Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,325 --> 00:00:02,935
Welcome back to
"Swords and Knives for Wives"
2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,003
on the Langley Home Shopping Network.
3
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:07,472
Next up, we've got
these kitchen scissors.
4
00:00:07,942 --> 00:00:10,142
What? "That's not a knife," you say?
5
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,878
Correct again, my home beauties.
6
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:14,262
Two knives.
7
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:16,999
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
8
00:00:17,001 --> 00:00:20,402
- Ohhhh-aaaaaaah...
- Ohhhh-aaaaaaah...
9
00:00:20,404 --> 00:00:23,872
Now for a visit from an
old friend of the show.
10
00:00:23,874 --> 00:00:28,277
Let's give a warm
welcome to Mr. Lincoln!
11
00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:30,012
[Patriotic music plays]
12
00:00:30,014 --> 00:00:32,347
Penny for your thoughts, Mr. President?
13
00:00:32,349 --> 00:00:34,216
You say you want a shave?
14
00:00:34,218 --> 00:00:36,685
That makes cents.
15
00:00:36,687 --> 00:00:39,488
[Both laugh]
16
00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:43,158
While I show you how sharp
these scissors are, a joke.
17
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:46,361
A llama and a raccoon walk
into a barbershop and...
18
00:00:46,363 --> 00:00:47,962
Oh, we're done.
19
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,698
He never gets to the punch line.
20
00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:51,299
His scissors are too sharp.
21
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:54,236
I got to have those sharp-ass scissors!
22
00:00:54,238 --> 00:00:56,639
Tuttle: My producer says we're sold out.
23
00:00:56,641 --> 00:00:59,574
[Bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]
24
00:00:59,576 --> 00:01:02,577
♪♪
25
00:01:02,579 --> 00:01:04,647
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
26
00:01:04,649 --> 00:01:08,917
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
27
00:01:08,919 --> 00:01:11,920
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
28
00:01:11,922 --> 00:01:17,926
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
29
00:01:17,928 --> 00:01:21,796
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
30
00:01:21,798 --> 00:01:24,333
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
31
00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:25,434
Aah!
32
00:01:26,537 --> 00:01:29,738
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
33
00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:31,748
- ♪♪
- _
34
00:01:33,744 --> 00:01:35,678
Roger, what are you doing here?
35
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:39,281
Just, uh, trying to return
these gently used sausages.
36
00:01:39,283 --> 00:01:42,685
Okay, but I'm meeting my dear friend
37
00:01:42,687 --> 00:01:44,819
"Gina Lavetti" here,
38
00:01:44,821 --> 00:01:47,289
so you going to go change
into her, or what?
39
00:01:47,291 --> 00:01:48,490
That's weird.
40
00:01:48,492 --> 00:01:49,958
I heard you and Gina were in a fight.
41
00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,960
What? Why? Did she say something?
42
00:01:51,962 --> 00:01:53,896
Oh, uh, no. [Chuckles nervously]
43
00:01:53,898 --> 00:01:56,565
What? Y-you know what?
It's not my place.
44
00:01:56,567 --> 00:01:57,966
Please don't tell Gina I said anything.
45
00:01:57,968 --> 00:02:00,002
Roger: Don't tell Gina what?
46
00:02:01,706 --> 00:02:02,771
Oh, shit.
47
00:02:02,773 --> 00:02:03,972
Don't look at him for help.
48
00:02:03,974 --> 00:02:05,374
This is between you and me.
49
00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:06,709
I'm still pissed at you.
50
00:02:06,711 --> 00:02:08,110
For what? What did I do?
51
00:02:08,112 --> 00:02:09,978
You're the one who's an hour late.
52
00:02:09,980 --> 00:02:11,313
At least I showed up,
53
00:02:11,315 --> 00:02:14,249
unlike you to make candle store opening.
54
00:02:14,251 --> 00:02:17,052
Hey, uh, I think I'm going to bounce.
55
00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:21,123
I'm sorry I didn't make the opening,
56
00:02:21,125 --> 00:02:23,458
but I can come by the
candle shop tomorrow.
57
00:02:23,460 --> 00:02:24,727
Can't. Failed.
58
00:02:24,729 --> 00:02:26,795
Turns out taco smell
is not something people
59
00:02:26,797 --> 00:02:28,597
are looking for in a candle.
60
00:02:28,599 --> 00:02:31,266
Gina, can we try to move past this?
61
00:02:31,268 --> 00:02:33,668
I forgot my sausages.
62
00:02:33,670 --> 00:02:35,313
Why would I want to move past this?
63
00:02:35,413 --> 00:02:37,129
It's not like it's the
first thing you've done.
64
00:02:37,164 --> 00:02:37,940
What do you mean?
65
00:02:37,942 --> 00:02:39,942
Well, for starters,
you kept liking Dan's
66
00:02:39,944 --> 00:02:41,744
Instagram after he dumped me.
67
00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:43,412
You didn't reach out
when my turtle died.
68
00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:46,014
You didn't even congratulate
me when I got my Prius,
69
00:02:46,016 --> 00:02:47,750
which I know you know I have.
70
00:02:47,752 --> 00:02:49,684
You're a bad friend.
You're not supportive.
71
00:02:49,686 --> 00:02:52,020
You're a toxic person. Goodbye.
72
00:02:52,022 --> 00:02:54,356
Gina, stop! You're right.
73
00:02:54,358 --> 00:02:56,091
I've been a bad friend,
74
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:58,761
but I promise I'll be more supportive.
75
00:02:58,763 --> 00:03:00,629
Can you give me another chance?
76
00:03:00,631 --> 00:03:02,297
Well, I don't know.
77
00:03:02,299 --> 00:03:03,966
But if you want to tag along,
78
00:03:03,968 --> 00:03:07,102
I'm about to go get some
jeans at the sexy jean store.
79
00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:10,139
Really? But that place
is for hotties with b...
80
00:03:12,251 --> 00:03:14,909
Let's get Gina some jeans!
81
00:03:14,911 --> 00:03:16,979
There's nothing even close, Francine.
82
00:03:16,981 --> 00:03:20,048
Uh, ma'am, you can't bring
your goat into this store.
83
00:03:20,050 --> 00:03:22,918
What? No. This is my friend, Gina.
84
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:25,454
It is eating the jeans.
85
00:03:25,456 --> 00:03:27,255
I eat when I'm nervous!
86
00:03:27,257 --> 00:03:28,323
[Munching]
87
00:03:28,325 --> 00:03:29,724
[Sobbing]
88
00:03:29,726 --> 00:03:31,927
Oh, I'm sure they look great.
89
00:03:31,929 --> 00:03:33,863
Give us a show.
90
00:03:38,068 --> 00:03:39,635
Ta-da.
91
00:03:41,672 --> 00:03:44,306
♪♪
92
00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:46,975
[Laughs]
93
00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:48,244
I am going to kill myself.
94
00:03:48,246 --> 00:03:49,244
[Bottles clang]
95
00:03:49,246 --> 00:03:50,779
Why does nobody make jeans
96
00:03:50,781 --> 00:03:52,848
for regular women like me?
97
00:03:52,850 --> 00:03:55,183
Ding dong. Light-bulb moment.
98
00:03:55,185 --> 00:03:58,754
Maybe I'll make my own jeans.
99
00:03:59,923 --> 00:04:01,923
Are you in support of that idea?
100
00:04:01,925 --> 00:04:05,527
Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
You should totally do that.
101
00:04:05,529 --> 00:04:06,862
They won't only be for me.
102
00:04:06,864 --> 00:04:09,331
They'll also be for women just like me,
103
00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:12,600
complicated women with
complicated bodies,
104
00:04:12,602 --> 00:04:13,936
but I don't know a lot
105
00:04:13,938 --> 00:04:16,338
or even a single thing
about making jeans.
106
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,605
You'll learn!
107
00:04:17,607 --> 00:04:21,143
And this time,
I'll be there every step of the way.
108
00:04:21,145 --> 00:04:22,344
Even when I go to the bathroom?
109
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:23,611
Even then.
110
00:04:23,613 --> 00:04:24,746
What if I got a rotten tummy
111
00:04:24,748 --> 00:04:27,015
from eating too many asparagus stalks?
112
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:29,217
Sure! It happens.
113
00:04:29,219 --> 00:04:30,552
Okay.
114
00:04:30,554 --> 00:04:32,220
I'm starting to trust you.
115
00:04:32,222 --> 00:04:34,222
And now for the final step.
116
00:04:34,224 --> 00:04:37,826
Figuring out how to make
jeans and making them.
117
00:04:39,497 --> 00:04:43,231
Hmm, jeans.
118
00:04:43,233 --> 00:04:52,640
♪♪
119
00:04:52,642 --> 00:04:55,243
Jeans.
120
00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:56,630
_
121
00:04:56,665 --> 00:05:05,321
♪♪
122
00:05:05,323 --> 00:05:09,591
Ugh, these renegade eyebrows
of mine, so bushy.
123
00:05:09,593 --> 00:05:12,194
I feel like all I ever do
is pluck, pluck, pluck.
124
00:05:12,196 --> 00:05:14,262
I would kill for your eyebrows.
125
00:05:14,264 --> 00:05:15,931
Look at my little nothings.
126
00:05:15,933 --> 00:05:18,466
I wouldn't wish these thin-y
minis on my worst enemy.
127
00:05:18,468 --> 00:05:21,670
Oh, please.
I'd trade you in a heartbeat.
128
00:05:21,672 --> 00:05:28,277
♪♪
129
00:05:33,150 --> 00:05:36,752
- I wish I had Dad's eyebrows.
- I wish I had Steve's eyebrows.
130
00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:38,820
[Wind whistling]
131
00:05:38,822 --> 00:05:41,289
[Thunder crashes, caw yowls]
132
00:05:41,291 --> 00:05:52,968
♪♪
133
00:05:52,970 --> 00:05:55,704
Now that you know everything
about making jeans,
134
00:05:55,706 --> 00:05:57,439
I guess it's time to dig in.
135
00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:59,241
Nope. I'm going to wait for a sign.
136
00:05:59,243 --> 00:06:02,178
Oh, maybe it will come
in the form of a dream.
137
00:06:04,582 --> 00:06:05,847
- [Floor boards creak]
- Oh?
138
00:06:05,849 --> 00:06:07,249
Did I hear a little tippy-toe?
139
00:06:07,251 --> 00:06:09,117
- Sorry?
- Am I just supposed to
140
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:11,787
drift off to sleep totally unsupported?
141
00:06:11,789 --> 00:06:15,291
- Do you want me to stay?
- Yes.
142
00:06:19,263 --> 00:06:20,930
Deep voice: Gina.
143
00:06:23,201 --> 00:06:24,266
Jeans?
144
00:06:24,268 --> 00:06:29,271
- It's time to make me, Gina.
- Okay, bye.
145
00:06:29,273 --> 00:06:30,672
Jeans!
146
00:06:30,674 --> 00:06:34,410
You need this,
but you got to call right now.
147
00:06:34,412 --> 00:06:35,477
[Telephone beeping]
148
00:06:35,536 --> 00:06:36,878
I had the dream.
149
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,346
I made the jeans!
150
00:06:38,348 --> 00:06:39,547
I'm so proud of you!
151
00:06:39,549 --> 00:06:41,417
I already know where
I'm going to sell them,
152
00:06:41,419 --> 00:06:44,753
on an all-the-way unzipped
He-Man sleeping bag
153
00:06:44,755 --> 00:06:45,821
in front of the bus depot.
154
00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:48,490
What?! These jeans are great!
155
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:51,827
You should sell them on TV like Tuttle.
156
00:06:51,829 --> 00:06:54,963
My friend has a product to sell.
157
00:06:54,965 --> 00:06:57,032
My name? Francine.
158
00:06:57,034 --> 00:06:59,301
Sagittarius.
159
00:06:59,303 --> 00:07:00,769
Red.
160
00:07:00,771 --> 00:07:04,773
Uh... bi-curious.
161
00:07:04,775 --> 00:07:06,542
I got us a meeting!
162
00:07:08,712 --> 00:07:11,313
[Whistling]
163
00:07:12,516 --> 00:07:14,316
[Both scream]
164
00:07:14,833 --> 00:07:16,785
- You have my eyebrows!
- You have my eyebrows!
165
00:07:16,787 --> 00:07:18,520
Someone is coming. Quick, hide!
166
00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:21,189
[Footsteps approaching]
167
00:07:21,693 --> 00:07:23,325
Oh, my God.
Wh... what are we going to do?
168
00:07:23,327 --> 00:07:25,327
I can't go to school like this.
169
00:07:25,329 --> 00:07:26,862
And I can't go to work like this.
170
00:07:26,864 --> 00:07:28,797
We'll have to switch places.
171
00:07:29,399 --> 00:07:32,201
This is already working.
172
00:07:35,681 --> 00:07:38,140
These are very good jeans.
173
00:07:38,142 --> 00:07:40,208
And they got a good flap to them.
174
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,544
It's my special proprietary blend.
175
00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:44,813
- What's your revenue?
- Zero.
176
00:07:44,815 --> 00:07:47,215
How about your customer
acquisition costs?
177
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,084
- What's that?
- Your ROI?
178
00:07:49,086 --> 00:07:51,153
- Pass.
- Look. You have a great product,
179
00:07:51,155 --> 00:07:54,222
but jeans are a hearty outdoor pant,
180
00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:57,092
and our viewers are gentle indoor women.
181
00:07:57,094 --> 00:08:00,896
I see. Well, thank you for your time.
182
00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:02,630
Listen, gentlemen.
183
00:08:02,632 --> 00:08:04,232
I am one of your viewers,
184
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:07,102
and I am not some gentle indoor woman.
185
00:08:07,104 --> 00:08:09,705
I walked to the grocery store once.
186
00:08:09,707 --> 00:08:11,173
Did I fall in the gutter?
187
00:08:11,175 --> 00:08:14,376
Yes, and I wish I was wearing jeans
188
00:08:14,378 --> 00:08:18,246
because the mud splashed all
the way up to my underwear.
189
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:23,519
So in conclusion,
my underwear is brown from a puddle,
190
00:08:23,521 --> 00:08:29,791
and my friend deserves a
chance to sell her jeans on TV!
191
00:08:29,793 --> 00:08:30,993
Who are you?
192
00:08:31,508 --> 00:08:33,795
She's my rock.
193
00:08:33,797 --> 00:08:35,597
Ladies, I'm convinced.
194
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,599
You've got yourselves a show.
195
00:08:38,802 --> 00:08:41,937
Now, let me tell you why
my underwear is brown.
196
00:08:47,311 --> 00:08:50,245
Ladies, are you tired, stressed out?
197
00:08:50,247 --> 00:08:53,716
Do you have swollen ankles,
sad eyes, bitch face?
198
00:08:53,718 --> 00:08:55,450
Well, gross!
199
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:59,121
Wow. That guy knows how
to sell pancake mix.
200
00:08:59,123 --> 00:09:02,391
Francine!
Oh, and you must be Gina Lavetti!
201
00:09:02,393 --> 00:09:05,060
Welcome to the network. Are you excited?
202
00:09:05,062 --> 00:09:06,328
More like nervous.
203
00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:09,398
Don't worry about it, kid.
You're gonna do great.
204
00:09:10,134 --> 00:09:11,866
[Bell rings]
205
00:09:11,868 --> 00:09:13,468
Ms. Lavetti, you're on next.
206
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,604
- This is too much pressure.
- Listen to me.
207
00:09:15,606 --> 00:09:19,808
I'll be right here in
your ear the whole time.
208
00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:22,011
You're on in three, two...
209
00:09:26,883 --> 00:09:28,483
Talk about the jeans.
210
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,352
- Jeans.
- Good!
211
00:09:30,354 --> 00:09:33,155
Now show them who you are.
212
00:09:33,157 --> 00:09:37,226
I'm Gina Lavetti, and this is me.
213
00:09:39,430 --> 00:09:42,497
I've got the body of a rabbit
and the soul of a lion.
214
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:46,368
I'm a 58-year-old woman
who's loved, lost, and lived,
215
00:09:46,370 --> 00:09:47,770
and I'm not done yet.
216
00:09:47,772 --> 00:09:51,906
I am embarking on a new journey,
a jean journey.
217
00:09:51,908 --> 00:09:54,243
So if you don't have
toothpick legs like the women
218
00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:56,245
in magazines, pick up the phone.
219
00:09:56,247 --> 00:10:00,182
My jeans are built for women
who are built like me...
220
00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:02,585
normal.
221
00:10:02,587 --> 00:10:05,520
This space-age fabric
is stretchy and tight.
222
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:06,721
You'll look so sexy,
223
00:10:06,723 --> 00:10:08,723
you'll never want to
take these jeans off.
224
00:10:08,725 --> 00:10:10,592
Gina, you have a customer.
225
00:10:10,594 --> 00:10:12,060
We're going to put her on the air.
226
00:10:12,062 --> 00:10:13,528
Woman: Oh, I didn't really expect
227
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:16,198
to be on the air,
but I do need some jeans.
228
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,667
You do? You love my jeans?
229
00:10:18,669 --> 00:10:20,002
Oh, they're going to change your life
230
00:10:20,004 --> 00:10:22,137
like you've changed mine.
231
00:10:22,139 --> 00:10:23,738
Who else wants jeans?
232
00:10:23,740 --> 00:10:26,074
- [Applause]
- Director: That's a wrap!
233
00:10:26,076 --> 00:10:27,676
Can you believe it, Franny?
234
00:10:27,678 --> 00:10:31,880
We sold a pair of jeans to
every woman who called in...
235
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:33,215
Two!
236
00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:35,550
I'm on top of the world!
237
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:37,219
You would sell way more
if they didn't give you
238
00:10:37,221 --> 00:10:39,354
the 5:00 a.m. time slot.
239
00:10:39,356 --> 00:10:41,289
- Why?
- It's too late.
240
00:10:41,291 --> 00:10:44,159
With the sunrise,
people's hopes come back.
241
00:10:44,161 --> 00:10:47,630
They stop trying to buy away
their sadness, but don't worry.
242
00:10:47,632 --> 00:10:50,165
I'm going to work day and
night to get your jeans
243
00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:52,301
in front of as many
eyeballs are possible.
244
00:10:52,303 --> 00:10:55,103
Cool, cool, Francine. Well,
I'm going to head on over to Arby's
245
00:10:55,105 --> 00:10:57,372
and do my kegels.
246
00:10:57,374 --> 00:10:59,308
[Electricity sparks, engine starts]
247
00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:00,375
[Tires squeal]
248
00:11:00,377 --> 00:11:01,844
Como se dice!
249
00:11:01,846 --> 00:11:03,912
Wake up in Spanish?
250
00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:06,581
Como se dice jeans?
251
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:10,619
Como se dice normal women?
252
00:11:12,056 --> 00:11:14,256
We need her to glow.
253
00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:16,124
You're making her look gray!
254
00:11:16,126 --> 00:11:18,227
She is gray.
255
00:11:18,529 --> 00:11:19,928
Aah!
256
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,263
[Screams]
257
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:23,798
I'm so sorry. I just meant to fake it!
258
00:11:24,254 --> 00:11:26,669
But let's fix the lighting, okay?
259
00:11:28,739 --> 00:11:30,539
I don't know what's come
over you, Langley,
260
00:11:30,541 --> 00:11:33,315
but we sold out again!
And to reiterate,
261
00:11:33,378 --> 00:11:36,945
earlier I referred to that
prank caller as a maggot.
262
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,248
That's maggot with an "M."
263
00:11:41,485 --> 00:11:44,086
Big presentations today?
264
00:11:44,088 --> 00:11:45,554
I hope that was yesterday.
265
00:11:45,556 --> 00:11:47,356
- Steve.
- Uh, yeah?
266
00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:49,624
You look like you've
gained 100 pounds overnight
267
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:50,893
and dyed your hair.
268
00:11:50,895 --> 00:11:53,295
If it weren't for those
big bushy eyebrows,
269
00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:54,697
I wouldn't have recognized you.
270
00:11:54,699 --> 00:11:55,764
And you know the rules.
271
00:11:55,766 --> 00:11:57,299
Bushiest eyebrows go first.
272
00:11:57,301 --> 00:12:00,402
- [Gulps]
- So you're right after Ross.
273
00:12:01,491 --> 00:12:03,405
Aaah!
274
00:12:04,575 --> 00:12:06,709
So you jump out of this helicopter
275
00:12:06,711 --> 00:12:08,243
and kill the terrorists!
276
00:12:08,245 --> 00:12:09,644
- [Gasps]
- Then we'll tell
277
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,113
each other detailed stories
278
00:12:11,115 --> 00:12:13,048
to prove that we're not virgins!
279
00:12:13,050 --> 00:12:14,049
[Gasps]
280
00:12:14,051 --> 00:12:16,385
Now, Stan, you know the rules.
281
00:12:16,387 --> 00:12:18,787
Wispiest eyebrows jump first!
282
00:12:22,223 --> 00:12:26,629
Just kidding. Thickest pubes go first!
283
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:31,866
Hey, boss, wanted
to talk to you about getting
284
00:12:31,868 --> 00:12:34,002
Gina Lavetti a better time slot.
285
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:35,304
We want 3:00 a.m.
286
00:12:35,306 --> 00:12:36,405
Tuttle's at 3:00 a.m.
287
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,540
Tuttle is old potatoes.
288
00:12:38,542 --> 00:12:40,342
Gina is hot potato.
289
00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:42,877
Tuttle's our boy. I'm not moving him.
290
00:12:42,879 --> 00:12:44,279
Your boy, huh?
291
00:12:44,281 --> 00:12:46,415
I look around, and I see me and Gina
292
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:47,682
are the only women here.
293
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,284
- So?
- So...
294
00:12:49,286 --> 00:12:54,089
I'm starting to think this
is nothing but a boy's club.
295
00:12:54,091 --> 00:12:56,425
Tss-cha-cha...
296
00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:59,361
- Ch-ch-ch...
- Bam!
297
00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:00,895
What's happening?
298
00:13:00,897 --> 00:13:02,497
♪ Boy's club ♪
299
00:13:02,499 --> 00:13:04,233
♪ It's a boy's club ♪
300
00:13:04,235 --> 00:13:07,035
♪ We're the boys ♪
301
00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:10,372
- Pssh.
- Aah.
302
00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:12,441
♪ We're the boys, yeah! ♪
303
00:13:12,443 --> 00:13:14,843
♪ It's a boy's club ♪
304
00:13:14,845 --> 00:13:16,911
Pow!
305
00:13:16,913 --> 00:13:18,113
I was right.
306
00:13:18,115 --> 00:13:20,048
♪ Yeah ♪
307
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,650
The president is back!
308
00:13:21,652 --> 00:13:24,920
And he wants to be corkscrewed again.
309
00:13:24,922 --> 00:13:26,054
Move Tuttle?
310
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,389
He's a star!
311
00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:29,792
[Grunting]
312
00:13:29,794 --> 00:13:30,725
[Chuckles]
313
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,461
This... this is embarrassing.
314
00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:35,464
This, uh, this... this never happens.
315
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:38,133
[Laughs] Damn it!
316
00:13:38,135 --> 00:13:40,936
Ow! These damn scissors suck!
317
00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:49,478
They fired him. They fired Tuttle.
318
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:50,879
You're welcome.
319
00:13:50,881 --> 00:13:52,481
Oh, my God. You were the one
320
00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:53,616
who dulled his scissors.
321
00:13:53,618 --> 00:13:55,150
Damn it. That would have been
322
00:13:55,152 --> 00:13:56,952
way cheaper than buying a diamond penny.
323
00:13:56,954 --> 00:14:00,088
Tuttle was a dear friend, a mentor.
324
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,224
Why would you do this?
325
00:14:02,226 --> 00:14:03,892
What are you talking about?
326
00:14:03,894 --> 00:14:05,560
I got you 3:00 a.m.
327
00:14:05,562 --> 00:14:07,229
I never wanted 3:00 a.m.
328
00:14:07,231 --> 00:14:09,364
I didn't even want to be on TV.
329
00:14:09,366 --> 00:14:11,700
All I wanted was a supportive friend,
330
00:14:11,702 --> 00:14:14,102
but you're poison, so get out of my face
331
00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:16,104
and take your friendship bracelet back.
332
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:17,439
I didn't give you that.
333
00:14:17,441 --> 00:14:20,009
And why doesn't that surprise me?
334
00:14:22,045 --> 00:14:24,045
[Laughter]
335
00:14:24,315 --> 00:14:26,047
Roger: Welcome to "Gina's Jeans."
336
00:14:26,049 --> 00:14:29,184
I'm Gina,
and this is my co-host, Tuttle.
337
00:14:29,186 --> 00:14:31,720
She hired Tuttle back?!
338
00:14:31,722 --> 00:14:33,722
How could she do this to you?
339
00:14:33,724 --> 00:14:36,858
She's gone absolutely insane!
340
00:14:36,860 --> 00:14:39,128
I can't believe how stretchy they are
341
00:14:39,130 --> 00:14:41,463
and yet so tight.
342
00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:43,799
- [Thud]
- It's my proprietary blend.
343
00:14:43,801 --> 00:14:45,200
You can walk in these jeans.
344
00:14:45,202 --> 00:14:47,803
You can shop in them,
and you can be an older woman
345
00:14:47,805 --> 00:14:50,972
who is taking part in
this world in them.
346
00:14:50,974 --> 00:14:52,007
Let's take a call.
347
00:14:52,009 --> 00:14:53,742
Woman: Love the jeans, love you.
348
00:14:53,744 --> 00:14:55,276
There's just one thing.
349
00:14:55,278 --> 00:14:57,947
I took the jeans off last night,
and when I woke up,
350
00:14:57,949 --> 00:14:59,080
I was wearing them.
351
00:14:59,082 --> 00:15:02,684
Sweet dream jeans
are made of these. Next caller.
352
00:15:02,686 --> 00:15:05,754
She put her jeans on in her sleep?
353
00:15:05,756 --> 00:15:07,689
- That seems weird.
- Yeah.
354
00:15:07,691 --> 00:15:09,491
That Gina is a real bitch.
355
00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:11,360
Woman #2: Hey, Gina, love the jeans.
356
00:15:11,362 --> 00:15:13,162
My ass has never looked better.
357
00:15:13,164 --> 00:15:17,632
One thing, though,
the jeans occupy my every thought
358
00:15:17,634 --> 00:15:19,434
and also, uh...
359
00:15:19,436 --> 00:15:20,769
control them.
360
00:15:20,771 --> 00:15:24,239
Wait, the jeans
are controlling her thoughts?
361
00:15:24,241 --> 00:15:26,908
- Something's up.
- Oh, I'll say something is up.
362
00:15:26,910 --> 00:15:29,845
You got her the best time
slot on the most successful
363
00:15:29,847 --> 00:15:33,114
local home shopping network...
all she ever wanted.
364
00:15:33,116 --> 00:15:35,784
Well, actually,
she just wanted to sell her jeans
365
00:15:35,786 --> 00:15:38,053
off a sleeping bag at the bus depot.
366
00:15:38,055 --> 00:15:40,856
We should be the ones
banging Tuttle, not her.
367
00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:42,791
Woman #3: Anyway,
I met my friend for brunch,
368
00:15:42,793 --> 00:15:45,394
and our jeans compelled
us to steal a car
369
00:15:45,396 --> 00:15:46,862
and drive to the coordinates.
370
00:15:46,864 --> 00:15:48,463
- The coordinates?
- Yep.
371
00:15:48,465 --> 00:15:51,266
Uh-huh. What's at the coordinates?
372
00:15:51,268 --> 00:15:54,803
Oh, just...
[deepened voice] our destiny.
373
00:15:54,805 --> 00:15:57,472
[Receiver clicks, dial tone]
374
00:15:57,474 --> 00:16:00,141
Okay. Next caller.
375
00:16:00,143 --> 00:16:03,078
Tell me you're having a nice,
normal time with my jeans.
376
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,279
Woman #4: Oh, I am.
377
00:16:04,281 --> 00:16:07,749
I wore them to a summer party,
and it was a smash!
378
00:16:07,751 --> 00:16:11,286
Also, my jeans would be so
mad at me if I didn't say...
379
00:16:11,288 --> 00:16:14,756
[male voice] 10, 21, 16, 47.
380
00:16:14,758 --> 00:16:18,159
Okay, those are definitely coordinates.
381
00:16:18,161 --> 00:16:19,828
Keep selling.
382
00:16:19,830 --> 00:16:21,830
[Slurping, gulping]
383
00:16:21,832 --> 00:16:23,298
I'm going to the studio.
384
00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:24,966
Yeah. Hit it with your car.
385
00:16:24,968 --> 00:16:26,702
I ain't gonna tell nobody.
386
00:16:26,704 --> 00:16:29,371
Klaus, you moron, Gina is my friend.
387
00:16:29,373 --> 00:16:30,572
I got to go help her.
388
00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:32,307
Now she's your friend?
389
00:16:32,309 --> 00:16:36,511
Francine, I am working my
ass off to be on your side,
390
00:16:36,513 --> 00:16:38,380
but you've got me spinning in circles!
391
00:16:38,382 --> 00:16:41,917
Okay, cards on the table.
I will do anything to be liked.
392
00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:45,454
I will say any words.
I am loyal to no person or idea.
393
00:16:45,456 --> 00:16:49,991
I just need the slightest
shred of human connection.
394
00:16:49,993 --> 00:16:51,126
Can you help me?
395
00:16:51,128 --> 00:16:52,794
Gina is in trouble.
396
00:16:53,701 --> 00:16:56,265
Gina is Roger!
397
00:16:56,267 --> 00:16:58,867
[Whines]
398
00:16:58,869 --> 00:17:01,470
Woman #5: Gina, I love the jeans.
399
00:17:01,472 --> 00:17:02,872
She's gonna mention the coordinates.
400
00:17:02,874 --> 00:17:04,806
I can wear them with a T-shirt.
401
00:17:04,808 --> 00:17:06,275
I can wear them with a blazer.
402
00:17:06,277 --> 00:17:07,542
That is true.
403
00:17:07,544 --> 00:17:09,611
I get a lot of compliments on them.
404
00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:11,813
That's wonderful!
I thought you were gonna say...
405
00:17:11,815 --> 00:17:14,750
Male voice: 10, 21, 16, 47.
406
00:17:14,752 --> 00:17:16,685
We got to stop this!
407
00:17:16,687 --> 00:17:20,422
[Groans]
408
00:17:20,424 --> 00:17:21,490
Where you going?
409
00:17:21,492 --> 00:17:22,758
I don't know. Probably...
410
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:26,161
Male voice: 10, 21, 16, 47.
411
00:17:26,163 --> 00:17:32,033
♪♪
412
00:17:32,035 --> 00:17:33,102
[Tires squeal]
413
00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:35,637
- Hayley!
- Mom, help me!
414
00:17:35,639 --> 00:17:37,172
- Get in.
- I can't.
415
00:17:37,174 --> 00:17:39,508
These jeans are taking me somewhere.
416
00:17:39,510 --> 00:17:40,709
I see.
417
00:17:40,711 --> 00:17:45,981
Well, I'm going to 10, 21, 16, 47
418
00:17:45,983 --> 00:17:49,118
if that's anywhere near
where you're going.
419
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:51,252
[Deepened voice] Wow, this is crazy.
420
00:17:51,254 --> 00:17:52,988
That would be great.
421
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:55,190
♪♪
422
00:17:55,192 --> 00:17:56,559
[Tires squeal]
423
00:18:00,197 --> 00:18:03,332
- How was work?
- I had no idea what it was like
424
00:18:03,334 --> 00:18:04,600
to have your eyebrows.
425
00:18:04,602 --> 00:18:06,268
And I had no idea what it was like
426
00:18:06,270 --> 00:18:07,404
to have your eyebrows.
427
00:18:07,505 --> 00:18:09,338
So I was too light for your parachute
428
00:18:09,340 --> 00:18:11,940
and drifted 17 miles from
the mission drop zone.
429
00:18:11,942 --> 00:18:13,742
Well, that's probably safer.
430
00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:15,677
For me, yeah, but I was supposed
431
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:18,614
to be covering Johnson, so he's dead.
432
00:18:18,616 --> 00:18:20,616
Then we're even because
I kind of messed up
433
00:18:20,618 --> 00:18:22,845
- your school presentation.
- Oh, that's okay.
434
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:24,620
They barely count towards your grade.
435
00:18:24,622 --> 00:18:26,087
Oh, good. That's great.
436
00:18:26,089 --> 00:18:28,690
I panicked and showed them my dick.
437
00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:34,830
♪♪
438
00:18:35,630 --> 00:18:38,968
Gina, I'm so sorry. You were right.
439
00:18:38,970 --> 00:18:41,036
I was being a bad friend.
440
00:18:41,038 --> 00:18:42,972
That's great, Francine,
but we're a little past
441
00:18:42,974 --> 00:18:45,240
that now being in the middle
of what I can only assume
442
00:18:45,242 --> 00:18:46,642
is a jeans death march.
443
00:18:46,644 --> 00:18:48,243
What the hell is going on?
444
00:18:48,245 --> 00:18:51,180
Well, my proprietary blend was cotton,
445
00:18:51,182 --> 00:18:54,449
and a little piece of my
spaceship's seat belt,
446
00:18:54,451 --> 00:18:57,252
which is sentient and self-replicating,
447
00:18:57,254 --> 00:18:59,254
which I initially thought
might be a problem,
448
00:18:59,256 --> 00:19:01,122
but then the fabric told me it wasn't
449
00:19:01,124 --> 00:19:02,724
and to stop asking questions.
450
00:19:03,761 --> 00:19:06,662
Everybody, get out of those jeans!
451
00:19:06,664 --> 00:19:08,998
But the jeans make us beautiful!
452
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,733
You don't need jeans to be beautiful.
453
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:14,536
Easy for you to say, you skinny bitch!
454
00:19:14,538 --> 00:19:15,671
You have to do something.
455
00:19:15,673 --> 00:19:17,072
They won't listen to me.
456
00:19:17,074 --> 00:19:19,208
What? The only reason
they're in those jeans
457
00:19:19,210 --> 00:19:21,543
is because you inspired them.
458
00:19:21,545 --> 00:19:23,879
Now you've got to get
them to take them off.
459
00:19:23,881 --> 00:19:25,747
The jeans have all the power.
460
00:19:25,749 --> 00:19:27,883
Because you gave it to them!
461
00:19:27,885 --> 00:19:29,084
Now take it back.
462
00:19:30,138 --> 00:19:32,487
Women of Langley, I used to think jeans
463
00:19:32,489 --> 00:19:34,489
were the most important
thing in the world,
464
00:19:34,491 --> 00:19:37,292
that they made me worthy,
beautiful, lovable.
465
00:19:38,947 --> 00:19:43,164
Am I still now all these
things even without the jeans?
466
00:19:43,166 --> 00:19:46,768
Sure, but you're still
wearing them a little bit.
467
00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:49,371
[Grunting]
468
00:19:49,373 --> 00:19:51,306
I should have taken my shoes off first.
469
00:19:51,308 --> 00:19:55,577
I didn't realize it,
but I gave my power away
470
00:19:55,579 --> 00:19:59,381
to the jeans, something that
we are women should never do,
471
00:19:59,383 --> 00:20:02,183
because when we give
jeans too much power,
472
00:20:02,185 --> 00:20:03,919
they end up controlling us.
473
00:20:03,921 --> 00:20:06,588
Really go for it, Francine.
You can't hurt me.
474
00:20:06,590 --> 00:20:08,323
Aaaah, it hurts so much!
475
00:20:08,325 --> 00:20:09,725
You're breaking my feet!
476
00:20:09,727 --> 00:20:10,992
[Grunts]
477
00:20:11,568 --> 00:20:13,128
Find a supportive friend,
478
00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:16,665
and get out of those damn jeans.
479
00:20:16,667 --> 00:20:17,867
They're doing it!
480
00:20:17,869 --> 00:20:19,935
They're free of the jeans!
481
00:20:22,740 --> 00:20:23,805
[All gasp]
482
00:20:23,941 --> 00:20:26,876
[Thunder crashes]
483
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:32,347
It's just like the dream,
how it all started.
484
00:20:32,349 --> 00:20:35,817
Jeans, do you have a message for us?
485
00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:39,288
Jeans: Confidence is sexy.
486
00:20:39,290 --> 00:20:40,822
[Applause]
487
00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:45,627
That giant talking pair of
jeans is worth millions!
488
00:20:45,629 --> 00:20:47,930
Get it, boys!
489
00:20:51,835 --> 00:20:53,435
Sorry, jeans.
490
00:20:53,437 --> 00:20:56,171
You belong to the boy's club now.
491
00:20:56,173 --> 00:20:58,440
Jesus Christ!
492
00:20:58,442 --> 00:21:00,709
Have a great night!
493
00:21:02,298 --> 00:21:04,329
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
34692
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
