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1
00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:08,827
- Happy wedding day, girl!
- Thanks.
2
00:00:08,896 --> 00:00:11,241
I've dreamt about this day
my whole life,
3
00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:14,586
and I can't wait to spend it
getting ready with all of you.
4
00:00:14,655 --> 00:00:18,482
I don't have any siblings due
to my mom's corn silo accident,
5
00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:21,655
but I've got you.
Thanks for being here for me.
6
00:00:21,724 --> 00:00:24,827
- Here's something old.
- Oh.
7
00:00:27,413 --> 00:00:30,137
- I made them from
petrified owl pellets.
8
00:00:30,206 --> 00:00:31,206
- Thank you.
9
00:00:31,275 --> 00:00:32,655
- Here's something new.
10
00:00:32,724 --> 00:00:35,068
You've had the same tube
of Carmex since I met you
11
00:00:35,137 --> 00:00:37,655
five years ago.
It's unsettling.
12
00:00:37,724 --> 00:00:39,448
- Thanks.
13
00:00:43,275 --> 00:00:44,758
[sniffs]
14
00:00:44,827 --> 00:00:49,586
- Uh, I wasn't aware there'd
be gifts since I was not
15
00:00:49,655 --> 00:00:51,655
on the email chain because
I'm not a bridesmaid,
16
00:00:51,724 --> 00:00:55,068
but, uh...
17
00:00:55,137 --> 00:00:57,379
Here,
something borrowed.
18
00:00:57,448 --> 00:01:00,068
It's Tiffany's,
hence the borrowed.
19
00:01:00,137 --> 00:01:01,448
I will need that back.
20
00:01:01,517 --> 00:01:03,965
- And here's something blue.
- Oh.
21
00:01:04,034 --> 00:01:05,827
- [laughs]
22
00:01:05,896 --> 00:01:08,827
- Is this lubricant?
23
00:01:08,896 --> 00:01:11,551
- Yeah.
- But it's not blue.
24
00:01:11,620 --> 00:01:13,931
- It's for something blue.
25
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,241
Hot Dad's balls.
26
00:01:17,448 --> 00:01:19,586
[Raphael Lake's "Teach Ya"]
27
00:01:19,655 --> 00:01:21,896
- ♪ Teach ya ♪
28
00:01:21,965 --> 00:01:23,310
♪ Go ♪
29
00:01:23,379 --> 00:01:25,103
- Wow.
30
00:01:25,172 --> 00:01:26,517
Look at these.
31
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,862
- I was still feeling sad
about not being chosen
32
00:01:28,931 --> 00:01:31,241
as a bridesmaid,
but seeing your dresses
33
00:01:31,310 --> 00:01:33,000
makes me feel much better.
34
00:01:33,068 --> 00:01:36,241
- Get out of my way.
- Look who's here.
35
00:01:36,310 --> 00:01:37,517
[all screaming]
36
00:01:37,586 --> 00:01:40,379
- Meemaw, you made it!
37
00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:44,344
- [laughs]
- Love is patient.
38
00:01:44,413 --> 00:01:46,793
Love is kind.
- No, Mom.
39
00:01:46,862 --> 00:01:48,827
No, not yet.
- Love is patient.
40
00:01:48,896 --> 00:01:51,206
- No, the wedding's not
for a few hours, Mom.
41
00:01:51,275 --> 00:01:52,931
- Love is kind.
42
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,551
- It's a tradition that my
mother reads from 1 Corinthians
43
00:01:54,620 --> 00:01:55,758
at family weddings.
44
00:01:55,827 --> 00:01:57,448
- This might be
her last wedding,
45
00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:59,862
so it's so special that
she's here to do the reading.
46
00:01:59,931 --> 00:02:04,068
Meemaw, I wanna introduce you
to the most important woman
47
00:02:04,137 --> 00:02:06,931
in my entire life,
Chelsea Snap,
48
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,965
and my other friends too.
49
00:02:09,034 --> 00:02:11,551
Chelsea, would you mind
watching Meemaw
50
00:02:11,620 --> 00:02:13,000
while we get ready?
51
00:02:13,068 --> 00:02:14,448
[quirky music]
52
00:02:14,517 --> 00:02:16,344
- I'm so sorry,
but I can't.
53
00:02:16,413 --> 00:02:19,344
I'm allergic to whatever it is
that makes old people smell
54
00:02:19,413 --> 00:02:21,758
the way they do.
55
00:02:21,827 --> 00:02:24,758
- I'd love to help,
but as the attendant,
56
00:02:24,827 --> 00:02:28,137
I'll be too busy organizing
the towlettes for the bathroom.
57
00:02:28,206 --> 00:02:30,310
♪ ♪
58
00:02:30,379 --> 00:02:34,931
- Can you?
- Okay, Meemaw.
59
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,413
Looks like it's you
and me today.
60
00:02:37,482 --> 00:02:38,758
[all laugh]
61
00:02:38,827 --> 00:02:42,379
Just let me know whatever
it is you need.
62
00:02:42,448 --> 00:02:44,241
All right.
63
00:02:44,310 --> 00:02:46,034
- Mom.
- Yes?
64
00:02:46,103 --> 00:02:47,689
- Why don't you come with me
65
00:02:47,758 --> 00:02:49,551
so I can show you the finishing
touches they put on my dress?
66
00:02:49,620 --> 00:02:52,413
- So where is Cecelia?
Did she go pick up the rings?
67
00:02:52,482 --> 00:02:54,862
- Yes, but since
it's the last day
68
00:02:54,931 --> 00:02:56,448
of teacher contract
negotiations,
69
00:02:56,517 --> 00:02:57,965
she stopped by the protest.
70
00:02:58,034 --> 00:03:01,482
- Salary cuts.
We won't take it, so don't ask.
71
00:03:01,551 --> 00:03:02,689
All: We won't take it,
so don't ask.
72
00:03:02,758 --> 00:03:05,827
- Yeah!
We won't take it up the ass!
73
00:03:05,896 --> 00:03:07,655
all: We won't take it
up the ass!
74
00:03:07,724 --> 00:03:10,965
- No, no, no, no!
That's not what I said!
75
00:03:11,034 --> 00:03:12,275
I did not say that!
76
00:03:12,344 --> 00:03:14,551
- I can't believe Cecelia's
late as a bridesmaid.
77
00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:16,862
It's like,
have some respect for your job.
78
00:03:16,931 --> 00:03:19,068
- Speaking of, listen up,
bridesmaids.
79
00:03:19,137 --> 00:03:21,241
Because I'm the most snatched
maid of honor ever--
80
00:03:21,310 --> 00:03:24,517
hashtag fact not fiction--
I booked an esthetician
81
00:03:24,586 --> 00:03:26,689
to pamper us.
- Wow, thanks, Chelsea.
82
00:03:26,758 --> 00:03:28,724
- I said bridesmaids.
83
00:03:28,793 --> 00:03:29,793
Who wants to go first?
84
00:03:29,862 --> 00:03:32,172
Okay, fine, I'll go.
[laughs]
85
00:03:32,241 --> 00:03:33,896
Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay!
86
00:03:33,965 --> 00:03:35,517
- She's such a beast.
87
00:03:35,586 --> 00:03:37,379
[dramatic music]
88
00:03:37,448 --> 00:03:39,000
- Where's Meemaw?
89
00:03:39,068 --> 00:03:42,000
[rock music]
90
00:03:42,068 --> 00:03:43,551
♪ ♪
91
00:03:43,620 --> 00:03:45,310
- Hey, there he is.
- Hey.
92
00:03:45,379 --> 00:03:46,896
- [laughs]
The big guy himself.
93
00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:48,793
- Pastor Ted.
94
00:03:50,310 --> 00:03:51,517
[chuckles]
95
00:03:52,793 --> 00:03:55,103
Okay, well, I'm--I'm gonna
start getting ready.
96
00:03:55,172 --> 00:03:56,551
- Nope.
97
00:03:56,620 --> 00:03:58,965
They're exterminating in there.
It's very unsafe.
98
00:03:59,034 --> 00:04:00,068
But don't worry,
99
00:04:00,137 --> 00:04:01,793
you can use my office
to get dressed.
100
00:04:01,862 --> 00:04:03,517
- Oh, that's okay,
I can just use the bathroom.
101
00:04:03,586 --> 00:04:08,586
- Nope, the stalls in there
are too small.
102
00:04:08,655 --> 00:04:10,551
Too hard to get
legs into pants.
103
00:04:10,620 --> 00:04:11,551
It's gonna need
to be my office.
104
00:04:11,620 --> 00:04:12,620
Come with me.
Come on.
105
00:04:12,689 --> 00:04:13,896
Come on, this way.
This way.
106
00:04:13,965 --> 00:04:15,000
Please.
107
00:04:19,482 --> 00:04:20,482
[both shout]
108
00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:22,034
Oh, sorry, I wasn't clear.
109
00:04:22,103 --> 00:04:24,586
I need to use this room
as well to change so...
110
00:04:25,758 --> 00:04:27,344
[rock music]
111
00:04:27,413 --> 00:04:29,000
- Meemaw?
112
00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:31,172
- She can barely walk.
How far could she have gotten?
113
00:04:31,241 --> 00:04:34,448
- Two summers ago, I saw
June Squip in a Zumba class.
114
00:04:34,517 --> 00:04:37,551
Old women can be
deceptively spry.
115
00:04:37,620 --> 00:04:39,896
- Meemaw?
Oh, God.
116
00:04:39,965 --> 00:04:41,586
We can't be gone
for much longer.
117
00:04:41,655 --> 00:04:42,896
Mary Louise is gonna wonder why
118
00:04:42,965 --> 00:04:44,172
we're not getting ready
with her.
119
00:04:44,241 --> 00:04:45,172
- [gasps]
120
00:04:45,241 --> 00:04:48,827
[sneaky music]
121
00:04:48,896 --> 00:04:51,586
- Okay, Caroline, we get it.
You're white.
122
00:04:51,655 --> 00:04:53,172
You love tennis.
- No, Deb.
123
00:04:53,241 --> 00:04:56,551
It's from Meemaw's walker.
Clearly I'm better at tracking.
124
00:04:56,620 --> 00:04:59,275
You go cover while I hunt
the old girl down.
125
00:04:59,344 --> 00:05:01,068
[sniffs]
126
00:05:01,137 --> 00:05:02,310
♪ ♪
127
00:05:02,379 --> 00:05:04,068
She's close.
128
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,586
- I--I've been trying to talk
her into more curls, you know?
129
00:05:06,655 --> 00:05:09,413
- Hey, hey, look at you two
in your robes.
130
00:05:09,482 --> 00:05:11,344
- There you are!
131
00:05:11,413 --> 00:05:13,068
Where are the other girls?
132
00:05:13,137 --> 00:05:15,586
- Caroline's making sure
that the altar is clean
133
00:05:15,655 --> 00:05:17,379
for the ceremony.
You know how she is.
134
00:05:17,448 --> 00:05:20,655
Uh, Cecelia's polishing
the rings,
135
00:05:20,724 --> 00:05:23,137
and Chelsea's with
an esthetician.
136
00:05:23,206 --> 00:05:25,862
That one's actually true.
- Where's Meemaw?
137
00:05:28,448 --> 00:05:29,793
She's in the bathroom.
138
00:05:29,862 --> 00:05:32,413
I think she drank
too many Ensures.
139
00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:33,689
- I hope she's okay.
140
00:05:33,758 --> 00:05:34,793
She's gotta do
the reading later.
141
00:05:34,862 --> 00:05:36,482
- Oh, no, stay here.
She's fine.
142
00:05:36,551 --> 00:05:39,793
It's just a normal poop,
not diarrhea.
143
00:05:39,862 --> 00:05:41,517
- How do you know?
144
00:05:42,689 --> 00:05:45,034
- I was in there
for the beginning of it.
145
00:05:45,103 --> 00:05:48,620
And it, uh, was just
your average plopping,
146
00:05:48,689 --> 00:05:51,689
not that running water noise.
- Debra.
147
00:05:51,758 --> 00:05:53,034
[rock music]
148
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:55,068
- They aren't budging
on any of our demands.
149
00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:56,241
- Unbelievable.
150
00:05:56,310 --> 00:05:57,241
Fascists.
151
00:05:57,310 --> 00:05:58,344
- Step back, please.
152
00:05:58,413 --> 00:05:59,655
- Excuse me, officer.
153
00:05:59,724 --> 00:06:00,724
We're just trying
to have a peaceful--
154
00:06:00,793 --> 00:06:01,758
[thuds]
- [groans]
155
00:06:01,827 --> 00:06:03,206
- Get down!
- No!
156
00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:05,965
[all screaming]
157
00:06:06,034 --> 00:06:08,724
- What did you just do?
158
00:06:08,793 --> 00:06:09,965
[rock music]
159
00:06:10,034 --> 00:06:12,172
- Meemaw?
Are you in here?
160
00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:14,000
What's wrong?
161
00:06:14,068 --> 00:06:17,344
- [crying]
162
00:06:17,413 --> 00:06:18,793
- Hello?
163
00:06:18,862 --> 00:06:22,931
[suspenseful music]
164
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:23,724
Meemaw?
165
00:06:23,793 --> 00:06:26,068
♪ ♪
166
00:06:26,137 --> 00:06:27,655
[both screaming]
167
00:06:27,724 --> 00:06:30,379
- I'm ruined!
[crying]
168
00:06:30,448 --> 00:06:32,586
- What happened?
169
00:06:32,655 --> 00:06:34,103
- She did.
- I'm so sorry!
170
00:06:34,172 --> 00:06:35,793
They didn't cover
adverse reactions
171
00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:38,344
in the six-hour online course.
- Oh, my God!
172
00:06:38,413 --> 00:06:39,931
Get out, get out, get out!
173
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:44,137
- Jesus.
You got that from a facial?
174
00:06:44,206 --> 00:06:45,724
- Yes!
[crying]
175
00:06:45,793 --> 00:06:47,862
And a chemical peel,
cupping,
176
00:06:47,931 --> 00:06:50,758
lipid cheek injections,
and some very basic Botox,
177
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:53,000
but it shouldn't
look like this!
178
00:06:53,068 --> 00:06:55,482
I can't walk down
the aisle like this.
179
00:06:55,551 --> 00:06:56,827
Cancel the wedding!
180
00:06:56,896 --> 00:06:58,689
- It's not your wedding
to cancel.
181
00:06:58,758 --> 00:06:59,793
Now get it together.
182
00:06:59,862 --> 00:07:01,413
Mary Louise is waiting for us!
183
00:07:01,482 --> 00:07:04,413
- Hey, I can hear you
all the way down the hall.
184
00:07:04,482 --> 00:07:05,689
We've got a problem.
185
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:07,827
Cecelia is in jail.
- [crying]
186
00:07:07,896 --> 00:07:09,965
- Holy fuck,
what is that thing?
187
00:07:10,034 --> 00:07:11,827
- It's Chelsea.
- [crying]
188
00:07:15,896 --> 00:07:18,379
- Chelsea, I'm sorry
I called you a thing.
189
00:07:18,448 --> 00:07:21,793
It just took me a few seconds
to recognize you as a human.
190
00:07:21,862 --> 00:07:23,965
- Leave me alone!
[crying]
191
00:07:24,034 --> 00:07:25,931
- Great,
Chelsea won't come out,
192
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,413
Cecelia's locked up
with the rings,
193
00:07:27,482 --> 00:07:30,413
and Meemaw's gone AWOL.
Mary Louise is gonna freak.
194
00:07:30,482 --> 00:07:32,965
- No, she's not because
she's not gonna find out.
195
00:07:33,034 --> 00:07:34,655
- How?
This day is screwed.
196
00:07:34,724 --> 00:07:36,586
- Listen to me.
197
00:07:36,655 --> 00:07:38,034
I have been a maid of honor
20 times,
198
00:07:38,103 --> 00:07:40,413
and something always
goes awry on the big day.
199
00:07:40,482 --> 00:07:42,000
You keep looking for Meemaw.
200
00:07:42,068 --> 00:07:43,896
I'll call Kyle to see
if he can talk Chelsea out.
201
00:07:43,965 --> 00:07:47,379
- What about Cecelia, hmm?
Her bail's $2,000.
202
00:07:47,448 --> 00:07:50,000
I don't have that kind of cash,
and I know you don't.
203
00:07:50,068 --> 00:07:51,931
- Rude.
204
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,586
Okay, I'll work
on getting the money.
205
00:07:53,655 --> 00:07:55,965
Just find Meemaw.
She has a walker, Deb.
206
00:07:56,034 --> 00:07:58,241
It's honestly embarrassing
we haven't found her yet.
207
00:07:58,310 --> 00:08:00,241
- You know, I don't understand
why we have to have
208
00:08:00,310 --> 00:08:02,896
this conversation
in our underwear.
209
00:08:02,965 --> 00:08:06,137
- Marriage is
a really big decision,
210
00:08:06,206 --> 00:08:10,551
and I feel like there's some
kind of internal struggle
211
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:13,206
that you're dealing with.
- No.
212
00:08:13,275 --> 00:08:17,620
- Yeah, yeah,
just an unstoppable desire.
213
00:08:17,689 --> 00:08:19,689
It's undulating
beneath your skin.
214
00:08:19,758 --> 00:08:21,137
[door opening]
Ah!
215
00:08:21,206 --> 00:08:23,068
- Oh, this is where
the men are changing.
216
00:08:23,137 --> 00:08:24,758
You fellas have the right idea.
217
00:08:24,827 --> 00:08:25,827
Let's get out
of these monkey suits
218
00:08:25,896 --> 00:08:27,620
for as long as we can, right?
219
00:08:27,689 --> 00:08:30,310
Oh, much better.
220
00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:32,068
[sighs]
221
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,517
How we doing?
222
00:08:33,586 --> 00:08:34,586
Good.
223
00:08:34,655 --> 00:08:38,275
[rock music]
224
00:08:38,344 --> 00:08:39,862
- [gasps]
225
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,206
Meemaw?
226
00:08:43,275 --> 00:08:46,931
♪ ♪
227
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,344
- [burps]
228
00:08:49,413 --> 00:08:56,620
[blows raspberry]
229
00:08:57,448 --> 00:08:59,344
- Meemaw?
230
00:08:59,413 --> 00:09:01,482
- [blowing raspberry]
231
00:09:02,068 --> 00:09:04,103
- Is that communion wine?
232
00:09:04,172 --> 00:09:05,586
- Yes.
233
00:09:05,655 --> 00:09:07,517
I'm drunk.
234
00:09:07,586 --> 00:09:10,965
In fact,
I'm pretty fucked up.
235
00:09:11,034 --> 00:09:13,344
- What about the reading?
- Relax.
236
00:09:14,482 --> 00:09:16,172
Love is...
237
00:09:18,620 --> 00:09:21,137
I'm gonna need a refill.
238
00:09:21,206 --> 00:09:23,689
- Chelsea, I'm sure you're
still beautiful.
239
00:09:23,758 --> 00:09:25,724
- No, I'm a monster!
- Oh, my--
240
00:09:25,793 --> 00:09:27,724
Ah, hey!
You can't--
241
00:09:27,793 --> 00:09:30,827
Chelsea, stop it!
242
00:09:30,896 --> 00:09:32,517
I'm coming in.
243
00:09:32,586 --> 00:09:34,137
[grunts]
244
00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:36,379
Okay.
245
00:09:36,448 --> 00:09:38,551
Whoa!
246
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,793
I'll get ice,
lots of ice.
247
00:09:41,862 --> 00:09:43,827
- Baby?
248
00:09:45,034 --> 00:09:46,827
How am I supposed to get
the ice on my face?
249
00:09:46,896 --> 00:09:48,413
- Chelsea?
250
00:09:48,482 --> 00:09:50,413
The other bridesmaids?
251
00:09:50,482 --> 00:09:52,034
- Oh!
252
00:09:52,103 --> 00:09:54,827
- Congrats on your wedding.
- What are you doing?
253
00:09:54,896 --> 00:09:56,448
Why aren't you getting
ready with me?
254
00:09:56,517 --> 00:10:01,206
- She, uh--she's just--what
she's doing right now is,
255
00:10:01,275 --> 00:10:04,586
she's, um...
- I'm putting my face on ice.
256
00:10:04,655 --> 00:10:06,965
It helps keep the skin tight.
257
00:10:07,034 --> 00:10:09,758
I wanna be extra tight
for your wedding, girl.
258
00:10:09,827 --> 00:10:11,344
- Oh, okay, then.
259
00:10:11,413 --> 00:10:13,000
Well, just come back
as soon as you can.
260
00:10:13,068 --> 00:10:14,793
In the meantime, keep chilling.
- [laughs]
261
00:10:14,862 --> 00:10:17,241
- [screams]
- Good one.
262
00:10:17,310 --> 00:10:21,000
- [shudders]
263
00:10:21,068 --> 00:10:22,482
Does it look any better?
264
00:10:22,551 --> 00:10:25,000
[rock music]
265
00:10:25,068 --> 00:10:27,655
- Thank you for being here
for this blessed event.
266
00:10:27,724 --> 00:10:28,931
[laughs]
267
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,758
Okay, bye-bye, now.
268
00:10:35,137 --> 00:10:38,206
Crap, another
Bed Bath & Beyond gift card.
269
00:10:38,275 --> 00:10:40,344
That's like saying, "Here,
enjoy buying the same shit
270
00:10:40,413 --> 00:10:42,827
you owned in college."
- Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.
271
00:10:42,896 --> 00:10:44,931
Whoa!
[laughs]
272
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,551
- Okay, I found Meemaw,
273
00:10:46,620 --> 00:10:49,137
but she's more hammered
than Nick Nolte on the PCH.
274
00:10:49,206 --> 00:10:50,724
- Fantastic.
275
00:10:50,793 --> 00:10:52,172
Well, I've already opened up
all the cards,
276
00:10:52,241 --> 00:10:54,689
and we're still $500 short
of making Cecelia's bail.
277
00:10:54,758 --> 00:10:58,068
[poignant music]
278
00:10:58,137 --> 00:11:00,206
Oh, my God.
279
00:11:00,275 --> 00:11:04,206
♪ ♪
280
00:11:04,275 --> 00:11:07,517
- Caroline, focus.
We still need $500.
281
00:11:07,586 --> 00:11:08,724
- How am I supposed to focus
282
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,482
when I'm emotionally
devastated, Deb?
283
00:11:10,551 --> 00:11:11,724
- Fine!
284
00:11:11,793 --> 00:11:13,448
You go keep Mary Louise busy.
285
00:11:13,517 --> 00:11:16,103
I'll get some coffee
to sober Meemaw up
286
00:11:16,172 --> 00:11:19,034
and try to scrounge up
the rest of the cash.
287
00:11:19,103 --> 00:11:20,931
- I--I can't use the bathroom.
288
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:24,172
There's some burn victim
in there just screaming.
289
00:11:24,241 --> 00:11:25,344
- All right.
290
00:11:25,413 --> 00:11:27,482
- So now I'm selling
bird cage furniture,
291
00:11:27,551 --> 00:11:29,793
little ladders and hoops
and bells and things like that.
292
00:11:29,862 --> 00:11:31,310
- Hey, sorry to interrupt.
293
00:11:31,379 --> 00:11:32,551
John-Paul, you don't have
anything else you should be
294
00:11:32,620 --> 00:11:33,862
doing right now?
- No, no.
295
00:11:33,931 --> 00:11:36,551
These days are more
for the women.
296
00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:37,965
- Hey, there he is.
297
00:11:38,034 --> 00:11:39,862
- Matthew-John,
Paul-Luke, come on in.
298
00:11:39,931 --> 00:11:41,344
This is where the guys
are getting ready.
299
00:11:41,413 --> 00:11:43,275
Take off your pants
and relax for a while.
300
00:11:43,344 --> 00:11:44,620
- Oh, thank God.
301
00:11:44,689 --> 00:11:47,103
- So nowadays it's more
than just little ladders
302
00:11:47,172 --> 00:11:50,137
and bells and hoops and stuff
like that for birds.
303
00:11:50,206 --> 00:11:52,689
They have all kinds of little,
like, dollhouse furniture.
304
00:11:52,758 --> 00:11:54,724
The stuff is very exciting.
305
00:11:54,793 --> 00:11:56,137
- Hi, ladies.
306
00:11:56,206 --> 00:11:58,413
- Finally, one of you is back.
307
00:11:58,482 --> 00:12:01,068
- That altar must
have been filthy.
308
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,517
- Caroline,
what's wrong?
309
00:12:03,586 --> 00:12:04,965
- Nothing.
310
00:12:05,034 --> 00:12:06,931
- You look like
you've been crying.
311
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,241
- Okay, I have been.
312
00:12:09,310 --> 00:12:12,206
I just keep thinking about
how beautiful this all is,
313
00:12:12,275 --> 00:12:13,517
you know,
314
00:12:13,586 --> 00:12:16,862
and how gorgeous you'll look
walking down the aisle
315
00:12:16,931 --> 00:12:20,586
and what an amazing day
this will be,
316
00:12:20,655 --> 00:12:23,000
and that is why I'm crying.
317
00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:25,379
And Jesus will be there.
318
00:12:25,448 --> 00:12:28,172
- [crying]
319
00:12:28,241 --> 00:12:31,724
Now you've got me crying.
Oh, honey.
320
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:34,482
He will.
- Oh, Jesus!
321
00:12:34,551 --> 00:12:37,068
- Praise You, Jesus!
- Oh, Jesus!
322
00:12:37,137 --> 00:12:39,137
- Yes, thank you, Jesus!
323
00:12:39,206 --> 00:12:40,379
- I mean, Jesus Christ!
324
00:12:40,448 --> 00:12:41,551
- Jesus!
- Jesus!
325
00:12:41,620 --> 00:12:43,931
- Oh, my God!
- Thank You, Jesus!
326
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,931
- Hello, wedding guests.
327
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,482
Can I have your attention,
please?
328
00:12:48,551 --> 00:12:51,241
Hello?
[whistles]
329
00:12:52,413 --> 00:12:56,862
We are asking for donations
today for the maid of honor,
330
00:12:56,931 --> 00:12:58,931
Chelsea Snap.
331
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,241
[all gasping]
332
00:13:00,310 --> 00:13:04,379
She was in a terrible fire
at a Forever 21,
333
00:13:04,448 --> 00:13:07,413
and she saved all the shoppers
before herself.
334
00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:09,931
She even still has
part of a crop top
335
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,206
permanently melted
into her back.
336
00:13:12,275 --> 00:13:13,586
- Oh, it's awful, awful,
awful, awful, awful.
337
00:13:13,655 --> 00:13:15,310
- Yeah, it really is.
338
00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:18,965
So won't you please consider
making a contribution today
339
00:13:19,034 --> 00:13:22,517
to help Chelsea pay
for all of the skin grafts?
340
00:13:25,689 --> 00:13:27,103
- Five bucks?
You cheapskate.
341
00:13:27,172 --> 00:13:29,275
She needs a new face.
342
00:13:29,344 --> 00:13:32,379
Looks like a pizza
without cheese.
343
00:13:32,448 --> 00:13:35,413
[both crying]
344
00:13:36,896 --> 00:13:38,482
- It's really over.
345
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:42,034
I always held out hope that
someday we'd end up together,
346
00:13:42,103 --> 00:13:45,689
but he's obviously moved on.
347
00:13:46,344 --> 00:13:49,103
- At least it's your life
and not your face.
348
00:13:49,172 --> 00:13:51,586
- Chelsea, you're
gonna be fine.
349
00:13:51,655 --> 00:13:54,517
- Do you think I'll be fine?
350
00:13:55,344 --> 00:13:56,586
- Uh...
351
00:13:56,655 --> 00:13:58,689
- [crying]
Oh, my God!
352
00:13:58,758 --> 00:14:00,793
- Cecelia, help, help!
353
00:14:00,862 --> 00:14:03,034
- I am, I am.
- Okay, okay.
354
00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:04,344
All right, get this door.
355
00:14:04,413 --> 00:14:07,586
Okay, we got the rings--
I mean, Cecelia.
356
00:14:07,655 --> 00:14:10,344
Uh, now, everybody,
pull yourselves together.
357
00:14:10,413 --> 00:14:13,068
- I can't.
I'm nothing to him!
358
00:14:13,137 --> 00:14:14,482
- Does this church have Wi-Fi?
359
00:14:14,551 --> 00:14:16,172
I need to get an update
on the negotiations.
360
00:14:16,241 --> 00:14:19,103
- Uh, yeah, uh, the network
is I heart Jesus,
361
00:14:19,172 --> 00:14:21,206
and the password is get
your head out of your ass.
362
00:14:21,275 --> 00:14:23,413
Now, move!
- Hello?
363
00:14:23,482 --> 00:14:24,586
- Oh!
- Is anybody in here?
364
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:25,758
- [screams]
365
00:14:25,827 --> 00:14:27,137
Oh, you can't see us like this.
366
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,965
[knocking]
- You guys, what is going on?
367
00:14:34,034 --> 00:14:36,965
I've barely seen any
of you all day.
368
00:14:37,034 --> 00:14:38,620
- Sorry, bride-to-be.
369
00:14:38,689 --> 00:14:40,931
We decided we wanted to wait
for you to see us
370
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,379
until the ceremony.
371
00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:44,310
We thought it would be
a nice surprise.
372
00:14:44,379 --> 00:14:46,137
- So don't you dare
come in here.
373
00:14:46,206 --> 00:14:48,344
- I'm glad you explained.
374
00:14:48,413 --> 00:14:51,379
I was starting to get
pretty PO'ed.
375
00:14:51,448 --> 00:14:54,862
You guys are
so important to me.
376
00:14:54,931 --> 00:14:57,620
It's not about the hair,
the makeup,
377
00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,896
the rings, or the dresses.
378
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:02,172
It's about each of you,
379
00:15:02,241 --> 00:15:04,793
'cause this day wouldn't be
the same without all of you.
380
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:07,172
[dramatic music]
381
00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:10,931
Okay, I don't wanna cry
all my makeup off.
382
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,448
I'm leaving.
383
00:15:12,517 --> 00:15:13,689
♪ ♪
384
00:15:13,758 --> 00:15:15,103
[all sighing]
385
00:15:15,172 --> 00:15:16,448
- Okay, everyone.
386
00:15:16,517 --> 00:15:17,862
I lost my chill
for a minute there,
387
00:15:17,931 --> 00:15:19,379
but I am back.
388
00:15:19,448 --> 00:15:20,827
My little Christian
is getting married today,
389
00:15:20,896 --> 00:15:22,172
and we are not gonna
let her down.
390
00:15:22,241 --> 00:15:23,793
Kyle, go grab our
clothes and makeup.
391
00:15:23,862 --> 00:15:26,310
Caroline, wipe away your tears
and get to your post.
392
00:15:26,379 --> 00:15:28,310
Cecelia, take a whore's bath.
393
00:15:28,379 --> 00:15:30,931
And, Meemaw, have you ever
heard of drunken IV?
394
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,931
We are gonna get you
sober in no time.
395
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,413
It's go time!
[laughs]
396
00:15:35,482 --> 00:15:38,689
- Caroline...
- I can't talk right now.
397
00:15:38,758 --> 00:15:40,517
I'm not a common
guest like you.
398
00:15:40,586 --> 00:15:41,896
I'm a wedding attendant.
399
00:15:41,965 --> 00:15:44,689
I'm in charge of very important
things like the mints.
400
00:15:44,758 --> 00:15:48,034
- I saw you crying earlier.
Is everything all right?
401
00:15:48,103 --> 00:15:49,586
- Do you have any idea
how badly it hurt
402
00:15:49,655 --> 00:15:51,896
not to be asked
to be in my friend's wedding,
403
00:15:51,965 --> 00:15:54,482
and then on top of that to
have my ex-boyfriend saunter in
404
00:15:54,551 --> 00:15:56,275
with the human equivalent
of a Barbie?
405
00:15:56,344 --> 00:15:58,310
- Are you referring to Brenda?
406
00:15:58,379 --> 00:15:59,482
- Brenda?
407
00:15:59,551 --> 00:16:01,241
At least there's something
ugly about her.
408
00:16:01,310 --> 00:16:03,344
- We're not
romantically involved.
409
00:16:03,413 --> 00:16:05,793
- Okay.
- She's my neighbor.
410
00:16:05,862 --> 00:16:09,241
She's a lesbian athleisure
fashion designer.
411
00:16:09,931 --> 00:16:11,310
- Ooh.
412
00:16:11,379 --> 00:16:13,241
- But even if we were,
why would you care?
413
00:16:13,310 --> 00:16:14,620
You made it clear
there was no future for us
414
00:16:14,689 --> 00:16:16,758
when you didn't
respond to my card.
415
00:16:16,827 --> 00:16:18,034
- What card?
416
00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:20,931
- The valentine
I left on your desk.
417
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,379
- I never got a valentine.
418
00:16:23,448 --> 00:16:26,034
- Then you don't know
what I wrote?
419
00:16:27,172 --> 00:16:30,034
I told you I wanted
to get back together.
420
00:16:30,103 --> 00:16:32,034
- As in past tense?
421
00:16:32,103 --> 00:16:33,965
- I still do.
422
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:36,482
- [chuckles]
423
00:16:36,551 --> 00:16:38,034
Me too.
424
00:16:38,103 --> 00:16:39,655
[both chuckling]
425
00:16:39,724 --> 00:16:42,655
[dramatic music]
426
00:16:42,724 --> 00:16:44,137
♪ ♪
427
00:16:44,206 --> 00:16:45,482
- Do you know the only thing
428
00:16:45,551 --> 00:16:46,965
that would make me
happier right now?
429
00:16:47,034 --> 00:16:48,310
- A butterfly nature walk?
430
00:16:48,379 --> 00:16:49,793
- Yes.
431
00:16:49,862 --> 00:16:54,620
But also you being in that
wedding like you deserve.
432
00:16:54,689 --> 00:16:55,862
Here you go.
433
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:57,517
You can watch Netflix
on my phone,
434
00:16:57,586 --> 00:17:01,931
and you can have as much
of this chocolate as you want.
435
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,758
Bye-bye.
436
00:17:07,620 --> 00:17:10,724
[Paisley Blue's
"Dancing In The Dark"]
437
00:17:10,793 --> 00:17:13,586
♪ ♪
438
00:17:13,655 --> 00:17:18,689
- ♪ One night changed
my life forever ♪
439
00:17:18,758 --> 00:17:22,379
♪ Two hearts,
we were thrown together ♪
440
00:17:22,448 --> 00:17:26,896
♪ in the backyard of a house ♪
441
00:17:26,965 --> 00:17:29,068
♪ Do you remember? ♪
442
00:17:29,137 --> 00:17:32,172
♪ You still take
my breath away ♪
443
00:17:32,241 --> 00:17:34,551
♪ With nothing but a smile ♪
444
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:37,448
♪ And every time I kiss you ♪
445
00:17:37,517 --> 00:17:39,965
♪ It feels like
the first time ♪
446
00:17:40,034 --> 00:17:47,034
- Love does not delight in
evil but rejoices with truth
447
00:17:47,103 --> 00:17:48,965
and always...
448
00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:55,689
♪ ♪
449
00:17:55,758 --> 00:17:58,551
Serve...
Servaperes.
450
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:00,103
♪ ♪
451
00:18:00,172 --> 00:18:03,620
I just threw up in my mouth
a little bit.
452
00:18:03,689 --> 00:18:07,103
- ♪ Just dancing in the dark ♪
453
00:18:07,172 --> 00:18:08,310
- Mary Louise...
454
00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:10,103
♪ ♪
455
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:12,275
I take you as my wife.
456
00:18:12,344 --> 00:18:15,827
- I vow to share my life
and everything with you.
457
00:18:15,896 --> 00:18:17,862
You are my prayers answered.
458
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:20,068
- ♪ A fire would
have sparked ♪
459
00:18:20,137 --> 00:18:23,413
♪ Just dancing in the dark ♪
460
00:18:32,689 --> 00:18:33,931
- And your friend was arrested.
461
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,241
You know, the one who
smells like Fritos.
462
00:18:36,310 --> 00:18:40,482
And your headband friend
stole all the wedding money.
463
00:18:40,551 --> 00:18:45,000
And then your burn victim
friend collected donations.
464
00:18:45,068 --> 00:18:46,689
- ♪ You gotta get it ♪
465
00:18:46,758 --> 00:18:48,689
- [laughs]
466
00:18:48,758 --> 00:18:52,103
Gotcha!
Okay.
467
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:54,448
- You know your face always
looks perfect to me,
468
00:18:54,517 --> 00:18:56,068
no matter how disfigured it is.
469
00:18:56,137 --> 00:18:58,172
- Mmm.
470
00:18:58,241 --> 00:19:01,206
Oh, I'm still a little
too sensitive there.
471
00:19:01,275 --> 00:19:02,655
- I'm so sorry.
472
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:05,068
- But there's one place
I wasn't injected.
473
00:19:05,137 --> 00:19:07,068
[both laughing]
474
00:19:07,137 --> 00:19:10,896
- Chelsea, I know what you did.
475
00:19:10,965 --> 00:19:12,275
- You do?
476
00:19:12,344 --> 00:19:15,758
- You toned down your makeup
so I would shine.
477
00:19:15,827 --> 00:19:18,206
You truly are my best friend.
478
00:19:18,275 --> 00:19:20,896
[both giggling]
479
00:19:20,965 --> 00:19:22,103
- What the...
480
00:19:22,172 --> 00:19:23,793
[romantic music]
481
00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:26,620
- You looked so beautiful
walking down the aisle today,
482
00:19:26,689 --> 00:19:27,758
Care Bear.
483
00:19:27,827 --> 00:19:30,068
- Thanks for taking
charge like that.
484
00:19:30,137 --> 00:19:32,655
- Thanks for letting me.
485
00:19:32,724 --> 00:19:33,965
I love you.
486
00:19:34,034 --> 00:19:35,172
- I love you too.
487
00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:36,655
♪ ♪
488
00:19:36,724 --> 00:19:39,827
[Huxley Ware's
"Coming Back Around"]
489
00:19:39,896 --> 00:19:45,000
♪ ♪
490
00:19:45,068 --> 00:19:48,068
- ♪ I click my fingers,
you close your eyes ♪
491
00:19:48,137 --> 00:19:49,551
- Ladies and gentlemen,
492
00:19:49,620 --> 00:19:52,862
it is now time
for the couple's first dance.
493
00:19:52,931 --> 00:19:54,344
- [sighs]
494
00:19:54,413 --> 00:19:57,517
[Robbie Nevil's
"Make Tonight"]
495
00:19:57,586 --> 00:20:01,758
♪ ♪
496
00:20:01,827 --> 00:20:04,275
- We did it, you guys.
Our girl got married,
497
00:20:04,344 --> 00:20:06,551
and she didn't even know
what a hot mess it was.
498
00:20:06,620 --> 00:20:08,034
[both laugh]
499
00:20:08,103 --> 00:20:11,724
- Ladies, we're on strike.
500
00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:16,068
- ♪ And there's a time
to make it last ♪
501
00:20:16,137 --> 00:20:17,965
- Don't tell her.
502
00:20:18,034 --> 00:20:19,413
Let her get screwed by Hot Dad
503
00:20:19,482 --> 00:20:22,103
before she finds out
she got screwed by the state.
504
00:20:22,172 --> 00:20:24,344
- Show him your titties!
505
00:20:25,896 --> 00:20:27,482
[whispers]
Your tits.
506
00:20:27,551 --> 00:20:28,758
- Meemaw!
507
00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:31,758
[Just Kait's "I'm Out"]
508
00:20:31,827 --> 00:20:38,862
♪ ♪
509
00:20:39,965 --> 00:20:43,310
- ♪ This story won't
come to an end ♪
510
00:20:43,379 --> 00:20:44,827
♪ Whoa ♪
511
00:20:44,896 --> 00:20:46,344
♪ This time,
I won't be played ♪
512
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:49,241
♪ This time, I'm out, yeah ♪
513
00:20:49,310 --> 00:20:52,517
♪ Oh, no, I fell for you
again ♪
514
00:20:52,586 --> 00:20:54,068
♪ Whoa ♪
515
00:20:54,137 --> 00:20:57,655
♪ I really like it,
so I can't pretend ♪
516
00:20:57,724 --> 00:20:59,068
♪ Hey ♪
517
00:20:59,137 --> 00:21:01,655
♪ This story won't
come to an end ♪
518
00:21:01,724 --> 00:21:03,448
♪ Whoa ♪
519
00:21:03,517 --> 00:21:04,931
♪ This time,
I won't be played ♪
520
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,034
♪ This time, I'm out ♪
521
00:21:06,103 --> 00:21:07,310
♪ I'm out ♪
522
00:21:10,965 --> 00:21:13,827
[rock music]
523
00:21:13,896 --> 00:21:20,931
♪ ♪
524
00:21:21,206 --> 00:21:22,827
- ♪ I'm gonna teach ya ♪
525
00:21:22,896 --> 00:21:25,448
♪ ♪
526
00:21:25,517 --> 00:21:27,724
♪ Give you what you need, ah ♪
527
00:21:27,793 --> 00:21:30,068
♪ ♪
528
00:21:30,137 --> 00:21:32,103
♪ Said I'm gonna teach ya ♪
529
00:21:32,172 --> 00:21:33,827
♪ ♪
530
00:21:33,896 --> 00:21:37,103
- [snoring]
531
00:21:37,153 --> 00:21:41,703
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