Original subtitles

My name's Keith Dick. I'm 54, and I would guesstimate

I've worked in this particular department store for just shy of 30 years.

I'm just doing the farewell rounds.

Richard! You're too late, mate.

I'll be back!

I love working in the rag trade.

And I'm head of fashion here and...

we are one of the bigger department stores here in Canberra.

Look at this sale, will you?

I look after men's, women's, youthwear, and I liaise with the buyers.

I'd literally die for those.

I sometimes deal with the labels and designers directly.

Are we out of the 14s in the Carla Zampatti?

And I run my very own personal shopper service, too, which I love.

I quite like this flouncy peplum.

I think that'll hide a multitude of sins on you.

And I like the blue.

This is some of your best work, sweetheart.

I love what you've done. Keith likey very much.

I live for fashion. I breathe it. I'm a clothes whore.

And I love retail, too, so to be in amongst it day in, day out,

I'm a pig in lipstick.

Right on. This is fantastic!

My wife, Patika, and I met. She works in Accounts.

I used to walk past the office and see her there

and give her a little look and--

We've been married for 20... years.

So, what are you asking? Am I well-liked? You tell them.

Yes, I would say like that. He's well liked among the staff members,

and he keeps a perfect balance being in charge and having fun with them.

Working hard, Roz, or hardly working?

I also dabble in design myself.

I find myself designing and sewing and creating as often as I can.

I find fabrics and textiles, they kind of speak to me,

and they tell me what they wanna be.

A funky chiffon rah-rah, coming up.

I'll get you to lift this shirt up, please, mate.

I'm definitely gonna miss my team.

You handpick them and then train them up over the years,

and you do become very fond of them.

Oh, yeah. Bloody hilarious, you lot!

Bloody idiots!

Like, "Oh, yeah!" I'd be doing that.

You absolute pricks!

My wife, Patika, and I have recently run into an opportunity

to run our very own fashion retail house.

A small ladies fashion store owned by Patika's late father...

who recently passed, has been inherited by us.

And together with our daughter, Rasheesh, who's over here.

Rasheesh, she works in here as well. She's-- Oh, I got her the job.

Keith and family are about to fly the cooparoonie.

Fantastic. Pop that in there.

Serving my last customer.

It's savings, is it?

Or spendings.

Final customer!

Whoa! What a friggin' spin-out!

Oh, my God! Lucy!

College move-in day with the parentals!

Mum, say hi! Say hi.

Lucy, do a dance. It's for my story.

-Let's go see your room. -Do it.

-Come on, Becky! Off the phone! -Okay.

We both decided to go to college in America...

because we're pretty much obsessed with America,

and Butterfield had the best courses for what we want to do, yeah.

What else can I carry?

We've basically been dreaming of this day since we've been, like, 11 years old.

-And we're so excited. -Yeah.

-We're twin sisters, non-identical. -Non-identical.

-But we do everything together. -Everything.

So, of course, we're gonna go to college together.

-You filming? -I am!

So, this is our residence hall.

-It's called Willow Hall. -Watch your head.

And we're seeing our dorm room for the first time ever.

Two-seven-three-four! This is it, Dad! Oh, my God!

It's amazing. It's so cute! I love it!

Which bed should be yours?

I can't decide!

Well, we've got to think about the bed extension.

I've always been taller than Lucy. Like, even as a little girl.

I just was taller and I just kept growing and growing.

I'm seven foot three, but just under that,

but taller if I wear heels, but I never do.

Yeah, she's got the pretty face, so she can pull it off.

Yeah, that's what everyone says.

Yeah, you're pretty, too, though.

Dad, this fan is gonna, like, hit me in the head.

That is really dangerous, Dad!

Mum, do not touch the fan switch under any circumstances.

-Got it. -The lights.

Oh! The fairy lights are so gorgeous! My makeup mirror!

Yeah, my legs are kind of weird. Like, the bones are, like, fused together,

so it's pretty hard for me to walk. I can't do any sport, really.

I did ballet. Remember we did ballet when we were, like, seven?

But I ended up kneeing this girl in the face,

-which was not good. -Not the best.

-Yeah, so I had to quit ballet. -Yeah.

But other than my legs, I'm pretty much, like, a normal, happy 18-year-old girl.

Look who we have!

Merma! I love this mermaid so much! It's such a cool mermaid!

-How's that, sweetie? -Oh, Dad, that is so good! Let's check.

-Yes! You're the best dad ever! -Love you, too.

Huggle!

College! We're finally here! Yay!

Gavin is our only child. We just had the one boy.

Mum, almost full of berries.

Look, Mum.

Be careful what you're doing with those, love. They stain.

Chill, fam. It's all G.

Oh, lit! You got Freshies! Yeah, boi.

So yes, he's very special to us.

Ma, you know that bitch I'm tuning?

Don't call her that.

I'm gonna peg berries at her this afternoon

when she comes home from piano practice.

That's not very nice, is it?

Trying to smash, fam.

Gavin is 12, turning 13 soon.

Yes! Give my lower back a rub.

And no, he doesn't have a lot of friends.

But we just love him to bits.

He's a big growing boy.

He's always been big. Very mature for his age, in some ways.

Mum, Mum, Mum. Get in front of this.

Raise your eyebrows.

You look hella weird.

I look like a fuckboy.

When I'm 13, that means I'm not an adult...

It means I am an adult for the government.

I'm not a child anymore.

That's when you are one.

Off-- Illegally.

Oh.

Hang on a sec.

Easter egg from last year.

I forgot about this little cunt.

I'm special because...

I'm lit...

I give no fucks...

I basically nail life...

I'm not a shit cunt...

and I dominate on Instagram.

My Instagram, CuntLord0606, is...

in my school, probably...

fifth most popular.

Dope as fuck.

Dope as fuck.

Dope as fuck.

There's this chick that I'm tuning at my school, Sharnay.

I'm wanna go out with her,

and I wanna have sex with her in Year 9.

Sharnay!

Sharnay, come here if you want a berry up your vagina.

Come here. I'm trying to tune ya.

Come here!

Do you want to see my hairy ballsack?

Your loss, hey.

Zero fucks given!

I hacked into your parents WiFi anyway!

Hello, darling!

Wonderful to see you.

-How are you? -Hi.

Hello, Basil! How are you, sweetheart?

You knew Jana was coming, didn't you?

Okay. Let's get started.

Okay, Jana's here to help you.

I've been very concerned.

I'll have to listen to him. Okay.

All right, there's a lot coming through right now.

He's telling me that he's happy that Jana is here.

There's a reference to a "T" name.

T? Who would that be? T? P?

Z?

J? Is it a J?

-J? Is it James, my husband? -James. Yes, it's James.

Is it James? It's James, yes.

Oh, no, darling.

-Sweetheart, I can't say that. No. -What?

He's telling me things that I shouldn't say.

He's telling me that your husband likes to play with himself a lot

when you're not here.

He likes to play with his penis on this couch.

Right there, where you're sitting.

Just telling you what he said.

My name is Jana Melhoopen-Jonks and I'm a pet psychic to the stars.

I talk to the animals and the animals talk to me.

And I'm very, very famous here in South Africa.

I grew up on a farm in Zimbabwe.

My father had a farm.

I was surrounded by animals as a young girl,

and I could talk to them even then.

I could telepathically connect with the animals in a way that...

no one else could.

We had many animals. We had farm animals, dogs, cats.

We had our very own pet aardvark.

Natasha the Aardvark, who I loved very, very much.

I knew my calling even as a young girl.

I was put on this Earth to talk to the animals.

I moved into crime work,

interviewing pets who had witnessed crimes or perpetrated crimes.

These days I work with South Africa's leading soap stars,

pop stars, sports stars, movie stars, any kind of star.

If you've heard of them, I've worked with them.

If you're famous in South Africa and your pet has mental problems,

I'm the one you call.

Simple as that.

Hello, Jonty. How are you?

He's very angry that you brought me here.

He's telling me he doesn't like your stripey t-shirt.

He says that you wear them all the time.

You have those stripey pajamas?

He doesn't like those, either.

Yes, I've just had a treatment done, no.

When did you get your hair done? Well, it looks very nice.

Hello, my donkey. Hello, Charlie. Hello.

Okay, he's telling me that he doesn't like when you say "ee-orr."

You don't like that, do you? Yes, he's--

I hate to say it, but he's calling you the C-word right now.

Right this way.

My name's Quentin Cook. I'm 29 and I'm in real estate.

So, how are you? Yeah, good. Quentin Cook. Good to meet you.

Sorry, mate, I'll just get a number.

I work with my dad and I'm about to take over as CEO.

The breakfast nook there and a butler's sink here.

Ticking a lot of boxes for you, is it, Sue?

That’s Miele throughout.

Yeah, you can tell by the veins in it.

Whether you're up-sizing, down-sizing, or whatever-sizing,

Reg Cook Real Estate, we've got your back.

Reg Cook. We're here for you.

And we're family.

Like it's not a problem, but me and my brothers,

we've all got massive arses,

So, I don't reckon I realized I had a big arse

till I was about, like, ten years old and just, like, saw it.

Like, it sticks out a fair bit, but you just get used to it.

-It's just... It's who we are. -Yeah, we all have it.

Like, even our Grandpa Reg had one back in the day.

Yeah, like, our Grandpa's arse is, like, the biggest arse of all of ours.

Like, it's in the genes, obviously.

Yeah, like literally in the jeans.

I don't get that. What do you mean?

Fantastic features like the chandelier, too.

So, I'll let you have a look around. Great to talk to you.

Hello. How we going there? Good?

Being a real estate agent is about connecting in a legit way with people.

Give that to Dad. It's my card.

You could whack a vertical garden up there if you wanted to. You wanted one.

You have to sort of, like, win people's trust.

Like you can't bullshit.

And this is the oversized bathroom here, too, with the mock black granite.

You gotta keep it real.

These are real.

The his and hers sinks over there,

if he-- if she lets you use the "his" side of it.

'Cause she'll probably take over it, knowing chicks.

So, I don't know. Is it ticking a lot of boxes for you guys, or...?

Open houses can get a bit same old, same old,

so you gotta come up with ways to, like, vibe it up,

so I dabble in DJing a bit.

Yeah, so real estate can be a pretty sick job

if you know what you're doing.

Well, as far as I know, this is the first time she's agreed

to talk to anybody in ages.

Yeah, she was really a big deal back then.

You know, Joycey was famous.

Course, we started out modeling together,

but it was all Joyce, you know, she was the beauty.

The photographers, well, they just simply adored her.

We were both Page 3 Girls for a little while,

and it was all just very innocent stuff.

Joycey...

she sort of went down a darker path.

She became Australia's most famous porn star.

It was mostly arty stuff, though.

Juicy Joyce? Every man's dream girl.

Oh, but... yeah, it's all ancient history now.

Give me the mail. I'm the Hamburglar.

Ah, of course I remember Joyce.

Any bloke my age would.

Yeah, she did a lot of stick flicks back then.

Joyce Goes Bush, Joyce Down Under,

Joyce Gets Randy,

Streuth It's Joyce, yeah, I love that one.

She was absolute sex on legs.

Still lovely today, actually.

Just a quick reminder, ladies and gentlemen, that the mail is here.

I repeat, the mail is here.

I understand why you guys are here.

You're here to find out what I'm like now.

"What is she like? Remember her from back in the day?"

-Yeah. -And let me tell you,

I don't give two rats.

-Yeah you do. You care. -I don't give two rats,

'cause I know why you're really here.

You're here to see the collection.

When I show you my collection, you're gonna shit your pants.

-Seriously. It's that good. -It really is.

Let's have a look. I wanna show you. On your feet!

Get a load of it. This is all my stuff.

Albino rubber bands.

There's some of Dad's dolls. I don't love 'em.

Keyrings. These are my corn cob holders.

This is the kitchen.

So, what it is-- My birds.

What I like about these-- This is a cockatoo.

This is my favorite. Laughing cockatoo. This is a pink cockatoo.

This is actually a galah.

What I like about it is it's actually got a crest on it, which is not true.

Galahs don't have crests on 'em, so...

Do you want some Juicy Fruit at all, anyone on the crew?

No? All good?

These postcards are actually--

I sent them to myself, 'cause I don't have a lot of friends.

And these are my matches.

Oh, so much stuff in here, I just can't even get my head around it.

Spoons over there.

What else we got?

So, this is the museum.

This is where I'm gonna put all the collection

when people are gonna come buy tickets to see it.

Oh, but it's not finished yet, but it's just gonna be, like,

cream of the crop of the collection all displayed along there. Yeah.

Oh, bloody Nora. See those birds up there? Those grey ones?

See them? They have been staring at me.

They just-- They have cameras in their eyes

and they stare at me and they store information on disks.

Stupid bloody bird. Eat seed, bitches!

Can't stand you!

Bloody idiots!

Stupid drongos!

My Kate Bush cupboard.

Come on into the tape room.

This is my tape room where I record everything.

My scrunchie drawer.

So what it is, it's a whole lot of scrunchies.

And it's a scrunchie for every day.

So what I do, is I'll just put a scrunchie in...

like that.

And that should-- I'll wear that for the day.

Oh, there's this. My keyboard.

I feel like every little thing deserves to be loved.

Anyway...

It's a waterbed.

Ooh, yes! I love it!

Rhonda, make sure they don't steal anything out there.

Get back or I'll have your eye out.

This guy here's my father, Charles.

He's the one that rescued me from my bad times,

but we don't want to talk about that, do we?

We actually lost him a couple of years ago.

Shush! Enough said.

-Your lips will be zipped. -Yeah.

Most of my collection's actually my father's, Charles.

-He did all the collecting. -No, you had input, darling.

-Well, I'm his helper, Rhonda. -Yes.

And this is my dad's precious teddy.

This is the most important thing in the whole collection.

It was my dad’s when he was little.

You're not even supposed to touch it,

but sometimes I do like to hold the teddy's hand.

Anyway, come on.

You can't catch the gingerbread lady!

There's more to see.

Who's looking? You are.

Is he gonna touch the bottom? There we go!

All right, let's get a photo!

Patika, Rasheesh, come in, please.

All right, you get in just-- I want your head right there.

-Okay. -Ready?

Everyone has secrets. I certainly do.

But a secret's not a secret if you talk about it, right?

My secret is that I was diagnosed with a sexuality disorder some years ago.

Objective sexuality or objectophilia,

where you feel a deep love and attraction towards an inanimate object.

And that object, for me, was a cash register here at the store.

And her name is Karen. I named her.

Patika and I were married at the time,

so big mistake to fall in love with another.

I had tinglings of object love feelings in my 20s.

I fell in love with a tumble dryer...

but I kept that a secret.

Then in the early noughties, I moved into haberdashery

and a replacement cash register arrived.

It was Karen, a '89 Sharp XEA203 model.

She was an old battleaxe even then.

But she had something about her.

Her curves, her texture, her buttons, her--

Things about her that turned me on so much.

She had an innocence.

At first you look forward to just seeing her every day,

I wanted to be alone with her,

I would be aroused at the very sight of her,

and I would want to take things further.

They replaced the entire in-store system,

so they were throwing Karen out.

I offered to take her off their hands,

kept her in our shed at home,

and I'd visit her every night.

He thought I was working late on that night. He didn't see me coming,

and he was doing to a machine

which a man does to his wife.

Penile penetration of the cash drawer.

Not something I would wish upon any wife to see.

Luckily, we sought help from our parish minister, Ray.

He's a very progressive guy.

He's dealt with a lot of sexuality preference disorders.

And through some fairly rigorous aversion therapy and counseling,

I was able to rid myself of my inappropriate feelings.

They do say you never truly rid yourself of objectophilia,

but I feel like I'm the exception to the rule.

I feel nothing for Karen anymore.

All right, sweetie?

It's so good, Dad.

Like, my knees are not even touching.

It's just like-- I can just touch the floor.

You nailed this, Dad. It's so good.

Dad's put some safety foam on the door just in case I whack my head on it.

And the fan blades, too, just in case I bump that, too,

but the fan itself is an absolute no-go,

so we've taped up the switch so no one can turn it on.

That would be really bad.

I've cut some ply. Bring the ply down.

I get a mattress.

We put it up here. Wiggle down, sweetie.

It's so good, Dad! Oh, my God!

-I love it. -Great.

I'm doing Chinese literature, Chinese cinema,

Mandarin extension studies.

I'm doing an Asian Studies major with a Chinese Studies minor.

I'm obsessed with Asian culture.

It's Lingers.

Oh, Tsun-Ling! Tsun-Ling was our exchange student

that stayed with me and Lucy in Australia a couple of years ago.

-Me and Becky call him Lingers. -Yeah, Lingers.

The thing is, he actually goes to this college. He's a sophomore here.

He's kind of one of the main reasons we came to Butterfield.

I've been texting him since we got here, but I haven't heard from him yet,

but he's probably busy, or...

Yeah, or he could just be, like, too nervous to reply.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Oh, my God! Lucy, I'm getting the three dots!

Oh, they're gone!

Poo poo.

My God, Lucy! Vending machine!

Yes! Late night snacks!

That's so cool!

This is gonna be weird, though.

-You're gonna have to squat right down. -Yeah.

-So exciting! -I can sort of see over,

but not that I would, though, but you can, like...

This is nice!

I like that kind of atmosphere. It's like a chill room

-It's like-- Hi, I'm Becky! -Hi!

-Are you moving into Willow Hall today? -Yeah.

-We're gonna be like dorm mates? -Yeah, I'm Caroline.

Awesome. Hey, Caroline. Becky!

Yeah, find your room. The numbers are just on the door.

That's so cool, there's, like, coffee.

Games! We can just put out the games on the table!

Nancy?

Oh, my God! I spoke to you on the Butterfield Freshman Facebook page.

It's Becky from Australia.

You are so tall!

Oh, my God!

I know, I get it all the time.

So good to meet you.

I'm going to England...

to visit my auntie and uncle.

They're these rich cunts that live in this mansion.

And my cousin, Dylan, he's my best online mate.

And... I'm his hero.

Gavin, you're my hero.

Yeah, I know I'm your hero.

-Do you want to see my dong dance? -Yeah.

The estate is 2,000 hectares. It's enormous.

The manor has seen better days.

I had a rather wayward ancestor, the 14th Earl of Gayhurst.

And, well, he lost a lot of money.

These are our two children, Clementine and Dylan.

As far as lineage goes,

there's a question of who will be the next Earl of Gayhurst.

And due to Dylan being unfit for the role

and Clementine being a girl, she's not in line,

the next Earl of Gayhurst will be my nephew, Gavin.

Yes! Gavin!

He's my younger sister's son and he lives in Australia.

That's why we're bringing Gavin out to stay with us for the holidays,

so he can get used to the estate that he'll one day inherit.

Gavin's the future. The next Earl of Gayhurst.

Welcome to Gayhurst, Gavin!

Hello, young man.

Long-ass drive. My legs are hella numb.

Got the earplugs from the flight. If anyone wants 'em, just aks me.

-Lovely to have you here. -It's cold as fart in England.

-Gavin! I waited to see you! -Yeah, good to see you too. No homo.

So, how was your flight, darling?

Low-key jet lagged AF.

So, we stopped in Singapore, right? Smells like dick there.

And then this air hostess is, like,

looking after me on the flight, she wouldn't let me walk around,

'cause I wanna look at duty free and stuff so I just ended up sitting there,

bored as ballsack, talking to all these Chinese people.

Well, I wasn't talking to 'em. They were just staring at me.

And I was frothing over the legroom on the flight, Uncle Ken.

And Mum said to say thanks for paying for the flight, so yeah.

No problem. Let me grab these and we'll settle you in, shall we?

Dylan. Yeah, boi!

Mum said I gotta give you guys presents, so I've got all these presents in there.

-Oh, lovely! -Yeah. Yours--

Dylan, yours is not even lit. It's like this boxing kangaroo pen.

-Yeah. It's lame as fuck. Yeah. -Yes!

The castle's hella big.

My house is like baby dick compared to this.

She's a beauty, isn't she?

Auntie Helen, legionnaire's hat. Remember on Skype I was telling you about it?

Well, it's good 'cause you can fold the back up.

-Very nice. -We gotta get you one, too, Dylan.

Oh, Dylan, do you have a chick?

'Cause I wanna get on the grind when I'm here.

So, if your chick has friends, then introduce me to 'em. Cool.

Yeah, it's cool. I like this place.

So all dogs on. All dogs on.

All dogs on. Sit there, Vic-- Victoria, please sit. Sit.

-I'm laughing. Is that what you're after? -Yeah. Great. Good. Beautiful.

I've managed to carve myself a very lucrative career from my psychic work.

I charge a lot because I get results.

Fix my hair, please.

The dogs have been brushing against the side and they've fluffed me up, so--

Be quiet, please. Mommy has to take photos for the cover. Please.

I'm doing a photo shoot for a very well-known lesbian dog magazine.

I think you need to touch it up around my eyes, though.

-Yeah? -They've been wonderful to work with.

I'm very well respected in the LGBTQI community here.

I'm a gay woman myself, loud and proud, always have been.

I'm considered by some a gay icon.

I don't know why, but I'll take it.

Women tend to go apeshit for me.

Carly, come get the dog off me. Get it off me.

Get the-- Get the dog off me now, please. Quickly.

Can't you see the camera behind you?

For God's sake, it's not taking a photo of your arse.

This is my personal assistant, Kylie.

She lives with me. I couldn't live without her.

She's my right-hand lady.

-Okay, where's Kawate? Get Kawate. -Kawate?

He was hangry before, and I don't want to see him get-- Kawate.

You've got the beans in there, too. I love this.

Is that the kale that I asked you to get?

No, I told you to get the dark kale.

-Okay. -No, don't get that.

Why are you buying so many tomatoes? I told you I don't like tomatoes.

I have very many favorite dogs, but this is my absolute favorite, Victoria.

I love her so much. She's my lover.

Oh, yes. Oh, your breath is so beautiful, darling!

No, darling, I can't-- Darling.

Yes, of course it's okay for men to have long hair,

and no, it's not Christmas Day, you silly dog.

She's telling me things.

I always have a favorite dog.

My favorite before Victoria... was Barkini.

And when she died, I couldn't bear to lose her.

I had her stuffed.

This is Barkini, my former favorite dog.

I can't bear to say goodbye to them. You remember Barkini, don't you?

Oh, what's Mommy going to do with you when you die, darling?

The mind boggles. The mind absolutely boggles.

So many options.

This is Kookooma, my other dog.

She was my favorite before Barkini and I had her made into a shawl.

It's quite a stylish piece.

You can try Kookooma on, too. He likes to wear Kookooma, too, sometimes.

You remember Kookooma. She loved her as much as I did.

Here you go.

Boys, I am that brown at the moment. Everyone keeps asking me about it.

Like, "Where have you been?"

-Can't believe how tanned I am. -Fake tan.

No, fuck, you were there, cunt.

No, we've been to Bali.

Me and the boys went and got loose in Bali for a few weeks.

It was fucking sick. We go over there heaps.

Yeah, check out the rig on the cunt. It's fucking ridiculous.

Yeah, a lot of people think I've taken a jab, 'roids, but... which I have,

but you gotta also work out, too, so I spend a fair bit of time at the gym,

do CrossFit.

Yeah, I tend to go pretty hard on weekdays, loose cunt on the weekends.

All us boys’ motto, pretty much.

-Fuck yeah, the boys. -Yeah.

So my main interest outside of work would be EDM, working out,

partying, fashion...

Oh, remember that chick?

-Yeah, she was a rig, eh? -Yeah.

-You ended up taking her home. -Yeah.

Just getting amongst nature.

Oh, I fucking love that dolphin.

I completely understand. Thank you. Bye-bye.

I'm Lyn Cook,

and I'm mother to this lot.

Quentin is...

I wouldn't say my golden boy, but I very much have a soft spot for him.

He's gorgeous, as you can see.

And he has the voice of an angel.

Have you ever heard him sing?

I dabble in singing, yeah.

-Shut up. You're a dope signer, bro. -No!

-Yeah, you are. -I'm not.

-Come on, sing something for us. -No. I'm not gonna sing, no. Too shy.

-Go, bro. -I can't sing.

-Surely, come on. -Give us a beat.

Nothing's fine, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith

This is how I feel

Am I not pretty enough?

Is my heart too broken?

I don't want another pretty face

I don't want just anyone to hold

I don't want my love to go to waste

'Cause you were amazing

You are so good! You should be on The Voice. You're wasting it!

Thanks, Mum.

Go-- Mum, go easy. Go easy, tiger. Yeah.

Look at the double dishy-- Dishwasher there, too.

Could chuck a-- One there, one there, just whatever you want.

There's dishwashers everywhere.

I'm just gonna go ham as CEO.

And I feel like I can, like, marrify the family together

leading to maximum sales,

and just gonna give it everything to the tenth degree.

Reckon it's gonna be lit.

Yeah, Quentin's gonna kick arse as the new boss.

-Yeah. -Dude, is "marrify" actually a word?

Yeah, it is. Yep.

You sure?

Yep.

I'm actually not the only person that lives in the house.

There's other people that live here, too, but only I can see them.

Peter?

Is that you, Peter?

Okay, if it is you and you're going out,

then I'm gonna leave out some dinner for you. Okay?

It'll be chicken schnitzel and chips and salad.

Putting that out on the table.

Make sure you eat your salad.

Ring, ring. Oh, that's my phone.

Hello? Joyce speaking.

Is that Big Jesse?

Big Jesse? Oh, hi, yeah, well--

So, you coming home tonight or--

Oh, no? Okay, cool.

Do you want me to leave the, yeah, door open? Yeah, cool.

Okay, I'll leave it open and just gonna-- I'll just...

leave it open for ya.

What are you doing? Oh, you're just going to a club, are you?

Yeah, cool. You gonna see Stacey or-- Yeah, right.

Okay, so door's open, eh?

Just wide open.

I'll leave a key out, too, just in case a possum pulls it shut or something.

Here's your key.

I'll put that under the mat. Yeah.

Just in case.

This is where I keep all my cranes.

Trying to make a million of them.

'Cause I heard if you make a million, then it leads all the way to Heaven.

Just join 'em together.

Deadset taking me bloody ages, though.

Running our own business is the start of a very exciting chapter for us.

I'm literally chomping at the bit.

Kanock, kanock. Incoming.

-Hi, there. Welcome to Fine Fashion. -Keith Dick, new owner.

-Nice to meet you. -What's your name?

-Marilyn. -Yeah, right.

Hi. Keith Dick, new owner.

-How do you do? -And your name?

-June. -June. Yeah, got it.

The store needs a lot of work.

The inheritance has left us a little bit of money to spend.

-But we need to be careful. -Yes.

Well, her father, I wouldn't say ran it into the ground,

but he-- We can do better, in Rashrapati's memory.

That's her father. Yes.

It's all right.

I know I have to be strong with this new American college life

and have faith that God's going to look after me and Lucy. He will.

-Dad! -It's all right. You'll be okay.

But...

Oh, God!

-So, how you doing? What's your name? -I'm Lucy.

Jack.

And, like, I know I act all confident and outgoing,

but I can be pretty shy, too.

I know I'll be fine, but...

There we go.

...I have got a good feeling the next few months are gonna be epic.

Ow, that didn't hurt.

Auntie Helen, do you know if they sell Magnums in England?

-The ice creams? -Yeah. I think so.

Cool. Maybe get a 12 pack.

Okay. Well, it's a bit chilly, love.

-I still-- I'm still hungry, but-- -All right.

I could slam down some chicken nuggets right now.

-You got any frozen ones? -Yeah.

Yeah, maybe heat 'em up.

-Cool. -You're hungry?

Yeah. Lead me straight to the toilet, actually. I've gotta do a Mary Poppins.

Darling, don't go anywhere. Mommy wants you to stay here.

Oh, God! I love you so much.

Be careful when she backs into you like that.

She could give you a poo stamp on your leg.

She's very dirty in the anus.

Got those here, if you want any. Oh.

Five second rule.

Did you want that or...? Okay.

Oh, yeah! Oh!

Yeah, oh, look at her! Oh, love you long time!

Love it! Love it! Oh, I'm loving it!