Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,627 --> 00:00:04,450
Now up on our charity ride for kids,
2
00:00:04,451 --> 00:00:09,300
we have one of our country's
brightest and oldest stars,
3
00:00:09,361 --> 00:00:12,463
singer of the hit song "Unsensitive,"
4
00:00:12,465 --> 00:00:15,666
- Jann Arden!
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
5
00:00:15,668 --> 00:00:18,235
- Uh, it's IN-sensitive.
- Huh?
6
00:00:18,237 --> 00:00:21,171
The song is called Insensitive.
7
00:00:21,173 --> 00:00:23,180
(BELL RINGING)
8
00:00:23,181 --> 00:00:27,100
Well, let's see how long Jann
can stay on Bert, shall we?
9
00:00:29,582 --> 00:00:33,150
- he's been a little unpredictable lately.
- Ah!!
10
00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:42,325
- Hey, Jann!
- (MUSIC SLOWS DOWN)
11
00:00:42,327 --> 00:00:44,360
12
00:00:44,663 --> 00:00:47,831
(EXCLAMATIONS)
13
00:00:48,693 --> 00:00:50,945
You should be ashamed of yourself!
14
00:00:51,435 --> 00:00:53,354
- Shelley, Shelley, Shelley!
- Mechanical bulls glorify
15
00:00:53,378 --> 00:00:55,904
- the domestication of wild creatures!
- Shelley,
16
00:00:55,947 --> 00:00:59,127
- you gotta stop doing this. It's just a fun thing.
- Shame! Shame!
17
00:00:59,128 --> 00:01:00,380
Oh, my God!
18
00:01:00,409 --> 00:01:02,633
Grab a seat and I'll
get you some curly fries.
19
00:01:02,654 --> 00:01:05,397
Excuse me. This is not okay!
20
00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:08,167
- I'll grab an order for you too.
- Yeah, you better!
21
00:01:08,232 --> 00:01:10,427
- And she'll take it to go!
- Yeah!
22
00:01:10,552 --> 00:01:12,385
A lunatic!
23
00:01:12,745 --> 00:01:15,292
- Frigging lunatic!
- This is outrageous.
24
00:01:15,336 --> 00:01:17,286
We could sue the stirrups
off this fundraiser.
25
00:01:17,307 --> 00:01:19,730
You know what? Screw those kids,
they can go to camp next year.
26
00:01:19,754 --> 00:01:21,664
Look at this mess.
27
00:01:22,344 --> 00:01:25,244
- Look at it.
- Well, that's just unfortunate.
28
00:01:25,369 --> 00:01:27,325
"Die children"?
29
00:01:27,748 --> 00:01:30,829
- I look like a monster!
- Your eyes look pretty in that one.
30
00:01:30,865 --> 00:01:33,154
- I'm a good person.
- The most good.
31
00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:35,665
I need to be the face of a charity.
32
00:01:35,708 --> 00:01:37,702
You need to get me some
of those sad orphan dogs
33
00:01:37,725 --> 00:01:39,850
- like Sarah McLachlan.
- Something powerful
34
00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:42,285
- Yes! Yes!
- ... and uplifting. I'm on it!
35
00:01:49,672 --> 00:01:52,200
So, do you guys want to go to that
grilled cheese place for lunch?
36
00:01:52,224 --> 00:01:54,053
- Sure!
- Yeah.
37
00:01:54,090 --> 00:01:56,360
We'll just have to wait
until Maxie gets here.
38
00:01:56,406 --> 00:01:59,496
- BOTH: What?
- I left my purse at her house yesterday.
39
00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:02,729
No, Gram, Mom doesn't know that
I dropped out of university!
40
00:02:02,738 --> 00:02:04,544
And she definitely doesn't
know that I suggested it.
41
00:02:04,553 --> 00:02:06,902
What did I tell you girls about lying?
42
00:02:07,105 --> 00:02:09,444
- That our boobs would fall off.
- Yeah.
43
00:02:09,461 --> 00:02:11,951
You believed it for much
longer than I thought you would.
44
00:02:11,956 --> 00:02:14,300
- (CAR HONKING)
- Oh my god, she's here! She's here!
45
00:02:14,305 --> 00:02:15,673
Okay, just follow my lead.
46
00:02:15,675 --> 00:02:18,919
I am the worst liar in the world.
She's gonna see right through.
47
00:02:19,748 --> 00:02:21,622
This isn't a hickey.
48
00:02:21,747 --> 00:02:24,036
The central vac attacked me.
49
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:25,708
You don't have central vac.
50
00:02:25,915 --> 00:02:28,360
We don't? We should get it.
51
00:02:28,545 --> 00:02:30,262
Get into the panic room.
52
00:02:30,538 --> 00:02:31,731
The laundry room?
53
00:02:31,736 --> 00:02:33,817
- That is where I go to panic.
- Okay, okay.
54
00:02:33,942 --> 00:02:37,226
- This will not end well.
- Act normal.
55
00:02:38,322 --> 00:02:41,002
- Oh, hi, Maxie!
- Hi, Mom.
56
00:02:41,527 --> 00:02:43,531
- Here's your purse.
- Thank you.
57
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:45,599
Thanks for dropping by! Take care.
58
00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:48,713
Okay... Just a reminder
that you're bringing Mom
59
00:02:48,731 --> 00:02:50,873
- to the birthday on Saturday.
- I know.
60
00:02:51,061 --> 00:02:52,801
- Okay.
- 75 and still alive!
61
00:02:52,815 --> 00:02:55,670
- Definitely worth celebrating. Right, Mom?
- If you say so.
62
00:02:55,795 --> 00:02:58,756
Anyway, just come after 5. Dave's
making Mock-Chicken Wellington.
63
00:02:58,793 --> 00:03:00,368
- What the hell is Mock
- Chicken Wellington?
64
00:03:00,386 --> 00:03:02,772
I have no idea. He's obsessed
with Pinterest right now.
65
00:03:02,786 --> 00:03:05,637
Anyway, he offered to help and I
could use all the help I can get.
66
00:03:05,651 --> 00:03:08,510
- I don't have time to plan a party right now.
- I'll do it.
67
00:03:08,745 --> 00:03:09,809
Yeah...
68
00:03:09,887 --> 00:03:13,545
I'm serious. 'Cause I think
you're having a breakdown.
69
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,101
I'm not having a breakdown.
70
00:03:15,122 --> 00:03:17,105
- You've got breakdown face.
- Okay.
71
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:19,055
- I'm a good person.
- Well...
72
00:03:19,180 --> 00:03:22,303
- I'll do it at the big house.
- Okay, fine. Fine.
73
00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:24,763
You do it. It'll be
me, Dave, and the girls.
74
00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:26,734
Charley can't come, she has finals.
75
00:03:27,130 --> 00:03:28,747
That is so sad.
76
00:03:28,768 --> 00:03:30,819
But we are still gonna have
a great time, right, Mom?
77
00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:33,127
We are going to have the
birthday of your dreams.
78
00:03:33,148 --> 00:03:36,136
- Great. It'll probably be my last.
- Exactly!
79
00:03:36,144 --> 00:03:37,596
So let's make it count!
80
00:03:38,891 --> 00:03:40,127
Did she know?
81
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:42,959
- She knows, doesn't she?
- Can you calm the hell down?
82
00:03:43,084 --> 00:03:44,526
I think I'm getting an ulcer.
83
00:03:45,187 --> 00:03:49,010
You and your mom are both so
annoying in such different ways.
84
00:03:49,135 --> 00:03:51,686
First things first:
we got a party to plan.
85
00:03:51,956 --> 00:03:54,269
86
00:03:55,003 --> 00:03:57,442
Oh, my lord. Okay.
87
00:03:57,567 --> 00:04:00,105
We got decorations, we got supplies...
88
00:04:00,135 --> 00:04:04,304
I'm just waiting for
confirmation on the gift bags,
89
00:04:04,329 --> 00:04:07,396
the catering and the
Cirque Du Soleil guy.
90
00:04:07,405 --> 00:04:09,785
I just want to celebrate with family.
91
00:04:09,823 --> 00:04:14,316
- That is boring, Mom!
- Oh, well, you could invite Cynthia.
92
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,854
I haven't seen her in such a long time.
93
00:04:15,858 --> 00:04:17,458
You'd think the two
of you had broken up!
94
00:04:17,521 --> 00:04:19,466
You know, she is busy with work
95
00:04:19,483 --> 00:04:21,778
and whatnot. I will reach out to her
96
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,998
and see if she's available,
but no promises, alright?
97
00:04:24,123 --> 00:04:26,553
What a tangled web you weave.
98
00:04:26,611 --> 00:04:27,872
Zip it!
99
00:04:28,498 --> 00:04:30,405
(PHONE RINGING)
100
00:04:30,823 --> 00:04:32,030
[Hey, Todd.]
101
00:04:32,427 --> 00:04:34,380
I got you your sad orphan dogs!
102
00:04:34,410 --> 00:04:35,879
Oh, good! Tell me about it.
103
00:04:35,904 --> 00:04:39,170
[It's a rare illness] that desperately
needs funding to find a cure.
104
00:04:39,295 --> 00:04:42,089
They want to use your face and
music for an awareness campaign.
105
00:04:42,136 --> 00:04:44,035
(GRUNTING) Sounds... great...
106
00:04:44,976 --> 00:04:46,541
But I should tell you...
107
00:04:46,571 --> 00:04:48,343
Could you just call me back?
108
00:04:48,394 --> 00:04:51,668
- [Because, we'll fill in the gaps later. Bye!]
- Jann!
109
00:04:52,900 --> 00:04:54,466
Ja...
110
00:04:55,302 --> 00:04:58,155
Okay, I've successfully
booked the animal balloon guy.
111
00:04:58,218 --> 00:04:59,889
The girls are gonna love that.
112
00:04:59,890 --> 00:05:02,853
I have this one last thing I need to do.
113
00:05:03,869 --> 00:05:05,317
Ahem!
114
00:05:06,207 --> 00:05:07,929
(PHONE RINGING)
115
00:05:08,958 --> 00:05:11,052
- Hi, Jann.
- [Hey, Cynthia!]
116
00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:14,242
How are you? I hope you're well.
117
00:05:14,288 --> 00:05:18,124
How are you doing... little lady?
118
00:05:18,146 --> 00:05:21,948
Uh... yeah. I might be living
my best life, to be honest.
119
00:05:24,294 --> 00:05:27,594
Great! It's so nice to hear your voice.
120
00:05:29,890 --> 00:05:30,928
So what's up?
121
00:05:30,975 --> 00:05:35,263
Um, I'm hosting my mom's
75th birthday tomorrow
122
00:05:35,757 --> 00:05:37,238
at my house and...
123
00:05:37,247 --> 00:05:38,567
[she specifically
asked for you to come.]
124
00:05:38,584 --> 00:05:40,938
[She was very specific about it.]
125
00:05:41,165 --> 00:05:42,533
Specifically.
126
00:05:42,697 --> 00:05:44,646
Oh... that's sweet of Nora,
127
00:05:44,651 --> 00:05:47,524
- but I don't know if it's a good idea.
- [That's fair.]
128
00:05:47,794 --> 00:05:51,726
But it would mean a lot to
m... Mom if you could come.
129
00:05:52,131 --> 00:05:54,613
Okay. I'll pop by for a bit.
130
00:05:54,874 --> 00:05:56,064
Great.
131
00:05:56,246 --> 00:05:57,997
- I'll see you then.
- Great.
132
00:05:59,005 --> 00:06:01,761
Okay, byeeeeeee. Bye. Bye.
133
00:06:03,036 --> 00:06:06,733
So, decorations are done.
Gram's taking a nap...
134
00:06:08,058 --> 00:06:10,662
- Gotcha!
- Do you need me to do anything else?
135
00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:14,468
Nope. I can take care of this on my own.
136
00:06:15,119 --> 00:06:17,675
- "Okay, byeeeeeee"!
- Zip it!
137
00:06:17,992 --> 00:06:20,778
(QUACKING)
138
00:06:24,022 --> 00:06:26,672
(BOTH SCREAMING)
139
00:06:29,895 --> 00:06:31,313
This is bear spray!
140
00:06:31,385 --> 00:06:32,626
Hello, Mercer.
141
00:06:32,706 --> 00:06:34,807
- Who told you where I was?
- You did!
142
00:06:35,238 --> 00:06:37,018
Your photos are Geo-tagged.
143
00:06:40,549 --> 00:06:42,359
Okay, I need a favour.
144
00:06:42,562 --> 00:06:44,009
I'm kind of busy here, Jann.
145
00:06:44,022 --> 00:06:46,014
You know what, I was
busy for 15 years too,
146
00:06:46,035 --> 00:06:49,930
but that did not stop me from
repeatedly saving your show.
147
00:06:50,055 --> 00:06:53,833
- What do you want?
- Okay, my mom is having a 75th birthday party
148
00:06:53,875 --> 00:06:56,086
and I need you to roast her.
149
00:06:56,314 --> 00:06:59,260
That doesn't even make any
sense. I don't do roasts.
150
00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:00,931
Well, you do now.
151
00:07:01,914 --> 00:07:03,327
Okay, you wouldn't do that.
152
00:07:03,826 --> 00:07:06,185
- Try me.
- What's on that memory stick...
153
00:07:06,244 --> 00:07:08,565
you don't want that made
public any more than I do.
154
00:07:08,590 --> 00:07:10,672
I'm barely featured on this
thing. You, on the other hand,
155
00:07:10,696 --> 00:07:13,330
were always attracted to the
spotlight, even back then.
156
00:07:14,666 --> 00:07:16,919
Okay. I'll come to your party.
157
00:07:17,223 --> 00:07:19,048
I'll say some nice
things, I'll do some jokes.
158
00:07:19,049 --> 00:07:21,400
Ten minutes, okay? Then I get that back.
159
00:07:21,438 --> 00:07:23,028
You know what? Tight five.
160
00:07:23,041 --> 00:07:25,497
And then we will see,
Mercer. We will see.
161
00:07:27,392 --> 00:07:30,725
Anyway, thank you so much for
doing this. I really appreciate.
162
00:07:30,734 --> 00:07:32,164
My mom's gonna love it.
163
00:07:32,289 --> 00:07:34,278
Don't bring anything, just yourself.
164
00:07:34,341 --> 00:07:35,560
I'll bring flowers.
165
00:07:35,577 --> 00:07:37,230
And a restraining order.
166
00:07:38,261 --> 00:07:40,198
I'm a show-er, not a grow-er!
167
00:07:40,882 --> 00:07:42,452
Is this north?
168
00:07:49,247 --> 00:07:51,952
- I love this place!
- Hello!
169
00:07:52,019 --> 00:07:54,981
- Where is the birthday girl?
- Hi, hi.
170
00:07:55,567 --> 00:07:58,014
- What is all this?
- What do you mean?
171
00:07:58,139 --> 00:08:00,449
I thought we were just having
a little private family dinner.
172
00:08:00,470 --> 00:08:02,905
- You guys are kind of early.
- This looks like a Vegas after party.
173
00:08:02,922 --> 00:08:05,678
- I had the best time filling up helium balloons today.
- That's a...
174
00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:06,974
big pineapple.
175
00:08:06,995 --> 00:08:10,147
I love it. I got everything so
cheap, like at a dollar store.
176
00:08:10,164 --> 00:08:12,924
- Okay.
- Anyway, I just thought I'd kick it up a notch.
177
00:08:12,945 --> 00:08:17,089
It looks fantastic. Do
not eat a that candy!
178
00:08:17,156 --> 00:08:18,341
Jann, what is the theme
179
00:08:18,346 --> 00:08:20,769
- of this party, exactly?
- Okay, is that not obvious to you, Dave?
180
00:08:20,793 --> 00:08:22,270
- Sure isn't.
- No, not really.
181
00:08:22,287 --> 00:08:24,215
Okay, anyway...
182
00:08:24,228 --> 00:08:27,401
This is crazy. You've gone so
over the top. Where is our mother?
183
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:30,014
Oh god, she's around here
somewhere. She's probably with...
184
00:08:30,139 --> 00:08:31,566
she's probably with Charley. Did I
185
00:08:31,583 --> 00:08:33,486
- forget to tell you at Charley was here?
- Charley?
186
00:08:33,503 --> 00:08:34,946
But I thought she had finals.
187
00:08:34,967 --> 00:08:36,125
God, I love this cake so much.
188
00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,706
Did you make this at
home? What a great picture.
189
00:08:37,719 --> 00:08:39,943
Why don't you set that on the
cake table right over there?
190
00:08:39,951 --> 00:08:41,778
- Okay...
- So cute. On the cake table.
191
00:08:41,816 --> 00:08:42,931
Okay!
192
00:08:43,353 --> 00:08:44,965
Hey, no, no, no, no, no!
193
00:08:44,973 --> 00:08:47,455
- I just had this right.
- Is that cake?
194
00:08:47,502 --> 00:08:50,351
No, baby, that's ego. Don't touch it.
195
00:08:50,586 --> 00:08:52,856
- Wow.
- Yeah, wow.
196
00:08:53,594 --> 00:08:54,919
- Hi.
- Hey.
197
00:08:54,949 --> 00:08:58,054
- Is Rick Mercer here yet?
- Yes, he is!
198
00:08:58,092 --> 00:09:00,907
How often does your dog
take antidepressants?
199
00:09:01,032 --> 00:09:02,780
- Once a day.
- Every day?
200
00:09:02,801 --> 00:09:05,038
Every day. Sometimes twice a day.
201
00:09:05,088 --> 00:09:06,287
I can see that.
202
00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:07,928
Your eyes are creeping me out.
203
00:09:08,127 --> 00:09:09,604
What? No.
204
00:09:09,625 --> 00:09:12,427
I mean yeah, I'm a
fan, but I'm not crazy.
205
00:09:15,576 --> 00:09:17,681
- What's going on?
- Nothing, I just think
206
00:09:17,702 --> 00:09:19,969
that Rick is the greatest
political satirist to ever live
207
00:09:19,989 --> 00:09:22,241
and that he has the face of
valiant, distinguished cherub.
208
00:09:22,263 --> 00:09:24,604
Holy Moly! You need to have a drink.
209
00:09:25,686 --> 00:09:28,899
- I'll tone it down.
- Honestly, you're kind of embarrassing me.
210
00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:30,223
Get it together.
211
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,536
Listen, Rick being here is
a huge opportunity for you.
212
00:09:34,553 --> 00:09:36,042
He has 2 million followers
213
00:09:36,055 --> 00:09:37,934
and if you can live stream
with him for a full minute,
214
00:09:37,958 --> 00:09:39,827
you'll see a 6% bump in YOUR followers.
215
00:09:39,844 --> 00:09:42,292
So you want me to
exploit my friend's fame
216
00:09:42,313 --> 00:09:44,372
to make myself seem more relevant?
217
00:09:44,940 --> 00:09:46,934
- Bingo.
- Done. How does live streaming work?
218
00:09:46,955 --> 00:09:48,310
You just leave it to me.
219
00:09:48,812 --> 00:09:50,967
(GASPING) Great.
220
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,393
So great.
221
00:09:53,518 --> 00:09:55,815
What exactly is the theme of this party?
222
00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:58,131
Why does everybody keep asking me that?
223
00:09:58,173 --> 00:10:02,198
Babe, are these hats
supposed to look like...
224
00:10:02,424 --> 00:10:05,104
- I think they're supposed to be ducks?
- Ducks?
225
00:10:05,135 --> 00:10:06,702
The man called them dicks.
226
00:10:06,998 --> 00:10:08,759
Is a dick a boy duck?
227
00:10:09,129 --> 00:10:10,843
It's um... You know what?
228
00:10:10,865 --> 00:10:13,428
You guys should go and
find something to eat.
229
00:10:13,460 --> 00:10:14,747
Focus on something nutritional.
230
00:10:14,752 --> 00:10:16,809
- Things that grow out of the ground.
- Come on, girls, let's go.
231
00:10:16,830 --> 00:10:18,866
Okay. I'll hold your
dicks... ducks. Ducks.
232
00:10:18,991 --> 00:10:20,833
- Can you hold my duck?
- Okay.
233
00:10:25,412 --> 00:10:28,487
- Hi, Mom!
- My Char-Char!
234
00:10:29,885 --> 00:10:31,283
So,
235
00:10:31,473 --> 00:10:33,551
- all done with finals?
- Mm-hmm.
236
00:10:33,577 --> 00:10:35,846
- I bet you aced 'em.
- Mmm.
237
00:10:36,072 --> 00:10:38,314
This party's a little
bit much, don't you think?
238
00:10:38,378 --> 00:10:41,837
- Yeah, it cost a fortune.
- How do you know how much it cost?
239
00:10:41,962 --> 00:10:43,500
Guess?
240
00:10:43,848 --> 00:10:47,035
I mean, the sheer amount
of guacamole here...
241
00:10:47,251 --> 00:10:49,118
Why didn't you tell me
you were gonna be here?
242
00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:51,735
- I would've picked you up.
- Oh, I mean... I was going to,
243
00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:55,659
but then I dropped my phone
down this deep, deep well
244
00:10:55,701 --> 00:10:58,718
and it took me three hours
245
00:10:58,765 --> 00:11:01,366
to fish it out with my shoelace.
246
00:11:03,049 --> 00:11:05,496
What? What?!
247
00:11:05,675 --> 00:11:07,616
Please stop staring at me like that.
248
00:11:07,664 --> 00:11:09,732
Are your boobs tingling at all?
249
00:11:09,922 --> 00:11:12,279
- Be careful, they might fall off.
- What?
250
00:11:16,346 --> 00:11:17,897
Hello?
251
00:11:24,849 --> 00:11:26,404
Oh my god.
252
00:11:28,868 --> 00:11:30,314
Thank you.
253
00:11:33,446 --> 00:11:35,108
Oh no, thank you.
254
00:11:35,583 --> 00:11:37,371
No, really, I'm good.
255
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:39,016
I'm claustrophobic!
256
00:11:39,090 --> 00:11:41,011
- Cynthia? Hi!
- Hi.
257
00:11:41,084 --> 00:11:44,354
- What are you doing here?
- Jann asked me to swing by.
258
00:11:44,417 --> 00:11:46,818
Maybe we shouldn't talk in front of... ?
259
00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:51,027
Oh no, he's a mime, he literally
can't speak, that's his whole... vibe.
260
00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:53,917
I really wanted to wish
your mom a happy birthday.
261
00:11:53,933 --> 00:11:55,338
And I won't tell Jann that you and I
262
00:11:55,362 --> 00:11:57,245
have been hanging out at the spa
together. I can keep a secret.
263
00:11:57,266 --> 00:11:59,376
- Yes.
- Okay.
264
00:11:59,450 --> 00:12:01,132
Seriously, go away.
265
00:12:02,367 --> 00:12:03,649
It's really nice that you came.
266
00:12:03,670 --> 00:12:05,716
My mom is gonna be so happy to see you.
267
00:12:05,737 --> 00:12:07,473
Thank you.
268
00:12:07,826 --> 00:12:09,440
- Right.
- Okay.
269
00:12:09,565 --> 00:12:11,519
Okay, you go.
270
00:12:22,548 --> 00:12:24,135
Cale, you want me to
take a picture of you two?
271
00:12:24,136 --> 00:12:26,135
No. No, I do not.
272
00:12:26,731 --> 00:12:28,502
I just thought you should know
273
00:12:28,571 --> 00:12:30,053
I closed a deal today.
274
00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:33,413
Jann's the new face of Hyperhidrosis.
275
00:12:33,983 --> 00:12:37,020
She's going to make a huge difference
in the lives of sick people.
276
00:12:37,616 --> 00:12:39,674
Cool, I guess.
277
00:12:41,019 --> 00:12:43,498
Not as cool as your
flour bomb stunt, though.
278
00:12:44,173 --> 00:12:46,610
Are you... being sincere?
279
00:12:46,631 --> 00:12:50,124
- It's almost impossible to tell.
- Yes. This is me sincere.
280
00:12:51,755 --> 00:12:53,726
I actually wish I had
thought of that myself.
281
00:12:53,851 --> 00:12:55,340
Now when you Google "flour bomb"
282
00:12:55,351 --> 00:12:57,323
you get Kardashians, Jenners, and JANN!
283
00:12:57,448 --> 00:12:59,343
That's the kind of
status we're looking for.
284
00:12:59,468 --> 00:13:01,047
Great work, Todd.
285
00:13:02,487 --> 00:13:03,701
Thank you, Cale.
286
00:13:03,743 --> 00:13:05,822
And actually, yes, you can
take a picture of me and Rick.
287
00:13:05,832 --> 00:13:07,451
Just take like a thousand.
288
00:13:11,554 --> 00:13:14,487
I've never seen you smile
before. It looks weird.
289
00:13:14,612 --> 00:13:16,345
Here's your present, Mom.
290
00:13:16,355 --> 00:13:19,362
- Rick Mercer!
- Hello, Nora.
291
00:13:19,441 --> 00:13:20,886
Happy birthday.
292
00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:23,502
- Thank you.
- Wow, you look the same age.
293
00:13:23,544 --> 00:13:27,770
- Oh, Rick!
- Come with me. Beer, wine, vodka?
294
00:13:29,859 --> 00:13:31,789
- Hi.
- Hi.
295
00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:33,910
This is such a cute cake.
296
00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:36,083
It's so thoughtful. So
much work went into this.
297
00:13:36,104 --> 00:13:37,233
No, this isn't cake.
298
00:13:37,265 --> 00:13:39,702
I don't know where the hell
this came from. Excuse me,
299
00:13:39,734 --> 00:13:41,448
you mind throwing this in the garage?
300
00:13:41,475 --> 00:13:43,510
- That's not the cake?
- No, this is the cake.
301
00:13:43,635 --> 00:13:45,503
Oh, I didn't realise that was a cake.
302
00:13:46,970 --> 00:13:48,600
Love the polish.
303
00:13:48,626 --> 00:13:50,293
I always loved you in red.
304
00:13:50,778 --> 00:13:53,067
- This is a really great party.
- Thank you.
305
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,343
- It's good to see you.
- Oh my god, is that a cake?
306
00:13:56,527 --> 00:13:59,417
You're kinda drunk. Hand it over.
307
00:14:00,108 --> 00:14:02,513
So when does Rick start
the roast of your mom?
308
00:14:02,524 --> 00:14:04,797
- He's the only reason why I'm here.
- Okay, soon.
309
00:14:04,813 --> 00:14:07,091
How exactly did you get Rick to perform
310
00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:08,652
at an elderly woman's birthday party?
311
00:14:08,716 --> 00:14:11,822
Rick and I go way back. We
have a very long history.
312
00:14:11,865 --> 00:14:14,127
- Like what?
- Like things Rick doesn't want you to know,
313
00:14:14,153 --> 00:14:16,469
- if you know what I mean.
- I don't.
314
00:14:16,506 --> 00:14:19,455
Okay. On here, there may
or may not be a sex tape
315
00:14:19,580 --> 00:14:22,182
that Rick and I had the
misfortune of making.
316
00:14:23,178 --> 00:14:25,795
I absolutely cannot imagine
what that must have looked like.
317
00:14:25,837 --> 00:14:27,625
It was before I
discovered the elliptical
318
00:14:27,641 --> 00:14:30,468
and my arse may have
looked like a bag of apples.
319
00:14:30,494 --> 00:14:32,188
Now the picture's coming into focus.
320
00:14:32,225 --> 00:14:35,035
So you're blackmailing Rick Mercer
321
00:14:35,067 --> 00:14:37,166
into performing at
your mother's birthday?
322
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:40,991
I like it. Just a heads
up, though, if you hurt him
323
00:14:41,012 --> 00:14:44,330
- in ANY way, I will fight you in the street.
- Noted.
324
00:14:44,652 --> 00:14:46,757
Gimme your phone. Phone!
325
00:14:46,825 --> 00:14:50,591
You gotta start the live stream
now, before Rick starts to perform.
326
00:14:51,008 --> 00:14:55,122
- Oh, that's it.
- Yeah. Just aim it at Rick when he speaks.
327
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,792
Right, okay.
328
00:14:57,917 --> 00:15:00,687
- Sorry.
- No, you're busy.
329
00:15:00,714 --> 00:15:03,282
Uh, where were we?
330
00:15:03,407 --> 00:15:05,566
I think you are wearing the perfume
331
00:15:05,587 --> 00:15:07,629
that I bought you on our trip to Greece.
332
00:15:08,088 --> 00:15:10,330
- It's still my favourite.
- Hey!
333
00:15:10,455 --> 00:15:13,004
Your new charity sent a mock
of the first PSA they're doing,
334
00:15:13,019 --> 00:15:14,713
starring YOU.
335
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,506
Cynthia, you have to see this.
336
00:15:16,517 --> 00:15:20,008
I am the face of a new charity
that is going to be helping...
337
00:15:20,298 --> 00:15:22,857
- sick people.
- Wonderful!
338
00:15:24,265 --> 00:15:26,006
Alright.
339
00:15:26,591 --> 00:15:28,168
- _
- Hyper what?
340
00:15:29,023 --> 00:15:31,587
_
341
00:15:32,046 --> 00:15:33,591
Okay...
342
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:36,128
_
343
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:39,404
_
344
00:15:39,425 --> 00:15:42,426
Oh my god! What kind of
sick people am I helping?
345
00:15:42,990 --> 00:15:45,697
Hyperhidrosis is an
excessive sweating disorder.
346
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,965
It affects 3% of the
population, maybe more.
347
00:15:48,002 --> 00:15:51,404
The numbers might be skewed,
there's just so much shame attached.
348
00:15:51,431 --> 00:15:52,686
Okay, gimme a break.
349
00:15:52,728 --> 00:15:54,901
They can destroy a beautiful
pair of leather shoes
350
00:15:54,917 --> 00:15:57,122
- in a matter of days.
- Ew!
351
00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:58,873
- _
- Okay!
352
00:15:58,899 --> 00:16:02,644
My god, I don't want my face
connected to drippy armpits!
353
00:16:02,665 --> 00:16:06,241
- Jann!
- We're here to wish Nora a happy birthday.
354
00:16:06,262 --> 00:16:08,604
Not now, Mercer! Read the room!
355
00:16:12,502 --> 00:16:14,923
I'm really sorry about that outburst.
356
00:16:16,455 --> 00:16:18,552
Things are a little bit tense right now.
357
00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:20,462
- Sorry about my aunt.
- That's okay.
358
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:23,400
I'm sorry about your
aunt too. It's all good.
359
00:16:23,458 --> 00:16:26,328
- Oh!
- How are you feeling about tonight?
360
00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:27,747
You know, I have to hand it to Jann,
361
00:16:27,757 --> 00:16:29,392
I think she really pulled
it off. This party's great.
362
00:16:29,403 --> 00:16:31,681
Damn straight. You know
that there's a burrito bar?
363
00:16:31,739 --> 00:16:33,928
- How many have you had?
- Like five.
364
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,906
- Do I have to cut you off?
- No, please don.
365
00:16:35,943 --> 00:16:37,773
Get out of here so I
can take sneaky pictures
366
00:16:37,784 --> 00:16:39,572
of our daughter with a TV star.
367
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,030
- You gonna tag me in those?
- Yes.
368
00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:45,701
Jann tells me you dropped out of
college? Why would you do that?
369
00:16:45,826 --> 00:16:48,882
I mean, school isn't for the
creative types like us, right?
370
00:16:48,888 --> 00:16:51,592
No, that's not true. That sounds
like something Jann would say.
371
00:16:51,608 --> 00:16:54,071
Well, yeah. When she said
dropping out of university
372
00:16:54,082 --> 00:16:57,352
was the right thing to do, I was
like, "Bye, further education!"
373
00:16:57,541 --> 00:16:58,887
Jann!
374
00:16:58,939 --> 00:17:01,750
You convinced your niece
to drop out of college?!
375
00:17:03,211 --> 00:17:04,825
I'm sorry, WHAT!?
376
00:17:05,485 --> 00:17:07,814
- They didn't know?
- No!
377
00:17:08,302 --> 00:17:10,069
Thank you.
378
00:17:13,498 --> 00:17:15,434
- What part did you hear?
- All of it.
379
00:17:15,455 --> 00:17:16,753
Every bit.
380
00:17:16,810 --> 00:17:19,986
- You've been lying to me?
- I'm not lying to you.
381
00:17:20,007 --> 00:17:22,613
Stop embarrassing yourself.
382
00:17:22,661 --> 00:17:25,467
- Why are my palms so sweaty?
- Maybe you have Hyperhidrosis!
383
00:17:25,525 --> 00:17:26,801
That's not it.
384
00:17:27,055 --> 00:17:29,502
I can't believe you convinced my
daughter to drop out of school!
385
00:17:29,518 --> 00:17:31,475
Okay, I can explain everything.
386
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:33,671
You've been lying to me? How
long has this been going on?
387
00:17:33,695 --> 00:17:37,292
We probably should've told
you a lot sooner. Oh, hey,
388
00:17:37,318 --> 00:17:40,415
- nice nail polish, Max.
- Stop changing the subject.
389
00:17:40,436 --> 00:17:44,423
What are the odds that you and
Cynthia have identical manicures?
390
00:17:44,465 --> 00:17:47,815
In "Dragon's Breath", my
favourite colour of polish?!
391
00:17:47,836 --> 00:17:51,870
- It's a coincidence.
- Hm-hm. She's lying. Her too.
392
00:17:51,897 --> 00:17:54,401
Been secretly hanging
out at a spa together.
393
00:17:54,526 --> 00:17:55,799
What?!
394
00:17:55,820 --> 00:17:58,716
How long have you two been lying to ME?
395
00:18:00,072 --> 00:18:02,240
Okay, as I was saying,
396
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:05,291
- this is beautiful Nora...
- SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, MERCER!
397
00:18:05,948 --> 00:18:08,100
Not the time!
398
00:18:08,564 --> 00:18:11,667
No one gives a crap! Honestly!
399
00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:13,329
Please!
400
00:18:14,263 --> 00:18:15,772
Okay.
401
00:18:16,231 --> 00:18:17,618
_
402
00:18:17,634 --> 00:18:19,281
- _
- Excuse me. Coming through.
403
00:18:19,406 --> 00:18:21,896
This has been live
streaming this whole time,
404
00:18:22,021 --> 00:18:23,816
so you need to clear your day tomorrow
405
00:18:23,832 --> 00:18:27,065
'cause we have a lot of
damage control to attend to.
406
00:18:29,382 --> 00:18:32,550
(BALLOON SQUEAKING)
407
00:18:43,585 --> 00:18:46,228
Okay, everybody get out.
408
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:48,948
Okay, bye-bye!
409
00:18:49,574 --> 00:18:53,365
- This better be the last copy.
- I love you.
410
00:19:01,936 --> 00:19:03,992
I'm sorry, Mom.
411
00:19:03,993 --> 00:19:06,394
I just wanted to give
you a birthday that
412
00:19:06,519 --> 00:19:09,862
you'd just remember and cherish.
413
00:19:11,828 --> 00:19:13,824
You should sing to her.
414
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:16,496
Would you like that, Mom?
415
00:19:17,230 --> 00:19:19,621
Max, will you sing Mom's song with me?
416
00:19:20,083 --> 00:19:22,694
Okay. You start.
417
00:19:23,269 --> 00:19:25,285
418
00:19:25,654 --> 00:19:28,424
You'll remember this, Mom.
419
00:19:31,054 --> 00:19:35,689
We have been together
420
00:19:35,814 --> 00:19:39,760
A long, long time
421
00:19:40,450 --> 00:19:45,322
We have been inseparable
422
00:19:45,371 --> 00:19:49,055
Mother mine
423
00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:53,259
You're my heart
424
00:19:53,309 --> 00:19:58,712
And that's never gonna change
425
00:19:59,103 --> 00:20:04,138
You're the brightest part of me
426
00:20:04,146 --> 00:20:08,695
Every single
427
00:20:08,820 --> 00:20:11,514
Day
428
00:20:13,047 --> 00:20:16,035
- Happy birthday, Mom.
- Oh, thank you.
429
00:20:16,088 --> 00:20:18,686
Thank you both.
430
00:20:20,407 --> 00:20:21,896
When I said I didn't
believe in psychics,
431
00:20:21,905 --> 00:20:23,550
I didn't realise you were a psychic.
432
00:20:23,563 --> 00:20:24,803
I mean, I believe in psychics,
433
00:20:24,812 --> 00:20:26,993
I believe you're here and
that you are a psychic,
434
00:20:27,019 --> 00:20:29,606
but I just never asked them anything.
435
00:20:30,985 --> 00:20:32,289
How long do I have?
436
00:20:32,319 --> 00:20:35,915
I always felt bad about mimes
because people felt that it was okay
437
00:20:35,927 --> 00:20:37,413
to discriminate against you,
438
00:20:37,620 --> 00:20:39,295
but I'm getting that now.
439
00:20:39,345 --> 00:20:42,451
Wow. What kind of roadkill
do you get around here?
440
00:20:43,008 --> 00:20:46,363
- Coyote, elk, horses.
- Horses?
441
00:20:46,405 --> 00:20:49,259
Trust me, she's a friend of mine.
You now know where she lives.
442
00:20:49,296 --> 00:20:51,543
Every time you drive
by, knock on the door,
443
00:20:51,571 --> 00:20:53,543
ask her if she needs a mariachi band.
444
00:20:55,166 --> 00:21:00,166
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
445
00:21:00,216 --> 00:21:04,766
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
34012
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
