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1
00:00:05,701 --> 00:00:06,049
.
2
00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:08,312
all: 17!
3
00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:10,749
18!
4
00:00:10,793 --> 00:00:12,490
19!
5
00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:14,797
- Sarika, he's gonna
break the record!
6
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,886
- Okie dokie, everybody.
7
00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:19,193
Sit down and start to shut up.
8
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:20,672
[kids groaning]
9
00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:22,109
Uh--oh, hey.
10
00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:24,676
Kudos for you guys acting
like normal teens.
11
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:25,851
Normally when I walk in here
12
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:27,810
it's like a freaking
creep show.
13
00:00:27,853 --> 00:00:29,116
[thud]
14
00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:30,465
I just found out today that
15
00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:31,944
I have a mailbox
here at this school.
16
00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:32,945
Who knew?
17
00:00:32,989 --> 00:00:34,338
- My family's mailbox
18
00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:37,124
is a tiny replica
of our actual house.
19
00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:39,778
I like to imagine a tiny Victor
lives in there
20
00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:43,695
and that my house is a mailbox
for an even bigger Victor.
21
00:00:43,739 --> 00:00:45,088
- Good to know, Vic.
22
00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:46,611
- All right, Sarika,
I need you to separate out
23
00:00:46,655 --> 00:00:48,439
all the mail order catalogues,
okay?
24
00:00:48,483 --> 00:00:50,180
The junk mail's
great research for my book.
25
00:00:50,224 --> 00:00:52,835
I want to examine
why people find happiness
26
00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:55,011
through the consumption
of ridiculous products.
27
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:58,188
So, uh, who here has parents
that have bought things
28
00:00:58,232 --> 00:01:00,147
off of an infomercial?
29
00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:02,105
- My mom swears by
the Ped-Scraper.
30
00:01:02,149 --> 00:01:05,282
It's like this potato peeler
for the dead skin on your feet.
31
00:01:05,326 --> 00:01:07,197
It reveals her glowing,
sexy foot
32
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:08,894
without the price of a spa.
33
00:01:08,938 --> 00:01:11,854
- Hmm, guys, I can't be
the only one who cuts him off.
34
00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:13,508
All right,
now who else has something?
35
00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:15,510
- Hey, yo, Jackie.
Jackie.
36
00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:17,077
Yeah, man.
Over here, man.
37
00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:19,079
Check this out.
You ready for this?
38
00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:20,732
- I am.
- So, yo, you ready?
39
00:01:20,776 --> 00:01:22,430
- Yes.
40
00:01:22,473 --> 00:01:24,780
- If I told you that you can
cook an egg inside your pocket
41
00:01:24,823 --> 00:01:27,043
while you're in the gym,
would you buy it?
42
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,349
- Is that real?
43
00:01:28,392 --> 00:01:30,264
- These are the A.P. Bio
practice exams!
44
00:01:30,307 --> 00:01:31,917
- Yeah, well, Sarika,
you don't really need
45
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:34,572
to practice for something
you're never going to do.
46
00:01:35,747 --> 00:01:38,750
[pensive music]
47
00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:40,578
[rip]
48
00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:44,800
♪
49
00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:46,845
All right, who else here has
a house filled with,
50
00:01:46,889 --> 00:01:48,238
like, infomercial crap?
51
00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:50,806
Marissa! You seem like
you probably got
52
00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:52,416
a couple of hoarders
in your household.
53
00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:55,680
- Pappy loves treasure.
- I bet.
54
00:01:55,724 --> 00:01:58,553
- You will hand over
the practice tests right now
55
00:01:58,596 --> 00:02:02,078
or I'm gonna show everyone
these.
56
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,906
- What are those?
57
00:02:03,949 --> 00:02:06,909
[suspenseful music]
58
00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:08,737
♪
59
00:02:08,780 --> 00:02:11,609
This is pictures
of me and Lynette.
60
00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,916
[chuckles] Wow, these are--
these are great.
61
00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:15,570
Sarika, did you take these?
62
00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:17,876
That's very creepy of you, but
these are really good shots.
63
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,791
Can I keep these?
- Yes.
64
00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:22,490
- And just so you know,
I'm a grown-up ass man
65
00:02:22,533 --> 00:02:25,449
and I don't get embarrassed
when I like someone.
66
00:02:25,493 --> 00:02:28,235
- Same here.
I like Grace.
67
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,890
No, I--I'm embarrassed.
68
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:33,283
That was embarrassing.
69
00:02:33,327 --> 00:02:34,284
[Ramones'
"Listen to My Heart"]
70
00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:35,938
- One, two, three, four!
71
00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:38,767
- ♪ Next time,
I'll listen to my heart ♪
72
00:02:38,810 --> 00:02:41,987
♪ Next time,
well, I'll be smart ♪
73
00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:48,864
♪
74
00:02:48,907 --> 00:02:51,083
- [laughing]
75
00:02:51,127 --> 00:02:52,302
- Mr. Jack Griffin.
76
00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:55,131
- You, sir,
are suspected of murder.
77
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,307
- Mur--is this about Tampa?
78
00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:59,309
I can't--I--I--I--
I'm tired of explaining this.
79
00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:00,876
Look, if you call it
a dolphin ride,
80
00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:03,183
I'm gonna mount it.
All right, they didn't tell me
81
00:03:03,226 --> 00:03:04,662
that you're supposed
to just ride on its tail.
82
00:03:04,706 --> 00:03:07,535
How the hell was
I supposed to know?
83
00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:09,450
- I was just
reminding you about
84
00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,278
my murder mystery
party tonight.
85
00:03:11,321 --> 00:03:12,496
- Oh, God.
Oh yeah, got it.
86
00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:13,671
Yeah. No, thanks.
Thank you.
87
00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:15,717
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
88
00:03:18,894 --> 00:03:21,418
- Hey, man,
congrats on the party invite.
89
00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:23,072
I bet it never gets old.
90
00:03:23,115 --> 00:03:24,421
- Yeah, respect.
91
00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:25,901
- Yes, respect.
92
00:03:25,944 --> 00:03:28,382
Socializing is important.
- Okay, thanks, guys.
93
00:03:28,425 --> 00:03:29,992
I appreciate the respect.
Yuyao, thank you,
94
00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:31,907
but needless to say,
I won't be attending.
95
00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:33,909
Look, I'm gonna tell you guys
something that's not really
96
00:03:33,952 --> 00:03:35,867
going to register
for probably ten-plus years
97
00:03:35,911 --> 00:03:39,915
but alone on your couch is
the ultimate Friday night.
98
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,352
[school bell rings]
99
00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:45,268
♪
100
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,009
- We need
those practice tests.
101
00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:48,880
If we don't get them,
we'll be forced to study
102
00:03:48,924 --> 00:03:50,404
with online knockoffs.
103
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:53,276
We need to sneak in tonight
and take them.
104
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:54,973
- Oh...
- Sorry, Sarika.
105
00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:57,367
We already have a plan to meet
up for hot dogs at Target.
106
00:03:57,411 --> 00:03:58,890
Grace is working.
107
00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:00,370
- VIP treatment.
108
00:04:00,414 --> 00:04:03,286
Trust us, it's fun.
- It's really fun.
109
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,419
- Fun is not important.
- Wrong.
110
00:04:05,462 --> 00:04:07,334
- Do you wanna nail
the A.P. Bio exam
111
00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:08,726
and go to college or not?
112
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:11,338
- Uh, college is going
to be pretty sick.
113
00:04:11,381 --> 00:04:14,602
Eating ramen
and snatching V-cards.
114
00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:15,559
We're in.
115
00:04:15,603 --> 00:04:17,692
- Meet back here at dark.
116
00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:20,172
- What--what time is dark?
117
00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:21,391
- 8:00.
118
00:04:21,435 --> 00:04:22,827
What time does
"Room Raiders" come on?
119
00:04:22,871 --> 00:04:24,916
- It's--it's early.
- It's, like, 7:30.
120
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,267
[all giggling]
121
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:29,138
- Last year the murderer
kept putting
122
00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:30,618
the kill stickers
on our butts!
123
00:04:30,661 --> 00:04:34,317
- Buttholes! Okay,
I'm telling you, she aimed.
124
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:35,666
- [chuckles]
125
00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:37,538
- I would not miss
this party for anything.
126
00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:39,540
Unless my mom wakes up.
127
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:42,499
Oh, and I just love
the theme this year.
128
00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:45,459
- I know!
Murder at Whitlock High
129
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:48,113
Instead of playing, like,
butlers and aging starlets,
130
00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:49,419
we get to play each other!
131
00:04:49,463 --> 00:04:50,725
- Ooh, are you going
to Michelle's
132
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:53,641
murder mystery party,
Jackie Chan?
133
00:04:53,684 --> 00:04:55,251
- Ah, I can't unfortunately.
134
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,906
I've got firm plans to sort
through my junk mail.
135
00:04:57,949 --> 00:04:59,429
- Jack, you've got to go!
136
00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:01,388
I--I can pick you up
in any car you want.
137
00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:02,780
I have a trick that I use
at Enterprise.
138
00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:05,305
You ask for a 15 passenger van.
139
00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:06,828
They never have one
140
00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:10,092
and then you drive off in
whatever sweet ride you choose.
141
00:05:10,135 --> 00:05:11,963
[all cheering]
142
00:05:12,007 --> 00:05:14,488
- I can't wait to play one
of you guys this year.
143
00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:16,490
- Oh, you guys talking
murder party?
144
00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:17,926
- Yup. Uh, you're still coming,
right?
145
00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:20,189
- Of course.
I'm the reigning champ.
146
00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:23,105
Last year, I solved
the mystery in 47 minutes.
147
00:05:23,148 --> 00:05:26,326
Broke Durbin's record and
he is a brilliant detective.
148
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:27,849
[all chuckling]
149
00:05:27,892 --> 00:05:29,720
- Hey, well, my ex-wife
always called me Sherlock.
150
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,809
Like when I would ask her,
"Hey, are you cheating on me?"
151
00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,681
And she would go,
"What do you think, Sherlock?"
152
00:05:33,724 --> 00:05:35,596
And I also solved the mystery
153
00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:37,380
of my neighbor's
missing penis.
154
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:40,165
Turns out,
it was inside my wife.
155
00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:41,906
Oh!
156
00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:44,996
[laughing]
157
00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:48,348
Feels good to laugh.
- [chuckles awkwardly]
158
00:05:48,957 --> 00:05:51,176
- Yeah,
so it took you 47 minutes
159
00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:53,004
to solve a silly parlor game?
160
00:05:53,048 --> 00:05:54,919
- Oh, you think
you can do it faster?
161
00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:56,486
- Oh, I know I can.
162
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:58,619
- Game on.
- Okay.
163
00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:00,882
- [chuckles]
- Ooh-la-la.
164
00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:03,580
- Looks like someone
is trying to impress someone.
165
00:06:03,624 --> 00:06:05,800
- Yeah, well,
if that first someone is me
166
00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:07,976
and that second someone
is Lynette
167
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:09,673
then someone is correct.
168
00:06:09,717 --> 00:06:11,849
- Ooh!
- [chuckles]
169
00:06:11,893 --> 00:06:13,808
I was gesturing to you.
You're that other someone.
170
00:06:13,851 --> 00:06:15,549
[school bell ringing]
- Damn it, Jack.
171
00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:17,768
You used up the rest of our
break time for that nonsense?
172
00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:20,205
- Right.
- And that someone is you.
173
00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:21,816
- Boo!
- Come on.
174
00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:24,949
.
175
00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:27,604
[mysterious music]
176
00:06:27,648 --> 00:06:28,736
♪
177
00:06:28,779 --> 00:06:30,607
- I can't believe they had one!
178
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,220
- [groans]
179
00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:42,402
- [clears throat]
180
00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:45,013
Welcome to hell.
181
00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:46,667
[synthesized dramatic music]
182
00:06:46,710 --> 00:06:48,669
If you find a sticker on you,
183
00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:51,585
you've been murdered.
184
00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:53,195
♪
185
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:54,370
- Hmm.
186
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,198
- Keith will be providing
the ambiance.
187
00:06:56,241 --> 00:06:57,634
[synthetic thunder roaring]
188
00:06:57,678 --> 00:06:59,027
I really do love you so much.
189
00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:00,507
- I love you.
I'm--I'm also in love with you.
190
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,160
I remain in love with you.
- You stay perfect.
191
00:07:02,204 --> 00:07:05,512
- Thanks for coming everyone
and welcome to hell.
192
00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:08,210
[woman screaming]
193
00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:11,169
- You're all to remain
in character as each other.
194
00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:13,215
The game ends when someone
catches the murderer
195
00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:17,132
in the act
or the murderer kills us all.
196
00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:19,874
Winner gets this trophy.
197
00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:21,136
- Ooh!
- Sweet.
198
00:07:21,179 --> 00:07:23,530
- Yes, queen. Yes!
199
00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:26,707
- Wow, you know what?
I see you, Coach.
200
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:28,404
[chuckles]
I see you.
201
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,579
- We begin with--
202
00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:32,321
[gasps]
A murder!
203
00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:34,323
♪
204
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,718
- It's you, Dave.
- No, it's not!
205
00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:39,371
- If you would lay down,
206
00:07:39,415 --> 00:07:41,417
you're our kickoff
murder victim this year!
207
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,463
- I was the first victim
last year!
208
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:45,639
I drove all the way
from Morenci for this.
209
00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:46,988
- We know, Dave.
- Down.
210
00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:48,337
- I mean, I just loaded up.
211
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,426
I--I, you know,
I haven't taken a bite yet.
212
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:51,993
- Down.
- We know. We know.
213
00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:54,125
- Dave, come on.
- Really.
214
00:07:54,169 --> 00:07:55,779
You all want that?
all: Yes!
215
00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:57,564
- Well, keep your eyes open.
- It just doesn't seem fair.
216
00:07:57,607 --> 00:07:58,913
I mean, two years in a row.
217
00:07:58,956 --> 00:08:00,480
Uh, but--what would you do
if it was--
218
00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:01,916
it's just not right!
219
00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:04,396
- Down, David.
- I don't wanna do it.
220
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:08,705
I'm laying down because I
respect the rules of the game.
221
00:08:08,749 --> 00:08:11,186
I live in Morenci.
Ugh!
222
00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:14,537
- And I believe you all have
your assignments.
223
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:18,019
Let the games begin!
224
00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:19,586
♪
225
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:21,936
- Clock's ticking.
226
00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:23,546
- Um, oh, J'accuse!
227
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:25,809
[laughing] J'accuse.
Yeah, Michelle?
228
00:08:25,853 --> 00:08:28,203
Your music-y husband there
with the too-much-equipment.
229
00:08:28,246 --> 00:08:29,900
Yup, I see him touching
Mary's elbow there.
230
00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:32,294
Why don't you check your elbow?
I bet you'll find a sticker.
231
00:08:32,337 --> 00:08:34,905
- Oh, I--I just wanted
to feel the fabric.
232
00:08:34,949 --> 00:08:37,299
I'm kind of a textile head.
233
00:08:37,342 --> 00:08:40,128
- Wait, you're Helen?
234
00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:41,303
I'm Helen!
235
00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:42,652
- Maybe that's a clue!
236
00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:46,134
Or maybe it's a--
237
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:49,659
[spooky]
Mistake!
238
00:08:49,703 --> 00:08:52,662
[mischievous music]
239
00:08:52,706 --> 00:08:56,927
♪
240
00:08:56,971 --> 00:08:58,581
- [quietly]
Okay.
241
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:00,888
- Let's go.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
242
00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:04,935
♪
243
00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:07,503
- Whoa, the faculty lounge.
244
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,550
This is where the teachers talk
about what pills they use.
245
00:09:10,593 --> 00:09:12,247
- Wait.
- Come on, Sarika.
246
00:09:12,290 --> 00:09:14,945
- No.
No, you guys.
247
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:16,294
[sighs]
248
00:09:16,338 --> 00:09:17,600
[mellow music playing]
249
00:09:17,644 --> 00:09:21,561
- [gasps]
The murderer has struck again!
250
00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:22,910
- Uh-oh!
251
00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:25,129
- Oh, ooh.
252
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:26,522
- Oh, he snuck
a drink in there, didn't he?
253
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,350
[all chuckling]
- [groans dramatically]
254
00:09:28,393 --> 00:09:31,179
- Who amongst us shall be next?
255
00:09:31,222 --> 00:09:33,355
- Oh, I--I hope it's not me.
256
00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:35,139
I live in Morenci.
257
00:09:35,183 --> 00:09:36,619
[all laughing]
258
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:38,186
- He's--he's still doing Dave.
- That's good.
259
00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:39,753
That was really good.
- Get him, Durb!
260
00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:41,319
- Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
261
00:09:41,363 --> 00:09:42,799
Who's--who's over there
near Fred?
262
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:44,714
Helen, you were over there.
263
00:09:44,758 --> 00:09:46,020
You're the murderer.
264
00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,238
- I mean, you seem nervous.
265
00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:48,849
- No, I'm not--I'm not--
I'm not--
266
00:09:48,892 --> 00:09:51,242
- Which, you know, makes sense
because you are 25 minutes in
267
00:09:51,286 --> 00:09:54,506
and it looks like
that record is slipping away.
268
00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:56,204
You only have
two accusations left.
269
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:57,727
- Look, it doesn't matter
because I'm gonna--
270
00:09:57,771 --> 00:09:59,555
I'm gonna--
- Tick tock, tick tock.
271
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,165
- Well, that's fine
because I'm just gonna--
272
00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:02,558
I'm gonna go ahead
and end this right now.
273
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,386
Michelle,
I have an accusation to make.
274
00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:06,693
I accuse Helen of murder!
J'accuse, j'accuse!
275
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,129
- What?
276
00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:10,958
- Okay, thanks.
Remember, you're playing coach.
277
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:12,568
He doesn't know French.
278
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,265
- I know enough.
279
00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:18,400
♪
280
00:10:18,443 --> 00:10:21,229
- Tell me the truth, Mary.
Did you put the sticker on him?
281
00:10:21,272 --> 00:10:23,100
- Hey, no Mary here.
282
00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:25,276
Fake Mary's over there,
laying down,
283
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,061
wear a pair of
boner-killing khakis
284
00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:28,845
that no woman
would ever wear.
285
00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:30,412
- That is not true!
286
00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:32,283
I borrowed these
from my wife!
287
00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:34,895
- "I borrowed these
from my wife!"
288
00:10:34,938 --> 00:10:37,549
[all laughing]
- Get him, Durb!
289
00:10:37,593 --> 00:10:40,204
- What's your favorite type
of brown coffee?
290
00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:43,468
- Folgers.
- Me too.
291
00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:46,428
- There's a lot of
half-eaten salads in here.
292
00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:48,648
I'm just gonna take a Cobb.
293
00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:51,085
My parents paid for it
with their tax dollars.
294
00:10:51,128 --> 00:10:52,434
- Guys.
[both exclaim]
295
00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:54,349
- Stop goofing around.
296
00:10:54,392 --> 00:10:56,090
I got the key.
297
00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:57,961
Let's get these tests.
298
00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:01,617
- Hi, Helen. I'm Jack,
I'm an Ivy Leaguer
299
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:04,751
and I'm not the murder because
I'm too busy stomping around
300
00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:08,102
and grumping around
and, uh, shopping for sweaters.
301
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:09,669
- [chuckles]
Yes!
302
00:11:09,712 --> 00:11:12,715
And howdy, I'm Helen
and I'm not the murderer
303
00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:15,805
because I'm too busy
buying sweatshirts.
304
00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:18,895
[cackling]
305
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:22,986
- Wow.
306
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:24,640
You bitch.
307
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,643
[upbeat party music playing]
308
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,210
♪
309
00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:31,299
- Did you just touch my back?
Did you put a sticker on me?
310
00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:33,127
Dude.
- Hey, hey Jack.
311
00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:34,868
- What are you doing?
- Whoa!
312
00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:36,304
Have you solved it yet?
313
00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:37,740
'Cause your time is nearly up.
314
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,568
- Yeah, you know what?
I think I got it.
315
00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:41,396
I'm gonna make a--
I'm gonna j'accuse.
316
00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:43,572
Check this out.
- All right.
317
00:11:43,615 --> 00:11:45,139
- A food drive?
both: Yeah.
318
00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:47,184
- Hey, ladies.
- Oh, Jack. Hi.
319
00:11:47,228 --> 00:11:48,185
- Hi.
- Hi!
320
00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:49,578
- Yeah, save it, lady.
321
00:11:49,621 --> 00:11:51,275
I saw you over by
the snack table earlier.
322
00:11:51,319 --> 00:11:53,887
Yeah, where Ms. Malinowski
got stickered?
323
00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:55,410
- [chuckles]
Oh, no!
324
00:11:55,453 --> 00:11:57,978
- Oh, I'm onto you,
you sneaky son of a bitch.
325
00:11:58,021 --> 00:12:00,241
[chuckles]
- Excuse me?
326
00:12:00,284 --> 00:12:02,634
- Uh, yeah, if I reach into
your pocket right now,
327
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,419
what am I gonna find?
I think I'm gonna--
328
00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:05,855
well, I think
I'm just gonna find a--
329
00:12:05,899 --> 00:12:08,162
Ow! Why do you have forks
in your pocket?
330
00:12:08,205 --> 00:12:09,772
- Okay, Jack, Jack,
take it easy.
331
00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,774
- Oh, go easy. Let's go--
everybody go easy.
332
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:13,602
No, no, no, I'm sorry, Ralph,
but I'm trying to play the game.
333
00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:15,169
Isn't that why we're here?
To play the game?
334
00:12:15,212 --> 00:12:16,736
All right, you--you know what?
You guys are just jealous
335
00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:18,476
'cause I'm gonna break
the record.
336
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,348
That's--that's what it is.
'Cause I'm--I'm a winner.
337
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:22,132
Yeah,
I'm the smartest guy here!
338
00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:23,830
[chuckles] And I'm going to be
at home eating that cookie cake
339
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:25,440
while you guys are
in your beds
340
00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:27,181
pulling stickers out
of your buttholes!
341
00:12:27,224 --> 00:12:28,486
both: Hmm?
342
00:12:29,923 --> 00:12:31,489
You know what?
I--you know what I'm gonna do?
343
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:33,578
I'm gonna go to the kitchen.
344
00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:37,800
Mavis, we're gonna
need those forks back, okay?
345
00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:39,193
- Hmm?
346
00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:40,324
[forks clinking]
347
00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:41,717
[upbeat music]
348
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,458
- I don't know
if she heard me or not.
349
00:12:45,939 --> 00:12:46,156
.
350
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,984
- [chuckles]
351
00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:50,204
[snap]
- Oh, God.
352
00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:53,120
That was an awesome meltdown.
353
00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:55,687
- Well, you sure seem like
you enjoyed it.
354
00:12:55,731 --> 00:12:58,473
- "I'm the smartest one here"?
I mean, that was spectacular.
355
00:12:58,516 --> 00:12:59,866
- Mm-hmm.
By the way,
356
00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:01,955
why are you carrying
that folder around?
357
00:13:01,998 --> 00:13:03,870
- Durbin always has a folder.
358
00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:06,263
- No, he doesn't.
- Yes, he does.
359
00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:08,265
- J'accuse.
- What?
360
00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:09,614
- J'accuse!
Let me see this thing.
361
00:13:09,658 --> 00:13:10,833
What's in here?
362
00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:13,357
Oh-ho-ho!
You're the killer!
363
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:14,837
Ho-ho! I win.
I win, what time is it?
364
00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:16,143
Did I--
did I break the record?
365
00:13:16,186 --> 00:13:17,622
- There's just one problem.
- What?
366
00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:19,537
- You died ten seconds ago.
367
00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:21,017
[chuckles]
368
00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:22,845
- What did you--oh,
when you came in.
369
00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:24,542
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Yeah, oh, damn it.
370
00:13:24,586 --> 00:13:27,067
- You know,
if we form an alliance,
371
00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:30,418
I think I can win and
end this game in record time.
372
00:13:30,461 --> 00:13:31,680
- What's in it for me?
373
00:13:31,723 --> 00:13:34,770
- 10,000 cookie cake calories.
374
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,250
- Mmm, I love cookie cakes.
I'm in.
375
00:13:36,293 --> 00:13:38,861
- Dial that coach thing up
to, like, an 11.
376
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:40,384
- [Southern accent]
I can handle that.
377
00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:43,213
- [chuckling] That's good.
Let's go kill our friends.
378
00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:46,390
[Joan Jett & The Blackhearts'
"I Love Rock 'N Roll" plays]
379
00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:49,959
♪
380
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:52,353
- Strong enough for a man,
strong enough for a woman.
381
00:13:52,396 --> 00:13:54,964
Who gives a rip?
It's all deodorant.
382
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:56,792
[gunshot, knife clangs]
- So good.
383
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,359
- [laughs]
- I liked it.
384
00:13:58,402 --> 00:14:00,230
- I thought
I was talking to coach.
385
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,537
- Now a mesh short,
that'll let 'em breathe,
386
00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:05,018
but spandex will save you
from the chafe.
387
00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:07,498
- Bingo,
but you still got a talc.
388
00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:09,109
- Oh, ya got a talc.
389
00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:10,893
- Yeah!
[knife clangs]
390
00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:13,069
- Any dope with a dingus
can be a father,
391
00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:16,594
but it takes a real man
to be a dad.
392
00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:18,292
Get on in here champ!
393
00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:20,381
Huh?
Give us a hug?
394
00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:22,905
[gunshots]
395
00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:25,125
- ♪ I love rock and roll
396
00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:27,692
♪ So come and take the time
and dance with me ♪
397
00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:29,390
- Oh, heck.
398
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:32,654
How does a Harvard man die?
399
00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:34,308
Uh...
400
00:14:34,351 --> 00:14:36,440
Oh, treachery!
401
00:14:36,484 --> 00:14:38,790
Oh, sweet dagger!
402
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:40,792
Horatio, I'm dying.
403
00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:43,926
Oh, my kingdom for a horse!
404
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,015
Ooh, ooh.
405
00:14:46,059 --> 00:14:47,712
[funeral dirge playing]
406
00:14:47,756 --> 00:14:49,323
Ow, I'm Jack!
407
00:14:49,366 --> 00:14:51,064
- That is--
that's how you would die.
408
00:14:51,107 --> 00:14:52,979
[chuckling]
Leg work, okay.
409
00:14:53,022 --> 00:14:55,242
- Oh, no!
Your butt got murdered again!
410
00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:56,634
- Oh, no, wait.
Let me see yours.
411
00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:57,984
Let me see.
412
00:14:58,027 --> 00:14:59,855
Oh, it got you too!
- [groans]
413
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,291
- Oh, girl, let's go die
at a wine table.
414
00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:02,814
- Come on.
- Man!
415
00:15:02,858 --> 00:15:05,643
- Oh, hell. I'm out.
- Me too.
416
00:15:05,687 --> 00:15:07,123
- [grunting]
417
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:10,605
[dramatic synthesized music]
418
00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:13,608
[suspenseful music]
419
00:15:13,651 --> 00:15:20,876
♪
420
00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:39,199
all: Whoa!
421
00:15:39,808 --> 00:15:40,940
- Not too fast,
not too fast!
422
00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:43,768
[all cheering]
423
00:15:43,812 --> 00:15:46,597
- You guys, I did it! I got the
tests from Mr. Griffin's desk!
424
00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:49,165
- We just found the janitors'
mops and we're gonna joust.
425
00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:51,037
- We are not supposed
to be having fun.
426
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,952
There's no question
on the Harvard application
427
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:55,215
about how much fun
I had in high school.
428
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:58,958
[sighs]
Look.
429
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:00,742
I know I'm a lot.
430
00:16:00,785 --> 00:16:02,222
I know nobody likes me.
431
00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:04,920
- We like you Sarika.
Right, guys?
432
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,878
- Yeah, you're fun.
- You're hardcore.
433
00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:08,968
- You're my best friend.
434
00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:10,491
- Oh.
435
00:16:11,622 --> 00:16:12,972
Thank you.
436
00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:15,800
- So what do you say?
437
00:16:15,844 --> 00:16:18,934
[imitates lances swishing]
438
00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:22,285
[upbeat rock music]
439
00:16:22,329 --> 00:16:23,765
- I guess I could do one joust.
440
00:16:23,808 --> 00:16:25,201
[all cheering]
441
00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:27,029
Just so we can
get out of here.
442
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:28,988
- Aim for the soft meat!
- Shut up.
443
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,163
♪
444
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:32,382
- Three, two, one.
445
00:16:32,426 --> 00:16:33,993
♪
446
00:16:34,036 --> 00:16:36,952
- [yelling, chuckling]
Oh, my God!
447
00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:38,780
- That was amazing.
448
00:16:38,823 --> 00:16:40,564
That was amazing.
- That was good.
449
00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:42,218
- Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
450
00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:43,741
Are you not gonna tell them
that you're the murderer?
451
00:16:43,785 --> 00:16:46,962
- No, I think I want it
to be a mystery forever.
452
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,616
Kind of like a Zodiac Killer
type of thing.
453
00:16:48,659 --> 00:16:50,052
- Ooh!
454
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,358
hey, so, I don't know
if you noticed,
455
00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:53,142
but I grabbed your trophy
on the way out.
456
00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:54,491
It's a delicious looking
cookie cake.
457
00:16:54,535 --> 00:16:57,103
Are you just gonna eat it
by yourself or...?
458
00:16:57,146 --> 00:16:59,235
I mean, technically,
half this thing's mine,
459
00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:02,673
so if you wanted
to go somewhere and split it.
460
00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:05,111
- You know what
I've always wanted to do?
461
00:17:06,634 --> 00:17:08,897
To kick a field goal.
462
00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:11,639
- Right now?
- What, you busy?
463
00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:13,945
- No.
464
00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:16,209
[sneaky music]
465
00:17:18,994 --> 00:17:19,168
.
466
00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:21,518
- [announcer voice]
And here's the kick!
467
00:17:24,391 --> 00:17:27,176
- Going, going, it's gone!
468
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:29,309
- It's good!
[chuckling]
469
00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:30,484
Oh!
470
00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:32,747
You know,
it's true what they say.
471
00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:35,445
I am great at football.
472
00:17:35,489 --> 00:17:36,664
- Yes, you are.
473
00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:37,839
- Okay, who wants to go next?
474
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:39,232
Heather,
You want some of this?
475
00:17:39,275 --> 00:17:41,190
- Bitch,
I was born to joust you.
476
00:17:41,234 --> 00:17:43,236
- Oh!
[chuckles]
477
00:17:43,279 --> 00:17:44,585
- Hey, can you guys
let me know
478
00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:46,761
if you find, like,
a little screw?
479
00:17:46,804 --> 00:17:49,068
- Let's do it!
- Three, two, one, roll!
480
00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:50,243
- [yelling]
481
00:17:50,286 --> 00:17:51,461
- Anthony, watch out!
482
00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:53,115
- [exclaims]
[thudding]
483
00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:54,682
[all chuckling]
484
00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:57,119
- Hey, what are you kids
doing in here?
485
00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:58,512
- Run!
486
00:17:58,555 --> 00:17:59,817
[all kids yelling]
487
00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:02,646
- Really? Come back!
- Go, go! Aah!
488
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:05,084
- Stop!
Stop right there!
489
00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:07,260
Stop!
490
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:10,176
- [screams]
- Go, go, go!
491
00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:14,397
- Sarika, the tests!
- Oh, no.
492
00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,486
You know what?
Leave them.
493
00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:17,574
Go, go, go!
Oh, my God!
494
00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:19,141
This is so much fun!
495
00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:22,318
- Seriously,
can I tell you something that
496
00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:23,798
might be hard to hear?
497
00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:25,626
- Oh, absolutely.
I can't wait to hear this.
498
00:18:25,669 --> 00:18:27,280
- [clears throat]
499
00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:28,716
You impression
of Coach sucked.
500
00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:30,805
- Oh, no,
- It was bad.
501
00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:32,459
- No, my Coach was excellent.
502
00:18:32,502 --> 00:18:35,157
- I, on the other hand...
- Mm-hmm.
503
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:36,506
- I did a perfect Durbin.
504
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:37,725
- Yeah, it was pretty good.
505
00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:39,640
- In fact,
I'm still doing Durbin.
506
00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:41,816
Everything I've said tonight.
Durbin.
507
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:43,296
- Really.
- Mm-hmm.
508
00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:45,515
- Ev--everything you're saying
and doing right now,
509
00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:47,169
that's not you,
that's you doing Durbin?
510
00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:49,215
- Every single thing.
511
00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:53,871
- How about now?
512
00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:59,007
- Yeah.
- Really, still Durbin?
513
00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:00,878
- Still Durbin.
514
00:19:00,922 --> 00:19:03,054
- Still Durbin?
- Still Durbin.
515
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:06,145
- How about right now?
- Yep.
516
00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:09,104
[soft music]
517
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:12,194
♪
518
00:19:12,238 --> 00:19:14,544
- You need to sign
your permission slips!
519
00:19:14,588 --> 00:19:16,329
- Oh, Ralph.
520
00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:19,332
[both chuckling]
521
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:20,507
♪
522
00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:22,161
[all yelling]
523
00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:24,206
- Whoa, guys, guys!
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
524
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:25,642
Is that Mr. Griffin?
525
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:27,862
- Yeah. That's that
payroll lady he lies.
526
00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:29,907
- Aww.
- Get some!
527
00:19:29,951 --> 00:19:31,344
[footsteps approaching rapidly]
528
00:19:31,387 --> 00:19:33,433
- Let's go!
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
529
00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,304
Let's go!
530
00:19:35,348 --> 00:19:38,046
[mischievous music]
531
00:19:38,089 --> 00:19:39,743
♪
532
00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:42,181
- Everyone's having fun
but me.
533
00:19:47,534 --> 00:19:48,926
- So what do you think?
534
00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:51,277
You'll sign with the Chargers,
Patriots?
535
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:52,452
- Ooh.
- Me?
536
00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:54,062
I'm probably heading
to Green Bay.
537
00:19:54,105 --> 00:19:55,629
- Yeah, you know what? I--
I think I'd think I'd sign
538
00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:58,414
with any of them
to get out of Toledo.
539
00:19:58,458 --> 00:19:59,763
- You don't like living
in Toledo?
540
00:19:59,807 --> 00:20:01,330
- God, no. No.
[scoffs]
541
00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:03,158
Can't wait to get out of here.
542
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,813
I'm thinking probably Tokyo,
maybe Berlin.
543
00:20:05,856 --> 00:20:07,815
You know, London
if a lot goes wrong.
544
00:20:08,685 --> 00:20:10,383
- Okay, well,
I'm here to stay.
545
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:12,559
- [chuckles]
546
00:20:12,602 --> 00:20:15,301
Oh.
Come on, really?
547
00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:17,216
- Yeah.
548
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:18,608
I love Toledo.
549
00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:21,655
- Okay.
550
00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:24,353
Well, I...
551
00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:26,050
don't like it.
552
00:20:27,182 --> 00:20:29,228
[scoffs]
Yeah.
553
00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:33,710
- [clears throat]
554
00:20:41,327 --> 00:20:42,937
all: Bye!
- Drive safe!
555
00:20:42,980 --> 00:20:46,636
- Great party, guys.
- Okay, that's the last one.
556
00:20:47,376 --> 00:20:49,422
[Mayer Hawthorne's "Just
Ain't Gonna Work Out" plays]
557
00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:51,293
- ♪ Don't wanna see
your tears ♪
558
00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:53,861
- Yeah, I have been waiting
for this all night.
559
00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:55,297
- Then get off those jeans.
560
00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:57,473
- My sweater is tucked all
the way into my underwear.
561
00:20:57,517 --> 00:20:58,779
- You got something for me?
562
00:20:58,822 --> 00:21:00,259
You wanna see that?
- Oh, yeah, I do.
563
00:21:00,302 --> 00:21:01,782
- How about this one?
- The other one too.
564
00:21:01,825 --> 00:21:03,131
- Who's the Devil?
- You're the Devil.
565
00:21:03,174 --> 00:21:04,828
- You're the Devil tonight.
I'm more the--
566
00:21:04,872 --> 00:21:06,656
- Um, guys,
I'm still here.
567
00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:08,441
- Oh, my God!
- Dave, get out!
568
00:21:08,484 --> 00:21:09,790
- Right.
- Get out of here!
569
00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:10,965
- Get out! Go!
- Yeah, I'm leaving.
570
00:21:11,008 --> 00:21:12,314
- He saw my shoulder, Keith.
571
00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:13,881
- He saw--you saw
my baby's shoulder.
572
00:21:13,924 --> 00:21:16,231
- Go! Idiot!
- I'm leaving!
573
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,799
- Oh, God.
I don't feel like it now.
574
00:21:18,842 --> 00:21:21,018
- [scoffs] Dave!
- I'm gonna...
575
00:21:21,068 --> 00:21:25,618
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