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1
00:00:09,241 --> 00:00:11,655
Matt: Well, it happened again...[ Keyboard clacking ]
2
00:00:11,758 --> 00:00:13,482
...another tragedy.
3
00:00:13,586 --> 00:00:14,758
Will we ever learn?
4
00:00:14,862 --> 00:00:16,275
Man: On a day like today,
5
00:00:16,379 --> 00:00:18,793
it's pointless to even post
on social media.
6
00:00:18,896 --> 00:00:20,241
Woman: But I absolutely must.
7
00:00:20,344 --> 00:00:22,068
Jessica: I can't, and I won't,
8
00:00:22,172 --> 00:00:25,103
and I cannot,
and I will not stay silent.
9
00:00:25,206 --> 00:00:27,965
Woman #3: As an American...Man: As an amateur stand-up
comedian...
10
00:00:28,068 --> 00:00:29,275
Man #2: As a privileged person
11
00:00:29,379 --> 00:00:31,413
who recognizes
my own privilege...
12
00:00:31,517 --> 00:00:33,241
Matt: ...it is my duty
to speak out.
13
00:00:33,344 --> 00:00:34,862
Jake: Admit it,
you're all just posting
14
00:00:34,965 --> 00:00:36,689
on social media
for the attention.
15
00:00:36,793 --> 00:00:39,655
Jessica: Today is not about me.
16
00:00:39,758 --> 00:00:41,344
Share my post if you agree.
17
00:00:41,448 --> 00:00:43,413
[ Sobbing ]
18
00:00:43,517 --> 00:00:48,379
♪♪
19
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,482
Christian: Today has
deeply affected me
20
00:00:50,586 --> 00:00:52,137
on a personal level.
21
00:00:52,241 --> 00:00:54,241
My thoughts and prayers
are with the victims
22
00:00:54,344 --> 00:00:56,344
of this horrendous tragedy.
23
00:00:56,448 --> 00:01:00,103
Matt: We have to fight fire
with peace fire.
24
00:01:00,206 --> 00:01:01,655
Share my post if you agree.
25
00:01:01,758 --> 00:01:03,103
Jake: Just watch.
26
00:01:03,206 --> 00:01:05,034
Tomorrow, you'll go back
to posting selfies
27
00:01:05,137 --> 00:01:07,586
and forget this tragedy
ever happened.
28
00:01:07,689 --> 00:01:09,551
♪♪
29
00:01:09,655 --> 00:01:11,068
[ Both sigh ]
30
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:12,724
Feels good
to say something.
31
00:01:12,827 --> 00:01:14,310
It really does.
32
00:01:14,413 --> 00:01:23,448
♪♪
33
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:34,000
♪♪
34
00:01:34,103 --> 00:01:36,206
By now, we've all heard the news
35
00:01:36,310 --> 00:01:40,724
about the tragedy in our nation
this morning.
36
00:01:40,827 --> 00:01:44,137
Obviously what happened is...
37
00:01:44,241 --> 00:01:46,482
unspeakable.
38
00:01:46,586 --> 00:01:48,310
I don't see how
we could possibly
39
00:01:48,413 --> 00:01:50,620
go ahead with
our scheduled meeting
40
00:01:50,724 --> 00:01:54,241
about this year's
company pullovers...
41
00:01:57,137 --> 00:01:59,241
...but we absolutely must.
42
00:02:01,793 --> 00:02:02,793
Okay.
43
00:02:02,896 --> 00:02:04,413
So let's just dive
right in.
44
00:02:04,517 --> 00:02:09,206
Do we like the polar fleece
or the brushed fleece?
45
00:02:09,310 --> 00:02:11,137
Felicity...
46
00:02:11,241 --> 00:02:13,275
if you need to take a moment,
that's fine.
47
00:02:13,379 --> 00:02:16,827
Just turn around in your chair,
so we don't see you.
48
00:02:16,931 --> 00:02:20,379
[ Chair creaks ]Listen, I know this is tough,
49
00:02:20,482 --> 00:02:22,517
but it's time-consuming
to feel this bad,
50
00:02:22,620 --> 00:02:24,586
and we can't afford that,
not on fleece day.
51
00:02:24,689 --> 00:02:27,724
Also, anyone who needs
grief counseling today
52
00:02:27,827 --> 00:02:29,275
can talk to Grace.
53
00:02:29,379 --> 00:02:31,310
She's our rock.
54
00:02:33,724 --> 00:02:35,034
Grace?
55
00:02:35,137 --> 00:02:36,758
A little too weepy.
56
00:02:36,862 --> 00:02:39,068
[ Chair creaks ]
57
00:02:39,172 --> 00:02:40,793
Just to get the ball
a-rolling,
58
00:02:40,896 --> 00:02:44,827
I'll share that I actually had
a disgusting experience
59
00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:47,413
with brushed fleece in 2004.
60
00:02:47,517 --> 00:02:49,379
It was August.
I was in Denver.
61
00:02:49,482 --> 00:02:51,068
And it was hot, but I was cold.
62
00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,310
The only people
who liked my post
63
00:02:52,413 --> 00:02:53,724
were my mom and Paige.
64
00:02:53,827 --> 00:02:55,517
But I thought you didn't post it
for the likes.
65
00:02:55,620 --> 00:02:57,344
You just want to help society,
right?
66
00:02:57,448 --> 00:03:00,517
But if nobody sees my post,
how can society be helped?
67
00:03:00,620 --> 00:03:02,344
You're a child walking
through this world.
68
00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:04,310
Well, you're just being a drain
to get attention.
69
00:03:04,413 --> 00:03:05,551
That's not fair.
70
00:03:05,655 --> 00:03:07,068
I'm also doing it
to hurt people.
71
00:03:07,172 --> 00:03:08,275
[ Scoffs ]
72
00:03:08,379 --> 00:03:09,586
Just to make
a long story short,
73
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,379
if you've can never
had fleece rash,
74
00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:14,241
consider yourself
privileged, really.
75
00:03:14,344 --> 00:03:16,310
Chuck, sit and spin.
76
00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:18,413
How are you not even
a little bit sad?
77
00:03:18,517 --> 00:03:19,551
You're just pretending
to care
78
00:03:19,655 --> 00:03:21,137
about people
you don't even know,
79
00:03:21,241 --> 00:03:23,965
but I bet you haven't even
wished Grace a happy birthday.
80
00:03:24,068 --> 00:03:25,965
[ Whispering ]
It's Grace's birthday?
81
00:03:26,068 --> 00:03:27,517
And look,
I'm not gonna lie to you.
82
00:03:27,620 --> 00:03:29,896
Polar fleece isn't exactly
a picnic, either.
83
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,068
You just want to...Grace, happy birthday.
84
00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:36,068
Also, I'm sorry
it's your birthday.
85
00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:38,206
They killed my cake,
Matt.
86
00:03:38,310 --> 00:03:39,379
[ Chair creaks ]
87
00:03:39,482 --> 00:03:40,241
Who?
88
00:03:40,344 --> 00:03:41,482
In light of the tragedy,
89
00:03:41,586 --> 00:03:45,172
Hampton DeVille canceled
all celebratory cakes.
90
00:03:45,275 --> 00:03:47,413
Grace: A cinnamon-vanilla cake
91
00:03:47,517 --> 00:03:49,551
with horchata-buttercream
frosting
92
00:03:49,655 --> 00:03:53,551
and fresh strawberries
with white chocolate ganache.
93
00:03:53,655 --> 00:03:57,000
It came up as a sponsored ad
on my social media feed once,
94
00:03:57,103 --> 00:04:00,551
and I've lusted after it
ever since.
95
00:04:00,655 --> 00:04:03,034
Then I saw them murder it...
96
00:04:03,137 --> 00:04:04,137
murder it...
97
00:04:04,241 --> 00:04:05,862
murder it.
98
00:04:05,965 --> 00:04:10,551
♪♪
99
00:04:10,655 --> 00:04:12,793
Nooooo!
100
00:04:12,896 --> 00:04:17,448
♪♪
101
00:04:17,551 --> 00:04:19,241
Talk about tragedy.
102
00:04:19,344 --> 00:04:20,517
It's just a cake,
Grace.
103
00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:22,206
Try to keep things
in perspective.
104
00:04:22,310 --> 00:04:24,931
I packed a light lunch
today, Matt.
105
00:04:25,034 --> 00:04:26,586
Do you get that?
106
00:04:26,689 --> 00:04:29,172
My blood sugar
is all out of whack.
107
00:04:29,275 --> 00:04:30,344
Hey!
Trinity!
108
00:04:30,448 --> 00:04:31,655
Trin, it's starting to feel
109
00:04:31,758 --> 00:04:33,965
like you're the ringleader
here, right?
110
00:04:34,068 --> 00:04:35,965
Like, you've infected this room
with your sadness.
111
00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:38,758
Like, it's a pandemic,
and you're patient zero.
112
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:41,275
Do the right thing
and turn your ass around.
113
00:04:41,379 --> 00:04:43,310
[ Chair creaks ]
114
00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:45,551
[ Sighs deeply ]
115
00:04:45,655 --> 00:04:47,758
Okay.
116
00:04:47,862 --> 00:04:49,482
Let's talk zippers.
117
00:04:49,586 --> 00:04:52,517
Subtract the number of victims
who aren't white,
118
00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:54,517
add the number
of victims who are,
119
00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:57,655
carry the seven equals...
120
00:04:57,758 --> 00:05:00,275
♪♪
121
00:05:00,379 --> 00:05:03,586
We have a Category 5 tragedy
on our hands.
122
00:05:03,689 --> 00:05:05,620
Yes!All across the nation,
123
00:05:05,724 --> 00:05:07,758
people are sad,
people are scared,
124
00:05:07,862 --> 00:05:09,482
and they are tuning
into this tragedy
125
00:05:09,586 --> 00:05:11,793
like it's the reboot of
their favorite situation comedy.
126
00:05:11,896 --> 00:05:13,275
Now, we've been
the third-rated
127
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:15,068
cable news network
for far too long.
128
00:05:15,172 --> 00:05:18,586
What we need today is
to take BNN to number one.
129
00:05:18,689 --> 00:05:20,241
Karen, what have we
got lined up?
130
00:05:20,344 --> 00:05:21,689
Well, for starters,
we're going to have
131
00:05:21,793 --> 00:05:24,793
an up-to-date victim counter
on screen at all times
132
00:05:24,896 --> 00:05:27,517
and also a countdown clock.What's it counting down to?
133
00:05:27,620 --> 00:05:29,206
Nothing.Perfect.
134
00:05:29,310 --> 00:05:31,310
And let's add a count-up clock,
as well.
135
00:05:31,413 --> 00:05:32,655
Oh, I love that.
136
00:05:32,758 --> 00:05:34,655
[ Indistinct talking ][ Squeaking ]
137
00:05:34,758 --> 00:05:35,655
[ Sighs ]
138
00:05:35,758 --> 00:05:37,620
Cronker...
139
00:05:37,724 --> 00:05:40,793
Do you really need
to be here right now?
140
00:05:44,241 --> 00:05:46,068
[ Thud ]
141
00:05:47,758 --> 00:05:49,517
Now people are going to want
to donate to the victims,
142
00:05:49,620 --> 00:05:52,310
so let's make sure they know
that the best place to donate
143
00:05:52,413 --> 00:05:54,620
is the DeVille Foundation
for Victims.
144
00:05:54,724 --> 00:05:57,241
Kate, find me some dirt
on competing charities,
145
00:05:57,344 --> 00:05:58,793
and make sure
the Internet knows.On it.
146
00:05:58,896 --> 00:06:01,241
Also, I am setting up
an interview
147
00:06:01,344 --> 00:06:02,517
with a conspiracy theorist
148
00:06:02,620 --> 00:06:04,310
who claims the tragedy
never happened.
149
00:06:04,413 --> 00:06:05,655
Smart.
150
00:06:05,758 --> 00:06:07,724
People need someone
to be mad at today.
151
00:06:07,827 --> 00:06:09,931
Jessica: Jake, your cynicism is
not what we need today.
152
00:06:10,034 --> 00:06:12,275
What we need is
to dismantle the status quo
153
00:06:12,379 --> 00:06:13,758
by tweeting at our senators.Yes.
154
00:06:13,862 --> 00:06:15,413
You know what?
You guys are right.
155
00:06:15,517 --> 00:06:16,827
Just kidding.
You're wrong.
156
00:06:16,931 --> 00:06:18,551
God. He's been acting
like this all day.
157
00:06:18,655 --> 00:06:19,793
[ Ding!]68!
158
00:06:19,896 --> 00:06:21,655
Karen James:
BNN can now confirm
159
00:06:21,758 --> 00:06:24,827
that 68 people have
lost their lives
160
00:06:24,931 --> 00:06:27,137
in today's tragedy.This is absurd.
161
00:06:27,241 --> 00:06:28,448
None of you guys
are even talking
162
00:06:28,551 --> 00:06:30,206
about the earthquake
that killed 500 people
163
00:06:30,310 --> 00:06:31,586
in Pakistan yesterday.
164
00:06:31,689 --> 00:06:33,620
Oh, my God.
I didn't know about Pakistan.
165
00:06:33,724 --> 00:06:34,896
I'm gonna post about it
right now.
166
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,068
Yep.Yeah, me too.
167
00:06:36,172 --> 00:06:37,896
Jake: You're all
just tragedy bandwagoners.
168
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,793
I'm a loyal,
dedicated fan.Man: 69.
169
00:06:39,896 --> 00:06:41,448
There is a lot of pain
in this world,
170
00:06:41,551 --> 00:06:42,793
and I'm aware
of all of it.
171
00:06:42,896 --> 00:06:44,517
I know all
the underground tragedies.
172
00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:46,517
I know the rarities.
I know the B-sides.
173
00:06:46,620 --> 00:06:48,241
This is the Ed Sheeran
of tragedies,
174
00:06:48,344 --> 00:06:50,034
and you all have
pedestrian taste.
175
00:06:50,137 --> 00:06:51,103
Okay, posted.Posted.
176
00:06:51,206 --> 00:06:52,172
I just liked
both your posts.
177
00:06:52,275 --> 00:06:53,517
So insightful.Thanks.
178
00:06:53,620 --> 00:06:55,482
Guys, there was no earthquake
in Pakistan.
179
00:06:55,586 --> 00:06:56,482
Jake!
God... [ Ding!]
180
00:06:56,586 --> 00:06:58,137
70![ Applause ]
181
00:06:58,241 --> 00:07:00,758
Woman: Oh, my God.
It's Paige.
182
00:07:00,862 --> 00:07:02,724
♪♪
183
00:07:02,827 --> 00:07:04,413
Wait.
Why are we clapping?
184
00:07:04,517 --> 00:07:05,827
Didn't you read
Paige's post?
185
00:07:05,931 --> 00:07:07,172
No.
186
00:07:07,275 --> 00:07:10,034
Read Paige's post.
187
00:07:10,137 --> 00:07:14,000
♪♪
188
00:07:14,103 --> 00:07:16,689
"We have to fight fire
with peace fire."
189
00:07:16,793 --> 00:07:18,758
Wait.
This is my post.
190
00:07:18,862 --> 00:07:20,655
And she didn't credit me.
191
00:07:20,758 --> 00:07:24,137
This already has
3,700 likes?
192
00:07:24,241 --> 00:07:25,862
Wait, my mom liked this!
193
00:07:25,965 --> 00:07:28,310
Really, today
is not about me.
194
00:07:28,413 --> 00:07:30,689
Hey, Paige.
I saw your post.
195
00:07:30,793 --> 00:07:32,275
Aw, thank you, Matt.
Well...
196
00:07:32,379 --> 00:07:34,793
Paige, you make me so proud
to be on social media.
197
00:07:34,896 --> 00:07:36,724
[ Sighing ]
Aww. I know.
198
00:07:39,206 --> 00:07:42,206
[ Indistinct talking,
telephone rings in distance ]
199
00:07:42,310 --> 00:07:43,482
Hey, Paige.
Hmm?
200
00:07:43,586 --> 00:07:45,931
Hey, um...
this might seem silly,
201
00:07:46,034 --> 00:07:48,379
and I know this
isn't what we need
202
00:07:48,482 --> 00:07:49,620
on today of all days,
203
00:07:49,724 --> 00:07:52,206
but you kind of
took my post
204
00:07:52,310 --> 00:07:54,206
and didn't
give me credit.
205
00:07:54,310 --> 00:07:56,034
Oh, I'm sorry.
206
00:07:56,137 --> 00:07:57,793
It's really resonating
with people though.
207
00:07:57,896 --> 00:07:59,655
You must be jazzed.
Congrats.
208
00:07:59,758 --> 00:08:01,379
Oh, thanks.
You're welcome.
209
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:02,724
But I was just thinking
210
00:08:02,827 --> 00:08:04,689
that maybe you
could edit the post
211
00:08:04,793 --> 00:08:07,827
to clarify
that it's mine.
212
00:08:07,931 --> 00:08:10,827
Don't you think reposting
just to say, "Hey, guys.
213
00:08:10,931 --> 00:08:13,448
Matt wants everyone to know
he wrote this,"
214
00:08:13,551 --> 00:08:15,793
distracts from
the real conversation?
215
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,310
Oh, I-I-I would never
want to distract
216
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:18,758
from the real conversation.Good.
217
00:08:18,862 --> 00:08:21,034
I would maybe just want to add
to the real conversation
218
00:08:21,137 --> 00:08:24,827
that I was the one who sort of
started the conversation.
219
00:08:24,931 --> 00:08:26,172
You know, maybe you
wrote the post,
220
00:08:26,275 --> 00:08:28,000
but you clearly
didn't read it
221
00:08:28,103 --> 00:08:29,862
'cause you're making today
about yourself, Matt.
222
00:08:29,965 --> 00:08:31,482
[ Sternly ]
You stole my post.
223
00:08:31,586 --> 00:08:33,172
You're a straight-up
post thief!
224
00:08:33,275 --> 00:08:35,586
I do not steal.
I curate.
225
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:37,827
And in times of tragedy,
people turn to curators like me.
226
00:08:37,931 --> 00:08:39,344
You don't even care
about the victims.
227
00:08:39,448 --> 00:08:40,586
You're just doing this
for attention.
228
00:08:40,689 --> 00:08:42,517
You know what?
It's millennials...
229
00:08:42,620 --> 00:08:44,448
I can see that you're really
hurting right now, Matt,
230
00:08:44,551 --> 00:08:46,689
and I want you to know
that I understand.
231
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:48,034
It's okay to cry, Matt.
232
00:08:48,137 --> 00:08:50,517
Hey, guys,
I'm just gonna hop in here.
233
00:08:50,620 --> 00:08:53,068
Ooh! By the way,
Paige, incredible post.
234
00:08:53,172 --> 00:08:54,724
I loved it, liked it,
faved it, shared it.
235
00:08:54,827 --> 00:08:57,103
Thank you so much,
John.
236
00:08:57,206 --> 00:08:59,758
Why is their victim counter
higher than ours?
237
00:08:59,862 --> 00:09:02,655
We should always have
the highest victim counter!
238
00:09:02,758 --> 00:09:04,551
Damn it! We've been given
a golden opportunity,
239
00:09:04,655 --> 00:09:07,068
and we're blowing it.
240
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:08,931
What do other networks do
when they're desperate
241
00:09:09,034 --> 00:09:11,551
for ratings?
242
00:09:11,655 --> 00:09:13,827
Celebrity guest star?
243
00:09:13,931 --> 00:09:16,241
♪♪
244
00:09:16,344 --> 00:09:18,586
Karen James: But your donations
can make a difference,
245
00:09:18,689 --> 00:09:22,034
and the best place to donate
is the DeVille Foundation.[ Cellphone rings ]
246
00:09:22,137 --> 00:09:24,586
On a day like today,
it is easy...Richter here.
247
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:27,206
No. I haven't talked to
or seen anyone today.
248
00:09:27,310 --> 00:09:33,448
♪♪
249
00:09:33,551 --> 00:09:39,724
♪♪
250
00:09:39,827 --> 00:09:41,724
Shocking news as BNN has
251
00:09:41,827 --> 00:09:43,517
just received
an unconfirmed report
252
00:09:43,620 --> 00:09:47,655
that celebrity Andy Richter
may be among today's victims.
253
00:09:47,758 --> 00:09:50,620
No.
What?
254
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,068
I'm sorry.
I need a moment.
255
00:09:52,172 --> 00:09:53,000
[ Chair creaks ]
256
00:09:53,103 --> 00:09:54,275
-Oh!
-Hug me.
257
00:09:54,379 --> 00:09:56,310
I'm just gonna
get in on this.
258
00:09:56,413 --> 00:10:00,241
[ Hissing ]
259
00:10:01,551 --> 00:10:03,655
[ Hiss ]
260
00:10:03,758 --> 00:10:06,655
[ Hiss ]What the hell are you doing?
261
00:10:06,758 --> 00:10:08,724
Just making a snack.
262
00:10:08,827 --> 00:10:10,827
[ Hissing ]Stop it.
263
00:10:10,931 --> 00:10:13,655
Something might have happened
to a celebrity.
264
00:10:13,758 --> 00:10:14,931
It's my birthday.
265
00:10:15,034 --> 00:10:16,517
Did you ever think about
how it might be
266
00:10:16,620 --> 00:10:19,896
a little problematic for you
to have your birthday on today?
267
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,103
[ Scoffs ]
268
00:10:21,206 --> 00:10:24,965
♪♪
269
00:10:25,068 --> 00:10:26,551
Don't you dare light that.Grace...
270
00:10:26,655 --> 00:10:27,655
Grace, don't light that.Grace.
271
00:10:27,758 --> 00:10:29,379
Grace!
Don't you light that!
272
00:10:29,482 --> 00:10:30,344
[ Grace screams ]
273
00:10:30,448 --> 00:10:32,793
[ Sound distorts ]
274
00:10:32,896 --> 00:10:37,241
I brought those sprinkles
from home!
275
00:10:37,344 --> 00:10:39,586
Andy: Well, I'm so flattered
you guys thought of me.
276
00:10:39,689 --> 00:10:41,206
Before we get down
to brass tacks,
277
00:10:41,310 --> 00:10:42,344
let me just say that
278
00:10:42,448 --> 00:10:43,896
"Andy Richter
Controls the Universe"
279
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,586
is a criminally
under-appreciated classic.
280
00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:48,448
You're right about that.
281
00:10:48,551 --> 00:10:49,862
Andy is super jazzed,
282
00:10:49,965 --> 00:10:51,517
and the timing
couldn't be better.
283
00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:53,689
We were looking for
an out-of-the-box way
284
00:10:53,793 --> 00:10:55,931
to promote his directorial
debut next month.
285
00:10:56,034 --> 00:10:58,793
It's called
"The Infinity Conundrum."
286
00:10:58,896 --> 00:11:00,862
All the characters
are robots,
287
00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:03,655
but at its heart,
it's really a small story
288
00:11:03,758 --> 00:11:05,413
about a genie.
289
00:11:05,517 --> 00:11:06,758
Hmm.
290
00:11:06,862 --> 00:11:09,896
Well, that sounds
absolutely fascinating.
291
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,103
Kate: So let's get into
the details of what we're...
292
00:11:11,206 --> 00:11:13,724
I am super jazzed
that we got Richter.
293
00:11:13,827 --> 00:11:15,586
Well, I'm jazzed,
as well.
294
00:11:15,689 --> 00:11:16,896
I mean, at first,
I was disappointed
295
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,517
Channing Tatum fell through,
but Richter has
296
00:11:18,620 --> 00:11:20,068
a real boy-next-door quality.Oh, yeah.
297
00:11:20,172 --> 00:11:22,137
I am a little nervous,
though.
298
00:11:22,241 --> 00:11:26,344
I mean, we could get in a lot
of trouble if this got out.
299
00:11:26,448 --> 00:11:27,620
Well...
300
00:11:27,724 --> 00:11:29,068
I won't testify
against you
301
00:11:29,172 --> 00:11:30,793
if you don't testify
against me.
302
00:11:30,896 --> 00:11:32,275
Well, then you
should marry me,
303
00:11:32,379 --> 00:11:35,758
and then we can't testify
against each other.
304
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,793
Good one.
[ Chuckles ]
305
00:11:37,896 --> 00:11:40,862
Molly: When we reveal that
Andy survived the tragedy,
306
00:11:40,965 --> 00:11:42,724
we were thinking
it would be really great
307
00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:44,448
if he could wear
a T-shirt from the movie.
308
00:11:44,551 --> 00:11:45,827
Or a hat.
309
00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:47,103
Kate: He can wear
whatever he wants
310
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,965
as long as it's covered
in blood.
311
00:11:49,068 --> 00:11:51,620
Hi, Andy?
Karen James here.
312
00:11:51,724 --> 00:11:53,275
You know, I've always said
"Andy Barker, P.I."
313
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,793
being taken off the air
before it found its audience
314
00:11:55,896 --> 00:11:58,206
was an absolute tragedy.
315
00:11:58,310 --> 00:12:00,310
I like you, Karen.
316
00:12:00,413 --> 00:12:02,758
Jake: So, I just shared you
on the fleece spreadsheet.
317
00:12:02,862 --> 00:12:05,034
How many of each size
do you think we should get?
318
00:12:05,137 --> 00:12:06,689
I honestly would have
preferred brushed.
319
00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:07,931
I should have
spoken up.
320
00:12:08,034 --> 00:12:11,517
Now Paige has 12,000
likes on my post.
321
00:12:11,620 --> 00:12:12,827
Can you at least
now admit that
322
00:12:12,931 --> 00:12:14,172
you don't care
about the victims at all?
323
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,206
Oh, I care about those
fucking victims,
324
00:12:16,310 --> 00:12:18,172
and I'm gonna prove it.
325
00:12:18,275 --> 00:12:20,310
So you're going to leave
all our work to me?
326
00:12:20,413 --> 00:12:22,137
Great.
327
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:23,655
77!
328
00:12:23,758 --> 00:12:25,689
[ Telephone rings in distance ]
329
00:12:28,724 --> 00:12:31,655
Attention, everyone.
330
00:12:31,758 --> 00:12:34,241
I'm collecting donations
for the Scarlet Cross
331
00:12:34,344 --> 00:12:35,689
on behalf of the victims.
332
00:12:35,793 --> 00:12:38,241
On days like today,
333
00:12:38,344 --> 00:12:41,689
posting on social media
isn't enough.
334
00:12:41,793 --> 00:12:46,379
What we need
is cold hard cash.
335
00:12:46,482 --> 00:12:48,862
I just got back
from the ATM,
336
00:12:48,965 --> 00:12:51,241
where I withdrew
the maximum amount
337
00:12:51,344 --> 00:12:53,344
of $300
338
00:12:53,448 --> 00:12:55,206
plus a $3.50 service fee.
339
00:12:55,310 --> 00:12:57,448
So...
340
00:12:57,551 --> 00:12:59,206
yeah.
341
00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:04,413
♪♪
342
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:09,655
♪♪
343
00:13:09,758 --> 00:13:11,206
[ Distorted ]
Good job.
344
00:13:11,310 --> 00:13:17,586
♪♪
345
00:13:17,689 --> 00:13:24,310
♪♪
346
00:13:28,206 --> 00:13:29,551
Man: 80 dead.
347
00:13:29,655 --> 00:13:32,551
Hey, Paige,
I don't know if you heard,
348
00:13:32,655 --> 00:13:35,379
but I'm collecting donations
for the victims.
349
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:36,586
Care to chip in?
350
00:13:36,689 --> 00:13:37,827
No.
351
00:13:37,931 --> 00:13:39,482
Wow.
352
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,413
That's interesting
because I kind of
353
00:13:41,517 --> 00:13:42,931
thought you cared,
Paige,
354
00:13:43,034 --> 00:13:47,000
but now you don't want to donate
to the Scarlet Cross?
355
00:13:47,103 --> 00:13:49,758
I guess you haven't checked
the Internet today.
356
00:13:49,862 --> 00:13:51,896
Hey.Man: 81!
357
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,517
BNN has been breaking
all of these stories
358
00:13:54,620 --> 00:13:57,137
about how problematic
the Scarlet Cross is
359
00:13:57,241 --> 00:13:59,137
and how they're cutting out
the hearts
360
00:13:59,241 --> 00:14:02,689
of poor Jamaican people
or something.
361
00:14:02,793 --> 00:14:04,206
Pretty sure
that's not true.
362
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:06,206
Well, I posted it,
so it's true now.
363
00:14:06,310 --> 00:14:07,241
82!
Hey.
364
00:14:07,344 --> 00:14:08,586
Oh, and it looks like
a lot of people
365
00:14:08,689 --> 00:14:09,758
have liked my post.
366
00:14:09,862 --> 00:14:11,137
Hey. Hold on.
Hold on a second.
367
00:14:11,241 --> 00:14:13,034
You can't just have
your money back, okay?
368
00:14:13,137 --> 00:14:14,862
This belongs
to the victims now.
369
00:14:14,965 --> 00:14:17,206
It's kind of ironic
that you're collecting donations
370
00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:18,551
in a trash can because
371
00:14:18,655 --> 00:14:20,206
giving your money
to the Scarlet Cross
372
00:14:20,310 --> 00:14:22,655
is just like throwing it
in the trash.
373
00:14:22,758 --> 00:14:23,896
84!
374
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,896
Well, now hold on.
Oh, my God.
375
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,344
Look at yourselves,
376
00:14:27,448 --> 00:14:28,931
down there fighting
for money on the ground
377
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:30,310
while people out there...
378
00:14:30,413 --> 00:14:32,965
Okay, now, wait a second!
$300 of that is mine.
379
00:14:33,068 --> 00:14:35,793
Man: 85!
380
00:14:35,896 --> 00:14:37,344
Kate, do we have
all the NDAs?
381
00:14:37,448 --> 00:14:39,241
We have a couple of stragglers,
but I'm working on it.
382
00:14:39,344 --> 00:14:40,379
Well, get them.
383
00:14:40,482 --> 00:14:41,586
One whistle-blower,
384
00:14:41,689 --> 00:14:43,034
and the FCC will
have their hands
385
00:14:43,137 --> 00:14:46,689
so far up our asses,
we'll have fingers for tongues.
386
00:14:46,793 --> 00:14:48,344
Did you get Richter?
387
00:14:48,448 --> 00:14:50,586
Let me talk to him.
388
00:14:50,689 --> 00:14:52,275
Hey.
How's it going?
389
00:14:52,379 --> 00:14:54,241
Andy Richter: Hiya, Chris.
Listen, I got a question.
390
00:14:54,344 --> 00:14:56,482
Would it be okay
if I did some improv?
391
00:14:56,586 --> 00:14:59,689
You know, I'm sort of one of
the better members of my team.
392
00:14:59,793 --> 00:15:02,172
Okay. Well...
you're the talent here, Andy.
393
00:15:02,275 --> 00:15:03,862
I have total faith
in you.
394
00:15:03,965 --> 00:15:06,620
Awesome.
Thanks, Chris. Bye.
395
00:15:06,724 --> 00:15:08,344
Jesus Christ.
Richter is going to blow it.
396
00:15:08,448 --> 00:15:10,206
I knew we should have pushed
harder for Tatum!
397
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:13,655
Hey, Christian, relax.
This is the news.
398
00:15:13,758 --> 00:15:15,862
We do it every day,
399
00:15:15,965 --> 00:15:18,586
but there is one important thing
that you forgot.
400
00:15:18,689 --> 00:15:20,275
What?
401
00:15:20,379 --> 00:15:21,965
Have fun.
402
00:15:23,379 --> 00:15:25,344
♪♪
403
00:15:25,448 --> 00:15:27,448
Man: 91 dead.
404
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:28,862
♪♪
405
00:15:28,965 --> 00:15:30,620
Happy birthday,
Grace.
406
00:15:30,724 --> 00:15:31,896
Nobody's doing
any work today,
407
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,275
so I went out and got the cake
you wanted
408
00:15:33,379 --> 00:15:36,068
because I'm secretly
a great friend.
409
00:15:36,482 --> 00:15:38,965
Oh, yeah.
410
00:15:39,068 --> 00:15:41,241
That baker was pretty fucked up
by the tragedy.
411
00:15:41,344 --> 00:15:45,241
That's really sweet,
but no thanks.
412
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:47,551
All I wanted for my birthday
was a slice of cake,
413
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:51,103
but now everyone thinks
I'm a horrible, selfish person.
414
00:15:51,206 --> 00:15:52,137
Oh, please.
415
00:15:52,241 --> 00:15:54,758
Everyone is a horrible,
selfish person.
416
00:15:54,862 --> 00:15:56,379
It's just that today,
people feel helpless,
417
00:15:56,482 --> 00:15:58,862
and they're trying
to make themselves feel better,
418
00:15:58,965 --> 00:16:00,344
even though everything
they're doing is
419
00:16:00,448 --> 00:16:01,655
misguided and futile
420
00:16:01,758 --> 00:16:02,931
and might even hurt
other people,
421
00:16:03,034 --> 00:16:04,896
like voting
in a presidential election.
422
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,344
Hey, guys. I just had
another selfless idea.
423
00:16:07,448 --> 00:16:09,517
I'm going to organize
a blood drive.
424
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:11,551
Like Paige's
blood drive?
425
00:16:11,655 --> 00:16:13,034
How?!
426
00:16:13,137 --> 00:16:14,931
Matt, you're genuinely
a bad person.
427
00:16:15,034 --> 00:16:17,172
No, I'm not!
I'm good!
428
00:16:17,275 --> 00:16:19,689
Out of the way.
Universal donor coming through.
429
00:16:19,793 --> 00:16:22,034
Excuse me!
430
00:16:22,137 --> 00:16:23,793
Did you donate yet?
431
00:16:23,896 --> 00:16:26,689
Oh, I can't.
I have an iron deficiency.
432
00:16:26,793 --> 00:16:27,896
Of course you aren't
donating blood.
433
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,655
You're just curating
everyone else's.
434
00:16:29,758 --> 00:16:31,137
How convenient.
435
00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:33,379
Guess I'll have to donate enough
for the both of us.
436
00:16:33,482 --> 00:16:36,827
Hi! I'd like to donate
a shit-ton of blood.
437
00:16:36,931 --> 00:16:39,482
♪♪
438
00:16:39,586 --> 00:16:43,172
Well, aren't you a big boy
with a big heart.
439
00:16:43,275 --> 00:16:44,172
Damn right.
440
00:16:44,275 --> 00:16:48,482
[ Monitor beeping rhythmically ]
441
00:16:48,586 --> 00:16:51,034
[ Echoing ] Wow.
442
00:16:51,137 --> 00:16:54,137
Add this to your pile, huh?
443
00:16:54,241 --> 00:16:58,137
It's so crazy how we all have
different types of blood.
444
00:16:58,241 --> 00:16:59,724
[ Chuckles ]
You're funny.
445
00:16:59,827 --> 00:17:01,172
Yeah.
446
00:17:01,275 --> 00:17:03,827
I'm kind of known
of the office class clown.
447
00:17:03,931 --> 00:17:05,793
Yeah, I bet you are.
448
00:17:05,896 --> 00:17:07,620
You're handsome, too.
449
00:17:07,724 --> 00:17:09,758
I got a haircut
last month.
450
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,620
Wow.
451
00:17:11,724 --> 00:17:13,275
You know...
452
00:17:13,379 --> 00:17:17,724
I'm not just collecting blood
for the victims.
453
00:17:17,827 --> 00:17:20,172
We're also collecting
kisses.
454
00:17:20,275 --> 00:17:22,793
Would you like to donate a kiss,
big boy?
455
00:17:22,896 --> 00:17:24,000
Of course.
456
00:17:24,103 --> 00:17:26,241
I'd do anything
for the victims.
457
00:17:26,344 --> 00:17:28,448
Well, then kiss me,
you hunk.
458
00:17:28,551 --> 00:17:33,000
♪♪
459
00:17:36,724 --> 00:17:38,862
Sadly, still no word
on the whereabouts of Daytime
460
00:17:38,965 --> 00:17:41,620
Emmy-Award nominee Andy Richter.
461
00:17:41,724 --> 00:17:44,758
[ Sighing ] Oh! America may soon have
to accept that his life
462
00:17:44,862 --> 00:17:47,172
has been tragically cut short,
463
00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:51,551
much like the multiple network
sitcoms that bore his name.
464
00:17:51,655 --> 00:17:55,482
We have breaking news.
465
00:17:55,586 --> 00:17:58,310
BNN has just received word
that Andy Richter
466
00:17:58,413 --> 00:18:00,517
has survived the tragedy.[ All cheer ]
467
00:18:00,620 --> 00:18:04,206
He's live on the scene,
and we've got the exclusive.
468
00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:08,344
Andy, first off,
on behalf of all of us at BNN,
469
00:18:08,448 --> 00:18:11,034
I would like to welcome you
back from the dead.
470
00:18:11,137 --> 00:18:12,482
It must have been
harrowing.
471
00:18:12,586 --> 00:18:15,586
Yes, and I am grateful
to be alive, Karen.
472
00:18:15,689 --> 00:18:19,310
I had to survive on rainwater
and the tears of the fallen.
473
00:18:19,413 --> 00:18:21,862
Incredible.
You must have been so thirsty.
474
00:18:21,965 --> 00:18:23,517
What else
can you tell us?
475
00:18:23,620 --> 00:18:26,758
In the darkest moments,
I found myself contemplating
476
00:18:26,862 --> 00:18:29,241
mortality, selflessness
477
00:18:29,344 --> 00:18:32,275
and the fact
that love conquers all,
478
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:34,620
which coincidentally
are all themes
479
00:18:34,724 --> 00:18:36,413
in "The Infinity Conundrum."
480
00:18:36,517 --> 00:18:38,862
That is the movie
you have coming out
481
00:18:38,965 --> 00:18:40,344
in theaters nationwide
next month?
482
00:18:40,448 --> 00:18:43,724
And it's also simultaneously
streaming on demand.
483
00:18:43,827 --> 00:18:46,896
Andy Richter,
alive and well,
484
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,655
controlling the universe
once again.
485
00:18:49,758 --> 00:18:52,862
[ All cheering ]
486
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,758
Christian...
487
00:18:54,862 --> 00:18:57,448
we just got the ratings.
488
00:18:57,551 --> 00:18:58,793
We're number one!
489
00:18:58,896 --> 00:19:03,517
[ All cheer ]
490
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,000
♪♪
491
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:07,793
I gave blood!
492
00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:09,448
They said I gave
the most blood.
493
00:19:09,551 --> 00:19:11,724
[ All gasp, scream ]
494
00:19:11,827 --> 00:19:13,310
Grace: He donated
too much blood.
495
00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:15,655
We have to get
his blood sugar up.
496
00:19:15,758 --> 00:19:17,448
♪♪
497
00:19:17,551 --> 00:19:24,241
♪ Everybody knows
where the angel lives ♪
498
00:19:24,344 --> 00:19:31,000
♪ Everybody knows
where the angel flies ♪
499
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:34,103
♪ Everybody sees her face
500
00:19:34,206 --> 00:19:38,068
♪ Brushing up against
their windowpanes ♪
501
00:19:38,172 --> 00:19:39,793
John: Come on, get the fruity.
Get the fruit part in.
502
00:19:39,896 --> 00:19:41,448
What the fuck
are you guys doing?
503
00:19:41,551 --> 00:19:43,758
We're trying to get
his blood sugar back up.
504
00:19:43,862 --> 00:19:45,137
He's choking on the cake!
505
00:19:45,241 --> 00:19:46,413
-[ Gasps ]
-Oh!
506
00:19:46,517 --> 00:19:47,517
-Yeah.
-Damn it!
507
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:51,137
♪ Everybody knows how
the courageous ♪
508
00:19:51,241 --> 00:19:54,172
Oh
509
00:19:54,275 --> 00:20:01,068
♪ You can feel it in
the birthplace of your heart ♪
510
00:20:01,172 --> 00:20:03,965
♪ Everybody knows inspiration
511
00:20:04,068 --> 00:20:07,655
♪ Even in the wake
of devastation ♪
512
00:20:07,758 --> 00:20:10,724
Bad cake.Paige: Oh, my God.
Grace, you killed him.
513
00:20:10,827 --> 00:20:12,793
Get it out!Come on get it out.
Get it out. Spit it out.
514
00:20:12,896 --> 00:20:14,448
[ Gasps ]
515
00:20:14,551 --> 00:20:16,965
♪ I've been waiting
my whole life ♪
516
00:20:17,068 --> 00:20:21,241
♪ Just to walk with you
517
00:20:21,344 --> 00:20:25,586
♪ And I've been waiting my
whole life to hear your voice ♪
518
00:20:25,689 --> 00:20:29,034
♪ And I know it's gonna
be my choice ♪
519
00:20:29,137 --> 00:20:33,344
♪ It will happen to me,
of course ♪
520
00:20:33,448 --> 00:20:36,379
♪ I will be ready [ Coughs ]
521
00:20:36,482 --> 00:20:40,137
[ All cheer ]
522
00:20:40,241 --> 00:20:46,517
♪ I will be ready
523
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:55,689
♪♪
524
00:20:55,793 --> 00:20:57,241
[ Ding, ding, ding!]
525
00:20:57,344 --> 00:20:59,620
100!
526
00:21:05,448 --> 00:21:06,448
[ Ding!]
527
00:21:10,827 --> 00:21:11,724
Here is a little slice of hope
528
00:21:11,827 --> 00:21:13,137
on an otherwise dark day.
529
00:21:13,241 --> 00:21:15,862
A group of Hampton DeVille
employees
530
00:21:15,965 --> 00:21:17,689
came together to save a big boy
531
00:21:17,793 --> 00:21:18,689
with a big heart
532
00:21:18,793 --> 00:21:20,275
who passed out after donating
533
00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:22,413
too much blood to the victims.
534
00:21:22,517 --> 00:21:24,482
Oh, my God.
We're heroes.[ Ding! ]
535
00:21:24,532 --> 00:21:29,082
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