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And so,at 6:59 on a beautifulmorning, here in Eugene,
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00:02:37,139 --> 00:02:41,306
we pause for a moment to bring
you the latest national news.
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00:02:41,308 --> 00:02:44,274
Good news again
for the nation's housewives.
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00:02:44,276 --> 00:02:50,612
That the cost-of-living indexrose only 1.2% in the monthof August.
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00:02:50,614 --> 00:02:51,780
Dr. Fenton Cooper,
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00:02:51,782 --> 00:02:53,714
one of President Carter's
leading economists,
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00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:57,383
vacationing in Bermuda,stated that if thistrend continues
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00:02:57,385 --> 00:03:01,320
we may see inflation held
to less than 18% this year.
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00:03:01,322 --> 00:03:02,553
18%.
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00:03:02,555 --> 00:03:03,888
Meanwhile,
in Washington today...
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00:03:03,890 --> 00:03:05,822
Oh, Fenton,
that is wonderful news.
12
00:03:05,824 --> 00:03:07,990
$2.5 billion increase
in the defense budget...
13
00:03:07,992 --> 00:03:10,493
Now I know I can
go to the Safeway
in January
14
00:03:10,495 --> 00:03:13,161
and still get bread
for under $5 a loaf.
15
00:03:13,163 --> 00:03:15,963
On Wall Street the stock
market is down six points...
16
00:03:24,469 --> 00:03:26,389
Come on, honey, time to get up.
17
00:03:29,973 --> 00:03:31,073
Hi.
18
00:03:31,075 --> 00:03:32,240
Mmm. Hi.
19
00:03:35,143 --> 00:03:36,743
How do you feel?
20
00:03:38,578 --> 00:03:39,845
Like this.
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00:03:39,847 --> 00:03:41,012
Mmm.
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00:03:45,817 --> 00:03:48,684
Robert,
I've got something
really dumb to tell you.
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00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:52,487
Do you know,
for the first time since
I've had Laurie and Billy,
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00:03:52,489 --> 00:03:53,821
I'm late.
25
00:03:54,990 --> 00:03:57,390
So am I.
It's almost 7:00.
26
00:03:59,092 --> 00:04:00,726
Robert.
Mmm?
27
00:04:01,860 --> 00:04:03,694
Robert.
Yes?
28
00:04:03,696 --> 00:04:05,328
Do you love me?
29
00:04:06,197 --> 00:04:08,497
No, Jane, I don't love you.
30
00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:10,999
I love your car
and I love your garage
31
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:13,034
and I love
going to sleep here
three nights a week
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00:04:13,036 --> 00:04:15,102
'cause we can't
afford a motel.
Babysitter.
33
00:04:15,104 --> 00:04:16,336
That, too.
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00:04:20,506 --> 00:04:23,007
And because
your children
might go bananas
35
00:04:23,009 --> 00:04:24,775
if they were to wake up
in the middle of the night
36
00:04:24,777 --> 00:04:26,776
and see their divorced mommy
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00:04:26,778 --> 00:04:29,278
lying in bed with
some lovable stranger
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00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:32,413
they've been calling
Uncle Robert for two years.
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00:04:36,184 --> 00:04:40,085
Robert, uh,
I hate to be pushy
first thing in the morning,
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00:04:40,353 --> 00:04:42,120
but we've gotta get married.
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00:04:42,122 --> 00:04:44,188
We'll get married as soon
as old man Wheeler retires
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00:04:44,190 --> 00:04:45,689
and makes me
manager of the store.
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00:04:45,691 --> 00:04:47,957
Honey,
you've been telling me
that for nearly a year.
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00:04:47,959 --> 00:04:49,691
It's not fair.
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00:04:49,693 --> 00:04:51,126
I love you.
46
00:05:07,138 --> 00:05:08,971
Don't bother, Charlotte,
I'll find him.
47
00:05:08,973 --> 00:05:10,872
Can't you redeposit the check?
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00:05:10,874 --> 00:05:13,874
It's already been returned
insufficient funds twice,
Mrs. Bailey.
49
00:05:16,077 --> 00:05:17,376
Albert!
50
00:05:18,312 --> 00:05:21,046
Albert, I have to talk to you.
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00:05:21,048 --> 00:05:23,480
First take off
your clothes and hop on
the table.
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00:05:23,482 --> 00:05:26,316
Albert, this is your wife,
not your nurse.
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00:05:26,318 --> 00:05:28,318
You know, you'd think after
being married for nine years
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00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,385
to the funniest vet
in southern Oregon,
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00:05:30,387 --> 00:05:32,320
you'd have developed
a sense of humor.
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00:05:32,322 --> 00:05:34,721
Oh, Jesus!
Jesus, you taste good!
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00:05:34,723 --> 00:05:36,323
Why do you always taste so good?
58
00:05:36,325 --> 00:05:38,824
It's those damn mints
you carry in your purse,
isn't it?
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00:05:38,826 --> 00:05:40,492
Okay, lock the door,
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00:05:40,494 --> 00:05:42,393
and we shall proceed to
turn your unexpected visit
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00:05:42,395 --> 00:05:45,229
into an X-rated
commercial for Certs.
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00:05:45,231 --> 00:05:47,997
Albert,
I haven't even
had breakfast yet.
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00:05:48,332 --> 00:05:51,499
Stop licking my face,
you dumb dog.
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00:05:51,501 --> 00:05:53,500
My God,
even the animals
here are oversexed.
65
00:05:53,502 --> 00:05:55,402
Yeah, they are.
66
00:05:55,404 --> 00:05:57,103
Remember, Louise,
a good man is hard to find,
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00:05:57,105 --> 00:05:59,504
and a hard man is
good, good to find.
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00:05:59,906 --> 00:06:01,106
Albert?
Mmm-hmm?
69
00:06:01,108 --> 00:06:03,507
I need $1,000.
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00:06:03,509 --> 00:06:05,842
I wrote some checks
for merchandise yesterday.
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00:06:05,844 --> 00:06:09,945
Yes, Ye Olde Antique Shoppe,
mmm-hmm.
72
00:06:09,947 --> 00:06:12,580
When's that silly
store of yours gonna
start showing a profit?
73
00:06:12,582 --> 00:06:13,914
This year, I promise.
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00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:15,349
That's what you said
last year, Louise.
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00:06:15,351 --> 00:06:16,949
Albert, just write me a check.
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00:06:16,951 --> 00:06:19,851
Louise,
we're being audited by
the IRS. You know that!
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00:06:19,853 --> 00:06:21,686
The accountant says
no more checks for anything,
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00:06:21,688 --> 00:06:23,854
for two weeks.
Screw the accountant.
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00:06:23,856 --> 00:06:25,356
Not my type.
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00:06:25,756 --> 00:06:27,090
Albert, you're a doctor.
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00:06:27,092 --> 00:06:29,458
You must have cash
hidden somewhere.
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00:06:29,460 --> 00:06:31,126
I did. Remember?
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00:06:31,128 --> 00:06:32,760
I gave it to you last month.
84
00:06:32,762 --> 00:06:34,095
Lent.
Gave.
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00:06:34,097 --> 00:06:36,263
Louise, isn't it about time
you admitted it?
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00:06:36,265 --> 00:06:39,331
Admitted what?
You're a terrible
businesswoman.
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00:06:42,434 --> 00:06:44,601
Albert, I need $1,000.
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00:06:44,603 --> 00:06:46,836
Please don't make me beg for it.
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00:06:48,205 --> 00:06:50,672
We'll talk about it tonight.
Later.
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00:06:51,274 --> 00:06:54,418
After dinner.
Over a bottle
of Dom Perignon.
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00:06:54,442 --> 00:06:56,276
Under the covers.
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00:06:56,278 --> 00:06:59,778
Darling,
you don't have to get
me drunk to sleep with you.
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00:06:59,780 --> 00:07:01,846
I love sleeping with you.
94
00:07:02,447 --> 00:07:04,115
Sometimes I think
it might be the only thing
95
00:07:04,117 --> 00:07:08,284
No, Louise.
We have something
else in common. Money.
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00:07:08,286 --> 00:07:11,286
My ability to make it
and yours to spend it.
97
00:07:11,288 --> 00:07:16,290
The perfect example
of the half-liberated
American woman of the '70s.
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00:07:16,292 --> 00:07:17,823
"I wanna do my own thing,
99
00:07:17,825 --> 00:07:20,225
"as long as my husband
pays for it."
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00:07:20,227 --> 00:07:23,961
Albert,
I am not a perfect
example of anything.
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00:07:23,963 --> 00:07:26,896
I am also
not the Barbie doll
you think you married.
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00:07:26,898 --> 00:07:28,630
I'm a grown-up,
human being wife
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00:07:28,632 --> 00:07:30,165
and I deserve
to be treated
like one.
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00:07:30,167 --> 00:07:31,732
Do you understand?
105
00:07:31,734 --> 00:07:34,302
Okay, quit stalling.
Come on, let's do it!
106
00:07:38,472 --> 00:07:41,139
Jesus, I love it
when you talk French.
107
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:19,764
Elaine,
this is Natalie Pokempher.
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00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:23,334
We're gonna be doing a showfor the first anniversaryof the Valley River Center,
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00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,369
and I need you
to help out backstage.
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00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:27,036
I mean, you're just so organized
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00:08:27,038 --> 00:08:30,172
and I absolutely
won't take no for an answer.
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00:08:30,174 --> 00:08:32,440
Think about it, okay, Elaine?
Goodbye.
113
00:08:33,509 --> 00:08:35,875
Hi, honey, this is me.
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00:08:35,877 --> 00:08:38,777
Look, uh, don't bother
to make dinner tonight.
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00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:42,113
I won't be home.
Uh, Elaine... This is...
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00:08:42,548 --> 00:08:44,881
Well, look, it's... it's
nothing you've done...
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00:08:44,883 --> 00:08:48,184
It is sosomething you've done,you selfish bitch!
118
00:08:48,186 --> 00:08:50,285
You never cared for
or appreciated Millard.
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00:08:50,287 --> 00:08:52,686
Susan, stop!
Give... Give me back the phone!
120
00:08:52,688 --> 00:08:54,722
Elaine, look,
please try to understand.
121
00:08:54,724 --> 00:08:56,189
I... I know you're
going to be upset
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00:08:56,191 --> 00:08:58,291
about this for a little while.
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00:08:58,293 --> 00:09:00,726
But, you're still
a... a damn attractive woman,
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00:09:00,728 --> 00:09:04,095
and... and there'sa lot of other fishout there in the ocean. Oh...
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00:09:04,396 --> 00:09:06,029
You bastard!
126
00:09:22,741 --> 00:09:24,375
And then, after he did in
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00:09:24,377 --> 00:09:26,042
the checking
and savings account,
128
00:09:26,044 --> 00:09:28,077
he emptied all of your jewelry
129
00:09:28,079 --> 00:09:29,811
out of the safety-deposit box
130
00:09:29,813 --> 00:09:31,812
and handed me the key.
131
00:09:31,814 --> 00:09:33,414
Is there anything left?
132
00:09:33,416 --> 00:09:35,548
Uh, yes, uh...
133
00:09:35,550 --> 00:09:39,385
There's $480 left
in the Christmas club.
134
00:09:39,387 --> 00:09:40,918
I'll take it in cash.
135
00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:42,053
You can't.
136
00:09:42,055 --> 00:09:43,987
Not until December 10.
137
00:09:43,989 --> 00:09:45,389
Oh, shit.
138
00:09:46,157 --> 00:09:48,991
Elaine, he'll be back.
139
00:09:48,993 --> 00:09:51,593
As soon as they run out
of clean socks and underwear,
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00:09:51,595 --> 00:09:53,227
they always come back.
141
00:09:53,229 --> 00:09:54,728
I don't want him back.
142
00:09:54,730 --> 00:09:56,896
What makes you think
I want the rotten
son of a bitch back?
143
00:09:56,898 --> 00:10:01,400
I want you to
get this lousy bank
to lend me some money,
144
00:10:01,402 --> 00:10:03,934
or at least extend
my MasterCharge limit.
145
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:05,735
Oh, Patty,
you've got to help me.
146
00:10:05,737 --> 00:10:09,071
I'm broke.
I'm flat-busted broke!
147
00:10:09,073 --> 00:10:11,572
The house and car payments
are due on Monday.
148
00:10:11,574 --> 00:10:12,774
I need money.
149
00:10:12,776 --> 00:10:14,274
You know how banks operate.
150
00:10:14,276 --> 00:10:16,976
They only lend money
to people who don't need it.
151
00:10:17,911 --> 00:10:19,911
Elaine, would you
let go of my hands?
152
00:10:19,913 --> 00:10:21,579
People are staring.
153
00:10:21,581 --> 00:10:23,147
I'm sorry.
154
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,249
Well, everything checks out,
Dr. Travis.
155
00:10:25,251 --> 00:10:29,785
In fact, by my calculations,
the United States government
owes you $11.19.
156
00:10:29,787 --> 00:10:31,420
You can take us out to lunch.
157
00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,521
Except for one small item.
158
00:10:35,122 --> 00:10:36,256
What's that?
159
00:10:36,258 --> 00:10:38,090
The deductions you took
on your wife's hobby.
160
00:10:38,092 --> 00:10:39,691
My wife doesn't have a hobby.
161
00:10:39,693 --> 00:10:42,160
Oh, sure she does,
the, uh, the antique thing.
162
00:10:42,361 --> 00:10:43,461
Oh, yes.
163
00:10:43,463 --> 00:10:44,928
Ye Olde Antique Shoppe.
164
00:10:44,930 --> 00:10:46,363
That's a business,
Mr. Pike.
165
00:10:46,365 --> 00:10:47,696
I don't think so,
Dr. Travis.
166
00:10:47,698 --> 00:10:53,033
You gave Mrs. Travis
a total of $36,532 in
the last three years.
167
00:10:53,035 --> 00:10:54,768
Loaned.
He didn't give her anything.
168
00:10:54,770 --> 00:10:56,169
It was a business loan.
169
00:10:57,438 --> 00:11:00,205
Well, according
to what I see here,
not a very good one.
170
00:11:00,207 --> 00:11:02,940
Unfortunately,
as we look at it, Dr. Travis,
171
00:11:02,942 --> 00:11:05,775
when a husband
gives his wife money
to start up a business,
172
00:11:05,777 --> 00:11:08,043
and that said business
doesn't show a profit
173
00:11:08,045 --> 00:11:10,112
within a reasonable time,
174
00:11:10,114 --> 00:11:11,946
it is not a legitimate business.
175
00:11:11,948 --> 00:11:14,114
It's a business, Mr. Pike.
I swear it.
176
00:11:14,116 --> 00:11:17,383
Louise works at it
six days a week,
15 hours a day.
177
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:18,951
This January,
when she had the flu,
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00:11:18,953 --> 00:11:21,986
she went to work with
a 104-degree temperature
in the snow.
179
00:11:21,988 --> 00:11:25,122
I'm sure.
Uh, but isn't it customary...
180
00:11:25,722 --> 00:11:26,823
I'll tell you.
181
00:11:26,825 --> 00:11:28,557
When you built your
animal hospital in, uh...
182
00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:31,460
1968. July 11, 1968.
183
00:11:31,462 --> 00:11:33,794
Good.
Where'd you get the money?
184
00:11:33,796 --> 00:11:37,330
The bank here in town loaned
me the initial down payment.
$10,000.
185
00:11:37,332 --> 00:11:39,331
Mmm. Did you pay it all back?
186
00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:40,832
Right on schedule, yes, sir!
187
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,954
Plus interest?
7%.
188
00:11:43,734 --> 00:11:46,774
How much interest
are you charging
your wife, Dr. Travis?
189
00:11:51,340 --> 00:11:53,340
It's a hobby, Dr. Travis.
190
00:11:53,342 --> 00:11:55,575
And that means that you owe
the United States government
191
00:11:55,577 --> 00:12:00,212
taxes on $36,532,
plus penalties and interest.
192
00:12:01,414 --> 00:12:02,980
Oh, my God!
193
00:12:03,148 --> 00:12:04,581
Unless we can prove otherwise,
194
00:12:04,583 --> 00:12:06,149
that it was
a legitimate
business loan.
195
00:12:06,151 --> 00:12:09,418
Oh, sure. Unless you can
prove otherwise. Quickly.
196
00:12:13,155 --> 00:12:14,855
She's ugly, Eddie.
197
00:12:14,857 --> 00:12:16,256
I've seen her.
198
00:12:17,858 --> 00:12:20,892
How could he? I mean,
she's only 19 years old.
199
00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:24,595
Forget about Sinatra,
she doesn't even
remember The Beatles.
200
00:12:25,163 --> 00:12:27,029
Men are fools.
201
00:12:27,031 --> 00:12:30,398
Okay, I... I'll admit it.
So maybe I was a lousy cook,
202
00:12:31,434 --> 00:12:35,101
and I probably
spent too much of
his money on clothes,
203
00:12:36,537 --> 00:12:39,838
and I never really said
I liked the buildings
he designed.
204
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:42,840
I used to call him
Frank Lloyd Wrong.
205
00:12:44,842 --> 00:12:48,744
Twice last month I fell asleep
when he was making love to me.
206
00:12:49,612 --> 00:12:50,845
But is that any reason to leave?
207
00:12:50,847 --> 00:12:53,180
Nobody's perfect,
for God's sakes.
208
00:12:53,615 --> 00:12:55,282
Did you love him?
209
00:12:58,518 --> 00:13:00,852
Nine years ago I loved him.
210
00:13:00,854 --> 00:13:03,220
I loved him when I married him.
211
00:13:03,222 --> 00:13:04,854
But lately, it's been like
212
00:13:04,856 --> 00:13:08,090
trying put toothpaste
back into a tube, you know?
213
00:13:11,527 --> 00:13:13,860
I'd like 'em back right
before dinner on Sunday.
214
00:13:13,862 --> 00:13:14,861
After dinner.
215
00:13:14,863 --> 00:13:18,898
You're not gonna win
the Little League championship
without some batting practice.
216
00:13:18,900 --> 00:13:20,064
Ask Mom.
217
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:21,866
Baseball broke, cover came off.
218
00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:24,034
Well, buy him another one.
I can't afford it.
219
00:13:24,036 --> 00:13:25,535
Buy it, I'll pay you back.
220
00:13:25,537 --> 00:13:27,937
No, pay me back.
Pay me more.
221
00:13:28,638 --> 00:13:30,739
Look, I... I don't
wanna talk about this
in front of the kids but...
222
00:13:30,741 --> 00:13:32,606
Then don't. Come on.
223
00:13:37,077 --> 00:13:38,377
Lookit, Tom, I need more money.
224
00:13:38,379 --> 00:13:41,212
I cannot swing it
on $200 a month
child support anymore.
225
00:13:41,214 --> 00:13:43,314
Whoa! That's the deal
we made when you left me.
226
00:13:43,316 --> 00:13:44,581
That's what
the court order says.
227
00:13:44,583 --> 00:13:46,216
You divorced me, remember?
228
00:13:46,218 --> 00:13:48,050
$200 a month
four years ago has my kids
229
00:13:48,052 --> 00:13:50,084
drinking Kool-Aid
instead of milk twice a day.
230
00:13:50,086 --> 00:13:52,387
All right, I don't wanna
hear this bullshit, Jane.
Now, I mean it!
231
00:13:52,389 --> 00:13:53,720
Now, I got it rough, too!
232
00:13:53,722 --> 00:13:55,888
Come on, guys,
in the back seat,
everybody.
233
00:13:55,890 --> 00:13:57,823
Do you know
how hard it is to survive
234
00:13:57,825 --> 00:14:00,659
on a high school
football coach's salary?
Why don't you ask for a raise?
235
00:14:00,661 --> 00:14:03,327
Whoa, with a one-and-nine
record last year?
236
00:14:03,329 --> 00:14:04,727
Don't be insane.
237
00:14:05,896 --> 00:14:07,796
Let Sally go to work.
238
00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:09,264
My wife already has a job.
239
00:14:09,266 --> 00:14:10,399
Oh, yeah?
Yeah!
240
00:14:10,401 --> 00:14:11,933
She takes care of me.
241
00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:13,267
You know, you're really lucky
242
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:14,601
that I'm still around
to help you at all.
243
00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:17,803
Did you hear
what happened to
your friend Elaine?
244
00:14:21,740 --> 00:14:23,473
Good night, Eddie.
245
00:14:25,609 --> 00:14:27,977
Drive carefully,
Mrs. Houghton.
246
00:15:11,941 --> 00:15:13,341
Oh, perfect.
247
00:15:40,293 --> 00:15:41,392
Good evening.
248
00:15:41,394 --> 00:15:42,560
Good evening.
249
00:15:44,061 --> 00:15:47,296
How would you
like to tell me one
I've never heard before.
250
00:15:47,298 --> 00:15:49,731
The bionic man
can't get it down.
251
00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:53,967
Wanna step
out of the car,
please, ma'am?
252
00:15:53,969 --> 00:15:55,968
You've heard it before.
253
00:16:01,307 --> 00:16:03,307
How many drinks you have
this evening, ma'am?
254
00:16:03,309 --> 00:16:06,476
What makes you think
I've been drinking,
Officer?
255
00:16:06,478 --> 00:16:08,143
Do you have
your license
with you?
256
00:16:08,145 --> 00:16:09,344
Yeah, it's in my wallet.
257
00:16:09,346 --> 00:16:11,545
Wanna get it for me, please?
258
00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:23,220
Take it out for me, please.
259
00:16:28,858 --> 00:16:31,092
Miss Houghton,
is your present address,
260
00:16:31,094 --> 00:16:32,826
this 17 Willowbrook Lane?
Is that it?
261
00:16:32,828 --> 00:16:34,061
Uh-huh.
262
00:16:34,329 --> 00:16:36,029
Miss Houghton,
are you aware
that you, uh,
263
00:16:36,031 --> 00:16:39,097
ran a stop sign
back there on, uh,
Main Street?
264
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,032
Are you gonna
give me a ticket?
No.
265
00:16:41,034 --> 00:16:43,867
First, I'm just gonna
ask you to do a little
test for me.
266
00:16:43,869 --> 00:16:46,935
A test?
I'm gonna ask you
to blow up a balloon.
267
00:16:48,004 --> 00:16:50,271
Oh, I really don't wanna
blow up any balloons.
268
00:16:50,273 --> 00:16:52,106
I mean, the party's over.
269
00:16:52,607 --> 00:16:54,074
What's your name?
270
00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:56,942
What?
Your name?
271
00:16:57,711 --> 00:16:59,210
John Heintzel.
272
00:16:59,212 --> 00:17:01,679
What do your friends call you?
273
00:17:03,348 --> 00:17:04,614
Jack.
274
00:17:04,616 --> 00:17:06,849
Jack, I really wanna
have a cup of coffee
275
00:17:06,851 --> 00:17:09,117
with someone I can talk to.
276
00:17:10,219 --> 00:17:11,919
What do you wanna do?
277
00:17:18,625 --> 00:17:20,858
I could use a cup of coffee.
278
00:17:22,194 --> 00:17:24,795
Why don't I follow you
to your place.
279
00:17:25,363 --> 00:17:28,130
No, that's no good.
280
00:17:31,033 --> 00:17:32,199
What?
281
00:17:32,467 --> 00:17:34,101
My wife is there.
282
00:17:34,535 --> 00:17:35,702
You're married?
283
00:17:35,704 --> 00:17:37,869
Yeah, isn't everybody?
284
00:17:37,871 --> 00:17:39,037
No.
285
00:17:39,039 --> 00:17:43,040
No, some people are single,
some people are... are
separated.
286
00:17:43,042 --> 00:17:45,208
Some people are
just damned abandoned!
287
00:17:45,210 --> 00:17:46,575
So why don't you
get back into your car
288
00:17:46,577 --> 00:17:48,043
and go home, where you belong.
289
00:17:48,045 --> 00:17:52,879
You goddamn son of a bitch!
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
ma'am, ma'am. Hey, hey.
290
00:17:52,881 --> 00:17:55,715
Lousy, cheating
son of a bitch!
Hey, hey!
291
00:17:55,717 --> 00:17:57,416
Listen to me!
Oh!
292
00:17:57,418 --> 00:17:59,050
You swing that purse
one more time,
293
00:17:59,052 --> 00:18:01,585
I'm gonna
put you under arrest,
do you understand that?
294
00:18:01,587 --> 00:18:04,121
Arrest me.
I want you to arrest me.
295
00:18:04,888 --> 00:18:06,089
Because when you arrest me,
296
00:18:06,091 --> 00:18:07,723
I know I'm entitled
to one phone call
297
00:18:07,725 --> 00:18:11,392
and you know
who that phone call's
gonna be to, don't you?
298
00:18:12,060 --> 00:18:13,461
Don't you?
299
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:22,566
Miss Houghton, you... you
have a good evening, okay?
300
00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:26,168
In the future,
I want you to try to
drive a little more carefully.
301
00:18:26,170 --> 00:18:27,570
Good night.
302
00:18:46,183 --> 00:18:47,583
My God, so soon.
303
00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:50,585
Ten-speed bike.
That's about all
I can handle, sorry.
304
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:52,086
Would you like some coffee?
305
00:18:52,088 --> 00:18:53,487
Thank you.
306
00:18:57,424 --> 00:18:59,157
It's 25 cents.
307
00:19:08,197 --> 00:19:09,631
Hi.
Hi!
308
00:19:09,633 --> 00:19:10,698
How's business?
309
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:13,300
Got 39 cents for his
Right Guard deodorant.
310
00:19:13,302 --> 00:19:15,034
Have you seen a lawyer yet?
311
00:19:15,036 --> 00:19:16,869
I saw a lawyer.
What'd he say?
312
00:19:16,871 --> 00:19:18,871
You want it in detail
or just the bottom line?
313
00:19:18,873 --> 00:19:20,271
Well, can you sell the house?
314
00:19:20,273 --> 00:19:22,273
Community property,
the same with the car.
315
00:19:22,275 --> 00:19:23,473
Would you like some more coffee?
316
00:19:23,475 --> 00:19:24,775
Oh, sure, thanks.
317
00:19:24,777 --> 00:19:27,309
Can you borrow against
Millard's life insurance?
318
00:19:27,311 --> 00:19:29,210
Not without his signature.
319
00:19:29,212 --> 00:19:30,779
Can you attach Millard's salary?
320
00:19:30,781 --> 00:19:32,279
Millard doesn't get a salary.
321
00:19:32,281 --> 00:19:35,782
He gets a commission on
every building he designs.
322
00:19:37,717 --> 00:19:40,218
You're getting
rid of it, I'm glad.
323
00:19:41,153 --> 00:19:42,953
What can you do?
324
00:19:42,955 --> 00:19:44,554
I can move into his apartment.
325
00:19:44,556 --> 00:19:45,955
Millard has an apartment?
326
00:19:45,957 --> 00:19:48,157
No, the lawyer.
He made me an offer.
327
00:19:48,159 --> 00:19:49,657
What did you say?
328
00:19:49,659 --> 00:19:52,460
Well, he's kind of cute,
so I said yes,
329
00:19:52,462 --> 00:19:55,462
until I realized
he meant as his maid.
330
00:19:55,829 --> 00:19:56,996
Help is hard to get.
331
00:19:56,998 --> 00:19:58,330
I know.
332
00:19:58,332 --> 00:20:00,799
Come on, Elaine,
don't give up.
Remember?
333
00:20:00,801 --> 00:20:02,833
Eugene High knows how to fight,
334
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,667
even if it takes all night!
335
00:20:04,669 --> 00:20:06,736
Come on, Louise,
you remember!
Oh, Lord.
336
00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:10,005
So we'll scratch
and bite till we knock
'em out of sight!
337
00:20:10,007 --> 00:20:12,072
Yay, team!
338
00:20:13,175 --> 00:20:15,175
No wonder we never
won a game.
Oh.
339
00:20:15,177 --> 00:20:17,209
We still haven't.
Oh, God.
340
00:20:19,813 --> 00:20:21,345
Jesus, what the hell was that?
341
00:20:23,915 --> 00:20:25,482
Oh, I'm sorry.
342
00:20:25,484 --> 00:20:27,483
Save the fish!
343
00:20:27,984 --> 00:20:30,318
Hello, Natalie.
Look, there's a little one.
344
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,419
Elaine, I dropped by to see
345
00:20:32,421 --> 00:20:33,987
if you changed your mind
about helping us
346
00:20:33,989 --> 00:20:36,155
for the shopping
center anniversary show
347
00:20:36,157 --> 00:20:38,423
and I found this.
How much?
348
00:20:38,425 --> 00:20:39,991
You don't really
want that, Natalie.
349
00:20:39,993 --> 00:20:42,359
Oh, I need it for protection.
350
00:20:42,361 --> 00:20:44,260
Every week I drive home
from art school,
351
00:20:44,262 --> 00:20:47,830
and this big
oversexed animal
follows me in his car.
352
00:20:47,832 --> 00:20:50,097
Last night he almost caught me.
353
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:52,899
What would you do
if you were me?
354
00:20:53,334 --> 00:20:54,768
Drive slower.
355
00:20:56,002 --> 00:20:59,003
I've got four of them.
Anybody else?
356
00:21:00,006 --> 00:21:01,206
I've got one.
357
00:21:01,208 --> 00:21:04,007
Elaine, how about
the anniversary pageant?
358
00:21:05,510 --> 00:21:07,876
We're all meeting at
my house Monday morning.
359
00:21:07,878 --> 00:21:10,412
I'll call you, Natalie.
I promise.
360
00:21:20,018 --> 00:21:22,453
I'll give you 10 bucks
for this racquet, Elaine.
361
00:21:22,455 --> 00:21:24,187
It's a deal, Jerry.
362
00:21:24,189 --> 00:21:26,255
Say, did Millard have any balls?
363
00:21:30,860 --> 00:21:32,693
No, I can't.
It's too easy.
364
00:21:32,695 --> 00:21:34,527
Uh, in there,
next to the freezer,
365
00:21:34,529 --> 00:21:37,963
the yellow can,
all you can find,
go with the racquet, okay?
366
00:21:45,236 --> 00:21:48,704
Well, what is it?
A ball filled with real money?
367
00:21:51,540 --> 00:21:53,206
It says, "The entire gross
368
00:21:53,208 --> 00:21:55,208
"of the first day of
the anniversary sale
369
00:21:55,210 --> 00:21:56,709
"here at Valley River
Shopping Center
370
00:21:56,711 --> 00:21:58,043
"is going to be put inside,
371
00:21:58,045 --> 00:22:00,311
"and the person who guesses
closest to the amount
372
00:22:00,313 --> 00:22:05,381
"will win a two-week
all-expenses-paid trip to
Hawaii for the entire family."
373
00:22:05,816 --> 00:22:08,717
Gosh, if I entered that contest,
374
00:22:08,719 --> 00:22:14,087
and I won four and an eighth
round-trip tickets to Hawaii,
375
00:22:14,089 --> 00:22:16,889
and I cashed it in,
I'd have nearly $2000.
376
00:22:16,891 --> 00:22:19,391
Why don't we
just become hookers
and rent a motel room?
377
00:22:19,393 --> 00:22:23,560
We'd starve to death.
There's 12,000 college girls
in this town giving it away.
378
00:22:23,829 --> 00:22:29,063
I know. We could kidnap
Natalie and her husband
would pay us $100,000
379
00:22:29,065 --> 00:22:30,098
not to send her back.
380
00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:31,965
That's a good idea.
381
00:22:44,008 --> 00:22:45,408
My treat.
382
00:22:45,410 --> 00:22:46,975
Oh, thank you.
383
00:22:47,176 --> 00:22:48,510
Thank you, Louise.
384
00:22:48,512 --> 00:22:50,077
Oh, I don't know.
385
00:22:51,246 --> 00:22:53,980
There's just got to be
some way we can make money.
386
00:22:54,282 --> 00:22:56,582
We could
make porno flicks
and all wear masks.
387
00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:58,750
No, Robert and I got
bombed out one night.
388
00:22:58,752 --> 00:23:01,585
We put a little "I love you"
tattoo on my ankle.
389
00:23:01,587 --> 00:23:03,987
Okay, we'll wear masks,
you wear socks.
390
00:23:04,922 --> 00:23:07,290
Come on, let's get out of here.
391
00:23:07,292 --> 00:23:10,258
What do you think
about a doggie bag
for the butter?
392
00:23:10,260 --> 00:23:11,992
Aw, the hell with it.
393
00:23:17,597 --> 00:23:20,164
No, Albert, I'm not in the mood.
394
00:23:20,766 --> 00:23:22,933
When will you be in the mood?
395
00:23:22,935 --> 00:23:25,468
Probably not for a long time.
396
00:23:25,470 --> 00:23:27,269
I'm very depressed.
397
00:23:27,771 --> 00:23:31,972
Albert,
I think I'm going
to lose the store.
398
00:23:31,974 --> 00:23:35,508
Louise, I swear to you,
there is no money.
399
00:23:35,776 --> 00:23:38,143
If you only knew what is
going on in that hospital.
400
00:23:38,145 --> 00:23:40,111
It's not only the IRS.
401
00:23:40,113 --> 00:23:42,279
I'm in deep financial trouble,
402
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,347
and I need you to hold me,
403
00:23:44,782 --> 00:23:46,682
to hug me, to kiss me.
404
00:23:47,150 --> 00:23:50,484
To reassure me
that everything isn't
as hopeless as it looks.
405
00:23:50,486 --> 00:23:54,955
The only thing that's
hopeless, Albert, is that
you're horny 24 hours a day.
406
00:23:54,957 --> 00:24:00,158
Prices aren't just going
sky-high at gasoline stations
and supermarkets, you know.
407
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:01,459
The cost of medicine alone
408
00:24:01,461 --> 00:24:02,960
has tripled in
the last five years.
409
00:24:02,962 --> 00:24:04,627
Do you know what
I did today, Louise?
410
00:24:04,629 --> 00:24:05,695
Do you?
411
00:24:05,697 --> 00:24:09,631
I sold a used flea collar
to a cocker spaniel. Yes!
412
00:24:09,633 --> 00:24:11,632
And tomorrow,
I may remove
a cat's appendix,
413
00:24:11,634 --> 00:24:13,633
whether he wants me
to remove it or not!
414
00:24:13,635 --> 00:24:15,812
Why? Because
I need the money!
415
00:24:15,836 --> 00:24:18,370
No, baby, I'm not horny.
416
00:24:18,805 --> 00:24:20,538
I'm scared.
417
00:24:20,806 --> 00:24:23,406
I'm scared of
what I'm turning into.
418
00:24:23,408 --> 00:24:25,342
And I need the touch
of the woman I love
419
00:24:25,344 --> 00:24:28,743
to make me feel
clean and decent again.
420
00:24:32,413 --> 00:24:35,548
Albert, you're so full
of shit, but I love you.
421
00:24:35,916 --> 00:24:37,083
Come here.
422
00:24:43,921 --> 00:24:45,154
Who could that be?
423
00:24:45,156 --> 00:24:48,390
If we turn out the light,
maybe they'll go away.
424
00:24:51,159 --> 00:24:52,493
No, Albert, I better get it.
425
00:24:52,495 --> 00:24:54,394
All right. Uh...
426
00:24:57,498 --> 00:24:59,097
Before you
answer the door, Louise,
427
00:24:59,099 --> 00:25:01,932
there's something
I forgot to tell you!
428
00:25:15,542 --> 00:25:16,842
Yes?
429
00:25:16,844 --> 00:25:18,577
Mrs. Louise Travis?
430
00:25:18,878 --> 00:25:20,855
That's me.
Here.
431
00:25:20,879 --> 00:25:22,013
What's this?
432
00:25:22,015 --> 00:25:23,580
It's a summons.
433
00:25:23,848 --> 00:25:25,115
For what?
434
00:25:25,882 --> 00:25:28,450
I think you're being sued.
435
00:25:28,452 --> 00:25:29,517
By whom?
436
00:25:30,686 --> 00:25:32,185
Your husband.
437
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:45,395
I thought you said
you wanted to have
a family.
438
00:25:45,397 --> 00:25:48,296
Well,
I didn't figure
it would be so soon.
439
00:25:50,065 --> 00:25:52,199
God, if only I had $25,000,
440
00:25:52,201 --> 00:25:54,234
I could buy old man
Wheeler out myself.
441
00:25:54,236 --> 00:25:56,702
That's all he wants, $25,000.
442
00:25:56,704 --> 00:25:58,770
That could be our store.
443
00:25:59,371 --> 00:26:00,571
It's all my father's fault.
444
00:26:00,573 --> 00:26:03,540
I could kill him for what
he did in World War II.
445
00:26:03,542 --> 00:26:05,141
Who, Max? The ex-Marine?
446
00:26:05,143 --> 00:26:09,044
I thought he was a big hero,
helped, uh, beat the bad guys
single-handedly.
447
00:26:09,046 --> 00:26:10,711
That's what he did wrong!
448
00:26:10,713 --> 00:26:12,212
If we'd lost the dumb war,
449
00:26:12,214 --> 00:26:14,080
then the Japanese
and the Germans
could've lent us
450
00:26:14,082 --> 00:26:16,548
the $600 billion
to rebuild our economy
451
00:26:16,550 --> 00:26:19,384
the way we lent it
to them to rebuild theirs.
452
00:26:19,386 --> 00:26:22,053
That way,
we would have the Sonys,
we would have the Toyotas,
453
00:26:22,055 --> 00:26:23,253
and we would have the Mercedes,
454
00:26:23,255 --> 00:26:25,055
and they could have
the DC-10s and the Edsels
455
00:26:25,057 --> 00:26:26,655
and Lawrence Welk.
456
00:26:29,992 --> 00:26:32,392
How much money
did you say you needed?
457
00:26:32,394 --> 00:26:33,827
$250.
458
00:26:35,896 --> 00:26:39,130
You have $24,750 in the bank?
459
00:26:39,565 --> 00:26:42,132
I've got $57 in the bank.
460
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:47,803
I, uh...
I need $250 for you.
461
00:26:49,272 --> 00:26:50,671
What for?
462
00:26:57,510 --> 00:26:58,576
Oh.
463
00:27:00,245 --> 00:27:02,279
Why didn't you tell me
you were going to sue me?
464
00:27:02,281 --> 00:27:04,414
I was going to tell you.
I was going to tell you.
465
00:27:04,416 --> 00:27:06,182
I was just about to
when the doorbell rang.
466
00:27:06,184 --> 00:27:08,249
I'm sorry, baby,
but I had no choice.
I really didn't!
467
00:27:08,251 --> 00:27:10,018
Please, don't be angry
at me, Louise!
468
00:27:10,020 --> 00:27:12,086
How dare you apologize
when you're taking me
to court!
469
00:27:12,088 --> 00:27:13,586
Well, what do you want me to do?
470
00:27:13,588 --> 00:27:16,255
Jump up and down
and scream, yell!
471
00:27:16,257 --> 00:27:17,589
Would that make you feel better?
472
00:27:17,591 --> 00:27:19,357
Yes, 'cause I hate
punching a coward.
473
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:21,192
Louise, they say
the $36,000 I loaned you...
474
00:27:21,194 --> 00:27:24,360
Gave me, Albert.
How many times do I
have to tell you, gave me?
475
00:27:24,362 --> 00:27:25,961
Loaned you!
Gave me!
476
00:27:25,963 --> 00:27:27,596
Loaned!
Gave!
477
00:27:30,599 --> 00:27:31,832
Louise.
478
00:27:32,967 --> 00:27:34,700
Louise, stop it!
479
00:27:34,702 --> 00:27:36,469
It's not me,
it the rotten government!
480
00:27:36,471 --> 00:27:38,269
If I don't sue you,
they're gonna nail me
481
00:27:38,271 --> 00:27:40,604
for thousands of dollars
in taxes I don't have!
482
00:27:40,606 --> 00:27:42,139
I love you.
You love me?
483
00:27:42,141 --> 00:27:43,706
Yes. And I know
how you must feel,
484
00:27:43,708 --> 00:27:45,141
but try not to
take it personally.
485
00:27:45,143 --> 00:27:46,775
It's only business.
Can't you understand that?
486
00:27:46,777 --> 00:27:48,376
Of course I understand that.
487
00:27:48,378 --> 00:27:50,444
And this is only personal!
488
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,614
Next time you wanna
go in business with me,
489
00:27:55,616 --> 00:27:57,116
just knock on
the door to the den
490
00:27:57,118 --> 00:27:58,950
'cause that's
where I'll be living.
491
00:27:58,952 --> 00:28:01,486
Louise. You're making
too much out of this.
492
00:28:01,488 --> 00:28:03,820
It's all very simple.
493
00:28:03,822 --> 00:28:06,889
I sue you, you go bankrupt,
we're even.
494
00:28:06,891 --> 00:28:08,957
Even? We're even, Albert?
Yeah.
495
00:28:08,959 --> 00:28:13,127
You put me out of business
with a bankruptcy sign in
the window of my store
496
00:28:13,129 --> 00:28:15,962
for everybody in town
to see and we're even?
497
00:28:15,964 --> 00:28:18,497
No, Albert, we're not even.
We'll never be even!
498
00:28:18,499 --> 00:28:22,066
Louise, remember
what Lincoln said.
499
00:28:22,833 --> 00:28:26,735
"A house divided against
itself cannot long stand."
500
00:28:28,338 --> 00:28:29,637
He also said,
501
00:28:29,639 --> 00:28:32,139
"You can fool
some of the people
some of the time,
502
00:28:32,141 --> 00:28:34,840
"but you can't fool
all of the people
all of the time."
503
00:28:34,842 --> 00:28:35,975
He also said,
504
00:28:35,977 --> 00:28:39,878
"With malice toward none,
and charity to all."
505
00:28:40,979 --> 00:28:42,980
And the last thing
he said, Albert, was,
506
00:28:42,982 --> 00:28:45,982
"Look, honey, I've got
these two great seats
for the theater tonight."
507
00:28:45,984 --> 00:28:48,250
Why did I bring up Lincoln?
508
00:28:48,252 --> 00:28:50,985
Louise, come back.
I love you!
509
00:28:50,987 --> 00:28:52,319
Kiss my ass!
510
00:28:52,321 --> 00:28:54,320
Right! I wanna make up!
511
00:29:05,829 --> 00:29:08,329
How you doing,
Miss Houghton?
Hi, Mike.
512
00:29:08,331 --> 00:29:13,333
Jesus, nine cents
more from last week.
That's incredible!
513
00:29:13,335 --> 00:29:14,767
Well, it's not us.
514
00:29:14,769 --> 00:29:20,004
I'm still making the same
amount of money on a gallon
of gasoline as I did in 1958.
515
00:29:20,006 --> 00:29:22,106
You must've made
a bundle in '58.
516
00:29:22,108 --> 00:29:23,206
I'll switch to regular.
517
00:29:23,208 --> 00:29:25,175
No, I'm sorry, ma'am,
you can't do that.
518
00:29:25,177 --> 00:29:27,042
See, your car
takes lead-free.
519
00:29:27,044 --> 00:29:31,078
The regular gas,
the nozzle's too big.
It won't fit in your tank.
520
00:29:31,446 --> 00:29:34,281
Well, shove it in.
Use Vaseline if you have to.
521
00:29:36,349 --> 00:29:40,418
No, you see,
the idea is to keep
your car free from pollutants.
522
00:30:00,799 --> 00:30:02,799
I'm sorry, Mrs. Houghton,
523
00:30:03,201 --> 00:30:06,202
but, your, uh,
card's been cancelled.
524
00:30:06,636 --> 00:30:09,037
What?
Yeah, it... it's
in the new book.
525
00:30:09,039 --> 00:30:10,637
Well, here, let me see...
Oh, oh, oh!
526
00:30:10,639 --> 00:30:13,273
I can't let you have it.
It's a $25 reward.
527
00:30:16,742 --> 00:30:21,145
Mike,
did I mention that
my husband's out of town?
528
00:30:21,147 --> 00:30:22,979
I heard he ran away
with his secretary.
529
00:30:22,981 --> 00:30:24,280
Yeah.
530
00:30:24,748 --> 00:30:26,815
Do you know
what that does to
a woman's confidence?
531
00:30:26,817 --> 00:30:29,550
No, but it sure does
lousy things to her credit.
532
00:30:33,554 --> 00:30:37,256
A girl needs a strong,
virile man
533
00:30:37,258 --> 00:30:40,325
to help her get back
into the swing, you know?
534
00:30:41,326 --> 00:30:42,993
You know, Mrs. Houghton,
535
00:30:42,995 --> 00:30:45,895
I have no respect for a woman
who does it for money.
536
00:30:46,263 --> 00:30:47,796
Let alone gasoline.
537
00:30:50,265 --> 00:30:51,732
How much do I owe you?
73 cents.
538
00:30:51,734 --> 00:30:53,666
I'll write you a check.
539
00:30:58,271 --> 00:30:59,403
I don't believe it!
540
00:30:59,405 --> 00:31:02,305
Mom threw you out
and moved a friend in?
541
00:31:02,607 --> 00:31:03,727
When?
542
00:31:04,175 --> 00:31:07,642
This afternoon, 1320 hours.
543
00:31:07,943 --> 00:31:09,344
What's his name?
544
00:31:10,279 --> 00:31:11,345
His name?
545
00:31:12,914 --> 00:31:15,915
His name is Shirley.
546
00:31:16,917 --> 00:31:23,086
That's right, your mother,
age 64, has joined the Sun
City Gay Liberation Movement.
547
00:31:24,922 --> 00:31:27,823
But that's impossible.
548
00:31:28,424 --> 00:31:30,925
All I ever remember
Mom telling me was
549
00:31:30,927 --> 00:31:35,160
how much she loved you
and... and that she would
never look at another man.
550
00:31:35,762 --> 00:31:38,997
Of course, she never did
mention another woman.
551
00:31:40,865 --> 00:31:42,266
What about you, Dad?
552
00:31:42,268 --> 00:31:44,267
Have you always been faithful?
553
00:31:44,269 --> 00:31:49,104
Oh, baby, Semper Fidelis,
ever faithful.
554
00:31:49,604 --> 00:31:53,106
In the Marines or in
the bedroom, 36 years.
555
00:31:53,540 --> 00:31:58,343
Well, now, where can I bunk
till this crazy broad decides
to go straight again?
556
00:31:59,279 --> 00:32:03,013
There's a lovely little
Holiday Inn right around
the corner.
557
00:32:03,714 --> 00:32:05,714
Oh, honey, come on, now, give...
558
00:32:06,816 --> 00:32:10,684
Give the old sarge
a... a second choice?
Hmm?
559
00:32:15,555 --> 00:32:18,223
Maybe you could stay here
with me and the kids.
560
00:32:18,225 --> 00:32:20,224
Hey, that's a great idea!
561
00:32:20,226 --> 00:32:21,458
Yeah, I'd be like a father.
562
00:32:21,460 --> 00:32:23,059
I'll teach 'em
everything I know.
563
00:32:23,061 --> 00:32:25,461
What's... What's
the battle plan?
564
00:32:25,463 --> 00:32:26,795
Dad, do you remember
that old couch
565
00:32:26,797 --> 00:32:28,330
from Camp Pendleton
that you and Mom
566
00:32:28,332 --> 00:32:29,964
gave me and Tom
when we got married?
567
00:32:29,966 --> 00:32:31,299
It's still in the den.
568
00:32:31,301 --> 00:32:34,967
Oh, Pendleton, the...
Oh, yeah.
569
00:32:34,969 --> 00:32:38,303
Oh, do I remember that.
Where are the blankets
and the sheets?
570
00:32:38,305 --> 00:32:39,971
The hall closet, top shelf.
571
00:32:39,973 --> 00:32:42,873
Hall closet, top shelf.
Aye, aye, Captain.
572
00:32:43,807 --> 00:32:47,075
Hey, don't look so worried.
573
00:32:48,911 --> 00:32:50,344
It'll only be a little while.
574
00:32:50,346 --> 00:32:52,578
I... I'll stay
out of your way.
575
00:32:52,580 --> 00:32:54,647
You won't even know I'm here.
576
00:32:54,649 --> 00:32:56,214
And, uh, uh...
577
00:32:57,483 --> 00:33:00,151
I'll keep my mouth shut.
578
00:33:01,752 --> 00:33:03,553
Okay, Dad.
579
00:33:16,163 --> 00:33:19,331
Hi, Fred.
Is there something
I can help you with?
580
00:33:20,365 --> 00:33:24,701
Wait, don't tell me,
it's Aggie's birthday
this Sunday, isn't it?
581
00:33:24,703 --> 00:33:26,935
I'm gonna have to take
these from you,
Mrs. Travis.
582
00:33:26,937 --> 00:33:29,370
Oh, Fred, I mean,
you can't take anything.
583
00:33:29,372 --> 00:33:30,771
You have to pay for it.
584
00:33:31,373 --> 00:33:37,009
You know, this is an authentic
19th-century English
jailer's ring.
585
00:33:38,177 --> 00:33:40,011
I got another one around
here somewhere.
586
00:33:40,013 --> 00:33:41,511
I'm sorry, Louise.
587
00:33:42,180 --> 00:33:45,348
"By order of the
Ninth District Municipal
Court of Eugene, Oregon,
588
00:33:45,350 --> 00:33:47,949
"no business transactions
can occur on the premises
known as
589
00:33:47,951 --> 00:33:49,516
"Ye Olde Antique Shoppe,
590
00:33:49,518 --> 00:33:50,851
"until such time as the case of
591
00:33:50,853 --> 00:33:53,213
"Travis v. Travis
is adjudicated.
592
00:33:53,620 --> 00:33:55,121
"Signed, Judge Towers."
593
00:33:56,456 --> 00:33:58,190
I'm sorry, Louise,
594
00:33:58,192 --> 00:34:00,725
but this court order says
I have to take the keys
to the store.
595
00:34:00,727 --> 00:34:04,260
Oh, my God.
I'm locking the front door
until further notice.
596
00:34:09,365 --> 00:34:10,431
Hi, Mom.
597
00:34:12,734 --> 00:34:13,966
Don't "Hi, Mom" me.
598
00:34:13,968 --> 00:34:15,868
What are you doing here?
It's nearly 4:30!
599
00:34:15,870 --> 00:34:17,869
You're supposed to
be at the dentist!
I went already.
600
00:34:17,871 --> 00:34:19,037
Don't give me that.
601
00:34:19,039 --> 00:34:20,871
Lookit,
I'm not gonna have one
of my kids growing up
602
00:34:20,873 --> 00:34:22,739
with crooked teeth because
he's afraid of a little pain
603
00:34:22,741 --> 00:34:25,041
when his retainer
is tightened.
Mom, that's my pitching arm!
604
00:34:25,043 --> 00:34:28,477
Right! Now, listen,
get on your bike and go
to the dentist, right now!
605
00:34:28,479 --> 00:34:30,745
I can't!
What do you mean, you can't?
606
00:34:30,747 --> 00:34:32,479
Okay, I'll take you,
you little coward.
607
00:34:32,481 --> 00:34:34,147
I'm not a coward!
608
00:34:34,814 --> 00:34:37,949
Here. The dentist
told me to give you that.
609
00:34:42,253 --> 00:34:45,454
He said
not to come back
till you paid the bill.
610
00:34:49,392 --> 00:34:51,959
Damn, I'm out of gas.
611
00:34:52,893 --> 00:34:53,960
Shit.
612
00:35:18,944 --> 00:35:20,577
Automobile Club.
613
00:35:20,579 --> 00:35:22,512
I'm sorry,
but all our agents are busy.
614
00:35:22,514 --> 00:35:25,248
Please stay on the lineand enjoy highlightsfrom Oklahoma!
615
00:35:25,250 --> 00:35:27,816
Oh, Jesus Christ! Come on!
616
00:36:13,780 --> 00:36:15,848
Hello, Louise.
617
00:37:24,361 --> 00:37:28,330
I know what you said
on the phone, Elaine,
but it won't work.
618
00:37:28,332 --> 00:37:30,331
We've got to make it work.
What choice do we have?
619
00:37:30,333 --> 00:37:31,831
We have a choice.
620
00:37:31,833 --> 00:37:35,193
We can all go
back home now
and go to sleep.
621
00:37:35,668 --> 00:37:37,835
Look, I don't know
if it can be done.
Not in seven days.
622
00:37:37,837 --> 00:37:40,404
This thing has to be
carefully thought out.
623
00:37:40,938 --> 00:37:43,173
What have we got to lose?
I mean, the worse that
can happen to us
624
00:37:43,175 --> 00:37:45,174
if we get caught
is that we'll go
to jail, right?
625
00:37:45,176 --> 00:37:48,009
Yes, Jane, for a very long time.
626
00:37:48,777 --> 00:37:50,344
Security to entrance four.
627
00:37:50,346 --> 00:37:52,012
Okay, here it is, bottom line.
628
00:37:52,014 --> 00:37:56,448
In seven days, we've got
to figure out how to get
to the Money Ball,
629
00:37:56,450 --> 00:37:59,783
how to get into it,
how to get the money
out of it
630
00:37:59,785 --> 00:38:02,185
and how to get away
without being caught.
631
00:38:02,187 --> 00:38:05,854
Come on, Louise, think.
There's got to be some
way to get to that money.
632
00:38:05,856 --> 00:38:08,623
- Only one way.
- From underneath.
633
00:38:08,625 --> 00:38:12,792
We'd have to dig a tunnel
from the bank of the river
to under here.
634
00:38:13,527 --> 00:38:16,528
Then once we got here,
we'd still have to
figure out a way
635
00:38:16,530 --> 00:38:19,863
to cut a hole
up through the floor
and get the money out of it.
636
00:38:19,865 --> 00:38:22,099
God, it's gonna be tough.
637
00:38:22,633 --> 00:38:24,700
Let's take a walk, okay?
638
00:38:29,971 --> 00:38:32,205
Why are you being
so negative, Louise?
639
00:38:32,207 --> 00:38:35,073
I'm not being negative,
I'm being realistic.
640
00:38:35,075 --> 00:38:37,542
I mean, one, how do we do it?
641
00:38:37,544 --> 00:38:40,710
I mean, we've gotta plan
this out, step by step.
642
00:38:41,379 --> 00:38:45,381
Two, if there is a way,
can we do it?
643
00:38:45,383 --> 00:38:47,081
I mean, are we
gutty enough to do it?
644
00:38:47,083 --> 00:38:48,917
Oh, look, if men
are gutty enough to
do it, I don't see why...
645
00:38:48,919 --> 00:38:51,652
Men are gutty enough
in the movies, Elaine.
In the movies.
646
00:38:51,654 --> 00:38:53,986
I mean,
where in real life
did you ever see,
647
00:38:53,988 --> 00:38:55,887
hear or read about anybody
648
00:38:55,889 --> 00:38:57,389
getting away with it?
649
00:38:57,391 --> 00:38:59,156
The Brinks Robbery, Miami Beach!
650
00:38:59,158 --> 00:39:04,060
It was Boston, and once
they caught one of 'em,
he confessed in five minutes.
651
00:39:04,062 --> 00:39:06,995
The other seven are doing
10 years-to-life.
652
00:39:09,765 --> 00:39:11,331
It'll be tough.
653
00:39:16,902 --> 00:39:19,270
I'll be in charge of
phase one of the operation,
654
00:39:19,272 --> 00:39:24,974
Elaine, you be in charge
of phase two, execution,
if we ever get that far.
655
00:39:25,775 --> 00:39:27,409
What should I do?
656
00:39:27,411 --> 00:39:29,276
I... I don't know.
Besides getting
knocked up,
657
00:39:29,278 --> 00:39:31,011
what's your specialty?
658
00:39:32,913 --> 00:39:34,680
Hey, I... I am an expert
in one area.
659
00:39:34,682 --> 00:39:36,248
I mean, I don't know
if it'll do us any good,
660
00:39:36,250 --> 00:39:39,016
but you never know
with the river nearby.
661
00:39:39,018 --> 00:39:42,252
What's that?
I can row a canoe.
662
00:39:42,254 --> 00:39:45,521
That is my specialty.
I was canoe counselor at camp.
663
00:39:45,523 --> 00:39:49,990
We used to get into
these canoes at night
and sing old Indian songs.
664
00:39:50,291 --> 00:39:54,427
♪ Oh, the moon shines
on the pretty red wing
665
00:39:54,429 --> 00:39:56,461
♪ The breezes sighing
666
00:39:56,463 --> 00:39:58,496
♪ The red birds cry... ♪
667
00:40:00,098 --> 00:40:02,332
I canoe better than I sing.
668
00:40:05,435 --> 00:40:07,501
I mean, there it was.
669
00:40:08,270 --> 00:40:09,971
Is that incredible?
670
00:40:09,973 --> 00:40:12,372
Wait a minute, Elaine,
say that again.
671
00:40:12,374 --> 00:40:13,772
We don't have to dig a tunnel?
672
00:40:13,774 --> 00:40:17,308
I just found Millard's plansfor the shopping centerand guess what?
673
00:40:17,310 --> 00:40:19,277
They done dug one for us.
674
00:40:20,111 --> 00:40:21,678
I know.
675
00:40:23,447 --> 00:40:26,948
Uh, operator, if he's not
at the Howard Johnson's
Motor Lodge in Omaha,
676
00:40:26,950 --> 00:40:31,352
try the one in San Diego,
and if he's not there,
try the one in Denver.
677
00:40:31,819 --> 00:40:34,120
Millard loves their ice cream.
678
00:40:34,654 --> 00:40:36,355
Thank you.
679
00:40:38,123 --> 00:40:39,957
Richard, you're his partner.
Where'd he go?
680
00:40:39,959 --> 00:40:42,158
Oh, I wish I knew.
681
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:44,126
You know,
that son of a bitch
still owes me $20
682
00:40:44,128 --> 00:40:46,728
on the Oregon State-
S.C. game last Saturday?
683
00:40:47,796 --> 00:40:49,630
And what brings you here?
684
00:40:49,632 --> 00:40:51,031
The truth?
685
00:40:51,633 --> 00:40:54,667
The truth is I'm trying
to get this drawer unlocked.
686
00:40:54,669 --> 00:40:57,669
Millard always kept
some dimes in here
for the parking meter.
687
00:40:57,671 --> 00:41:00,971
Elaine, what's really
in that drawer?
688
00:41:02,806 --> 00:41:05,140
I don't know, but it's locked,
689
00:41:05,142 --> 00:41:06,975
so it must be
something interesting.
690
00:41:06,977 --> 00:41:09,577
Oh, yeah? Let me try.
691
00:41:10,245 --> 00:41:11,911
Okay.
692
00:41:13,414 --> 00:41:15,247
Let's see. Let's see.
693
00:41:29,090 --> 00:41:31,758
Okay, this is the conveyor belt.
694
00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:33,760
The garbage runs
along the conveyor belt.
695
00:41:33,762 --> 00:41:36,194
It goes all the way
behind the stores
696
00:41:36,196 --> 00:41:39,363
down here to the river
where it's picked up
by a barge.
697
00:41:39,365 --> 00:41:43,233
This is the tunnel.
It goes all the way
to there.
698
00:41:44,367 --> 00:41:46,335
Oh, this is gonna be scary.
699
00:41:46,337 --> 00:41:48,936
I've never
stolen anything
in my entire life.
700
00:41:48,938 --> 00:41:50,671
You stole my notes
for the Latin final.
701
00:41:50,673 --> 00:41:52,339
That doesn't count.
I got a D on that.
702
00:41:52,341 --> 00:41:55,341
Jane, this time,
we've got to get
an A, all right?
703
00:41:55,343 --> 00:41:57,653
I know.
An A.
704
00:41:57,677 --> 00:42:00,511
You realize
that we're talking about
nearly a million dollars here?
705
00:42:00,513 --> 00:42:03,346
Okay, look.
Here's where
the Money Ball is,
706
00:42:03,348 --> 00:42:06,014
right above the central
air conditioning unit.
707
00:42:06,016 --> 00:42:07,936
That's the closest store there.
708
00:42:08,016 --> 00:42:09,750
I wonder what it is.
709
00:42:10,052 --> 00:42:13,752
I don't know,but I'll sure find outtomorrow.
710
00:42:16,389 --> 00:42:18,022
I'll just throw these away.
711
00:42:18,024 --> 00:42:21,584
Are you crazy?
Give 'em to his
little brother.
712
00:42:30,198 --> 00:42:32,799
Little bummer's got
two different-sized feet.
713
00:42:32,801 --> 00:42:35,701
I swear, the left one's
a whole size bigger
than the right.
714
00:42:35,703 --> 00:42:38,943
Must be inherited.
Did you see
his mother's boobs?
715
00:43:35,908 --> 00:43:39,110
Will the owner of a blue '79
Pinto please move your car?
716
00:43:39,112 --> 00:43:40,411
You're blocking the exit.
717
00:43:40,413 --> 00:43:42,746
I can't wait for you
to meet everybody.
718
00:43:42,748 --> 00:43:46,081
We are doing
the entire history
of Oregon in one hour.
719
00:43:46,083 --> 00:43:48,015
I can do it in 15 minutes.
720
00:43:48,017 --> 00:43:51,451
- Step, touch. Step together.
- Step, touch. Step together.
721
00:43:51,453 --> 00:43:53,753
Nancy, arms.
Step together. Step.
722
00:43:53,755 --> 00:43:56,521
Turn, step, turn.
Step, touch, step.
Hi, everybody.
723
00:43:56,523 --> 00:43:57,756
Hi.
724
00:43:58,357 --> 00:44:00,257
My friend, Elaine Houghton.
725
00:44:00,259 --> 00:44:02,425
We work very well together.
726
00:44:02,427 --> 00:44:04,526
This is Tim Lundy.
How do you do?
727
00:44:04,528 --> 00:44:07,028
He represents
the owners of
the shopping mall.
728
00:44:07,030 --> 00:44:11,364
And this is the stage manager
of the entire production,
Aaron.
729
00:44:11,366 --> 00:44:12,599
Hello, Aaron.
Leon.
730
00:44:12,601 --> 00:44:13,932
Leon, I'm sorry.
731
00:44:13,934 --> 00:44:15,434
Leon. That's
what I said. Leon.
732
00:44:15,436 --> 00:44:18,580
Won't you sit down,
Mrs. Houghton?
Thank you.
733
00:44:18,604 --> 00:44:20,270
Step, touch, step together.
734
00:44:20,272 --> 00:44:22,105
Girls, smile, step together.
735
00:44:22,107 --> 00:44:23,272
Step, turn.
736
00:44:23,274 --> 00:44:25,540
Come on, ladies.
Three lines,
three lines, please.
737
00:44:25,542 --> 00:44:27,776
Hold it.
Three tight lines.
738
00:44:28,377 --> 00:44:31,178
All right, from the top.
Five, six, seven, eight.
739
00:44:50,558 --> 00:44:52,625
And then we go
to the big Indian scene,
740
00:44:52,627 --> 00:44:54,994
uh, where they break
the treaty.
They break the treaty?
741
00:44:54,996 --> 00:44:57,061
Yeah, followed
by the Indian wars,
742
00:44:57,063 --> 00:45:00,130
then the Civil War,
followed quickly by
the Spanish-American War,
743
00:45:00,132 --> 00:45:02,331
World War I and World War II,
744
00:45:02,333 --> 00:45:04,966
and then to the
Rose Bowl game of 1959
745
00:45:04,968 --> 00:45:08,135
where we beat Michigan
in the last 70 seconds
with a field goal.
746
00:45:08,137 --> 00:45:12,005
Leon, will you get
that goddamn piano
into the pit...
747
00:45:12,007 --> 00:45:14,973
Excuse me.
and plug in
the goddamn guitar?
748
00:46:04,507 --> 00:46:06,074
Out!
749
00:46:11,612 --> 00:46:13,079
Batter up!
750
00:46:16,782 --> 00:46:18,182
Billy!
751
00:46:18,184 --> 00:46:20,016
Hi, Grandpa.
752
00:46:20,018 --> 00:46:21,685
Shut up and hit!
753
00:46:24,888 --> 00:46:27,689
The major lights are fused
to the master fuse box.
754
00:46:27,691 --> 00:46:32,191
That means
the overhead theater lights,
the mall and the Money Ball.
755
00:46:32,193 --> 00:46:35,193
I can plunge the entire
shopping center into
total darkness
756
00:46:35,195 --> 00:46:37,595
with one flip of the switch.
757
00:46:39,532 --> 00:46:42,599
Attaboy, Billy!
Two more runs batted in!
758
00:46:46,135 --> 00:46:47,869
Now all we have to do
is figure out how to get
759
00:46:47,871 --> 00:46:49,203
the money out of the Money Ball.
760
00:46:49,205 --> 00:46:50,437
Yeah.
761
00:46:51,806 --> 00:46:55,207
Stop at third!
Stop at third,
you dummy!
762
00:46:55,375 --> 00:46:58,142
Get it!
Yeah, get it!
Come on! Yeah!
763
00:46:59,878 --> 00:47:01,711
You're out!
764
00:47:01,713 --> 00:47:04,146
No way!
I slid under the tag!
765
00:47:04,481 --> 00:47:05,914
You blind son of a bitch!
766
00:47:05,916 --> 00:47:08,549
He tagged him in the thigh,
you friggin' idiot!
767
00:47:08,551 --> 00:47:09,917
I saw Bad News Bears.
768
00:47:09,919 --> 00:47:11,818
I thought that was
the way the kids talked.
769
00:47:11,820 --> 00:47:14,052
Nobody calls
my son out when he has
only one more home run to win
770
00:47:14,054 --> 00:47:15,654
for the League Championship!
771
00:47:15,656 --> 00:47:18,556
Do you understand me,
you old fart? Do you?
772
00:47:20,491 --> 00:47:21,758
MaHaney,
773
00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:26,327
I have been
wanting to do this
for the past five years.
774
00:47:27,430 --> 00:47:29,963
That's for touching an umpire!
775
00:47:31,933 --> 00:47:34,500
And that's for
leaving my daughter!
776
00:47:35,067 --> 00:47:38,102
And that's
for making me
lose my temper
777
00:47:38,104 --> 00:47:39,770
in front of these sweet kids,
778
00:47:39,772 --> 00:47:42,672
you chicken-shit wimp!
779
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:46,074
How much did you say
you needed for Robert?
780
00:47:46,076 --> 00:47:48,342
$25,000.
781
00:47:48,344 --> 00:47:52,645
Plus a down payment
for an apartment in
Sun City for Max Hitler.
782
00:47:53,079 --> 00:47:56,114
$10,000 more.
$35,000.
783
00:47:56,116 --> 00:47:57,282
$36,000.
784
00:47:57,284 --> 00:47:59,565
You'll need $1,000
for Tom's bridgework.
785
00:47:59,951 --> 00:48:01,418
He'll definitely sue.
786
00:48:02,185 --> 00:48:04,619
Phase two is now in effect.
787
00:48:04,621 --> 00:48:07,588
Now that we know that
it's physically possible
for us to be thieves,
788
00:48:07,590 --> 00:48:10,257
we've gotta
find out if it's
psychologically possible.
789
00:48:10,259 --> 00:48:12,299
You first, Jane.
Me?
790
00:48:31,772 --> 00:48:33,940
Stick up a Safeway alone?
791
00:48:35,608 --> 00:48:37,875
Why not? I mean,
everybody knows me,
792
00:48:37,877 --> 00:48:39,276
the checkers, the managers,
793
00:48:39,278 --> 00:48:41,711
even the box boys wave at me
when I come in.
794
00:48:41,713 --> 00:48:44,680
"Hey, here comes
the old coupon queen again!"
795
00:48:44,948 --> 00:48:47,114
I meant the one in Medford.
796
00:48:50,284 --> 00:48:52,818
Don't say anything, just point.
797
00:48:52,820 --> 00:48:53,953
Is that real?
798
00:48:53,955 --> 00:48:56,220
No, it's a model
Millard made 15 years ago
799
00:48:56,222 --> 00:48:57,722
when he was an Eagle Scout.
800
00:48:57,724 --> 00:48:59,890
With a real gun,
you do 5-to-10.
801
00:48:59,892 --> 00:49:01,857
With that one,
1-to-5.
802
00:49:02,726 --> 00:49:04,193
Thanks, Elaine.
803
00:49:30,745 --> 00:49:33,079
The least
you could do is
say you're sorry.
804
00:49:33,081 --> 00:49:35,847
It's been 15 minutes.
I told her to only
get a few things.
805
00:49:35,849 --> 00:49:38,169
What the hell is keeping her?
806
00:49:42,419 --> 00:49:44,920
Steak, $8.95.
807
00:49:44,922 --> 00:49:46,587
Nuts, $1.29.
808
00:49:48,090 --> 00:49:50,991
Grape-Nuts, $1.26,
809
00:49:50,993 --> 00:49:52,825
cookies, $1.43,
810
00:49:52,827 --> 00:49:54,994
paper towels, $0.35,
811
00:49:54,996 --> 00:49:57,695
paper towels, $0.35,
812
00:49:57,697 --> 00:49:59,563
water pistol, $1.09,
813
00:50:00,932 --> 00:50:03,232
socks, $2.25,
814
00:50:04,167 --> 00:50:06,401
toilet paper, $0.79...
815
00:50:08,436 --> 00:50:10,371
Well, at least
you didn't get arrested.
816
00:50:10,373 --> 00:50:13,939
No, not until the $285 check
I wrote for the food bounces.
817
00:50:13,941 --> 00:50:16,774
That was last night.
I'm in charge today.
818
00:50:24,714 --> 00:50:26,681
Oh! God, I'm so sorry.
819
00:50:26,683 --> 00:50:28,216
I'm so sorry.
820
00:50:28,218 --> 00:50:31,784
I'm such a klutz.
I don't believe it.
821
00:50:32,519 --> 00:50:34,420
Here, let me help you.
Here.
822
00:50:56,869 --> 00:50:58,436
There.
823
00:50:59,070 --> 00:51:02,138
Oh, thank you.
I'm so sorry.
824
00:51:03,407 --> 00:51:06,207
Oh, I can't believe this!
825
00:51:06,209 --> 00:51:07,442
I'm so... Oh!
826
00:51:08,043 --> 00:51:09,643
You were great with that canoe.
827
00:51:09,645 --> 00:51:11,110
I was surprised.
828
00:51:11,545 --> 00:51:14,613
So was I. The current
in that river is a bitch!
829
00:51:33,894 --> 00:51:36,795
How the hell
are we gonna empty
that big ball?
830
00:52:02,345 --> 00:52:04,579
I know
how to get the money
out of the Money Ball.
831
00:52:04,581 --> 00:52:06,748
How?
Suck!
832
00:52:08,083 --> 00:52:11,684
Attention,the mall will be closingin 10 minutes.
833
00:52:11,686 --> 00:52:13,486
10 minutes, please.
834
00:52:16,255 --> 00:52:17,855
I know we've only
got two days to go,
835
00:52:17,857 --> 00:52:20,523
but I don't know why
you guys are so mad at me.
836
00:52:20,525 --> 00:52:22,258
You know I can't
afford a babysitter,
837
00:52:22,260 --> 00:52:25,760
and Max is at
a Senior Citizens for
Reagan meeting tonight.
838
00:52:25,762 --> 00:52:28,196
Jesus, Jane, this is
a royal pain the ass.
839
00:52:28,198 --> 00:52:29,863
I mean, tonight's important.
840
00:52:29,865 --> 00:52:32,598
We're psychologically
testing ourselves by
robbing Wheeler's,
841
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:34,200
and you bring your kids along.
842
00:52:34,202 --> 00:52:35,467
Can't you leave them
home just once?
843
00:52:35,469 --> 00:52:37,202
Are you serious?
844
00:52:37,204 --> 00:52:39,203
The last time that
I left those two alone,
845
00:52:39,205 --> 00:52:41,537
Billy took nude pictures
of Laurie with his Polaroid
846
00:52:41,539 --> 00:52:43,372
and sent them in
to Playboy magazine.
847
00:52:43,374 --> 00:52:45,307
It's dangerous.
Oh, I see.
848
00:52:45,309 --> 00:52:47,641
You bring 'em
along on a robbery
where they'll be safe.
849
00:52:47,643 --> 00:52:51,611
Well,
we're only stealing
from Robert's store.
850
00:52:51,613 --> 00:52:54,613
Well, that's right.
I mean, it's family.
851
00:53:14,794 --> 00:53:16,594
When did you get Robert's keys?
852
00:53:16,596 --> 00:53:18,796
Last night.
How did you do that?
853
00:53:19,264 --> 00:53:21,598
They were in his pants,
he wasn't.
854
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:25,467
Ah, the old
backseat of the car
in the garage, eh?
855
00:53:25,601 --> 00:53:27,735
No, we had to give
that up ever since
my father moved in.
856
00:53:27,737 --> 00:53:29,236
Remember Old Mill Road?
857
00:53:29,238 --> 00:53:30,437
Foreplay heaven.
858
00:53:30,439 --> 00:53:31,637
It's still cheaper than a motel.
859
00:53:31,639 --> 00:53:33,405
More creative.
860
00:53:41,645 --> 00:53:43,479
Do you wanna play Evel Knievel?
861
00:53:43,481 --> 00:53:45,514
Sure.
Okay.
862
00:53:45,516 --> 00:53:47,748
You play Evel
and I'll play
the motorcycle.
863
00:53:47,750 --> 00:53:49,483
Come on.
Okay.
864
00:53:55,288 --> 00:53:57,522
Okay, Louise,
you go get the power saw.
865
00:53:57,524 --> 00:53:58,755
Right.
866
00:53:59,757 --> 00:54:02,525
Where's the power saw?
Oh, over on that shelf.
867
00:54:02,527 --> 00:54:04,493
Okay. We'll go get
the vacuum cleaner.
868
00:54:04,495 --> 00:54:05,727
Right.
869
00:54:06,629 --> 00:54:07,761
Where's the vacuum cleaner?
870
00:54:07,763 --> 00:54:09,596
It's over there.
Okay.
871
00:54:21,306 --> 00:54:24,506
Billy and Laurie,
you get back in
that car this minute!
872
00:54:24,542 --> 00:54:26,440
Jesus Christ!
873
00:54:26,442 --> 00:54:27,842
Get down!
874
00:54:32,779 --> 00:54:34,979
What do we do?
Why don't we go
out the back door?
875
00:54:34,981 --> 00:54:37,282
Right!
Where's the back door?
876
00:54:37,284 --> 00:54:39,449
Come on, I'll show you.
This way.
877
00:54:39,451 --> 00:54:40,783
Hurry up.
878
00:54:49,523 --> 00:54:51,057
Hold it!
879
00:54:51,625 --> 00:54:53,559
What's goin' on here?
880
00:54:53,561 --> 00:54:57,361
Uh, listen,
it's not gonna
be easy to explain.
881
00:54:57,663 --> 00:54:59,629
Suppose you try, little lady.
882
00:54:59,631 --> 00:55:00,697
Ah, yes.
883
00:55:01,465 --> 00:55:03,632
Maybe we all
better give it a try.
884
00:55:07,569 --> 00:55:09,636
Why don't we
just tell the truth?
885
00:55:09,638 --> 00:55:12,405
Elaine, tell the officer
the truth.
886
00:55:13,473 --> 00:55:14,739
Right.
887
00:55:14,974 --> 00:55:16,107
Uh...
888
00:55:21,912 --> 00:55:24,646
It's a game.
It's a scavenger
hunt for charity.
889
00:55:24,648 --> 00:55:27,548
Oh, God, not you again.
890
00:55:28,016 --> 00:55:31,017
Jack, how sweet
of you to remember.
891
00:55:31,019 --> 00:55:32,551
Hold it!
892
00:55:33,486 --> 00:55:35,520
Jack, I haven't
had a drink in a week.
893
00:55:35,522 --> 00:55:39,623
Maybe tonight I don't
get slugged in the head
with a purse, huh?
894
00:55:39,857 --> 00:55:41,657
You know,
I've gotta report this.
895
00:55:41,659 --> 00:55:43,925
Jack, can't you
bend the rules a little?
896
00:55:43,927 --> 00:55:45,994
I mean,
it's not like
we were stealing.
897
00:55:45,996 --> 00:55:47,695
All this stuff came from...
898
00:55:47,697 --> 00:55:49,829
Came from
Jane's fiance's
hardware store.
899
00:55:49,831 --> 00:55:51,698
He's the manager.
Isn't that right, Jane?
900
00:55:51,700 --> 00:55:53,665
Oh, right, absolutely.
901
00:55:53,667 --> 00:55:55,833
Robert Logan.
See, these are his keys.
902
00:55:55,835 --> 00:55:57,835
Wheeler's Hardware Store.
Wheeler's. This is the key.
903
00:55:57,837 --> 00:55:59,736
Look, she even brought her kids.
904
00:55:59,738 --> 00:56:01,704
Would anybody
in their right minds
905
00:56:01,706 --> 00:56:03,539
bring their kids to a robbery?
906
00:56:03,541 --> 00:56:04,806
Really.
907
00:56:15,715 --> 00:56:18,949
Jack, if you turn us in,
we'll look like imbeciles.
908
00:56:18,951 --> 00:56:20,617
Robert will yell at Jane,
909
00:56:20,619 --> 00:56:22,718
Louise will catch
hell from Albert,
910
00:56:22,720 --> 00:56:23,819
and I'll...
911
00:56:24,621 --> 00:56:25,686
I'll, um...
912
00:56:26,388 --> 00:56:27,788
How about you?
913
00:56:27,790 --> 00:56:31,590
Well, I don't have anybody
to holler at me, not anymore.
914
00:56:32,092 --> 00:56:34,493
Forget you ever saw us, okay?
915
00:56:35,461 --> 00:56:36,861
I don't know about this.
916
00:56:36,863 --> 00:56:38,428
I'll owe you one.
917
00:56:38,796 --> 00:56:40,097
You'll owe me two.
918
00:56:40,564 --> 00:56:41,697
Whatever.
919
00:56:42,532 --> 00:56:44,633
Look, I was drunk
the other night,
920
00:56:44,635 --> 00:56:47,368
my husband just
walked out on me.
I was crazed.
921
00:56:47,370 --> 00:56:50,870
I didn't know
what I was saying.
I know what I'm saying now.
922
00:56:50,872 --> 00:56:54,039
Ask Louise.
I've... I've known
her since high school.
923
00:56:54,041 --> 00:56:55,806
Louise, do I ever
go back on my word?
924
00:56:56,074 --> 00:56:58,194
Does she ever
go back on her word?
925
00:56:58,976 --> 00:57:00,777
Never.
926
00:57:05,047 --> 00:57:06,614
Thank you.
927
00:57:09,484 --> 00:57:11,417
God, three martinis
and it doesn't help.
928
00:57:11,419 --> 00:57:13,119
I still feel like a tramp.
929
00:57:13,886 --> 00:57:17,721
Did you see me
practically rape that
policeman on the street?
930
00:57:17,723 --> 00:57:19,589
Lainie, I'm sorry
about the burglar alarm.
931
00:57:19,591 --> 00:57:21,824
I mean,
I just sort of panicked
when I saw Billy bouncing...
932
00:57:21,826 --> 00:57:24,826
That's just it, Jane.
Professionals don't panic.
933
00:57:24,828 --> 00:57:25,893
Oh, cut it out, Elaine.
934
00:57:25,895 --> 00:57:27,662
If there's one thing
we can do without tonight,
935
00:57:27,664 --> 00:57:30,664
it's your superior,
bitchy attitude.
936
00:57:30,666 --> 00:57:32,665
Louise, please.
No name-calling.
937
00:57:32,667 --> 00:57:34,732
I can't stand it
when my friends fight.
938
00:57:34,933 --> 00:57:36,968
I didn't call her a name.
"Bitch" is not a name?
939
00:57:36,970 --> 00:57:38,502
I said, "bitchy attitude."
940
00:57:38,504 --> 00:57:40,070
Oh, don't try
and apologize, Louise.
941
00:57:40,072 --> 00:57:42,138
I take it from where it comes.
942
00:57:42,140 --> 00:57:45,206
Elaine, what's really
bothering you?
943
00:57:46,108 --> 00:57:47,741
I'm scared.
944
00:57:49,144 --> 00:57:51,010
Jane, I'm sorry.
945
00:57:52,679 --> 00:57:55,480
Oh, Jesus, I don't know
what's the matter with me.
946
00:57:57,783 --> 00:57:59,549
Yes, I do.
947
00:58:01,085 --> 00:58:03,585
I'm coming apart at the seams.
948
00:58:05,954 --> 00:58:09,456
I'm a totally unloved, unglued,
949
00:58:09,458 --> 00:58:11,138
totally rejected basket case.
950
00:58:24,167 --> 00:58:25,833
Good night.
951
00:58:37,109 --> 00:58:38,175
Hi.
952
00:58:39,610 --> 00:58:41,711
I thought it might be you.
953
00:58:41,946 --> 00:58:46,613
I just, uh,
wanted to make sure
you got home safely.
954
00:58:46,881 --> 00:58:48,782
How's your wife?
955
00:58:49,783 --> 00:58:51,217
Well, uh,
956
00:58:51,819 --> 00:58:53,151
you may not believe this.
957
00:58:53,153 --> 00:58:55,786
I mean,
a man of my charm
and, uh, sensitivity,
958
00:58:55,788 --> 00:58:57,688
but, uh, she left me.
959
00:59:00,057 --> 00:59:02,524
Can I buy you a cup of coffee?
960
00:59:03,793 --> 00:59:05,193
No.
961
00:59:07,196 --> 00:59:10,529
But you,
uh, can come in
and I'll make you one.
962
00:59:10,797 --> 00:59:12,598
That's a deal.
963
00:59:16,968 --> 00:59:18,702
I don't know.
964
00:59:19,670 --> 00:59:23,071
You put on your "A woman
needs a man like a fish
needs a bicycle" T-shirt,
965
00:59:23,073 --> 00:59:25,873
and you poke away
at him year after year,
966
00:59:26,541 --> 00:59:28,808
needling him with a vengeance.
967
00:59:28,810 --> 00:59:30,043
And then one day
he trades you in
968
00:59:30,045 --> 00:59:32,811
on someone with
a softer voice and skin.
969
00:59:34,147 --> 00:59:35,980
So here I am.
970
00:59:35,982 --> 00:59:40,150
Waking up alone every morning
and it's the pits, Jack,
it really is.
971
00:59:42,719 --> 00:59:44,018
Come on, let's go.
972
00:59:44,020 --> 00:59:45,286
Where?
973
00:59:45,821 --> 00:59:47,287
The bedroom.
974
00:59:48,490 --> 00:59:50,490
No, I don't think so.
975
00:59:50,492 --> 00:59:51,758
Why not?
976
00:59:53,226 --> 00:59:54,726
Well...
977
00:59:57,929 --> 00:59:59,596
You know, I'm...
978
01:00:00,564 --> 01:00:03,232
I'm not real good
at explaining how I feel,
979
01:00:05,234 --> 01:00:07,567
but when I saw you tonight,
980
01:00:10,937 --> 01:00:14,639
my... my throat was dry.
I... I could barely breathe.
981
01:00:15,841 --> 01:00:17,908
I... I thought you felt...
982
01:00:20,544 --> 01:00:23,612
Well, what now...
What is it you want, anyway?
983
01:00:23,780 --> 01:00:26,847
A neurosurgeon
or a stockbroker
or something like that?
984
01:00:26,849 --> 01:00:29,916
No, Jack,
it has nothing to
do with economics.
985
01:00:30,050 --> 01:00:33,719
I'd go to bed
with a garbage collector
if he said the right thing.
986
01:00:33,721 --> 01:00:36,921
All... All I know is
that I'm crazy about you.
987
01:00:39,857 --> 01:00:42,525
I would like to
hold you in my arms,
988
01:00:42,527 --> 01:00:44,959
I'd like to make love
to you all night.
989
01:00:47,695 --> 01:00:49,263
And in the morning,
990
01:00:49,863 --> 01:00:51,564
while you're still asleep,
991
01:00:51,566 --> 01:00:53,899
I'd like to go down
to the kitchen,
992
01:00:53,901 --> 01:00:56,100
make the orange juice and coffee
993
01:00:57,869 --> 01:00:59,702
and bring it to you.
994
01:01:03,706 --> 01:01:05,773
You said the right thing.
995
01:01:06,875 --> 01:01:09,156
And you won't be disappointed.
996
01:01:17,215 --> 01:01:18,649
Which way?
997
01:01:18,651 --> 01:01:19,816
Not here.
998
01:01:19,818 --> 01:01:21,050
Why not?
999
01:01:21,052 --> 01:01:22,218
Well,
1000
01:01:23,085 --> 01:01:25,953
a lot of
neighbors wondering
why there's a police car
1001
01:01:25,955 --> 01:01:28,322
parked in my driveway all night.
1002
01:01:28,889 --> 01:01:30,223
Smart lady.
1003
01:01:30,225 --> 01:01:31,990
A private one.
1004
01:01:45,100 --> 01:01:47,301
It's not your fault, Albert.
1005
01:01:48,136 --> 01:01:51,204
Two careers in a family
are almost impossible.
1006
01:01:51,572 --> 01:01:55,140
Unless the woman is
in the same business
as her husband.
1007
01:01:55,774 --> 01:01:58,342
Like a doctor and his nurse.
1008
01:01:59,009 --> 01:02:01,910
It's not easy
to be married to Louise.
1009
01:02:02,145 --> 01:02:03,645
When I met her in college,
1010
01:02:03,647 --> 01:02:05,767
a chili dog and a coke
made her happy.
1011
01:02:06,682 --> 01:02:08,982
Doing her own thing
meant baking me
chocolate chip cookies
1012
01:02:08,984 --> 01:02:10,649
every Sunday morning
1013
01:02:10,651 --> 01:02:14,252
after we spent Friday night
and all day Saturday
in the sack.
1014
01:02:15,754 --> 01:02:19,022
You know what I used to do
during the first years of
my marriage to Conrad?
1015
01:02:19,024 --> 01:02:20,024
No.
1016
01:02:20,157 --> 01:02:22,091
After we'd make love,
1017
01:02:22,093 --> 01:02:23,859
I'd get out of bed,
1018
01:02:24,193 --> 01:02:26,093
go into the bathroom,
1019
01:02:26,095 --> 01:02:28,229
soak a towel in warm water,
1020
01:02:28,829 --> 01:02:31,897
come back to bed
and wash him off.
1021
01:02:33,032 --> 01:02:35,132
That's the difference
between a European
1022
01:02:35,134 --> 01:02:36,934
and an American woman, Albert.
1023
01:02:36,936 --> 01:02:39,836
You can buy
chocolate chip cookies
in a supermarket, Albert.
1024
01:02:39,838 --> 01:02:41,737
No, not like these.
1025
01:02:42,005 --> 01:02:44,873
She used to put nuts
and raisins into them.
1026
01:02:45,941 --> 01:02:48,075
And now she's gone.
1027
01:02:48,643 --> 01:02:50,843
Moved into the den forever.
1028
01:02:52,312 --> 01:02:54,179
Where did I go wrong?
1029
01:02:54,614 --> 01:02:56,780
It's not your fault, Albert.
1030
01:02:57,649 --> 01:03:00,683
But let's not talk
about her anymore tonight.
1031
01:03:01,151 --> 01:03:04,685
It's taken me seven years
just to get you up here.
1032
01:03:05,120 --> 01:03:06,721
No, don't.
1033
01:03:07,289 --> 01:03:10,290
It wouldn't be fair to you.
I still love her.
1034
01:03:10,991 --> 01:03:13,231
You're a very attractive woman.
1035
01:03:17,295 --> 01:03:20,096
And I'm getting,
I admit, very turned on.
1036
01:03:20,964 --> 01:03:23,732
But we'll hate ourselves
in the morning.
1037
01:03:24,066 --> 01:03:26,767
Oh, I could never
hate myself for this.
1038
01:03:33,806 --> 01:03:35,373
Did you really
get out of bed in
the middle of the night
1039
01:03:35,375 --> 01:03:37,074
and get a warm, wet towel?
1040
01:03:37,076 --> 01:03:38,308
Yes.
1041
01:03:38,310 --> 01:03:40,243
I think I'd like that.
1042
01:03:40,245 --> 01:03:42,878
Mmm, I know you would.
1043
01:03:46,148 --> 01:03:50,249
But there are
no wet, warm towels
up on this hill, Charlotte.
1044
01:03:50,717 --> 01:03:52,285
Oh, we'll work
something out, Albert.
1045
01:03:56,154 --> 01:03:58,055
I'm four days
away from losing my job,
1046
01:03:58,057 --> 01:04:00,723
and you're still talking
about having a baby.
1047
01:04:00,725 --> 01:04:02,057
Jane, I love you, but...
1048
01:04:02,059 --> 01:04:03,725
Robert, you're not
gonna lose your job.
1049
01:04:03,727 --> 01:04:06,127
I'm gonna get you the $25,000.
1050
01:04:06,328 --> 01:04:08,995
We're gonna get married,
and then I'm gonna...
Where?
1051
01:04:08,997 --> 01:04:11,330
Where are you gonna
get that kind of money?
1052
01:04:11,332 --> 01:04:13,098
From my family.
1053
01:04:13,333 --> 01:04:15,333
Jane, your father
borrowed $10 from me
1054
01:04:15,335 --> 01:04:17,200
when I came to
pick you up last night.
1055
01:04:17,202 --> 01:04:19,562
Well, not him.
From my mother.
1056
01:04:21,071 --> 01:04:23,939
Your mother is living
with a lady named Shirley.
1057
01:04:23,941 --> 01:04:25,873
They've adopted a black baby.
1058
01:04:25,875 --> 01:04:29,008
Last week she hocked her
wedding ring to buy a crib.
1059
01:04:30,344 --> 01:04:32,678
Why did this
have to happen to me?
1060
01:04:32,680 --> 01:04:34,879
How did you
get your foot caught
in the glove compartment?
1061
01:04:34,881 --> 01:04:36,280
I don't know.
1062
01:04:36,848 --> 01:04:38,782
We'll have to call
the damn Fire Department.
1063
01:04:38,784 --> 01:04:40,016
Oh, forget the Fire Department.
1064
01:04:40,018 --> 01:04:41,750
I need a crowbar.
1065
01:04:42,018 --> 01:04:44,953
Crowbar.
That's a good idea.
1066
01:04:51,124 --> 01:04:53,191
You wait here. Well...
1067
01:04:58,196 --> 01:04:59,963
Whoops. Sorry.
1068
01:05:10,870 --> 01:05:12,104
Excuse me, sir.
1069
01:05:12,106 --> 01:05:14,372
Uh, you wouldn't happen
to have a crowbar
1070
01:05:14,374 --> 01:05:17,441
or maybe a little heavy-duty,
uh, screwdriver?
1071
01:05:34,087 --> 01:05:36,053
Robert, is that Albert?
1072
01:05:36,421 --> 01:05:38,154
It can't be Albert.
1073
01:05:38,156 --> 01:05:41,790
I mean, if it were
your dog's foot,
I'd know what to do.
1074
01:05:41,792 --> 01:05:44,425
Yeah, but what would
I be doin' up here
with a dog?
1075
01:05:44,427 --> 01:05:46,127
It is too Albert.
1076
01:05:46,129 --> 01:05:48,061
But that's not Louise.
1077
01:05:48,063 --> 01:05:49,496
Come on.
1078
01:05:50,230 --> 01:05:51,998
I found a vet.
1079
01:05:53,065 --> 01:05:54,499
Hi... Hi, Albert.
1080
01:05:55,067 --> 01:05:56,367
Elaine?
1081
01:05:58,136 --> 01:06:00,136
Hi, Jane.
Oh, my God.
1082
01:06:00,138 --> 01:06:01,404
Is that you, Jane?
1083
01:06:01,406 --> 01:06:06,140
I'm trying to
get your best friend's foot
out of this glove compartment
1084
01:06:06,142 --> 01:06:11,243
I only hope the two of you
remember that the next time
you see you-know-who.
1085
01:06:11,245 --> 01:06:13,078
He means his wife.
Shut up, Charlotte.
1086
01:06:13,080 --> 01:06:16,080
It won't come out.
How did you get it
in there like that?
1087
01:06:16,082 --> 01:06:18,242
Look on page 62
of the Kama Sutra.
1088
01:06:19,318 --> 01:06:21,117
Take it easy, baby.
Take it easy.
1089
01:06:21,119 --> 01:06:22,751
Jack? Hi.
1090
01:06:22,753 --> 01:06:25,020
Jane?
You two know each other?
1091
01:06:25,254 --> 01:06:27,421
How does he know your name?
1092
01:06:29,189 --> 01:06:32,357
Will someone
please get my foot out of
the goddamn glove compartment?
1093
01:06:32,359 --> 01:06:34,026
Here, I'll get it out.
1094
01:06:34,028 --> 01:06:37,161
My children get in
more trouble than this
every five minutes.
1095
01:06:37,163 --> 01:06:38,928
Just turn a little there.
1096
01:06:38,930 --> 01:06:40,096
That's it.
Easy.
1097
01:06:40,098 --> 01:06:42,998
Slipping it out.
Here she comes.
1098
01:06:45,100 --> 01:06:46,867
Thank you, Jane.
1099
01:06:46,869 --> 01:06:48,869
You're welcome, Elaine.
1100
01:06:49,870 --> 01:06:53,315
The drawing at
the Money Ball
is at 9:00.
1101
01:06:53,339 --> 01:06:55,106
10 minutes later,
the place is closed.
1102
01:06:55,108 --> 01:06:57,207
That means at 8:40,
1103
01:06:57,209 --> 01:07:00,943
I have to here,
in the backroom
at Thom McAn.
1104
01:07:00,945 --> 01:07:04,446
Elaine, you have to be here,
1105
01:07:04,448 --> 01:07:06,180
backstage at the light switch.
1106
01:07:06,182 --> 01:07:10,350
And, Jane, hopefully
you'll be here in the canoe.
1107
01:07:10,950 --> 01:07:13,052
Now,
it all has to be done
with split-second timing
1108
01:07:13,054 --> 01:07:15,787
because at 9:10 on the nose,
1109
01:07:15,789 --> 01:07:17,821
we gotta be out of there
and on our way home.
1110
01:07:17,823 --> 01:07:20,122
With the money.
Or the police.
1111
01:07:20,124 --> 01:07:23,525
All right,
now let's run it
down again from the top,
1112
01:07:23,527 --> 01:07:25,526
make sure we got it right.
1113
01:07:28,063 --> 01:07:33,131
At 5:10, wearing
my black corduroy
Calvin Klein jeans
1114
01:07:33,133 --> 01:07:35,299
and my favorite
Yves Saint Laurent shirt,
1115
01:07:35,301 --> 01:07:36,534
I leave home,
1116
01:07:36,536 --> 01:07:39,035
walking east on Bluebird Lane.
1117
01:07:39,804 --> 01:07:42,071
Where at 5:33,
I pick you up
1118
01:07:42,073 --> 01:07:44,305
with the vacuum cleaner
in the backseat of my car.
1119
01:07:44,307 --> 01:07:47,040
We head for Valley River Center.
1120
01:07:47,308 --> 01:07:52,178
Uh, meanwhile, at 6:15,
I finish feeding the children.
1121
01:07:52,180 --> 01:07:55,913
I get into my car
and I head up Highway 9.
1122
01:07:56,081 --> 01:07:59,348
I get off at Mazda Lane.
Next stop, the river.
1123
01:07:59,350 --> 01:08:01,850
You forgot to mention
the garbage bags
and the canoe.
1124
01:08:01,852 --> 01:08:04,186
What do you think I am, stupid?
1125
01:08:04,188 --> 01:08:07,254
Naturally, I have
the garbage bags
and the canoe.
1126
01:08:08,055 --> 01:08:09,556
At exactly 7:10,
1127
01:08:09,558 --> 01:08:11,356
I put the canoe into the water
1128
01:08:11,358 --> 01:08:13,891
and I start paddling south.
1129
01:08:14,159 --> 01:08:15,159
Good.
1130
01:08:15,161 --> 01:08:21,931
Meanwhile, Elaine and I
have arrived at Valley
River Center at 6:05,
1131
01:08:21,933 --> 01:08:24,199
and parked
in the northeast
corner of the parking lot.
1132
01:08:24,201 --> 01:08:25,566
This is going to be easy.
1133
01:08:25,568 --> 01:08:27,935
That's what they told Nixon.
1134
01:08:27,937 --> 01:08:29,435
Where I let you out of the car.
1135
01:08:29,437 --> 01:08:31,170
You take care of the power saw,
1136
01:08:31,172 --> 01:08:33,905
I'll take care
of the vacuum cleaner.
Check.
1137
01:08:33,907 --> 01:08:35,172
Check.
Check.
1138
01:08:35,174 --> 01:08:36,374
Tomorrow!
1139
01:09:39,450 --> 01:09:41,950
Here they are!
1140
01:09:42,051 --> 01:09:43,252
You going so early?
1141
01:09:43,254 --> 01:09:46,686
I thought I'd do some
window shopping before
the show.
1142
01:09:48,089 --> 01:09:50,449
Your dinner's in the oven.
1143
01:09:50,590 --> 01:09:53,324
Take a good look.
Who's it gonna be?
1144
01:09:56,327 --> 01:09:58,162
You're still mad at me,
aren't you?
1145
01:09:58,164 --> 01:10:00,296
If you're worried about
eating the food, Albert,
don't.
1146
01:10:00,298 --> 01:10:01,897
I stopped poisoning it
two days ago.
1147
01:10:01,899 --> 01:10:03,231
The hell with the food!
1148
01:10:03,233 --> 01:10:05,933
Why is your half
of the big bed still
empty at night, Louise? Why?
1149
01:10:05,935 --> 01:10:07,468
Remind me to tell you
about it sometime.
1150
01:10:07,470 --> 01:10:09,269
No, not sometime, now!
1151
01:10:09,271 --> 01:10:11,003
You tell me now
or this marriage
is over!
1152
01:10:11,005 --> 01:10:12,404
You walk out that door
without telling me
1153
01:10:12,406 --> 01:10:14,305
what the hell is going on
between the two of us,
1154
01:10:14,307 --> 01:10:16,174
and you won't find me here
when you get back!
1155
01:10:16,176 --> 01:10:18,241
You wanna know, Albert?
I mean, you really wanna know?
1156
01:10:18,243 --> 01:10:19,642
Yes, I really wanna know!
1157
01:10:19,644 --> 01:10:22,610
It's a long story.
Oh, I like long stories!
1158
01:10:22,612 --> 01:10:24,279
They usually have happy endings.
1159
01:10:24,281 --> 01:10:26,180
All right, sit down.
1160
01:10:26,182 --> 01:10:27,414
I'm sitting.
1161
01:10:27,416 --> 01:10:29,615
No grabbing!
Sitting. No grabbing.
1162
01:10:29,617 --> 01:10:32,584
I was brought up to believe
that women should fall in love
1163
01:10:32,586 --> 01:10:37,021
with the best possible
good provider available
that they could stomach.
1164
01:10:37,023 --> 01:10:38,588
I was wrong.
I don't wanna know.
1165
01:10:38,590 --> 01:10:40,256
No, let me finish.
1166
01:10:40,258 --> 01:10:41,356
There you go.
1167
01:10:41,358 --> 01:10:43,091
That's right.
1168
01:10:43,093 --> 01:10:44,425
Possible flush.
Ooh!
1169
01:10:44,427 --> 01:10:46,360
No help there, no help there,
1170
01:10:46,362 --> 01:10:48,528
pair of Jacks,
no help there.
Jack's bad.
1171
01:10:48,530 --> 01:10:50,262
Oh, Billy, in bed, 9:00.
1172
01:10:50,264 --> 01:10:52,031
Up to you, Billy.
1173
01:10:52,033 --> 01:10:54,332
See your quarter,
raise you a half.
1174
01:10:54,334 --> 01:10:57,301
Hey! Where the hell's
the damn beer?
1175
01:10:57,303 --> 01:10:59,302
Hold your water,
old man! It's coming!
1176
01:10:59,304 --> 01:11:00,670
Good grief!
1177
01:11:00,672 --> 01:11:03,371
I'll see your quarter
and raise you a dollar
here, big feller!
1178
01:11:03,373 --> 01:11:06,340
You're bluffing, asshole.
You don't have jackshit!
1179
01:11:06,342 --> 01:11:07,441
Will you listen to my kids?
1180
01:11:07,443 --> 01:11:09,275
They talk like
your third platoon.
1181
01:11:09,277 --> 01:11:11,276
Well, it's better than
talkin' like those sissies
1182
01:11:11,278 --> 01:11:13,945
in the school he goes to
in the neighborhood.
1183
01:11:13,947 --> 01:11:16,947
♪ Roll me over
in the clover ♪
1184
01:11:16,949 --> 01:11:19,316
Okay, that's it.
Over. The end.
1185
01:11:19,318 --> 01:11:20,950
Lookit, I love you
very much, Dad,
1186
01:11:20,952 --> 01:11:22,484
but I'm sorry,
it's just not
gonna work out
1187
01:11:22,486 --> 01:11:23,651
with you being here any more.
1188
01:11:23,653 --> 01:11:25,386
What'd I do?
What'd I say?
1189
01:11:25,388 --> 01:11:27,654
Hey,
didn't I do everything
I said I was gonna do?
1190
01:11:27,656 --> 01:11:30,056
Didn't I keep my mouth shut?
1191
01:11:30,058 --> 01:11:32,290
Wasn't I like
a father to these...
I taught them everything.
1192
01:11:32,292 --> 01:11:33,992
I taught him how to play poker.
1193
01:11:33,994 --> 01:11:35,492
Dad, you're just
gonna have to leave!
1194
01:11:35,494 --> 01:11:38,494
I will find you money,
I will help you find
a place to live, but...
1195
01:11:38,496 --> 01:11:41,129
I will, I promise.
But I'm warning you.
1196
01:11:41,631 --> 01:11:43,365
If this country
is ever attacked again
1197
01:11:43,367 --> 01:11:46,400
and we gotta go through Iwo
and Guadalcanal and Tarawa,
1198
01:11:46,402 --> 01:11:48,969
these kids are not
gonna be ready.
1199
01:11:48,971 --> 01:11:51,036
We're gonna have to
discuss this tomorrow.
1200
01:11:51,038 --> 01:11:53,338
Right.
Last hand of the evening.
1201
01:11:53,340 --> 01:11:54,572
All right now.
Here you go.
1202
01:11:54,574 --> 01:11:56,540
Laurie, you get in bed.
1203
01:12:10,650 --> 01:12:13,418
Okay. It's okay.
Calm down.
1204
01:12:13,420 --> 01:12:15,319
Calm down. It's okay.
1205
01:12:40,337 --> 01:12:42,437
Friggin' electric company!
1206
01:13:00,050 --> 01:13:02,083
Power and Light Company.
1207
01:13:03,185 --> 01:13:04,419
Thank you.
1208
01:13:13,426 --> 01:13:15,526
Yeah?
My... My powerjust went out.
1209
01:13:15,528 --> 01:13:18,094
Could you send a repairman
over here right away?
1210
01:13:18,096 --> 01:13:19,362
Oh, what's your name?
1211
01:13:19,364 --> 01:13:21,196
Mrs. Elaine Houghton.
1212
01:13:21,198 --> 01:13:24,632
Uh, Elaine Houghton.
1213
01:13:26,200 --> 01:13:28,335
17 Willowbrook Lane?
Yes.
1214
01:13:28,469 --> 01:13:30,369
Uh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
1215
01:13:30,371 --> 01:13:32,404
Nope, nothing's wrong
with your lights, lady,
1216
01:13:32,406 --> 01:13:36,106
you didn't pay your bill.
$29.18.
1217
01:13:37,209 --> 01:13:41,476
Oh, my husband just left
on a hunting trip to Nigeria.
1218
01:13:41,478 --> 01:13:43,544
He must've forgotten
to send you the check.
1219
01:13:43,546 --> 01:13:45,379
I'll put it in the mail
tomorrow morning.
1220
01:13:45,381 --> 01:13:47,714
Now, would you please
turn the lights back on?
1221
01:13:47,716 --> 01:13:49,215
Uh, lady,
you're gonna have to talk to
1222
01:13:49,217 --> 01:13:50,449
the business office about that.
1223
01:13:50,451 --> 01:13:53,384
Uh, I don't have
the authority to...
What's the number?
1224
01:13:53,386 --> 01:13:57,287
953-3000,
but they don't open
till Monday at 9:00.
1225
01:13:57,422 --> 01:13:59,622
This is an emergency!
It always is.
1226
01:13:59,624 --> 01:14:01,556
No, I'm serious!
1227
01:14:01,558 --> 01:14:04,059
Um, my mother
is a very sick woman.
1228
01:14:04,061 --> 01:14:06,493
She's in the bedroom
next to me
with her kidney machine,
1229
01:14:06,495 --> 01:14:08,394
which runs on electricity,
1230
01:14:08,396 --> 01:14:10,729
which has kept her alive
for seven years!
1231
01:14:10,731 --> 01:14:13,564
This wonderful,
84-year-old woman.
1232
01:14:14,633 --> 01:14:16,566
What's that, Mama?
1233
01:14:16,568 --> 01:14:20,302
The machine isn't going
"topacata, topacata,
topacata" anymore?
1234
01:14:20,304 --> 01:14:21,537
Oh, my God!
1235
01:14:21,539 --> 01:14:25,340
No, no, I'm not talkingto Oral Robertson the phone, Mama.
1236
01:14:25,342 --> 01:14:27,607
It's too late for that.
1237
01:14:27,609 --> 01:14:30,509
But the man
on the other end
of the phone cares.
1238
01:14:30,511 --> 01:14:32,243
You do care, don't you?
1239
01:14:32,245 --> 01:14:34,745
You will turn the power
back on, won't you?
1240
01:14:34,747 --> 01:14:37,580
Lady, that was beautiful.
1241
01:14:38,482 --> 01:14:39,782
Really terrific.
1242
01:14:39,784 --> 01:14:41,416
I mean,
I've been here seven years,
1243
01:14:41,418 --> 01:14:43,651
and that's the best
I've heard yet.
1244
01:14:43,653 --> 01:14:45,586
Great performance.
1245
01:14:45,588 --> 01:14:48,722
But, look, all is not lost.
1246
01:14:49,156 --> 01:14:52,424
Thrifty Mart is open 24 hours.
1247
01:14:53,292 --> 01:14:55,093
What good will that do?
1248
01:14:55,095 --> 01:14:56,660
They sell beautiful candles.
1249
01:15:27,349 --> 01:15:31,150
I'm waiting
for a station wagon,
on account of the canoe.
1250
01:15:31,152 --> 01:15:36,453
Well, I had to
get rid of it in order
to fix Billy's retainer.
1251
01:15:41,125 --> 01:15:45,459
I know all about
you and Charlotte up
on the hill that night.
1252
01:15:45,461 --> 01:15:47,560
Nothing happened, Louise.
I swear it.
1253
01:15:47,562 --> 01:15:52,131
Not even a little
foreplay between you
and Fraulein Nurse?
1254
01:15:52,133 --> 01:15:53,231
Nothing below the waist,
1255
01:15:53,233 --> 01:15:54,632
and I was thinking
about you all the time.
1256
01:15:54,634 --> 01:15:56,199
Don't look at me that way,
Louise.
1257
01:15:56,201 --> 01:15:58,168
You have my word
of honor as a doctor
1258
01:15:58,170 --> 01:16:01,470
that I have been
completely asexual
since you moved into the den.
1259
01:16:01,472 --> 01:16:03,705
Except for
one small wet dream
which you were the star of.
1260
01:16:03,707 --> 01:16:05,506
Mmm. I'd like
to believe that.
It's the truth.
1261
01:16:05,508 --> 01:16:07,673
It's also the truth that
our problem is the same one
1262
01:16:07,675 --> 01:16:10,410
that nine-tenths
of the married couples
in this country are having,
1263
01:16:10,412 --> 01:16:12,477
and it's not sexual,
it's financial.
1264
01:16:12,479 --> 01:16:14,311
No, it's psychological.
1265
01:16:14,579 --> 01:16:17,480
You all want us to
remain your little girls,
1266
01:16:17,482 --> 01:16:21,150
and the only way you can
do that is by controlling
the purse strings.
1267
01:16:21,152 --> 01:16:23,851
You were happy when the IRS
put the squeeze on me, Albert.
1268
01:16:23,853 --> 01:16:25,652
Admit it.
I was not.
1269
01:16:26,587 --> 01:16:28,188
You wanted me to fail!
1270
01:16:28,190 --> 01:16:29,822
Louise, for Christ sake,
I love you!
1271
01:16:29,824 --> 01:16:31,157
And you love me.
1272
01:16:31,159 --> 01:16:33,825
How can you let
an argument over money
destroy our marriage?
1273
01:16:33,827 --> 01:16:36,360
Albert, it's not the money
I'm talking about!
1274
01:16:36,362 --> 01:16:37,627
It's the way you treat...
1275
01:16:39,263 --> 01:16:42,497
Money.
Oh, my God, the money!
1276
01:16:42,499 --> 01:16:44,498
The goddamn money!
1277
01:16:46,568 --> 01:16:47,934
You can't talk to them.
1278
01:17:00,410 --> 01:17:01,676
Elaine!
1279
01:17:11,751 --> 01:17:15,586
How late are we?
Not bad,
less than an hour.
1280
01:17:48,442 --> 01:17:50,209
♪ Oregon!
1281
01:17:50,211 --> 01:17:53,411
♪ Let's have a show
about it, Oregon!
1282
01:17:53,413 --> 01:17:54,612
♪ Think you should
know about it
1283
01:17:54,614 --> 01:17:58,281
♪ Here is a story
in all of its glory ♪
1284
01:18:09,289 --> 01:18:12,290
Your attention.
Your attention, please.
1285
01:18:12,425 --> 01:18:16,393
If you will cometo the Money Ball inthe center of the mall,
1286
01:18:16,395 --> 01:18:19,995
you will witness the next
Valley River Center's deposit.
1287
01:18:20,630 --> 01:18:23,865
We're expecting over a half
a million dollars, folks!
1288
01:18:24,433 --> 01:18:26,266
Once again,
ladies and gentlemen,
1289
01:18:26,268 --> 01:18:31,803
the Valley River Centerwants you to knowthat this is your money!
1290
01:18:32,238 --> 01:18:35,239
All the money that you'll
clearly see in this Money Ball
1291
01:18:35,241 --> 01:18:38,908
will be pumped right back
into your community.
1292
01:18:38,910 --> 01:18:40,509
That's right,
ladies and gentlemen.
1293
01:18:40,511 --> 01:18:44,912
This is Valley River's way
to fight inflation!
1294
01:18:58,588 --> 01:18:59,788
Okay, okay.
1295
01:19:00,290 --> 01:19:01,689
Elaine,
where the hell
have you been?
1296
01:19:01,691 --> 01:19:04,459
I'm sorry
I'm late, Natalie.
Late?
1297
01:19:04,461 --> 01:19:05,926
We're just freeing the slaves.
1298
01:19:05,928 --> 01:19:08,628
It's 1841 already.
We're almost a state.
1299
01:19:08,630 --> 01:19:11,530
Oregon didn't have any slaves.
Where did you get the slaves?
1300
01:19:11,532 --> 01:19:13,631
Are you sure?
I'm positive.
1301
01:19:13,633 --> 01:19:16,913
Well, it's too late now.
Here, I've been handling
all your light cues for you.
1302
01:19:27,842 --> 01:19:31,043
Hey, there. Hey.
1303
01:19:31,610 --> 01:19:33,478
Up to?
What, I scare you?
1304
01:19:33,480 --> 01:19:34,878
I'm not up to anything.
1305
01:19:34,880 --> 01:19:36,680
Where, uh,
where's your friend tonight?
1306
01:19:36,682 --> 01:19:37,813
Elaine...
Uh, Mrs. Houghton.
1307
01:19:37,815 --> 01:19:38,981
Is she coming over tonight?
1308
01:19:38,983 --> 01:19:41,983
She's very busy.
Uh, she's in the show.
1309
01:19:41,985 --> 01:19:44,862
This show here?
Yeah? Really?
Yeah.
1310
01:19:44,886 --> 01:19:48,121
Oh, great.
Maybe I'll, uh,
see her after the show.
1311
01:19:48,123 --> 01:19:49,489
Yeah.
1312
01:19:49,491 --> 01:19:51,490
I gotta
hang around all night
in case somebody gets cute
1313
01:19:51,492 --> 01:19:53,891
with all that money
flying around up there.
1314
01:19:53,893 --> 01:19:57,827
Gee, I don't think anybody
would be foolish enough
to try something like that.
1315
01:19:57,829 --> 01:20:01,896
Officer, uh, Heintzel.
Heintzel, yeah.
Jack Heintzel.
1316
01:20:02,831 --> 01:20:05,532
Remember me? Huh?
From the other night?
1317
01:20:05,534 --> 01:20:07,000
Wheeler's Hardware?
I nearly arrested you
1318
01:20:07,002 --> 01:20:08,968
and your two friends, right?
Remember?
1319
01:20:08,970 --> 01:20:10,735
Yes, I do remember that.
1320
01:20:10,737 --> 01:20:13,238
You should remember,
you bad girl.
1321
01:20:13,240 --> 01:20:15,072
Well, gee.
1322
01:20:15,740 --> 01:20:17,507
I've gotta really be running.
1323
01:20:17,509 --> 01:20:18,875
Okay, well, see you.
1324
01:20:18,877 --> 01:20:19,975
Oh!
Whoa, got you!
1325
01:20:19,977 --> 01:20:21,176
No, you don't.
1326
01:20:21,178 --> 01:20:24,946
Well, kind of.
I mean... Well...
I mean, thanks.
1327
01:20:25,680 --> 01:20:28,081
Yeah.
I'll see you later.
1328
01:20:40,990 --> 01:20:42,090
Damn it!
1329
01:22:30,096 --> 01:22:36,900
♪ Coming in on
a wing and a prayer
1330
01:22:38,935 --> 01:22:43,771
♪ Though there's one
motor gone
1331
01:22:43,773 --> 01:22:48,274
♪ We can still carry on
1332
01:22:48,276 --> 01:22:54,345
♪ Coming in on
a wing and a prayer ♪
1333
01:22:59,783 --> 01:23:03,618
Number three,ladies and gentlemen!This is deposit number three.
1334
01:23:03,620 --> 01:23:06,953
Don't forget,ladies and gentlemen,you gotta keep coming.
1335
01:23:06,955 --> 01:23:10,256
You gotta keep coming,because we have one moreto go!
1336
01:23:10,258 --> 01:23:14,758
One more deposit to go.Don't forget, folks,you gotta keep coming!
1337
01:23:14,760 --> 01:23:17,060
Oh, hurry up, Louise.
We're running out of history.
1338
01:23:27,134 --> 01:23:29,301
♪ The red birds cry
1339
01:23:29,303 --> 01:23:33,204
♪ As the Pawnee saw
her brave a-sleeping
1340
01:23:33,672 --> 01:23:35,872
♪ The red birds... ♪
1341
01:23:49,849 --> 01:23:52,217
We're going to build
a new bowling alley!
1342
01:23:52,219 --> 01:23:53,984
Jeez.
1343
01:23:53,986 --> 01:23:57,287
And a new nine million
dollar football stadium!
1344
01:23:58,289 --> 01:24:01,756
And put 10 more beds
in the old hospital.
1345
01:24:06,994 --> 01:24:08,427
Son of a bitch!
1346
01:24:12,331 --> 01:24:14,865
Oh, my God, I'm gonna be late.
1347
01:24:17,968 --> 01:24:20,669
Look at all that beautiful loot!
1348
01:24:20,671 --> 01:24:24,305
Look at all of thosebeautiful prizes,ladies and gentlemen.
1349
01:24:24,307 --> 01:24:27,907
It's your fortune.
Beat the high cost of living.
1350
01:24:28,008 --> 01:24:30,976
That's the final deposit,
ladies and gentlemen.
1351
01:24:30,978 --> 01:24:33,244
The Money Ball is now filled!
1352
01:24:39,916 --> 01:24:42,751
Well, folks,how much moneydo you think is in there?
1353
01:24:42,753 --> 01:24:48,020
Take a free guess,and you may be one ofour lucky prize winners.
1354
01:24:49,424 --> 01:24:51,690
Don't forget,
ladies and gentlemen.
1355
01:24:51,692 --> 01:24:55,092
This is the time
to make your guess.
1356
01:24:55,094 --> 01:24:57,160
The money is all in there.
1357
01:24:57,162 --> 01:25:01,063
Don't forget the
wonderful prizes we have.
1358
01:25:01,065 --> 01:25:05,232
Ladies and gentlemen, this isa really once-in-a-lifetimeopportunity,
1359
01:25:05,234 --> 01:25:09,068
so now's the time
to make your guesses.
1360
01:25:16,441 --> 01:25:19,741
How're they going to get
that money out of there?
1361
01:25:19,743 --> 01:25:22,010
Turn it upside down, I guess.
1362
01:26:00,904 --> 01:26:02,336
What the hell was that?
1363
01:26:13,878 --> 01:26:16,180
I said move it. Come on!
1364
01:26:24,486 --> 01:26:26,986
Oh, my God, they didn't go out.
1365
01:26:29,155 --> 01:26:31,556
Wait a minute, everybody!
The show isn't over yet!
1366
01:26:33,759 --> 01:26:34,991
Uh...
1367
01:26:38,094 --> 01:26:40,229
What happened?
The lights went out.
1368
01:26:40,231 --> 01:26:41,896
Just the stage lights.
1369
01:26:42,798 --> 01:26:44,398
Ladies and gentlemen, uh...
1370
01:26:44,400 --> 01:26:46,766
Please, don't leave.
1371
01:26:46,768 --> 01:26:48,901
We have this wonderful
finale for you.
1372
01:26:48,903 --> 01:26:52,536
Children from the stateorphanage with hopefor the future.
1373
01:26:54,439 --> 01:26:58,174
Talk to them.
I'll get us some light.
1374
01:27:03,946 --> 01:27:05,078
Hi!
1375
01:27:06,914 --> 01:27:08,180
Louise!
1376
01:27:08,182 --> 01:27:11,449
The next time we do this,
we're going to steal
an Indian first.
1377
01:27:11,451 --> 01:27:13,117
Then he can do the paddling.
1378
01:27:13,119 --> 01:27:15,352
Did you remember
to bring the bags?
1379
01:27:15,354 --> 01:27:17,854
What do you think I am, stupid?
1380
01:27:18,922 --> 01:27:21,490
Is thereanybody out therewith a flashlight?
1381
01:27:21,492 --> 01:27:23,824
Ah, if anybody has
a flashlight out there,
1382
01:27:23,826 --> 01:27:27,026
I'll show youwhat the future ofthis town's going to be like.
1383
01:27:29,829 --> 01:27:32,897
Thank you. Uh...
1384
01:27:38,001 --> 01:27:42,604
Well, here it is 1980,
and, uh...
1385
01:27:43,138 --> 01:27:47,874
Here we are.
Out of work, in hock.
1386
01:27:49,276 --> 01:27:51,209
Prices going sky-high.
1387
01:27:54,880 --> 01:27:56,446
About the only thing
we have left
1388
01:27:56,448 --> 01:27:58,248
are the clothes on our backs.
1389
01:28:00,216 --> 01:28:03,451
And how long do you think
they're going to last, huh?
1390
01:28:09,890 --> 01:28:11,890
That was 1980. Uh...
1391
01:28:12,358 --> 01:28:14,224
How about 1981, huh?
1392
01:28:18,128 --> 01:28:20,495
Are you ready for 1982?
1393
01:28:34,006 --> 01:28:35,839
Plug in the other end.
1394
01:28:55,886 --> 01:28:58,254
Are you ready for 1984?
1395
01:29:36,213 --> 01:29:40,182
That was 1984.
Do you want to see 1986,
1396
01:29:40,184 --> 01:29:42,465
or should we skip right to 1990?
1397
01:29:50,189 --> 01:29:52,090
Okay, turn it off.
1398
01:30:02,230 --> 01:30:03,431
Okay.
1399
01:30:08,234 --> 01:30:10,501
What the hell's
going on up there?
1400
01:30:17,407 --> 01:30:20,442
You! You, the big
good-looking guard,
1401
01:30:20,444 --> 01:30:21,643
next to the Money Ball.
1402
01:30:21,645 --> 01:30:23,644
Come on up here and help me.
1403
01:30:23,646 --> 01:30:25,979
She meant me!
The hell she did!
1404
01:30:31,284 --> 01:30:32,450
Hey!
1405
01:30:58,935 --> 01:31:01,103
Jeez!
What do you see?
1406
01:31:01,105 --> 01:31:03,270
Natalie Pokempher's
rear end.
What happened?
1407
01:31:03,272 --> 01:31:06,239
I don't know,
but I think we better
get the hell out of here.
1408
01:31:12,011 --> 01:31:14,511
Stop, stop, stop! Stop!
1409
01:31:17,414 --> 01:31:18,414
Stop?
1410
01:31:40,130 --> 01:31:42,063
Okay. Let's go.
1411
01:32:16,354 --> 01:32:19,721
Okay, get in
and shove us off.
Okay.
1412
01:32:21,023 --> 01:32:22,123
Oh!
1413
01:32:30,463 --> 01:32:32,730
We did it, Louise!
We did it!
1414
01:32:32,732 --> 01:32:35,365
I know it, I know it!
1415
01:32:36,500 --> 01:32:38,534
Louise!
Well, the seat's wet.
1416
01:32:38,536 --> 01:32:40,535
Will you...
1417
01:32:40,537 --> 01:32:45,105
Oh, Louise, you never
stand up in a canoe!
1418
01:32:45,640 --> 01:32:47,473
I can't swim!
1419
01:32:48,075 --> 01:32:50,075
Don't worry, I've got the money.
1420
01:32:50,077 --> 01:32:51,743
I said, I can't swim!
1421
01:32:53,411 --> 01:32:54,511
Oh, my God!
1422
01:32:54,513 --> 01:32:57,080
I'll be right there, Louise.
I'm coming!
1423
01:32:59,348 --> 01:33:00,549
Jane!
1424
01:33:09,255 --> 01:33:10,422
Oh!
1425
01:34:05,760 --> 01:34:07,427
Where the hell
have you two been?
1426
01:34:07,429 --> 01:34:09,549
I've been looking
for you for hours!
1427
01:34:10,230 --> 01:34:12,630
Hi, Elaine.
Hi, Elaine.
1428
01:34:13,132 --> 01:34:14,231
"Hi, Elaine."
1429
01:34:14,233 --> 01:34:16,299
Is that all you can say,
"Hi Elaine"?
1430
01:34:16,467 --> 01:34:18,134
Look at me.
1431
01:34:20,302 --> 01:34:22,237
How much money
did we get?
Two bags.
1432
01:34:22,239 --> 01:34:25,205
But they floated away.
You see, the canoe overturned.
1433
01:34:25,207 --> 01:34:27,373
And I can't swim.
I mean, it was
Louise or the money.
1434
01:34:27,375 --> 01:34:29,441
So where's the money?
1435
01:34:30,076 --> 01:34:32,443
What was going on up there?
I mean, we've been sitting
here for hours
1436
01:34:32,445 --> 01:34:33,744
trying to figure it out.
1437
01:34:33,746 --> 01:34:35,545
You wanna know
what was going on up there?
1438
01:34:35,547 --> 01:34:38,680
I'll show you what was
going on up there. $21.
1439
01:34:39,082 --> 01:34:42,416
And that's not all.
They don't even know
they were robbed.
1440
01:34:42,418 --> 01:34:47,086
I mean, it's bad enough
we didn't get the money,
we don't even get the glory!
1441
01:34:47,088 --> 01:34:49,788
They think
it was an accident.
It's covered by insurance.
1442
01:34:49,790 --> 01:34:51,823
And after all we went through.
1443
01:34:51,825 --> 01:34:53,490
After all you went through?
1444
01:34:53,492 --> 01:34:56,259
I exposed myself to
half the men in this town
1445
01:34:56,261 --> 01:34:57,393
to protect your cover,
1446
01:34:57,395 --> 01:34:59,427
and all I get is a lousy $21.
1447
01:34:59,429 --> 01:35:01,163
$7.
We divide it, Elaine.
1448
01:35:01,165 --> 01:35:02,663
Remember, that was
our original agreement.
1449
01:35:02,665 --> 01:35:04,664
Everything we get,
we divide three ways.
1450
01:35:04,666 --> 01:35:06,099
One-third, one-third,
one-third.
1451
01:35:06,101 --> 01:35:07,333
Stop me, Louise,
I'm going to kill her.
1452
01:35:07,335 --> 01:35:09,501
Honest to God,
Jane, you just had
one lousy thing to do!
1453
01:35:09,503 --> 01:35:11,235
Why don't you calm down?
1454
01:35:11,237 --> 01:35:14,404
You blew it!
Everybody else did their part.
1455
01:35:14,406 --> 01:35:16,406
You lost the goddamn money!
1456
01:35:16,408 --> 01:35:17,439
Everybody else...
1457
01:35:17,441 --> 01:35:19,441
Shut up!
1458
01:35:19,443 --> 01:35:22,776
Look, the bag!
It must've got
stuck in the bushes!
1459
01:35:24,446 --> 01:35:26,179
It's the money!
1460
01:35:28,514 --> 01:35:31,349
I thought you said
you couldn't swim?
1461
01:35:31,783 --> 01:35:33,484
I forgot.
1462
01:35:33,618 --> 01:35:35,451
Jane, you go get the money.
I'll save the genius.
1463
01:35:35,453 --> 01:35:37,353
Could we divide the money
right up, Elaine?
1464
01:35:37,355 --> 01:35:39,454
Jane, you swim, now!
Because that way
I could get a new dress.
1465
01:35:39,456 --> 01:35:41,536
I'll get the money right now.
1466
01:35:59,202 --> 01:36:04,537
$22,140, $22,160,
1467
01:36:04,539 --> 01:36:06,806
$22,180...
1468
01:36:23,718 --> 01:36:25,419
Oh, my God.
1469
01:36:29,555 --> 01:36:31,789
Morning.
Oh, thank God
it's only you.
1470
01:36:31,791 --> 01:36:35,558
What do you mean?
What's wrong?
Nothing, nothing.
1471
01:36:35,560 --> 01:36:37,860
I was just
in the neighborhood,
and I thought I'd come by
1472
01:36:37,862 --> 01:36:40,528
and see how you were
after last night.
1473
01:36:40,530 --> 01:36:42,730
Oh, I'm fine.
How are you?
1474
01:36:43,498 --> 01:36:47,566
Well, uh, for a man who's
taken five cold showers
in the last 12 hours,
1475
01:36:47,568 --> 01:36:50,235
I'm doing pretty good.
1476
01:36:50,502 --> 01:36:53,337
Can I, uh...
Can I come in for a minute?
1477
01:36:53,339 --> 01:36:55,538
A whole minute?
20?
1478
01:36:55,672 --> 01:36:57,240
What for?
1479
01:36:57,507 --> 01:37:00,508
Well,
it's about that striptease
you did last night.
1480
01:37:00,510 --> 01:37:02,243
I didn't get to see the finish.
1481
01:37:02,245 --> 01:37:04,510
Matter of fact,
we never finish
anything, do we?
1482
01:37:04,512 --> 01:37:05,612
No.
1483
01:37:06,647 --> 01:37:09,281
I don't think
we're going to, either.
1484
01:37:09,649 --> 01:37:11,482
What do you mean?
1485
01:37:11,484 --> 01:37:15,819
Well, because I'm not really
interested in spending time
1486
01:37:15,821 --> 01:37:19,421
with someone who only wants
to spend 20 minutes with me.
1487
01:37:19,423 --> 01:37:24,491
The neighborhood
is filled with unhappy,
sexually unfulfilled ladies.
1488
01:37:24,493 --> 01:37:26,859
Wait,
what are you talking about?
1489
01:37:28,528 --> 01:37:31,595
Now, I meant what I said
the other night.
1490
01:37:32,530 --> 01:37:36,399
I'm crazy about you.
I want to be with you
all the time.
1491
01:37:39,736 --> 01:37:42,803
Then my phone number
is 375-1096.
1492
01:37:43,905 --> 01:37:47,439
And seeing as how
you have a phone in your car,
it won't even cost you a dime.
1493
01:37:49,909 --> 01:37:51,342
Okay.
1494
01:37:54,212 --> 01:37:55,611
Bye, Jack.
1495
01:38:22,730 --> 01:38:25,831
$22,200,
1496
01:38:26,566 --> 01:38:29,267
$22,220,
1497
01:38:29,269 --> 01:38:31,602
$22,240...
1498
01:38:34,571 --> 01:38:36,773
$22,260.
1499
01:38:39,742 --> 01:38:41,042
Hello?
1500
01:38:43,611 --> 01:38:44,878
Hi.
1501
01:38:48,581 --> 01:38:50,741
Friday night would be terrific.
1502
01:38:52,817 --> 01:38:54,651
8:00 is fine.
1503
01:38:57,287 --> 01:38:59,454
Yes, I'll dress up, too.
1504
01:39:01,556 --> 01:39:03,657
No, I love Chinese food.
1505
01:39:23,004 --> 01:39:25,571
Louise! Where are you?
1506
01:39:25,906 --> 01:39:28,341
I'm in the bedroom, Albert.
1507
01:39:29,575 --> 01:39:32,476
Oh, God, it's nice
to see you back in here.
1508
01:39:33,778 --> 01:39:37,447
Are you planning to
stay here for a little while?
It's a possibility.
1509
01:39:37,449 --> 01:39:40,915
Look, Louise.
I have a surprise
for you in my pocket.
1510
01:39:40,917 --> 01:39:42,750
I've seen that surprise
before, Albert.
1511
01:39:42,752 --> 01:39:44,962
Not this one, you haven't.
1512
01:39:44,986 --> 01:39:46,952
What is it?
It's from the IRS.
1513
01:39:46,954 --> 01:39:50,955
I convinced them
Ye Olde Antique Shoppe is
not a hobby, it's a business.
1514
01:39:50,957 --> 01:39:53,690
You open that store
tomorrow morning.
1515
01:39:53,692 --> 01:39:57,660
Albert.
Oh, Albert, thank you!
1516
01:39:59,662 --> 01:40:02,363
Wait, wait.
We have to talk first.
1517
01:40:02,764 --> 01:40:06,366
Talk before sex?
Albert, how beautiful.
1518
01:40:06,368 --> 01:40:10,435
One thing.
Ye Olde Antique Shoppe has
to show a profit every month.
1519
01:40:10,437 --> 01:40:14,437
It will. Albert,
I promise it will, it will.
1520
01:40:15,639 --> 01:40:17,473
Take your clothes off.
No.
1521
01:40:17,475 --> 01:40:19,375
No?
Ask me in French.
1522
01:40:21,644 --> 01:40:24,411
God, I love you!
1523
01:40:29,348 --> 01:40:31,026
Let me get rid of this tie.
1524
01:40:31,050 --> 01:40:32,683
Pull it off!
1525
01:40:38,488 --> 01:40:41,522
It's true,
all brides are beautiful.
Thank you.
1526
01:40:47,327 --> 01:40:49,694
Robert, why are you
locking the door?
1527
01:40:49,696 --> 01:40:51,562
We're married, remember?
1528
01:40:51,564 --> 01:40:54,464
I know, but
your little monsters
are only 20 feet away.
1529
01:40:54,466 --> 01:40:56,065
Our little monsters.
1530
01:40:57,701 --> 01:40:59,868
Still, it's a lot
better than my father.
1531
01:40:59,870 --> 01:41:03,670
Yeah. God, I only
hope he'll be happy
in his new apartment.
1532
01:41:03,672 --> 01:41:05,805
Yeah. I only hope that
you'll be happy with him
1533
01:41:05,807 --> 01:41:07,873
working for you
at the hardware store.
1534
01:41:10,043 --> 01:41:13,777
Jane, one small question.
1535
01:41:14,412 --> 01:41:17,679
Yes. The doctor says
that as long as you're
not too passionate,
1536
01:41:17,681 --> 01:41:20,415
we can make love
through the middle
of the sixth month.
1537
01:41:20,417 --> 01:41:23,917
And as long as I'm not
too passionate, through
the middle of the seventh.
1538
01:41:28,687 --> 01:41:30,922
But that wasn't the question.
1539
01:41:30,924 --> 01:41:34,724
Oh.
Baby, where did you
get that money?
1540
01:41:35,726 --> 01:41:37,926
Oh, that. We stole it.
1541
01:41:38,528 --> 01:41:41,662
Louise and Elaine
and I stole it from
the Valley River Center.
1542
01:41:41,664 --> 01:41:43,863
You know,
Louise needed it
for the antique store,
1543
01:41:43,865 --> 01:41:47,533
and Elaine needed
it for Millard...
Okay, okay, okay.
1544
01:41:47,535 --> 01:41:51,736
But you know,
someday you're going to
have to tell me the truth.
1545
01:41:53,771 --> 01:41:56,405
Oh, that feels really good.
1546
01:41:56,407 --> 01:41:57,907
I haven't done anything yet.
1547
01:41:57,909 --> 01:42:03,610
I know. It feels good not to
be in the back seat of a car
for the last two years.
1548
01:42:03,912 --> 01:42:07,046
Where in the hell did
you get the money, Jane?
1549
01:42:07,048 --> 01:42:09,948
I already told you, we stole it.
1550
01:42:10,549 --> 01:42:12,716
Louise drilled a hole
underneath the platform.
1551
01:42:12,718 --> 01:42:14,784
Stuck a vacuum
up in that hole
and just...
1552
01:42:14,786 --> 01:42:16,852
Sucked that money out.
Okay, okay.
1553
01:42:16,854 --> 01:42:19,687
We took it out a conveyor belt
by the river where I came
up with a canoe.
1554
01:42:19,689 --> 01:42:21,923
Mmm-hmm.
But Louise stood up
in the canoe, so it sunk.
1555
01:42:21,925 --> 01:42:25,425
Everything was lost,
and Elaine came up,
really pissed off.
1556
01:42:25,427 --> 01:42:27,960
Starts yelling at us,
and Louise spots the money!
Mmm-hmm.
1557
01:42:27,962 --> 01:42:30,128
So we put all the money in...
119031
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