All language subtitles for The Cool Kids s01e18 Sids Ex-Wife.el

All right,
I'm getting my list together

for my annual Costco trip:

cheese doodles, cheese balls,
cheese puffs, cheese curls...

What am I missing?

Cheese.

What would I do without you?

Not have cheese.

Fleetwood Mac!

Oh, this is fun.

Are we just hollering out
band names?

Sugar Ray!

No, no, no. Remember, I got
you, me, and Charlie tickets

to the Fleetwood Mac
farewell tour for tonight.

Oh, yay, so much fun.

I can't go.

My ex-wife Bonnie is coming in
from Texas to meet John.

But I did pay you
for the tickets, didn't I?

-No, you didn't.
-Oh, thank God.

But we're still going,
right, Margaret?

I mean, I lent Christine McVie
a sweater back in 1972.

-I'd like to get it back.
-Well, yes,

we're going. I cleaned out
my daughter's college fund

to pay for these tickets.

I mean, she's 35 years old.

I think that ship has sailed.

Anyway, I'm gonna go check out
the Shady Meadows van,

-and we should be good to go.
-HANK: Uh, sorry, Margaret,

the big van has been checked out
by the big man.

I'm going to Costco.

Ooh, that reminds me.

Here's five dollars.

Would you get me
a hundred pairs of socks? Tube.

But, Hank, this is great.
Sid just bailed.

You can take his ticket
and drive us to Fleetwood Mac.

Fleetwood Mac?
I hate that guy.

It's not a guy, it's a group.

All right.
I hate those guys.

Oh, come on, Hank. Please?

My daughter was conceived
at a Fleetwood Mac concert.

That's why her middle name
is Tusk.

Anyway,
it's their farewell tour,

and they're my favorite band
of all time.

All right,
but we going shopping first.

And I get 80%
of all your free samples.

Okay, 70%. I'm not a monster.

-(phone chimes)
-Oh!

Bonnie is already here.

Oh, I hope she and John
get along.

It may be a rom-com cliché,
but I want my ex-wife

and my boyfriend
to like each other.

There's my little man.

(laughs)

You come here, you munchkin.

Get yourself a face full
of Bonbon.

(Sid grunts)

(screams)

I forgot how much air
I need just to hug you.

(both laugh)

Are those hugs
going around the table?

'Cause I can hold my breath
an awfully long time.

*

MARGARET:
Check me out.

-My Stevie Nicks outfit
still fits. -Whoa.

Course, then again,
I guess blousy witch clothing

-always does.
-(both laugh)

So, are you ready to party?

Oh, yeah, I am.
I got us covered.

I got some weed gummies
and some joints.

-(chuckles): Mm-hmm.
-And some weed gummies

and some joints.

-I started already.
-(laughs)

I'm packing a bunch
of airplane tequila bottles.

It's my last chance
to see Fleetwood Mac

and I am gonna be lit.

All right, before we head out,
I've laid down some ground rules

for the Shady Meadow van.

Since when does the Shady
Meadows van have rules?

Patty Soupkins checks it out
every single week so she

and her boyfriend can have sex
out there in the parking lot.

Well, that may be, but I just
got my van privileges back

after that unfortunate incident

where, through no fault
of my own,

I drove a golf cart through
the wall in the dining hall.

No food in the van.

No drink in the van.

No loud talking in the van.

Come on, Hank. We're going to a
concert, not a church retreat.

Don't ruin this for me.

We should be cutting loose.
Who knows?

I might take my top off and let
the girls breathe. (chuckles)

CHARLIE:
Yeah, come on, Hank, chill out.

You're harshing our buzz.

Nobody should be buzzing
in this van.

Unless y'all plan
on bringing bees.

No bees.

And, uh, definitely no drugs.

My van, my rules.

-Okay, you got it.
-Yeah, we don't...

we don't have anything.
M-Music is our drug.

Don't make me frisk you two.

I will be thorough,
but I will not be gentle.

Okay. Here.

That's all of it.

You are going to love John.

He is so handsome and smart.

He was on Jeopardy! once.

That's right,
front row of the audience.

Well, you keep going on
and on and on about him.

I'm almost just a little bit
extremely jealous.

There he is.

Ooh!

My boyfriend is meeting my wife.

I feel so French.

Bonnie, meet Johnny.

It's so nice to finally
meet you.

Wow! You're a knockout.

I know. Yeah.

-And you're not so bad yourself.
-Thanks.

Isn't he cute?

John just moved back
from a very prestigious job

in Atlanta.

-Ah...
-Tell her

about your prestigious job,
John.

I worked at the CDC
as a caterer.

Oh, I love Atlanta.

Yeah, we, uh, went there
for our anniversary last year.

Wait, you guys still celebrate
your anniversary?

-Every year.
-(chuckles): What?

Yeah, we make a great team.

-Hmm... Ah.
-Yeah, we were cheerleaders together in high school.

I was the base of the pyramid
and he was the top.

I've had a lot of great times
on top of this lady.

-If only!
-(both laugh)

Ah! Oh, oh...

Oh, isn't he hilarious?
Oh, wait, watch this.

Hey, Sid, make a funny face.

(chuckles):
Okay. Uh...

(grunting)

BONNIE (laughing):
Oh, my God,

gold! 24-karat gold!

You guys get along so well
together, it's almost a shame

that you ever got divorced.

Oh, yeah-- well, we're not.
No, we're still married.

I'm sorry, what?

So, I guess...

I'm a little confused.

You two are still married?

Well, define "married."

Being married.

Oh, well, then, yes.

Ooh, you're jealous.

You feel like my mistress.

My dirty little side piece.

Uh, the Marilyn to my JFK.

I am not jealous.

And between the two of us,
you are definitely the Marilyn.

And that is why we work.

Look, I know my relationship
with Bonnie is unconventional,

-but it works for us.
-(groans)

Changing that would hurt her.

I feel I've already
hurt her enough.

-What are you talking about?
-I feel guilty

that I pretended
to be straight for decades.

She thought she was getting G.I.
Joe, but she got Malibu Ken.

Well, don't you think

you're hurting her by keeping
her stuck in the past?

I mean, has she even had
a relationship since you?

Not really. Well, there was
this one really great guy,

but he dumped her when he found
out we were still married.

Oh...

-Oh...
-Sid.

I don't want to force you
to do anything

that you don't want to do.

-But don't you think...
-No, no, no.

You're right.

We should have done this
a long time ago.

I'm gonna ask her for a divorce.

Okay.

You don't happen to have
a helmet, do you?

She's got a Southern temper,
I got a soft head.

What the hell, Hank?

I thought you said it was gonna
be a quick trip to Costco.

That took forever.

We watched you get an eye exam.

Can we at least
turn on some music

-and get this party started?
-HANK: You got it.

(music playing faintly)

Maybe at a volume
that humans can hear?

Oh, sure. I turn the music up,
then I start doing

a little dance
in the front seat.

Next thing you know,
we're plummeting

off a bridge to our death.

And on top of all of that,

I lose my Shady Meadow
van privileges.

This sucks, right?

Big time. We have no tequila,
we have no weed,

we're gonna miss the opening act

'cause Grandpa Moses up there
won't go over 35.

All right, brace yourselves,
everybody.

We may be coming
to a speed bump.

You know, I think I can solve
one of those problems.

I have a... a secret stash
of gummies.

Oh, my God, Charlie,
this is amazing.

A little less amazing that you
pulled it out of your crotch,

but I'm desperate.

Yeah, they should be
nice and warm.

Yeah, they're a little too warm.
Are you okay?

What's going on back there?
Y'all eating?

You know the rules.
No eating in the van.

I am not gonna let him
ruin this night.

Here, Hank, want some candy?

Uh, yeah. Amendment to that
previous rule:

the driver's allowed to eat.
(clears throat)

Especially candy.

Ooh.

It's nice and warm.

But he's driving.

It's one little gummy--
it won't even kick in

till we get there.
(chuckles)

-(sighs)
-Oh, crap.

What is going on
with your feet, Bonnie?

I've never seen a pedicurist
tap out before.

Oh, come on, honey.
You know me.

My toes are
like a carton of eggs.

All 12 went bad
at the same time.

Now, Sid, you said you wanted
to talk to me about something.

What is it?

Why don't we whip up some juleps

and I'll rub
your shoulders first?

(laughs):
Aw...

Are you trying
to knock me up again?

Ha! You, madam, are a card.

And that card, madam,
is the Joker,

which is the funniest
of the cards.

However, you're also my queen.

(chuckles)

Pick a card, any card.

Oh, regardless, you are aces.

Come on, Sid. Spit it out.
I know when you're stalling.

I think we should get a divorce.

Hmm...

Is that a good "hmm"
or a bad "hmm"?

Oh, I think it's a bad "hmm."

You don't want
to be married to me?

Oh, my God, I'm gonna faint.

-The walls are closing in.
-(shatters)

Bonnie, calm down, please.

-Or at least break
some of my cheaper items. -Oh, my God.

Oh!

How can I calm down
when you're trying

to cut me out of your life?

I don't want you out of my life.

-(exclaims) Then why are you
saying all of this? -(item shatters)

Because... because I'm...

John is making me.

John?

BONNIE:
Oh, my God.

I shouldn't have spent
all this money

on this pedicure...

when I'm gonna
break my foot off in his ass.

No, Bonnie, no.

He doesn't even live here,
thank God.

Hey, it's me, John.

(screams)

John told you to divorce me?

-Oh, I'm gonna rip him
limb from limb. -No, no, wait, wait!

I'm on your side!

He does deserve
a good limb-ripping.

But you just got
your nails done.

So why don't you
let me handle it.

You stay put. Stay.

Hey, sweetie.

Oh, so you're coming out here.

Well, I wanted to tell you
the good news...

-What?
-...before we went inside.

I told Bonnie about the divorce.

And she loved it.

She is a big fan of yours,
by the way.

Oh, I think you two are gonna be
so much happier this way.

So much happier.

Oh, she is so...

friggin' happy in there.

-Okay.
-(clicks tongue)

Having said that...

...um, let's not mention
the divorce.

-No?
-I'm worried about her getting too happy.

Okay, um...

yeah, could we, um...

go inside, or, or are we
just hallway people now?

Oh, oh, dude,

we are going in there
so, so soon.

Just give me one sec.

I love you.
Lost a little weight?

Have you?

Welp, I bitched him out.

I told him to mind
his own beeswax.

Long story short, he loved it.

Big fan of yours, by the way.

-Oh...
-Anyhoo.

Guess there's no reason
to talk about the divorce

now that it's been handled,
but just give me one sec.

Oh, and here he comes.
(chuckles)

Just walked right in.
Uh, that's fine.

Little rude.

Sid, your place looks wrecked.

-Oh. His house is wrecked?
-Mm-hmm.

Oh, ironic,
coming from someone like you.

-Whore.
-Oh!

Okay, hold on,
did I do something wrong?

Yeah. You forced him to ask for

a divorce
that he doesn't even want.

-What?
-What are you talking about?

I didn't force him
to do anything.

And this is what he wants.

(high-pitched):
What?!

Well, this is great.

My gummy hasn't kicked in,

the concert is starting,
and we're stuck here

on the side of the road
with this space cadet

who is too high to drive.

Hank, where are the keys?

Have my hands
always been this huge?

I got Hulk-like hands
up in here.

I think I can lift
this submarine.

I'm doing it!

It's not even that heavy.

Did he just say submarine?

Hi, fishy.

Okay, I got this.
I'm gonna talk him down.

Get those keys back.

Back in the day,
I guided John Belushi,

Jimi Hendrix,
and Jim Morrison through

some pretty gnarly waters.

Those people are all dead,
Charlie.

From drug overdoses.

Hey, buddy.

I'm the captain of this vessel.

You will refer to me as "sir."

Well, um... (clears throat)

Here's the deal, sir.

Um, you may have,
through no fault of your own,

ingested some marijuana.

But, luckily, I am here to help.

And the submarine
that you're captaining

is full of snacks.

So if you want to feel better,

-eat something.
-You sure?

Can I get
a depth reading, please?

Hank, we promise, he's right.

Eating is the ticket.

-Okay, I'll eat the tickets.
-N-No!

No, no, no, no.

-No, no, no, no.
-No, no, no.

You're right,
I'm feeling better already.

-(Margaret groans)
-Oh, no.

There you are.

I've been looking
everywhere for you.

Yeah, I came out here
to calm down

and dip my feet in the pool.

But they asked me
to take 'em out.

Can we talk?

This is all my fault.

I should have been
honest with you.

And not hid behind John.

But I don't want
to hurt you anymore.

I feel like I've already
ruined your life.

Is that what you think?

You didn't ruin my life.

You made it great.

You made me laugh every day

and you gave me a perfect son.

He is great.

(chuckles) Thank you
for getting me blackout drunk

-all those years ago.
-Oh.

Well, that's what wives are for.

It makes me so sad that now

you want me out of your life.

No, I don't want that at all.

I want you to be able
to move on.

You are a mega babe.

You could still find
that big love.

I just don't want
to stand in your way.

And I don't want
to stand in your way, either.

I mean, John is great.

And, you know, I-I think...

we really have been just,
you know,

a teensy bit codependent.

Just because we're getting
a divorce doesn't mean

that we won't always be family.

-(Bonnie gasps)
-I love you, Bonbon.

BONNIE:
Aw.

Will you make me

the happiest man in the world

and become my ex-wife?

I will.

-(muffled giggle)
-I will.

(laughs)

(muffled yelping, gasping)

Damn, girl!

Whoo, those are lethal.

You fogged me up.

Well, I guess I'm not gonna get

my sweater back
from Christine McVie.

I'm not gonna get to see
Fleetwood Mac

-for the last time.
-(chuckles)

Well, technically, you did see
them for the last time.

The last time you saw them.

You just didn't know
that was the last time, so...

-This isn't helping, is it?
-No.

It's not just the concert.

Just, we're getting
to the point in our lives

where there are gonna be
a lot of last times.

I guess that's one way
to look at it.

Or you could look at it

as tonight was a night
of first times.

First time we got Hank high.

(chuckling):
First time we bought

a bunch of toilet paper
together.

Um, first time we missed
a concert

because Hank ate the tickets.

You know, we're gonna have
a lot of first times together.

Focus on that.

I can't focus
on anything right now.

Oh, my speech blew your mind?

(laughing):
No, my gummy just kicked in.

Wowza.

-("We Built This City"
by Starship playing) -Charlie, Margaret.

I found some of that
Fleetwood Mac on the radio.

I finally get
why you like that guy.

Wait a minute.
This isn't Fleetwood Mac.

-Oh, let him have it.
-(laughs)

* We built this city *

* We built this city on *

-(straining): * Fleetwood Mac! *
-(Margaret laughs)

* We built this city *

* We built this city
on rock and roll *

* Built this city *

* We built this city *

* On rock and roll *

* We built this city *

* We built this city *

* On rock and roll *

* Built this city *

* We built this city *

* On rock and roll *

* Built this city *

* We built this city *

* On rock and roll *

* Built this city. *

You take good care of my Sid.

Oh, I will, I promise.

And thank you for, you know,

divorcing my boyfriend.

Well, look at these dopeheads.

Did y'all go
a little cuckoo bananas?

Well, I'm wearing a trash bag,
so I think you can guess.

Oh, Margaret, I didn't notice.

I thought for sure
you had worn that before.

All right, everybody.

I'm off to the airport.

Oh, Sid, can you believe it?

I'm a single lady now.

-(Bonnie chuckles)
-Is that right?

Well, if you need a ride,

uh, I got a retirement community
rental van

for another hour.

No, I'm good.

What if I told you
there's a 40-pound block

of cheddar cheese in the back?

I'll see you in the van.

(Hank laughing)

Sid, I love you. Mwah.

-Goodbye, everybody.
-CHARLIE: Bye.

(clears throat)
Is he okay to drive?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's sober now.

Which will only make
the rejection harder.

Poor Hank.

Trying to please a woman
who's already had the best.

Where is he going?

That's pretty good.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

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