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1
00:00:00,534 --> 00:00:03,435
2
00:00:04,201 --> 00:00:05,468
- Ugh.
- [STRAINING]
3
00:00:05,469 --> 00:00:07,736
I can see that hernia just
hulking out of your pants.
4
00:00:07,737 --> 00:00:09,272
You're gonna drop
the transmission, buddy.
5
00:00:09,273 --> 00:00:10,873
Maybe take a break?
6
00:00:10,874 --> 00:00:12,341
Oh! Oof.
7
00:00:12,342 --> 00:00:13,409
It's harder than it looks.
8
00:00:13,410 --> 00:00:15,944
All right, once you get
my tables set up,
9
00:00:15,945 --> 00:00:18,615
I want a stack a water
per table, got it?
10
00:00:18,616 --> 00:00:20,817
I think even you idiots can handle that.
11
00:00:20,818 --> 00:00:22,952
You know, you could try being
polite to your volunteers.
12
00:00:22,953 --> 00:00:24,953
Polite? To you guys?
13
00:00:24,954 --> 00:00:28,291
The gang who clamored to get
out of school early today?
14
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So noble of you. Thank you so much.
15
00:00:30,227 --> 00:00:31,894
Well, why are we even doing this today?
16
00:00:31,895 --> 00:00:33,362
The race isn't until tomorrow.
17
00:00:33,363 --> 00:00:35,031
Because I don't want you guys
18
00:00:35,032 --> 00:00:37,366
anywhere near this thing
tomorrow, got it?
19
00:00:37,367 --> 00:00:40,036
I worked my ass off for 11 years
for this big dance.
20
00:00:40,037 --> 00:00:43,105
Don't you mean you, uh,
waited your ass off for 11 years
21
00:00:43,106 --> 00:00:45,842
until Smoot got
an Kenyan exchange student?
22
00:00:45,843 --> 00:00:48,177
- [LAUGHTER]
- Yeah, I was blessed
23
00:00:48,178 --> 00:00:50,246
by the cross-country gods this year.
24
00:00:50,247 --> 00:00:52,114
So sue me.
25
00:00:52,115 --> 00:00:53,449
Now if you'd excuse me,
26
00:00:53,450 --> 00:00:55,451
Abasi and I gonna hit up an Olive Garden
27
00:00:55,452 --> 00:00:57,786
for all-you-can-eat breadsticks, okay?
28
00:00:57,787 --> 00:01:00,723
I'm gonna carbo-stuff that kid
like a foie gras goose, baby!
29
00:01:00,724 --> 00:01:02,991
Easy on those things.
30
00:01:02,992 --> 00:01:04,126
And again...
31
00:01:04,127 --> 00:01:05,662
I don't want any of you
32
00:01:05,663 --> 00:01:08,464
at this thing tomorrow. Do you got it?
33
00:01:08,465 --> 00:01:10,599
- [SCOFFS]
- Oh, boo hoo.
34
00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,468
I can't spend my Saturday
watching teenagers
35
00:01:12,469 --> 00:01:13,802
prance around the woods.
36
00:01:13,803 --> 00:01:15,538
Listen, I want to go
home tonight, all right,
37
00:01:15,539 --> 00:01:17,806
so how about less yakking,
more stacking.
38
00:01:17,807 --> 00:01:19,408
You got it, Rod. And cool rhyme, man.
39
00:01:19,409 --> 00:01:22,278
Dude, that was super awesome.
40
00:01:22,279 --> 00:01:23,412
So, hang out in the woods
41
00:01:23,413 --> 00:01:24,881
while Rod and Fairbell do all the work?
42
00:01:24,882 --> 00:01:26,282
- Duh.
- Duh.
43
00:01:26,283 --> 00:01:29,151
[ALL GIGGLING]
44
00:01:29,152 --> 00:01:31,087
We were just slowing them down anyway.
45
00:01:31,088 --> 00:01:33,356
Let's just go far enough
to be out of earshot.
46
00:01:33,357 --> 00:01:35,624
Yeah. Good luck finding us, idiots.
47
00:01:35,625 --> 00:01:37,760
[LAUGHS]
48
00:01:37,761 --> 00:01:39,428
Man, these woods are kind of spooky.
49
00:01:39,429 --> 00:01:41,030
Yeah. You could totally see how a legend
50
00:01:41,031 --> 00:01:44,033
like the Clear Creek Butcher
could get started out here, huh?
51
00:01:44,034 --> 00:01:46,235
Wait, what?
52
00:01:46,236 --> 00:01:48,571
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
53
00:01:48,572 --> 00:01:51,620
54
00:01:51,621 --> 00:01:55,778
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
55
00:01:55,779 --> 00:01:58,314
I can't believe you've never heard of
the Clear Creek Butcher.
56
00:01:58,315 --> 00:02:01,918
Legend has it some teacher
went nuts way back when,
57
00:02:01,919 --> 00:02:04,120
moved out into these woods
to live like a hermit.
58
00:02:04,121 --> 00:02:07,523
Yeah, yeah. And then all kinds
of people started going missing.
59
00:02:07,524 --> 00:02:09,726
- Yeah.
- Hikers and campers
60
00:02:09,727 --> 00:02:13,062
and other annoying Colorado stereotypes.
61
00:02:13,063 --> 00:02:14,997
Oh, like this choche.
62
00:02:14,998 --> 00:02:16,265
[LAUGHING] Oh, ski poles.
63
00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:17,734
Hey, there. Excuse me.
64
00:02:17,735 --> 00:02:19,201
I got a little turned around.
65
00:02:19,202 --> 00:02:21,003
Do you know where the
Mount Falcon trailhead is?
66
00:02:21,004 --> 00:02:23,406
Oh, yeah, man. Cool jacket. That's cool.
67
00:02:23,407 --> 00:02:24,873
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
68
00:02:24,874 --> 00:02:26,743
Hey, what you're gonna want to
do is just walk down this trail.
69
00:02:26,744 --> 00:02:28,144
That'll intersect with
70
00:02:28,145 --> 00:02:30,479
"It's 2:00 on a Friday afternoon
71
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,348
why aren't you at work" Road,
72
00:02:32,349 --> 00:02:34,817
and that should actually intersect with
73
00:02:34,818 --> 00:02:37,153
"Get a job you dirty hippie" Avenue,
74
00:02:37,154 --> 00:02:41,290
which should take you
right to "Out of my Face."
75
00:02:41,291 --> 00:02:43,226
Super unhelpful, dude.
76
00:02:43,227 --> 00:02:44,561
Dildo. [LAUGHS]
77
00:02:44,562 --> 00:02:46,829
- Hey, nice work on that one.
- Yeah.
78
00:02:46,830 --> 00:02:48,897
Anyway, legend has it
that the Clear Creek Butcher
79
00:02:48,898 --> 00:02:51,300
uses a hatchet to chop up his victims.
80
00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:52,969
Right into their skull. Yeah.
81
00:02:52,970 --> 00:02:54,771
That sounds like bullshit.
82
00:02:54,772 --> 00:02:56,305
It's because it is, Abbey.
83
00:02:56,306 --> 00:02:58,641
Everyone knows
that he uses an axe. Yeah.
84
00:02:58,642 --> 00:03:00,176
Axe is the exact
same thing as a hatchet.
85
00:03:00,177 --> 00:03:01,644
What? You're out of your mind.
86
00:03:01,645 --> 00:03:02,779
- I'm out of my mind?
- Yeah, you're crazy.
87
00:03:02,780 --> 00:03:04,246
- They're the same thing.
- No, it is not.
88
00:03:04,247 --> 00:03:06,983
That's like saying that a sweet
potato is the same as a yam.
89
00:03:06,984 --> 00:03:08,184
A sweet potato is
the same thing as a yam.
90
00:03:08,185 --> 00:03:10,119
- No way.
- Okay, whatever!
91
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,720
You don't know dick
about sweet potatoes, bro.
92
00:03:11,721 --> 00:03:12,922
Oh, my God.
93
00:03:12,923 --> 00:03:14,924
The legend is nonsense.
94
00:03:14,925 --> 00:03:18,060
Is it? Or is just that you're scared...
95
00:03:18,061 --> 00:03:19,121
[LAUGH EVILLY]
96
00:03:19,122 --> 00:03:20,663
- of these spooky woods?
- I'm not scared.
97
00:03:20,664 --> 00:03:22,064
You're scared of the scary woods.
98
00:03:22,065 --> 00:03:26,002
I happen to find
the woods very peaceful.
99
00:03:26,003 --> 00:03:27,669
[INSECT BUZZING]
100
00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,340
[COUGHS]
101
00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:33,075
[GAGS, CHOKING]
102
00:03:33,076 --> 00:03:34,743
I-I'd love to help, but I have a thing
103
00:03:34,744 --> 00:03:36,545
about drinking after people.
104
00:03:36,546 --> 00:03:38,747
Oh, Christ Almighty, Abbey.
105
00:03:38,748 --> 00:03:41,283
- Just swallow it. It's just a gn...
- [INSECTS BUZZING]
106
00:03:41,284 --> 00:03:43,019
Oh, my God! That one went in my eye.
107
00:03:43,020 --> 00:03:45,822
Oh, my God, there's
so many freaking bugs.
108
00:03:45,823 --> 00:03:47,824
Ugh. I hate the woods.
109
00:03:47,825 --> 00:03:49,158
Yeah, me too.
110
00:03:49,159 --> 00:03:50,293
- Let's just get out of here.
- Yeah.
111
00:03:50,294 --> 00:03:52,561
I don't want to get my dope
new Red Wings dirty anyway.
112
00:03:52,562 --> 00:03:53,896
- All right. Follow me.
- It's right over this way.
113
00:03:53,897 --> 00:03:56,165
- It's right this way.
- No, what are you doing?
114
00:03:56,166 --> 00:03:58,301
- It's over this way.
- I recognize that tree.
115
00:03:58,302 --> 00:03:59,902
You recognize that tree?
116
00:03:59,903 --> 00:04:01,103
Yeah, we passed it earlier.
117
00:04:01,104 --> 00:04:03,239
It's, like, sort of, like this
118
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,574
and then it has a branch
going like this.
119
00:04:05,575 --> 00:04:08,377
Oh, that's just great.
She got us lost. Perfect.
120
00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:10,046
- Well, that's all right.
- Perfect. Thanks, Abbey.
121
00:04:10,047 --> 00:04:12,048
I'll call Coach Peters
and tell him to bring the va...
122
00:04:12,049 --> 00:04:14,317
- [CELLPHONE BEEPING]
- I don't have any reception.
123
00:04:14,318 --> 00:04:15,584
- What?
- Do you have service?
124
00:04:15,585 --> 00:04:16,585
Dude, I've got nothing.
125
00:04:16,586 --> 00:04:17,987
- Oh, my God.
- Damn it!
126
00:04:17,988 --> 00:04:19,722
Okay, we have no reception,
and we're lost in the woods.
127
00:04:19,723 --> 00:04:21,390
- Okay.
- All right, now I'm freaking out.
128
00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,125
- Chill.
- Okay, okay, no. Don't panic, you guys.
129
00:04:23,126 --> 00:04:24,861
Calm down. We're gonna get out of here.
130
00:04:24,862 --> 00:04:26,462
- Just follow me.
- No. No, no, no, no.
131
00:04:26,463 --> 00:04:28,665
You have to just stay put
when you get lost in the woods.
132
00:04:28,666 --> 00:04:29,999
That's the first rule... Stay put.
133
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,400
No, no, no, no, that's stay put
134
00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:32,935
is what you do if you see a bear.
135
00:04:32,936 --> 00:04:35,471
You turtle up, okay,
cover the eyes and the gennies.
136
00:04:35,472 --> 00:04:36,739
They like the soft stuff.
137
00:04:36,740 --> 00:04:37,806
No, no, no, when you see a bear,
138
00:04:37,807 --> 00:04:39,542
you grab its cub and then you run.
139
00:04:39,543 --> 00:04:40,743
- That's Woods 101.
- Whoa!
140
00:04:40,744 --> 00:04:42,879
You never separate
a mama bear from its cub.
141
00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:44,146
Are you kidding me? You take the cub,
142
00:04:44,147 --> 00:04:45,414
and that's how you have
a bargaining chip for later.
143
00:04:45,415 --> 00:04:46,615
- Bargaining chip?
- No.
144
00:04:46,616 --> 00:04:48,150
For a guy who wears
so many flannel shirts,
145
00:04:48,151 --> 00:04:50,419
- you really know dick shit about woods.
- Oh, really?
146
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:53,822
For a woman who recognizes
trees, you got us lost.
147
00:04:53,823 --> 00:04:55,892
- I did not get us lost.
- You 100% got us lost.
148
00:04:55,893 --> 00:04:58,827
- Why are you talking about this...
- Guys, shut up, all right?
149
00:04:58,828 --> 00:05:00,496
We're losing daylight real fast.
150
00:05:00,497 --> 00:05:02,164
We'll just go in this direction.
151
00:05:02,165 --> 00:05:04,802
It's the only direction
that none of us chose.
152
00:05:05,969 --> 00:05:08,170
You'd never get cast as...
153
00:05:08,171 --> 00:05:09,372
Take that back!
154
00:05:09,373 --> 00:05:10,449
No.
155
00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:13,642
156
00:05:13,643 --> 00:05:15,111
[GRUNTS]
157
00:05:15,112 --> 00:05:17,246
Done, no thanks to those jagoffs.
158
00:05:17,247 --> 00:05:20,583
[LAUGHS] Well, at least we got
a little man-on-man man time.
159
00:05:20,584 --> 00:05:23,185
- Put her there.
- I mean, not only did they not help,
160
00:05:23,186 --> 00:05:25,554
but they disappeared completely
and they're our ride.
161
00:05:26,724 --> 00:05:28,725
- [CELLPHONE BEEPS]
- Oh, great, no service.
162
00:05:28,726 --> 00:05:30,526
Looks like we got to go find them.
163
00:05:30,527 --> 00:05:32,328
You want to go into the woods?
164
00:05:32,329 --> 00:05:34,130
- What if we get lost?
- Please.
165
00:05:34,131 --> 00:05:36,132
One time I tracked a Chechen paratrooper
166
00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:38,601
50 miles through the Afghan desert.
167
00:05:38,602 --> 00:05:40,202
Son of a bitch stole my iPod.
168
00:05:40,203 --> 00:05:41,604
There was a lot of Springsteen on there.
169
00:05:41,605 --> 00:05:43,005
You need that as a solider.
170
00:05:43,006 --> 00:05:46,342
Well, what about
the Clear Creek Butcher?
171
00:05:46,343 --> 00:05:49,145
First time I heard about him, I
was on a Boy Scout camping trip.
172
00:05:49,146 --> 00:05:51,748
I earned my merit badge
in peeing my pants.
173
00:05:51,749 --> 00:05:53,950
Had to con another Scout master
to take care of the kids.
174
00:05:53,951 --> 00:05:55,618
Now, look, the Butcher is just a myth
175
00:05:55,619 --> 00:05:57,620
made up to scare horny teens, all right?
176
00:05:57,621 --> 00:05:59,021
Besides, those dopes didn't get far.
177
00:05:59,022 --> 00:06:01,157
You know they're just out there,
you know, they're just...
178
00:06:01,158 --> 00:06:03,092
Drinking a milkshake. [LAUGHS]
179
00:06:03,093 --> 00:06:04,893
- No...
- Using a dog whistle.
180
00:06:04,894 --> 00:06:06,362
Don't tell me. I'm good at this.
181
00:06:06,363 --> 00:06:08,164
Eating a tiny, fancy cookie.
182
00:06:08,165 --> 00:06:10,132
Uh, playing the world's
smallest harmonica.
183
00:06:11,901 --> 00:06:14,125
Complimenting an Italian chef.
184
00:06:14,772 --> 00:06:16,705
SHOEMAKER: Can you believe
that hiker just leaving us
185
00:06:16,706 --> 00:06:18,441
out here in the middle of nowhere?
186
00:06:18,442 --> 00:06:20,309
He's just an angry dude, you know?
187
00:06:20,310 --> 00:06:22,111
With that certain poison
out in the world,
188
00:06:22,112 --> 00:06:23,646
expect for it not
to bite you in the ass.
189
00:06:23,647 --> 00:06:24,713
- Right.
- I just want to carve
190
00:06:24,714 --> 00:06:25,982
my initials into a few more trees
191
00:06:25,983 --> 00:06:27,153
and get the hell out of here.
192
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:29,452
I mean, we, like, let him into our...
193
00:06:29,453 --> 00:06:30,853
- Oh, great!
- Oh, hell no.
194
00:06:30,854 --> 00:06:32,721
- Just great. No.
- Not happening.
195
00:06:32,722 --> 00:06:34,190
- Eww.
- That's the last thing I need
196
00:06:34,191 --> 00:06:36,058
is shit on my dope boots.
197
00:06:36,059 --> 00:06:37,526
- There is a bit.
- No, sir.
198
00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:39,462
So, you'd rather walk
through the woods barefoot
199
00:06:39,463 --> 00:06:41,263
than get shit on your work boots?
200
00:06:41,264 --> 00:06:43,266
They're brand new,
and they're not for working.
201
00:06:43,267 --> 00:06:44,533
Well, then, what are they for?
202
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:46,202
They're for looking dope.
203
00:06:46,203 --> 00:06:48,471
Oh. Well, so now you look like a hobbit.
204
00:06:48,472 --> 00:06:50,807
- 100%.
- Oh, you mean like an unlikely hero
205
00:06:50,808 --> 00:06:52,941
that everyone loves,
spawns his own trilogy?
206
00:06:52,942 --> 00:06:54,143
Yeah, I do look like a hobbit.
207
00:06:54,144 --> 00:06:56,345
Thank you. Ow.
208
00:06:56,346 --> 00:06:58,481
BILLY: I think she was saying
that you have hairy toes.
209
00:06:58,482 --> 00:07:00,749
I have lovely toes, okay?
210
00:07:00,750 --> 00:07:02,551
I get complimented on them often.
211
00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:04,553
Really? People compliment
you on your toes?
212
00:07:04,554 --> 00:07:06,755
Yes, Jade's clients see them
beneath the closet door
213
00:07:06,756 --> 00:07:07,890
and they compliment.
214
00:07:07,891 --> 00:07:10,226
[CROW CAWING]
215
00:07:10,227 --> 00:07:13,029
Oh, is it making balloon animals? Hmm?
216
00:07:13,030 --> 00:07:15,965
I told you 40 minutes ago!
It's smoking pot!
217
00:07:15,966 --> 00:07:17,766
Oh, I'm still guessing!
218
00:07:19,102 --> 00:07:21,838
Ah. That's it for the water.
219
00:07:21,839 --> 00:07:24,907
Worst comes to worst,
we drink our own piss.
220
00:07:24,908 --> 00:07:26,322
Hm.
221
00:07:26,977 --> 00:07:29,378
- Hmm?
- Well, we won't have to, though,
222
00:07:29,379 --> 00:07:33,049
'cause we just stumbled on
Loren's candy-ass boot prints.
223
00:07:33,050 --> 00:07:35,184
We'll find those guys in no time.
224
00:07:35,185 --> 00:07:36,985
And when we do, oh,
225
00:07:36,986 --> 00:07:39,055
I swear to Go...
226
00:07:39,056 --> 00:07:41,724
I mean, like, six days we do it!
227
00:07:41,725 --> 00:07:43,993
And you'd strain it through a sock.
228
00:07:43,994 --> 00:07:46,128
Gross, a sock? [CHUCKLES]
229
00:07:46,129 --> 00:07:49,231
There's a clear creek 20 feet behind us.
230
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,935
What?! Why didn't you tell me?
231
00:07:52,936 --> 00:07:54,537
We just crossed it.
232
00:07:54,538 --> 00:07:56,138
You stumbled on every rock.
233
00:07:56,139 --> 00:07:59,208
It's literally what everything
here is named after!
234
00:07:59,209 --> 00:08:01,477
- Ohh.
- [BREATHING HEAVILY]
235
00:08:01,478 --> 00:08:04,213
They really should
call it Clear Water Creek.
236
00:08:04,214 --> 00:08:05,548
Avoid a lot of confusion.
237
00:08:05,549 --> 00:08:07,950
Ooh, 2 minutes to kill,
238
00:08:07,951 --> 00:08:11,820
30 minutes to dig the grave,
10 minutes to cover it up.
239
00:08:11,821 --> 00:08:14,054
Nobody would blame me
even if they found the body.
240
00:08:15,825 --> 00:08:18,561
Rod? I'm waiting on you.
241
00:08:18,562 --> 00:08:20,897
See, Frodo, while a hero all his own,
242
00:08:20,898 --> 00:08:22,298
was actually a descendant of Bilbo,
243
00:08:22,299 --> 00:08:24,767
so that's yet another
reason why calling me
244
00:08:24,768 --> 00:08:27,103
Bilbo is a terrible dis.
245
00:08:27,104 --> 00:08:31,307
Whoa. Well, there's
nothing creepy about this.
246
00:08:31,308 --> 00:08:37,308
247
00:08:38,248 --> 00:08:40,717
[KNOCKS ON DOOR] Knock? Hello?
248
00:08:40,718 --> 00:08:42,851
LOREN: Let's go in.
249
00:08:42,852 --> 00:08:43,867
We'll all go in together.
250
00:08:43,868 --> 00:08:46,188
Hello? Ah!
251
00:08:46,189 --> 00:08:47,323
Watch yourself.
252
00:08:47,324 --> 00:08:48,725
Sorry, sorry. Just had to...
253
00:08:48,726 --> 00:08:51,260
- It's okay. No one's home.
- It just had to happen.
254
00:08:51,261 --> 00:08:53,195
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
255
00:08:53,196 --> 00:08:57,533
256
00:08:57,534 --> 00:08:58,735
Gross.
257
00:08:58,736 --> 00:09:01,538
Are those bear traps?
258
00:09:01,539 --> 00:09:03,940
Oh, my God, you guys.
259
00:09:03,941 --> 00:09:05,408
Somebody was just here.
260
00:09:05,409 --> 00:09:07,143
Whoever it was,
261
00:09:07,144 --> 00:09:09,412
he left his hatchet.
262
00:09:09,413 --> 00:09:11,013
My God.
263
00:09:11,014 --> 00:09:13,282
You mistook a hatchet for an axe again.
264
00:09:13,283 --> 00:09:14,417
Okay, they are the same thing.
265
00:09:14,418 --> 00:09:15,752
How is that even close
to the same thing?
266
00:09:15,753 --> 00:09:19,155
Guys, guys, maybe this is
the Clear Creek Butcher's cabin.
267
00:09:19,156 --> 00:09:20,757
No, why would you even joke about that?
268
00:09:20,758 --> 00:09:21,758
- It's not that.
- Come on.
269
00:09:21,759 --> 00:09:23,159
Oh, now who's scared?
270
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:24,826
[WOOD CREAKING]
271
00:09:27,164 --> 00:09:28,965
[DOOR BANGING]
272
00:09:28,966 --> 00:09:30,933
Um, I am.
273
00:09:34,004 --> 00:09:37,606
274
00:09:37,607 --> 00:09:40,009
Oh, there's something wrong
in these woods.
275
00:09:40,010 --> 00:09:43,346
It's a stink that I thought
I left far, far behind me.
276
00:09:43,347 --> 00:09:45,481
But here I am,
'cause I have great cardio.
277
00:09:45,482 --> 00:09:49,049
I meant death!
But you're a close second.
278
00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:52,154
[CHUCKLES]
279
00:09:52,155 --> 00:09:53,308
Yeah.
280
00:09:54,157 --> 00:09:56,491
Welcome to the woods, dumbasses.
281
00:09:59,629 --> 00:10:02,036
- Dumbasses.
- Oh!
282
00:10:03,701 --> 00:10:06,235
His tracks just vanish. That's not good.
283
00:10:06,236 --> 00:10:08,503
[GASPS] Butterfly!
284
00:10:10,708 --> 00:10:12,441
[CRASH] Whoa... whoa!
285
00:10:12,442 --> 00:10:14,643
[RUSTLING, BANGS]
286
00:10:14,644 --> 00:10:16,178
Owwww.
287
00:10:16,179 --> 00:10:19,181
Oh, what did you do?
Stab yourself with a dandelion?
288
00:10:19,182 --> 00:10:20,783
- God.
- Rod...
289
00:10:20,784 --> 00:10:23,052
Rod... is this real?
290
00:10:23,053 --> 00:10:25,922
Or is this a bad dream from took
much ice cream before bed?
291
00:10:25,923 --> 00:10:28,925
Holy shit!
The Clear Creek Butcher is real!
292
00:10:28,926 --> 00:10:32,795
[SCREAMING]
293
00:10:32,796 --> 00:10:35,331
[PANTING]
294
00:10:35,332 --> 00:10:36,733
Help!
295
00:10:36,734 --> 00:10:38,601
Heeeeeel...
296
00:10:38,602 --> 00:10:40,336
Shush! Shush.
297
00:10:40,337 --> 00:10:42,436
You're quiet. You're quiet.
298
00:10:43,473 --> 00:10:45,742
The Butcher's out here.
You want to reveal our position?
299
00:10:45,743 --> 00:10:47,676
I want to go home. I want to go home!
300
00:10:47,677 --> 00:10:49,546
Yeah, me too, all right,
but now we're totally lost
301
00:10:49,547 --> 00:10:51,147
after your little trounce
through the woods.
302
00:10:51,148 --> 00:10:52,415
I thought you could
track somebody through,
303
00:10:52,416 --> 00:10:54,016
like, 50 miles of desert!
304
00:10:54,017 --> 00:10:55,684
The sand, it's just footprints.
305
00:10:55,685 --> 00:10:57,286
- Oh.
- This is the woods twigs and stuff.
306
00:10:57,287 --> 00:10:58,554
Well, great, so we're gonna die.
307
00:10:58,555 --> 00:11:00,557
- We're gonna die!
- Listen, listen, listen.
308
00:11:00,558 --> 00:11:02,625
I need a man right now, not a liability.
309
00:11:02,626 --> 00:11:04,245
Which one are you gonna be?
310
00:11:05,228 --> 00:11:06,229
Can I think about it?
311
00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:09,698
[NECK CRACKS] Ooh, hoo, hoo, hoo...
312
00:11:09,699 --> 00:11:11,900
Fine, a man, geez Louise.
313
00:11:11,901 --> 00:11:13,836
All right, listen.
Just shut up and listen.
314
00:11:13,837 --> 00:11:15,571
All right, we're gonna be all right.
315
00:11:15,572 --> 00:11:16,773
Okay? We're gonna improvise.
316
00:11:16,774 --> 00:11:18,907
We're gonna adapt. We're gonna overcome.
317
00:11:18,908 --> 00:11:20,243
Okay, first thing's first... Camouflage.
318
00:11:20,244 --> 00:11:22,779
We need to blend into these
woods at a moment's notice.
319
00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:26,048
Got to gather up plants
and leaves for our disguise.
320
00:11:26,049 --> 00:11:27,450
I'm gonna be a robot.
321
00:11:27,451 --> 00:11:29,452
Ohh, ho, ho, ho... you got it.
322
00:11:29,453 --> 00:11:31,988
Ho, ho, ho, ho. You got it.
323
00:11:31,989 --> 00:11:33,122
Thank you.
324
00:11:33,123 --> 00:11:34,657
[DOORKNOB RATTLING]
325
00:11:34,658 --> 00:11:40,658
326
00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:43,532
Oh, pine nuts.
327
00:11:43,533 --> 00:11:45,468
- [SCREAMS]
- Awwww!
328
00:11:45,469 --> 00:11:48,070
Oh, my God! What did you do?!
329
00:11:48,071 --> 00:11:49,939
- Oh, my God!
- What is wrong with you?!
330
00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:51,340
- [SCREAMS]
- Who are you people?
331
00:11:51,341 --> 00:11:53,476
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
332
00:11:53,477 --> 00:11:55,678
Don't come any nearer!
I will kill your face!
333
00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:57,413
- Get out!
- You get away from me!
334
00:11:57,414 --> 00:12:00,016
I live here. My name's Howard.
335
00:12:00,017 --> 00:12:01,484
Put that thing down,
and we can help your friend.
336
00:12:01,485 --> 00:12:03,219
I not gonna set it down.
No, I'll club your face off.
337
00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:05,888
- I'll cut your face.
- Ooh, ooh, okay. Put it down.
338
00:12:05,889 --> 00:12:07,957
- What did you do, Shoemaker?
- I didn't mean to do it.
339
00:12:07,958 --> 00:12:09,225
You chopped my damn toe off!
340
00:12:09,226 --> 00:12:11,160
What kind of reaction was that?
341
00:12:11,161 --> 00:12:12,495
I don't know. I let you...
342
00:12:12,496 --> 00:12:14,964
I must say, that's a blue-ribbon cut.
343
00:12:14,965 --> 00:12:17,700
Did he chop that
with a hatchet or an axe?
344
00:12:17,701 --> 00:12:19,568
- Oh, no, that's an axe.
- I told you!
345
00:12:19,569 --> 00:12:21,570
Oh, that makes it even worse!
346
00:12:21,571 --> 00:12:23,305
Would you mind handing me
that first-aid kit there?
347
00:12:23,306 --> 00:12:24,367
ABBEY: All right, okay.
348
00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:25,574
I think there might be a
pop of morphine in there.
349
00:12:25,575 --> 00:12:27,176
[PANTING]
350
00:12:27,177 --> 00:12:28,911
Good. Oh, I'm sorry.
351
00:12:28,912 --> 00:12:29,978
I don't have any morphine.
352
00:12:29,979 --> 00:12:32,025
[CRYING] Come on...
353
00:12:32,650 --> 00:12:34,983
Oh, too bad you weren't wearing
354
00:12:34,984 --> 00:12:36,452
your mister tough guy work boots.
355
00:12:36,453 --> 00:12:38,855
Well, I wanted to keep
them clean, you know?
356
00:12:38,856 --> 00:12:41,057
- Oh, yeah, so they'll look cool.
- Yeah.
357
00:12:41,058 --> 00:12:42,991
Yeah, you get it.
358
00:12:42,992 --> 00:12:48,264
359
00:12:48,265 --> 00:12:52,000
What? You look like Thanksgiving
at an elementary school.
360
00:12:52,001 --> 00:12:53,670
Rod, where are you?!
361
00:12:53,671 --> 00:12:55,538
Shh, I'm right here, dipshit.
362
00:12:55,539 --> 00:12:58,341
Rod, I can hear you,
but I can't see you!
363
00:12:58,342 --> 00:13:00,276
Oh. Ooh!
364
00:13:00,277 --> 00:13:02,879
Rod! It's the forest! It's attacking!
365
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:04,013
It's killing people! [SCREAMING]
366
00:13:04,014 --> 00:13:06,749
Shut up. Shut up! It's me!
367
00:13:06,750 --> 00:13:08,817
Let's find a way out of here
before I kill you!
368
00:13:08,818 --> 00:13:10,887
Whoa. Wow.
369
00:13:10,888 --> 00:13:14,090
[LAUGHS] This is great!
370
00:13:14,091 --> 00:13:15,692
If anybody sees us,
they'll just think a bush
371
00:13:15,693 --> 00:13:18,695
is taking some flowers for a walk.
372
00:13:18,696 --> 00:13:21,097
That's just great, Shoemaker.
373
00:13:21,098 --> 00:13:22,498
There goes my career at Real Madrid.
374
00:13:22,499 --> 00:13:24,300
- Thanks a lot.
- I said I was sorry!
375
00:13:24,301 --> 00:13:26,168
I mean, how much longer
are you gonna harp on this?
376
00:13:26,169 --> 00:13:27,836
It happened 10 minutes ago.
377
00:13:27,837 --> 00:13:30,839
I'm gonna draw on this
for six months, probably a year.
378
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,909
Oh, you would.
379
00:13:32,910 --> 00:13:35,043
What do you think is in that shed?
380
00:13:35,845 --> 00:13:37,113
- [DOOR SLAMS] [SCREAMS]
- Ahh!
381
00:13:37,114 --> 00:13:38,915
God, Jesus.
382
00:13:38,916 --> 00:13:41,117
Uh, the sun's gonna be setting soon,
383
00:13:41,118 --> 00:13:42,919
and there's no way
you're gonna make it back
384
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,721
to the world by nightfall.
385
00:13:44,722 --> 00:13:47,323
You're more than welcome
to stay here at the cabin.
386
00:13:47,324 --> 00:13:49,125
I'm about ready to go out
and set a fire.
387
00:13:49,126 --> 00:13:50,259
No!
388
00:13:50,260 --> 00:13:52,595
I mean, thank you. No, thank you.
389
00:13:52,596 --> 00:13:54,663
We really appreciate the offer,
390
00:13:54,664 --> 00:13:57,666
but if you could just point us
in the direction to home,
391
00:13:57,667 --> 00:13:59,135
and we'll just get walking.
392
00:13:59,136 --> 00:14:00,803
[LAUGHING] Oh, no, no.
393
00:14:00,804 --> 00:14:03,740
No one should be out there
bumbling in the woods at night.
394
00:14:03,741 --> 00:14:04,741
No, no, no.
395
00:14:04,742 --> 00:14:05,942
Hey, Howard, um...
396
00:14:05,943 --> 00:14:07,603
What do you keep in that shed?
397
00:14:08,812 --> 00:14:11,101
Christmas decorations. Never mind.
398
00:14:12,149 --> 00:14:13,673
Let's go sit by the fire.
399
00:14:14,618 --> 00:14:16,184
Come on. It'll be fun.
400
00:14:18,288 --> 00:14:20,957
He really should say
"holiday decorations."
401
00:14:20,958 --> 00:14:22,625
[CROW CAWING]
402
00:14:22,626 --> 00:14:24,160
ROD: Looks like we're
spending the night.
403
00:14:24,161 --> 00:14:26,629
Plan "B," fortify
our position with traps.
404
00:14:26,630 --> 00:14:30,099
[GASPS] Like the Ewoks in
"Return of the Jedi"? [LAUGHS]
405
00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:32,501
I was thinking more like
"Predator," but...
406
00:14:32,502 --> 00:14:36,105
Wow... This may just end up
being the best day ever.
407
00:14:36,106 --> 00:14:37,974
I'm coming in for a hug.
I can't help it.
408
00:14:37,975 --> 00:14:40,042
[LAUGHS]
409
00:14:40,043 --> 00:14:41,978
[GRUNTING]
410
00:14:41,979 --> 00:14:47,979
411
00:14:51,989 --> 00:14:55,391
412
00:14:55,392 --> 00:14:56,926
All right.
413
00:14:56,927 --> 00:15:00,062
That should give us some
defense throughout the night.
414
00:15:00,063 --> 00:15:01,730
Let's try and get some shut-eye.
415
00:15:01,731 --> 00:15:03,399
Aye, aye, Captain.
416
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,335
Ah!
417
00:15:06,336 --> 00:15:08,271
Thanks again for
bandaging me up earlier.
418
00:15:08,272 --> 00:15:10,406
- I really appreciate it.
- Oh, no problem.
419
00:15:10,407 --> 00:15:12,074
I bought the bandages in bulk.
420
00:15:12,075 --> 00:15:13,810
So, um...
421
00:15:13,811 --> 00:15:15,611
what are you doing out here anyway?
422
00:15:15,612 --> 00:15:16,813
- Are you the Clear Creek Bu...?
- Abbey!
423
00:15:16,814 --> 00:15:18,681
What are you... Come on.
424
00:15:18,682 --> 00:15:19,816
Hermit?
425
00:15:19,817 --> 00:15:22,018
Are you the Clear Creek Hermit?
426
00:15:22,019 --> 00:15:24,553
Hermit is a hateful word.
427
00:15:24,554 --> 00:15:27,956
Only other hermits ought
to be able to drop the "H" bomb.
428
00:15:27,957 --> 00:15:30,359
I personally prefer woodsman.
429
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:34,096
Like that pedophile movie
with the guy from "Footloose"?
430
00:15:34,097 --> 00:15:36,633
You mean the guy from "Footloose"
diddled little children?
431
00:15:36,634 --> 00:15:39,368
- No, not the actor.
- Oh, man.
432
00:15:39,369 --> 00:15:41,037
That town was right.
433
00:15:41,038 --> 00:15:43,172
Dancing is a gateway drug.
434
00:15:43,173 --> 00:15:45,842
Yeah. Uh, Ho...
435
00:15:45,843 --> 00:15:48,511
How does one go about
living off the grid,
436
00:15:48,512 --> 00:15:51,180
because it's an idea that I've
been toying with for myself.
437
00:15:51,181 --> 00:15:52,515
- Sure.
- Actually, she just means
438
00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:54,583
she doesn't want to pay
her electric bill anymore.
439
00:15:54,584 --> 00:15:55,652
- Okay.
- It's true.
440
00:15:55,653 --> 00:15:56,970
I'll tell ya.
441
00:15:57,987 --> 00:16:00,189
20 years ago,
442
00:16:00,190 --> 00:16:02,859
I was a teacher at a dumpy high school.
443
00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:04,527
- That's what we are.
- Yeah.
444
00:16:04,528 --> 00:16:06,062
Wow, that's crazy. Except Abbey.
445
00:16:06,063 --> 00:16:08,331
She's a crappy librarian.
446
00:16:08,332 --> 00:16:10,867
- Oh, that's a wonderful career choice.
- Thank you.
447
00:16:10,868 --> 00:16:13,936
If it's 1875. [LAUGHS]
448
00:16:13,937 --> 00:16:15,338
Check out the dunk from Howard.
449
00:16:15,339 --> 00:16:16,472
- Boom!
- Gotcha!
450
00:16:16,473 --> 00:16:18,207
It's not that great of a dunk.
451
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:22,345
You know, one day I just snapped.
452
00:16:22,346 --> 00:16:25,682
I didn't want to be
part of society anymore.
453
00:16:25,683 --> 00:16:27,684
So I came up here.
454
00:16:27,685 --> 00:16:29,352
I liked it.
455
00:16:29,353 --> 00:16:30,921
You know, it's quiet,
456
00:16:31,889 --> 00:16:35,358
and I've learned to become
my own best friend...
457
00:16:35,359 --> 00:16:36,759
with benefits!
458
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:37,894
Hell yeah, dude.
459
00:16:37,895 --> 00:16:40,829
You know, there is
an urban legend about you
460
00:16:40,830 --> 00:16:42,498
where you kill people with an axe.
461
00:16:42,499 --> 00:16:44,233
Oh, my God, what are you doing?
462
00:16:44,234 --> 00:16:46,035
- No.
- They... They told me.
463
00:16:46,036 --> 00:16:48,170
- They told me.
- See, we meant you kill open-mic crowds
464
00:16:48,171 --> 00:16:51,040
with axe-based material,
which everyone loves.
465
00:16:51,041 --> 00:16:52,840
People are the worst.
466
00:16:53,843 --> 00:16:55,378
Humans...
467
00:16:55,379 --> 00:16:59,448
all they do is lie and litter.
468
00:16:59,449 --> 00:17:01,450
They come up here to my woods,
469
00:17:01,451 --> 00:17:03,852
and then they take their knives
470
00:17:03,853 --> 00:17:07,656
and they carve
their initials into trees.
471
00:17:07,657 --> 00:17:10,393
Hey. What are you guy's initials?
472
00:17:10,394 --> 00:17:12,995
All right, this has been fun, but I...
473
00:17:12,996 --> 00:17:14,397
I'm gonna turn in, you know?
474
00:17:14,398 --> 00:17:15,798
- [YAWNS]
- Having your toe chopped off
475
00:17:15,799 --> 00:17:16,865
really takes it out of you.
476
00:17:16,866 --> 00:17:18,601
Yeah, and me too,
477
00:17:18,602 --> 00:17:20,603
'cause chopping somebody's toe off,
478
00:17:20,604 --> 00:17:21,870
just... you know, I'm bushed.
479
00:17:21,871 --> 00:17:22,939
I'm, uh, I had to watch.
480
00:17:22,940 --> 00:17:24,807
- It's exhausting.
- We should go.
481
00:17:24,808 --> 00:17:26,142
Take the bed.
482
00:17:26,143 --> 00:17:27,676
Mi casa es su casa.
483
00:17:27,677 --> 00:17:29,478
Oh, but where are you gonna sleep?
484
00:17:29,479 --> 00:17:33,816
D-Don't worry about me.
I don't sleep much at night.
485
00:17:33,817 --> 00:17:36,308
I'm usually pretty busy out here...
486
00:17:37,087 --> 00:17:38,720
doing stuff.
487
00:17:42,459 --> 00:17:45,261
488
00:17:45,262 --> 00:17:48,397
[SNORING]
489
00:17:48,398 --> 00:17:50,333
Oh, 'lilah...
490
00:17:50,334 --> 00:17:53,269
You were so warm last night.
491
00:17:53,270 --> 00:17:54,503
[THUMPING IN DISTANCE]
492
00:17:56,340 --> 00:17:59,942
[WHISPERING] Fairbell. Wake up.
493
00:17:59,943 --> 00:18:01,276
[WHISPERING]
I just had a dream somebody
494
00:18:01,277 --> 00:18:04,347
was pushing a broom handle
into my back. [LAUGHS]
495
00:18:04,348 --> 00:18:05,916
Just shut up.
496
00:18:06,950 --> 00:18:08,217
Somebody's out there.
497
00:18:08,218 --> 00:18:09,818
[NORMAL VOICE] [GASPS]
The Clear Creek But...
498
00:18:11,287 --> 00:18:13,288
Let's go.
499
00:18:13,289 --> 00:18:17,026
500
00:18:17,027 --> 00:18:18,961
[BOTH GROANING]
501
00:18:21,898 --> 00:18:24,367
[NORMAL VOICE] Sick bastard
was probably taking a trophy.
502
00:18:24,368 --> 00:18:27,170
Oh... he just made the biggest mistake
503
00:18:27,171 --> 00:18:30,506
of his soon-to-be-ended-by-me life.
504
00:18:30,507 --> 00:18:32,107
Not going to the trophy store?
505
00:18:32,108 --> 00:18:34,643
What? No! He left tracks!
506
00:18:34,644 --> 00:18:36,245
God damn it!
507
00:18:36,246 --> 00:18:38,514
Oh, let's go. Sun's coming up.
508
00:18:38,515 --> 00:18:40,115
[GRUNTS]
509
00:18:40,116 --> 00:18:43,752
[SNORING]
510
00:18:45,522 --> 00:18:47,322
Oh, God, that's it.
511
00:18:47,323 --> 00:18:49,324
Oh, God, please take her.
Please take her life.
512
00:18:49,325 --> 00:18:50,593
Please take her life.
513
00:18:50,594 --> 00:18:51,594
I mean, why not take her?
514
00:18:51,595 --> 00:18:54,664
She's had a good life. An okay life.
515
00:18:54,665 --> 00:18:56,658
[GASPS, COUGHING,
SNORING CONTINUES]
516
00:18:56,659 --> 00:18:57,733
Oh, my God! My God!
517
00:18:57,734 --> 00:18:59,402
That's it. I'm done.
518
00:18:59,403 --> 00:19:01,537
I can't take it anymore!
I'm gonna take a piss.
519
00:19:01,538 --> 00:19:04,473
- Don't leave me with her.
- I'll do you a solid.
520
00:19:04,474 --> 00:19:06,075
[SLAMS DOOR] [GASPS]
521
00:19:06,076 --> 00:19:07,492
Oh, my...
522
00:19:08,412 --> 00:19:10,813
[GRUNTS]
523
00:19:10,814 --> 00:19:12,147
Good morning.
524
00:19:12,148 --> 00:19:13,949
How did you sleep?
525
00:19:13,950 --> 00:19:15,618
Like a log.
526
00:19:15,619 --> 00:19:18,888
Which is surprising 'cause
I didn't have my CPAP machine.
527
00:19:18,889 --> 00:19:19,955
How'd you sleep?
528
00:19:19,956 --> 00:19:22,491
Slept... terribly!
529
00:19:22,492 --> 00:19:24,360
- Why?
- Why?
530
00:19:24,361 --> 00:19:27,430
'Cause you died, like,
25 times last night.
531
00:19:27,431 --> 00:19:28,497
[BOTH SCREAM]
532
00:19:28,498 --> 00:19:30,433
- Jesus!
- Sorry I startled ya.
533
00:19:30,434 --> 00:19:33,302
I was getting ready to chop more wood,
534
00:19:33,303 --> 00:19:36,972
and I was thinking,
there was something I needed
535
00:19:36,973 --> 00:19:39,442
to come clean with you folks
about yesterday.
536
00:19:39,443 --> 00:19:44,313
But it was so much fun to have,
like, real people around...
537
00:19:44,314 --> 00:19:46,716
Huh? That's weird.
538
00:19:46,717 --> 00:19:48,851
I remember planting those flowers,
539
00:19:48,852 --> 00:19:51,387
but I do not remember that bush.
540
00:19:51,388 --> 00:19:54,123
Weird.
541
00:19:54,124 --> 00:19:56,259
[URINATING]
542
00:19:56,260 --> 00:19:57,927
Not gonna make Real Madrid.
543
00:19:57,928 --> 00:20:00,195
Probably won't even
make Atl?tico Madrid.
544
00:20:00,196 --> 00:20:01,864
There goes my retirement plan.
545
00:20:03,868 --> 00:20:06,870
[SCREAMS]
546
00:20:06,871 --> 00:20:09,672
God, I peed on my boots!
547
00:20:09,673 --> 00:20:12,408
You know what?
Howard is an okay guy, huh?
548
00:20:12,409 --> 00:20:14,277
Yeah, probably. I mean,
if he was gonna kill us,
549
00:20:14,278 --> 00:20:16,178
he probably would've
killed us last night.
550
00:20:18,014 --> 00:20:19,949
- Oh, my...
- [PANTING]
551
00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:22,485
- Rod?
- What the hell are you doing here?
552
00:20:22,486 --> 00:20:23,887
So you know this creep?
553
00:20:23,888 --> 00:20:26,890
- You know this creep?
- He was trying to ambush me!
554
00:20:26,891 --> 00:20:29,292
Oh, I thought you people were different.
555
00:20:29,293 --> 00:20:30,293
W-W-W-Wait.
556
00:20:30,294 --> 00:20:32,962
Serves me right to go against my code
557
00:20:32,963 --> 00:20:34,430
to never trust...
558
00:20:34,431 --> 00:20:35,831
Oh!
559
00:20:35,832 --> 00:20:37,500
- Oh, nice!
- I rescued you guys!
560
00:20:37,501 --> 00:20:38,768
From what?
561
00:20:38,769 --> 00:20:40,569
He was just an eccentric old hermit!
562
00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:42,838
Yeah, you guys are
a bunch of anti-hermites!
563
00:20:42,839 --> 00:20:44,974
What, no! He's the Clear Creek Butcher!
564
00:20:44,975 --> 00:20:47,777
Oh, Rod, if you had gotten
to know Howard...
565
00:20:47,778 --> 00:20:48,820
- Howard?!
- like we did...
566
00:20:48,821 --> 00:20:50,245
- Howard?!
- you would know he was great.
567
00:20:50,246 --> 00:20:52,047
- You guys are just spooked by a...
- Holy shit, you guys!
568
00:20:52,048 --> 00:20:54,317
I just pissed on a human
skull, right out there!
569
00:20:54,318 --> 00:20:55,985
See? How about that?
570
00:20:55,986 --> 00:20:57,120
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
571
00:20:57,121 --> 00:20:58,354
[SIGHS]
572
00:20:59,323 --> 00:21:01,590
Maybe we should take
a look at that shed.
573
00:21:01,591 --> 00:21:07,463
574
00:21:07,464 --> 00:21:10,132
[ALL SCREAMING]
575
00:21:14,138 --> 00:21:15,805
I knew you wouldn't understand.
576
00:21:15,806 --> 00:21:18,407
[ALL SCREAMING]
577
00:21:18,408 --> 00:21:20,143
[SINISTER MUSIC PLAYS]
578
00:21:20,144 --> 00:21:26,015
579
00:21:26,016 --> 00:21:28,417
[GRUNTING]
580
00:21:28,418 --> 00:21:30,486
[ABBEY SCREAMS]
581
00:21:30,487 --> 00:21:32,221
[GROANS]
582
00:21:32,222 --> 00:21:34,557
You're gonna pay!
583
00:21:34,558 --> 00:21:35,891
[ALL SCREAMING]
584
00:21:38,895 --> 00:21:41,030
[HOWLS]
585
00:21:41,031 --> 00:21:43,366
It's the traps!
586
00:21:43,367 --> 00:21:44,567
That one was all me.
587
00:21:44,568 --> 00:21:47,370
[GROANS]
588
00:21:47,371 --> 00:21:48,904
ANNOUNCER: Here we are
at the final race of the day,
589
00:21:48,905 --> 00:21:51,374
where Smoot senior
Abasi Mwangi is on pace
590
00:21:51,375 --> 00:21:53,242
not to only win the state championship,
591
00:21:53,243 --> 00:21:56,111
but shatter the state record
by a few precious seconds.
592
00:21:56,112 --> 00:21:58,381
Smoot High has him listed
as a 17-year-old,
593
00:21:58,382 --> 00:22:00,449
but I predict that there
will be a formal inquiry
594
00:22:00,450 --> 00:22:01,851
into the student's age.
595
00:22:01,852 --> 00:22:06,322
[DEEP VOICE] Run, run, run!
596
00:22:06,323 --> 00:22:07,857
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
597
00:22:07,858 --> 00:22:10,059
[NORMAL VOICE]
Yes, come here! I'm gonna win!
598
00:22:10,060 --> 00:22:12,195
I'm gonna win!
599
00:22:12,196 --> 00:22:14,797
[CROWD AWS]
600
00:22:14,798 --> 00:22:17,132
No. No!
601
00:22:17,133 --> 00:22:19,234
Stop! Stooop!
602
00:22:21,471 --> 00:22:24,006
Somebody help! Somebody!
603
00:22:25,475 --> 00:22:27,343
Hey!
604
00:22:27,344 --> 00:22:29,645
Now you bastards are gonna pay!
605
00:22:33,884 --> 00:22:36,352
He's the Clear Creek Butcher!
I saw the bodies!
606
00:22:36,353 --> 00:22:38,154
No, it's true. I pissed
on one of those bodies.
607
00:22:38,155 --> 00:22:40,356
Hold it! [CROWD GASPING]
608
00:22:40,357 --> 00:22:41,990
Get back, get back, back up!
609
00:22:44,094 --> 00:22:46,162
This is all just
a misunderstanding, right?
610
00:22:46,163 --> 00:22:47,429
Misunderstanding?
611
00:22:47,430 --> 00:22:48,498
You said we were gonna pay.
612
00:22:48,499 --> 00:22:50,032
You said we were all gonna pay.
613
00:22:50,033 --> 00:22:52,034
A trespassing fine.
614
00:22:52,035 --> 00:22:53,669
You're holding an axe!
615
00:22:55,172 --> 00:22:56,572
Oh, okay.
616
00:22:56,573 --> 00:22:58,040
Look, I live and work
617
00:22:58,041 --> 00:23:01,468
at the Colorado State Criminal
Science Cadaver site.
618
00:23:02,245 --> 00:23:05,915
See, we leave bodies out
so they can naturally decompose
619
00:23:05,916 --> 00:23:07,249
so we can study them.
620
00:23:07,250 --> 00:23:08,318
It's forensic science stuff.
621
00:23:08,319 --> 00:23:09,585
What, b-b-b-but that's not true,
622
00:23:09,586 --> 00:23:12,388
because I have seen
every episode of "SVU,"
623
00:23:12,389 --> 00:23:14,324
and there is nothing... You idiot!
624
00:23:14,325 --> 00:23:16,726
He's not lying!
625
00:23:16,727 --> 00:23:19,061
Read that sign right there. Read it!
626
00:23:19,062 --> 00:23:21,197
- Science site!
- [ALL OHH]
627
00:23:21,198 --> 00:23:24,000
Well, they could've used
a bigger font. Come on.
628
00:23:24,001 --> 00:23:27,069
I mean, who reads signs when
they're going into the woods?
629
00:23:27,070 --> 00:23:28,404
Dorks.
630
00:23:28,405 --> 00:23:30,406
I can't believe that
you idiots figured out a way
631
00:23:30,407 --> 00:23:32,208
to ruin this for me today.
632
00:23:32,209 --> 00:23:34,210
For us, for us! For me and Abasi!
633
00:23:34,211 --> 00:23:35,611
For us! Get him...
634
00:23:35,612 --> 00:23:37,213
Clear him a path! Get him an ice pack!
635
00:23:37,214 --> 00:23:38,948
He still got third place.
636
00:23:38,949 --> 00:23:41,283
Yeah, third place
looks exactly like gold.
637
00:23:41,284 --> 00:23:42,684
I'm fooled all the time.
638
00:23:42,685 --> 00:23:44,726
You're a bunch of real fuck heads.
639
00:23:45,689 --> 00:23:47,089
Well...
640
00:23:47,090 --> 00:23:48,624
[GRUNTS]
641
00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:50,516
I guess this is goodbye, then.
642
00:23:51,428 --> 00:23:54,764
It was nice having company
while it lasted.
643
00:23:54,765 --> 00:23:56,632
- Take care.
- Bye.
644
00:23:56,633 --> 00:23:58,368
- Now I feel bad.
- Aww, he's such a sweetie, yeah.
645
00:23:58,369 --> 00:24:01,103
Oh, God damn it! My toe nub fell out!
646
00:24:01,104 --> 00:24:02,705
My toe nub! I'm a freak!
647
00:24:02,706 --> 00:24:04,840
Help me find it. We can still find it.
648
00:24:04,841 --> 00:24:06,709
[GROANING]
649
00:24:06,710 --> 00:24:08,711
Cadaver farm, I mean...
650
00:24:08,712 --> 00:24:09,979
Help me find it, guys!
651
00:24:09,980 --> 00:24:11,981
There's got to be
thousands of toes in there.
652
00:24:11,982 --> 00:24:14,116
- [SIGHS]
- You guys want to ride with me?
653
00:24:14,117 --> 00:24:16,919
[PEACEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
654
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,655
655
00:24:19,656 --> 00:24:22,858
You know, that was a little
too close for comfort.
656
00:24:22,859 --> 00:24:26,196
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
657
00:24:26,197 --> 00:24:27,730
Well, you should've been at work,
658
00:24:27,731 --> 00:24:29,799
you dirty hippie.
659
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:31,333
[CRIES]
660
00:24:31,383 --> 00:24:35,933
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