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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:07,040 Six months of love 2 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:09,540 But it feels like a day 3 00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:12,240 Your breath smells like coffee 4 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:15,000 But I love it that way 5 00:00:15,060 --> 00:00:18,170 Happy anniversary... 6 00:00:18,228 --> 00:00:22,813 [CONTINUES HOLDING NOTE] 7 00:00:22,899 --> 00:00:25,525 - Well, that was special. - Not yet. 8 00:00:25,570 --> 00:00:26,740 I got to take another breath. 9 00:00:26,819 --> 00:00:30,112 Y... 10 00:00:30,190 --> 00:00:32,199 Okay, that's it. That's the end. 11 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,783 [CHUCKLES] 12 00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:36,190 - Happy six-month anniversary, babe. - Oh. 13 00:00:36,220 --> 00:00:37,940 - Oh. - Aw. 14 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:41,160 Oh, that was something else. 15 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,860 - Oh. - I can't wait to see what you got me. 16 00:00:43,870 --> 00:00:47,000 Yeah. Uh, I-I can't wait to give it to you. 17 00:00:47,020 --> 00:00:49,140 Okay! [CHUCKLES] 18 00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,700 - Wh-Where is it? - Oh. 19 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:54,095 Oh, it's-it's so special, 20 00:00:54,138 --> 00:00:56,806 I'm gonna give it to you tonight at dinner. 21 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,550 - I love surprises. - Yeah, me, too. 22 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,400 - Okay. - Yeah, it'll be a... 23 00:01:01,420 --> 00:01:02,920 a real big surprise. 24 00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:05,320 - Yeah. Bye-bye. - Bye. 25 00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:06,880 Oh, crap. 26 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,340 I got her a hat. 27 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,280 Well, don't panic. Was it a nice hat? 28 00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:13,489 I got it at Denny's. 29 00:01:13,570 --> 00:01:16,159 Oh, no, Charlie. Why? 30 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,820 Because I was there when she texted me 31 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:19,450 that it was our six-month anniversary. 32 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,780 Who celebrates their six-month anniversary anyway? 33 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:24,834 I mean, I know we're old, but do you have to count every second? 34 00:01:24,961 --> 00:01:27,340 Well, you know what you got to do now, don't you? 35 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,660 Yeah. Fake my own death again. 36 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:32,840 No, you got to write her a song. 37 00:01:32,850 --> 00:01:34,969 And it better be better than her song 38 00:01:35,013 --> 00:01:38,681 but not so much better that it makes her song look bad. 39 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,360 - I'll help you. Songwriting's easy. - [CHUCKLES]: Oh, 40 00:01:41,390 --> 00:01:43,919 you think songwriting is easy? 41 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:45,360 Hell yeah. 42 00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:48,320 I wrote an erotic vampire novel, woman. 43 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,770 Songwriting's a piece of cake. 44 00:01:51,860 --> 00:01:54,660 Charlie, you want to stay with Kathleen, right? 45 00:01:54,690 --> 00:01:55,780 - I do. - Well, then 46 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:56,880 I would highly advise you 47 00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:58,600 against this particular collaboration. 48 00:01:58,620 --> 00:02:00,680 This is not Hall & Oates. 49 00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,860 This is all Oates. 50 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:06,820 So you saying we can't write a romantic song? 51 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,680 I'm saying you guys have seven divorces 52 00:02:09,700 --> 00:02:11,714 between the two of you. 53 00:02:11,750 --> 00:02:15,100 Yeah, that means we got seven women to marry us. 54 00:02:17,860 --> 00:02:21,520 Okay, well, I, being a woman, understand women. 55 00:02:21,540 --> 00:02:23,900 Not only that but I had a professional songwriting career. 56 00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:25,540 - So I should help. - SID: Oh, my God. 57 00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:28,397 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, today 58 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,140 is gonna be the very best day of my life. 59 00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:34,960 Oh, is J.Crew finally selling boy sizes? 60 00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:36,220 J.Crew? 61 00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:38,500 Please, honey, what am I, a youth pastor? 62 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,400 Guess who is signing autographs 63 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,038 at the convention center. 64 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,060 The cutest teen idol 65 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,480 of the early fall of 1969. 66 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,480 Charles Manson? 67 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:54,000 No! Not Charles Manson. 68 00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:56,340 Kip Samgood. 69 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,140 Kip Samgood? 70 00:02:58,180 --> 00:03:00,200 He is a son of a bitch. 71 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,760 He's the whole reason my music career never took off. 72 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,725 You know Kip Samgood? 73 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,479 You shut your damn mouth. 74 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,380 Tell me everything. 75 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,460 I only wrote his biggest song. 76 00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:13,984 [CHUCKLES]: Oh, please, Margaret. 77 00:03:14,070 --> 00:03:17,300 You wrote "Bellbottom of My Heart"? 78 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:18,640 I most certainly did. 79 00:03:18,660 --> 00:03:20,140 And I was performing it in clubs 80 00:03:20,170 --> 00:03:22,480 months before it was ever on his album. 81 00:03:22,510 --> 00:03:25,120 You know what, if you are gonna see that bastard today, 82 00:03:25,140 --> 00:03:26,240 I'm gonna go there. 83 00:03:26,260 --> 00:03:28,079 I'm gonna make him admit that he stole it. 84 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,800 Uh-uh. No, no, no. 85 00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:32,480 You are not gonna mess this up for me. 86 00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,140 You are not invited. 87 00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:35,880 This has bothered me for years. 88 00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:38,560 I'm gonna go confront this head-on. I am going. 89 00:03:38,580 --> 00:03:42,096 Margaret. You said you were gonna help us write a song. 90 00:03:42,100 --> 00:03:44,720 Just give her the damn hat. 91 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:52,340 92 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:59,280 93 00:04:03,350 --> 00:04:08,040 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 94 00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:10,860 All right, Margaret, now, 95 00:04:10,877 --> 00:04:14,462 please let me tell Kip what he means to me. 96 00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:17,060 I wrote an entire speech. 97 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,630 Okay, but when you're done with him, 98 00:04:18,650 --> 00:04:20,400 I'm gonna rip him a new one. 99 00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:22,880 K-I-P is gonna be R.I.P. 100 00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:25,660 And you were a professional songwriter? 101 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,920 How you doing, buddy? What's your name? 102 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:31,720 Hi. Kip, my name is Sidney, uh, Delacroix, 103 00:04:31,740 --> 00:04:35,240 and I have waited 50 years to read you this letter. 104 00:04:35,260 --> 00:04:36,520 "Dear Kip, 105 00:04:36,550 --> 00:04:39,500 "As a lonely little gay boy growing up in Tex... " 106 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,520 - Here's your tambourine. - Yeah, but I didn't get 107 00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:42,660 - to finish my speech. - Next! 108 00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:44,520 Step aside, sir. 109 00:04:44,580 --> 00:04:46,300 - My turn. - Yeah, well, please, 110 00:04:46,340 --> 00:04:49,100 Margaret, I didn't get to finish my speech. 111 00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:51,415 Well, hello, hotness. 112 00:04:51,450 --> 00:04:53,700 What are you getting signed today? 113 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:56,500 Boobs are a two-for-one special. 114 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:59,000 [LAUGHS] 115 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,967 That's my little joke. 116 00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:05,540 Honestly, Kip, are you gonna pretend 117 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:07,160 that you don't know who I am? 118 00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,220 Listen, if you've got a kid somewhere, 119 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:10,800 I got snipped in '79. 120 00:05:10,820 --> 00:05:12,895 Court ordered. 121 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,340 It's me, Margaret Flynn. 122 00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:18,200 I wrote "Bellbottom of My Heart." 123 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,560 Oh, my God. 124 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:22,940 You wrote that? 125 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,880 [SCOFFS] You know damn good and well I wrote it. 126 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,950 You... Wait, 127 00:05:27,990 --> 00:05:30,700 you admit that you stole my song? 128 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,050 No, I didn't steal it. 129 00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:34,080 My record company gave it to me. 130 00:05:34,110 --> 00:05:37,680 But I have spent my entire life wondering who wrote it, 131 00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:40,790 because I know that that person... 132 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,080 was a genius. 133 00:05:43,094 --> 00:05:44,718 A genius? Seriously? 134 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,180 I mean, "genius" is a little strong, 135 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,800 but... I'll allow it. 136 00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:52,500 I was at a party with Paul Simon. 137 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:53,580 Heard of him? 138 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,260 He told me it was his favorite song of mine. 139 00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,680 Now, he may have been high as a kite at the time, but... 140 00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:01,402 he said it. 141 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:05,150 Say, what do you say 142 00:06:05,180 --> 00:06:06,760 you and I... we go to the greenroom. 143 00:06:06,790 --> 00:06:09,100 I would love to hear more about your process. 144 00:06:09,130 --> 00:06:11,240 I've got oodles of questions 145 00:06:11,260 --> 00:06:12,600 - about it. - Well... 146 00:06:12,610 --> 00:06:15,280 The-the greenroom? I'm still really mad at you, 147 00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:17,819 but I-I guess-I guess I am a little bit hungry. 148 00:06:17,820 --> 00:06:18,900 Well, the spread's amazing. 149 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,640 We've got three kinds of cream cheese. 150 00:06:20,660 --> 00:06:23,132 And we've got wraps! 151 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,960 I love wraps. Let's do it. 152 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,440 Oh, I'm sorry, buddy. 153 00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:31,099 I've only got a plus-one. 154 00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:33,720 Now, I must know more about your work. 155 00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:35,080 Have you written any other songs? 156 00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:36,660 Well, I've written a few. I mean, you know, I... 157 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,780 Margaret, what the hell? Kip! 158 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:42,520 Please, I can be your plus-one and a half. 159 00:06:42,580 --> 00:06:45,480 Sid, I won't be long. I promise. I won't forget you. 160 00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:48,866 Ugh, Margaret, don't do this to me! 161 00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:50,826 At least read him my letter! 162 00:06:50,950 --> 00:06:53,680 You bitch! 163 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:57,600 164 00:06:57,620 --> 00:06:59,799 All right, now, look, we don't need Margaret's help 165 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,720 - to write no song about no woman. - No. 166 00:07:01,740 --> 00:07:03,270 'Cause one thing I know is 167 00:07:03,299 --> 00:07:05,841 women don't know what they want. 168 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,400 You take my ex-wife... I thought she wanted me, 169 00:07:08,420 --> 00:07:10,930 but apparently she wanted that big son of a bitch upstairs. 170 00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:14,800 Look, Hank, c-can we not talk about Lorraine right now? 171 00:07:14,820 --> 00:07:17,059 We just do not have the time. 172 00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:19,060 You're right. I'm sorry. 173 00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:21,599 There was a point to it, but all right. 174 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,979 Tell me what kind of song Kathleen wants. 175 00:07:24,980 --> 00:07:27,980 I don't know. Something nice and sweet 176 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,820 about how much I love her. 177 00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:30,991 No, no, no. No, no. 178 00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:32,740 You got to give her something dark. 179 00:07:32,750 --> 00:07:35,280 Not a sweet song. A bad-boy song. 180 00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:36,540 - Mm-hmm. - All right, play me a chord. 181 00:07:36,570 --> 00:07:38,374 - Well... - [PLAYS CHORD] 182 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,860 Moodier. 183 00:07:39,890 --> 00:07:41,502 Um... 184 00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:44,171 [PLAYS MINOR CHORD] 185 00:07:44,290 --> 00:07:46,380 All right, that's it, right there. 186 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,960 [CHUCKLES] Okay. 187 00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:50,880 So, I'm just gonna riff, okay? 188 00:07:50,900 --> 00:07:53,180 'Cause, you know, most great songs are just 189 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,000 basically improvisation anyway. 190 00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:59,700 191 00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:01,960 Kathleen 192 00:08:01,980 --> 00:08:04,500 You gonna cheat on me 193 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,540 Kathleen 194 00:08:06,580 --> 00:08:08,700 You gonna turn the kids on me 195 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,040 Kathleen 196 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,900 You gonna tell them lies 197 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:15,200 Kathleen 198 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,340 With them cheating eyes 199 00:08:17,410 --> 00:08:19,080 Lorraine! 200 00:08:19,125 --> 00:08:20,499 - Lorraine! - Wait, wait. 201 00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:22,263 - Hank, Hank, Hank, Hank, Hank. - Lor... 202 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,962 Hank, 203 00:08:25,006 --> 00:08:28,424 you're back to talking about your ex-wife again. 204 00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:31,740 Charlie, you can't interrupt me, man, when I was riffing, man. 205 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,600 All this talk about my ex-wife got me agitated. 206 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:38,170 Look, I'm just gonna sit here and let you sing 207 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,580 and I'm gonna listen. 208 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,061 - All right. - Okay. 209 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,063 Um... 210 00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:44,523 211 00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:46,300 Kathleen 212 00:08:46,340 --> 00:08:48,690 I'm feeling so stressed 213 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,980 Kathleen 214 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,680 I'm feeling duress 215 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,160 Darker. 216 00:08:57,413 --> 00:08:59,440 I killed a man 217 00:08:59,460 --> 00:09:01,760 - In Vietnam. - All right, 218 00:09:01,780 --> 00:09:03,620 no, no, no, no! That's-that's too dark, that's too dark. 219 00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:05,500 All right, let's scrap the dark stuff. 220 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,171 We need to re-gear. 221 00:09:07,290 --> 00:09:12,220 Now, what are all hit songs about today? 222 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,180 The booty! 223 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:15,210 It's too crass. 224 00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:17,890 Kathleen was raised Protestant. 225 00:09:17,970 --> 00:09:20,880 How 'bout something... 226 00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:22,060 about technology? 227 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:23,395 No, that's too nerdy. 228 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,280 I'm afraid you're gonna start singing 229 00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:27,019 about conspiracy theories. 230 00:09:27,020 --> 00:09:29,000 Well, I would've said "conspiracy facts," 231 00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:32,060 but, yes, that is where I was headed. 232 00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:33,780 You know what, we need to shake off 233 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,420 all this bad ex-wife energy. 234 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:38,260 Um, here, play me a chord. 235 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:39,540 I got something new. 236 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,490 237 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:46,740 Lorraine! Lorraine! 238 00:09:46,860 --> 00:09:51,220 Lorraine... ! 239 00:09:52,220 --> 00:09:54,920 Lorraine. 240 00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:02,580 _ 241 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,220 I can't believe I spent all those years thinking 242 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:06,640 that you stole my song, 243 00:10:06,660 --> 00:10:08,320 and you had nothing to do with it. 244 00:10:08,350 --> 00:10:10,850 I used to fantasize about killing you. 245 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,040 [CHUCKLES] A lot. 246 00:10:13,072 --> 00:10:15,030 - [CHUCKLES] - Well. 247 00:10:15,150 --> 00:10:17,760 That's champagne under the bridge now, baby. 248 00:10:17,770 --> 00:10:19,980 - [CHUCKLES] - Say, speaking of champagne, 249 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,160 can I, uh, top off your glass? 250 00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:25,720 It's from New York State. 251 00:10:25,790 --> 00:10:28,200 I don't mind if I do. 252 00:10:28,220 --> 00:10:29,740 - [CHUCKLES, SNIFFS] - Mm. 253 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,320 Mmm. 254 00:10:31,860 --> 00:10:34,280 You really can taste the Albany. 255 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,919 Well, come. Sit. 256 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,740 Tell me about your career. 257 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:39,890 Oh, well, to be perfectly honest, Kip, 258 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,260 my career didn't ever really take off. 259 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:44,270 I did write a jingle one time 260 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,260 for an adult diaper commercial that I'm pretty ashamed of, 261 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,400 but... [CHUCKLES] other than that, 262 00:10:49,420 --> 00:10:51,220 I only had one real album, 263 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,480 and it was kind of a dud. It was called Carpet. 264 00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:56,530 You wrote Carpet? 265 00:10:56,550 --> 00:10:58,031 I love Carpet. 266 00:10:58,110 --> 00:10:59,720 I used to beg my label, 267 00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:03,370 "Please, let me cover a song from Carpet." 268 00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:04,830 - Really? - Mm. 269 00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:06,180 Which one was your favorite? 270 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,480 Which song was your favorite? 271 00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:12,254 I think "Vacuum" was probably the strongest. 272 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,820 - Oh, it was definitely the strongest. - Hmm. 273 00:11:14,850 --> 00:11:16,879 Oh, gosh, I wish I could hear it now. 274 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:18,880 I could sing it for you now. 275 00:11:18,940 --> 00:11:21,720 Oh... I would die. 276 00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:24,060 But tragically, we don't have a guitar. 277 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,540 This guy's got a guitar right here. 278 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,200 Oh... 279 00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:29,960 - how wonderful. - [CHUCKLES] 280 00:11:33,220 --> 00:11:34,990 Margaret, just calling you back. 281 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,060 Wasn't sure you got the first 16 messages. 282 00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:40,660 I-I really can't wait to meet Kip. 283 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,326 So call me back. 284 00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:44,203 Uh, it's Sid, by the way. 285 00:11:44,220 --> 00:11:46,740 Delacroix, from Shady Meadows. 286 00:11:46,770 --> 00:11:50,180 I really hate to bother you. 287 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:52,240 But I'm supposed to be in the greenroom 288 00:11:52,270 --> 00:11:54,520 with Kip and my friend. 289 00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:55,760 Sorry, hoss. 290 00:11:55,780 --> 00:11:57,540 Only VIPs past this point. 291 00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,440 Yeah. 292 00:11:59,470 --> 00:12:02,070 Well, I don't normally do this, 293 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:05,140 but I am... famous. 294 00:12:05,260 --> 00:12:08,000 Super famous. 295 00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:11,480 So I'll just be going in the G.R. now. 296 00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:14,316 That's what we call the greenroom in the biz. 297 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,720 "The biz" being "the business", and by "the business"... 298 00:12:17,740 --> 00:12:20,180 [CLICKS TONGUE] ... we mean show business. 299 00:12:20,190 --> 00:12:22,420 Hold on. 300 00:12:22,490 --> 00:12:24,080 You're famous? For what? 301 00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,327 Um... 302 00:12:25,450 --> 00:12:27,100 the Star Wars. 303 00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:28,830 You were in Star Wars? 304 00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:31,360 Uh, yeah. 305 00:12:32,670 --> 00:12:36,004 You know that little robot? R2-D2? [CHUCKLES] 306 00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,631 More like R2-Me-2. [CHUCKLES] 307 00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:39,180 It's me. [CHUCKLES] 308 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:42,070 Prove it. Do the voice. 309 00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:44,700 - Well, I don't think that that's really... - Do it. 310 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,760 Beep. Beep, beep, beep, squeebo. 311 00:12:47,770 --> 00:12:48,780 Furby. 312 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,220 Beep. Ooh. Hee, hee, hee. 313 00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:53,120 No. 314 00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:55,565 [IMITATES SHUTTING DOWN] 315 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,680 Okay, fine. 316 00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:01,440 I really hate admitting this, but I am the little boy 317 00:13:01,470 --> 00:13:04,100 from Home Alone. Does this ring a bell? 318 00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:06,535 I'm Ma-curly Curl-kin 319 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:08,820 and I'm home alone, y'all. 320 00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:11,100 Aah! 321 00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:14,209 Look, buddy. I'm gonna say this as nice as I can. 322 00:13:14,220 --> 00:13:16,920 Kip Samgood is banging your wife right now. 323 00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:18,463 My wife? 324 00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:19,720 - Yeah. - Ugh. No, no, no. 325 00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:21,140 It's my friend. 326 00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:24,052 And any moment she's gonna realize she left me out here 327 00:13:24,130 --> 00:13:25,880 and come out here to get me. 328 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:31,259 Vacuum, yeah 329 00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:33,140 [LAUGHS] 330 00:13:39,140 --> 00:13:40,180 HANK: Okay. 331 00:13:40,260 --> 00:13:43,000 Punam, Charlie got to write a song for Kathleen, 332 00:13:43,020 --> 00:13:45,640 but he can't figure out what kind of song she likes. 333 00:13:45,701 --> 00:13:48,035 Now, we reached a compromise, but we just need 334 00:13:48,070 --> 00:13:50,119 a woman's touch to bring it on home. 335 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,860 - All right, Charlie, make it funky. - Okay. 336 00:13:51,957 --> 00:13:55,709 Kathleen 337 00:13:55,790 --> 00:14:00,020 - I'm moody and dark - Ooh! I like it. 338 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,180 We don't need your thoughts till the end of the song, Punam. 339 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,259 Don't interrupt. 340 00:14:04,303 --> 00:14:07,262 Our cell phones are spies 341 00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:09,520 Elvis Presley's alive 342 00:14:09,558 --> 00:14:12,893 But your Protestant booty still shakes 343 00:14:14,355 --> 00:14:18,850 Robots are putting us in a permanent sleep 344 00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:22,402 Your booty keeps my eyes awake 345 00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:25,113 So, I... 346 00:14:25,150 --> 00:14:28,220 Pretty obvious we're about 90% there. 347 00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:31,270 It is moody, it's sexy... 348 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:33,220 - Yeah. - ... and it's religiously conservative, 349 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,270 which I indicated in the song when I said the booty was, 350 00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:38,740 um, Protestant. 351 00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:41,320 Yeah. [CHUCKLES] 352 00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:43,780 That was a really bad song. 353 00:14:45,094 --> 00:14:47,170 But if you're trying to get your girlfriend to break up with you, 354 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,760 it'll definitely work. 355 00:14:50,099 --> 00:14:53,470 So you're really not gonna let me in there? 356 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,380 It's literally my only job. 357 00:14:56,390 --> 00:14:58,740 This was supposed to be the best day of my life. 358 00:14:58,770 --> 00:15:00,840 It's turning out to be the worst. 359 00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:02,700 It's only a greenroom, man. 360 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:05,320 I could bring you out a Bagel Bite. 361 00:15:05,350 --> 00:15:06,988 No, you don't understand. 362 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,380 I came down here to get something 363 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,240 off my chest, my heart. 364 00:15:11,270 --> 00:15:13,829 Maybe you can relay to Kip 365 00:15:13,950 --> 00:15:15,320 what I wrote. 366 00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:17,120 I'm gonna read you this letter. 367 00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,250 Do you have to? 368 00:15:18,330 --> 00:15:20,480 Yes. 369 00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:25,050 "Dear Kip, as a lonely little gay boy 370 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:26,240 "growing up in Texas, 371 00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:27,780 "you were my only friend. 372 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,580 "I was constantly bullied but you taught me 373 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,598 it was okay to be myself." 374 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,059 Damn, man. That was deep. 375 00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,880 You know, when I was a kid, I got teased. 376 00:15:37,930 --> 00:15:39,640 What'd you get teased for? 377 00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:41,960 My high-pitched voice. 378 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,180 Damn. 379 00:15:43,220 --> 00:15:45,810 Puberty hit you like a truck. 380 00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:47,520 You know what? 381 00:15:47,610 --> 00:15:49,120 Maybe I could help you out. 382 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:52,220 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 383 00:15:52,250 --> 00:15:53,739 Steam clean my 384 00:15:53,740 --> 00:15:57,280 Dreams. 385 00:15:57,291 --> 00:15:58,915 - [CLAPPING] - [LAUGHS] 386 00:15:58,950 --> 00:16:00,720 Oh, thank you so much. 387 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,587 That was... well, obviously that was 388 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,400 "Steam Clean My Dreams." [LAUGHS] 389 00:16:05,424 --> 00:16:08,758 Hey. It's getting a little crowded in here. 390 00:16:08,770 --> 00:16:10,677 What do you say we go back to my dressing room 391 00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:13,580 uh, for, I don't know, two to four minutes? 392 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,180 Wait, did you just bring me back here to hook up with me? 393 00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:17,559 No. 394 00:16:17,570 --> 00:16:20,320 I wanted to listen to ten crappy songs about rugs. 395 00:16:20,390 --> 00:16:23,480 You lied about even liking my music, didn't you? 396 00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:26,280 Uh-oh. Have I been naughty? 397 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,000 - Mr. Samgood, I have something... - Clancy, 398 00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,160 how did he get in here? 399 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:34,040 - He, uh, overpowered me? - "Dear Kip, 400 00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,240 - as a lonely little gay boy... " - Oh, 401 00:16:36,270 --> 00:16:39,020 - growing up in Texas... " - I already signed your tambourine, 402 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,200 didn't I? 403 00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:41,900 Found him. In here. 404 00:16:41,910 --> 00:16:43,900 What the hell are you guys doing here? 405 00:16:43,930 --> 00:16:46,220 - Look, I can admit when I'm wrong. - Yeah. 406 00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:47,881 Actually, I can't. Charlie? 407 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,000 Um... we need help writing a song. 408 00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:53,500 Oh, you came to me. [CHUCKLES] 409 00:16:53,550 --> 00:16:55,700 No, we here for Kip. 410 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:57,570 Well, wait a minute. 411 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,360 I am the one who wrote the biggest... 412 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,144 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 413 00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:03,020 Mr. Samgood. 414 00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:05,857 Um, I'm in a pinch. 415 00:17:05,943 --> 00:17:07,420 I need a love song 416 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:08,860 and I need it fast. 417 00:17:08,946 --> 00:17:10,695 Oh, my God. 418 00:17:10,781 --> 00:17:12,614 Okay, first things first. 419 00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:14,640 Clancy, you're clearly fired. 420 00:17:15,661 --> 00:17:18,670 And you... you're just another one of my deranged loser fans. 421 00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:20,320 And I'm tired of looking at you. 422 00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:21,456 Go away. 423 00:17:23,290 --> 00:17:25,600 And you two... I don't know who you are, 424 00:17:25,629 --> 00:17:27,280 but I can't write you a song 425 00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:29,620 because I don't write music. 426 00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:32,676 The whole thing was fake, okay? 427 00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:35,220 You mean your songs were not real? 428 00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:36,580 None of it was real. 429 00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:37,980 Even my name is fake. 430 00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:40,100 You know what my real name is? Greg Napkin. 431 00:17:40,820 --> 00:17:44,180 Well, I can see why they changed that. 432 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,930 You know what? 433 00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:49,559 I can't even believe I fell for your crap. 434 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:53,040 I should sue you over "Bell Bottom of My Heart." 435 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,340 Well, I don't have any money. I bet big on Betamax. 436 00:17:57,220 --> 00:17:58,980 Sid, come on. 437 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,040 I'm sorry I ditched you. Charlie, 438 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,400 I will write you a love song. Let's go. 439 00:18:03,420 --> 00:18:06,140 Hank, go easy on the Bagel Bites. 440 00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:08,295 Say what? Woman, you can't tell me what to do. 441 00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:12,007 Hey. 442 00:18:12,130 --> 00:18:14,080 And as for you, Napkin, 443 00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:16,020 I may have written "Vacuum", 444 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,220 but you suck. 445 00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:29,770 Oh, Sid. 446 00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:32,193 I'm so sorry I abandoned you. 447 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,863 I, uh, I got a little carried away. 448 00:18:34,940 --> 00:18:37,820 - Oh, honey, I forgive you. - [CHUCKLES] 449 00:18:37,868 --> 00:18:40,080 I still can't believe 450 00:18:40,100 --> 00:18:42,410 that Kip was a fake. 451 00:18:42,490 --> 00:18:45,760 But on the bright side, I guess, I made a new friend. 452 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:49,461 Clancy and I are going to a Lil Wayne concert tomorrow. 453 00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:51,630 [BOTH LAUGH] 454 00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:53,640 Oh. Here they come. 455 00:18:53,660 --> 00:18:55,120 I'm so excited to see Charlie 456 00:18:55,140 --> 00:18:57,100 perform the song I wrote for Kathleen. 457 00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:59,400 - Kathleen, have a seat. - Okay. 458 00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:01,680 I've got something I want to say to you. 459 00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:04,017 Hank, can I have my guitar? 460 00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:06,186 - Here it is. Okay. - Thank you. 461 00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:09,064 Okay, darling. This is for you. 462 00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:14,694 Sometimes folks can let you down 463 00:19:14,780 --> 00:19:18,031 Sometimes they do you wrong 464 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:23,399 Like the wife who banged the football star 465 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,660 And the jerk that steals your song 466 00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:31,378 Your hero can be a zero 467 00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:35,423 But even worse than that 468 00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:40,100 Is when your six-month boyfriend 469 00:19:40,820 --> 00:19:44,960 Buys you a Denny's hat. 470 00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:48,561 Here. 471 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,120 Oh. 472 00:19:53,230 --> 00:19:55,740 - I know... - I love it. 473 00:19:55,770 --> 00:19:59,060 This is where we had our first date. 474 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:02,960 Oh. Well, yeah, that-that's why I did it. [CHUCKLES] 475 00:20:02,990 --> 00:20:05,400 - I love it. - [CHUCKLES] 476 00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:09,760 I just love you so. Let's go get that dinner. 477 00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:12,960 Okay. Oh, I just can't wait to see what you get 478 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,840 for our seven-month anniversary. 479 00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:16,756 Damn it. 480 00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:21,740 Their first date was at Denny's? 481 00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:24,440 I'm working way too hard 482 00:20:24,450 --> 00:20:26,550 on my relationship. 483 00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:32,689 Hey, Punam. 484 00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:34,720 You know, riffing with Charlie the other day... 485 00:20:34,740 --> 00:20:36,480 that really lit a fire in me. 486 00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:37,920 But compromising with him 487 00:20:37,940 --> 00:20:41,200 was really dragging me down, so I want to know 488 00:20:41,220 --> 00:20:44,380 what you think of my songwriting abilities untethered. 489 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:45,840 Great, let's hear it. 490 00:20:45,850 --> 00:20:47,078 All right, give me a beat. 491 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:53,120 [BEATBOXING] 492 00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:55,670 Big ass booty up in the sky 493 00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:57,640 Like a vampire in the night 494 00:20:57,670 --> 00:21:00,780 Sliding upstairs like she don't care 495 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,540 That she's messing up my life 496 00:21:02,580 --> 00:21:05,096 - She's messing up my life - Up my life 497 00:21:05,182 --> 00:21:07,640 BOTH: She's messing up my life 498 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,220 She's messing up my life 499 00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:12,900 She's messing up my life 500 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:15,040 Hank, I got to stop you right there. 501 00:21:15,070 --> 00:21:17,150 That song is amazing. 502 00:21:17,235 --> 00:21:19,068 I knew it. [CHUCKLES] 503 00:21:19,100 --> 00:21:21,230 Songwriting is easy. 504 00:21:23,570 --> 00:21:25,440 Lorraine 505 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,880 Lorraine! 506 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:31,310 Lorraine. 507 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:35,500 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 508 00:21:35,550 --> 00:21:40,100 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35855

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