Original subtitles

[Gavin] All right, let's go.

[Gavin] So, me and The Frothers are going on a mission.

[Gavin] Keep your heads down, you dumb cunts.

'Cause my auntie is being a basic bitch, and she lost all chill this morning.

So, us three are going on a hunger strike all day.

We're not going to eat anything.

She has confiscated our transport, the red car.

Just because I painted a bit of the mansion green.

'Cause I was doing some content for my CuntLord Instagram.

[Gavin] 'Cause if you paint walls green, then you can put backgrounds in

and it looks legit-ness.

Dope...

as...

fuck.

Dick. Balls.

Fuckboy. Ballsack.

Squirter.

And it's one of my best videos.

It got 42 likes already.

Yeah, boy.

Because I don't think you should be riding around in cars

and having fun when you do things like this.

This is an important building, Gavin.

You cannot just paint it.

Listen, Auntie Helen, just me the red car back.

[Helen] No, I won't.

Well, how am I gonna get around, fam? It's my transport.

You'll have to walk.

-Well, I'm gonna call my mum. -Don't be silly.

She'll be asleep and, anyway, she'll agree with me.

Savage.

We stole some food from the kitchen.

So, we're gonna ration that out during the day.

Hopefully, that gets us through.

We're gonna wait till the coast is clear,

then we're gonna head to The Frothers headquarters.

-No one's there. Go, go, go. -All right.

Get the stuff back in. Put it in.

Oh, I'm also taking a shotgun, just in case we need to shoot stuff.

All right, boys, let's pack up and go.

Wait up, cunts!

I'm wearing Crocs!

[Gavin] Slow down, you shit-cunts.

This is why I need my transport.

[theme music playing]

[Becky] They feel so weird.

-You look gorge. -Blink?

Yeah.

-Is that okay? Is it sticking? -Yeah.

I feel like, sort of like, such a lady, all of a sudden.

[Becky] So, me and Lucy are getting ready for our mega-end-of-exams dorm party.

It's gonna be so cool.

And I just feel, like, this new attitude, like, sort of, new confidence.

[Becky] I'm in a really amazing place right now.

Tell them why.

[both laugh]

So, one of my Kraftaholik videos

got over 100,000 views,

and I now have 25,000-plus subscribers on my Kraftahoik channel!

It's amazing. She's honestly, like, killing it right now.

Hi, Beckinators!

Bet you're wondering why I'm all made up.

That's 'cause I got my end-of-exams party tonight!

It's gonna be so much fun, guys.

I've got an outfit under here I'm gonna reveal later.

It's a surprise for you, guys.

So, make sure you tune in to my Instagram story a bit later on.

Guys, thank you so much for the hearts!

Oh, my God, you guys are the best fans ever.

So, I wanted to thank you guys, and I made this.

It's a "Thank you" drink bottle.

Make sure you subscribe to my YouTube and tune into my next video, guys,

'cause it's gonna be how I made it.

With numbers like these, she's technically considered an influencer.

-I know. -Which is really cool.

Like influencers get invited to all these events and stuff.

Yeah, it's weird.

I'm thinking, do I need a manager?

Do I need, like, an agent, or whatever you call it?

Do I need to, like, go to conventions, do signings?

All that kind of stuff. I'm just...

My minds buzzing with all the, like, future plans for it.

-Show me the streak. -The streak!

-Yeah. -[Becky] I know.

[Becky] I keep forgetting it's there. It's such a good idea.

It's so good. It's such, like, a nice little pop of color.

When I walk in, people are just gonna be, like, "What the..."

Honestly, you're a whole new person.

I know, it makes me feel more, like, confident.

Like I just want to be, like, "Hi, everyone."

It's been really good timing,

because all the excitement of that

has distracted me from what happened at scavenger with Lingers.

I honestly still can't get over what she did to you.

Mm, yeah.

I mean, Nancy knew that I liked Lingers.

And it's girl code not to do that, so...

I, like, can't believe she did it.

-Yeah. -So, I've blocked her from all socials.

And, I just... when I see her, I just look the other way...

But the good thing is, every cloud has a silver lining.

And I've got to spend more time with my sister.

'Cause she's been counseling me and we've just been hanging out,

and I love hanging out with Lucy.

-[Lucy giggles] -So, that's been really fun.

I've been teaching Becky how to pick up guys.

[laughs]

I don't know, I'm just gonna have, like, a new attitude tonight.

And just go into the party just, like...

I just wanna worry less, and just enjoy college life more.

We'll have a couple of drinks, loosen you up a bit.

You know, we might even do some shots.

No. I'm having my first-ever drink tonight.

-But I'm not doing shots. -[both laugh]

First drink, and potentially, her first kiss.

Maybe. I'm gonna pray for it.

Oh, Becky, you're so cute. Come here.

Pray!

[both giggling]

Oh, honey, no, no, no. No, Patika!

Please, don't be stupid. What are you doing?

I can't take it anymore.

-Just calm down. Don't be silly. -I am finished.

-[Patika] I'm just getting rid of it. -[Keith] Put it back!

[Patika] Once for and all. Forever.

-[Keith] Patika, honey, please! -[Patika] No way! No!

[Keith] This morning has been a veritable shitstorm.

[Keith] Jesus Christ!

Just put it back!

Patika has gone ballistic over Karen.

She's been paranoid about Karen being back in the store

and she's been scouring through security footage like a crazy woman.

[Keith] She may have found something a bit odd.

[beeping, clattering]

[Keith] I think having Karen back in the store

has definitely ignited my passion.

[sustained beeping]

That love feeling is definitely--

It hasn't gone away.

Yes, matters of the heart are uh...

Mm.

I'm definitely, definitely in a lot of trouble.

Honey, no. Please, Patika.

I'm begging you. You're scaring it.

It's all starting again. I thought it was all over.

-I thought it was, too. -You told me it was over.

I thought it was, but I can't help myself.

I don't want you to take it.

You had your penis all over it.

I'm just getting rid of it, so that you have no choice.

I'm your wife, for God sakes.

I don't want you to do that. I want Karen to stay.

-I need her this time. -I can't put up with it, Keith.

I can't!

Well, you married me knowing my bloody condition.

You knew that this might happen again. I can't bloody help it.

We need her to stay anyway. We need her for the store.

You have to promise me you will get help again.

Yes, I will get help again.

I promise I will get help.

It's just been a bad day, honey. I'll get help.

And you lot, piss off from the front and the back of my store!

I bloody told you!

[Keith] Jesus. Shoo, you pests!

Okay, I want to get 1,000 of them today.

By the end of the day, I want at least 1,000.

You'll get there.

Will I get there? 'Cause I don't know if I will.

-Be reasonable, just sort through these. -This one's piss-weak.

I'm not even gonna pursue that one. It's shit.

I need you to put these in different categories...

-Yes.Yes, I am. I am. -on the table.

'Cause I want them all going in at once.

-That's all-- -We're not going to finish them in time.

-Yes, we are. Yes, we are. -We are not.

[Rhonda] It's been a very bad morning.

We've just heard some very shocking news

and Joyce has gone off the deep end.

Rhys, the antiques man, is an absolute piece of work,

and I do not love him anymore.

Joyce sold him her father's teddy bear for $1000

only because she desperately needed that money to survive.

He's a terrible person!

So, here he is. He's selling it for $18,000.

I looked it up.

"Extremely rare Steiff teddy bear.

1880s, Authentic documents available, Impeccable condition."

He took my teddy, and now he's going to be rich.

It was my dad's favorite.

-I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry. -[Rhonda] Aw.

[sobs]

[Joyce] I shouldn't have sold him.

I think the birds have obviously flown past

and looked in, seen the teddy and they've gone off and told him.

But he's a bad man for doing that.

Tell you what. That sort of money--

That would have solved all of Joyce's problems.

Oh, no. But him, he was only looking after numero uno.

Skulking around here for weeks,

trying to get his hands on that bloody teddy bear.

He's a prick.

Joycie! Joyce, he's here!

[Joyce] Read this!

I do not love you!

[Rhys] What's the matter, Joyce?

Oh, up yours. You know what you've bloody done.

You're a bloody selfish A-grade deadshit.

You're a deadshit!

-Is this about the teddy bear? -[Joyce] Give it back to me!

Do the decent thing and give her her father's bear back.

-I can't! -Why?

I've already sold it. The collector picked it up this morning.

-You are a selfish prick! -You ripped her off!

That's what I do. I have to make a profit.

-You made some money out of it. -Oh, please.

Oh, get lost. Get out of here, you bloody idiot.

Okay. Fair enough. Fair enough!

-Okay! -[Joyce] I bloody trusted you!

Get bloody lost! Get out of here!

[Rhys] Okay, okay, I'm going!

Stick your face where the sun don't shine!

-[Rhonda] It'll last longer! -[Rhys] I wish you luck!

-Don't show your face again! -Piss off!

And you, too, you fucking idiots.

We've made some improvements to the museum, as you can see.

We've got, um, the teacup collection in here.

Yep, Rhonda's husband's put in some lights in for us,

which is quite good.

Don't forget to tell them about the possums.

Oh, I've got this family of possums living in here, in the corner over there.

I don't know how we're going to get them out.

I don't know where they're gonna live.

Now we've got possum poo everywhere.

-Possum shit all over the floor. -It's disgusting. Oh, and the leak.

Oh, yeah, I got leaks.

I don't know how to fix leaks in museums, so--

I didn't know how hard it was gonna be to open a museum.

But as long as we get it sorted before the money runs out, we're gonna be fine.

-Yeah, we'll be all right. -Yeah.

So, you just cut the grass, and squish it into this cigarette.

It's a rollie.

It's a rollie.

I can't believe you guys haven't done drugs before.

I was doing drugs in year two.

You gotta inhale it.

And then you'll start feeling it. Actually, I feel ripped already.

Give us it.

Do you feel it straight away?

[Gavin] Well, yeah.

[coughs]

Have some, man.

Oh, I'm so ripped.

Yeah, it's good shit.

Yeah.

[giggles]

They just grow out of the grass, so--

This is probably enough.

'Cause with magic mushrooms, you don't need that much to trip out.

This is gonna be, like, more intense than the weed.

Have you swallowed yours?

Okay, you'll probably start feeling it soon.

[Gavin] And you start tripping hell hard.

Oh, shit.

I'm hallucinating.

Yeah, I feel it, too.

Are you a pig?

Is that a pig?

Are you a pig?

I can't fucking stand weird shit right now.

Did that tree just wink at me?

-All right, are you recording? -[Dylan] Yeah.

Just start on my Crocs and then go up.

-Ready? -[Dylan] Yeah.

Action.

Dope as fuck.

Cheers, boys.

-Cheers. -Cheers.

How good are The Frothers?

We'll just stay out here all day

to freak your mom out.

What time is it?

10:17.

Ballsack.

It's early. We've got ages.

I'm just topping off my data to get more internet.

The wi-fi...

Dylan, the WiFi in your castle is lame as fuck.

It's really slow.

I'm looking up "ScottishSluts.com."

Have you guys ever looked up "ScottishSluts.com"?

-No. -It's really good.

I bar up every time I think about it.

Gavin!

Dylan!

Gavin!

Dylan!

I'm hungry.

I think I've got the munchies, still. I must be still ripped.

Chuck us the Pringles.

Are you boys still ripped from the weed?

-[Oscar] I'm all right. -Are you?

No.

You know, like, chickpeas?

Are they like peas for chicks?

Ingrid.

Ingrid's coming.

[Gavin] Hell, yes.

I'll get a good look at her rack from up here.

I froth on her so hard.

Do you want to scare her? Like, shoot the gun a few times?

No, too hectic.

Let me do the talking, boys.

I'm trying to tune this bitch.

Oi! Horse chick.

[Gavin] Ingrid!

Got any food on you?

We've got the munchies 'cause we've been smoking weed.

Can you please never speak to me ever again?

No chill at all, Ingrid.

Give a kid a break. I'm trying to smash.

Send nudes!

That, boys, is how you tune a bitch.

I almost busted a nut when she walked past.

[loud music playing]

[shouting]

[kids chanting] Go, go, go, go!

[cheering]

You're drinking really slow.

Yeah, it's yummy, but it's a bit weird-tasting, so--

And I like it, but, you know.

Have you scoured the room for any hot guys yet?

Yeah.

-There's some. -Some? Which ones?

I'm embarrassed!

Sorry. You're Becky from Kraftaholik?

-Yeah. -Oh, my gosh, I'm a massive fan.

I watch all your videos. I barely even recognized you.

She's tall, right?

Yeah, yeah, but you can't tell in the videos.

Anyway, I just wanted to come say hi.

Oh, cool, thank you!

-Bye. -Bye.

Oh, my God, that was, like, my first fan meeting!

That's so exciting!

Now we just have to get some hot guys to come up to you.

Yeah!

Oh, I should update my Instagram story.

-I'm just gonna film some stuff. -All right.

Okay, see ya!

Hi, Beckinators! It's party time!

It's my dorm's end-of-exam party, and we're having the best time ever.

I've got my new outfit on, new tee shirt, new skirt,

and, guys, I might be a tiny, tiny, tiny bit drunk.

Party!

I'll check in later, Beckinators! See ya!

Hey, Becky.

-Hi. -You look good.

Oh, thanks.

Shot?

Oh, no, I can't do shots.

Are you sure? They're girl shots.

They're really sweet-tasting. You'll like it. Come on.

We're all doing it, let's do it. Come on, cheers.

Come on, just take it. Just take it.

Oh, I can't believe I just did that.

That was so weird.

You seem more relaxed.

Yeah, I'm a bit more chilled out these days, you know?

By the way, your eyes look beautiful.

Oh, thanks.

I'm gonna be honest. I've always kinda had a thing for you.

Shut up.

Yeah, I'm really into tall girls.

Stop it!

This is gonna sound kinda weird.

But I was thinking, like, you and me could be cuddle-buddies.

You know what I mean?

I thought you liked Lucy.

I mean, yeah, like, she's cool, but--

You're the real deal, Becky.

You're the real deal.

Like, just cuddle-buddies? Like, just cuddle each other.

Yeah, just cuddling. No funny business.

Just the cuddles.

I don't know.

Maybe.

Sounds good.

There we go.

Easy.

Feels good, doesn't it?

Yeah. I can't believe you want to spend the whole party cuddling me.

-Do you like it? -Yeah, I like it.

I've never had a cuddle-buddy before, so--

-A little cuddle action? -It feels weird, but it's good.

Yo! What do we have here?

Gettin' a little big spoon action?

Yeah, all right!

That's my boy!

-Did you get it? -Yeah, dude!

[Jack] Sorry, Becky! That was a bet.

Show me the pictures.

Yes!

[Lucy] How dare you, you idiot!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, chill. It was a bet.

I don't care. Get out!

Delete those photos, you pig.

Becky, that was so mean.

Yeah, it's okay.

I knew there was something fishy going on.

I hate him.

It's all right.

Let's just go back to the party and enjoy ourselves.

-[Lucy] You sure? -Yeah.

[Keith] True to my promise, we've agreed to seek help.

We're here today to see Minister Ray Morris,

who's helped out with some of my sexuality preference disorder stuff

in the past, and...

we are holding out hope that he can...

get me back on track.

Hello, Keith and Patika. Wonderful to see you.

Yeah. You, too, Ray.

-Come on in. -[Keith] Let's go in.

[Ray] It's a form of shock therapy treatment.

-We've done this sort of thing before. -Yeah.

This is placed over the penis.

And it's connected to the computer, which detects any signs of arousal.

Simply, we reward for good thoughts.

And we punish for...

dirty thoughts.

Patika, I'll have you outside, if you wouldn't mind.

Now...

if you could just slip out of those pants.

Just slip the penis into the tube.

All right, now, just a little suction to create a seal...

-[suction] -[mechanical beeping]

Excellent. Could you come in now, Patika?

Just stand there, if you would.

Turning around now, Patika.

-[machine beeps] -[typing on keyboard]

[Ray] And... bending over.

[Ray] Hm.

Nothing yet.

Eyes open, please, Keith.

[fast beeping]

[Ray] Yes.

Well done, well done, well done.

I'll get you to say...

"Dirty thoughts."

Dirty thoughts.

-[electrical crackle] -[Keith moans]

[groans]

[beeping slows]

Good. Now we'll just wait for that to go down.

Just standing there.

[slow beeping]

[Ray] Perhaps... undoing one button.

Just on your top.

[slow beeping]

[Ray] I see.

Look, sometimes this takes several sessions.

We do usually get a reading for the wife.

Hmm.

[Rhonda] Joyce!

Joycie, where are you?

-[Joyce] I'm here! -[Rhonda] Joyce?

[Joyce] I'm under the house.

[Rhonda] Oh, there you are.

Come on out, the postman's here to see you.

[Joyce] Oh, hi, Con.

[man] Hi.

She crawls under there on hot days to cool off.

-Are you feeling better, love? -Yeah.

So much cooler.

My boozies were sweating so much in the house.

How are you, Con? Let's go inside.

Well, Joycie's just been contacted

by one of her old pals from her pornography days.

It's Graham Euston, this dirty old perv that I used to work with.

I wouldn't touch him with a 10-foot barge pole.

He used to produce and direct some of my early stuff.

-He's still in showbiz. -Tell them what Graham said.

Graham's asked me to make a comeback.

A little comeback for his GILF page.

Yeah, I know. I didn't even know GILF was a thing.

[Joyce] Yes, I did.

Some of those women are not even attractive.

No.

[Rhonda] So, Graham's asked Joyce to make a little audition video.

Because he hasn't seen her for years.

It's just a little example of what she can do.

I mean, you want to see the whole package, so I might stand.

-If she ends up doing it-- -It's a big "if," Rhonda.

But if she makes a comeback, even just this little thing for Graham,

it could be worth a lot of money.

Well, I'd only do it for the money.

Just to get the museum up and running and get the collection on display.

Con, what I want you to do is come here.

[Rhonda] And we've asked Con, the postman, to help us with filming.

So, we're just gonna do, like, a little intro to send through to Graham,

you know, just to get the vibe.

Just come back a bit. Thank you.

[Rhonda] All right, are you ready? You say--

What you're gonna do, is just do a bit of a walkthrough.

That'll be the first time you see Joyce.

Then you clock my ass, then you work your way up to my tits.

And then you get the face.

-Okay. -[Rhonda] And action!

[knock at door]

Come in.

[Con] Mm.

Um...

Hi, I'm here to see the doctor.

Well, hello, I don't believe I've met... you.

I'm Joyce. Juicy Joyce.

Your hands are so soft. Ha.

Your hands are so manly.

[Rhonda] Well, take your bag off your back.

-[Rhonda] That's it. -Um...

You got great boobs.

Oh, you're not the first patient to notice my knockers.

Um...

Do you want to feel my mail sack? [chuckles]

-Both of them? -No, I'm not doing that.

I don't want to do it. His hands are all sweaty.

You're lovely, Con. It's not you. I'm just...

-Alright, should we go again, then? -[Joyce] I don't want to make a comeback.

I don't know if I should do it. It doesn't feel right.

I'm getting all hot. I'm having a hot flash.

-[Rhonda] I'll get you out of it, love. -Don't make me do it, Rhonda.

-Okay, I'll call Graham back. -I'll just go back under the house

and cool down.

-[Rhonda] Okay. -[Joyce] Oh, I feel hot.

Come on, little fuckboys. Where are you?

[gunshot]

Ah, fuck, I missed the little cunt.

[Dylan] Yeah.

Them little guinea-pig cunts that we released, they're breeding heaps,

so we gotta cull them or they'll take over the whole estate.

Them little cunts are hard to shoot.

-There! There's one. -[Gavin] Where?

Nah, I fucking missed it.

Now I'm bored with that.

Are you lads starving, or what?

Yeah, I'm hungry as fuck.

Well, there's Zooper Doopers.

No, we're saving them for later.

That's right. It's gonna be the last thing we eat.

I'll have mine now.

No, no, no, cunt. You can't.

Okay.

Fuck! There's Mum!

Fuck, boys! Run! Run!

Run, cunts, run!

Frothers headquarters!

Wait up, cunts!

Wait up!

Wait up, you dumb cunts!

I'm in Crocs!

Ah, fuck!

I just ripped my ballsack off!

I've literally ripped my ballsack off!

You lads run ahead! I'll meet you!

Fuck, my ballsack kills!

-Okay, there you go. -Thank you.

I need the ice blocks to ice my ballsack.

Don't eat them, Dylan! I need them.

I gotta reduce the swelling.

Give me them.

Oh, fuck!

[Oscar] I still want to eat mine.

It's a medical emergency.

You can eat them anyway, once they're melted.

-They still taste good. -[Oscar] No, thanks.

It's reducing the swelling already.

[sighs] Hell good day, lads.

Your mom's gonna be shitting herself.

She'll think we've starved to death by now..

Fuck! Your mom!

Fuck! Run, cunts!

-[Gavin] Run! -[Helen] Gavin.

Gavin, love, stop running.

[Gavin shouts] Run, cunts, run!

[Helen] Gavin, stop running, love.

Gavin, come one. Don't be silly.

[Gavin shouts]

[Gavin shouts] Leave me!

Forget about me!

Just keep running!

Leave me!

What are you doing, you silly duffer?

I brought you cake.

You must be starving!

-Thanks. -Come on, look.

-Oh, nice. -See?

And then we saw Ingrid.

And then I ripped my ballsack off on a fence.

Oh, are you all right?

-Yeah, we iced it. -Yeah?

Look!

Thank you for the cake, Mummy.

[Helen] That's all right, love.

So, what have you boys been up to, today?

Nothing. Got ripped.

[chuckles] What?

Nothing.

[dance music plays]

I'm starting to get worried about Lucy.

-Right. -Because she might be getting too drunk.

Yeah.

Have you guys seen Lucy?

-No. -I should probably go look for her.

[Becky] Lucy!

Lucy!

Have you guys seen Lucy?

Lucy!

Lucy!

Lucy, where are you?

Lucy!

Where is Lucy?

[Jack] I'm gonna roll this up for you.

Put it there, and just hold it up to your right nostril.

[gasps] Oh, my God. [whimpers] Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

-There you go. How is it? -I'll take a little bit.

You like it?

Oh, my God, Lucy's doing drugs. I don't know what to do.

[Becky] I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

Oh, my God.

[shrieking] What are you doing?

-Get away from my sister, you drug addict! -What the fuck?

-[sobbing] Lucy! -[Jack] Get out of here!

-I don't understand what's going on! -What are you doing?

You're fucking insane!

[weeping]

She's out of her mind. Get her out of here.

[Becky sobs]

I hate to say the word, Lucy, but you have been acting like a slut!

And drugs! Oh, my God.

You have no right to decide what I do with my life.

Well, God was watching you, and now he knows that you were taking drugs.

So, well done.

It's a party, Becky. Have fun for once in your life.

I can't have fun at the party because I'm too worried about my sister

who's walking around behaving like a slut and a drug addict.

I'm so over you right now.

What?

I'm so over spending my life worrying about my weird fucking twin sister.

Oh, that's very nice. Thank you very much, Lucy.

What a nice thing to say.

You're cramping my style. You have been, my whole life.

And you know what?

Since you've got those 25,000 subscribers, you have become so up yourself.

Your craft isn't even good!

It is good.

At least I'm doing something with my life.

Unlike you, just out with your friends, drinking every night.

Getting high on drugs.

You can't walk anywhere without your phone filming your stupid face.

That's because my fans care about what I'm up to, OK?

They like me.

The only reason they like you, Becky,

is because they don't know how tall you are.

They don't know that you're a freak with massive legs.

You sit behind your stupid big desk to try and hide your fat legs.

You know that. You try and hide it.

Everything about you is fake, including that stupid purple streak.

Well, everything about you is a dumb idiot loser.

And I'm gonna tell Mum and Dad,

and they're gonna be so disappointed in you.

I'm moving out.

I'm moving out to another room with a friend.

An actual friend. Not you.

And you know what?

I intend on having sex with Jack in his room.

So, enjoy the rest of your time here, alone.

You don't know what you're saying.

You're too high on drugs, you're not thinking straight.

I do know what I'm saying.

You're a freak, and you're ruining my life.

So, for the duration of our time at college,

I'm not your sister anymore.

[sobs]

[Rhonda] Oh, no, no, no. It'll just be Joycie, not her collection.

Well, I don't know.

We'll have to get rid of it, I suppose.

[Rhonda] It seems that it never rains around here, but it pours.

Joycie has to move out.

She's being evicted, she has to move now.

Not yet. That might not happen.

Well, darling, you've been served notice. You have to go now.

You've got the letter.

I haven't spoken to Jeff in, like, ten years.

He didn't even come to Dad's funeral. Stuff him.

I know, but now he's trying to help you.

And he said that, if you move to Armidale,

he could possibly put you up in one of the caravans on his farm!

I'm not moving to Armi-bloody-dale to live in a fricking caravan.

Where would I put the collection? It's not gonna fit.

Well, you couldn't take that with you, hon,

but I've looked into it, and you qualify for a pension.

Oh, shove the pension.

Look, remember that shrink you went and saw?

Well, he's gonna write a letter to say that you qualify

for government financial help.

There's a whole system in place for people in your situation.

I don't have a "situation," Rhonda.

I don't want to rely on Jeff. He's a deadshit.

I am contacting my boyfriend Les.

And he said he'd look after me if ever I ran into trouble.

I will just go and live with him, okay?

Well, how long has it been since you heard from him, darling?

-He's my boyfriend! -It's been a long time.

You birds better stop staring at me.

It's your bloody fault that this is happening!

Why don't you guys stick your beaks up your bird assholes?

Have a chamomile, love, and get to bed early.

Yeah, okay.

[Rhonda] And think about Armidale, honey. It's a good solution.

All right.

-All right, bye. Love you! -Bye!

[radio static]

Come in, Les. It's Joyce.

[static]

Come in, Les. Do you read me?

I really need to talk to you this time.

I think I'm getting evicted. I got a letter.

I need you to help me look after the collection.

I'm not letting them take the collection. And Rhonda doesn't care.

Come in, Les, I really, really need to talk to you this time.

[static]

[weeping]

You've had a good run, love.

Come, June.

[Keith] Yeah, well, I don't know why you made me fire June.

She's the bloody stalwart of the store.

Now, they're gonna hate me more than they already do.

[Patika] Do you know how much financial trouble we are in?

Do you have any idea?

Two more labels have pulled out.

Nobody wants to stock in the store.

You have to make cuts.

Well, we're not going to need labels,

once I get the Keith by Keith Dick range up.

This is going to be the destination for my range.

We'll produce our own stock back here.

Do you have any idea how much it is going to cost us

to get into production on a fashion line?

We do not have that money.

Here we go.� One finished handmade garment.

It's high-fashion streetwear.

Check it out. Hand-crafted.

I'd pay $90 for that.

Right now, we do not have your clothes to sell.

We do not have customers to buy them.

Karen told me everything's gonna be all right.

Oh, so the cash register talks now?

Sometimes she does.

Your head is in the clouds, Keith Dick.

You need to give up your pie-in-the-sky dreams.

I need a plan to save the store.

My father's store.

I know you love that cash register.

I have known for years that our marriage is doomed.

But, damn it, I'm not going to let you run my father's store into the ground!

Jesus H. Christ, I've just had a great idea.

Patika, bring out the Keith by Keith Dick rack!

June! Don't go anywhere!

All right, you, tall one! Get up!

Get up! Stand up and get in the store now!

Get up, or I'll bloody call the cops about your loitering, and fuck you up.

Get inside.

Everyone! All staff in!

Rashish, start handing me some items.

Give me the black top with the white circle.

All right, whack that on.

Try that on.

Give me some jeans. Give me the white jeans.

[Keith] Yeah, good, good, good.

Mm.

No, um...

Okay, gimme-- Yes, throw those on.

Give me the burgundy bandana.

[Keith] Whack the slides on.

There we go. A big bow.

[whispers] What's he doing?

There, I'll grab that.

Here we go. Give it some attitude.

Yeah, bloody hell.

That is fantastic!

What you are seeing here, ladies and gentlemen,

is one of the many designs from the Keith by Keith Dick range,

one of the many ideas and concepts that will come out of this brain.

I am asking you to trust me.

I'm a fashion designer. I live and I breathe fashion.

And I will follow my heart if it kills me.

What I'm proposing is the following.

We put on a fashion parade.

We put together a collection in record time.

We'll call on favors. We'll get a sewing bee happening at the back.

Anyone know anyone with a sewing machine, or some spare fabric,

bring it in.

You lot, you're gonna be my models.

Edgy youth streetwear, you look perfect for it.

We're gonna do it here, on the floor, Friday night.

Everyone who's anyone is gonna be here.

Are you in? Who's in?

June, are you in?

Yes, I'm in!

-Rashish, Patika? -[Rashish] I'm in.

I'll try.

This will be the first-ever Keith by Keith Dick fashion parade.

I promise you I'm going to blow your socks off.

Everyone in, as we say... Everyone in! Get in!

...as we say, "My Dick, My Dick, My Dick!"

"My Dick, My Dick, My Dick!"

"My Dick, My Dick, My Dick!"

Yes! Yes! Yes!

It's happening. It's really happening.

Yes.

[theme music playing]

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