Original subtitles

[indistinct chatter]

[Keith] My name's Keith Dick. I'm 54,

and I would guesstimate I've worked in this particular department store

for just shy of 30 years.

I'm just doing the farewell rounds.

Richard! You're too late, mate.

[imitating Schwarzenneger] I'll be back!

[Keith] I love working in the rag trade.

I'm head of fashion here, and uh...

we are one of the bigger department stores here in Canberra.

[whirring]

[softly] Look at this sale, will you?

[Keith] I look after men's, women's,� youth wear, and I liaise with the buyers.

I'd literally die for those.

I sometimes deal with the labels and designers directly.

Are we out of the 14s in the Carla Zan pattern?

[Keith] And I run my very own personal shopper service, too, which I love.

I quite like this flouncy peplum.

I think that'll hide a multitude of sins on you.

Yes. And I like the blue.

[Keith] This is some of your best work, sweetheart.

I love what you've done. Keith likey very much.

[Keith] I live for fashion. I breathe it. I'm a clothes whore.

And I love retail, too, so to be in amongst it day in, day out,

I'm a pig in lipstick.

Right on. This is fantastic!

My wife Patika and I met, she works in Accounts

and I used to walk past the office and see her there

and give her a little look and--

We've been married for 20... years.

So, what are you asking? Am I well-liked? You tell them.

Yes, I would say like that. He's well-liked among the staff members

and he keeps a perfect balance being in charge and having fun with them.

Working hard, Roz, or hardly working?

[Keith laughs]

[Keith] I also dabble in design myself.

I find myself designing and sewing and creating as often as I can.

[rips loudly]

[Keith] I find fabrics and textiles, like, kind of speak to me

and that they tell me what they want to be.

A funky chiffon rah-rah coming up.

If I can get you to lift this shirt up, please, mate.

[Keith] I'm definitely gonna miss my team.

You've handpicked them and then trained them up over the years,

and you do become very fond of them.

Oh, yeah. Bloody hilarious, you lot!

-[Keith] Bloody idiots! -[laughter]

Like, "Oh, yeah!" I'd be doing that.

[laughs]

You absolute pricks.

My wife Patika and I have recently run into an opportunity

to run our very own fashion retail house.

A small ladies fashion store owned by Patika's late father,

who recently passed, has been inherited by us.

And together with our daughter Rasheesh, who's over here, Rasheesh,

she works in here as well, she's-- Oh, I got her the job.

Keith and family are about to fly the cooparoonie.

Fantastic. Pop that in there.

Serving my last customer.

[Keith] It's Savings, is it?

-Or Spendings. -[all laugh]

Final customer!

-Whoa! What a freaking spin-out! -[cheering]

[theme music playing]

[Becky] Oh, my God! Lucy!

College move-in day with the parentals!

Mum, say hi! Say hi.

Lucy, do a dance. It's for my story.

[Dad] Let's go see your room.

Come on, Becky! Off the phone!

OK.

[Becky and Lucy] We both decided to go to college in America...

because we're pretty much obsessed with America...

-[Lucy] Yeah. [laughs] -[Becky] ...and...

Butterfield had the best courses

-[Becky] for what we want to do, yeah. -[Lucy] For what we want to do.

What else can I carry?

We've basically been dreaming of this day...

-Since we were, like, 11 years old. -since we've been, like, 11 years old.

-And we're so excited. -[laughs] We're so excited. Yeah.

-We're twin sisters, non-identical. -Non-identical.

-But we do everything together. -Everything.

So, of course, we're gonna go to college together.

-You filming? -[Becky] I am!

So, this is our residence hall.

-It's called Willow Hall. -[Becky] Watch your head.

And we're seeing our dorm room for the first time ever.

2734! This is it, Dad! Oh, my God!

[both] It's amazing.� It's so cute! I love it!

Which bed should be yours?

-[Becky] I can't decide! -[Lucy] I can't decide!

Well, we've got to think about the bed extension.

[Becky] I've always been taller than Lucy. Like, even as a little girl.

I just was taller and I just kept growing and growing.

I'm 7'3"... but, just under that,

but taller if I wear heels, but I never do.

Yeah, she's got the pretty face, so she can pull it off.

Yeah, that's what everyone says.

Yeah, you're pretty, too, though.

Dad, this fan is gonna, like, hit me in the head.

That is really dangerous, Dad!

Mum, do not touch the fan switch under any circumstances.

-[woman] Got it. -[Lucy] The lights.

Oh! The fairy lights are so gorgeous! My makeup mirror!

[Becky] Yeah, my legs are kind of weird. Like, the bones are, like, fused together,

so it's pretty hard for me to walk. I can't do any sport, really.

I did ballet. Remember we did ballet when we were, like, seven?

But I ended up kneeing this girl in the face,

-which was not good. -[Lucy] Not the best.

-Yeah, so I had to quit ballet. -[Lucy] Yeah.

[Becky] But other than my legs,

I'm pretty much, like, a normal,� happy 18-year-old girl.

-Look who we have! -[Becky squeals]

Merma! I love this mermaid so much! It's such a cool mermaid!

-[Dad] How's that, Sweetie? -Oh, Dad, that is so good! Let's check.

-Yes! You're the best dad ever! -[Dad] Love you, too.

-Huggle! College! We're finally here! -College! We're finally here! Yay!

[Colleen] Gavin is our only child.

We just had the one boy.

Mum! Almost full with berries.

Look, Mum.

Be careful what you're doing with those, love. They stain.

Chill, fam. It's all G.

Oh, lit! You got Freshies! Yeah, boy!

[Colleen] So yes, he's very special to us.

Ma, you know that bitch I'm tuning?

Don't call her that.

I'm gonna peg berries at her this afternoon

when she comes home from piano practice.

[Colleen sighs]

That's not very nice, is it?

Trying to smash, fam.

[Colleen] Gavin is 12, turning 13 soon.

[slams can]

Yes! Give me a lower back rub.

[Colleen] And no, he doesn't have a lot of friends.

But we just love him to bits.

[distant dog barks]

[Colleen] He's a big growing boy.

He's always been big. Very mature for his age, in some ways.

[burps]

Mum, get in front of this.

Raise your eyebrows.

You look hella weird.

I look like a fuckboy.

When I'm 13, that means I'm not an adult...

It means I am an adult from the government,

I'm not a child anymore.

That's when you are one.

Of-- Illegally.

Oh.

Hang on a sec.

Easter egg from last year.

Forgot about this little cunt.

[Gavin] I'm special because...

I'm lit,

I give no fucks.

I basically nail life,

I'm not a shit cunt,

and I dominate on Instagram.

My Instagram, CuntLord0606, is

in my school, probably...

fifth most popular.

Dope as fuck.

Dope as fuck.

Dope as fuck.

[Gavin] There's this chick that I'm tuning at my school, Sharnay...

I wanna go out with her

and I want to have sex with her in Year 9.

[Gavin] Sharnay!

Sharnay, come here if you want a berry up your vagina.

Come here. I'm trying to tune ya.

Come here!

Do you want to see my hairy ballsack?

Your loss, eh?

Zero fucks given!

I hacked into your parents' WiFi, anyway!

[Jana] Hello, darling!

Wonderful to see you.

-How are you? -Hi.

Hello, Basil! How are you, sweetheart?

You knew Jana was coming, didn't you?

OK. Let's get started.

OK, Jana's here to help you.

[woman] I've been very concerned.

I'll have to listen to him. OK.

[Jana] Alright, there's a lot coming through right now.

He's telling me that he's happy that Jana's here.

There's a reference to a "T" name.

T? Who would that be? P?

Z?

J? Is it a J?

-J? Is it James, my husband? -James. Yes, it's James.

Is it James? It's James, yes.

Oh, no, darling.

Sweetheart, I can't say that.

-I can't say that to your... No. -What?

[Jana] He's telling me things that I shouldn't say.

[sighs]

He's telling me that your husband likes to play with himself a lot

when you're not here.

He likes to play with his penis on this couch.

Right there, where you're sitting.

Just telling you what he said.

[Jana] My name is Jana Melhoopen-Jonks and I'm a pet psychic to the stars.

I talk to the animals and the animals talk to me.

And I'm very, very famous here in South Africa.

I grew up on a farm in Zimbabwe.

My father had a farm.

I was surrounded by animals as a young girl,

and I could talk to them even then.

I could telepathically connect with the animals in a way that

no one else could.

We had many animals. We had farm animals, dogs, cats.

We had our very own pet aardvark.

Natasha the aardvark, who I loved very, very much.

I knew my calling even as a young girl.

I was put on this earth to talk to the animals.

[Jana] I moved into crime work interviewing pets

who had witnessed crimes or perpetrated crimes.

These days I work with South Africa's leading soap stars,

pop stars, sports stars, movie stars, any kind of star.

If you've heard of 'em, I've worked with 'em.

If you're famous in South Africa and your pet has mental problems,

I'm the one you call.

Simple as that.

[Jana] Hello, Jaunty. How are you?

He's very angry that you brought me here.

He's telling me he doesn't like your stripey t-shirt.

He says that you wear them all the time.

You have those stripey pajamas?

-Mm-hmm. -He doesn't like those, either.

Yes, I've just had a treatment done, no.

When did you get your hair done? Well, it looks very nice.

[Jana purring]

Hello, my donkey. Hello, Charlie. Hello.

[humming]

Hmmm.

OK, he's telling me that he doesn't like when you say "ee-orr."

[braying like a donkey] Ee-orr! Ee-orr!

You don't like that, do you? Yes, he's--

I hate to say it, but he's calling you the C-word right now.

Right this way.

[Quentin] My name's Quentin Cook. I'm 29 and I'm in real estate.

So, how are you? Yeah, good. Quentin Cook. Good to meet you.

Sorry, mate, I'll just get a... number.

[Quentin] I work with my dad and I'm about to take over as CEO.

There's a breakfast nook there and then your butler's sink here.

Ticking a lot of boxes for you, is it Sue? That's Miele throughout.

Yeah, you can tell by the veins in it.

Whether you're up-sizing, down-sizing, or whatever-sizing,

Reg Cook Real Estate, we've got your back.

Reg Cook. We're here for you.

And we're family.

[laughter]

[Quentin] Like, it's not a problem, but me and my brothers,

we've all got massive arses,

So, I don't reckon I realized I had a big arse

til I was about, like, ten years old and just, like, saw it.

It sticks out a fair bit, but you just get used to it.

-It's just... It's who we are. -Yeah, like, we all have it.

Like, even our Grandpa Reg had one back in the day.

Yeah, like, our Grandpa's arse is, like,

the biggest arse of all of ours.

Like, it's in the genes, obviously.

Yeah, like, literally in the jeans.

[chuckles]

I didn't get that. What do you mean?

Fantastic features like the chandelier, too.

So, I'll let you have a look around. Great to talk to you.

Hello. How we going? There you go.

Being a real estate agent is about connecting in a legit way with people.

Give that to Dad. It's my card.

You could whack a vertical garden up there if you wanted to. You wanted one.

[Quentin] You have to sort of, like, win people's trust.

Like you can't bullshit.

And this is the oversized bathroom here, too, with the mock black granite.

[Quentin] You gotta keep it real.

These are real.

The his-and-hers sinks over there,

if he-- If she lets you use the "his" side of it.

'Cause she'll probably take over it, knowing chicks.

'Cause I don't know, is it ticking a lot of boxes for you guys, or...

[Quentin] Open houses can get a bit same-old-same-old,

so you got to come up with ways to, like, vibe it up,

so I dabble in DJing a bit.

[loud drum music playing]

[Quentin] Yeah, so real estate can be a pretty sick job

if you know what you're doing.

[woman] As far as I know,

this is the first time she's agreed to talk to anybody in ages.

Yeah, she was really a big deal back then,

you know, Joycey was famous.

[Rhonda] 'Course we both started out� modeling together,

but it was all Joyce, you know.

She was the beauty.

The photographers, well, they just simply adored her.

We were both Page 3 girls for a little while,

and it was all just very innocent stuff.

Joycey...

she sort of went down a darker path.

[synthesizer music playing]

[Rhonda] She became Australia's most famous porn star.

It was mostly arty stuff, though.

Juicy Joyce, every man's dream girl.

Oh, but... Yeah, it's all ancient history now.

[Joyce] Gimme the mail. Gimme the mail. I'm the Hamburglar.

[man] Ah, of course I remember Joyce.

Any bloke my age would.

Uh...

Yeah, she did a lot of stick flicks back then.

Joyce Goes Bush, Joyce Down Under,

uh, Joyce Gets Randy,

Streuth, It's Joyce! Yeah I love that one.

She was absolute sex on legs.

Still lovely today, actually.

Just a quick reminder, ladies and gentlemen, that the mail is here.

I repeat, the mail is here.

[Joyce] I understand why you guys are here.

You're here to find out what I'm like now...

"What is she like? Remember her from back in the day?"

-Yeah. -And let me tell you,

I don't give two rats.

-Yeah, you do. You care. -I don't give two rats.

'Cause I know why you're really here.

You're here to see the collection.

When I show you my collection, you're gonna shit your pants.

Seriously. It's that good.

-It really is. -Let's have a look around.

I'll show you. On your feet!

Get a load of it. This is all my stuff.

Albino rubber bands.

There's some of Dad's dolls. I don't love 'em.

Keyrings. These are my corn cob holders.

This is the kitchen.

So, what it is-- My birds.

What I like about this is-- This is a cockatoo.

This is my favorite. Laughing cockatoo.

This is a pink cockatoo.

This is actually a galah.

What I like about it, is it's actually got a crest on it,

which is not true. galahs don't have crests on them.

So, if you want some Juicy Fruit at all, anyone on the crew?

No? All good?

These postcards are actually... I sent them to myself,

'cause I don't have a lot of friends.

And these are my matches.

Oh, there's so much stuff in here, I just can't even get my head around it.

Spoons over there.

Um, what else we got?

So, this is the museum.

This is where I'm gonna put all the collection

when people are gonna come buy tickets to see it.

I mean, it's not finished yet, but it's just gonna be, like,

cream of the crop of the collection all displayed along there. Yeah.

Oh, bloody Nora. See those birds up there? Those grey ones?

See them? They have been staring at me.

They just-- They have cameras in their eyes

and they stare at me and they store information on disks.

Stupid bloody birds! Eat seed, bitches!

Can't stand you!

Bloody idiots!

Stupid drongos!

My Kate Bush cupboard.

Come on into the tape room.

This is my tape room where I record everything.

My scrunchie drawer.

Well, what it is, it's a whole lot of scrunchies.

And it's a scrunchy for every day.

So what I do, is I'll just put a scrunchy in...

like that.

And that's just-- I'll wear that for the day.

Oh, there's this. My keyboard.

[plays dissonant notes]

I feel like every little thing deserves to be loved. Anyway...

It's a water bed.

[water swishes]

Oh, yes! I love it!

[moaning]

Rhonda, make sure they don't steal anything out there.

Get back or I'll have your eye out.

This guy here's my father, Charles.

He's the one that rescued me from my bad times,

but we don't talk about that, do we?

We actually lost him a couple of years ago.

Shush! Enough said!

-Your lips will be zipped. -Yeah.

Most of the collection's actually my father's, Charles.

He did all the collecting.

No, you had input, darling.

-Well, I'm his helper, Rhonda. -Yes.

And this is my dad's precious teddy.

This is the most important thing in the whole collection.

It was my Dad's when he was little.

You're not even supposed to touch it,

but sometimes I do like to hold the teddy's hand.

Anyway, come on.

You can't catch the gingerbread lady!

There's more to see.

Who's looking? You are.

Oh, oh, oh. Is he gonna touch the bottom?

There we go!

Oh, let's get a photo!

Patika, Rasheesh, come in, please.

Alright, you getting us, like right, I want your head right there.

-Okay. -[man] Ready?

[Keith] Everyone has secrets.� I certainly do.

But a secret's not a secret if you talk about it, right?

Um...

My secret is that I was diagnosed with a sexuality disorder some years ago.

Objective sexuality or objectophilia.

Where you feel a deep love and attraction towards an inanimate object.

And that object, for me, was a cash register here at the store.

And her name is Karen. I named her.

Patika and I were married at the time,

so big mistake to fall in love with another.

Mm.

[Keith] I had tinglings of object love feelings in my 20's.

I fell in love with a tumble dryer,

but I kept that a secret.

Then in the early 90's, I moved into haberdashery

and a replacement cash register arrived.

It was Karen, an '89 Sharp XEA203 model.

She was an old battleaxe even then.

But she had something about her.

Her curves, her texture, her buttons, her--

Things about her that turned me on so much.

She had an innocence.

[kisses]

At first you look forward to just seeing her every day,

I wanted to be alone with her,

I would be aroused at the very sight of her

and I would want to take things further.

They replaced the entire in-store system,

so they were throwing Karen out.

I offered to take her off their hands,

kept her in our shed at home

and I'd visit her every night.

He thought I was working late on that night. He didn't see me coming,

and he was doing to a machine

which a man does to his wife.

[gasps]

[gasps]

[Keith] Penile penetration� of the cash drawer.

Not something I would wish upon any wife to see.

[Keith] Luckily, we sought help from our parish minister, Ray.

He's a very progressive guy,

he's dealt with a lot of sexuality preference disorders.

And through some fairly rigorous aversion therapy and counseling,

I was able to rid myself of my inappropriate feelings.

They do say you never truly rid yourself of objectophilia,

but I feel like I'm the exception to the rule.

I feel nothing for Karen anymore.

Alright, sweetie?

[Becky] It's so good Dad, like,

my knees are not even touching.

It's just right. I can just touch the floor.

You nailed this, Dad. It's so good.

Dad's put some safety foam on the door, just in case I whack my head on it.

And the fan blades, too, just in case I bump that, too.

[laughs] The fan itself� is an absolute no-go,

so we've taped up the switch so no one can turn it on.

That would be really bad.

I've cut some ply. Put your ply down.

A bit of mattress.

We put it up here. Wiggle down, sweetie.

It's so good, Dad! Oh, my God!

-[Becky] I love it. -Great.

I'm doing Chinese literature, Chinese cinema,

Mandarin extension studies.

I'm doing sort of Asian Studies major with a Chinese studies minor.

I'm obsessed with Asian culture.

It's Lingers!

Oh, Tsun-Ling! Tsun-Ling was our exchange student

that stayed with me and Lucy in Australia a couple of years ago!

-Me and Becky call him "Lingers". -Yeah, Lingers.

So the thing is, he actually goes to this college. He's a sophomore here.

So he's kind of one of the main reasons that we came to Butterfield.

[Becky] I've been texting him� since we got here,

but I haven't heard from him yet,

but he's probably busy.

[Lucy] Yeah, or he could just be too nervous to reply.

-[Becky] Yeah. -[Lucy] Yeah.

Oh, my God! Lucy, I'm getting the three dots!

Oh, they're gone!

Oh! Pooh-pooh!

My God, Lucy! Vending machine!

Yes! Late night snacks! [giggles]

That's so cool!

[Becky] This is gonna be weird, though.

[Dad] You're gonna have to� squat right down.

-[Becky] Yeah. -[Dad] Right down.

-This is so exciting! -[Becky] I can sort of see over,

but not that I would, though, but you can, like...

-[Becky] This is nice! -[Lucy] This is nice!

I like that kind of atmosphere, it's like a chill room.

-It's like-- Hi, I'm Becky! -Hi!

-Are you moving into Willow Hall today? -Yeah.

-We're gonna be like dorm mates? -Yeah, so I'm Caroline.

Oh, hey, Caroline. Becky!

[Becky] Yeah, find your room. The numbers are just on the door.

That's so cool, there's, like, coffee.

Games! We can just put out the games on the table!

Nancy? Oh, my god!

I spoke to you in the Butterfield Freshman Facebook page.

It's Becky from Australia.

You are so tall!

[Becky chuckles] Oh, my God!

I know, I get it all the time.

So good to meet you.

I'm going to England

to visit my auntie and uncle.

They're these rich cunts that live in this mansion.

And my cousin Dylan, he's my best online mate.

And... I'm his hero.

Gavin, you're my hero.

Yeah, I know I'm your hero.

Do you want to see my dong dance?

Yeah.

The estate is 2,000 hectares, it's enormous.

The manor has seen better days.

I had a rather wayward ancestor, the 14th Earl of Gayhurst.

And, well, he lost a lot of money.

These are our two children, Clementine and Dylan.

As far as lineage goes,

there's a question of who will be the next Earl of Gayhurst.

And due to Dylan being unfit for the role

and Clementine being a girl, she's not in line.

The next Earl of Gayhurst will be my nephew, Gavin.

Yes! Gavin!

[Ken] He's my younger sister's son and he lives in Australia.

[Helen] And that's why we're� bringing Gavin out

to stay with us for the holidays,

so he can get used to the estate that he'll one day inherit.

Gavin's the future. The next Earl of Gayhurst.

[Helen] Welcome to Gayhurst, Gavin!

[man] Hello, young man.

Long-ass drive. My legs are hella numb.

Got earplugs from the flight. If anyone wants them, just ask me.

-[Ken] Lovely to have you here. -It's cold as fart in England.

Gavin! I waited to see you!

Yeah, good to see you too. No homo.

[Helen] So, how was your flight, Darling?

Low-key jet lagged AF.

So, we stopped in Singapore, right? Smells like dick there.

And then this air hostess is, like, looking after me on the flight.

She wouldn't let me walk around 'cause I wanted to look at duty free and stuff,

so I just end up sitting there, bored as ballsack,

talking to all these Chinese people.

I wasn't talking to 'em, they were just staring at me.

And, um, I was frothing over the leg room on the flight, Uncle Ken.

And Mum said to say thanks for paying for the flight, so yeah.

No problem. Let me grab these and we'll set you in, shall we?

Oi, Dylan. Yeah, boy!

Mum said I gotta give you guys presents, so I've got all these presents in there.

-[Aunt] Oh, lovely! -Yeah. Yours--

Dylan, yours is not even lit.

It's like this boxing kangaroo pen.

-Yeah. It's lame as fuck. Yeah. -Yes!

The castle's hella big.

My house is like baby dick compared to this.

Oh, she's a beauty, isn't she?

Auntie Helen, Legionnaire's hat, remember on Skype I was telling you about it?

Well, it's good 'cause you can, like, fold the back up.

-Very nice. -We gotta get you one, too, Dylan.

Oh, Dylan, do you have a chick?

'Cause I'm gonna get on the grind when I'm here.

So, if your chick has friends, then introduce me to them. Cool.

Yeah, it's cool. I like this place.

All dogs on. All dogs on.

All dogs on. Sit there, Vic-- Victoria, please sit. Sit.

[camera clicks]

-I'm laughing. Is that what you're after? -[man] Yeah. Great. Good. Beautiful.

[Jana] I've managed to carve myself a very lucrative career

from my psychic work.

I charge a lot because I get results.

Fix my hair, please.

The dogs have been brushing against the side and they've fluffed me up, so--

-[dog whines] -Be quiet, please.

Mommy has to take photos� for the cover, please.

[Jana] I'm doing a photo shoot for a very well-known lesbian dog magazine.

I think you need to touch it up around my eyes, though.

[man] Yeah?

[Jana] They've been wonderful� to work with.

I'm very well respected in the LGBTQR community here.

I'm a gay woman myself, loud and proud, always have been.

I'm considered by some a gay icon.

I don't know why, but I'll take it. [chuckles]

Women tend to go ape shit for me.

[dog growls]

Kylie, come get the dog off me. Get it off me. Get it off me.

Get the dog off me now, please.� Quickly, quickly, quickly.

Can't you see the camera behind you?

For God's sake, it's not taking a photo of your arse.

This is my personal assistant, Kylie.

She lives with me. I couldn't live without her.

She's my right-hand lady.

-OK, where's Kawate? Get Kawate. -Kawate?

[Jana] He was hangry before. I don't want to see him get-- Kawate.

You've got the beans in there, too. I love this.

[Jana] Is that the kale� that I asked you to get?

No, I told you to get the dark kale.

-OK. -No, don't get that.

Why are you buying so many tomatoes? I've told you I don't like tomatoes.

[Jana gives kisses]

I have very many favorite dogs,

but this is my absolute favorite, Victoria.

I love her so much. She's my lover.

[kisses]

-Oh, yes. -[dog whines softly]

Oh, your breath is so beautiful, darling!

No, darling, I can't... darling.

Yes, of course it's OK for men to have long hair,

and no, it's not Christmas Day, silly dog.

She's telling me things.

I always have a favorite dog.

My favorite before Victoria... was Barkini.

And when she died, I couldn't bear to lose her.

I had her stuffed.

This is Barkini, my former favorite dog.

I can't bear to say goodbye to them. You remember Barkini, don't you?

Oh, what's Mommy going to do with you when you die, darling?

The mind boggles. The mind absolutely boggles.

So many options.

This is Kookooma, my other dog.

She was my favorite before Barkini and I had her made into a shawl.

It's quite a stylish piece.

You can try Kookooma on, too. He likes to wear Kookooma, too, sometimes.

You remember Kookooma. She loved her as much as I did.

Here you go.

[Quentin] Boys, I am that brown� at the moment.

Everyone keeps asking me about it.

They're like, "Where have you been?"

-Can't believe that tan I have. -Fake tan.

No, fuck. You were there, cunt.

No, we've been to Bali.

Me and the boys went and got loose in Bali for a few weeks.

It was fucking sick. We go over there heaps.

Yeah, check out the rig on the cunt. It's fucking ridiculous.

Yeah, a lot of people think I've taken a jab, 'roids, but... which I have,

but you gotta also work out, too, so I spend a fair bit of time at the gym,

um, do CrossFit.

Yeah, I tend to go pretty hard on weekdays, loose cunt on weekends.

That's all us boys' motto, pretty much.

-Fuck yeah, the boys. -Yeah.

So my main interest, outside work, would be EDM, working out,

partying, fashion...

Oh, remember that chick?

-Yeah, she was a rig, eh? -Yeah.

-You ended up taking her home, didn't you? -Yeah.

Just getting amongst nature.

Oh, I fucking love that dolphin.

Completely understand. Thank you. Bye-bye.

[woman] I'm Lyn Cook...

and I'm mother to this lot.

[chuckles]

[Lyn] Quentin is...

I wouldn't say my golden boy, but I very much have a soft spot for him.

He's gorgeous, as you can see.

And he has the voice of an angel.

Have you ever heard him sing?

I dabble in singing, yeah.

-Shut up. You're a dope singer, bro. -No!

-Yeah, you are. -I'm not.

-Come on, sing something for us. -No.

No, no. I'm not gonna sing, no. Too shy.

-Come on, bro. -I can't sing.

-Sure. Come on. -Give us a beat.

♪ Nothing's fine, I'm torn ♪

♪ I'm all out of faith ♪

♪ This is how I feel ♪

♪ Am I not pretty enough? ♪

♪ Is my heart too broken? ♪

♪ I don't want another pretty face ♪ �

♪ I don't want just anyone to hold ♪

♪ I don't want my love to go to waste ♪

♪ 'Cause you were amazing ♪

You are so good! You should be on The Voice. You're wasting it!

Thanks, Mom.

Go-- Mom, go easy. Go easy, tiger.

-[Lyn laughs] -Yeah.

Look at the double dishy-- dishwasher here, too.

Could chuck a-- One there, one there, just whatever you want.

There's dishwashers everywhere.

I'm just gonna go hammer as CEO,

and I feel like I can, like, marrify the family together,

leading to maximum sales,

and just gonna give it everything to the tenth degree.

Reckon it's gonna be lit.

Yeah, Quentin's gonna kick ass as the new boss.

-Yeah. -Dude, is "marrify" actually a word?

Yeah, it is. Yep.

You sure?

Yep.

[Joyce] I'm actually not the only person that lives in the house.

There's other people that live here too, but only I can see them.

Peter?

Is that you, Peter?

OK, if it is you and you're going out,

then I'm gonna leave out some dinner for you. OK?

It'll be chicken schnitzel and chips and salad.

Putting that out on the table.

Make sure you eat your salad.

Ring, ring. Oh, that's my phone.

Hello? Joyce speaking.

Is that Big Jesse?

Big Jesse? Oh, hi, yeah, well--

So, you coming home tonight, or--

Oh, not? OK, cool.

Do you want me to leave the, yeah, door open? Yeah, cool.

OK, I'll leave it open. I'm just gonna-- I'll just...

leave it open for ya.

What are you doing?

Oh, you're just going to a club, are you?

Yeah, cool. You gonna see Stacey, or--

OK, so door's open, eh?

Just wide open.

I'll leave your key out, too, just in case a possum pulls it shut or something.

Here's your key.

I'll put that under the mat. Yeah.

Just in case.

This is where I keep all my cranes.

Trying to make a million of them.

'Cause I heard that if you make a million, then it leads all the way to Heaven.

Just join them together.

Deadset taken me bloody ages, though.

[Keith] Running our own business� is the start

of a very exciting chapter for us.

I'm literally chomping at the bit.

Kanock, kanock. Incoming.

-Hi, there. Welcome to Fine Fashion. -Keith Dick, new owner.

-Nice to meet you. -What's your name?

-Marilyn. -Yeah, right.

Hi. Keith Dick, new owner.

-How do you do? -And your name?

-June. -June. Yeah, got it.

[Keith] The store needs a lot of work.

The inheritance has left us a little bit of money to spend.

[Patika] But we need to be careful.

Yes. Well, her father, I wouldn't say ran it into the ground,

but he-- We can do better, in Rashrapati's memory.

That's her father. Yes.

-[Becky sobs] -[Dad] It's alright.

[Becky] I know I have to be strong with this new American college life

and have faith that God's going to look after me and Lucy. He will.

-[shouting] Dad! -[Dad] It's alright. You'll be OK.

[Becky sobs]

So, how you doing? What's your name?

-I'm Lucy. -Jack.

[Becky] And, like, I know I act� all confident and outgoing,

but I can be pretty shy, too.

I know I'll be fine, but.

[Becky] There we go.

[Becky V.O.] I've got a good feeling the next few months are gonna be epic.

Ow, that didn't hurt.

[giggles]

[Gavin] Auntie Helen, do you know� if they sell Magnums in England?

-[Gavin] The ice creams? -[Helen] They must do.

Cool. Maybe get a 12 pack.

[Helen] OK. It's a bit chilly, though.

-[Gavin] I'm still hungry, but-- -[Helen] Alright.

[Gavin] I could slam down some chicken nuggets right now.

-You got any frozen ones? -Yeah.

-Yeah. -I'll heat them up for you, sweetheart.

-[Gavin] Cool. -[Helen] You're hungry?

[Gavin] Yeah. Lead me straight to the toilet, actually.

I've got to do a Mary Poppins.

Darling, don't go anywhere. Mommy wants you to stay here.

Oh, God! I love you so much.

Be careful when she backs into you like that.

She could give you a poo stamp on your leg.

She's very dirty in the anus.

Got those here, if you want any. Oh.

Five second rule.

Did you want that?

Oh, yeah! Ooh!

Yeah, oh, look at that! Oh, I love ya!

Love it! Love it. Oh, I'm loving it!

[theme music playing]

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