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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,741 Hank, if your neck is so sore all the time, 2 00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:09,743 why don't you just buy a new mattress? 3 00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,245 Who am I, Warren Buffet? 4 00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:12,980 I'm on a fixed income. 5 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,817 I can't just be buying a new mattress every 25 years. 6 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,220 Yeah, I get all my mattresses from the street. 7 00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:22,323 Sometimes they even come with a free raccoon. 8 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,358 All right, Hank, I'm just gonna very gently... 9 00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:25,893 -Okay, now... Whoa! -(bones crack) 10 00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:27,695 Oh! You demon! 11 00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:30,731 Wait a minute. Wow. You fixed it. 12 00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:33,201 -CHARLIE: Oh. -Nice work, demon. -Mm. 13 00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:35,035 Well, Sid. 14 00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:36,704 -Ah. -I'm off to Milan 15 00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,339 for a week... again. 16 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:41,775 Listen, I have some rather fickle ficus. 17 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:45,079 You sure you can handle watering my plants while I'm gone? 18 00:00:45,113 --> 00:00:48,015 I know you poors don't like to work. 19 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,783 SID: You know it. 20 00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:52,220 Everybody, this is Edie. 21 00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:55,289 She lives over in Shady Meadows West, 22 00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:57,391 where the rich people live. 23 00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:59,260 I wandered over there once, 24 00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:02,596 and Edie was kind enough to escort me out. 25 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:04,064 Here's the key. 26 00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:07,067 Be sure to remove your shoes on the rug. 27 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:10,738 And I must insist you sit when you urinate. 28 00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:13,274 Ooh, do we stand when we do number two? 29 00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,610 Oh, forget I said that. 30 00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:18,612 Uh, uh, don't you worry. 31 00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:23,151 I'm going to treat your fickle fici as if they were my own. 32 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,085 See that you do. 33 00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:26,687 Toodily oodily. 34 00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,658 Gee, I hope they let her through security 35 00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:32,726 with that stick up her butt. 36 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,996 Sid, why would you do anything for that snobby woman? 37 00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:40,000 Any other stupid questions, stupid? 38 00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:44,605 Sorry. 39 00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:47,375 Living the high life is getting to me. 40 00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:51,145 Oh, it's plastic. 41 00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,549 * 42 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:18,206 Wow. So this is how the other half lives. 43 00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:20,708 Two bed, two bath. Washer, dryer. 44 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:23,944 Yeah. Now I don't have to get glared at 45 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,647 by Meredith McDougle in the laundry room. 46 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,982 The woman is there every day, 47 00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:30,851 yet her clothes are always dirty. 48 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,454 What are you washing, Meredith?! 49 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,489 Ooh-wee! 50 00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:39,460 Ooh, this massage chair is working my neck out. 51 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,462 And my butt! 52 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,497 Oh! Thattagirl! 53 00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:46,534 Work that booty. 54 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:49,203 MARGARET: Look at that crappy apartment down there 55 00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:51,171 with the two-cent window treatments. 56 00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:53,674 What... what kind of an animal lives there? 57 00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,576 Oh. 58 00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,845 I think that's actually my place. 59 00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,381 This kitchen is great. I love to cook. 60 00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:03,551 Reminds me of my days as a chef on a wagon train. 61 00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,987 Frontierland at Disney World. 62 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,257 Cookie, anyone? 63 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,924 -Yeah, sure. -(Hank groans) -Wow. 64 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:13,261 -This is the life. -Mmm. 65 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:15,229 MARGARET: Holy crap, Charlie. 66 00:03:15,263 --> 00:03:16,664 These are really good. 67 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,999 -I had no idea you bake. -Thanks. 68 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:22,903 Yeah, I like to get stoned and just let my creativity run wild. 69 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,572 Sometimes it leads to baking, 70 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,607 and sometimes it leads to, uh... 71 00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:30,444 What were we talking about? 72 00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,514 Okay. Fast. 73 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,383 Oh, fast. 74 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:38,252 Wait a minute. I don't think I feel comfortable with this. 75 00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:39,920 Hold up. 76 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,922 Yes, I do. 77 00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,959 If this ever goes to trial, 78 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:48,529 I'm a witness for the chair. 79 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,764 You know what, Charlie? You could make some decent money 80 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:52,400 -selling these cookies. -Oh, Charlie, 81 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:54,868 you'd be adorable selling cookies. 82 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:57,738 Like a stoned, wrinkly Girl Scout. 83 00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:01,475 What am I saying? That would be terrifying. 84 00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:04,077 Yeah, I appreciate it, guys, but no. 85 00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,414 No, cooking is just a hobby I picked up 86 00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:08,782 when I retired, like, uh... 87 00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:13,120 Like, what-what are we talking about? 88 00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,556 Ben and Jerry started as a fun hobby, too, 89 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,090 and look at them now. 90 00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:20,594 Yeah, I don't care about your other friends. 91 00:04:20,628 --> 00:04:22,663 You guys like this place, right? 92 00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,798 It's only $1,000 a month more. 93 00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:27,000 I mean, if we could turn Charlie's Cookies 94 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,637 into a real business-- which I know how to do-- 95 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:32,272 we could all be living in Shady Meadows West. 96 00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:36,009 I mean, isn't this what we want our retirement to look like? 97 00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:38,512 I've always wanted to be a snob. 98 00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:42,350 I so seldom get to look down on people. 99 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:45,353 I could use the spare money to buy a nice mattress. 100 00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:47,355 I mean, if I keep lying on mine, 101 00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:49,690 I won't be able to turn my neck to the left. 102 00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,325 How am I gonna watch tennis? 103 00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:52,860 I'll be all like... 104 00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:56,830 (grunting) 105 00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:59,667 What do you say, Charlie? They're your cookies. 106 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,770 Well, you know, we didn't retire to retire from retirement. 107 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,373 If we retired to make money for our retirement, 108 00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,675 then you're not retiring from your retirement. 109 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,142 You have to retire your retirement 110 00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:12,279 to retire, and that's tiring. 111 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,848 Look, Charlie, all you have to do 112 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,784 is get baked and bake. 113 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:19,353 I have always dreamed of running my own business. 114 00:05:19,387 --> 00:05:21,054 I will handle everything else. 115 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,490 I don't think so. 116 00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,658 Your weed would be a business write-off. 117 00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:25,693 I'm in. 118 00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:35,536 Now, if you will turn to page 14 in your packets, 119 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:38,639 you will see that our marginal costs are gonna start 120 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,808 -to decline right here... -SID: As will our lives 121 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:44,211 if you don't stop talking! 122 00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:47,080 Seriously, Margaret, you said this would be fun. 123 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:51,385 I have never had less fun in my life, and I was a P.O.W. 124 00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:54,221 At least there, they played music. 125 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,156 Okay, guys, we're putting in a little work now 126 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,258 so that we can have a lot of fun later. 127 00:05:58,291 --> 00:05:59,993 We need a professional oven like Edie's 128 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,562 if we're gonna make enough cookies 129 00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:03,230 to get this company off the ground, 130 00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,566 -and we only have a week before she gets back home. -(Hank fake-snoring) 131 00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,768 (laughs) 132 00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,236 Margaret, here's where you went wrong. 133 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:11,371 See, you made pie charts 134 00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:12,873 when you should've made cookie charts 135 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,608 made out of real cookies. 136 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:17,678 That way, when you're talking, we can be eating bites 137 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,448 that represent the profits and losses. 138 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,382 Get in there, Hank. Save her. 139 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:25,385 Oh, looks like I need to come in here and take charge. 140 00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:28,388 All right, so, uh, first of all, you don't run a business 141 00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:31,391 with all this old nerd stuff. You got to use your gut. 142 00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:34,428 Mm. Well, you definitely have me beat in the gut department. 143 00:06:34,462 --> 00:06:36,296 What do you know about business? 144 00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:39,199 You were a meter reader for the gas company. 145 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,801 Margaret, I was in sales. 146 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,970 How is reading meters sales? 147 00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,605 Well, I had to sell the idea 148 00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:46,774 of a black man coming on white folks' property. 149 00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:49,710 If I can sell that, cookies will be a piece of cake. 150 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,545 Ooh, we should sell cake. 151 00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:53,080 And doughnuts, too! 152 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,048 -And wallets. -MARGARET: What? 153 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:58,619 No. No, Charlie's Cookies should only be selling cookies. 154 00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:01,822 Look, you guys, I have been through this whole thing before. 155 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,323 My ex-husband Kenny and I ran 156 00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:05,459 a seafood distribution company for years. 157 00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:07,294 And that applies to cakes, 158 00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:11,131 doughnuts and wallets how? 159 00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:13,433 He didn't listen to me, either, 160 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,836 and that's why our company crashed and burned. 161 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:19,439 Wasn't for him, I'd be the shrimp queen of Pensacola. 162 00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:21,909 While we're bringing up painful memories, 163 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:24,878 "shrimp queen" is really triggering for me. 164 00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:30,417 Anyway, I am not gonna watch another company fail 165 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,686 just because a man is too stubborn to listen. 166 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,255 I will be running Charlie's Cookies. 167 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,825 So, you get to be in charge just 'cause you married a moron? 168 00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,627 What kind of sense does that make? 169 00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,430 It's called "Charlie's Cookies." 170 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,999 Okay, so I think it's pretty obvious 171 00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:48,869 who should be running it. Hank. 172 00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:52,439 Can't argue with that logic. 173 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,341 You guys want extra money, right? 174 00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,109 Hank, you want that new mattress. 175 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,978 Sid, you want the high life. 176 00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,681 Charlie, we know you want the high life. 177 00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:03,350 I'm the one that can lead us down that path to success. 178 00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:05,052 Now, I know the charts and the graphs... 179 00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:07,955 Oh, she's boring us again! I vote for Hank! 180 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,357 -Me, too. -Guys... 181 00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:11,992 How about you, Margaret? What's your vote? 182 00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:14,127 Never mind! Doesn't matter! Hank's in charge. 183 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,830 First order of business: let's go swimming. 184 00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,198 All right! 185 00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:27,741 1,000 cookies by Friday. 186 00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:30,243 Absolutely, no problem. We can make that happen. 187 00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,145 Thank you. 188 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:35,148 You guys, I just landed a huge order. 189 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,217 It's a big resort in Sedona. 190 00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:38,586 Could we now please admit 191 00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,854 that I am the one who should be in charge? 192 00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:42,856 Nope. But listen to this. 193 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:46,026 Charlie's got an idea for a chocolate chip cookie 194 00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:49,563 where all the chips are little bitty cookies. 195 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:55,936 We're gonna be so frigging rich. 196 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,905 (chuckles) Oh, you know what? 197 00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,406 Forget about a mattress. 198 00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:01,241 I'm gonna buy a waterbed, 199 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,276 and I'm gonna fill it full of champagne. 200 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,713 Hank, don't be spending money before you got it. 201 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:08,381 That's just about the most foolish thing you can do. 202 00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:11,585 Guess who's been spending their balls off. 203 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:14,622 MARGARET: Wha...? 204 00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:17,190 Where are the groceries I asked you to buy? 205 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,459 And why are you dressed like a Build-A-Bear? 206 00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:22,930 Why are you dressed like the manager at a pumpkin patch? 207 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:27,635 We can both be mean, Margaret. 208 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:30,070 Who wears a fur in Arizona? 209 00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:32,072 If I'm gonna live in Shady Meadows West, 210 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:34,307 I got to look the part. 211 00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:37,277 What part is that? The oldest Ewok? 212 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,247 How did you afford all of this? 213 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,617 I set us up a corporate credit card, silly. 214 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,252 The company pays for it. 215 00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,154 We are the company. 216 00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:51,291 We have got to hustle if we're gonna fill this order 217 00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:52,926 before Edie gets home. 218 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,662 This is a golden opportunity, guys. 219 00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:56,296 Come on, let's get to work. 220 00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:58,398 Whoa, Margaret, calm down. 221 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,634 You seem a little emotional. 222 00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:03,503 (chuckles) Don't worry about it. I got this. 223 00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:06,674 You're right. I am being a little emotional. 224 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,776 Typical woman, right? 225 00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,310 -(Margaret chuckles) -You get it. 226 00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:12,846 Oh, she gets it. Yeah. 227 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,614 Hank, as long as you're in charge, 228 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:18,351 would you mind if I ran out and got all of the supplies 229 00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:21,822 that Sid forgot and maybe have myself a... a good cry? 230 00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:23,657 I approve that. 231 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:26,794 Have fun. 232 00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,496 Finally. 233 00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:32,599 Now maybe we can get some work done. 234 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,301 (mouths) 235 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,306 Hank, if we're gonna get rich off this thing, 236 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:40,808 we need a jingle. 237 00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,209 I'm thinking something like... 238 00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:43,711 * Lookee, lookee * 239 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,979 * Charlie's got a cookie. * 240 00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,448 All right, sing that song again. Let me put some stank on it. 241 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,350 * Lookee, lookee * 242 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,619 * Charlie's got a cookie * 243 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,454 BOTH: * Lookee, lookee * 244 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:57,457 * Charlie's got a cookie. * 245 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,659 -Well, that's done. -Mm. 246 00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:04,698 That's my boss. 247 00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:10,070 Hey, Charlie. 248 00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,905 I'm glad you're alone. 249 00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:15,909 Aren't we all really, at the end of the day? 250 00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:18,411 Yeah, things got a little heated there earlier, 251 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,814 so, uh, I brought over a little peace offering. 252 00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,816 -Ooh. -(chuckles) 253 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:26,519 This is a strain called "Nipple of the Gods." 254 00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:29,422 It is grown just outside of Humboldt. 255 00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:33,193 I don't need the whole story, J.K. Rowling. Just spark it up. 256 00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:37,731 -HANK, SID and CHARLIE: * Lookee, lookee * -(clapping) 257 00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:40,167 * Charlie's got a cookie * 258 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,270 * Lookee, lookee, Charlie's got a cookie. * 259 00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,372 That's the best one yet. 260 00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:48,876 I think that four-hour rehearsal we had today really helped. 261 00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:51,511 I've just got to quadruple-check. 262 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,546 It's a "no" on my choreography? 263 00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:54,714 Yeah. 264 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,619 Wait a minute. What is going on here? 265 00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:02,923 -Every table is eating our cookies. -SID: Wow. 266 00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,925 -Uh, hey, baby, where'd you get these from? -Oh. 267 00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,761 A red-haired woman sold those to us, 268 00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:12,399 and Susan wouldn't buy any, and she called her the "B" word. 269 00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:14,701 -Margaret. -Yes, that's it. 270 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,304 That's funny, because when she came over the other night, 271 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,773 -she didn't mention anything about this. -Wait. Hold up. 272 00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:22,810 -She came to see you? -(chuckling): Yeah, it was fun. 273 00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,311 She got me really stoned, 274 00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,046 and she brought out these legal documents 275 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,481 and challenged me to a signature contest, and I... 276 00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,951 -Oh, geez. -Margaret. 277 00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:34,021 But who won the contest? 278 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,558 Margaret! 279 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,928 Margaret, open up the door right now! 280 00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:43,296 Everything okay, Hank? 281 00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:45,966 Because you sound really emotional. 282 00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:48,101 What is going on in here? 283 00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,569 Well, I'm running a successful business 284 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,271 the way I always wanted to. 285 00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:54,641 Hard-working employees, breaks to call grandkids, 286 00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,810 orders being fulfilled on time, 287 00:12:56,844 --> 00:13:00,914 and a business plan that does not involve miniature furs. 288 00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:03,183 This is a youth large. 289 00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:06,319 Blah, blah, blah. 290 00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:09,356 This doesn't change the fact that you stole this business. 291 00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:12,625 I did not steal it. I bought it fair and square. 292 00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,527 How can it be fair when you tricked me? 293 00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:16,696 I did not trick you. You gave me the recipe. 294 00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:19,132 You said I could buy the company for a dollar. 295 00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,001 I said I didn't have a dollar. 296 00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:23,837 You said, "Good enough." You gave me the company. 297 00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:25,705 Does sound kind of familiar, Hank. 298 00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:27,307 Yeah, well, screw that. 299 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,476 We gonna find our own cookie buyers. 300 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,811 And I know real fat people, Margaret. 301 00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:34,114 Come on, y'all. Let's go get some supplies. 302 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,983 Yeah, well, about those supplies. 303 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:38,285 We don't have any money left. 304 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:42,722 Somebody maxed out our company credit card. 305 00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:44,992 It was your boy. 306 00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:47,861 -Damn it, Sid! -Well, it wasn't just me. 307 00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:51,664 You should see how much Charlie has blown on weed. 308 00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:55,335 We got somebody on the payroll named Dank Steve. 309 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:58,071 You know, I've been biting my tongue on this all week, 310 00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,740 but, uh... he prefers Dank Steven. 311 00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:06,313 You know, guys, I couldn't help but overhear that you suck, 312 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,215 and you've run your company 313 00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:10,050 into the ground, and you have no money. 314 00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:13,053 -We did not say that we suck. -Oh, it was implied. 315 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:16,056 Anyway, I'm looking for some extra hands in the kitchen 316 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,158 if you're interested in working for me. 317 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:21,028 Over our dead bodies will we humiliate ourselves 318 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:23,763 -by bending the knee to your... -CHARLIE: You know, Hank, 319 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,733 she does sound like she knows what she's doing. 320 00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:30,670 Yeah, Hank. We all want that Shady Meadows West life, but... 321 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,205 -Yeah. -I don't see it happening 322 00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:34,074 with you at the helm. 323 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:36,109 I'm with Margaret now. 324 00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:37,377 Yeah, me, too. 325 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,878 You bunch of betrayers. 326 00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:41,949 I hope you know this means war. Cookie war! 327 00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:44,351 Good luck trying to sell something without a jingle. 328 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,387 Oh, you mean the jingle that Charlie sold to me? Ladies? 329 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,722 * Lookee, lookee * 330 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,724 * Margaret's got a cookie. * 331 00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:54,061 Damn, damn, damn! 332 00:14:57,797 --> 00:14:59,132 Great job, team. 333 00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:00,567 We're gonna have these cookies done 334 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,969 with time to spare. 335 00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,370 Sid, you're killing it, 336 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,305 but you need to take that fur coat off, 337 00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:08,942 or else cover your entire body with a hair net. 338 00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:10,810 Oh, I'll just take it off. 339 00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:13,913 I do not know how Russian prostitutes 340 00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:16,183 get anything done in these. 341 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:20,220 Guys, we have got a huge problem. 342 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:21,888 The oven is not working. 343 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,591 That's 'cause I just turned the gas off. 344 00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:29,396 Never mess with a retired meter reader, baby. 345 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,165 Well, that is pretty stupid, even for you, Hank. 346 00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:34,667 I will just turn the gas back on. 347 00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,136 You don't know how. Ha! 348 00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,438 Isn't it just a little valve 349 00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:40,440 that you turn counterclockwise? 350 00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,313 Maybe. 351 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,416 But sometimes you need a wrench. 352 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,584 You got a wrench, Margaret? 353 00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,953 We could just call 24-hour maintenance. 354 00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:57,190 This is Shady Meadows West. They actually show up. 355 00:15:57,224 --> 00:15:59,326 Shut up, Sid. 356 00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,161 Everybody is turning against me. 357 00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:03,696 I lost the company, I lost my friends. 358 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,098 What is next? 359 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,699 Hank, you can have all of that back 360 00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,435 if you will just listen to me. 361 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,971 Well, that sounds like a good idea... on opposite day! 362 00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:16,643 I will never listen to anything you have to say. 363 00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:18,378 I am taking this company back. 364 00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:21,114 Oh, you wouldn't know what to do with it. 365 00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:22,682 You're a meter maid! 366 00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,717 (gasps) 367 00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:28,288 Meter man. Meter man. 368 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:31,891 Oh... (chuckles) Is that supposed to impress me? 369 00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:34,994 Your job was wandering around neighborhoods in shorts. 370 00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:39,066 Pleated shorts! Pleated dress shorts! 371 00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,534 They're the half pants of kings. 372 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,640 Well... so, how you gonna make cookies now, 373 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:50,009 now that you don't have any flour? 374 00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:51,644 That is sugar, Hank. 375 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:55,382 So... now you gonna get ants. 376 00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:58,885 And-and how you gonna sell all these cookies 377 00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:02,222 if you can't find them? (screams) 378 00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:06,926 Oh, I'll save the cookies for... Ah! Hot, hot, hot, hot tray! 379 00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:09,329 -Oops. -Oh! 380 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,830 -Sorry. My bad. -(yells) 381 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,500 Oh, you are such a baby! 382 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:16,369 (gasps) Would a baby ever do this? (grunts) 383 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,872 (shouting) 384 00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:23,243 CHARLIE: Hey! Look at yourselves. 385 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,112 This was supposed to be fun, 386 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,247 and now you're tearing at each other's throats. 387 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,882 -And for what? -(chair vibrating) 388 00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:33,553 A little extra money? 389 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,955 -You can't enjoy cookies... -Oh! 390 00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:37,390 ...without a little milk! 391 00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:38,725 -Stop it! -(laughing wildly) 392 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,127 Stop it! 393 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,795 What the hell is the matter with you?! 394 00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:46,233 I told you how important this was to me, and you ruined it! 395 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,034 Why?! Why, Hank? 396 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,237 Because I did something you couldn't do? 397 00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:53,506 -What's that, have babies? -There's that, too! 398 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:02,582 Can somebody show me how to turn this thing off? 399 00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:15,061 Boy, she's working that ball pretty hard. 400 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,830 Should we wait till she tires out a little? 401 00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,666 No, let's get right to it. 402 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,901 Charlie, you go in first. You've seen combat. 403 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,571 Uh, you don't survive by going in first. 404 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,273 All right. 405 00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:29,909 Hey, girl. How's your day going? 406 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,944 Go away. I'm busy. 407 00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:33,846 Uh, listen, 408 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,616 I'm not very good at apologies, so, um... 409 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:39,018 we cool? 410 00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:41,754 What Hank means to say 411 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:44,424 is that he's sorry. That's what you mean to say, 412 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,626 Hank, right? I don't want to put words in your mouth, 413 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:49,762 but you tell Margaret you're sorry right now. 414 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:53,366 I'll say I'm sorry when I'm ready. 415 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,968 All right, I'm ready. 416 00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:59,206 So, um, I'm not good with apologies, 417 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,708 -but I was watching that show, uh, This Is Us. -Yeah. 418 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:05,345 And the black dude on the show would say, uh... 419 00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:09,182 I can kind of be a jerk when people tell me what to do. 420 00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:11,351 Especially when they're right. 421 00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,286 Well, I-I'm kind of the same way. 422 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:14,854 Except I'm usually right, 423 00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:17,724 so it's not that big of a problem for me. 424 00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,559 Hey, Tom, don't be petty. 425 00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:23,396 No? 426 00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:25,998 Look, guys... 427 00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,567 when I watched my ex-husband 428 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,302 run our business into the ground, 429 00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:32,839 I swore I would never let a man steamroll me again. 430 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:36,175 I mean, I love hanging out with you guys, but I'm... 431 00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:38,044 sick of being condescended to. 432 00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:39,812 I'm sick of being ignored, 433 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,348 -I'm sick of being... -Margaret... 434 00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:44,217 I'm sick of being interrupted. 435 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:48,187 It's not the 1950s, you guys. 436 00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:50,690 Times have changed, and you have to change, too. 437 00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:53,326 I'm not saying you have to agree with me all the time, 438 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,362 but I need to be heard. 439 00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:57,564 Well, Margaret, you know what they say. 440 00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:00,500 Men are from Mars, and women are from... 441 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,669 Well, my mother was from Philadelphia, 442 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,771 -but she grew up in a small... -Charlie. Charlie. 443 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,908 We were stupid to not listen to you. 444 00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:12,579 Yeah, and if your ex didn't listen to you, he's stupid, too. 445 00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:15,615 You know, if we all pitch in, 446 00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:18,418 it's not too late to finish that cookie order. 447 00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,788 What do you say, boss? 448 00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:26,225 What do I say? What do I say? 449 00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:29,362 * Lookee, lookee * 450 00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:31,798 * We got us a cookie * 451 00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,633 ALL: * Lookee, lookee * 452 00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:35,935 * We got us a cookie * 453 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,570 * Lookee, lookee * 454 00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,406 * We got us a cookie * 455 00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:40,807 * Lookee, lookee * 456 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,609 * We got us a cookie * 457 00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:45,712 -Remix! -(all whooping) 458 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,046 * Lookee, lookee, lookee... * 459 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,848 Hey. (mutters) 460 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:53,185 What the hell did you do to my apartment? 461 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,656 Edie, you're home early. (chuckles) 462 00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,190 How was Mulan? 463 00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:02,128 I'm gonna be honest with you. 464 00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:04,631 Edie, I completely forgot 465 00:21:04,664 --> 00:21:08,167 to water your plants. 466 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,937 Feel free to help yourself to some cookies. (chuckles) 467 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:15,074 And if you find any change in this chair, it's mine. 468 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:18,110 ALL: * Lookee, lookee * 469 00:21:18,144 --> 00:21:20,179 -* We got us a cookie * -(whooping) 470 00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:21,781 * Lookee, lookee * 471 00:21:21,814 --> 00:21:23,816 * We got us a cookie * 472 00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:25,352 * Lookee, lookee * 473 00:21:25,385 --> 00:21:27,286 * We got us a cookie. * 474 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,321 That's pretty good. 475 00:21:30,323 --> 00:21:32,291 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 476 00:21:32,341 --> 00:21:36,891 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35440

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