Original subtitles

Hurry up.

We're almost there.

I'm coming.

Faster.

Hello...

- Hurry up. - Yes, yes...

Easy, he might hear you.

I ordered a dog.

I'm Nino.

And you are...

Bobby.

My parents fell in love a 100 years ago.

So much in love that they made us.

Lucas came first, but he didn't turn out perfect yet.

And then I was born. I am Nino.

Here we go.

Not working?

Here we go.

- Run, run, run. - Yes?

I wish I could make time stand still.

That I was able...

Blow, blow, blow.

...to keep this moment forever.

Here.

Here!

- Come on. - Slowpoke.

Little brat. Catch me if you can.

- Come here often? - No, it's my first time.

- Is it? - And you?

Second time.

- First time wasn't that great. - Wasn't it?

- Why not? - Because you weren't there.

There we go again.

Ladies and gentlemen, the dance class for seniors has ended.

Seniors? I just turned 20.

Dance with me.

I think he wants to date me. What do you think? Should I?

If you're in doubt, you shouldn't. Not with anyone who dances so stupidly.

Oh, no...

- What? - Shit.

- Oh, honey. - It's ruined.

So let's have fries.

- Fries? - Fries. You go.

I'll go.

- Coming with me? - No.

Please.

With mayonnaise. Lots. No? Are you sure?

I'm not coming, but I do want mayonnaise.

OK, fine.

Be right back.

- See you. - See you, honey.

Not now.

It's probably for you.

It's for your birthday.

Bruno speaking.

Yes, speaking.

No.

It's not true.

Where?

Something happened to mom.

Stay there. I'll be back soon.

One birthday later

LIFE ACCORDING TO NINO

Need to go for a pee?

Yes, you need to pee, huh? Go on. Go for a pee.

Hello, Mrs. Werkman.

Hello, Nino. Shouldn't you be at school?

No, I'm psychologically damaged and I need to rest.

Winky, go and pee.

Hey, professor. Everything under control?

You just missed it. Want to see it?

Take this.

Why are you so late?

Make some room.

Here you go. For you.

Want a cookie?

No, thanks.

I didn't forget your birthday, of course.

Thank you.

It's not for my birthday.

It's because Bobby's been here for a year.

- Hip, hip.. - Hurray!

I'm hitting the sack. Will you do dad?

Lucas was gone again tonight.

Give me one of those pill candies.

Is mom back yet?

Not yet.

- Hey, bro. Want an omelet? - Nice.

I'd like one too.

Come on!

Hey munchkin, go to sleep.

- Are you leaving? - Yep. Later.

There's only three hours of my birthday left.

Shoot. Aww!

Against the post.

Again.

Fourth time.

Three... two... one.

Now.

Aww, too low.

Dear robots, this is the magical rabbit, Bobby!

OK, let's start.

Bobby, come on. Up you go.

Yes, yes, good job. Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, great job.

Maybe I should train you better.

I know. People who train animals are rather stupid.

It's as if they're talking to themselves.

Mom did it to babies. I thought that was stupid.

I'd tell her: Talk in your usual voice.

But she still went: Oh, what a cute, adorable little baby.

There are animals who live during the day and there are nocturnal animals.

People are officially day animals.

But some find the night more appealing.

Like my brother.

Police!

Come! Lucas!

You don't know how lonely you are when you lose someone.

Tonight it felt as if I lost my brother as well.

Step aside, step aside.

I feel you watching me, little man.

Heeha! I just feel it.

Hey, hi. You're making me feel a bit shy.

When you look at me like that.

OK, the first one to blink...

Well?

Lost, lost, lost.

Lost three times. And the winner is...?

Hey. What are you doing here?

Well? I won, you know.

I won.

Can you really understand me?

Of course I can. I'm not deaf.

- I'd go if I were you. - Go.

Or you'll get a fine.

Bye, bye.

Move over, biped.

Not true, not true. I was sitting here first.

- But you left. - Not true. I was here first.

- Who's he? - Who's he?

- Can you understand me? - "Can you understand me?"

- I'm not deaf, you know. - You could do with a shower.

- I find this the best place on the perch. - I was here first and I'm staying here.

- I always want the second on the left. - This is it.

Bobby!

Bobby!

Bobby!

Hey Bobby, how's it going?

Say something.

Come on. Say something.

Or...

What? Did you say something?

I can be any dog you like. You wanted it a dog, right?

Or a cat. That's possible.

- I knew it! - Careful.

Or you'll squeeze out a dropping.

Sorry...

There.

What's wrong?

Crying is good for you. It's always allowed.

Wait. I'll turn around.

- Now I can't anymore. - That's OK.

- What shall we do? - Maybe what we always do.

Oh, nice. There we go.

You can do a lot more with rabbits than you think. We can do anything.

I'll show you something.

OK Nino, I'm ready, but...

Three, two, one... Go!

And to the right.

Chair!

- Back... What are you doing? - Back and...

You have to practice some more.

OK. Floor it.

Floor it. A bit back. Now.

And now ahead. Step on it! Yes!

- Oh, man. - Floor it!

Yes, floor it.

Go!

- And there we go. - And now ahead. You can do it!

My dad said to my mom: "Pregnant again?"

But we thought: "Of course. You've done it 53 times before."

I forgot most of their names.

Hans, Herman, Hank, Hermien, Henriette. And that's just the "H".

Your hammering is making me hungry. I'll see if I can find something to eat.

Want something to nibble on? A carrot or something?

If the carrots are all gone is lettuce OK?

Nino, forget the carrot. There's only lettuce and an old Brussels sprout.

Boring.

- Yeah. - Boring.

Change the channel. Hey, change it. I don't like this.

Can't you just...?

Whoa! What the heck? This is super scary.

- I don't want to see this. Switch it off. - Yeah, yeah, I will.

I want to get out.

- I want to get out. - Nino, please let her out.

- I need my sleep, you know. - I came in. I did that myself, of course.

But I'd like to get out now and I can't find the exit anywhere...

No, I think you misunderstood me. I'm sorry.

It's probably my fault, but I wanted to get out, not in...

There, there.

It's OK.

I'm counting to three and then I want to get out.

One, two...

...two-and-a-half...

Three!

Go ahead.

Don't worry. I don't have a nasty side. I'm free.

- Oh, I'm out. - Go ahead.

I'm... flying.

I'm flying! Oh, that's a tent.

Have a look, always exciting.

Did you have sex?

- I'm hungry. What would you taste like? - Stop it, Lucas.

Want a piece?

- Shall we broil him? - Stop it!

Hey, come on then.

Think you can beat me? I'll broil you.

Man, man. Exactly, stop me. Keep me away from him.

Don't mind him.

Bring it on. I'm not afraid.

Gee whiz.

- Why's he acting so stupid? - Well, your brother's getting older.

He's a man and you're a kid.

And men are into things kids don't know anything about.

Yeah, right. Sex.

Well, come on. Sex is highly overrated these days.

- Really? What's better than sex? - Well, lots of things.

Building huts, startling the lady next door...

...stuffing your mouth with rusk and then trying to whistle.

And, ooh, mayonnaise.

This is so good. It's delicious.

- This is exquisite. - Relax, man. It's only mayo.

- Just the store brand. - It's a divine sauce.

Nino, you have to taste it.

Excuse me. My compliments to the chef.

Hey, munchkin.

High five.

No, don't. Stop.

Stop.

Careful for my tattoos.

I'll give you a good scrub.

Are you gonna feed that plant?

Again?

Do it yourself.

I can't even look at that loser.

I feel sorry for him.

Yeah. So do I.

Do you miss her?

Every day.

Stop.

I'll get you for this.

Nino, wake up.

Wake up. I hear something. Do you hear it too?

Where are you going?

Long live Satan!

Who's that? Nino? What's going on?

- What are you doing here? - I came from hell especially for you.

Nino!

Why don't you go back to hell?

Oh no, this isn't good.

So that's my little brother.

Hey, not...

Not the sleeping bag!

Everything was in the right place... Hey!

I don't need to watch that rumpy pumpy.

This is exactly what my parents used to do.

Eww! Sleazebags.

That went pretty good, didn't it?

I thought we did a great job.

You sidestepped them...

...while I distracted them with my imitation of a panicky rabbit.

Right, Nino?

Yeah.

Don't look up, Nino.

Don't react.

We'll wait until she's at a distance and then it's time to diss her.

OK, fire!

I don't like you.

Good one.

So?

"So"? That's it?

1-0 for Bobby and Nino, I'd say.

Don't let it upset you, OK?

His world is his world.

His world?

The men's world, right?

What's my world?

Well, this...

...here, now.

Stop! No, no, no. No, no!

No. No...

Jan?

No, no!

Look at that. It's incredible.

- Dad, let's put on something else. - I just did.

It's not your dress.

Loser.

Fucking loser!

Don't abandon us, man.

I'm trying not to.

I'm not going by myself.

- We're going home. - I'd like you to come along.

- Should we even do this? - They're just boys.

I just don't want to. We're not going to do this.

- Well, then I'll go by myself. - No, I don't want this.

I can't see anything.

I think that's...

Something moved in there, I think.

This is break and enter.

Hello?

- Nino. - Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Werkman.

Hi, well, we thought: Come on.

That's what we thought, right? We thought: Let's see how they're doing.

- That's what we thought. - That means I thought that, actually.

That's right. And my husband also thought and I agree...

...that we should show our faces again.

And also to see how it's going, you know, without a mother.

How's it going? Without your mom?

What's that smell?

A nice piece of rabbit!

- Exactly what I'm in the mood for. - Help, Nino!

- Get that scary animal out of here! - A nice bite to eat.

Help me, please.

Put it in four. Yes!

- Winky, come. - Stay here.

Watch out!

Make a run for it. Step on it, Nino.

It's not easy on those sausage legs, is it?

- Come here with those long ears of yours. - Step on it, Nino.

- I want a snack. - Faster!

I got you.

I'm in great shape, if I say so myself.

Come here with your delicious rabbit legs.

It will be less mayonnaise.

- Stay there! - Hold in my stomach...

You can't get through that with your fat head.

Come here!

Cold, cold.

If you do that one more time, I'll get the police.

- The police? - Yes, the police.

They might be able to help your dad as well.

- Really? - Yes, really.

They have very experienced social workers.

Open up. Police.

- The police? - Yes, the police.

- They can't come inside. - I invited them myself.

What do you think they'll do when they see this?

They can help dad.

- Yoo-hoo. - Open up. Police!

Are you insane?

You're just afraid they'll find out what you're up to at night.

What do you want?

- That you take care of dad as well. - Hello? Police.

- OK. - And that I'm with you.

Also at night.

OK. If you make sure they leave you can come with me once. One time.

Sorry it took a while. He was afraid.

What a cute bunny. Look at his little eyes.

- His name is Bobby and we're friends. - Of course.

- Why was he afraid? - Because of the neighbors' scary dog.

- They sic him on him all the time. - That's not very nice.

Can I come inside and have a chat with your dad?

My dad's at work and my brother's at school.

My dad doesn't allow me to let in strangers when I'm home alone.

- I heard you talking. - Yes, to me.

I was talking to Bobby.

So what we have here is a rabbit that can talk?

- Try to talk your way out of this. - I know.

It may sound weird, but I talk to Bobby...

- ...and then I pretend he talks back. - I get that.

It gives me something to do when I'm alone.

Alone? It's rather crowded around here.

I'll go and tell the neighbors to keep their dog inside.

Yes, please. That aggression has to be stopped.

Great, man!

Guys?

So this is my little brother. Isn't he cute?

Say hello. Say hello.

Fuck off, all of you.

Move it.

Lucas!

Lucas!

- You douche. You nearly died. - Everything's fine.

- Were you afraid? - No, no.

- You weren't afraid? - I'm not afraid for you.

- No. - OK, OK, I believe you.

Come.

Hello?

Excuse me. Are you alone?

Aren't we all?

Where are your sons?

I'm here, because your family needs professional help.

We can help you.

I'm from Child Welfare.

This...

This one's for you.

Could you read this and sign here?

There you go.

- Here. This one's for you. - Thank you.

Sir?

Bobby? Bobby?

What the fuck are you doing here?

How about 'hello'?

Hello, what the fuck are you doing here?

Yeah, who the fuck.

Bobby? Bobby?

Bobby! Bobby!

- We help broken homes. - Then you're in the wrong place.

- Why are you acting so defensively? - Why are you acting so offensively.

I'm just doing my job.

Give this to your dad. OK?

Bye.

Last night was awesome. We did awesome things.

- It was so cool. With Lucas. - That does sound cool.

But I hope you enjoyed it, because it could be the last time.

I did a super-important spy job for us.

That long baldie who thought I was cute...

...can't be trusted.

How come?

Well, he wants to break you and your brother up...

...take you away from your dad and put you in a foster family.

Foster family. Get lost, man.

Certainly not me.

One year with a bunch of idiots like that and I'll be 16 and free as a bird.

What about me?

Don't worry.

I'm not sure what to do when you're a person...

...but for us rabbits it's important to keep your tribe together.

The Van Doorn tribe shall meet.

Family meeting.

The only thing missing is a tie.

Let's wait for father.

Our chief will shortly accompany us.

Our chief, Sleeping Bull, has been knocked out by his pills.

Dad!

He'll show up.

Dad!

Sit down.

Mr. van Doorn...

The situation in your home is alarming.

How would you describe your family?

In your own words.

Or don't you feel you, Lucas and Nino form a family?

Yes. Sure. Of course.

Certainly.

We have decided to place your family under supervision.

That's to prevent the children from having to go to a foster family.

By means of cameras in your home we will record your daily routine.

And we will evaluate it with you.

- So you can see everything? - Yes.

That's what it comes down to.

Careful for the stairs.

Are you OK?

Will you take that one?

- Yes. - Ready, boys.

Watch out.

Catch.

Here it is.

- There we go. - Here.

Another one.

Hi. So here I am.

- Hi. - Hi.

Wipe your feet. Hey!

Everything's fine here. We're clean.

When you're watching TV we can see it...

...via the cable in the walls and then you can see it.

- Door opening, Bruno. - I'm on it.

A step to the right.

Yes, there.

- Other door. - Check.

Lucas, sit down. Just sit up straight.

Like we... Like we're sitting.

We don't have a daily routine.

Then we have to develop one, Lucas.

Let's go.

Have at 'em, guys.

- Great job, Nino. - Thanks, dad.

Nino knows his way around the kitchen.

Thanks, dad. I love cooking.

Shall I help you with your homework?

It's the holidays, dad.

It's going well, isn't it? Everything's clean. Looks great.

We're a proper family. Feels nice.

Right, Nino?

They might think I'm cuckoo.

What? Oh, OK. I'll keep quiet. It's fine.

Not a peep out of me anymore.

Nino, if you want to know where I am... I'm over here, being quiet. OK?

No. I don't want to go to a foster family.

They won't notice. I promise.

Hey, Nino. Nino, listen.

A guinea pig, a gerbil and a hamster walk into a pub. OK?

The guinea pig orders three colas and a bowl of beer nuts.

The hamster goes to the bathroom for a poo.

And the gerbil says: If they're beer nuts anyway, I might as well...

He can... No, hold on, I'm not telling it right.

I'll tell it again. The gerbil, the guinea pig and the hamster are in a pub.

Good morning, dear Nino.

Hello, Mrs. Werkman. It's good to see you.

It's good to be here.

Where are those cameras?

Oh, there. How nice.

Well, there we go, sweetie. I made a delicious cake.

Look at that. Enjoy.

Oh, hello.

I'll put this over here.

Let me, OK? I made a delicious cake, so...

- It's good to see you ironing. - The children have to look decent.

Yes, exactly.

- What's she doing here? - I invited her.

Why?

To make a good impression.

How nice of you to come by.

- We should do that more often. - Yes, we should.

I remember that when you moved in here...

Your mom was pregnant and...

- Want some water, dad? - No, Ninootje.

I'm fine.

Nino? This isn't good. They'll see this on the camera.

We have to do something.

Ok, don't panic. Two cables. Which one was it again?

There we go.

Plastic...

Guys?

Let's see that film about whales.

- Cool! - Yes, isn't that great?

Oh, there. How nice.

What's this?

Oh, weird.

Bobby knocked over the camera by accident.

Bobby? Oh, of course, it's that sweet bunny of yours.

- Is he doing as well as you are? - Yes.

Man, you're great.

I hate ironing.

Yeah, so do I.

Well, it's just... This makes me very happy.

You're a responsible father again.

And you've become a close-knit family again.

Yes. The cameras made us aware of our mistakes. Right, Lucas?

It helped us enormously.

- You can be honest, you know. - Yes. No.

It was very good for us.

Well, this is great.

- Good luck. - Thanks.

Goodbye.

Yes, Willems family. Come on in.

- Shall we play Go Fish or I Doubt it? - I Doubt it.

- First I Doubt it and then Go Fish. - All right.

Stay there.

- Why? - Because you reek of party games.

Can you smell it from that distance?

Hello there.

Hi. Fun. Why don't you come in?

Hello, Mr. van Doorn.

- Go Fish. How much fun is that? - It is, right?

Lucas, invite your friends.

- I'm not playing Go Fish, I'm going. - Absolutely not.

You can invite your friends, but you're staying home tonight.

Lucas, come on. I mean it.

- Act normal, man. - I'm trying to.

I'm succeeding not too badly, I think.

So say bye to that lady and go inside.

Bye, lady.

Acting the father all of a sudden?

I don't have to act, Lucas. I am a father.

Bye, lady.

No, you're not my father. Haven't been for a long time.

Don't look so pathetic.

Take another pill, or two, or ten.

Or a hundred.

- I'm trying, son. - Too late. A year too late.

Dad?

Just go, Nino. I'll watch him.

Lucas!

Lucas!

Hey! No!

Lucas!

Hey! No!

Nino!

Nino!

Come on.

Come on, son.

Come on.

Hello!

- Doctor! - Sir, sir?

Lucas, it's OK.

He's in good hands. It's OK.

I'm sorry.

No son, I'm sorry.

- Mr. van Doorn? - Yes?

Look. Isn't it great?

- You scared me, man. - Me? You scared me.

No way. You scared me.

- You scared me. - You.

- You scared me, buddy. - No, you.

- You scared me. - Stop it.

No quarreling now, right?

- He's back. - Completely.

We're going home now. Up you go.

Let's get out of here.

Quarrelers.

Quickly.

- And the next one. - Wait.

Bobby? Bobby?

Hi, Bobby.

I'm back.

Did you miss me?

Hello. Hello, Nino.

Nice to see you again, Nino.

I missed you so much, Nino.

From now on I have to do it myself again, I guess.

You know, Nino...

- ...what mom wanted to buy you at first? - No.

- A goldfish. - Really?

- No. - It's true.

Come here. A bit different than a rabbit, right?

I actually wanted a dog.

Mom didn't like dogs.

- She was sweet, though. - Yes.

But she didn't like dogs.

- She was sweet, though. - But she didn't like dogs.

She was sweet, though.

Oh, come on!

- Want to see it? - Yes.

- Ready? - Yes.

- Happy birthday! - But my birthday was a while ago.

- But not really. - Not real, real.

Not with all the bells and whistles real.

- Is it counting down? - Yes, it's working. Yeah, yeah.

- What did you wish for? - That this moment lasts forever.

But then we couldn't eat the cake.

- But then we'd have it forever.

That's true.

I'm Nino and this is Bobby.

If there's something you really don't dare to say...

...say it very softly.

But just to be sure, say it to someone with very big ears.

Very big soft ears.

And maybe he'll say something back.

Well, big ears?

I think it's more important to have longs legs.

Long legs? I have short legs and there's nothing wrong with that.

And they don't look like sausages at all.

Sausages? I'm quite hungry, actually.

- I have to go for a pee. - Then go.

No way. I'm staying where I am or someone else will sit here.

- If you have to pee, just go. - No way.

- Can I finally say something? - I have to pee now.

- Me too. - Then go.

And I have to do number two.

I fly high, low, I fly in the sun, I see an apartment building, I see...

I don't see a tent. Where's the tent?

Anyway, I'm flying.

The End

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