Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, Dear Steve Dear Daddy ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Yay! Woo!

Who wants cake?

Me!

How big?

Happy birthday, darling.

That's a big piece.

Someone's gonna be up all night.

How are you doing over there, you need a refill?

Vodka, rocks.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

I'm not here.

This is the Department of Water and Power.

This is our final attempt to contact Steven James Harrison.

If we do not receive payment by midnight tonight,

the power will be disconnected.

Mrs...

Steven...

James...

Harrison.

You've got to take better care of yourself, Stevie.

You only get one life.

Don't waste it like I did.

Well, spit.

Don't you want any sauce?

Hey there, Tiger.

What a party, huh?

Mm-hm

It was a really big show.

Don't you think, Mom?

Mm.

He can't drive himself?

His car wouldn't start.

Took long enough.

- It was traffic. - Hmm.

He certainly had enough to drink tonight.

Oh, for Christ's sakes, it's Christmas Eve.

Don't start!

So, he was having a little bit of fun.

- You too. - So, shoot me!

You forgot one.

- It's my sister. - Dried fruit?

Well, I...

It's for the bomb shelter, I suppose.

I'll put it by my dad's gift.

The fruit with the gun.

Oh, Stevie, sweetheart.

No, no, no, that's bad luck!

Quick. Very quickly throw it over your shoulder.

- Why? - Superstition.

No, they say the devil waits over your shoulder,

- so you want to throw salt into his eyes. - They also say that Judas

spilled salt all over the table at the last super.

- Oh Judas. - Oh Judas.

- Oh Judas! - Oh Judas!

Most destructive bubble in the history of human-

itching, or swelling, trouble breathing, rash, hives, blisters,

mood changes, slurred speech, blurry vision, dizziness, weakness,

weight gain, irritability and confusion.

Swelling of the legs, hands and feet.

Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting and kidney failure.

Call your doctor if you experience a persistent cough, pain with fever.

A lump or swelling in your neck. Don't take alcohol or drugs or operate machinery.

Those who have had a drug or alcohol problem

are more likely to become dependent.

Now, my toenail fungus is gone. And I can go barefoot again!

Speak with a professional before starting a new drug program.

People compliment me every day about my beautiful smile.

Call today for a free evaluation and image scan.

Financial assistance is available

and our consultants are here to help you.

They told me my pearly whites would be...

I'm not here.

Stevie?

It's Mom...

I have some bad news, honey.

Karen passed away this morning.

I didn't know if you knew.

She never remarried.

I love you, Stevie.

I wish you would call.

Happy 60th birthday.

Time flies.

Are those who believe that if you move a grain of sand,

you start down a new path, and everything before is changed.

There are also those who believe that love can change the future

if it is strong enough and selfless enough.

Final attempt to contact Steve!

Power will be disconnect...

...passed away this morning.

I am Steve.

And this is Adam.

Very excited to be here tonight. It's a wonderful crowd.

A lot of faces I recognize.

Professor Ellison, thank you for the incomplete.

Thank you, sir.

You look great tonight.

- Uhm, my old chemistry professor, Mr. Dowling. - Mm.

Thank you for helping me grow the best weed on campus.

I'm so... so honored and high right now.

- Look, what's with the... - I'm not worried.

What's with the box?

It's a class I'm taking.

- A class you're taking? - Yeah.

- What's it about? - A cat.

- A cat? - Yes.

Oh, like the The Cat in the Hat?

No, it's a...

a real cat, with not a hat, in a box.

What?

It's a thought experiment.

- I don't get your thinking. - Well, clearly.

- So, what's the cat's name? - I don't know.

- You don't know your cat's name? - I don't know. I told you, it's not my cat.

Whose cat is it?

I don't... It's not... it's uh...

The uh, Schröd... Schrödinger.

What? Neighbor of yours?

The physicist...

The Erwin Schrödinger.

Ah, your next door neighbor.

- He lived in Vienna. - Lived?

- He's dead. - Ok.

Who went first, Schrödinger or his cat? What's going on?

What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?

- Ok... - There we go.

Alright. That's actually a really interesting question.

Because the point is that, uh,

- Schrödinger sealed his cat in a box with a flask of poison. - Poison?

And if the monitor detected radio activity,

then the flask would, uh, shatter and it would kill the cat.

Does PETA know about this?

It's not a real cat, first of all.

You said it was a real cat.

Well, I lied. It's physics.

I'm confused.

Half the time, the cat dies,

and the other half of the time, it lives.

And that's a superposition.

It doesn't sound so super to me.

Meaning, the cat is simultaneously alive and dead,

at the same time.

Like a zombie kitty, cool.

It's the laws of quantum entanglement.

- My last relationship. - Probability and outcome.

Proba... Probability and outcome?

Yes! Because we know the probability, Adam.

But in order to find out the outcome, we have to peek inside the box.

Hmm. So...

- So, it's the observation... - Right.

- that you would have... - I see.

...uh, that seals the cat's fate.

- So, curiosity... - ...killed the cat.

I gotta go.

So now the real set can begin.

Guys, I'm Adam. How are you?

Hey.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Karen.

I'm Steve.

No.

Help me. Mm.

Oh my God!

- Oh boy. - This is...

Karen passed away this morning.

Proceed.

Your Honor,

Mr. Harrison should be granted primary custody of Stevie.

He's the sole financial provider, he loves his son,

and has been a very attentive father.

Your Honor, Mrs. Harrison is with little Stevie

24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Whereas Mr. Harrison is absent most of the time,

doing God knows what with God knows who.

Oh, we're all very aware

of Mrs. Harrison's direct communications with God.

As well as Mr. Harrison's nightly bouts with the bottle.

A little nightcap never hurt anyone.

Unless you are a six year old boy watching his father

pass out in front of the television every night.

Counselors.

As the court will recognize,

a young boy needs a strong masculine role model.

Especially in these very disconcerting times of social unrest.

It is clear that Mr. Harrison's

secretive lifestyle choices make him unsuitable as residential custodian.

Your Honor! We can provide further evidence

if necessary, your Honor.

I don't think we need to do that.

I'm sure there's something we can work out.

That's enough! Stevie!

I'd like you and I to have a little talk.

30 minute recess.

Do you like jelly beans?

Oh, good.

Come.

I'm going to ask you some questions,

and for every answer, I want you to place a jelly bean in one of these scales. Ok?

This scale represents your father.

This scale, your mother.

Ok?

Ok.

Who usually takes you to school in the morning?

Remember, put a jelly bean in this side if it's your father,

in this side if it's your mother.

Who plays more games with you?

Stevie, do you have a room in both your mother's house

and your father's apartment?

Which do you like better?

Ok.

If you accidentally broke something,

which parent do you think would forgive you?

If your parents broke something, which parent would you forgive?

Stevie.

A broken marriage is hard on everyone.

And it is never, never the child's fault.

Sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to.

Do you understand?

It's my job to determine what's best for you.

What you want.

I want my family back.

Where are you?

I'm here.

I can't see you.

There's something I never told you.

- What? - I'm a little claustrophobic.

Define a little bit.

Panic attack.

Now?

Soon.

Take my hand.

We haven't been married 10 minutes and I already feel trapped.

Oh God.

Oh my God.

No, just shh, shh, it's ok.

See? Everything's ok.

I hope this isn't a sign.

Oh, thank God.

Steve, what are you doing?

Let's take the stairs.

Oh my God. Dude, I got it all over my pants, man.

- Peed my pants. - I'm so sorry.

Karen, did I wake you?

When were you going to tell me about this?

What?

You were fired three weeks ago, Steve?

- I wasn't. - Stop drinking, or I'm leaving you!

And the race is on! O-Oh!

- I'm catching up. I'm catching up. I'm catching up. - Nope. No.

Ah... I'm ahead!

- And Dad pulls ahead. - Ah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, no.

- I'm in the lead! - There goes Stevie, Stevie's in the lead,

but Dad's coming up strong! I'm gonna catch... Coming up, Ah!

- Oh, no, Stevie wins! - I'm the winner!

You're the winner. Good job, Tiger, you get the prize.

Thank you, Dad.

Here we go.

Because you are the winner, Stevie.

- Yeah. - Do me a favor.

Go pop supper in the oven and get Dad three fingers, ok?

- Ok. - Good job.

Hello?

How early?

Well, I only get him once a week as it is.

I will make it up next week. I was-

I was not fired, I was laid off.

Pictures? For Christ's sakes!

You are not taking him away from me!

Stevie, are you ok in there?

Yeah, almost done!

No, he-Nothing, he's fine.

Fine!

Dad?

Stevie...

Come. Come sit.

Thank you.

I have something.

What?

Is this your report card?

Reading and Literature, A.

Mathematics, B.

Social Studies, B+.

Stevie, I'm so proud of you, son.

"Stevie is a hard worker.

His comprehension of the subject matter and retention

are above average.

However, Stevie has difficulty fitting in with other students

and is easily distracted.

His odd behavior in social situations

makes it difficult for him to conform."

Hey.

I think that part belongs over there.

Hold on to the good stuff.

Stevie.

You know that if I could change...

things,

I would in a heartbeat.

I love you so much, Stevie.

I'm so, so sorry that things are the way that they are.

Come here.

- Yeah. - Wow, look at that,

you're pretty much done, huh?

I'm almost done, Dad.

Looks a little bit like a cobra.

- Where are the eyes? - It's not a cobra.

It's actually like a boa constrictor.

Watch out 'cause I'm going to make it bite you.

Oh no.

If you can see it, 'cause in one, two bite

I can make it... Ah!

Ah, I didn't... Ouch.

- I thought it bit me. - It did.

- This... This is the gut. - All the gut's all out!

Argh!

It's going on you, Dad!

Ah, Dad!

- Look! - Oh, hi, Mom.

All the guts came out...

Of the snake, we got, we killed the snake

- and we were going to paint it, and all the guts came out on us. - We are and it's coming,

and it's coming.

Oh my god!

I'm not here.

Hi, Steve, it's me, Adam.

I miss you, man.

Why aren't you at work?

I got fired.

Again.

I know you don't want to hear it from me.

Look, I wish we could talk, Steve.

I just heard about Karen.

The toilet, Steve?

I know what I did was wrong.

And I'll probably regret it for the rest of my life.

But I can't keep doing this.

I'm taking Trevor and I'm going to Dad's.

Don't try and contact me this time.

So, could you call me, please?

Message deleted.

I have a headache. I'm gonna go and lie down for a bit.

That's enough sugar.

♪ The weather to bring to you, who else, but the weather man? ♪

And here's the latest weather report.

64 degrees with a chance of showers.

Dad?

It's ok to cry.

I'm alright.

Sylvester was a very good mouse and we loved her very much.

And although we didn't have her for very long,

she was still a part of our family. Right?

So, thank you, God, for blessing us with Sylvester,

and may she rest in peace.

Do you want to say a little something?

No? Ok.

Wait!

Won't she be lonely in there?

Oh, sweetheart.

Sylvester isn't here anymore.

She's already left.

I know it's, it's confusing, it's...

It's like when a snake sheds its skin,

It doesn't need it anymore, so it just leaves it behind.

I love you.

I love you too.

The toilet, Steve?

The point is...

Schrödinger sealed his cat in a box with a flask of poison.

And half the time, the cat dies,

and the other half of the time, it lives.

It's a superposition.

Dad?

I just stood there...

frozen.

Maybe if I would have

gotten there sooner...

Anyway.

God, she's slow.

Uhm...

How old were you?

Six.

What about, uh you?

You have, you have something?

That's...

childhood traumatic?

Ahem.

My Mom died of cervical cancer when I was five.

Hmm, that's...

Oh, my God, I'm sorry.

I'm such an idiot.

It's ok.

I barely remember her.

But my Dad, he makes a mean omelet

and taught me how to hit a curve ball

which is very impressive, so...

No.

- Thanks. - Busy...

It's a busy night.

- Yeah. - So, how long did you and

Adam work on the...

Don't say his name.

Too long, too long.

We needed the extra credit.

- No, it was good, it was... - Yeah?

I laughed a couple of times.

That's... that's good.

Mm-hm, the part about, uhm...

- quantum entanglement was... - Yeah.

Yeah, you almost made me forget my line.

Hmm.

I'm sorry.

It's uhm...

- It's really weird. - Hmm?

I just... I don't even know you, but I want to tell you everything.

Me too.

You know, I wasn't supposed to be here tonight.

My car didn't start.

So, I was stuck on campus.

Saw a flyer.

Hmm.

Lucky me.

Me too.

I love you.

Trevor!

Vodka rocks.

Trevor!

Trevor!

Where are you?

I'm so, so sorry that things are the way that they are.

I have some bad news, honey.

There's something I never told you.

I want my family back.

Maybe it's time.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Steve Dear Daddy ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Yay! Woo!

Tell me a secret.

Happy birthday.

Hello.

Hello, who are you?

Is there anybody out there?

Is there anybody out there?

Mommy was behind me! My mom.

- What are you guys doing here? - Playing scientist. You just startled me.

- Cause I'm a scientist. - Do you want to show mommy what we're doing?

Ah, I hit her.

- Yeah. - Thank you.

And then this is what we're doing.

What's the shortest distance between them?

Uhm.

So, this is what we're doing.

So, I have to tell you we fold that.

What, another paper!

Yeah, just like that.

And then...

Like this.

Perfect.

- And then you take the... - You stick it.

- ...pencil. - Mhm.

Can you stick it better?

I stick it.

And then you...

Poke a hole.

Go for it.

Yes.

- Wow, that is very, very cool. - Yay!

- Show mommy. - And you can also do like that.

Wow!

See, you can look through every one.

Oh, I see.

Try.

Let me see.

- I see you. - I see you.

Do you want to get ready for daddy's big birthday surprise?

Sure!

Ok.

I'm gonna go wash up for your birthday.

Oh, cool.

Seems just like yesterday when we were changing his diapers.

And now he's pretty much ready for college.

Not quite.

Your mom called.

What did she want?

Just to wish you a happy birthday.

You know what?

I'm so happy right now I might actually call her back.

What was that for?

I'm proud of you.

Life is good.

Maybe it's time.

Are you sure?

I know how you felt being an only child.

And things are going well.

Let's make it a girl.

Ahh!

Look who it is!

The big grown up man!

Happy birthday, Dad!

- I love you so much! Come on. - Happy birthday!

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go!.

A snake's gonna get you.

Mommy!

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Steve Daddy ♪

♪ Happy birthday to You ♪

Yay! Woo!

Happy birthday, darling.

Who wants cake?

- Me! - How big?

This big!

- Oh! - Look at that.

- Oh gosh! - That's a big piece.

- Hey! - Oooh!

- There you go. - Oh, my goodness.

There you go. How about you, honey?

That is very big.

- I stick my hand in it. - Yes, small piece, please.

- Small piece... - Just a teeny...

- Touching it... - Oh no!

Is it good?

- Mm-hm. - Mm-hm.

Here, let me see. You're getting it all over your face.

There we go.

What faces you're making.

You want a refill?

Busy night.

You've got Trevor!

Hey.

Thank you.

- What'll you have? - Vodka, rocks.

Make it a Shirley Temple, and a diet coke with a lime.

It's been six months.

Eight years.

That's encouraging.

How do you do it?

A day at a time.

And I want to live.

Trevor!

What happens when life weighs down?

When there is systemic contribution...

Isn't it true? Of course you may have...

Subtitles by explosiveskull