:37:29,045 I suppose. As much as any kid loves nature. 954 00:37:30,748 --> 00:37:32,315 So... I'm gonna get going. 955 00:37:32,317 --> 00:37:33,283 Can you give me a ride home? 956 00:37:33,285 --> 00:37:35,852 Oh, the flatbed's gonna be here any second 957 00:37:35,854 --> 00:37:36,686 to load the Camry. 958 00:37:36,688 --> 00:37:38,188 Already? 959 00:37:38,190 --> 00:37:39,556 No, I'm sorry. 960 00:37:39,558 --> 00:37:42,525 Yeah, can you use Rosie's car and uh, take me home? 961 00:37:42,527 --> 00:37:44,594 That's a no-go. 962 00:37:46,464 --> 00:37:47,631 No. 963 00:37:47,633 --> 00:37:48,531 How about you, Rosie? 964 00:37:48,533 --> 00:37:50,800 Can you give me a ride home? 965 00:37:50,802 --> 00:37:54,704 Max... No-can-do. 966 00:37:58,876 --> 00:38:00,710 I can call you a cab. 967 00:38:01,912 --> 00:38:03,680 [sighs] 968 00:38:09,053 --> 00:38:11,955 Shouldn't you guys uh, be practicing baseball? 969 00:38:11,957 --> 00:38:13,657 No, we like soccer. 970 00:38:13,659 --> 00:38:14,991 All right. 971 00:38:14,993 --> 00:38:15,859 I gotta tell ya... 972 00:38:15,861 --> 00:38:18,028 [laughing] What? What's with the cab? 973 00:38:18,030 --> 00:38:21,298 Uh... [sighs] 974 00:38:21,300 --> 00:38:24,134 They uh, wouldn't give me a ride home. 975 00:38:24,136 --> 00:38:26,736 My imagination couldn't come up with the stuff 976 00:38:26,738 --> 00:38:29,339 that I"m seeing. This behavior. 977 00:38:29,341 --> 00:38:30,240 You know, when I wondered, 978 00:38:30,242 --> 00:38:32,042 "what is her personal life like?" 979 00:38:32,044 --> 00:38:32,776 I had no idea. 980 00:38:32,778 --> 00:38:36,413 I don't know what I'm thinking. 981 00:38:36,415 --> 00:38:37,647 [sighs] 982 00:38:37,649 --> 00:38:39,549 - Come on! - Oh. 983 00:38:39,551 --> 00:38:40,650 Dammit! 984 00:38:40,652 --> 00:38:42,686 Follow through, Jackie! 985 00:38:42,688 --> 00:38:43,586 Sweet stuff. 986 00:38:43,588 --> 00:38:45,989 How's he doing? 987 00:38:45,991 --> 00:38:46,589 [metal bat hitting ball] 988 00:38:46,591 --> 00:38:47,524 Oh! There you go. 989 00:38:47,526 --> 00:38:48,825 Relax, relax. 990 00:38:48,827 --> 00:38:49,893 Faster! 991 00:38:49,895 --> 00:38:51,261 All right, get out. Out. 992 00:38:51,263 --> 00:38:52,629 Come on out. You're done. 993 00:38:52,631 --> 00:38:56,533 Jack. That was great, man. 994 00:38:56,535 --> 00:38:57,233 It's not a science. 995 00:38:57,235 --> 00:39:00,203 Hey! Got a sec? Excuse me. 996 00:39:00,205 --> 00:39:01,171 Who told you that?! 997 00:39:01,173 --> 00:39:05,241 It is a science. That kid liked to you, all right? 998 00:39:05,243 --> 00:39:06,943 What do you think these numbers are? 999 00:39:06,945 --> 00:39:08,812 Now listen. Next time you go up, 1000 00:39:08,814 --> 00:39:10,914 I want you to glue that bat to your shoulder. 1001 00:39:10,916 --> 00:39:12,916 I don't want you swinging. 1002 00:39:12,918 --> 00:39:14,951 That's how you get a walk. [chuckles] 1003 00:39:14,953 --> 00:39:17,921 Okay? You know what else? 1004 00:39:17,923 --> 00:39:20,123 Try to get hit. Okay? 1005 00:39:20,125 --> 00:39:21,224 It doesn't hurt that much. 1006 00:39:21,226 --> 00:39:22,225 Have you ever got a shot at the doctor's? 1007 00:39:22,227 --> 00:39:25,128 It hurts like that.Takes a second. Goes away. 1008 00:39:25,130 --> 00:39:26,930 And then you get on base. Good! 1009 00:39:26,932 --> 00:39:28,298 Manny! 1010 00:39:28,300 --> 00:39:29,599 Do we play games with our shoes untied? 1011 00:39:29,601 --> 00:39:31,401 Do we play games with our shirt untucked? 1012 00:39:31,403 --> 00:39:32,302 No. 1013 00:39:32,304 --> 00:39:33,737 Do we play games with our belt undone? 1014 00:39:33,739 --> 00:39:36,639 No we don't. We don't live in a barn, Manny. 1015 00:39:36,641 --> 00:39:38,408 We're going to tuck in our shirt because... 1016 00:39:38,410 --> 00:39:41,244 we're not animals, right? 1017 00:39:41,246 --> 00:39:42,645 What does mommy always tell you? 1018 00:39:42,647 --> 00:39:43,646 "Go big or go home." 1019 00:39:43,648 --> 00:39:45,715 No. "Don't fuck up." Okay? 1020 00:39:45,717 --> 00:39:47,283 And you know what? I want you to have fun. 1021 00:39:47,285 --> 00:39:48,752 That's most important, okay? 1022 00:39:48,754 --> 00:39:51,020 And keep your elbows up. Got it? 1023 00:39:51,022 --> 00:39:52,622 Go have fun, killer. Elbows up! 1024 00:39:52,624 --> 00:39:53,890 I'm excited about coming over. 1025 00:39:53,892 --> 00:39:55,091 Oh... [laughs] 1026 00:39:55,093 --> 00:39:57,961 Oh, I'm really good with it. You're gonna enjoy it. 1027 00:39:57,963 --> 00:39:58,728 Okay, cool. 1028 00:39:58,730 --> 00:39:59,929 Bring all your tools. 1029 00:39:59,931 --> 00:40:00,930 Bring all my tools? 1030 00:40:00,932 --> 00:40:01,765 Yeah, bring your tools. 1031 00:40:01,767 --> 00:40:03,099 Bring all the stuff you need. 1032 00:40:03,101 --> 00:40:04,434 For what? 1033 00:40:04,436 --> 00:40:05,935 For whatever happens! 1034 00:40:05,937 --> 00:40:06,770 I'm just gonna talk to you. 1035 00:40:06,772 --> 00:40:08,171 Just bring a bunch of stuff. 1036 00:40:08,173 --> 00:40:09,973 When you say "a bunch of stuff," it's just so random. 1037 00:40:09,975 --> 00:40:11,241 It's random, but just bring anything. 1038 00:40:11,243 --> 00:40:13,343 - Hey coach! - [laughs] 1039 00:40:13,345 --> 00:40:14,477 - Hey! - Have a good game. 1040 00:40:14,479 --> 00:40:16,146 Motivated. Motivation! 1041 00:40:16,148 --> 00:40:18,181 - That's what it's about. - That's right. 1042 00:40:18,183 --> 00:40:19,249 Bring whatever you wanna bring. 1043 00:40:19,251 --> 00:40:21,317 Uh... No snacks. 1044 00:40:21,319 --> 00:40:22,252 - No. - Just stuff. 1045 00:40:22,254 --> 00:40:23,253 Okay. 1046 00:40:23,255 --> 00:40:24,254 All right? I'll see you later on, all right? 1047 00:40:24,256 --> 00:40:25,255 Have a good game, coach. 1048 00:40:25,257 --> 00:40:26,656 You damn right! 1049 00:40:26,658 --> 00:40:28,258 [cheering] Way to go, Stevie! 1050 00:40:28,260 --> 00:40:29,626 Throwing smoke! 1051 00:40:29,628 --> 00:40:31,661 Throwing smoke! 1052 00:40:31,663 --> 00:40:35,031 Good arm! Good... arm! 1053 00:40:37,301 --> 00:40:39,836 [gasps] Max. Hi... 1054 00:40:39,838 --> 00:40:41,604 Umm... 1055 00:40:41,606 --> 00:40:43,173 - I hate to be nitpicky. - Mmm-hmm. 1056 00:40:43,175 --> 00:40:45,341 Just wondering when you're gonna have 1057 00:40:45,343 --> 00:40:46,709 that money ready? We... 1058 00:40:46,711 --> 00:40:48,978 are just keeping a running tab for you 1059 00:40:48,980 --> 00:40:50,146 and little Jackie! 1060 00:40:50,148 --> 00:40:51,247 - [chuckles] - Mmm-hmm. 1061 00:40:51,249 --> 00:40:53,783 Uh, little Jackie took one of my healthy muffins... 1062 00:40:53,785 --> 00:40:55,018 - He had one of the healthy muffins? - I was so proud of him! 1063 00:40:55,020 --> 00:40:56,352 - Yes! - Oh, okay. 1064 00:40:56,354 --> 00:40:57,487 They give you a lot of energy. 1065 00:40:57,489 --> 00:40:59,889 But I will... when I have some... 1066 00:40:59,891 --> 00:41:01,191 I don't have any extra cash today. 1067 00:41:01,193 --> 00:41:02,158 - Okay. - So I will... 1068 00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:03,326 Because they go towards the team 1069 00:41:03,328 --> 00:41:04,894 and towards the coach's gifts. 1070 00:41:04,896 --> 00:41:06,296 - I know... For everything. - Okay. 1071 00:41:06,298 --> 00:41:07,397 By the way, I think everyone should pay. 1072 00:41:07,399 --> 00:41:07,997 I'm with you. 1073 00:41:07,999 --> 00:41:10,033 - So I'm not against it. - A few bucks? 1074 00:41:10,035 --> 00:41:11,334 But I will. More than a few bucks. 1075 00:41:11,336 --> 00:41:12,302 I'm gonna throw in a big 20. 1076 00:41:12,304 --> 00:41:13,136 - Okay. - Okay. 1077 00:41:13,138 --> 00:41:14,804 - All right. - All right. 1078 00:41:14,806 --> 00:41:16,573 Okay. 1079 00:41:16,575 --> 00:41:20,410 [whooshing sound] [bat hitting ball] 1080 00:41:23,347 --> 00:41:26,516 When I played... and you were coaching... 1081 00:41:26,518 --> 00:41:27,550 Mmm-hmm? 1082 00:41:27,552 --> 00:41:28,651 What were the parents like? 1083 00:41:28,653 --> 00:41:29,919 Were they like these idiots? 1084 00:41:29,921 --> 00:41:31,921 I don't know. I didn't know most of 'em. 1085 00:41:31,923 --> 00:41:33,590 You didn't know 'em? 1086 00:41:33,592 --> 00:41:35,892 No. How would I get to know 'em? 1087 00:41:35,894 --> 00:41:38,428 They drop off their kids, they, they leave. 1088 00:41:38,430 --> 00:41:40,563 They didn't even hang out? 1089 00:41:40,565 --> 00:41:42,265 No. Why would they hang out? 1090 00:41:42,267 --> 00:41:45,435 Parents got things to do. That's... 1091 00:41:45,437 --> 00:41:47,604 What's wrong with you people? 1092 00:41:47,606 --> 00:41:49,672 That's what's wrong with you people. 1093 00:41:49,674 --> 00:41:52,609 You're so involved. 1094 00:41:52,611 --> 00:41:55,745 You know? Playing catch with your kids is good. 1095 00:41:55,747 --> 00:41:58,548 Showing up and saying, "Hey, nice job!" 1096 00:41:58,550 --> 00:42:00,950 or you know, whatever. That's good. 1097 00:42:00,952 --> 00:42:03,052 But all this involvement. 1098 00:42:03,054 --> 00:42:05,555 We just said what whatever coach says. 1099 00:42:05,557 --> 00:42:07,423 You don't remember the stuff your coach did? 1100 00:42:07,425 --> 00:42:09,292 And I was, like, "whatever, it's the coach. 1101 00:42:09,294 --> 00:42:10,727 Whatever coach says." 1102 00:42:10,729 --> 00:42:11,895 Okay. What if the coach tells your kid 1103 00:42:11,897 --> 00:42:13,229 to keep his bat on the shoulder 1104 00:42:13,231 --> 00:42:14,364 every time he goes up to bat? 1105 00:42:14,366 --> 00:42:17,634 That's what the coach said! See, that's my point. 1106 00:42:17,636 --> 00:42:19,369 We're in agreement. 1107 00:42:19,371 --> 00:42:19,869 Yeah, yeah. 1108 00:42:19,871 --> 00:42:20,904 We think alike. 1109 00:42:20,906 --> 00:42:22,906 I think just like you. 1110 00:42:22,908 --> 00:42:25,208 Do you know how often I, like, do something 1111 00:42:25,210 --> 00:42:27,143 and I go, "That's what dad would've done"? 1112 00:42:27,145 --> 00:42:28,177 Do you know how many times I do that? 1113 00:42:28,179 --> 00:42:29,913 - All the time. - Oh. 1114 00:42:29,915 --> 00:42:31,247 I learned a lot from you. 1115 00:42:31,249 --> 00:42:32,315 Well... 1116 00:42:32,317 --> 00:42:33,816 You're welcome. 1117 00:42:33,818 --> 00:42:35,952 Well, thank you. Thank you big time. 1118 00:42:35,954 --> 00:42:37,854 Big time. 1119 00:42:40,624 --> 00:42:41,958 I just don't buy it, I'm sorry. 1120 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:43,793 I should have explained. 1121 00:42:43,795 --> 00:42:45,295 Now let me ask you guys a question. 1122 00:42:45,297 --> 00:42:48,698 And I want you to take this serious. Really consider it. 1123 00:42:48,700 --> 00:42:51,334 How much for you to go on the field and run in a circle 1124 00:42:51,336 --> 00:42:54,637 around the whole field during the game? 1125 00:42:54,639 --> 00:42:56,205 During the game, while people are watching? 1126 00:42:56,207 --> 00:42:58,741 People are watching. Yep. 1127 00:42:58,743 --> 00:43:00,510 Why would you do that? You'd be... 1128 00:43:00,512 --> 00:43:02,078 You'd be a jackass. 1129 00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:05,748 - How much money to be a jackass? - Oh! 1130 00:43:05,750 --> 00:43:07,483 2500 bucks. 1131 00:43:07,485 --> 00:43:08,718 2500 bucks. 1132 00:43:08,720 --> 00:43:10,286 That makes it just tempting. 1133 00:43:10,288 --> 00:43:11,788 Let's not get Uncle Sam involved. 1134 00:43:11,790 --> 00:43:12,655 - Yeah. - All right. 1135 00:43:12,657 --> 00:43:13,690 2500 cash, up front. 1136 00:43:13,692 --> 00:43:15,258 Sure... cash, my friend. 1137 00:43:15,260 --> 00:43:17,193 Yeah, how much would you do it for? 1138 00:43:17,195 --> 00:43:18,528 - I wouldn't do it. - What?! 1139 00:43:18,530 --> 00:43:19,529 - Stop it. - I wouldn't do it. 1140 00:43:19,531 --> 00:43:21,598 $250,000. 1141 00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:22,799 - Give me another number. - What?! 1142 00:43:22,801 --> 00:43:24,300 - A million dollars. - Nope. 1143 00:43:24,302 --> 00:43:26,703 - Two million dollars. - Nope. 1144 00:43:26,705 --> 00:43:27,804 Five million dollars. 1145 00:43:27,806 --> 00:43:29,339 It's not what I'm made of. 1146 00:43:29,341 --> 00:43:31,207 I'm just thinking sometimes, if we were 1147 00:43:31,209 --> 00:43:32,508 to play in one of these games, 1148 00:43:32,510 --> 00:43:34,477 how we would dominate. 1149 00:43:34,479 --> 00:43:34,978 Who, you and me? 1150 00:43:34,980 --> 00:43:35,578 Oh man, yeah. 1151 00:43:35,580 --> 00:43:40,183 It must be like how McGwire felt playing, 1152 00:43:40,185 --> 00:43:42,518 standing up there. 1153 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:45,221 [smattered applause and distant chatter] 1154 00:43:47,891 --> 00:43:50,493 This is um, Hans. This is Max. 1155 00:43:50,495 --> 00:43:51,961 Hi Hans! 1156 00:43:51,963 --> 00:43:53,363 [Austrian accent] Nice meeting you. 1157 00:43:53,365 --> 00:43:54,330 You're the first Hans I've ever met. 1158 00:43:54,332 --> 00:43:55,865 Really? Want some? 1159 00:43:55,867 --> 00:43:57,000 Oh I'll have a couple, thank you. 1160 00:43:57,002 --> 00:43:58,401 Thank you very much. Thank you. 1161 00:43:58,403 --> 00:44:00,503 We used to be roommates together in Paris 1162 00:44:00,505 --> 00:44:01,704 when we went to culinary school. 1163 00:44:01,706 --> 00:44:03,006 That was a great time, wasn't it? 1164 00:44:03,008 --> 00:44:04,207 - Oh, how about that? - That was fun. 1165 00:44:04,209 --> 00:44:05,808 - We had a really good time. - Oh cool! 1166 00:44:05,810 --> 00:44:07,577 - Um... I gotta go... - You and Hans. 1167 00:44:07,579 --> 00:44:09,145 Yeah, I-I... I'm gonna be right back. 1168 00:44:09,147 --> 00:44:11,648 I gotta go to the loo. Will you... 1169 00:44:11,650 --> 00:44:12,649 - Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah, I'm fine! 1170 00:44:12,651 --> 00:44:13,683 I'll be back in a second. 1171 00:44:13,685 --> 00:44:15,718 - Just... hold my spot, yeah? - For sure. 1172 00:44:15,720 --> 00:44:17,887 She's going to the loo. 1173 00:44:17,889 --> 00:44:21,090 Which is normal to you. To me, it's uh... 1174 00:44:21,092 --> 00:44:22,759 it's usually the bathroom or the restroom. 1175 00:44:22,761 --> 00:44:24,093 Yeah. 1176 00:44:24,095 --> 00:44:25,328 So how long you been here for? 1177 00:44:25,330 --> 00:44:27,263 Just arrived. A couple days. 1178 00:44:27,265 --> 00:44:28,097 And your first time in America? 1179 00:44:28,099 --> 00:44:29,565 First time America. 1180 00:44:29,567 --> 00:44:32,101 Wow! Wow, wow. You enjoying it? 1181 00:44:32,103 --> 00:44:33,870 I love it. I just don't get this sport here. 1182 00:44:33,872 --> 00:44:34,837 It looks fun and... 1183 00:44:34,839 --> 00:44:36,239 It's very confusing, baseball, 1184 00:44:36,241 --> 00:44:37,907 for someone from... where you from? 1185 00:44:37,909 --> 00:44:38,741 I'm Austrian. 1186 00:44:38,743 --> 00:44:40,109 Austria. Hans from Austria 1187 00:44:40,111 --> 00:44:41,377 would not understand this right away. 1188 00:44:41,379 --> 00:44:42,612 I'm more soccer and skiing, you know? 1189 00:44:42,614 --> 00:44:44,547 Soccer's more simple to understand. You kick it. 1190 00:44:44,549 --> 00:44:45,915 You stop it. You kick in a goal. 1191 00:44:45,917 --> 00:44:47,216 You count the goal. It's easy. 1192 00:44:47,218 --> 00:44:48,251 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1193 00:44:48,253 --> 00:44:49,352 But here... What is this guy, for example, 1194 00:44:49,354 --> 00:44:50,653 doing there? He's just standing around 1195 00:44:50,655 --> 00:44:53,723 The ball to be hit to him, maybe? 1196 00:44:53,725 --> 00:44:56,893 Yeah. So you've never... 1197 00:44:56,895 --> 00:44:58,361 You've never even seen a baseball game? 1198 00:44:58,363 --> 00:44:59,729 First time. 1199 00:44:59,731 --> 00:45:03,166 Wow. Wow, wow, wow. 1200 00:45:04,034 --> 00:45:05,935 Hey! Hey! [laughing] 1201 00:45:05,937 --> 00:45:08,471 Stranger on the field! 1202 00:45:08,473 --> 00:45:12,375 [laughing hysterically] Stranger on the field! Hey! 1203 00:45:12,377 --> 00:45:13,543 How you doing? 1204 00:45:13,545 --> 00:45:14,677 Get him off! 1205 00:45:14,679 --> 00:45:15,611 Who are you? 1206 00:45:15,613 --> 00:45:17,580 I'm Hans. Who are you? 1207 00:45:17,582 --> 00:45:18,414 I'm Jack. 1208 00:45:18,416 --> 00:45:19,816 Nice to meet you, Jack. 1209 00:45:19,818 --> 00:45:21,317 Max, who is that?! 1210 00:45:21,319 --> 00:45:22,719 I don't know! 1211 00:45:22,721 --> 00:45:23,820 Get outtta there! 1212 00:45:23,822 --> 00:45:24,620 Part of the game, coach? 1213 00:45:24,622 --> 00:45:25,621 No, it's not part of the game! 1214 00:45:25,623 --> 00:45:27,056 It's gonna be an automatic out. 1215 00:45:27,058 --> 00:45:28,558 Where's Hans? 1216 00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:29,592 Um... right there. 1217 00:45:29,594 --> 00:45:30,727 Bring it in! Off the diamond, now! 1218 00:45:30,729 --> 00:45:32,428 - What's he doing out there? - Hi, I'm Hans. 1219 00:45:32,430 --> 00:45:34,063 - That's it, let's go! - Nice meeting you. 1220 00:45:34,065 --> 00:45:35,998 That's illegal, dude. What you're doing is... 1221 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:36,666 Great man. 1222 00:45:36,668 --> 00:45:40,002 Ooh, yeah! 1223 00:45:40,004 --> 00:45:41,738 See that?! 1224 00:45:41,740 --> 00:45:44,407 That's what happens around here! 1225 00:45:44,409 --> 00:45:47,844 [mild applause and distant chattering] 1226 00:45:50,814 --> 00:45:53,116 What are ya... What are you writing? 1227 00:45:53,118 --> 00:45:54,484 What I'm writing in here, 1228 00:45:54,486 --> 00:45:57,687 you could not comprehend in your brain of brains. 1229 00:45:57,689 --> 00:45:59,122 If I let you read this, 1230 00:45:59,124 --> 00:46:00,690 you would throw it down on the ground 1231 00:46:00,692 --> 00:46:02,158 and run to a mental institution 1232 00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:04,694 and check yourself in and request... 1233 00:46:04,696 --> 00:46:06,996 [bat hitting ball] a straightjacket. 1234 00:46:06,998 --> 00:46:08,631 You're very intense. 1235 00:46:08,633 --> 00:46:09,932 Throw it home! 1236 00:46:09,934 --> 00:46:11,667 Throw it home! 1237 00:46:11,669 --> 00:46:14,837 Steven, I swear to God, get up right now! 1238 00:46:14,839 --> 00:46:17,940 Steven! Get up! Throw it home! 1239 00:46:17,942 --> 00:46:19,675 - You know that's her son, right? - Go! Go! Go! 1240 00:46:19,677 --> 00:46:22,845 and he should throw the fucking ball. 1241 00:46:22,847 --> 00:46:25,848 For a little kid, he's a huge pussy. 1242 00:46:25,850 --> 00:46:28,818 Suck it up! Suck it up! 1243 00:46:28,820 --> 00:46:32,855 Suck it up. 1244 00:46:33,490 --> 00:46:35,124 The compound, baby! Right? 1245 00:46:35,126 --> 00:46:36,392 This is your compound? 1246 00:46:36,394 --> 00:46:37,493 The compound. 1247 00:46:37,495 --> 00:46:38,861 Gotta use the bathroom? Use it now. 1248 00:46:38,863 --> 00:46:40,029 The porta-potty's over there. 1249 00:46:40,031 --> 00:46:41,130 Port-a-potty? 1250 00:46:41,132 --> 00:46:43,332 By putting a port-a-potty on my property, 1251 00:46:43,334 --> 00:46:44,400 people can't use my bathroom. 1252 00:46:44,402 --> 00:46:47,470 is people sitting their ass on my toilet. 1253 00:46:47,472 --> 00:46:50,573 Shangri-la! You know? Pool over there. 1254 00:46:50,575 --> 00:46:52,875 I sleep over there. Ladies?! 1255 00:46:52,877 --> 00:46:54,377 My buddy Max, right here. 1256 00:46:54,379 --> 00:46:55,978 Hi, Max Morris. How are ya? 1257 00:46:55,980 --> 00:46:57,013 Jackie. 1258 00:46:57,015 --> 00:46:58,247 - How are you, Jackie? - "The Chocolatier." 1259 00:46:58,249 --> 00:47:00,149 - Hi. - Nice to meet you. 1260 00:47:00,151 --> 00:47:01,384 I call her "Tipsy Jessica." 1261 00:47:01,386 --> 00:47:04,320 - Tipsy Jessica? - Careful. [laughs] 1262 00:47:04,322 --> 00:47:06,088 Um... Jackie the Chocolatier? 1263 00:47:06,090 --> 00:47:09,892 - A real chocolatier? - A real chocolatier. 1264 00:47:09,894 --> 00:47:11,894 You should do my podcast. 1265 00:47:11,896 --> 00:47:13,429 What's your podcast? 1266 00:47:13,431 --> 00:47:19,035 It's like sex... and science. Like, together. 1267 00:47:19,037 --> 00:47:21,537 And we need to have volunteers come, 1268 00:47:21,539 --> 00:47:24,707 and they have to, like, take off their clothes... 1269 00:47:24,709 --> 00:47:27,376 But then, like, we do a radio show... 1270 00:47:27,378 --> 00:47:30,713 But like, people don't know that our clothes are off... 1271 00:47:30,715 --> 00:47:35,451 And so then, it's like a party... 1272 00:47:35,453 --> 00:47:38,221 But, like, you know, we don't like, fuck. 1273 00:47:38,223 --> 00:47:41,557 Unless you want to. 1274 00:47:41,559 --> 00:47:43,359 - That's like totally up to you. - No, I'm good, I'm good. 1275 00:47:43,361 --> 00:47:44,927 - Okay. - Yeah. 1276 00:47:44,929 --> 00:47:46,195 So nice to meet you. 1277 00:47:46,197 --> 00:47:47,930 Podcast, you can do what you wanna do. 1278 00:47:47,932 --> 00:47:49,532 So I got burgers and you know, I carry... 1279 00:47:49,534 --> 00:47:51,300 I carry the burgers, the hot dogs... 1280 00:47:51,302 --> 00:47:53,436 You ca... You say it like it's a, like it's a restaurant 1281 00:47:53,438 --> 00:47:54,871 You "carry the burgers." 1282 00:47:54,873 --> 00:47:56,272 Do you charge people for the burgers? 1283 00:47:56,274 --> 00:47:57,440 Of course I do. 1284 00:47:57,442 --> 00:47:58,274 What are you doing? 1285 00:47:58,276 --> 00:48:00,476 - that you charge people? - This is a compound. 1286 00:48:00,478 --> 00:48:01,510 When you're dealing with a compound, 1287 00:48:01,512 --> 00:48:02,912 these kind of things happen. 1288 00:48:02,914 --> 00:48:04,614 This is my buddy, over here. Freddy. 1289 00:48:04,616 --> 00:48:07,383 - Playa. - My dude, son. 1290 00:48:07,385 --> 00:48:09,485 You good, baby? 1291 00:48:09,487 --> 00:48:10,219 Ahh! 1292 00:48:10,221 --> 00:48:11,721 What's up? Who's this? 1293 00:48:11,723 --> 00:48:12,622 This is Max, right here. 1294 00:48:12,624 --> 00:48:13,756 Hey. Max Morris. 1295 00:48:13,758 --> 00:48:14,624 We don't don't this. We do this. 1296 00:48:14,626 --> 00:48:16,058 - Okay. - [laughing] 1297 00:48:16,060 --> 00:48:18,227 - Good to meet you, too. - All right. 1298 00:48:18,229 --> 00:48:20,263 Hey, so... 1299 00:48:20,265 --> 00:48:21,898 They sent him to keep the pool clean. 1300 00:48:21,900 --> 00:48:23,032 - The pool gets dirty. - Uh-huh. 1301 00:48:23,034 --> 00:48:24,233 A lot of people come through here. 1302 00:48:24,235 --> 00:48:25,801 They eat hamburgers. They eat hot dogs. 1303 00:48:25,803 --> 00:48:27,336 You know, they just dive into the water 1304 00:48:27,338 --> 00:48:31,073 without washing their ass. Always take a shower. 1305 00:48:31,075 --> 00:48:33,109 All right. So... 1306 00:48:33,111 --> 00:48:34,777 - What's up... - Here we go! Here we go! 1307 00:48:34,779 --> 00:48:35,845 - Whoo! - Big Time Sarah! 1308 00:48:35,847 --> 00:48:37,380 - [laughing] - That's right. 1309 00:48:37,382 --> 00:48:38,614 I brought the white bread. 1310 00:48:38,616 --> 00:48:39,749 Autobiography time. 1311 00:48:39,751 --> 00:48:41,851 - Oh yeah. Oh goody. - That's what we're here for. 1312 00:48:41,853 --> 00:48:44,320 - but let's get down to some business. - you all about my shit. 1313 00:48:44,322 --> 00:48:46,022 [stammering] What is this? 1314 00:48:46,024 --> 00:48:47,123 Autobiography. 1315 00:48:47,125 --> 00:48:49,091 We're all writing our autobiography. 1316 00:48:49,093 --> 00:48:49,959 You're all writing your autobiography. 1317 00:48:49,961 --> 00:48:50,960 That's why you're meeting up? 1318 00:48:50,962 --> 00:48:52,528 "Like me" on Facebook. 1319 00:48:52,530 --> 00:48:53,696 He has one. 1320 00:48:53,698 --> 00:48:55,564 - I have one. - Jackie! 1321 00:48:55,566 --> 00:48:56,766 Jessica has one. 1322 00:48:56,768 --> 00:48:57,833 - All right. - Jackie has one. 1323 00:48:57,835 --> 00:49:01,437 I'll just watch. Thank you. 1324 00:49:01,439 --> 00:49:05,474 I just kinda wanna end my book with, um... 1325 00:49:05,476 --> 00:49:07,243 "ambitions in chocolate." 1326 00:49:07,245 --> 00:49:09,912 Or "finding the chocolate lining in things." 1327 00:49:09,914 --> 00:49:12,415 That's a good title. That's a very good title. 1328 00:49:12,417 --> 00:49:15,952 Yeah, especially since it has to do with all that chocolate. 1329 00:49:15,954 --> 00:49:18,421 If you had to put your hand on your throat 1330 00:49:18,423 --> 00:49:20,356 to regurgitate, would you be afraid 1331 00:49:20,358 --> 00:49:21,457 to eat your own damn hand? 1332 00:49:21,459 --> 00:49:23,292 That's what I wanna know. 1333 00:49:23,294 --> 00:49:25,828 Well no. I'm not afraid to eat my hand. 1334 00:49:25,830 --> 00:49:28,064 I've had many hands shoved down my throat, 1335 00:49:28,066 --> 00:49:30,466 as you, as you all know. You know that. 1336 00:49:30,468 --> 00:49:31,467 Everybody knows that. 1337 00:49:31,469 --> 00:49:33,669 You hold a child, right? 1338 00:49:33,671 --> 00:49:34,971 You hold him, you know? 1339 00:49:34,973 --> 00:49:37,273 I never got that. I never got that! 1340 00:49:37,275 --> 00:49:39,608 - Aww... - I never got held. 1341 00:49:39,610 --> 00:49:42,945 - I'm a foster mom. - You're a foster mom? 1342 00:49:42,947 --> 00:49:44,680 Yeah, you wanna be held. 1343 00:49:44,682 --> 00:49:46,382 My things is this... 1344 00:49:46,384 --> 00:49:52,188 I got involved...with coaching...kids...baseball, 1345 00:49:52,190 --> 00:49:55,324 'cause I was a terrible baseball player myself. 1346 00:49:55,326 --> 00:49:57,159 The game tee ball? Remember tee ball? 1347 00:49:57,161 --> 00:49:58,294 You put the ball on a little tee. 1348 00:49:58,296 --> 00:49:59,795 - Oh yeah. - And you hit the ball. 1349 00:49:59,797 --> 00:50:01,664 I struck out playing tee ball. 1350 00:50:01,666 --> 00:50:05,568 And I never lived it down. I mean, that right there, 1351 00:50:05,570 --> 00:50:11,040 really motivated me to teach kids how to hit. 1352 00:50:11,042 --> 00:50:12,408 [stammering and voice cracking] 1353 00:50:12,410 --> 00:50:13,709 I apply hitting to everything. 1354 00:50:13,711 --> 00:50:14,577 Now you're hitting everything! 1355 00:50:14,579 --> 00:50:15,811 I'm hitting every damn thing. 1356 00:50:15,813 --> 00:50:17,346 - I'll be damned. - I'm hitting ass! 1357 00:50:17,348 --> 00:50:20,983 Hitting pools, hitting trailers, h-hitting t-shirts, 1358 00:50:20,985 --> 00:50:23,419 hitting the kitchen outside, hitting the gym set... 1359 00:50:23,421 --> 00:50:24,854 Last week you hit my car. 1360 00:50:24,856 --> 00:50:26,522 All I do is hit now! I'm a hit... 1361 00:50:26,524 --> 00:50:27,356 I hit-and-run last week. 1362 00:50:27,358 --> 00:50:29,425 Hit-and-run. But you hitting! 1363 00:50:29,427 --> 00:50:31,527 All I do is hit, hit, hit, hit. 1364 00:50:31,529 --> 00:50:32,928 That's what I want kids to do. 1365 00:50:32,930 --> 00:50:35,998 I want kids to get hits. Thus... 1366 00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:36,665 That's right. 1367 00:50:36,667 --> 00:50:38,334 Baseball. 1368 00:50:38,336 --> 00:50:39,735 Freddy. 1369 00:50:39,737 --> 00:50:42,438 I was just thinking about and writing about, like, 1370 00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:46,075 the first fight that I almost won. 1371 00:50:46,077 --> 00:50:49,078 He gave me a good shot in the stomach, 1372 00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:51,213 which kinda like stopped the whole fight. 1373 00:50:51,215 --> 00:50:52,782 So did you put that in your book? 1374 00:50:52,784 --> 00:50:54,550 - Yeah, it's in there. - You gonna put that in your book? 1375 00:50:54,552 --> 00:50:55,718 I mean, it happened. 1376 00:50:55,720 --> 00:50:57,286 - That's depressing. - I been there. I been there. 1377 00:50:57,288 --> 00:51:02,691 I had a fight with a guy when I was a kid, and we both lost. 1378 00:51:02,693 --> 00:51:03,392 - That's crazy. - That can happen. 1379 00:51:03,394 --> 00:51:05,061 How can you both...lost? 1380 00:51:05,063 --> 00:51:06,695 We both lost. It was, It was the most horrible fight 1381 00:51:06,697 --> 00:51:09,365 Was it like Rocky? Where you both, like... 1382 00:51:09,367 --> 00:51:10,232 - ...lay on the canvas? - No, it was just a terrible fight. 1383 00:51:10,234 --> 00:51:11,367 It was just a terrible fight. 1384 00:51:11,369 --> 00:51:13,702 There was no winner and we both lost. 1385 00:51:13,704 --> 00:51:15,805 It was the worst fight I've ever had in my life. 1386 00:51:15,807 --> 00:51:16,972 That's a shame. 1387 00:51:16,974 --> 00:51:19,708 It was, we both lost. [distant dog barking] 1388 00:51:19,710 --> 00:51:21,043 Jessica? 1389 00:51:21,045 --> 00:51:23,112 Uh, you know, you don't have anything written down. 1390 00:51:23,114 --> 00:51:24,914 I mean, I know we offered to help out... 1391 00:51:24,916 --> 00:51:27,149 I got it all up here. 1392 00:51:27,151 --> 00:51:28,818 - Oh! - She's smart. 1393 00:51:28,820 --> 00:51:31,487 - She's fucking brilliant. - She is smart. 1394 00:51:31,489 --> 00:51:32,555 - She's very smart. - I wish I could retain... 1395 00:51:32,557 --> 00:51:33,889 He's gonna, he's gonna help me write it. 1396 00:51:33,891 --> 00:51:35,391 Yeah, I was gonna... She was gonna come over 1397 00:51:35,393 --> 00:51:38,060 tonight and then we was just gonna...chill. 1398 00:51:38,062 --> 00:51:39,795 - Practice your penmanship. - Yeah, pretty much. 1399 00:51:39,797 --> 00:51:40,996 - Okay. - Okay. 1400 00:51:40,998 --> 00:51:42,064 - I got it. - What? 1401 00:51:42,066 --> 00:51:44,233 - I get it. You get it? - I think I do. 1402 00:51:44,235 --> 00:51:46,335 I mean, she's gonna get it. I mean... 1403 00:51:46,337 --> 00:51:47,770 I know she's gonna get it. 1404 00:51:47,772 --> 00:51:49,238 How much do you get for a book deal? 1405 00:51:49,240 --> 00:51:50,272 That's what I need to know, 'cause 1406 00:51:50,274 --> 00:51:53,275 [hiccoughs] my book's about my brand. 1407 00:51:53,277 --> 00:51:56,178 And like getting, how to get a brand. 1408 00:51:56,180 --> 00:51:58,314 - All right, you like that? - Yeah, I like that. 1409 00:51:58,316 --> 00:52:00,549 I'm gonna go swimming. 1410 00:52:04,921 --> 00:52:08,357 [upbeat, jazzy music ♪] 1411 00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:12,027 [gentle door knocking] 1412 00:52:22,439 --> 00:52:25,207 Can I...get you a glass of wine or something? 1413 00:52:25,209 --> 00:52:27,176 - No, I'm fine. - Okay. 1414 00:52:27,178 --> 00:52:30,479 Can you just do me a favor, and stay behind... 1415 00:52:30,481 --> 00:52:32,081 right there? You could lean, 1416 00:52:32,083 --> 00:52:34,517 do whatever, I just, this is, you know, kind of a... 1417 00:52:34,519 --> 00:52:36,886 cooking space and it needs to be sanitary 1418 00:52:36,888 --> 00:52:38,954 and all that stuff, so... 1419 00:52:38,956 --> 00:52:40,456 Okay, sure. 1420 00:52:40,458 --> 00:52:41,190 - Right here is good? 1421 00:52:41,192 --> 00:52:41,991 - Yeah, perfect! 1422 00:52:41,993 --> 00:52:42,858 All right. 1423 00:52:42,860 --> 00:52:45,995 Can I get you anything? Noth... Hey! 1424 00:52:45,997 --> 00:52:47,997 Keep those sneakers away from my kitchen. 1425 00:52:47,999 --> 00:52:48,564 Uh-huh. 1426 00:52:48,566 --> 00:52:50,299 Mmm. All right. 1427 00:52:50,301 --> 00:52:54,069 So your place has a lesbiany vibe to it. 1428 00:52:54,071 --> 00:52:57,206 It really does. I feel like I'm in a lesbian home. 1429 00:52:57,208 --> 00:52:59,175 There's lesbiany and not lesbiany... 1430 00:52:59,177 --> 00:53:00,409 Excuse me, what do you mean? What should... 1431 00:53:00,411 --> 00:53:01,844 [stammering] Is the house lesbiany? 1432 00:53:01,846 --> 00:53:04,280 What should a "house lesbiany" be... 1433 00:53:04,282 --> 00:53:05,381 - ...in your opinion? - I don't know... 1434 00:53:05,383 --> 00:53:07,483 I've never been in a lesbian house. 1435 00:53:07,485 --> 00:53:08,584 Actually, to be honest, it is quite lesbionic. 1436 00:53:08,586 --> 00:53:11,754 It's very lesbian. 1437 00:53:11,756 --> 00:53:12,655 Lesbionic? 1438 00:53:12,657 --> 00:53:14,089 - Well... - Is that a real word? 1439 00:53:14,091 --> 00:53:17,593 I think as real as lesbiany, but it's, it's very... 1440 00:53:17,595 --> 00:53:20,062 Oh, baby! Hi, sweetheart! 1441 00:53:20,064 --> 00:53:21,430 - Hi. - How ya doing? 1442 00:53:21,432 --> 00:53:22,765 Did you have fun? 1443 00:53:22,767 --> 00:53:23,832 - I'm good. - Did you wash your hands? 1444 00:53:23,834 --> 00:53:24,567 No! 1445 00:53:24,569 --> 00:53:28,103 We're gonna eat in like an hour. 1446 00:53:28,105 --> 00:53:30,506 Permission to enter my own fucking kitchen? 1447 00:53:30,508 --> 00:53:32,575 Yes, but can you take off your shoes, babe? 1448 00:53:32,577 --> 00:53:33,776 No, I'm not taking off my... 1449 00:53:33,778 --> 00:53:35,377 We have guests! I'm not taking off my shoes. 1450 00:53:35,379 --> 00:53:36,645 I know but, don't touch! 1451 00:53:36,647 --> 00:53:40,115 What are you making? It stinks in here. 1452 00:53:40,117 --> 00:53:41,050 - Babe, I'm making a quiche. - Ich. 1453 00:53:41,052 --> 00:53:41,784 A fantastic quiche. 1454 00:53:41,786 --> 00:53:44,153 you're gonna make a huge quiche for who? 1455 00:53:44,155 --> 00:53:47,022 Manny's gonna eat it and you're gonna eat it and I'm gonna eat it. 1456 00:53:47,024 --> 00:53:49,258 Manny needs red meat. He has a game coming up. 1457 00:53:49,260 --> 00:53:50,593 Why are you feeding my son quiche? 1458 00:53:50,595 --> 00:53:51,360 What's wrong with quiche? 1459 00:53:51,362 --> 00:53:53,095 Don't feed my son quiche. 1460 00:53:53,097 --> 00:53:54,663 She's trying to turn him gay. 1461 00:53:54,665 --> 00:53:56,532 I believe it. You know, this is her dream. 1462 00:53:56,534 --> 00:53:57,933 Don't tell me this isn't your dream. 1463 00:53:57,935 --> 00:53:59,134 - That's charming. - This is her dream. 1464 00:53:59,136 --> 00:54:00,469 - Super-charming. - I croak... 1465 00:54:00,471 --> 00:54:01,737 because I'm a super athlete 1466 00:54:01,739 --> 00:54:04,106 and we always die young. 'Cause even though... 1467 00:54:04,108 --> 00:54:06,242 you know, we work our bodies like a horse... 1468 00:54:06,244 --> 00:54:07,142 - I die young... - Thoroughbred. 1469 00:54:07,144 --> 00:54:08,143 she moves to New York City, 1470 00:54:08,145 --> 00:54:09,245 which she never stops talking about, 1471 00:54:09,247 --> 00:54:10,145 in a little apartment 1472 00:54:10,147 --> 00:54:11,981 with her gay son... 1473 00:54:11,983 --> 00:54:13,349 - He's not gay. - ...and his lover. 1474 00:54:13,351 --> 00:54:15,084 - Manny is so not gay. - She's trying to make him gay. 1475 00:54:15,086 --> 00:54:17,653 ...and his lover, because here's her theory. 1476 00:54:17,655 --> 00:54:19,188 Gay men take care of their moms. 1477 00:54:19,190 --> 00:54:22,057 That's not a theory, that's a fact, my friend. 1478 00:54:22,059 --> 00:54:23,092 So he'll make her up, put a wig on her, slap some... 1479 00:54:23,094 --> 00:54:24,760 take her to the Met ball. 1480 00:54:24,762 --> 00:54:25,894 That's what she thinks! 1481 00:54:25,896 --> 00:54:29,565 It's very specific 'cause it's just occurring to me. 1482 00:54:29,567 --> 00:54:34,970 Why is it that lesbians, who clearly...like women, 1483 00:54:34,972 --> 00:54:36,472 they seem to... 1484 00:54:36,474 --> 00:54:38,841 One of them tends to be more masculine 1485 00:54:38,843 --> 00:54:40,309 than the other one. 1486 00:54:40,311 --> 00:54:43,445 And it seems to be that they're almost mimicking 1487 00:54:43,447 --> 00:54:46,649 heterosexual couples in a way. 1488 00:54:46,651 --> 00:54:49,818 Who do you think that is in this couple? 1489 00:54:51,254 --> 00:54:53,722 You know what's interesting? 1490 00:54:54,491 --> 00:54:57,893 You're like the exception to the rule. 1491 00:54:57,895 --> 00:54:59,862 You guys are. 1492 00:55:03,166 --> 00:55:07,736 [bouncy, jazz music ♪] 1493 00:55:22,786 --> 00:55:25,287 It's a long fly ball, going back towards the wall! 1494 00:55:25,289 --> 00:55:27,456 He's going back! He's going back! 1495 00:55:27,458 --> 00:55:30,059 And he snags it! [laughs] 1496 00:55:30,061 --> 00:55:31,627 Just in front of the wall. I do that every time. 1497 00:55:31,629 --> 00:55:33,395 That's a... here, take one. 1498 00:55:33,397 --> 00:55:34,897 A double off the wall, in your case. 1499 00:55:34,899 --> 00:55:36,031 That looks really comfortable. 1500 00:55:36,033 --> 00:55:39,735 It isn't really, but it's worth the joke every time. 1501 00:55:39,737 --> 00:55:41,503 - Oh my god. - So... 1502 00:55:41,505 --> 00:55:43,172 This is a great place to hang out 1503 00:55:43,174 --> 00:55:44,306 and watch the ball game. 1504 00:55:44,308 --> 00:55:45,741 Ah-hah. 1505 00:55:45,743 --> 00:55:47,843 Yeah, I love baseball. I love watching it. 1506 00:55:47,845 --> 00:55:51,213 I played it. I had dreams of uh, of being good. 1507 00:55:51,215 --> 00:55:55,718 I played, I got an... offer of a scholarship to Ball State, 1508 00:55:55,720 --> 00:55:56,552 but I didn't wanna go... 1509 00:55:56,554 --> 00:55:59,855 You know, I thought it would be a lot of jokes. 1510 00:55:59,857 --> 00:56:01,523 You turned down a scholarship 1511 00:56:01,525 --> 00:56:02,624 based on the school's name? 1512 00:56:02,626 --> 00:56:04,393 I was cocky, you know? I thought... 1513 00:56:04,395 --> 00:56:06,328 And then I wanted to go down to Stetson. 1514 00:56:06,330 --> 00:56:07,496 Did you ever hear of that? That's down in Florida. 1515 00:56:07,498 --> 00:56:08,430 Yeah, that's in Florida. 1516 00:56:08,432 --> 00:56:09,498 Near Orlando, if I'm not mistaken. 1517 00:56:09,500 --> 00:56:11,400 Yeah, it is on the east coast. 1518 00:56:11,402 --> 00:56:12,368 But someone said, "Oh, 1519 00:56:12,370 --> 00:56:14,603 you're gonna go into the hat business? 1520 00:56:14,605 --> 00:56:16,739 So, it's uh, it's gonna be a good season. 1521 00:56:16,741 --> 00:56:19,007 Your kid is a pretty cracker jack ball player. 1522 00:56:19,009 --> 00:56:21,143 You think so? I don't think so. 1523 00:56:21,145 --> 00:56:22,211 No? Well, I don't know. 1524 00:56:22,213 --> 00:56:24,213 Your son's the one who's good. 1525 00:56:24,215 --> 00:56:26,181 Well, we're looking ahead. We're looking to college. 1526 00:56:26,183 --> 00:56:27,349 I want him to get a, uh... 1527 00:56:27,351 --> 00:56:29,618 I'm hoping for scholarship, uh... 1528 00:56:29,620 --> 00:56:33,188 I'm hoping for pro ball. Making the big show. 1529 00:56:33,190 --> 00:56:34,123 That's what I'm concentrating on. 1530 00:56:34,125 --> 00:56:39,194 Yeah, I just have a feeling. He's not there yet, but um, 1531 00:56:39,196 --> 00:56:41,597 I'm gonna keep pounding and keep after him. And uh 1532 00:56:41,599 --> 00:56:43,065 make sure he wants to do it. 1533 00:56:43,067 --> 00:56:44,366 You know, sometimes he's not sure 1534 00:56:44,368 --> 00:56:46,802 and I have to tell him, uh, that he wants to do it. 1535 00:56:46,804 --> 00:56:49,371 I take him out to the ball game and he loves it. 1536 00:56:49,373 --> 00:56:51,573 Sometimes kids don't know what they want. 1537 00:56:51,575 --> 00:56:55,477 Um, I've actually pitched to Rick. 1538 00:56:55,479 --> 00:56:58,380 And what you've got to do is hit him a couple times 1539 00:56:58,382 --> 00:57:00,182 with the ball. Then they're not afraid of it anymore. 1540 00:57:00,184 --> 00:57:01,717 You hit him? What, you pitch the ball and hit him? 1541 00:57:01,719 --> 00:57:03,051 Just pitch at him. Watch out! 1542 00:57:03,319 --> 00:57:05,521 Don't tell him I said that. 1543 00:57:05,922 --> 00:57:08,323 Can you imagine me telling your son 1544 00:57:08,325 --> 00:57:10,592 that you throw at him, uh, on purpose? 1545 00:57:10,594 --> 00:57:12,261 And the trouble is, he's still afraid... 1546 00:57:12,263 --> 00:57:13,395 That made him more afraid. 1547 00:57:13,397 --> 00:57:15,464 It would make me more afraid too. 1548 00:57:15,466 --> 00:57:16,565 That's the craziest logic I've ever heard. 1549 00:57:16,567 --> 00:57:19,635 But now he knows what it feels like to be... 1550 00:57:19,637 --> 00:57:20,702 But, I mean, he's ten. 1551 00:57:20,704 --> 00:57:22,771 Shouldn't it just be for fun now, or... 1552 00:57:22,773 --> 00:57:23,739 Why does it have to be so serious? 1553 00:57:23,741 --> 00:57:25,274 Yeah, it could be for fun now. 1554 00:57:25,276 --> 00:57:26,942 You know, you gotta think of the future. 1555 00:57:26,944 --> 00:57:30,012 If you let kids just have fun, uh... 1556 00:57:30,014 --> 00:57:32,281 they wouldn't do anything. 1557 00:57:32,283 --> 00:57:35,117 Oh crap. Why do we bet on horses? 1558 00:57:35,119 --> 00:57:36,618 I-I don't get on horses. 1559 00:57:36,620 --> 00:57:39,288 [sighs] Well... It can be fun if you ever win. 1560 00:57:39,290 --> 00:57:41,657 But you don't know what the hell is going through their mind. 1561 00:57:41,659 --> 00:57:44,293 Well that's it. Thanks so much for stopping by. 1562 00:57:44,295 --> 00:57:46,428 Good luck with your project. 1563 00:57:46,430 --> 00:57:49,198 Aren't we gonna go look in the house? 1564 00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:53,302 Uh, you can't get in the house now, umm... 1565 00:57:53,304 --> 00:57:56,338 I can't get in? You live out here?! 1566 00:57:56,340 --> 00:57:59,174 Yeah, yeah, temporarily. I'm, uh... 1567 00:57:59,176 --> 00:58:01,777 This is where I crash, uh... 1568 00:58:01,779 --> 00:58:03,946 - Right now... - Where does Ricky live? 1569 00:58:03,948 --> 00:58:06,281 He's with wife number two. 1570 00:58:06,283 --> 00:58:06,882 Mmm-hmm. 1571 00:58:06,884 --> 00:58:09,518 Andrea's number... 1572 00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:11,320 I'm joking, she's just number four. 1573 00:58:11,322 --> 00:58:13,121 Uh...but she's the one... 1574 00:58:13,123 --> 00:58:15,224 I-I think we're gonna get back together. 1575 00:58:15,226 --> 00:58:17,059 But I wanna give her some time. 1576 00:58:17,061 --> 00:58:21,830 And right now, I don't want any part of that. 1577 00:58:21,832 --> 00:58:25,701 Very nice house. 1578 00:58:25,703 --> 00:58:26,869 Thank you. 1579 00:58:26,871 --> 00:58:28,437 You know, can I just say something? 1580 00:58:28,439 --> 00:58:29,171 Sure. 1581 00:58:29,173 --> 00:58:31,406 Just a... I just wanna say... 1582 00:58:31,408 --> 00:58:35,143 It is so...nice of Marty... 1583 00:58:35,145 --> 00:58:37,546 to let you have this beautiful house 1584 00:58:37,548 --> 00:58:39,047 while he sits out there. 1585 00:58:39,049 --> 00:58:40,916 And I'm not saying that you should feel guilty 1586 00:58:40,918 --> 00:58:42,551 or invite him in. You're divorced. I... 1587 00:58:42,553 --> 00:58:44,586 You've... However you've done it, 1588 00:58:44,588 --> 00:58:46,054 you've earned this place, what have you, but... 1589 00:58:46,056 --> 00:58:47,723 What are you talking about? 1590 00:58:47,725 --> 00:58:50,425 I'm paying this house, not him. 1591 00:58:50,427 --> 00:58:52,327 I'm letting him stay. 1592 00:58:52,329 --> 00:58:53,529 You're letting him stay? [cell phone ringing] 1593 00:58:53,531 --> 00:58:55,597 Yeah. Oh, wait. I've gotta take this call. 1594 00:58:55,599 --> 00:58:57,799 - Hold on a sec, please. - Okay. 1595 00:59:04,274 --> 00:59:07,276 [sighs] [phone continues to ring] 1596 00:59:18,688 --> 00:59:21,123 Hey! Umm... Today's not a good day. 1597 00:59:21,125 --> 00:59:22,424 Oh, it's not? All right. 1598 00:59:22,426 --> 00:59:25,427 Well I appreciate your time anyhow. Thank you. 1599 00:59:25,429 --> 00:59:26,762 - You're welcome. - Thank you very much. 1600 00:59:26,764 --> 00:59:28,363 I didn't mean to bother you or anything. 1601 00:59:28,365 --> 00:59:30,699 It's all right. 1602 00:59:30,701 --> 00:59:33,535 So it's really important to ice the shoulder 1603 00:59:33,537 --> 00:59:35,504 that you don't use as much? 1604 00:59:35,506 --> 00:59:36,471 Oh yeah. Yeah. 1605 00:59:36,473 --> 00:59:38,307 That's just as tired as the throwing arm. 1606 00:59:38,309 --> 00:59:40,776 Huh, all right. You eat a lot of fruit. 1607 00:59:40,778 --> 00:59:42,978 Oh yeah, I love fruit. In the morning, though. 1608 00:59:42,980 --> 00:59:43,812 A lot of vegetables? 1609 00:59:43,814 --> 00:59:44,813 Love veggies. 1610 00:59:44,815 --> 00:59:45,647 Work out a lot? 1611 00:59:45,649 --> 00:59:47,549 Every day. 1612 00:59:47,551 --> 00:59:49,718 Yeah, I don't know how you live like that. 1613 00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:51,186 It's not for everybody. 1614 00:59:51,188 --> 00:59:53,055 Yeah. 1615 00:59:53,057 --> 00:59:54,122 Get it in! Get it in! 1616 00:59:54,124 --> 00:59:56,158 Come bring it over here! 1617 00:59:56,160 --> 00:59:57,159 Coach Jimbo's got something to say! 1618 00:59:57,161 --> 00:59:58,260 Parents too! 1619 00:59:58,262 --> 00:59:59,127 You going over to the meeting? 1620 00:59:59,129 --> 01:00:00,162 Yeah, we'll be there in a minute. 1621 01:00:00,164 --> 01:00:02,497 All right. 1622 01:00:02,499 --> 01:00:03,465 Line 'em up! 1623 01:00:03,467 --> 01:00:05,100 - Line 'em up. - Parents too, please! 1624 01:00:05,102 --> 01:00:07,736 Parents, you understand? Team parents. 1625 01:00:07,738 --> 01:00:10,806 Line up, parents! Make a circle. 1626 01:00:12,075 --> 01:00:15,077 I can't express to you how important this Friday is. 1627 01:00:15,079 --> 01:00:16,311 But he will! 1628 01:00:16,313 --> 01:00:19,815 If we win Friday, we get in the playoffs! 1629 01:00:19,817 --> 01:00:20,782 Playoff time! 1630 01:00:20,784 --> 01:00:22,818 If we don't win, we're out! 1631 01:00:22,820 --> 01:00:24,086 We out! 1632 01:00:24,088 --> 01:00:25,954 - If we lose. - If we lose. 1633 01:00:25,956 --> 01:00:26,755 We're gonna win! 1634 01:00:26,757 --> 01:00:27,489 But we gonna win. 1635 01:00:27,491 --> 01:00:28,523 Here's what we're gonna do! 1636 01:00:28,525 --> 01:00:30,826 We don't have the field before the game! 1637 01:00:30,828 --> 01:00:32,961 That means you gotta practice at home! 1638 01:00:32,963 --> 01:00:34,796 That means, parents! [snaps fingers] 1639 01:00:34,798 --> 01:00:37,265 Down to the batting cages! 1640 01:00:37,267 --> 01:00:39,534 And bring the kids with you! 1641 01:00:39,536 --> 01:00:41,670 Three things! 1642 01:00:41,672 --> 01:00:43,872 No skateboarding. 1643 01:00:43,874 --> 01:00:45,440 - No scootering. - Please! 1644 01:00:45,442 --> 01:00:48,777 No swimming. But most importantly... 1645 01:00:48,779 --> 01:00:49,945 [whispers] ...no swimming. 1646 01:00:49,947 --> 01:00:52,514 - No baths! - No swimming! 1647 01:00:52,516 --> 01:00:54,282 Do not get in the water! 1648 01:00:54,284 --> 01:00:57,552 Okay, I don't need any injuries! 1649 01:00:57,554 --> 01:00:59,988 You can take a bath. They can take a bath. 1650 01:00:59,990 --> 01:01:01,790 But I'd prefer a shower. 1651 01:01:01,792 --> 01:01:03,659 Don't submerge your body under water! 1652 01:01:03,661 --> 01:01:05,327 That's right. You can shower! 1653 01:01:05,329 --> 01:01:06,795 All right, you got your marching orders! 1654 01:01:06,797 --> 01:01:08,330 Let's go! Go Cubs! 1655 01:01:08,332 --> 01:01:09,865 Go get 'em! 1656 01:01:09,867 --> 01:01:14,403 Ah, I think I got through to them. Not sure. 1657 01:01:14,405 --> 01:01:19,775 [Coach Jimbo]: I'm gonna call, followup with an email... 1658 01:01:21,911 --> 01:01:24,646 Hezekiah, you have my word, 1659 01:01:24,648 --> 01:01:26,715 this is the last time I'm gonna ask you. 1660 01:01:26,717 --> 01:01:29,151 But it would just mean so much to me, 1661 01:01:29,153 --> 01:01:30,619 if I could just spend a minute with you. 1662 01:01:30,621 --> 01:01:34,756 Here. Now. Just like, let's just talk. Just for a minute. 1663 01:01:34,758 --> 01:01:36,591 I couldn't even if I wanted to. 1664 01:01:36,593 --> 01:01:39,027 I'm already talking to somebody about a movie. 1665 01:01:39,029 --> 01:01:40,896 You're talking to somebody about a movie? Who? 1666 01:01:40,898 --> 01:01:43,331 Don't worry about it. Somebody. People. 1667 01:01:43,333 --> 01:01:44,900 Somebody on the team? 1668 01:01:44,902 --> 01:01:46,935 I can't tell you that. 1669 01:01:46,937 --> 01:01:51,006 I can tell you that Barnaby and I are gonna be living the high life. 1670 01:01:53,109 --> 01:01:54,910 Okay. 1671 01:01:54,912 --> 01:01:58,613 That's right. Walk away. 1672 01:01:58,615 --> 01:02:01,083 Baby, you're not breathing. [bat hitting ball] 1673 01:02:01,085 --> 01:02:03,351 Ah! That's my... that's a breathe. You see? 1674 01:02:03,353 --> 01:02:04,886 Of course he's breathing. He has to breath. 1675 01:02:04,888 --> 01:02:06,722 What do you know about baseball anyhow, 1676 01:02:06,724 --> 01:02:07,622 that you're telling him this? 1677 01:02:07,624 --> 01:02:10,892 Jack, that's it, because you're breathing, honey! 1678 01:02:10,894 --> 01:02:12,594 Well, lemme tell you this. Hezekiah? 1679 01:02:12,596 --> 01:02:14,930 - Yeah. - He's planning on a movie. 1680 01:02:14,932 --> 01:02:16,932 He's planning on making a movie, come on! 1681 01:02:16,934 --> 01:02:19,634 Oh please, come on. That's not important, Max. 1682 01:02:19,636 --> 01:02:22,237 It's just not. This is what's important. 1683 01:02:22,239 --> 01:02:23,772 All right, Jack. What do you say, 1684 01:02:23,774 --> 01:02:25,907 after we're done here we go swimming? 1685 01:02:25,909 --> 01:02:27,275 I'd love to go swimming! 1686 01:02:27,277 --> 01:02:28,744 He'd love to go swimming! 1687 01:02:28,746 --> 01:02:29,611 No swimming! 1688 01:02:29,613 --> 01:02:30,445 - Yes. - No swimming. 1689 01:02:30,447 --> 01:02:31,279 - Yes. - No swimming. 1690 01:02:31,281 --> 01:02:32,347 Yes. 1691 01:02:38,888 --> 01:02:40,122 You go. Your turn. 1692 01:02:40,124 --> 01:02:42,390 Okay, okay. 1693 01:02:42,392 --> 01:02:43,892 - What? - Enough. Good. 1694 01:02:43,894 --> 01:02:45,227 That's enough swimming. Good. 1695 01:02:45,229 --> 01:02:48,130 It's enough swimming? We've hardly been in here. 1696 01:02:48,132 --> 01:02:48,964 That's it! 1697 01:02:48,966 --> 01:02:50,332 That's crazy. 1698 01:02:50,334 --> 01:02:52,100 It's not crazy, it's the coach's orders. 1699 01:02:52,102 --> 01:02:53,301 Everybody out of the pool! 1700 01:02:53,303 --> 01:02:55,103 Can't you see that the coaches orders 1701 01:02:55,105 --> 01:02:56,738 make no sense whatsoever? 1702 01:02:56,740 --> 01:02:58,540 I actually do not see that, to tell you the truth. 1703 01:02:58,542 --> 01:03:00,208 I think they make a lot of sense. 1704 01:03:00,210 --> 01:03:01,576 What could possibly happen to him? 1705 01:03:01,578 --> 01:03:03,311 I'm just... I'm supporting the coach. 1706 01:03:03,313 --> 01:03:04,546 What's wrong with supporting the coach? 1707 01:03:04,548 --> 01:03:06,214 Let me tell you something about supporting the coach. 1708 01:03:06,216 --> 01:03:09,050 I just had a little talk with Jack, okay? 1709 01:03:09,052 --> 01:03:10,752 And we have decided... 1710 01:03:10,754 --> 01:03:12,754 You're in agreement with me, correct? 1711 01:03:12,756 --> 01:03:15,590 He is no longer going to keep the bat on his shoulder. 1712 01:03:15,592 --> 01:03:17,559 When he sees a pitch he wants to hit, 1713 01:03:17,561 --> 01:03:19,694 he's going to swing away. Is that correct sir? 1714 01:03:19,696 --> 01:03:20,695 Yep. 1715 01:03:20,697 --> 01:03:22,898 That is correct. Did I force you to say that? 1716 01:03:22,900 --> 01:03:25,400 Did I intimidate you in any way? 1717 01:03:25,402 --> 01:03:28,637 Okay, your honor, I, uh... 1718 01:03:28,639 --> 01:03:29,237 Max. 1719 01:03:29,239 --> 01:03:30,405 I rest my case. 1720 01:03:30,407 --> 01:03:32,574 You're teaching him to go up against authority. 1721 01:03:32,576 --> 01:03:33,942 You know what? You're right. 1722 01:03:33,944 --> 01:03:35,777 I apologize. 1723 01:03:35,779 --> 01:03:39,748 Jack, you do not automatically go up against authority. 1724 01:03:39,750 --> 01:03:42,117 But I'll tell you something, man. Big lesson. 1725 01:03:42,119 --> 01:03:43,318 You're a little young to bring it up, 1726 01:03:43,320 --> 01:03:44,519 but I'm gonna tell you right now. 1727 01:03:44,521 --> 01:03:47,522 Question authority. Question it constantly. 1728 01:03:47,524 --> 01:03:48,990 Question, question, question. 1729 01:03:48,992 --> 01:03:50,458 I'll tell you something else. 1730 01:03:50,460 --> 01:03:52,828 He's more concerned with 1731 01:03:52,830 --> 01:03:56,832 what snacks they serve after a game. That's right. 1732 01:03:56,834 --> 01:03:58,767 So let's say you have a choice. 1733 01:03:58,769 --> 01:04:03,171 You can have cupcakes for a snack after the game. 1734 01:04:03,173 --> 01:04:06,107 Uh, but if you do that, your team loses nine to six. 1735 01:04:06,109 --> 01:04:10,712 Or you guys win nine to six and you...get celery. 1736 01:04:10,714 --> 01:04:12,547 Which would you choose? 1737 01:04:12,549 --> 01:04:14,516 Lose and get a cupcake. 1738 01:04:14,518 --> 01:04:16,284 Lose and get a cupcake! 1739 01:04:16,286 --> 01:04:17,452 These are great life lessons. 1740 01:04:17,454 --> 01:04:18,553 I say that's the attitude of a winner! 1741 01:04:18,555 --> 01:04:20,789 Yeah, no. These are uh, just the greatest 1742 01:04:20,791 --> 01:04:22,257 life lessons you are teaching our son. 1743 01:04:22,259 --> 01:04:25,460 I don't even wanna do this movie anymore. 1744 01:04:25,462 --> 01:04:26,494 - No more research. - Good! 1745 01:04:26,496 --> 01:04:29,364 I just wanna go watch my son... 1746 01:04:29,366 --> 01:04:31,333 have fun playing baseball. 1747 01:04:31,335 --> 01:04:33,034 I wanna watch our son, too, 1748 01:04:33,036 --> 01:04:34,836 have fun, winning at baseball. 1749 01:04:34,838 --> 01:04:37,239 I think it's actually rude of us and wrong 1750 01:04:37,241 --> 01:04:38,940 to even watch him play. 1751 01:04:38,942 --> 01:04:41,476 I think the one thing kids don't need to play baseball 1752 01:04:41,478 --> 01:04:42,477 is parents. 1753 01:04:42,479 --> 01:04:44,846 For parents one game a season. 1754 01:04:44,848 --> 01:04:46,381 They can call it "Parents Game." 1755 01:04:46,383 --> 01:04:48,817 And the kids will know that that game sucks. 1756 01:04:48,819 --> 01:04:50,852 And what are you gonna do when parents can come? 1757 01:04:50,854 --> 01:04:53,989 Jack? Your coach is your leader. 1758 01:04:53,991 --> 01:04:55,991 You have to respect what he says. -All right. 1759 01:04:55,993 --> 01:04:58,093 If he tells you to keep the bat on your shoulder, 1760 01:04:58,095 --> 01:04:59,327 he knows how to win. 1761 01:04:59,329 --> 01:05:01,897 The coach knows how to win, Jack. 1762 01:05:03,266 --> 01:05:04,032 Oh my God. 1763 01:05:04,034 --> 01:05:05,333 Bring it in! Bring it in!l 1764 01:05:05,335 --> 01:05:06,067 Oh my God. 1765 01:05:06,069 --> 01:05:07,035 Everybody bring it in! 1766 01:05:07,037 --> 01:05:08,670 What the hell's going one? 1767 01:05:08,672 --> 01:05:09,437 Bring it! 1768 01:05:09,439 --> 01:05:10,772 Gather round! Gather round! 1769 01:05:10,774 --> 01:05:12,207 Gather round! 1770 01:05:12,209 --> 01:05:12,841 The coach is rolling in. 1771 01:05:12,843 --> 01:05:17,379 Not all right. Uh, parents, take a knee. 1772 01:05:17,381 --> 01:05:19,381 Take a knee. Parents, take a knee. 1773 01:05:19,383 --> 01:05:22,484 Um, if you don't mind, I'm not gonna take a knee, 1774 01:05:22,486 --> 01:05:24,386 because I've got pebbles in there and it hurts. 1775 01:05:24,388 --> 01:05:25,854 I'll do it on the grass. Not here, please. 1776 01:05:25,856 --> 01:05:27,622 Okay, okay. So listen. 1777 01:05:27,624 --> 01:05:29,491 We've got a challenge, all right? 1778 01:05:29,493 --> 01:05:30,725 It's called a challenge. 1779 01:05:30,727 --> 01:05:33,428 I know that I told you a few days ago... 1780 01:05:33,430 --> 01:05:34,596 no swimming! 1781 01:05:34,598 --> 01:05:36,298 He said no swimming at all! 1782 01:05:36,300 --> 01:05:37,799 Well, the other night, I... 1783 01:05:37,801 --> 01:05:39,267 thought I'd take a quick dip. 1784 01:05:39,269 --> 01:05:40,035 He dipped! 1785 01:05:40,037 --> 01:05:42,404 No! No! No! No swimming! 1786 01:05:42,406 --> 01:05:43,338 - No swimming! - I'm not proud of it. 1787 01:05:43,340 --> 01:05:45,140 Ah! 1788 01:05:45,142 --> 01:05:46,408 Coach is human. 1789 01:05:46,410 --> 01:05:47,709 That's what they learn today. 1790 01:05:47,711 --> 01:05:50,378 They find out I'm human. I'm not a god. 1791 01:05:50,380 --> 01:05:52,447 I'm not perfect like they thought. 1792 01:05:52,449 --> 01:05:53,782 You know what I have to say?! Poof! Poof! 1793 01:05:53,784 --> 01:05:55,150 The game goes poof. 1794 01:05:55,152 --> 01:05:56,952 Hey! Coach's lesson. 1795 01:05:56,954 --> 01:05:58,320 This is not a coach's lesson. 1796 01:05:58,322 --> 01:06:00,188 I hope... it was worth it, coach. 1797 01:06:00,190 --> 01:06:02,590 Because this is the most important day 1798 01:06:02,592 --> 01:06:04,659 of these kids' lives. 1799 01:06:04,661 --> 01:06:06,294 It's a very important day for all of us, coach! 1800 01:06:06,296 --> 01:06:07,729 And what are we gonna do now, huh? 1801 01:06:07,731 --> 01:06:09,164 - Our kids don't win this game today, - Turn me around. 1802 01:06:09,166 --> 01:06:10,598 they don't win the game next week! 1803 01:06:10,600 --> 01:06:12,133 I'm not looking at you until you look at me... 1804 01:06:12,135 --> 01:06:15,570 with admiration! 1805 01:06:15,572 --> 01:06:16,271 Fuck you! 1806 01:06:16,273 --> 01:06:17,973 Don't you ever! Ow! 1807 01:06:17,975 --> 01:06:21,343 Don't watch! Don't look! Don't look! Turn away! 1808 01:06:21,345 --> 01:06:22,577 Turn around, turn around. 1809 01:06:22,579 --> 01:06:26,147 The children mustn't see the coach in a moment of weakness! 1810 01:06:26,149 --> 01:06:27,782 Turn around. Everybody turn around. 1811 01:06:27,784 --> 01:06:30,185 [umpire]: Play ball! 1812 01:06:30,187 --> 01:06:31,353 [distant crowd chatter] 1813 01:06:31,355 --> 01:06:32,754 Striiike! 1814 01:06:32,756 --> 01:06:33,688 That's it! 1815 01:06:33,690 --> 01:06:34,823 Way to go, Ricky! 1816 01:06:34,825 --> 01:06:35,724 That's it, Manny! 1817 01:06:35,726 --> 01:06:36,458 That a boy! 1818 01:06:36,460 --> 01:06:38,760 What's on going on out there?! You all good?! 1819 01:06:38,762 --> 01:06:41,363 [chuckles] Man! 1820 01:06:41,365 --> 01:06:42,097 Hello. 1821 01:06:42,099 --> 01:06:42,764 Oh, hi. 1822 01:06:42,766 --> 01:06:44,299 I'm good. How are you? 1823 01:06:44,301 --> 01:06:45,033 You enjoying your day today? 1824 01:06:45,035 --> 01:06:46,935 Yeah, it's been fabulous. 1825 01:06:46,937 --> 01:06:47,936 Everyday is fabulous, right? 1826 01:06:47,938 --> 01:06:48,803 It is. 1827 01:06:48,805 --> 01:06:50,205 Must be really nice being sunshine. 1828 01:06:50,207 --> 01:06:50,839 Yeah. -Right? 1829 01:06:50,841 --> 01:06:53,508 Ah! I should have my dark shades on. 1830 01:06:53,510 --> 01:06:54,976 - Oh, yeah. - [laughs] 1831 01:06:54,978 --> 01:06:58,213 You know? A lot of guys would see a lady like you... 1832 01:06:58,215 --> 01:06:59,581 and go for a home run. 1833 01:06:59,583 --> 01:07:00,348 Oh... 1834 01:07:00,350 --> 01:07:01,816 You know what I prefer to do? 1835 01:07:01,818 --> 01:07:03,651 - I like hits. - Yeah? 1836 01:07:03,653 --> 01:07:04,886 Right? Like getting on base. 1837 01:07:04,888 --> 01:07:07,055 First base. Second base. Third base. 1838 01:07:07,057 --> 01:07:08,523 Mmm-hmm. 1839 01:07:08,525 --> 01:07:09,791 Load the bases up. 1840 01:07:09,793 --> 01:07:11,559 And then what happens? 1841 01:07:11,561 --> 01:07:13,261 [bat hitting ball] - Oh! 1842 01:07:13,263 --> 01:07:15,130 I bring everybody home. [cheers and applause] 1843 01:07:15,132 --> 01:07:16,164 You like that idea? 1844 01:07:16,166 --> 01:07:18,700 - I love it. - Heart that? 1845 01:07:18,702 --> 01:07:20,235 They're cheering for me right now! 1846 01:07:21,337 --> 01:07:22,904 What did I miss? 1847 01:07:22,906 --> 01:07:25,073 Oh! The coach broke his leg! 1848 01:07:25,075 --> 01:07:27,042 - What? - He showed up in a cast. 1849 01:07:27,044 --> 01:07:29,144 A full body cast up to his hip! 1850 01:07:29,146 --> 01:07:30,412 'Cause he was swimming! 1851 01:07:30,414 --> 01:07:31,846 He went swimming. 1852 01:07:31,848 --> 01:07:35,016 - The coach broke his leg swimming? - Yes! 1853 01:07:35,018 --> 01:07:36,017 You're kidding, right? 1854 01:07:36,019 --> 01:07:37,552 No. No, we don't have a coach. 1855 01:07:37,554 --> 01:07:39,454 After all that?! 1856 01:07:39,456 --> 01:07:41,656 Oh my god! That's hysterical! 1857 01:07:41,658 --> 01:07:43,058 No, it's not hysterical. 1858 01:07:43,060 --> 01:07:44,659 It's the furthest thing from hysterical! 1859 01:07:44,661 --> 01:07:45,660 We don't have a coach! 1860 01:07:45,662 --> 01:07:49,330 - Okay. I won't, uh, enjoy it. - Ah! 1861 01:07:49,332 --> 01:07:52,100 Eyes forward! Have you guys seen Coach Ted? 1862 01:07:52,102 --> 01:07:52,934 [altogether]: No! 1863 01:07:52,936 --> 01:07:53,935 No, we haven't seen him anywhere. 1864 01:07:53,937 --> 01:07:55,236 We'd love to know where he is. 1865 01:07:55,238 --> 01:07:56,938 Ambrose, can you cover first? 1866 01:07:56,940 --> 01:07:58,873 - It's gonna cost you, coach. - How much? 1867 01:07:58,875 --> 01:08:00,241 Only $100. 1868 01:08:00,243 --> 01:08:01,376 - 100 bucks?! - Yep. 1869 01:08:01,378 --> 01:08:02,577 No! [scoffs] 1870 01:08:02,579 --> 01:08:04,446 - No! - I'll do it. 1871 01:08:04,448 --> 01:08:06,247 [exhales] Woman cannot coach! 1872 01:08:06,249 --> 01:08:07,949 Who else? [stammering] Who can cover first? 1873 01:08:07,951 --> 01:08:08,917 - Come on! - I can, coach. 1874 01:08:08,919 --> 01:08:10,051 No, not gonna happen. Who else? 1875 01:08:10,053 --> 01:08:13,088 I can coach, but it has to be third base. 1876 01:08:13,090 --> 01:08:15,123 I've got to be the one that flags the runners home. 1877 01:08:15,125 --> 01:08:17,292 Not gonna happen. Max, will you help me? 1878 01:08:17,294 --> 01:08:19,127 No, no. I'm not comfortable with doing it. 1879 01:08:19,129 --> 01:08:21,529 I'm not a woman! I can coach! 1880 01:08:21,531 --> 01:08:23,264 No. No! 1881 01:08:23,266 --> 01:08:26,234 - Max, get out there! - [sighs] 1882 01:08:26,236 --> 01:08:29,404 All right, I will coach... first base. 1883 01:08:29,406 --> 01:08:31,406 [indistinguisable chatter] 1884 01:08:31,408 --> 01:08:34,642 Oh! Roger! 1885 01:08:34,644 --> 01:08:36,544 I'm spinning my wheels! 1886 01:08:36,546 --> 01:08:39,214 Get me some sand! Get some sand! 1887 01:08:39,216 --> 01:08:42,951 You make me sick to my ass! 1888 01:08:42,953 --> 01:08:44,819 I don't even know what that means. 1889 01:08:44,821 --> 01:08:46,287 I don't. 1890 01:08:46,289 --> 01:08:49,090 Wow, Max. First base... 1891 01:08:49,092 --> 01:08:50,792 Big job. Big job! 1892 01:08:50,794 --> 01:08:52,961 Come on, hustle! Hustle, Max! 1893 01:08:52,963 --> 01:08:54,629 [clears throat] 1894 01:08:54,631 --> 01:08:55,830 Sorry, Blue. 1895 01:08:55,832 --> 01:08:58,666 Come on! Get in position! 1896 01:08:58,668 --> 01:09:00,001 Replacement coach. 1897 01:09:00,003 --> 01:09:02,637 No, no. Too close to the base! 1898 01:09:02,639 --> 01:09:04,672 Rule book. Three feet. 1899 01:09:04,674 --> 01:09:07,242 Watch me. Watch me! 1900 01:09:07,244 --> 01:09:09,110 All right, Jack! 1901 01:09:09,112 --> 01:09:09,978 All right. 1902 01:09:09,980 --> 01:09:11,913 All right, Jackie! Rest that bat! 1903 01:09:11,915 --> 01:09:14,682 Just don't... don't try anything! 1904 01:09:15,518 --> 01:09:16,951 Striiike! 1905 01:09:16,953 --> 01:09:18,253 [cheering and applause] 1906 01:09:18,255 --> 01:09:20,355 That was a beauty. He should have swung! 1907 01:09:20,357 --> 01:09:22,490 You know, he, he's got a strategy. 1908 01:09:22,492 --> 01:09:24,592 He's, he's doing what the coach is telling him. 1909 01:09:24,594 --> 01:09:25,593 That's right! And that is a good thing! 1910 01:09:25,595 --> 01:09:27,095 - That's a very good thing, - Good thing. 1911 01:09:27,097 --> 01:09:29,497 No, no swinging. 1912 01:09:29,499 --> 01:09:30,431 Striiike! 1913 01:09:30,433 --> 01:09:31,366 Number two, Jack. 1914 01:09:31,368 --> 01:09:32,967 - All right, all right. - That's okay. 1915 01:09:32,969 --> 01:09:35,103 [encouraging applause] - That's great, Jack! 1916 01:09:35,105 --> 01:09:36,504 - Eyes here! - Elbows up! 1917 01:09:37,239 --> 01:09:38,973 Eyes here, Max! 1918 01:09:38,975 --> 01:09:41,709 Striiike three! 1919 01:09:41,711 --> 01:09:43,511 - Oh! - Way to go, way to go! 1920 01:09:43,513 --> 01:09:45,880 - It was a beautiful pitch! - That's okay! 1921 01:09:45,882 --> 01:09:47,549 - That is okay, baby! - Jack, it's all right! 1922 01:09:47,551 --> 01:09:48,983 Why didn't he swing? 1923 01:09:48,985 --> 01:09:49,951 All right, hold on! Stevie! 1924 01:09:49,953 --> 01:09:50,952 - That's okay. - Stevie! 1925 01:09:50,954 --> 01:09:53,288 - There you go! - Come on, Stevie! 1926 01:09:53,290 --> 01:09:55,156 Hush, hush. Let him concentrate. 1927 01:09:55,158 --> 01:09:58,693 - Swing away! - Come on! 1928 01:10:01,063 --> 01:10:03,131 There's a ball! 1929 01:10:03,133 --> 01:10:05,466 - Yeah, that's the way! - Good eye, good eye! 1930 01:10:05,468 --> 01:10:06,201 That's the way! Good eye! 1931 01:10:06,203 --> 01:10:08,169 - Good eye. - Swing away! 1932 01:10:08,171 --> 01:10:09,037 Ball! 1933 01:10:09,039 --> 01:10:12,307 Way to keep an eye on the ball, son! 1934 01:10:12,309 --> 01:10:13,741 - There you go! - Come on, honey! 1935 01:10:13,743 --> 01:10:15,977 What?! What? 1936 01:10:15,979 --> 01:10:17,178 He called it right. 1937 01:10:17,180 --> 01:10:19,214 - Ball three! - Very good. 1938 01:10:19,216 --> 01:10:20,815 - Very good, son! - Let him pitch to you! 1939 01:10:20,817 --> 01:10:22,183 - Let him pitch to you! - Don't worry! 1940 01:10:22,185 --> 01:10:23,484 You let him throw you a good pitch, huh? 1941 01:10:23,486 --> 01:10:24,986 I don't even think he's aware of the ball. 1942 01:10:24,988 --> 01:10:25,987 The guy can't throw. 1943 01:10:25,989 --> 01:10:27,822 Ball four! [cheering and applause] 1944 01:10:27,824 --> 01:10:28,623 Take your base. 1945 01:10:28,625 --> 01:10:30,825 Take your base! Take your base! 1946 01:10:30,827 --> 01:10:32,293 - Take your base! - Yeah, yeah, yeah! 1947 01:10:32,295 --> 01:10:35,730 You're on base! Yeah, yeah, yeah! 1948 01:10:35,732 --> 01:10:37,065 - Take your base! - You're on base! 1949 01:10:37,067 --> 01:10:38,566 - Yeah, yeah, yeah! - You earned it! 1950 01:10:38,568 --> 01:10:40,735 - You're on base! - Good eyes, Blue! 1951 01:10:40,737 --> 01:10:43,204 Good job, good job. It's just like a hit. 1952 01:10:43,206 --> 01:10:45,073 - Just like a hit, Steven. - Thank you. 1953 01:10:45,075 --> 01:10:46,374 Okay, here's how you do this... 1954 01:10:46,376 --> 01:10:47,542 Sir! Do not touch the child! 1955 01:10:47,544 --> 01:10:48,676 Don't touch him! 1956 01:10:48,678 --> 01:10:51,045 - Do not touch the child! - Don't touch the kid! 1957 01:10:51,047 --> 01:10:52,680 - Do not touch the child! - Don't touch him! 1958 01:10:52,682 --> 01:10:54,449 - You can't touch the child... - Rule book! 1959 01:10:54,451 --> 01:10:55,783 Page 37! 1960 01:10:55,785 --> 01:10:57,885 - Okay, I won't touch him! - No touching. 1961 01:10:57,887 --> 01:11:01,122 Okay, so take as big a lead as you want. 1962 01:11:01,124 --> 01:11:03,458 And when he throws the ball...have fun. 1963 01:11:03,460 --> 01:11:05,293 - Okay. - Steal if you feel like it. 1964 01:11:05,295 --> 01:11:07,095 - Have you stolen before? - No. 1965 01:11:07,097 --> 01:11:09,631 - Then today's the day. - All right. 1966 01:11:09,633 --> 01:11:13,868 [upbeat, jazzy music ♪] [no other sound audible] 1967 01:11:34,657 --> 01:11:39,160 [♪] 1968 01:12:01,250 --> 01:12:02,083 [mumbling] Let's do this! 1969 01:12:02,085 --> 01:12:05,019 Eyes forward! Listen up! 1970 01:12:05,021 --> 01:12:08,256 Seriously, has anyone seen Coach Ted? 1971 01:12:08,258 --> 01:12:09,590 Have you seen him?! 1972 01:12:09,592 --> 01:12:11,693 [altogether]: No. 1973 01:12:11,695 --> 01:12:13,828 Gah! [sighs] 1974 01:12:13,830 --> 01:12:16,030 All right, fine. Listen... 1975 01:12:16,032 --> 01:12:18,199 This is it. [exhales] 1976 01:12:18,201 --> 01:12:19,801 Last inning. Last at bat. 1977 01:12:19,803 --> 01:12:21,669 We're down by one. 1978 01:12:21,671 --> 01:12:24,305 If we don't win this, we don't go to the playoffs. 1979 01:12:24,307 --> 01:12:25,940 And if we don't go to the playoffs... 1980 01:12:25,942 --> 01:12:30,178 it's like we didn't... even... exist! 1981 01:12:30,180 --> 01:12:32,380 There will be no monument to you. 1982 01:12:32,382 --> 01:12:33,881 There will be no tribute. 1983 01:12:33,883 --> 01:12:36,050 No one will sing your name in a song! 1984 01:12:36,052 --> 01:12:39,020 We're smoke. [imitates the wind] 1985 01:12:39,022 --> 01:12:41,856 We're nil. Think about that. 1986 01:12:41,858 --> 01:12:45,460 Get out there and play your pants off! 1987 01:12:45,462 --> 01:12:47,628 [mumbling] Let's go! 1988 01:12:47,630 --> 01:12:49,397 Can you? Get me out! 1989 01:12:49,399 --> 01:12:52,300 Push me! Owww! 1990 01:12:52,302 --> 01:12:56,371 They gotta have posts everywhere! 1991 01:12:56,373 --> 01:12:58,206 Let's go, coach! Get your batter up! 1992 01:12:58,208 --> 01:12:59,207 - Get your batter up! - Let's go, let's go! 1993 01:12:59,209 --> 01:13:01,309 Okay dokie, here we gokie! 1994 01:13:01,311 --> 01:13:03,711 - Get your batter in the box! - Max, watch me, okay? 1995 01:13:03,713 --> 01:13:05,480 I am... I'm watching you. What... 1996 01:13:05,482 --> 01:13:07,181 - Pitcher! - No batter, pitch it! 1997 01:13:07,183 --> 01:13:09,183 What? Huh? 1998 01:13:09,185 --> 01:13:10,585 What are... What are you doing?! 1999 01:13:10,587 --> 01:13:11,886 Striiike! 2000 01:13:11,888 --> 01:13:13,354 - Batter! We need a batter! - What?! 2001 01:13:13,356 --> 01:13:16,090 - Batter! Batter! - Who's up? Who's up?! 2002 01:13:16,092 --> 01:13:17,592 You can't throw to no batter 2003 01:13:17,594 --> 01:13:18,726 We need to have somebody out there. 2004 01:13:18,728 --> 01:13:20,495 Striiike! 2005 01:13:20,497 --> 01:13:21,863 No! Barnaby, get out there! 2006 01:13:21,865 --> 01:13:23,231 Now! 2007 01:13:23,233 --> 01:13:24,499 [excited crowd chatter] 2008 01:13:24,501 --> 01:13:27,368 Come on, you're down two! 2009 01:13:27,370 --> 01:13:30,071 - Barnaby, don't swing at it! - Only if it's good, kid. 2010 01:13:30,073 --> 01:13:31,406 Fundamentals! 2011 01:13:31,408 --> 01:13:33,508 Striiike three! 2012 01:13:33,510 --> 01:13:34,842 Good day, sir! 2013 01:13:34,844 --> 01:13:37,945 Come on, use your eyes! Max, watch me! 2014 01:13:37,947 --> 01:13:39,180 I'm watching you! 2015 01:13:39,182 --> 01:13:40,581 I've spent the whole time watching you! 2016 01:13:40,583 --> 01:13:44,118 I'm not getting this "watch me" stuff. 2017 01:13:47,689 --> 01:13:49,424 Fundamentals! 2018 01:13:49,426 --> 01:13:52,226 Strike three! Good day, sir! 2019 01:13:52,228 --> 01:13:54,095 Weak! Weak! 2020 01:13:54,097 --> 01:13:57,064 All right, well now we're in a big hole! 2021 01:13:57,066 --> 01:13:58,299 - A weak at bat! - All right, Bennett! 2022 01:13:58,301 --> 01:14:00,034 - Bennett! - Yes! 2023 01:14:00,036 --> 01:14:03,037 Batter up! Here we go! 2024 01:14:03,039 --> 01:14:04,872 - Here we go. - Two down! 2025 01:14:06,775 --> 01:14:08,976 [loud cheering] - Go, go, go! 2026 01:14:08,978 --> 01:14:12,713 In your face, pitcher! 2027 01:14:12,715 --> 01:14:13,681 Get a good lead. Get a good lead... 2028 01:14:13,683 --> 01:14:15,316 - as soon as he throws it. - In your face! 2029 01:14:15,318 --> 01:14:18,586 - All right, Manny! - Whoo! 2030 01:14:18,588 --> 01:14:21,055 Keep your elbows up! 2031 01:14:21,057 --> 01:14:22,890 Come on, use your eyes! 2032 01:14:22,892 --> 01:14:24,292 Breathe, Manny! Breathe! 2033 01:14:24,294 --> 01:14:26,494 - Swing for the fences! - Two down, two down! 2034 01:14:26,496 --> 01:14:31,466 - Go, go, go! - Let's go, let's go! 2035 01:14:31,468 --> 01:14:33,301 Hold up, hold up! 2036 01:14:33,303 --> 01:14:35,069 Hold it up! Hold it up! 2037 01:14:35,071 --> 01:14:36,671 Keep your foot on that base. 2038 01:14:36,673 --> 01:14:39,106 Great job, Manny! 2039 01:14:39,108 --> 01:14:41,609 My God, did you see that? How was that? 2040 01:14:41,611 --> 01:14:44,812 Ah, Jack. [clicks tongue] 2041 01:14:44,814 --> 01:14:47,849 [whispering] Let's go, Jack. 2042 01:14:49,284 --> 01:14:51,452 [sighs deeply] 2043 01:14:51,454 --> 01:14:55,723 [whooshing sound] 2044 01:14:57,860 --> 01:14:59,760 - What am I doing here? - [chuckles] 2045 01:14:59,762 --> 01:15:02,630 I don't want to be involved in this shit. 2046 01:15:02,632 --> 01:15:05,533 Oh, come on. You love it. 2047 01:15:05,535 --> 01:15:08,369 I love the boy. And I love baseball. 2048 01:15:08,371 --> 01:15:10,872 I don't know that I love this shit. 2049 01:15:10,874 --> 01:15:12,273 [loud sigh] 2050 01:15:12,275 --> 01:15:15,309 You're doing great. 2051 01:15:15,311 --> 01:15:18,312 Well, thanks. Thanks a lot. 2052 01:15:18,314 --> 01:15:19,647 I'm gonna be okay. 2053 01:15:19,649 --> 01:15:21,549 I'll do it. I can do it. 2054 01:15:21,551 --> 01:15:23,217 Nothing to freak out about. 2055 01:15:23,219 --> 01:15:25,987 [whooshing sound] [encouraging applause] 2056 01:15:25,989 --> 01:15:27,188 Rest the bat! 2057 01:15:27,190 --> 01:15:29,790 Like we talked about, Jack! 2058 01:15:29,792 --> 01:15:32,393 Striiike! 2059 01:15:32,395 --> 01:15:33,661 Just swing. 2060 01:15:33,663 --> 01:15:34,662 No swinging! 2061 01:15:34,664 --> 01:15:37,164 Keep the bat on your shoulder! 2062 01:15:37,166 --> 01:15:40,835 Striiike two! 2063 01:15:40,837 --> 01:15:42,870 Oh, come one! 2064 01:15:44,573 --> 01:15:46,140 [whispering] Swing. 2065 01:15:46,142 --> 01:15:49,310 I can't watch. 2066 01:15:49,312 --> 01:15:51,012 Remember what we talked about! 2067 01:15:51,014 --> 01:15:52,680 Keep the bat on your shoulder. 2068 01:15:52,682 --> 01:15:54,382 Rest the bat, Jack. 2069 01:15:54,384 --> 01:15:56,984 Pray for a walk, here. 2070 01:15:56,986 --> 01:15:59,287 Two down! 2071 01:16:00,522 --> 01:16:05,593 [wild cheering and applause] 2072 01:16:08,463 --> 01:16:09,997 Yeah, yeah, yeah! 2073 01:16:09,999 --> 01:16:11,866 No, don't touch him! 2074 01:16:11,868 --> 01:16:13,734 Out! 2075 01:16:13,736 --> 01:16:15,069 - What? - Out! 2076 01:16:15,071 --> 01:16:16,370 I told you not to touch the child! 2077 01:16:16,372 --> 01:16:17,939 The Cubs forfeit! A's win! 2078 01:16:17,941 --> 01:16:19,407 Good day, sir! 2079 01:16:19,409 --> 01:16:21,108 - What?! - Out! 2080 01:16:21,110 --> 01:16:22,109 - No! - What's happening? 2081 01:16:22,111 --> 01:16:23,878 No touching the child! He's out! 2082 01:16:23,880 --> 01:16:25,246 What are you talking about?! 2083 01:16:25,248 --> 01:16:26,747 That's my son! 2084 01:16:26,749 --> 01:16:27,982 I warned you! Do not touch the child! 2085 01:16:27,984 --> 01:16:29,784 He hasn't gotten a hit all season! We hugged! 2086 01:16:29,786 --> 01:16:31,786 - I said, "Don't touch him!" - They already scored! 2087 01:16:31,788 --> 01:16:33,087 I warned you not to touch the child! 2088 01:16:33,089 --> 01:16:33,921 What do you mean, you warned me?! 2089 01:16:33,923 --> 01:16:34,855 You touched the child! 2090 01:16:34,857 --> 01:16:36,424 Cub's forfeit! A's win! 2091 01:16:36,426 --> 01:16:38,459 That's crazy! 2092 01:16:39,528 --> 01:16:40,928 You know what? You're a fucking idiot! 2093 01:16:40,930 --> 01:16:42,029 You're a fucking idiot! 2094 01:16:42,031 --> 01:16:43,531 What the fuck are you talking about?! 2095 01:16:43,533 --> 01:16:45,700 You, You're not allowed to touch the child, sir! 2096 01:16:45,702 --> 01:16:46,801 You hugged the child! 2097 01:16:46,803 --> 01:16:48,536 I hugged the child?! 2098 01:16:48,538 --> 01:16:50,438 What the fuck's wrong with you?! 2099 01:16:50,440 --> 01:16:51,472 You know who needs a hug?! 2100 01:16:51,474 --> 01:16:53,608 You do, you fucking piece of shit umpire! 2101 01:16:53,610 --> 01:16:55,509 You need a hug! That's right! 2102 01:16:55,511 --> 01:16:58,279 [laughing crazily] [grunting angrily] 2103 01:16:58,281 --> 01:17:00,047 Who needs a hug? You! 2104 01:17:00,049 --> 01:17:03,117 You accident-prone, swimming-fearing, 2105 01:17:03,119 --> 01:17:05,186 locksmith brother-hating, 2106 01:17:05,188 --> 01:17:07,221 copy-making piece of shit motherfucker! 2107 01:17:07,223 --> 01:17:08,556 You! You! 2108 01:17:08,558 --> 01:17:11,292 You need a hug! Fuck you! 2109 01:17:11,294 --> 01:17:12,393 Who are you? 2110 01:17:12,395 --> 01:17:14,128 I got no clue who you are! 2111 01:17:14,130 --> 01:17:15,796 You're a parent from the other team! 2112 01:17:15,798 --> 01:17:16,764 That's who you are! 2113 01:17:16,766 --> 01:17:19,133 Fuck you! Fuck you! 2114 01:17:19,135 --> 01:17:22,069 [whispering] You fuckers, you fuckers. 2115 01:17:22,071 --> 01:17:23,571 You ruined everything for me! 2116 01:17:23,573 --> 01:17:25,106 Fuck you! Fuck all of you. 2117 01:17:25,108 --> 01:17:27,642 Fuck all of you. You, you! 2118 01:17:27,644 --> 01:17:30,077 You, you Soldier of Fortune-hiding... 2119 01:17:30,079 --> 01:17:31,779 He reads Soldier of Fortune! 2120 01:17:31,781 --> 01:17:33,381 He reads Soldier of Fortune! 2121 01:17:33,383 --> 01:17:35,149 I love ya! I love ya! 2122 01:17:35,151 --> 01:17:38,119 [laughing crazily] I love ya! Oh! 2123 01:17:38,121 --> 01:17:40,421 And look at you guys. 2124 01:17:40,423 --> 01:17:41,589 What are you all uptight for? 2125 01:17:41,591 --> 01:17:43,090 You're always so fucking happy! 2126 01:17:43,092 --> 01:17:43,891 Look at you! 2127 01:17:43,893 --> 01:17:45,159 Always got something to say! 2128 01:17:45,161 --> 01:17:46,394 You know what you two should do? 2129 01:17:46,396 --> 01:17:48,562 You two should fuck! That's right! 2130 01:17:48,564 --> 01:17:51,065 The two of you should be pumping away. 2131 01:17:51,067 --> 01:17:51,966 Pumping away! 2132 01:17:51,968 --> 01:17:54,135 How's this for an instructional video?! 2133 01:17:54,137 --> 01:17:56,070 You cocksucker! 2134 01:17:56,072 --> 01:17:58,339 Let daddy squeeze the lesbian out of you! 2135 01:17:58,341 --> 01:17:59,807 [whispering] I know you don't have any money. 2136 01:17:59,809 --> 01:18:03,010 And, uh, it's okay. Just be yourself. 2137 01:18:03,012 --> 01:18:05,646 You don't need to have a lot of money for that. 2138 01:18:05,648 --> 01:18:07,448 I'm not gonna hug ya! 2139 01:18:07,450 --> 01:18:08,849 I'm not gonna hug ya! 2140 01:18:08,851 --> 01:18:11,152 'Cause you're not wearing a shirt! 2141 01:18:11,154 --> 01:18:14,689 Nanny goat! Nanny goat! Rah, rah, rah! 2142 01:18:14,691 --> 01:18:17,425 At night... I jizz on the field! 2143 01:18:17,427 --> 01:18:19,260 I jizz all over the field! 2144 01:18:19,262 --> 01:18:22,129 This is for all... the married men everywhere. 2145 01:18:22,131 --> 01:18:23,030 Here's what I'm gonna do. 2146 01:18:23,032 --> 01:18:27,435 Oh yes! Oh yes! Whoo-wee! 2147 01:18:27,437 --> 01:18:33,374 [laughing madly and catching breath] 2148 01:18:46,455 --> 01:18:48,756 [under his breath]: What was I thinking? 2149 01:18:58,500 --> 01:19:03,104 [cheerful, jazzy music ♪] 2150 01:20:37,332 --> 01:20:39,733 [song ends ♪] 2151 01:20:39,735 --> 01:20:45,372 [♪ Glassell Park: "Calm Me Down"] 2152 01:23:13,588 --> 01:23:15,456 [song ends ♪] 2153 01:23:16,124 --> 01:23:18,826 [distant sounds of kids playing] 2154 01:23:35,844 --> 01:23:39,580 [metallic tape measure wobbling] 2155 01:23:50,458 --> 01:23:53,694 [wobbling continues] 154222